Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - America Scammed Us (w/ Dewayne Perkins)

Episode Date: September 11, 2020

Comedian and writer Dewayne Perkins (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Break with Michelle Wolf) joins Nicole to talk about getting back together with his ex, the importance of checking in with your partner, and how America has failed everyone. They also get into the systemic racism present in writers' rooms, and how to turn the thought of death into something positive. Support Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy Buy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964 Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where Meena Kulbhara tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could take away all of my Crocs and not let me wear them ever again. I would still date you.

Dwayne, I love Crocs. Okay, my guest today is a writer for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, was a writer on The Break with Michelle Wolf. Oh, they've been on Chicago Fire. What a treat. It's a 2014 credit. Okay, it's Dwayne Perkins. What an awful intro.

Chicago Fire, when I played that shitty teacher. I love 2014. A great year for me in Chicago. Chicago Fire when I played that shitty teacher. I love 2014. A great year for me in Chicago. Chicago Fire. What a treat. Was Chicago Fire fun? No. Because it was just like, I was like an extra that was like bumped up to say like move or something.

It was like the very beginnings of have been like this is what this is okay cool so you're from chicago are you born and raised in chicago yes born and raised in shinetown baby what part i grew up in marquette park which is like next door to inglewood on the south side my sister lives on the south side and my grandparents live on the south side. My grandparents live at like Stoney Island in like 103rd. Ooh, that's far. My daddy live over there with his wife.

Yeah, I don't never go visit. With use. When did you move? Did you move to New York at any point or did you just go from Chicago to LA? I went from Chicago to New York to LA i went from chicago to new york to la i moved to new york in 2017 then i moved here no yes and then i moved here in 2018 i was not in new york for a very long time i just hated it i didn't like it as a city you didn't like what is

new york as a city new york was hard. And I am lazy and want life to be convenient. I was like, y'all asking too much of me. LA seemed like the vibe. So when quarantine happened, I was like, girl, I don't see nobody anyway. It is what it is. That's so

funny. I fully understand not liking New York because I think that one of the reasons i did like new york is because it's hard and then like when you live another day you're like i did it it was very hard i walked up 20 flights of stairs because the elevator was broken a homeless man spit on me but you know what he had the moisture in his mouth so he's thriving too like i loved new york that is literally the vibe that i hated it was just a bunch of people being like trying to convince me that like hustling was how you create character

and i was like love my personality i don't need more of this please get me out of here get me out that is i love it that's so funny it is so funny to be like i already have character i don't need it i'm fine like literally i grew up in a city that was like better structured than this because we have alley so i'm like this is just a downgrade baby like i can see if i came from like the middle of nowhere and came and been like wow this is the city but i grew up in a city so i just moved to a dirtier city and was like no i don't like this yeah new york is fully filthy we had mice that lived in my apartment because one of my roommates was a hoarder and we didn't know she was a hoarder

we thought she was being cute when she like opened the door halfway to like scoot out but then one day we saw that there was just trash up to her waist and she literally couldn't open the door and then when she moved out the mice were like wait there's more to explore it was rough yeah that sucks that's that's just like shocking to be like girl look at her being coy they'd be like oh no oh no you you have a problem yeah you're fucking filthy but new york did have like really great people who i constantly try to convince to move here to LA. Yeah, I feel like I spent, after I moved here, I spent a very long time telling New Yorkers, it's not bad, it's nice, it is sunny,

you'll like it, you have room. And they're like, no, no, no. But then when they moved, they were like, I like it here, it's nice. See, there's a vibe. You just gotta avoid crazy people, as you have to do everywhere. Yes, but you're in a car, so it's like see see there's a vibe but you just gotta avoid crazy people as you have to do everywhere yes but you're in a car so it's like rather easy but i gotta say the homeless situation here is getting out of control and my whole like yesterday i was driving and i was like

it makes me sad to see unhoused people like doesn't it make rich people unhappy and why would you want to be unhappy for even a second like give them money do you know what i mean i'm like wouldn't that make you feel better i feel like it would make everybody feel better yeah everybody feel better if you just like help them it's so wild that we don't help people especially right now when it's like 135 degrees outside i'm just like this is so bad just like look around just like yeah it's like terrible i was like keeping water in my car to give out to people and i ran out the other day so and then someone told me it's like terrible i was like keeping water in my car to give out to people and i ran out the other day so and then someone told me it was bad that i had like plastic

bottles and i was like you know i'm just trying to help literally did the exact same thing and then was like i don't have a recycling bin like this is how is it like how have we as humans created a world where it's so hard to be good i I'm just like, why are y'all making it so hard? They're making it so hard. And I was driving around yesterday. I was like, Oh my god, is America like a third world country? And we just like don't realize it. Because I was driving. I was like, this is like not different than like Mexico. And people are like, Mexico is scary. I'm like Mexico. First off, there's like beautiful parts of it. But I was like, yeah, LA feels a lot like Mexico. And maybe we're not doing as well as we think we are.

