WHOA That's Good Podcast - Our Best Relationship Advice: Modesty, Ghosting & Should You Spend Time Alone with Other Guys?

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Sadie and Christian answer your DMs about whether it's OK to be alone with other guys when you're dating or married, how to balance looking cute and staying modest, and what to do if you feel like you'll never find the one. Sadie talks about the best way to start your own ministry. And they drop tons of advice on being engaged, dating someone who hides his true self, how to coexist with people in your life who have different beliefs, and what to do when you're ghosted.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, well that's good fam, welcome back to the one that's going to podcast, happy Wednesday, everybody. Today I have the most special guest on the podcast. I love having him on, my husband, Christian Huff, and we're going to be going through the DMs. We do this every now and then where we read DMs and last time we did this we got a ton of you guys really involved and really interested in the stuff that we were talking about and this is just a space where you know we can go there. We can talk about anything however we want to and it's just

our best piece of advice to you and the questions that you're asking. Obviously use wisdom here. If we say something that doesn't align with what you agree with, that's okay. Throw it out the window. Go ask a parent about it. Go ask him into or go ask a pastor. But this is, you know, two people who love each other and love the Lord doing our best to give you advice for the things that you'll have questions in. So thanks for DMing us.

These are literal DMs that we've gotten to our DM box that my team has gone through and selected about 10 questions that you guys sent in on some of the things that Y'all are struggling with and we're trying to pick ones that we feel like okay We know not just one person is struggling with this. We know this is probably you know Representing so many people who have the same struggle so Christian and I I gotta do our very best to answer the questions You know I'm happy to be back on the podcast and by you asking these specific questions It gives me the ability to be back on the podcast and by you asking these specific questions, it gives me the ability to be back on so yeah asking these questions because if not I will get the boot yeah Christians always are answering DMs guys

So keep damning us or else Christian will get the boot or else I will be no more Christians got in the big head though because this that is that is this Podcast we did last time of the answer in DMs has had the most YouTube views We've had in a while and Christians kind of fill in themselves, okay? Well, typically you ask me back like six months after then that one had more views, so you're like, okay. Yeah.

Three weeks in between, you give me back on the pie. That's right, that's right. Well last time we talked, we talked a lot about relationships and we've seen that a lot of people sent in a lot more questions about relationship. Like one girl says, she and her boyfriend have been dating for several years. They have done devotionals and Bible say together but all of a sudden the boyfriend decided he no longer wants to do anything like that. They're so good at church

together but that's pretty much it. This person wants to know how she can navigate the situation without seeming controlling or offensive since she wants to go deeper with her relationship with Christ but it seems like he really doesn't. So it seems like they started out being like all in with the Bible, all in in this Christian relationship, and then he was like, you know what, I don't really want anything to do with that anymore.

I'll go to church with you, that's about it. So maybe Christ is a part of their relationship, but it's not at the center of their relationship. Baby got any advice for that? Well, my first thought was, you know how like when we talk about anybody can pretend to be somebody for the first six months. You know, so whether it's going to church, whether it's actually a personality thing, I think once you filter through that and then once an extended period of time comes up and then

that person changes, then I think that's the bigger picture of maybe the time that they were spending with you in this relationship with Jesus was never actually a thing for them. It was just something that they were doing it for you. Yeah, I think a lot of people always say, well he was so great in the first two months and we could just get back to how we were and unfortunately the reality is who he's showing you to be now is probably who he really is and who he was showing you in the first two months is probably who he wanted to present himself as. And so, or she, this could be vice versa, you're a guy and you're dating a girl and she

showed you a great version of herself in the first two months that might not be genuinely who she is or how she's living. And yeah, I mean, everybody can go to church, right? That is, I mean, you're a Christian. There are so many people in church right now who probably don't have a real authentic relationship with Christ. And I think in a relationship, you want a relationship

