WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our BEST Couples Advice: Jealousy, Honesty, Arguments & Intentionality

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Sadie and Christian sit down with Freddie and Parker Amos, a couple they love doing life with, to talk all things relationships, dating, marriage, and friendship. Sadie and Christian bring up an argument they JUST had and what they've learned about healthy communication. Freddie and Sadie share advice on how to prepare your heart for a relationship, sin in marriage, jealousy, intentionality, and why comparing your husband to other men is such a dangerous path. Sadie also reveals what she thinks of the show "Love Is Blind" and why it serves as a cautionary tale about relationships. Friends, follow the way the Lord leads, and you will be blessed beyond belief. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up sisters and friends welcome back to another episode happy Monday everybody. I hope you're getting your week started off great. This is a good sign you're starting out all here. I hope today you're going to get so much good advice and y'all I really just don't know where this conversation is going to go because because we have invited two of our best friends on the podcast including my husband's on the podcast today and we're interviewing slash just having a conversation. I don't even want to say interview. We're really just having a conversation with two of our closest couple of friends, Parker

and Freddie. Y'all already know Freddie. She was on the podcast. She's our first Ella counselor. We talked about all that. Now she's back here with her husband, Parker and we get to do life with them. So we're so excited. We're going to talk all things, relationships, marriage, friendship, all the things and we're so excited. But we have to start out by being honest with the people. Okay, so anytime you

happen to plan like, let's do a marriage podcast today? Let's do something like, you know, out there. Does it not always happen that you have arguments the morning of? Yeah. And we both did this morning. ours was like 20 minutes ago. Yeah, ours is still fresh and still sweet. We've had a couple hours to.

Yeah, we had the, we had the party together. Yeah, it was like a seven o'clock argument I was in REM sleep at seven a.m. And you know you were because you had your Oh, man and your brain and you're like, I guess I'm not going on too. Don't you? No, just these two things Just these two things for you This is the sleep track slightly offended me 20 minutes ago

Yeah, but let's just let's just okay this is actually good my my because you know how sometimes you're like are you in a marriage and then you're like if I could only just like rewind this and we could actually play it and you could see it you would know that I didn't say that offensively like if there's a hidden camera. Yes and y'all were kind of acting as our hidden cameras. We're both there and we're gonna rewind it and I'm gonna let you repeat to everybody what I said that just so I think you will usually I would say I do want to hit in camera

But this moment I wouldn't because it's not the big of a deal. So basically I've had it go on a hunting trip in Nebraska When this goes out it'll be Monday's I'll be in the thick of it at this point um And it's supposed to be like negative one degrees and like everyone that I've told I'm going has always Followed up with oh, well, do you have enough clothes for that? I Didn't know this I I was in any of these conversations that they don't know that and my and my Responses always like yes, I've plenty of clothes my ski jacket that I wear on the ski trips is Camo Perfect, so I'm gonna wear that obviously. I have of, yeah, it's really cool, Camo.

So I have plenty of like underarm or cold gear, like leggings and like, you know, tops. I have really warm sweat pants that I'm gonna wear. I have wool socks. I have. That's the song you're saying. It's really warm sweat pants.

Well, it was gonna wear some like flimsy, like, Lulu lemon kind of sweat pants. Like, that's, yeah. Am was gonna wear some like flimsy like Lulu lemon kind of sweatpants. Like that's yeah. Oh, am I gonna wear Lulu? Yes, but it's not it's not like the latex like the stretch room. It's like the wool one or once. They sort of what what I said to offend you. So Sadie said, so after I've heard this all week, and we're talking about three like negative one on Friday, so this is minus this. You three. Like the first time to talk about this. Yes. And say he's eating her little ass eyeball and she's like mouthful.

Like, do you have enough clothes for that? No. Yes. Do you have clothes for that? Yeah. And that with like the eyebrow scrunch, she was like, do you have clothes for that? As a concern of life.

As if I have it like prepped and like thought about it. But like in my mind, I'm like, I'm being a good wife. Like, hey, like, do you have enough clothes for that it. But like, in my mind, I'm like, I'm being a good wife like, hey, like, do you have enough clothes for that? Like, because if you don't, I'll go make sure you get the clothes for that. And he's like, whoa. Where's the thing? I just been, I have clothes. How do you think I am?

I've been doubted all week and just to see my best friend and my lover. Look at me. Look at me in question. If I'm prepared, I was kind of like little caught off guard. I'm especially. Yeah, when I close my baby's prepared. Do you have a close for that? And then he gets a doom and I'm close for that.

Because I know you're a closet. You are a Lulu guy. Like we could start a store. And there's not like a lot of like winter gear. And then you follow that by me asking it, by you saying, yeah, I have a ski jacket. And then I'm like, well, that's great. But like, baby, very, very, very,

very hot pants, do you have, and then you said, I know I have a sweatpants, and then I'm like, baby, I think you're under esterating, whoa, negative one degrees feels like. You need like- I'm gonna be so bundled up. They're full of socks, like all of it. I am, I'm gonna be very prepared.

I just, I'm like sure to get footage of it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll make sure to document it. The proper, the proper thing would have been like, I'm sure you're prepared, but baby, are you? You know, so it's how you work. Yeah, it's always, always. You used to think of marriage and this always happens.

