WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our BEST Couples Advice: Restoring Broken Trust & Should You Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Sadie, Christian, Parker, and Freddie tackle your questions about couples! Is it wise to have friends of the opposite sex once you're married? What about texting a married friend of the opposite sex? How do you regain trust after it's been broken? And who farted first in your relationship — and when? Plus, how to build community when you've moved to a new place and finding peace with changing friendships. And don't EVER underestimate the power of freshly baked cookies.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody y'all I'm so excited to get to today's episode But before we get there I got to tell you all about elosister conference if you haven't heard about it We are so excited. It is gonna be September 8th and 9th in Monroe, Louisiana But you got to start making your plans now because there are not that many flights to Monroe and people are Booking up the flights in the hotels, but I'm gonna tell you something you're gonna want to get here Last year was just incredible with over 300 baptisms and incredible speakers, worship time, and just fun hanging with sisters and friends. You're not going to want to miss this year. We have Christine Kane speaking, Dawn Sheree speaking, I'm speaking. We also have musical guests like Taya.

We have, oh gosh, it's just so good. We have Carrie Job, Jen Johnson, Ella worship, and then tons of breakout leaders. Not to mention, we have you guys coming, and that's the most important thing. That's what I'm most excited about to just be in a room with people ready to worship. So go get your ticket at elocisterconference.com. Like I said, don't wait. We have limited seating, and also limited travel. So if you're going to plan on coming, go ahead and get your tickets now. Reserve your spot. And we can't wait to see you there. September 8th and night in my hometown, Munna, Louisiana for Ellosister Conference.

What is up sisters and brothers and all my kind of friends? Oh my kind of friends out there. Y'all like Christian take the intro because he really went up throwing bros. So when is that bros listening to this pie gas? We have. Angie paid me $5 to do. I did. I paid him $5 whole dollars to be on my pie gas.

I did. You can do the intro. Yeah, really just for the intro. You can perform me for the episode, but you could have formed me. You are the biggest diva I've ever had on this show, by the way. Just so you know the ratings speak for themselves. Whatever. Mom gets more ratings than you now. Well, that's not true. That is true. Yeah, y'all talk, y'all got, y'all clickbait. Come on, bring the deep. Bring the doughy dough. we have quality content

call the content you bring content we bring clickbait titles our content backs up all of our clickbait when we put sex in the title we taught about sex okay clickbait titles in my pocket in my episodes I can't let you pick the title I'll let you pick the title

I'll let you pick the title oh my gosh y', every time we have Parker and Freddie on this podcast, we feel so kind of freedom to have arguments all throughout the morning. It's just part of it. So we have Parker and Freddie back on the podcast because so many of you guys loved it last time we had them on. They're two of our best friends and we actually went to the DMs and got a lot of relationship questions and questions and we actually went to the DMs, and got a lot of relationship questions and questions that we felt were kind of applicable

to things we bought there in life, or to about moving places, talking about just having the courage to make friends in new places, and also relationship stuff. But I thought we'd kick it off with a deep relationship question. Okay, so in all relationships,

there are things in your relationship that it's like it's like a hard step to cross over, right? It's like this is a point in our relationship, if someone's gonna have to break the ice, someone's gonna have to bring it up, someone's gonna have to go there, and it's always like who's gonna do it? Well, my question is, how went and where did one of you fart for the first time? I knew that. That's the first time.

I was just wondering when you were dating him. But that's a real thing. That's a real thing. It's up people out there and they're out tight. They can't breathe properly because they're honing it all in. And they're like, how do you break this ice? We've all been there. OK, you can go first Christian. Well, I'm not I'm not the best ranching this question because we're almost what like five years in. Yeah, but go back. I'm saying I've still never out loud farting in front of you in five years. Oh my gosh

That's the biggest lie I know maybe not today. I actually here here's the thing, I actually fart in front of you so much, I don't remember the first time. I know, I've become so amused. I don't even laugh anymore, which is kind of weird. It's not true, you do. Sometimes. It's not. But not. Sometimes I laugh. But it's not often. Most of it. And you know what? I was like the most like open person to that. I was just like, hey, like never hold that kind of thing. But now that we're married, I'm like, okay,

actually stop. Like too far. But there is, so this might be too much of a difference. It probably is. But for me, there's a difference between like farting and like,ing and like Audibly like blowing up the bathroom like I still get nervous about like like loud I do

It's like I'll fart so loud but then like in the bathroom. I like there's something different about like Yeah, but it's about the door being shut and being like, I still hear it. I'll knock down the hall through the doors. Like that's just embarrassing. I can't. So, I remember how it turned out. I remember. But I remember the first time I was sitting on a dog.

