WHOA That's Good Podcast - Why “Venting” Might Be Hurting More Than Helping | Sadie & Christian Huff

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Sadie and Christian answer listener questions about gossip, shame, recurring sin, and finding community. They unpack the difference between venting and gossip and explain how the right person can help you process a situation without tearing someone else down. Christian opens up about his own experience with shame to explore how to recognize the difference between condemnation and conviction, and Sadie shares a personal story about refusing to let a mistake become your whole identity. Plus, they offer practical encouragement for anyone struggling with how to find a church where they can truly plant roots. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: https://savanutrition.com — Get 15% off your order when you use code WHOA at checkout! https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get 20% off sitewide and make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! https://loveoneinternational.org/whoa — For just $20 a month you'll provide life-saving support to a child in need. Plus, right now, when you join The Love Club, you’ll receive an exclusive Love Club hat! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I hope you're having a great week. But per usual, it's about to get so much better because I have my co-host. Christian with me today. Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here. I was just thinking during your intro, it is about to get so much better, but I wonder if anyone's ever listened and like their day has gotten worse. Why would you even put that into our minds? I'm not putting it in our minds. Our day always gets better after we listen to good advice. It does, but there might be someone out there that's like, you know what, I don't know if my day's actually going to get better for this. And if you thought that I don't want to say shame on you because that's maybe mean, but your day is about to get better.

Get your faith up. My faith is up. I just was like, I wonder if someone's ever thought that. Do you know who thought it? You. Okay, that's true. Okay. Well, I believe that all of our days are about to get so much better. And today we're actually going to answer some voicemails. Once again, we are literally loving the woe line. So many of you guys have called in and asked so many great questions. We do not take it lightly. I mean, you guys pour your heart out. And it means so much that you would trust us with that. So we're excited about that. But before we do, the team brought over some rapid-fire questions for me and Christian, who actually, this is a little inside, insider scoop. One of Christian's nicknames in our family is question. That's not true. Because

Christian and questions sound the same. And Christian ask 10 million questions about everything. So we get to answer questions with question. Well, if you actually, someone in one of my friends in college called me question because if you're like two or three years old and if you try to say Christian sometimes it can come out as you know question uh so that's kind of where the joke came from and apparently i do ask a lot of questions but i would say most of my questions are valid yeah they're strong we love your questions we do we do okay i have a question for you if you could have one superpower what would it be um a debate between super speed and flying hmm it's tough Because both do similar things.

But I would say fly because I can run already pretty fast. Wow. Thank you. I would fly. I would teleport. If I could just be like... You think that's cooler than... But you could fly like...

It's not about being cool. It's about being practical. If I could be in London in five seconds, that would be amazing. That would be amazing. No. And he gets to see the scenic route. I could be there faster. No.

Okay. What's your go-to karaoke song and you have to sing it? now go okay um what is that song i always saying i need a hero yes yes i'm holding out over here i think it's bonnie yeah bonnie tyler i think come on your it's a little taste and she's got to be strong and she's not no it's got to be wait on oh crap no i got the gender mixed mixed up it's yeah he's got to be strong and he's got to be fresh from the here's me i've done yeah you're a little ristie yeah you're a little But it's from Shrek, but it's also from other movies. But yes, holding out for a hero is usually my go-to.

But as you can tell, I've not karaokeed in a while. Yeah, it's been a minute. Mine's proud, Mary, because you get the whole dance. And then you're my backup dancer. Yep, okay, moving on. Okay. What's your Roman Empire? And I love that they clarified, just in case us Unx didn't know,

It's the thing that you think about too often. Thank you, Claire. Well, my Roman Empire is not the Roman Empire. I know that a lot of people's Roman Empire is Roman Empire, which is where the... Yeah, that would be the origin. I did. Okay, yes. Saying.

Okay. If you were listening and you're confused, that's where it comes from. My Roman Empire, I know what you're Roman Empire is... I know. I think about it all the time. Is it the Chick- Yes. How are, like, I actually don't understand. I'm laughing that you knew. And I actually think about this, like, probably like three times. Yeah, I was going to say three times, but I probably think about every day. I always think like, how are there still chickens when every restaurant? Every gas station.

That's chickens. I don't understand. Gas station. If you drive up the road, it's like every gas station is like fried chicken. And then. And it's like chook filet and KFC and pap-is. And then it's like, it doesn't even matter if it's a chicken restaurant. They sell chicken. And I'm like, how? Is there no chickens still alive to populate the whole world eating as much chicken as we all eat? And then you see like big 18 miles to go by with all these chickens. And I'm like, how?

Where are they going? How is there that many? How do we have chicken at our house? Yep, we have to. Yeah, I think about this. And this has been going on for years. It will be in every small town we pass And we see all the chicken restaurants

I'm like it's everywhere How? Yeah it's that's a very valid So someone please answer that for me If you're like a farmer Or like a chicken person I'm wondering like how many chickens are there Well there's a lot of chickens

Because it's one thing to have eggs Because the chicken still lives But if the chicken has to die Every time we eat like a chicken sandwich Then like I just actually can't fath them that. Yes. So there's my Roman Empire, and you're welcome.

Y'all are all going to be thinking about it all day. Go drive through town, and you're going to be like, what the heck? How is this happening? Yeah, that is very true. I know your Roman Empire. Every time we're in an airport, you're like, now, how can we afford the amount of gas that it takes to fly all these planes? You think about daily.

I don't think about that daily. Okay, but you do think about it. My Roman Empire is probably King David. Well, that's really healthy. Well, it's just, I just... No, I mean, that is really healthy. Like, you have a Bible person you think about every day. I'm thinking about chickens.

