WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our Best Relationship Advice: Dating Boundaries & the 24-Hour Rule

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

Sadie and Christian share the best relationship advice they've ever been given and answer your DMs about how to set boundaries while dating, how to talk about purity, how to let go of toxic people in your life without hurting them, and how to be a good friend to a roommate who's driving you crazy. They also tackle finding a church, how to handle conflict in relationships, and the age-old question: Does pineapple belong on pizza? - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up with us, good bye, welcome back to the world, we're welcome back. You just talked to your fans, I should show you. So, Christian is my guest on the show today and we are going to be doing a Q&A brought to you by our DMs. Brought to you by you. Yeah, actually brought to you by by brought to us by you guys. Brought to you. Yes by you. And Christian, he is aware of the fact that he does not need to wear these headphones because he's here but why are you wearing the headphones actually? Cause you said that my hair did not look that good and because- No I said we're gonna have- No yeah but I think that

the headphones make me look more official. Well that's true except for I kind of debunk you by not wearing them, but that's okay. You did you bow to me All right, so let's get to the Q&A What about we will start with the question of the podcast only a little bit different someone asks is what is the best Relationship vice that we have ever been given And we had two different answers, but both really good advice. So Christian, what's yours? That's a really good question. The best piece of a relationship advice that I've been given, I heard it from Rich Wilgersen, it was a sermon, and he said, the bait that you catch them with is the bait that you'll keep them with. And that

really just rain true for me in the season of life that I was in, you know, just thinking about that person that I was going to spin my life with and, you know, getting through that process of getting to know somebody and dating and just really, you know, they're being nothing, you know, superficial or they're being nothing that's not truly authentically me and just that idea of whoever I get to know, they're going to me for the things about me that you know are the good, bad, the ugly, whatever. And I don't think you care about. Yeah. You really cared that you had a Christ in a relationship and so you wanted to find someone who loves Christ. Yeah, so when we met, like I just didn't want there to be anything in our process of getting to know each other where I was

like acting a certain way around you and then my friends and doing different things you know so I wanted to try to be like you know that idea of this is real. Yeah it's being real. The truth will come out especially relationships like if you're going to marry someone you're going to find out who they are and so don't hide who you are like be at friend about that and I actually saw you give that vice if I so near friends Because they were like oh when a relationship like you and say like I so want that but they were like dating people that weren't godly Women and you were like hey, like if you want to have a relationship like me and say you have to date someone

Like say do not in the way of like oh, you have to be like me But they should be pursuing the Lord. They should be a positive person. Be someone you want to hang out with. You know, I think some people are like, Oh, well, I just like that person because they're attractive. So we'll date and then hopefully it works out. And I have this Godly relationship when you have a Godly and a pure and a good and joy-filled relationship when you as individual people are godly and joy-filled and, you know, pursuing

that. So that was really good advice. What about you? My best use of advice was from I'm too. One of us from Memo Jo, my great-grandma, and she said, stop pouting. It's stupid. And I just thought that was so good

because it wasn't like some like well put together saying it was just like, you should stop pouting because it's actually just stupid to pout. And I think somebody times like, you can just be annoyed and just kind of be like, you know, what, like I want you to know that I'm annoyed. So you just like walk around and it's like, why do you do that? Like just stop. And I actually thought about this the night because this is funny. So I was like, whenever you told me not to get you a cheeseburger and I didn't get you a cheeseburger and then you wish I did get you a cheeseburger and then I was all sad because

Why didn't tell you not to give me one? I just said maybe not He said maybe not so I didn't get my cheeseburger apparently I should have gotten him a cheeseburger And then I was like all sad that was like well why did you tell me that and all that stuff And then right after you asked me to go start your bath water and And honestly, I wanted to have an attitude, but I did it, but I did it. I went, exactly, it was stupid. It was stupid. I was just annoyed because I was like,

even via me on your podcast, you can make fun of it. That's just, but you guys that day, we're just little annoyances building out. And then you're like, you guys start with bath water. And I wanted to be like, really? Yeah, probably as I was walking out.

