WHOA That's Good Podcast - What Wives Wonder But Are Too Afraid to Ask | Sadie, Christian, Will & Abby

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

First, Sadie’s husband Christian and Abby’s husband Will asked the questions guys usually gatekeep. Now, we’re flipping the script! Sadie and Abby are back, and Christian and Will are officially in the hot seat. Do guys actually think their wives are bad drivers? What is really taking so long in the bathroom? And when they say they’re “thinking about nothing”... are they for real? Plus, we’re doing a deep dive into communication breakdowns, love languages, and how to actually feel secure in your relationship. Don’t miss a minute! This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: https://wildgrain.com/whoa — Get $30 off your first box - PLUS free Croissants for life! https://DrinkAG1.com/whoa — Get 3 FREE AG1 Travel Packs and 3 FREE AGZ Travel Packs, plus FREE Vitamin D3+K2 and an AG1 Welcome Kit with your first AG1 subscription order when you use my link! https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get 27% off sitewide and make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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for life. What's up, everybody? I hope you're having a great start to your week, but it's about to get a whole lot better because this is part two of what y'all love, part one. How do we say it again? What husbands wonder, but are too afraid of that. Or what guys wonder. What guys wonder, but are too afraid to ask.

And now it's what girls wonder, but are too afraid to ask. And last time we had so much fun, Will and Abby are back on the podcast, Christians back on the podcast. stays on the podcast. Your should stay. He's a steady. Are you co-host now? I am pretty much co-host,

but I am excited to see which one performs better, you know? It's like you're in the driver's seat today. So let's see. Is this a competition? Let's have a competition to see if the girls do better or if the guys do it.

So right now, send this to 10 of your friends and let's get the views up, guys. 10 of your girlfriends. Your girlfriends. Which we mean that we'd, if this one performs better, it's on us. So thank you for just telling them to send it to the friend. That's not true.

We're hosting it. We're the one answering the questions. Okay, well, to be fair, this one might do better because this is what all the girls out there are wondering, and our audience is primarily winning. We'll finally bring some answers. So we're winning.

So we all win, guys. It's not a competition. We're all in this. This is a part sing-along today. We've already done some Natcho Libre. Now we're on high school musical. We know that dance. Okay, let's start with something we're all wondering. Are guys really able to think about nothing?

So when we ask you, what are you thinking about and you say nothing, is it actually nothing? I'm genuinely curious. Yeah, I'm curious too. You can go first on this one. Yeah. Short answer, yes. Sometimes. Wait, short answer, yes, it's nothing?

Yeah, short answer yes. Sometimes I at least don't really have much to think about, don't have much to talk about. So I'm just chilling. Okay, which also throw back to the first episode, whenever Abby was like kind of annoyed at you for how you were looking at something. And then you said that you were just thinking about how the guy was putting the caramel sauce on the coffee. So I think it's not always nothing, but it's not worthy of. It is, it's not worthy of our conversation. And also, I have really simple thoughts.

So I'm just like, no, I think I've kind of stopped asking you, like, what are you thinking about unless you look perplexed? Because most of the time it is nothing. Like, he really is just like sitting there. Well, that's like Chance. We're talking about that with Chance. Like, Chance sometimes really is thinking about nothing. But I feel like you, I mean, not, that's not rude. That's like you said, like you're just thinking about nothing.

Like, it's simple. But your mind over that. There has a lot of thoughts swirling around. I'm a complex character. Note that everyone in the room just laughed affirming that. Yeah, it depends on the setting. But I feel like in most settings of my life, I'm always thinking about something. And when I ask you, what are you thinking about?

You don't often say nothing. Yeah, it's just like random stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But you go deep. thank you yeah yeah yeah yeah okay thanks yeah yeah okay thanks yeah it's a really good podcast

all right well we didn't really expand on it you're saying it to your friends we didn't really expand on that but I was like yeah I thought you were gonna say more but you didn't well I don't I mean exactly it's nothing simplified yeah like right now I'm literally thinking about nothing okay that's I'm just waiting for the questions and then the gear start turning. All right, Abby, you want to hit them with question number three. We're skipping around.

Do guys vent to one another? Oh, heck yeah. Yeah, I vent almost every day probably. About just random stuff. About the nothingness that I'm thinking about. I was going to say, I don't know if all guys

vent to each other and we'll have interested if you do, but Christian, you do every day. You and your guy friends call each other way more than me and my girlfriends and y'all just talk about. I'm just a vent stuff. Just exhaling all of my stuff. Okay, but it's been because... I mean, yeah, I don't even know venting's the right word, but just like conversations of...

Like this morning, I called, I took honey to school and I called my friend after and I was like, can no one like drive in the rain? I was just annoyed. I was like, it's 60 miles an hour and I'm going to. going 40 and it's like it's like not it's drizzling. Did you call for that? Luke. What do you say? He was like, no, man, people are just dumb, you know.

