WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our Best Relationship Advice: Living on a Budget, Conflict Resolution & Parenting Wins

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

Sadie is sharing some GREAT relationship advice she's received from her mom, Korie, her husband, Christian, and her good friends, Parker and Freddie! In this episode we're covering a wide-range of topics such as how to restore trust after it's been broken in a relationship, how you can resolve conflict well while respecting how your spouse will be best served in the process, making new friends as a couple, and why living on a budget can be stressful but can also be some of the most memorable moments you'll ever have in your marriage. And don't forget to have FUN in your relationship!  https://www.nuts.com/whoa – Get a free gift with purchase for new customers and free shipping on orders of $29 or more right now! Get 25% OFF your Abide premium subscription! But ONLY if you text WHOA to 22433. https://athleticgreens.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D & 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Wednesday. Well, that's good. This is Christian here. I am, say, this has been, for some reason, you don't know that. And if you also don't know, we have two kids now. And we have just been enjoying our time here where we're living. And, yeah, just laying low, just enjoying time as a family and being with honey and being with Haven. I've been asked to come here at Intro and give you a little life update before we played this awesome episode of a compilation of best relationship advice that we've had over the course of a few seasons. It's going to be awesome to stay tuned for that, but a little quick life update, like I said before, if you do not know, we have two kids now

and their names are Honey and Haven, our two daughters and they are the greatest thing ever. Honey is literally in heaven with her sister. She wants to hold her all the time, which we can't really let her do that, because she still thinks she's kind of a baby doll. So as good parents, we do not allow that to happen. But one of the funniest

things was, so when we brought Haven home to the hospital, home from the hospital, we put them both in matching pajamas like the first night. And honey had a meltdown, like she was screaming. She was saying, take her back to the doctor. Like she had, she wanted nothing to do with her. But then about two hours later, we just kind of convinced her that this was a good thing. And she started kissing her cheek, kissing her forehead. But then about two hours later, we just kind of convinced her that this was a good thing. And she started kissing her cheek, kissing her forehead. And then a few days later, honey's been obsessed with frozen lately. We watch it all the time, but our new movie now has shark tails. But with frozen, it's Anna and Elsa. And ever since Sadie kind of

made the connection of, you know, you're like Elsa and she's like, Anna or whatever, like y'all two are sisters. It's been the biggest game changer in her little life. And it has been the greatest thing ever. Say he's doing good. She's recovering well. And we are still running on limit asleep, but so far Haven has been a far better baby than Honey was. I don't know if I can say it, but I think I can because Honey had colic. She spit up all the time and Haven, it's just like a little angel. She barely cries and she, it's just the cutest thing ever. But yeah, seeing Honey just become so obsessed

with there's been the sweetest thing. You know, we got home from the hospital and we had a meal train set up where all of our friends and family for what felt like forever, just were bringing us food and it was the sweetest thing of getting to see them come by and meet Haven. And it kind of just spent time with us

as a new family of four. And it's been the sweetest adjustment, as I said, Honey was more difficult than Haven's been. So it's been a different adjustment. And I feel like we're more qualified, maybe not qualified, but we're more equipped now as a parent of Honey for two years now and being with Haven. I just feel like we're more experienced and we a parent of Honey for two years now and being with Haven.

I just feel like we're more experienced and we're kind of just more natural in that and more comfortable in it. So it's been the sweetest time and having all of our friends come by and spring us food and spend time with us. It's been just one of the sweetest things. And like I said, it's been, we've been laying live. We've also had things to do a few weeks ago. We had a screening of the of the blind premiere that we all went to the theater to go watch it. We've had a fourth of July party where we got out and a little bit and hung out with the family. We've had things that we've been doing, but we've also been laying low and just kind of taking time off of work and social media and just a lot of little bear, a lot of shark

tails, a lot of frozen, a lot of just fun TV shows that we've been getting to watch and maybe not as much sleep as we would like, but that is expected having a newborn baby. And we also just want to thank y'all so much on social media just for sending so much love and encouragement just after the birth of Haven and it's sweet to see all of y'all. Saying that she looks just like honey, we kind of think she looks a little different,

but it's been sweet to see y'all just Just encourage and uplift and just send lots of love and prayers for that. So thank you all so much. And we hope you enjoyed this episode where we put together some of our best pieces of advice from episodes in the past. Hope you enjoy it. For you. I'm just going to sleep.

Just slightly offended me 20 minutes ago. Yeah, but let's just, let's just, okay, this is actually a good mind, because you know how sometimes our unit emergency, and you're like, if I could only just rewind this thing, we could actually play it, and you could see it, you would know that I didn't say that. Yeah, I do.