That sentence doesn't sound okay. But do you understand what I'm saying? I do. I do think that there is this idea that America has been really good at just like branding themselves. And then we're now like, oh, no, this is not true. This is false advertisement. Also, we are so close to mexico we are mexico like we are i was like because there's like i've been to truly like

one part of mexico and it was really beautiful but like some of the driving it was like dusty and like like there was like a haze in the sky and i was like oh yeah we have fires here so like the sky is hazy there's like dust everywhere there's unhoused people everywhere i passed a nail salon where they were doing their toenails like outside on the street and i was like i don't know what's like this is this is bad this is bad like why didn't we have a government who like prevented this and then i was like driving around i was like this is depressing like why aren't we giving people money i did i was driving down i think in burbank and there was a bunch of women outside in these bubbles getting their like toes done and i was like

is is this who we are right what what have we come to we could have had a really nice fall of people i just handled shit but nobody handled nothing so now here we are getting our toes done outside. And I do think it's breaking people. I did a show for Juneau, Alaska a couple of weeks ago, like their pride fest. And there was a Q&A and one of the people asked me, what's one thing you would change about white people? And I was like, that's a question, first of all. And then I really thought about it. And I was like, oh, I just think about it and i was like oh i just think

like i would love for white people to just like understand that this country also failed them as well like we are in this like do you not see like it's not like it's like from the top down everybody is fucked so like it's get on board like you got scammed too, sis. Yes. Whenever I think about like white people who grew up impoverished, you were like, oh, the privilege I, you know, benefited from was like, you know, I had to work hard. I digged whole bubble. And I'm like, yeah, but like you could even have to do none of that. You just weren't using the system. That's why you, my friend, you fucking idiot. You got to figure it out, too. Like like what do you think we all been doing like like this year in particular

has been a lot of just me being shocked at how shocked people are being like you didn't know this like where you been what you guys was yelling about who are your friends who are you talking to like you like do you not think black people want to be like out here just like happy and thriving you think we just be mad for nothing like girl i love being happy i love giggling i love tea yeah black people love it it's like let us have it yeah the world feels so fucking insane sometimes i feel like it's bad i were you dating someone before how long have you had your uh boyfriend uh we've been dating for three years oh that's so nice how did you find him we dated before so like we had like a weird history because like we like dated then we broke up when i moved to new york so we dated when i was in chicago and then i moved then we got back

together when i moved to LA. It's been two years. I met him during doing musical theater. I was dancing. He was doing music. Then we were like, let's hang out. Then we hung out, dated, then we broke up because I was like, I got to move. I got to

follow my dreams. I got to go. Chicago is not it for me. Then had like a job and he was like well i can't move and i was like okay this has been cute um and then i moved and then uh we went on a trip together to hawaii like the summer of 2018 and we were like oh this is cute also i hate other people do you want to get back together and we were like that's, this is cute. Also, I hate other people. Do you want to get back together? And we were like, that's fine. So that's and now we're great because we're like, we know who we are. We know what we want. And it's been good so far.

See, I want that. I want to meet someone that like I like I have met so many people I tolerate. Do you know what I mean? Where I'm just like, you know, I can get over all the bad shit about you. I just like want to be in a relationship. That's what I want. I just want someone to like be like, I like you. And I'm like, I like you. It's hard. It is.

I mean, even like, even though I like my boyfriend and he likes me, it's still like so hard. And we have to like constantly just be like, do you want to keep doing this? And then we're like yeah but we just got to check in because we're like you know life is changing daily yeah and we like and at any moment i could truly just not want to be around anybody including him so we just be like where you at right now mentally do you want honestly do you do like audible check-ins like that that i think is like so fucking healthy i think that's really wonderful when we get back together just because like i feel like when when you're with someone and then you break up mentally i was like i know

your flaws you know mine so when we get back together it was like we're not gonna play these games we know what this is and i'm gonna tell you what i will and will not put up with because i don't have to be with you and we've seen that so like let's not pretend they're like and so we're just always like girl what is it and then if we don't like something about each other i feel like we've created a sense of communication that allows us to like just say it uh one of the like there was a moment where i was like maybe you are like good to be with because i was like hey i gotta talk to you about something and i don't want you to get mad but i think you're kind of dumb wait wait you said i need to talk to you about something you might get mad i think you're dumb uh-huh uh just like on like

truly like i was like you just there's like our conversations sometimes where they go i'm like i don't think he knows things and then my boyfriend was like oh that's crazy because like sometimes when i'm talking to you there's like we hit a wall and then i just like can't think no more and then i was like okay so we're on to something and he wasn't like how dare you call me dumb he was like let's explore what this means and then he was like i could see what you mean that's truly so wild so wait you came to the conclusion that your boyfriend is dumb was there anything that was done to rectify it or you both both are just like, well, one of us is dumb. He was like, oh, I should read more books and watch documentaries. And so he'd just be doing more to expand his mind.

