WHOA That's Good Podcast - The Biggest Lies About Dating and How to Find Love That Lasts

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

Pastor and "Welcome to Adulting" author JP Pokluda shares his incredible insights into how to approach dating and commitment in the 21st century. He and guest host Christian Huff talk about the biggest lies people believe about dating and attraction, finding the right someone to marry, whether to lower your standards, and what should disqualify someone as boyfriend or girlfriend material. JP's latest book is "Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed."  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, well, welcome JP to the world that's good podcast. I say JP that's kind of your nickname, but you go by, I guess you go by JP, but your real name is Jonathan Pecluda, but you crushed it. But I call you JP. You're not Sadie. I thought this was the Sadie Roberts and Pate. She is on maternity leave. So I'm her, I was her next go to.

So here I am, filling in. I love that man. I'm so excited to be with you, Christian. Man, thank you for having me. Of course. Love what God is doing through Yosla. If you wanted a form that was going to be, I deeply apologize if you were disappointed. But I'm so glad to be here

with you today and talk about your latest book outdated. Yeah, man. Well, it's great to be with you. Hey, congratulations. I am so, so excited for the two of you and just all that got us doing through your life. So it's, it's an honor to be with you this morning. Well, thank you so much. Thank you. And if you don't know J.P.J.P. used to be the leader of the porch in Dallas, Texas, he is now the pastor of Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco. And if years ago you wrote a book called Welcome to Adolting

and now you have the new book out called Outdated, helping people to navigate through relationships and whatever season they're in. So it's a great book. I really enjoyed reading it. That's just been a big heart is to help young adults. I feel like when I was in my early 20s, really bumped my head against a lot of ceilings and walls and made some poor decisions that, you know, I would really pay for the rest of my life in a lot of ways,

but I think the Lord takes our mess and makes it our message. And in my case, even our ministry. And so it's been fun to watch him redeem those stories through ministering to young adults and saying, that's the heart behind that book. Welcome to adulting. And now without dated, I just see one of the biggest challenges in our land is people trying to find love and trying to, you know, without data, I just see one of the biggest challenges in our land is people trying to find love and trying to, you know, desire marriage, having a desire for marriage, but feeling like they don't have prospects. And so, like, man, I think I can help because so much of ministry's pattern recognition, and I've seen people find life.

So I'm like, man, I want to be helpful. The goal was never to write books or sell books, but always to be helpful and to be a good pastor to people. Yeah, that's awesome. And it's so cool because I actually met you about a year and a half ago now maybe. That's right. Yeah, we were doing it. And Ella then it was supposed to be another place in Wake-O, but that venue, something

happened and you were so gracious enough to open up your church and let us do it there. And that was such an awesome night and it's been so cool to keep in contact with you since then and just reach out if I ever have any questions on anything through life. So you've been such a great mentor through that. So I thank you. So we're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, you're kind of just saying that.

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We're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, you're kind of just saying that. We're, the best piece of advice that you have ever been given? Best piece of advice that I've ever been given? It's a big question. Well, yeah, and they're so I'm hit by all these one-liners, like I would hear from my dad growing up, but I think it's it's advice that I was actually received in the past 15 years. And it's there's a lot of ways to say this. I'll say the number of ways. One is just pay attention to what you pay attention to. Another way of saying it is the realize that thoughts take you places. And another way I've said it is, you know, don't and don't follow your heart before you inform your heart. And it's all of this same idea that what we're thinking about

has implication, it has consequences, like ideas have consequences. And so be careful what you give your mind to, because we are all much more programmable than anybody wants to believe. And the Lord made us that way, like God made us that way. And that's why He wants us to meditate on His word day and night.