Like if there is a hidden camera. Yes, and y'all were kind of acting as our hidden cameras, y'all were both there. And we're gonna rewind it, and I'm gonna let you repeat to everybody what I said that just so offended you. Well, usually I would say I do want a hidden camera, but if this moment I wouldn't, because it's not the big of a deal. And I'm gonna let you repeat to everybody what I said that just so if I need you well usually I would say I do want to hit in camera but this moment I wouldn't because it's not the big of a deal So basically I'm about to go on a honey trip in Nebraska

When this goes out it'll be Monday. So I'll be in the thick of it at this point And it's supposed to be like negative one degrees and like everyone that I've told I'm going is always Followed up with will do you have enough clothes for that? I didn't know this. I wasn't in any of these conversations. They don't know that. And my response is always like, yes, I have plenty of clothes. My ski jacket that I wear on the ski trips is Camo. Perfect. So I'm going to wear that, obviously. I have plenty of, yeah, it's really cool, can't I? So I have plenty of, plenty of like underarm or cold gear,

like leggings and like, you know, tops. I have really warm sweat pants that I'm gonna wear. I have wool socks. That's not gonna say it. It's really warm sweat pants. Well, it was gonna wear some like flimsy, like Lulu lemon kind of sweat pants. Like, that's, yeah.

Am I gonna wear Lulu? Yes, but it's not, that's, yeah. Am I gonna wear Lulu? Yes, but it's not, it's not like the latex, like the stretch of it. It's like the wool one or one. They still don't know what I said to affinity this. So Sadie said, so after I've heard this all week, and we're talking about three like negative one on Friday, so this is minus this, three days ago.

Like your first time to talk about this. Yes. And Sadie is eating her little ass eyeball and she's like mouthful. Like, do you have enough clothes for that? No. I said, do you have a clothes for that? Yeah, and that with like the eyebrow scrunch,

she was like, do you have a clothes for that? As a concern for life. Like, as if I have it like prepped and like thought about it. But like in my mind, I'm like, I'm being a good wife. Like, hey, like, do you have enough clothes for that? Like, because if you don't, I'll go make sure you get the clothes for that. And he's like, whoa.

Where's the thing? I just been down. Hold on. Where do you think I am? I've been doubted all week and just to see my best friend and my lover. Look at me. Look at me in question.

If I'm prepared, I was kind of like little cut off guard. I'm just scratching with you. And then I close my bag for a break. You have that close for that. And then he gets a doom and I'm close for that. Because I know you're closet. You are a Lulu guy. Like we could start a store.

And there's not like all of it, like winter gear. And then you follow that by me asking it, by you saying, yeah, I have a ski jacket. And then I'm like, well, that's great. But like, do you have socks? Do you have pants? Do you have, and then you said, I know, have sweatpants. And I'm like, babe, I think you're under esterating,

whoa, negative one degrees feels like. You mean like, I'm gonna be so bundled up. They're almost socks, what, negative one degrees feels like. You mean like, I'm gonna be so bundled up. They're all socks, like all of it. I am, I'm gonna be very prepared. I just, I'm not sure to get footage of it. Yes, yes, thank you. I'm sure a document.

The proper thing would have been like, I'm sure you're prepared, but baby, are you? You know? So that's how you work. Yeah, you're always. Here's the thing in marriage and this all happens. Like when you have an argument and you think someone says something the wrong Yeah, it's always. Here's the thing in marriage. And this all happens. Like when you have an argument and you think someone says something the wrong way, it's so easy.

Like what you should have said was, you said for like, who thinks to always say like, okay, I'm sure you're so prepared. You've probably already packed for this whole trip, but I'm just making sure you might be cold. If you started that. And I wasn't in the sidewall, I was eating a burrito. Do you think I'd have been better? I'm way harder to talk when you have a bur. If you started that. I wasn't in a burrito. Do you think I'd have been bewitched?

I'm way harder to talk when you have a burrito in your mouth to get all those organs in. Do you think I'd have been defensive if you were to do that? I don't know, because you were on the defense. I would. No, I was not. So tell us and you get on the defense.

I was not. I'm always on offense. I'm a scoring goal. That is not true. That is not true. There was a question here that talks about what is healthy communication look like a marriage.

And I think we could probably both look at our arguments this morning and pick out some advice to people when what it looks like to communicate more in a more healthy way. Like you said, I could have started by assuming the best out of you and saying, however, I will say I wasn't even assuming the worst out of you. I really was just wondering if you felt like you had enough. But if I wouldn't know the backstory that people had already questioned you and you fell doubted, I definitely could have used more of language like, hey, I've seen the best of you.

I know that you probably have prepared for this, but I want to make sure you're not cold. Not even a much more sensitive way to say it. I do think one good marriage advice for communication is do not start on the defense. Do y'all have any advice from y'all's communication flop sometimes on things that y'all feel like you've noticed in your marriage, you're like, okay, I could have said this better or whenever I say things like this, it does not go well. A lot. I think it's different for the person. Like for me, it's like I need to assume

that Parker's gonna respond with my best interest at heart rather than like assume the worst in me. Kind of like what you're just talking about like this morning in our complex conversation. I didn't say it because I was like, well you're right to go on a trip. I don't want it to stress you out, like works a lot.

Like, we can't resolve this. And he's like, you know, I would rather talk about it in like five minutes rather than like wait 10 days to talk about it. And it's like, I have to remember that sometimes it's not just about me when I need to resolve something. Like, it's about our marriage

and like what's also gonna be best for Parker rather than assuming I know what's best. What's best? Yo, I am not gonna lie. A late night snack is kind of my thing. I know it's not good, but look, sometimes you just gotta get a snack before bed, am I right? One of my favorite snacks is dried mango.