I was done with Dr. Dunnell. No, I was rocking here to sleep, thank you. You were gone, you're at your soft bug game. And so thank you. I was doing so. And then you call me and you think, you should shut my bathwater out here. I was taking care of the dog and the baby

and everything was like, is that all that you need, sir? Well, your friends were in town. But listen, okay, that's unimportant. That's unimportant. You have help. Shh, my point is, I could have pounded, but it was stupid. So I wanted to do, I started the bath water, right? Yep, good, thank you.

And then another good piece of advice was for my mom and she said, never say never always. So she's like, never say never and also never say always. And why is because you can get really caught up and like that night could have been like, you never do anything. You know, you always ask me to do something. Well, that's not true.

You actually do a lot of stuff all the time and you don't always ask me to do stuff. Like you just ask me just one thing, which is easy for me to do. Like, and it's so easy for somebody whenever you come in and you like say one thing you have to, it's like, oh, you never do this. You always do that. And that's actually just not true. And it's just very dramatic. And being dramatic could actually make you more mad. And there's no point in that. So that was really good advice.

And that can create a false narrative too, if you just constantly keep believing that. Because you might believe it. It's like, oh, he always does that. But it's like, he doesn't always do that. It's not true. So that was good. Good advice. Okay, next question is from, well that question is from Rachel. So thank you. Next question is from Anna.

Favorite memory with honey so far. I was thinking, I was gonna say like all of her first moments, like our first time coming home, our first bath, her first time in the her first bath her first time in the sand like her first time to sleep through the night which just recently happened her first that was a great her first time to roll over like it's just so sweet and yeah her first smile yeah it's just so cool to like see you know life through the eyes of a newborn like she, she's seeing everything fresh. Is it the first or just so cool?

Yeah, well, she's just not gotten to the point where like she is so aware. So she knows like what her hands are and kind of how to move them. And she really only knows how to move them into her mouth. She loves to see her. And she loves her hands. And it's so sweet like she knows who we are now. And it's so cute. Like every time she sees me

She's just grinning she smiles with her whole face all eyes and she can't say anything yet Obviously she's just three months, but it's so cute because I go where's your mama? And every time I say it she smiles, it's so cute So we have like a million favorite memories with honey like it's just the best thing ever to be a mom And I'm sure it's the best thing ever to be a mom. And I'm sure it's the best thing to be a dad. It's the best thing to be a dad, yeah. And it's just the greatest challenge.

The girl dad is the best. Girl dad. Love it. You're a great girl dad babe. Okay, next question is what boundaries did you set in your dating relationship? And this was a really great question. Honestly, we kinda went a different route

than just having like, if you're talking about physical boundaries, which we can talk about other boundaries too, I guess there's a lot of different boundaries, but physically speaking, we didn't say like, we're not gonna do this, and we are gonna do this, and this is like, here's the boundary because I do feel like when you have a boundary, like you typically just go to the boundary line, right?

Like, you teeter that. Yeah, and then you just a boundary like you typically just go to the boundary line right like you teeter that yeah and then you just cross it and you feel bad is all this stuff and like we just wanted to not make it such a like there's a line but more just like we have a relationship with God and like we're pursuing God and we're pursuing God's plan for our life and for a relationship and God's plan is purity and God's plan is one man, one woman, four marriage, and I will say like that wasn't our, that wasn't what our past looked like, you know, but we had an opportunity when we came together for our future different than like people that we did in the past and we both wanted God's plan We wanted to pursue that and said together we made a decision, hey, we're going to do that.

And that looks like purity and that looks like this. And that was that boundary in the sense of like, you know, just conversations of before I pursue you, I'm going to pursue God. And then out of that relationship, that's going to cause me to love you the best that I can. That's going to make me be more patient with you and more loving and graciousness. And if I get those two mixed up, then I'll start putting you on this pedestal that you can't live up to.

So I think that was the bounce that we really talked about a lot. Yeah, so the biggest banger is definitely loving God first and then loving each other. And that's still true. I hope that's always our life that we love God first. And we love each other. And then we love our family and our friends and people.