And that's why secular psychology, science today is telling us to practice mindfulness and meditation because what we feed our hearts through our thinking really does impact the kind of person that we are. So that's it, you know, pay attention to what you pay attention to. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, and you mentioned meditation, and I think even like the secular world is trying to,

trying to find that, and they find that through that, and we find that through prayer. That's so cool. So I mentioned that I've known you for about a year and a half now, and one of my favorite things that you do is your Friday Q&A, so I'm a big fan of those. I anticipate them weekly, me, Sadie, Cory, John Lake,

we'll all sit down usually. Actually, on Fridays, we'll talk about some of the things you talked about, but how did you begin that? And how have you stayed so consistent? They're doing it. What inspired you to be so consistent with that? Yes. So two and a half years ago, I moved from a church in Dallas,

watermark, where I led the porch, as you said, and we moved, our family moved, we felt called to the city of Waco, which is about two hours south of Dallas and Texas. And so we moved to Waco, and I started pastoring a church here, Harris Creek, and the rhythms of the staff, as they were completely off on Fridays. And so the church was closed on Fridays, and that was a new rhythm for me. And so I wasn't used to being off on Friday. So I kind of wake up on Friday, the kids are at school, and like, what do I do?

And I, you know, C.S. Lewis says, so great as something's potential for evil, equally great as this potential for good, or so great as something's potential for good, equally great as this potential for evil. And I believe this is true of social media. Like social media has the potential to be really negative in our lives if we get stuck in the comparison game. But there's also so much potential for good in advancing the gospel

and building the kingdom there. And so I started taking questions on Friday. So via Instagram, just through the little question app on the stories, said Friday Q&A and we put a theme song to it We had fun with it and then I realized like this is one of the ways that the guy does just kind of gifted my mind is to be able to answer Questions quickly now I realize that Anything that somebody asked me there's a lot of nuances to that and I tend to be short and sometimes that can be a little bit off-putting. My heart is not to frustrate somebody or to cause anybody's pain in someone's life. It's just like if the Bible speaks to this, then I can answer in short form and just say, yes, no, you should do this. This is what the scripture says. And I'm a simple guy, man. I believe the Bible is our authority, our conscience,

and our guide. I believe it's God's word, God breath, inspired, suitable for teaching, rebuke, correcting, and training, and righteousness. And so where the Scripture speaks to something, I just say, hey, this is what God's word says, and people listen. So it's fun.

So I get about 2,000 questions every Friday, and I answer as many as I can. That is amazing. Are most questions every Friday, and I answer as many as I can. That is amazing. Are most of those questions, relationship questions, are they? I bet you most of them are. Yeah. I mean, they're all across the board. Like, you know, some of them are so very specific to the person.

Hey, my boyfriend broke up with me last night, and this happened, or, you know, we're struggling in this specific way, or some of them are theological. some of them are about, how do you interpret this verse? But I bet you if you were to put them in categories, most of them would be relationship driven. Now that's not to say that 50% of them are, but if you were to put them in categories, I bet the biggest category would be relationship. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think it's so cool. So in your book, Outdated, I think it's so cool. How you start every chapter by stating a truth and a lie that people believe about, about a certain topic on relationships. So what do you think, what do you think the biggest lie that, that people who are single, they believe about dating? Yeah, I think that it's,

I'm gonna say what I think is the biggest lie and then, and I don't know that it's the biggest, but there's probably six or seven lies they believe that are tied for first place. But one is just like we date for fun. And that's to say they go into dating without any purpose or intentionality around it. And the truth is when you date that way, it's not very fun. I mean, you experience a lot of fun, but it also leaves you with a broken heart. And sometimes you're crying yourself to sleep,

you look in the review mirror and you realize there's just all of these cars piled up on the side of the road by way of relationships. And it's almost like you've been driving on the wrong side of the road. And that to me is a picture of how we date. Rather than go into dating, it's like, okay, a desire marriage.

And that's if you desire marriage, because if you don't, the scripture says in 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19, that singleness is a really high calling and that it's not a lesser than or second rate that Jesus was single, the Apostle Paul was single, Timothy was single. And so we can be single for the sake of the kingdom,

but if you desire marriage, then dating is the pathway to that promise. And so what does it look like to go into dating, knowing what you're looking for, so that you can know when you found it and date with intentionality, like having the specific questions that you have about a potential spouse,

and then thinking through, what are the environments that I wanna put us in so that I can find out if they're a good spouse or not? So like, if I wanna know, is he going to be a great father to my children? If I'm a girl and I wanna know, is he gonna be a great father to my children? Then I wanna see him around kids.

