WHOA That's Good Podcast - The Relationship Advice We Keep Coming Back To | Sadie Robertson Huff

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Sadie brings together some of the best dating and relationship advice from past “Whoa That’s Good” conversations, from red flags and boundaries to anxiety and knowing if someone is really The One. These guests offer a helpful reminder that the best relationships are built with God at the center, and Sadie and Christian share honest encouragement for anyone who wants to date with wisdom, wait with hope, and love without settling. Single, dating, engaged, or married, this conversation will help you focus on what matters in love. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: http://primallypure.com — Get 15% off your order when you use code WHOA at checkout! https://drinklmnt.com/whoa — Get a free 8-count Sample Pack of LMNT’s most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase https://go.goodranchers.com/WHOA — Start your plan today and get FREE meat included with every order PLUS $100 off your first three orders OR get $40 off your first order with my code WHOA at checkout! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Wayfair, every style, every home. What's up, everybody? Happy Monday. I hope you're having a great start to your week. It's about to get a lot better. We actually have a fun episode for y'all today, and it's the best of relationship advice from, you know, the past year or so. And let me tell you, there is so much gold in here.

If you are someone who's really, I think we all need this because whether you're dating, if you're single, if you're married, wherever you are in life, we're all in relationships. And I think you're going to get some advice today. It's really going to help you. So I pray you're blessed by this and encouraged by today's episode and send it to a friend who you think needs to hear it to. You says there's like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Psalm 1. And so if you take a picture of a tree and then you come back a week later and you take a picture of the tree,

those two pictures are going to look almost identical. But if you take a picture of tree and then you come back five years later or 10 years later and you take a picture of the same tree, you're going to see like, whoa, massive change. And so there's big change happening slowly. Yeah. And, you know, our relationship with the Lord is like this too. It's like we just have to make sure we're faced the right direction. And you're making these small deposits that ebb and flow in seasons. It's like I can show you somebody who's newly engaged or maybe even newly married.

and they're leaning over the table for two at the restaurant, you know, gazing each other's eyes and just laughing and you're like, okay, they love each other. But then I could show you an 80-year-old couple who's been married for 55 years, and, you know, one of them is losing their memory or they have to have some sort of medical care or attention.

And I said, who loves each other more? You might be tempted. It may look like the newly married couple loves each other more. It's great. But it's the feelings, the emotions, you know. It's great. What happened with that 80-year-old couple is some of those feelings and emotions have evolved to something much deeper with way deeper roots where there's like, hey, we are truly right or die. You know, we're in this for the long haul.

Everybody wants that. But they don't necessarily, you know, they just, you have to realize there were lots of off-ramps they didn't take. to get there. Same is true for God. Like as we're in this on this spiritual journey, there will be just countless off ramps where the enemy's trying to take us out or discourage us or cause us to despair. But as you keep moving, you know, being faced the right direction, as you keep holding fast to the truth that you know, then you realize those, that's where those roots go even deeper, even deeper, even deeper, even deeper. So that you can stand the test of time. You can stand the storms. You're in it to win it.

Don't be alone. I mean, I'm not trying to be a Pharisee here. This is not, I can't chapter and verse that. But if you're looking for you, like, hey, I really want healthy boundaries. Like, stay in groups. I mean, every single time I'm counseling someone who is distraught because they crossed lines. They didn't want to cross. It's, they were, hey, we were laying down watching a rom-com.

You know, it was just the two of us. We went to his apartment. The other healthy boundaries, I would say, avoid alcohol like the place. plague in college in dating. I'm not a never, never, ever, ever, you know, drink guy. I am a never, ever, ever drink underage guy, and I would not at all, I would just be really wise in dating, like as a, meaning you're not married, it's just not going to go well for you. So much of ministries pattern recognition. And I just see these same choices leading to the same outcomes over and over and over and over again.

And so if you're like, hey, I don't want relationship trauma. I don't want this to go well. I don't want to make decisions that I'm going to regret. Then I would say, man, stay in groups. Like college is an amazing time to hang out with groups of people and make memories and look back on. And you're just like, man, those are, we went on that mission trip. We served in this way. We had this church deal.

We laughed until we cried. My stomach hurt the next day. I laughed so hard. All of that happens in groups of people. And you can really, you know, you can observe someone well and get to know them well in the way that they interact with other people to know if this is going to be a suitable spouse for me. So that's the easiest, like, boundary. Is it wrong to date someone who says they believe in God but doesn't live it out? Yeah. Jesus said you'll know them by their fruits.

Like here's my soapbox on this is be a strong follower of Jesus Christ to find a strong follower of Jesus Christ. like it really is that simple Charmed is deceitful beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised Proverbs 31 30 I know you have all these preferences like you want them to be tall short look a certain way

have these certain hobbies both guys and girls goes both ways I'm just telling you you know I just was in the hospital for for 16 days and you know be vulnerable

can be vulnerable I don't know you guys can edit it out later if you want but it's like I'm like I'm like Like, I'm in there and, and, you know, I like, I haven't had a bowel movement in days. And like, and so I go to the bathroom and Monica's in the other room praying for a bowel movement. And I'm just like, I'm in that bathroom and I'm thinking, like, I nailed this.

Like, Lord, you're so. And I did it, I did so many things wrong. But your grace has overwhelmed the situation that my amazing wife. And I walk out of the bathroom and she's like, you know, any luck? and I give her the thumbs up and she falls to her knees and begins to praise God. And I'm like, nobody, no 22 year old knows this is what marriage is. Wow. Like this is what marriage is.

Wow. You think it's the date and the like, oh, you know, the roses and the whatever. You think it's that. But it really is these moments. And you don't want, to the guys that say, you don't want a trophy wife. You want someone to go to war with. and to the ladies, it's like, I know you want the six-figure doctor

who's, you know, tall, dark and handsome or whatever. I was like, no, you want somebody who's going to make you love God more. Yeah. And because we're going to die soon and we're going to be with God forever and ever, never, never, never. And marriage simply becomes this metaphor of how Christ love the church.

And is there marriage in heaven? No, other than we're all, the church is married to the bridegroom of Jesus Christ. Like, that's the only marriage in heaven is us, the church, being married to Christ. And marriage is teaching us about that relationship. So that's where you want to get it right. And Hollywood, like, has duped us, man.

Yeah. Like we've totally been lied to. And people are getting married later. They're getting married less. And marriages aren't lasting. And I just want to raise my hand and say, we've got to do something different. And so don't learn what to look for in marriage from Hollywood,

who has the highest divorce rates. of anywhere on the planet. Say that. It's like, you're right. Like arranged marriages, that's the biblical way. Those tend to have the lowest divorce rates. There's certainly all kinds of issues with that in, like, Hinduism and in other places where there, for sure, can be hidden abuse and things of that nature. But I'm, but the arranged marriage and according to the scripture is when your friends, families and the church are saying, hey, this makes sense.

And you're not like, oh, but do I like him? You know? And I'm not saying people are like, oh, you don't. So I don't have to like him. I'm like, listen, there's a place for your preferences. There's a place for chemistry. There's a place for physical attraction. It's just not first place.

Yeah, that's so good. That is so good. That is really awesome. I love that. I don't know the difference between red flags and just imperfections. I think sometimes it's like, oh, well, he's, but it's actually, oh, it's a red flag. What's just a preference? Yeah, like, what do you convince yourself of?

