WHOA That's Good Podcast - What Makes a 'Good' Wife? Four Generations Weigh In | Sadie, Korie, 2Mama & Mamaw Jo

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

Sadie's mom, grandma, and great-grandma join her to talk about the joys, struggles, and balance of being a good wife — and mom! Mamaw Jo shares how she met and fell in love with her husband, Papaw Shack; Korie and Sadie talk about the dynamics between husbands and mothers-in-law; and 2Mama shares why mutual respect is so important in a marriage. Then, the ladies answer some audience questions, such as: Can people really change? How can you best prepare for marriage or having your first child? And why does the comparison game never bring fulfillment and joy? No marriage or family is perfect or has everything together all the time. It's just not possible — we're all different, with unique skills, strengths, and challenges. This Episode of WHOA! That's Good is Sponsored By: https://liberty.edu/Sadie — Get your application fee WAIVED when you start your future with Liberty University today! https://sadiepens.com — Stock up on Mr. Pen Bible journaling supplies today! https://drinkag1.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-month supply of AG Omega-3, plus their Welcome Kit and 5 AG1 travel packs with your first subscription! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? Uh, a little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active all-wheel drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week.

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Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand, lantern festival, boom. Bucket. How did we get to Thailand from Prague? Oh, right, Prague. Oh, boy. Choose from a world of destinations, if you can.

Air Canada, nice travels. I think overall, we're not a family of introverts. I don't know. We're probably pretty extroverted. I think we probably are. You call yourself an introvert. I am an introvert. No, you're not a family of introverts. I don't know, we're probably pretty extroverted. I think we probably are. You call yourself an introvert. I am an introvert. That you are not an introvert.

Mom, mom. You are not. I am. You need to look at the definition. There is no part of you that is introverted. I have learned to act like an extrovert. And my introvert is... You were shy when you were young, but that's not the same.

Not the same? No. You're an extrovert. Mom, think of me growing up. I was beautiful. Honey, you were incredibly shy. She would not give an oral book report in class. Until she was in junior high.

Seriously. It hurt her so badly. I say Sadie didn't speak at school until she was fifth grade. Had Jake used to hide behind JoNeil's leg all the time? I did not talk at all to anybody at school. I always would come home and say, I don't think people really know who I am. They know me.

They didn't. Did you get in my car and I say, no they do not. Every day I just try to overcome my introvertedness. Oh yeah, right. Yeah, right. ["All Night Now"] What's up everybody? Happy well that's good Wednesday. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual it is about to get so much better.

Y'all have some very special guests that are some of y'all's favorites and of course my favorites. Also, I will pre-warn you listening to this podcast. I've had a cold. Well, it started out as a sinus infection and bronchitis. It has lingered into a cold and this is day nine. So trust me, we had to get back to start recording. This is the best it was gonna be.

So if I cough, I am so sorry, we'll try to edit it out. But this is gonna be such a great conversation. I have my mom, my grandmother, and my great grandmother back on the podcast. And I'm so excited. The last time we did a podcast, two mama and my mom were on. And we talked about marriage and hard seasons and good seasons. And you guys loved it.

So we thought, well, let's do it again. And let's bring the lady herself, Mama Jo, to the party. And we kind of wanted to title this, How to Be a Good Wife, because we actually get a lot of questions about this, like how to be a good wife to your husband, all kinds of, Mom, act like you've been here before.

Act like you've been here before. It's Jean-Luc. Oh my gosh, sorry. All these sick kids waiting to tell you. All know, all the sick kids are calling my mom right now. And I accidentally gave it to everybody. So there's always someone in the family that does that to you. And that was me this time. You never want to be that person,

but it just cycles around. Sometimes you are. Sometimes it's you. I went to the doctor, I tested for everything scary. It was all negative. I said, party on. And then we moved into a house altogether for five days. Went to the beach in one house altogether for five days.

Yeah, I'm like, no one's gonna get it. And then when Haven got it, I was like, everybody's gonna get it. Because everyone holds Haven. Haven was stealing everybody's lip gloss. I saw it happen. So it really actually wasn't me. It was my daughter.

But anyways, yeah, we actually get a lot of questions about this, and so I printed out some of y'all's questions you've sent in on the DMs. But before we get into all of that, well actually, I will start with this, because it is important we talk about this. Oftentimes we talk about the Proverbs 31 woman, and yes, we all want to be that,

and one thing we don't wanna be is the Proverbs 21 woman. I was reading about this morning, it says in verse nine, and this is in the Amplified version, because Amplified just adds the extra, and I'm all about that. It says, it is better to live in a corner of the housetop, in parentheses, on the flat roof exposed to the weather. In a house shared with a quarrelsome woman.

And I was like, dang, that is just, that just says it how it is. When you said amplified version, I was wondering what they were gonna amplify because that verse is pretty like, is pretty extra anyway. It's like, wow, okay. Tell it like it is.

There was nowhere to pack the punch. Exposed to the weather, it would be better to live there than in a house with a quarrelsome wife. And I think that is probably true. I think Christian and I talk about this all the time. I'm like, so grateful for who you are, that we get to be married to someone who is intentionally trying to live a good life,

because therefore we get to live a good life because therefore we get to live a good life in exchange when your spouse is pursuing God or pursuing being a good person. And so we're gonna talk all about that and I'm excited about that. But before we do, Memaw was not on the last podcast. So we didn't get to hear how her love story started. So Memaw, tell us about you and Petball Shack,

how y'all met and how you fell in love. Well, we met three years before we ever discovered each other. Really? Yes. But at that time, he was a basketball player for the Marine Corps. And I was dating the sports reporter for the base newspaper. And we double dated with Shaq.

I did not know that. I didn't know that either. But he was dating at the time. And just did fun things together. And the guy I was dating wanted to marry me, but I didn't want to marry him. So I left and came to Louisiana for a year to go to school to get away from it.

To get away from it. To get away from it. And when I went back, the first night I was home, my dad said, there's a game at the base tonight. Do you want to go? And I said, well, sure. So we did. And your papa asked to take me home.

And that was beginning of 57 years together. Wow. That's so cute. I actually didn't know that you were of 57 years together. Wow. That's so cute. I actually didn't know that you were going on double dates. So where did y'all live? We did. Where were you living at the time? In San Diego.

In San Diego. And then what brought you to Louisiana? Well, after your papa graduated from college, he went to work for a large business that was near Stillwater, Oklahoma. And we opened a franchise in Louisiana and of course delighted that that one was open because that's where our family was. Okay, that's why you came back to go to school because your family was really here.