Like, I'm not gonna find that out at my favorite restaurant where we're ordering my favorite appetizer, you know? I'm going to find that out in watching him serve in the kids ministry or trying to, you know, or babysitting my niece or nephew or just trying to think through those intentional things so that I can quickly and effectively identify if he is someone who would be a suitable husband for me.

And so that's something that I think people just miss out the gate. I'm not completely agree. I think that we live in a culture where it's almost like what you said in your book. It's cool to treat dating like it's a game. You have the saying that he's got to treat dating like it's a game, you know, you have the, you know, those saying that he's got games, she's got game and it's like, that's actually not a good thing. It's I think that's so good. And I love how, how much you talk about being equally yoked in your book.

And I know that you mentioned a few disqualifiers that you think people should take seriously for that person before they should date. So can you speak to that for a little bit on just some disqualifiers that you think that people should take seriously? Yeah, I think one of them, the biggest one is you know that they would be a Christian and not just like like your name, not just like a check the box Christian, not like, hey, I'm a Christian in name, I was born in America, I went to church growing up, but I mean, radically pursuing Jesus.

And so second, the N614 says, do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers for what does the light have in common with darkness. And so that's one of those Friday Q&As that causes problems because a girl will say, hey, I really, I would love Jesus, I'm a strong Christian, and I'm dating someone who's not a believer, what should I do?

And I'll be like, break up, and people will be like, oh my gosh, you're so harsh, and that's not loving. And I'm like, no, that's just what the Bible says. But that's not to say that they can't become a Christian. That's not to say that God can't save them, that he can't do a work. And so, like, if you play that forward, you're like, well, he becomes a Christian, we got married,

we had children, and he's now an elder at the church or a pastor and a missionary, and you know, I'm so glad I didn't listen to you. And I would just say, man, that's amazing. That's my story, like that redemptive work, that's what God did in my life. And you should have listened to me because it wasn't me, it's the word of God. And yes, God can take our mess and make something good of it, but anytime that we can listen to him, that's better. And so I think we're pragmatic in the way that we date

is we consider the outcome. If I do this, what's the outcome I'm going to get? If I wait three days to text her back, then that's going to help my chances with her. So I want to play hard to get. Yeah, it's manipulation. It's manipulation. That's manipulation.

So don't think, okay, what's going to work? Think what is godly and god-honoring and what is an act of worship to my creator in the way that I care for this person. And we want to date in a way that leads them better than we found them. So that's what I always tell my staff when we go to a place like if we stay at someone's you know, Lake House for a retreat or something, I say, Hey, guys, somebody lent us this place. And so we want to leave it better than we found it.

And could you imagine that if any person we dated and it didn't go toward marriage, so we ended up breaking up That they actually were grateful that they dated us because we helped them become a more fully devoted follower of Jesus a better person And so I think one of the the biggest deal breakers is are they Running hard after Jesus and honestly Christian if you that right, like if that piece is there, it will cover over a multitude of problems. Like I think about me, Monica, Monica and I, we were a train wreck. Like we dated year one, it was the honeymoon.

Oh, I love your two. I thought the engagement ring story was the funniest thing I've heard. I've heard. I got it. That was so funny. Yeah. The spoiler alert, I got my engagement ring or monocos engagement ring on eBay, which is just a really legendary

hilarious story. But we, so the year one is the honeymoon. Year two, the wheels fell off. I mean, pornography is a huge part of my journey and I had no idea. And just like dating since a lot of girls since the fifth grade and I had no idea. And just like dating since a lot of girls since the fifth grade, I had no idea how to be committed to this woman. And I needed a lot of help. I needed people to come into my life and speak truth to me and help me understand how to cherish her and to make her feel loved. And when the feeling faded at times,

which it will for everybody, like how that commitment kicks in that I can honor those vows, you think about what we say in marriage, we say, you know, in sickness and in health, in, you know, for richer or poor, until death to us part as long as we both shall live. Like those are things that many people have stood up

at the altar with somebody as they made those promises, and we don't help them honor those vows. And I want to be, when I do a wedding, I want to have a vested interest in making sure that I help that couple honor those vows. And so, yeah, I think that, you know, that's a huge part of relationships is what does it look like to learn how to commit to somebody, you know, forever, or as long as we both shall live? Yeah, and that's what's so cool too, because you really do teach and walk through like every, like you talk to the people who are single and what to look for.