Because I was like, I need to have more philosophical conversations with you. And if you can't keep up, that's not going to work. And then he told me, hey, there's times where you mean. And then I'm like, I get that. So then I work on myself, this is so funny oh my god what a treat you're just like all right i think you're dumb he's like okay well i could watch documentaries and i'll read some books uh but also can you be nice you're like all right yeah let me smile a little bit more let me uh let me look at baby pictures and like let me figure out how much weed

i should be able to smoke to like give you what you need stabilize my mood i get it i'm like life is hard i am a black man black queer man and yeah america and then he's like and i get that so that's why i'm not like like is he a lighter is he a white man no he is philippine now ah okay but like he was raised by white people. So he basically was. Oh, sure. And that was also a conversation of like, especially this summer of me being like, hey, I didn't feel like you was white. But this summer you feeling white.

And then he was like, let me go read some more books. I mean, I will say somebody listening to this because people have lots of opinions. And lately they really love telling them. It's wild. All the comments I get are just like, this is what I think about this! But anyway, people might take that the wrong way and be like, oh, he's bullying his boyfriend. And I'm like, I don't think that's bullying to be like, I think you need to educate yourself just a little bit more. Just in general general so we can

have things to talk about but then also about my experience yeah i think that's fair yeah because like bullying would would be like if you don't do this i'm gonna leave you but we're just literally talking about ways we can better ourselves and in regard to him of us making the choice to be a couple there are certain things that like we have to do to like grow and that's something that i'm like for us who exist for for this to keep going one of the things that i need you to do is be versed in my identity and in ways that are just like deeper because i want to have deeper conversations with you and so we have like funny moments i'll just like walk in and be like oh you're watching the 13th again i'm like you do that because i'm not doing that i don't need to do that because I'm not doing that.

I don't need to do that. I know about that shit. So just like stuff like that. And then it works both ways. Like if I'm ignorant on something, it's very easy to be like, yeah, you don't know. Like you shouldn't say that or like go read this. I think both of our personalities stem from just like empathy

and being like, oh, what'd you say? And it's just very simple to be like, oh, a certain way all right let's address it i think that's really fucking healthy it could like a useful thing just for like the world because i feel like i mean when people talk politics they argue a. I've learned very much to be like, Oh, you feel that way. Well, I don't.

And I'm not going to argue with you. You can, you know, take these tools and like learn something or like, don't, we don't have to ever talk again. You're not in my life. I don't give a shit.

This is fucking Twitter. And then in my personal life, I've taken the road where I'm like, I'll tell you something so like my roommate had posted like the black box thing do you remember that it was like blackout tuesday or whatever and i was like black squares yes and i was like this feels disingenuous and like you didn't share any information and it seemed very like look what i did i think you should take it down he was like i don't to. And we had like a discussion about it.

And I finally left it with, if a black person tells you something about blackness and you did something for blackness and we tell you it's bad, I think you should listen. And then he was like, okay. And then he like left it up for a little bit and then he took it down and then we like talked about it after we had like diffused the situation. But like, I just think it's so healthy to just talk through shit with people and not just scream at them or whatever i like that you tell your boyfriend that these are the things i need do you watch 90 day fiance i do not i i tried to um but it's hard

to like watch real people sometimes because i'd be like oh this is cringy like i don't like i feel weird watching it yeah it's very voyeuristic and like awful and anti-immigration propaganda but there's this woman darcy who my greatest fear was her going to therapy because i didn't want her to stop acting poorly like please i really love her don't change please i was like please don't change uh for the better uh please don't educate her help yourself please don't uh stay the crazy crying woman you are. But she went to therapy and her therapist was like, Darcy, have you ever told a man what you wanted?

And she was like, no. I was like, that's crazy. Yeah, I'm like, what are you living for, girl? Ain't that the whole point of this? Like, I don't know. I just feel this way in general. And sometimes I'm in spaces where there is a lot of resistance. But in my mind, I think it's probably because I've done too many psychedelics.

