Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - 300 Episodes of Why Won't You Date Me (w/ Sasheer Zamata)

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

It's episode 300! But how is Nicole STILL SINGLE?  On this milestone occasion, she's joined by her best friend Sasheer Zamata (co-host of Best Friends) to get to the bottom of it. In this special retrospective, they explore:How Nicole's dating life has evolved with the podcastThe highs and lows of her love lifeTheir favorite dates they've been onThe best dating advice they've receivedTheir new favorite sex toys they've been usingAnd they answer your questions about whether you should call out cheating in other people's relationships, dating someone with a bad social media persona, and their thoughts on Tinx's Box Theory.We're back in the studio, and folks, the energy is unhinged. You don't want to miss this one. Be sure to check out Sasheer's new special, THE FIRST WOMAN, available at 800 Pound Gorilla.  Follow Nicole Byer: See Nicole on tour! Get tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746 

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where Mina Kulbaya has been single for 300 episodes! Boopity-boo!

I don't know why, and it's kind of sad, but if you say it with a smile, you will have a nervous breakdown! Ah! Ah! Truly, I don't know why it's been 300 episodes. And guess what? Okay. This is a milestone episode. And I want to take a moment of self-reflection. Why is dating still so hard? What have I learned? What am I doing wrong? Plus later, we'll be answering some listener questions isn't that exciting okay so okay you listen every week so you know that i get a new

guest every week i've only repeated i think three guests maybe four three i got it right mars yeah okay but this time i needed a real expert on my psyche and there's nobody better than my guest today. She's my best friend and co-hot It's okay. You got it. I can't believe I missed I said co-hot. Because we are co-hot. We are two hotties large

and in charge. Okay, she's my best friend. She's my co-host on my other podcast, Best Friends. Her new comedy special, The First Woman, is out now on the internet! You can get it everywhere!

Also, she's been on TV shows. She's been in movies. I don't think she's ever released an album of songs. No. Good, because if you said actually, I was literally going to leave. Okay.

She's here in studio with me. We spent the last four days together. It's Sashay's Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. We did it. We did it. Hi, hi, Mena, Mena. We did it. We did it. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Okay, so we're in studio. Yes.

Here in Larchmont, live from Larchmont, California. Sunny Larchmont, California. Sunny Larchmont. Okay, so we're in studio. We also, okay, it's like a crossover episode of Best Friends. Yes. So we also have our Best Friends engineer, Jordan in the house hello hello and mars is here in person yeah mars hi mars is truly my favorite i love her so much okay um an update on my personal dating life because i haven't really been talking about

it because i haven't been dating the apps are bad i matched with a man in amsterdam the day i left amsterdam damn i had my period for the full 14 days i was on vacation did i say this on okay full 14 days i got it the night before he left the clock struck midnight and it said hello I bleed and I bled and then the day I land it is the day it stopped the day I matched with a man who said he didn't know who I was he was like well he didn't say like right off the bat he was like what's your um Instagram we can keep in touch via Instagram and that'll be nice and fun and I said sure this is my handle and he went wow you have a lot of followers and I don't really I don't have a TV so I don't know anything about Netflix or anything I think he like went through the Instagram and

discovered things and then he was like I'm more of a book guy so I wrote I like books and he did not respond because I don't think he believed me. But I do like books. You do like books. You read. I do. I read Tina Turner's memoir on the beach. And guess what? What?

Not a beach read. Oh, because it's very sad. Yeah, I'd be like, Ike, hit me with a shoehorn. And I was like, got to get in the water. It was bad. The only, I think I mentioned, yeah, I mentioned this on a prior episode. Maybe it hasn't come out yet. It's with Naomi.

Will that be out before or after this? After this. Oh, so you'll hear it again. Okay. The only person who really hit on me was an old man in Thessaloniki with a neck brace on. Okay. He said, where are you going? I said, Thessaloniki.

He said, Thessaloniki is happy to have you. And then Mano and I were- He's like, would you like a Thessaloniki? That would have been good. Thank youah hickey that would have been good thank you jordan that would have been good if he said that i would have said he he ha ha you know where you are um how old are we talking i would say no older than 94 no less than 72. Old. Yeah. Old. Yeah. Nobody in Mykonos hit on me.

Nobody in Paris hit on me but they were stinky so I didn't want it. Sure. Not to like say all of France is stinky

but the parts of Paris have visited. There was a stench. Yeah. Nobody hit on me in Amsterdam. Maybe they like were looking above me.

They're all so tall. Yeah. I don't know. And then I went to Cabo where I was scammed out of $300. Okay, get this. I was extorted

at the airport. Everyone gather around. Listen up. I will not go back to Cabo. So I landed. I went to the duty free. I got cigarettes. So she has heard this. This is for everybody else. I got cigarettes because I said I'm going to Cabo. So I landed. I went to the duty free. I got cigarettes. So she has heard this.

This is for everybody else. I got cigarettes because I said, I'm going to restart my habit. And I said, it's the perfect time because there's a discount. So I buy two cartons for $49. That is a steal of the century. And then I'm going through customs and they said, do you have cigarettes with you? And I'm holding the bag in my hand. This man knows what cigarette cartons look like. So I was like, I'm not going to lie.

I'm in a foreign country. Usually I declare nothing. I put everything in my bag, but I was holding it. And I said, yeah, I have cartons. And he's like, go in there. So I go in there. And a lady goes, you have to pay taxes on that carton because you could only bring 10 packs. You have 20. The tax is 691%, which is $291 291 they had my passport they said i couldn't leave unless i paid it i said what if i go return it they said no i said what if i leave it they said no and there's a sign behind her that said report scams and i said how do you report the scam to the scammer so then i was like i don't have the money and they're like all right well what airline do you fly on i said delta she's like we're gonna call up delta and they'll send you back that's really funny we're gonna call up delta

and they'll send you back and i said but i don't have money to pay for this how will i pay for my flight home they said they'll the airline will arrange it and i really wanted to call her bluff but i was with my friend john and it had already been like 20 minutes and like people that come in and out paying like three four hundred five hundred dollars on this shit um and then i told her i was like i don't have any money so she went and talked to her supervisor she was like no my supervisor said you have to pay and i was like well can i have my password back she's like no you'll leave and i was like yeah you got me that is what i was trying to do exactly i was trying to run away yeah into the busy airport you'll never find me and i'm fast and then i ended up just having to pay damn so do you think

this would have happened on your way out of the country no and this also would not have happened if i had them in my bag and said i didn't have them yeah you gotta lie you gotta lie but then that's confusing because yeah when you're in a different country sometimes lying can be bad yes it's it's literally a scam because the duty free shouldn't have sold me 20 packs of cigarettes if I can only take 10 in the country. Yeah. They're in cahoots at the Cabo Airport.

