WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our Best Advice on BANGS, Being Suddenly Single & College | Sadie Robertson Huff & Korie Robertson

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Sadie & Korie are back, and y'all, they have BANGS! Korie is back to share a TON of advice on all the things — whether it's starting college and you don't vibe with your roommate yet (or at all), being broke with no plan as a married couple, finding yourself suddenly single, and the blessings of hospitality, not just for those who attend, but for the host too! Sadie shares a story about her childhood and encourages us to not be too quick to complain about not feeling settled or having community if you're not taking the time to plant roots — you'll never get the tree unless you stay and nourish the ground! Plus, how are you stewarding your friendships, even as seasons change? Sadie reiterates that not every friend in your life will be your best friend, but that doesn't mean they can't be good friends! And don't miss Korie's tale of a train trip through Europe and Willie chasing down a thief on the train, jumping from car to car.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What's up sisters and friends happy Monday everybody y'all I'm so excited to be back. This is our first sister's and friends episode back in the new year. And if you haven't noticed, I got some bangs, new year, new me, and my mom got bangs. So who are we? We did it together.

Well, it is, but we actually came to it differently. We did come to it differently. We did it the same day. So mom literally was like, I'm gonna get bangs. I'm like, don't get bangs. That's just a bad call. Everyone know a boat for like, do not do it.

I feel like it's like, like every person knows this. It's like your moral, like, right? And like, what's it called? Like, it's like my obligation as a friend when someone says get bangs to say don't do it. Cause it's like, normally to rash decision decision or it's not a good decision. It's like why did I do that? And as a friend, I will admit, I will admit whenever I first thought about getting bangs, I was like, should I just do it myself? Just cut it tonight. That's where

people go really wrong. So that was the thing. You were just gonna do it. Now here's the else thing. I love people who have bangs. Lany one of my best friends has bangs. I love her bangs I look so good. Shelly Gigglyo has bangs like she doesn't anymore. She's cheating more but she's a little more time Yeah, people that I know and love and love their look have bangs It's just one of those things where a lot of people that have bangs regret ever getting bangs and they come themselves Yeah, it goes wrong Rebecca my sister when she cut her bangs That was bad. Oh that has been sister, when she cut her bangs, that was bad. Oh, that has been bad before, but she has keep bangs now.

Yeah, but when she did it herself. No, that was bad. And you just should never do it yourself. Don't do it yourself. So anyways, well let me take this. Last time I had bangs was like 1990, you know? And they were like teased and hairsprings. They didn't go a lot in her direction.

Yeah. So mom tells me she wants to see a bangs and like, don't do it, you should not get bangs. This is just the new year resolution talking. And then mom is like, no, I have read this article about French girls hairstyle and it was so cute. Way down on my knees, babe. Way down on my knees, babe.

I've seen you. Somehow I got down to French girls hairstyle. So I'm like, okay, send me the article. So she tells me about the article. I go look at the article and then I text her and I go, what are we doing? I'm getting things to. The French girl is majorly inspired this commitment.

So I got more of the curtain bang style. Mom got them a little shorter. A little shorter. And yesterday I loved them. This morning I woke up and was like, oh no, what did I do? But now I'm thinking, well you just went straight in.

I was like, keep them long. And then yesterday I was like, I love them. I was like, maybe I didn that like a big deal. Well you just went straight in. I was like, keep them long. Yeah. And then yesterday I was like, I love them. I was like, maybe I didn't get them short enough. But then I woke up and loved them. But you were shorter. And you have had the like, good girl in like a little shorter, a little shorter.

That's okay. I think I'm good. But they look so cute. And hair grows. Hey. So we got bangs. That's one thing that's happened to us thus far in the 2023. But you know what, it's been a good start to the year.

We're both off social media right now. My team's helping post for some exciting things you went on in the yellow world and all the things. So if you see that on Instagram, but it's fun to get on the podcast and just kind of give you all some life updates and different things. Today was a crazy start.

Let me just tell you all, I'm potty training right now, all right? So we got some big girl panties in the house. Oh my goodness, it's so cute. Oh my gosh, she's got her one panties that she has Maui. Maui Maui, Maui. And she's only like 20 months, 20 months, right? But she acts like a two year old.

She really does. She is very mature from her age. So, like TT, so I was like, I think old. She really does. She's a very mature from her age. So, I mean, like, TT. So, I was like, I think we're ready to start. And I was like, well, if she can be a buddy to me before the next baby, that would be awesome. And that would be good. That would be really awesome

because then we wouldn't have so many diapers and all the things. So, although I do remember this being hard. So, like, the scenario. Your intergrace restore with both kids. Yes. And all the sudden honey has to teach you. You got a car full of groceries. You got two kids.

Well, before she could just, yes, you know, you have to like go to the bathroom, get get both of them out of the buggy, take them in. So there are some things that will have noticed to not say no, potty trying to try and try and I'm just saying. How much she T.T. is in this span of 20 minutes.

Yeah. It's wow. Well, Ann I noticed today too because we were in the car and she was T.T. and I was like, well I had a diaper on her. But I was like, okay this is gonna be hard. Yeah, you know we're driving like she's gonna need to go all the time. And we were like feeding the new baby and then all of a sudden she's like T.T. and you're like, don't put the baby down just she, you know, we're, yeah, they're

interesting. But she's very bothered by her diapers. Like she wants to do it. That's true. So we started it. Well this morning, I was like, I had so many goals for this morning. We were going to get out. We were going to go to the park. We're going to library before work. I'm like, we're going gonna have a fun mommy, daddy, and honey today. Well we wake up, first of all she didn't sleep well last night. So put her in the potty to go to Titi. She does it. I'm like, this is amazing. What? Side note, I turned on the water. Uh huh. Because you told me turn on the water. You know, maybe she'll hear the sound a little. Yeah. Titi's I'm like, you did it. I'm so proud

of you. Good job. So I'm freaking out and then she goes, she points and goes, bubbles. And I'm like, what? I turn around. The seat has overflowed. I'm talking a pipe busted in the chest or floor. It overflowed top, it overflowed bottom. In the bathroom that we went to the night.