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on orders of $29 or more at nuts.com slash woe. So go check out all the delicious options at nuts.com slash woe. You'll receive a free gift and free shipping when you spend $29 or more. That's nuts.com slash woe. What do you think about going back to your dad? $29 or more, that's nuts.com slash quote. I want to talk about going back to you and dad. So y'all got back together and then it was very short turn around.

See how I got back together in like September. So two weeks after school started. Yeah. And then y'all got married in January. So by your second semester, you were married. Which is because didn't you get married and then you didn't go to honeymoon? Two days later, you went to college. And he got married on a Saturday, January 11th.

We drove to Arkansas on Sunday and he started college. It was his first time in college. It was my second semester on Monday. Wow. Yeah, we did not. We did not. That summer, we went to Hawaii with my parents as a honeymoon. Like that was like, we won't be caught on honeymoon.

Because we didn't have honeymoon, but we were like so young and in love, we didn't care. We were like, we're moving into our little bit of apartment. That was literally like, besides of this podcast space. It was so tiny. And that we were just so excited and so in love. That's crazy.

It didn't matter. So, okay, three months to go by, you get married. You still didn't really have a plan plan. You still were broke broke. And like when we say you were broke, I mean, y'all did not have money. You went to Hawaii with your parents because they were going to Hawaii.

That's right. Oh yeah. You were going to Hawaii. Y'all even went to college because your parents helped you get a college. I mean, it was not like y'all had money. And when it came to y'all's marriage I really did not have money.

So give us just a picture into what that looked like because some of y'all's arguments at the time. I remember just y'all not having money were pretty fun. And just want to y'all eat. What were some of the meals that you were cooking? Oh my gosh. Okay, so our budget was so tight. Like I was full time in school.

We actually, we, and he was trying to go to school and work and support us too. And we actually worked at one of those call centers for a little while where you call and ask for money. You know, like, I don't know if that happens to you. I would be like, hey, you know, try to ask for money for something. It was terrible as a workshop ever. But anyway, so we were so broke, we had a very tough, we never ate out.

Little Caesar's Pizza where it was like, you got a lot of pizza for very little. That was it. We made hot dogs, they would be like Monday, would be like hot dogs, with more milk chili, Tuesday, would be like fried chicken. We were on the tightest budget. We literally out-remember in the grocery store, we had $5 left of our allotted, you know, our money was like an envelope to say like, this is your grocery money for this week. We had like $5 left and he went about pack of bicycle cards and I wanted to buy a magazine

and it was like a full-out fight because it was like, it's just good, it's just extra money that we have here. We did this for extra money that we had up here. But okay, this will tell you exactly how tight. So I'll never forget this. We had some friends that loaned us their washer and jar because they, I don't know, I think they rented another apartment that had a washer jar in there and we didn't have one. So loaned us their washer and jar, and so we went into the light and do something nice for them for letting us use their washer.

Yeah, so we took them out to Shownies, which I'm saying all these references that you're anyone I can even know. But anyway, if anyone that's older, they'll remember Shownies. So we took them to Shownies and I'll never forget the bill comes back and it was $40 for us for to eat at Shownies and I was like, how? This is just $10 a person. This is $10 a person fact because we had gone all out.

We had ordered dessert. We were like, we're splurging. We want to be generous and thank you. And then whenever we stand at check and it was $40, I was like, how are we going to eat the rest of this week or not? You know? That is crazy. I love that though, because nowadays,

a social media, there's this pressure as a young wife and mom to have all the snacks be literally cut into dinosaur shapes. The strawberries to be all in hearts and every meal to be perfect and it to be healthy and it's to be beautiful And then for young wives like I'm not knocking on this because I actually take the inspiration But my brother-in-law and sister-in-law discovered me and they literally post their weekly menu They print out a beautiful menu and that it's fancy food and they'll post their beautiful dinner and their you know Little mock-tell that they made and their appetizer

their beautiful dinner and their little mocked that they made and their appetizer, and the great cheese. I mean, it's like fancy and it's awesome. There's nothing wrong with that. And like I said, I have used some of their recipes and I could be better at that. But sometimes seeing how perfect other people's meals can be and plates can be, it can make you feel like,

oh, man, what's my hot dog? You know, what's my little Caesar's pizza? Sometimes you're just in the position of life or rom noodles are just gonna have to do, you know? I mean, for this season of my life, yes, peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a great dinner. That's right, cereal is just fine. That's right.

And so I just think that like, sometimes because we see everybody else's life, RRS Ell Ellison, doesn't look like enough. But man, like seasons, common seasons go and so different than others. And they have been back on that period. I mean, it's such fun memory. It is. What I was thinking about, that we were just like, you know, trying to make

all the pieces fit together to make our budget and everything. And we didn't have that. And I do think that is harder on this generation because you are seeing other people's lives in a way that is very edited. And that looks like, oh, they have it all together. The app probably said this on a podcast before. And it's funny now that we have Parker on the podcast

because I always say that me and you probably weren't necessarily dating without Parker. That's true. There is like, I always say that me and you probably wouldn't have started dating without Parker. That's true. You guys, there is like, I have been talking to guys about that. Like whenever you were about to start pursuing me, like what are the conversations you have with Parker? Because I do think that this is a good, like this is actually a good example to people. Because a lot of times, like people pursue someone and like, it's like a private thing or it's actually not much of a pursuit. It's just a start relationship and then they like,

don't include any of their friends or friends or involve their relationship. It gets isolating and it gets weird and it gets bad. But like you had your friends as a part of our relationship before we were even in a relationship. And so what did that look like? Well, I think for me, obviously you know it. I'm like a super indecisive person.