I was really, I actually was sitting on a dog. Oh yeah, okay, okay. I was so nervous because I have been like holding it in. So we started in July. This was May of the, well we met in July. We started in September. This was May of the next year. So I'm like, time has passed, you know. And if you... Keep in mind, you had been, you had been strategically being slow. I mean, everybody does. Everybody does. It's not that, it's not that you don't partner It's just like do they know you did that's whenever it reaches the wall. Yeah, so And actually whatever I did it was such an accident

And I was like so funny. We were like sitting on a dock and Overlooking the ocean one morning. Yeah, we're about to go on a fishing. Yeah, overlooking the ocean Yeah, but if early which you know your battles are always. Yeah, but it was early, which, you know, your battles were always kind of... Yeah, it was early. And I don't even know how I have it. I was just like talking, then all of a sudden, it's like happened, and then I was like, whoa, and like there's like no hiding it. And we both started laughing so much,

but it was like so good. I was so thankful, because like, okay, the eyes just broke and like we're past this awkward part of our relationship. Now, I know some couples out there who are like, I will never do that in front of my spouse. And I don't know how you do that. Like that more power to you, but what's your studies?

But I will say, Rupa, it was also kind of like the fart where you would thought a boat drove by, because there's a lot of people. You would not. Like the dog, the dog. The dog was like, I was like looking down at like the water to see if like a, you know, the boat did not obey the no, the no legs, then.

If you want more listeners on this podcast with you on a YouTube sub TMI. That's not, that's real, that's relatable. I'm just kidding. People say I've done that to a dog. Okay, well, I was a girl that I like tried to convince Parker that I don't part. Oh, you're that girl. I was that girl. But no, I made it. I made it until engagement. Maybe so. Like I made it along to that. That is how long that.

We dated for what eight months. So like halfway through engagement is when I like couldn't hide it. I was a hilarious toy one night, everyone. I think it's a time. We went to dinner with my best friends and his wife. And we're starting to tie and rush out. Really good and over. And Freddie's like, oh, I'm sick. I don't feel good. And we've been trying to get into this couple forever.

He's like, how am I stomach just hurt? I think we ended up having to leave early, because it's talking. Well, I just wasn't talking. I was in so much pain. and he's like, how am I stomach is hurt? I think we ended up having to leave early, because if someone hurts that bad. I was in so much pain. I was like, basically laying down in my chair, I was in so much pain. What is going on?

And Parker was like, nah, because he was like, you're not talking to them. It's my best friend. Why are you being so quiet? This test person, you're gonna dinner with them. Yeah. Is that a very good thing to dinner with you all? I think that's very good.

Thank you. Hold. Couldn to find out, her son was hurting so bad because she was holding all her gas. Like she would not fall her at all around me to the point Lily made her sick. She didn't need dinner. She had to go home and she was nauseous. When we got in the car.

When we got in the car, I like, I genuinely thought Parker was taking the hot sweat because I also didn't know what was going on My stomach. I didn't know that he's invasive that boy and then you like open my car door And while you're walking around I farted and I felt a lot Hey, there's like this stubbornness and pride to a woman. It's like I will not And there's a lesson in all this. There's a lesson So what the lesson is the first time you two did it

in front of us, farted, it was very audibly loud, right? So if you take, if you retract six months, you could have started with like a squeak. You know, you could have started with something subtle. Okay. You could have started, but you two are holding in for years and you're a poor stomach. subtle. You could have started. But you two are holding in from years in your poor stomach. Next time it's like a whoopee cushion.

Maybe that's not. Just go ahead and start. No, that's my advice of like if you're ever nervous, just just embrace it. Yeah, just let it like a little squeak. Oh, just a little subtle, too. Try. Or else you're holding it for so loud. Right. And then it's a noticeably. You guys, I did squeak.

It was not noticeable. No one remembered the first. I don't. We're at the lake. And we made it all the way through dating and engagement. And I was, so I was really good. Whatever park would be like, oh, you just farted. But no, I don't do that.

Like, I was very quick to like, deny that I did it. Well, not lie. Just not lie. Not lie. But we were at the lake and we were outside. And we were just, we're in the middle of a really deep comfort zone.

Oh, that's the worst. And I farted and I didn't Like like same thing. It's like And Parker was like I got really flustered but Parker didn't even know I farted I gave myself up. I was like oh, I just farted And we just started dying laughing because it was literally the first time I farted in a deep conversation Sometimes I think that like God gives you like, why would we fart, right? I think God gives that to laugh in hard times. Which is ready to help you.

It says the average person farts 3500 to 7000 times per year. Oh my gosh. Just throwing that number out there. You are potentially farting 7,000 times. It's tough to disguise 7,000 with us. I don't say. That is too fast to do. Alright, now that we spent 10 minutes on our gas issues, but we're giving freedom to people out there. There are girls who are about to drive to the hospital with stomach pain, so I just need

to let it get in. And there are some girls who are starting a new relationship, just go and let it out. As Gryshin said, Hey, what is this squeak? This little squeak? Hey, they didn't look at us any different. That's right.

