WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our Best Advice on Toxic Relationships, Anxiety & Depression | Sadie Rob Huff | Sisters & Friends

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Sadie and one of her best friends, LO counselor Freddie Amos, open up about anxiety, depression, and escaping unhealthy relationships. Freddie shines a light on how she reclaimed her life from depression and talks about using her story to help other girls heal. Sadie and Freddie also share their personal experiences with toxic, manipulative relationships, including how to know you're in one, how to get out, and how you can find the courage to stay away. Friends, learn to listen to the Lord. At our lowest points, He is there to hold us by the hand, pick us back up, and make us stronger than we were before. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome back to the sister and friends podcast. I'm so excited today. It's a very special day because we have one of my best girls on the pie cast She's incredible and she is our very first Elo counselor So she actually is stepping into team Elo to help counsel local girls and also give great counseling tips online to our Ele sister app so we are so excited to have Freddie and part of our team And I am so grateful to have her as a friend and now you guys get to know her so Freddie

Welcome to the podcast. See? I'm so excited. This is awesome. Is it this crazy that one even we work together and two, you're like, you're on the podcast right now? Yes, it's very wild. It is wild.

Like, thinking back to when we first met and all of that, and now we're here, it's crazy. It is crazy. So let's put the pieces together for those who don't know our friendships. So we met through our husbands. Yes, because Christians, best friend is Parker your husband and I this is actually really funny because people who like really listen to my stuff Well, I think this is hilarious

So if you heard me tell the story I tell this and two sermons that I've reached told this in the what is truth sermon and one other one and I talk about how there was a moment Where me and Christian were in a date and it was like our first huge fight one a day and he's like telling me oh My best friend just started dating this girl and like it's so exciting because she's awesome I'm ready and I'm like, oh my gosh, which that support I never tell you on the story that it was ready So I go to Freddy's Instagram and I'm looking at Freddie's tag pictures and that's where I was. That's where the picture was. That's where the picture was. That's where the picture was. That's where the picture was. That's where the picture was.

That's where the picture was. So we got up at our rough start now and just kidding. I actually, I always loved you. I always thought you were beautiful from the minute I clicked on Freddie's page. I knew we were going to be friends. Me and Christian just had to work some stuff out. Yeah. And it's full circle now.

It is full circle. So y'all started dating and that's Christian's best friend and so we get to work some stuff out. And it's full circle now. It is full circle. So y'all started dating and that was Christian's best friend and so we get to hang it out. And whenever Christian lived in Auburn for just a hot minute before the world shut down, we would go on walks and we would talk. And I remember I would come home from walks with the United States Christian like, you would not believe how deep we were. Like we like because you were studying to be a counselor.

And I was like wow like you had so much wisdom and so much depth to you and like you were so open about hard times in your life and so open about why you want to help others. And I was like that's super cool. So we became good friends now you're married and live here and work friends. Now we're here. What is life? It is so crazy and it's funny because like I'm not a shot like I don't like shallow conversation. I only like deep conversation and so it's hard to meet new people because I'm not like how are you really from I'm like what's your

life like? Like why have you struggled with? And that really intimidates people, but I just want to like get to know people. And so I'm glad that you enjoyed them. Which is kind of the same way though, because I asked people the question, and I was like, okay, I can hang. But I was like, whoa, because I hit people with those, not a lot of people hit me back. I guess that's true. I was like, okay, this is good.

This is good. It made me think. But then, so also putting the pieces together for people, how did you even start working here? It's kind of a crazy story. So you didn't have this in mind. I didn't. What were you thinking you were going?

So I never wanted to be a counselor in the first place. I kind of thought it was kind of lame. That's crazy. Because I was like, I don't want to sit in a room with someone and talk to them. I was like, it's going to be so boring. I'm going to be so isolated. And I think like whenever I have those really dramatic responses, like that's when the Lord's like, no, this is actually what I'm wanting you to step into. And so I kind of like pushed it away, pushed it away. I had no idea what I wanted to do. For my junior year and senior year of college, I was like so confused.