And then they didn't want to let me leave. Instead of taking this lady out of line when I was leaving to go through her shit, they went through it just on the conveyor belt. And I was like, I got places to go. It was upsetting. I'm so sorry. Thank you. And I didn't meet anyone in Cabo

because married people go to resorts? Yeah, sometimes with their families and stuff. Yeah. There was no single people. It was really upsetting. Nowhere in my travels did I meet anyone who was like hey this is for me and i like it do you think you'll talk to that amsterdam guy more he has he go he's

ghosting me our last conversation was i like books and he didn't believe me maybe he actually doesn't like books and then you said i like books he's like oh shit here's what i don't have anything common he said so i don't have a tv or netflix you know large bookshelf guy exclamation point and then the next day he said how are you and i said lmao books are good i like them too okay, all right. I'm good. Still jet lag you. Ella Mayo, books are good. I'm fine. You are very, very fun.

I don't know. I just, I like can't even find anyone to just like hook up with. I feel like life has been like, no, not for you. Harder than it's ever been. Really harder than it's ever been? Yes. Damn. Like, the apps are not serving me any sort of person I want.

No offense to, if you're a listener, you've matched with me. They're like, okay, I guess I know where I stand. Yeah, I just like, nobody, you know how like, you'll see somebody and be like, I want to see more of that. Yeah. I haven't wanted to see more of that. Yeah. And then I was dating someone for a while. I think I talk about it. I talk about it on an episode comes out later.

Right. Maybe you haven't talked about it much. Oh, OK. Yeah. I was dating someone for like a little bit of time, but we were never officially anything. But it was like long enough that I'm sad about it. And I'm like, how come the universe won't give me you know what they say to people you haven't talked one time i'm really sorry i've just been going i mean do you want me to you haven't do you want me to say something you haven't asked me one question i have been

monopolizing this time but this is so but this is a retrospective on your dating life. So we do need to hear from you. Okay, thank you. That made me feel better. Yeah. But if you want my opinion, you just let me know. I'll be over here. I'm just feeling like a real hog.

That's okay. But you know that saying? It's like, get on a horse. No. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Giddy up. It's like, feel better on a horse. No. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Get up. Giddy up. It's like, feel better on a horse.

It's not about, like, getting back on. No. You want to get under a horse. A cowgirl gets on a horse. Does anyone know what a cowgirl is? Where have all the cowboys gone? That's Paula Cole. It's a saying.

It's like, you never feel better than, like, under a cowboy. Does anybody? I don't know what this is. It's like slamming to a cowboy. Is it save a horse, ride a cowboy? Yeah, I think so. And that's not what I want. But what was the point you were trying to make?

A rebound. The universe won't send me a rebound. I was like, but what was the point you were trying to make? A rebound. The universe won't send me a rebound. That is the saying I was going for, but that's not. This intent. Intent for the situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay.

That's okay. I get knocked down and I get up again. That Jumbo Wumba is probably more apt for this situation. Yeah, I just feel like I keep getting knocked down and then I I get up again. That Jumbawamba is probably more apt for this situation. Yeah. I just feel like I just keep I keep getting knocked down and then I half get up and I just get pummeled again. But my therapist did say dating is frustrating and you just have to accept it. This is true. Uh huh.

Yeah. It is frustrating. Oh well. Yeah. So any recent dating successes or failures. They're all failures But I'm trying really hard not to live in that world Because Steve Harvey said

Whatever you say is going to come back to you Like if you say I only meet dogs You're going to meet all the dogs in the world If you say I never make money You're never going to make money Every time I open a check I go I know how to make money and I'll always make it And checks keep coming

it sounds like it's working and i'll always make it i like that yeah i i will always make money i will whether i continue acting in entertainment i will always figure it out i am too cute to be broke okay i believe that right i'll just be the i think if i like whatever okay what were you saying come on i don't think there was an end okay okay so do i have any favorite moments from the podcast yes it's with you it's when we flew all the way down to arizona arizona yeah to meet a man who had called into Best Friends And I called my agent And I said

You need to set up a show For me to do a live episode I don't know why I didn't do stand up Oh cause I wanted him to come on The broadcast Yeah cause he I don't even know what question He asked on Best Friends

But we were like We like this voice Yes And we looked him up Yes And he wrote erotic fiction he did yeah yeah and we emailed back and forth we were like texting yeah and i think i was like just do a segment like just come on and just talk and we can whatever and then he was like i don't know i'm scared i was like you

don't have to what if we just meet and i set up a show and then he was like, okay, and then he canceled on me and then I didn't get to see him but I did offer women vibrators that I then had to fill. That was really funny because then you were like, you know, preaching how great this vibrator, it was Tracy's dog?

Tracy's dog. And then you're like, I'll give everyone in the audience a vibrator and everyone's like, woo! And then I remember you being like, oh, I didn't anticipate how many people would reach out

about this. Every single person who was at that show asked for a vibrator. And then I kept getting locked out of my Amazon account because they were like, this has to be fraud. Yes, yeah. You're buying one at a time vibrators and they're going to so many

different addresses. But buying one at a time in like multiple times're going to so many different but by one at a time in like multiple times because my friend eleanor was helping me so i would buy one she would buy one and it was just like what yeah so finally a lady on twitter was like i know someone at the company who can help fulfill the orders and then they did it and i was like phew this was bad yeah but great intentions and you've you've uh given the gift of orgasms to so many people. You know, I'm trying. If those who can't... Teach?

Teach? That's not it either. Those who can't give? I don't know. Okay. Did I ever expect this podcast to last 300 episodes? Also, I can ask these questions so you're not asking yourself questions. Oh, that would make for a nice back and forth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, do you have a question for me? I do. I do. Nicole, did you ever think that this podcast would reach 300 episodes? Sure didn't. Yeah. Or maybe,

I don't know, sometimes I'm pretty short-sighted with things. I guess I was like, I'll do this until I don't want to and I've had a lot of fun. Yeah. I've interviewed,

like, the coolest part about it is I went and saw the Tina Turner musical and then I was like, I want to talk to her and then I was like, Mars,

I want to talk to her and then the next week I was talking to her. Yeah. It's very fucking cool. Yeah. Violet Davis is next. I want to talk to that lady. She's cool. She's cool. I love her. I was talking to her. It's very fucking cool. Violet Davis is next. I want to talk to that lady.