Yes. My mom's parents had moved to San Diego to help with the war during World War II. But their heart was in Louisiana. So she came back to Natchitoches and went to school at Northwestern. In her runaway years from California. That's funny because that's Rebecca too. Remember I always say about Rebecca she didn't break up with anybody she just moved. It was like, she left Louisiana to go to California and just kind of like, that's how she broke up with somebody. And then when she came back from California,

it was the same thing. Is she just kind of just like moved. That was her breakup. She's the ultimate non-convertational person. She's like, I'm just gonna move. But are you gonna tell them? I'm just gonna hope it just fizzles out. That's kind of my personality.

I'd rather remove myself and be part of a confrontation. That's hilarious. That's so funny. And so you were, tell about the fact that you were a cheerleader for the Marine Corps. I was. That's how my association with the Marine Corps came about. I was at San Diego State and my best friend in high school, a guy, had joined, he was in the Marine Corps and he was in special services and it was his job to provide things to make life more pleasant for the Marines, the hard-working Marines. And he asked me if I would be a cheerleader for the Marine Base football team, and I was. That's so cool. I got to wear your cheer jacket.

I remember we found that, that was so cute. We'll have to put that picture up. That was the fun thing to do. At that time, military sports were like college sports. They played college teams and played each other. When your mom, when your grandmother was born, Peppa stayed with me until after she was born and then he left to join the team in Denver.

They were playing in an AAU tournament toward the Olympics. And I was still in the hospital when Peppa left to go to A-ball. Oh my word. Wow. And then he left for Korea and didn't see me for a year, right? That's right. Yes.

He went to Japan. Yeah. Wow. And I survived that, those of you who worry about your kids and what's happening to them when they're one year old. You survived that and had a great relationship with your dad despite him missing that first year.

Great relationship. I never held it against him ever. And I always knew the story. Yeah, sweet. So tell me about what your dating time looked like with Pepaul. What was dating like back in the day? Oh, that was movies and beach, going to the beach, beach parties.

And there would be dances. And of course, and you guys have no idea what we had when I was young in San Diego, California. We danced to the big bands that you listen to now. They were they were the ones we hired to play at all of our dances. It was great. We had Jimmy Dorsey, Stan Kitten, all of the big, huge bands of the day we danced to.

That is so fun. There was a place in San Diego called the Pacific Beach Ballroom. And that's what we did. That's what it was for, was for people to go and dance. That is so fun. Think about those Elvis movies where they're dancing on the beach, the beach parties. Was it actually kind of like that?

No, I never danced on the beach. But she was telling me the other day, because somehow we got on this topic of dancing, and she was telling me that she and her cousin were the best two dancers. And I said, well, mom, because the dancing in those days was so much better than what kids do today or what we even did when we were in high school.

It was intricate, it seems like to us. And I said, how did you learn it? She said, well, we practiced. At the house, she said, we danced around the house all the time, and I said, but it looks like you have to like, we would go to dance lessons to learn that dance, and she said, we danced around the house all the time. And I said, but it's like, it looks like you have to like, we would go to dance lessons to learn that dance. And she said, it's just a rhythm. You have to learn the rhythm.

So, maybe that's where you got your dancing ability, Sadie. Maybe so. I get a lot from y'all, dancing and basketball. Those are my loves. I love that so much. Y'all, I wanna tell you about Liberty University. It is a world-class Christian university that's been training champions for Christ for over 50 years. So whether you're looking into college for yourself or thinking about options for your kids, Liberty has so much

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Most undergrad programs include all learning material for free, which is huge. They also offer Liberty University Online Academy, which is a fully accredited private online Christian school K through 12. My sister Bella also graduated from Liberty University Online Academy and she loved it. For our family, it's an education that you can trust.

It's super flexible and self-paced and they have amazing support from certified teachers and academic advisors. There are even clubs and field trips to keep things fun and connected for students. So if you've been praying about the next steps in your education for you or for your family, you got to check out Liberty University. Like I mentioned, most of us in our family have gone there or taken

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and start chasing after those dreams. I'm cheering you on, friend. So how did Peppla ask you to marry him? You know I don't know that he ever asked me. I think from from the day that we first started dating this was someone I was going to marry and he felt that same way. So we just went toward that end. He we this this all happened in January and we couldn't get married during basketball season. That was forbidden.

So after basketball, we planned our wedding after basketball season, which was about this time in April. Yeah. April 25th. That's so sweet. It is almost the anniversary. That's sweet. Yeah. So, and didn't you make your wedding dress?

I did. You made it. She sewed her own wedding dress. And I still have it. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It is so beautiful. That is so cool.

It's so much of like how y'all got engaged and how you got married and then making your own wedding dress. It's just so different than it's done today. You know? I mean, that's why I wanted to ask because it's just evolved so much. It's so wild.

It seems like it was a lot more, maybe less confusion, stress back in the day. It just kind of felt like if it was right, it was right. And you just kind of got married. And if it wasn't, it just kind of felt like if it was right, it was right, and you just kind of got married. Where today. If it wasn't, you just moved away. It's so funny. Pretty nice.

What was it about Pepple that made you think from the beginning that he was someone you wanted to marry? Well, you know, one of the things that really impressed me was my grandparents lived with us, and my grandmother was bedridden. And every time he would come to my house, he would go back first and speak to my grandmother and visit with her a little while before he came back to the rest of the house and we visited together.

That's so sweet. That's amazing. And just the fact that he loved his family, and all of his brothers were just so important to him. His sister lived in Phoenix, which was not far from where we were in San Diego, so we went there often, and I loved that relationship that I saw. Everything about him, everything about him.

He was so concerned about my welfare, always. That's so sweet. I love that. I think that's a good tip in looking for a husband is how they treat their family, how they treat your family, how they treat their moms, their siblings and all that. I think that's a really good thing to notice. And so Drew, I remember noticing that

about Christian on our first date. Cause remember, well, we had like a three day first date time period when he came to Nashville. And remember I was talking to y'all and I was like, not totally sure. The next day we went and when we did pottery, we were just talking and he talked so much about his family and all of his cousins and how they live

close to each other and how close he is with his mom and his brother's his best friend. And that was when I started to really feel like, oh wow, I was really interested because of how much he loved his family and how similarly he loved his family to the way I love my family. And I still see that and I love that so much.

And then her second point about always looking out for memo, like when I watch the Christian and Jackson and Asa, all of our men who've married in your generation, that is one of the number one things I see that they really look after their wives. And not in a demeaning way, in an amazing way that they want the best things to happen to them and are so helpful. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of the other day, Christian, this is just funny because it was, it's funny because of how mad

he got, but why he got so mad was the sweet part about it. That was. So me and my mom were on a walk the other day at the beach, and first of all, I've been so sick and pregnant, and I was holding Haven because we forgot our stroller, so we decided to go on a walk to the coffee shop, but it was like a half a mile away, and on the walk, I started being like, oh, this might not have been a good idea. I was like really hurting.

