WHOA That's Good Podcast - Rebekah Lyons on the Importance of Authenticity

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Sadie welcomes one of her mentors, author and speaker Rebekah Lyons to the podcast. Rebekah talks about the difference between transparency and vulnerability and the value in stepping away for a season from social media. Learn more about Rebekah at rebekahlyons.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey friends, it's Sadie Rob here. Welcome to the WoW That's Good Podcast. I am so excited about today because truly one of my favorite people in the world, Rebecca Lyant is joining me. And she is just a well of wisdom. She is an author, she's a speaker, she's a mom, she's a friend. You may have known her from her book you are free or free to fall or read any of her amazing Instagram posts But for me, I know her as almost like a spiritual mother a mentor and a great friend. She has just come into my life I Truly believe from the Lord himself because I really just needed a covering once I got to Nashville and she just covered me And so some of the things she said to me,

my journey has been amazing pieces of advice. She just met me where I'm at. She's been so real with me and so raw. And it's really helped change my life for the better. So I am so excited that all of you are going to get to listen to her amazing advice. Whatever she says, I know it's going to be pure gold. So let's dive right in.

gonna be pure gold. So let's dive right in. All right, I am so excited about this. As you know, our guest is Rebecca Lions. You probably already know her and she's super special to me, especially for this podcast, asking the question of the best piece of advice because you've given me so much advice in my life. Some of actually the best piece of advice I've ever been given comes from your mouth and so and your well-obvious to them. So I'm super excited. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you. I'm so excited. So I will ask you the question. The one big question that really could probably turn into a million things like all of our conversations do. What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Oh my

goodness. Okay so the one thing people comment a lot on my writing is that you're always very vulnerable, how do you do that? Are you guarded? What is it easy for you to go there or not? And so it's having a conversation this week with a friend and we're trying to determine the difference between transparency and vulnerability. Oh, ready? Whoa. It made me so transparency is sharing where you've been and vulnerability is sharing where you are. Oh wow. So, um, that is good. And that's me just kind of thinking and processing the idea. So transparency is sharing something that you've already,

you're in control of what you're sharing, the control of where that conclusion is gonna go. So often in writing, you'll share something you've already processed, reflected, learned, here's the nugget. But what'll happen sometimes in writings, you'll get tripped up and you'll start sobbing. And you're like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, this isn't a then thing. This is a now thing. And so what I try to do in writing is always

make sure I'm sharing a now thing. Because I think that's where God meets us. And the revelations of writing, like the truths, literally the spirit, like he says in John 14, the spirit is going to prompt you and remind you everything I've ever said. And so even in the moment when you're facing something hard, that's when kind of the magic happens because you're discovering it. As you write it. So sometimes I find on the road. So my dad died this spring Mm-hmm, and of course I'm teaching a talk within two weeks on grief Wow, right? I didn't plan that the timing of that I wrote a chapter called free degree Even a lot of people asked me a lot about that chapter and so here I am trying to talk to a room full of people

about grieving well and lament and then I'm crying, you know? Because you can't negate the fact that you are vulnerability is where you are. And so I think my advice is invite where you are now into the ministry day by day. Wow. Don't have it all buttoned up or wrapped up because I was supposed to speak, I don't know,

a month ago and I had a horrible day. It was just like, I kind of hit away a wall of depression in May after all this and I was wanting to just bow out. And it was like, I shouldn't come. I should not come. I'm gonna call and cancel, but you don't do that to your friend, right? You don't do that to the people you commit to. So I just, I remember getting

right, I said, Lord, I just need you to show me what to say. I don't know what, I don't even know where to begin. And he goes, just tell them that you don't have to pretend. Wow. And I was like, is that for me? For them. Yeah. And he's like, it's for all of you. And I think in the church space as well, and in ministry, we always act like we have to have it all sorted out. And the truth is we absolutely do not, but we serve a God who does. And because that is so, I can come with my vulnerability, like in my frailty, and I can meet him where I'm at knowing that he fills in the gaps. He restores my soul. He says that's my feet on higher ground. He helps me leap a wall. You know, and you're thinking of how David and the psalms would go from like,

lament to exuberance. Yeah. You know, you're like, is this the same person? Yeah. And yet I relate so well to that. I know people are always like, David was so emotional. I'm like, I think I'm actually very similar to David in that. I think we all are like, David, so emotional. I'm like, I don't think I'm actually very similar to David in that. I think we all are, but we don't notice because life's moving, but that is so good. That's crazy.