Well, it's not, like, bad to think about chickens every day. Thank you. But with the airplanes, my thought process is it costs so much money for these planes, like hundreds of millions of dollars. And then you think about how much... You think about the gas for the plane. If you think about the pilot's salary, then you think about the stewardess's salary. And it's like, we're paying money for the plane. but I'm like at what point does the plane recoup the money.

These are deep thoughts. I get it. It's so weird. The plane thing confuses moa. Yeah, that's hard. All right, we're going to go through a this is that. That's hard. We're going to go through it. This is that rapid fire.

Fancy dinner or takeout? Fancy dinner. Whoa. No, we're both fancy dinner. Let's be real. Road trip or flight. Countryside. All day long, baby. Pool or Ocean? Oh, ocean. Ocean. Sneakers or sandals? Sneakers. Why that turn? I don't know, but same. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. I'm like vanilla with chocolate chips. Okay. Thank you. So chocolate? No, vanilla with chocolate chips. You like vanilla. I like the base being vanilla. It makes it chocolate. But I like the base being vanilla. I like to start out with vanilla. It tastes like chocolate. Okay. Early bird or night owl. Night owl. Same, but remember when we were dating and you were an early bird?

That was because I had to be because of school, yes. Oh, yeah. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset. Same. Beach or mountains? Hmm, I'm a beach boy, but I do love the mountains. Both. Beach. Sweet or salty? Sweet.

Same. Chick-fil-A or Mexican food? Chick-fil-A, that's so easy. Not easy for me, Mexican food. Shoot. Okay, summer or winter? Summer. summer, book or movie? Movie.

Text or call. Call. Wow, we're so similar. Maybe that's why we got together. That's cute. Okay. All right, let's move on to some serious things. That was really fun, though.

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My name is Delaney from Arizona. I've been watching Duck Dynasty since I was 12 years old, and I've really just been loving this journey. You've been on with your podcast. It's my favorite one to listen to you. My question is related to gossip versus venting. And I was just kind of needing advice on where you draw the line between gossip and venting. Like, for example, with my co-worker, sometimes I talk to my fiance about the things that frustrate me.

It feels like gossiping, but I just kind of inventing. But sometimes it's hard to draw the line and, you know, just know the distinction between any advice would be great. Great. So this is such a great question. And first of all, I think your heart is in such a good place, even just asking the question and checking your heart, making sure you're not gossiping, making sure that, you know, this is not coming from a bad place. What verse did I read the other day, actually? This is not what I was just looking up. But it was about, it was in Proverbs and it was about, like, how people, like, run to gossip, how it was like, the wicked person that runs to gossip, or something.

And it was something. Let me look it up for you. along the lines of like being eager to listen to gossip and I was thinking like so many people are actually like that like it's not even something people are like aware that they're even doing it's not something that people are like wanting to get away from it's something that people have like come to enjoy people have like you know they like want to hear it they want to get into it which I think that's a dangerous place to be when you don't feel any kind of conviction towards it when you don't feel like, oh, I probably shouldn't be a part of this conversation.

So I want to start by saying, I love your heart to go, hey, I actually do not want to gossip. And I think that that is amazing. The Bible does talk a lot about gossip. And it talks a lot about not gossiping. So I'll read a couple of those verses. But one of the things I want to read is Ephesians 429. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up to their needs that it may benefit those who listen. So there is that.

Like the Bible is like, don't let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Don't say words that are, you know, just going to tear people down. Like, let's build people up. But at the same time, I think that, you know, we are human and things do happen. And I think there is a difference sometimes. And like, am I gossiping about someone or am I sharing like how I really feel? You said venting. I remember Don Cherey said one time on the podcast, like scientifically, you don't actually feel better after venting either.

so I don't even know how much venting necessarily helps. But what I love about what you were saying is that sometimes it's your coworkers that are maybe driving you crazy or doing something that's bothering you and you're going home and you're talking to your husband about it. I think that you can have those safe places and those safe people to talk to about things that has been affecting you. That's not necessarily in the category of unwholesome talk or in the category of gossip that's destructive or in the category of even venting.

It's just like, hey, this is weighing on me, and I need to process this with somebody, and I'm going to process it with a safe person. Now, it would be different. I think where it would become gossip is if one coworker's bothering you, and you go to the other coworker, and you're like, she's driving me crazy. She's so negative all the time. Well, now you've created a problem because now you and this one person have teamed up against the other person, and, like, you're tearing that person down.

Whereas if I go to Christian and I'm like, hey, this happened at work, he's not thinking, oh, how horrible are these people? You know, he's listening to me and then he's going to then speak truth into my life. And so that's like beneficial. Now I'm getting out the thing that's hurting me. He's speaking truth into my life. And the other person isn't affected by it. The other person isn't getting torn down.

