WHOA That's Good Podcast - Your Personal Calling, Marriage, and Kids

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Sadie speaks with author, singer, and songwriter Lauren Chandler about cultivating your character, overcoming purpose anxiety, and not rushing the process. They also get into navigating difficult times in marriage, overcoming misunderstandings and disagreements, and how to just have fun.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, well that's good fam, welcome back to Well That's Good Wednesday. It is a good day. This is the day Lord is made. We will rejoice and be glad. I'm so excited for today. I just have a sweet friend on today asked if you're going to be on the podcast. She said yes. I've actually always wanted to get to know her a little bit more.

And so we're going to be getting to know each other more on this podcast. And I just know you're going to be encouraged by her because I am. Welcome to the podcast. Lauren Chandler, I'm so excited for this conversation. Hey Sadie, I'm so excited to just sit with you in my house and knew your blood. I know. Pretending that we're sitting over coffee. I love it.

I'm just glad to have this opportunity with you. I know. I said before she got on, I said, we basically are having our coffee date. It's just with a lot of people listening. And so glad that we officially get to be together. It was kind of laughing with Lauren before she got on. Last time we got together, we always kind of wanted to get together with her and her husband Matt.

For those of you who don't know, Lauren is married to Matt Chandler. They're an amazing couple. And Christian has always looked up to Matt. That is the person. If you have a hero, that would be his hero. And so he always wanted to just learn from him and person. So we got to go to dinner with him. But it was like, honey was what?

Like two, three months. I mean, it was like, early on. Yeah. So typically, yeah, honey was kind of seriously? Oh, it was like early. So, typically, like, yeah, honey was kind of going through like a little collicky phase, but typically she'd just sleep through dinner. Let me tell you, the child did not.

So, it's all, she was not having it. She was not having it. She was not happy about dinner, but now we get to redeem the moment and actually have conversation without an eruption and I'm so excited. So let me brag on you. Being a new mom, you navigated that so graciously and so well.

And then Christian was a sweet hubby to kind of trade off on the baby like calming duties. And so it was it honestly felt really like an honor to kind of be a witness to that and to just even be somebody to say, oh my gosh, I've been there. It won't always be like this. You're doing a great job, it's okay. You know? Yeah, no honestly.

That honestly meant so much to me. Like you were so nice and genuinely nice. You know some people are like, it's fine, but you can kind of tell that they're annoyed, but no you were like genuinely. I've been there like my daughter had college I get it and it made me feel a lot better and so If your mom out there and right now your kids are screaming and your channel is in the fight guys We get it you've been there and it will always be this way So thank you for that being a friend in that moment But I got to ask you the question, ask everybody on this podcast and it's a great way to kick us off. What is the best piece of advice that you've

ever been given? So I think that my serious answer to this, I have a more light-hearted answer, the more light-hearted answer for my mom, and it's like loading the dishwasher from the back towards the front. Like I love it. It makes it just easier. You know how full the dishwasher is or is not. So that's kind of the practical answer. That is a great piece of it.

That was actually I never thought about that. So then you know, like if you pull it, you don't have to pull it all the way out to see Osir's faith, you've created a good way. You've created a good way. Anyway, look at that. Plenty of cool advice. I can now, now for the spiritual,

but I'll receive that. Okay, good. The spiritual would be from a sweet friend, Christine Ockles, I just, I admired her from afar. Then I got to be like a real life friend to her. And she just really encouraged me, I saw it with her life and her words, to not confuse my belovedness as a daughter of God with the calling he's placed on my life. That it's more important to know that I'm beloved and who I am and not

confused that with what I do and what he's called me to do. Because that who I am and him never changes but my calling can just go through different seasons where it just works out differently and maybe it's a little in a little smaller area and then maybe it's like expanded a bit and or more maybe it's a little in a little smaller area and then maybe it's like expanded a bit and or maybe it's at home and just at my church and not, you know, at a broader sense and so just not confusing those two things. Yeah, was just so helpful and continues to be helpful now as I go through different seasons of life with kids and in ministry and what my husband's doing is just remembering okay my belovedness in the in the Lord is secure and never changes. I'm just a daughter.