She's cool. She's cool. I love her. I think it could happen. Do you think? I think so. Yeah. I don't know what she would,

I'm just dying to know any of her stories. Right? Yeah. And I need to finish her book. I started it. It's like, I'm in the childhood phase, but I want to get to the college phase because I'm very interested to hear about what

her life was like, because I think she went to Yale. I wanna know what that was like. What was Yale like? And didn't she, oh maybe I'm thinking of Angela Bassett. I was gonna say, didn't she go to school at the same time as another actor, but I think Angela Bassett and Denzel went at the same time. Maybe, I'd also like Angela Bassett.

Absolutely. God, she's so beautiful and talented. Ah, those arms. Do you think this podcast has helped your dating life? No, not at all. Simply no. Absolutely not. Truly maybe has hindered it.

Oh, really? How? Just sometimes I'll meet people who will be like, ah, don't talk about me on your podcast. But then also, the person I dated for a while was like, don't talk about me on the podcast. Also, don't talk about me in your stand-up. Also, don't ever mention me to a friend. They were a very private person.

And that was a very hard thing to understand because I have no secrets. Not nary a one. Yeah, it's hard for you to keep a tight lip on things. Yeah, we've talked about it on the podcast. We talked about it a lot this weekend, how I can't murder. Because I would hop on this podcast and be like,

guys, I did a thing. I murdered! And then some listener would be like, I'm going to call the police. Everyone would be like,'m gonna call the police everyone be like diva get it it's like we have very very uh distinct details about someone's murder she told us step by step what happened and where it is oh boy yeah yeah i went on one date with a guy i know i talked about this but he was like i don't know who you are. I have seen you on Conan. My roommates listen to you.

Don't talk about me on your podcast. And then he was so poorly behaved. I was like, my must. Just don't be a fool. Yeah. And I won't talk about you. Don't be bad. Just be normal.

And then Field is a kink app that I was like, maybe I can just fuck somebody on that. Every single person was like, I listen to Why Won't You Date Me? And I was like maybe I can just fuck somebody on that every single person was like I listen oh why won't you date me and I'm like okay and then people friends of friends would see me on it and then tell friends and then those friends would tell me and I was like I don't want this wait friends so people who don't know you but know your friends yes would say I saw Nicole on field say you have a friend named George Bob. George Bob saw me on field and then George Bob told you and then you told me.

I was like I don't have secrets but like I want to live it before other people know it. Yeah. I get that. I was on OkCupid in 2011 or something like that.

In the UCB days. I remember on ok cubid in 2011 or something like that at the in the ucb days and uh i remember someone who like worked the door or the the box office at ucb saw me on it and instead of messaging me in person like saw like when i showed up to the theater was like hey hey, I saw you on OkCupid. And I was like, oh, okay. And just like being perceived felt weird. And then he was also like a regular on OkCupid and was like, I can give you some tips on how to like make your profile good. And I was like, I don't want any of this. And I actually deleted it pretty quickly after. Yeah, there's something about like people

knowing things that's out of my control. Like that, like that's something I can control. So like I want to control it a little bit. I once, I don't know if I talked about on this podcast, probably in the early days, the old story.

Yeah. I matched with someone at okay. Cupid started talking and then I was like, I don't think I like them. And then they walked off the elevator of UCB, the training center when I was working so I dove under the desk but they saw that happen because the doors opened and they saw someone and then they were gone and then he leaned over and was like hi and I was like hi hi um and then he was like where's classroom this one and I

was like over there and then a week later we were in the same class oh no i was like there's no desk in this room wait were you guys talking on that we were messaging back and forth and then i stopped messaging because i thought he was a little weird yeah i got the ick he never brought it up no okay but he stared at me a lot in class i don't know yeah yeah that maybe would have happened even if you weren't messaging yeah sometimes. Sometimes weirdos pass through those classes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I want to ask you this.

Okay. Has there ever been a time when dating has affected our friendship? I would like to hear your answer. What do you think? Oh, I guess I've never really dated dated anyone. Or just either of us dating has that affected our friendship not affected I spiral I go crazy crazy crazy just thinking about you dating that was really good that was very good for off the dome it's good thank you i've had you jacked

up came in hot late we gotta do it it's like we're good on time you have to like speed through this right yeah i truly have nothing after this oh my god thank you I was really proud of myself that was very good yeah I guess I was like well if you start dating someone seriously you'll get wrapped up and like

a tornado and go away cause that's what tornadoes do they wrap things up and go like a house? yeah which is cuckoo little cuckoo bananas it's not cuckoo it's just like you know probably abandonment stuff or yeah because of my do my two two dead parents. Do, do, do, do, do, two dead parents. Do, do, do, do, two dead ones.

I do have abandonment issues. So like, that is a very me problem, me thing. And I shouldn't, it's a fun conversation I've been having with my therapist. It's something that

I shouldn't project onto people or be like, are you gonna leave me? If they do, they do. And it's something that i shouldn't project on to people or be like are you gonna leave me yeah if they do they do and it's not fulfilling some sort of prophecy adult relationships ebb and flow and change and uh yeah so yeah when you you got into a serious relationship a couple years ago years and years and years and years and years ago 52 years ago um yeah i felt like i was like i'm getting left behind and then our relationship did change because that's what happens but it wasn't like bad yeah i think also a lot was happening because i also moved across the country no you moved i moved across i was supposed to also move and i

did not then i also was dating someone then i also got a job that was consuming my whole life. So it was like a lot of things that would indicate, oh, she's going away. Or like our relationship's going to change. Which, yeah, I guess it did change a little bit. But also, you know, we had enough talks where we got to the point where we're like, oh, we really do want to be in each other's lives. And we need to work on that to make that happen. Yeah. Yeah.

So, affected, we navigated, it's good. It's good. Yeah, I feel like I also learned, because you have dated people, mainly just one person,

who was bad, a bad man. He had a huge dick. It was uncut, baby. Wow, wow, wow. Uncut and unhinged. It was unhinged. Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, bad boy. Yeah, and I think if this was happening now, maybe, well, who knows? I have no idea. But I was going to say I was probably harsh with my criticisms of this journey, which I think made you pull back and not want to tell me stuff. But then I hope I found a happy medium where I was like, I wanted to give some advice but not try to

control what you're doing because you have to learn these lessons on your own and all I can do is listen and hope for the best and then eventually it worked out the way it was supposed to work out. Yeah he moved without telling me and I was like hey what are you doing this day and he was like in a new state and I was like hey what are you doing this day and he was like in a new state

and i was like wait what oh that was a good time yeah um what's the funniest double date or group date you've both been on we have had a very funny double date it was in that pizza place oh yeah, yeah. And we couldn't stop laughing. Yes, that was one of a dinner where the person I was dating was like, are you always the loud table? And I was like, yes. One of the questions we asked the server is, what is gelato? Yeah, because we were trying to figure out how to compare gelato and ice cream.