Like when you have an argument and you think someone says something the wrong way, it's so easy. Like what you should have said was except for like who thinks to always say like, okay, I'm sure you're so prepared. You've probably already packed for this whole trip, but I'm just making sure you might be cold. If you started that. If you be cold. If you started that, I was eating a burrito. Do you think I'd have been doing it?

I'm way harder to talk when you have a burrito you're about to get all those words in. Do you think I'd have been defensive if you were to that? I don't know, because you were on the defense. I was not. I was not. You get on the defense. I'm always on offense.

I'm a scoring guy. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. That is not true. No. No. No. And all honesty, it was just a little like, hey, you know.

I actually saw a marriage video one time and it was the Bevere family's kids did it. And it was about being in defense and marriage and how basically the whole, the whole skip was funny. They had a fence literally like attached to them in front of them. And they were being like really defensive. And it was basically showing like when you're on the defense and marriage and like your communication's like that, there's always something in between you.

It was actually a really good like visual for it. And there was a question I hear that talks about. What does healthy communication look like in marriage? And I think we could probably both look at our arguments this morning and pick out some advice to people on what it looks like to communicate more in a more healthy way. Like you said, I could have started by assuming the best out of you and saying, however, I will say I wasn't even assuming the worst out of you. I really was just wondering if you felt like you had enough. But if I wouldn't know the backstory that people

had already questioned you and you fell doubted, I definitely could have used more of language like, hey, I've seen the best of you. I know that you probably have prepared for this, but I want to make sure you're not cold. It would have been a much more sensitive way to say it. I do think one good marriage advice for communication is do not start on the defense because it's like for you You brought into our conversation a week of being on defense from other people's conversations and I didn't even know This was even a thing so I'm caught off guard that you're even on defense about me making sure That's creative eyes, but I was saying in the grand no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, there's no, However judging based on your reactions when you would have thought that you might have been a little rattled First we get to defensive we were talking earlier on parkers on parkers being different. Don't throw your friend into the play

Oh my gosh, okay. Well, do y'all have any advice from y'all's Communication flop sometimes on things that y'all feel like, you've noticed in your marriage, you're like, okay, I could have said this better, or whenever I say things like this, it does not go well. A lot. I think it's different for the person. Like for me, it's like, I need to assume

that Parker's gonna respond with my best interest at heart, rather than like, assume the worst in me, kind of like what you're just talking about, like this morning in our complex conversation. I didn't say it because I was like, well, you're right to go on a trip. I don't want it to stress you out, like works a lot. Like, we can't resolve this.

And he's like, you know, I would rather talk about it, in like five minutes, rather than like, wait 10 days to talk about it. And it's like, you know, I would rather talk about it in like five minutes rather than like wait 10 days to talk about it. And it's like, I have to remember that sometimes it's not just about me when I need to resolve something. Like it's about our marriage and like what's also gonna be best for Parker rather than assuming I know what's best.

Yeah, that's good. Because it is so easy to assume that you know what's best is instead of just like bringing it up. And it is true too that sometimes we do wait so long and I found that like the longer you wait the more like it multiplies like the problem instead of just like taking time to be like, okay, this is not going to be fun but like it needs to be done. Yeah. Sure.

Just sniff it in the butt. Nip it in the butt. It's hard though. Okay, a lot of people are probably wondering how we met too because we talked a little bit about this But you two are like the OGs You've brought this friendship together without y'all. You know, I don't even live in Louisiana That's very true. Oh, George. I'll let I'll let Parker tell the story Well, the first time I remember meeting you is we were still in high school and I

Live in Auburn at the time Christian was coming from Florida But we met at a rush event for fraternity that we were both considering rushing at the time. Yeah. I know you're older cousin, and we met mutually, but I remember my name is the coolest surfer dude from Florida. I'm like one of these surfers, and maybe we can get along, but that's the only thing we had in common was... You did put that off that violin, because when I first got Christian, I thought he looked like a hot lifeguard. That's what I said.

I was like, he needs to have like white sunscreen on his nose. Wait, how does me being a surfer to the correspond to me being a lifeguard? Like it's about beachy. Same place, yeah. Well, I'm just, yeah. Defense.

Defense. Defense. Defense. Here's your thing. Hey, this is me recorded. That's me. That's me. That's you. That's your time you need to finish it. It's a deep thing. You need to think. Hey, this is me recorded. That's it. You want to do that? That's your hidden camera.

But now, because I remember meeting Park at the rest of it, but then we also had like a lake. I think it was that same weekend, right? Yeah, it was. Yeah. Now, I remember meeting you and I was like, Park it seems like an awesome dude. At the time, I'd not been the best friendships.

So I needed to try to pursue good friendships. It took us a few months to become good friends because I still wanted to be pretty crazy and Parker did it. So I took a couple of things and did it. Hey, it was okay. How did you start to go back? How did you become friends?

Like deep friendship. I'm used to church, yeah. I don't really know what the same bigger friend group and thing like that. I remember you invited me and one of our other friends down to your house right after school got out of our freshman year. And I hung out that weekend. I remember definitely getting closer that weekend.