And then my senior year, I had to intern. And I interned on a community mental health center. And I was like, okay, maybe counseling is what I wanna do. So I literally applied only to Auburn where I did my undergrad, obviously, and it got in. And it was like kind of a no-brainer. Like it was just like this makes sense. This is my next step because I just didn't want to apply anywhere else and I was kind of like okay if this is where I get in. This is what God is wanting me

to step into. Well I love that. This is almost like a no-brainer because I think you said something just secondary or how like you were so confused. I don't know what it is and I think most people in college hit that stage where it's like I'm so confused. I don't know what it is. And I think most people in college hit that stage where it's like, I'm so confused. I don't know what's next. And then the thing that happens, it's like a no brainer. It's like, oh yeah, I'll do this because this is the next step. This is the obvious thing.

Right. And it's hilarious that that's like what you didn't want to do. But what a great self evaluation that your dramatic responses are normally what the Lord wants you to do. Because it's even like when you do the in-a-gram, it's like the one that you paint the most is normally what you are. Right. You're like, no, I'm not that.

But it's like there's something in your spirit that irks you because you're like, oh, I'm so that. You know, and I wish that I wasn't. It's actually really true to who I am. And that's why I don't want to do it. That's crazy. That is so cool. So you were thinking about, you were going in this path.

And around this time, y'all came down to the beach when the encryption were at the beach. And it was honestly like the weirdest moment because honey was born at this time. And we had honey down for a nap right inside the house. We were outside in the hot tub. It was down poor. We were in rain.

In the fact that we can have a due conversation in that just shows you how we literally are always game to just get there. Yeah, we're everywhere. And so I'm like barely can see you. And I'm like, so Freddie, what are you thinking about doing next? And you're kind of telling me that you have a passion

to do counseling for kids. And I'm like, okay, that's cool. But in my mind, I was thinking like, we have actually been looking for a counselor for a low, because that's something we really felt like was important for girls in our local community and online. Like how can we go deeper? How can we spark these different conversations

about mental health and different things? And I was like, as I'm looking at me, I'm like, huh, what if I could do that? And I just kind of threw it out there. Like, I'm like, huh, what are you afraid I could do that? And I just kind of threw it out there. Like, I don't know if you'd be interested in this. I don't know what this looks like. This can be crazy. But kind of looking for this. And you were like, it's actually pretty cool. Yeah. And you're like, I wasn't thinking that. Yeah, I've

been thinking kids. So maybe that could be it. And after pretty little while, you like text to me or something. It was something so casual. I'm like, I'm gonna do it. It was like, on Mayan, it's cool to hear your side of things, but on Mayan, I remember the, you said it twice. I don't know if you remember that. Like, you brought it up and then you kind of like,

changed conversation and then it came back up. And the first time you said it, I was like, cool, but not gonna be for me. Like I was like, I'm on such a different path. And the second time you said it, it was like, cool, but not gonna be for me. Like I was like, I'm on such a different path. And the second time you said it, it was kind of like, Lord was like, hey, I want you to listen. Like, this is really cool.

I do remember that, because I really think the first time I said it, I was in my mind not even sure what I was really asking. So I was like, because I had been thinking of that. And I'm looking at you as a friend, and I'm hearing what you're doing, and I'm like, this kind of aligns. And how I've hired most people that work here are for moments like that. It's not like I'm like actually like going to be like, Hey,

we're hiring a counselor. I'm like, I have a friend who's gifted in this area and it happens naturally. But I just so was not expecting it that day. Like I wasn't thinking about that. We were just hanging out. Like it's downpouring, honey's asleep. And I'm like, could this be it? So I kind of briefly throw it out. And then as I'm talking, I'm like, oh, this is it. Like it was like the lure was like, no, there's like, I've been doing this.

Hello, wake up. Totally. It's on like, Freddie, no for real. Yeah, I had that same thing. I was like, the second time you said, I was kind of thinking I need to take more time Then to just brush it off and I remember like we went home or went to the beach house and I was like telling Parker I was like that's crazy say to say to just offered me a job and told my dad the same thing

