WHOA That's Good Podcast - When Friendships Change, It's OK to Let It Go | Sadie Robertson Huff & Laney Rene

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Sadie's best friend and former roommate, Laney Rene, has some real-life experience with difficult friendships — from fear of making one to the unbearable thought of losing one, Laney can relate! Sadie and Laney first met while they were both grieving friendships that had ended badly, and they talk about their own shifting friendship as they were both single at the same time, then met and married their husbands, had children, and moved to different states. Laney describes her past difficulties with letting go of failing friendships, and why that ability was necessary for her personal growth. Laney describes how you should not place your happiness in the hands of others, especially ones who talk about you behind your back. Sadie encourages us to always remember: No matter how much hurt you've experienced, sisterhood and friendship is ALWAYS worth pursuing and fighting for — they're gifts from the Lord! Don't be afraid to start new friendships! Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.stamps.com/whoa https://www.kiwico.com — Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping with code SADIEROB! https://losisterconference.com — Register Today for the 2023 LO Sister Conference in Monroe, LA - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Website, Sisters and Friends. Welcome back to the podcast. Happy Monday, everybody. Y'all are gonna just have to get used to me wearing this green sweater because today has been a great day. I've gone to interview three amazing people that are gonna be rolled out over the course of time. This might be the last one by the time you're catching onto this series.

But y'all, it's just been so good. We've taken questions that you guys have sent into Instagram. And I was like, who could really nail this topic based on people in my life that I've seen walk through these topics? And so today is no different. I have a great friend who many of you, people love, I have a lady pick a little lady for me on the podcast today, which I still sometimes almost say your wrong last name, which is sweet

and fun in and of itself. But I had Lany on the podcast, my best friend, and I'm just so grateful that she's on the podcast today. Talk about kind of a hard topic. We're going to be talking about what it looks like to lose a friend or for seasons, a friendship just to shift or change and how hard that can be. I personally walked through this with Lany. She's walked through this with me,

with other friends of ours, and then we've also walked through our own struggles and our friendships of seasons changing. And I just feel like this is such a necessary topic, and Lanny, I'm just really thankful that you said yes, and not only you say yes, but you flew here just to talk about this, because you know that girls are hurting in this. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Thank you for having me. I feel like I was telling you before that girls are hurting in this. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. I feel like I was telling you before this, I haven't been this nervous for a podcast. I don't think ever, but I think it's because this topic is something I know a lot of girls deal with, a lot of people deal with in general, and it can be so fragile. And we've both walked through things that have been like,

really hard at times. And so just navigating how to talk about that, wanting to let people in, but also like, in every season you want to protect your friends hearts. So, so yeah, I'm excited to. It's hard to navigate. And we've both kind of, so this is kind of a messy conversation, you know.

But I love how you said, you know, when I asked you to talk about this, well, first of all, I have to say, when I saw this as one of the topics that girls sent in, I immediately thought of you because it's like, Manlini could really speak truth into this because I've watched her walk through this and not only have a watch you walk through, I've watched you walk through it well. Like what you walk through it, it's been hard and there's been a lot of tears and a lot of messiness involved with that of just the heartache of it, but really well and consistently. And but when I said it to you, it was like, but lady, you don't have to talk about this,

like because I know it's fragile and I know you love so deeply and you are so like feelings and so friendship and all in and so like this is a hard thing but it was cool that you said that you looked it up before you came here. Sure that. I just was like okay I know this is going to be a very fragile conversation something that I want to be very I mean I always want to be careful with my words but in this specifically I was like I want to be very, I mean, I always want to be careful with my words, but in this specifically, I was like, I want to do this really well. And so I started looking for other conversations on when at least that I could find of when friendships don't go the way expect or when they end before you thought or friendships that just aren't forever. And I will say just a little backstory on my heart and my life like being homeschooled,

growing up, friendships were like, if you made a friend, you had to hold on tightly. And I remember just going to an extra curricular activity and I'd meet a new friend, like as a young kid. And I think, oh, we're best friends, but a reality for them, I was just like an acquaintance. And I recognize now, just going through different friendships and as an adult, like that created in me, you know, I really always treasured friendships. And I think that was something God put in my heart and puts in all of us. But I think just that almost touching go with friends made me feel like I had to like make it work. You know, I had to try really hard.