And I was like, well, gelato's thinner. Everyone knows that. And then everyone was like, you don't even eat ice cream. Why do you have an opinion on this? And then we asked the server, well, how would you describe gelato? And she goes, it's ice cream. And then what was it that you screamed at her? Because there was a dessert that had budino in it.

What's budini? Because you missed the beginning of it. Because I was like, what is it? And then she was like, oh, it's a dessert. And I was like, but what is budini? What is it? And she was like, oh, it's like an addition to the thing. And I was like, what's budini?

And then that's when you clocked in and you you're like why are you screaming at the server but she does this thing with servers where her hand her hands are on flat on the table and she leans back and tilts up and goes and i had explained that to the person i was dating before or no maybe i told him about how you fought a coat rack uh i don't know, I told him something about how wild you were at restaurants. And he was like, it's happening. He was like, I'm here to witness it. She's doing the thing.

Very funny. That was a good, that was really fun. That was a nice time. What? What's Poutine? We went to a restaurant yesterday and I don't know what the server said. Or maybe her hand was out. And so she just started scrambling, picked up I don't know what the server said or maybe her hand was out and so she started scrambling,

picked up a plate, looked at the server and went, this? Because I think, I think I thought she was saying, like, like making a gesture like, do you want me to take any plates?

But then I, I like had a moment of doubt where I was like, or maybe she's asking a different question. So I kind of like searched the table and I was like, or maybe she's asking a different question. So I kind of searched the table. I was like, do you want this? And I just handed her my empty plate. And she was like, sure.

Oh, boy. That was very funny. Yeah. I think I left that date. And I was making dolphin noises. And he didn't like that. Listen. That's a red flag for him.

We all have to live our truths. Yeah. It's because that pizza place is near a gas station with hedges that are like dolphins yes and so you must

make the noise and that's the same gas station where I asked if you had mashed potatoes oh is it really it is

oh how nice we love that gas station can I please have mashed potatoes out of context sounds wild. In context, is wild. Should we take a break?

And we're back. Okay. What's the best piece of advice that you've received on love and relationships? Hmm. So what's the best piece of advice that you've received on love and relationships? I mean, there's always things like communication is key. And I guess like taking a step back to self-reflect. Like sometimes if you have an issue with another person, there's a good chance that the issue just might be your issue so yeah reflecting and like fully analyzing what is happening because maybe there's some there's some inner work that could be happening that can

help the two of you i think the best advice i've gotten is to like be yourself because it's like if you hide the crazy it's gonna come out it's gonna come out one of these days yeah um i was so i have like i think it's like pmdd or something i get very moody and like irrational the week of my period and the week before my it's it's like a solid 14 days out of my month where i'm like maybe it's happening now um but we like the dude i was dating we like got into a fight and then i like went to the bathroom and i was like oh oopsies and then i was like hey i'm on my period i'm really sorry about what i said earlier maybe if you just ask me when we're fighting are you on your period that would be helpful and he was like that's a trap that's it does sound like a trap he's like

why why would you think that's good if you're like elevated and heat and don't know you're on your period? And I go, Hey, you'd be wild. Are you on your period? He's like, do you think that's good?

And I was like, I still think it's okay, but I also understand that I will react negatively. It's a rock and roll place. Yeah. There's no winning that conversation. And then I was like, what if you track it?

And he's like, I don't want to track it. Cause then you have to tell me when you're on it and i was like oh well there are apps where the where your partner can just see when you're like what's happening in your cycle so but i put in the information they can see it yeah you put in the information for yourself and they have access to it so they can see like oh okay she's about to have a period next weeks and also i don't remember what the app is called but there's one where it says like specific things like she might be craving

these kinds of things or she might need to do more movement or and kind of like sweetly instruct the partner on what to do like maybe buy her some flowers or like maybe like get her a heating pillow and like put give it to her while you're watching TV or something. And it's kind of like a cheat sheet for the woman's body. I think the next relationship I get into, I gotta give him that and be like, here, I'm wild. This will help. This will help. Yeah.

I have questions for you. Okay. Sashir. Sashir. Yes. We've been friends for so long. So long. Too long, let's say.

What? There's someone out there who's like, let's wrap this up. I've had enough of this. I don't like it. When will this end? Oh, yuck.

How have you seen my dating journey evolve over the years? Ooh. You are so, you are like so much better at communication and i'm like genuinely proud at how like how much effort you put into a relationship and how good you are at communicating

your emotions like when they happen or after the fact and i don't know all the ins and outs of your dating life, but from what I've seen, you have grown into a more mature way of dating than when we first became friends. Thank you. Yeah. I think it's because I've evolved from a Samantha to a Charlotte. Interesting. Where I think everyone thinks Charlotte's like this huge prude. But Charlotte was fucking to marry. Charlotte fucked almost as many people

as Samantha in the series. Believe me, I went back and I watched. But yeah, because now I'm like, I would like a partner. Like sex is good and fine, but like, what if we just stay inside and eat? And watch a movie maybe. But mostly eat. What's the most memorable state what's the most memorable what's the most memorable dating story of mine that you can't forget

um when you took someone to the burbank airport to go to the guy pieri restaurant i actually saw it the other day when we went upstate and I was like, oh, that reminds me of that date. It must have happened here. It did. Yeah. Depending on which side you were on.

I think I was in Terminal A? It was Delta? No, it was Avelo? Was it a full restaurant? It was, yeah. It was a restaurant. It looked small, but yeah, it was a restaurant restaurant? It was, yeah. It was a restaurant. It looked small. But yeah, it was a restaurant.

So I didn't realize that there was a restaurant on one side and a burger joint on the other. Okay. I wanted the restaurant, but we ended up at the burger joint. Imagine. Color me embarrassed. Oh, no. You know, that is one of my favorite dating stories. And I was like, it's all downhill from here.

Steve Harvey's right. You say things that comes to you but I was like how come that person didn't want to fucking marry me honestly when you had that date I was like locked and loaded this is this is it right like how could you this you've peaked

on your dating life they're never going to find anyone as interesting as you I know I think that constantly yeah every time I go on a date with someone I I'm like, you'll never find someone more interesting than me. No. Which sounds really high on myself, but I just told you I made dolphin noises leaving a restaurant.

You're fun. She's spontaneous. Yeah. Okay. But I'm like, I'm really fun. Yeah. But also annoying. The person I was dating, we started watching The Office.