But the assignments and the callings he gives me that'll change you know but but my standing with him never changes. Wow that's so good she gives me. That'll change, you know? But my standing with him never changes. Wow, that's so good. And it leads me into so many things I was gonna ask you, which is, I love how the heavens, like it's so crazy, because I'll prepare these questions based off of the little bit I know about someone,

or if I read their book, or listen to, you know, whatever. And it's crazy because the piece of advice that they received that made so much of them Plays into so much of they do that it like I'm like, oh, I saw that like I've seen that in you Like I've seen you own just you being a daughter and one of the things I wanted to ask you What was about like Christian? I both were talking about you before we got on I was like, what do you think of me think of her? She and he was like honestly, she's so humble like every time we hear your name

I mentioned your name, or mention your name in like a public space, like someone say, oh, Lauren Chan, they'll say like, she's the best worship leader. Like we hear that everywhere. Like she is the best, which is like, oh, she is such a gift to worship, but she's an important to worship leader.

And it's funny because we hear so many people say that about you, but when we're with you, like I've actually never heard you talk about that. Like, you know what I mean? Like if you didn't know that with you, I've actually never heard you talk about that. You know what I mean? If you didn't know that about you, it's not like you're showing the whole world that this is what I do. And so I was good to ask you where that humility comes from and maybe it has to do with that piece of advice, but where has that came from in your life?

Yeah, honestly, that is where it came from in your life? Yeah, honestly that is where it came from, because I think I wanted so badly, especially being married to Matt, who's gifting is so evident and like kind of like started way back. He was 18, 19. I mean, he'd been saved like a year and then he just started like teaching and it was just so obvious he had a gift and communication and he received lots of like invitations to do that. There was just no doubt, okay God put him on this earth to communicate God's truth, the gospel like in a unique way that says in his alone. And so I had other things. I have a lot of things that I love,

and I feel like the Lord's called me to do, but one of the things I'm probably most passionate about is music and leading worship, but I wanted so badly to be defined by that. I wanted people to know me as a worship leader that the Lord thwarted my way in that. And I think it was his kindness to me, to protect me. Because I was kind of, I felt like I was striving towards that, trying to make it happen,

but I was never satisfied in it. And so it was actually meeting in Christy at the time that she was kind of going through stuff that really brought that home for me. Where here's a woman who that's broadly what she's known for. And this is before, this I was still very young when I met her. And in seeing she's a woman that I wanted to be, that I wanted to be known as this worship leader, but she taught me how that is just, it's not enough, you know, and it's so fleeting and it's so incomplete and it's limiting. But to truly just know that I'm left by God and whatever it calls me to, Yeah. It gives a freedom that just can't be matched when you're trying and you're striving to be known as something else or some kind of,

I don't know, almost fame or label. I don't know. So, I mean, I, that's very humbling for you to say that about me because I don't know. So, I mean, that's very humbling for you to say that about me, because I don't, I see me as Lauren. You know, I, yes, I lead worship, and I have incredible opportunity to lead worship. And if, and all these other places, and I so love it, and it, it's like the Lord had to take me through a season of refining so that my character could match what he would eventually give me.

And because it didn't match it at first. And he needed to be gracious and bring me through a fire into thwart my striving to have me to redirect my longings. From being known, like some kind of notoriety to just being known by him. You know, that I needed to walk through that. And it was uncomfortable and there was a time I remember. And what was so interesting is we were traveling with Shane and Shane. And here they were, you know, just at that time,

the worship leaders, you know, they were cranking out all this incredible music. They still are. But this was like years ago when we were in our 20s. And I remember being in a hotel room that was preaching, they were leading worship. I was their book keep. I was their booking agent which I'm terrible at that question. I was like, what am I doing? And I remember like crying out to God like, oh my gosh, why am I here? What like I'm on the cusp of what I want to do, but I'm not getting to do it.

Why if this is what you have for me just Make it happen or just take it away completely because I'm so tired of being in this in between and and the Lord he answered me eventually, but it was it was just this, okay, God, one step at a time. Yeah. In your timing of, I couldn't stop desiring to love him with my whole heart through worship, leading worship. I couldn't stop that. But I'm just trying to search for the words,

but this is so good. He started giving me peace to just like, okay, one step at a time, and being okay with some obscurity and emity, and so that he could do some good work in the quiet hidden place before he put me out in a broader space. That's so good. That's honestly, really some of what I went through to, just like the hidden space and the private space before the public place.