And so I feel like there was even seasons of my life in middle school and high school where I went through friendships and I was like, you know, I would go through hard things and really honestly painful things. So the point of my life where I was like, is this just like my lot? Like, it's just going to keep happening to me. Is this what friendship is? Like, this has been really hard and, you know, once you've given your heart, you know, to somebody or to a friendship, it feels hard to do it again if it didn't go, you know, the way that you thought. And so I just recognized that as I go older that really played into,

you know, how I saw friendships. And there were points in my life where I had to just acknowledge that and go, okay, I'm not going to let this have me. And I need to let go. Yeah. Like, to the point where I was just like striving for friendships. And I know myself and other friends, anytime you see striving in a friendship, most of the time, it doesn't last like it really, it doesn't because there's not honesty and there's not there's just this like tension, you know. You're trying so hard and so I feel like something I really learned is just friendships are from freedom and from the letting go and like when I met you I was really walking through some interesting times in friendship and really struggling.

I had just come out of a really long relationship and my heart was really fragile. Yeah, really, really fragile. But I remember just feeling like I heard clearly and I've heard this again since then, like just let go. Yeah. And that doesn't mean I was saying bye to the friendship, but I was letting go of my own striving to like, and feel like I had to make it happen. You know? Gosh, that's so good.

Like everything you already said, I feel like girls are gonna be like, man, I've felt that way. And just that sense of needing to like strive in friendships or maintain something that's just not there or be the only one that's really putting your heart in or somebody hurting you and then having to open up your heart again to trusting another person.

And I feel like it really is very similar to the feeling of a breakup, but unless even harder sometimes, you lose a friend because with a breakup, you know that when you're with a guy, I mean, they're going to marry you or we're gonna break up but I'm gonna marry one person. So the odds are not great every time. But with friendship, you never think about that you would ever break up. Why would we gonna break up, but I'm gonna be your one person. Instead, the odds are not great every time. But with friendship, you never think about

that you would ever break up. Why would we ever break up? You never think this friendship's gonna end. You always think like this friend's gonna be my friend forever. And then not every friend is your friend forever. There are friendships that are forever friendships, and there are seasonal friendships, and it is hard to navigate that, because it's not that you know which ones are gonna be forever all the time

And you know which ones are gonna be seasonal and it's the ones that you think might be forever That are not that we're just for a time that really hurt and yeah We're gonna get to talking about how like not every friendship Has to end badly like if a friendship, that doesn't mean you have to be enemies. No. Pretty good to that. But then there are some friendships that I don't think in any case you should be enemies. There are some friendships that have like hard and things. And when we met, we were both walking through like kind of a hard-ending friendship. You were walking through it a little bit different that I was, but I remember when we met, I had a close friend and it just, I mean, we realized, this year we did everything together,

it was like love her, it still love her, but just a different time of our life. And after, you know, a couple months of us living in Nashville and us kind of making friends, um, quickly realized that we were not on the same page of our friendship. Like, she started talking really negative about me and really bad about me to you and to several of our other friends. And it really hurt me and it really shocked me and, um, ended up kind of our friendship

drifted, went different ways, but not even just that hurt. I think more so what it did to me in the sense of how I began to not trust my friends as much, and I began to like have so much fear my friendships with all of y'all because I was like, what do y'all think about me? Like what are other people talking about me, and I just like felt so misunderstood, and this need to like prove myself other people talking about me? And I just felt so misunderstood. And this needs to prove myself for who I am. And I remember you spoke so much life over me like that. I didn't have to do that.

And just because that happened with her, it doesn't mean I have to bring that into other relationships. But it is hard whenever it has happened to you before. Yeah. And I dealt with that very much. So I had just come out of a season, that same season, we're just walking through okay. How do I like let this go?

How do I move on, you know, without this person too, because she was such a big part of my life. But there was this, you know, just this moment of like, okay, God, letting go. I trust you. And then it's funny to hear that I was encouraging you on the other side. Because I was having to do it myself. Yeah. Sometimes it's easier to see for someone else and it is for yourself. Yeah. And we were both walking through it.

So, Raleigh and I think, like, together we were helping each other and not realizing as we're helping each other we were becoming best friends. And that's actually really a sweet, beautiful thing that God had put us in each other's lives to help us through broken friendships when he was actually putting our new best friendship. Hey y'all, it's Sadie's mom, Corey here. I love having my grandkids over to my house, and I really wanna have fun, creative, thanks for them to do when they're there.