We had our bottles together in the mornings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that. Why are you black, Jake? Well, look, it's just, no, it's just funny to just look back at that time and reminisce about that. Yeah, because things like that feel like, yes, shape, but also they feel like forever ago. Right. Yeah. Because I mean, it was, you know, six, seven years, six years ago. Right. Which is crazy to think about. They had such a deep friendship, and I have to say, because I've probably said this on a podcast before, and it's funny now that we have Parker on the right? Which is crazy to think about. They had such a deep friendship and I have to say,

because I probably said this on a podcast before, and it's funny now that we have Parker on the podcast, because I always say that me and you probably wouldn't have started dating without Parker. That's true. There's like, you've been, Parker gave me a lot of guidance. It's good to ask you that.

Like whenever you were about to start pursuing me, like what are the conversations you have with Parker? Because I do think that this is a good, like this. A lot of times people pursue someone and it's like a private thing or it's actually not much of a pursuit. It's just a start-liss ship and then they don't include any of their friends or friends are involved in their life ship. It gets isolating and it gets weird and it gets bad. But you had your friends as a part of our relationship before we were even in a relationship. And so what did that look like?

Well, I think for me, and obviously you know it, I'm like a super indecisive person. Yes. Like I like having people around me to speak into things that I might overthink or like doubt. So for Parker, a lot of it was just like, through prayer of like, you know, I hope this white police pray that this actually works out. A lot of it was that kind of prayer. But even just like

conversation, I don't really even remember like the majority of our conversation. You might remember some of the most of them maybe. I don't know. I remember you all had like a long talk walking in the beach. I remember that. I remember that. I heard about that. Yeah. But it's just like us talking through like, hey, what would this look like? You know, when I be capable of leading this, like how would this kind of like work out

and just kind of like need some encouragement to like, hey, if I'm going to pursue this, like, you know, it could change a lot of things in my life. So just talking through those things and like seeking wisdom and like having just encouragement from a girlfriend that I really love and respect And that is huge like what you just said is so foreign to some people listening like that you would even stop and consider Before pursuing because it would be easy to just pursue because you're like I like this girl We you know, we have a lot of chemistry We talking for a long, like it's so fun. And I think whenever you get like your fun,

and like feelings involved, like things go super fast, but you were like slowly like, okay, is this actually wise? Is it actually smart? Can I actually do this? Like what will this look like for me? And like talking out with one of your best friends. And then you really did do everything so intentionally.

Like the start of a dating was so intentional, which actually built our foundation for dating to be so intentional and so great. And then that built our foundation for engagement to be so great, and then marriage to be so great. And so like, I think that was just the start of a good relationship.

And I know y'all did those things too. Y'all's friend group was just so mature and like the guys that y'all surrounded yourself with and how y'all helped each one of each other start the relationships that they were in. I thought that was really cool but I laugh because on the phone with me when she was like asking me my first date, he just kept saying like and then Parker said this and then when I was asking Parker and then Parker was like I think you should tell her this

and I think you should ask her this way and think you should ask her this way. And I was like, that was like, who is Parker? I'm like, you don't know, yeah, I could tell me that Parker told you. Parker's a little boy to my face. That's a cute little puppet. Parker said, the movie I should ask you in a day, that was just so funny. It was awesome. And so then it became Parker's turn.

That Parker started dating someone. And many of you have also heard this story because when I found out Parker was dating someone was so excited for Parker, I wanted to get to know who he was dating. And that's the whole story of me going on Freddy's Instagram and seeing the picture of Christian with the big picture.

We're not rehashing it. We're not rehashing it. But I think it's funny because so many people have heard so many of these stories because they are two of our best friends. And now, like the dots are connected for everybody, like, oh, it's them, it was her, it was all the things. So Parker, talk about whenever you started pursuing Freddie

and what y'all should like, should look like. So I start from the beginning a little bit. We met going into our freshman year, there's this thing called the Oaks of Treated Auverine where it brings in a bunch of incoming freshmen and you get to meet other Christians and meet different ministry people and things like that. So we met there and I was like, oh Freddie Like never met a Freddie before and she had a really cool G. It was lifted like mud tires

And I was like, man, I can't talk to her. I also at that point had a lifted truck. So it was kind of like So at that point had elifted truck. So it was kind of like, people are so shameless. Yeah, because I don't know you're mad at the Oaks retreat. We did, yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome. But when you met there, I quickly found out

that she had a boyfriend, so I was like, all right, you know, whatever. I just kind of left my mom. I kept seeing her at church. We kind of started going to same church and same for in group and things like that. I knew she was in a relationship. So I just kind of went on my mind at first,

but I quickly found out that Freddie had some interest in me because he was pretty vocal about it. Were you so dating the guy? No, no. I didn't think about that. We weren't dating. It was one of those off and on, really unhealthy, but I was completely at the point of like, nope, we're done when I started vocalizing the feelings. Right. Because when you saw Parker, you liked Parker. Yeah, when I first saw Parker at the O2 treat,

vividly remember being like, oh, I would break up with my boyfriend. You always knew. Like, you always knew. She did, which is awesome. I did know. And for me, I had people like Christian around me. I was always pretty interested in Freddie,

but I had people like, hey, she's got a relationship. It's probably not the best time to pursue something. Where were we in your traction, and you told me that. Try to think where you were. You were like, I like somebody who was a who, and you were like, Freddie. I was like, that's awesome. But I don't know where we were.