That's an imperfection, but it's actually a red flag. Yeah, I want to be careful how I answer this because, there are a few nuanced exceptions to what I'm about to say, but almost everyone that has made a really terrible relationship decision, like everyone around them was jumping up and down, waving their arms, saying, hey, this is, like, he's not good for you, he's not good for you, and they were like, and they justified it in their minds. They're like, well, you know, they just don't understand. And every now and then, you know, people are like, hey, my parents don't like him because

he's a Christian, because my family, and I'm like, that's different. Yeah. So that one very nuanced example is different, but a lot of times it's like, but I love him. And they're like, hey, I just, we see some things. We have concerns. Love is blind. Like it literally is blinding. It's like taking a compass, you know, and you're trying to figure out which way's north and you put a magnet beside it. Once you really have strong feelings for someone, you will make all kinds of compromises. So there's about 16 proverbs that say essentially in summary, wisdom comes from the Council of Men. Okay, you know, make, make plans with many advisors, plans with many advisors, they succeed.

But when we operate in isolation, we bring destruction into our lives. And so what does it look like to live in community, to do life with, if I'm a female, to do life with other females, if I'm a male, to do life with other males? And then when I like someone of the opposite sex to ask them, hey, what do you get, what do you guys see that I may not see? Like, is this a good idea? And nobody's perfect, right? And so if your imperfections are, if your imperfections are, you know, he scrapes the toast or he takes too long to order his food, it's like, that's not sin. Like, okay, like, get over it. Like, I would you say red flags are sin.

That's a red flag. So, like, when is the sin pattern? Like on Friday Q&A, legit, they'll be like, hey, he's a really strong Christian, but he does crystal meth. I'm like he's not a really strong Christian. Okay, like stop, you know, like he smokes a lot of weed, but we go to church together. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, so it's just like if it's a sin, like a sin pattern, that's a red flag. This summer I'm trying to be a little more intentional about my skincare,

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It feels like a better, cleaner option without over-complicating things. Primally Pure is also female-founded, which I always love supporting, and you can definitely tell the products are made with a lot of care. I've definitely tried sunscreens in the past that just are so chalky. You don't want to put it on your face. You just feel like this cannot be that great for my skin, but you're trying to have sun protection. This is different.

It actually looks beautiful on you. You can tell women had this in mind when they were doing it. So use the code woe to get 15% off your primarily pure purchase at primallypure.com. That's primarily P-R-I-M-A-L-L-Y, Pure P-U-R-E.com. And use the code woe at checkout for 15% off your order. I know I have to get my anxiety under control for our relationship because anxiety, you think it's just an individual battle. And it is something that you're going through internally, but it affects everyone around you. and it really affects your relationships.

And so don't let it be just an individual internal struggle. Like share it with the people around you. Like you share with Maddie like, like, hey, I struggle with this and this is what it looks like. And this is how it plays itself out. And I have to tell Christian, okay, this is what this looks like, this place itself. This is how you can be there for me in it. It doesn't define our relationship. It is not something that causes us to struggle.

That doesn't mean itself doesn't come up every now and then. But we have just gotten in such a better place with it. but you have to go through the work. Like, you have to be intentional about it. You got to share it with friends. You got to get the help that you need because it is a real deal. The whole key to it is, learned to say, yes, ma'am, at a very early stage in the marriage. Learn to say, yes, ma'am.

That's right. That's right. It's a lot of heartaches and a lot of presents, a lot of flowers. You know, just learn to say, yes, ma'am, you're right. That's the greatness of marriage, though, and I'll use a wagon with horses, two horses. Yeah, okay. Your first few years was rocky, okay, because y'all was harnessed. You was married, but you was pulling different directions.

You wasn't working as a team. Right. And when things got right, when God moved in and got the marriage got right. Yeah. Then it wasn't pulling two directions. Look, it's just like a garden. Okay, if you're going to want good vegetables in your garden, then you're going to have to prune, pull the bad weeds,

you throw them away, you know, and then you go right to nurture your garden. Well, you, your relationship, Byron's relationship, you've got to nurture. I mean, I've always said, try to give more than you take. And so just from my mentality, it's got like back and we used to have things called checkbooks. And I never did balance it just because I never could figure that out. But I would always just know I've got, you know, I've got to put more. more in than I spend. And so you just kind of had this knowing.

And so I feel like that's marriage as well as to where you're giving and not just taking it. Because there'll be times where you'll tend to take way too much. And just like a checking account, you can overdraft that sucker, you know, and then you'll have problems and down the road if that happens. What's the best piece of marriage advice that the two of you were ever given? Yeah. Oh, I like a lot. I feel like the ones that are helping most days now

just with our life in total chaos publicly but also just at home with four little girls is don't take it too seriously learn to laugh a lot through a lot of things one of my best friends is like I just laugh to keep from crying I do think that helps a lot of times but I think just in marriage I think stay in best friends and what would you say that's good

I feel like it changes for me every year, the bits of advice, because it's different in your first couple years of marriage than it is when you get past the 10-year mark. And we're going to celebrate 13 years this year, which is crazy. But I think it's so cliche, because I've heard this for so long, but I think learning for me how to continually learn how to date your wife, even when you're five years, 10 years in. Because I do think it's really easy, especially once kids start coming in the picture to become a roommate. or just like joint parenting partners. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're not intentional with like her biggest thing for me this year, I've done a lot of therapy this year.

And her biggest thing for me is like, I was like, what do you need for me in this season of life? And you're like, I just want you to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning so that we can read our Bibles together and we can have 30 minutes before the chaos begins. And what's so funny is that waking up for me is the hardest thing on the planet. That's like the one thing.

He's like, why? Yeah, anything else. I'd rather go paint the whole house. You know what I'm saying? But I think just continuing to ask each other like in seasons of life, like, hey, what are you lacking from me? And how can I do better in that area? But I think just learning how to be intentional

because it is so easy, you know, after you, for us, after you put four kids to bed, 8.45, 9 o'clock. You're either waxed and you don't really want to get into the conversation you started earlier in the day that ended in argument or whatever, it's so much easier to turn on a Netflix show. Yeah. And just numb out the world, go to bed, and then kind of forget the conversation ever happened.

But I think the more intentional you can be about just digging deeper, even if it's just 10 or 15 minutes before you go to sleep, is like my new version of continuing. Yes, like go to dinner and hold the door. Like even just opening, I opened her car door last night for the first time in a minute, which is so sad, but it just made me feel like, ah. Usually we're shoveling everybody. Oh, you know what I mean.

Like, oh, you about that's head, I got this sad. It's so sweet. But yeah, just continuing to learn how to date each other, I think, is sort of been the best piece of advice I've gotten. Great. I love that so much. It's such good advice, so much in that. I was thinking, so someone gave marriage advice one time on the show,

and it was pretty recently, and they were saying, ask your spouse how their heart is, and, like, before you go to bed. And it was really cool to hear that because probably six months ago, Christian and I were talking about that same thing. Like, what do we need from each other now in this, you know, stage that we didn't necessarily. necessarily a couple years ago. I was like, I just want you to like check in on my heart because I don't

feel as natural to just bring that up, you know? And sometimes you want your spouse to ask you, like how you're doing based off maybe you're in a bad mood and like you're waiting on them to ask instead of just saying it, which totally I should be mature enough to just say it. But it helps when they're like, how's your heart? And then it kind of gives you the door. And it was just funny because she said that. So then that night, I thought about it. And I was tired, you know, again, so much easier just turn on a show. So I turned on my show, I was watching it. And Christian was going to bed, and I was like, I need to ask him how his heart is.