And we kind of like laughed about it like wouldn't that be wild if we moved to western Rome? Yeah, and I remember when we got home to Auburn from that trip Like I was really sitting and praying and journaling about it. And I just felt the Lord be like, yes. Wow. And I've had that with the Lord before, where he just speaks like this soft yes to me. And it makes no sense in the moment. And it's kind of like he's telling me to wait for the yes to fulfill like what he's saying. And for me to step into that. Well, but he was telling me yes. And I just knew no matter how long the process was, which ended up being like almost a year, like to the day, that I was going to step into that, and it just took a lot of patience and prayer, and we had to figure out a lot

of practical things too, but at the end of the day, like we knew for the both of us that this was what the Lord wanted. I love that. There's so many things you said in that that I think people can pull from one that it was like there was an obvious door that you were supposed to walk into. There was a clear yes but it still took patience and time. And I think so many people think when there's an obvious door, when there's a clear yes, then it should just be right here right now. But a lot of things in life it's like, God can be like, yes, a myth.

This is where you're going. Now wait. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard because it could be really easy to be like, okay, what is this even right? Should I just do something else? Should I do something easy? Or should I do more something something more convenient? Yeah. You could have stayed in Auburn with his family. You could have moved to Dallas with your family. But you took this leap of faith and came here. Yeah. Which is really cool. I want to go back to you thinking I don't want to be a counselor. Like, when you were growing up and stuff, did you have an idea of like, this is kind of what I want to do, this is who I want to be?

Because I know there was a time that your mom told you like, Freddie, you're going to be a counselor. Yeah. So why was that something that was so common in your life? In the pressure cooker of video campaign launches, unplug with Bunny Studio for a breather. Imagine the holy grail of video creation. Your Bunny Studio one plan takes care of everything from start to finish. Script writing, animation, voiceovers, and post production all effortlessly flowing.

You'll never miss another deadline. Visit bunnystudio.com slash start to get your 10-hour free trial. I think because I had been through a lot growing up. My parents divorced when I was really young. I was like around one or so when they got divorced and I just felt really lonely. I struggled with depression in middle school and actually in high school, like I attempted suicide. And so I think my parents saw so much that I'd been through and that I had overcome.

And they knew I could use that. And I think this is also the time I didn't really know the Lord, right? And so it was really a hard way to understand like why my story was going this way and how it could be used for good. I think when I came to know the Lord my senior year, it was really like that's when he started cultivating

this heart within me of, I wanna use your story to help girls, specifically girls. That's always been on my heart to come to know the freedom that I've had. Because I think in the mental health world, people think you can't be healed from it. It's just kind of like something you're gonna struggle with, especially when it's depression and anxiety.

We just take on the identity of it, and we say like it's a part of my story, it's who I am. I'm never gonna get over it, but the Lord showed me I could get over it, and using scripture practically to like what it looks like to take my thoughts captive. It's not just like a verse I pray over myself. There's like real steps. Yeah, there's action for that.

And so I think when I learned throughout my college life how to really take control of my life and like take it back from the enemy, that's when the Lord kind of showed me like, this is why all these things happen to you. So that when you're sitting with your clients like you're gonna be able to relate and give them advice of what you've been through already. That is so powerful. And it's like my blur like sitting here as a friend because truly your life is so not marked by that. Like I would like I really would never know. Yeah. You struggle with depression. And I wouldn't know that you attempted suicide or had suicidal thoughts because you are so full of

life and like you're so life giving and you're such a good friend that one like it hurts my heart to know that but too it's like I don't even know that person. I don't even know that side of you which is just so cool because you're right like so many people think like oh this is me this is my story this is always always be a story and I felt that way with anxiety like I literally just would call myself an anxious person like that's who I am like this is like who I am yes it's a part of me I was born with it's personality thing I've had it since I was little but like my life is not marked by that anymore like yeah people don't know me as like a fearful person um they would think you're that fearful you do all these things but I'm, what's crazy because most of my life was that

But it was the same thing. It was like how do I take scripture and like actually believe this and not just believe it But like put it into play in my life and I love how you select taking scripture practically. So it's not this like Like spiritual weird thing where we're just like, you know, cheeses over all things with just Jesus is over all things, but we're like Jesus over all things and in all things through all things. And so it's like, it's not just like we're claiming it, like we're believing it, we're living it, which is just to me, that's so cool. So for people who are listening, who are like, okay, this is so good.