Ha ha ha. Yeah, that's awesome. But I don't remember where we were. Yeah, that's kind of good. I think we were outside of my house at Haftner. I think that's where I think you're dropping me off from somewhere. Yeah. This kind of beside the story. But I remember that I was with you when you first told me that.

I remember you told me that he liked Freddie. Like I remember from the start, like, it was like, oh, you were so excited for Parker because I think everyone knew that you kind of liked Parker. So it was like when he liked you, it was gonna be like, yeah, who we are. It was only a matter of time. It was, well, Parker was always interested in you.

Yeah, just bad timing. That's right, it was bad timing. It was, we needed that time to not be together. Mainly probably just me. Right, thank you, girl. We all did, right? Yeah, we all needed to grow. Well, that's important because someone actually did ask

about this, like, for you, I think you're a great person to stop and have this conversation with because sometimes like people just go from relationship to relationship and I did that. And it is really important that like before you, you know, come into the relationship with the person that you're gonna marry that like you aren't bringing in everything from all the relationships you've been in not that some of that won't come in not that some of that won't have to be

talked about and you know I literally got a relationship the day before I met Christian so I'm saying this from not doing it perfectly but I also I'm saying that I do think it is important. Like you said, to give yourself the time and the space before jumping into like another relationship because what I saw with myself is I just repeated the same things and the same cycles over and over again.

And the reason I didn't do it with you is because you led better. And I like also had the word kinda, like, I guess prep my heart the day before and just say, like, slow down. And so we took it really slowly. So I said to say, like, there needed to be a little reboot

and the way I was doing relationships. And I feel like that was that time for you. Of like, let me get me healthy. Yeah, I really needed to get my priority straight. Like, we can look back and laugh about it now, but it was not funny at the time. Like, how much I liked Parker. But I think that was because I wanted a relationship,

and I knew Parker was a great guy. And I wanted that healthy relationship of security and like a godly man so much so that I was just like, I gotta have it. Yeah. But it was like, God knew I needed time and he knew that that's what I wanted. And so he was able to give me both because my heart was just like surrendered to what he wanted for me, which was Parker.

I think it's a great example. Like, especially in college, all the pressure there is to be in a relationship, you know, everybody is just trying to find the right person instead of being the right person, you know, and so I think you were a good encouragement to that is like, hey, if we just would focus a lot more on being the person God's called us to be instead of looking for that person first, time it usually works out.

That's good. It's a lot better. I would say to people is saying as a practical piece of advice before you ever meet the person, as listen to like dating, you know, marriage engagement, all those kind of podcasts. Listen, read the books about relationships because I listen to Mike Todd's relationship series and then Ben Stewart, single day engagement. We read that book together. We read all kinds of books. But even before I met you, I mean,

I listened to Mike Todd's and I remember like the first one was like before the person. And it just really got my heart right in like, okay, before the person like, who am I as a person, you know, what am I gonna bring into a relationship? And so I think it's already good to start like prepping your heart to start preparing for your relationship way before you ever even get into the relationship. I think that also shows God that like, God like,

I'm like, I'm surrendered to your plan for for my life but I'm also preparing for what you have for me. And I think that's a great thing. One thing I want to talk about is we've talked about community innocence and community is so helpful in dating and in singleness and all that but communities also so important in marriage and a lot of people once they get married they kind of start to isolate themselves and that is such a I think a dangerous place to be, I think, a dangerous place to be. I think it's really a hard place to be because I think you like meered couple friends. And I remember at Yall's wedding, particularly, and our wedding was like this too,

but I just thinking about Yall's during the rehearsal dinner, the amount of friends that stood up and just just spoke so much life of Yall and bless Yall.. We're so happy for y'all. It was such a beautiful thing and those same friends are still walking through your life with y'all. And for us too, all the people that spoke life into us and encouraged us and are still walking through life with us. And I just think that's so important to hang on to that. So what does it look like for y'all to be in community with other people in marriage. Yeah, I mean, I think at least for us, we try to like, obviously prioritize each other having individual friendships too, you know, because it's just important for Christian and I to have a good relationship

and with other guys to be honest and things like that. People hold us accountable because then I'm going to be a better husband and I'm going to be able to be there for Freddie, better, and community and things like that. I'm healthy as a husband, but I'm going to be able to be there for Freddy, better and community and things like that. I'm healthy as a husband. But I mean, it just definitely you have to prioritize, you have to be intentional with it because when you start to isolate yourselves and you start to think you're the only ones going through what you're

going through, you know, which I think we did in our first year marriage. We were in a community group, but it wasn't, you know, we weren't being intentional. We weren't really speaking up about when we were going through. But if you're in a community, they'll start to realize like, Hey, something's not right. Yeah. You all need to come to us. And so you have to have people that are there for you that will call you out

and hold you accountable when you're not willing to be honest about what's going on. Yeah. We all have that when you're struggling. You know, you're like, you don't want to be honest about that. That's hard. Yeah. Especially the people you care about and look up to that are your friends. So you have to have people there that can help you do that when you don't want to be.