And that's like what Jesus went through like, Jesus had like all these hidden years that like we don't even know about. I mean like three years of like the ministry and the near cools and everything where they see and like man what he did in three years. But nobody really thinks about like from 12 to 30 or whatever that we don't know. And I love like how you had that moment too where God was like cultivating you in that space. And you're sitting here like keeping the books for Shane and Shane like I don't even know if I'm even good at this and I feel like so many people are in that place right now and Especially in our culture and like young people I hear so many college students say like I'm not doing what I want to do and I'm like Well, yeah, like you're not there yet, but like that's okay

But with like the way the our generation is, everything happens fast for us. If we want something, we get it. Literally, if you want food, like door dash, Uber Eats, whatever. If you want some feedback on something you think about, like post it on the ground, like if you want a ride, get a Uber, you just get it so fast.

And that's just not how life is always like, especially for the things that you desire. Especially for the things that the Lord has for you, the call that's on your life, or the multiple calls, like you said, the different things that he's gonna walk you into, like it doesn't happen fast. And thank God it doesn't happen fast,

because if we got it fast, we wouldn't be ready for it. Like if God would have handed a platform to me it fast, we wouldn't be ready for it. Like, if God would have handed a platform to me, like fast, I would have been out of this thing six months in, like, even I made it six months because I wouldn't have been ready. Like, I didn't have a foundation for that yet. I didn't have tools in my toolbox, if you will. I didn't even have confidence yet in God

and what, who he was and what he was going to do. But in that time of waiting, it was like amazing that I got to build my confident dressing God so that when it did happen, I have a foundation of the word to go back to. I have a foundation in him, a heart for him and a trust in him. And so thank God it didn't happen that fast. And you know, I look back now. And I'm like, you know, even you know I look back now and I'm like you know even though what I'm doing now it seems crazy I'm like you know I was doing this in eighth grade when I was leading a Bible study with my friends you know like I was

doing this whenever I literally like what interview my teachers on the playground because I just wanted to hear about their life like I always had this in me and God was cultivating that to bring me into where I am now. And it's cool to hear you say the same thing because that was one thing I was gonna talk to you about. Like I said, so cool how God works. And just the things that you're saying about how like, there's so many college students saying like,

I don't know what I'm gonna do in my life. I don't know what my future looks like. And there's like such an anxiety about that. Actually like, there's a new phrase called purpose anxiety. And it's so much anxiety over what your purpose is. And because it freaks you out to think about that in the future, so I wanted to ask you, and I think you kind of already answered it.

When you were 18, 20 years old, did you know what you wanted to do in your life? And are you doing it now? Yeah. You know, I had clues. I think they were clues. Yes. Just like you said, for you, like, you were leading your Bible study in eighth grade.

You're asking your teachers questions. I believe there are clues. I think about, I have an 18 year old daughter. She'll be 19 and February. And there have been clues about what I believe the Lord has for her, where she's always had a lot for horses. She's really good with people. She's just a great people person.

She's very, holds her own with adults. She's always been able to have conversation with adults and people beyond her years. And so I feel like you can see seeds of what is coming for you by just how God made you. And at that, there's still seeds. You know, it's not all they will be. Even seedlings, you know, when they start to sprout,

don't look like what they will be. So I think at my encouragement, to my daughter, to those listening that are kind of in that space of what is my purpose, you've got seeds there, things you love, things that you're just, you're naturally good at, that you think, well, isn't everybody good at this? Isn't everybody intrigued by this?

Isn't everyone, you know, think about it this way? No, they know. God put you together that way. And so, but they're still seeds. And so they still need soil. They need water, they need the sun shine, and they need time. And so doing what you can to cultivate those things.

And sometimes that means doing stuff that feels like has nothing to do with what you want to do with your life. Sometimes you have to do the book. Yes, keeping the books. Sometimes you have to do that sort of stuff at one for just humility sake and just to get stuff done. And then to realize, okay, this is not what I wanted to. This is not it, but it makes you a more mature person and it builds character so that when, whatever that purpose is starts to grow and you start to get a better picture of it, you're ready for it. So I think you don't have to have it all figured out right now.

I don't have it figured out. I don't know exactly. Listen, I just went through a life plan this summer in June. I just met with my life plan guide to like yesterday saying, I feel like I'm back at square one, you know. Yeah. But it's just it's always like I I do know my identity. I know my unique purpose, but how that's working itself out changes in every season. And so it's okay.

You can breathe deep, put one foot in front of the other, and take clues from the seeds and just be faithful to cultivate, you know, your relationship with the Lord, to cultivate community, to cultivate your understanding of God's Word, to cultivate obedience and the small and hard things, and I think is that no one sees. And yeah, I think that's what I would say to my daughter and to other. Honestly, to anyone, because I think, I don't think it's just young 20 year olds.