Or maybe you didn't. I didn't. You still married me. Yep. So that's great. All right, this is a lot deeper conversation. And I have my phone out because all these questions were sent to us from you guys and the DMs. So we are taking into the DMs because we want to make sure that we're answering questions

that truly are relatable to y'all. I'm sure the first question someone DMed, we just didn't find it. But this is actually a really good question. And like I said, take a little bit of a deeper term. But it said, how do you mint trust that has been broken and dating phases or do you just let it go? In marriage, how do you maintain trust? And I'm sure we both have stories of trust being broken

and mending it and all the things, but you wanna go first. What do you think about this? Y'all, I don't know about where you live, but the weather has been so nice here in Louisiana. It's getting a little warmer and so we're able to get back to some of our favorite activities, like tennis and going on walks outside and just feels so good.

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Yeah, I was trying to think of, um, in our dating relationship when trust was maybe rocky. Um, and I thought of that one time where I had a friend from, like, just, we went on a mission trip together and he was a little bit older, truly was only a friend. Um, but when Parker and I started getting really serious, I had like he had called me and I told him over the phone like yeah we're really serious we're talking about engagement coming up and in my eyes it was like this is just a friend you know this is nothing has never been more than a friend has been like almost like an older brother to me. And when Parker found

out he was really hurt obviously. But it took me a little while of just him explaining to me like, why that was so hurtful. And also I had to receive like, okay, I was in the wrong for that. And to rebuild trust in that moment, it looked like cutting off communication with that person, not to be like mean or, you know, Parker wasn't being rude to say like, hey, this would help our relationship. This is what this looks like moving forward, but it was like, this is respectful to me.

This is respectful to our relationship. And if we are gonna get married, like, you don't need to have friends of the opposite sex. That is more than our relationship. Like before of us, our friends. And that's great, but never would go past that of like the four of us. you know and so that needed. You go Christian just to catch up. Exactly.

Exactly. There's such a boundary that would be weird. That would be so strange. Yeah. Even like I think all of us are really good at if I was to have the text parker I would text both of you. You know it's just respecting people's relationships. Yeah and I know for you like that was really hurtful for you. I remember that whole day, like I actually had to go babysit that night

and I was so nervous because also in my mind, I was like, man, I see you gonna break up with me because of this, like how much did this hurt him? And it made me really nervous. And I think it would have been really easy in those nerves to kind of shut down and defend myself, but I wanted our relationship to work so bad

that I was willing to say, okay, I wasn't the wrong, and I'm really sorry, and I'm willing to do whenever it needs to mend this trust. Yeah, and I feel like for both of us, we both had things that happened to us in our past that made trust difficult, right? Like in that situation, like, I have past relationships where a similar thing Like in that situation, I had passion relationships

where a similar thing happened much worse. That where I had been cheated on and trust was broken. So it made that even more sensitive. So I think to your question, it makes it even more important to not just ignore it, but to make sure you're working on that. And then when you're dating, especially as an individual,

like how do you heal from that, why don't have trust issues? Because when you get to marriage, if you're dating, especially as an individual, like how you need to heal from that, why don't have trust issues? Because when you get to marriage, if you're still, I mean, obviously you're still gonna need to deal with trust and stuff like that. But the earlier on, you can start working through those things. I think that really helps. It really helps.

Yeah, for sure. What you don't deal with in your dating, relationships will go into your marriage. And I think so many people think, well, when we're married, I'll just trust him because I have the ring on my finger, because he's wearing people think, well, when we're married, I'll just trust him because I have the ring on my finger because he's wearing the ring because people know we're married, but it doesn't work like that. Yeah, you always think like in the next stage, it'll like solidify us more to the world. And I won't be as jealous or I won't have trust issues. But those

things come from such a deep place inside that putting a ring on your finger doesn't change everything, you know. It's really about the relationship that you build and the trust that you build. We had, you know, our Rocky, our Rocky one, which we've shared the story so many times, I won't share the whole story, but I'll assure you what came from that is like, who's in the wrong? Well, not necessarily, I was in the wrong too for being so uptight about it, but you were in the wrong for not telling me where you were at and then lying about the picture. So, yeah, just continue on. I was, I was trying to be nice to and say I was in the wrong too. And in some ways I was because I went crazy about it, but I'll tell you also I went crazy about it because I was the same way as y'all. Like I had to be nice to and say I was in the wrong too. In some ways I was because I went crazy about it. But I'd say also I went crazy about it because I was the same way as y'all.

I had things in my past that had happened where the person who wouldn't tell me where they were. Then I would literally see pictures of them on Instagram taking pictures with girls at a bar because they recognized him as my boyfriend. And more well than people that had dated, they thought they could lie where they were at, but they are recognizable, so people post, people talk about it. We have my friends, Dr. Yeah, but we don't have my friends,

but my friends was your tag photos on Instagram at the time. And so I would find out these things and it would be so hurtful because they would lie and be like, oh, I'm studying and then they would actually be there. And so whenever I saw that picture, it was like, oh my gosh, I guess he doing this to me. It was like, can I trust him? And then it was really hard for me to gain trust back.