And I think it's like hard because I feel like whenever you're dating, sometimes you don't want to say something bad about who you're dating because you don't want your friends to not like them. And you love them. So when you say something, you're not trying to like, because your friends can turn out dying. They're your friends. They can be like, they're the worst.

They're not the worst. Yeah. So at the moment, you know be like, they're the worst. You're like, they're not the worst. Yeah, so that moment, you know? And so like, you try to like, you protect that. And then when you're married though, it's like, important that yeah, you don't throw your spouse under the bus and you're not going and talking bad about your spouse, but that you are bringing friends in to say,

because at this point in your life, I feel like you should have friends that trust like in love both of you enough. So where if you say one thing, it's not like, oh, they're about person or they're gonna talk negative, it's like, how do we fix this? Everyone's seeking the better for your relationship. When you're dating people, when you can break up,

when you're married people, okay, we are married, how are we gonna fix this problem? How are we gonna bring y'all together? And it's so helpful to have friends, or a friend to say, oh my gosh, we just walked through this. Like, you know, even this morning, we're like, you're like, we already had an argument. I said, okay, that's it, we're not doing one.

Well, I was gonna say, you just said it a second ago, like, you can be a community, but not actually be like, it's true. Open and like transparent, you can just be there, and I just get anything out of it. Yeah, and really just, like what you just said, like, we were at the counter and me and said,

it was like doubting my judgment on something. And then y'all could have just been like, internalizing like, oh, we had to fight this one, but we're not gonna say that. But like because of our relationship, you're gonna say that because it's relatable. You know, so I think even just being in a spot in community and like doing life with people

where like yes, you trust them and you're vulnerable like if y'all's first thought of there was like well this is awkward but then yet y'all went through something this day and morning but like you wouldn't do that because we're all good friends and we all do life together and we actually you know like that helps us as much as like y'all see that helps y'all that one was like this The best is when you get to the point in your friendships where you can't have argument that in front of other people and like you're not embarrassed Because like I know y'all aren't like oh my gosh like what is wrong with them? It's just life, but I think that is only built from inviting each other into our lives. Like, we talked about this in the podcast before, but we have a Wednesday night group that

comes over to our house and y'all are part of that. And that Wednesday night group is so real. Like, we have so much fun. And most of the time we watch sermons, we sometimes just end up talking on it, which is also good. It's fellowship. But y'all are all playing baseball and the girls are all talking. And when I say baseball, they're hitting honey's and ball pit balls in the house.

So it's there. Maybe me and Jacob, Bella's husband. And we basically just try to strike each other out with honey's little like plastic balls and she has like a little bat. So we're doing that, but then we also have these moments. I typically win. Where we're all. Thank you for that.

We also have these moments at the end of the night where I'll be like, okay, a prayer request. And it's not just like shallow. It's like, okay, no, this is actual, we're walking through. And I think like those moments are so bonding. I hate my tests. That was all I was thinking.

Oh no, yeah. I hate my exams. I was just like, me and Parker let a Bible study, no, we let a Bible study. I think it was our junior year. When prayer request was like oh my teacher my homework for my test tomorrow We're like look people I think so there's more important things in your chemistry exam like I promise Sorry continue that's real that I remember in

In high school we did like prayer requests in the morning and our teacher, Larry, had to say like, I'm so sorry but like no more dog requests. Like, it would always like, my dog, I would be like, my cousin's grandma would be like, okay, unless they're like directly like in your life and you see them like on a daily basis, like don't bring it up. But it's like, I think our per request,

that really actually is a bonding book because it's like, okay, this is time to be honest. Like, what do we need to pray about? What are we struggling with? And that has been huge. And even the sermons that we watch are really challenging sermons. Like, we actually started as Wednesday's group to go deeper in our faith and to grow and like our knowledge of the word.

And so whenever we listen to sermons and we're all like like, hey, would you get out of it? And even hearing everybody's perspective of what they got out of it makes you get to know that person more. So I don't know, I feel like that's a great way too. It's like not just saying you want community, but actually building community. And I think for a long time, I would say like, oh, I wish we had a marriage friend's like married friends. I wish we had community. And I was like so bummed because no one was inviting us to like their group. For no one was inviting us to like their group Or no one was inviting us like their thing then I was like wait, wow, we start a group And like it's been so fruitful and so sometimes you have to like look at the things that you're complaining about and say like

Actually cannot fix that problem and that this was one of those for us that we certainly could Yeah, I want to talk about Love Is Blind. Yes, who I love. Okay, and Christian, Parker is not in it. Parker's the only one. I'm on the tail end of it. I can talk about it from the outside. I'm on the tail end.

Yeah, you know about it. Alright, let me just preface this by saying, for those of you who watch Love Is Blind, we're gonna talk about Love Is Blind for a little bit, so I'm sure you're so excited. For those of you who don't, I am not suggesting you go watch it. This is not me advocating the show.