That's what started my office journey. Did you know The Office is funny? Yes, I do remember when you asked that. You're like, have you seen The Office? It's really funny. I'm like, yeah. And the best part is, I am genuine about it. I didn't realize everybody loved it as much as they did.

And I didn't realize how funny it was. But I twerked to the theme song every time it came on. That's really funny. Why wouldn't you marry me? You can have that for the rest of your life. This is true. I think maybe I tucker people out and they're like I need a slower speed person.

Maybe. But then that's not the person that you need. Yeah I'm a Lamborghini. I need a racetrack person it's gotta go fast gotta go fast and you're in your side shirt i told you that i finally watched the movies right i'm so sorry it took me so long listen it is okay little disappointing you didn't wait for me to watch it wait with me yes i've been dying to watch it with you but you won't invite me over to watch it because you said you don't want me to watch your favorite movies anymore with you.

I forgot. I forgot I did that. Because you're like scared that I'm going to criticize it. I fully forgot. I got to rectify that with my therapist. I was like, I can't believe she watched them without me. And she was like, that's a you problem. She spends a lot of time being like, this is you.

Yeah. No, I would have loved to have watched it. I think when you asked about it, I was lot of time being like, this is you. Yeah. No, I would have loved to have watched it. I think when you asked about it, I was like, I want to watch it with you. And you were like, no. You didn't love the Minions as much as I wanted you to love the Minions. So we are no longer allowed to watch movies together. And my cousin Vinny. Yeah.

Fair. Okay. I'm glad that got cleared up. I'm so glad you watched them. Do you understand why I cried I actually do need to ask for clarification I loved the movies

but I do want to know what the personal connection is Sonic is going so fast that he can't really make friends also he's an alien and I feel like

sometimes I'm going so fast and sometimes I find myself unrelatable because I I like have a lot of feelings and I'm a very strange person. So I feel like I don't get to make as close connections with people as I'd like want to. Now I do. Now being medicated has made it a little easier. Like our new friend yesterday, I literally in the car was like, will you be my friend?

And then burst into tears. I think she thought I was doing a bit, but I was like, no. And she's like, man, my friendship following you is all over the place. That's very funny. But yeah, I just like, I feel so much and I'm moving fast.

So when Sonic finally found a family, I was like, it's all he wanted since the owl sent him to a different dimension because he misses the owl I'm gonna cry now but Sonic I loved it

and then the second movie, Tails he's just adding to the friendship circle. Yeah, the whole family now. And it's really nice. It's really, really nice. Oh, boy. Yeah, and I love James Marston's relationship with Sonic.

It does turn more father-son in the second one, and I did like the friendship aspect in the first. Yeah, we didn't need like a dad thing. And I'm hoping in the third we come back, we come back, we come back around to be more friendship based. Oh my God. Now I'm crying because I'm too involved

in my Sonic journey. And then Jim Carrey was so funny. He was really, really funny. He was perfect for that role. He really was. Yeah. This is a,

I'm going to ask you, what do you think makes you a catch oh i feel like i'm good energy to have around i feel like i can try to balance anyone's energy who's around me but i feel like if we are complementary energy i feel like I am good to have around. I'm usually down to do stuff and like try things that might scare me, but then be like, no, I don't want to do that no more, but thank you for letting me try. And I'm fun. You're also very loving. Oh. And you tell people, I don't, you don't, you don't say it exactly but like you you have ways of telling people like why you like them or like being affectionate like i was sitting on a couch touching a sweatshirt and you climbed right up on top of me and said can i have a piece let me get a little piece of that and it was like you were comfortable enough to

ask for a little piece of sweatshirt and climb on me and it felt very loving okay um can you recall a time when you thought this is the one for nicole but it didn't work out was that the air the airport one yeah yeah yeah i mean what a what a dummy because i really was like i mean how is this person not gonna marry her on the spot like also because you you not only did you take them to not only did you buy a plane ticket to get entrance into the burbank airport in order to go to the guy fieri restaurant you also requested to be in like ball outfits like or like you were like weren't you in a gown no that's an applebee's date i'm so sorry yeah i wore a gown that Reda gave me

because she was like, when I first moved to LA, I had no money. And she was like, you are going to go to fancy things. Here is like, not like a semi-formal gown for like a dinner or something.

So I wore that to Applebee's. But no, I asked him to wear flames, some sort of Guy Fieri-esque outfit. He added a cowboy hat. And I was like, oh my god, he is into it. And I kept being like, if you're not into it, we don't have to go through it. We have to go through TSA. We went through TSA.

The TSA people were like, whoa, what is this? No luggage and a cowboy hat? What's happening? We valeted the car. The people in the valet were like what is this and i was like we'll be back in an hour and then the tsa people were like you're dressed weird we're like we're going to the guy fury restaurant and they were like and then where and i was like what's that ticket say they're like solid city i was like then we're going to solid city um and

then while we were eating they're like, buyer and whatever his name was. And we were like, ha ha, that's us. Ha ha, we're not getting on that plane. No. And then the bartender was like, wow, you guys are dressed like this restaurant. We were like, we came for the restaurant. Everyone we encountered was like, you are weird.

But that's fun. Yeah. Then we went to a tiki bar after. I was like, are weird but that's fun yeah then we went to a tiki bar after it was i was like marry me and he said i will not in fact i'll break up with you while you're in new york city and i have to do the today show tomorrow morning oh god yeah my eyes were so puffy someone find the footage if you can set me up with a celebrity who would it be and why you better say someone i like oh that's a lot of pressure i would say um if i really had to think about it vin diesel yes thank you oh my god yes yeah oh god i love vin diesel yeah oh my god i wonder if he would do the podcast oh yeah i feel like it you just froze in time you're not moving at all and your eyes are closed and your mouth is open what happened to you the thought of it really blew me away we

gotta get vin on the show i honestly i don't know if I could handle it. I I would have to take a Klonopin or something. Like, I really You'd be too amped up. I might. I might give myself a heart attack. What if I passed away because I met Vin Diesel? That would be really wild. That would be really wild.