But like, if I walk into a space in my mind on a purely metaphysical level, I am a new energy. Therefore, the space has to adjust to accommodate this new energy. So I'm not like, so I'm just like, what are we doing? So it doesn't matter like like work like i'm just like we're all humans entering this space and so i'm just like i come with the place of being like we're all equal care about people and it's just people just don't and that's why i think me and my boyfriend work because when we got back together our main thing was being like hey we could die at any moment so let's not play games i think about death constantly and i think i've gotten to a place where i've made into a positive of being like oh yeah we should just like make choices that like would

give us the life that we want and just being like what do you want and being like oh i have an answer has done wonders for my life which has been like oh yeah and darcy should definitely have um that's crazy to like have to live a life and be like you've never told him anything like because i constantly am telling people what i expect from them sometimes it's in a nice way sometimes it's like a little terse but i'm always trying to be like well this is what i need well you know you have what you have here's what i need from you here's what i expect from you i do it more in work and in relationships i do do it but it usually comes like me like being like i need you to text me more

but also i have never had a relationship work so i'm like maybe that doesn't work i think i have to find a happy medium where it's like, I'm never going to tell a man how I actually feel. Like, I'm never going to be like, I really like you. I'll never say that again. I'll die before I say that to a man. But I will be like, I expect you to text me back. Yes.

Okay. See, I think my, like, I get why you say that. Because like, as I think about like men like men it's I feel very privileged in a sense because I feel like being gay has allowed me to be like hey we don't know what this is we have to like start from scratch because like there's not a bunch of society being like this is what this is but like when I was pretending to be straight for all those years um just the idea of like heterosexuality and just like the way that society has just like played a part in like the roles in which male and female play in these dynamics. I think blows like all of my friends are like women and just talking to them about men.

I'm like, I don't understand how this is supposed to work. Like on paper, this is trash. Like, I'm so sorry that this is what this is. Because all like truly most, I think maybe maybe like 95 of my friends that are women are single just because in this time they're like i can't deal with voluntarily bringing a man into my life to be mistreated i just get like i can't even take that risk i'm like i'm not doing it and i'm just like damn i can't fuck yeah i'm like the horniest I have ever been in my whole life. But this company called Tracy's Dog sent me some new toys.

And oh boy, are they fun. But they didn't ask me to mention it, but I figured I should. They sent me free toys. But like, I'm like, I'm not going to die from mediocre dick. I'm fat and I smoke covid wants me it like really wants me okay she's like it wants me miss ron is like i want to kill this big bitch but like it's like so i have that working against me and then it's like imagine as like most men won't wear masks so like asking a man to be like will you get tested it's like oh i already got

tested well how long ago about a month ago and i've been to puerto rico and i've been on 100 planes and i fucking lick my toilet seat and live on a mattress on the floor it's like i can't i don't i can't like i don't know you to trust you and i don't trust you because you're a man like i once had a dude say to me he's like sometimes i sometimes I get dingleberries. And I was like, I'm about to fuck you. Why would you say that out loud? Like, you shouldn't even, like, if that's ever something you said out loud, like, you have to rethink, like, who you are as a person. And then to think, like, this is the thing to tell this woman right before I penetrate her. To be fair, after he said it, he goes, I don't know why I told you that.

And I was like, I don't know why you told me that either. I mean, I don't know why he had that thought after and not before. Like, he should unpack, like, how his brain works, because that's not the normal way. It truly isn't, but that's men. Men are a wild nightmare ride. And I wish I, like, I don't, okay. So, like, my sexuality, who fucking knows what it is. I just know that I'm not going to limit myself to like one thing. I'm not going

to just be like, I only date men. I refuse to do that. But like, I wish I wasn't attracted to men, because they're awful. Yes. And that is the, the burden of the woman uh and this is why like when when i'm on twitter and i see a bunch of men always like women be like and it's like just go talk to them like go talk to them i've talked to them they don't they don't just like if you just like took a second and just like hey so wait what is it that you want what is it that you think i'm like i think it's all pretty clear if you just like chill and like don't be like creepy and rapey like just like literally just like hey girl as a human what would make you happy and it's all the answers are like very simple like i don't know respect me as a person period that would be nice just a little bit of respect. I just don't understand when men are like, I'm not looking

to get into a relationship. And I'm like, okay, that's all nice, fine and cool. Then why the fuck are you on a dating app? Why are you, why are we out on a date? If you don't intend to get on a relationship, why are we even talking? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, if you're not looking to get into a relationship, it should be illegal for you to go to dinner with somebody or go for drinks with somebody you only get to fuck them if you don't want to be in a relationship and you shouldn't be allowed to speak literally like i feel like it and it would be so much easier because like as i said most of my friends are women and they are the horniest people i've ever met it's not like women ain't out here just specifically looking for dick like that is on the table yes it's like so if you just outright just be like yeah we trying to fuck

