Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - A Stalking Ex-Boyfriend, a Gang Member, and a Gun (w/ Aaron Jennings)

Episode Date: June 24, 2022

Co-star Aaron Jennings (Grand Crew) and Nicole discuss grade school romances, talking finances with your partner, the benefits of dating an older man, and that iconic Oscar #slap.  Aaron shares a wild date story involving a stalking ex-boyfriend, a gang member, and a gun. Plus, Nicole's crazy neighbor pays her a visit at 3:00AM. For more Aaron Jennings, stream Grand Crew on Peacock, and the upcoming A League of Their Own TV series on Amazon Prime. Black Lives Matter. Click here for an updated list of over 100 different things you can do to support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Mina Kulbara tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could come in my coffee and tell me it's creamy. My guest today...

Oh, my God. What did I get myself into? I'm sorry. Go ahead. The best hour of your life. My guest today, he is my co-star on the NBC series Grand Crew that streams on Hulu and Peacock. It is... Yo, that's what's up.

I want you... Thank you for having me, that's what's up. I want you. Thank you for having me, B.O. I want you to like wake me up in the morning with that. I feel like that opening was just so, so, so great. So great. Oh, you know, I'm just here having all of the fun. Yes, as you should. As you should.

And I want to thank you for popping my podcast virginity. This is wild to me that you've never been on a podcast what are you drinking cranberry juice oh gotta keep that pussy healthy yes yes with a little with a little bit of vodka okay all right fine you fucking call me really some vodka yeah it is it's five o'clock somewhere whatever i'm a little nervous it is i love this i wish that there was vodka in my red bull but i'm drinking a strawberry apricot Red Bull. Oh, okay. Fancy.

I like that. I like that. It's a summer edition because summer's what? Around the corner. Okay. Aaron. Yep. How are you?

I'm doing well. I'm doing really well. It's always good to see you. And, you know, fuck, we're alive. And summer, like you say, is approaching. I'm looking forward to that. I have a Peloton bike that's coming in today as well. So I'm really, really, I'm looking to get my summer body back and you know okay i once said to somebody with a peloton i said do you have a outdoor bicycle too and they

said nicole that's just called a bicycle and i felt so dumb exactly exactly no but i've been looking to get an outdoor bicycle as well. I think I'm going to refer to it as such from now on, from here on out. I got my indoor bike and my outdoor bike. Anyone want to go outdoor bicycling? Yeah, that'll be the question I pose.

Okay. Aaron? Yes. You play Anthony on Grand Crew. I do. And I'm going to ask you some Grand crew questions and listeners if you don't understand these questions it means that you've been falling back on me not supporting me and you're a fucking asshole so go watch exactly which by the way is streaming on hulu and peacock let's just shamelessly plug the whole the whole i mean it's a great fucking show i love working with you and we need to come

back yes and we will let's see what question i don't want to give anything away but okay how about this anthony has an alter ego king tut when it comes to drinking yeah do you have an alter ego when it comes to drinking i probably have many alter egos when it comes to drinking but uh yeah yeah i definitely think that uh when that episode came right, my brother hit me on my phone. It was like, bruh, this reminds like they got this right. You must have told Phil, who's obviously the show runner and the creator of our show. You must have told him about just sort of your drinking habits and how much you, for one, love to change clothes throughout your whole life. I've been like a guy who's like changed clothes throughout the day when I was a child.

But now when I'm drinking, like, yeah, I think I like to turn up every now and again. Like, there's nothing wrong with a good turn up. And I think that's turn up Tony, right? Is what King Tut turns for. Yeah, I'm all about it. I'm all about the King Tut life. I'm all about the King Tut life. There's a time and a place for it, though. I don't know. I think I'm

a good time i like to socialize and i like i like to like i like to meet different people and so i don't get angry like like anthony did in that in that particular episode you know he he got a little down on himself but i definitely like to you know socialize and see what's out there i used to drink so much more than i do now yeah and anytime i had like a 6 a.m. call time, oh boy, would that be awful. There was once I was hungover on this job and I slept in our set chair.

I know where this is going. In the wildest way possible. And once you were hungover and it was so funny. I got this like brilliant picture of you. I think we all had a day where we were like oops yeah yeah yeah you know there there were um i don't want to tell anybody else's business but there was a couple of nights that like me and carl went out and and uh you know we didn't get like turnt but like you know when you're when you're in the when you're in the moment, you just think, okay, cool, we'll be good tomorrow. I haven't really drank as much as I normally do or whatever.

But it's that 6 a.m. call time that gets you, like you say, because you don't get to get your six hours of sleep or whatever. So if you're in at 2, you wake up at 6, that's four hours. You're just like, oh, shit, this is going to hurt a little bit. Goodbye. Yeah, yeah. By 10 a.m., yeah, it's a whole nother story. That happened to me on Monday. I went to a drag show and I kept drinking and drinking.

And then I had a red bull at like midnight. And then I was like, I could go forever. Cut to 9.30 in the morning. And I was like, I'm going to die. I can't live. It was terrible. Truly awful. It was terrible. Truly awful.

It really is. Being at work hungover is the worst because there's so much waiting around that you do in between setups and takes and all that. And so, yeah, I try not to do that if I can help myself. But my alter ego takes over sometimes. I'm watching Moon Knight right now. He's got dissociative personality disorder or whatever. What's Moon Knight?

Oh, wait. That's like a Marvel joint where he's a mummy, but then doesn't know who he is. Yeah, basically. Yeah, with Oscar Isaac and Ethan Hawke. And it's entertaining. I'm two episodes in, but like... Yeah, anyway, so I felt like that.

At times, I have woken up and been like, yo, what happened? Like, you know took over what the fuck what the fuck yeah it's all good if Oscar Isaac walked into the zoom right now I would try to crawl into my computer to suck that dick wow I love this transition look at that I'm sucking Oscar Isaac's dick. Ooh, ooh, it's yummy. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Okay, here's another question. All right. Which Grand Cru character are you the most similar to

when it comes to dating? Ooh, that is a good question. I think, like, ah, this is going to sound so diplomatic, but, like, I feel like I've been all of the milk characters at some point of my life, right? I think I am probably, as much as I don't want to admit this, I'm probably most like Noah, because I'm kind of a lover boy and I'm kind of a simp. And like, you know, I mean, I definitely have had my playboy days, I guess, in my life.