I noticed it wasn't draining right, but I did it. Oh no, I'm sorry. No, I put it on full blast. So I did it. Oh no I'm sorry. No I put on full blood. So I'm like T.T in the potty. Bubbles. What? I don't know. Water everywhere. I have every towel going on that so I take her to potty, put her her big girl panties. She's watching me clean up and she goes T.T and I look down. She pees all over the floor. After she just peed in the potty like you just peed and the potty. Like you just peed in the potty. Are you peeing?

Oh, floor. So then that happens. So then I get all that figured out. I'm like, oh, okay. All right, it's okay. Maintain, get the day back, get the day back. Cabo runs in. I know.

And rubs her nasty booty all over our couch. And you can see poop. Oh, that's the worst. So then poop. Oh, that's the word. That's the word. Oh no. Okay, that's too far. So then gather all that, look at that out. Then once again, any Tee-Tee, Tee-Tee, again, on the floor.

Yes. So at this point, we have another posing poop on the couch, two Tee-Tee's on the floor. Then she would not get off my lap while I was doing my hair. I burnt my finger at the straightener. We missed the park. I don't know. We did make it to the library. Okay, that's good.

She was the worst kid in the class. That's okay. At least we made it there. She never set, read the book. She ran six laps around the chair, but that's okay. That's all right. You know what's funny though, is I give a car. I turn on Lisa Harper's podcast

and it just happened to be this episode where she's talking about one of the worst mornings of her life. And it made me laugh so hard. She said that she, this is really sad, but she just reached, like I guess the day before her grandma had passed away and she was walking through that. Well then around that same time, she had decided just reached like, I guess the day before her grandma had passed away and she was walking through that.

Well, then around that same time, she had decided because she had just about a farm and she was beautiful hillside and she decided that it would be really cute if she bought a bunch of miniature baby goats to just walk along the hill. They are cute. They are cute. Well, she has a lot of people passed by in the highway, so she's like, this would be so cute for her, not how, not far, but you can see the baby goes. But I always mention she goes. Well this would be so cute for her. Not how, not far, but I can see the baby goes.

Bies always meant she goes. Well then, this is the next day. She walks down to just checking her goats, having a bad day, she's sick, grandma just die. And she sees one of her goats being still. So she walks up to her goat. And she's like, oh no, Sophie's not moving. And oh Sophie had the past way.

And she's like, oh no. So then she's like, well shoot, well she tells this in the podcast she goes, you know, normally I wear underwear, but today, I don't know. I don't know how I'll say this on a podcast, but I just did it. She said she picks up the goat.

And she's like, I gotta go bury my goat. She's locking up the hill. And she said, she noticed her pants are kind of falling down, but she didn't want to move the goat. I know. It was kind of gross. And she she's like I just don't want it I don't want it to pick up this go to get it. She's like okay. I'm just gonna have to risk it I'm just gonna have to keep walking with the go. Well, she says this particular day the highway was full

So there's people passing her by this left and right and all of a sudden her pants fall down to her ankle All of a sudden her pants fall down to her ankle. Her bare butt. That's showing to the whole island. Why she's holding a dead goat. And she said, what has my life come to? And I love so hard. And I was like, man, that is bad. And I thought this morning, and it just,

it put the dead to like a new perspective. And she took it straight into the Bible. Like she always does it. It was just so good. And I thought, you know what, I'm gonna share my morning on this podcast because if somebody can laugh about my morning who's having a bad day,

maybe they can go ahead and laugh at their own because sometimes if he is stopped, you need to laugh at what happened. You put a laugh at yourself, that's right. And raising a toddler is not for the faint of heart. And potty training is a whole other thing. So there's a lot. And having goats. and having goats.

We had kids before the goats too. And they're hard. We still have goats. There's some messy things in life and it's okay if it gets a little messy. Yeah, laugh it yourself. That's right. Well, today I'm gonna talk to mom about things

that she walked through in college, things that she learned through her college years. And we have a lot of college listeners, but that she learned through her college years. And we have a lot of college listeners, but if you're not a college listener, we're talking about so much more, we're talking about community and also we're talking about marriage because college was a time for you that you were married, that you were getting community. So all kinds of different things will unpack in this conversation.

But first off, you and dad, okay, so y'all were dating really young and y'all were thinking y'all were gonna get married, but life twists right before y'all take that next step, y'all break up, and then right when you break up you go to college. So you went into college literally, I mean everybody has like the fear of the unknown when they step into college, but you just lost a relationship that you thought you were gonna marry this guy, and you're moved to a new place and you went to college. So what was that light just dealing with that much unknown of the future and the heartache all at one time? Okay, starting in your journey. So that was 31, no, 32 years ago. Well, that's crazy to even think about. So when

we like take myself back to 32 years ago, I don't know, but yeah, we started dating. I was 17 years old when Dad and I started dating and it was just immediate. We had known each other since 3rd, 4th grade. So like we had known each other, we grouped together, we're in youth group together. We were friends. So when we started dating in January, I was 17.

It was like everybody knew, we knew like this is it. Like it wasn't gonna take us long because we just had known each other for some and grown up together. And so we started talking marriage within early a couple of months. Well that summer we decided we wanna get married so we told my parents, my parents did not see it quite

the way we saw it. They were a little bit more practical, had a few more, a little bit more years under their belt, and they were a little more practical, and they were like, okay, well, how are you gonna support yourself? Like, what, you know, I was 17. I mean, it was a little bit crazy. So, and you know, you didn't have,

like, you know, no money, you didn't have a place to live. You didn't have a place to live. No, all of the time. We had no plan. We're not there. We had no plan. We were like living on love, totally. And I had a plan to go to college.

I had a scholarship to a hearting university, which was where my parents had gone. I had always planned on going. And not only am I gonna get married at 17, you know, but I'm also not gonna go to hearting. I'm gonna stay here. I'm gonna, you know, just everything about my life was changing in an instant.