It's funny because that actually helps me so much where I'm at. Yesterday I was telling my friends, I was like, you know, what I've learned, I've had to surrender in this season of life. But really, I'm gonna have to surrender forever.

But I just kinda came to the awareness of it, is that all growing up, I wanted to be so practiced at things. Like, I wanted before I performed in front of anybody, I just wanted to be very well practiced, and anything I did publicly, like I knew I was gonna be good at it before I did it, you know, or I wouldn't have done it. And I think that's the kind of transparent part.

It's like for me, I would always say, tour is extra in the gym for basketball because I never wanted to shoot an air ball. I was like, I could not live with the embarrassment of everybody screaming air ball in a gym. I was like, no, I couldn't. It pushed me to practice two hours extra. And I was like, you know what though, but in life,

you don't get to do that because the game is always changing. You don't get to practice just one string than it goes with you everywhere. It's always changing and you have to be vulnerable and you're probably going to shoot air ball. So there's gonna be times that you just miss it. And the vulnerability of like, okay, I'm in a gym of room full of people

I might have just shot at air ball, I just saw that, but that's just where I'm at, you know? And like, we're all, that's the human aspect of us. And so, and the vulnerability of an air ball actually helps you connect with all the other people. Yeah. Because your air balls. That's true.

They're like, she's my person. I'm not alone in this. I'm not less than. Yeah. I think the air ball just kind of, it equals the playing field. That's so good. So it shows us that when Paul's like,

don't boast in your strength, boast in your weakness. Like boast in your weakness because then, you don't really have to take credit. Like God obviously honors a work ethic. He's smiling that you stayed that extra two hours. You know, you're pursuing excellence. That's a good thing in all our craft. We wanna get to our 10,000 hours

so that we can be an expert according to Malcolm Gladwell, on whatever. Yeah. But at the same point, the vulnerability, even in the craft, I think is what brings the connection, and as a writer, as a communicator, whatever we do in life, what we really want below it all is to connect. That's so good. Okay, I have a question.

With all that being said, I just thought about this, Just as a mom, I mean, I know you're such a good mom to your kids. I love your kids. They're like three of my favorite kids in the world. And you have such a special relationship, even with your husband, you're all just a close family. Like, how does this play a part in how you parent, like the vulnerability that you share with your kids, the transparency because I know from lunch experiences with your kids, you'll just kind of tell them how it is and my parents do that as well. And I've always loved that.

So what do you think about sharing that vulnerable side of your life with your kids? Well, confession is a huge, huge thing for me. Some of my friends joke that I would make an awesome Catholic because I think the practice of just confession, whether it's with your friends, your husband, your spouse, your kids, your community, again, it shows where you are. So confession brings connection. So I think with my kids, I, you know, trust me, they're in their teens. So full

throttle, lots of emotion happening. And I'm one of that person having that kind of emotion and But I'm always about like just coming to it addressing it. Just saying here's here's what I'm sensing what's going on Here's how it made me feel and and I've learned to not not put character flaws on anyone Just because they handled something poorly, but just say what is it that you you're dealing with? Because when it came out, it felt like this. And so there's a lot of ways to address conflict without escalating it. I've learned that the hard way. And part of that is just to say,

what do you need for me right now? And with the kids, sometimes with our kids with me, with Gabe, we often act out not knowing what we need. We're just kind of like just spouting because we're just grasping for some ultimately connection. We want to be known, we want to be understood, we want to be heard, we want to be respected. And so when we act out, it's because one of those things

isn't happening. So it helps me so much with my kids that as them growing older is just sit and pause and go like, hey, let's talk this out. I know none of us really want to, but we're not gonna keep going until this gets cleared. And it just invites that intimacy to start right over. And they're all about it.

Yeah, because it's sometimes, I think it's hard enough for kids and teens to have those honest conversations with their friends because everyone's insecure, right? So I think what we as parents have to model is go like, this is what healthy dialogue looks like where you offer something vulnerable and then you listen and return.