Yes. Like I like having people around me to speak into things that I might overthink or like doubt. So for Parker, a lot of it was just like through prayer of like, you know, I hope this where I police pray that this actually works out. A lot of it was that kind of prayer. But even just like conversation, I don't really even remember like the majority

of our conversation, you might remember some of the most of them maybe. I don't know. I remember you had like a long talk walking in the beach. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that.

I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. walking through like, hey, what would this look like? You know, when I be capable of leading this, like how would this kind of like work out

and just kind of like need some encouragement to like, hey, if I'm gonna pursue this, like, you know, it could change a lot of things in my life. So just talking through those things and like seeking wisdom and like having this encouragement from a friend that I really love and respect. And that is huge. Like what you just said is so foreign to so many people listening,

like that you would even stop and consider before pursuing, because it would be easy to just pursue because you're like, I like this girl. We, you know, we have a lot of chemistry, we talk in the final and time, like it's so fun. And I think whenever you get like your fun

and like feelings involved, like things go super fast, but you were like slowly like, okay, is this actually wise? Is it actually smart? Can I actually do this? Like, what will this look like for me? And like talking out with one of your best friends,

and then you really did do everything so intentionally. Like the start of a dating was so intentional, which actually built our foundation for dating to be so intentional and so great. And then that built our foundation for engagement to be so great, and then marriage to be so great. And so like, I think that was just the start of a good relationship.

And I know y'all did those things too. Y'all's friend group was just so mature and like the guys that y'all surrounded yourself with and how y'all helped each one of each other start the relationships that they were in. I thought that was really cool, but I would say to people listening as a practical piece of advice before you ever meet the person is listen to like dating, you know, marriage engagement, all those kind of podcasts. Listen, read the books about

relationships because I listen to Mike Todd's relationship series and then Ben Stewart, single day engagement, we read that book together. We read all kinds of books, but even before I met you, I mean, I listened to Mike Todd's, and I remember like the first one was like, before the person, and it just really got my heart right and like, okay, before the person like, who am I as a person, you know? What am I gonna bring into a relationship?

And so I think it's already good to start like, prepping your heart, to start preparing for your relationship way before you ever even get into the relationship. I think that also shows God that like God like I'm like I'm surrendered to your point for my life but I'm also preparing for what you have for me and I think that's a great thing. So what does it look like for y'all to be in community with other people in marriage? Yeah I mean I think at least for us, we try to like, obviously prioritize each other having individual friendships too, you know, because it's just important for Christian

and I to have a good relationship and with other guys to be honest and things like that. People hold us accountable because then I'm going to be a better husband and I'm going to be able to be there for Freddie, better, and community and things like that. I'm healthy as a husband, but I mean, it just, definitely, you have to prioritize, you have to be intentional with it because when you start to isolate yourselves and you start to think you're the only ones going through what you're going through, you know, which I think we did in our first year of marriage. We were in a community group, but it wasn't, you know, we weren't being intentional. We weren't really speaking up about what we were going through. But if you're in a community, they'll start to realize like, hey, something's

not right. Like we all need to come to us. And so you have to have people that are there for you that will call you out and hold you accountable when you're not willing to be honest about what's going on. Because we all have that. When you're struggling, you know, you're like, you don't want to be honest about that. That's hard.

Especially the people you care about and look up to that are your friends. So you have to have people there that can help you do that when you don't want to bake. Hey O'Fam, I'm Sadie Rob here and I don't know what your morning routine looks like. For me it's either Honey or my alarm clock waking me up in the morning. It's kind of a toss up on which one will get to me first. I don't know where your phone fits into your morning routine, but if you're like me it's often at the top of the list. And let's be honest,

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Okay, so you and dad, y'all are such a cute couple. Y'all are so funny, and for those of you who do the iniogram, you'll appreciate this. Mom is a 7-wing 8, and dad is an 8-wing 7. So firecracker. A little fire 8? A little firecracker. A little firecracker. Oh yeah, they have definitely, y'all aren't gonna lie that you argue a few times in your life. A few fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire.

A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire.

A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire.

A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. A little fire. a lot of tennis, a lot of scrabble, go fishing, cook. You know what I mean, you're more of an assistant chef, not really like cook. I'm gonna say, cook, you eat. That's really easy. You appreciate it.

Well, you definitely don't let me, that's really it. But you all do a lot together and it's really sweet. We are certainly a team. How do you stay on the same team with your spouse whenever you might disagree on something? Because I feel like me and Christian stepping

into parenting, there might be Stepping and Deparenting, there might be things that we see things different, but how do we like stay the same team? I think that is so important, because kids can sense weakness. Like they can sense, like where's the weak link or who's gonna give on this, you know, and they know it and they can,

it's uncanny how they can figure that out. So it is important to say that- So that's like whenever you say like, oh, I just go, I stay out, because I'm serious. Yeah, exactly. So it is important to say that. So that's like whenever you say like, oh, I just go, I'll stay out. Because I'll stay out. Yeah, exactly. So it is important to say, you're not your friend and you're not gonna agree on everything at all.

