WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our BEST Relationship Advice: Dating Boundaries, Should You Wait for Marriage & Is He the One?

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

This is the very best of Sadie & Christian's relationship advice! Is he the one? How important is it to wait for marriage? If someone is ghosting you, how should you respond? How do you get past awkward moments when you're dating — or even newly married? Sadie and Christian share a bunch of encouragement for dating couples as you're tempted to cross physical boundaries, how to wisely respond when your significant other's social media feeds aren't full of good things, and how to encourage each other as you draw closer to the Lord and get to know each other better. Plus, what if you disagree on which movies to watch? How do you help your partner guard his heart without nagging him or even becoming hostile? Christian also drops some great advice for how to get past the first ... farts in a relationship. No shame! And they talk about why a 24-hour rule is a clear, kind, honest way to address conflict in a relationship.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up? Well, that's good fam. Welcome back to the one that's going podcast. Happy Wednesday, everybody. Today I have the most special guest on the podcast. I love having him on my husband, Christian, and we're going to be going through the DMs. We do this every now and then where we read DMs. And last time we did this, we got a ton of you guys really involved and really interested in the stuff that we were talking about. And it's just a space where, you know, we can go there. We can talk about anything, however we want to. And it's just our best

piece of advice to you and the questions that you're asking. Obviously, use wisdom here. If we say something that doesn't align with what you agree with, that's okay. Throw it out the window. Go ask a parent about it. Go ask him into or go ask a pastor. But this is, you know, two people who love each other and love the Lord doing our best to give you advice for the things that you'll have questions in. What is the best advice you can give for a newly engaged couple? Hmm.

Should I go? Yeah, you get it, because I can't think of something like that. It's great. I think the best advice, especially in the engagement season, is just to know that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it.

I think that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it. I think that you're the best at it. I think that you Yeah, you get it, because I can think of something. It's great. I think the best advice, especially in the engagement season, is just to know that you are not preparing just for a wedding. You're preparing for a marriage. And that is something that I'm really glad we got the advice of. And that's the way that we lived our engagement season. So I didn't really stress about the details of the wedding as far as like, what are the napkins gonna look like it. What are the

chairs and what are the colors and what is all this like yeah those are fun things but it wasn't like a stressful thing for me. I never really went I never had any brides alone moment because I didn't that wasn't where my value was in that season. It was what is our marriage gonna be like and so the things that we really worked through were marriage counseling like you know how are you race? How are you? Are is what are our expectations? What be like? And so the things that we really worked through were marriage counseling, like, you know, how are you raised? How are our is? What are our expectations?

What are this? What are that? And so I put so much my thought process into preparing for our actual marriage and just our wedding. And the wedding day was awesome. Did everything go perfectly? No, my hair literally turned pink the day before.

But it was so awesome. And we could laugh about it and it was fun. It was great. But then we were ready for marriage when we stepped in and of course I mean you can only be as ready as you can be because you don't know what you don't know But we felt really ready because we felt like our engagement season We really used it to prepare so you know, it's easy to get really you know big and Crazy about this one date, but the reality is, if your wedding is December the 20th, that's one day, but you're married for the rest of your life.

So you don't wanna just focus on that one day, you really wanna focus on what's ahead, what's the beauty of marriage. Yeah, and they're all stages, you know, you're dating, you're single, you're dating, then you're engaged, and you get married, and they're all different seasons of life. Marriage, I don't know if I would say marriage is a season because it's a long season. I guess you could say. But I'm saying they each have their place. You're saying you're dating and you're

engaged and married. And when you get engaged, you're working on yourself so to speak to prepare yourself for marriage. And with preparing, for marriage, there are things that take it back to like friendships. And that's something that we walk through a lot. So when we got engaged, obviously, you're my first priority, I'm your first priority. So some things take a background, you know, whether it's friendships or work or these other things. Some things have to slowly fall down the priority list.

And the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life whether it's gonna slowly fall down the priority list and the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is going to go up on the priority list. And some people might understand that, some people might not, but if you aren't intentional about pleasing the one that you're going to spend your life with and then you're worried about pleasing everybody else, then it's going to be difficult. Yeah. I think a lot of people think about marriage is like, okay, like on December the 20th, let's just pretend that that's all of our wedding day.

It's like, oh, on that day, then I'll become one with this person, but I think there's a process to becoming one. It's not just about having sex, it's actually about just becoming one unit together. And I think during the engagement season, you kind of feel that refinement of what it looks like

to become one, because it's the only thing. So things have to burn off. So basically, what I mean by that is like, you know, I'm having to make decisions for Christian and I as a couple that, you know, because we're about to be one that I might have used to made a different decision when it was just me. Like, for instance, about how it, awesome opportunity.

It's not like I can just be like, yes, I'm gonna do it just because I wanna do it. I already have to consider that we're about to become one. And so the process begins when you get engaged. It's like we're becoming one. So you have to start making decisions on where you're gonna live, what you're gonna do, what, you know, y'all's priorities and y'all's relationship

are gonna be how you're gonna treat each other and all those different things. And so I think just understanding and starting that process is so important to start making those selfless decisions that aren't just for yourself, but it's for the two of you. Yeah, you just articulated everything that I was trying to say. I got you, boo! I got you, boo! And the next question is, is it okay to spend time with the opposite gender when you are in a relationship? So basically saying, it's kind of weird like that.