I need to like sit with Freddie, but maybe I don't live in West Monroe, and maybe I'm on the app, and they can get plugged in with that, and we'll share about that later. Like, probably something right here right now. Give us some advice for people who are like, okay, I don't really understand how Jesus

actually helps me with my mental health, because like, don't I need this, don't I need that, maybe it's medication, maybe it's counseling, maybe it's all of it, but how does Jesus actually help you with mental health. Because like, don't I need this, don't I need that, maybe it's medication, maybe it's cancer, maybe it's all of it. But how does Jesus actually help you with mental health? So good. I actually had a friend, so a little bit of backstory.

I went to China my freshman year for a mission trip. And before we went, we kind of like figured out who was gonna be on our team, because it was an extensive trip. So it was six weeks, it wasn't quick. So it really needed to know who we were going with. And she sat me down to get to know me. I was a freshman. She was like a junior senior. So she's way wiser, way older. Like has this life thing down in my eyes. And I'm telling her, you know, I'm really struggling

with my depression right now. And she looked at me and she was like, would you ever view your depression as a good thing? And I kind of was taken aback. I was like, would you ever view your depression as a good thing? And I kind of was taken aback. I was like, why would that ever be a good thing? Like, it's so bad. But I kind of sat on that. And basically, my whole trip to China, I really just kind of dug through what that meant for me.

Like, why would it be a good thing? Because she didn't elaborate. She just kind of like laid this question out in front of me to figure out my personal opinion on it. And what I come to find out in China is the way God has used my depression has allowed me to have a need for him that people who don't have depression don't have. And so it kind of made me relook at my depression instead of saying like, it's hindering me to say like, it's helping me because I can't go through my day to day

and have joy like everyone else. Like, I really need Jesus to have joy. And so it's actually grown my relationship with God. It's cool. Because I have depression. I think it's that mindset change. Like, it's that shift to say, it's actually not bad. It can be used for good.

And that's a common thing we see in scripture, right? Like anything can be used for good. But I think with depression specifically, like it puts you in such a dark place that it's hard to see why it would be good. The analogy I think about all the time is like, I felt like I was brought to my knees all the time every single day, like trying to pick myself up and I couldn't.

But when you think about being on your knees like that's the perfect position of surrender. That's cool. And so it's like I needed to be at a low point. I needed to be at surrender for God to hold me by my hand and pick me back up. Wow. Come on. Like people who are listening to this right now, I know so many of you guys are walking through depression and maybe you feel like you are at that point where you're on your knees and you're like this feels helpless This feels hopeless, but like that is the place of surrender

And like that actually is the place where hope is found and gosh it says there's a scripture I can't even remember it somewhere I want to say it's something David says, but it's like he reached down from a pie and like he took hold of me. And I always like love that picture. And I always thought about that with anxiety. So it's so cool that you're saying this because mental health, even though it's different, there are some similarities where you just

feel like helpless in it. And I just remember too, like having such a great dependency on God. And I still feel that way in some sense. Like every single time before I go on stage, I get so nervous. And I always just say, God, I'm completely dependent on you. When I get out there, if you don't catch me, I'm going to fall. You know, and he's always there. And it's like that dependency helps me see him. So that's really cool. And I love that you even called out practical scriptures like take aptory that like there are so many scriptures that actually just counsel you through life. And so I just love that. That's so cool. Okay, so for people actually who do want to learn from you because so many people

can. Yeah. So that you actually are on the app. Talk to me about like what you're doing in the app because I know you're working super hard to actually help girls and that's something that you have a huge heart for. And something we even talked about before I hired you. We were like, okay, you can't necessarily counsel girls from all these other states because of walls and rules and stuff.

But how are we actually going to pour into girls? So talk to us about some of this stuff that you've been working on. It's really fun because it's really different and it's kind of never been done before from what I've seen. But basically what we'll be doing is kind of taking some ideas, like some topics

and walking through them very generally. So writing things about like, how do you have healthy habits and how do you keep healthy habits or how do you get out of a toxic relationship when do you know you're in a toxic relationship? How do you know if you're attached to someone? How do you get away from an attached relationship? Just like really practical steps that anyone can come to and learn from. And it's not really specific to that person's journey, but it'll help them ask questions to themselves. Like, okay, am I in that? Is what she's

talking about relating to my life or is it not? And then having questions, having like worksheets to do. So it's kind of like an education. Gosh, I wish I had that like. How do I see that? I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm just so, I'm really I'm so happy we're getting to do this together

because I think genuinely like what we're doing is stuff we wish we had in high school and we desperately needed. We wish we had in high school and we desperately needed. We wish we had in college years. We wish we had in whatever season of our life. And like we're able to give that to people, which is just like the coolest thing. So for girls who don't have L.O.S. Sister app,