girls are not like they're not in like they're not insane they're they're like yeah i want to come as well and then i'll go do something else like i don't need to be with you so this idea of like i have to trick this girl with the date because like the relationship is really what they want i'm like or they just want good dick like that is yes i think and i think the date is more confusing because i'm getting to know you and then i start liking you as a person and then we fuck and then it's like oh well i'm fucking this person that i really like because we have this great conversation as opposed to knock knock stick your dick in me and i say bye bye and i'm like i don't know him i just i don't know him at all i can hold no feelings to this

dick it was just a good or a bad dick because a lot of men have bad dicks and a lot of them think they're very good but they're not i'm angry and horny i mean like, it would benefit men to just be transparent because like a date is just a way to talk yourself out of some pussy. Like some people like, do you think your personality that great? Like you should be self-aware to be like, okay, I know my flaws. And if the goal is sex, let me just like not do this day where I have to pretend to be interesting for hours. Like literally just like you haven't out if they give it to you just like shut the fuck up and take it you dumb ass like yeah it's insane it's really dumb maybe i'll like when dates come back if they're fucking

boring i'll be like can we just like fuck i don't want to do this anymore i don't want to talk to you like we don't gotta do this like girl take I don't want to talk to you. Like, we don't got to do this. Like, girl, take your pants off. Shut up. Yes. Because I worked on something recently. And one of the PAs was one of the most annoying people I'd ever met in my life. And every time we went back into the air conditioning, he would go, ah, air conditioning. And I was like, you can't possibly do that every single time and then

he proceeded to do it every single time and i was like we got to get back inside we have to stop working the people are bad out here i don't want this i don't want to be near this person this is awful and then oh my god he was just like so annoying we like got into like not a fight but so i like was sweating very hard and i handed him my bra because my wire is like hooked my bra to make it like easier in the mornings uh so like a sound guy isn't just like in my shit uh and then he goes must have been hot on set and i was like all right you didn't have to like hold my fucking bra and say it must have been hot on set. It was fucking hot on set. I was sweating. Also, I don't fucking feel good. So I just said to him, I was like, cool. Thank you. And then he was like, I didn't mean

it like that. And then he went around talking about me to other people. And I was like, what is fucking happening? He was literally the worst person I've ever met in my life and i truly was like we need to quarantine from people i don't want to be near these people it's bad people are bad like it's it's the worst it's ever been for me and i'm like a very i'm already pretty like introspective just like i'm like by myself but like being around people especially like since quarantine where i'm i've been i've become so comfortable within myself and just being like i love being by myself and now that like i'm being forced around to be around people again i'm just like perpetually in a state of you got me fucked up but not in like

an aggressive way i've just been like hey you gotta stop talking to me like if we never talk again that will be fine there are so many people in the world stop existing like me like if we never talk again that will be fine there are so many people in the world stop existing like it like i've never been so okay with like the complete erasure of people i'm just like literally you could die and i would feel nothing and i've never felt that into 2020 like i'm just like whoa like i just do not care about people who do not care about people like if you Like if you, like if you don't have a basic sense of empathy, I don't think you should be allowed.

I agree with you. Like some of the arguments I got into with people while we were working were like kind of ridiculous. And I had to say at one point, I was like, I am the one not in a mask on camera. Everyone asking me to do things is wearing a mask and not on camera. So like, I think you just have to remember that like your show is not just a show.

There's people, there's people involved who go home to other people. So like, can we just chill the fuck out? It was, it was interesting. I had to have this conversation with someone very recently who was basically asking me to like accept abuse at a workplace because they were like, your voice is needed. And I was like, did you forget that my voice is attached to a person? Like you keep telling me that like my voice, my voice. I'm like, but what about my heart, my soul, my mind?

Like, do you not understand that like I am more than just a person that's giving you a service and i feel like this extends into every job like when people are rude to like service i'm like you are dead to me like it doesn't take much but if you mistreat a person in front of me i'm like how like why what is inside of you making you want to do that it makes me just like question How? Like, why? What is inside of you making you want to do that? It makes me just like question humanity.

I'm just like, I don't know. Like, why? It's so easy to be nice. It's really insane how selfish, you know, you notice people are. Like, I went to a restaurant the other day because I was like, I don't know. It's September. Maybe it's okay to go. I don't know.