Weird like that. It kind of means like that. Is it okay for me to spend time with another woman if me knew her dating? And alone. Alone. So where should the line be drawn? We never crossed that line because we never, we never had to set a boundary. Well, we just set a boundary, but the boundary was, the boundary is, the boundary was there is no boundary. On the corner of May. On the corner of May and in May.

We just never did that. We just spent time alone with the opposite gender, even still to this day. You know, we don't ride in the car with the opposite gender. We don't, you know, like if it's just us too, we don't Even if we have to do a phone call, we like to their no if and if the opposite gender were to DM me Even if it's just a friend, I would probably tell Christian about it casually just be like hey, that's so-and-so just in me or whatever Obviously, we did not crazy about it if one of our best friends who you know it like Laney DMs you crazy about it if one of our best friends who you know it's like Laney DMZ, because it's not gonna tell me Laney or one of our friends at the office not like that but if it's kind of out

of the blue or whatever we always just inform each other and I mean you know you look at people and you think they're never gonna cheat they're never gonna do that and then they do and it's not because they set out the intention to want to hurt their spouse or cheat but it's just things happen and you know one thing can lead to another and so we set pretty strict boundaries because we don't want the door to ever be open to that. I heard somewhere that Billy Graham wouldn't even get on the elevator if there was just a woman on the elevator and so sometimes you really just have to be like that you have to set pretty strict boundaries. Now that's also without being crazy and controlling

and jealous and envious. I mean, I was in a relationship previously where we dated for a long time and we were just controlling. I mean, we were just like, and you can't go to this place, you can't go to that place. And that's just not a way to live.

That's just, that was just honestly a lot of insecurity out of lack of trust that we had in each other. With Christian F. Fully Trust him and he fully trust me me and it's not that we think we would do anything, but we just don't want to put ourselves in a position to where we would have to make a tough decision or make an un-moment that shouldn't have been awkward or it could have been perceived one way to another person. And I just think there's so much room for the enemy to feed whenever you're alone with the opposite gender, especially when you're in a relationship. But even if you're not, you know, you gotta protect your heart and you gotta set boundaries in place for that to not happen.

Yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean, if you're not in a relationship, I don't, I don't think, I think it's different, you know, obviously, but I feel like if you're in a serious relationship, different, you know, obviously, but I feel like if you're in a serious relationship, then yeah, it's, I feel like that shouldn't happen. Yeah, just shouldn't happen. It's just not good. Just not wise. And what I mean, but like if you're single and stuff, I mean, if you're alone with the opposite sex, I've been night and then something happens, you know, or you're drinking, like you got to be wise, you know, don't make stupid decisions. One thing does lead to another sometimes, but just be wise. And set the don't make stupid decisions. One thing does lead to another. Sometimes. But just be wise. And set the boundaries that you feel are right. And if you ever feel

like something's weird, then then get out. Then move. A board. A board mission. Someone said, do you still have moments of awkwardness even after being married and living together? Or do you just laugh at things? We actually have no awkward moment. Oh, it's so, we pretty much don't have any awkward moments because I feel like we just know each other so well. Yeah.

And we've seen each other as most embarrassing moments happen in all of life. I would say what prepares you well is if you like fart while you're dating and engagement, then there's gonna be no awkward moments when you're married. Because if you get married and you never fart in the front of each other, then then just like that's kind of weird but if you like if you you know if you practice that throughout your relationship then then you're pretty much so well that's good okay we'll give people advice

if they're like well how how do you do that like how do you break the ice like that because that's awkward and like I'm just gonna be honest I know this is not really the typical content you get from the World's Good Podcast but I know there are thousands of y'all there who are in a relationship who have yet to take that next step and how do you do that? Well you have to really be transparent about it when me and Sadie were dating and now it opened up Sadie's corridor at the TMI.. This is Steve I you just got this story right now. I have to stop the story. But what I'm saying is you can't like everybody does it. So I'm saying you can't like shame someone else for like letting out some gas. Oh my god. So what I

would say is invite it. Welcome it and don't't shame for somebody has a messed up stuff, it needs to let loose. Hey, this generation, we are anything, we are not shamers. Like, we're like no shame for anything, so no shame for that, right? Yeah, no, it's, it's, no. And I have yet to say the word because I just know my mom, my mother-in-law, my grandma, our listening to this podcast, and they are dying right now that we're talking about this. The P word? Huh?

Poot? That's such a bad word. I cannot. Let's continue. Let's continue. Oh my gosh, it can't work over. Okay. Oh, all right.

But that's real advice. That is real. That's not really wasn't a joke. That's like seriously, like if we had never farted in front of each other, then it would be so awkward. That is really true, babe. Thank you, bro. Thank you for rigging the eyes on this bike

as saying the hard things. I'm just trying to let people free. Yes, we don't want people to have that much pressure in their relationship. We don't want fart prisons. We want to just let people, let the captain free. I'm literally crying. Okay, this is a more serious question.