So I stopped the show and I looked at it and I just kind of smiled because I was like, this is about to be awkward. And he was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm about to ask you how your heart is. And I just can't do it naturally right now because I know you're going to be like, why are you asking me that? And so anyways, it gave us a good laugh. And I was like, but how is your heart?

And it led us into such a great conversation. Then he's like, how's your heart? And it is kind of funny because sometimes in those new stages of life, it does feel awkward to transition into maybe asking more intentional questions or getting up early or going out of date. But it's worth the little awkward beginning. And it actually is even kind of cute and fun. It makes you feel like you're dating again where you feel awkward to ask something

or nervous, you know? 100%. So I love that advice. It's so good. So I dated for about six months and gotten married. At the time, y'all were pursuing different things. career-wise, though. I mean, you were...

He was finishing up nursing school. Finishing up nursing school, which is no joke. No joke. And he was touring. He was gone quite a bit. But I remember when we did start dating, he would come off the road and fly into Knoxville, which is a little airport.

But he would reroute his flights just to come see me for even just a few hours sometimes or a day. And I cried when he left, and I didn't want to be without him. And it was wild how my world just flipped upside down. I was like, I actually just don't ever want to spend another day without you. And so that's why we were like, well, how fast can we make this happen? Wow.

And so a lot of people were like, don't rush into it. Y'all are young, which I felt like 21 compared to a lot of our friends was young. Very young. And we were just like, we know that this is what we want. And why would we wait? If like we've waited on so many things and we're done. We're done waiting. And so we got married fairly quick.

Our families had our backs from the beginning through and through. And Virginia, his manager, always I feel like was a big support too. And it was so much fun. It was so fun. And I do feel like we lived a lot of life and we were really young. So we still learned so much about our stuff. and each other and life and beginning tour. But it was really cool to get to do it together.

So cool. Experience all that together. And now I feel like when we do hit those valleys or the hard seasons, it's like, okay, we've walked through so much. And our support system is just such a gift. And I feel like the Lord just knew exactly what we were going to need before he sent him on his career. And the family that we have, the friends that we have, the community.

It's just been, I mean, it's been hard. Don't get me wrong. Like lots of ups and downs, lots of counseling, lots of tears. But for the most part, I look back on our life. I'd truly see the hand of God. And I'm just so grateful that he has allowed us to, like, partner with him on this giant adventure of this life that we're like, wow, we didn't see that turn coming. Wow. And it's fun.

It's amazing. It's so cool. It reminds me of Christian and I, because we were 21, 22 when we got married. and his parents really wanted him to wait until he graduated college for us to get married but we were like we don't want to wait because we want to experience it together

I wanted to move to Auburn to be with him so I could meet all his college friends and like we didn't want to miss that time being together and so one day him and his mom were having another conversation about you know them wanting us to wait and he said mom love can't wait and that has become like

that has become like a thing in the Huff family that they always love to bring up that love can't wait I love that. And I'm really glad he said that. He was not a play-it-cool person either. He was the I love me more texture. I feel they have a lot in common.

Yeah. I appreciate that. And I'm so thankful because, yeah, it's a crazy ride, but you're so thankful you have all those memories together from such a young age. Lately, I've been seeing how important it is to be intentional about slowing down and making more home-cooked meals for my family.

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$40 off your first order with my code woe instead. Go to good ranchers.com, American Meat delivered. All righty, let's get to the voicemails. Let's get to the woe line. Hit it, Josh. Josh is our producer. My name is Haley, and I'm so excited to be calling in. I've been following you since we were both about 16, 17 years old, so it's been a long time now. My question, a need for advice is how to stay hopeful that God will provide a Christian man for me when I'm living in a worldly city. I live in New York, and I'm plugged into my church and my community, but there aren't any eligible bachelors in those environments, and everyone I meet outside of church is not a Christian. It's really hard to not give up or to settle, and I'm having a tough time.

Thank you for being a sister and a friend when I needed one. I love you. That's so sweet. Such a good and relatable question. It was so relatable. Haley, right? Was it Haley? Right, Haley? Haley, thank you so much for leaving that note. And also, shout out to being each other's sister and friend from afar. It's so cool. You've been tracking since we were 16. That is a long time. So I love that so much. Such a relatable question, a question that we get asked a lot.

I was just talking to some girls the other day about this. And it's interesting that you were talking about living in a big city and there's not an eligible bachelor who's, you you know, faith-based and all that because I was talking to people in a small town and they were saying the same thing in a different way. There's nobody here. There's not enough people here. There's no eligible bachelor. And I was telling them, I said, you know, you just really can't limit God to a city. To a city. I mean, truly, I was living in Louisiana. I mean, sorry, I was from Louisiana. I was living in Nashville. Christian was from Florida. He was living in Auburn, Alabama. And somehow we meet. You're on a vacation. On a vacation.

I'm on a vacation. You know what I mean? And so you really can't limit God to a city, limit God to a singular location. The way that you're going to meet your husband is going to be a divine time. It's going to be a divine setup. I really believe that. I believe that God has your guide for you. And I think the most important thing that you can do as you wait and stay hopeful is pray.

So those seeds of prayer. I mean, one of the coolest things about Christian and I's meet up. I mean, I always say this to girls because how do I find my husband? husband, and I say, I wouldn't have found Christian if I was trying to look for him in the sense of God just really set that up. I would have tried to find you, but I would have never found you. You were trying. You were doing some. Yeah, but I'm saying, but I never would have found him. Yeah, because it's just bigger than that. And when I look back up prayer life and how that aligns, it's really cool because Christian actually sent me at this DM in January of 2017 that I never saw

until, you know, a year and a half later whenever we finally met on that vacation. But what's really cool is February in 2017. I have a note on my phone on my app, the notes app on my phone, and I was praying for my future husband. And it was really, really cool because some of the prayers that I was praying for him really did align with what he was going through in his life, which we never knew until literally we were about to get married. I remember I found that. And I was like, this is so cool. And knowing Christian's Testament, I was like, when did that happen? Wait, that's so crazy, because I was praying for you in that. And so even though your relationship, isn't starting now. It's really cool how God already has your relationship in mind. So,

sow seeds of prayer, talk to God about those things, because then whenever you do meet that person, it's going to be more obvious. It's like, oh, of course you're the guy. Like, you're the guy I've been praying for. You're the guy that God has led me to. And yeah, just don't limit God. He can do so much. Just stay, I would say, keep positioning yourself in places that it would make sense to meet your spouse. Church is a great, place to meet your spouse. You want to meet someone like-minded. And so again, we met on vacation. You can meet anywhere. But going to church, putting yourself out there, showing up places, going on dates, meeting up with friends. Studding at the coffee shop. Yeah, come on now.