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And so it's so much fun to get to get new puzzles because you know, the puzzles you might have at your house get old. So it's fun to each month get something new. After seeing my grandkids have so much fun with their KiwiCo crate, it's totally get why they delivered over 40 million crates and have thousands of FFs REVs. So redefine play with KiwiCo. Right now get 50% off your first month. Crates started just $14 per month plus free shipping on any crate line at KiwiCo.com promo code Sadie Robb. That's 50% off your first month plus free shipping at kiwic.com promo code sade. IE R O B. Keevyco.com promo code Sadie Rob.

And I say this often about, I feel like, like God really redeemed what friendship was for me when we met and just like I think that like I already talked about a little bit of just that grasping it made me feel like I had to like I had to be the one to make it work and make the friendship thrive. But I remember when we met and just the the I always talk about this about YouTube just how inviting you are to everyone and like, man, this is a friend like I feel so invited in. I feel so love. This is not a one way thing. And a lot of people feel like that. Like friendship in moments can fill one way. And there are seasons. I think where you're pouring. Yeah. You know, and you there is that iron sharpening iron and friendship. You know, and you go through seasons

where you're pouring out more and your friends walking through, you know, hard time and heartache and you're there to comfort, you know. You've been there for me in those moments and I've been there for you. I think if there's like this consistent, you know, and I've had to have those moments myself of like, okay, I'm going to step back and look at this. And why am I holding on, you know. moments myself of like, okay, I'm gonna step back and look at this picture. And why am I holding on? But I think you also just touched

on the fear of being honest. And we've had our own moments. Yes, which I think this is so important that I wanna get to because I talked about having fear and friendship, you've had fear and friendship because of what you walked through and you talked about how like when you were younger, like you had this idea that I have to keep this friendship

or if I don't, like it will just end, you know? And then you saw all the time of your time, like friendship just ends, like a lot of your friendships didn't carry into the next season. It was like if something shifted, you all were no longer friends. And I had a very similar background with my story. It was like I had these friends all throughout life and then when something shifted, y'all were no longer friends. And I had a very similar background with my story. It was like I had these friends all throughout life

and then when something changed, it was like, oh, we weren't friends anymore. And not that, again, we're not enemies, still friends, but like we weren't as close and that's even hard to navigate because then you're like questioning everything and sometimes it's really just nothing. Sometimes it's just your season change.

But I remember it was, so me and Lenny, you're like best friends, still are, but I mean, we did everything together. nothing. Sometimes it's just your season change. But I remember it was so me and Lenny are like best friends store, but I mean we did everything together. Well, I got engaged, she got engaged, I'm about to get married, she's about to get married. I mean, it was just like a crazy season of our life. In a time where like we were really investing in our future spouses. We didn't have the time to spend together. No, it would have had. It would have made Tae the same because we had our future spouses know that we had to poor Antum and get to know them, like we got to know each other. And I remember like there's just this tension that I kind of built up and it's like so

weird because we didn't like have tension in our friendship. We were like very honest sisters and like if if something about me, we just say it. Like somebody knew, it was just like natural. Like, yes. We just claimed it with little spills. We didn't let it overflow. But this had just been attention and it was weird because, and I think the reason we didn't talk about it

is because we didn't really know what it was. It wasn't like you did something or I did something. It was just like over time because of this like starting to grow apart and not apart in a bad way, but apart because we're dating people and we're about some areas people. There was like this weird tension. But there was good intentions in the tension.

Yes, there was. And so from both of us. From both of us. Yes, and so I was like in the closet one day, and I don't even know what it was doing, but I just remember being in the closet and you were sitting on the bed, Christian, Sarah, and Gracie were downstairs,

and I think I just asked you like, what is- I never remember writing. I think I said to you, like, Lanie, I just wanna let you know, like, I love- Oh, I wrote you a letter for your birthday. Yeah, that was it. I wrote you a letter.

At the table in front of everyone. And I remember writing that letter thinking like, I think like, I remember thinking in my mind, I think Lanny's like doubting my love for her, like that I, that I'm like, just, you know, that I don't care about her anymore because I'm so much a Christian and all of a sudden. Which had come from stuff I had walked through.