I haven't watched it. Because I don't, it is not like a godly show. It has a lot of cussing in it, which is actually something that I normally would never watch, but it was so intriguing to me. And to me, I actually like think I learned a lot from shows like this in relationship. Again, this is not me saying you need to go watch it because you're going to learn so much. But Freddie and I have been watching it and there was something in this episode that I

was like, oh my gosh, this is something that we need to talk about on this podcast because I think this is actually a really big problem in marriage and in relationships in general. So basically the show is they go into these pods and they don't get to see each other and it's all different types of people dating each other in the pods and then eventually within 10 days is it? Something crazy. It's like 10 days you have to propose so one of the people in the pods that you've been talking to go into with the other. So totally the whole concept is like love is love really blind.

Can you really follow us someone without ever seeing them? Like, it's a truly blind. So they propose to one another and it's like this super sweet thing of like, they're so in love and like genuinely like, they're in love and I can actually see how, because I mean, if we talk to the phone for 10 days, like thinking about some of your, like, you know, dating,

I mean, if you talk to them for 10 days, like, straight and you're talking all day, every day, you're getting to know each other, but it's how we saw each other. We would be like, I love you. Like, your feelings are so high. Like, they're really in fact, we're gonna buy each other. And so, as soon as they see each other,

it is like, they just fall even more in love. They come up with the one that they choose is so attractive and all of them do it. All five couples are just like, I won the lottery. Like you're the best person, personality and you're so beautiful. They're kissing each other.

It is like so sweet. And then what happens is the next couple of days is fine but then they get to this ranch and all of them meet each other. So basically a lot of the ones that dated the other ones are now meeting the other ones for the first time, the one that they broke up with. That makes sense.

And immediately the second they see what the other one looks like, it's like all of a sudden they're no longer content with the person that they're with. And I was watching that and I was like, man, that is such a dangerous thing in relationships is to not compare your spouse to anyone else's spouse because the minute you get discontent with who you're with because you

compare them to another person, it will mess up your entire relationship. And, man, you, and the crazy thing is, is this person truly love this person beside them, they love them for their personality. They had so much in common and There was a reason they broke up with another person because they did not have a lot in common because they did it click because one of them made a mat. But because of the one thing they were comparing them with, and physical attraction, they no longer were even attracted at all to the person they were just completely satisfied with because of their comparison. I do think that is so dangerous. And I think

there have been times in even our relationship where you felt like, remember whenever we had honey and I was saying like, oh, there has been so helpful or whatever. And it's like, I always comparing you in a sense to how helpful they were when I would never want to be married to that person. Like, I love you. I'm so attracted be married to that person, like, I love you. I'm so attracted to you more than that. I love everything that you are and how you serve our family, but because I can peer you to that person

and this one thing, all of a sudden I started getting mad at you for the little things that you weren't doing up against what this person was doing. And I just have seen that in our marriage, be such a, that can be such a destructive thing. And it wasn't comparing you and physical appearance, it was comparing you and how they were, you know, helpful. Like, one of them was like, my brother, John

Luke, he was like changing all the diapers. And I'm just like, and you did too, but it would just be like the littlest thing. I'd be like, John Luke, what are doing it? You know, like, I can't do that, you know, because that just is making me comparing you, making me discontent, and then it's causing so many problems. So I think that you can't do that in any relationship that you're in, but especially marriage. And I think when we talk about comparison so many times, like we're talking about comparison as like a female,

like, oh, we can pair ourselves to others, and that does make us discontent who we are. But we don't think about comparison affecting like an entire relationship and something as big as a marriage, but it is so true. And as we've been watching that show, I feel like I've been learning a lot, especially in that department.

And I feel like in the show, something that I took away, which is funny that you can take away something from a show like that. But it's like they would use the excuse of like, because it was the physical attraction like you're talking about, but they would say, well, there's attractive people in the world, what do you want me to do? And it's just this way to allow yourself to sit.

Like it was just an excuse to say, well, my eyes are going to wander, so I'm going to let them wander rather than being like, no, like my relationship is that important. I'm going to prevent myself from letting my eyes wander. And it's like things don't change when you're even in a serious relationship with a person you do love. Like you still have to protect yourself in the same way. That doesn't change. That is so good. We were just listening to Ben Stewart's message is David and Bastrie. But if you have not listened to that message, go listen to that message right now, it is to me the best message I've ever heard on less.

And it is like talking about how like David, just the curiosity, the curiosity. And one thing he talks about is like, God gave us curiosity, like we're gonna have, but he was like, make sure you're using your curiosity in healthy, beautiful ways. At least to innovation. At least to innovation.

Yeah, because it leads to innovation. So like, use your curiosity and like, play a new game, like, start this, like, like, use your curiosity in other ways, because if you're lazy with your curiosity, your curiosity will become, it can become something that actually leads to sin and not leads to like beautiful innovation. Yeah. Well, you're saying in the sense of like, if you're on your news app and it's like, no, someone says, new swimsuit line, you're like, oh, whatever.

And you're like, oh, what are new swimsuits like? And then it's like click, then it's like, oh, interesting. It's like, so it's like that idea of like, don't even let yourself like get curious with something that you know that you shouldn't be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, letting yourself go the other way. And I think like one thing you do a lot is like if we're watching a show and then curious with something that you know that you shouldn't be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, bother because I was like, oh, can you not handle like, what, what would you do that? Like that made me feel weird that they were like, cause then it made me feel like they were thinking something like inappropriate. But to me like now within my true mindset, when you do that, it makes me feel so loud and so protected and honored,

because you're like, I'm not gonna look at that cause I'm predicting my heart, my, my, my eyes because they're for you. And you're so right, like that, Santa is like just about to survey people because they're like you. And you're so right, that said, is just about to somebody say, people because they're like, well, I mean, I'm just gonna look. I mean, people are attractive, so period.