They're not going to be judged. They're not later going to be, you know, all of a sudden find out everybody was talking about them. And so I think a lot of it is like protecting other people's hearts. It's like, hey, I'm going to protect that girl's heart. Like I don't want to be talking about. bad about her, but in protecting my heart, I might need to go talk to someone about this who can actually speak truth into the situation. I think that's, does that kind of help? No, that makes complete sense. Yeah, and I was going to say, too, I think at the end of the day, it comes down to your heart

and where your motives are, kind of like what Sadie was saying, if your intention is to potentially drive a wedge between something or, yeah, to stir up, to stir up, you know, just drama and just, just dissensions in that way, then yeah, I think that would be gossiping. But even too, you know, I think, I mean, and I can probably fall to this at times too, and I know plenty of people that do to where it's not necessarily even a heart motive. It's just like, if you call them out on it, they're like, I don't think what I was doing was wrong. It's like they're not even thinking about it being gossip, but it actually is gossip. So I think what you're doing by asking the question is great. And like Sadie said, I do think, talk.

talking to your husband about something is different than, you know, going to a coworker and talking about somebody else, which is where that heart motive comes in. If you're talking about a situation and you want to seek advice on it and how to handle something, yes, you're talking about the person, but I would not quantify that as gossiping. I think... I was just going to say, I just think, yeah, I think that's just trying to seek advice. But then again, we're all humans. I mean, there's definitely times where, you know, that advice slash venting or whatever can definitely turn into gossiping. And I think that's where having people to help keep you accountable is super important.

I think a lot of times, too, it's like, you know, you'll know somebody has a problem with somebody. And then if you have a problem with somebody, it's the same somebody that that person has a problem with, like, you really probably shouldn't say it to that person because y'all are probably going to end up gossiping. but like human nature is like you want to say it to that person because y'all can talk about it but like is that conversation really going to be beneficial is it going to be is any fruit going to come from that conversation probably not you know and I think that um you know it says in proverbs where words are plenty sin is not absent you know when you start talking too much you know it's like you're probably going to run into some places that you probably shouldn't be going

and I see that with me and like my girlfriends will be talking and she's just keep talking, keep talking. And then I'm like, oh, I probably shouldn't have shared that, you know. And I think one of the things that I've tried to get better at is being like, hey, I really shouldn't have shared that, you know, I'm sorry. And then you get to the point where you get, you know, the more you do that, that's like the first discipline. And then you just get to the point where you're like, I'm actually now more self-discipline. I'm not going to say that, you know, you stop yourself beforehand. One thing I do want to say, though, is like when you don't gossip about people, people notice that. When you build people up, when I

you're someone that encourages other people, when you protect other people even privately, people really notice that and it makes you be a trusted person. And Proverbs even talks about that. Proverbs 1113 says, a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. And I think, you know, when you're someone that gossips all the time, people are looking at you going, okay, mental check, I can't trust them. And you actually notice it. When you have someone who's around you that gossips all the time, like you're always thinking, oh, I wonder what they're saying about me, you know, because you know they are. If they're talking about all these people to you, then you know they're talking about you to other people. And so it kind of betrays that

confidence. But when you know someone, they're like, hey, I've watched the way she's protected other people when they weren't even in the room. I think I could trust this person with something that I'm going through. Same thing. It says a perverse person stirs up conflict. A gossip separates It's close friends, probably 1628. So you don't want to be that person that's separating friendships. That's, you know, lost confidence because of the way that you talk about people, like the way you talk about people matter so much and people take note of it. And that's when people start coming to you and being like, okay, I can trust you.

I remember during this time of my life when I was a little bit younger, like girls we'd be friends with would tell, you know, other of our friends things that they wouldn't tell me. And it would bother me because I'd be like, why didn't they tell me that? But I started to notice, like, a lot of what wasn't being shared with me was more of the gossipy stuff. And on one hand, I felt like left out of the conversation. But on the other hand, I started thinking, okay, that's actually a good thing that they knew that wasn't something that I normally would like to talk about. Or that's something that I might have, you know, pushed back and said, like, oh, I don't know if we should be talking about that. And so I do think you are going to have to know you are going to be left out of conversations.

but those conversations aren't conversations that you really even need to or want to be in. And so there is going to be that moment of kind of like dying to yourself because of just the way our culture is. Again, we live in a very gossipy world, very gossipy culture. And so to choose to remove yourself from the gossip is choosing to be left out of certain conversations. But being left out of those conversations makes you a trustworthy person. And you'll be amazed at the conversations people come to you with that they wouldn't go to their gossip friends with. There's a layer of depth there and confidence there that you really only get when you're found as a trustworthy person. And I think that's something that you should be proud of and work towards.

Yeah, and I would say be careful too if you find yourself being the one that people always go to for the T. you know, as maybe the kids would say, who has the tea? Yeah, if people are always seeking you out to where you know certain situations about other people, I just would say just be cautious of that. Because it can be easy to find your identity and always knowing things about other people. I've even seen my own friends with that. It's like there's something about that. You feel better about yourself in a way to where,

if you always know about other people's business and people come to you for that information, there's a certain feeling to it. So I just would say, and I'm not saying this is your case, Delaney at all, but I know some people love to have the tea about specific things. So I just would be cautious for that. Yeah, that's good. And this is something that, like, you know, you're going to run into this every single day. These are things that we can both admit.

we have not done perfectly. Like, I feel convicted of this often. And I think it's, again, just allowing the Lord to prick at your heart. And that self-discipline will come into play and you'll get better at it. And then you'll see, like, the fruit that comes from that. And so it's an ongoing thing. Yeah, even like with your husband, it's like, it's a simple, quick prayer before you'd go do that. It's like, help me have discernment on what to share and help it not be gossip.

Like, it can be a five-second quick, quick. prayer. So it's good. I've hit the point in life where good sleep is not just like a little nice bonus. It really does make such a difference in how I show up for my day. Between work, travel, family, and everything going on, I love knowing that when I get in bed, my helix sleep mattress is helping me actually rest and recharge. Christian and I had the midnight elite and we were matched with it after taking the super simple

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Make sure you enter our show's name after you check out so that they know we sent you there, that's helix sleeve.com slash Sadie. All right. Next. Hey guys. My name's Olivia. I'm calling in because I struggle a lot with shame and I'm wondering if you could point me to any scripture or what's your best advice for people that struggle with shame.