where Christ is in your 24-7. You know, that's how I went my relationship to be with God. I want it to be a 24-7 relationship. And so therefore, I want it to be like that in my relationship with Christian. Like, Jesus shouldn't be something that you know we only bond over on Sundays it should be a point of conversation in our everyday because he is the number one person in both of our lives and that's when

your relationship truly is centered on God and not just you know an afterthought or a part of it and you know some of you might be wondering well why would you have a relationship centered on God like why does it matter and I think you know, an afterthought or a part of it. And you know, some of you might be wondering, well, why would you have a relationship centered on God? Like, why does it matter? And I think you know, it matters because for us in our life, because God is our everything, and He gives us our hope in our future, and our passions and our purpose, and all that kind of stuff,

if that wasn't an alignment with who we were dating, then how could we live our life to the fullest, you know? If who we love isn't on board with who we are, you know? And I think that's why it matters so much. And something as big as faith, I feel like there's always gonna be that tension of like, absolutely. Yeah, if somebody wants it and somebody doesn't want it,

that's too big of a grand scheme of something. Because you're talking about life and death. You're talking about how you're gonna live your life, and you're talking about where you're gonna go when you die. Yeah. So that's two big things that matter in a relationship. Yeah, it's not a simple thing of like, they leave their towel on the, or whatever, like something stupid like that.

And the funny thing is, Christian always says it's not a stupid thing like they leave their towel because it really bothers Christian that I leave my towels everywhere. So that's a real thing for you. Yeah, it is. But we're just going back to just the faith thing. There's always going to be, you know, you're feeling like not love because he's not doing this the way that they think he should be doing it, then he's not feeling respected because of X1Z. And I think faith is a big thing to wear. If you're not both fully on board, then it's a difficult thing in the advocate for sure, especially if you're not married yet. Absolutely. Once all the way in and once not, it's definitely hard to be in relationship because that's your everything. So that's really tough. So I guess our advice is like the reality is if he was doing that at the beginning, he's not now, that might just

mean that he never really, that was never really fully, you know, what he wanted or what he desired. Maybe that was something he just showed you. And in that case, I think it's okay to, to part ways, you know. And if it's something that you want to fight for, then maybe just ask him what the root of that is, like what happened, why are you not wanting to dive into your relationship with Jesus? Open up that conversation. Okay, next. What is the best advice you can give for a newly engaged couple? Should I go?

Yeah, you get it because I can't think of something like that. It's great. I think the best advice, especially in the engagement season, is just to know that you are not preparing just for a wedding you're preparing for a marriage and that is something that I'm really glad we got the advice of and that's the way that we lived our engagement season so I didn't really stress about the details of the wedding as far as like what are the napkins gonna look like it what are the chairs and what are the

colors and what is all this like yeah those are fun things but it wasn't like a stressful thing for me. I never really went I never had any brides of a moment because I didn't that wasn't where my value wasn't that season it was what is our marriage going to be like and so the things that we really worked through were marriage counseling like you know how are you raised how are you? What are our expectations? What are this what are that? And so I put so much my thought process into preparing for our actual mirrors and just our wedding. And the wedding day was awesome. Did everything go perfectly? No, my hair literally turned pink the day before. But it was so awesome,

and we could laugh about it and it was fun, it was great. But then we were ready for marriage when we stepped in. And of course, I mean, you can only be as ready as you can be because you don't know what you don't know. But we felt really ready because we felt like our engagement season we really used it to prepare So you know, it's easy to get really, you know big and Crazy about this one date, but the reality is if your wedding is December the 20th That's one day, but you're married for the rest of your life And so you don't want to just focus on that one day you really want to focus on what's ahead? Yeah, the beauty of marriage. Yeah, and they're all stages, you know, you're you're dating you're single

You're dating and you're engaged and you get married and they're all different Seasons of life marriage. I don't know if I would say marriage is a season because it's a long season I guess you could say that's not a season Yeah, but but I'm saying they each have their place. You're saying, oh, you're dating, you're engaged in marriage. And when you get engaged, you're working on yourself, so to speak, to prepare yourself for marriage. And with preparing for marriage, there are things that take a back seat, like friendships.