You talk to those who are dating and if they want to break up, how to break up, when to break up, like the proper way to do that and still honor them and then engagement and the way to value that season. So I think it's really cool. Like, like you said, like how you truly, like you really took the time to speak into every and to every season of where these people are at. I think I think that was so cool. I heard someone say one time that the bait you catch them with is the bait you'll keep them with. And it kind of this goes it goes to that line of like if I'm going to put up a if a if a song I'm going to try to convince them to like me. If they do end up liking me how long can I keep that up and

and in that book you talk about that and you. And you said, that'd be a miserable life if you lived to be old and it was just all. I mean, the Bible says, you know, Proverbs 31, 30, he says, beauty is fleeting. He says, charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting. And so like, yes, I mean, every guy wants to be with a beautiful girl, but where my heart breaks,

is I see all of these, I see so many beautiful young women who love Jesus, who feel forgotten because guys are asking out the same five, six, seven girls out there. And that's why I just would encourage any brothers that might hear this is to look at the ladies around you that you're serving with and give them a chance, like take them to coffee and get to know their hearts and their love for God and ask yourself would they make a suitable wife like would they be a great wife but you're a hundred percent right I want to say to the ladies do not lower your standards length in your patients do not lower your standards length in your patients because I know that there are you're watching the guys out there make some dumb decisions and

and just you know wait for the Lord like he loves you. He's not forgotten you. He says in Isaiah 40 like, Hey, why do you say you've forgotten me? He hasn't. He's going to renew your strength. He's going to lift you up like on wings like Eagles. He's going to allow you to run and not grow weary. And it doesn't mean just to wait, you know, for him to drop a guy through your ceiling. It means to, as Jesus says in Matthew 19, begin to build the kingdom, ask yourself, what can I do today in this season of singleness that I wouldn't be able to do if I was married,

if I wouldn't be able to do, I wouldn't be able to do if I had children. Like Christian, your life is changing. Like as you bring another life into this world, your interest in ministry are going to shift and pivot, and they should rightfully so, because you're gonna start to focus, how do I make a disciple out of this little girl?

Like how do I raise her up to know Jesus and to care for her? And there's gonna be things that you have to say no to in her best interest. And so there's a single young ladies listening right now that you can say yes to things that that Sadie and Christian can't say yes to today because of the way that God is changing there. I mean, even think about this that you're here, right? Like Sadie, Sadie's not on the interview because of the way that her focus and discipleship is changing.

And so I think it's very important that we don't see the season that we're in as something that we need to resent or regret, but to ask God, how do you want to use this so that I might advance the gospel and further the kingdom? Yes, something else I love and kind of piggybacking off what you just said, but you really caught love young men and young women. And you talked to the young men about, you know, if you want to be in a relationship

and if you think you're ready to pursue that, to pursue something like that towards marriage, find the godliest woman you know and just grasp on a date and you talk to the girls about find the godliest man you know and try to just show that you're interested. I think that's something that a lot of people, you know, don't do because we have such a culture that's just elevated attraction and And if the God is woman, you know, isn't attractive, then, you know, then that's not going to work out. So can you kind of speak, speak, speak to the little bit about how, you know,

you do have that heart for young men and women to truly pursue those who are following Christ. Yeah, let's not blow past that. So you asked me what the biggest lie is. And I always, it's always changing in my head. And I think about the chapters about data because really I cover a lot of chapters. It's crazy. Like you cover every single. I don't know.