I feel like I'm consistent in my face. I go to church until I feel like I quote unquote mess up. And then I feel too shameful to go back and face that in the church or face that with people. so that I end up stop going and I fall down that path again and I cannot stay consistent and I get even more shameful about it. How do you stop that cycle? That's great.

Do you want me to go first? Yeah, you can go first. I feel like you're going to have a lot to say on this. I do, but I want to search like the verse. The first verse I thought of was Romans 8, you know, there is therefore no condemnation for those who are found in Christ Jesus. And I think one of the things I heard you say was a lot of church and people, but not a lot about God. And I say that because I think sometimes, you know,

we associate faith with like how many times we go to church or faith with like the people that we're surrounded with or faith with the Bible study that we're doing or whatever. But like faith is in Christ Jesus. And I think when you put your faith in Christ Jesus and when you look to God and you see what God has done for you and it's so much greater than anything you could have done for yourself and it's nothing that we deserve or nothing we could have earned, but only that by the grace of God, you are immediately met with just the grace of God, the love of God. It's just like, man, I don't deserve this. I don't, I could not earn this. I am so far from perfect. But yeah, it's really not about anything I can do. It's not about any box I can check. It's not about

how many times I can go to church or all the right things I can do in front of people. It's about being washed in the cleansing blood of Christ. In him, in that, there's no condemnation. In him, in that, I don't have to carry the weight of shame because my sins, I have died with Christ and now, you know, I've come alive in Christ. And so I would just encourage you, like, keep your focus and your faith on God and God alone. Keep your focus in your faith on Christ and what he's done.

And in him, there's no condemnation. In him, there's no shame. instead of putting like the basis of your faith in church or spiritual routine or anything like that, I think that's where you go into like relationship is greater than religion because it is so much more about a relationship with a God who is a loving father who sent his one and only son to the cross for you and give you the hope of eternal life and not the hope of eternal life, but the Holy Spirit in you as you walk, you know, this life on earth. And so, yeah, just sit with the Father.

There's been so many times where I have felt, I've been beat myself about, I felt shameful about something, and I'll go sit with the Father. And when I go, you know, I'm like repentant before the Lord. I'll just end up crying because I just feel so met by overwhelming love, overwhelming grace. And so fix your gaze on God. Keep your mind on Christ. And I do think that that's going to help a lot with those shame, because once again, that's tied to scripture.

There's no condemnation for who. for those who are found in Christ, Jesus. I think that can encourage you. Yeah, that's good. No, such a relatable question, because this is something that I really struggle with, is that shame aspect? Because, yes, sometimes for me,

I struggle to differentiate between shame from the enemy and then conviction from the Lord. And I know that God does not bring about shame that's from the enemy. But it is, it can be hard for me to kind of distinguish distinguish between the two at times. And for me, oftentimes when I feel shame, it's in the sense of it's like wanting to feel like the victim, if that makes sense. So for me, it's like when I feel shame, it's like a, it's almost like you like sometimes find contentment in it. And it's like,

I'm going to just throw my own pity party. I want other people to feel bad for me. I'm going to experience the shame. And it can be simple things of, yeah, like you said, with church or, you know, like simple things. Like I can, like there'll be times where I'll do something dumb and I'll feel shame for it and I'll want to be in the state longer just so I can have empathy from my wife and that's not healthy. So on the more practical side, I think trying to discern between what's shame from the enemy, what's conviction from God. And I think you really only arrive at that place through prayer

because that for you is going to be different than it is for other people. I was thinking about Psalm 34-5, kind of like what Sadie was saying. It says those who look to him are radiant. Their faces will never be covered with shame. And that idea of always just keeping your eyes fixed on God. And in the moments where you feel shame, I think that's when you look to him and you ask him to take that away.

You remind yourself of Romans 8, what's 80 said that there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And you just rebuke that. You don't sit in the shame. You don't play the victim. You don't seek empathy out from it just so you can feel validated and what you're feeling. you rise up past it. But yes, that is a struggle because it's something that I would honestly say

I probably struggle with on a daily thing. It's like just wanting to, not even wanting to feel shame, but almost like when you feel it, it's like something about it. It's like you want to stay in that state just to seek empathy from other people. And I think that's why it keeps you there longer than it should.

And I think like conviction, like the difference in like shame and conviction. And one of the books that I would recommend, it's not necessarily, I actually don't think it's a Christian book, but it's daring greatly by Bray Brown. She like studied shame. It's definitely not a Christian book.

Well, it's not, but it really helped me. If you are a Christian and you read it from a perspective of meeting God in it, it's very helpful. But it's all about shame. And one of the things that I think I learned a lot about shame was reading that book, but also just from the Lord, Like when you say it's kind of hard sometimes to disturb between like conviction and shame.

Like when you're convicted by something, it's saying like, I did something bad. And then when you feel shame for something, you're saying like, I am something bad. So shame like takes on your identity. So like for you, if you do something stupid, sometimes like the pattern I'll see you walk in, instead of saying like, oh, I did something stupid. You go, I am stupid. Or I'm an idiot. Yeah.

And so. It's like a daily thing. Yeah. And I think like that's where it's like you got to be so. careful because you're speaking, like, you're speaking those words to your identity. And no, you're not that. It's the difference between your identity and something. Yeah. So instead of going, like, I did something bad, you're like, I am something bad. And I think that's where you got to, like, really check your heart and make sure that you're not speaking words over yourself that are not true.