And my parents were like, this is not a good idea. And they said it in so many words like, this is not a good idea. They said it in so many words, like this is not a good idea. And looking back, of course, I see the wisdom and the things that they were saying, but at the time it was hard. My parents and I have been always like, got along really well.

I was not a rebellious child and said, this was hard, it was a lot of pressure that was put on us. And we felt like we wanted to get married, they didn't think we should and they of course wanted me to still go to college where I had the scholarship and they had gone. So in the final analysis, I at the end of the summer, I said, I have to go to college, like I want to stick me together, I want to get married, but I have to go. And dad, as a young 18-year-old, was like, well, if you go, then we're breaking up, because like,

dang. And so that was it. Like, he broke up with me essentially, because we just were like, okay, that's it. We don't know what this looks like, but we're breaking up. So that was right before I went to college. And yeah, it was a lot of tears. know what this looks like, but we're breaking up. So that was right before I went to college. And yeah, it was a lot of tears. I remember I think I cried the whole drive to Arkansas, a friend of mine,

that had been like my best friend since we were little, actually came to stay with me at college for a few days. She wasn't going to that college, but she came to stay with me for few days, so just kind of get me through it. And I just poured out my heart to her and told me everything. And, and yeah, it was definitely a scary time. I was losing, I got to know what it was going to look like. And I had really, from a pretty early age, I mean, like I said, I love that in fourth grade when I saw them across the camp playground, you know, like I really, even though in high school of course, you know, we dated other people and they's

like that, but there was always kind of a coming back to him and whenever we got together, it was like, he's the one. This is who I'm gonna, if I have to marry, this is who I'm gonna marry. So it was very traumatic. It's very traumatic. Well, I mean, and it's like, you like him for so long and then right at the time where you can't get married, you break up. And then you go off to college and he, and Arkansas and he's here in Louisiana and yeah, it doesn't seem like that's going to work out. But I love that your friend came and stayed with you for a few nights. Because I think in those times, like, it's so important to bring community in and those times that sometimes we push community out. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you don't want them to see you like that and that vulnerable state. You don't know what to say. They don't know how to help. And so just speak to that a little bit about what that looks like for your friend to come and how that helps you through those really really hard days of transition. That really was the best. I mean, and also, starting college, I mean, I was moving in with a roommate that I didn't know too. And so, he's transitioned.

So, to have a friend, you know, one that someone that really knows you, that you can just like, cry to and say whatever, like be completely vulnerable to is so important in that phase. And, you know, I was close to my parents and close to family, but there's things that you can't say to your, you know, in that moment, like you just need a friend, you know, someone who will like, say up till four in the morning with you. And so, yeah, I was so grateful that she did that for me. And, you know, yeah, being there for one another, this, this times is critical. That's awesome. So how did y'all get back together? Because obviously 31 years later, 32 years later you're married and you have six kids

and a lot of things that you all have done in your life. So how was the rekindling, when did that happen, what did that look like? So obviously it did not in there, yes. So I think that's really like two weeks later, dad called me, this was back before so I found, so he called my dorm room number. And I answered. And yeah, I think I did, uh-huh.

And I answered and he was like, I think I've had a change of heart. Maybe it's not so bad, maybe we can't do long distance, you know, I want to get back together. And honestly, at that point, I had been talking about friend, of course, I had built up some like reasons while we needed to break up, too, you know, I said, but it was actually a really good recentering time for us

as a couple for me to say like, like, I love you and I want to be with you, but there are things that need to change in our relationship. And there were things that need to change. And we've grown and changed a ton since then, but it was a point. And so I do think I do want to encourage people who have kind of been through a breakup in a relationship that maybe be the one that is going to be, or it's not always in the world

to break up. That might be a time when you have to say like Okay, we want to be together But how do we restructure that yeah, and so I actually said to him I was like I'm not sure Well, and hung up and then about an hour called it back and said okay never mind Yeah He didn't he actually needed he deserved that he deserved a little bit sting, so I would have sit in it for maybe an hour. But, well, it doesn't like the hardest thing whenever you tell your friend everything,

like you break up and you're so mad, and you kind of just like bash the room under the bed. And they're like, I told you everything bad about them. And then when they want to get together and you have to tell your friend, we're getting back together and I love him so much. Yeah.

I forget everything I said. But I mean, even like, we talk about this, like whenever I was dating Christian, like, I had to know like the friends that I could come to who love Christian and me and we're gonna trust. Like, like, trusted me and him in our relationship and could hear hard things without going, oh, I hate him.

Yeah. Right. Because you need friends who can like trust you enough, right? And see him. Yes. Enough to know, you know, he is a good person. This is a bad moment. Yeah.

This is something you need to fix, but doesn't mean really that's the reason. He's not the one for you. Yeah. And so I think that's a good point for even like in marriage. You know, you have to be careful who you like share a really total bit of your relationship with, you know, I think it's so important to have that really close friend that you can,

but like I have a really close friend that has sure everything with, and but she loves Willie too, you know, and so it's like make sure that they're one. They love your spouse. They're godly and their advice is gonna be something that is biblical and true, and then to make sure that they you know have a love for your spouse as well

So they're not just like you're gonna tell them like one bad thing they did and they're gonna be like leave them You know, that's so true. I think that's a really good point whether it's a day in less ship or a marriage relationship That is so true. And it's so good to recenter. I mean mean, you have to do that in America so many times too, where you come together and you're like, hey, we need to work on some things. And a lot of times that moment comes from hitting like a rock bottom moment. Yeah. I know we told this story. Oh, no, we wrote it in our new book.