And I was like so uptight. And remember the time that this is so embarrassing. But I'll tell you, yeah, so this is like how crazy you can go if you don't work out like your chest stuff This was two months after we got engaged. Yes, so I honestly kind of had the thought of like scuttoreena under finger Yeah, like she knows like but at this point we were way past We were way past that stuff and whatnot But still like it I guess it just hit a nerve So most of them Christian always like telling where he was but he's up to and he just like We were way past that stuff and whatnot, but still like it, I guess it just hit an nerve.

So most of them Christian always like telling where he was, what he's up to. And he just like forgot to tell me that, which is not a big deal. He didn't have to tell me this. Sadie did not text me back like two hours before. And I was with my family. So we didn't go into dinner. And I did not tell her we were going to dinner because I was like, she did text him back. Like she'll like when she says, tell me reason. Like, she'll, like, when she says,

tell her reason, like, there's nothing wrong with what he did. Nothing that you did was wrong. You text me back, I'll say, Hey, by the way, I'm gonna dinner. I didn't feel like, send a year of business with your family, so I didn't feel like being like,

Hey, by the way, I'm gonna dinner with my parents because I'm with my parents. And we actually didn't have a relationship where we had to tell each other everything. It wasn't even like that. So he did nothing wrong this year. I'm just really pointing out the ugly that it that comes out of you whenever you don't fix your dress problems. So I look at my friends and I see Drissian's at like bone-fetched girl.

Why you check my friends before you text me? I thought I did text you. But that's it. Anyways, I think I did text you. I think I think you will forgotten that part. That was like four years ago. I can scroll back in four years now. It'll take you a year. Anyways, anyways, but it wasn't even but for sure. Like it was like the comments area wherever you were.

Like, yes, I didn't know that. It was kind of like this like outdoor shopping mall. And I was just like freaked out immediately. I was like, what are you telling me? And like, I just assumed that you were with like friends from high school or like like I don't know why that my mind just like went there Okay, but I'm telling you this is just And I was just like you didn't want to tell me because like he is back with like his old friends or like Like your cousins are awesome But y'all can do like crazy stuff together. I was just like what are they doing? And what do you tell me? Y'all can't y'all just like I was just like, what are they doing and what did he tell me? The y'all can't, y'all just funny, like funny stuff,

but you never know. So I was just like, what do they do in it? And I just like freak out. And I was like way ridiculous, called you ridiculous, sometimes like, I think his parents were like, were that you were making me, because at that moment, not really,

but they were like, this is a problem, we don't need to fix this. And I was just like, man, honestly, like I just really have a trust problem. Like this has happened in my past. I'm so scared of this happening again. You would think that like having a real muffin you would help me, but it actually makes me more nervous

because now I'm about to step into a lifetime. With you like, is there something I'm missing? Like I was like seeking like the thing that was gonna be like, that's it. Like that's the problem. This is the thing. When there was nothing wrong, you had given me every reason to trust you.

You had been honest with me. You had been open with me. There's no reason for that. And that really kind of woke me up till like I need to get help. Because for the longest time, like with trust, you can blame it on the other person. But a lot of times it really is you.

And it really is your past stuff. And so we worked through a lot of that. And our premier and counseling was awesome. And we like really went there and worked through past relationships and family stuff and whatnot. And it set us up for success. And honestly, I don't think, I mean, I've think throughout our marriage,

I've been super trusting. I haven't been like a jealous wife, a distressing wife. I've really trusted you the whole time and it's not because we got married. It's because we worked on those things. And so to be too much engaged and be that bad and then to seven of marriage and be this healthy, I think that shows that you really can change.

Yeah, but I will say to even like with both of our stories, you know, like with you having some of those issues, like with them and you having some of those issues, it also took like this from what we just shared, like man, Friday, like we had to be consistent after that point. If like two weeks later, Friday did the same thing, then it would have been like, oh well clearly you did not receive the message when I was like, hey, this I should have put my feelings. I'm saying it with you, but it's like, if I didn't tell you

again, where I was at, and you saw it again or whatever, then it's like, well, clearly he didn't take me this here. So there comes a point where after this bridge of trust, like, there has to be a consistent pattern of like acknowledging what the other person needs to mend what was, you know, like, I guess you could say fractured in a moment. Because then like you said, but defensive, I have a problem with being defensive. So I could have gotten, well, I kind of dick a defensive in that moment, but I could have stayed defensive towards

like, you know, I don't really acknowledge that yes, I was in the wrong one. I did this and just keep having like those walls up to where I kind of don't take, maybe don't take what you said as seriously as as as it was kind of thing. So I think just having consistent patterns after you you know kind of reached that trust and to mend it back because you can always have that outlook of like well you should just trust me. But it's like if I'm not displaying patterns of trust where the behavior then you're not gonna just trust me because I'm telling you to trust me. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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I got her the aura ring for Christmas and it was one of the best gifts I've ever given I'm not going to lie. She was super excited about it and has been wearing it ever since and loving it. So don't wait y'all visit aura ring dot com slash woe to find the right ring for you and get $15 off your first purchase. That's ororearring.com slash woe and don't forget to use our link to say $15 off your orore ring today. I've been on relationships where words like you should just trust me or I'm sorry, like lose its power because I'm like, well, I can't trust you because you give me no reason to