But it's like, no. And you said the similar, I'm captivated by you. You hold my attention. And part of you holding my attention is me practically turning away from things that are trying to grab my attention. And I think that is something that like people don't think that they have the control over, but you do.

Right. You know, some people just like feel like, well, they're just falling subject to the culture, but it's like, no, you don't have to, like, but you have to fight. You guys be intentional about that. It's living above approach. Are you liking it really fast? I'm excited, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm excited to see what. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

You play it back. Let's see what I was looking at. I was looking at you. I was looking at you. It was cute. It was just how you're going to take it. It's sweet. Man, no, that is a good conversation, though,

because I do think, like, and maybe y'all can talk about this, because, and we weren't planning on going here But I actually think this is a good topic, especially when it comes to us Y'all talk about and y'all's Bible study group like it was like every week not just the test thing You used to say every week the the conversation would be like Trying to quit pornography. I'm trying not to was trying not to let do all these things And it was just like at some point after after saying that week after week after week, y'all were like, okay, but are we actually gonna quit?

So what does that look like for a man to be like, okay, obviously we all struggle with this. I mean, you talked about being in a group of people recently and it's like who has struggled for all of the, every person is sort of, I mean, that's obviously a problem. Obviously it's a huge thing to, I mean, it's obviously such a common thing to have lustful dites and lustful desires not to accept but how do you actually like take hold of something like that?

I think a lot of it starts with like, because for everyone it's different right? Like you got to find the common denominator so like for someone it can be you know, later night before they go to bed like not being on their phone or for some person like when they go to bed, like not being on their phone, or for some person, like, when they go to the bathroom, like don't take your phone, like, or, you know, what I never did in college, I appreciate it. Do you do the covenant-ass coach?

So like, having browsed her to where, like, it actually restricts you from like, looking up stuff, like, having conversations of like, more than just, oh, I'm struggling with that, but it's been like, okay, like, in what situations do you let yourself go there or like? Why is that like if you are walk into class and then if you you know You're no longer walking by this person every day of class like and that provokes a thought then you know Try to find a new way to walk like all these practical things like that that you end up having conversations about so I think

It just goes deep and like yeah, I'm struggling with it, but being like, okay, well, why are you struggling with it? And what situations do you let yourself go there? And how do you not get lazy with it? I'm scared. Yeah, for sure. And I think that, I just wanna say this, especially with younger people,

like your fight with lust does not end when you get married. You know, like if anything, it's getting increased because any of you want your eyes to be anywhere, or the younger people like, your fight with lust does not end when you get married. Like if anything, it's getting increased because enemy wants your eyes to be anywhere, except your spouse. Especially when you're having conflict things like that. Things are getting hard. Enemy just say, oh, well, you'll feel better

if you look somewhere else. So that's just something that you really have to be on guard for. So true. But I think, I guess it's with any sim, but especially with lust, it's easy to be like, okay, what's what's better is Jesus better or is this feeling that this might give me to look at this thing or to do this thing? It's really the temptation that I feel like it boils down to you had to make that decision like, okay, this is this is

lying to me and telling me that it's kind of a filmier, maybe feel a certain way, but it's really Jesus that can satisfy me and my wife. And so yeah, it's definitely a five, but having people that can hold you accountable and call you higher is essential as well. It's so good. I love it. You said that and we've hinted at that for a couple different things in this conversation of, you know, that doesn't just get better when you get married, you know, sometimes it even multiplies. Sometimes it's harder, sometimes, and that's for different things, not just that. But there is a question here, and I love how it was phrased, and it says, everyone talks about how everything changes whenever you get married, or what are some things that don't

change? But that's so good, and so true, because I think for having a baby, so many people said that, like, your whole life life is gonna change, get ready, everything changes, and a lot of people are scared to have a baby because everything in my life is gonna change. I have to say, there's a lot of things in our life that did not change when we had a baby.

We actually, I think you're still the same people that we were her before. I think we're better versions of ourselves, for sure. We still have friends over, we still travel, we still actually get to do things, you know? And so that's not, actually always it's really true that everything changes when you get married and everything changes, you have a lot changes,

but not everything. And I think some people have this idea that like all their problems are gonna change when they get married. Like people always say like, they think like, oh, they have problems and whatever they're doing, we should get engaged, I don't help. No, I will not help.

No, I will not help. No, I will not. I'm like, we're going to get married or let's have a baby. That will help bond us. No, don't do that. Like, that's not a good thing. You can bond a lot of other ways. That's going to actually challenge you so much in your relationship.

And so, for you all, what are some things that you feel like or have you seen that you thought, this might have changed or you got me read, but it had actually still been the same in some ways. I think the big one is, yeah, like the things you struggle with, like you're still gonna struggle with the same things when you get married, that does not change at all.