But like, you know, I do enjoy being in a relationship and I do love love. And I can be a bit, I don't know that I'm romantic, but I do enjoy being in a relationship and I do love love. I don't know that I'm romantic, but I do enjoy the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship. So yeah, I would say probably Noah. That's terrible to admit. I don't know. I'm so much cooler than Noah, but like, yeah, but I guess when it comes to dating, but I don't fall in love as easily as Noah does. Right. Like, so that's where, where we, where we defer. Like, I feel like, like I've had my relationships and I'm in a relationship now, as you know, but like, but like it takes a, it takes a special person for me to really, you know, want to, like, be involved with him on that level. Other than that, like, I can sometimes be like Sherm and just kind of be, you know, playing the field. I assume that's what Sherm's doing. We don't, you know, we don't really. That's interesting. We don't really.

There's only been, like, one episode where he, like, hooks up with anybody. Right. And now I've never broken a bed. No, I actually have broken a few beds. And I've broken. A few? Maybe a couple is more accurate. A's accurate and what a treat i would love to break a bed just by fucking if i broke a bed just by laying i would just not leave my home ever again i'd be so sad i'd be like

i broke a fucking bed we gotta rethink some shit i mean i think like you know i don't know to the bed's credit like i i don't think it was necessarily all my doing. I think some of that might have been a little fragile, right? Ah, one of them Ikea joints. Yeah, the little Ikea joints. It was the wear and tear of the many, many people before me is kind of what I'll say. Aaron, I have a tweet from June 3rd, 2016. Of mine?

Yes. It says, had to sleep on the couch last night because I bet my lady Cleveland would take game one. So I'm going to ask you, how important is it for your partner to be interested in sports in a relationship? Man, look at this. Look at this journalism. Fuck. She's got a new assistant

who actually does her job. It's been a long road and I trust this one more. I love it. I love it. It's important for me, I think. Like, I'm into sports. I used to play sports, you know,

like, basketball was my first love. So I don't need a woman to, like, that I'm dating, you know, with, like, to have the same level of passion that I have with it. But just to be able to sort of, you know, take take them to a game and then appreciate it for what it is like. It's nice because you want you want your partner to be to be able to do the things that you like to do as well. And for it to be a two way street as opposed to just like, just like okay we're only gonna go do what you're interested in right it's like you should be sharing you should be sharing your passions and and and your life um with that partner so i wouldn't say it's like you know the top of my list but but it definitely helps it definitely helps fair do you do you watch do you

are you into sports at all okay i like basketball i do um i don't follow it though but i did watch the all-star game uh this year boy oh boy every single person they introduced was so fucking hot so this is what i was gonna get to i knew you're gonna fucking say that and i wanted to ask you because like i'm not gonna lie when i like i recently took you know my girl to to the lakers game or whatnot and you know we were sitting courtside and so like I'm like there's a part of me that's like I bet you she's just looking at these niggas like she's probably peeping such and such and such and such right like but whatever I'm gonna just watch the game so is that is that how it is for you when you go to the game I mean yes they're all so big

and just like their faces are so beautiful like all of them are hot even the ugly ones are hot it's wild i couldn't believe it they're like they're like statuesque right they're they're yes they're gladiator men yes and then they're just like dribbling and running and sweating and it's like boy oh boy is it delightful to watch okay all right i'm not mad at it i understand i understand i understand and you know what i am mad at it but but i also understand well we all have our lanes in life you know yeah some lanes are meant to do basketball some lanes are meant to do acting yes speaking of which you are the youngest son of two actors you're part of a black acting dynasty oh wow uh yeah i watched your mom on an episode of maybe house of pain okay yeah maybe i watched

it for like a podcast i think and she's very funny she's hilarious my mom is like thank you for that first and foremost but like my mom is very funny in real life. I don't know that she's aware of how funny she is in real life. But I think she also has some comedic chops as well. Yeah, she did do, I think it was Meet the Browns. In fact, I don't know if it was House of Pains. Oh, maybe it was Meet the Browns. I remember when she got that job.

It was very scary for her. And much like Grand Cru was for me, right? Because it was kind of the first time doing a sitcom. And yeah, she knocked it out the park. She knocked it out the park. What was those podcasts you were doing? Why did you have to watch Meet the Browns for a podcast? That's a better question, right?

Nicole, what mistakes have you made in your life that you're now watching a bunch of tyler um one tyler perry is a genius yes it was uh for newcomers uh so me and lauren lapkus we watched star wars for the first season lord of the rings for the second my god oh god and then the third season we were like can we have fun and they were like okay what do you want to do he said the medea cinematic universe so we watched a bunch of tyler perry shit wait wait is this where the Like, can we have fun? And they were like, okay, what do you want to do? He said, the Madea Cinematic Universe. So we watched a bunch of Tyler Perry shit. Wait, wait.

Is this where the oval came into play? Yes, this is how I discovered the oval. I have fallen off the oval train, but I need to get back on. And then when I met Taraji P. Henson, I was like, I'm so sorry to ask you this. But I am fascinated by how Acrimony was shot in eight fucking days. She was like, not only was it eight fucking days, it was my weekend. It was my hiatus from empire.