Thanks for saying that. It's crazy. But I just think that feelings are ultimate. You know, attraction is ultimate is probably the biggest lie in our culture. And it's why we're seeing some of the highest divorce rates of any generation that has ever lived in addition to the no fault divorce. But we've followed our feelings in relationships and when those feelings fade, we follow them

out of relationships. And so we have to figure, find something else to carry us forward. But yeah, so I've been saying for 12 years, guys, listen, lean in, find the godliest girl you know, and ask her on a date. No, I'm talking about the girl that you would say, man, you're gonna make a great wife for someone. I wish my best friend would date you, you know? And it's like, hey, girls will say to a guy,

I need to, I wanna find someone like you. Well, he's like him, you know? He is like him. You should, you don't need to find someone like you. Well, he's like him, you know? He is like him. You should, you don't need to find someone like him. You don't need a replica. Like you got the real thing right in front of you, right? And really what you're saying, it seems like encouragement, but it's really incredibly insulting,

because you're gonna say, because you're actually saying, I wish I could find someone like you. But not you. But I'm attracted to. Like it's really an insult like. And so if you give each other a chance, like I'm telling you, most of you are not attracted to someone who's 80 years old.

Right. That's not who you find attracted. But by the grace of God, I pray and I hope your spouse is 80 years old. And you think, well, that's different because I'll be married to them. No, you're right. It's different because you'll be committed to them, but it's not different in that they're still going to be wrinkled and their hair is still going to fall out and turn gray. And teeth are going to turn gray and fall out, right? Yeah.

And, but my prayer is that you would remain married to them because you've chosen them. And here's the truth that people aren't gonna tell you, ladies, is marriage is much more practical, even pragmatic than anyone wants to believe. You're really just looking for a partner in ministry. Someone to lock arms with to say, okay, we're gonna keep going at this, to push back darkness, to bring in light, to advance the gospel and build the kingdom. Who do I want to do that with?

And really, it's not even who do I want to. It's who would be a great partner in that. And I think that's so important. You have to consider the exercise that you're going to be doing together. Yeah, that's so good. Something cool that from the start of the finish, you give, and I always think books like that are so cool how you have statistics

on pretty much every different thing that you talk about. It's really cool just how much information that you pull from these different outlets to figure all these things out. And one of the things I thought was cool was the statistics that you talked about where people can be more fixated on the wedding than their marriage.

And I think I thought that was a really interesting, just to stick that, that you shared with people, you know, if they want a big wedding and if they don't want that many people there, how, you know, the more money they spend on their wedding, the more likely they are to actually be truly unhappy. So it's really, so how do you, for, for people? Yeah.

Yeah, there's a trend there. And we don't know what actually causes that trend. Sometimes there's some weird correlations that happen when you're looking at statistics. But I would just say today in the 21st century, because that's really what this book outdated is dealing with, is the problems of dating in the 21st century. And I do think it's one of the most difficult times

the date ever, which I know is naive, because I haven't lived in all the other centuries. And I do think it's one of the most difficult times the date ever, which I know is naive because I haven't lived in all the other centuries. But I have done a little bit of research and I've drawn the conclusion personally that I believe the 21st century is the most challenging time to date. And today we look at marriage as the capstone. And so it's almost like I need to get all my life

in order, I need to pay off my dad, I need to be settled down and established, and have a house, and a German shepherd, and a picket fence. And then I'll get married, I'll add marriage to the top of that. So if I build the cake, marriage is the cherry on top. And throughout history, marriage has been viewed very different than that marriage was the cornerstone. It's like, man, life is really hard.

I need to have a partner to go through life with me so that we can do this together. And so if you're looking at marriage as the capstone, you see it as a novelty, you see it as, okay, an accessory to my life. So who do I want beside me? What do they look like? What is their style?

What kind of shoes do they wear? What kind of vehicle do they drive? What kind of job do they have? Is he a doctor? Is he an attorney? What is he like? What are his interests? Is he like to rock climb or the UFC or MMA? What's he into? But if you think of marriage as a cornerstone, meaning a foundation, something that I build my life on top of, right? Now we know Jesus is the ultimate cornerstone, but using in this metaphor, like something you build your life on, and then you think about it very differently.