Well, because it's even cool, even being in New York City, like, I feel like that there's so much optimism of things that could happen in New York City. It could be next week and your husband can move to the city and show up at the church. You never know. The guy that you're going to date that we might become your husband. Like, you just never know. Or you can be at the coffee shop and this person just moved here last week and they're trying to find a church and you invite them to church. That's the cool thing about the big city is that even though it's a secular environment, you know, the possibilities, I feel like are endless of things that could happen. So yeah, I think that obviously, you know, man plans a step, man plans is, makes his plans,

but the Lord establishes his steps. So make the plans. But at the end of the day, ask the Lord to guide your steps. That's great. I love it. Hey, Sadie. My name is Kay, I'm a college student here in Dallas, Texas. And I know it's probably a little unusual for a got to be calling your podcast, but I grew up watching you on Duck Dynasty and I see the wonderful relationship you have with your husband. You have a beautiful family. So I'm calling to get some advice for myself and other young men out there trying to find a Christian relationship with a young woman. in today's crazy world. And once you're in that relationship, how do you keep it Jesus-centered, God-centered, especially in this crazy world? Okay, well, first of,

should Kate go to New York and meet Haley? I think you should. Is this a matchmaking service? I think this is. Kate and Haley, either she should go to, no, no, yeah, no, she should not go to Dallas. You should pursue her, fly to New York, figure out what church she goes to,

and you should meet her. You're in Dallas. You got an easy flight. You got an easy flight, Kate. Easy flight. If they end up together, shout out to the woe line. Okay. Shout out to the whoa line.

Okay, but for real, your question was beautiful. We could officiate the wedding, and we could end it with saying, whoa, that was good. Where did you even big over here? We are. We are. We are. That's a great question. You did not know I was going to be on here.

What's up? I'm here. Great question. So I think he's asking. And how do you keep it? Well, I think I really want you to speak into this because Christian had both talk about, well, I know. Christian had both talk about how we did not date well before we dated each other.

Everybody knows that we could have written two separate master classes on not dating great before we found each other. But by the time we found each other, we both so wanted to do it God's way. That was something we said all the time. We want to do this God's way. We want to do this a way that it was intended. And I feel like you were really, like, really trying to do it the right way and maintain this relationship in a godly way. And I remember so many things you intentionally did.

I want you to speak to it, but I'll pick up what you missed. No, that's good. Well, I think, I think, too, the tension is I think sometimes you can, because I even kind of sometimes found myself doing this on our relationship was like you, you, you focus so much on maintaining it that it's like you, you think you have to be perfect in it. So, and not that I don't think I ever did this, but I think sometimes it can become performative to where it's like,

she expects me to do this. So like I need to act this certain way. It's like, well, I opened her card her the first time. So it's like, should I do that the next hundred times to maintain this thing that she loved at the beginning,

you know? So I think sometimes you can get in your head of like, I maintain this by always putting my best foot forward, which you should strive to do. But at the same time, you know, I think sometimes you can maybe just, it can become an act. If you try to maintain this,

doing things that you know that your girlfriend likes to do, which can become a dangerous thing to where... It's got to be from the heart. It has be from the heart, yes. But I think, you know, obviously keeping God at the center of it. for me, I don't think I would have maintained our relationship to be healthy and especially God-centered if I did not have guys around me that I could talk to, that I could pray with, that I could confess things to, that I could ask for wisdom on.

I had a great relationship with my pastor, still have a great relationship with my pastor from college, and he would give me advice on how to pursue questions to ask. ask and things like that. So for me, I maintained it by seeking counsel around me, which is like what you're doing now, which is awesome. But asking the questions, surrounding myself with guys that could relate in part to a situation of men and having an elder speak into it, having a pastor speak into it, and not getting so consumed and caught up with, how can I try to impress my girlfriend?

I would say if you want a godly relationship, you have to be living a godly lifestyle. That's not something that you're going to magically get in a relationship if that's not what you're bringing to the relationship. And Christian had been living a godly lifestyle before we met and I had been too. And so when we met and we both wanted to do it God's way, it was a mutual decision that this relationship is going to be one that honors God, whether we're together or we end up breaking up. We're doing this God's way. and I was telling some girls this other day

because they were kind of trying to carry the weight of leading the relationship spiritually. And I said, the guy needs to lead that, but you're also speaking into that and helping lead it and steer it too. Y'all should both be fighting for the same goal together and that's to do this the Lord's way. It shouldn't be something one person's fighting for

because then you end up fighting against each other to maintain this and there's shame involved and there's you did this, there's you to do that. Like, no, you got to be like-minded in both living godly lifestyles if you want a godly relationship is going to make it so much better. Also, yes, the expectation

is that we're pursuing the Lord but not perfection and not performance. So I always tell girls, don't just date someone for three months and then go, okay, I'm going to marry them. That works for some people. You've got to give it at least six months. Because anybody can be anything

you want them to be for three months, okay? You have to give us some time for them to show who they really are. People, like, you are going to put your best foot forward. You want to be likable, but being loved and being loved and being liked are two different things. It's fun to be liked.

It's fun to do things that are likable. By the end of the day, when you're married to someone and you're going through life's moments and you have children and you go through just different things, you're not going to be likable all the times. You're not going to have your best bit forward. You want to make sure there is a deep foundation of love and a deep foundation of God, of God's word, of who God is that goes so much deeper than your performance or your likeability in the moment or your, oh, I open your door for it. That's so sweet. I love that.

I always love when Christian opens my door. But ooh, we are way deeper than that when it comes to why I respect and love Christian so much. And so, yeah, I would say live a godly lifestyle if you want a godly relationship. And yes, surround yourself with community. I think that is a really big thing. Christian was talking to his guy friends all the time, getting advice, getting questions to ask me. and I knew that. Like he would be like, oh, Parker said that I should maybe ask you this. He wouldn't, like, try to out like he knew it all. He's like, me and Miles were talking.

He was saying this. And I love that because I was like, oh, wow, he talks to his friends about me and he really wants to get to know me deeper. And I just had one of my best friends was in a relationship. And they ended up not being together, but it was so good, like the way that they did it because they were asking each other such great questions. And it made them realize they're really not compatible. and that's okay.

And so your questions matter, just like this podcast, y'all are asking such great questions. We're able to speak, you know, hopefully great answers that have some depth to them that are, you know,

actually shaping you. You can say service level all day long, but that doesn't get you to the relationship that you're probably seeking if you're seeking a godly one and someone you're going to marry. Yeah, because there is a great question though. Fantastic question.

Because there is that authenticity and I do think the longer you are with someone you do see their true colors. And so for us, I'm just thinking about our first major argument. It was at an airport behind a magazine rack because I still really struggle with this. But more sure at the time. I've gotten a lot better. But patience, I there could reach a, I had a certain threshold of patience.