L.O.S. Sister app is actually free now, but this will be in the premium content. So if you buy the premium subscription, you can get all of these workshops and stuff. But let's talk about what you just said because you're going to help people walk through talk secret relationships and when you're in a talk secret relationship. Okay, that to me, you would think that you would know your in a talk secret relationship. It's happened to be twice. Oh, I've been in a talk secret for four years and I should have left it. I didn't even. Yeah, and then when you realize it, it's like, wait, what?

How do I let that happen? So let's just talk about that because so many people are listening who might be in a talk relationship right now and they have it come to that conclusion. What are signs to know that this is not a good relationship that should be in and I need to get out. And then let's go to how do you get out? I think there's so many, but the ones that stick out to me are like isolation.

Like if he is trying to isolate you from friends and family, like don't hang out with them, he's these are the only people you can talk to, he's the only person you can hang out with. Yeah. That's a big red flag. It's good. Manipulation.

Like if he is telling you that he's getting mad at you for no reason, and then he's blaming it on you. And you feel like, what have I done? Like constantly trying to fix the problem and wanting to mend that gap, but he is never willing. A lot of anger, like anger was a really big one that I kind of brushed past. Jealousy was a big one I brushed past.

Like, oh, he just cares about me. No, there's a difference between caring about someone and then being like jealous in a way that's harmful. Just so many little things to look for. Like, how is it affecting you? Are you changing who you are for them? It's compromising yourself, compromising morals. I think a big one too for girls is like,

are you pushing your people away that would tell you to leave? Yeah. Because that's like a big red flag. That's good. That's good. And I think this, this advice goes for not just dating relationships, but also like friendships, mentorships. Like if you're seeing these red flags, it's like, okay, let's take note of that. So say, say somebody's listening and they're like oh shoot like this is my relationship What do they do? Just leave like get out of it because I think it's so harmful to try to mend something like that Right if you can leave like if you're married go to marriage counseling and pursue Holness with your with your spouse. But if you're dating

or even engaged, like it is not too late to get out, because what you're doing is you're setting yourself up for failure or really, really hard marriage, where you're not promised that, or you don't have to be with them in that moment. And I think just having the courage to step away knowing it's gonna be really hard. Yeah. Because it will be. And just leaving a toxic relationship doesn't mean you're gonna get over that person. Like, you're still gonna have feelings, you're still gonna have emotions.

And just because your feelings tell you to go back does not mean you should. Yeah, okay, that's so good. I'm just thinking about me and my relationship and I want to ask your advice for this, because it felt like it took me forever to stop thinking about me and my relationship and I want to ask your advice for this because it felt like it took me forever To stop thinking about that person like for like a long time. Yeah, and then all of a sudden I Realized one day. I haven't been thinking about that personally Yeah, and I realized I was like free of that and it wasn't like one moment where I was like Oh now I'm gonna stop thinking about the person. It was just like over time at gradually

just kind of like a stop theme of the person. Do you think that that has to do like a stronghold maybe that you have? Because we were listening to this the other day and we were both listening at Sermon and it was like strongholds or something that like, it has a hold of you, but you also have a hold of you. And I think that like the first step to letting go

of that stronghold was like you having to like release that. But that doesn't mean that like it's just automatically you're gonna go away. So for the person who's like, okay, I'll let that broke up. Like I can't stop thinking about them now. It's just me and I still like them to us up feelings for them. Like how do you, how do you have the courage to like stay away? I think you just have to love yourself more.

I know that there's someone better out there for you. It's good. Like everything you compromised for, actually you can have. It's good. And not to say you're gonna hold on to that promise that there's someone better out there for you, but when I went through my breakup, my dad told me it gets better every second.