Okay. Okay, what were some things that you did intentionally while you were waiting for each other? So this could go, I guess, a lot of different ways. But let's just say one of the things, yeah, intentionally as we were waiting for each other because I guess there are certain people out there who are waiting to meet that person

And how can they be intentional with the season that they're in when they're not yet dating or yet married because there's so much intentionality that goes behind Singleness and I think you're the person that answered this question. Well, thank you. Let's pivot to this For me, it was really just prayer and Just building a community of good guys around me. In that season, before we started dating, I was really intentional about making time to go be alone with God and go pray and having good guys around me. We had Bible study groups. We had prayer nights and we had just good, just guy hangs where we just get and sit by

a fire and just talk about fun stuff, funny stuff, but also serious, godly stuff. And I really think that that time of my life prepared me for what was going to come, but really just surrounding myself with good, godly men, and whether you're a girl surrounding yourself with good, godly girls. And just spending time alone with God. And I think you were like becoming the man that you wanted to be. You know, like in a relationship, but you weren't thinking in a relationship. You were just becoming a good man, you know, and focusing on yourself.

And I had so important, like, you have to have a moment in your life where you're focusing on who God is in your life and who you are so that when you go into relationships, like you're a whole person. Like, I love how someone said yes, like whenever two people become one, it's not like 50-50, it's two becoming one. And so many of us like you only have 50% to give, you know? Because you were focusing on other things the whole time and you never really got to know yourself,

but whenever you know yourself, and that person knows himself, and their root and who got it is, like two people becoming one make like such a strong one. You know. Yeah. And I always thought that advice was so good. So someone also asked when it comes to marriage and stuff or getting married or dating engagement. They said, how do you set healthy physical boundaries when you know you want to get married, but it's not time yet or you're too young. One couple says that they know they want to get married

and because they are struggling to keep healthy physical boundaries for a marriage, they're not sure what to do. And another couple says they feel too young because they're also not sure what the fix would be. So these are people who are 18 and 19 years old. I mean, obviously there's a lot to this. I mean, we can only give you advice from a far I would say first of all like seek your like local

mentors your mom your dad your friends people around you But I mean as far as physical boundaries, I'll say this I know when you're dating that seems like it is everything You know and you're just like oh, I I just wanna get married so that we can have sex or whatever. Marriage is so much bigger than sex. It just is. I mean, that's a beautiful aspect of marriage. That guy created within that.

And trust me, it's beautiful within the boundaries of marriage. It's like Adam and Eve when they were naked and they felt no shame. It's that feeling of like, I feel no shame as opposed to pre-marital sex. Like, they're so much shame. So I would just encourage you like, you know, any time you open that before it's meant to be open, they're tends to be shame, go insecurity,

self-doubt, all this stuff, but within marriage, we found that to be a beautiful gift. And so it's definitely, definitely worth the wait. And you'll see why it's intended for marriage. We found that to be a beautiful gift. And so it's definitely definitely worth the wait. And you'll see why it's intended for marriage. It's intended for two becoming one and God's design and that was beautiful. So how do you weigh? I think you just desire that like desire God's plan. And then one thing Christian, I said all the time was we want your plan, God and our own. We want to see your plan come to life and our relationship. And part of that was waiting to have sex until we were married. So yes, it feels like a huge deal. And you're like, oh, I just want to get married. I just want to get married. But just wait, friends.

I mean, do what you got to do. Have the conversations. Talk about it. Have friends in your life, mentors who keep you accountable. And truly wait for that because it really is worth it. And if you've already had sex before, you're not alone. We had both had past before we met each other that were not totally pure. And then meeting each other, we decided we wanted to pursue purity together. And so we did. We still messed up at times in our relationship, but we were on the path of purity and we were so grateful that we did.

And so that's kinda like my advice. If you're, you know, younger, you have to wait for some reason, it's still worth the wait. And I would say too, that, you know, I mean, a lot of people get married young and I don't think that it's a bad thing to get married. Young, if you know that, you know that, you know

that's your person and, you know, that's your person. And, you know, you've taken the time to seek that from God. Your parents, you know, agree. Your pastors are for you. You have people around you. Like my siblings got married at 18 and 19. And they have great marriages. My parents got married at 18, 19.

They have great marriages. I think ultimately what keeps them married strong is like your commitment to the Lord and if you are in union with him, but I don't know, because what do you think? Yeah, well, it's going to say, I think too, like, you know, if you're feeling pressured in that area, I think that there are also like external factors that can like influence that to speak. So if you're scrolling on social media and you're not doing things like that are bad necessarily but externally but internally, you're like there's less in your heart,

there's these different things. And I feel like you can sometimes take that into a relationship and put this expectation on the other person to where it's like if you cut off these things that can make you, um, you know, lustful or can make you feel like you need to do something, then you can put that on the person that you're dating with. So I think that there are things outside of the relationship that you can cut off that you can limit that you can try to decrease that can, that can influence

that. Because I know that if I like, if we were dating and I followed people that, or if I was scrolling through things that made me feel a certain way, I feel like I would have a tougher time being. It's like if you're watching pornography on your private time and then your interlaceship trying to keep your boundaries, it's not gonna work because what you're inside, like what you have been storing inside.

I remember Christian, you had queer watching pornography for good a bit before we started dating. And you were really pursuing the Lord. And I remember you like prayed a lot. Like really prayed a lot because you were like, okay, obviously tempted because you were in love and you had a past of like watching things when you weren't gonna go back to that and you weren't gonna cross the boundary with me. So that led you to prayer.