or you say you're sorry, but I know you're gonna do it again tomorrow. Like, you know, so words matter. They carry weight and you have to see the action behind them. And I love that you said that about it does go both ways with trust. Like for the person that broke trust, you have to be intentional about mending the trust. For the person that's trust was broken, you have to be intentional about forgiving. I love that verse. It's like very convicting where it says, love keeps no record of wrong. There comes a point where it's like, I can't keep bringing this up. Like a broken record. We call honey a broken record right now because if she says a sentence, she'll say it 10 more times. The first time she's ever said bracelet, it's like bracelet,

bracelet, bracelet, bracelet. Oh my gosh. But I'm like, that's how we are in relationships sometimes. We're like, you did this, you didn't tell me where we are. You didn't tell me where we are. I was like, I didn't tell you where I was. You know, like stop bringing up again. Like when are you going to forgive, you know? And so I think it does get both ways. It's good.

And it's not controlling either. I think like when the person that has the trust that's been broken on there and to like ask for, okay, can you text me, okay, can you cut off conversation with that person? It's not like out of a controlling heart. It's out of like, this is my need. Like what you're saying, Christian, that's so good.

Yeah, I love that. Cause that's the thing, like if I was literally, you have to always tell me where you're at, that gets controlling. But if I'm like, hey, if you're going to something that you know, I would want to know about, you know, if there's gonna be girls there that are are age or whatever, like, even like, even though, which now we're not, but in college, it was like, you know, not even parties, but just like hang out. It's like,

I just want to know, like, bonfires, just let me know, you know? And you always let me know about those things. And so, the shit no bother me when you're really, I didn't know what you're feeling, but that just shows you how deep something can be. Um, it's sometimes if I'm a friend, it's not completely accurate. It's true. It did not say bone friends. You're better at that, Afl.

I know. When it said bone fish, maybe I'll let you know for you doubt. I need it to get that ugly out so we could work on it. All right, so now we're gonna move on to literally talking about moving because a lot of people, especially in their 20s are in times of their life where they're having to move or have just moved and not just 20s all ages

but particularly people are age and we've all had to move. To Nashville, move to Auburn, we moved back here. You guys have moved, you moved from Dallas to Auburn to Monroe, you moved to Monroe, you moved, we all moved, okay? So we know the challenges we're moving and the excitement of moving all of it. So I want to ask y'all, when you got to the point of moving, whether it was to Auburn or to hear, did you all all have a piece to go there?

What made you all be like, okay, I can make this decision to make this giant step of moving somewhere? Yeah, I would say I definitely have peace about it, but at the same time, I still felt like I showed the figure, like, okay, I got to leave. For me, it was my hometown, everything that I love, the church, friends, all that kind of stuff. So yes, I knew God was cruelly calling us here. That was very clear to me. And he's continuing to affirm that, but it was still hard. So like, and I always said before, it's, this is also you feel that uneasiness doesn't mean it's not what God's calling you.

You can have that peace from Him, but then also have like, hey, we're humans. We're going to struggle with fear or questioning like what's going on. So that's how I feel about coming here at least. and also had like, hey, we're humans, we're gonna struggle with fear or questioning like what's going on. Yep. So that's how I felt about coming here at least. And it definitely didn't happen overnight that we felt peace about it. Definitely. Like I think, and it was also very different

for both of us to getting to the place of peace. I felt peace way before Parker did. And I had to sit on that and not convince him that the Lord was telling us, like I had to wait for the Lord to reveal that to Parker in his own time because I knew if it really was the Lord speaking to me, he would also speak that. He was a parker and I think that made it even more affirming

because it wasn't like I was trying to convince Parker, this is what the Lord's telling us to do. Like he also had that peace and for us to, what was it, six months of like really wrestling. I get to go a while and I think that's something that you don't want to take a while is like the Lord telling you where to go and where to move to. But I'm glad it did because we were so in tune with what he said in Auburn that we have gotten that confirmation even being here.

Yep. It's so good that you take that time because then once you get here and you go through some of those shaky times and just the heartache of, and the reality of, oh, I just moved, knowing like, okay, we took six months to think about this, yeah, about this. It wasn't like a rash decision. And some moves are rash decisions because you got a job and they needed you next week, you know, and that's one thing. But just be able to have that affirmation of like I'm supposed to be here is so good.