She shot it in eight days during her fucking hiatus. Or actually I think principal photography was eight days. I think she shot for five. Um, and she said that the way they did the fight scenes is they would do the fight. Tyler would go freeze everyone would freeze and then they would repo the cameras to get a different angle on the

fight and i was like the man get out of here has figured it out yo like you you make all this money and say what you will about the content i had a fun time watching the movie it's campy it's funny it's sure i don't know like i think he's on he or not he's on to something he's like building an airport he did it yeah he wins man i mean you know say what you will about the content like you said um he's cracked the code man he's cracked the code like um yeah it's it's a trip man it's a trip but i used to watch i used to watch campy as you called films or just like really kind of like horrible filmmaking like with an ex-girlfriend of mine we used to purposely put on like you know those like straight to I don't know fucking not even

BET but like you know whatever that like whatever whatever the subsidiary whatever I can't say the word so sip subsidiary uh subsidiary subsidiary subsidiary yeah there you go of that would be and it was it gave us great joy it gave us great joy i mean you know it's it's almost like the yeah they're unintentionally just making you know the best comedy out there right now so yeah but i think it's i think he knows what he's doing really yeah i think he he knows he's making like soap opera-esque shit and that the drama is so driven. On the Oval, a woman gets decapitated with a samurai sword. Why is there a samurai sword in the White House?

Doesn't matter. And the way this man picks up the head is so fucking funny. It is. And then there's gay sex. And the way that happens is they're like, no, you don't want it. But I do want it. And you're like, wow. Why can't people just be like, hey, listen, it's OK. But you can't turn away. Right. You can't turn away at all. I fucking love it. Speaking of drama. Yeah. Don't you love these segues?

Aaron, how did you get into theater? know you grew up in west adams you went to new roads high school in santa monica along with evan ross dakota johnson and carly chanken yeah yeah wait who's that carly uh she's she's an actress as well um carly i'm sorry i don't know who you are but i'm gonna google you now so i know yeah google her and honestly like i i can't even well she was in mr robot um oh yeah i know who this lady is yeah yeah so anyway uh how did i get into acting well i guess like initially like for me i um like i said i was a basketball player so my ninth grade year i was i was a freshman on varsity i had to you know kind of plug that real quick so people know i really used to i really used to do this uh back in ninth grade which is like years and years ago.

I can't ball at all anymore. And anyway, went to this school out in Compton and was like, after that ninth grade year, it was just kind of like, I don't know. I don't know if this is it. So I asked my parents if I could transfer to New Roads and went to New Roads. And from there on, for one, couldn't play basketball because of the CIF rules, where if you transfer from another high school,

then you have to sit out a year. So I just was like, I'm going to delve right into just theater and film and improv. And I started doing all those things and had a couple of professional auditions that my parents allowed me to do. They really weren't going to,

them being professionals themselves were like, we don't want you to be a child actor. Like we want you to have, have your life and all that. And so it was great. I'm glad that they did that in retrospect. But yeah, from then on pretty much,

I was like, fuck it, man, this is what I want to do. I fell in love with it. And every year I fell in love with it more and more until I eventually dropped out of high school to pursue to pursue acting uh full time do you have a ged i do have a ged yeah yeah yeah i don't know why i screamed

that again you didn't expect that right i mean look i mean i'm playing anthony who's like such a such a you know studious uh person and and and yeah he couldn't be further from from how i was as a as a student. Wait, I just love that as a teenager, you knew another high school to go to. I didn't know anything about it. I was just like, I don't know, I'll go to this one and one day I'll get to leave.

And then you were like, I want to be an actor. I don't need to be in school for it. I can get my GED. That's so wild to me. I had no direction in life for a while. I mean, but here's the thing. When I look back on it like yeah i kind of have that same perspective like who the fuck was this young

kid who like you know had had so much of self-awareness like and you know i but at the time it seemed like a kid who really didn't have any direction like you're like you know like a lot of people when i left school mind you it's a private school at that so like they were like oh this dude aaron wants to go off and you know be an actor like good luck you know what i mean it's like it's not the most reasonable thing to say to somebody um but yeah for whatever reason man i just thank god like i i did i mean i just i i guess those were i don't know i it's just my inner compass like was just like yeah no go this way go this way and i'm so

happy that i kind of followed that that voice inside um but what a trip man yeah i don't know i don't know how wait what year did you drop out senior year oh okay so like a lot of my friends were um i always hung out with like older people you know so like the grades above me um my brother is four and a half years older than me and we're really close and so i think with him always kind of allowing me to like be around his friends and shit like um i just kind of always sort of gravitated towards you know the older crowds and so at any rate my senior year i did have friends in my grade but like most of my close friends had already had already gone off to college so for me i was just

like man i'm just one i'm just so fucking tired of school um i just i really i just i just was and and and also i just like didn't have that that group that that tribe that i previously had and so i just was like man i'm just gonna go do my thing you know what i mean that was my senior year of high school and i went to culver city independence School or whatever and got my GED and later got a diploma. And yeah, that was kind of my story. I wish I had dropped out of high school. I fucking hated high school. I just found, I don't know what, I guess it was my senior year.

They made us make these like books about your life. And one of them was just like my experience in high school and i literally wrote i was like i've had senioritis since fucking freshman year i'm tired i don't want to be here man i feel it i had senioritis since fifth grade you know what i mean where i was just like i don't want to be i had a fucking horrible fifth grade teacher who wanted me to um what's her name shout her out no i'm kidding you don't have to i don't give a damn like yeah nigga i made it so fuck it um miss you i'm working hopefully hopefully i'll still be working after this um miss sure was her name yeah yeah that was her name i remember you and um she everything. She wanted to hold me back in fifth grade. I applied to summer enrichment program

at a school, a private school out here in LA and got in and she like wrote a letter on her own accord to like try to get them to revoke my acceptance. What a fucking bitch. There are so many teachers and

adults who like don't like kids and then like try to get at them and it's like bitch you're damn near what 50 or whatever like go get yourself a hobby and a life come on give me a break and i'm like i'm 10 years old like why do you have such a vendetta against me like you you're bullying what's wrong with you she would like see me out on large amount because our school was like not too far from from there in hancock park and like mad dog me like you know what i'm like yo am i getting to you that anyway it was that's neither here nor there but yeah shout out to miss sure that's so funny i had a teacher miss fortescue she hated me

uh miss gizzy she accused me of cheating she got married later i think her legal name now is mrs rosado shouting them go find them go find no don't do that we don't we don't but yeah i had so many fucking teachers who just didn't like me in a way where I was like, I'm six and I understand that this adult doesn't like me. Absolutely. And I don't know what to do to make you like me. No, for sure. I mean, it was painful, but I couldn't process that at the time. So I just got angry and angrier and angrier.