Is this iron, charming iron? Like, where's the venting like go? Yeah, I'm saying. Well, venting does not always have to be like deep stuff. No, I know, but like, do you call a friend to like just let it out or do you call a friend and be like, I'm so annoyed? Like I need someone to like pump me up, encourage me. Are you just like, I just got to get this off my chest?

Well, it's, yeah, I mean, there's times when it's both. Yeah, like this morning was just like a, oh, that was just annoying, you know? Like, people just drive me crazy when I drive. You call your friend anytime you experience some sort of inconvenience. He really does. You have to let them. Yeah, yeah, a lot of times you do that. Yeah, because I don't like the harbor things.

I like this to get it out. Just chatting them. Yeah, I mean, I call and like ask for advice on things I'm struggling with or we have a counselor that I vent too often, pastors that I talk to a lot. But yeah, I'm a very open book. You are, this is so fun to interview both y'all with these questions because I do feel like y'all are really different because, like, you call people more than, like, anyone. Y'all are the beanie bros.

The beanie boys. Beanie boys. The beanie boys. Does mine look okay? But it's good, it's good variety for people listening because some people might have husbands like you who are like, yes, they call their friends a lot of time, they chat the time, they're always talking to somebody, or maybe they're more like you will, we're like, maybe don't do that. Do you vent to people?

No. Well, I would say I've vent more to Abby than I do anybody else. But that's not to say that I don't talk to my friends because I have friends. But what kind of, I mean, the friends that I have that I have, that I have. hold close are the ones that aren't here. Yeah. And so I think, I mean, that doesn't really... You call them.

That doesn't discount the fact that I could call them. But I don't know. I'm just not at that level with a few of my friends, which, I mean, that's not a bad thing, but it's like, I don't know. I just feel like I get everything out to Abby or I don't... I get it. Or I usually don't have to vent. I'm not like a...

You don't get annoyed easily. It's not an external process. Yeah. Which I will say for me, that was something that I used to get, I don't know if like, insecure is the right word, but when we first got married, like you would call your friends so much that I would feel like, one, oh, like, why don't you call me to tell me those things? Or two, I don't call my friends. Like, do I, is my friendships, like, as deep as like your friendships are?

But then I started thinking about, like, we just have different personalities. Like, I don't really get as annoyed about things either. But also, Venting is not always An, but you do call your friends about like, like this morning was a good example of that you will. But what I've noticed about our difference is that like

for me, like I have great girlfriends like I love my friends. We talk about a lot of stuff, but I'm going to call you to talk about anything like that. But you know my personality and if you call me to say something like that I would be like, Christian, get over it. Don't be annoyed at that, you know?

Whereas like Luke's a good person to call. because you all have that commonality. So I, as a wife, like, can't be insecure that someone else holds that friendship with you. That's different than my friendship with you. There's rarely anything I would vent on, like, a deep spiritual level. I would never deep, like, there's few things I would ever vent on a deeper spiritual level that I would never talk to you about.

Yeah. And I think that's, like, healthy. I think that's something I've grown in in our marriage. We're used to you. I would have, like, wanted to be your person for everything. Where it's, like, actually a healthy place to get where it's like, okay, I am your person. I'm secure. in that, but you also have guy friends that you can call for things that I'm not maybe the best

person to talk to about, and that's okay. And that was like a maturing for me. Yeah. To like be glad that you have. Yeah, you've gotten good at that. Thanks. Yes. I am always thinking about something, and I vent to my friends pretty much every day. Thank you for your honesty. Um, okay, this is a cute question. What is the male equivalent of flowers or coffee as a little I love you gift? It's like y'all bring us flowers or coffee and it obviously means so much. What's something we could bring y'all

that would go a long way? Very interested. Besides a smooch? Not the smooch word. Besides a smooke. There are a couple of these I'm scared to walk into by the way. Just run into it. Um no seriously

A kiss is like Perfect No I already know what it is for you though That's true What did I do the other day That you were like That is so nice And I was like

That was so small I feel like That's so sweet That you feel like That's so nice But that wasn't that big of a deal It was like so simple I said

Oh I was like Hey when you run to the store I'll make your chicken nuggets And make you a smoothie Yes that was so kind Yeah but I literally just made like freezer chicken nuggets in a smoothie. But I was gonna have to heat the oven.

My dinole. But I was gonna have to heat. I was got to heat the oven when I got home and it was gonna take like 30 minutes. So that was very kind of you. Yeah. It's kind of you that you thought about that. That's what you love. Or if I'm like, hey, I put your drink in the freezer for you.

My dog. Yeah. And the smooch. And the smooch. There it is. Thank you. When the temps dropped and we're all snuggled in, there is nothing better than warm bread out of the oven or a simple comforting pasta dinner, and that is why I am beyond pump.

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I should have thought about this. I don't know. I really like I, there's not much that, like, literally I have no idea. Well, it's more of like a words guy. Like he likes gifts, obviously, but he doesn't like feel loved by gifts, I guess. You know what I mean? Like, love language You're still opposite.

Like, I could tell, I love you and that's like, I don't need gifts to be happy? What are you talking about? What do they mean a lot to you? I'm crying. It's, well, I feel like actions also.