I mean, I appreciate it in our relationship, but it comes out later this year. So maybe I shouldn't spoil the story about telling you just the highlight version of it. Chris, yeah, we're walking through just a really hard time a couple months ago and a lot of different things happen in our life to lead us at that time. You know, it's just chaotic. And I was like, okay, we need to we need to get back on track. So it's like, why don't we start doing communion in our house? Like, I think it would be really good if we come over and like do communion, get you, skip bread, and like come together in Christ. Well, we had been like not bringing up a lot of the hard things we've been walking through. We just both been like not wanting to go there, but obviously unhappy

and obviously like struggling. And so our first communion, we start taking communion and I don't know how communion Be in the explosion but Over communion edges all came out And I was like you know, maybe that's something beautiful that we come to Jesus and it's like the honestly the yeah It just like boiled over and it was a hard conversation It was not pretty, but it was what we needed to happen. So then we could be like, if this is what we're working on,

this is what we're resetting. And we laughed because it was a communion that did it. But, I mean, we had to come together and be honest about things. That's so good because if there's a scripture that actually says, like before you take communion, go to, if you have a problem with your brother, go to what I'm going to do. Go to them. And so it kind of like just happened. I think that's actually really good.

Yeah, and I have no if we drink the juice yet. You had to just like come to your brother and figure some things out and be honest with each other. I think that's really great. So it's good. It's always good to have those most in your relationship where you say, okay, we need to work on some things and you obviously did and you all had some some hard times in there. And we'll talk about that in a second,

but also when I talk about, because you mentioned you had a roommate who you didn't know. And a lot of people are moving in to, you know, a part of the people they don't know, moving in to college, they don't have a roommate. And sometimes, you know, it clicks of it's the people they don't know moving into college, they don't have a roommate and sometimes you know it clicks and it works and sometimes it's hard. And I know you eventually became friends with your roommate but she was a lot different than you. Yeah. So I was that like, you know, just growing a relationship with someone who was a lot different.

Yeah. I love that. I think that this experience, my experience in that and even though like I got married in college, I didn't have a lot of time in the dorm. But I'm glad I did have that one semester there because I do think I learned a lot in that time period. And it helped me whenever I remember and will, he went to college and he had a remake that he had planned on being with forever. And then all of a sudden, he found I was going to have a third gun as room.

And he called me like, what? I don't know this person. And because I had had this experience, I was able to say, hey, it might be somebody that you really learn from and grow from or whatever. And so don't take that as necessarily negative. So yeah, I just went to the, you know, pick your roommate.

Like, you don't, I didn't know the person I was roaming with or anything. And I didn't have, they just decided. No. I didn't get to stalk. No, I have to be like a priestess. No, I don't have any of that. It's just you walk in the room.

So my roommate, like I said, ended up being a great friend, but she was so different. She was like, very country, which I mean, I people might say like, oh, you're really country. Obviously I live in the South, but like country. There is a different country. Like her fake, she was, she loved was she loved oh okay y'all no one that watches this podcast is gonna know who this is but Barbara Mangirel who was that

her singer back in the like 80s she like loved Barbara and Jill she had a poster of her in our dorm range she was like obsessed and she was just like, she was just really different than me. But we ended up just, I was just enjoyed our company and we had fun together. Now we were never like always like the same, but it kind of worked out good because whenever you have a remake that is different then you have different interests.

I was an art education major so I was in art building or whatever and I don't even remember what her major was now, but anyway, we, yeah, I did a webinar, and she was one of the Bratzmaids in our wedding, and we've not said super connected, but often on, you know, through the years, but yeah, I think that God, you know,

just trust that whoever God's gonna put you with, that there's gonna be people that something, you know, just trust that whoever God's gonna put you with, that there's gonna be something that you can learn from them. And also like, such a short window of your life, I know some people get in there and they're like, oh, this person does not connect with me. I don't, you know, this is not working. I don't like it, but like, give it, just give it time.

Yeah, I always encourage all of you. Give it a whole year, you know? It just takes time to like connect with somebody to understand somebody I learn who they are. And also with the school that you're going to or whatever, I think a lot of a lot of young people get in and out before they have time for like God to do the work on them.

So true. That moment. And so I encourage everybody to give it a full year when you go to college for the college, the roommate, the major, whatever you're doing. Just give it a year for God to do some work on you in your life. And then after that, if you're still like, okay, this isn't where I think I need to be, then you can make a move. So many people tap out in the first semester. I hate it in the first semester. But a lot of the same people that I taught to the first semester that hate it in the

second semester, they're like, I love my school, I love it. Absolutely. And But a lot of the same people that I taught to the first semester that hate it and the second semester they're like, I love my school, I love it. Absolutely. And you find your group, you find your things. Like someone I remember told me one time, they moved here and they were not here for a very long time and they said, we're just struggling because we just want to go somewhere where we have roots. Yeah.

Because I said, well, roots have to grow. It's so good. Yeah. You're going to move somewhere else that you've never lived before Then you're not gonna have roots. Yeah until you grow the roots It's a day time Roots only grow when they grow in place when you can't listen This is so funny. I've used this analogy before but whenever I was little

I don't even know if you know this about me, when I was little, because I just did it by myself. But I would eat apples at the house, and I would always take my little seeds, and I would go outside and I would plant my apple, and I'd water the seed. And then the next day, I'd go back out, and I'd forget where I'd planted the apples.

So I'd go to the other apple, and I'd go put the seed and I'd water the seed. I can't tell you how many apples the seeds are in that ground. I'm not one apple tree, but I never marked where I put the seeds. And so I will never water in the same place. I never take the time to actually grow the tree. And so I think about that a lot of times that I was throwing seeds just in all these different places. And I gave none of them time to nurture and grow. And so they didn't. And I think a lot of us do that. It's like we are unwilling to stay in one place and water that ground and nurture that soil and then see what beauty grows from it. And because we get

frustrated by the process, we just go to the next place and plant new seeds and the next place and plant new seeds and you're never going to get the tree unless you stay and you nurse that ground. And so I think about that sometimes and I think sometimes we struggle with that because we just get so impatient with the process. But there's a process to relationships. There's a process to growing to love the place that you're at. There's a process to community. Uh-huh. I love what you said though about your roommate that y'all were never like.