I don't think it's just young 20 year olds. I think it's 40 year olds. And anyone going through any kind of transition. That's so true, that's so good. Thank you for sharing that. And literally just want to pause for a moment and say,'s so good. Thank you for sharing that and literally just want to pause for a moment and say like, if that was you that needed that or it's not you, I'm sure you know five friends that need that right now because I have conversations

like weekly with people saying those things like, I don't know what you know the future looks like or I feel like God's doing this but I'm not sure and like and there's so much anxiety around that. It's like, hey, just rest easy. Like, let God's peace meet you in that and just let him meet you where you're at and work with what you got. You know, you know, you know, keep watering the seas at a total of story one time about how

he used to whenever I was little. I would, every time I'd eat an apple, I'd go plant the seeds outside. It was funny. I didn't hear. I mean, hey, that's just like the joy of childhood. That's faith like a child right there. That's right. I knew the apple tree was gonna come.

But the funny thing is, I could never remember where I planted the apple seeds the day before. So I would just have to plant more. And then I would water that one. But I never had like a consistent seed that I was continuing to water to see the growth And I think about that sometimes I'm like man, you know, maybe I could have seen an apple tree grow Had I really stuck with it and I think about that in our own life

It's like you know sometimes it's so tempting to just like scatter seeds everywhere and like just be like Oh, I'm trying to keep it with this and trying to keep it with this and trying keep it with this I'm trying to do that because I want to be known for all these things or because people maybe this could help me grow or bowl of a bowl and it's like actually if you would just be intentional with the seeds that you are planning and continue to go back and water them and pray over them and watch them grow like God can do amazing things with those and like yes there's something to just having the faith to just plant everywhere and yes

God can do things through a lot of different and through scattered people However, like there is something to let big intentional about something that you feel God has and you are not rushing the process Just waiting and remembering you know remembering the placement remembering the time remembering to pray About that and just that intentionality. And so that's so cool that you said that. I love that. So switching gears a little bit, like I said, you're married to Matt and you're, you know, little church together, you worship, he preaches, I'll do so much in ministry, but and a lot of people know who you are, but take us back to the beginning on how you a map met. And because I think the story is just so fun.

It's slightly scandalous, but that's okay. I know, it all worked out. It all worked out. So I was a student. It was after my junior year of high school. I went to my youth camp that summer in Colorado. It was an evergreen Colorado. It was just our youth group. And the camp speaker was a young handsome tall and gangly. And a young man named Matt Chandler. And you know, I didn't want to be the girl that had a crush on the

camp speaker. So I tried to fight against that, but I think what drew me to him was I had never seen anyone love Jesus or be so convinced of Jesus's love for him like Matt. And I just remember when he would preach, I was like, I want that. So I was a believer, I became a Christian, I was eight. I have one of those boring testimonies that I'm so grateful for, where yes, I had some little rebellious seasons, but for the most part, I have known Jesus as long as I can remember.

And so Matt stores a little different. So anyway, I meet Matt and I'm like, I want that passion. And so, we kind of connect at camp. He kept it above board. My dad was there and my little brother. And my dad kind of connected with Matt. He was like, hey, I'm a CPAs or anything I can do for you.

He's like, well, we're trying to start this 501-C-39 profit blah, blah, blah. And my dad was like, okay, I will get with this, a lawyer friend of mine. We'll set you up. And let's just go for it. So that week, you know, I would see Matt around. And I think, gosh, he is cute, but I don't want to touch on him. And it was the last night of camp,

and it was like the Kumbai Yaw of camp where everybody's like, you guys are the best. Like friends, friends of friends forever. And it was around the campfire. I remember looking at across the, looking at across the fire at Matt. And I just had this invasive thought that I feel like was the Lord saying that's your husband.

And I was like, that's crazy. I'm 17 years old. There's no way. There's no way. This is not how it works. I'm supposed to go off and go to college, go to job, and meet the guy in Swiss-Demari. And little did I know at the same time that was having a similar experience. He looked at me and he just was like, that's who I'm supposed to marry, which was weird for him. This is like, that's who I'm supposed to marry, which was weird for him. This is like a student.