But, you know, after many, many years of therapy i've i've you know i've calmed down so it's so funny i feel like people go kids are resilient and i'm like we're not we grow up and then have to go to fucking therapy right right exactly exactly oh my god i'm looking for a new therapist and boy oh boy is it a fucking pain it It can. I have a great therapist. He's very very like unconventional but I love him and shout out to my therapist Gerald Lee. Shout out to him. I gotta shout out. We're shouting out people now.

I feel like I'm on like, you know, I don't know. I'm on a radio show. Would you say unconventional? The first thing that pops in my head is like he's got drums and he's like, tell me your feelings and come back tomorrow i don't know almost like yeah like like we meet in nature always like we have our we have our sessions in nature like we'll find a tree and like sort of sit on the tree and then you know

he's he's definitely an advocate for, like, holistic medicine. Okay. Smoking the reefer and have a nice time. Last time. Yes. Yes, mom. Yes, mom. Mom, the glot smoked away.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, a little bit of the mushroom. I don't know how much of this I can say, but whatever. Oh, I think it's fine. There's a lot of therapists and, like, doctors who are licensed to do that shit and i think i don't know i i just like read an article that said mushrooms are really good for people with depression where a lot of medication doesn't work but like microdosing mushrooms does right exactly exactly so there you go so he's you know he's introduced me into a lot of new things. Give me his information offline, please. I definitely will.

I absolutely will. I've been with the same therapist for four years, and I was like, you know, she was very helpful, and I really, really loved her. And I was like, I think it's just time for me, because I'm a different person than I was four years ago. I think it's time to re-up. I don't know no no that makes sense it's like you're you're we're all like constantly evolving right and so like I liken it to for instance like a lot of actors will stay with like one acting teacher for like years and years and years I'm like yo like there's other acting teachers out there that

you know have something to offer you so like you've gotten that tool you've added it to your tool belt like now it's time to acquire more tools. I got you. No doubt. I had one acting teacher who I really fucking loved. Robert Devonzio. Shout out to Robert. He changed a lot

of stuff that I was doing for the better. Then he wasn't available for this one coaching session before I tested for something. If you you're listening you don't know what i'm talking about you gotta it literally take a test to get apart you sit in an office that doesn't look anything like the set you're gonna be on in front of a bunch of executives who have come from a meeting who are very angry the room is very cold your nipples are hard because you're like nobody knows what heat is and then you have to do the scene to the best of your ability in this awful environment where nobody seems to want you to like get the part no one's happy to no one's happy to test no i i hate testing

it's such a necessary evil but i i hate it you know and i had to do it fucking twice for this one for this for this project which is so wild yeah yeah i mean you know it's all good i'm just so happy that i got the role because i would have been salty i'd have been i'd have been one of those thoughts if you were on twitter been like yeah fuck grand crew grand crew ain't all that you know what i mean they don't want this it would have been good if it was me yeah anyway i don't know but i had an acting teacher who i was like doing the lines with her or this coach or whatever and she was like hey you

do this thing where like right before you say something funny you look up like you're looking for the joke she's like you're you're a funny person you're not telling a joke you're just funny so just deliver the joke and i was like oh yeah she's like yeah comic is looking for like and being like yeah here it is but she's like you're just funny so just beef and i was like oh my god that like changed and it clicked for you yeah i was like holy shit i didn't know i was doing that that whole time and she's like yeah it's not a character trait she's like this is you as like a comedian she's like and you're funny and you don't have to telegraph the funny and i was like oh my god that's brilliant that's super brilliant so you know sometimes some change is fucking

helpful absolutely absolutely aaron real quick real quick, real quick. Okay. We got to take a break. Okay. Let's take a break. And we back. Okay. Aaron, let's get into it. You're in a relationship. How'd you meet your lady? Oh, well, this is, let's cue the, like, violins and everything, because this is about to get really, really, really romantic. Me and my lady actually went to elementary school together. We were actually in the same class with Ms. Scher.

Shout out to Ms. Scher once again. And she, technically speaking for me, I guess, you know, as much as you can have one in fifth grade, was my first girlfriend. So, yeah. That's how we initially met. And then she broke my heart at that summer enrichment program that I was telling

you about earlier. Oh my god! She broke up with me on the bus. On the bus? On the bus! She said, you know what, Aaron? Aaron, I am no longer dating you. I'm dating XYZ. Oh, no.

That's how I caught the news. That's how I caught the news. That's how I caught the news. And I went on to be a bit of a playboy for many, many, many years after that, all because of her. I blame her. So any of my previous girlfriends or flings out there, you have her to blame. It's not me. I'm taking no accountability for that. I'm joking. And then anyway, so so then we happened to just kind of pass each other's cross to cross each other's paths a few years ago at a bar and change numbers.

And then a friend of mine had a party. She was there there and then one thing kind of led to the next and um yeah here we are now i fucking love that that like you dated in first fucking grade and then you found each other oh fifth grade sorry in fifth grade um yeah but how do you date in fifth grade what do you like do you want to hold my crayon i got you let me let me let me show you you know the game that that aaron had in fifth grade like yeah tell me this is how you do it for all you fifth grade listeners out there um so you know i used to like i used to like write notes and so this is very noah-esque i used to write notes to her and like place them in her desk because you know you used to have like those desks that would like that would like pop up and then go down. And, you know, that's where you carry your books or whatnot. So I would put notes in her desk and I would put candies in her desk and stuff like that.