And if that got crossed, it doesn't matter who I was with. And I was with the love of my life at the time. And I was just furious. So all that to say, like she saw that. side of me and we were able to work through it and talk. But I'm just thinking like, I could have suppressed it and been like, I'm fine. Everything's great. Then it would have been like, whoa, then it would have been like, yeah, I'm like, what, what, where the world has this been? But it's like, but I didn't show you that side of me. Yeah. And so that was such a blessing. Like, that's how you get to

know someone and that's how your relationship deepens when you do see this. That's when you start to love someone and not just like someone. When you see them on the not so great sides and you still love them because it's like yeah we all have our things and so Christian like I always think I broke up with people for like silly reasons you know like I mean yeah I did make it because they had bad breath okay so like some people I'd be like nope I'm glad you did that I mean Christian and it's like was he perfect no he did have better breath but yeah there was a patient's thing but I have all my things I had jealousy issues and I wasn't trusting and I was anxious and like we all I'm dating Sadie, we're at the airport, and me and the guy at the gate were, like, getting in this heated argument, because I'm on standby, trying to catch this flight to fly somewhere with her, and he was just not letting me get on the plane. Finally, he got so annoyed. He said, just, you are annoying me so bad, just take the ticket. He just gave me a ticket, and he said, just please go, get away from me. And then we had a huge argument. So we were dating. We were just dating. We were just dating. But it's those things that, like, I think back to something like,

like that to where I could have suppressed that. I could have tried to have hidden that side of my patients. But that was something that you were able to see. We were able to work through it. And I've gotten a lot better at it. It's a relationship. It is a relationship. So it's like don't always try to be perfect. You can't be perfect. Don't try to put up a facade and then not actually have the person you're dating to see who you truly are. Lately, I really noticed how much better I feel when I stay on top of my hydration. Not just water, but actually getting the electrolytes I need. And that's why Element has been my go-to. It is a zero-sugar, electric treat mix and sparkling drink that gives your body what it actually needs without all the extra junk that you don't want.

I love how easy element is, too. The stick packs are great whenever I'm on the go. And we also keep the fridge just stocked with some sparkling cans. Christian usually grabs one of the 16-ounce cans every single day, but I'm loving the smaller 12-ounce ones whenever I just need something quick and refreshing in the afternoons. I have them here, as you can see. The flavors are so good, like pineapple, black cherry orange salt and my favorite lemonade plus if you try element and don't love it you can actually get your money back guarantee which is so great makes it super easy just give it a shot and it's perfect timing for summer element just dropped a new lemonade iced tea built on that same element formula because

it's made with that real black tea extract it's got a little caffeine which is totally perfect if you're looking for you know a little swap for your afternoon coffee um but no it's so good y'all are going to love it My husband will not go a day without his element. He is loving the sparkling cans, and I know you will too. Get a free eight-count sample pack of elements most popular of drink-mixed flavors with any purchase at drinkelement.com slash woe. So you can figure out your favorite element flavor or share it with a friend. That's drink element, L-M-N-T.com slash woe. It was great.

And you talk about what actually is a red flag and the things you notice that you go. Okay, this is something that is a red flag. I don't need to proceed versus something that's just like a little mistake. Yes. Because you're human. Well, there's a big difference between a mistake and a pattern. That's good. Yeah.

And so we all make mistakes and I need to give grace to people when they make a mistake. But I also have to be honest with myself when it's not just an isolated mistake if it becomes a pattern. I think what's really important as you think about the red flags in the book, I write about 11 categories. of red flags. And those categories are different levels of seriousness or severity to someone. And it's going to be different and personal to everyone because of your family history, because of things you've been through in your past. There's a red flag that might be super severe to you that's not serious to me. Yeah. That's true. But the categories are important. The most serious category, which should concern us all, is immorality. And so I walk people through

scenarios of what it might look like if someone is missing a moral compass and they sin and they don't care how it affects other people and they're not even willing to acknowledge that it's wrong. They just don't know right from wrong or they know it and they don't care about right from wrong. And so that category is very, very serious. But then there's another category called irresponsibility, right? And it's like you ask someone to pick up something from the grocery store and they forget. and then the next time they forget and the next time they forget. Now, see, it's a pattern. And so now this is a legitimate red flag.

Yeah. And it's not on the same level as immorality, but they all, if these red flags go unaddressed, they will all become roots of distrust in the relationship. And the number one killer of relationships is simmering resentments. And what feeds simmering resentments is distrust. And what we don't trust, we'll try to control. And so you can see the dysfunctional dance that can start to happen if we ignore red flags or if we're afraid to call out a red flag. As I wrote these red flag categories and I went through them, I knew they were important for three reasons.

Number one, you really do need to know when you get that ick feeling and you're feeling like I can't trust someone, these 11 red flags will help give voice to why you might. might be feeling ick and what kind of trust is at stake here. The second thing is if we don't tend well to the red flags, they become roots of distrust. So if you're in a relationship where there's this bubbling distrust happening all the time, it's important for us to know what is at the root of those distrust feelings. And so these will really help you identify that. The third thing that I liked about the list of the 11 red flags was it created some self-awareness in me. As I read through these and I was writing the examples, I had no problem with some of them just writing all kinds of examples. And the reason is because I sometimes do that.

And so as I was reading back through editing my own work, I stopped. And I said, oh, shoot. I might be feeding some distrust in some of my relationships. So it serves three really important purposes. Really good. Is it okay for the girl to initiate? So here's my thoughts on this. this is just again this is just my advice this is just my opinion and i'm not saying this is like truth

but um like i'm not like this is in the bible you know i'm just saying this is just my opinion on this i think that when it comes to girls initiating do i think it's wrong no i don't think it's wrong do i think it's best no you know i think what it does when the girl initiates is it kind of sets you up to lead in the relationship. And I think, and I believe in this, this is in the Bible. I do believe that the man should, in a lot of ways, lead in your relationship. Now, we as women, have parts of relationships that will lead. And there are things about us that are so strong and so much strength. So I'm not saying we're lesser than anything like that. But I do think that, like, a man's leadership is so important. And man, I've seen the blessing of that, the benefit of that. And so I do

think if you initiate, sometimes that can set you up to be like leading in your relationship. And it can kind of let the guy slack on, I think, his part of pursuing and his part of the pursuit, which I think is really important for him to do and to initiate and to be excited about doing and maybe even be brave enough to do and vulnerable enough to do. However, I do also think that you can give the guy confidence to initiate. I think you can give the guy confidence to lead. So what I mean by that is like if you're interested in a guy, do I think it's best for you to go tell the guy like, hey, let's go on a date and lead that and initiate that? Not really. But do I think it's okay for you to go and say like, hey, like I'd love to get to know you.

What's your number? I think that's great. I think that's giving him confidence to say like, hey, I'm actually interested in you. I'd love to get to know you, you know, and then let him take it from there. And so I think, you know, you got to give a guy a hint. You got to let him know that that you're interested. that you like them, and then let them kind of take it from there. Let them plan the day. The two greatest longings of the human heart are intimacy and impact, right? I want to be known

and cared for and loved, and I want to be a part of something bigger than me and worthy of my life, right? I mean, everybody wants those things, belonging and mattering. You want both. And the belonging peace can be deep friendships and community, but I mean, you even look in Genesis 1, it's friendship and community, but it's also that male, female, romance. I mean, that's coming out early in our Bible. But I realized for me, all my dating relationships were such chaos. And I didn't have the awareness to know a lot of that was coming from some broken wiring in my own head, from family of origin stuff that I hadn't really processed. So I just realized, you know what? I'm going to go hard on the purpose side. If I'm created to know God, I'm just going for it, man. I can't figure the