But, so he, you know, had connected with my dad already. So he was kind of becoming a family friend. Now, parents invited him to stop off at our hometown on his way from Houston, up to Missouri. So he could break up his trip. This was after a camp. So he stopped in, and my parents kind of were like, hey, we're going to bed. Why don't you go out somewhere and get dessert or something like that.

And so he kind of set us up on a little date, which we were eager participants. And then, you know, we went to Chili's and split, was that chocolate? What is it called? The Lava. The Lava. The Lava. Yeah, it's Lava. You did it right.

Because this was in Longview, Texas, and the nicest restaurant at that time, that was open with Chili's. So, that's where we were. And that was the beginning of gosh, so started dating the summer that I was 17. And it was kind of tumultuous in that my parents loved him. They had no doubt in their mind that this was a godly man, that they wanted him to pursue me. But there was a little, just some drama with other people in that life, honestly, who didn't like the idea of us.

And there are people in my life that didn't like the idea of us, but they weren't people that ultimately mattered or had a say in it. And I appreciate that they were concerned. They just want to make sure it was all good. But I think that kind of forged our relationship even more because we were kind of both hard-headed and we're like, we're going to prove everyone wrong. Like we're going to make it. And we did. And I was 19 when we got married, he was 25. And it was right for us.

I know it's not right for everybody, but it was right for us, because we ended up just growing up together. The first seven years of marriage were super hard for us. And we just had our baggage that we didn't know how to address and we started to address about seven years in and we kind of got out of the stance that we had gotten into.

And it's been, it was like those first years had to be super hard. I don't know why, but the nearly so 15 years after that, which we've been married 22 years this past July, have been wonderful. And we've gone through hard stuff. So part of me wonders if those seven hard years of marriage were just to prepare us for other types of hard things that got us on the same page. And, and, and, and,

woe-vis together in a way that we needed to be, like, strong together. Yeah, to make it through what was coming for us. That's so good. So, like, for y'all, in the seven years of, like, hard, you know, hard marriage or whatever that looks like for you all. I feel like, which I know there's so many people

in that situation right now where they're like in a hard season of their marriage, maybe it's been years. What did that look like for you all to kind of come to terms with like, this could be better? Yeah. Or this is really bad.

Because I feel like when something goes on for seven years or a couple years Sometimes that that just becomes your normal, you know Did y'all know it was bad and how did y'all kind of come to the terms of like let's actually fight for this to be better because I feel like I've had conversations with friends even recently where like they're kind of in that time where it's hard and it's like Okay, how do like we know it's harder? We're starting to realize this could be a lot better. How do you even engage in that conversation? Yeah. If you can speak to that.

Yeah, we totally can. So I will say, to be in that for seven years, there was a cycle and it was we'd get in a fight and then we kind of resolve it and then was just like keeping a piece for a little bit. And then we would just, I would think, oh, yeah, we haven't gotten a fight in a long time. And then we'd get in a fight and start the whole cycle over. And I think for us, it was, honestly, I think we both needed to do our own kind of soul care work, where we needed to deal with kind of some wounds in

our past or some ways that we grew up that were and nothing. Some of it was related to our families and some of it wasn't. Some of it was just sin. You know? And patterns of sin, patterns of coping that we needed to address in our hearts. So I think we just got to the point, so to answer your question, we got to a breaking point where we were both like, we can't do this anymore. Like, something has to change. Praise God, you're in ministry as well. So Matt, I was like, we told each other, I was like, praise God, you're in ministry so that we would stay together and not be like, well, this isn't working. You know, it was the covenant of marriage that we were like, okay, we believe we believe that we are going to make it. That God has

chosen you for me and me for you. And we're gonna make it, but we don't wanna just make it. Like we wanna try. Yeah, that's good. And we're tired of this cycle. And I just remember being desperate and just exasperated and just couldn't, I couldn't pull it together.

And so there really was one night where I was like, he kind of had his moment, I had my moment, there are different moments where we just, we're like, this is it, we can't do this anymore. And divorce is an option. So we gotta go get help, some kind of help. And so we just, we got, went through counseling separately, went through some counseling together,

but honestly, going through counseling separately went through some counseling together, but honestly, going through counseling separately helped us. I know that's not great for everyone, but for us, I needed to work on what was going on in my heart and what I had been doing to cope, sin patterns in my life that looked prettier than his, but they were still thin. And I needed to repent. I need to get some healing. And that's what changed. But I think for us, I just got to a point

of just total exasperation, whereas I can't do this anymore. And I think, it's easy for us, especially in our culture to just be like, well, it just needs to be the other person. And I'm just not with my soulmate, or I'm just not with who I'm supposed to be with. And just realizing, okay, that's not the option. I believe that that is my soulmate because I'm married to him.