And there's grace all over it. That's so good. I love that. I think I just get a hopeful out of mom's kids. I feel like, I've always said that about I think that's gonna help a lot of moms because I feel like I always said that about my mom that she kind of invites that conversation. I feel comfortable to talk to her about anything which has opened the door for so much wisdom and understanding for me

at a young age because like you said, it's hard to talk about with our friends. And even if we do talk about with our friends when we're young, like we're not really, we don't really know what we're talking about. So we can be led into a totally off place. But whenever we welcome that conversation with our parents, it invites wisdom and at that young age. And I do think because my mom is so real with me about where she was at or where she had been, it helped me to be like, okay, you're not a perfect mom.

Like you've been through stuff and I can talk to you. And so I just think it's cool because I've seen that in your relationship with your kids And the other thing I love about this is that my whole thought and this podcast and asking people what's the best piece of advice? They've been given I was like I'm really interested because all these people are people that have influenced me Like you obviously have influenced me in a million different ways all the advice you've given me has helped change my life and like me in a million different ways. All the advice you've given me has helped change my life. And like literally the path of God has been from some really key coffee dates with you. And you saying just the right thing that I got new I needed to hear. And so what's cool is that I see the best views of vice that you you share. I see that in everything you do in your life. Like that is

who you are. That is what you do. And I think through this podcast, I hope that people think about that. What's the best views that I've been given? And how do you see that in the play with every single thing you do? Cause it impacts everything. And what I love about you too is that every time we sit down,

you're like, yeah, me and my friend were talking about this, me and my friend were talking about this. And every time we sit down, we leave and we're like, we can go change the world now. And I don't think that that's just me and you I think that's everywhere you go in every conversation you have. And so I also want to ask you this is kind of a funny question, but like people ask me this sometimes and that's why I'm saying it. They're like how do you have friends that like you actually just get into like go conversations with, how do you even start a good conversation without being awkward about it, you know?

And I would love to hear what you have to say about that. I've just really creating those conversations with your friends with your family the important conversations the life They're really like I don't want to say life changing and put the pressure on it in that But just so things in life that matter. Yeah, I just think you have to lead with vulnerability Right, and that's kind of the theme for today, right? And you can always laugh at yourself. Say to you're really good at that too Yeah, I just think you have to lead with vulnerability, right? And that's kind of the theme for today, right? And you can always laugh at yourself, say to your really good at that too.

Oh, gosh. Yes. I just like my family's motto. Yeah, so I think if you don't take yourself too seriously, you laugh at yourself, but you also go deep quick. Yeah. In New York, it was funny, because there was no Southern small talk whatsoever.

Everyone would like pass out there like the counselor's phone number, like in the South handing out a recipe. So there was no, there was no, like you just jump in to the deep end, but you really felt like you knew someone because it's a transient culture of people might not live there very long. And so while it's hard to see people leave, you really felt like you knew them. Sometimes you can live next door to someone in the South for two decades and you don't really know them. And so I think it's good to be the antagonist in whatever culture we enter to go like,

no, this is actually what I'm encountering is, am I anybody else? Am I alone in this? And often you find that you're giving language is something that a lot of people are feeling, but they don't have words for it yet. Whoa. So then they're like, you too, you know, and what I'm learning about vulnerability is like

when you're alone and vulnerable, you feel afraid, but when you're together and you're vulnerable, you become brave, right? So you learn, you learn from each other's vulnerability, right? And all of a sudden that becomes bravery. And I think that's what everyone wants. They want their vulnerability to be turned to bravery. And we can help catalyze that. And you do absolutely do that. One thing I want to say to you, before we go, is that say to you, when you kind of mention,

let's start meeting, let's get together, you're so hungry to learn. And I think that's not something you always see in someone who's 20. So first of all, I want to honor that because I think that you will learn to the measure that you're teachable. And so when you walk into the room and you go,

I just want to be teachable. I want to have a teachable spirit, even me at 40, whatever. I still go like, I am a lifelong learner. I'm learning more this summer than I've ever learned. And because I got off social media for a couple of months, I'm learning and dreaming again in ways that I haven't in a while.