But I think it is about respect ultimately. It's like, I respect you as a parent, you respect me. And I think, and I really believe this, like so strongly that God gives us two parents because you need that kind of give and take. You need those differences. Dad was a little maybe harder on some things than I would have been. And I was a little harder on some things that he would have been.

But we respected one another to enough to say like, you love our children, just like Ella of our children. And like you're doing what you believe is best for them, just like I am. And so sometimes you do kind of have to like say, okay, I'm gonna let you take the lead on this. Or you're gonna let me take the lead on this. And it is a give and take, but it's about mutual respect.

Yeah, that's good. And knowing that like, you know, they don't want harm for your child either. They're doing the best. And perhaps, you know, God has something that they're learning, that your child is learning through that, that like he he brings to the table that you might not know or realize So you sure think that mutual respect is is And knowing that you are actually the same team you are actually are going for the same thing and love the kids the same

Yes, it's funny because I can remember going to you and like You are always first option I'd be like can I do this and if you said if you say gosh your And I'd be like, can I do this? And if you said, if you said, go, it's your dad, I'd be like, oh no. Like that was like, that was like, I just assume it's a no. Like, I'm not even gonna take that next step. Except for when it comes to money. I feel like that was more free.

Yeah, that was $20 bills or whatever. Yeah, that was more free. And he would even tell us like, hey, there's a 20-in-a-dior if you ever need to order pizza. Yeah, it was more free. I was more like, nope, you're allowance, you already spend it.

Yeah. Oh, I'm brutal. Alright, do you sleep talk? Do we sleep talk? You do. I don't sleep talk. I sleep talk. You sleep mumble. Yeah, I'm really.

Yeah, I mean, not like co-hearsive, co-hearsive, whatever that word is. They're not like- You're a great like, I do regret trying to say that. I do regret trying to say that. They don't make cognitive sense. They're like, oh my god, oh my god. Dude, I really, this is not just me fabricating for the butt guess.

This just in, I sleep talk. You know, you sleep like murmur, murmur, murmur, mumble, it's like a mumble. That is crazy You don't sleep tub but you snore I do sleep snore you know, I kind of like a wake snore to I have a TV I just have them so I have a loud breathing half of our videos that I film you can like hear me over the back Whatever sound being like forever watching our vlogging just here That is good down, being like, if you're ever watching or vlogging just here, that is just fun. And I do apologize to all of your ears on the podcast

for hearing. No, I don't regret that. But I don't sleep, I sleep snore. But this is actually a really good question. And like I said, take a little bit of a deeper term, but it said, how do you men trust that has been broken and dating phases or do you just let it go?

In marriage, how do you maintain trust? And I'm sure we both have stories of trust being broken and mending it and all the things that you want to go first? Yeah, I was trying to think of, um, in our dating relationship when trust was maybe rocky. Um, and I thought of that one time where I had a friend from like just we went on a mission trip together and he was a little bit older, truly was only a friend. But when Parker and I started getting really serious, I had like he had called me and I had told him over the phone like, yeah, we're really serious. We're talking about engagement coming

up. And in my eyes, it was like, this is just a friend. This is nothing, has never been more than a friend, has been almost like an older brother to me. And when Parker found out, he was really hurt, obviously. But it took me a little while of just him explaining to me why that was so hurtful. And also, I had to receive like, okay, I was in the wrong for that. And to rebuild trust in that moment, it looked like cutting off communication with that person.

Not to be like mean or you know, Parker wasn't being rude to say like, hey, this would help our relationship. This is what this looks like moving for. But it was like, this is respectful to me. This is respectful to our relationship. And if we are gonna get married, like you don't need to have friends of the opposite sex,

that is more than our relationship. Like before of us, our friends. And that's great, but never would go past that of like the four of us. Yeah, you know, and so that needed. Your vocal Christian used to catch up. Exactly. Yeah, there's such a boundary.

That would be weird. That was so strange. And even like I think all of us are really good at if I was to have the text parker, I would text both of you. You know, it's just respecting people's relationship. Yeah. And I know for you, like that was really hurtful for you. I remember that whole day, like I actually had to go babysit that night.

And I was so nervous because also in my mind, I was like, man, I I see you gonna break up with me because of this. Like how much did this hurt him? And it made me really nervous. And I think it would have been really easy in those nerves to kind of shut down and defend myself. But I wanted our relationship to work so bad that I was willing to say, okay, I wasn't the wrong. And I'm really sorry. And I'm willing to do, okay, I was in the wrong, and I'm really sorry, and I'm willing to do. The other needs to mend this trust. Yeah, and I feel like for both of us, we both had things that happened to us in our past

that made trust difficult, right? Like in that situation, like, I have past relationships where a similar thing happened, you know, much worse. That where I had been cheated on and trust was broken. So I made that even more sensitive. So I think to your question, it makes it even more important to not just ignore it, but to make sure you're working on that.