Okay, first time I just say, well, that's good. Like, I was like, I just wanted to say that that's good to that. I just think that sets a great analogy and it's so true. It's cool. And um, so I love that.

Hey, we gotta hit Josh. This is just a friend of the world that's good at it. Well, that's good. And now, then, thank you for that. Here you go. Um, you know, I was thinking about how you said you in your room, it never got like super, super close,

but y'all were friends and close enough that she was in your wedding, but you have like, that's what you should do everything together. I think a lot of times like, we try to force relationships with people, you know, and we get so frustrated and it's not like, you're best friend. Look at this expectation that like every friendship has to be your best friend. And I realize as I've gotten older and out of, I never went to college,

but out of that environment, not everybody's going to be your best friend. But that doesn't mean that they're not a great friend, they're not going to friend. Right. They're not there for you Have fun and laugh with you and cry with me. Yeah, but they don't have to be your very very Very very. Yeah, and some of your very very best friends will continue to be the people that you know like Laney She doesn't live here anymore. She's so in my best friend. Yeah Some people that you just connect with that are new friends that you just grow to a deeper level. It's just natural So I feel like we can just take the pressure off

of like forcing that and like putting expectation on another person for your relationship with them that has to be something other than what it just actually is. That's really good. I read this like memoir of this like rock star. I don't even know somebody suggested on social media and I ordered on Amazon. And right now it's like, I'm so, I'm gonna read a fan of it. I'm't even know somebody suggested on social media and I ordered on Amazon.

And Ben was like, I'm doing random things. I'm doing random things. And I was like, I don't even know who this guy is. I don't know why I'm wearing this. But it had some really great. I pulled so many good things out of it.

But one of the things he was talking about, so he had been in like lots of bands since like the 80s to now, whatever. And he said in the beginning, he had this pressure that like, a band has to be together forever. And he just went through a lot of like, thermal and trial because he was like, trying to hold this band together when it just, just wasn't going to hold together.

And then once he kind of released that, and was able to say, okay, that band was great for this time. And then now I need to move on to something else. And so he talked about how like the only true relationships that last forever, you know, is your relationship with God and what marriage like you're making an oath to someone marriage, but all those other relationships are great. And maybe there for you for this time, but there's maybe a time when you need to release them and say, like, okay, we're moving on. Doesn't mean that that wasn't meaningful or great during that time or it doesn't mean that they won't be your friends or Etter, but trying to force something that that may or not be there or sometimes.

Yeah, I think I think that was kind of what you're saying in that. It's like, yeah, you can You can have friendships and relationships, but also let people move on. Let people change. Let people grow. And don't hold back. You have to have contentment in your heart to be able to do that. And contentment and knowing, like, I, like, this person is not my best friend. I am not lonely.

Yeah. This person is not become my best friend. Yeah. That does not mean I am unlovable. Yeah. That does not mean I'm, that does not mean there's something wrong with me. Yeah.

Like, you have to, like, you got gotta weed out those lies as insecurities and say, like, I'm content in who I am. I'm out of the show with Christ, and I was at my family and the people in my life. Whether that's one, two, five people who have got it. I'm content with this. I don't need to strive to gain for this one person. Back to the college years that reminds me of kind of seeing y'all all kind of go through these years where

Relationships are changing so much and it is always hard because like whenever you get to relationship Then that other friend feels like oh wait our friendship has changed and was it look like are even a sibling relationship or whatever like as especially during the college years Relationships shift and change because you're dating somebody and you have to focus on that person because that's who potentially could be the person for the rest of your life. And so this friendship that was like you were spending every waking hour together, all of a sudden you're not, this person can feel lonely and left out and so like I do remember kind of watching y'all navigate those shifts and

change of in relationships particularly during those college years. They are hard but I think it went again like you have to you have to be content and confident in the relationship that you do have with your friend. I mean lady and I talked about that so much during that time like just being confident in what we do have just because we spend less in less time, doesn't mean we're not as good friends. And then, and sometimes it's just, it is a matter of like opening up and saying,

hey, a fan of felt left out, and we had to do that. Allowing the person to say, hey, I get that. I'm sorry, how about we, yeah, go to brunch tomorrow, or say like, I love you. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I love you, but I have to focus on this relationship right now. And so,

it's the same for guys. Christian had the most trouble in his friendship when we were dating, because we were long distance, and he literally traveled to Nashville every weekend to see me. So he was never there for his guy friend, like hangs, football games as much as he used to be, or just the things that the guys,

and you know, the guys like, it's changing your whole life. But he's like, yeah, I remember him telling them, this is a girl I'm gonna marry. I have to pursue her right now. This is the time of my life, it's so important. And it was super important, especially for them, they felt like, well, you're gonna get married. So it's been more time with us,

because you're gonna spend the rest of your life. He's like, no, we're preparing for the rest of our life, you know? That's how we're watering. This is so tough. Water in the outer of the area. Like, we're not gonna get there. After we're planted that seed. Yeah. And he did such a great job with that, but it takes a lot of communication.

Yeah. It does. But I love what he said to just back to that y'all, you know, just even if they're not your best friend, they can still be a good friend. Yeah. And I think that it's still worth investing time and it's still worth hanging out. Absolutely. I think that like so many of us are like,

well, if they're not my best friend then whatever. Yeah. No, every friend matters. Or you say somebody that's different than you and you just write them off, you're like, okay, they're never gonna be my friend. I don't like Barbara and Jail.