And that's something that we walk through a lot. So when we got engaged, obviously, you're my first priority, I'm your first priority. So some things take a backburner, you know, whether it's friendships or work or these other things, some things have to slowly fall down the priority list and the person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with is gonna go up on the priority list.

And some people might understand that, some people might not, but if you aren't intentional about pleasing the one that you're gonna spend your life with, and then you're worried about pleasing everybody else, then it's gonna be difficult. I think a lot of people think about marriage is like, okay, like on December the 20th,

let's just pretend that that's all of our wedding day. It's like, oh, on that day, like, then I'll become one with this person. But I think there's a process to becoming one. It's like, oh, on that day, then I'll become one with this person, but I think there's a process to becoming one. It's not just about having sex, it's actually about just becoming one unit together. And I think during the engagement season, you kind of feel that refinement

of what it looks like to become one, because it's a holy thing. So things have to burn off. So basically, what I mean by that is like, I'm having to make decisions for Christian and I as a couple that, you know, because we're about to be one that I might have used to made a different decision when it was just me. Like, for instance, about how to awesome opportunity. It's not like I can just be like, yes, I'm gonna do it just because I

want to do it. I already have to consider that we're about to become one. And so the process begins when you get engaged. It's like we're becoming one. So you have to start making decisions on where you're going to live, what you're going to do, what you know, y'all's priorities and y'all's relationships are going to be, how you're going to treat each other and all those different things. And so I think just understanding and starting that process is so important to start making those selfless decisions that aren't just for yourself but it's for the two of you. You just articulate everything that I was trying to say. I got you boo. I got you boo. And the next question is, is it okay to spend time with the opposite gender when you are in a

relationship? Especially saying it's kind of weird like that. Weird like that. It kind of reads like that. Is it okay for It kind of reads like that. Is it okay for me to spend time with another woman if me and you were dating? And alone. So where should the line be drawn? We never crossed that line because we never, we didn't have to set a boundary.

Well, we just set a boundary, but the boundary was, the boundary was, the boundary was there is no boundary. On the corner of net. On the corner of net and verb. We just never did that. We just never did that. Alone with the opposite gender, even still to this day. You know, we don't ride in the car with the opposite gender. We don't, you know, like if it's just us too, we don't.

Even if we have to do a phone call, we like to their no. If, and if the opposite gender were to DM me even if it's just a friend I would probably tell Christian about it casually just be like hey that's so-and-so just DM me or whatever obviously we're not crazy about it if one of our best friends who you know it is like Laney DMZ you Chris is not gonna tell me Laney or one of our friends at the office not like that but if it's kind of out of the blue or whatever, we always just inform each other and I mean, you know, you look at people and you think they're never going to cheat, they're never going to do that, and then they do, and it's not because they set out the intention to want to hurt their spouse or a cheat, but it's just things happen, and

you know, one thing can lead to another, and so we set pretty strict boundaries because we don't want the door to ever be open to that. I heard somewhere that Billy Graham wouldn't even get on the elevator if there was just a woman on the elevator and so sometimes you really just have to be like that. You have to set pretty strict boundaries. Now that's also without being crazy and controlling and jealous and envious. I mean I was in a relationship previously where we dated for a long time and we were just controlling. I mean, we were just like, and you can't go to this place,

you can't go to that place. And that's just not a way to live. That's just, that was just honestly a lot of insecurity or out of lack of trust that we had in each other. With Christian, I fully trust him. And he fully trusts me. And it's not that we think we would do anything, but we just don't want to put ourselves in a position

to where we would have to make a tough decision or make an un-moment that shouldn't have been awkward, awkward, or it could have been perceived one way to another person. And I just think there's so much room for the enemy to feed whenever you're alone with the opposite gender, especially when you're in a relationship, but even if you're not,

you gotta protect your heart and you gotta set boundaries in place for that to not happen. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean, if you're not in a relationship, I don't think, I think it's different, you know, obviously, but I feel like if you're in a serious relationship, then yeah, it's, I feel like that shouldn't happen. Yeah, just shouldn't happen. Just not good, just not wise.