She died doing what she really wanted to do, which is meet Vin. Ugh. But also, i have another one in mind do you know who marshawn lynch is he's yes football he's ex-football player yes he's hot and he feels i have no idea what his relationship status is but feels like he has good vibes he seems really funny and yeah i don't know i feel like you guys would compliment each other well listeners get him on the horse get him on the horse

if anyone knows Marshall tell him I'm looking he's probably dating someone all famous people are like dating somebody oh my god I okay we've had countless conversations about relationships we have what advice have you given me that

you wish I'd take to heart oh boy have I given you advice I mean I think I think on specific things that were happening to you in the moment but I don't know if I've given you general dating advice like be yourself or like no that would be insane if you ever said that to me i'd push you down some stairs hey you're so mad i'd be like what that's like a casting director being like have some fun

also you're nothing but yourself so that wouldn't be good advice yeah i don't know how to not be myself yeah it's almost to a fault no oh boy okay, boy. Okay. As my close friend, do you think there's anything I should change or do differently when dating? No. No. I think it, like, depends on who you're with. You adapt to whoever you're with. And the relationship, the next relationship you'll have will be different than any relationship you've ever had because it's just a different person. So it's, like, you'll meet that person, adjust new new issues will pop up but also new

like wins and successes and learning moments will pop up and yeah you'll figure it out then i will say this the guy i was dating was like the longest i've dated somebody men don't make any sort of sense it was because i know i don't really make sense but they really don't make sense yeah and that And that was an interesting thing. Interesting thing, thing, interesting thing to, to like learn.

Yeah. They, yeah, there's a lot of, um, confusing men. And I, you know,

it sucks cause they are at a disadvantage when they are released into the world. Cause you know, I think there's, there's a movement of men getting into therapy but it's still like a slow journey it's not not everyone's therapied not everyone's analyzing their stuff um or reflecting or communicating um and some are but then are still like still don't have all the tools so yeah it's uh it's it's it's and also i do feel like women are more trained to do that at a younger age we also just grow up faster because if you're an older sister you've taken care of people so you know how to nurture better than men do already or if you like you know if you're your your mom's helper in the house now you know how to like keep a house clean and all the like we know how to be have a a home like we know we're like domesticated at a very young age

and men aren't so there's already an imbalance when we get together and then i think a lot of problems happen when people like move in together or talk about finances or anything that's like this is hard and very adult. Then you start running to issues where it's like, oh, you were never trained or like or you're feral. You're a feral being. Or you just you just didn't learn about that or maybe even never even thought about it which is a problem that the parents created honestly i watched a tiktok of this lady who is like my husband and i or the man she's dating i don't know if they're actually married legally but they have a duplex she lives in the bottom he lives on the top i think i saw

that one too yeah and she's like it's great and then people were like well how what have you cared for and i was like well that's not what the issue she's just telling you how she's living yeah but i was like i want that i don't want someone in my house yeah my house my friend my high school friend from australia john came to visit he looked around he went this is peewee's playhouse for girls and that made me i was like tm that's very funny trademark that shit yeah um but i was like yeah i don't want someone coming in here and messing with my insane home yeah yeah you have to compromise and like yeah i don't know put like a guns and roses poster up on on your wallpaper or something ew yuck honestly that really gave me chills. It like, ugh.

On my leopard print wallpaper. It'd be awful. In my flamingo room. I have a flamingo room. You do have a flamingo room. I was like, yeah, I don't want that. And this sounds insane, but I'm like, I would rent a place with you. Yeah. Where I stayed

part time. And then when I'm working, go back to my home or when I'm done with you. Yeah. Or I stayed part time and then when I'm working go back to my home or when I'm done with you. I think that's ideal. It's because there's no rules. You don't have to live with your partner

24-7. You can spend as much time with them as you want to. Yeah. It could be 8-3. Eight hours a day three days a week baby. Oh okay.

Come on. You didn't follow that. I didn't. I was like what? It's okay. Also I threw out a bunch of sex toys this is coming out of left field yeah there's nothing that anyone has said that led me to this let's go there popped in my head so i bought a machine that you ride because i was so horny and i was like i need someone else to do this i'm tired and i didn't like it yeah it was like 400 it was so

much money and i was like can i resell this but i was like i don't think someone wants to buy a used sex machine yeah so i ended up throwing it out yeah and then i had a riding pillow yeah threw that out i was like oh my god i'm not trying to climb up on things anymore and i had a bunch of dildos and i was like i don't really use those anymore. Yeah. So I'm now down to my two true trustees. My Hitachi and my little G-Spot guy. Great. I feel like I've moved into a new era. What is that era?

I don't know. Simplicity. That's good though. I had so much hope. And like wonder. And I was like, what about this one? What about a rosebud? Wait, what's a rosebud?

It looks like a rosebud and you put it on your clit. Does it suck? Yeah, kind of. It's fine. I still like Tracy's dog every now and again. You sent me a Tracy's dog and the power of it propelled me out of the bed. I was like, oh my God.

I couldn't handle it. It is wild. And I do like, it's special. I've been using it for special occasions. For when the drought has really been droughting and there's no sign of water or life. So lately I've been really using it. Time for break two break two over okay so we have questions that people have submitted um let's do

um okay my question is should you ever tell someone that their boyfriend slash girlfriend cheated on them? Most people say they would want to know, but in my lived experience, disclosing seems to cause more harm than good, especially if the cheater and the cheated have no eminent plans to end the relationship. That word looked tough to me. Eminent? Yeah.

But I got it. it yes you did thank you yes because i mean i've been privy to a relationship where one person was cheating on the other person and a friend knew i didn't know but a friend knew this and the cheating was happening for over time and finally they broke up and then once she found out all this information they broke up about other things and then he was like by the way i've been cheating and she's like what and then i think that's a wild thing to do after you break up yes kind of no need no it's like i really want you to feel bad yeah but maybe he's feeling guilty i don't know yeah it's to like absolve your own conscience yeah and then i guess she asked a common friend of theirs did you know this was happening and he was like i did and so now

that relationship is tarnished because she's like well i'm your friend too like why didn't you tell me so i think it's just like i mean it's kind of like you do want the couple to handle their own business amongst themselves. But I think if you see your friend being disrespected for a long time, it's kind of like this person should know this because no one should be treated like this. I agree. I do not think I'll have a long heart to heart with you.

Not you, the friend who's being cheated on or whatever. I think I would be like, I found out some news about infidelity in your relationship. And I think that's something that you need to talk to your partner about. And I really don't want to be involved. It's just I heard a thing or I saw a thing. And please, I don't want to be involved. But I think you should know.

Yeah. Oh, but that's that's like begging for extra questions I know infidelity what where do you have screenshots who told you that's please talk to you that is your partner you and your partner that doesn't have anything to do with me yeah but it's

juicy and you should ask sooner than later okay time is of the essence time is of the essence time's of the essence um solved let's see okay i've been dating this girl who i get along with very well but her social media habits have been a huge turn off she constantly she's constantly posting story updates like a dozen or so a day. Mostly thirst traps of her at the gym. Well, you knew who you were getting. And even when we're out together, she's always recording and posting to socials.