Well, I think it's the acts of service and then words. The two things I said, words of affirmation. Words of affirmation and access, that's what we are right now. Like, I don't think, yeah, if you told me,

that if you just told me that you love me, like, like, in like a very random way, though, not just be like, oh, hey, I love you, but like, I don't know. Like spell it out. Like, write it out. Is for the way. Yeah. Like, if you do that. Noted.

I love that. This really is making me laugh, but it's so sweet because, again, like, y'all represent a lot of different people. So I think it's really sweet. We're not trying to be different. Abby, Abby can read number five. But I am certain you probably already told me, Christian, but go ahead and hit it. What is one thing that I do that annoys you, but you would never say anything about it?

Will be careful. I'm being careful. I'm sure you probably said something about it. But if there's anything else you've been just secretly thinking about it over there, you can tell me. I feel like you already know I can see it behind your eyes Do you have an idea of what I'm going to say? No, but I'm fine with it

Okay Whenever we leave the house You leave all the lights on That's true And oftentimes Cabo would go in and pee in the rooms That's true But that doesn't happen most of the time

Because I shut all the doors So it annoys me sometimes when you go to leave the house and like the bathroom lights on the closet lights on every door's open and I'm like

so the lights and the doors have to be off and close I like to shut I turn off the lights and make sure you shut the doors and you know I'm actually oh we don't come home and Cabo peed and it's like

Cabo peed on the rug and I'm like well if we shut the door wouldn't have happened yeah that actually is a good thing that you said that because I do often get annoyed

at Cabo for that but I didn't know you were annoyed at me for that not annoyed you I'm like... This cycle could stop. Well, I've told you many times of like, hey, if we're about to leave the house, just turn off the lights. Yeah.

And you haven't never done it. Yeah. Well, actually, the other day, I thought about it, and I did turn off the ones I saw. I just didn't, like, go searching, you know? Yeah. And I know that... It's more so like when you leave your space, just turn off the lights. Yep.

That's actually good. And two papa will be proud to know that I married a man who reminds me of things like this. I was thinking, I was literally thinking of two pop-up. I know. Yeah. But, yeah, I can do better about that. Thank you. I want the lights on when I get home, so I don't have to turn them on.

That's right. I don't mean, like, the main lights. Like, you can leave the kitchen. Oh, no, we're not. We're not big, like, people. But I mean, like, if the closet lights are on, the kids, both kids, our bathroom, the bedroom, like, I don't want every single light in the house. We're not, not like, not like the adjective big, but like the literal, like,

the big lights, not a lamp, you know, it's like the lights on the ceiling, the cans and whatever. We're not those type of people. We're the ones that have lamps on. Yeah, we are. We like the warm. We like a little, we like the warm and cozy. So like, sometimes like we'll leave those on, but I have it set to where they come on automatically at nine. I'm a, I'm a bright light. You're doing pretty good. I think all of our lamps are on all day. I'm a bright light kind of girl like in our office. A lot of the girls like to like, like work in the dark and every time I go and I'm like, good morning, turn the lights on, which is probably annoying. That's probably something that they're annoyed about it. They don't tell me. But I just feel like I can't like wake up if it's not right. You know, I feel like I

could just fall asleep if it's too vibey, which you know are really good. I can fall asleep anywhere. Oh yeah. Yes. I may have two. The first one. Snap. Snap. The first one is she leaves her cups on really, like, practically halfway off a ledge. Like, if it's on the counter. I'm fully on. No, literally, if it's on the counter. Like, if she'll have her water bottle, she'll. Oof.

Living life on the edge. I will say half of it is to annoy you. Oh, my word. She, I'll catch it and I'll move it. I won't say anything. I'll move it. And then I'll look a couple minutes later. And she takes a drink and then she sets a right.

Often. The other thing that does annoy me a little bit, I'm just like is. Scared? Whatever I'm driving and I know where to go, she is sitting there like trying to give me directions of where to go. She goes, she's driving. And like, I was supposed to turn there. And she's, oh, my God. I'm not.

That is hilarious. Don't say anything. I've graduated from saying stuff to just go. It's way more funny than it actually ignores me. But it's just like, I know my directions. That is funny. And that's actually like the next question. Do you really think our driving is bad?

Or do you just like being in control? Oh, it's bad. No. Sir. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's a thing. There's a difference, right?

And this is, I'm trying to be humble. There's bad driving. You're not a bad driver. You're just not like a good driver. You think you are the best driver in the world. And I'm like, you don't know what it's like to sit in the passenger seat if you're driving. It's a little stressful. It doesn't feel like the best driving in the world.

It's unbelievable. Like last night we were driving. And there's this green light. And I'm looking at, here's the thing. You're looking at the crosswalk, right? You see three, two, one. Okay, hey, the light's about to turn yellow. No offense.

You're not thinking that. You're going five miles an hour of this being limit. Remember that last night? Okay, but you were telling me a story. I was listening to your story. Yes. But listening to a story of mine does not mean you have to go. Listening to a story decreases speed by 5%.