The size of the fact that you're sick, your back. You've also just been pregnant. You just really struggled with your back this summer. I like pulled something in my back a couple of weeks ago. And so that was really hurting. So Christian had, he had driven the car because he was gonna, I thought I wanted to walk. Then I realized I don't wanna walk.

So I called Christian like, hey, can you pick me up? He was like, oh, it would be like way too hard to come pick you up because then I'd have to stop on the main road. And then I was like, okay, well, all right, that's fine. No worries. No worries. So then I was like, we'll be there in a minute.

So I hang out. And then mom was like, he has no idea how hard it is to be pregnant. He has no idea. And so mom was like, he has no idea how hard it is to be pregnant. He has no idea. And so I was like, I know, he literally has no idea. Which also we had just had this big conversation, which you'll see whenever you watch the show. That we actually just had this big thing

about like empathy for, you know, when you're pregnant and that kind of thing. So we've been kind of talking about that. It's not like I just out of the blue. No, we've been talking about that. It's not like I just out of the blue was like, Christian has no idea. Yeah. And he went through a thing during the show,

filming the show to gain more empathy. Right, yeah. So mom was like, it didn't work. Like he did not gain empathy. So my mom the other day was like, oh, Christian's like the sweetest man. I was like, he is the sweetest man. And I was like, although, you know,

he does not get what it's like to be pregnant. And then he was like, what do you mean by that? I was like, oh is the sweetest man. And I was like, although, you know, he does not get what it's like to be pregnant. And then he was like, what do you mean by that? I was like, oh, well, the other day, whenever I was walking on the street, I had called you to come pick me up. And you said that it would be too hard for you to come pick me up. I was like, you just don't get it.

He's like, your mom said that? Your mom said that? Did she really say that? So he goes up to mom, he's like, did you say that I don't have empathy for Sadie's pregnancy? And I just laughed and was like, you know, well. You didn't know the background.

Exactly. That is not a man who will move states. That is a man who goes straight to the source. That's true, yes. He goes straight up to you. And then he got so mad. I was like, why are you so mad? He's like, why do you not want my mother-in-law

to think I do not care for her daughter when she is pregnant? And then it was like, why are you so mad? He's like, why do you not want my mother-in-law to think I do not care for her daughter when she is pregnant? And then it was like sweet. Because he does value and he wants to care for me. And so that is a big trait to look for in a man. Do they care about your well-being? Are they going above and beyond to make sure that, because you said this before we even started the podcast,

Memaw, when I said how to be a good wife, and all of y'all were like, oh man, how? I know, it feels like a lot for the topic. How do we even start talking about this? And you said, well, you can't talk about being a good wife without talking about the marriage. Like, it's not just one, it's two, you know? So Memaw, do you want to speak into that a little bit

as we start talking about the topic of how to be a good wife? What do you mean by that, that it's about the marriage too? Wait, before we move on, I wanna give this one tip because you mentioned that about me saying that about Christian, as a mother-in-law, this is just like an aside. I have found that like your words are so important as a mother-in-law.

Like when I say something about one of the sons-in-law's, like they take it way more than I even expect. Sometimes I'll just say something like, I think it's funny, it's an aside. And then they're just like, oh no, does she think that? So as a mother-in-law, be careful with your words for your son-in-law's because they really do listen and they really do care about what,

how you feel and what you say and that you think that they're doing a great job as husbands. That is so true. Jacob is the same way. They care so much about what you say about them. And I do too about my mother-in-law.

You want your in-laws to think you're loving your spouse well. So that's really good advice. OK, sorry. Marriage is a combination of two people who come from totally different backgrounds always and meshing together what you have and what your husband has and having respect for each of those things. I think primarily that's one of the finest things

you can have in a marriage is to have respect for one another. Appreciate who they are and where they are in life, what they like, what they do. It's like basketball, I was not a crazy basketball fiend, but I went to everything Papa did because it made him happy. And he did the same thing with me.

He wasn't crazy about going to see my kids perform in an opera at school. But it was just, he absolutely loved it after we were there because it made me happy that he was there and enjoying that with me. So does that come anywhere close to? Yeah, I think that's really good. What's the answer as to that?

I think that's really good. I feel like that respect word is so important because husbands want to be respected and want to feel that. And we want to be respected and feel that. So I think that is that mutual respect for one another. Exactly. Is a real key in marriage. And it's easy to...

You're with this person all the time. So you know all their faults, you know all their flaws, you know all of that. And so if you're not careful, you can get in a pattern of not acting respectfully to one another because you're together all the time. And like, I just think a lot of times for me, sometimes I notice this, it's like wives give themselves

a little bit permission to treat their husbands worse than they would wanna be treated. You see it like on television or whatever. give themselves a little bit permission to treat their husbands worse than they would want to be treated. You see it on television or whatever, and it's like women think they can talk to men a certain way, but then you're like, what if he said that to you? How would you feel? And I think looking at it that way

can really kind of change the way you treat one another. If you're like, oh, if he said that to me, I would be so mad. And so like, then why do you give yourself a person to talk to that way? When I had Alan and dad and Si on the podcast, I said something about how when Christian has a beard, I think he is not as fun.

And I was like, I think it makes him too serious. I think it like boosts his testosterone. There's something going on with the beard. And so I told him that. I was like, I think when you have a beard, you're just not quite as fun. And then Dad was like, what if he said to you, when you're not blonde, you're not as fun.

And I was like, yeah, that would hit different. Yeah, that, yeah. And I think, like Mammoth said a little bit of it too, and Cory did too, that you have to know your spouse, and you will know everything about him. So the other day I've been trying to get Tupapa to hang his guitars, that his guitar collection that's in my closet on the wall.

And that's something really important to him. And so while we were hanging them, it's not that important to me. And my ring clicked on one of them and I thought, oh my word, he almost went un-glued because those are so important to him. So I like that. That's when I had to talk to myself like,

okay, I need to do this how he needs it to be done. Not how I would put them up there and say, look, you guys, no, he wanted each done carefully and tell me what they mean and all those kinds of things. So there are those times that we have to step back from who we are and step into who they are. Exactly. To get past a moment that could potentially be a fight.

Because you're so different in those moments. And so to avoid a fight, you just have to like, take yourself out of it and say, okay, how does he want these guitars? How do I need to handle them? How do I need to hand them to him? All of those things. So we can get past some moment that could be trouble.