You know? And so, yeah, that was a boundary. And I will say, I think some of the people think like the purity talk is just like what you say up for it. And you're just like, hey, this is what we're gonna do. This is that. But actually, it's like such a gradual conversation. We talked about that so many times.

And we're like, we pursue God's plan. We want God's plan. You know, we pray a lot together about that so many times and we're like we pursue God's plan. We want God's plan, you know We prayed a lot together about that and I think that was really beneficial and helpful for us that we were constantly in communication about that the stronger we had feelings for each other The more and la we were the closer we were to marriage That was just an important conversation Next question is do you take sermon notes? Slash, what are your favorite sermons right now?

Great question. We love sermons. Sermons are our favorite. In college, I took notes every Sunday, but for some reason, I just don't really right now. But you did listen to it, huh? I listened to sermon, like, four or five times a week. Yeah.

My favorite sermons right now, it's a Sermon series from Matt Chandler. He went through Revelation. It was like January to, no, not in February. It was like February like April. So it was like 10 Sermons, just straight up Revelation. And it was so good. There's no Sermon series has impacted me spiritually.

The way that that one has. I think I've listened to it two or three times through. Yeah, it was really, really, really good. My favorite sermon's listened to is Perseille Shire. I love her. I listened to this message that she preached. I just listened to this one clip of it called, Who's Your Daddy?

Like so, like, how many times have I listened to that? All the time. I can like quote it. Whatever she says. And every day, I look in the mirror and Whenever she says, um, and every day, uh, look in the mirror and I tell myself, girl, who's your daddy? And you know what I tell myself? I say he is the first and the last. He's the beginning of me and he's the keeper of creation and the creator of all. He always was always is always will be a move on change undefeated

and never done. He was bruised with broad healing. I can keep going, but I'll stop. At the Soda Shower. But yeah, that is for Soda Shower. But I say that to say, I maybe not take notes like I write it down, but I get it in my heart. And I listen to it over and over and over again until I get and know it and I learn it because those words really matter to me. And you can listen to a sermon all day long

but until you apply the teaching, it won't have an effect on your life and that really means a lot to me that message because there are times like I doubt myself but I don't want to doubt God and so I want to look in the mirror and remind myself like okay it doesn't really matter who I am. My God is the first and the last. He's the beginning and the end. He's the keeper, Christian, the creator of all. So here in the words she gave me really blessed me, you know. So, yeah, I think that

means a lot. And there's a sermon from her called Identity and Christ, really like, and then another sermon from Passion that she preached that was on the Armored God. So, yeah, I really like that. I love Christine came to and I mean, really, you can name me one and I'm. Yeah, Madden, Louis or my tooth or My two go two. Yeah, Louis, we love Louis. So many great ones though. I mean, I could go on a list of all the people that we love and listen to. But right now, Matt Chandler, Louis, Pursuille O'Shar, Chris and Kane.

God, I could name so many of it. Start there, start there. Start, they will start there. Okay. Is there such a thing as the right person wrong time? Yeah for real I mean think about it Christians are right person for me But how do we met when my sister my Christian three years before we met two years for

Something like that about two years before we met, it would have been the wrong time. Wrong time. We would not have been ready for each other. But if I met you then I would have been, I would have thought this was the right time. My bad time was for me. Do you really think you would have?

What, I think, I mean, you probably would have looked at me and said well he probably used to mature a lot more but then I'd have been like, you'll all get there., yellow get there. I'm saying they probably would have been a different perspective of capability. Of who is this guy? I look at you. You're amazing. Thank you. What are you reading in scripture right now? Jeremiah.

And I just- What is that. Jeremiah. And... No, it's not. Jeremiah. What? I'm almost finished with Jeremiah, and then I usually read a few Psalms a day, and then I'm back and forth just flipping to the New Testament.

But with Jeremiah, just the idea, it's just so cool just to see how much he prophesized. And I'm pretty sure in the New Testament, Jesus quoted Jeremiah more than any other. Really, wow. I'm pretty sure. That's cool. I'm almost positive.