And I really took that to heart because I was like, okay, I don't even have to say every day. It's like every second. So when I would catch myself like being sad or emotional or upset that we went together, I would just say, okay, this second is better than the last. Like, I'm stronger this second than I was the last second. And that was just like an easy way for me to get through my day. But I think we want to think when we say no to something, it's going to come really easy. Like, the process of saying no is never easy.

Not easy. And so when you have to take that step, you really have to trust that the Lord is going to carry you through the pain. You can't just like bypass it. That was also what we were learning. Like, you can't just bypass pain. You have to walk through it. And that's the value, the shadow of death, right?

Like God's with you in it. And so even though it's painful, it's really beautiful. And I look back. And I'm like, I'm so grateful that I had to walk through that because I am such a better person because of it. Absolutely. That's so true. And like you hear people say that and you experience it.

And you're like, that's so true. The like you hear people say that and then you experience it and you're like, oh, that's so true. Like the hardest seasons of my life that I have had to like actually work through the hardache of things, actually cry through it. Have it here. Just go to counseling. I'll look back and I'm like, I am so much of a better, stronger person because I went through that than it had I not went through that.

And you know, some people say, like, oh, I wish I just never dated anyone. I wish I didn't get into that friendship. I don't feel like that I don't feel like I wish I didn't date these people or I wish I didn't have that friend that hurt me because I'm like You know what each step of the way it made me to who I am. It made me to me like I actually I used to be the jealous Person like I was like so jealous in relationships and like controlling. I don't should be with I don't want you to like Go to this party. Don't you you to be with these people, whatever, because I was jealous. And I had to like, wake up to the reality, like, this is not good. Like, I will not bring this into the relationship with my husband. I would. And now, like, I don't live like that. And that was to kind of like

the mental health thing, like, I attached that to almost all personality and like, just a jealous type. And it's like, no like no like sin is not who you are because you recruited an image of God. So if you're starting to identify with sinful nature it's like that is not who you are as a lie. So that means like you actually can serve it or that and repent in turn. Yeah. Man, I'm getting counsel right now. Thank you Jesus, right in front of all you friends. I'm getting counsel. Thank you, God. But no, I do want to touch about your relationship though,

because you said you were in a four year relationship and then you had to get out. So you've gone through this and then you waited, you know, had to go through the waiting period to when you were going to meet Parker. So talk to me about like meeting Parker and the difference that you saw in your relationship based on relationships from the past?

It was so night and day. Like when I met Parker, I was actually dating this guy and I remember saying I would break up with him for Parker. And that was like kind of like a funny thing. But in my heart, I really did feel that way. But I think in all seriousness, I was looking for a way to get out and I didn't know how to get out. And that just came out in that way, like saying I would leave him for someone else.

Obviously that's not at all what happened. Parker and I didn't start dating until junior year of college. And I didn't date anyone all of college. So my last relationship was my freshman year of college to junior year. And I saw someone that really loved the Lord and he wasn't interested in like being showy. He didn't care about other people noticing his relationship with the Lord. He really

wanted to humbly serve God. And that was really attractive to me because I had never met that before. Like any kind of person, even my friends, that were just like, I wanna serve God just to serve God for nothing in return. And he wanted to be friends first. And I kind of was like, okay, wait, like I wanna date you. And he, like now he'll say, he just never felt peace from God. And I think that really sums up who Parker is

because he wasn't gonna do anything without God saying, go, and then when God spoke to him, it was like all of a sudden, we were dating and we were like in a relationship, a serious relationship, and it was really sweet because on my end, God needed to really work through a lot of things with me. And on his end, like God just wanted to be with Parker

while we were just them too. That's good. So it was sweet when God finally said yes and then we were able to start dating and his awesome okay I want to talk to you about that because you like really had a crush on Parker yeah yeah like you were like the biggest crush on Parker and Parker was like out of it on waiting okay so as a girl because this is hard. This is really hard. This is really hard. This girl's want to make stuff happen.

You're like, no, I don't understand. Why are we not dating now? I'll see you at the movies Saturday. Let's make a plan. Let's make some happen. How do you not, like as a girl? Because we all know, like you know when you're about to do something to push it.