And I think a lot of people excuse themselves. During that time of like, well, I'm not doing this. I'll watch this or not do this, but it's not just about sex, that's not what keeps you pure. Periodity is a heart posture. And so to have a pure heart, you gotta pray because that's something from the Lord.

And I think one of my mentors even said too, if you're dating, all the enemy wants to do is get you to have sex. Then you get married, then he switches playing fields. Then it's like when you get married, all he wants to do is get you to have sex and then you get married then this he switches playing fields Then it's like when you get married all he wants to do is keep you from having sex. Yeah, so it's like Either way, you're always gonna walk through something that is counter to wet to what you truly Desire so it's true, you know, and why would the enemy want that because it's a powerful thing that God designed Yeah, you know great

Created into a scene. Yeah, so he, the great, great, great, intimate one. Yeah. So he's going to, when you're dating the playing field is, get you to fall into the temptation, then you get married and you're covenant and then the playing field switches to like, keep you from having intimacy. So like, there, he's very strategic and there's, he's, there's going to put obstacles. He's going to put things in place, but you have to like, yeah, through prayer, through worship, through reading through, um, confession, through prayer, through worship, through reading, through confession, through a community,

it's a fight, where it's a struggle, it's a thing that you go through, but you have to persevere. And I think that the enemy is very, very crafty, and this is always gonna be things that you have to combat. And then on this note, they didn't ask this, but this is bonus, this is bonus. I questioned that I'm gonna ask,

because whenever we started dating, do you see us say this, whenever I was in other relationships, I would like to look through guys that I am dating like social media, and I would see their following girls that posted some inappropriate stuff, in my opinion, it was too far.

And I didn't want my boyfriend to be looking at another girl's body like that. And so I would ask him to unfollow these people. So they would or whatnot. Well, whenever I started dating you, that was not a problem, because you were like following a really small amount of people, but that hadn't had

and always been your story. That hadn't always been in what your social media looked like. Do you think it's a fair thing for a girl to ask a guy to unfollow girls that are not posting appropriate things? And for you as a guy, do you think y'all should take that on your responsibility to go ahead and clean that out? Like, do you think that's actually a real struggle for people if you're following girls on social media? And what do you think, like, you know, the boundaries should be for yourself? Yeah, I do think so.

I think first, there should maybe be, like a conversation about it, because one of the people that could be posting that could be somebody's cousin or something like that. And then it's like, you know, then it's an awkward thing of like, you know, you unfollowed your cousin, then it's like, you know, whatever.

But I do think that, you know, I do think that guys should take liberty of like, you know, what you're looking at, it's going to influence, you know, certain things in your life. And if you're following these accounts where people post, you know, inappropriate things or skimpy things or whatever, then that can influence and that can put toxic thoughts into a relationship that you're trying to pursue with purity. So I do think that guys should take it upon themselves too. To guard your heart. To guard your heart and to unfollow things that need to be unfollowed and yada, yada, yada.

But I do think that a girl should have the right to like, yeah, I mean, maybe it fits in one month in a dating. That's different, but like if you're about to be getting engaged and talking about being, talk about marriage, you know, if there are a bunch of people that you follow that are, you know, that you don't really want him following. I do think that you can have a conversation, but I think maybe not being like unfollowed this person.

Maybe like why do you follow this person? And then you have a conversation about it. How do you conversation? Like what's your, like why do you follow this person? Or like what's your motive here? And then from that, you have a conversation conversation and that can lead to unfollow or Actually, that's my cousin or you know something like that. I don't know just at the Yeah, okay, what about movies because we're in a situation the other day where okay first

So a Christian is a movie guy. He loves movies So you watch like a movie every night in high school and yeah college college and I am like not a movie person as much I'm very much every night in high school. And college. College. And I am not a movie person as much. I'm very much like, guard your heart, guard your soul, guard your mind. So I'm pretty picky with like what I watch. That is not, that was not something my parents put on me. That was not something I was, that's just something I personally like to do.

So Christian will be like, hey I'm going to see this movie. I just enjoy, I enjoy good cinema. Yeah, and I'll be like, hold on. Let me check parents guy, not trying to be his mom or anything, but I'm trying to help Gershengard his heart, but also it's up to him to get his heart. So sometimes like we have this thing of like,

you know, I need to let him make decisions for himself, but then there are other times where I feel like I'm allowed to step in and say, okay, that's too far. You're not gonna go see that because that literally has nudity and you don't need gonna go see that because that literally has nudity and you don't need to go see another woman's body. But where do you personally form from a movie guy?

Like you're a movie that you love the Lord. How do you find that balance in like what you choose to watch? Where to think? That was just a rare case where that happened. I had seen the trailer and I was like, that looks like a good movie. I'm gonna ask your dad if he wants to go see it because he told me he wanted to see it.

I hadn't looked at any of the perncil got. But I'm very, I mean, I'm very like cautious. I'm very sensitive to spiritual things like that. Like, I'm not just, you know, I feel like this person that can watch this and not feel any conviction or any like inkling in my spirit of like, I may be, I shouldn't be watching this. So I'm very, I am very guarded and very careful

with like what I watch, what I take in, because I do think that for me personally, that can influence sinful things in my life. Exactly. And that's why it's important, you know, because to me I'm like, I'm not trying to be over here being like a goody-to-shoes, like, no, you need to watch this, you don't need to watch this.