That check, but I'm not really cool. But no, sure. That's cool. I'm almost positive. That check, but that was really cool. But no, it's just so cool to see how gracious God was with the Israelites and just those people and just constantly had disobedient they were. But then when they would be obedient, it was like a little glimpse and then God would be gracious and then be disobedient and he'd be angry.

So it's just this this thing of just reminding us of just how much God desires us to be obedient. What was really cool, because Christian was telling me about that. Was that yesterday that that's what you were reading as regards to teaching you. And I was like, that's so cool, because I'm in the end about that.

Like with honey, like God has really like taught me about grace because like, like it's just amazing to think that God sees me in a greater way even than I see honey because the grace and the love of heaven is so and measured. She can literally cry for three hours and spit up all over me and I would be so stressed out out of my mind

and be like, oh my gosh, this is so hard and all this stuff. And then she like, Larry saw it since she like smiles and goes, oh, and I'm like, I love you so much. And like, forget the three hours that just happened. Like, there's just so much grace. And I just think about like, wow, like God loves me like that. Like the minute, like I turned to him and I'm like, dad or like, God, I need you, like, God, I love you. God, I'm sorry.

Like, it's just so cool to think that he loves my dad and he meets me and that kind of grace that, you know, I meet my daughter with and hopefully will for the years to come. I'm in an imperfect way, but God's is perfect. And so for Christian to say that about in Jeremiah that God just had so much grace on his people, even though like they were so bad

You know, and you think like gosh like God like yes you put it. Yes, you punish him Yes, you did things but like constantly whenever they turn back to him. He was there, you know And I just think that's really cool God definitely when you're a parent you you just like think about God a new way and I just told God that it was like Thank you for like describing yourself to us as a father and as your children. Because now that I understand that love, that is the coolest thing ever.

Oh, and what I'm reading is coming out. So actually, I've been working on my book for the past few months. It's been crazy. Typically people have a year for a book process, 12 months, I had from March until I turned it in last night Like my book and my journal and all the edits for all of it. So That was a very

No, no, no, no, that's very expedited process and that was a little bit crazy, especially with the newborn And also working on my sermon for the end of this month and all of that so right now in scripture I'm kind of everywhere. I'm all over reading like more so verses at a time, which used to I like to read like book says on and right now I'm kind of like focusing on those firsts, focusing on that verse for specific beings that I'm talking about. But the verse has kind of been like on the heart for the most lately is that when Jesus says, I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. And I just think that that's so powerful.

One of the things I'm kind of writing about talking about is that so many times in our life, like to get us where we're going, we think, okay, I need to do it my way. I'm gonna create my truth, and I'm gonna live my life. And that's the outcome I want, but that's actually not the outcome. That outcome never gets us what we want, and never gets us where we're going.

And so when we replace all those minds it's actually Jesus is the way. He is the truth. He is the life. That's who I'm going to follow to get to the fall there. That's actually that's the true life I want to live. That's the true way I want to go and that's really the truth that I believe. So that's been like the scripture that's kind of been a thread throughout everything I've been working on and reading right now. Okay, how do I let people who are not healthy for me to be around go without hurting them?

So this is kind of a hard question because situations are so different. I would say, you don't have to make some big deal about it, right? Like you don't have to like come to them be like you are hurting me. You're terrible and I'm leaving by like don't do that That's just not necessary. Like take it up with the Lord be like God. This is really hurting I don't want to hurt them, but like I need a boundary and then just create boundaries with that person You know if they want to go to lunch just you're busy today, I'm sorry,

but I hope you have a great day. You can be really kind, but also you can be clear, clear as kind. You can say, I'm not gonna be able to go today. Hey, I need to take a set back for it a little bit, or you can be honest and you can say, this is hurting me, and the way that this relationship is,

it's just not very healthy for me, and I'm gonna take a step back. You can do that. I just encourage you, like, before you do that, before you have a conversation with a person, like, have a conversation with God, and really be at peace with what you're gonna say, because if you don't, you'll go into it,

and it'll just be like an argument and a fight, and you'll not be hurting your words, or be jumbled and it just won't get anywhere. Yeah, I was gonna, yeah. You don't wanna like just blow up and tell them while they're the worst person. No, it never works, ever.