And I love what you said that just because you had peace doesn't mean you didn't also have like sadness. And I think that and fear because I think some people are like, oh well, if I feel fear, feel sad or if it feels heavy, like is that really God? But yes, so that's being human, you know? And I know Y'all've talked about it. Freddie, we talked about this a little bit,

but it was almost like you had this initial piece of like, yes, like I'm going. And then you got here and it was like the reality of, oh, I'm in like a new place. So how do you stay planted in the times of where it doesn't like feel good and exciting. It's really hard, honestly, because when you, for me, moving here, it was like the newness and the excitement and the new job and the new friends and we're in a house, like all

these fun, exciting things, and then a couple months go by and like the newness wears off and then it's like, okay, this is this is home now and how do you make it home? And Parker really just had to continue to, because he didn't have that experience. He was like pretty steady. He's really steady. I'm not steady, but he was like classic. He was like, you, yeah. You need to like continue to just be all in and not be so reserved. And we kind of touched on that. But you really encouraged continue to just be all in and not be so reserved and we kind of touched on that. But you really encouraged me to just like you said, be all in and not dip your toe in the water. Which I think is key to moving.

You really do have to be all in because, you know, we've had people move here for jobs and move away rather quickly. And I think it comes from this place of like they never were all in. If you come here like complaining about something, then I feel like those complaints, like that's just all you can see. And we talked about this, like it's okay to be real, like hey, this is the reality where I'm at,

but it's different when you're like saying, like oh, this is the reality of where I'm at, and this is me complaining with where I'm at. Because there's a true reality to this is hard, or this is sad, or I miss my friends, or this feels new or You know this feels mundane now uncertain sense and then there's a difference in being like, you know I hate the I hate the grocery stores here. I hate the biz I hate that and like some of it's funny

And you can joke about that and this true. We don't have a good grocery store here But that is true But the more you get fake stated on that that, then it's like, well, if I lived here, then I wouldn't have to, then I could have to your Joe's or if I lived here, then I could have this or lived here. And the more you think about that, then that will get you to literally moving from here, you know?

And it's like you miss all the joys of where you're at. I'm like, whoa, like I forgot. Why don't I move here in the first place? Not for that. I moved here because this is where God had me, you know? And so I think it is important not to like get fixed stated on all the negatives of where you're at and just try to focus on the positive. But I get asked all the time, how does Christian feel about living in

Monroe? And if you would have rather lived somewhere else. That's good. I didn't know that you got many questions. I say do. People ask me that all the time. Well, people don't know. So when I was young, I actually moved from nice field to dust and back to nice field. And then I moved from nice field to Auburn. And then I... By the way, if you don't know nice field to dust and that's about a 20 minute drive. They're like an extra challenge.

And then I moved from Auburn to here. But I mean, it's so, even like when I went to college, I was leaving my family, which was tough because I was super close with them. But I was like three hours away from them. I had no friends left from high school really. So it wasn't like I was leaving these friendships where I'm going to miss my friends. So I didn't have any friends post high school.

So when I got to college, it took me a little bit to get and plug in a good community. It was kind of crazy when I first got to college. And then post college, I mean, I really don't know if my moving experience would be different. Moving here, like if COVID was never a thing, like if I graduated and then moved here when life was still normal, you know, because when we moved to a move here March, right when COVID hit, and it was like life in Auburn, I think, would have felt the same as it did moving here, and the same, like life in Florida would have felt the same

because you weren't leaving your house, you couldn't travel, you weren't doing anything. And everybody was in the same boat. And everyone in the world. And everyone in the world. All your friends from Auburn were all seven there, all of the same. Like billions of people were in the same boat, like quarant in the world. And everyone in the world. And everyone in the world. All your friends from Auburn were all seven their horses.

And like billions of people were in the same boat. And like quarantining don't like not leaving. And I'm very like Freddy's set up at Parker. I'm a very consistent person. So even like when COVID kind of became not like not a thing and everything was kind of lifted, if I like have a gem that I like a coffee shop or like in a restaurant that I like, I shop, but like in a restaurant that I like

I'm very content. It is true. I start going more moving back here than you did. Like everything feels the same for me. Yeah. If I'm like, I got like every day and we go to the gym, I'm gonna probably go to the same, I'm probably gonna go to Chick-fil-A. He's always like, what am I gonna be for lunch today? I'm like, are you kidding?

I'm probably gonna be for lunch. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm probably gonna be for lunch today. I'm very like routine. So it's not like if I have my things, it feels the same what what what or city I may kind of thing. But it did take us because obviously we got really close

with your family. We first moved here because now it's really all you could do. And we didn't have much community. I started to take about a year. Like we actually started having Bible studies and stuff. But celebrate the 4th of July with Academy sports and outdoors. Take up to $100 of July with Academy Sports and Outdoors. Take up to $100 off grills.