That is so true. Okay friends, you all know one of my favorite things to do is to open my Bible and have a journal nearby. There's just something about slowing down, setting with the word and jotting down what God's teaching me and it fills me up like nothing else. And I gotta say, Mr. Pen is my favorite spot for all the little tools that make study time feel extra special.

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how do you handle a big confrontation in a healthy way? I was gonna ask y'all, like, if you think back to when you first got married, maybe how you handled those things versus how you've learned to handle them. Have you seen a maturity or growth? I'm sure you have. And how you used to handle versus now

and what advice would you give to that? I think we should start with Mamaw. The most mature one here. Yes. Well, she's already told us about confrontations. You just move. So we'll see. Yeah.

How did you do it and you can't just move? How do you handle a confrontation? Well, I can tell you how I handled it when we first got married and have I matured. Oh, absolutely. I pouted. I was the powder, you know, and your papaw would not have anything to do with that. He would say, now, how long is the silent thing going to last? Is it going to be over that. He would say, now, how long is the silent thing going to last? Is it going to be over that by this evening, or is it going to take tomorrow or the next day?

And of course, all of that would wind up laughing about the whole thing. I think the first time I got mad and left home, I drove around the block. That was as far as I got. But confrontation, you know, you want to speak your mind and what's going on in your head and then listen to what's going on in your spouse's head and seriously listen to that by putting yourself in your hip pocket and thinking about him and what what goes what's going on with him too. Many times you have to just back off. It's just so much better to back off than it is to make a big deal out of so many things. That's good. That was good. I wanted Mammoth to star because I heard her tell that before. And it's always so hard to believe because, you know, I just, we never as kids saw that

in them at all. We never saw mom a pout. We never saw daddy, you know, all we saw out of them was mom being a great mom and dad being a great leader of the family. So when I hear her say that, it just, it makes me so tickled to think, what, you were a powder? That's so amazing. I was a kid. Yes, that's right.

We all did things when we were kids. I don't remember really, I don't think that I really was a powder. I took that as we talked earlier, my shy personality, I think, into the early marriage. And I pretty much just, and my nickname growing up was Me Too, because whatever my older sister did, I just said Me Too. So daddy used to

call me Me Too. So I think I was that for the first five years of marriage, until I was like, wait a minute, I, for me growing up, I was 18. So just growing up and realizing, wait, I need, I do have a voice and I need to use that voice, especially after I had kids. So that's when I learned how to negotiate, give into, weigh the odds. Is this worth the conversation that's going to, you know, take place? Of all those kind of things. And I do think that just comes with age and wisdom too.

And experience, you do something one time, it doesn't work, you don't do that again. Like, okay, that didn't work. That didn't work. I think I'll try it a different way. So all that just comes with time. Like you can't think that you're gonna be who you are. Mama, were you 22 when you got married?

I was 20. 20. I was 18. Cory was 18. You cannot go into, even at age 25, thinking I'm gonna be this the rest of my life because you're not. You're gonna grow and change and become somebody different.

And you can tell yourself that. I mean, you can say, this isn't how I wanna be. Yeah, that's so true. For Christian, I was not really a powder, but I'm always like, let's fix it. Let's do it. Let's talk about it. And I've learned to like wait,

because sometimes, well, every time you wait, you gain a lot of patience as you wait, or you see the other perspective a little bit more. But the other thing is I would always kind of use a basketball analogy. When you're fighting over the ball and you hear the bleacher saying, same team, and you're like, oh wait, we're on the same team,

and you don't realize it because you're so in the middle of it. And since Christian and I are both so competitive and confrontational, we will get in a fight over the ball realizing we're on the same team, you know? And so I feel like we're quick to like get into the weeds of it, like looking at the ball, looking at the problem, instead of looking at me like, oh, we're on the same team.

We're being defensive, both of us. We're both playing defense against each other. And that was more of our thing where I feel like now we've learned a lot and not being as defensive with one another or competitive towards one another in an argument because we both have that same personality. Like some of our friends struggle with the silent thing, like they'll just not talk to each other.

Me and Christian can't do that because we both talk too much. Yeah. Then you could never do that. I'll be a punishment to myself. Right. But I promise, I talk too much. Daddy, you could never do that. I'll be a punishment to myself. But I promise, I talk too much. Like, just be quiet, just wait it out. Just think about what you're gonna say before you say it.

And ultimately it's like, you don't want to win the argument. Because if like, what did Elizabeth Hasselback, she said this on the podcast five years ago, and it really stuck with me, and it really stuck with me, and it really stuck with Christian too. You don't wanna be so right that you're wrong with people. And I love that.

It's like, you don't really want to just win the argument. Like, what is the goal in that? And then your spouse is not happy, then you're both not happy, then you won. Like, it's not the same as winning something, you know? You still feel bad, you know? Like, you don't wanna like hit the jab that like, that's not the goal that actually makes it worse.

And so I feel like we've learned a lot in that aspect. Like you don't want to hurt each other's feelings. You don't want to end up, you know, saying something in an argument that makes it worse or hurtful or hits a deeper wound. And so you have to be so careful with the words you say and the arguments you dive into. So that was kind of our thing.

That's good. What about y'all? Yeah, I was thinking about, I feel like y'all have all touched on so many things. So what I was going to say keeps changing as it goes around the room. But I think one of the things that, well, for us, similarly, in that we kind of go at it and go at it hard,

and it feels like World War III or whatever for a minute. And just realizing like, okay, actually everything's really good. It's just this one thing that escalated and became this big deal. And then just that reminder of like, oh, actually. And then sometimes it's just wait a minute,

pray for wisdom before you go in. And timing I think is important, but I mean still sometimes there's never the right time to have a fight, but you just gotta like do it because it's part of it. I think whenever, I think one thing I would encourage people that like arguing in a relationship is not bad. Like negotiation is important, you have to do that

because you are two totally different people and you're trying to figure out how to do life every single day together. And so it's important to do that when people, I've heard people before be like, well, you never fight. I'm like, hmm, there may be something underneath that like you actually probably need to every once in a while, like get it out and figure it out. So it's not necessarily a bad thing. But it is bad whenever you do things

that are hurtful in it. So it's like learning how to argue is really important and how to think about the other person in the things that you're saying rather than trying to win the point. And I think for me, one of the things that I used to do that I've probably gotten, hopefully I've gotten better at is just, I couldn't quit.

Like I would just be like, okay, and one more thing. And actually, it's like two in the morning. I feel like I need to just say this one more thing because I thought about this after, you know? And so some of it is just like, all right, end it, let it be, and if you know a few days later, you still feel like you need to say it, OK, bring it back up.