It's like, okay, who can care for me well? Who can help me provide? Who can help me pay bills? Who's going to be really good at partnering with me and raising children. And I'm saying, I'm arguing from the scriptures, this is a better way to think about relationships. Do not think about them like a novelty that you're adding to your life, like an accessory. Think about them as you partnering up in life that's hard.

Because Jesus says, in this this world you will have trouble. He says when they hate you, what the scripture says about life is that it's hard, and I'm, man, praise God, can't tell you what's hard, ministry's hard. Like sometimes I come home and I'm just like, man, I got my teeth kicked in today. And praise God, I'm married a cheerleader. You know what I mean by that? A cheerleader's like, ooh, I think I got my teeth kicked in today and praise God I'm married a cheerleader. You know, do you know

what I mean by that a cheerleader is like, ooh, I think I found my, I don't know the tone, but yeah, there you are on it, you're on it. Are you sure? Yeah, no, I probably, you think I found myself a cheerleader in any way. You're definitely on it. That's definitely going to be the highlight of this podcast. But, but you did too, you did too too. Like right, the thing that Mark Sadie is her joy. And I know, and she's been very honest, like, hey guys, listen, that joy is not always there. And the source of it comes from the Lord. And that's why I'm able to have joy

in all circumstances. And that's, you know, Monica is that way, that when I come home and I got my teeth kicked in, she's saying things like, hey babe, you can do this. And God is good and He is for you and He is with you. And if He is with you, who can be against you? And I just want to remind you of these truths that He has called you to this.

And He has a plan and a purpose for your life. And she starts preaching to my heart and filling me with this hope so that I can keep going, right? And that's what you want in a spouse. You know, if you're a girl looking for a husband or you're a guy looking for a wife, you want to find someone that's going to help push you forward. And I know there's friends listening right now and your countenance is rather negative and listen, 2020 was difficult and 2021

is proving to be difficult in a lot of ways too. But the crazy thing about us believing that we are going to live forever because of what God has done for us through Jesus is that what we have, that no one can take from us, is hope. We have hope. Yeah. And so you want to hold fast to that hope and you want to find someone who holds fast to that hope because to marry someone or even date somebody that's really negative, brother, it's

a challenge. Those people end up in my office and I'm trying to talk them off a ledge because that's hard. It's really challenging. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's even in general. Let alone dating, just being around people who are just negative, yeah, in life, it's a

downer. It always brings energy down, it brings the mood down. For sure. Try not for our people listening. Be positive people. Be positive people. Be positive people, the glad, like in Christianity, the glass is always half full. Yeah. Because you think about, think about this. The worst event that has ever happened

in the history of history, like I wonder what people would say, it was the worst event that anything that is so much worse than anything that's ever happened. And just think about what we have the audacity to call Good Friday. That's a dead God on a cross. That's a really dark day. And if God can take from the worst moment in the history of history and make it our greatest good

salvation for those who believe that We have eternal life through that that we can have a relationship with him that the veil is torn and now we can talk to God And if that if the worst event can become our greatest good then he can make good from anything and then he can make good from anything and that's why we have hope and so you want to find somebody with that hope. So yes, be optimistic people. Yeah, that's so good. Well, JP, can you speak to kind of just from even from reading the book, but even knowing you personally, just your testimony and your story. And I think that I can relate to you on a lot of things that you've walked through. So for me, you both having a past and things that we've walked to before marriage, what are some ways that that you like to encourage people who you know think that they've gone too far or that they've messed up too many times?