And what I mean by like, if you're single and stuff, I mean, if you're alone with the opposite sex, I've been night and then something happens, you know, or you're drinking. Like you got to be wise. You know, don't make stupid decisions. One thing does lead to another. Sometimes. But just be wise. And set the boundaries that you feel are right.

And if you ever feel like something's weird, then then get out. Then move. Abort. A board mission. All right next question. So let's see what would you tell your younger self who felt like they were never going to find the right one for them? I would tell my younger self to chill girl. Just chill. Like I was just so obsessed with like who is gonna be my husband which is like a sweet thing to think about because I think most of us have a desire to get married and it's fun to think about like who got created that's gonna be your person but thinking about it from the context of God has created someone you know that it is gonna be my husband and be a part of my story one day. I just need to like

relax and know that if he created that and he has that for me, then it's going to come at the perfect timing and you did, you know. And I just wish I would have enjoyed the seasons. I was in a little bit more like enjoyed my singleness, enjoyed my friends and not stressed so much about what was to come because what was to come was such a great plan that so far exceeded all of my expectations or what I could have even put in motion. So I just wish I would have really been a little more focus in where I was at than where I was going. Yeah, man, like I used to, the chill.

I mean, I was a big rom-com fan growing up. So I just kinda feel like I just always thought that it would just happen somehow some way. So I feel like I never really stressed about it too much. And it did. And it, wait, what? Yeah, it did, yeah, we're living a little rom-com. A rom-com, but you never thought you would get married

young, so you didn't really think about that. I did, yeah. Well, I thought I would go to college, and I'd get out of college, and I'd start working, and then some- But I'm being bad about being. Not a being bad about being somebody would cross my path. Yeah. Like, love it for a site kind of thing. go to college and get out of college and start working and then some... Bada boom, bada boom. Bada being bada boom, somebody would cross my path.

Yeah. Like love it for a site kind of thing. And what did happen? Kind of. For a site. When you saw me or you just saw me. I did, I was, yes. So good to know.

So someone asked a question in the DM's and they were basically saying like, how do you respectfully coexist with people in your life who believe differently than you? And man, I got out my phone because I was reread in my journal that I wrote in last year. So I started a journal on my birthday last year and then just finished it right before my birthday this year. So just kind of going back and reading things that I went through, things that I prayed through. And last year, I wrote this in my journal and I thought this was like really, what really

just reflected what a lot of the prayers I was praying last year and I think it's kind of cool to go along with this question, but I said, I feel like I'm sitting about watching the world lose their mind. The hard thing is knowing how can I help. Probably was 1412 is so present in our generation right now. There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. The seriousness of this makes me want to speak out, but the cancel culture, but I know the culture will cancel me in the minute that I do. It is, da, da, da. Well, I was about to say, it is hard to navigate, but then when I think about the video of the,

so basically I watch this video and this girl from North Korea said something really profound I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend.

I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend.

I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend. I don't even have a girlfriend genuinely asking. It feels like a wrestle and I don't know if I am just comforting myself and my excuses or if I'm using wisdom. God, I know Jesus reclined with the sinners

but what was a dialogue with the sinners and how did he speak truth and yet keep the sinners at the table? And I wrote that and I remember praying that prayer so much last year, this prayer of like I want to help But if me helping is hurting then I won't help and then I was like well God I'm just excusing myself to just live a more comfortable lifestyle