But maybe you don't. The other person is actually getting it and learning it. And so one of the things early on, Willie was not in a family that said they're sorry or did really spoke their feelings a whole lot. And so of course, he needed to learn to say sorry, which he has, but he used to be like, just let me process it and then I will.

But I wanted him to like say all the ways he could do it. He was sorry and the ways he could change in that moment where he needed to like go away and like, and you'll see the change. And so sometimes it's not about solving it all or getting all the right things said in that moment. You set your piece, let the other person process that and then see ways that they hear you and change

and understand kind of what it is. And then if they don't, okay, let's talk about it again in a month or so. But I think some of that is just kind of like trusting the other person that they're hearing you and the Spirit is working on them as well. And that things will, things are, you're being heard in that moment.

Yeah, Ms. Tara always tells us like, you're not their Holy Spirit. Yes, so good. You don't need to like be their Holy Spirit. You need the Holy Spirit. They need the Holy Spirit. And if you're two people who pray, two people who are pursuing the Lord,

then trust that the Lord is working on those areas in their life. Cause normally when you try to be their Holy Spirit, it's annoying, you know, it's like, it's just not gonna work you can't change things are gradual like change happens in me gradually so you can't expect it to happen just because of one conversation and you know I'm interested to hear what y'all think about this because you know how people say people don't change, you know, but I actually think you said this in the last podcast,

you change like every 10 years, you're like a new person every 10 years. And then so many of the things that I thought early on in marriage that Christian would be like, and I'd be like, oh, will this ever change? And it actually has, like it changed when we had kids, because when we had kids, he started doing things that I was kind of surprised by in a good way

because like, wow, you really stepped into that role as a dad and as a husband, whereas I was kind of expecting that to maybe some of those things happen before and it didn't, and then it just did naturally because when we had kids, like that's what God did in his life. And same for me, like I'm sure there's so many things. He even talked about for me, he's like,

when we first got married, you were, back to the extrovert conversation we were having before this, such an extrovert, and now you're more chill. You like to be home with our family. And I'm still an extrovert, I still have friends that are all time, all the things. But he's like, I'm surprised by how much you've mellowed out a little bit.

And so what do y'all think about that? That saying people don't change. I think people do change, but I don't think personalities necessarily change. Like who you are as a person today, Sadie, it's just like you really were as a person, personality wise, when you were 12. But how we handle our own personalities changes by,

again, like I said a minute ago, when you, how people react to what you do, how we handle our own personalities changes by, again, like I said a minute ago, when you see how people react to what you do, and you say, okay, that's not the way to treat people or whatever, we learn how to be better people with the personality that God gave us. Because I think I, I really do think I'm still that same shy personality, but I've learned how to live outside of that

to accomplish the things that I want to accomplish. And so, and Cory is the same as she was literally as a third grader. She likes to read, she's strong in her opinions, she's quietly stubborn, all the things that she was, she still is, but she runs a company and she's on TV. I mean, things that we never would have dreamed about

when she was 15, 10 with a stutter, with a little lisp. Lisp. You know, we never would have dreamed about. So, but those things are also her, but she has learned where God has taken her. That's good. The different things.

So I think that's a really good point because in looking for a spouse, you shouldn't bank on them changing because their personality is not necessarily going to change. Exactly. And if they do choose to mature in the things that their personality is up to the character

that they have. So it's like, that's the problem. People think, oh, well, we'll get married and maybe he'll change. That's a bad call. That's a bad call. I don't think expecting your spouse to change is not a good, but I will say this.

I think the refining of who you are is what changes. Sinfulness, things that are sinful in your life, that's what can change. That's the work of the Spirit and God in your life. You can change in things that and God in your life. You can change in things that are sinful in your life, patience and kindness and gentleness. All those fruits of the Spirit can come out of you within your personality that God put in you. Yeah, that's good.

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So make sure to check out drinkag1.com slash woe to claim the special offer. That's drinkag1.com slash woe. Momma, what about you? I have 94 years of wisdom. I'm agreeing, just agreeing. She I have 94 years of wisdom. I'm agreeing. Just agreeing. She said, I'm just agreeing.

Memo said something the other day that was so good, and it doesn't necessarily have to do with this podcast, but I have to say it because it was like, whoa, that's good. So many of you have heard my birthday questions. I think every year on my birthday, I've done a podcast answering these questions. What's something you're leaving behind? What's something you're taking with you? So the other day, we're at Memo's house. It's her 94th birthday. And I say, Memo, let me ask you your birthday questions. What's something you're leaving behind? What's something you're taking with you? So the other day we're at my mom's house. It's her 94th birthday. And I say, Memo, let me ask you birthday questions. What's something you're leaving behind? And what's something you're taking

with you? She said, Oh, honey, this is going to be a hard one for me to answer, which is hard for everybody. So I said, yeah, take your time. And then she took her time and she said, No, I really can't answer that because I don't spend too much time thinking about yesterday and I don't spend too much time thinking about tomorrow. And I was like, whoa, that's good. And then I said, that is such good advice. And you said, well, I don't really know if it is. That's just the way I live my life.

I was like, man, I want to be like that. And I actually think that's good marriage advice too. You know, like you just, you're moving on, you know, like so you gotta put it to rest sometimes, but then some things are important. So you deal with it in the day, but then like don't spend too much time looking so much in the future.

And I wanted to ask y'all kind of circling it back to these questions. I do feel like, like I said, things have evolved so much. We do things so differently these days than even what. I was thinking about that as that piece of advice mixing with the people changing advice and that being present. It's like, I think one thing that people can really struggle with is holding on to what somebody was in the past

and not allowing them to change, you know? And so like living in the present is part of that is like, oh, like that, they have changed. But sometimes you hold onto this grudge or this perception of what your spouse was in the past and you don't notice that, oh, they've actually changed and things are really great. But I'm still kind of living in this past thing

or living in this future of like, this is what I want them to be. This is this vision I have for them. And like, I want them to be whatever it is, the T-ball dad or the this or the that. And that's this vision and trying to put them in that or hold them to what they were in the past, but living in the present is,

it really goes with exactly what you're saying. I'm so glad. A lot of people struggle with that. Yeah, I'm so glad she said that, because that was what was rolling around in my head, is that we have to allow our spouses to change. So I remember after Tupapa retired, one day he was unloading the dishwasher,

and I was really literally like, wait, you don't unload the dishwasher. Like, do you even know where those are gonna go? This is what my brain is saying. And then I'm like, wow, okay,'t unload the dishwasher. Like, do you even know where those are gonna go? This is what my brain is saying. And then I'm like, wow, okay, this is a new person. This is like, this is to Papa at home. And he's unloaded the dishwasher. But would he have done that 25, 40 years ago?