Okay, walked through and you hadn't said that. Which had come from stuff I had walked through. Hey, I walked through. And you hadn't said that. I just started like, since then. So I was like, I'm going to write her this letter that is just like everything I really truly mean and believe. And I remember reading to Christian before the party and being like, I really hope she like sees this. Like, this is what I really love about Lany and see about.

So I give it to you at dinner. You start crying. You brought it everybody else. Like, well, I'm not seeing it going that way. It's always sweet, but I didn't realize like how badly you needed that. So then we get back from your birthday dinner. You're on the bed. I'm in the closet. And you're like, thank you for that letter or something that you should cry. You're telling me to like, I really meant to like, everything I said. Like, I really did mean. I was like, I was like, hey, I just went, you know, like, I know I'm getting married,

but that isn't mean that, and you're getting married, but that isn't mean that. I don't think y'all were engaged. Y'all were about to engage in dates later. Like, it was like, yes, like, you were not burning my brain, yeah. And then a few days later, you got engaged. I got engaged.

Yes, but I wasn't engaged. So, and I wanted to be engaged. And you wanted to be engaged. So that was also there too. And I was just like, just but I wasn't engaged. So, and I wanted to be. And you wanted to be. So that was also there too. And I was just like, just because I'm getting married, doesn't mean I'm gonna like leave you. You're still gonna be my friend. And I remember like when I said that, thinking,

oh, like, as I think back to ladies, old friendships, they haven't like, when something like that changed, they went away. And then I remember you literally saying like, city like, I've been so afraid. Yeah. Which was whenever we started getting honest about it. Yes. Which yeah, I was just, I had been through, when I say since middle school, like truly since middle school, like I had, not like I just like tossed through friends because remember it was hard to make friends. Yeah, it was hard. But I had just, you know, I'm such a heart driven person

that if we don't like get to the heart, then I like, you know, that's just the way I'm made. Like I don't even think it's like a, I don't think it's like a healthier, unhealthy, it's just that's the way God made me. I'm very heart driven. And so I want heart connection with my friends and I think there have been times when that was

unhealthy. You walked with me to getting sidetracked but to like our mentors kind of house there for a little while we'd go to her house for the weekend and I remember you were like, Lane, she wants to talk to you. And I was like, oh no, what is happening? I thought I was in trouble. But you had like set up this moment for me. And it was actually really sweet.

But I was going through like a soul tie, basically. And I was talking to somebody else about this. And she was saying a lot of times people don't think soul ties can happen unless the people, it's like a intimate relationship, but it actually can be emotional and mental and spiritual. So let's talk about this for a second because some people might hear solties not know what that means, but that is very real and I had walked through that too, which is why I knew you need toucher because she had walked that out with me

with someone from my past. Mine was more of a dating relationship, but yours was a friendship because again, it doesn't have to be. But speak into that a little bit more and they explain it to you because I feel it and I everybody knows that is and you should be a little bit cautious.

I mean, I don't know what people would like to find it by, but I know what I experienced. And I know that the opinion of someone else mattered too much. The opinion of my friend. I know that the approval of my friends in season's mattered way too much. And just my, almost like my need,

there was something that told me, and it's the enemy, that I couldn't have what God had for me without that person. Like what God had for my life or whatever could not be made possible unless this person was in it, this alive from the needed hair. I needed, yes, there was something, and I didn't know that, to be honest, at all.

But as, you know, she wasn't in my life as much, really, anymore, there was like a recognition of, oh my gosh, like something's off. I have, I feel this, you know. And so anyways, I went to this person's house and we sound like, how much, and I remember she just kind of walked me through this moment of, okay, close your eyes and I want you to imagine this person. And I want you to say whatever you need to say and when you're done, say, I forgive you

and shut the door and leave the room. And that was something I walked through in my heart. And spiritually that didn't necessarily mean in that moment that person was out of my life. They were still to this day. I mean, I I don't like you said, think that friends that we don't walk with daily have to maybe are in a need Like I still would be thrilled to go to lunch. Like maybe we don't have the same friendships that we used to. I think you can talk to them. I actually recognize like when I talked to some of these friends that I used to be friends with, we've walked through beautiful things. There was a freedom in my soul because of where God has