So that's not gonna be, you know, or whatever it is. I'm gonna. This is analogy. I actually love Kenny Rogers. I say going to have her win. This is analogy. I actually love Kenny Rogers. So, you know, the same thing. But, you know, they might just be this, you know, you write somebody off as soon as, because

they look different, or they talk different, or they like something different, where you might really be missing out on a friendship that you could have during that stream. One thing I wanted to go back to, and this is not a college example, but Rebecca coming here. I mean, her first semester here was so hard. I can guarantee you, I need to ask for this. Like, if there would have been an opportunity for her to just go home in December,

would she have done it? She may have, because it was so hard. She did not speak English very well. She actually did not adjust the very well. She couldn't, she actually did not adjust the time period like, you know. It's like she was like, she was up. She was up super late at night talking to all her people in Taiwan and then sleeping till late the next day when she had the chance. She'd be so tired in the mornings because she would be up all night because she was still trying to

kind of hang on to both and didn't have relationships or friendships here yet. And that first semester at school, she had no friends. She felt like people were laughing at her because she couldn't understand them. They couldn't understand her. And it was so hard. And then I'll just remember that turn. Like after Christmas and when the New Year started like midway through the second semester, she started making friends.

People started coming over. She started, she ended up having a great going to prom and having a great ending and then that's when we're like, oh well, you want to come back next year? Is she like, yes, I do because she ended up loving it. But if she would have had the chance in that first, she'd know how to live. I think she would have left. Not out of left. It was so hard.

Yes. I mean, that was really hard. And now, there she is. 14 years later. I think it's definitely more than that. Because she came when she was 16 and she's 32, 33 or 33. And Mary has two kids.

Lives here. So it takes time. It really does. I love that. I want to talk about going back to you and dad, so y'all got back together. And then it was very short turnaround. See y'all got back together in like September,

so two weeks after school started. Yeah, and then y'all got married in January. So by your second semester, you were married. Yeah. Because didn't you know get married and then you didn't go to honeymoon but two days later, you went to college. Yeah, and he got married on a Saturday, January 11th.

We drove to Arkansas on Sunday and he started college. It was his first time in college. It was my second semester on Monday. Wow. Yeah, we did not. We did not. That summer we went to Hawaii with my parents as a honeymoon. Like, that was like, we called our honeymoon.

Because we didn't have honeymoon. But we were like, so young and in love, we didn't care. We were like, we're moving into our little as a honeymoon. Like that was like, we were like, well, they caught our honeymoon. Because we didn't have honeymoon, but we were like, so young and in love, we didn't care. We were like, we're moving into our little bit of apartment. That was literally like, besides of this podcast space. It was so tiny. And we were just so excited and so in love that. That's crazy. It didn't matter.

So, okay, three months to go by, you get married. You still didn't really have a plan plan. You still were broke broke. And like when we say you were broke, I mean, you all did not have money. You went to Hawaii with your parents because they were going to Hawaii. That's right.

Oh yeah. You were going to Hawaii. Y'all even went to college because your parents helped you go to college. I mean, it was not like you all had money. And when it came to Y'all's marriage all really did not have money. So give us just a picture into what that looked like

because some of Y'all's arguments at the time. I remember just y'all not having any money. We're pretty funny. And just what did y'all eat? Well, we're some of the meals that you were cooking. Oh my gosh. So our budget was so tight. Like I was full time in school.

We actually, we, and he was trying to go to school and work and support us too. And we actually worked at one of those call centers for a little while where you call and ask for money. Like, when I left that house, I was like, you'd be like, hey, you know, try to ask for money for something. It was terrible as a workshop ever.

But anyway, so we were so broke. We had a very tough, we never ate out. Like, little seizures pizza where it was like, you got a lot of pizza for very little. That was it, you know. We made pizza for very little, that was it. We made hot dogs, they would be like Monday, would be like hot dogs, with more milk chili, Tuesday,

would be like fried chicken, we were on the tightest budget. And yeah, we had, we literally, I remember, in the grocery store, we had like $5 left of our allotted, you know, our money was like an envelope to say like, this is your grocery money for this week. We had like $5 left and he wanted about pack of ice book cards and I wanted to buy a magazine. And it was like a full out buy because it was like, you can just get extra money that we have here.

But, um, okay, this will tell you exactly how tight. So, I'll never forget this. We had some friends that loaned us their washer and jar because they, I don't know, I think they rented another apartment that had a washer jar in there and we didn't have one. So loaned us their washer and jar. And so we wanted to like do something nice for them for letting us use their washer.

Yeah, so we took them out to show these, which I'm saying all these references that you're everyone I can even know. But anyway, if anyone that's older, they'll remember shonies. So we took them to shonies and I'll never forget the bill comes back

and it was $40 for us four to eight at shonies and I was like, oh, I'm like, how? This is like, it's just $10 a person. It's $10 a person,

but because we had gone all out, we had like ordered dessert, we were like, it's just $10 a person. This is $10 a person, but because we had gone all out. We had ordered dessert. We were like, we're scorching. We want to be generous and thank you. And then whenever we're like, we signed that check. And it was $40, I was like, how are we gonna eat the rest of this week or not? You know?

That is crazy. I love that though, because nowadays, in social media, there's this pressure as a young wife and a mom to have all this snacks to be literally cut into dinosaur shapes. This strawberry should be all in hearts and every meal to be perfect and it's to be healthy and it's to be beautiful.

And then for young wives, I'm not knocking on this because I actually take the inspiration, but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law just got married and they literally post their weekly menu. They print out a beautiful menu and it's fancy food and they'll post their beautiful dinner and their little mock-tell that they made and their appetizer and they'll grade the cheese.

I mean, it's like fancy, and it's awesome. There's nothing wrong with that. And like I said, I have used some of their recipes and I could be better at that. But sometimes seeing how perfect other people's meals can be and plates can be, it can make you feel like, oh, man, what's my hot dog? You know what, what's my little Caesar's pizza?

Sometimes you're just in the position of life or rom noodles are just gonna have to dog, you know? Like what's my little Caesar's pizza? For some times, like you're just in the position of life or rom-noodles are just gonna have to do, you know? I mean, for this season of my life, peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a great dinner, you know? That's right, cereal is just fine. And so I just think that like, sometimes because we see everybody else's life, RS Ellicin doesn't look like enough,

but man, like seasons, common seasons go and so different than others. And they're looking back on that period. I mean, it's such fun memory. It is. Thinking about how we were just like, you know, trying to make all the pieces fit together to make our budget and everything. And we didn't have that. And I do think that is a harder, you know, on this generation because you are seeing other people's lives in a way that is very edited.