No, it does. It does. She was like, I was listening to your story. I was like, then why are you driving slow? No, no, I wasn't driving slow. You said, yeah. How do you not notice that the light was about to turn red or turn yellow or whatever? I'm like, because I'm listening to your story.

I'm not looking at the sidewalk in three, two, one. Before I even saw that, I was like, please catch this light. And you were going, you were going 25. 31. 31. 35. Okay, 31 and 35. That's unacceptable.

But it was also, too, because kids in the back screaming her head off. So it's very hard as a mom. This is true. At least go the speedway. All women will understand this. When you're breastfeeding mom and there's a baby screaming in the vaccine, there's so much mechanically going on in your body right now that you're like, okay, the baby is screaming.

I'm thinking about that. There's nothing to do to help her. My milk is probably dropping around this point. I have two other toddlers. I'm thinking about you're telling me a story and somehow I'm supposed to notice when the yellow light is about to happen. So let me just casually just go slow. No. You should be speeding.

I'm trying to keep our family safe. So that answers that question. No, you're not a bad driver. You just could be better. Thank you. Abby is a, she's a good driver. You're a decent driver. You may not be the best at directions.

That's true. You're a good driver. So anytime we're on a road trip, we stop at a gas station, whatever, filling up gas and we decide we're going to switch. drivers so I'm in the passenger seat there is at least a five to ten

minute mark where directions are out the window and she is like wait where are we going wait what do we do I'm I'm a little bit directionally challenged I just don't you are direction but you still want him to know where you think he should be he's like wait where are we going oh

where we're doing no around town I know but yeah I just don't know like where we just came from how to get back to like where it just doesn't work. You're not, no, you're not a bad driver at all. Like, well, it's hard for me to make that judgment because you don't drive a lot. I'm the one that's usually driving just one because we do go a lot of places together and two, I like driving my car. Here's the way I like at it. You're not a bad driver.

Thank you. You're really not. You're a safe, neutral driver. Yep. If the ETA is 915, I'm getting there at 915. I'm getting there. You'll be 915. With me, it's like a 9-12.

And that's why it's stressful. But it's... But it's... It's... It's still safe. It's still safe. It's just methodical, smart turns. Whatever.

I will say, I'm not like the best driver. I know that. This morning I was on the phone of Mary Kate on the way here. And Mary Kate goes, oh my gosh. I just hit a curb. I've never done that in my life. I go, you've never done that in your life? I do that.

once a week for sure. I don't have to say out of all of the siblings, I am the only one that has not gotten in the ramp. That's true. Good point. Yeah, I would say I am a safe driver. All right, friends, it's the new year, and I am all about setting new goals and creating healthy habits, but in a way that actually feels realistic and sustainable,

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That's drinkag1.com slash woe. This is a question I genuinely wonder. It's top of mind actually I was wondering it this morning What takes so long in the bathroom Just curious Well there's there's different stages of poop There's sometimes it's like quick

But you kind of want to chill on your phone But sometimes it's like How is this you know still kind of coming out And then sometimes it's like And then sometimes it's like And then sometimes it's just like Yeah, you just kind of just get lost in the... And the what?

In the dot, dot, dot? What does that mean? Most of the time, I'm going to the bathroom. Like, for some reason, I don't, like, my stomach hurts. I don't feel good. Oh, dude. There's like a general, like, okay, time to go. You go, do your business, whatever.

There's, there's, there's, that one we're like, oh, wow, I actually do you have a lot. Then there's number three where it's just like, it's just like, you know, the most utter discomfort. Yeah. And it's like, it's painful. Then you think that sitting there longer would like help ease it.

Exactly. And then, and then you stand right back up, but you're like, nah, it feels the same. This is the one question that y'all agreed on completely.

That's true. I think of two, but you help me get to three. There you go. The Vini boys are on the same page of that one. That was interesting. Moving on.

I really know how to segue from that to our deeper question. So I'm going to ask one more lighthearted question I mean hit him with number seven What is your idea of a perfect date Something with a smooch Oh my gosh Just kidding

Go to dinner Go to dinner What kind of dinner? An ice one Um Well some people are like They would love a nice dinner Some people are like

Let's go hit up Something like simple or let's go You get a chick for a No No just go to a A dinner you don't have to like dress up to Formal And it's just nice

It's good food Then afterwards Um We'll go home And we'll play some games or a puzzle Oh, you're so cute. And

then we'll have some of which we'll go to bed. That's good. We don't need to know what happens after the puzzle. A different puzzle to figure out. Oh my gosh. That one of some people's heads. Okay. I think we got it.

Okay, dokey. We tried to let it mouth. I think a casual date night. Doesn't it be too fancy. Doesn't have to not be. fancy enough, you know? Like, you know, it has to be like right in the middle. Yeah.

Lots of laughs. Yeah. A smooch here and there. Yeah. No, like, arguments of like, you know, are you really thinking about nothing? Kind of those, you know, kind of arguments. No small talk.