brought me from, you know, recognizing, okay, this is where it was and we used to spend a lot of time together. And man, I'm so free. Like, I'm so thankful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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plus reposage, and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts, just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code, whoa. Well, I think what's cool about that story is, so you went through like two different types of friendships. So people like in the past, you went through friendships where there was no depth there,

and it just kinda ended and fizzled out. And then you went through a friendship where like the depth was so there, and y'all were very almost dependent on each other, and maybe you even a little bit more so, just totally all in needing her more, then you should have needed her, depending on her more, her approval was so high to you,

you would have done anything in the world for her, even if it meant you were gonna be struggling because of it, you know, I mean, that was kind of the unhealth of it. And that friendship in it, so you went from like two extremes of like, no depth, friendship is sending, extreme depth, friendship dinding,

and then you walked straight into our friendship, and our friendship was just healthy. Like we just had a really good natural friendship. There was depth, but there wasn't too much. It was just like very beautiful and very healthy. And then all of the sudden, we're at this point where our season is about to change. Like I'm about to get married. You knew you were very, like, I mean, very shortly after going to get engaged.

And I just remember saying to you like, Hey, just because our seasons are going to get engaged. And I just remember saying to you, like, hey, just because our seasons are gonna change, I mean, our friendship has to, like, yeah, it's gonna change in some ways, but it doesn't have to, like, end, you know? And I just remember, like, us, like, hugging, going downstairs, and like, we were laughing, we were telling Sarah and Grace the incresion,

like, we're good, everybody. Right, because we didn't really tell that story of what happened. I know. So this is what I do. The day before, was it the day before you met Christians? Yes. The day before we have a video of Sadie saying, I am not going to date because she had dated a few people.

That's right. That's funny because you all have heard this story from my perspective. I know her from my friends perspective that this was a very serious moment. It was. You were serious. Yeah, I was serious. Like when people hear me tell a story, they're like, oh, it's just funny that I did a video about your date and nobody. But it was like a serious like come to Jesus.

Y'all were concerned about me, moment. I had watched this happen. And honestly, I thought when that happened, I was like, this is good. Like as your friend, I was like, No, I was like, this is good. Like, as your friend, I was like, No, I know. God is working in her heart. So I have a video of you saying, I am not dating any, this was September.

It was July. Oh, I'm sorry. No, it was July the second. Okay. And then you said I'm not dating anyone till December. Yeah. I'm not dating until Christmas of 2018. And on July the 3rd. July the 3rd, which was I will say that was like kind of tradition too. Like you

would maybe say okay I'm done I'm not gonna date and then you know we meet a cutie in the airport and then say yeah this, this number. And then she's gone out of this all I just said. So it was kind of funny. But so when that happened, I was very skeptical. I'm also skeptical by nature. Yeah. That is part of my work. And what she means when that happened, yeah, she means what I met, Christian the next day.

So what happened was I had told them all, I'm not going to date anybody. I had this like breakthrough moment. I got a chill like up and dating people back to back. And I think even through in some like God told. Oh yeah. I was like very sure. I'm like, I'm like, I'm sleeping into this.

I feel like I'm kind of like being awakened to the fact that I am on a bad pattern. And it wasn't like bad. It's like sinful. It was just distracting. Like it was like unnecessary. It was just distracting. Like it was like unnecessary, it was distracting. It was like a discontent in my heart to just be single and like wait for what the Lord had for me,

which I guess in and of itself can be sinful because it was putting something before God. I mean, it wasn't bad as in it was like some toxic relationships. It was just constant relationships. And so I was like, I'm done with that. So then the next day we meet Christian and as soon as I saw Christian, I looked at Lanyl

and I was like, I knew. And she knew and she looked at me and she didn't know. I didn't say anything and she just went, no. Did I say, you like, no? I said, I said delete the video and you said, see, no. You're like, I'm not kidding. You're like, do you not even do not talk to him? So I actually did avoid him.

Yeah. And then for three days. But he was obviously trying to catch up to you. Yeah, I was like, this is, I know he knew. Exactly how he knew. I've seen this before. So you were scheduled for our relationship. Yeah.