girl thing out. I'm going hard at this. And so that first Corinthians passage where Paul was like, singleness exists to secure an undistracted devotion to the Lord. I'm like, if that's what singleness is for, then that's what I want to do. I want to get real good at leveraging the freedom singleness allows. And so I hadn't sure if I was going to go in the business world or going to ministry. I ended up going into ministry. But as I did that, I remember Sadie, the first sermon I ever preached in ministry. My pastor came to me and said, hey, I want you to preach on a Sunday. I was like, okay. And he said, I want you to preach on parenting. I was like, what? Like, I'm 21. I'm like, I'm not married, hypothetical child. So I listened to a Tony Evans sermon and tried to

preach like Tony Evans, which was a huge mistake. But the thing I did right was I started looking at the couples in our church, and particularly I was looking at their children. And I saw who has healthy, well-adjusted children. And I went to those parents and asked each one if I could interview them. And what I realized in retrospect, asking me to do a sermon on parenting was ridiculous. But God did it in his own sense of humor to get me in front of really godly, healthy, mature couples in our church. I sat down with a pen and paper, interviewed them all. I didn't even realize I was doing Philippians 3. Scope out those who walk according to the pattern you've given us and imitate their

example. And so by my mid-20s, I suddenly was surrounded by mentors with really healthy relationships. And so I was chasing the Lord building the youth ministry and the Lord was surrounding me with godly wisdom so I'd be ready for a healthy relationship. That is very cool. At Christian and I's wedding, my grandpa, pebawed, filled. he opened it up with a prayer. He was supposed to just do a prayer.

Okay, we should have really nailed down. You're supposed to just a prayer. Yeah. We didn't expect the side sermon he was going to give. And we get down to the aisle. And I just like, I'm so nervous. So many people there. And he goes, Brother Paul said it is better not to marry.

At least you burn with passion. And I was like, why that one? Why do we have to read that one? Like, that's great for the singleness stage. If you're like, don't read it at our wedding. Like, let's go further. First reading 13. Like, come on.

And so it's so funny. But I do remember actually reading during your book, it kind of caused a little, like, pause in Christian as a relationship. And we took three days, not to talk to each other. And I was like praying through that verse. Like, God, if I would be more devoted to you alone, then, like, I will be willing to lay down this relationship. But if Christian and I together could reach more people, could make more impact,

would I be a better person, like all the different things, then like, then give me the peace to continue, you know? And I remember Christian being so scared during that time because I thought he was praying the same thing. He said he was worried for what the Lord was saying to me during my prayer. He was distracted by what my prayers were being answered by. but I think he was... No, Mr. Chubbs for me, Lord.

I think he was praying too, but I do remember, like, genuinely praying that prayer. And so even though I was dating Christian at the time I read that, it did give me that pause to say, like, okay, what would singleness look like for me? And is that something I actually need to pursue longer? Or is Christian the one? And is this, should we further our relationship? And just bringing more purpose and meaning into it. Because the truth is, most people listening to this podcast, like, the what you just said is such good advice. and what most people honestly have not thought about.

Like they think about dating all the time, thinking about scenes like, they never thought about like, why do I want this? Why do I desire this? What kind of impact do I want to have? What is a relationship for other than just like the feelings that you want to have or the, you know, what you've seen and what you want to be in? So I just think that this is so good because it's drawing people to think deeper

about why we do care so much about relationships. Why is it the number one podcast? Why are people so intrigued about it? because it's what our hearts desire and long for. One of the number one questions we get asked is, how do you know when the person is the one? So how did you guys know that y'all were the one for each other? Yeah, that's a good question.

You know, I'll tell you guiding principles, I think, for me, and then you can fill them with color commentary. Color commentary. But, you know, I mentioned a lot of like you want to be running the same cause, you know, because if you link your life up together with somebody, you go, what direction is your life going? And so that's where I think you've got to get a relationship with God right first. Because if someone says, I want to honor Jesus, he's my Lord.

You don't want to marry someone who says he's not mine. Right. Because whatever you value most in the world will shape your values. And your values will determine what decisions you make. And those decisions build a life. So you go, let's make sure we both really lockstep on the major values. So for me, it wasn't just I want to marry someone who is technically a Christian. I was like, I want to marry someone who is chasing the Lord.

And I think you said it with Christian. What drew you to him is he was a peer to you. You were running at the same pace. You know, you're used to running and having people follow you. And there's a place for that. And you have mentors in front of you and people following you. And sometimes people want to marry someone following them and be like, I'll help save them or I'll help bring them along. And you know, you want to be lockstep with someone where you run together, where you are on

mission together. And I mean, you look at the one healthy marriage, the one healthy marriage in the New Testament we're presented. It's Priscilla and Aquila. And their names are constantly interchanging in the texts, which is not normal. Normally, like in the disciple list, Peter's always first. Why? Because he was the top guy. With Priscilla and Aquila, you're like, they were both on mission. They were both running. They were both helping make things out. And you go, they were peers. And they were running together at the same pace. And then you want to see godly character. Can I trust you?

And for me, again, coming from a divorced home, I was kind of shocked to realize, wow, that's the piece that takes time for me. Like it was pretty easy, pretty fast to see Donna was chasing the Lord. But I just realized when you marry someone, you go, do I trust you? You know, with our money and our children, but with my heart. If I start sharing more of myself with you, do I trust you? And that was a lot of us as it was kind of, You know, for me, it felt like a bit of an embarrassing thing, how long it took me to trust, you know.

Chemistry came fast. Donna was the only girl I knew that could make me laugh and doing consistently. So I was just like, God, like, she's interesting to talk to. I can talk to her for a long time and we both love the Lord. But where I got stuck is that one. So to answer your question, how do you know? Those are kind of three guiding steps. And then there's some other principles I could say, too.

You know, you look at Song of Solomon and you go, they're intimate. look like springtime. Are we helping each other grow? Yeah. Do I sense in myself a growing sense of commitment? That was the best advice I got from a friend. Everyone would say, oh, you just know. And I'm like, no, you don't just know.

How do you know? And he said, Ben, every relationship I was in before, as soon as we had like a disagreement, there was a part of me that was like, I knew this wasn't going to go good. He said, but with what ultimately became his wife, he said, whenever we had a place of disagreement, I discovered in myself a design.

desire to resolve it. Yeah. There was a fight for there. I want to fight for this. And so we saw that and just like, hey, if there's a disconnect, we want unity. Yeah. And so a growing sense of commitment, a growing skill of communication to overcome barriers, I think if you don't have those in a relationship, you're not going to make it to marriage.

And I think in dating, we saw that. We both want this and we want and we can resolve our problems in a healthy way. If he or she in your life, listener, if you see that this person makes you want to go back to the scriptures and go back to God more, that's a good sign. Now, it doesn't mean that they're going to be the one for sure. But it definitely is somebody who looks like somebody you want to be and somebody you want to be with. And so I wanted to be more in love with my scriptures and more in love with my God after meeting you. Yeah. But as people are looking at a future spouse, like where, how do you know the difference in like, okay, I'm being too picky and unreasonable or like, no, I'm holding to the things that I value and

that I'm really looking for? Can you speak a little bit of advice into into that dynamic? Yeah, totally. I mean, I'm curious to hear what you would say. I can go first on that. But I mean, I do think you want, when it comes to a cause, I am chasing. seeing the Lord Jesus Christ. Like if you are a Christian, you don't want to go, what's the minimum amount spiritually we can agree on? You just don't want to do that. Well, he ascends to the existence of a deity. You're like, no, don't do that. It's going to determine how you all make financial decisions, how you raise kids, how you make every decision. And you're talking about the deepest things of a human heart. Why do you think you're even here? What do you think life's about?