You know you're about to do something to manipulate. Oh yeah. You know you're about to do something to manipulate. You know you're about to, and like that is a negative tendency. It's a lot of times who we are. It's not who we are, but it is a tendency and a tactic of kind of how we do things. How do you resist the urge to make something happen, manipulate something to happen when you want it so bad. It is so hard. And I will say I wasn't very good at it. Like you can ask

Parker, I was, I made it very clear like my intentions. My intentions were clear like I was ready to date at any point. But my friends really were the people that like held me back because I didn't have the self-control. I had some good friends. They sat me down a few times and they're like, listen, he hasn't asked you out. Like, it is time to move on. And if I could change anything, I wouldn't because I love our story. But I will say to not manipulate, the best thing to do is just like go to God with it. Like, I look back on my on my prayer journals and I was constantly praying. Like my heart was if you want me to have Parker, I want to be with him.

I wasn't like trying to convince him to like me, but I was trying to be around him every second I could so that we could talk. So maybe he would like want to start dating me, but my heart posture with the Lord was, I want your will. And that's what I want. And I of course, I want to be with Parker. And of course, I would love to date him. And I would love to marry him. Like I was even at marriage. Like I was way past the point of dating. I was like, I'm ready to marry him. But God just really had my heart. And that's what really helped me back from trying to put myself in a place of getting Parker when it wasn't time.

And just like you recognize it like God actually did have to do stuff in your heart before y'all. I needed to get married and he knew he was having a sweet moment with Parker while Parker was waiting and it's like there's a reason why it's a no right now. You know there's a reason why God gives you feelings of conviction or gives you the feeling to wait or gives you And you're not always gonna know the reason why sometimes you'll figure it out soon Most of you do but sometimes you won't ever be like why don't I know why it was like that But I trust that God knows better from my life than I do and man I just love I think one thing that we have said in this is a couple like self evaluation things. Like I love to use that earlier. Like I know when I'm being dramatic, I'm a resistant or like how do we know more being manipulative. And someone

on our team asked me yesterday, she said, do you have like checkpoints throughout your year where you check in with yourself and evaluate where you're at? And I said, I really don't because I'm just not that scheduled Like I don't even think I could like think about that like okay, June first I'm not that person But I will say some people are and that's great like Christian would be that person Christian would set like a two week Oh, let's check in with myself. Let's see how much better I'm doing and I love that about him I'm not like that, but I'm a day-to-day. I'm so aware of myself

I know when I'm pushing it I know whenever I'm like rushing God on something that he's telling me to wait for I know whenever I'm like Way over doing something that I need to slow down and like I know it and like it's really just a matter of am I gonna Obey or not am I gonna listen am I gonna obey am to surrender? And every time I do, gosh, the Lord protects me. The Lord had some reason why I'm like, thank you, God. And every time I don't, I'm like, why am I so stressed? Why am I like in this place? And it's because like, I'm just not listening to God, I'll say, my body, myself, like the world would say, like, listen to your body, listen to your, I think it's your body. I think it's the spirit inside of you too. That's like guiding you. So where would you say,

like if you look back at yourself when you had depression and we're in toxic relationships, and you look yourself now and you're like free from that and you're in a healthy marriage, like what do you see the biggest differences in you? I think I have a bigger ear to hear God. That's cool. Like I really want him to tell me what to do and I don't want to take a step unless he's telling me where to go. Because you trust him. Yeah because I've seen what happens when I try to do it on my own. That was my entire childhood. That was my middle school high school days when I was so depressed. And a big part of why I think I was depressed is I think I was confused on

where God is and who is God and why does this matter so much to know God? Because I went to a Christian school and so I was constantly being fet these things, but I didn't really understand it for me. And when I took it for my life to mean, I'm gonna do what God says, because God is the author and creator of me. And so he knows me best. Well, that means I'm gonna do whatever he says, even if it feels really painful. Like when I broke up with my ex,

or I came to know God, he, the first thing he said to me was, like I told him, I'm like gonna really follow God. Like this is what I'm really gonna do. And he said, that's awesome. Would you be okay if we broke up? That was the first thing he said to me. And that was God telling me, like,

if you're really gonna follow me, I'm gonna really strip you of everything. And it was very scary. And I remember that season of really trying to figure out what does this look like? Like why has God taking everything from me? And I've had to like process that with the Lord in my own time of like it feels like when I have good things you've taken from me. But it was never him taking good things from me. It was taking things that I thought I wanted and giving me something so much better. And so I've just listened to God more.