Not because of him, but because of me. Because I had you spin been like I'm not going to do this and then here I am literally the next day and I also felt caught in the you know being the accountable friend of like hey like you said this and you know are you sure like you said the God was leading you to singleness for a while. So it was he lit, you know, that sounds extreme, but there was just like, I was dealing with, do I like wear my friend it? Yes.

How do I be a friend? And so I just didn't really say anything, but that was from fear. Yes, you know, and then that brought some tension. And so even even like as Christian and I got engaged and Arleship got deeper, me and Laney's was drifting in symptoms because we were still so close. We were still so close.

We were still so close, but we just knew. We just knew. We were just underlying. Like we both knew, but we weren't talking about it. It's something. You know, one hand, it was the fear of our friendship, changing because our season was changing.

And the other hand, it was you holding onto and at the start of that, it was being a good friend, like one to keep you accountable. But then the lingering and the like, you said, but me feeling like, hey, like, there's been a shift, like I feel totally bad. But we didn't talk to person, we didn't talk about it that. And so when we walked downstairs at night,

I did talking, like, you guys, Christian, sorry, I've been so rude to you. I just felt wrong. I think I cried. Like, I think you did. I didn't really felt bad because I was like, this is not my heart for you. Like this, and I just sat there across the table

from a lot of people. I remember Sarah and Gracie sat there and watched you or their two roommates. And I was just like, like, I have no good reason. I feel really bad and I need you to forgive me. I mean, you were sweet and you were honest. But I think I explained to him like, the heart was for you, Sometimes you were been. You were been.

I didn't know where to go with that. You were. And truly, I mean, vice versa, I might have done the exact same thing, you know, because you hear a friend of me, you want to help them and then that happens. But it was really cool because, you know, fast word of couple months later, because you know, I get married, clearly, I need to get married. And then months later, y'all get pregnant, we get pregnant. And here we are, years later.

Now, I like we've been friends now. Six years. Long time. Long time way back. So far. Way back, we wish. But like, it's just sweet because we have gone through

so many different changes. Like we've gotten married, we had kids we've moved. We don't live in the same place anymore, but our friendship has has maintained so strongly. And it just keeps getting more beautiful and more mature and I'm always for you and you're always for me and I know that and I can get to Dallas as fast as I can.

You can get to Munirou as fast as you can and we make time for each other. And it's just so sweet and it's just healthy. And I feel like that's just a good point to say that just because season seasons change as well It doesn't mean friendships have to have to end, you know, and they're going to change in some ways Yeah, like we don't get to hang out from you know The time we wake up so it's time to go to bed anymore and that was for a time

That was sweet and that was fun But like now we get to be there for each other as moms and as wise and as friends and like there's just such as sweetness to that. And so just for those listening like friendships are going to shift and they're going to change just because a friendship ends is not mean they're an enemy just because a friendship ends even in a bad way even if they burn you and they hurt you like I talked about the friend that really hurt me and that other friendships that have hurt me I've hurt friends. I guess what I still love them and like Lanny said I love to go to lunch with them. I love to hang out. There are times where I'll see them out. And I'll be like, hey, and like, my first reaction is like joy. And I

genuinely mean that because I'm glad to see them. And I feel like that all comes from the contentment of your heart and not putting someone in a place where they're not meant to be. And the sense of like, someone doesn't need to be in a place greater than God. Someone doesn't need to be in a place. Like, sometimes we can like idolize friendships or like we can put our worth in a friend or we can put all of our hopes and dreams in a friend. And when they're in their right place, you actually just get the freedom. Like you said, to love the friend.

And so whether it ends poorly, whether it ends because the season changed, you can still love them, believe the best for them. And then whenever seasons do change and nothing happens, you can still be a friend because it doesn't shake your world that someone moved because your dependency wasn't on there. You love them, you're great. You're so great before they get here. I'm like, you've been one of the biggest gifts and blessings in my whole life.

But just because you live in Dallas, it didn't shatter in my world, you know? Because that's what it looks like to have like a healthy friendship. And I just think that like, we've walked through so many different dynamics, different ships with other people and with each other. And I think like, talking about it for other people

is good because like we say, like, it's messy. It's not like, here's great advice messy it's not like here's great advice. It's just like his reality. Yeah. Friends, I don't know what your plans are September 8th and 9th, but I will tell you what you should have planned to come to the Ella sister conference right here in Munner, Louisiana. Y'all, we are so excited to host you guys again. Last year was absolutely incredible.