Yeah. We like to ask each other deep questions when we go on dates, though. We do. We ask reflective questions. We do. Like, I love that. We do. But we don't like to try to rehash things. No. That's what turns a date bad.

When it's like, hey, so the other day when you said this, it actually kind of, it's like, let's do that. This isn't a conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just have fun. Let's just laugh. Let's just giggle. That's a special date. Just a giggle.

Yeah. It's like a good burger, something like that. Some laughs. It's a good burger. Burger. Doesn't have to be like some super nice steak, fancy. Just like a cat. A burger and a steak.

You're cracking me up because like, when have we just gone for a burger? Like, I thought you would say when we go get sushi together. That is a great one too. And, like, when we drove to Rustin, we laughed in the car the whole way there, we ask you questions. Like, that's ideal date for me. But this is not my podcast for, I'm answering questions. No, I'm saying like planners. I'm saying like something casual like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my idea of like casual. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. Well, I'm not thinking. Oh, okay. Yeah.

I know, sorry. I was like, what's planners? But I was thinking, I just think upstairs at cotton. Sorry. That's for our local listeners.

Okay. I was thinking more parish. I love that. Yeah, I was thinking, we go to parish a lot, but I like love our sushi dates. Yeah, our sushi dates.

Well, now you're about to have. I know. Coco sushi. I'm so excited. Okay, let's go into some deeper questions. Abby,

you want to go into number two of the deeper? Yes. What are some unrealistic expectations that women slash wives put on men. This is a good question. Y'all can think about this and be honest about it. Too quickly for this.

We can just chop this silence up. This is it going to take a second to think about it. That's okay because it's a really good question. I want to try to actually think about it. What are some unrealistic expectations that women put on men? And maybe you can think back to like dating days or like just. in general what you feel like

doesn't have to be like in our relationship mm-hmm you got something over there no we always think skip it yes

no I like this question no I just trying to think I really do have to think for just a second you don't I'm saying

like you don't really put I would say right now like as I'm thinking about it unrealistically I don't know

because realistically there's, I don't know, I think it's just being, expectations of like just being the natural leader of the household and learning and stewarding your family. It's like an expectation that I, that Abby, no, not Abby is pointed on me, yes, but like something that I try to put on myself every day

is like the decisions that I make have to be for this family. and the decisions that I make, they're just going to follow. Like, that's what that is... There's, like, weight to it. Yeah, there's a lot of weight. I think that this is an interesting question because I feel like a lot of men who are not walking with the Lord

would say women put a lot of unrealistic expectations. But I think men who are walking with the Lord appreciate the expectation women put on them because it makes you be the man that you're called to be and that you know you are. And so I think of expectations I've had for you that maybe you didn't think of for yourself at the time, but you've like been glad for. You've stepped into. You've been. And I think that's where like a woman makes a man better. Like she calls him out. She calls him up, you know. I was just reading Genesis 1 and 2 last night and 1, 2 and 3. And it's that whole like there wasn't a suitable helper for Adam. And so then God made the woman to be like a helper, you know? and to help him steward the land. And I think that that is what we are to do to help y'all

and call y'all up, notice things that maybe y'all wouldn't notice. And women can certainly be annoying and nagging at that. But I think when you do it in a loving way and a calling you up and outweigh, it's something that y'all have gladly stepped into. So I think that that question in a context of walking with the Lord is so different than in the context of just living a worldly life. Stepping into a new year with a newborn, two toddlers, and the world's most energetic dog

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to go to helixleep.com slash Sadie for 27% off sitewide. This is an exclusive offer for our listeners of the WoW That's a Good podcast. Again, that's helixleep.com slash Sadie for 27% off sitewide. And make sure you enter the show's name after checkout so that they know we sent you there. Thank you guys so much. Again, that's helixleep.com slash Sadie. I'm kind of having trouble with the question a little bit because I feel like the question applies differently to different people.

because for me, I feel like I try to hold myself to like a higher standard and I feel like I put I put the expectations on myself before I would feel like you would put them on me to where it's like if I failed to do something

and it would bother you because you were expecting me to do it I think I was already expecting myself to do it if that makes sense. So whether it is like venting to my friends to try to be healthier spiritually to lead our family or to take care of things like that or take out the trash, walk that at the street.

You know, like things like that that I expect myself to do because of whether it was the way that I was raised or, you know, the best way for me to serve my family. Yeah, I think maybe one of the unrealistic expectations would be, yeah, like how to lead like your family, kind of what Will talked about. because everyone leads in different ways and in different capacities and some are more vocal about leadership some are more just kind of getting things done and less vocal I think maybe sometimes women want a man to be a more leader and be more strong and vocal and share leadership in that way and some men show leadership through serving um so that maybe that could be I think yeah the expectation sometimes is that they'll be someone that they're not, you know? So it's like, oh, well, I see so-and-so lead their family like this.