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with that maybe it's a girl thing that it's a little harder because i you would have i always said this in people ask a question but honestly he was better but then i was and i i i guess because i don't know whenever whenever I lived in Nashville, I really thought I was probably gonna be there

for the long run because my work was there, my team was there, my friends were there. It didn't feel super far from home, even though it was, I mean, I guess it was like seven and a half hour drive and a fight, two fights. But I don't know, it still just felt like the south and didn't feel like that crazy. And all of a sudden I just kind of started feeling not like that was going to be home forever. And when I went to Auburn, we both started feeling a little bit more drawn to moving to

West Monroe, which we had previously talked about, living in Asheville, and then we both kind of started feeling called to Monroe when you actually said that before I even did too, which helped me I was like, okay, well this is crazy and we both felt that like deeply in us. It was more than just like, oh we want to move to Monroe. It was almost like we felt very like pushed to move to Monroe and in a good way. We're like, oh this is something there something there that we want to be a part of that we want to pray into that we wanna be a part of, that we wanna pray into, that we wanna believe for. And it actually made more sense, maybe to be a Nashville.

And I was thinking about this last night with God that normally it's the thing that doesn't make sense, that God's in, and the thing that does make sense. And there's like, there's sometimes where you look at things like, well, this just makes more sense. And it's normally the thing that doesn't make as much sense, because I think if you feel a call towards something that doesn't make sense,

that I'm like, why would that not be God? Because that's not me. This is not me. And so we move here and we face, like Christian said, it took you about a year to make friends. And that was really hard for me because I love friendships, I love community. And that just felt hard, you know. And I remember telling my parents, it's like, I don't know if we're ever going to make friends here. I don't know how to make

friends. Like we've tried, put herself out there. We got plugged into the young adult ministry at church. And it just like, was it happening at all? It always felt a little bit forced. And then all of a sudden, we started praying for that. I mean, we prayed for that. And then God just kind of brought it. Like, you guys moved here. Some of our, one of our friends, married one of my friends, you know, Reves and Lydia and some of you guys

know Reves and Lydia from the podcast. And then, Jason Bryant, Bill and J, you're kind of like happened and it was so sweet and I feel like Sometimes it's like we moved before it gets good, you know You have to stay planted somewhere you have to water the ground Let the let the roots grow and when I think back to like the year of us not having a lot of friends We spent so much time together which in hindsight was really sweet especially since we had so much time together, which in hindsight was really sweet, especially since we had honey so fast in our marriage, like it was really sweet to have that year together

and all of our pictures of our dates that we did during quarantine and stuff, it's like, okay, that was actually really sweet. So again, not focusing on, oh, I don't have friends, but focusing on like, what do I have in this? But that can be hard. And for all of those who are listening who don't have community, we're not saying that's not hard. But being patient and praying and stuff,

God really does just kind of have a way of everything working out. Okay, so someone asked a great question. We both do this in our homes and someone said, how to host a Bible study for your friend, group in your home. Freddie is the hostess with the most is. She there's a good party. So tell us what hosting looks like for y'all.

I love hosting. I've always loved hosting. Nevolve sweets. It always involves sweets. That's really why you get people into your home. That's right. Food and community is a good combo. But I really, this sounds funny,

but it's so practical for me. Like when I ask people to come over or we're hosting, it's like, I want them to feel at home. And that doesn't mean like everything needs to be perfectly clean, it just needs to be comfortable. I just want people to feel comfortable. And if they have a lot going on, they can open up. Or if they just want to like goof if they just wanna like goof around,

we can just goof around, you know? It's like, there's no set way to host people, but it's just creating an environment in a space where whatever needs to happen can happen, and just like allowing the Lord to kind of have that, but I also love like taking care of people that way. Like, I love having cookies when people come over talk like Chip Cookie, yeah.

Parker loves that. And you make some good food. That's a great answer. Christians always like, do you think Freddie will make cookies if he comes over and like, you can ask him, and that's like people always are like, you don't have to, if you don't want to,

Parker's dad is always like, you don't have to, but if you want to, and the thing is, is I genuinely love it. Because I just love like, I love doing that for people. It's like a way for me to bless people and like a love language for me to love others is like Provide them with cookies is funny is it so always makes people happy? Everybody wants cookies. Yeah, I love that That is practical and I think that's the thing with hosting like don't over complicate it Yeah, like be practical about it make cookies and might over, you don't have to have a perfectly clean house

at a comfortable home. It's like what people just, people just wanna come hang. Yeah. People just want to hang. And Parker, you're gonna get in the grill, go in. Yeah, I like to, I like to grill. Well, everybody, everybody likes a good steak

or some chicken and things like that. And our pastor from Auburn Miles, he always talks about like communities like common memory with other people, you know? So I just like, this has just come over and like, a memory doesn't have to be some crazy trip. We go on, you know, it can just be, hey, we came and hung out together and because we did that, somebody ended up opening up and we prayed for them or whatever that is. And kind of like what you were saying it, it takes time to get that. Like if you move somewhere and you're there for six months,

you're probably not gonna have many memories with people. Yeah. Because it's just a sort of a lot of time. Yeah. But if you actually commit, I mean, to me, practically, if you have to give it at least a year of doing that to really give it a good shot. Yeah. It's true.