Like, you don't want to scrimp on that one. So I would say keep your standards high in, are they chasing, knowing God? And do they have a God-shaped character? And that doesn't mean they're perfect, but it means this person wants to be shaped by God. Yeah. They have wisdom. Wisdom is, I want to know how I'm meant to work in the world. And so I'm humble enough to learn.

I'm humble enough to repent when I do it wrong. so they're not perfect, but they're perfectable because you're watching, this is a person who's learning and moving. They're not going to be in the same place. They're not going to have the same struggles years from now that have made no progress. They might have similar temptations, but they're making war on those. So you want to see that. What a lot of people do is they put chemistry, which I would put last, they put first. Are they funny? Are they cute? Are they smart? Does he like the things I like? and you go, there's a lot of bend in that world. I mean, and there's some things that some people make those all their deal breakers.

And you go, you know what, man? Like, you can't really tell on date one. I mean, this didn't happen with us dating. But I remember when I was looking for friends when we first moved to college station, I was going on, we called him friend dates. And I remember I met this guy. And I was like, so what are you into, man? He was like, I just love gardening.

And my first thought was, yeah, we're not going to be friends. I could possibly care less about gardening. And then I was like, what else do you do? And he's like, I like to tinker on cars. I'm like, oh, man. Like I, we are not at all alike. But as I got to know him, the dude loved God, had a heart for people. And we became deep friends, deep friends.

And I realized, I don't, cars are not a deal breaker. Guardian is not a deal breaker. And so I think charm is deceitful. beauty is fading. And so I think if you put too much weight on that, those are the things that don't last can change. So I tell people not to get too hung up on this. How can a woman hold it together? Great news. The federal EV rebate is back. Eligible customers get up to $5,000 with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 Volt and 2026 Equinox EV models. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details. For everyone else, but have such a short,

fuse with her husband. Oh, snap. Were we supposed to say the preface out loud? 100%. I was definitely supposed to say the preface. Okay. Oh my gosh, I'm crying because that is a good question. It is a good question.

I wish I wasn't laughing so hard right now to answer this because that is a really question. How can a woman hold all these things together? but have a short fuse for their husband. Yes. Short answer, I feel like it's because you're my inner circle. Like, I'm in a person. Yeah, and I want to be able to come to you with things. I don't think it's like a short fuse issue,

but it's just like you're my direct, like. You feel most comfortable. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, I mean, and you can tell me if I'm wrong. I don't really feel like you get the short fuse with me. Like, when I think about who gets the short fuse, it's carbon. our dog because like I just have a little like if Cabo gets on the table eat something all stuff like I'm like Cabo it makes me so annoyed because I'm like man I'm trying to hold it together

for all the kids get all their stuff and all the different things in life and then when Cabo like eats the food or knocks it's like the one thing that like makes me like mad where not that I'm mean to Cabo I'm not mean to Cabo but I'm like definitely more like annoyed about it but with you You don't think as much before you talk about. Yeah, I just seem like Cabo. And I've noticed I need to be careful about that because, like, honey gets so mad at Cabo and I notice because she sees me. Again, I'm not like me and her dog. I love our dog so much.

But when I think about short fuse, I think it's like the one thing that tips it over the edge when you're like trying to hold things together. But I think for me and you in our relationship sometimes, I can get snappy in the midst of like when I'm really busy. Like, for instance, and one thing for me right now, this is. kind of funny. This is very niche to our situation, like being postpartum. When I'm pumping and trying to do a million things, like, I've noticed I'm like short fuse because like my body's trying to do something. I'm picking up something. I'm helping the girls. And then I'll like snap at you. And then I'm normally, I try to. I'm like, sorry, it's not you. Like I'm really stressed right now. Or like, sorry, I'll like tell you I'm pumping. I'm overwhelmed. I'm like overstimulated. Like so much is having.

So I feel like, and maybe I wasn't as good about that earlier on now. I try to just communicate with you why I was short or why I snapped or why I was like a little bit on edge. And normally it has nothing to do with you. It's like I feel overwhelmed. And when you ask me that, I just wasn't graceful. That was a very sweet, intimate moment. I'm being serious. No, that was, we had a connection there.

That was good. That was good. I'm being serious. Thanks for letting us know that. To the point of the. this question, that's why people struggle with this, is because there is a shorter fuse, and it's not because it's like a fuse, is that that person really means less, so their words hold a lot of value.

So if that person does it, it's offensive. Everybody else can be laughing, but you're on my team, like you're on my side. So when it feels like they're not, then it hurts. We talk about this. We talk about this a lot, especially with her family. it mainly is like whenever we're all hanging out we're playing games whatever so I mean she grew up with

I mean she had her dad and then she had a younger brother and so they they were always like the tag team on Abby it's so in a setting when we're all together and they're ganging up on her

I you jump in I jump in I mean I think it's funny but then that automatically plays in to she values what I am saying to her. It hurts from you. It hurts from me.

It's funny, but when you say it, it's hurting. Absolutely. So, like, it's better for me to not saying anything at all and just, like, kind of smile at that. Because if she sees that, like, she knows that I think that's funny, but I'm never going to take that dig at her. Yeah. Because it's just, it's just going to hurt her feelings.

And I think that that is, like, so real for so many couples. So I'm glad we got to this point. But I think, too, in my situation when being oversimilar, doing so much, for me, I feel like the thing that I get short with, I'm like, you know all that I have my plate, you know all. So, like, can you give me that grace? Like, I don't want you to, like, if you have one more thing, I'm like, but you know how much I have going on. But I need to have more capacity as well to be present in our relationship, despite all that I have going on. So it goes, like, I got to take it for my side. But that's the thing that makes me more. I'm like, you know. But I think ultimately it comes down to you know each other the best, you love each other the most. So you're most sensitive to what that person says or does. Yeah. That's good. That was a good question.

That was a really good question. Do women actually want advice when they vent, do women actually want advice or just someone to listen? I've actually been thinking about this lately. I am an external processor and I like to just talk to you about everything. We were just talking about this last night actually. We were talking about this last night because in times past, I have always been a really good listener with you.

That's something that you have valued. But I do want a little bit of something. But I think as our marriage grows, you always love somebody to talk to. I'm always just the listener. So she's now looking for someone looking at for me to respond and validate what she's saying whenever I've always just been a listener. So that's something that I'm learning and growing into. And growing into. But what I was going to say is I want validation from you as my authority.

Like I'm submitted to you. So I want you to have something to do. with like what I'm thinking and feeling. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I want to be in on it too. I love that.

I think for me, because I do so much communication, I want you to speak into it. Like, and that's the thing. When I think back to the first time I ever had a conversation with you on the phone, when I was like, whoa, I'm really interested in you, like, as a person and also to date you, is because you talked so much in, like, the best way. Like you had so much to share. You had so many things. Like if I brought up a topic, you had so much to say about it. You were like, did you read this book? Have you watched that sermon?

Do you know Ben Stewart? Like you were like connecting all these dots and speaking into what I was saying. And that's when I knew I was like, you can lead me. Like I knew you could leave me. And I knew that I wanted to learn from you in those ways and like connect with you in those ways. And I still feel that way. Like whenever I come to you and say something and then you have advice, it literally reminds me of like, why I fell in love with you.