So you should lead our family like that. Yeah. But that's not your strength. So I can't put that on you, you know. And I think that one of the things that we've tried to do good in our marriage is like, don't put something on that person that's like not who they are. If we were talking about this last night, like we were talking about doing the dishes at night or like cleaning up the house at night.

and, you know, I'm not the one that does that. Christian does that. He cleans the kitchen at night before we go to bed. I did do it last night because we had this conversation. I was like, I got you. But we talked about it, and it was like, I don't really notice the mess. It doesn't bother me as much.

I'm like kind of living in the moment with the kids and everything. Whereas Christian, it bothers him. So you're like, well, whoever it bothers should do that, you know? And I think it kind of a lot of things are like that in our relationship. Like, if you notice it, if it bothers you, that you step in. It doesn't have to be what that family does or that family does or the expectation of what a man or a woman is supposed to do. It's like, how do we step in and do this? But then there is that, like you said, like biblical leadership that a man is to lead the house and the woman is to

submit to their husband. And it's like, okay, how does that, we want to stay true to that. You are the leader of our household. But in our context, when people look at it as like, oh, I'm such a like loud person, strong personality, all that kind of stuff. But the way you lead our family, like, there's no doubt who's leading our household. It just leadership looks different, you know? And so I think that's the thing. You can't put the expectation that has to look the way that it does for everybody. Yeah, what's the unsaid, frustrate?

What's the, we say it all the time? Met expectations produces anger. Yeah, expectation. That was good. Results in frustration. So it's those kind of things to where, same idea, just different wording. Because, you know, like I'd talk about with the lights earlier, which is a super simple thing. but if I put this expectation on you to do it,

which you can start doing it, that'd be great. But my point is, if I see it and you didn't do it, and I just choose not to do it, then to me I'm going to grow cynical because I'm putting this thing on you that you're not doing it, versus me just doing it. Yeah. So I think sometimes in our immaturity,

you can have these expectations and not do it yourself, and you end up just growing, bitter and cynical because the other person doesn't do it. Versa just just do it like. Yep. That's everything in life too. I do the dishes. But if I was like, you know what? For the next week, I'm just not going to do the dishes

and just see if Sadie does it. Then it's like, then I'm just getting to be angry and cynical and that's not healthy. So I think sometimes you have to just say what your expectations are. Don't have these expectations that are not said and then be like, I'm expecting him to do it, but he never does it. We have that rule, even in our office.

Steph always tells it like this. Like, there was a picture frame one time that was crooked for so long, and it bothered her, annoyed her. She's like, when is somebody going to fix that frame? And then she was like, I can fix the frame. She went over and fixed it. And she always says, if anyone, if you notice something, then it's your job to do it.

And it's your job to take care of it. And I think that's such a good rule for, like, anything in life. Like, whether it's you're working for somebody, you're doing your day-to-day life, you're living with a roommate, you live with your spouse. If you notice it, a lot of times it's your job to do it. And if you're not capable of doing that job, then communication is everything,

asking someone to help you accomplish that. So you don't just sit there and get annoyed or mad or harbor that frustration. I don't know the expectations are bad, but if you don't ever tell your spouse what the expectation is, then you're just setting yourself up for favor. Yep, that's really good. Love that. We got there.

I didn't understand this one, but maybe you all understand this one because... So let's dive into it. Well, and the reason why is because in parentheses it says we got this question a lot. We're answering DMC here. These are things that you guys sent in. And apparently a lot of people ask is the statement, if he wanted to, he would, true. What does that mean?

If he wanted to, he would. Like, if he wanted to get me flowers, he would do it. Like, I wouldn't have to ask him to do it. So, like, they're saying... So, like, if he wanted to get me flowers, he would do that naturally. like I shouldn't have to ask him to do that. So it's a frustrating thing that you have to ask. Like a lot of people, we just posted a TikTok or he posted a TikTok for my birthday of him like setting up like the room for me and just like get like just being a really great husband.

And people were like this is proof of like if he wanted to, he would. That's good. So they're saying is it true? It does make sense. I guess. This kind of goes back to the expectations thing. I would like if for your birthday, expecting him to do all this and he didn't do it, then you're just mad because like did you expect that?

No, I didn't have expected to do that. Yeah, no, I would say, well, I would say yes and no, just because like, yes, I did want to do that because I wanted to celebrate you, but it was also a specific day. Not saying that there needs to be a specific day, but it was like a day that you were honored, you were celebrated. I wanted to make sure that you are shown the same appreciation that you show other people. And so I, in the no part is like, I don't know. I feel like, yes, you deserve flowers, but that's something that I don't think about all the time, which that may be on me.