It's not in alignment with who you are. And that's why I said, like, keep your eyes on Christ because who you are in Christ matters. Because, who I am in Christ is forgiven. Who I am in Christ is a daughter. Who I am in Christ is pure because of the blood of Jesus, who I am in Christ. But who I am outside of Christ, okay, if I don't put Christ into the equation, now I could let shame eat me up all day long because I've done all these bad things. And so now I could say, well, I've done, let's just say, okay, if you are sexually immoral,

if you say, okay, I've done this wrong. And it's like, okay, well, then I am impure. okay well if i don't have christ in the equation now i have shame but if i have christ in the equation no i've been washed clean in the blood of jesus so i am pure and so that's why like you got to make sure your identity is rooted in christ because that keeps you from going i am something bad i am something wrong i am something what it's like no the truth is i am loved i am forgiven i am a child um and so that's where it's like you keep those words as your identity and then when you continue on life and you will sin because all have sin and fallen short of the glory of God.

That's going to be a continual thing. When you sin, you can then feel that conviction of not the Lord trying to shame you and saying you are something wrong, but the Lord actually graciously disciplining you and saying, you're better than that. I did something wrong. That doesn't align with who I am. So I'm just going to ask for forgiveness. I'm going to receive the grace of God and I'm going to secure myself in the identity of Christ

that I am blank, you know, because of Christ. And so I think, like, identity matters so much. One of the best things about this community is the way that y'all continue to step up whenever there's a real need. So many of you have already joined the Love One International's Love Club, and that monthly support is giving children in Uganda a real chance to heal and to thrive. Love One serves children facing severe amount nutrition by providing the life-saving medical treatment and nutrition they need right when they need it the most. They'll walk alongside that child and their family through every stage of recovery from diagnosis

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Join the love club today and become the heartbeat of the Love One mission. Visit Love One International.org slash woe. Again, that's love one international.org slash woe. What's Brennae Brown's quote again? What's her? You always say it. The empathy. without. Well, that kind of goes into a whole other route, though. Yeah, but it's about shame, though. Yeah. But the whole book's about shame. Yeah, we'll just say with the quote is because I was going to make a phone on. I always talk about this because basically she talks about empathy matters so much. And when you share something with someone that's vulnerable and when vulnerability isn't met with empathy, then shame is created. And it's true. Because if I were to share with you something that was very vulnerable and you didn't meet me with empathy in it. I'm going to not say you as a little. and I'm going to say you as like Christian, well, then I might feel shame for it because maybe

you did something wrong and you went to somebody and instead of them reminded you of who you are in Christ, they said, oh, that's terrible. That's disgusting. You're weird. You're bad. Whatever. Then you took that and now you have shame because your vulnerability wasn't met with empathy. I think that's why people are struggling so much too is because people are sharing such vulnerable things online. And you can't expect empathy from people who don't know you. I mean, if I was putting all my vulnerability out here online, which I do, but I was receiving all of the world's comments to be the thing that was going to make me secure or not in our marriage or in my motherhood or in whatever. Oh my gosh, y'all never see me again. I'd be in so much shame. And so

that's why you had to be careful with who, you know, you're sharing your heart with and who not only you're sharing your heart with, but who you're receiving back, that empathy from or that truth from. because words like that can take you a whole different direction. That's what I said. Don't put the emphasis on the church necessarily or a church. Don't put your emphasis on a person. Put your emphasis on Christ because Christ is the only one who's going to secure you in your identity. But this is, I mean, these are big deals.

I mean, I think about one time I was about to go read, you know, we were at Passion and I was going to do my might check, which I have notoriously hated mic checks for my entire life. I don't know why. I just don't like it. I don't even get nervous as much to go speak as I do to go stand up there in front of like just the 20 people in the room and do like an awkward mic check. I just don't like the awkwardness of it. Well, I go up there to do it and I had to read something off a teleprompter.

I really don't like teleprompters. And I said, oh, sorry, I just, I don't like this. And I said, you know, I'm dyslexic. and Jen Johnson lit up me she said don't say I am don't say I am dyslexic and I was like well I am and she's like yeah but you don't want to like just attach your identity

to that like that's don't don't use like an I am statement is a big deal and it actually like really convicted me because I was like whoa like I was feeling insecure so I said like I am this and it's not that that's not true in the sense that like yes I actually do have dyslexia like sometimes it actually really is hard for me to read something like that and I can get insecure

about it. But I appreciated her saying like don't say I am blank. That's not really secure in your identity in Christ because like you're attaching yourself to something that's making you feel insecure and you should be confident like to go up there and just like own who you are. And I don't know something about that. Like I think about that a lot. Like when like we just like I am stupid or I am this. It's like, like, God identified himself as like, I am who I am. I am, I am the great I am, you know? And so, like, as people, when we say I am, and then we say something that isn't aligned with Christ, like, if it doesn't align with who you are under the blood of Jesus, then, like, it doesn't have,

it shouldn't be valuable enough to come out of your mouth after those words, I am, you know, and that those I am blank carries a lot of, wait. So when you think about your identity and you might be questioning, why am I insecure? Well, what are you saying you are? And that might be, that might help you unlock maybe why you've had this deep insecurity or the struggle because maybe you're speaking words over yourself that are so much less than who you actually are. That's good. And then yeah, before we move on, because the point I was going to make about that quote was, and I think the thread so far with the two questions is it really it does matter who you surround yourself with,

who your friends are and who your community is. Because if you're in a gossiping community, then you're going to probably be a gossiper. And if you're in a community that yet does not know how to meet vulnerability with empathy, then you're probably going to experience shame. So I think having close friends and people that truly do walk alongside of you is so encouraging.