Don't listen to bad music. The only reason why I don't watch bad shows or I don't listen to bad music or whatever and bad is in toxic as far as like maybe it's sexual, maybe it's lustful, maybe it has a lot of cussing, maybe it has a lot of anger, maybe it has a lot of violence, maybe because that, like, whatever I put into my heart is what comes out of my heart. So I've noticed, like, if I'm watching something that has bad language, I like get more, you know, tempted to let some words fly if I'm watching something that has a lot of violence,

or I get super fearful in that triggers anxiety if I'm watching something that's less fuller, whatever, that creates less. And so if I don't want it in my mind, I don't put it in my mind. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'm trying to be a rule follower. There's no rules. It's just, that's what it looks like for me to guard my heart

because I don't want the effect. So what sin does when it takes root. Yeah, but I will say there's, there has been a moment where I'm like, you know, I'm gonna like try to like sneak this one by you. You know, like it was like, you would never get by. No, it was like an, it was like an open,

like I want to see this movie. Oh yeah. Because I saw the trailer that you were like, actually this it was like an open, like, I wanna see this movie. Because I saw it trailer, then you were like, actually this has a lot of new, like if I would not go into a theater or go watch a movie knowing that there was gonna be a lot of nudity because one, I wouldn't wanna see that. And two, I just know me personally, that's not healthy for me.

Exactly. But yeah, I think that gets to the point of like, if you're in a relationship and like, you're trying to like be sneaky or be like, you know, I'm going to see this movie and then you go see this movie to like, cut like conceal something that I think, that's when that gets dangerous and messy and all those things.

That's so true. Get answer, but- I do enjoy good cinema. That's right. Once they don't have nudity. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. All right, let's see.

What do you do when your people, in quotes, are toxic people? How do we know when it's time to walk away from a friendship or when it's time to push through the heart and fight for the relationship? It's a great question. I've been in situations like this where, like I mentioned, there are some,

like you're going to argue with everyone. There are arguments not bad. So yeah, like there are some relationships that you're going to argue with, you're going to have hard things with, but they're worth the fight. Like they're worth the relationship because you love them because they draw you closer to Jesus because you draw them closer, whatever it is. But there has been relationships in my past where, you know, it was a toxic relationship

and it was one that I knew I need to walk away from. And really that that I typically know when it's time is when I look at myself and I'm a really unhealthy version of myself or friends around me are saying, Hey, that's not a good relationship or whenever I see you with them, I see you way more insecure, I see you hurt, I see you broken, I see all these things. And so, yeah, I think you really had to listen to the spirit on that one. I think you have to listen to your friends, listen to people around you, ask advice like,

hey, do you think this is a healthy relationship or not to friends around you, not to that person? Because of course they're not gonna be able to give you a wise answer. But yeah, I mean, I think it's a heart-check moment. And like I said, I've had best friends of mine who we've had some really tough conversations. And yet, we're still super close friends

and it's fine, all is forgiving in the past, both of us have messed up whatever it is. But then I've had other relationships where it just was toxic. And I think that word toxic is the difference. Even in the hardest of my relationships with Christian or best friends of mine, I would never call it toxic, you know? I would say hard, or this is a bad situation,

but I never say it's toxic. When a relationship is toxic, which means like, all of it is bad, it is spoiled, it is rotten, that's probably the time that you should start to step away. Yeah, you just took the words out of my mouth. Well, it's gonna take, because it's in the question, you know, toxic. Like, there's a difference between walking through something

that's difficult and like having arguments versus something that's toxic. And I think that, even the word toxic, like if something is bad and you're trying to convince yourself that it's not bad, that's when it's toxic. Yeah. Yeah. So if somebody's not being encouraging or uplifting, if it's constantly slander or envy

or jealousy or all these things and it's just degrading and it's just not healthy, then that's when you know it's toxic. Because if you're trying to convince yourself, oh, it's not that bad, then it's probably bad. So. Yep. I agree. Okay.

Next question is, what boundaries did you set in your dating relationship? And this was a really great question. Honestly, we kind of went a different route than just having like if you're talking about physical boundaries which we can talk about other boundaries to, I guess there's a lot of different boundaries, but physically speaking, we didn't say like, we're not going to do this in this and we're not gonna do this, and we are gonna do this, and this is like, here's the boundary, because I do feel like when you have a boundary, like you typically just go to the boundary line, right?

Like, yeah, and then you just cross it, and you feel bad as all this stuff. And like, we just wanted to not make it such a, like, there's a line, but more just like, we have a relationship with God, and like, we're pursuing God, and we're pursuing God's plan for our life and for our relationship and God's plan is purity and God's plan is one man one woman for marriage and I will say like that wasn't our that wasn't what our past look like, you know

But we had an opportunity when we came together for our future Different than like people that we did in the past and we both wanted God's plan look like, you know, but we had an opportunity when we came together for our future different than like people that we did in the past. And we both wanted God's plan. We wanted to pursue that and said together we made a decision, hey, we're going to do that. And that looks like purity. And that looks like this.