We got to experience God in such cool ways. And we know he goes from glory to glory, so I cannot wait for conference this year, but y'all, we want you to be there. We have incredible speakers, incredible worship leaders. It's gonna be a heck of a time, but we want you to be in the room and we cannot wait to see you guys.

Go get your ticket at alosisterconference.com. Get your ticket today. Sign up for the breakout sessions and we will see you here September 8th and 9th at the allosister conference. And I think something too that has helped that, like you're saying us even less living in different places, you have shown me how to invite always and I think just like keeping that invitation Keeps a friendship So just the I know we can't be at everything like we don't live You know together anymore, and so there is that season change

But like when Jesus is like the strength of a friendship. And like what it revolves around, it really does last. Yeah. When I think back at friendships that have ended, like it's always been lies. Like whether it's lies that I've listened to or lies that my friend has listened to. And there's just this friendship that isn't built on just freedom and Jesus and you know, but I think friendships that actually stand time and distance and all the tests of you know a relationship it really is just so true. I want to add to that just like with it being just such a gods in a relationship like when you do friendship the

way the Bible talks about doing friendship, like it's such an encouragement. Like we are meant to be in community. We are meant to be around friends. And one thing that the Bible constantly encourages is if at all possible, be at peace among your brothers, be at peace among your friends. And I think that there is a good note there if at all possible, because sometimes the circumstances are not there

for there to be complete peace on both ends in the sense of maybe they're not in the place for they're gonna have a conversation with you and you had to find your peace in Jesus, maybe that's just been a unique circumstance. But if it all possible, make peace. And I think in both of our lives, I can honestly say that the friends who have hurt us the most, we have made peace with.

Like I truly can say, the people in my life, all of them that have really hurt me up in friendships wise, we have had a conversation since that has brought peace. Did that mean we were best friends again? No. But it brought peace. And like, and those were hard conversations. Those were over hours of lunch or conversations on the phone or

even a letter one time because that was, that's what it needed to be, you know, or a text message. I'm just really thankful, though, because I can live in peace knowing that I don't have like hatred for a brother, a hatred for a friend or anything that's like, or even a misunderstanding. Like it's all been said, it's all been in the light. And again, we didn't walk away from those going, okay we're besties again, but we walked away from that going, okay I love you. You know, because the truth is, like there is always a lie involved with a friendship.

Well, I'll let's do this. Sometimes, sometimes there are shifts because of moods and stuff like that. This is going to say there are moods. Sometimes seasons just change. Marriages and pregnancies and all the things and that just changes things. But then when it comes to a painful thing, there's normally a lie involved. And even if it is, when you move, I've felt abandoned. Well, that's not true.

There's a lie somewhere in there. But talking it out is so important. And that's what I've seen you consistently do when I said you haven't, it's not been perfect, but you've done it so well. It's like I've seen you continue to have conversations with friends that have hurt you. You've watched me had conversations with friends

that have hurt me. And vice versa, I've had to have the conversations with people that I've hurt that have been misunderstood about actions that I've made. And I just think it's so worth it. So when it comes to the topic of like how to, you know, handle broken relationships or friendships that change or move, I think the invitation is so important and just the communication is so important. Like communicating with people, apologizing, seeking to have more understanding, seeking peace and a relationship, because giving the gift of peace to another person even is just such a great gift and giving the gift of understanding is such a gift. This episode is brought to you by Soul the Genero.

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I'll say too, I feel like even just apologizing, even when you may not understand. There were times when I felt like I walked in printshops where I just felt like, even though I don't even know that there wasn't something specific, though, I was like, oh God, put this on my heart and I, I know I didn't do everything perfectly, but I may not know exactly where. Yeah. But you know what, like, my heart can in humility go

and say like, I love you and please forgive me. You know, even in a moment of maybe not fully understanding, you know, I think that frees you and frees them so that you can walk into a public place and run into them and genuinely bless them, not bless them out of like, oh, you know, I genuinely have joy, you know, because I even think about friendships that I had when I was a kid that I thought would last forever, you know, and they didn't, you know, but I still love this person. I still like get so much joy, you know, and I see here, but our, we've changed, you know, and so I think there also is that of letting it,

letting it go, letting it happen. Yeah, letting yourself even change, become a new person, because you're not the same person that you were when you were a kid. And so what you bonded over as a kid isn't gonna be where you're bonding over now. But that is what I mean. You don't like him.