And I think, you know, like, whether that's a sin struggle or that's like, even the things about you that you like that you, or you don't like that you want to change, like personality, like all of that stays the same. It doesn't, mayors just not come in and make all those things better. It actually makes them harder. Because it's like, okay, now it's no longer like secret to me. It's now way more publicized. Parker sees it all the time. It's like, I can't hide that anymore. And you know, when you're by yourself, it's easier to make it more secretive. It's easier to just be like, oh, well, this is just me at who I am. But then when someone steps in your life and they're like, actually, that's not how you

should be. Like, that's actually a product of sin. You're faced with the decision of like, are you going to change? Or are you going to that sin? Yeah. And that makes it harder. Like that's what's a hard thing about marriage. But like, those things don't change. Yeah. It doesn't just like get swept away. The same, the same, the day you say I do. It's so true. I think a big one for girls is like the jealousy they have towards other girls, like their insecurity, and they think like, well, when I have a ring on my finger, I won't care at all. And that's not true. I think that like, well, when I have a ring on my finger, I won't care at all. And that's not true. I think that you have to really find that contentment

and your own heart before with the Lord and really, you know, deciding your relationship with God that you trust God enough to trust this person enough to be in relation with them and not worry about, you know, other people are being jealous because I remember my parents talk about that a lot. How, when they first got me My dad was like so jealous. He was such a jealous person. Oh my mom and

Not a mom but like for mom like if other guys looked at her whatever and like you might think like oh when they got married I mean she's married to him like she loves him But while you tell that stuff that already long But when you have this deep like liar belief inside you like there's a change in someone has a ring on their finger Let that changes when you decide to let the Lord heal that in your own heart. And so there are a lot of things I think, you know, if you think anything other than God is going to heal us in your life, it's just not going to happen. You know, only a guy can take that, only a guy can redeem that and make that better.

Yeah. This is a good point. But they're the yawning wake up. I'm telling you. That turns into a lot. That was a good point. That was a good point. Just because I'm yawning is not being a malicious good.

Wake up. I think there's a lot of fun things that are stay the same. I think to me, like, when I thought when I get married, like, I wouldn't have time to do the things that I enjoy. Yeah. You know, but I still do. Like, I like to hunt. I like music.

I like all these different things. And I thought that when I got married, married I'll just have to like go to work and come home and do my wife That's just how I saw a lot of older people do life when I was younger But the thing is the same is I get to still do the things that I love to do But it's even better because I get to share it with her Yeah, and she encourages me and the things that I love to do and so I think it's really important when you're looking for somebody to be with, is that they're going to encourage you and very wanted things you've exchanged with it, just that y'all do so well. That's a good point.

And, uh, it's fun. I do think life gets better. I do think that, you know, a lot of what we're saying to you is, you know, marriage is a serious thing. You know, marriage is a seriously and it takes intentionality and it, it takes God being in the center of it so that you can be the best versions of yourself for each other. But it's also such a beautiful, fun thing too. I mean, doing life with your best friend really is just a heck of a way to do life.

Doing life with someone that God has put in your life to lead your family is something that you just can find so much security and love in and man just having a companion. I think marriage is a beautiful thing and for a culture that does not value marriage, it is very sad to see because I think marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God has given us as well as having children. I think a lot of people think when you have kids, your life is over. When we had our daughter, I think in in some ways, our life began, you know, in so many ways, it made us who we are. And it's been the greatest gift that's ever happened to us so much of that. We wanted

another one. It was like, let's have another baby. And, you know, we want more because it's just like been the greatest thing, seeing y'all love our daughter. It's like the best thing. Honey was staying by to Freddy last night. And it was like, she was staying by like the best thing. Honey was saying, I'm glad to Freddy last night and it was like she was saying, I'm glad to her best friend. She said, Bada, this is a way to get this. And a little kiss. It was so cute. See you later, Bestie.

So, I mean, these things in life that God gave us and that God designed, marriage, family are such beautiful things. And the enemy is 100% going to be after them and after your heart in them. But if you just follow the Lord's leading on those things, if you're intentional about following his voice, letting people around you help you get to a healthy place in marriage, a healthy place, to start a family, like you're gonna be blessed beyond belief. There's so much fruit in that. And then at the same time, if you're single and you desire that, and it's just not the time yet, rest in the points that God has you you God has you there for a reason. Singleness is a beautiful thing too

Paul said hey it's better that you say single I think it's the best way to live that's a Paul said you know and then other people obviously Adam and Eve they're making a film no shame like what a beautiful thing so there's beautiful things to both things just beautiful things to all things that God creates and so being content in your season, one thing that we've talked about is like, when you get discontent, man, it messes up so many things, but being able to be content with where you're at, just brings so much fruit and so much blessing.

So, Parker Friday, thanks for being on the podcast. This is so good. You're so fun. And thank you all for listening. Send it to your boyfriend, send it to your husband. Send it to your boyfriend. Send it to your husband. Send it to your girlfriend, your spouse. Just all your friends.

Maybe you're walking through life with right now and you, you know, you desire for that community to be stronger and helping you with some serious things. Maybe this is a great episode to send to them and make your community stronger. We love you guys and we will see you in Wednesday. We'll see you Wednesday. Well, that's good. See you. Bye. you