And that was, and that was that boundary in the sense of like, you know, just conversations of before I pursue you, I'm going to pursue God. And then out of that relationship, that's going to cause me to love you the best that I can. It's going to make me be more patient with you and more loving and gracious. And if I get those to mixed up, then I'll start, you know, putting you on this pedestal that you can't live up to. So I think that was the bound to that we really talked about a lot. Yeah.

So the biggest boundary is definitely like loving God first and then loving each other. And that's still true. Like, I hope that's always our life that we love God for us and we love each other. And then we love our family and our friends and people, you know. Um, and so yeah, that was a boundary. And I will say like, I think some of the people think like the purity talk, like it's just like what you say up front, you're just like, hey, this is what we're gonna do. This is that. But actually, it's like such a gradual conversation. Like we talked about that so many times and we're like, we pursue God's plan. We want God's plan. You know, we prayed a lot together

about that. And I think that was really beneficial and helpful for us that we were constantly in communication about that. The stronger we had feelings for each other the more and lower we were the closer we were to marriage That was just an important conversation Is there such a thing as the right person wrong time? Yeah for real I ain't think about it Christians are right person for me, but how do we met when my sister met my Christian, three years before we met two years before? Yeah, but hmm, two? Something like that.

About two years before we met, it would have been the wrong time. Wrong time. We would not have been ready for each other. But if I met you then I would have been, I would have thought this was the right time. My bad time was great. Do you really think you would have?

I think, I mean, you probably looked at me and said, well, he probably used to mature a lot more, but then I'd been like, yellow, I'll get there. I'm saying they probably would have been a different perspective of capability of who is this guy. I look at you. You're amazing. Thank you. How do you be a good sister in a friend

who is constantly driving you crazy? Good question. That is a good question. I like you. I don't know how to be a sister. I do not have to be a bro. And a friend. Yeah, and a friend.

Yeah. I'm a pretty confrontational person. So my way might not be the most constructive. I would just bluntly just say you're driving me crazy. Yeah, I don't know, that's like, you know what I'm saying. I don't really get cis, like, girly, like, what's the problem? Both are different. Like guys could literally be like,

hey bro, you're being annoying. And the guys like, oh, okay. But like, I've a problem? Those are different. Like guys could literally be like, hey bro, you're being annoying. And the guys are like, oh, okay. But like, I've a grow to that. They're like crying. They're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's so awkward to give a little bit of a shout out to me. So yeah, probably don't do that. But if you are getting annoyed with the person,

again, I would say confront them, talk to them. Um, you know, maybe you're annoyed because they don't pick up. We'll say, hey, like, it would really mean lots of me if you would pick up after yourself. Or maybe you're annoyed because you don't pick up. We'll say, hey, like it would really mean a lot to me If you would pick up after yourself or maybe you're annoyed because they come home super like Hey, like I know they yielded your life and all of mine But it would really mean a lot to me if you let me know when you're coming home So I don't have to stay up with the door like whatever it is It's like even like that last question just being honest. Yeah, you just have to be honest and again like kind of clear

I don't know where that came from. Clear is kind of clear, but my friend has a t-shirt that says that, so that's why I always say that. But anyways. Well, it's even like because if you just let those things fest, you're not honest. And you're gonna get more and more. You're gonna just blow up and then that's not good

for anybody. So I think those are the things. Not constructive. And you'll help them become a roommate for someone else or a future spouse. Like, future spouse. I'm glad for the times that my roommate said something to me that was, you know, good for me to hear because I think I'm a better wife for it. There you go. It's right. Like one thing it's funny. Whenever I live with some

girls in Oswald, my best friends, I remember them ever took the link out of the dryer. And I was like, why do you not take the link out of the jar? And none of them even knew you were out of the dryer and I was like why do you not take the win out of the jar and none of them even knew you were supposed to do that so that's just funny but like I was like getting kind of like annoyed because it kept building up but like they didn't even

know you're supposed to do it so it's just that toilet was like oh which job I gave I don't know why they didn't know about it is kind of funny but like again you don't know where someone's coming from so you should just say it how do you handle conflict and relationships? Be honest.

All the things, be honest. Yeah, and just I would say my friend has this like a 24 hour rule. Like don't let it go 24 hours out saying it. And I think that is important. Like if I need to address it with Christian, like I should not wait until two days from now to address it. It doesn't matter if you're tired. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it is my retirement days from now to address it. It doesn't matter if you're tired. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, it is my retirement or busy, you say it because there happen times where when I was supposed to say something and it's like, why didn't you tell me that two days ago? Or three weeks ago. Yeah, what else did they do the other day? You're like, actually, this kind of upset me. And I was like, that was like two months ago.

What are you talking about? So yeah, if things have set you the moment, just talk about it. Don't wait, and then you hear some key words. Actually, yeah, that actually really upset me. Well, in my mind, I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'll get over it. But it really should just say it. Even if it's not, he has been, yeah, two months is then yeah Too much go by and he says something like speaking of that That's what I said that is can get better. Mm-hmm, and that's how I really appreciate that

Thank you. Sadie is the most humble person. I mean serious Yeah, I'm not joking. I knew I knew I drink it but it's not sarcastic No, I was being serious. You're the most humble person. Good, so sweet. Thank you. You've said that before, and that always means a lot. You're so humble too. I think humility is one of the things that in our life, that everyone should definitely pay more attention to. I think a lot of people read the Bible and see all these other attributes. When when they be joyful, when you're not pleased, when you become a bit of a...