Yeah, no, that doesn't work. But yeah, let me like said, I think being honest is definitely the best way to go about it. And even because even, you know, being honest with them in that way that can even maybe elevate them, you elevate them to be better than what they're being. You know, and like, you kind of call them to a higher purpose. And you kind of, for some people that might even wake them up to say, you know what, I'm not being the best person.

So thanks for telling me that. I needed to hear that. So sometimes being honest truly does. And that's how I say it. It's so circumstantial. Like it's so I say, like it's so circumstantial, like it's so like the person, like it's somebody that needs to be in your life. It's a family or close friend,

like the conversation's necessary. Like go to them and say, you know, I'm going to need to talk about this because it's really hurting me the way that you're speaking to me, the way that you're treating me. That's worth the conversation. But if it's somebody that's like not does not need to be in your life anyway, so think that's when you don't have to blow up,

you just kind of take stuff out. Okay, low battery. Okay, how do you be a good sister in a friend who a roommate who is constantly driving you crazy? Good question. That is a good question. You're crazy. Good question. That is a good question. I like you get. Well, I don't know how to be a sister. I do not have to be a bro. I'm a friend.

Yeah, and a friend. Yeah. My, I'm a pretty confrontational person. So my way might not be the most constructive. I would just bluntly just say you're driving me crazy. Yeah, I don't know that they don't mess with my server. I don't really get cyst like girly like what's the problem? Well both are different like guys could literally be like hey bro you're being annoying and the guys like oh okay but like I've agro to that they're crying be like oh my gosh

I'm so sorry that's so awkward to give a little bit of stuff to me. So yeah, probably don't do that. But if you are getting annoyed with the person, again, I would say confront them, talk to them. Maybe you're annoyed because they don't pick up. We'll say, hey, it would really mean a lot to me if you would pick up after yourself. Or maybe you're annoyed because they come home super late.

Hey, I know they yielded your life in all of mine, but it would really mean a lot to me if you let me know when you're coming home. So I don't have to stay up with the door. Whatever it is. Well, it's even like that last question just being honest. Yeah, you just have to be honest. And again, like kind of clear. I don't know where that came from.

Clear is kind of clear, but my friend has a t-shirt that says that. So that's why I always say that. But anyways, well, it's even like because if you just let those things Festion, you're not honest and you're gonna get more. You're gonna just blow up and then that's not good for anybody So I think those are the things that constructive and you'll help them become a roommate for someone else or a future spouse Like future spouse. I'm glad for the times that my roommate said something to me. That was you know Good for me to hear because I think I'm a better wife for it. Thank you. It's right.

Like one thing it's funny whenever I live with some girls in Osprey like my best friends ever. None of them ever took the lint out of the dryer and I was like why do you not take the lint out of the dryer? And none of them even knew you were supposed to do that. So that's just funny but like I was like getting kind of like annoyed because it kept building up but like they didn't even know you're supposed to do it so I was just like oh which job okay I don't know why they didn't know about it but it was kind of funny but like again you don't know where someone's coming from so you should just say um okay advice for income and college freshmen on finding a church I'm gonna let you take this because I did not go to college. That's a good question.

I think community is the biggest aspect of that. Finding people who are your age that are a thing that, so for me when I went to college, the church that I went to, it was basically like primarily 75, 80% college students. So for me already that was the community. So whoever's incoming incoming college freshmen to find a church, I think just find people who are year-age that are attending the same church and find people who are year-age that are actually

on fire for God that are not, you know, leaving that high school stage but still kind of quasi-want to go to church but not. That's a good word. I just realized that from the start I never told you like in that camera and you had like you at the TV. Yeah the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Back to my answer. Yeah you should have told me that before we started, bro. my answer. Yeah, you should have told me that before we started, bro. Um, so what I was saying was find a community of people out of your age that are actively pursuing a relationship with God, maybe not where your sorority sisters or fraternity brothers are going, but find a place where people actually want to pursue God. We have a monitor over here. We can see yourself and I think because you're supposed to look in that. I clearly have been looking for 25 minutes. Oh yes.