But the waitress came to us in a face shield and a mask. And you're supposed to wear a mask when you go to the table. And then you're allowed to just have it off. And I was like, so what happens when the server comes to me? And I mean, I literally had just had a COVID test. But who knows? It could have been, you know, nesting in my body. Because it takes a minute. And I'm just talking to her

freely without a mask i'm like that what the like why don't restaurants protect the people who work there why don't i have to wear a mask when i speak to the server why do we not care about the server why is your bottom line the money it's so insane the way things are arbitrary and how you care about some people but not all people but then like you know it's it's i feel insane almost every fucking day yeah uh 2020 has really like expanded my minds in ways i'm like uh sometimes i wish i was ignorant i feel like it seems like dumb ignorant people are having the best fucking time and i'm just like god damn yes dumb ignorant people who like don't fucking time. And I'm just like, God damn. Yes.

Dumb, ignorant people who don't believe in science had a full-blown summer. They had a great time this year. Did you? I forget where it was. But it was a festival with a bunch of motorcycles. And it was so many people. And then there was like, yeah, it was a super spreader event. But also, wasn't it fun? And I was like, what?

I mean, there was that motorcycle event there was a Smash Mouth concert that people risked their lives for I was just like the y'all are risk there was like my friend meatball posted a picture of people eating outside on the sidewalk for IHOP I'm like what is happening you can't wait to get IHOP you need need ihop right now like girl just make some eggs at your house yes it's fun and then like i think at the galleria they're like doing dining like in the garage i'm like this isn't better than home this isn't better than getting to go and sitting in the park and like being in nature like what the fuck are we all doing it feels insane and then did you see that trump boat rally where like a bunch of boats sang i was like i mean if this isn't an analogy or like foreboding i don't know

what like we're not all on the same page of the book like this is a wild i didn't know that we would like being a person who like is aware of like history in this country i was like yes there are things in this country that needs to be addressed i did not know that this would happen in this way in my lifetime right now and and i'm just like oh oh this is like stark i i assume that this would be like like the underbelly is showing itself so blatantly in a way that i was like i thought white people were afraid to be this racist i really thought that it was like, we're not going to talk about it. But now it's just like, they're just like, it is what it is, baby. I'm just like, whoa. I didn't know.

Like, y'all really out here just hating black people. That's truly what it feels like. They're like, um, uh, whatever. They're like, what? What? Are you shocked? What? We don't like y'all. We get the fuck up out of here. We said it. We don't like y'all. Get the fuck up out of here.

We said it. We don't like you. We want to make America great again. That means like back to the 1950s when we all moved to the suburbs and left your asses in the city to die. That's what we want again. Y'all came to our suburbs and we don't like it. It's just like this history of being like, I don't know why they won't die.

And they're just like so mad at me. Like, didn't we do enough? How are y'all still protesting? How y'all still fighting? And I'm like, girl, honestly, I don't know. I don't know. We have tears. And then new people are just like, because I'm like, I'm so tired.

And I am in my 20s. And I'm like, I don't know how people exist at like 50. Like, how do a Black person make it to old age? I like how what are you feeling what is happening in your head and your heart well I was like thinking the other day I was like is that why we get diabetes and like hypertension and high blood pressure so easily because we're just tired and our bodies are just susceptible they're just trying to find a way out our Our body's like, no, we can't. Like, I didn't realize until I started, like, to have, like, therapy, just, like, what anxiety was. Like, I knew, like, the concept.

But I was like, that's not similar to, like, I don't know, like, tax breaks. I'm like, that's something for white people. Like, I just don't know what, like, anxiety was. And then, like, when I figured out, like, when I was diagnosed with was diagnosed with like oh you have panic attacks i was like this is what this has so my whole life nobody like this is what i just had to live with i'm like people deal with this this is not just like a burden that you're born with i'm like oh there's things that oh white people oh i'm like with access and resources there are things to fight this that you just would not know about if you live under a certain financial means.

But then also black people will be like, panic attacks. Just lay down for a second. You're like, wait. No, that's not it. I told my uncle I had ADD and he was like, I don't think you need to be on medication. That's not it. And I was like, oh, but the medication has made my life infinitely better and I can get things done. And he was like, yeah, but I don't think you need it. And I was like, oh, but the medication has made my life infinitely better and I can get things done. And he was like, yeah, but I don't think you need it. And I was like, cool. All right.

You let me know what you think I need. I would say I talked I had a conversation with some of some of my family recently. And as a person, I'm very much like in the mood of like, if you give me a red flag, I would just cut you off. There's billions of people in the world. I don't need to be a bunch of people. But I've had to like extend grace to my family in ways i don't extend grace to people just being like i guess i shouldn't cut all my family off but also like why you got these thoughts like i don't know how my thoughts are so progressive and yours are like boo-boo like and it's just like things have been like i was trying to talk to them about like the perception of drugs

and like weed and they're like all drugs are bad it's bad the government dare and then i was like do you know like all these programs just like do you know that the government creates things for like a reason like people are like black and brown people are like villainized and during that program like there's like science based on these like things. And then, then they were like, no white supremacy, black people use it as an excuse to like make. And like, I was like, Oh no, like, I don't even know like what to tell y'all. And then I just like kind of stopped talking. And then my sister texted me like, are you ignoring me? And I was like, yes.