I think being humble is really at the root of a lot of things. You're a humble and contrite heart. Yeah, to be humble ourselves, to the odd and to humble ourselves and not be prideful to learn and to become better. I think it's really essential to becoming new, a new creation. So thanks for saying to us the highest compliment you could give me. So, let's see, what would you tell your younger self who felt like they were never going to find the right one for them? I would tell my younger self to chill, girl. Just chill. Like I was just so obsessed with like who is going to be my husband which is like a sweet thing to think about because I think most of us have a desire to get married and it's fun to think about like who God created that's going to be your person

but thinking about it from the context of God has created someone you know that it's going to be My husband would be a part of my story one day I just need to like relax and know that if he created that and he has that for me, then it's going to come at the perfect timing and you did, you know. And I just wish I would have enjoyed the seasons. I was in a little bit more like enjoyed my singleness, enjoyed my friends and not stressed so much about what was to come because what was to come was such a great plan that so far exceeded all my expectations

or what I could have even put in motion. So I just wish I would have really been a little more focused in where I was at than where I was going. Yeah, I mean, like I used to, I mean, I was a big rom-com fan growing up. So I just kind of feel like I just always thought that it would just happen somehow some way. So I just kind of feel like I just always thought that it would just happen somehow some way Um, so I feel like I never really stressed about it too much and it's good and it way what yeah, I did Yeah, we're living a little romcom A romcom, but you never thought you would get married young so you didn't really think about that. I did it Yeah, well, I thought I would go to college and I'd get out of college and start working and then Some about a being about a boom somebody would cross that path. Yeah.

Like love it for a site kind of time. And what did happen? Kind of. Love it for a site. When you saw it, or you just saw it, I did. I was, yes. I'm so good to know.

All right, next question. One person sitting in a DM about modesty and churro. I feel there's pressure to show more skin so people think that I am pretty or dress cute. There is a pressure from our culture to wear less and show more. I want to know how you balance dressing cute, but staying modest and also why is modesty so important

to talk about in Christian culture. Great question. Certainly is a culture that we're in right now to show, and it's a little less, so we're a little less, so a little more, I guess, yeah, I guess we're less show more. and yeah, that is hard because you look around and it's hard whenever I remember in high school feeling like this It's like because all the guys seem to like the girls that don't wear anything You're like well if I'm covered up and they're never gonna notice me and they're never gonna like me and all that kind of stuff

But you know the right guy and the right people are actually gonna treasure you for the purity that you have and treasure you for the Monty see that you have and Christians actually probably more strict than I am on what I wear in the sense of just Respecting me for who I am I all put on something and I think it looks fine And he's like hey babe like you know does I just don't think that that's a good, like, I just think it shows too much. And I'm actually so appreciative of that because he's not wanting me to go show my body to the world because that's between us, you know? That's a respect thing that he has for me and for our marriage. And really grateful because I also don't want to go out

looking sometime away that is attracting people for the wrong reasons. And I think modesty ultimately comes down to a respect. I think one, it's a respect for yourself and two, it's a respect for others around you. Like for me, personally, when I go to the gym, I go to an all-girls gym, so I wear whatever I want. But if I ever go to a gym that guys work out in,

I'm pretty careful about what I wear because I wanna respect the guys around me as well and I don't want them to be looking at me certain way and I want to respect myself and I don't really want guys to be looking at me that way because I am secure in who I am and I'm secure in my husband who loves me as I am and I used to would have been insecure about that and felt like oh well if I'm going to the gym with Christian and another girl is wearing her spin neck shorts and her sports bra on I'm wearing you know loose shorts and a baggy t-shirt Then like he's gonna knows her and not me and I don't feel that way at all anymore actually

Fill it my husband loves me and respects me for me being confident and not having to show off my whole body Um in order for me to feel loved and appreciated and so I think honestly Modesty is a it's a place in your heart that you had to find intimate with the Lord before you find it for many other man or or even maybe even yourself. You had to find it with the Lord and know that like God made you like beautiful and he made you wonderful and he made you for for you to stuart and treasure like your body is a temple and you can let your husband into that picture, you know, but that's a sacred that's a sacred thing and so have respect for that sacred thing and it is such a wonderful thing to just hold that purity and hold that hold that sacred

and so yeah just respect yourself find it with the Lord and if you're not competing with other girls you will probably feel a lot more inclined to dress however you really feel comparable and not dress how you want to be seen compared to the girl beside you of the gym. Yeah, I mean, it's all about, you know, attention. It's like, am I going to wear this with the hopes that I'll attract somebody or because at the same time,'s also a naiveness to girls not thinking that they're dressing scandalous or whatever. And it's obvious, you would think it would be. I think we also live in a culture where women dress like that and wonder why guys hit on them and why guys are less than after them. It's like, well, that's what you're

putting out. So there's always those things and I think we do live in a culture where guys are prone to that. And I think you guys are respect like your own convictions to you and just follow the hat because, I mean, I wear bikinis at the beach and some people would say that's not modest, but to me, I feel like I'm covered