But still then, that's still the expectation thing. I think, that's good. Yeah, because it's, at the end of the day, if you have that mindset, one, I think there could be a wrench in your communication. But two, you're setting yourself for failure if you have this mindset of like, I want them to do this, but he's only going to do it if he wants to, versus me just telling him or telling her, hey, I would love it if you did this. Because by choosing not to say that, you're expecting them to do it, then they don't do

it. Then you're frustrated because you don't feel like he or she loves you. Versus the other person's not even thinking about that. Yeah. So it's like, if he wanted to, he would or whatever. however you stated that. Like just tell the person what you want. And if you don't tell them what you want,

don't put that expectation on them to do. And don't get in your head off. He doesn't really love me. He doesn't notice me. He doesn't appreciate me. It's such a problem because it's like, I think it's a sign of immaturity. If you just constantly live in that state of like,

I have these thoughts and hopefully he does it, but then you're just constantly going to be frustrated that they're not doing what you're, what you're expecting to be doing. It's so true. just telling them, hey, for my birthday, I'd think it'd be sweet if you maybe did something sweet for me. Yeah. Like, one thing, for her birthday, I had the whole thing plan. I was going to go and run and do everything

that I did do, but she was just like, just video it. That's all she asked me to do. And so I video it and I posted it. And also, I think, like, I think a seed planted at least every now in it, not like, oh, yeah, I would really love flowers to you, like, flower to you to get me. Like, I like every week it'd be like oh that's something really nice you can maybe send them a reel or send them something that's like oh yeah that's something that's something nice I could do but not something overly repetitive to where it's like you eventually don't want to do that because like is this all that she like wants is just flowers every single day yeah rather than being a spontaneity of him just running you're saying dropping hints

is good. Dropping hints is helpful and good. Not all the time, though. Dropping hints is good, but if you're dropping hints, like, you need him to do something like that all the time for you to know you're loved. You need to look in your heart and saying, okay, why do I feel this lack of security in my heart?

Why do I need him to prove his love by doing something special? I just need to know that I'm loved and that he sees me because of our relationship is deeper than you, doing that, you know? Or it's like if your, if your car is on low gas and you see it, and let's say I drove it last night and if you get in the car

and first thing you thought of, oh, well, if he wanted to, he would. And I might not even have seen you have low gas, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm saying versus you just saying, hey, if you don't mind if you're driving, can you pump my gas? Yeah. That's a simple thing versus just being frustrated of like, he doesn't love me, he didn't, like. Yeah, don't go down that rabbit hole. Yeah, you're just setting yourself up for failure if that's your

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Hear your first. This new year with Shopify by your side. And also to like bring in another perspective of like love languages, I feel like as your wife, you're supposed to like learn how I feel loved best. and in this way like I love to be celebrated and I've told you that like a lot not like I love to be celebrated celebrate me but like you know that that is like holds value yeah for me and knowing that I feel very loved in that way that is when you were like I need to do this that's how it's sense oh yeah we were talking about that the other day in a different context but

But someone asked me to speak on one of our kids' birthdays. And I was like, I can't do it because it's our kid's birthday. I was like, oh, well, you could celebrate your kid there. And I'm like, I know, and I know that would not be a big deal to a lot of people. And I know we could just do her birthday another, her party another day. But birthday parties are a big deal to me. And it does matter, you know, where I am. But so, and then, you know, we're on the same page because he already knows that's a big deal to me.

That's a priority in our house. And so, yeah, if you got to know what each other values, what each other prioritizes, and to honor them and their decisions in those moments or to celebrate them on days, you know, they need to celebrate, or just to pick me up. Like, recently we've just been going through something that by the end of the day, I am, like, exhausted. And the past few days, Christian's like, hey, I'm going to put the girls to bed. You just get kicked down, go take a bath.

Like, that makes me feel so love because he's seeing me where I'm at and helping me get through it and like picking up some of the slack. And over time, you realize those things. I'm like, if I see you're like that, and I'm not going to be like, all right, I'll go upstairs and watch a movie. Like, there's obviously, you know, the longer you get to know each other and spend more time of marriage, there's little things like that that you notice.

Yeah. And if you fail to notice that, then I would probably say that maybe you're not a good spouse. My movies. The movie is just. I'm saying, if you're exhausted. People are out today, yeah. Well, I'm not trying to call people out.

I'm just saying like the way you love your spouse. It's more just ask yourself. Like a lot of these questions do make you go inward and go, am I secure in my relationship? Am I being a little insecure? Am I being selfish? Am I being this? Selfish is the biggest thing.

Selfish is. And there's so much refinement when it comes to marriage. And it's a beautiful thing. There's no shame in that. Like don't just go, oh, I'm a bad spouse. Like go, okay, how can I be a better spouse? Tonight I'm going to choose to be selfless. And I'm going to ask my person like,

what they need from me or, you know, I'm going to choose to be secure and I'm not going to need him to tell me he loves me a million times for me to believe it, you know? And you got to make those choices for yourself, like, and it's got to be intentional, you know? I think the thing for me, because I think when you think about selfish, I think most of the time you think about selfish with like possessions or like coveting something else. But for me, the thing I found, one of my biggest struggles is, like, selfish with, like, emotions. So last night we had this argument, right? And I brush my teeth and I'm like, I'm exhausted. I want to go to bed. So I can either be selfish and like, I don't want to go say, I'm sorry. I don't want to go try to resolve this before I go to bed.