And I just think that's something that we have to just incorporate into our life. Wow, thank you. Oh, that's so cool. That means a lot that you said that because so many of the other day asked me, she said, how do you get a mentor? And I was like, you honestly,

you kind of have to put yourself out there. Someone was like, like dating, it's like you have to text back. You have to just be like, okay, hi, can we go? Yeah, and it's a risk, but oh my gosh, the reward, you grow so, so much. You kinda hit on social media, and I know you just did that. Do you wanna share any about just what that's taught you? Because I'm like, oh my goodness.

That has taught you, I mean, I know that I like changed my life. You inspired me. We went to, we had dinner for your birthday. And you're like, I just did that last year. I was like, well, I've what I did, I changed my life. You inspired me. We had dinner for your birthday. And you're like, I just did that last year. I was like, well, I've been wrestling this for a while and I did it. And so, three things happened. I started sleeping through the night again.

Wow, like no more 3am. Wow. And then I went on, wants to post a post for Kennedy's birthday and that night, ends up at three in the morning. I was like, I logged in just to do one birthday post. So I logged back out. And then second thing is within three days

in my journal, I was dreaming again. Wow. And it had nothing to do with what I saw someone else doing. It was all original. Oh, wow, that's so good. Oh my gosh. And then the third thing I just touched on is I started learning again.

Wow. And so instead of checking social media, like I would always do on my downtime, I would go for a walk, because I need a lot of walks between writing, just to break up like my brain block. And so on walks, I would listen to podcasts, I would listen to sermons,

I went through so whole series of books, I started reading all these books. And again, lifelong learner. And I was like, I'm so inspired and excited. And it's not that social media is not, not can't be good. It is, there are certainly wonderful parts of it. But I found, here's what I found, I found myself losing my voice. And so here's my last piece of advice, I'm gonna shut up.

If you lose your voice, be quiet for a while. It'll come back. And, or if your voice stops sounding like you, be quiet for a while. It'll come back. And I just found myself, no matter how old you are, no matter how, what kind of success you encounter, you can still shrink back. You can fall into comparison and competing and that is not what God has for us.

And so that's what you need to just be quiet for a while. Well, that is so good. And I mean that with all my heart, I think that what you just said, a lot of people are originally to hear. And I think it's actually gonna probably come as a shock to them because it's interesting when you say when you lose your voice but yet you're still communicating, right?

And so it's like you feel like your voice is loud but you really lost the essence of why you speak, you know, in a sense. And so what you just said it hit me so deeply because it's like sometimes it's like it's still going. So we're like, oh no, no, we're still going, we're still going. But is it actually going for the good of what you like, what you intended to be, you know? And so what you just said is absolutely beautiful and so good. And I would have to do that with my Instagram little fast that I did. I started learning so much. It's when I reach that to you. That's when I started reading the books and listening to the podcast and everything in that season

of really quieting my voice is what why I can speak now. Why? I know my voice sounds like why? I know when I'm not sounding like my voice. Right. And it's so important. Well, you amaze me in every way. I love you. I love who you are as a person. You are as a mom, a friend, a mentor, and thank you so much for all the wonderful advice. It was so good. It's for having me, girl.

This is so fun. Mm. Oh, okay. I'm just gonna tell everybody we're back because Boojo's dropped a bomb. Okay. I don't know. I was gonna repeat it. I don't think I'm gonna repeat it.

I don't think I don't repeat it. I'll try. Just say, it just said what you just said, but not what you just said. Well, when you said something about, you're still talking, so you think you still have your voice. So yeah, you're still talking, but it becomes scripted. Yes.

And so I somehow along the way in Instagram at over seven years shifted from what I wanted to say to what I thought people wanted to hear. Oh, so hear. And that's what I mean by losing your voice. It's like you need to come back to like what is God actually giving you to say. And no that's not to say there weren't days obviously I would just verbally vomit and let the cards like fall where they make. But I want to live in that way. I want to live in the way of obedience that if I'm prompted to say something out of Conviction that I don't shrink back from that. Yes, and

And so that's what I mean by losing the boys All right, y'all you know what time it is time to call mama So we're gonna call mama with our best piece of advice and our worst piece of advice. Let's see what she has to say Hey, babe. Hey girl. Okay. Just got out the phone with Rebecca lions One of my favorite people in the whole world. I know she's the best speaking of Minter from our last segment. Rebecca's been such a good mentor and also super cool because she's one of your good friends. So I love talking to her and she brought it mom.