Never. He wouldn't have even like opened the door to the dishwasher. So I think sometimes, and I watched this sometimes in older people, they don't allow their spouses to become a different person. They're kind of like, wait, that's not who you are. They're still speaking up, like,

oh, they don't help me with anything, or they don't. And then you're like, they do. They actually do. Because that's what I was thinking about with Christian. Whenever we first got married, early married, he wasn't like the fix it guy, you know? He's not gonna like fix the thing or whatever. And then the other day,

he was like Super Coolie Haven's little jeep thing back together and he was pumping all the tires back in the bikes and he did all the dishes and I was like, who are you? You're the fix it guy. And he was like, I am on a roll today, you know? And so that was so sweet because I was like, that was not who you used to be, but now you are.

And that's what I mean by like, when he became a dad, he kind of just stepped into some of these things that- Yeah, love it. So that's just really cool. Another little tip that this is, I feel like this seems very simple, but it is so hard to do in marriage and it is, I think it's just so important. We learned this in marriage counseling and

it's something that we'll, and I have like really stuck to and it's helped, it's saved. I think a lot of our arguments, it's never say never or always. And it's so important because that's actually, it's never true when you say never or always. It's like, you never do this or you always do that. And it's so tempting to say that in an argument because you're trying to make your point of just like, but it's not true. You never give me compliments or whatever.

I'm trying to think of something. You never give me compliments. It's like, well, actually, I do. Maybe I don't do it as much as you would like to, but it's not that I never do it, you know? And so I think that that is something that can be very degrading in an argument whenever one spouse says to the other,

like, you always do this, or you never do that. And so just saving yourself from that trap, I think is just one little argument. It will always continue the argument when you say never always. If you say anything you never or you always, then they will come back with, oh wow, always, what about the time that I,

and you're like, okay, yeah. I was gonna say about just the evolution of where things have gone with weddings and just the preparation of having a child and all the different things that like, y'all are probably looking at our generation being like, that's interesting, you know? But I think in the heart of it is like,

you wanna be like the perfect wife, you wanna be like the perfect mom, you wanna be like all these things and be totally prepared for everything. And it's totally stressful, it is such a high expectation you put on yourself, and it's very hard. So we have a lot of people asking the question of,

okay, I'm about to get married in a few months, how do I prepare for the first year of marriage? And a lot of people are having their first baby, how do you prepare for that? And you've said it about all your grandchildren, me included, like seeing us prepare for these things, it's very extra, maybe in a sense. What would y'all say to our generation

from how y'all did things as just encouragement for stepping into these new seasons of life and having this expectation of what it's gonna be? Relax. Relax a little bit. Actually, I think about that sometimes because I think it's all good intention, it really is. And so, but like, I'm like, what did we do with all our time

when we were not like preparing and having all these big things that your generation really does do, you know? I don't know what we did with all our time. You know what's weird? This is just an interesting commentary, because Katie and I were talking yesterday. Katie's one of my mom's best friends of like 30 years. And she was telling me about when she was pregnant

and she was seven months pregnant and she had all these allergies because she was hearing how I sounded, her sinuses. And she said, and me and your mom were painting the room and we were doing all that stuff. And she goes, well, that was back in the day when you had to do everything yourself. And I'm like, it's so interesting

because y'all actually had to kind of do a lot more in the preparation than we actually have to do, but we overcomplicate our prep. Yeah, I guess that's true because we painted our own baby room. We went to the store and bought the crib. We didn't order it to just come in. So I guess all those conveniences where you can order things online and it just comes and maybe that just gives you enough more time

to do that other stuff. I don't know, y'all talk about it because y'all come from a different generation than I do. Some things are great, are definitely good that your generation has introduced to the world. But some things could be considered extra. Like we never dreamed of a baby moon, of going someplace before we had a baby.

We just had a baby. That was the thing. And whether that's right or wrong to do, I think it's a great opportunity for a couple to get away and focus on themselves before great opportunity for a couple to get away and focus on themselves before they add this new baby to the world. So those kinds of things, we might would say, oh, that's so extra,

but it's also a good thing. That's a good thing. Had someone said that to us, we probably were like, okay, we'll go to Hot Springs. Like we wouldn't have done much, but maybe we would have done something. But I think the main thing is to just relax and know that everything's gonna be okay.

That every little move, I think even mama's even said that, how she fretted about things when she had us. Every mama's gonna fret about those things that first year on your first baby. Because are you doing it right? What's happening? Are they breathing?

Are we, you know, all those kinds of things. But I think you need to back off some of listening to everything on social media. There are too many opinions on social media and you just have to know your baby and do what works with your baby and you and your husband because your little family is going to work together differently than my little family

because of our personalities and the baby's personality. So, you know, paying attention to what everybody does on Instagram, and yes, there's some good suggestions, but my word, you can't do it all. Just do what you can do. And you know, I've said it before about social media, I didn't know what my neighbors did. So I had to just figure it out myself.

And people for 2,000 years have figured out, or longer have figured out how to have a baby and raise them. But I will say, I think people had more community and men more can speak about that than we do now in a way, and because our community is online sometimes and that can be really dangerous

because you're taking advice from so many different people and where then it was more like within your group, it was our house church, it was our parents, our family, people that we're actually like doing life with every day is who you're kind of helping do this thing, rather than the millions of people online. That may or may not have lives you actually want to emulate. A lot of times, you're like, oh, I'm listening to this person,

but does their life really match up with how I really want my life to look? And so I think, Memma, you can talk about that, about community, and then also about like, I know you had mom and Joe Neal within one year and one day of each other, and you were a young mom with Pep Hall in the military. And what was that like? Well, it was busy, busy.

But I have to speak to what you're speaking about with things today the way they are. And don't get me wrong, I am so privileged to be able to use communication the way we have it today with the just simple ability of being able to put everything that you do on camera and instead of paying like, well, I read that when my kids don't have a whole lot of pictures when they were young because we were in school and didn't have any money and when you had things, pictures developed, it was expensive, where it cost you nothing today to do those things to catalog everything in pictures. But your lives today bring with it so many things, so much information.

As Chris has just said, you're getting it from every direction. And to me, that is the most confusing thing in the world. I feel like everything you do, you have to check it off on a box because people are expecting you to do so many things to get ready for a baby, to just prepare to be pregnant, preparing to have a baby. What do you do? What do I do with this? What do I do with that? And then you have all this stuff that you have been told that you need to do. When I had my first child was when Dr. Spock came on the scene. And I was a reader and I read all of his books.