She posts so much and most of it is pretty cringe to watch. She's amazing otherwise. Smart, beautiful, funny. We have a lot of hobbies in common, but her social media persona sucks. She posts so much that I want to mute her stories, but I can't because then I'll miss her close friend's stories. I feel like if I didn't follow her on Instagram, I'd be madly in love with her. My question for you is,

have you ever met someone who was really great in person, but their online persona really turned you off? How do you deal with it? Is this something she might grow out of? Help. I mean, yeah, we definitely know people who have bad social media presence, but they are a good

person to talk to I would say talk to this person because maybe you could be like uh hey when we're hanging out is there can we do like a no phones thing or like yeah like during dinner let's just put our phones down and like talk to each other like when we're watching tv let's just put our phones down so that at least in that realm when she's hanging out with you there's no like recordings or like photos or whatever but then i guess you can't control what she does when you're not there yeah i think that's nice yeah like us time is us time it is funny when like i hit a meme page and then i see a friend liked it or like go in the comments and I'm like, oh,

I have friends who comment on people's pages where they don't know them. It is very strange. Or they're like, I can't believe that dog did that. I'm like, me either,

but like, why did you sit down and write that out? It's shocking. It is really funny. Or like you see a friend like fighting with someone online and you're like,

whoa, wait, what? you that kind of person? Like in the comments of with someone online. You're like, whoa, wait, what? Like in the comments of a meme page. And you're like, oh my goodness. Yeah, you're wasting your time. Yeah.

I dated someone who followed a Twitter account called Yoga Butts. And it's just like butts in yoga pants. And and i was like i wasn't even mad that they were following this account but i was like no i was i wasn't mad that they were looking at the yoga butts but i was was concerned that they were following the account i'm like why don't you just type it in every time you're following them because it'll it'll like it'll be in your recent look-em-ups yeah you don't have to follow yoga butts yeah just like

whenever you feel like looking at a yoga butt just look just put it in the search bar also funny so you like leggings yeah it's not even bare asses

no it's just leggings like lululemon you jerking off in the lululemon store yeah maybe they were just like this is the safest

the safest butts I can look at these butts are clothed butts yes it's fine because they're yoga Maybe they were just like, this is the safest. The safest butts I can look at. These butts are clothed butts. Yes. It's fine because they're yoga. Very funny. I would like to hear your opinion on box theory.

I don't know what this is. And if you think it's valid. This concept comes from an influencer called Tinks. She says that straight men immediately put women in one of three boxes. Potential hookup, potential dating, or not interested. That's the box I'm usually in. The theory is no matter what you say, you cannot switch boxes,

meaning you can't change their opinion. Here's an example. If he meets you and is like, I want to date this girl, you could puke on his shoes and sleep with him on the first night and it wouldn't matter. If he meets you and he's like, I just want to hook up, you can make him wait three months to sleep with you it's not going to change that in your experience you think this theory holds up i don't think so because i think you change your opinion after you meet someone like you you there's people who have been friends

for years and then all of a sudden they're like oh i've never seen you as a romantic partner but i now i do or or someone they were crushing on this whole like for a long a sudden they're like, oh, I've never seen you as a romantic partner, but now I do. Or someone, they were crushing on this for a long time, and then they're like, oh, I actually don't like any of the stuff you have. I don't want to date you, but we can be friends. Yeah, I don't think it's like their first impression. That's it.

I agree, but I do think straight men will tell you exactly what they mean. If they go, I don't want a relationship, you literally, I would say 99% of the time, mean if they go i don't want a relationship you literally i would say 99 of the time cannot change that they don't want a relationship yeah um but they will leave whatever this is and go marry the next bitch that they meet because that's fun to do yeah i think they box themselves they're like i'm currently in a phase where i'm just here to fuck and they really will be even if they meet someone who could be marriage potential. And then when they're ready, they're like,

you know what, I think I'm ready to settle down. And then they'll be in that mindset. And it doesn't matter who it is. Yeah. When they're ready to settle down, they're like, I'm ready. They're like, I don't want to look that much. You're in front of me.

Yeah, yeah. Have you seen these wedding videos of men humiliating their brides? I have, yes. It's wild. Yeah. And I was like, this is straight up abuse and more is to come if you stay in it yeah yeah there was one where a guy was like aggressively cutting

the cake and it fell on the floor and the bride was kind of like why did you do that and and i think they even had a talk beforehand of like please don't like go crazy one of them divorced her husband because she was like i was in a car accident i'm claustrophobic all i want is you to not throw cake in my face because it makes i think something on my face will make me feel claustrophobic and that's exactly what he did and then she said bye bye well because it's indicative of like the lack of respect this person has for what you say or like your boundaries so it's like oh if that's how you're gonna be at a wedding in front of a bunch of people, what are you going to do at home and I say,

please don't put that cheese on my titty? Yes. It's just a regular request to not put the cheese on my titty. Don't put that cheese

on my titty. Can I tell you, I ate a piece of cheddar cheese, cold cheddar cheese. I thought it was a carrot. How? What was? thought it was a carrot. How? What was? It was in a salad.

Who puts chunks of cheddar cheese in a salad? It was like sliced or like a. It was a cube. And it looked like a cube of maybe. You know how sometimes carrots are cubed? I do not know how carrots are cubed. I don't think I've ever seen a cubed carrot. But I was like, why would you put cheddar cheese in a salad with quinoa?

Delta. I guess I wouldn't personally put cheddar cheese, like cubed cheddar cheese. It was a small, it was like that big. It was a small cube. Maybe they ran out of shredded cheese. Let me show you a tiny piece of carrot. You're so flustered. I really am.

I gotta show you a tiny, because you have to know what I'm talking about. No, but I mean, I've seen like little sticks. No. Small cube carrot. I wonder if my phone is like, bitch, stop. Nobody knows what you mean.

Ah, it does okay oh like oh okay yes alright then yeah like a diced carrot you know what everyone I'm wrong so that's what I thought I was putting in my mouth and I bit no crunch it was cheese I hate cold cheddar

it wasn't cold it was like lukewarm it was so nasty why did I bring this up because you had a request It was cheese. I hate cold cheddar. It wasn't cold. It was like lukewarm. It was so nasty. Why did I bring this up? Because you had a request to not put cheese on your titty. Yeah, because I don't like cheese. Oh, and then I was like, I ate cheese recently. I see. Yeah, this makes sense.