And that looks like, oh, they have it all together. I was actually talking about that on this morning with a friend about how it's like, she was saying how, she, at the end of last year, perhaps she was doing a good job, like giving her house clean and cooking good meals and all that. Well, then the new year started and she decided job like giving her house clean and cooking good meals and all that. Well then the new year started and she decided

she wanted to watch what she's eating and start exercising and all that. So she's doing that now, but the house is not as clean because she's just like, it feels like there's something. Yes, it does. And I said, they don't have to eat anything at all. My brother is just trying to,

they're in a time right now where they can do it because it's off season. When he plays baseball and they're traveling all over then they're gonna Like that adjust and they will yeah, but this is a fun time for them and they're enjoying it And for for us like we were talking the other day because Christian said I wasn't very cute and cuddly with our dog And I said okay, whoa. I was there for that. You got so fined. I was like I was I used to be cute because they're long till we had a baby, right? And now I'm cute and cuddly with our baby. And so, you know, there's time for everything.

I mean, like, even during pregnancy, I didn't go to the gym for the first four months of this pregnancy because I was so sick. Now it's a little better, so I'm going to the gym. And so you just, like, if you look at social media, it can feel like everybody's doing everything and keeping it all together Parmesan. Everybody has to give on something in the time that they're in. And so I just you know

That was it. That was a time of y'all's life. That's really fun to live back on. Yeah, now, you know I say that's not what your life looks like, but you can look back and be like well look how much we grew and learned One thing I love about and I want to end on this because I think this is so beautiful is y'all are broke but you'll have fun. You can work broke but y'all are still hospitable. And I think that a lot of people think okay well I can't have fun. I can't be hospitable because I don't have anything. How could I invite people to my house and my house is not cool. How could I you know have fun and go do all the things if I don't have any money. And a lot of people in college are in that time right now. So how did you all continue to be hospitable and have fun with you or Brooke?

I think that's a great question. Because yeah, we did. We had grown up in hospitable families where people came over and all that. So we wanted to continue that. And so we did. We were the married couple at college. So we were the ones that people came to our house

and all that. And I'll never forget the first. Our first apartment was like I said, it was tiny. It was one bedroom. The washroom drawer were like sectional from each other in the bathroom. The kitchen was right here to where like when you took a shower, the same from the shower and made the kitchen smoke alarm go off. No.

And I'd like unplug this kitchen smoke alarm to the fire. So you wouldn't let the circle arm go off every time. And then, but I remember we invited friends over and we made spaghetti. Cause spaghetti, I mean, hey, you can make a big pot of spaghetti and it can feed a lot of people. This is right. I was a resident, I remember in Miss spaghetti,

but I didn't have any idea like how many noodles do you make for how many people? So I just was like, okay, noodles were cheap. I'm just gonna make a lot. We had so many spaghetti noodles left. And so, Willie, your daddy started throwing noodles at me while the friends were over. He's still those noodles.

Just for fun, you know, for fun. And it became this whole big spaghetti fight in our apartment. And we had noodles on the ceiling. We had noodles everywhere. And then when we moved out of that apartment and moved our cows, we still had like, giruts, spaghetti, noodles, so it was great So it was so fun and such a fun memory but yeah we always do you know we

do the parties at our house the holiday parties or whatever it would come over and everyone bring a little something it was like hotel cheese dip and hot dogs but we you know happy pull over and people don't. People don't care. They don't care. They do not care. I remember whenever I had two roommates and I invited a bunch of our friends over and I was running like that morning and I remember Laning was like, how are you going to get all this ready?

And I was like, well, I'm probably just not, but I'm going to make pancakes and I'm going to put out some toppings. And she was like, oh my gosh, I am what? I could have never done that because our house is so messy and like, you're just making pancakes and we had so much fun and later she was like, oh, that was actually so cool. And people don't really care what your house looks like,

but they care about being together. That's right. And everybody, you know, we were sitting at home feeling lonely, isn't like, I just want a perfect house to walk into that is completely organized. No, they're like, I just want people around me. That's right. And so it actually makes you feel better

whenever things aren't all done. So you're like, you know, like, you're like, you're like, invite people over and give them a job and they get there. People always are like, what can I do? You know, you don't have to have everything done when everybody gets there.

They can help make the pancakes, get help to do whatever. Sure. And let them help. Like, people always avoid that and want to be a part of that. I think it's so good. I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves and that's another part of this age. Everything looks like it's perfect or whatever.

No one really cares about that or wants that or expect it. Just everybody does. It's not real. And that actually goes to even inviting people into your home or apartment or dorm room or whatever, but just inviting people to staff. I had that conversation with one of our kids other day, because I was like,

our son Will has moved away and he's living in Texas now and he's loving what he's doing is doing great. I was like, you know, you have to like invite people if you're home alone and I, and you don't have anything to do, text somebody. Yeah, text somebody.