Oh, my fucking God. You had game in fucking fifth grade. I know. Yeah, that's crazy. My God, what a dream. I still don't know how to talk to men. I see a hot man, I go, boom. Sorry? I mean, mean again but my brother right like like i said this all goes back around look at this this is so finally the the threads

are just all there um um yeah like my uh my brother i guess you know watching the game i i was able to sort of you know soak up some game but yeah like we went to a we went to a trip to dc i remember um you know to visit like the white house and everything. And me and my two buddies, you know, your parents give you some money for the trip. And so we went and got each of our quote unquote girlfriends, like necklaces, like silver necklaces. So I was like, I like gifted her with that. I played Sammy. I liked the way I like, I was like, I have a song for you that I want you to hear. And I passed my CD player back a few rows to my

girlfriend at that time. And it was like, yeah, play that song. I think of you when I hear this song. Wow. There's some ways. Pimp it ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it. Pimp it in fifth grade ain't easy But you know your boy

He gon' do it Pippin Pippin's gon' do it Pippin Pippin No I don't know I had a pager too funny enough In fifth grade

That did not work I would steal my dad's pager And wear it I was a handful I was a handful That's so fucking funny maybe that's why your teacher didn't like you she's like why the fuck does this kid have a pager i mean yeah there were reasons i might have given her some reasons i mean i'm not saying i'm perfect but you know i was a child nonetheless i was a child oh my god i wish i like i truly don't have

game like that like that what a treat i would i wish i was smooth i am not smooth what what's do you have like a pickup line a go-to like when you meet i mean what do you do like in those scenarios now not even we're not even talking about fifth grade nikki like but like yeah you know okay so i was bad up until like a couple years ago. I, on the apps and shit and in person, I'd be like, do you want to fuck? And then people be like, Oh my God.

Uh, okay. Or like, no, thank you. And I'd be like, okay, whatever.

Um, but then I've learned that like men apparently like a chase or something. You can't be like too easy because if you're too easy, there's no chase involved right i don't know it feels like dating is just a game but then everyone who's in a relationship is like no it just like happened we looked into each other's eyes they batted their eyes 18 times and i did it two times and it came to 20 and we love each other i yeah i just i don't understand it yeah i mean okay well then let me ask you like the reverse question like how do you like to be approached by mick um is there

a difference like or can a guy be like yo you trying to fuck is that is that is that a is that a good way i can but lately she's been horny for a relationship so i think now um i like to be like pursued nicely where it's like do you want to go on a date but the last time someone was like do you want to go on a date i was like why are they asking and why do they seem to like me so much which is fully insane to think wait wait wait so so you want a relationship and you want to be treated nicely but when someone asks you hey do you want to go on a date you're like whoa what the fuck is wrong with this guy like yes i get suspicious and i go something's wrong with them okay okay which is fully truly wild i don't know it's just the apps suck yeah people like in person i guess i'm not going places where there's single

men like last uh on monday i went to a drag show there were no single men looking for right right they're all looking for a different appendage yes absolutely yeah i i guess when i go to bars i don't really like talk to other people. I'm like with my friends. Okay. Which is a very LA thing. People in LA don't mingle. They don't. Yeah.

It's not that type of town, right? LA is very like cliquish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure. I feel that. Oh, man. I feel like, I don't know.

That's such a, I don't know how to help you on that one. I'm trying to think of one. It's tough, but you know, to help you on that one i'm trying i'm trying to go it's tough but you know i'll figure it the fuck out here's a question what's one of the worst dates you've ever been on oh wow um man you know what's so funny though when you're as charming as me i mean it's just really no um, I got this question. Me and Carl were doing an interview together, and someone asked me the same exact question.

It was really hard for me to recall a really, really horrible date. So I can't recall a horrible date, but I can recall a date that went south in a different way. Okay, so this is what happened. And I hope she's not listening but whatever uh so i was dating this chick she and at this time she was she was much older than me too but um i'm saying this chick we went on this date and we had a great time and like you know decided to go back to her house and i was like thrilled thrilled at that prospect

of like all right we're going back to the crib. Like, all right, pull up. And we get back to her house and get inside. And I guess maybe it was even before we get to the door and she realizes, oh, shit, someone's broken into my house. Right. And so I'm like, oh, OK. Right. Well, what do they take? And apparently this thief had taken a bunch of her shoes. I'm like, oh, okay. Right. Well, what do they take?

And apparently this thief had taken a bunch of her shoes, right? Now, mind you, she was, and still is, I believe to this day, like a shoe girl. Uh-huh. So in her mind, this was a personal job. This was an inside job, right? So come to find out, it was her ex-boyfriend right like she kind of puts two and two together i remember we go outside um and on her on her porch and we're like kind of smoking a cigarette she's like trying to stay calm and she kind of sees her ex-boyfriend sort of in the distance or his car or whatever. And so then she's like, we should go back inside.

It's this whole thing. She calls her brother, whom I didn't know. Now, mind you, this is like date two. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just trying to smash. So she calls her brother, who I learned is a gang member. And he goes, well, come over here, pick me up, and then I'll drive back to your house. And you want like you know what i mean make sure everything's cool whatnot so we go pick him up

and i can he gets in the car i don't know why i didn't just leave but i was really the power of the pussy like i'm just like you know she was bad so So anyway, so anyway, so fast forward, we get back to her house and my man brandishes a weapon, like a gun. He's like, yo, like,

here you go, man. I want you, I want you to hold this for me just in case dude comes back. And I'm like, ah, man,

like, you know, like that's, it's all good. Like, you know, like, I don't think I'll need that.

Like, you know, I don't think I need that gun. I appreciate it, man, but I'm really not comfortable with that. Like, you know, like, I don't think I'll need that. Like, you know. Oh, I don't think I need that, girl. You're good for me. I appreciate it, man. But I'm really not comfortable with that. So, yeah, it was just one of those situations where, like, and, you know, granted, it was worth it in the end.