And I think that it's so needed. And I think that so many of these questions we're going to answer, who your friends are truly does impact. so much of the way that you live your life. Yep, it's good. Hey, Sadie. My name is Addy, and I was just wondering, how do I fully surrender to the Lord? The devil just always seems to find his way to creep back into my life and just causing me

to fall back into sin, just often sexual immorality. And it's been a giant struggle. So I was just wondering how I fully close that door so I can surrender my whole self to Jesus. Yes, I hope you guys for a great week. I love you so much. Well, first of all, thank you for that vulnerability. I think that is beautiful that you're like fed up with it and you're like actually want to change. I actually want to do something different. I think that that's where a lot of starts.

Closing a door is being willing to confess and to say, hey, this is something I'm struggling with. Sexual immorality, that's something that so many people go back to over and over because of the addictive nature of it, whether it's pornography or whatever that looks like for you. And I think that I want you to share that story about your guy friends, how y'all would like confess. And then y'all are finally like, okay, how do we like actually change? That's good. Yes, too, in college early on when I really started following Jesus,

we had a great Bible study, me and some of my still best friends to this day. What was the study? Is it freedom, something? I can't remember it. No, it wasn't freedom. And this was when we were doing, this was like between crazy love and then the Freedom Series. Freedom Series was like when I was a junior. This was a freshman, maybe a sophomore year.

At this point it was like 10 years ago. That's so long ago. But we had a weekly Bible study, me and all my guy friends. And we would have like a confession point towards the end. And we kind of realized that we all would be confessing the same thing we were struggling with. Most of the time it was pornography and things like that. But pornography was always the one. one that people were struggling with. And it kind of became this point to where it was a weekly

thing. It was just a, that was what everyone was going to say. And finally, we kind of reached a point where it was like, it almost felt like we were becoming comfortable in saying we were confessing that because everyone was doing it. And there was never this initiative after that to like actually break that. So I remember one time we were meeting, we met on Tuesdays. And it was like, okay are we actually going to do something about this or are we just going to say we struggle with this every single every single week and i remember that was a i was like a real significant moment because it kind of broke that um just kind of broke that mundane like this is what i'm struggling with and it became just so easy to say it and it wasn't even hard like it

wasn't even difficult to say we were struggling with that anymore because it just became so normal um but on the surrender point i think the thing for me that I've found is that the, and this is going to maybe sound like a dichotomy. So I'm trying to figure how to say it. Sorry, you're just backing it. But y'all did do more action. Yes, for sure. Like, it kind of sounded like you're like, okay, that was it.

But then y'all put more emphasis on like, let's change more accountability, more of that. And then you actually did find freedom. Yes, we all did find freedom. And I thought that was like, that was the key point. that like you can confess something and then you can get so like because it says confess your sins to one and then you will be healed well sometimes it's like okay well I confess it nothing happened I confess it again nothing happened and then you're like oh well at least I'm confessing it's like no at some point it's like okay I actually have to like you said the enemy keeps coming at me he keeps coming at me

and I keep falling how do I get that to stop well you're not going to get the enemy to stop coming at you because the enemy is like a prowling lion you know the enemy's whole thing is still kill and destroy but Christ says I come to give life and life abundantly. So it's like, okay, how do I stop letting it defeat me is kind of more the thing. How do I armor myself up? Well, there's spiritual armor. Ephesians, you know, Six talks about you can literally arm yourself up with that. You can armor yourself out with self-control, but by the Holy Spirit, with accountability,

putting protocols on your phone that literally will not allow you access to things. And so you kind of got to, you got to get aggressive. Like if you have a lion coming after you, like get aggressive with the armor that you have. Get aggressive with the weapons that you have to fight a lion. I mean, like David had the spirit of the living God inside of him. You do too. If you're anointed, if you've come under the Lord of Jesus, like you have the spirit of living God. That's going to help you fight.

So use the tools, you know, so that's what I was kind of getting at. And I want you to go into that. But I wanted you to get to like, got to like, you got to like actually make changes. because you can't just expect the enemy to back off. Like, you've got to create. Yeah, well, I was sharing that story, but I was trying to go more towards the surrender part because the surrender part is going to lead to being free

from the sexual morality. And what I was saying was a dichotomy is that to, because you, to fully surrender, it's not you try harder. And it's not, that's why it's a dichotomy. It's not, I'm going to white knuckle discipline this to experience, to fully surrender myself. It's like fully surrendering is when you, it's like surrender is when you actually stop trying. It's like actually when you give up.

And that's why it's, it can be tricky because it's like, I'm going to just like just muscle this and I'm going to just force myself to surrender. And it's like, yes, true, but also at the same time, that's not truly what fully surrendering looks like. It's so for, because for me, that's what I'm saying. It was like the harder I tried to do something, like the less surrendered I felt because I was trying to do it in my own strength. And as long as you try to do something in your own strength, you won't fully experience what true surrender feels like. It's when you actually possess the Holy Spirit and you pray, God help me fully surrender

my life. And when you just, when you give it all up, that's when you experience freedom. It's not when you say, I'm going to try harder to, to, to, to, you pray harder to, to, to quit being sexual immoral. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but that's, for me, what I found, that's not the quickest way to surrender. It's when you actually, it's like,

yeah, it's just when you surrender it. It's not when you try harder to surrender. If that makes sense, it's interesting. I think it's like, and when Christian says, like you give, like you give up, in the sense of you give in, you surrender, you stop fighting. It's not that you stop fighting sin