Yes, I am. I'm lucky. My sister and I are like on the same page with like white supremacy not being an excuse um and that like we both understand that like you know dare and like making marijuana illegal was truly an attack on black and brown people which like goes back to like the harlem renaissance and shit when they were like we're gonna like black and brown people were the ones who were smoking it they came up with jazz and then white people took jazz made it less fun and then put black and brown people in jail and then i just discovered i think i might have said it on the podcast before i don't know but country has a lot of black roots and black country is so good i can't remember this man oh shit i can't remember

what i watched this week but like i watched this black man who was singing country and i was like oh it's um oh uncle cracker has a song and it's a cover of a black man song and the black man song is so much better what's the most famous uncle cracker song yes i also saw that black man song shook me i was like how dare they you like i had no idea yes and it's so much better than uncle cracker also imagine being like, please call me Uncle Cracker. That's so insane. Why is that your name? It's like, sir, sir, read the room. Read the room. Truly read the room.

It's so wild. Wait, Dwayne, we have to take a break. And we're back. We are back, back, back, back again. Help me to understand when men are actually flirting with me and not just being nice to me. Because I have a problem where I think a man is utterly in love with me, but he's just being nice to me. See, I feel the same way. And I don't think there's a problem with that.

I think that is good for self-esteem. I just think it's not good for self-esteem. I just think it's not good for the action moving forward. You can't act on it, but it's good to feel like, I think everybody is in love with me. But then you just have to... Okay, because the way my brain works, I am broken if things are not just transparent. So I would say just ask. Are you flirting with me? And then if he says yes and then if he say yes

then if he says yes then you know like oh he really wants it because he's like yes i am then if he says no then he a little bitch so you don't need to be with him anyway you're right oh boy though but just asking someone flat out are you flirting with me truly sounds like a like dangerous and scary uh-huh but but also it's like powerful so like if it works out it shows you in a way of being like oh she knows what she wants she's powerful but if it doesn't work out and they be like no then it's like okay so you

just have to be ready and I think like your personality type you can recover from anything so if they say no you can be like yeah cause that was a joke but yeah I'm just kidding I'm funny but if they say yes it's like okay then let's let's take this somewhere if you're trying to do it then let's do it but if you're not then like you want to talk about something else like darcy from 90 day

fiance there's always an out did you watch black is king uh i started to but i will admit i got too high and fell asleep. Fair, fair. It's good. I think you should go back and watch it. Do you smoke weed every day? Yes. Okay, so I've been, what's the word? Unpacking and not navigating.

Just been thinking about my relationship with weed. And 2020 has been the year where i've came to the conclusion like oh i get why people say weed is a gateway drug because if you do too much it does stop working it just like doesn't work anymore um and so i've been having to like take breaks i've been like oh i'm smoking too much or like i'm i'm i've been thinking about like when i smoke and figuring out like oh you smoke the most right when you're on social media. So like I've been on social media for like the last five days and I've smoked significantly less or being like, oh, when you're like working at this job or that job. So I've just been like trying to figure out the things that make me want to smoke weed and working on those.

And working on those and that has been making my weed intake smaller. Because again, I'm all about like I'm finding the source and not the like symptoms. Interesting. I like that. I like that a lot. I smoke weed a lot and then also a little. I take long breaks. Like I take month long breaks where like maybe I only eat a couple edibles a week and then also a little. I take long breaks. Like I take month-long breaks where like maybe I only eat a couple edibles a week

and then don't smoke anything. But yesterday I was like, I'm going to smoke and go about my life because I never do that. I usually just stay home. But I was like, I like went to drop off something at a friend's house and then we were like joking around,

but it wasn't as fun because I was like, I don't feel as funny. I just feel chill and then i went to home depot and then i got not into a fight the lady was she just got really mad at me because i was like hi excuse me how do i buy paint and she was like how do you buy paint and i was like and she was like you pick the color and we give it to you we mix it for you give it to you and i went okay well i want blue and she was like well which blue and i was like the blue that's in my kitchen nook but like i'm not really sure what color that is and then we like looked at colors and i was like that's not it that's not it that's not it and

she was like it seems to me that you don't know what color blue you want and she sent me away she was so mad she's like get the fuck away from me get away from me get away from me get the fuck up away from me and then i like got home i was like well i guess i shouldn't smoke weed and try to get things done because it's pointless and i still have to go back to home depot to get that the fucking paint or lowes i go to lowes home depot's bad um but i did go to Home Depot yesterday. I think that is so funny. Because there are moments like that where you're like, ah, shit. I'm being a nuisance. But also, I don't know what else to do because I don't have the information that I need.