But, like, it just one thing after another happened. And I learned so much about her, like, very quickly in that night. And I'm still there. I still want to hit. So that's, like, the craziest story that I have. i don't know it was like a bad date it was just like no that's i i think it was spicy it was it was it was you know there was there's danger for it yeah yeah fucking spicy yeah yeah when you're on a date and you get back to the crib and then someone's you know you got called for backup and they go hold my gun that's a spicy day and also here's the thing i'm gonna be i'm gonna be real i'm gonna be real like the fact

that her her ex-boyfriend was stalking her and like just sort of distraught by them breaking up said to me that she probably had that walk and i was like i gotta see what this is about this nigga's going crazy over this shit like we're gonna see what this is about. This nigga's going crazy over this shit. We're going to see what this is hitting for. So anyway. That's so funny. Someone being like, hold this reminds me, not of a date. My neighbor knocked on my door the other day at 3 o'clock in the morning. Are you serious?

Yes. 3 o'clock in the morning. I answered my door. I was like, hello? And she was like, hi, Nicole. And I was like, hello, so and so. And she goes, listen, my stepson is coming over tomorrow and he is not nice. Can you hold this bag of valuables for me?

I was like, what? So I said, okay, because it was 3 a.m. and I was half asleep. So I said, okay, because it was 3 a.m. and I was half asleep. And then I like put the bag down, went back to sleep, woke up and was like, wait a minute. I took a sleeping pill. Was that real? Did that really fucking happen? And I went downstairs and I was like, yep, there's her bag. So then I, the next day I like called a friend and they were like you have to

return it what if she like calls the cops and she's like nicole stole my bag and then her bag is in your house so i was like yeah i have to get rid of this bag of valuables but first let me go through it nothing was valuable so then i go to her house knock on her door she was like come inside i said uh okay which was a mistake. And it was filled with dust. It was the dusty hole, the dustiest home I've ever been in. And my allergies still haven't been the same. And this was like a week ago. And then she was like, thank you for holding my valuables.

And I was like, did your stepson come? She was like, no. And I was like, are you okay? And she was like, yes. And I was like, okay. And that was the end of it. And she hasn't come over since. I was going, okay. And that was the end of it. And she hasn't come over since. I was going to be like, please don't ever come by.

Don't knock on my door again. Like you might want to create some distance from this person. This person sounds a little unhinged. But she's really sweet. Like a month ago, she knocked on my door and she was like, hey, Nicole, do you have any bread? And I was like, no, no, I don't have any bread. And she's like, well, I'm hungry. And I was like, I guess you're going to have any bread? And I was like, no, no, I don't have any bread. She's like, well, I'm hungry. And I was like, I guess you're going to have to go figure out your bread situation.

And then another time, this is like a year ago and I still had a roommate. She knocked on the door and she was like, do you have any ginger ale? And I was like, I sure don't. And then John Millhiser was living with me. And I was like, John, can you go get her ginger ale? And he was like, no. And I was like, please, can you go get her ginger ale? And he was like, no. And I was like, please. So he went and got her a bottle of ginger ale.

And when he gave it to her, she was like, oh, man, I wish it were cans. Are you kidding me? Now, how old is this woman? Honestly, she could be 49 and she could be 89. Like, she just she's a woman of color so you know there it is yeah yeah for sure i feel it okay question for you um have you ever dated a really really old man or an older man i have not and i am dying to see some old balls. Yeah. I have made out with an older gentleman when I was like in my 20s. I guess he was in his like 40s, late 40s.

I don't remember. But like we made out and I was like, this is one of the best kisses I have ever had. And then I was like, maybe I should go for older dudes. Yeah. Okay. Well, now what made the kiss one of the best kisses that you've ever had? There was like passion in a way that i like cannot describe like he just like grabbed the small my back and like threw me into him and i was like oh okay because we were like on the streets of new york which is already i think one of the most romantic things sure

but also disgusting because it's just like filled with fucking trash everywhere. But oh my God, it was like such a dream. And then I got in the cab and I was like, oh my God, I'm in the big city getting kissed by older men. And then later he was like, I don't know if I want this. And I said, fair, I understand. Okay. Okay. Aaron, here's one of the wildest things that's ever happened to me. And I said, fair, I understand. Okay. Okay.

Aaron, here's one of the wildest things that's ever happened to me. And people who listen, you might have heard this story. Sorry about it. But so I used to hook up with this guy. I call him Coffee Cup because I cannot remember his name. It's close to coffee, but it definitely is not Coffee Cup. And we used to hook up. We fucked a couple times then he just like disappeared from my life and then i ended up moving out of the neighborhood he like lived in the neighborhood so it was like easy to see him or whatever and i moved to la

and i guess i'd been in la for like six six years at that point went to new york to do a live why won't you date me? Part of this, I don't actually know what it was. It was explained to me, but like, I don't really, you know, retain information that good. Uh, it's not my job. I remember lines and I forget them the next minute. Someone asked me what they were. So, uh, we're doing this live episode. It is so loud. The audibles, the audio is like unusable it's me and my friend josh sharp and josh kept being like nobody's listening to us nobody was listening everyone was talking over us and then i look out in the crowd and there's coffee cup and i was like no what the

fuck and he was like was good i was like i don't know how are you here how did you know about it he's like i've been following your career and i was like this is absolutely nuts so then like brought him on stage nobody is listening and i was like how's my person he's like it was so good i was like oh thank you um and then i wish i had i don't even know if i have like the clip of that audio i don't it's like lost in the world yeah but truly so wild i think that's probably the wildest uh it wasn't even a date it's just like the wildest thing that's ever happened yeah well shout out to coffee cup i guess i guess he knows who he is right i think i said coffee cup coffee cup is that you he was like that's me

that's what it is i'm trying to think of any other wild things. I used to hook up with a Coke dealer because he would give me free cocaine. Cocaina. Yeah, but that's like in my youth. Now I get it legally in the form of Vyvanse. No kidding. But like if we're going to be real, it is an upper and it helps to concentrate. Absolutely.

I'm trying to think i one of the maybe one of the best times i've ever had was me and my friend went out on saint patrick's day to an irish bar and pretended to be from england the whole time oh my god i've done that before i've done that before. I've done that before. I swear to God. Go ahead though. No, no, no. Uh, but yeah,

we just were like, yes, before being claimed, people were like, where I'd be like London, London, England. And I feel like I showed my titties at that bar for a shot,

like a shitty shot of something. Okay. And then I took that bartender home and he was like, he was Irish. And he was like, I need a Magnum. And then I saw it and he was like haritatar i need a magnum and then i saw it and i was like now who needs a magnum but nobody in this room and he oh that's oh really is that right that you're you're you're shaming him right now well it's not a shame i'm not shaming i'm just saying if you say you need a magnum, I think you should, you know, have a magnum to back it up with.