And then when you're dating, especially as an individual, like how you need to heal from that, why don't have trust issues? Because when you get to marriage, if you're still, I mean, obviously you're still going to need to deal with trust and stuff like that. But the earlier on, you can start working through those things, I think that really helps. What you don't deal with in your dating, relationships will go into your marriage. And I think so many people think,

well, when we're married, I'll just trust them because I have the ring on my finger because he's wearing the ring because people know we're married, but it doesn't work like that. And if you're one out of a baby, it'll be. Yeah, you always think that in the next stage, it'll like solidify us more to the world, and I won't be as jealous or I won't have trust issues.

But those things come from such a deep place inside that putting a ring on your finger doesn't change everything, you know? It's really about the relationship that you build, the trust that you build. And we had, you know, our Rocky, our Rocky one, which we've shared the story so sometimes I want to share the whole story.

But I'll assure you what came from that is like, who's in the wrong? Well, not necessarily I was in the wrong too for being so uptight about it. But you were in the wrong for not telling me where you were at and then lying about the picture. So, yes. Just continue on. I was trying to be nice to and say I was in the wrong too. And in some ways I was because I went crazy about it. But I'll tell you also, I went crazy about it because I was the same way as y'all.

I had things in my past that had happened where the person who wouldn't tell me where they were. And then I would literally see pictures of them on Instagram, taking pictures with girls on a bar because they recognized him as my boyfriend, you know, and more well known people that had created that they thought they could lie where they were at, but they are recognizable.

So people post, people talk about it. We have my friends back there. Yeah. Hey, O'Fran, Sadie Rob here and y'all, I, you know, as you know, Christian and I, we love to stay active. We like to be healthy. As healthy as we can be. And now we have kids, like we want them to be healthy too, with them to stay active. And so making and sticking to healthy habits can be challenging for all of us, but it's also important that we incorporate them in our life. And sometimes it can feel overwhelming, but AG1 by athletic greens makes it so easy, and that's why the Huff fam is big fan of AG1.

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But we don't have five of my friends, but if I'm a friend, your tag photos on Instagram at the time. And so I would find out these things and it would be so hurtful because they would lie, they'd be like, oh, I'm studying and then they would actually be there. And so whenever I saw that picture, like, was like, oh my gosh, I guess he doing this to me is like, can I trust him? And then it was really hard for me to gain trust back and I was like so uptight. And then, for the time that this is so embarrassing, but I'll tell you, yeah, so this is like how crazy you can go if you don't work out like your chest stuff.

This was two months after we got engaged. So I honestly kind of had the thought of like, she's got a ring under her finger, you know. Yeah, like she knows. But at this point, we were way past that stuff and whatnot, but still like it, I guess it just hit on her. So most of them Christian always like telling where he was, what he's up to. And he just like forgot to tell you that, which is not a big deal. He didn't have to tell me this. Sadie did not text me back like two hours before and I was with my family.

So we didn't go into dinner and I did not tell her we were going to dinner because I was like, she did text him back like she'll like when she says Tell me reasonable. There's nothing wrong with what he did. Nothing you did was wrong. He texted me back. I'll say hey by the way I'm going to dinner. I didn't feel like plenty of your busy with your family so I didn't feel like being like Hey by the way I'm going to dinner with my parents because like I'm with my parents. And we actually didn't have a relationship where we had to tell each other everything.

It wasn't even like that. So he did nothing wrong in the scenario. I'm just really parents. And we actually didn't have a relationship where we had to touch everything. It wasn't even like that. So he did nothing wrong in the scenario. I'm just really pointing out the ugly that it, that comes out of you whenever you don't fix your dress problems. So I look at my friends and I see Christians at like bone-fished girls. Which I'm used to why you check my friends before you text me. I thought I did text you.

But that's it. Anyways, I think I did text you. I think you will forgotten that part. That was like four years ago. I can scroll back. Four years ago. It'll take you a year. Anyways.

It's okay. Anyways, but it wasn't even both of the scroll. It was like the comments area wherever you went. But we were at the office. Yes, I didn't know that. It was kind of like this outdoor shopping mall. And I was just freaked out immediately. I was like, what are you telling me?

Like, I just assumed that you were with like friends from high school or like, like I don't know why, that my mind just like went there. Okay, but I'm telling you this is just what I went. And I was just like, he didn't want to tell me because like he is back with like his old friends or like like your cousins are awesome. But y'all can do like crazy stuff together.

And I was just like, what are they doing? And they were like, he tell me. The y'all can't, y'all just like, y'all just funny, like funny. And I was just like, what are they doing? And what did he tell me? Y'all can't, y'all just funny stuff. But you never know. So I was just like, what do they do in? And I just like freak out. And I was like way ridiculous. Called you ridiculous, sometimes like,

I think his parents were like, we're that you're murdering me because at that moment, not really, but they were like, this is a problem, we don't need to fix this. And I was just like, man, honestly, like I just really have a trust problem. Like this has happened in my past, I'm so scared, this is happening again.