and the parts I wanna be covered with and I'm respecting myself the way I wanna respect myself and I think as a Christian culture, the reason why it's hard to talk about modacies because people want to be covered with and I'm respecting myself the way I want to respect myself and I think as a Christian culture the reason why it's hard to talk about modacies because people want to automatically attack and it's like well you were bikinis or you were short shorts or you were tight whatever and it's like or leggings whatever and it's like well that's not really helpful you know you just be responsible for you and if you feel like you're dressing a certain way to get something from someone or get certain attention or you want somebody to notice a part of you that's a little bit bigger, a little

bit juicier, it may be consider that why do you want that attention? Where does that come from, your heart, what place in your heart is so discontent with who you are, with the affirmation that you have, that you need to go find that in some way that's showing off your body. You know, you gotta find that with the Lord that you're made more than enough. And you don't have to go fly your body to be more than enough. Period. Okay, next question.

That gives me fired up. That's good. Because I hate that girls feel like that to do that. And I just remember in high school feeling like that. I just remember feeling like I have to show more or the guys won't know me, they'll notice all the other girls. And I did and I hate that because I'm like that's just like that's just like making me seem like I'm only worth attention if I show certain parts of my body when I'm so much more than that you know. So girls just give yourself more credit than that. You're so

much more than that and the guys are not just gonna notice you because you're that. And the guys are not just going to notice you because you're, you know, blessed in certain areas. They're going to notice you because you're a blessing to other people. And that's the kind of woman that you want to be. That's the kind of woman that's going to be a good wife. That's going to be a good mom. That's going to be a good friend. That's going to be a good mother. You're the kind of, you're the kind of woman that's going to change the world, you know, and just know that it's so much more than your body How do you get over a person that made you believe they liked you and then ghosted you? Would it be wise to wait on them or move on? I don't know how long to wait or what to say

Move on girl My booth said move on. Well, you know it kind of goes back to respect You know you're you are worth more than that too. You're worth more than someone just ghosting you. They about to have a pretty dang good reason when they get back from their long ghosthood. Well, I said that because most, most ghostings I've seen, it's an manipulation.

Yeah. And if, if, if the guy's working off on the rigs in Louisiana or something, and yeah, does that have his phone, does that mean there are certain reasons. Yeah, something, and yeah, does that have his phone? So I'm saying, there are certain reasons. Yeah, or if his parents slammed his phone and it broke or whatever, if he got in trouble, I don't know, just so hypothetical. That's different, but a lot of times ghosting,

I feel like it's linked with this manipulation, this draw of like reach back out or like keep you on the hook kind of thing and you don't end up with a person like that. I want to play games, you know, like we're here, if we're gonna date, you know, and we're considering one day, you could be the one for me, don't play games with me.

You know, just respect yourself in such a way that you're not just gonna wait for this guy to come back every seven, seven months. I remember a friend of mine walked through this and this guy would text her literally once every three weeks and she would just hang on to that. And I mean, she would talk about it and then look into it.

Does this mean this, and does this mean this, and does this mean this? And literally this one I'm for so long. And it was like, what does this mean? Who could this be? What is it gonna be? And then she would get ghosts and all of a sudden, and one time, and then it's of one of the ghosting periods.

We look at Instagram and the dude gets engaged, and we're like, what? And we're like, she was so crushed because she's just been thinking like she's hanging onto that next text. And so, you know, you don't wanna get in this position where someone's like kind of keeping you on the hook just as like a plan B, because, you know,

like someone's gonna come in, they're gonna treasure you so much that it should be, you know, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind that that person's gonna reach out to you the next day because they care about you, because they respect you. And Christian did such a great job of that when he pursued me. It's never a question of am I gonna hear from him, I always knew I was gonna hear from it. And so, you know, you just don't want to be stuck in that game. What would you define this ghosting there? Well, I mean, there are some ghosting where it's like,

they just literally don't ever take you back, you know? But then there, I mean, I wouldn't think you ghosted me if we had texted and you didn't text me for like a day or something like that. No, but I think it's like a period of a little week. So it used to be like a month would go by and then he would send another text. And it was like, and then she'd like,

take some all night and then he wouldn't respond for like, and then she'd like, take some on-eye and then he went and respond for like weeks. And then it happened again. Or like, he'd call her and then it'd be like weeks again. And it was just like always kind of keeping her on the line. And then like, he literally got engaged. So like, you don't want to be in that position. Because that just stinks. You don't want to be the girl on the other

in that situation. You don't want to be in any way in that position. Well, anyways, y'all, these are great questions. I love doing this because I just feel like these are such great questions and start such good conversations. And I hope that these conversations are not just between Christian, I and you and your car. I hope that these conversations extend to conversations with your own friends,

with your own family members, with your own boyfriend or spouse. Hopefully it can just be a voice of truth in your life. Like I said, if something doesn't align with what you believe is true, they're out the window, but if it aligns with the word of God and it aligns with your heart, then I hope that, you know, you can take some of this truth

and take it into your life. And I hope it can give you some, well, that's good advice. We love you guys. Well, that's good wisdom. Have a great Wednesday and a great week. Go do something good with your life. you