And then I thought, that's not how my mom did these things. That's not how I see people around me who have great kids do things. And I decided to reject the whole mess and just do what I felt was best for me and for my child. And I think that's what people today are so concerned about doing all of the, checking all the boxes instead of just doing

what is feeling right for them. So it produces so much more anxiety than any of us had with not knowing which way to turn. It's so true. That's so true, it's very well put. And I think the boxes cause so much anxiety and also you feel like judgment if you don't check a box. Yes, that's right.

Because if someone were to say, well did you do this? And you say no, you feel like you're a bad mom because you didn't do that. And so it's like this expectation that if you haven't done all these things, you're not a good mom, you're not providing a safe space for your baby.

And all those things are expensive and sometimes not practical and a little bit extra and sometimes just not necessary for you to have a healthy, happy, safe environment for your baby. And obviously as the mom, you want what's best for your baby. You're always going to want what's best for your baby more than, as I always tell myself, I love this baby more than anyone else in the world. So I'm gonna do what I think is best, you know, no matter what the opinion is, because I love this baby, I'm their mother, you know,

I have been given, God given instincts to be their mom, you know, but that takes like, I'm saying that from really having to work through the anxiety and the pressure and the judgment of what will people think. Exactly. And it's crazy because, again, back in the day, you wouldn't have thought necessarily what would people think because people didn't know what you were doing.

But now it's like people want you to share everything you're doing. And so you feel the need to, like, share for you to be doing it just in case someone asked or they said, did you breastfeed or did you have bumpers in your crib or did you lay them on their stomach or like all the a million things. And so I think that's so true. And I do think speaking to this being the good wife

as you know, this podcast, not trying to force that messaging, but I actually do think a lot of people struggle to be a good wife as this podcast, not trying to force that messaging. But I actually do think a lot of people struggle to be a good wife during this time because they are so anxious about being a good mom that it's like they can't even think about being present in a relationship. And if we talk about that actual, like the good wife

thing and what we're talking about about social media and everything, that comparison I think is like, that's the quote, comparison's the thief of joy. And I think that that is one thing that has robbed a lot of this generation of their joy is that comparison. And I remember experiencing it as a wife, even you look at other people's marriages and you think, oh, that's good, and like, oh, you know, you look at other people's marriages and you think, oh, that's good, you know,

and like, oh, I wish my marriage was a little bit more like this or whatever, and experience that on a small scale when I was a young married, but I can't imagine the big scale that you're experiencing it when you're seeing all these like amazing relationships online and they just look so great. And you think, oh, well, my husband doesn't like twirl me around and dip me when I walk out the door.

Like it looks like that's happening on Instagram for everybody, you know? And so I can imagine that the pressure of that. So I think, yeah, just taking the pressure off of yourself and a lot of that is, don't compare yourself. It's so true. Like mom said, it's like our relationship, your marriage is different.

Yours is different because you're different. You're two different people. All your circumstances are different. It's going to look different. And valuing the things in your relationship, not valuing the things in other people's relationships. And I think that that is something I remember having to like make a conscious effort to like be like,

oh, I really value the things that Willie is really good at and I love those things and I value those things. And those are the things that are important to us in our relationship, not valuing the things that like somebody else's marriage looks like. Yeah, that's so true because like you said, everyone's stage of life is different. Everyone's jobs are different, and lives look different, and environment looks different.

And I was thinking about that with the comparison thing. And we talked about caring so much about what your in-laws think, and wanting to make people proud, and social media. And remember, one of the collateral moments in my mental state of trying to be a good mom and trying to be a good wife was on Instagram, my sister-in-law, who is the most amazing person ever. But she was posting every day her meals

she would cook for chance. And she had a menu that she printed out every day, and it was a beautiful menu, and a very well-cooked meal. And I was with a you know, with a newborn and not cooking good meals and did not ever think about doing a menu for Christian. And I'm like, oh gosh.

And then you're like, okay, she's crushing it. I don't feel like I'm crushing it. Christian is seeing her crush it, you know, like, and then you feel like the pressure of like, I need to do that. And then I'm like, I'm not in the place right now to be able to do that. I have kids right now.

They haven't yet. So I had to talk myself out of comparing myself to where their stage of life was, which was the newlywed. When we did get married, I did do more stuff that was cute and fun and cook. And now that our kids are a little bit older than newborn, I cook again and I love it and it and fun and cook. And now that our kids are a little bit older than newborn, I cook again and I love it and it's fun. I still haven't gotten to the menu level,

but I do my thing. And so I think that that's just like a small example of what so many people face every day. It's you see something in your mind, you're like this person saw it and that person saw it and then what would they think about me compared to that? And no one else is thinking that. You're thinking that.

No one else is putting the expectation on you to do what they did. You're doing that. And I had to like, Christian is not looking at that being like, Sadie should do that. My in-laws are not thinking about that. Maya would never think about that. She's just posting about their marriages and it's sweet

and it's cute and it's great. And there's no bad intention in it. I have to control my mind, and I have to control my heart, and how I receive it, and how I look at it. And I think a lot of people don't take that responsibility to control their mind, and their thought, and their heart, and get back to reality.

Last question, I wanna ask, and we're running out of time, and this kinda wraps it all up, but it's a lot of what I was just saying, but how to manage priorities of being a good mom and a good wife. How do I balance it all? I would just say like, you can't be good at everything. Even just talking about that and the cooking.

Kay was an amazing cook. She cooked three meals a day. I remember whenever I first started kind of becoming a part of their family being like, how does she do this? What in the world? Because I did not grow up with a mom that cooked three meals a day at all.

I always say mom. I provided. No, we ate well. We were great. But you know, it was limited. The menu was different. Anyway, and so I think that there's a point where I was, you know, tried to do that

and did it for a little while. And then I had a bunch of kids and I was like, I'm actually not good at this and I don't really enjoy it. But I'm like, I'm good at other things, you know? And I think that that is one thing. Give yourself permission to be like, yeah, I'm just not good at that, but I'm good at this, you know?

And then being a good wife, you can't be good at everything. And Bella's told me she's thought about this a few times before, because there was a friend that came to visit and this person is like, looks like on Instagram she's crushing it. And she is, she's an amazing mom, she has a great business, she posts beautiful things

and she is all those things. Her car is like trashed. You know, like you look in her mini van and it is like full of junk and Bella commented on that and I was like yeah that's a great example of like you can't do it all. Like you've got to let some things go. Like your car may be just junky. With the first mini van that we had whenever y'all were little, I remember when we traded it in we knew the guy who owned the dealership and he was our was the sales guy at the dealership and he was the sales guy at the dealership.