You would think that like having a real muffin you would help me, but it actually makes me more nervous because now I'm about to step into a lifetime. With you, like, is there something I'm missing? Like I was like seeking like the thing that was going to be like, That's it. Like that's the problem. This is the thing when there was nothing wrong You had given me every reason to trust you. You had been honest with me. You had been open with me There's no reason for that and that really kind of woke me up to like I need to get help

Is if for the longest time like with trust you can blame it on the other person But a lot of times it really is you. And it really is your past stuff. And so we work through a lot of that. And our premier and counseling was awesome. And we like really went there and worked through past relationships and family stuff and whatnot. And it set us up for success. And honestly, I don't think, I mean, I think throughout our marriage, I've been super trusting. I haven't been like a jealous wife, a distressing wife. I have really trusted you the whole time

and it's not because we got married. It's because we worked on those things. And so to be too much engaged and be that bad and then to seven of marriage and be this healthy, I think that shows that you really can change. Yeah, but I will say to even like with both of our stories, you know, like with you having some of those issues, like with the one you having some of those issues, it also took like this from what we just shared,

like man, Friday, like we had to be consistent after that point. If like two weeks later, Friday did the same thing, then it would have been like, oh well, clearly you did not receive the message, but I was like, hey, this I should look at my feelings. I'd say, if they would do it, it's like, if I didn't tell you again, where I was at, and you saw it again or whatever, then it's like, well, clearly, he didn't take me this year. So there comes a point where after this bridge of trust, like, there has to be a consistent pattern of like acknowledging

what the other person needs to mend what was, you know, like, I guess you could say fractured in a moment. Because then like you said, but defensive, I have a problem with being defensive. So I could have gotten, well, I kind of dick a defensive in the moment, but I could have stayed defensive towards like, you know, I don't really acknowledge that yes, I was in the wrong way I did this. And just keep having like those walls up to where I don't take what you said as seriously as it was. So they just have consistent patterns after you kind of reached that trust and to mend it back. Because you can always have that outlook of like, well, you should just trust me.

But if I'm not displaying patterns of trust with a behavior, then you're not going to just trust me, but if I'm not displaying patterns of trust with a behavior then you're not going to just trust me because I'm telling you to trust me. Yes. I've been around relationships where words like, you should just trust me or I'm sorry, like lose its power because I'm like, well, I can't trust you because you've given me no reason to. Or you say you're sorry, but I know you're going to do it again tomorrow. Yes.

You know, so words matter. They carry weight and you have to see the action behind them. And I love that you said that about it does go both ways with trust. Like for the person that broke trust, you have to be intentional about mending the trust. For the person that's trust was broken, you have to be intentional about forgiving. And I love that verse. It's like very convicting where it says, love keeps no record of wrong. You know, there comes a point where it's like, I can't keep bringing this up. Like a broken record.

We call Honey a broken record right now because if she says a sentence, she'll say it 10 more times. But the first time she's ever said bracelet, she's like, bracelet, bracelet, bracelet, bracelet. And I'm like, oh my gosh. But I'm like, that's how we are in relationships sometimes. We're like, you did this, you did it.

You did it. I was like, I did it. I didn't tell you where I was. You know, like stop bringing it up again. Like when are you going didn't tell you where I was. Like stop bringing up again. Like when are you going to forgive? You know, and so I think it does get both ways. It's good. And it's not controlling either.

I think like when the person that has the trust that's been broken on their end to like ask for, okay, can you text me? Okay, can you cut off conversation with that person? It's not like out of a controlling heart. It's out of like, this is my need. Like, what you're saying, Christian, that's so good. Yeah, I love that. Cause that's the thing. Like, if I was literally, you have to always tell me

where you're at, that gets controlling. But if I'm like, hey, if you're going to something that you know, I would want to know about, you know, if there's gonna be girls there that are orange or whatever, like, even though, which now we're not, but in college, it was like, you know, not even parties, but just like hangouts. Like, I just wanna know, like, bonfires,

just let me know, you know? And you always let me know about those things. And so, the shit no bother me when you're there, I didn't know what you're feeling, but that just shows you how deep something can be. Someone asked a great question. We both do this in our homes, and someone said,

how to host a Bible study for your friend, group in your home. Freddie is the hostess with the most is. She there's a good party. So, they love hosts. Tell us about hosting. Looks like free all. I love hosting.

I've always loved hosting. I've always loved sweets. It always involves sweets. That's really how you get people into your home. Food and community is a good combo. But I really, this sounds funny, but it's so practical for me. Like when I ask people to come over or we're hosting, it's like I want them to feel at home. And that doesn't mean like everything needs to be perfectly clean. It just needs to be comfortable. I just want people to feel comfortable. And if they have a lot going on, they can open up

or if they just want to like goof around, we can just goof around. You know, it's like, there's no set way to host people. But it's just creating an environment in a space where whatever needs to happen can happen. And it's like allowing the Lord to kind of have that. But I also love like taking care of people in that way. Like I love having cookies when people come over to talk like Chip Cookie.

Yeah. Parker loves that. And you like some good cookies? I love the questions. Christians always like, do you think Freddie will make cookies? And if it goes over and I'm like, you can ask a spark? And that's like people always are like,

you don't have to, if you don't want to, Parker's dad is always like, you don't have to, but if you want to, and the thing is, is I genuinely love it. Because I just love, like, I love doing that for people. It's like a way for me to bless people and like a love language for me to love others is like, provide them with cookies, is funny, is it sound?