No, it's different. It's just let yourself be human. Let yourself be a child and grow. So true. So true. I think friendship should, you gotta have intention behind friendships. They're working the sense that you're intentional. You invite, you communicate, but they're also natural, you know?

And I think like, you know, sometimes like we said, you're trying to strive and make something happen. And it's like, sometimes you just see it go with what is natural, you know? Like, this is natural that I would do this. This is natural. And that comes from an overflow of how you love people. But then there also is a time where you're like, okay, maybe I don't feel like it right now. I'm gonna say I'm sorry or I don't feel like this is a natural whatever. There's a difference in like, striving and actually just being intentional, you know, and I feel like in the intention and our friendship has been what's like kept it so beautiful.

It's not as striving as just intentionality. And I just think that's really cool but I don't know I feel like we could talk about it. It's really so long and going to like so different areas. It's like we said we were like this is not going to be a podcast that is like everything is said perfectly or even that you can file it the perfect social media clip to put on Instagram because we said this sentence is so fire fire. It was just like, oh my gosh. In one sentence, we told you how to move on. Because we're human. We're like, friendships are more complicated than that. Her is her. And sometimes it's like her and nothing even happened. It's just like we're girls and we move and we got married and we got misunderstood

in the mix of it. And it's like, these are just real things that you walk through in friendship. And if this just opens the door for you to start to have a conversation with your friend that might look a little bit messy but lead you to peace, then this is why we did this podcast. This is a conversation that you're going to have with someone who hurt in your past to just say, Hey, I don't know what'll happen. I was hurt in certain ways, but I'm sure I hurt you because it normally does go both

ways just to like lessen your pride and say, I'm sorry. Like, you're more important to me than my pride in this moment. I'm sorry that you feel that way. This is a conversation of, hey, you know what? I've been striving in friendships. I need to stop the striving and just trust God has a friend for me. And I just need to be intentional with the people that he places in my life and wait for that godly friendship.

Like Lanny said, we've learned so much about friendship from each other. We have such good friends now. I remember being on the phone with someone who just in a different group and the way she was talking to me, I said to her, I said, you know, no, not one of my friends would have ever said things you're saying to me. And I would never see this too because that's not how friends

speak to each other. But in the past, that was normal for me. Now that is so foreign to me because that's not how friendship works. So if this even gets you to a more understanding of what a healthy God friendship looks like, then this is why we did this podcast. And so, I hope that this helps you. If there's a friend that you're able to send this podcast to, that would help encourage you guys, a genre of walking through a weird tension season and both of y'all, you know, are the best seas forever and you're getting married

or you're moving or one's going to this college, one's going to that one or one made this already, one didn't, whatever you're walking through, that just is bringing that separation. I just pray that this would just bring unity to your lives and your friendships. And Lanny, just thank you for being on here. I know that this is a fragile thing for you to talk about. I know that the to be here and to even talk about this has come from a lot of tears and a lot of pain and beauty as well. But

hard things is that thanks again for being a good friend, so flying here. I want to say too, like, even though it was really painful, like even talking about this today, I felt like I had to like go get out memories and stuff to like read. So I think for the person who might be feeling just that way to maybe hopelessness of looking for friends

or hopelessness in a friend like I was just encouraged and that it does get better and God really does heal our hearts and it does. Any time a friendship has moved on or ended or however we want to call it like God has always brought new friends and refreshed and restored what was seemed to be taken. You know, or mixed. And to that point, literally in high school when I had no friends and had so much friend hurt and then after that of going through friend hurt, I went through that friend that, you know, taught about me a lot of stuff.

I have a podcast called Sisters and Friends. Okay. So no matter how hurt you've been or how hard it is to trust people, sisterhood and friendship is always worth pursuing is a gift from the Lord and even in the times that I was hurt by I knew it was something that I longed to have and that is partly why I started to fight guys to help people have that and so it's always worth it it's always with fighting for it's always worth trusting. It's always worth fighting for. It's always worth trusting another time, just to get the benefit and the beauty and the fruit

of what God has and really show with people. So hope this helps you guys. What a strong start to your week. Go be a good sister and a good friend. And thanks for listening. you