But then I'm like no, I don't feel like I'm excusing myself I feel like I'm doing the right thing. I'm trying to use wisdom But I feel like I'm like overthinking it and then I was like, like Jesus was fully truth and he was fully loved. How do I do that? How do I sit at the table and recline with sinners and sit at the table and sit with people who think so differently than me and they say at the table and they know that I love them and they know that I genuinely care about them and they know that if they were sick, I would want and desire to heal them and they know if they didn't have clothes, I would

close them and they would know that if they were thirsty, I would give them a drink and if they were hungry I'd give them bread. How do they know all of that? But still know that I disagree with the way that they're living and then I speak truth into their life And that's a heartening and avigate and you know when I really thought about it more I thought well Jesus did that and not everybody did stay at the table You know not everybody did believe he was a son of God. Not everybody did want to hear what he had to say. Not everybody even liked him, you know?

And so the risk of, you know, being standing on the word of God for people who don't believe in the Bible and all this kind of stuff is that people will think you're crazy or they won't like you or they'll think you're this or that and that will probably happen. That's a part of it. Jesus even said, if the world hates you, just remember it hated me first. But then there's also this beautiful aspect to Jesus that he was so loving and he was so compassionate and he was so kind that he can move the hearts of those who didn't agree with him at the beginning

or didn't see the things the same way or lived a completely different lifestyle. And so to answer your question, how do co-existed people who, you know, don't believe in the Bible and have a completely different viewpoint than you as I think you just be as much like Jesus as you possibly can, you know? That doesn't mean shy away from the truth. Jesus is the truth, the way that you can live. So still live the truth. But at the same time, Jesus was fully loved.

So fully loved well, fully have compassionate, fully have mercy, fully have grace. And so I think when you come in and you're not there to judge or truly there to love, there, there creates space for coexisting, but at the same time not conforming. So it's okay to co-exist but not conform to the pattern of the world. So that's kind of what I found, but at, but I hope you can hear even to me read in my journal, it's a wrestle, man. Sometimes it can just be so hard

because you genuinely have a pure heart and you want to let people on you would never discriminate against anyone, but sometimes a way that culture sets it up, it's like, well, if you believe that, then you can't think this. And that's not always true. You can stand on the word of God fully and you can still love people really well. And that's not always true. You know, you can stand on the word of

God fully and you can still love people really well. And that's what I'm trying to do. Yeah, no, I think you just nailed it. Because I mean, it is a difficult thing, you know, because there's opposite extremes of it. You know, you can not surround yourself with anybody that believes different than you. And, you know, you're almost like a Pharisee, so to speak, of like, you know, you're, you're, so you're so right and you can't be around anybody that that believes differently than you, but then you're disconnected from like the world, so to speak, you know, like so there is, there is this sense of touch to where, you know, a lot of things that we speak into, it's because we surround ourselves with people who believe differently, who think different things, and even people who

believe different things in the Bible, you know, I feel Bible, I feel like it's tougher to be around people who believe different things in the Bible than people who just completely don't believe it at all. You know? Like so, and there is. If you don't wanna coexist with somebody, then you can look at your own self who like, okay, well, is there jealousy in me

or is there rage in me? Like what's the underlying? You gotta get out all that. You gotta get out that. Like there's so many underlying gotta get out all that you gotta get out the so many underlying things You gotta get out the jealousy you gotta get it out the whatever it is the harshness in your heart And you gotta get to the point where you could literally say like you're my brother. You're my sister I love you. We don't agree on anything when it comes to politics on anything when it comes to religion Anything makes them world, but man you're. Like, I love you, you know?

And I think when you look at people as family, it makes it a lot easier because if you think about your family members, like you co-exist with them, but they're not all like you. Like you might disagree on so many things by the end of the day, like you're gonna love them, and you are gonna sit at the table. And one thing my mom always said to me,

she's like, don't leave the table. Like you have to sit here, and no matter how hard the conversation gets, you stay leave the table. Like you have to sit here. And no matter how hard the conversation gets, you stay at the table. And there have been conversations with my family that the last thing you want to do is stay sitting at that table, you know. But they're my family.