and that everything, like I said, you're fighting. a lion. Like, you know, but what the point is that I was saying with David is like, but he was filled with the spirit. So like, you have to surrender to God in order to possess like the Holy Spirit. Like Christian said, I can't do it in my own strength. I can't turn from sexual immorality just by saying, okay, I'm not going to scroll Instagram. I'm not, I'm going to have this, you know, software in my phone. Like some of those things are just the things you can do in your and strength. By the end of the day, you're going to walk down the street and they're going to be

attractive people. And so if you deal with less, like in your own strength, like there's only so much you can do. But you have to surrender to the Lord and go, God, like, I mean, and surrender, that might just be like praying to God and saying, like, God, I can't do this in my own strength. It feels like everywhere my eyes wonder, I go into less. God, keep my eyes fixed on you. God, help me to learn self-control in order to look away or to not go on that app or to not go be with that person. Help me to say no. Help me to have people around me to keep me accountable. If you look at the armor of God that I was referring to, we think of armor like metal, you know, like we're thinking like sword, all the stuff. But the sword in the reference to the armor of God is the sword of the spirit. Okay.

the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, the belt of truth, shoes fitted, ready to preach the gospel of peace. And so they're metaphors for salvation, metaphors for righteousness, metaphors for truth, metaphors for peace. All of that only found in Christ, all of that only found in the spirit. And then after Paul goes through all of these things to put in physical place, but more than that spiritual place. Then he says, and pray for me. He asked the church to pray for him, that he would continue to preach the word boldly. So prayer was a part of that armor. And so that's

that surrender. It's like, I'm going to fight this battle, but I actually need Christ to fight it on my behalf because Christ is the only one who actually can defeat the enemy. So this lion that's prowling around to still can destroy. Christ comes to give life and life to the full. So God, you got to fight that for me. I'm going to do it in my own strength what I can, but I need you on your path. I need that breastplate of righteousness. I need the helmet of salvation.

I need that belt of truth. I need that peace for me to run with. I need prayer. I need people. And so, as Christian was saying, yes, it's a fight and it's a surrender. And those two things actually coexist, you know. It's the mysteries of the gospel. gospel. I think one of the things I love about this podcast and what we've kind of always set the tone

for, even when we used to call it messy conversations, is that you can't, and we joke that like we're terrible sound by people. Like we don't have the best social clips where it's like, oh, I just like said that so good in 30 seconds and wrapped it up. But like, we're talking about the mysteries of the gospel. Like we're talking about sin. We're talking about really heavy things that I can't just say to you, oh, you struggle with sexual and morality. Let me give you three steps, and then you'll be out of it.

Oh, you struggle with shame. Let me tell you one thing that's going to change your life forever. Now, I can tell you about Christ and I can lead you to the gospel, but these are things that have layers. These are things that you got to talk out. And I think it's a beautiful thing

when you build a community that you're able to talk about these things with and unpack some of these things and lean in. We have so many. great friends that this is a very normal thing for us to be talking about. You and I, this is a very normal thing for us to be talking about. And with the podcast, we feel like we want to have those same conversations here. We want to help you guys break the ice for these conversations, start these conversations, start thinking about these things. And I hope that when we say,

you know, you're about to have, I hope you're having a great, it's about to get better. I hope that like the better part is like this prompting you to go read the scripture, this prompting you to go pray, this prompting you to go talk to a mentor, a friend, a pastor about these things. This is just the beginning of the conversation. But I hope it leads you to the Lord and have more conversations with God. But I hope that all that was encouraging. That's good.

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I'm just wondering what kind of advice you can give me regarding not feeling welcome in the churches that are around me and my husband. We have been trying to go to a couple churches for some time, and we haven't found one that really fits us. it's kind of hard to travel to ones that are so far away when you have a fear that you're not going to be welcomed. These are already pretty tight-knit communities, so I just want to make sure, like, we can find a place for us. I don't want to feel less of a Christian just because I am only doing stuff online. Thank you.

This is great. I'll let you take this one. Yeah, this is kind of funny. So we don't like prepare necessarily for the things that we're going to say, but sometimes we listen to the voicemails. And we like, okay, this one would be good. This one would be good. And when we listened to this one, Christian was like, I don't know if we should touch on that. And I was like, well, I think that I want to because I think that and the reason he said that is because I think this is kind of like a hard conversation to have. But I think it's also a hard conversation that's good to have, you know, because I think that this is actually a thing that a lot of people, in this generation struggle with, to be honest.

Like everyone is like looking for a church that fits them. And really just the reality is no church is going to fit you perfectly. And that's not even the church's role. The church's job is not to fit us. It's not to be this perfect place that it's like aesthetically everything we wanted. And we, you know, the worship is exactly how we like to listen to it. And the pastor preaches exactly how we like to hear it. And the people look like I was like, that's just not the job of the church.

And I think that I think because like we have lived through COVID and we live through like not going to church, but like watching online. It's like you did kind of get to pick like your preference, you know, like what like you like the sound of or what you like the look of or whatever that, you know, kind of was. And, you know, some churches did that really well and some churches didn't. But again, it's not really the job of the church to like have the sound all right. I have, you know, everything looking right. And Christian and I asked ourselves a lot of these questions, even when we were looking for what our church homes go like? And we were like, okay, what is the purpose of the church, you know? And I would encourage you, sincerely encourage you, like, go read Acts. Like, how do the church start? Okay, what was the church? The church is a community

of people who are believers in Christ who at the time, like an axe shared everything together or walking things out together. You would see when Peter and then were like in prison, the other people were praying on their behalf. They're praying for each other. And the church was, so go back to like how church started. And then it's like, okay, what is church for us? You know, how can we serve the church? What is, what do we, what is the Sunday? Is it tradition or is it something that we actually want to go and be a part of a body in a community where we're known by people and by, and they know us? And we, we share the things going on in our life and we share our gifts and our and the different things the Lord gave us. And we share even our tithing. We share like, what does this look like, you know, for us?