Okay, that was a really good answer. I was not laughing about that. I was really laughing about the fact that I just noticed that. Okay. How do you handle conflict and relationships? Be honest. All the things? Be honest. All the things, be honest.

Yeah, and just I would say my friend has this like a 24 hour rule. Like don't let it go 24 hours not saying it. And I think that is important. Like if I need to address something with Christian, like I should not wait until two days from now to address it. It doesn't matter if you're tired. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it is my retired or busy that you say it.

Because there there happen times where when I was supposed to say something, and it's like, why didn't you tell me that two days ago? Or three weeks ago. Yeah, there was a thing the other day, you're like, actually, this kind of upset me, and I was like, that was like two months ago. What are you talking about?

So yeah, if things upset you the moment, just talk about. So don't wait and then you hear some keywords. Actually, yeah, that actually really upset me. Well, in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'll get over it. But it's really just saying, even if it's small, he has been, yeah, two months to go by and he says something. I'm like like speaking of that

Yeah, I'm not probably that That's what I said that is can get better. Mm-hmm, and that's how I really appreciate that. Thank you. Sadie is the most humble person I mean serious Yeah, I'm not joking. I knew I knew you were drinking my son I said cast it No, I was being serious. You're the most humble person. That's so sweet. Thank you You've said that before and that always means a lot. That's being serious. You're the most humble person. Good, so sweet. Thank you. You've said that before, and that always means a lot. That's the sweet. You're so humble too.

Thank you. I think humility is one of the things that in our life, everyone should definitely pay more attention to. I think a lot of people read the Bible and see all these attributes. We may be joyful, we may not be pleased, we may be confident confident, but like, I think being humble is like, really at the root of a lot of things. So for the humbling, contract hard. Yeah, like to be humble ourselves,

to result the odd and to humble ourselves and not be prideful to learn and to become better. Like, I think it's really essential to becoming new, a new creation. So thanks for saying to us the highest compliment you could give me. Okay, fun questions. Does pizza go on pineapple, which I believe they meant to say this pineapple go on pizza or maybe the fun question was that you put pizza on a pineapple. Okay, if you're asking a pineapple to go on pizza, yes, 100% yes. I love pineapple and pizza.

Well, pineapple and pizza is for the for like the person who's like wanting to be healthy, but also being like, I kind of want pizza. I never thought I was trying to be that pizza is healthy, but thank you. No, I'm saying pineapple. I'm not saying pineapple. Yeah. I know, but they're like from the can, I'm sure.

Well, it's made, old. That's it. For, well, it's actually kind of funny, because I always mean to order Hawaiian pizza, and one time I was so mad. I meet me in like a month that I was very excited to get back to you. Me, what was it?

I guess I was passing or something. We saw that Netflix time. Oh yeah, okay. And we were like, let's like nod to me and so then we didn't, and like 30 days go by. And I'm like, I'm actually can't wait to get a Hawaiian pizza. And I actually said pineapple pizza. And so we get the pizza and it doesn't have me on it.

It's just cheese and pineapple. You were very disappointed. I don't recommend that. That's not very good. Okay. And lastly, this is a question that you all been waiting for. If you miss out on buying a ticket to the Ellicester Conference,

is there any way that you can get one? We actually have a lot of DMs about this, and I'm here to tell you, even though it sold out, we actually can provide tickets. We are opening up 50 more seats. So we have 50 tickets going on sale right now, as we speak, and you guys listen to the podcast or the first to hear about it.

I'm not gonna post it on my Instagram for at least today. So you'll have 24 hours so you'll get the last 50 tickets. And when you will see there, August 27th and 28th in the West Federal Louisiana, it is going to be so legit. Too legit to quit. We're actually maybe going to do this in person, aren't we? What? I know I actually haven't even told you that until today.

But we're going to be doing a Q&A together, and we're excited. And we're gonna get the questions from the audience. So if you wanna see this live and a person, I'm sure you do after how great we did today. Thank you. Come to the L.O. Sister Conference 2021. It's gonna be epic.

Swipe up. Bye bye.