And because there was no abuse happening, it really was just two sinners, you know, in a marriage together. Who needed to just heal and repay and walk and breathe in. And so I realized I can't just try to find another person because like the old or the adage says, wherever you go, there you are, you know, that wherever you go, you're still bringing you and you're bringing your baggage and you're bringing your happiness.

It's good. It's good. You know, I knew my option was not to leave or to find someone else, but to figure out, okay, something's gotta change. Well, that's such an inspiration. Gosh, I'm thinking of so many people right now who are going to benefit from hearing that. It's such a cool test to me, because like 22 years in a marriage, I mean, what an amazing

thing for us to get to see, like, you're 20 years in, you're three kids. Like, y'all seem to be at a great spot in your life. And I know you're always growing and you'd say, we're always growing, we're always, you know, one of you have become better, but how great of a place y'all are at to say, like, those seven years in the hardship and then the time, because like, we all know,

like, whenever you do with something like that, that's a hard year to come. It's just like when you have a baby, like postpartum's hard, like, right with something like that, that's a hard year to come. It's just like when you have a baby, like postpartum's hard, right after something like big, it's gonna be hard to like, the forgiveness is gonna be hard, the counseling's gonna be hard, but how worth it, you know, years later, to still be married to your man

and to have your kids together in the home. And it's just like such a huge inspiration that it's worth it to go through the messy and the sticky and the hard conversations to get to you know the point where like you said we don't want to just make it we want to thrive and I love that I love um so mingling of souls by your husband actually was a huge like help to Christian and I before we got married we read it together right before we got married and it was just so good for us. And I love this is one part.

And he said, like, how do you know Lauren was the one and Matt was like, well, you know, you're gonna argue with anyone and you have to choose who you're gonna argue with. And I wanted to argue with Lauren. And I thought that was actually so good because I think so many people are like, well, this is the one because we had this argument

or whatever and like, trust me, I can say, I've had my fair share of really bad relationships many people are like, well, this is the one because we had this argument or whatever, and like, trust me, I can say, I've had my fair share of really bad relationships where I knew like, okay, we're arguing, and this is not the one, and this is just straight up on health, but then like with Christian, like, I love him so much, and like, he's amazing, but we have our stuff, and we had arguments, and because we're two different people, you know,

and we, you know, have sinful nature at times. There are things that we do that are annoying, you know, and even just in little things, like Christian is like a super, like, content to just like chill person. I'm always like, what's the next thing? And he's like, let's just like bring it down. I'm like, come on. So like, even in those things are silly arguments, but like we knew like even though we're gonna argue with each other, we want it to be with each other.

And so can you kind of speak to, yes, there's like seven years of like hardship, but then there's also sometimes just like silly arguments and how to like argue well and get past that. Yes. And honestly, part of how I started getting healthier and coming out of that seven years apart was, I would just withdraw and retreat

and never kind of come back at that. And not like in a disrespectful way, but just like to hold my own, I think I'd realize, gosh, there's the proverb that is one, is iron sharpened, iron Iron so one man sharpens another and I think how can he sharpen with me when I keep retreating or withdrawing? I would just not disrespectfully but I would just kind of stick in my ground on some things to try to communicate instead of just a lot of times what I would do is I would just kind of stick in my ground on some things, try to communicate instead

of just, a lot of times what I would do is I would be like, well, he just misunderstands me, he doesn't get it. And I wouldn't engage him over that. And so I started engaging him over, but this is when I'm trying to say, but you're okay, you're misunderstanding me, this is it. And things for him. I mean, usually it's a misunderstanding, miscommunication, or just inadvertently hurting one another where you're like, oh, I didn't realize

that that hurt you and I'm sorry, you know? And then, you know, we can just, yeah, you can get in arguments about little things. It's not like all, you know, roses and just, I don't, rose petals and I don't know, whatever makes sun shining these, but it flies. Yeah, everything. Yeah, I mean, it's hard.