Come over and play video games with you. Or meet them. Meet them, you know, where they're the best or whatever, but like you have to invite I think so many times we sit around and be like, oh, nobody's a busy thing. And I'm not, I don't have anything to do. And it might just be you need to invite somebody. I got invited something less night and I went not, I don't have anything to do and it might just be you need to invite somebody. I got invited to something last night and I went

and it was so happy like last night, a friend, step to spin class. Step texted me yesterday and was like, hey, I'm gonna spend a 45, do you wanna go? And I did not have plans to go into spin, have not been in four years since 2020 happened to spin. And she's like, hey, I'm going at 5.45, you wanna come and I was like, yes, I actually did. She feels good to be invited. Yeah exactly. I'll tell the story

that the first year that we lived to your member I was like no one's invited to anything and I was like in my friend's house I was ready and then everyone invited us and why would they not invite us and then I was like oh well I'm like them what do I start about? I already do something and it's just like when you have that epiphany it's like I can do this I have a phone I can text him and say can you come over and now we're great friends Yeah, you know and if someone says no because they can't don't take it you guys always that's that content It's just wait invite somebody else

In a confident time to show over invite her and I always come friends. I will always invite you to everything and you will never offend me if you say no. Because I just always get feels better to be invited than to. Y'all did also get to go study abroad whenever you're ready. And some of y'all's cheap moments there correct me up because did you all sleep on the train? Yes, so that was one of the greatest blessings. Mom and dad, you know, it helps us to be able to do that. So we went, we spent a semester in Italy, in Florence, Italy for a school program

that Harding has and you actually live like in this villa, you take all your classes there. And the way they do it is like you take classes like four days a week and then the other three days, you get to just travel. So cool. And so as part of the kind of the deal, you buy like a Euro rail pack, which is a Euro rail, is the train that takes you all over Europe. And so we had that, but we didn't have money for

hotel rooms or you'd like that. So we decided we would just sleep on the train. And so because we had the fast, so we would plan a trip to where like we could get on the train at night, we could sleep on the train in the chairs or whatever and then wake up in a new country. And it was amazing. Like you just go to sleep on the train, wake up in Spain or whatever, but we're literally sleeping in chairs, you know, and in this on this train. And yeah, there was one town where there were like, you know, people on the train trying to still stuff and they were like open and our thing And dad starts like chasing them around the train like a movie. I'm like, no. What are you gonna do if you catch them? Like come back

But he's like luckily they dropped the backpack and did not they so you're about that? It was a friend of ours. I was in a little room with this they open the door grab a friend's backpack Oh my god dad like jumps up and starts chasing them through the train. Dad. And I'm going like, what are you going to do? You're going to have a fight and throw them off the train. So anyway, luckily in the chase, they dropped the backpack. And so always well.

Oh my God. So he slept the rest of the night with his feet up on the door of the little train car. It is, no one else would come in. But yeah, we were, yeah, it was so much fun. It's just the most fun memories of trying to kind of like figure it out whenever you don't have a lot, you know. I love it. And we stayed in East Hostels that had like a little shower. There was like a bathroom that everyone shared and there would be a shower and there's one. I remember you put like not quarters but whatever the coins were at that time. The euro is now but whatever it was at the time you put that in and it like gave you like two

minutes on your shower. The water pressure would go up. Yeah. Cook shower. Yeah. It's awesome. Y'all has so many memories from that. I always love those memories. So here are all the stories that you and dad did on the train and with your friends and all the different things you did in college. Also, not to say that our life during that time was perfect. We definitely were very young and got married. So we fought and we played hard and fought hard. All the things during that period. So we'll have to have another whole episode of that. The jealousy, the learning how to each other do what they want to do without controlling their schedule. All the things that you've also taught us from your college years, and

sure we could all learn from anybody ever been jealous and relationship, forever wanted to control your partner's schedule. Yes, we could talk about that too, and they love through that, and that's so good. Also also love just last note that you majored in art and thought you'd be an art teacher. And I just think it's so cool that that was something you're super passionate about. And still, when you draw for your grandkids, I'm like, how did you just draw that horse without looking at a sketch? You know, like you just do it. And there's been different times in your life that you've popped up. But ultimately, that's not what you did. you know, like you just do it. And you know, there's been different times in your life that you've popped up, but ultimately that's not what you did, you know, now you and dad run.comander, we're on the TV show, you know, you run Charlie Lively and a production company,

and all these different things, your production company puts on this podcast, probably nobody really knows that. You do a million different things, and I think that sometimes in college, we can just put so much pressure on ourselves that like this is it every decision It's so huge, you know, and if we miss it then what if we miss the call of God in our life or what if we miss what God's gonna do Or what if we miss it the door that we're supposed to weren't there and I just want to just remind you friends Like you're not gonna miss it. No, you, you cannot miss it if you're following the Lord and if you're doing, if you're waking up and just doing, you know what I'm doing for his glory.

I love two mama posted the other day. She's like, you know, so many people are like, I'm gonna miss the call of God or what if I'm not doing what God called me to. He's like, she's like, well, what if you're doing, whatever you're doing for the glory of God then you're doing what he called you to. That's right. You know, whether that is being a cashier, whether that is being an art teacher, whether that is, you know, having a

podcast or being a lawyer or a teacher, whatever you're doing. And so, you know, yes, decisions matter. And yes, your work matters. This is not for waste. This definitely matters. But don't put so much pressure on yourself that what you decide now is going to completely, you know, determine the rest of your life. Because yes, it will shape your life. But it's not gonna be like the end-all be-all. All right. God can still do so much.

And I think your willingness to dive in for four years and work hard and study hard, yes, it will lead you down a great path. But it's not the end of y'all. You know, one decision isn't going to mess up your entire life, especially if it's one made, whether I'm going to be a teacher or I'm going to be a nurse. Yeah, you can't mess it up, friend. And so no, no pressure there. I know in this time you can have so much fear of what the future will hold and the future is scary because it's unknown.

And fear is the unknown. Fear is the thing, literally by definition. It's believing that something could be a potential threat. You know, so it's believing something might could happen in the future. And you know, mom had a scary moment where they broke up. She could have thought, we're forever, forever, I'm gonna be single forever. You know, what if I choose this?

And that leads me this way or that way. But God's got your future and God's got you now. And so I hope this is encouraging to you. Look at the people around you in your life. How can you sewer those friendships well? How can you use what you have, even if it's not much to have fun and to host well? How can you work towards growing in your relationship,

maybe restructuring some things to have a better future, just some of the things that we can take away from today. And where are you that you actually need to water the ground you're at? What seeds have you thrown in the ground that you need to take some time to intentionally water and see grow. So, we'll have to have you back on for some of those harder conversations, but this was

a great start. You know where to find me. I know. I guess I'll just call you. We'll have a great week, everybody. you