And I love them and I respect them, even if I don't agree with them. And so I think you have to see people like family. And you know, the Bible creates such a beautiful picture that we are family, that we are the body of Christ. That God is our Father, that we are brothers and sisters. And so, when you see people like that, I think it softens your heart to such a place that you're going to love them, even if you disagree. Yeah, that's what I can say. I mean, it'd be near impossible to coexist with somebody who believes differently than you if you don't have empathy or compassion.

Yeah, you get empathy. If it's just just harshness and you know, you're wrong I'm right then you'll never be able to coexist with it. Absolutely. That's good All right, moving on we got a DM. I always wonder like should I say who DMed me or should I not expose you? So I won't expose you but you all asked such great questions. I wish I could shout you out But someone said if I somewhere to start a ministry, how do I start my own ministry? My best piece of advice, if you want to do ministry is to do ministry, right where you're at, how do you start your own ministry? Do ministry. You know, ministry ministry is loving God and it's loving people and it's doing that well. And if you cannot do that in your community with your friends, with your people, I'm sorry to say friend, you will never be able to do that

on a huge platform because ministry having a platform and doing ministry is a huge blessing because you get to reach so many people but it is not for the faint of heart. It is definitely hard and there are so many things and aspects of it that you don't see that, you know, you're never going to see that side of it. But so that's what I would say. Don't just wish for that. Like, start right now where you're at and make sure you have a pure heart and why you're doing what you're doing. You know, essentially we should all be doing ministry really. If you are a Christian and you are, you know, trying to be a lot of the world, then you should consider yourself a minister of the gospel, because that's what we're called to do. And so just start with where you're at, what you have.

God's not going to ask you to do something that's outside of your capability or ability to do. You know, if he's calling you to ministry, then he's already equipped you to do that ministry. And so look at your hands. What do you have in your hands? How can you serve? Look at your community.

How can you pour in? Look at your church. How can you step in? I think so many of us want to have our own ministry and our own thing. And one of the specific things and reasons why I wanted to call live original, live original is because I didn't want it to be about Sadie. I want it to be bigger than me. And I'm thankful to say that I'm trying to build something that's really

going to outlive me so that when I die, this message is still going and people aren't talking about Sadie, they're talking about the message of the gospel. And I think when you're trying to build a platform, you build a platform for yourself, you build a platform off your name and you build a platform that grows you. But when you're doing ministry and you're building kingdom, it's actually not about you. It's about the world around you. And so try not to consider it your own ministry and try to just consider it kingdom building. Even live original, you know, shouldn't just be my own ministry. It's for the sake of the gospel. And God's called me and equipped me to do

it in this way. I'm so grateful for that. And how has he called you and equipped you? It's something really important to look in your own hands and see. Yeah. I think you just know that I was going to say, yeah, start with your friends, start with your family, start with the people that you work with. And yeah, we just start to have conversations about faith or asking somebody how they're doing and listening about. Sometimes it's the hardest to actually do with your friends and your family than it is to do on a stage. And I always say, you know, I came to a time in my life where I felt like it had gotten

almost easier for me to do in front of thousands of people and harder for me to do with just one person. And that's when I said, oh, I'm going to check myself. Because, you know, it should always be my first response to my or where I am. If it's one person, if it's 10 people, or if it's 10,000 or 10 million people, that I'm there to be alive in the world. All right. Next question. One person sitting at the end of the day about modesty and true. I feel there's pressure to show more skin. So people think that I am pretty or dress cute. There is a pressure from our culture to wear less and show more.

I want to know how you balance dressing cute, but staying modest and also why is modesty so important to talk about in Christian culture. Great question. Certainly is a culture that we're in right now to show a little less, so wear a little less, show a little more, I guess, yeah, I guess wear less, show more.