It always makes people happy. Everyone's a good, exactly. Yeah, I love that. that that is practical and I think that's the thing with hosting like don't over complicate it Yeah, like be practical about it make cookies and might be over you don't have to have a perfectly clean house at a comfortable home Yeah, it's like what people just who just want to come hang yeah people just want to hang yeah And Parker you're gonna get in the grill going. Yeah. I like to I like to grill Well, everybody everybody likes a good steak, you're sitting and things like that. And our pastor from Oliver Miles, he always talks about communities like common memory with other people.

You know, so I just like, this has come over and like, a memory doesn't have to be some crazy trip. We go all, you know, it can just be, hey, we came and hung out together and because we did that, somebody ended up opening up and we prayed for them or whatever that is. And I'm like, what you were saying, it takes time to get that. Like if you move somewhere and you're there for six months, you're probably not gonna have many,

every Swiss people out, because this is the sort of amount of time. But if you actually commit, I mean, to me, practically, if you have to give it at least a year of doing that to really give it good shot. It's true. And I also do, even like we're doing a Bible study, I think there's a beautiful thing about

like having something planned, but then also just kind of letting that out happen. Yeah. Like we have a Bible study every Wednesday, and I'll take 75% of the time we do a Bible study, and the 25% is like, we end up having these conversations about something else. And just see. Or we just end up playing a game in the house and just doing life with the one another.

So I think sometimes we can kind of be ridgy with it. Like, oh, this is Bible study tonight and it's gonna be all the Bible study. And it can be less about community and more about like the Bible, which is an awesome thing, but sometimes it can feel like you said forced or kind of like you're e-rigging with it. Instead of just doing a life with one another,

then it's like, oh yeah, we're doing a Bible study. Sometimes we almost started a Bible study until like 10 o'clock or 9.30 and it's like, this is a little late because everyone got here, 6.37 and whatever. But it's just the fun part of doing life and the thing sometimes, fellowship. Yes, it's fellowship. Yes just the fun part of doing life and the things sometimes like. Fellowship.

Yes, it's fellowship. Yes, you house about study and if you've got a study awesome, but also it's not like the night, you know, you chalk it up as a loss if you don't study the Bible. If you get them just having deep conversation. Yeah, it is a good thing about hosting too. I don't put too much expectation on what it has to happen

when your friends are over, just like what it happened. And I think with our Bible study ours is really simple because we don't try to put too much pressure on anybody. And so we watch a sermon. It's like that simple on YouTube, we pull it up and then we talk about it and then we pray together. And it's like really powerful. But then some nights we are just like more goofy and I love what you shared about.

It's like a common memories. And I think some of our like memories in like's like a common memories. And I think it's some of our memories in, like we have a group text, and it's literally called Mary J. Blash. And every time I just see it probably it makes me laugh so hard. Because of one night, we were watching TikToks that I was like, when they were doing that thing,

it was like, so and so died, and the moms are freaked out. And all these people were like, Mary J. Blash, not, and they're like, not Mary. And with that, it was like so funny. You were like, Mara Day Vlaj and they're like, not Mary. And with that, it was like so funny. You were like, so how is Mara? You're just like the best where you just start laughing together.

And I want to say like, we're friendships. One thing that I found like really helpful is don't compare like your new friendships to your old friendships because you have to remember your old friendships. You had time with them. And so I think sometimes it's like, you know, I'm coming from these five of your friendships for your friends from college, then you move and you know someone for a month, you're like, why are we hitting it?

I was like, because you just met them. Yeah, because you just started hanging out with them, you know? And, you know, when I think back to how those other friendships are certainly, oh, that's sort of the same way, you know? And we've all gotten so comfortable with each other. We've kind of like hit that mark, but I do feel like it does take time and it's so important you don't compare what you're coming from to where you're at. Because that's not, that's not fair to anyone to put that expectation on them.

And I'm so guilty of that. I do not admit. I am that person that I just, obviously I'm a counselor like that's just part of my nature. Parker always says like, I'm more deep than that average person. Just because like that's what I love. So it is hard for me because I'm like, well, we didn't have the deepest conversation. The second time we hung out and said, we must not have a friendship.

But I really do just have to like slow down. And to myself, like I've had conversations with friends from college and she one of my friends Maggie she made a really good point she was like Your friends in college were not only your friends. They were your sisters. They were your moms They were every part of your community. Yes, and you lived with them like they went through heartbreak with you They went throughout transitioning to a new place and a new town and like all these new things And so you can't expect that to look

the same in marriage because you have that with your person and it's not to say that friendships aren't important. Friendships are so important but just your need of them does change and that's okay and I think that's hard post-grad to realize that but even more so when you add like all of your friends getting married after college that also brings a new challenge too. That is so true because different seasons for inchips are going to look different ways. You know, when you get married, that's so true. It's like your friendships are going to look the same

as when you live with all your girlfriends. That's so different when you live with your guys. And it's like the same when you have a baby. It's like then that adds a whole new element to it. And so yes, friendships are important, but as far as as the priority of time you spend your friends, well, your husband begins to take that place

and your kids begin to take that place. And then, you add that because it's beautiful and you need that and you love that, but it is just different than it used to be. And that's okay. And I think that was more so the struggle in the first year. And so it's like, why do I not have these friends? Like, I just came from.

But it's because I live with those friends. And my year of my friend, you know? And so you just have to like, you not put the pressure on yourself to like maintain all these relationships, you know? you