He also did what I refer to as spider climb. He like spider climbed up my body to come on my face. Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. First of all, I love that description. It's so, so vivid. But like spider climb up your body. So he's he's you know stroking stroking stroking and he's like are we in when he's stroking like like uh missionary okay oh okay and then just like really quickly like his whole body like eclipsed my eyes and i was like what

is happening then i saw that quote- quote unquote magnum in my face and then oh covering my face and jizz uh and it got in my eye and i screamed my eye and i was like you have to go and he was like okay how many have you have you come in your eye that's that's amazing uh does that does that happen often does that come in your eye does it how how many times does that happen in your life i would say i have it come in my eye maybe twice okay maybe twice do you like do you like to taste cum do you like the taste of cum do you like to like are you a spit or swallow are you like oh i'm spitting it out all the fucking way okay and i make a production of it okay okay all right right on right on yeah i mean i guess i'd swallow for like somebody i love yeah uh but like i don't see it it's not necessary it's not nutrients it's not a yummy

treat for me i mean hey i'll take your word on it. You know what I mean? You're like, I don't know, Nicole. I don't know, Nicole. Okay. Sorry. I guess if someone asked, but also how funny to make someone say, hey, do you mind swallowing my cump?

Right? Yeah. That's such a – where do you have that conversation? How do you broach that? Yeah, how do you like that's such a cop like where do you where do you have that conversation how do you broach yeah how do you how do you bring that up like hey i just really i really love if you would start swallowing my my comment i just i just feel i don't know i want to feel more close to you i just i don't know yeah but then i'd have to be like all right let me think of something i need you to swallow i mean right two-way street two-way street it's? Two-way street. Two-way street. It's a two-way street. Gotta swallow something up. Swallow up my titty.

Okay, Aaron. Yeah. Have you said I love you to your girlfriend? Yes, right? Yeah, of course. I know. You guys have been together for a long, long time. Okay. When did you say I love you? Oh, man. Jesus Christ. Again, just got this question the other night she was with me um

i don't remember i don't remember like the first time that i said to her that i love you uh and nor nor she nor nor could she remember but i i feel like i look, it was pretty early on. Like, I want to say, like, it was at least within, like, the first, I don't know, five, six months. Okay. All right. That is, I don't think that's that quick. Five, six months? Maybe it is. I don't know.

When did you guys move in together? We moved in together shortly thereafter. Like, yeah, we moved in together like i don't know maybe like eight months in you know what i mean it was it was again relatively soon i feel like a lot of our friends were like oh okay like you're you're doing that huh like i bet um but yeah i mean i i just i also you know i i got i've gone into a place like where it's like if you have those feelings and i've always kind of been like somebody who who wears their their heart on their sleeves like you know if you feel some type of way um and the vibe seems to clearly be there like um then like why not just let it be known

though i can't remember exactly when that was um yeah that that that's that was the feeling that i had and and luckily um judging by where we are now, I guess you felt similarly. So here we are. Yeah. But yeah. Okay. Before moving in, I wonder if you've been asked this question. Before moving in together, did you talk about finances?

Were you like, this is how much I pay for rent? How do we split groceries? Yeah. How do you have that conversation yeah i mean i think that was definitely a conversation that we had like you know for us um we were like okay so as far as brenda's concerned like she was like this is what i like can do given like you know sort of my my situation right now and i was like okay great well then i can do this so then we when look when looking for an apartment we were like all right well then we'll just kind

of this is our budget and she's really good with budgeting by the way like she's she's all she's really good with budgeting and really good with just planning in general right so like i credit all of that to her um she definitely was like let's let's sit down let's have a meeting let's pour up some mimosas and let's let's figure this shit out you know what i mean um and so that was a conversation um and then you know she was so amazing was like okay i can pay this for rent you know you're paying this for rent but what i can also do is like i'll handle utilities right uh so that won't be something that you have to worry about or like you know groceries we can split and so we definitely came up with like an agreement right like a game plan going into it with the understanding too that i guess like you know

anything can change and um she's since gotten an even bigger position at her uh at work and so things things change and evolve and then we come back to the table and definitely have those conversations. I think that's very important. Like finances for me, like, like talking about that wasn't something like growing up that, that my, that my family did, you know what I mean? So it was always sort of a faux pas. And I think she's kind of really like opened me up to that, like where it's like, no, let's just have these like open and honest conversations and let's, and let's strategically sort of, you know, build and plan for, for the future. Yeah. So, so we, we had those uncomfortable conversations.

They're probably less uncomfortable for her, but for me, I was like, this is weird. Why are you, why are you pocket watching me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, don't worry about what I got, you know what I'm saying? It's what I, it's mine, you know, but, but yeah, so I had to kind of had to shift my thinking in that way that's interesting I'm with you on that uh when I think about like being in a relationship or like sharing my life with someone I'm like well that's mine right it's my money it's my things mine mine mine mine mine mine yeah uh but yeah that's interesting to be like yeah you have to like come to the table, come to the red table and talk about some things that maybe you don't want to.

Right, right. No, but it's, yeah. Shout out to. Okay, let's talk about this lab. No, I'm kidding. It's been so long since it happened. But like, really, not really. Like, I mean, like.