And I just, I don't try to make plans for myself. I let him tell me. And that has changed who I am. It's changed my life. It has changed everything about me because I actually know God now. That's so good. Oh my gosh, there's so much in that that I'm like inspired by and amazed by. And I think like one of the reasons why I trust you so much as a friend and we got so close fast, like I always tell you this. I'm like, I'll tell you something else about anybody.

Yeah. And I don't think that's because you're a counselor. I think that's just because you're a good friend. And I trust you because of those questions where you said, why do I have to believe this? Why? Like you don't just go with it. You're just like, no, why. I want to know why. And to me, like because you asked those why questions

and you dive in, it's like you're confident in what you believe. You're not just believing it because someone told you to believe it. You're like, no, I want to know why. And like that has made you like such a rich and secure person, and it's so cool to be friends with you. And be friends with someone who is so deeply secure,

because they asked the hard questions, and they're not afraid to go there. It's like some people are like, well, let's just not talk about that, because that makes God look bad. It's like, you can't make God look bad. Let's talk about it. What is it?

And actually, we had a friend walk through something recently, Christian Eye, where it was like, he felt like whenever he became a Christian, like things in his life just like weren't going good all of a sudden. He was like, why? Like when I was in it, Christian, I was having more fun because I was party. I was doing this and now like, I can't party with people. So I don't have as many friends right now.

And like he walked through a really hard season and it was actually hard to answer some of this question. So it's like, I don't know why. Yeah. But what was really cool is like now looking back like the Lord actually was getting out the things that actually weren't good in his life. It has redeemed the now for like a measurably more like it's crazy like his life is so rich. When I look at that season of his life, I've come to understand that like what God was doing in that time, even though it looked hard and he was stripping him, he was building his character in him. Like truly, it's like whenever it talks about in the Bible, like rejoice in like the suffering, like why? How? You know, and it's like for that's like producing endurance, producing

steadfastness and like watching that from a friend like up close, I was like, well, like God really was like producing like humility in him, endurance, that fastness, like boldness, these things that like, we all say we want except for like, you don't realize the road to get those things requires a lot of you. But man, like it is so cool.

When you start to see like, okay, what the world can offer you, that's fun. And that you might think is good. Hills and comparison. So they're good. Hills and Caparisin. So they're riches and the fullness of God. Truly. And I feel like those hard seasons make you more like who God created you to be.

Like it kinda strips away the pride. Yup. And it makes you humble and it strips away. The gossip and all of these things because you have nothing left of that. You know, like you have to be taken away from that life, your old life. You can't put on these new things that God has given you in walking the path of your old life. Right, and so that's really painful and I think that's why when you kind of come to know God and you shift in your relationship with Him, it feels like he's taking all the good things,

because you're not used to any of the things he wants to give you. The comfortable, what things that you come comfortable and things that you come comfortable with. And it really is crazy. I said this to their day, I was like, you know, we say that the world has so much fun and all this stuff and that it's good.

But I'm like, you have to check your sources too, because the world's also the place has like the highest depression we've ever seen, the highest mental health, highest anxiety, highest suicide rates, and so it's like, is it really good? Yeah. You know, is it really fun? Because it doesn't seem that fun, you know? Yeah.

It's temporary moments, but it's not fulfilling. And then when you come to the world, it's not that in Jesus, you don't still sometimes have anxiety. You don't still sometimes have anxiety, you don't still sometimes get depressed, you don't still sometimes face the the effects of living in a sinful world. But man, there truly is like a depth of joy and like a depth of love and security and man, it's like because that's what you were creative for. That's, I love how you sound like the author and the creator of our life. Like, yeah, so cool. Well, we can talk for hours.

We can. I guess I should stop this. We can learn to talk for hours. So I'll have you back in the podcast. I know people will love that, but truly Freddie, you're a heck of a friend and you're a great counselor. And I'm so grateful to have you on the team. I'm so grateful that the app has you and it's world. And I can wait for girls to get to meet with you and I'm just like literally this morning

thinking about getting to interview you. I was like, God you're crazy. Yeah. You're so good. It's an awesome story. So thank you. Love you. you