And, you know, to be honest, like, people even ask me this because we go to a church that we don't necessarily agree on maybe everything theologically, you know, at the church or maybe things are a little different than some of the places I speak at. But to us, like, church isn't just about all of those things to us, church is about the body of Christ, churches the bride of Christ, church is the people that we're doing life with, the people again that know us, the people that we know, the people that we're walking through life with, the people that when we're in the hospital, like we just were, we have our pastor and our elders praying for us and our friends coming and offering, you know, to help with the kids and, you know, help carry the burden that we're

going through. And then when they're going through it, we're doing it right back. for them. You know, church is more of the body and the people and the place that we can come with our gifts and serve the Lord. The church is made up of all of that. And so I would encourage you, don't look for the church to fit you. Ask how can I serve the church and how can I be a part of a body, not just a part of an experience or a part of a Sunday moment, but how can I be a part of a body? And, you know, there's all these verses about the body and how it functions in different ways. And if it didn't have the eye and didn't have the arm and all this stuff. Like, what part am I in this body?

And what gifts have the Lord given me to serve in this capacity? And so I would look more inward than at the building or at the place. Yeah. And the one thing in her question, she did say was, you know, like tight-knit communities, which that is hard to step into a new place with people that do already have relationships. and you do feel like maybe not welcomed and not invited. So if that's something that is a struggle, then, yeah, I would find a church that does have a good, whatever,

a young adult ministry or good couples, you know, like marriage ministry or things like that to where you can go get plugged in, which to where if that's an issue, I think, yeah, keep trying to find a place that does have, you know, good group of people that you can go get plugged in with. And if, and if it is one of those things where they're all super standoffish and they don't want you to be involved in specific things, and yes, maybe keep trying to find another church, but like what Sadie said, if it is more external things to where the worship is not your preference or the messaging is not, you know, the way you would like it or you don't like how they do announcements before something. Like,

if it's those things, then, yes, then I think that would be an issue of trying to find the places it's perfect suitor for you. I don't think that's necessarily what the church is intended for. But I do encourage you to keep finding a place, to keep searching out a place to where you do feel like you can get plugged in with the community and be fully known and be fully loved. I think that's really good. I think at some point you kind of just have to decide, like to, if you're going to plant yourself, that planting takes time for things to grow. I mean, we know this. Plant a seed. You got to water it. It's going to take time. You got to tend to it. And then you'll see things grow. I think a lot of times, like,

We want roots to happen fast and we want trees to grow fast and we want to see fruit fast. And that's kind of as a culture we've been conditioned to things happening fast. But the reality is relationships, they just take time, you know, being planted somewhere, it just takes time. And so I remember when Christian and I started going to church we go to, it was just awkward at first, you know, like it took time. Like we felt uncomfortable. We were the new people. We felt like how are we going to, you know, I just break that ice, you know,

like how do we get known here? How do we tell them that we want people to know us and how do we get to know them? And like, there's all that. And over time, we grew roots. Over time, we built relationships. Over time, you kind of find yourself in those things and through putting yourself out there. You got to show up, you know, you got to join the small group. You got to have the conversations with the pastor and the elders. You got to ask them for prayer to let them know what's going on in your life. Let them know you're willing to serve and want to be a part. And so I do think you have to put yourself out there. Now, again, like Christian was saying, if there's some crazy situation and they're being standoffish and rude and whatever, then yes.

But like most churches truly are welcoming and most tight-knit, it's not that they're trying to be exclusive. It's that they've built something. And it's not that you can't be a part of that. It's just you're going to have to plant some seeds and water the ground. Go to the welcome desk and ask how you can get plugged in and how you can serve and if there's a small group that you can join. I think that's the first step. The first step is not going up to it, going to a new place and seeing how the aesthetics were. Was the parking team the way that you liked it and was worship good? Was the messaging great?

I think the first thing should be, can I get plugged in here? Are there a small group that we could join and then go from there? Yep, it's great. And I am sorry that you feel that way, though, because I know that it is hard, and I don't want to have a lack of empathy in your vulnerability because I do empathize with it. And we have experienced those things. I think we've just also learned, okay, it wasn't personal that we didn't feel welcome. It just, they have a thing. We had to grow, you know. We walked through 10 plus friendships of people that say the same thing. Oh, yes.

Of moving churches because of X, Y, Z. We've had so many conversations in our internal. life that I was like, I don't want to not answer this question because it's a hard one to talk about when it's like this is something that we've talked about so much in our life. And people do need advice for. And so there's kind of what we've worked through. But anyways, y'all are amazing. Thank you for trusting us again with these big questions. Keep calling. Keep asking the questions. We are so down to answer the best that we can. We're always here to lead you to God. If something is not, doesn't feel right, then leave it. Go talk to somebody about it.

go go seek more wisdom on it, go pray about it. We're just going to be the best sisters, friends, brothers, cousins we can be to y'all. And we appreciate y'all so much. And I hope that you have a great week. So don't forget to check out the wo line. You can call the number now at 318-582-1749.