And and maybe that you know they have that fear of if anyone will ever love them or give them a chance or Or want to be with them. There's a, I was going to say there's a story in the Bible. I want to like spoiler alert. If in case you're listening, you don't know the word very well. I did neither. Okay, so you know, in my early 20s, like I didn't know the Bible. I remember I was on staff at a church and someone wrote, who wrote, somebody asked the question, so I'm a pastor now, okay? And somebody asked the question, who wrote, this is really embarrassing. Who wrote first and second Timothy? And I, you know, in my pride and arrogance and foolishness, I said, Timothy, duh, you know, and it's

Paul II Timothy, is the right answer. And it's just like I didn't know anything about God's Word. But what you need to know about God's Word is it's all Genesis to Revelation. It's 66 books about redemption. And it says some crazy things in there. So I want you to listen. If you feel forgotten or you feel like you've crossed the you've gone too far, you feel like God stopped loving you on prom night or maybe it was something that was done to you. Like maybe it wasn't even something you did. It was something that was done to you in your seven years old. And somebody needs to hear this.

Like the Bible is a big story of redemption. And these are the promises in there. It says that God delights to show you mercy. Now what it means that word delight is it's what he enjoys doing. So like maybe you're like, oh, what I enjoy doing is I enjoy shopping or I enjoy animals or I enjoy walks on the beach or I enjoy walks on the forest or nature.

What God enjoys doing, like what he does for fun, is shows you mercy. That's what he does for fun. He says in his word that he's no longer counting your sins against you, that when you've trusted in Jesus, like what Jesus did, he's a savior. And what saviors are really good at doing is saving people, but the only person that he can save

is the person who needs saving. It's kind of like a lifeguard. The only person that a lifeguard can save is the person who needs saving. It's kind of like a lifeguard. The only person that a lifeguard can save is the one who's drowning. And so if anybody feels like they're drowning in their sin, like Jesus, the Savior is moving towards you and it says in the scripture that he's covered your sin so that when God looks at you, he doesn't see your sin, he sees his payment, right? And that he's paid for your sins on the cross. That every sin is going to be paid for either in hell or on the cross. And the person that

gets to live forever with God in his presence is the one who acknowledges his payment on the cross that he's paid for a sins that we can be with him forever. And so he enjoys showing you mercy. He's paid for your sins. But really what he does, and I said this from the get go is he takes your mess and he makes it your message that if you would just talk about it, because I've meet with girls that think, oh, I could never say that. I could never say out loud the word abortion.

I could never say out loud the word pornography. I could never say out loud, you know, sex outside of marriage. But when you start telling your story and about how God has renewed you and redeemed you and forgiven you, then he gives power to that story. And he uses it for your good. And this is really, I mean, there's a story in the Bible in Hosea where God actually calls a man to marry a prostitute.

And the reason that that story is in there, and this prostitute is, it does crazy things, you know? It actually pays other people to sleep with them. And the reason why that story is in there is because it shows God's relentless love for you, that He's chasing after you, that He desires a relationship with you. And He's like, what do you want me to do to show you how much I love you? You want me to allow my only son to die for you?

Now Christian, you're, you know, a new father. We can't imagine how much you'd have to love someone to say, I will let my own child die for you. And this is what God does for us through Jesus. And so there's somebody that needs to hear this right now listening. God's crazy about you. Not some future version of you, not when you clean yourself up, not when you get right, not when you stop sleeping around, not when you stop cutting yourself, not when you stop throwing up your food, not when you stop starving yourself. Right now, God is crazy about you. He loves you so much. And it's time that you turn from those things

and turn to him and say, God, help me. Like, let me bring this to the light, start to talk about it and help me. And he will, he will help you and restore you because that's what he's great at. He's great at doing that. Yeah, and that's what's so beautiful. That's where, you know, first John 1 talks about if we confess our sins, you know, then he is faithful. And I think that's such a beautiful

and I think that ties in with repentance. repentance just means to change and to turn. So even just calling out, you know, those people who, you know, if you have been doing those things and if you have been living that way, and if you were pinned, if you changed that, if you turn, if you start pursuing God instead of pursuing all these things that the world has to offer, then you're going to see, you're going to see the fruit of that. And if you start living that way, and then you confess these things, like what you talked about, when you mess up, then you're going to see, you're going to see that forgiveness in that grace, and you're going to start to walk in that and believe it for yourself.