Wow. Will I ever be okay again? Yes We'll never know Okay So we have Come down to the end Sure

You Came here to talk to me About me To promote your special First woman Which is Out now for purchase Yes

An 800 pound gorilla Yes But will be available On my birthday and Michael Jackson's birthday only one of us still celebrates I'll never

stop telling that joke August 29th baby for free on YouTube yes yes which is so exciting

I was there at the taping yes you were so funny so wonderful so great the stage is really pretty it feels like a special taping.

Sometimes specials don't feel, this one feels really special. Is there anything you want to say about it? I'm just happy for people to see new material from me. Last special I had came out in 2017 and it's nice that I now have a different version of my comedy and me and I can't wait for people to see it.

It's really great. Thank you. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. I'm glad you were there for the taping. I was glad I was able to be there for the taping. We went to dinner after and I remember we were walking home and I was like, we have to take a picture!

And I found the highest man in all of Washington, DC to take this picture. And he did bad. He did so bad. And my friend who art directed my special was art directing him to take our picture. And she was like, okay,

just like hold the phone like this and get low. And then he got so low to the ground. He was like on his knees. Yeah. And then we also got low to like, to balance it out it was very funny and fun that's a nice time

well that's it thanks for having me thank you very much for coming and being in person is there anything else you want to promote our podcast best friends yes it's available wherever you get podcasts don't worry anywhere do you want to ask so Our podcast, Best Friends. Yes, it's available wherever you get podcasts. Don't worry, anywhere.

Do you want to ask Sashir if she would date you still? Oh, yeah. Fuck. I keep forgetting to do this. But I've only missed like four. Maybe five. Okay. Thank you, Mars.

Sashir, would you date me? Yeah. Thank you. Obviously, I love you. So, yes. Yeah. I like the stuff you got. You like the goods? i like the the stuff you got you like the good i like the goods that you're given thank you yeah will you find someone for me i'll work on it

we know the same people i know like okay i'm gonna okay how do i end this oh yeah if you like this episode sometimes I record this podcast and I start it and I'm like that's not how this starts anyway if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it rate it subscribe on

Apple podcast give me five stars but you have to email why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com to hit on me with something nasty something dirty and i will read it this person titled this dirty things this homo is gonna do my dearest nicole here are the dirty things this homo is gonna do for you you've been on set all day she's booked and blessed thank you you're You're hungry, you're exhausted, you're horny as fuck. That sounds right. You've been, no, I've been home all day

preparing a lavish meal of chicken thingies! Ah! And other delights, no pickles or soup to be found! Yes! You enter the front door, you are greeted by at least 10 hot, naked men, all in your favorite shapes, sizes, and flavors, with cocks ranging from too big to holy shit.

I've curated these for you and not one of them smells like a dishwasher or tastes like poison. That's nice and kind. They are lined up in size order so that when you wish, you can get on your knees and go to town on one of those,

like those seals that honks at different sized horns at the circus. I make sure they only speak when spoken to and that all your needs are met. Not one of them will want to put any kind of food in any of your areas. What a treat! You'll be satisfied fully and as many times as you like.

This is what I will do for you because this is what you deserve, mama! You are wonderful and we love you. Sam and Tyler. In parentheses, say our names. Say their names. I want to read another one. This one's fun too.

Boy, howdy. I've never heard that greeting. Boy, howdy. Okay, so this is from a southerner i'd be sure no i'd sure be tickled pink if i could pop on some butcher's gloves you know the black kind and that run up to your shoulders anyway bust bust in some in butcher's gloves and sit on sit you on my knee then rock my hand far up you your kuklo that i can move your mouth and make you on my knee, then rock my hand far up you, your cucklow, that I can move your mouth

and make you chatter like a, this person wants to kill me. This person wants to bypass my organs to make me a puppet. Mad I read that one. You got a lot of different stuff happening on this show than our Pac-Man. None of this happens on our show. Yeah, people are nice, and I invite people to be as wild as they wanna be.

This man wants to murder me, or person, I don't know, it says anonymous. Yeah, but those first two were great, because that was like a, they were clearly fans, because they did everything that you wanted to your liking. But I will say, I'm not just trying to blow people. Oh. I want to get my back blown out.

Yeah. I want to be fucked. Mm-hmm. It's okay. You know what? I'm going to invoke some Steve Harvey. Next year, next year, I'm going to find someone great. 2024, in the year of our Lord, I'm gonna find someone great

2024 in the year of our Lord I'm gonna say what month is this August oh it's my birthday month yeah um

eh March yeah I like March because it reminds me of marching because it's the same word so I think in March

I'm gonna meet someone that I am not gonna be able to handle and the and no wait I'm think in March, I'm going to meet someone that I am not going to be able to handle. No, wait. I'm going to be able to handle. I'm going to meet somebody good in March. Yes. Yes.

Hard to manifest when you can't talk. Okay. I'm going to meet someone amazing in March. Yes, they'll march right into your life. Yes. March 8th. Great. March 8th.

2024. Okay. 3-8. 3, March 8th. 2024. Okay. 3-8. 3-8-2-4. I should put that in my phone. Yes. Can I tell you, the person I was dating for a while, I told them to put a date,

or to put something in their phone as, remind me to tell you about this. And it was like six months away. And they looked at their phone and they were like, oh shit, that thing you were supposed to tell me, it popped up. And it was like six months away. And they looked at their phone. They were like, oh, shit. That thing you were supposed to tell me, it popped up. And I was like, oh, I don't know. Yeah.

Bold of you to think that you would remember whatever that was in six months. To this day, I have no idea what I was trying to tell them. Very funny. I'm perfect. Yeah. And I'll never change. Happy 300 episodes, everyone. Happy 300!

Okay, gotta put it. There's no event happening that day. Okay. Did you meet someone? We're not done yet. Did I meet someone? Add. Okay, now I gotta get into that event. Oh, I put it at 6 p.m.

add okay now I gotta get into that event oh I put it at 6pm I'm gonna leave it at 6 maybe it's gonna happen early okay this is great so I got my um my I'm gonna meet somebody it's in my phone this is wonderful we made it to 300

and I will say this Mars thank you very much for being the producer that you are. Thank you for dealing with me and not answering emails and not giving you ads when you want them. And just like overall being a little wild, bad, badly behaved, I would say sometimes. You are so fun to work with. I love working with you. Don't ever apologize for being you. That was really kind. Thank you you i really do appreciate you so thank you so much for being with me for all 300 episodes i've loved every episode yay well that's it i quit no imagine

bye-bye thanks for celebrating 300 episodes of Why Won't You Date Me? This show is produced by me, Mars, with guest engineering by Jordan Duffy. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywontyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future episode. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode.

Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.