That's good. And there's season to go through where, you know, the hard can sometimes be like the seven years of hard, but not exactly. Like there's just an edge that was taken off of that for us but But kind of giving each other the benefit of the doubt now Yeah, it's still good, but still having arguments and misunderstandings for sure. Yes, that's so good So one thing Christian and I just started doing is we started doing these little dance videos on Instagram

are doing is we started doing these little dance videos on Instagram. I love it. I love it. Yeah, so people haven't got to laugh at this because like Christian cannot dance, but it's like the best thing ever because he gives it his all. And honestly, like, we laugh so hard doing that together because it's just funny and like I genuinely have, you wouldn't really notice in some, but I really like have to try to teach him. Yeah.

Which is like so funny because of how many times we do it, but I really have to try to teach him, which is so funny because of how many times we do it. It's just been a way for us to laugh together in our marriage. We do other funny things that make us laugh or come together, but I think that it's so important. Sometimes I think people think the fun just happens in life, and sometimes it does. But a lot of times you have to create the fun. My grandma used to call it.

She used to say, forced fun is the best fun sometimes. And my grandma would be like, okay, we're all going to play this game and you'd be like, oh, but then it'd be like the most fun. And so it was always so good. So, you know, people might look at Matt Chandler and sometimes like, he's preaching like so seriously and it's like so good and we're all behind him. And we are always like, honestly, his preaching is something that just we listen to Christian listens every Sunday I listen just about every Sunday. Yeah, and just we learn so much from but what is something that you a matte do for fun

You all have something that like makes y'all laugh together that you do fun or maybe it's different and you can laugh at each other in it Yeah, I agree. So something that we didn't know that long long ago actually was dance. Like we are 12-year-old. So we have this river cabin that we share with friends that's like two hours away and one like weekend we all went out there in my 12-year-old and then two the, some of the other girls of the other family, they left to turn on YouTube and do the dance videos you know like from just dance or whatever and so we took turns like the adults doing the just dance video and we die laughing it was so fine I remember what was so fun was like because our 18 year old was even,

she and her boyfriend were entering in and dancing with us. And I mean, ridiculous dances. And I remember like falling into bed with that that night. And just my heart was so full. It was just fun to act like a kid again. And to not take ourselves so seriously and to just enjoy one another and be goofy and be childlike again.

And so we do different things to have fun. I feel like we should do a better job of having fun. We need to read Amy Down's book. That sounds fun. So we can remember. I'm so excited to have fun again. So give you a fun list. She will sounds fine, so we can remember. So we can remember. So we can remember how fun again. So give you a fun list.

She will. She's so good at that. But that's something that just recently we did that felt good. To be silly and laugh together and laugh. Yeah, it was good. We were talking to Louis Gaglio earlier because we were talking about passion and we started talking about how Louis Like told me a Christian how like a lot of people

You know sometimes like when you're young and especially like in faith like you feel like you have to be like very serious and Which is true like yes, you need to be serious about your faith But sometimes that makes you just like a very like serious person and like you can feel like from the outside And if you don't quite understand like actually a relationship with God but your more Religious it can feel like very rigid and I was telling Louis how I kind of went through that first season like when I got really serious about my faith I got like to be like a really serious person and I kind of felt like I was like losing like The joy like in my life like sometimes like I was like losing like the joy like in my life.

Like sometimes like I was like losing like the funniness that I knew I had in like just the humor and stuff. And one day I kind of realized not even a day, I think it was more like a season of life. It was really dating Christian and getting to know Christian because he's so serious about his faith too. And like 100% committed to going out and making disciples and preaching to the nation. Like 100% serious about it, but also like reminding me like, hey, you get a fun too.

And like, you know, who you are is like, who God has created. And actually like, God created joy. And like, and laughter. And like, even dance. And also like, you can have humor, but it'd be completely clean and pure and edifying. And I feel like once I realize that,

I really kind of embrace who I was originally created to be. And when I match that with the seriousness of my faith and just to joy the Lord, I became such a better person. And so I think sometimes like especially maybe for people listening, if you thought like religion meant like no fun, that is not a relationship with Jesus is like, it is actually like the abundance of fun in the most pure way. And so I love that we get to talk about that. The last thing you want to ask here is a question. I actually asked Christian and his mom the other day. We were in a car on a little bit of a drive. And I was looking at the window and I was just like,

what's the coolest thing God's ever done in your life? And it was such a good conversation because of course we couldn't name one. We ended up talking for like an hour about it. And then even when we stopped at the gas station had an amazing god moment with a person there. And it was like, that's another cool thing. Yeah. It's just cool to think like that. To remember his faithfulness and the times that he did amazing things. And when you read the Bible, even like, you know, when you read about all the people walking

around in the mountain, all the Israelites, it's like, sometimes like, how did you forget like that god? Like, made it rain, man, and he's swift all the Israelites, it's like sometimes you're like, how did you forget that God made it rain, man, and he's swift to see, but it's so easy to forget when you don't constantly choose to remember and tell the stories and pass the stories on. And so I would love to hear something in your life that God did that you just thought was so cool. So I immediately thought of this story in particular particular and it happened not that long ago.