We have, right? You and I both have. Like I heard yours testimony, and that's what the hope that I would give is, is man, I really messed up. I mean, I went through true love weights when I was, which was a, you know, a deal where you like, get a ring and promise to not have sex until you're married. And then I had sex, and then it was just like,

oh well, I'm ruined. So I might as well just dive in the deep end on this. And then drugs, right? And alcoholism and the party scene. And then I moved to Dallas. And I was kind of everything wrong with Dallas and a person. I was a materialistic.

I had the Jaguar, the penthouse condo, different watch for every day of the week. And I just, I tried to make my home here because I had no hope for eternal life. And then I was at a club 18 years ago and someone invited me to a church and I sat in the back row hung over Christian. And I gave, I heard the message of the gospel, which I had heard before, but I realized that Jesus on the cross that that was for me. That was a payment that he paid for my sins.

And I gave my life to him. I trusted in his death and resurrection for the forgiveness of my sins and everything began to change. The way I talked change, the way I dressed change, who I hung out with changed, where I went, the things that where I went for fun changed, what, and ultimately

what I did for a living changed, everything changed. And so the person who's looking for hope, I just would share my story with you and say there is hope for you. And it's time, you know, as Christian said, repentance to turn from our sin and to turn toward a holy God and say, God, I am not worthy to be in your presence, but you've made me worthy through the death and the resurrection of your Son, Jesus. You did that for me. I can't, I'm not enough. Ephesians 28 and 9, 4, is by grace. I have been saved through faith.

And this is not of myself. It's the gift of God not by work so that no one can boast. Lord, I trust you. And so now I am your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which you've prepared in advance for me to do. And so I want to do those.

I want to live for you guys. And he'll let you. Yeah, that's amazing. That's awesome. Well, JP, as I said, I love following you on social media and I love all the Friday Q&A you do, but I also love just seeing you being a husband and a father to your children. It's been super cool and inspiring. So my last question is, what dad advice do you have for me? I love it Yeah, here it is Christian

kids spell love T I M E and There's going to be so many things that compete for your time and And so it's it's probably unrealistic For someone to think what you're just gonna, you know, just be at home all the time, you know, and, and, and so is often as you can take them with you. And I just, I have found that, I mean, a lot of times when I do a speaking engagement, I just say, hey, can I, is written in there?

Is like, hey, can, can this include two plain tickets? Like, you can pay me less or not pay me at all, but can I bring a kid with me? And can you, and when I speak, can someone tend to them and make sure that they're cared for and have a place to be? And just those nights in the hotel or whatever I'm doing, just being together, I think, is a lot of,

as the proverb says, show a child in the way they should go, so that as they grow old, they would not depart from it. And in Deuteronomy 6, it talks about walking with them along the path and sitting with them at home and just being together. And so as much time as you can spend with your family, that would be my encouragement. And I just, I want to say this to you. And you know, know obviously I know your family less than I know the Robertsons, you know Corey and Willie and Sadie and their siblings. I am so, I get emotional man. I'm so thankful for the platform that God has given that family so that others can look on and see the way that they are spending time together. And so I am grateful to you guys. I'm grateful for your example to continue that with Sadie. And as your family grows, Lord, I mean, in Christian, not Lord, you, I'm so thankful just for that example.

And I pray that many would watch on and learn from it, and that we would just go all in with our faith. And not try to make the vision of, like, well, how do I be in the world and be a Christian? Just be a Christian wherever you are and God will sort it out. He'll work it out. Yeah, man. That's good. Man, that's so good. Well, JP, thank you so much for joining me. The second, the second in command on the, whoa, that's good podcast today. But for those listening, I really cannot encourage you to get outdated more. Even for me, myself reading it,

like there are things you talked about, even in marriage that I'm gonna take from it and help me. But I really think that this book is gonna help so many people navigate their relationships and whatever season they're in. So go get it today, JP, you're the man. Thank you so much. This was awesome. God is awesome brother and it's been great to're the man. Thank you so much. This was awesome.

God is awesome, brother, and it's been great to be with you. Thank you, friend. you