How I felt, because I think about that first phone call. So I do like when you speak into it. But listening, there's so much comfort and like being able to just sit there and know that you're listening and that you hear it and that you are hearing the part no one else is hearing. And then I love whenever you come back with some good advice. That's really sweet. Thank you.

I think it's cool like how certain, how marriages can evolve that way from just being the listener to actually adding value to the conversation by like keeping it going and being like, oh, yeah, and then this, this and this. And that's also where we find like, okay, this is what the Lord's stirring in me. Oh, wait, he's actually stirring that in me too, just in a kind of different way. And it just brings us closer and closer to him. I love that. We didn't invest a huge amount in the engagement or the marriage or the honeymoon.

But, you know, I think we've had an amazing marriage. marriage. And that's what really matters. It's so true. And I think, yeah, I think that's the thing to invest in rather than in the slightly more superficial thing. They're really important, but they're not as important as you're investing in your relationship. Okay. Let's carry on a little bit deeper. How do I set good boundaries in relationships when we have already broken so many boundaries in the past? That's a great question.

Um, the first thought that comes by mind is needing to surround yourself with people that can keep you accountable. Um, I mean, obviously there's practical things of, you know, maybe setting time limits on social media, um, or not staying at each other's house till late at night and hanging out with friends more often, not isolating yourself. Um, but I think for me, the thing that was biggest was accountability with my guy friends. to when I would feel tempted to do something or if we did cross a boundary. Like having people that could speak into that, that I could be vulnerable with that they could, you know, confess things to and repent with. For me, that was the biggest. I mean, there's obviously so many practical things,

like kind of what I said. But I think if you surround yourself with people that want the best for you, that are going to ask you questions and that you don't feel the need to hide or to act or to feel shame when you do and do something you shouldn't do. So I think I always just I think accountability is huge That's great I think too

One of the biggest lies that the enemy We'll try to get you with is like Oh well if you broke a boundary already Then there's no sense in even setting another one Like you're just going to break it again Or it's already been ruined Or you're already impure Whatever whatever lie the enemy is telling you

But don't keep sinning You know don't stay in that habit of sin Like you actually can repent turn from your sin, confess your sin, be healed of your sin, receive the grace for your sin, not grace in an abusive way of going, well, I'm going to receive the grace and we'll do it again. I'm going to get grace again. No, like receive grace so you don't live in shame, but don't keep doing it, you know?

I actually decide like, okay, I don't want to do that anymore. Your boundary is set there not because it's like some goal to achieve, but it's something that God set forth as like a good design. And so I think put that boundary back in place. Go I'm not going to do this. Not because it's just something I don't want to do personally for a pride thing, but because this is what God calls me to. And I trust that his plan is better for me than what my flesh is telling me I want to do.

And so go back to the boundary line. Go back to what God said, repent of it. And like Christian said, confess to your friends, set up better boundaries in the future. Okay, this led us to that. Let's not get in that situation again. obviously speaking more towards like couples when it comes to, um, the boundaries within dating.

Netflix and chill and all this. But there's so many more things. I mean, that's just that stage of your life. You're going to go like at this stage in our life. Like there are things that you set boundaries for with, with yourself that again, like you're going to be tempted by.

You're going to be tempted to cross. But it's like how do I not, how do I set myself up to win? Like for me, um, I have like a boundary for my mind and like shows that I watch. Like I don't want to watch shows that. lead me to not having peaceful thoughts. And so for me, it's like, okay, well, what if I do watch

something that all of a sudden now I feel anxious or all of a sudden now I watch something that was like inappropriate or whatever. Well, then I stopped watching the show. You know, it's like, oh, well, I'm only on episode two. And there's all season. I don't care. Like, stop watching the show. Like, don't keep doing it. Don't keep sending. And I think so often, like, we just let ourselves kind of live in that, like, victim mentality. Like, oh, well, it happened or oh, well, I saw it. so I'll just keep going. Like, no. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Like, fight on behalf of your mind, win the battlefield of the mind. Fight for your purity. Don't just let it happen. What is your best dating advice for someone who has high standards? Now, I wanted to say this, and I wanted to ask you this, because you over there, you were picky in dating. You literally said to me, like, you, I think we've told us in the podcast before, but you didn't like, like, sometimes there just be,

girls' voices that you were like, I don't like the way that her voice is. I said it to say, like, hey, that's real. Some people have high standards and some people are like particular about things. And that's not always a bad thing, but it can be a crippling thing

and you might be the guy to talk to. Well, I just didn't, you know, you were a lot more mellow. I didn't, you know, which is funny. I'm not trying to out. I'm not trying to out. I'm not trying to out.

No, I just didn't love that. Ah! It just kind of bothered me. But if you do speak like that, it's awesome. You just weren't the person for me. And that's okay, because I'm happily married. Sorry, what was the question again? High standards.

Yeah, well, I also just was not a good person before I met Christ, whether it was relationally or many aspects of my life. But high standards. It's, you were just somebody that I actually enjoyed, like, talking to, relationally. And I feel like we had a lot in common, even though circumstantially our lives looked completely different. And that was intriguing to me. And I feel like, you know, I always, when I really started following Christ, it was this idea about running, running this race and not feeling like the other person's, you know,

it was this analogy of if you're running a mile, like you're trying to keep, you're trying to run the same pace. If I'm running a six minute mile and you're lagging at like a 10, then we're probably not compatible from the standpoint of where we're going. So I feel like we were running the same speed, even though we were doing completely different things. And, yeah.

Yeah. Standard-wise, I don't know. And physically, I think the fastest mile I ever ran is a list. So we're not super compatible when it comes to our actual mile times. Yeah. But we're very compatible with running the race got us up before us. But I never, like, made a list to like. But I think, well, I just, I thought you can kind of speak to that because you are kind of, like, you do set standards high for yourself.

And sometimes that can come across in other people. I'm the same way. I set high standards for myself and sometimes I'm like very hard on myself and can be like a perfectionist about certain things. And so, you know, I think I did have really high standards in dating that were a lot of times unfair to the person that I was looking for, you know. And so yes, I think first and foremost, like Christian said, like it's different before Christ and after Christ. But like once you become, you know, a strong believer in Christ, and you realize, like, the goal of marriage would be, like, to glorify God and to do what the Lord has called us here to become one flesh and to, you know, be fruitful and multiply and do this life together. Like, we can do this life better together than we can apart. A quarter of three strands is not easily broken. Two or better than one.

Like, if we're going with, like, a biblical point of view on marriage, like, this is why we're doing this, then it's not so much about being picky. It's not picky in the sense of, like, oh, you smack or, oh, you do this. Like, I don't have standards like that. but I do have high standards and the things that matter. Like, I wanted someone who felt like heavy convictions and things, who did want to live a life set apart from the world, who isn't, like, comparing the way you live to everybody else,

but, like, looking at God and being like, what do you have from me, Lord? And so I think you can set your standards high, and you should in the things that matter, that so many people set their standards high on things that just don't matter, you know? It's like it doesn't really matter that much if it's blind hair or brown her, if they're taller, if they're shorter, if they smack or if they don't smack, like, those just, those things just don't matter and those things change, you know,

but the things that do matter certainly set you up well.