We want to church. Awesome. I cannot wait to listen. Oh no, it was really good. All right, you ready for the world? Let's go. Well, that's bad tests. Let's do it. Okay, this is one of my personal favorites that I have seen on the

Instagram so far. Always say yes to the $5 spray tan. I don't know about that one. I just knew I don't even have to think about that. Whoa, that is bad, y'all. Nobody says. For the $5, $5, $10, yeah. Well, I'll bet you're gonna say yes because I mean, you know, we both do love a good spray tan. Well, love a good spray tan. I don't know. Look like a cheeto. You're gonna have a good, a good, that's the key to the spray tan. It's gotta be a good spray tan. Yeah. It's gonna go really, really bad. And I would think a $5 one's probably gonna be bad. See, spray tan is you the potential. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good You are the guy with orange. I remember that time I looked like the, um, like the tan mom. Oh, the rest of it.

Oh, you straight up did. That was bad. Oh, okay. I think you concluded well that's bad. Well that's bad. Yes, it's right, Tans. Typically, but not $5 ones. This doesn't turn out right.

Okay, um, let's see. Everything in moderation moderation even moderation I think about that I think it's good. I think that's pretty good. Yeah, I think it's actually really good advice Yeah, I think that's good because I mean sometimes like you just got to go for it It's true sometimes you don't you don't need to like hold back and do it in moderation. Sometimes you just gotta go for it But those things in life, you know if you just somehow kind of take the middle road and stay in the middle you're good But oh, I got to get an example. Okay. You and Bella's addiction to cocoa whip Here's the thing coconut is not bad in moderation

It's great. It's a great alternative to ice cream. However, when you eat bowls of cocoa web, that's when it becomes not very good for you. So this is proving the point that you just got to eat a bowl of cocoa web. Okay, I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you. Okay, well, that's good. Well, that's good. Well, that's good. That was the everything in moderation, even moderation. There you go. I like it. All right. That's a good one. Okay, this is going to be interesting. I think for you to answer, considering you have a house full of people who hearted us

in a nice way. It's a pleasing sound to the Lord when they sing, but maybe not to the human ears. So as a stop singing in your house because your voice sounds terrible. No, that is bad. That is bad. Your house is the place where you should be able to just melt it out. I agree.

You do for it. I agree. I agree. I love how our family sings. You should probably make sure only your family is around them when you do it, because you know, like, remember that time when I was melting it out and your friends were in the kitchen. I didn't know it.

That was Steve Funtias. Okay, backstory. I have to tell them this story. I don't know if any of you guys out there have seen the Hannah Montana movie, but my mom was watching the Hannah Montana movie. And what was the song? It's a one at the end. Oh, remember?

It's one of the other miles. It's absolutely built out. And my mom, mommy, you know, you have a great voice. and I remember I said I was the only mother she saw absolutely built to out and my mom mommy you know you have a great voice but you know

it's not I'm sorry I'm sorry it's just be honest on this podcast I cannot think and I was like laying on the floor

and we were watching it like laying on the floor to pal it and I was just melting it out and it was so funny. So, So,

What everybody needs to hear is, even my mom saying she doesn't have a good voice but it's still bad advice to every tell anybody to not sing because they sing terrible in their own home. People, that is disrespectful. That's right. It's a free, it's a free point. Where can you do it if you can't do it in your own home? That is a truth, besad your car. But anyways, a free point. Where can you do it if you can't do it in your own home? That is a truth, beside your car.

But anyways, not the point. Well, this has been fun. I think we got a lot of good nuggets in here. Love you, Mom. Love you, baby. Bye. Bye, bye. Thanks so much for listening to the WoW That's Good podcast.

We got a lot of good nuggets today. Don't forget to follow me on all the social media platforms I'm on. Instagram, I'm at Legit Sadie Rob, Twitter Sadie Rob, and follow our Live Original Instagram. Also, I'm Sadie Robertson on Facebook. Head over to Live Original.com and subscribe to this podcast. And while you're there, you can see the tour dates that I'm coming to a city near you. Don't forget, please leave comments in the iTunes section and leave reviews. This podcast is produced by Steve Straut and Peter Hartzel, so a huge shout out to them,

and I thank you to my LO team. You guys are the best. We love y'all, and we appreciate you listening. I'll see y'all soon! Thank you. you