And he was like, yeah, we found like $4.23 in the DVD player of like change that the kids had like stuck in there, you know? And like, you know, back then, now my car's clean. Because your car's very clean now, but just to speak to how bad your car was, even our pediatrician, like this is true story. Our pediatrician, you know, they see a lot of cars,

they see a lot of kids. So Ms. Jan, she's a nurse, and she was my nurse when I was getting out, our kid's nurse, and she was walking me to the car, just helping me get to the car with the kids, and she opened the car, and she said, sorry, it's so messy, she goes, I'll never forget your mom's car.

That was so funny. Every time I opened that car, something would fall forget your mom's car. That was, every time I went over that car, something would fall out. Like she would. So good. It's so true. Like you might be great at business, but you're not great at getting your car cleaned.

That's okay. You're not going to be good at everything. You can't be. It's totally impossible. So give yourself permission to be. And I remember like even things that I used to be good at, that now I'm not, that I used to actually be not good at, that now my car is clean.

But I remember whenever Dugdiancy started and our lives got so busy, I was like the person that always like showed up at the hospital, I had the, I posted the showers, I had the gifts for people, for friends and things like that. And when the show started, like I just could not do that extra stuff anymore. I couldn't be the one that was always at the birthday party

and had the best gift and had the this or show up for everything because I just didn't have the time. And I was like, I have to devote my time and energy to this right now because this is what's important to our family right now. And so there's gonna be times when you're good, like cooking.

There's gonna be times when you're good at this, times you're not. Give yourself permission to not be good at everything. That is so good. I received that last night. Christian played nerds with us, which he normally does not play nerds because he gets too competitive in card games.

And so we were partners. Well, I was really having to watch myself because he is so slow, but I was so glad he was playing. He's actually not very good at nerds. He's terrible. He's terrible. And then I get out of his partner. And so I was like trying so hard

and I was like, okay, babe, go a little faster. He's like, I can't be good at everything, babe. I can't be good at everything. And that's the problem. He is good at a lot of things, which is why he's so frustrated about nerds because he's not good at that. Cause he is good at other things.

I was like, you know, you're doing so good. I take it back. I love you playing nerds. It was so funny, but to your point, yes, you cannot be good at everything. Anyone else wanna close it up? That was a good point, but I don't know that I'm ever gonna be good at cooking.

So I mean, like, there are some things you'll get good at and not that. But I just, I wanna say this one last thing because I think sometimes people don't have the tools to be a good wife or a good mom, a good wife or a good mother. And maybe that might be their upbringing or whatever it is. And so don't be afraid to find,

like when we were growing up, and I think Corey's generation too, our generation, we always had a weekly mom's day that remember you got bit one time, you may not remember that we were there there And where we had trusted people from church teaching us how to be good wives and mothers And we read a lot of books and we used like my mom said we used our own wisdom to weed through the things that were important or not so don't be afraid that if you don't have some of those tools that you need to negotiate with your husband or how to handle a two-year-old, don't be afraid to look for a trusted friend.

Don't weed through everything on Instagram to find your answers, but find an older, wiser person to help you with that. Or weed somebody that you know that other people have read and said, okay, this helped me get through that. Because we can't know it all. We are born with instincts, but there are things that we need to learn some tools on how to negotiate better, or how to handle a crying baby in a grocery store,

or how to handle your husband as you're going through all the pregnancy things. And there are people out there who have written great things that can help you do that. all the pregnancy things. And there are people out there who have written great things that can help you do that. That's really good. And that is one thing that we do have now, podcasts, that you can learn from and things like that.

But I think that one-on-one, like, finding mentors in your church or Bible studies or things like that and join them. Or form your own mom's group and have people come over and invite somebody in to speak on a topic and those kind of things are great. We've done that so many times, like started groups and had pastors come and speak

or just someone we look up to in town come and speak to us and it's been so helpful and they love it. They're happy to do it for the most part. And sometimes it can be one thing, like Corey's point of the never say never or never say always. and they love it, they're happy to do it for the most part. And sometimes it can be one thing, like Cory's point of the never say never and never say always, we heard that in a very early, early marriage seminar,

probably we were 23, and that stuck with us too. So sometimes it can just be one thing that can change the course of your marriage. When we first were all getting married, like our friend group, Calea Madison actually started a little marriage group where they were inviting different pastors in to come speak into us. And Pastor Tom and Trina said that they,

like Trina said early on, she used to always ask him to do everything for her. And then she made a rule to herself, like, OK, if he's sitting down, I'm sitting down, then I'm going to, like, I'm not going to ask him to do it. I'm going to do it, you know? And it's funny because I'm so bad down, then I'm gonna, like, I'm not gonna ask him to do it, I'm gonna do it, you know? And it's funny because I'm so bad at that. I was bad at that when I was little.

I made Bella do everything for me. So that just went on to Christian. But I think about it now. Like, if he's sitting down, I'm sitting down, I'm like, okay, I can go get the water. But he's so sweet, he wants to do it for me. But it's just little things like that, like good advice that you're getting

whenever you see someone in person, who you trust, who you see the outcome of their marriage. They're 30, 40 years down the road, and you're like, I wanna end up like that. So what are like little things I can do to help, you know, have a better marriage? Memaw, do you have any final words? Well, I can, let me go back to what you're just saying.

When I was young, we had what we call coffee clutches, and all the neighborhood women would get together at someone's house at some point during the day, have coffee, and talk about their kids, and what they were doing with their kids, and how they handled marriages, how they handled the things that were coming at them every day. And it was just, when I think back on that, I think about how valuable it was because you were getting away from your house

to begin with and getting with another group of people who were in the same spot you were in that had things that were valuable for you to know. It's good. And it was just such a good time to do that. It was social. It's good. It was informative too. It's good. And it was just such a good good time to do that. It was social. It's good. It was informative too. It's good. I bet sometimes you walked away thinking, oh my husband's pretty good and my kids are pretty good. That's exactly right. I could never say anything bad about your dad, Chris. No. And they all love to

talk about how problems they were having with their husbands. I didn't get to do that. I have a friend group like that and they've actually been on the podcast. We did a podcast a couple weeks ago about confession and friendship and it was so good because that's what our time is and we hang out outside of that too, but that time once a week around lunchtime

is our time to be intentional about sharing where we're at and how we're doing and marriage and family and kids and all the things. And it's so helpful, it's so beneficial. So surrounding yourself with that group of people where, yes, you're getting that naturally, but you're also getting that intentionally. You're asking the questions, you're sharing the things,

you're willing to listen to feedback, I think is so important as you journey through life. And so thank you all so much for all of the wisdom. This was so good, so helpful. I knew I was gonna learn a lot and I did and I hope you did too. Thanks for listening and keep sending in great questions. you