Okay. 10 years is a long time to be banned from the oscars yes absolutely absolutely i was like how come none of these uh other badly behaved men are banned from stuff let's shout them out uh roman polanski let's shout out you know woody allen and and so on and so forth um what's his name harvey harvey weinstein harvey weinstein harvey weinstein you have to give back nary a thing man come on do you think they're gonna take his his oscar i don't think they will right i don't think so hold on we have to do another ad break so let's take a break and we're back no i don't think they're gonna take a statue because

that's insane that's fully insane um yeah you can't do that i i just i think it's like oh then you have to go through and take back the statues of all the other poorly behaved gentlemen right right well let me ask you something and this kind of you know this is a show on relationships and sex so like let me ask you do you and maybe you've already had this conversation with someone else so if so then tell me and we can scratch it but like do you think that he was protecting data do you think that that that act was an act of protection or even like a do you do you agree with that as a black woman right like are you like all right i'm with it yeah we've kind of talked offline a little bit about this but like i've talked to everyone about do you agree with that as a black woman right like are you like all right i'm with it yeah

we've kind of talked offline a little bit about this but like i've talked to everyone about it one of my favorite moments of this year um so me personally i never need someone to hit somebody on my behalf who made a joke about me because a joke is a joke is a joke and especially like if i'm bald-headed and they make a bald joke it's a joke and i understand alopecia i understand we shouldn't make jokes about people's appearances i get it i'm not saying that's okay i just think hitting someone is out of pocket that's wild but if we were in a parking lot and maybe that happened maybe i'd be like yeah that's what you fucking get but it is like it's the oscars it is like a ceremony but then again it's like does it like just because

it's a formal event does it mean i guess it means yeah you're on your best behavior you're not gonna hit someone at a wedding or whatever yeah no i do not think he was protecting a black woman yeah no i do not think that is protection because she was not in danger defending her honor maybe i guess if you want to go there but she has gone on the record to say she's proud of her bald head and she doesn't care what nobody thinks about her bald head so why does she need protecting if she actively doesn't care right to chris rock apparently that was like off script what are you doing my dude why are you coming for these people that's true though that's true what's the vendetta my guy my guy he don't really fuck with them for whatever reason like that's that's for a minute because there's clips from the chris rock show

where he's shitting on her uh so it's like maybe it's like a background but also in my brain i think will's a little bit on the edge i think his relationship with this woman that he has chosen to be with is not maybe the healthiest for him and his heart and his brain. And I think he laughed. He looked at her. She was not happy. And he was like, I'm about to win an Oscar. I don't know.

I have to do something. And then I think it was one of those things where you, I don't know about you, but I've been in situations where I'm watching myself do something and I'm like don't do that don't do that don't do it and then afterwards like all the remorse and shame and you could see it on him

like you know after he was wolfing at Chris Rock at the commercial break you just like he's just like what the fuck did I just do and then the council of Blacks surrounded him. You got to Tyler Perry. You got to Denzel. Going mm-mm or mm-mm.

I love how Bradley Cooper got in the mix, too. Bradley Cooper was like, I got something to offer, too. Hey, hey, hey, Willie, we talked to you. He's like, I'm soulful. You've heard me sing. Yeah, yeah. Chappelle's my guy, you know? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

No, it was, it was, what a moment, though. Like you say, I mean, I hate to laugh at someone else's misfortune but what a fucking moment for the industry I mean we're all talking about it you know you hate to see you know people

do it but we keep shit interesting we are the most entertaining so it is what it is I just thought it was so interesting that a lot of uh like the people of a different persuasion had things to say um there was one in particular who like was doing a press junket and was like i'm shocked and sick and whatever but then like he kissed alicia silverstone at an award show and i was like well that that's a little bit out of pocket too so like i mean you're actually you assaulted someone at an award show so you're in the same shoes so how dare you cast judgment like holly berry getting

kissed at the oscars that was wild that was not consensual like there's been so many wild things that have happened but like people weren't penalized right because we draw weird lines in the sand over what's right and what's wrong. Right. That's true. That's a very, very valid point that I have to give credit to. That's very, very, very, very true. I'm not going to say much more.

But yeah. I don't want to get canceled. Oh, I mean, if I get canceled over. No, you won't. What you said was great yeah sashira and i had a whole episode of our uh podcast best friends where i had some of the hottest worst takes but like i was like and i said it in the episode i was like i'm here for fun like i i'm taking out all of the like gravitas of it and let's just be silly about it yeah and let me tell you it was divisive

people go they got the strongest opinions on shit that don't actually matter i'm like let's add homelessness i don't know there's so many other things that matter in this world yeah for sure um aaron okay i asked all my guests this for a hot second a couple months i wasn't doing it because i was like maybe i'll do something different but then i decided if it ain't broke don't fucking fix it aaron would you date me yeah i feel like it'd be fun to date yeah wow i would i feel like i feel like you have a great sense of humor um you're beautiful i always say that i always say that to you um no you're smart you're successful you know what i mean and like you're sexual i mean at least at least in your at least in your in your podcast and in your stand-up you talk about sets openly so there's an openness and

i'm like yeah okay let's see what this let's see what this is hidden for and because and since coffee cup said that it was amazing i mean now i you know, there's a part of me that wants to know, right? He's like, oh, really? Oh, shit. You don't say. Okay, shit. No, you know, and like, here's my other thing. If I was almost willing to, you know, take a gun from a man for some vagina, then I don't see why not.

I don't see why not. That is honestly the funniest answer. If I was willing to take a gun from somebody, why not fuck you, Nicole? I mean, all right. Yeah, cool. Yeah, for sure. All right, Aaron.

That's all the time we have. Thank you so much for doing this. Yeah, thank you for having me. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like, you can rate, you can subscribe on Apple Podcasts. If you write me a nasty come on hitting on me to whywontyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com,

I will read it. Baby, are you the Hindenburg? Because you're on fire and I'm pretty sure you're about to go down on me. I mean, I do love to suck a dick. Wait, Aaron, do you have anything you want to promote? No, I mean, look, obviously right now League of Their Own is coming out in the summer

and I'll be recurring on that. I have a heavy recurring on that. So look out for that. And outside of that, you know, hopefully we'll get a season two for Grand Cru. Yes, Grand Cru is available on Peacock, Hulu, and then maybe reruns. And if you have cable, if you're one of those people, you can watch it on demand. So, OK, that's it.

Thank you. Bye bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much.

We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha, ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.