And yeah, that is hard because you look around and it's hard whenever I remember in high school feeling like this It's like because all the guys seem to like the girls that don't wear anything You're like well if I'm covered up and they're never gonna notice me and they're never gonna like me and all that kind of stuff But you know the right guy and the right people are actually going to treasure you for the purity that you have and treasure you for the monocity that you have and Christians actually probably more strict than I am on what I wear in the sense of just respecting me for who I am. I all put on something and I think it looks fine and he's like, hey babe, like, you know, just I just don't think that

that's a good light. I just think it shows too much and I'm actually so appreciative of that because he's not wanting me to go show my body to the world because that's between us. That's a respect thing that he has for me and for our marriage. And I'm really grateful because I also don't want to go out looking in some type of way that is attracting people for the wrong reasons. And I think modesty ultimately comes down to a respect. I think one, it's a respect for yourself and two,

it's a respect for others around you. Like for me personally, when I go to the gym, I go to an all-girls gym, so I wear whatever I want. But if I ever go to a gym that guys work out in, I'm pretty careful about what I wear because I wanna respect the guys around me as well. And I don't want them to be looking at me in a certain way and I wanna respect myself and I don't really want guys respect the guys around me as well and I don't want them to be looking at me in a certain way and I want to respect myself and I don't really want guys to be

looking at me that way because I am secure in who I am and I'm secure in my husband who loves me as I am and I used to would have been insecure about that and felt like oh well if I'm going to the gym with Christian and another girl is wearing her spin neck shorts and her sports bra on I'm wearing you know loose shorts and a baggy t-shirt, then like he's going to know it's her and not me. And I don't feel that way at all anymore. I actually feel like my husband loves me and respects me for me being confident and not having to show off my whole body in order for me to feel loved and appreciated.

And so I think honestly, modesty is a place in your heart that you have to find content with with the Lord before you find it for many other man or even maybe even yourself. You have to find it with the Lord and know that like God made you like beautiful and he made you wonderful and he made you for you to stuart and treasure like your body as a temple and you can let your husband into that picture, you know, but that's a sacred, that's a sacred thing. And so have respect for that sacred thing. And it is such a wonderful thing to just hold that purity and hold that, hold that sacred.

And so yeah, just respect yourself, find it with the Lord. If you're not competing with other girls, you will probably feel a lot more inclined to dress however you really feel comfortable and not dress how you want to be seen compared to the girl beside you at the gym. Yeah, I mean, it's all about, you know, attention. It's like, am I going to wear this? But the hopes that I'll attract somebody or because at the same time, there's also like a naivenesseness to girls not thinking that they're dressing scandalous or whatever. And it's like, it's kind of obvious.

You would think it would be. Yeah, I think we also live in a culture where women dress like that and then wonder why guys hit on them and why guys are less than you after them, it's like, well, because that's what you're putting out. So there's always those things and I think we do live in a culture

where guys are prone to that, you know? I think you guys are respect like your own convictions too and just follow the hat because, I mean, I wear bikinis at the beach and some people would say that's not modest, but to me, I feel like I'm covered and the parts I wanna be covered with and I'm respecting myself the way I wanna respect myself

and I think as a Christian culture, the reason why it's hard to talk about modacies because people want to automatically attack and it's like well you were bikiniers or you were short shorts or you were tight whatever and it's like or leggings whatever and it's like well that's not really helpful you know you just be responsible for you and if you feel like you're dressing a certain way to get something from someone or get certain attention or you want somebody to notice a part of you that's a little bit bigger, a little bit juicier. It may be consider that why do you want that attention?