I, um, we were going through just a dark season. It was just hard. I would say for me personally, starting in 2018, through about, um, probably late 2020. And it was just hard. It was a hard season. I was like, are we supposed to be doing this? You know, it's questioning a lot of where it got had us. And there was hard things happening inside our home

with one of our kids. And I just remember that was the one, that was the part that really was the hardest for me was going through that. And I remember there were times that I was like in our kitchen and I would have like worship music belaying and I would just be praying and singing and crying out to God on behalf of my kid. And just like at my wits end, like, Lauren, I don't know what to do. I need you to come through here.

And so at the around the same time, so I would say gosh, probably January of 2019, I had seen this field, okay, back up in 2018, like in the spring. I had seen this field of red poppies on this drive out in the country. And it was so stunning that I literally gasped when I saw it. And I was like, I want those red poppies. I want to grow those red poppies. I need them now. And so I found a packet of red poppies. I want to grow those red poppies. I need them now.

And so I found a packet of red poppy seeds and I planted them like in early 2019, hoping that they would come up, you know, later that spring like in April, May. And I remember planting them and I remember like April, May just watching it. I would go out there and I would just look for anything that kind of looks like a poppy growing.

Never saw anything. Nothing ever grew. So that was, you know, April May 2019. And that was in the midst of a hard year. And then early 2020, I mean, that was horrible for everybody. 2020 was just a weird, strange year. It's still strange in 2021. But things probably intensified from February to March

with this kid. And I was just like, is that at my withsend? And then there was something changed at the end of March. And I started to see a change in that kid. And I was like, praise God. Like, I see a glimmer of hope, like, just a spark of something happening. Lord, what do you just blow on that spark?

And it was like late April. And I was looking at my kitchen window and I'm an avid bird watcher and I have a pair of binoculars by my kitchen sink. So I can look at my kitchen window at my bird feeder. And in this pasture behind our house,

I saw this bright red thing and I thought, I always had a cardinal and then I thought, no, it's like looks like it's sitting on a blade of grass so it'd be too heavy that would make sense. And then I get my binoculars out and I look at a gasp again.

And I read out there as fast like it was a Sunday morning my kids are like where did mom go. We're trying to get ready for church and I ran out there as fast I had mom go, we were trying to get ready for church and I ran out there as fast as I could and I saw this one big poppy blooming right there. And there was like a stream of sunshine coming straight down on it. And I just started crying and I literally danced like arms in the ear like thank you God

because I felt like what a poppy represented. It was like he was saying, those tears that you sow, those prayers that you sowed in tears, like were like those seeds, those puppy seeds. You entrusted them to me, you planted them, you waited, and I brought the bloom at the right time. So I had to wait for him. I had to wait for his timing.

I thought I would see it sooner and I didn't, but I did see it. And he did come through. It went in my timing. But he did come through. And so that's been kind of a god, just a sweet, I feel like a hug from him, where it was like, he said, I see you, I hear you, and I've got you.

Wow, wow, come on, that is so cool. I like, chills just thinking about that. God, he's so intentional and how, it's so cool because he's the creator of us and even like nature. And so the fact that he could time it so beautifully that like the minute one of your children is kind of having this breakthrough, there comes the breakthrough in the ground showing that like growth is happening.

Like things are changing. It's a new season. That's like the coolest thing ever. I just am so excited for people to listen to this podcast because I know so many things that you said, people personally in my life right now who need to hear them, I need to hear so much of what you said I mean from so many standpoints from personal calling to marriage to kids and everything just like

your faith and all of it is so beautiful and your transparency for the hard things and the good things is just absolutely beautiful so I feel like I kind of forgot we were doing a podcast and I was having coffee with you. And I'm thankful for that friend. Thanks for being on and sharing your story, sharing your heart and just giving us your time because I know for a fact, people will be changed by this and I'm so excited.

Thank you, thank you, I appreciate it. you