So I'm going to like play the victim. I'm going to be selfish. I'm going to go in bed, internally hoping she feels bad for me, right? Versus going to say, hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me. I'm going to go to bed. Because that's a lot harder to do than be like, a wallow and be like, I hope she feels sorry for me. But humanly, that's what we do. It's like, you're selfish with the way you feel. You would rather play the victim. You'd rather your spouse feel sorry for yourself versus just you manning up and going to say, I'm sorry, which is the a lot harder thing to do. And what's interesting, though, is it is harder and that it takes a lot of humility to go do it. But it's not harder in the sense that normally that brings closure and you

actually sleep in peace and then you have a great next day. So I think that that is one scheme of the enemy because he'll be like, you do not want to do that. Like that you're going to have to have so much humility, like swallow your pride. You have to die to yourself. You have to die to yourself in that moment. But it's like it sets you up better for later. Whereas like it's actually just as hard if you're really thinking about it to try to go to bed and be mad and freshered and wake up the next day and be walking out eggshells. And so like don't let the enemy make you think that that's an easier option because it's actually harder in the long run. This is going to change someone's life.

This is going to change someone's life. Who am I to say it wasn't going to? Love that. Okay, this is just a sweet question. We asked y'all this, so we'll hit you back. What is the first thing that attracted you to your wife? Your smile and your dimple. That's so sweet.

This is actually sweet, though, because you came and answered that later. that night because it was like the same whenever we wait how do I say I keep saying it the wrong way we asked y'all no y'all asked us and we said it and then that night you came to me you're like hey I want to answer that for you and you you said when I first met you the thing that tried to me to you was your smile and your dimple but now it is you being a mom yeah and I thought that was really sweet because like that was the question last time is it still the same thing that you find the most attractive and mine was kind of different for you than it was back then and yours was to i thought that was sweet that is really sweet when i first like interacted with you i thought you were super cute

i thought you're really pretty and i love you're just your face you know you have a cute dimple too but yeah your smile and just like your eyes you just have really um uh warm and sweet eyes that's so sweet is it still the same now Sure. Sure. No. Not so much attractive, but just like an adoration of, I even said this to you on your birthday. Yeah.

Just something that like makes me like feel like, I don't know. It's just, it's just I don't know. Is you a love for people? And I think you know how to honor somebody very well and you think about. like even it doesn't matter if you're gift giving or not just you think about people and you think about little things you pay attention to um how people feel and what they what they enjoy the most and you put that into how you want to honor them that's so sweet yeah so i love that about you it's good but that's so sweet this is the last question and this might be the same answer but maybe

be a little different. How do you see God in me and how does it encourage you in your own walk with Christ? That's good. Whoa, that's good. Whoa, that's good. I would say,

you're very steadfast and consistent with the way that you view God. And that's very helpful for me. That's cool. I feel like sometimes with like different situations, And like, not that my view of God changes,

but I feel like sometimes I question God's personality when certain things happen and you don't usually necessarily. So that's really encouraging to me. That's awesome. I think this ties on to what I really love about you, but it's one, your passion for people and how you are so quick to pray for people

and you're quick to, you know, learn what's going on and immediately start praying for the Lord to intercede and what people are going through. And also in thinking, like, eternally, like with certain people we have in our lives, like, I want to see that person whenever we reach eternity. And I think you are so passionate about that. And you want to,

you want to, yeah, you want to just spread the love of Jesus to those people. And I just have seen such a, yeah, I think a steadfast growth in just wanting to, just wanting to reach other people. And I think that encourages me to not just sit around and, and what I have learned and how the Lord has touched me that wants me, that encourages me to, get up and move and go and and and just talk to other people instead of just letting letting like everything else just happen just I want to intercede that's so sweet good wife Abby good one more question one more question funny funny one more funny question okay let's go back to the funny questions to end this um here's a good funny funny lighthearted question to end the podcast with. What is it with farting so often? Just to throw it back to the first of my guess.

With tooting so often. Tooting. Okay, I'm going to say, Tooting. Toot. Toot with poot. Or poot. I don't know.

I don't know how much is diet related. I don't know how much is just being a... I don't know how much is just being a man. I feel like men just do. I don't know, though. We have three little girls who are all tutors. They fart more than I do. They really do.

Oh, my gosh. I think I agree. I think it's not diet-related. I don't know if it's diet-related. I don't know if it's just like. The sleep-de-be-be-free. Being sleep-deprized, have anything to do with, like, I don't know.

Sometimes, like, you don't even, I don't even eat that much during the day, but then I have such. like oh gosh gastro abdominal pain I was screwed up after pizza last night

John need good probiotic have you guys have you guys ever taken AG1 wait there's something that we ate

the other night that I know what it was it was we went to Logan's that's where we went to Logan's actually really good

but I remember I was hurting so bad I think it is probably diet related. But bro, like, can I be like so for real? I have, I do have one in a chamber. So I'm holding out. Will.

I'm not, no. I'm holding it. I'm not know. I hope you guys took something from this podcast. We love doing these. We love answering us questions. So keep sending in fun questions, good DMs, because that's where we get most of the content we talk about. It inspires our conversation.

So love you guys. Hope you have a great week. Maybe we do a part three and a part four. Who knows? Who knows? You're asking questions.