Where does that come from, your heart, what place in your heart is so discontent with who you are, with the affirmation that you have, that you need to go find that in some way that's showing off your body. You know, you gotta find that with the Lord that you're made more than enough. And you don't have to go fly your body to be more than enough. Period. Okay, next question. That gives me fired up. Because I hate that girls feel like that to do that. And I just remember in high school feeling like that. I just remember feeling like I have to show more or the guys won't notice me though notice all the other girls And I did and I hate that because I'm like mm-hmm

That's just like that's just like making me seem like I'm only worth Attention if I show a certain parts of my body when I'm so much more than that, you know So girls just give yourself more credit than that. You're so much more than that. And the guys are not just going to notice you because you're, you know, blessed in certain areas. They're going to notice you because you're a blessing to other people. And that's the kind of woman that you want to be. That's the kind of woman that's going to be a good wife. That's going to be a good mom. That's going to be a good friend. That's going to be a good mother. You're the kind of, you're the kind of woman that's going to change the world, you know,

and just know that it's so much more than your body. How do you get over a person that made you believe that liked you and then ghosted you? Would it be wise to wait on them or move on? I don't know how long to wait or what to say. Move on, girl. My boo said move on. Well, you know, it kind of goes back to respect. You know, you're you are worth more than that too. You're worth more than someone just ghosting you. Everybody have a pretty dang good reason when they get back from their long ghosthood. And-

Well, I said that because most ghostings I've seen, it's an manipulation. Yeah. And if the guys working off on the rigs and Louisiana or something, and yeah, does that have his phone? Does that mean there are certain reasons. Yeah, or if his parents slammed his phone and it broke or whatever, he got in trouble.

I don't know, just hypothetical. That's different. But a lot of times ghosting, I feel like it's linked with this manipulation, this draw of like reach back out or like keep you on the hook kind of thing and you don't want to end up with it personally. You want to play games, you know? Like we're here, if we're gonna date, you know, and we're considering one day, you could be the one for me, don't play games with me.

And just respect yourself in such a way that you're not just gonna wait for this guy to come back every seven, seven months. I remember a friend of mine walked through this and this guy would text her literally once every three weeks and she would just hang on to that. And I mean, she would talk about it and then look into it.

Does this mean this, and does this mean this, and does this mean this. And literally, this one I'm for so long. And it was like, what does this mean? Who could this be? What is it gonna be? And it was just like, and then she would get ghosted also. And one time, and then it's of one of the ghosting periods,

we look at Instagram and the dude gets engaged. And we're like, what? And we're like, she was so crushed because she's just been thinking like she's hanging on to that next text. And so, you know, you don't wanna get in this position where someone's like kinda keeping you on the hook just as like a plan B,

because, you know, like, someone's gonna come in, they're gonna treasure you so much that it should be, you know, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind that that person's gonna reach out to you the next day because they care about you Because they respect you and Christian did such a great job of that when he pursued me There's never a question of am I gonna hear from him? I always know was gonna hear from it And so you know you just don't want to be stuck in that game. What would you define this ghosting? Well, I mean there are some goasting where it's like they just like literally don't ever text you back, you know?

But then there's like, I wouldn't think you ghosted me if we had texted and you didn't text me for like a day or something like that. No, but I think it's like a period of like weeks. It used to be like a month would go by and then he would send another text and it was like and then she'd Like text him all night and then he went and respond for like weeks. And then it happened again. Or like, he'd call her and then it'd be like weeks again. And it was just like always kind of keeping her on the line. And then like, he literally got engaged.

So like, you don't want to be in that position because that just stinks. You don't want to be the girl on the other end of that situation. You don't want to be in any bad position. Well, anyways, y'all, these are great questions. I love doing this because I just feel like these are such great questions and start such good conversations and I hope that these conversations are not just between Christian, I and you and your car. I hope that these conversations extend to conversations with your own friends, with your own family members, with your own boyfriend or spouse. Hopefully it can just be a voice of truth in your life. Like I said, if something doesn't align

with what you believe is true, they're out the window. But if it aligns with the word of God and it aligns with your heart, then I hope that you know, you can take some of this truth and take it into your life. And I hope it can give you some, well, it's good advice. Love you guys. Well, that's good with you.

Have a great Wednesday and a great week. Go do something good with your life. you