And I will say to you, even like we're doing a Bible study, I think there's a beautiful thing about like having something planned, but then also just kind of like letting that happen. Yeah. Like we have a Bible study every Wednesday, and I would say 75% of the time we do a Bible study, and the 25% is like, we end up having deep conversations about something else, or we just end up playing a game in the house and just doing life with the one another. So I think sometimes we can kind of be ridgy with it. Like, oh, this is Bob will say tonight and it's going to be all by Bob will say and it can be less about community and more about like the Bible, which is an awesome thing, but sometimes it can feel like like you said forced or kind of like you're

e-rigied with it. Instead of like just doing life with one another, then it's like, oh yeah, we're doing Bob will study. Like sometimes we almost started Bible studies to like 10 o'clock or 9.30 and it's like, this is a little late because everyone got here at 6.37 and whatever. But it's just the fun part of doing life and the thing sometimes like, fellowship.

Yes, fellowship. Yes, you host a Bible study and if you've the Bible study awesome, but also it's not like the night, you know, you chalk it up as a loss if you don't Study the Bible if you know just having deep conversation. Yeah, it's a good thing about hosting too I don't put to my expectation on what it has to happen when your friends are over just like what it happened And I think with our Bible study ours is really simple because we don't try to put too much pressure on anybody And so we watch a sermon

It's like that simple on YouTube pull it up and then we talk about it and then we pray together. And it's like really powerful, but then some nights we are just more goofy and I love what you shared about. It's like a common memories. And I think it's some of our memories and we have a group text and it's literally called Mary J. Blige.

And every time I just see it probably makes me laugh so hard because of one night we were watching TikToks of like when they were doing that thing It was like so and so died and the moms are freak out and all these people were like maritay vlage Not and they're like not Mary and with that was like so funny We like so those memories you just like the best we just started laughing together And I will say like we're friendships one thing that I found like really helpful is don't compare like you're new friendships to your old friendships because you have to remember your old friendships. You had time with them. Yeah. And so I think sometimes it's like, you know, I'm coming from these five your friendships for your friends from college, then you move and you know someone for a month and you're like, why are we hitting it off? It's like, because you just met them. Yeah, because you just started hanging out with them, you know?

And, you know, when I think back to how those other friendships are, I'm like, oh, that's sort of the same way, you know? And we've all gotten so comfortable with each other. We've kind of like hit that mark, but I do feel like it does take time. And it's so important, you don't compare what you're coming from to where you're at. Because that's not, that's not fair to anyone to put that expectation on them. And I'm so guilty of that.

I do have to admit, I am that person that I just obviously am a counselor. That's just part of my nature. Parker always says like, I'm more deep than the average person. Just because like, that's what I love. So it is hard for me because I'm like, well, we didn't have the deepest conversation the second time we hung out and said, we must not have a friendship. But I really do just have to like slow down

and say to myself, like I've had conversations with friends from college and she, one of my friends, Maggie, she made a really good point. She was like, your friends in college were not only your friends, they were your sisters, they were your moms, they were every part of your community. And you lived with them. Like they went through heartbreak with you, not only your friends, they were your sisters, they were your moms, they were every part of your community. And you lived with them.

Like, they went through heartbreak with you, they went through transitioning to a new place and a new town and like all these new things. And so you can't expect that to look the same in marriage because you have that with your person. And it's not to say that friendships aren't important, friendships are so important, but just your need of them does change.

And that's okay. And I think that's hard post-grad to realize that, but even more so when you add like all of your friends getting married after college, that also brings a new challenge too. That is so true, because different seasons, friendships are going to look different ways. You know, when you get married, that's so true. It's like your friendships are going to look the same as when you live with all your girlfriends. That's so different when you live with your guys. going to let the same as when you live with all your girlfriends That's so different when you live with your guys and it's like the same when you have a baby It's like then that adds a whole new element to it and so yes, friendships are important

But as far as like the priority of time you spend your friends Well your husband begins to take that place and your kids begin to that place and then you know You add that because it's beautiful and you need that and you love that. But it is just different than it used to be. And that's okay. And I think that was more so the struggle in the first year. And so it was like, why do I not have these friends? Like I just came from, but it's because I live with those friends.

And my you're my friend, you know? And so you just have to like, you not put the pressure on yourself to like maintain all these relationships, you know? But man, anybody else have anything to add? I feel like this is a good conversation. I'm good. Well, that was really good. Well, that was good. Well, that's good. We laughed. We cried. We had all the variety. As Jason Odin once said, we laughed until we cried.

We laughed and said we did do that. Well, I hope that you guys enjoy this podcast and as always, Parker, Freddie, we love having you on the podcast. This is so fun. And we'll continue to have them on. And so keep sending and questions that you have for them as we continue on having them on,

whether it's about relationships, moving, friendships, Freddie's a counselor, so you can go deep. You can ask any question you want to her. I like to hit her with some hard stuff sometimes too. And so we hope that you guys have a great week. I hope this was a great start to your week and we love you. Friendships, farts, faith, and fighting.

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