Sorry. But I'm trying to be nice. But also, help me. I was trying so hard to be nice to this woman. And she wanted nothing to do with me. If anything, she wanted me to like pass away in front of her so she could go, well, she's dead, so I don't have to help her.

Oh, now you're not concerned about what color blue you need because you're dead. But it was smart that I got the paint samples because then I like held them in my house and was like, okay, this one. And I think I'm the opposite, where I think I have become so used to working my life high that when I'm not high, it feels weird because I'm like, ah. I feel like my personality has been shifted by weed.

I've been like, oh, I understand. Just like while I'm high high I'll go through something that I'll react to it differently than I would if I wasn't high and then that reaction then becomes like oh I actually like my emotional response this way versus when I'm not high so then I just like adopt that personality trait of being like oh yeah like when I was high and you said that thing I wasn't as mad so I'm just gonna like remember that feeling so I feel like my personality has just become more chill because I've been able to like process things better and so when I'm not high I'm like oh

is that gonna come back like if I go into this meeting with these like important people like how does that feel when I'm high versus when I'm sober and also these people ain't never seen me not high so like what do they know yeah i think i don't like smoking weed during the day because it makes me too chill and i'm not a chill person and i don't like being chill and i like being mischievous and i like being weird and when i'm stoned i'm like oh it's too hard to think of a machine how to be mischievous right now and then I'll be like oh wait I'm too high oh I can't do that bit that's stupid

as opposed to like I get more inhibited which I don't know if that happens to some people yeah like I just won't do things I'll be like that's not funny I think it starts off from like where your personality is at like it's base level and then like we affect you from there so like i like seek out being chill and i feel like your personality is very much like the

opposite and i think that's why i think you're so like fun to like watch and be around because it's like look at her love that and i'm just like in a corner like don't talk to me i get why we affects us differently because i'm like yeah my my like normal go-to is like please don't how can i be in invisible i i only i love attention but only when i'm asking for it and when i'm not asking for it i'm like please forget i exist i was uh i was working two like two days before my birthday and the crew got me cake and sang happy birthday to me and in that moment I was like oh shit oh I didn't know this was gonna happen I don't want this I didn't ask for this attention had I said everyone sing happy birthday to me and give me a cake I would have loved it if it happened in that second but if it happened like a day after i said i've been like oh i don't want this anymore it is so funny

to not want attention but want attention yes because i think it might come down to like control being like i want like i want to be able to control like my body and there's like certain things like that where you're forced to like adapt a feeling that you are not ready for and and you're just like no like you you you're literally forcing me to give my energy to like so many people i did not anticipate and i think at least for me i like scheduling wise i think of my day and be like how much energy do i gotta give out like what am i doing who am i gonna talk to so if suddenly I'm like ambushed by 30 niggas being like hello let me sing to you like oh my god I did not anticipate this I did not yeah I got enough I never think

of energy that I'm giving out throughout the day that's a interesting thing i just know like i give a lot of energy and then during the quarantine i wasn't giving as much energy throughout the day because i would only i'd be doing podcasts or like a voiceover thing so that's like three hours out of the day where usually i was working 10 hours out of the day and then when i went back to working i was like whoa oh boy i'm gonna die this is too much energy. I would literally come home and like sit down and go, okay, well, I guess I go to sleep now because I have nothing else in me. And I was like, I don't know how I fucking did this before.

Energy distribution. I think about it a lot. And I think I, because I just get tired so much. And so I think there's like ways of being like, okay, I know that like I have to go to work and being in like a writer's room is like a certain amount of energy for that time. So I'm always like, okay, if I gotta be there

from 10 to five, what I gotta do to be able to like still be alive by 8 p.m. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to take this like 30 minute break where y'all not gonna see me. I gotta cut my camera off because like I can't talk to y'all for eight straight hours that's crazy it's just like and one thing that I've been doing in quarantine which has been great because there's so much time I've been like really trying to pinpoint in my life just like where energy is like being sapped away

and like social media was like one of them like I would be on Twitter and be like after being on Twitter for like 30 minutes being like why the fuck am I so tired and exhausted I'm like oh right because I just like gave all of this to this shit that does not matter argue with three strangers who I will never see again just like shit like that or being like I don't gotta do any of this so I've just been like finding ways but I'm gonna cut that out I'm gonna cut that out I'm gonna cut that person out I'm gonna cut this food out so I've just been like finding just like wait what food did you cut out i've just been eating significantly less carbs um because they just be uh making me feel so i was on um accutane a couple months ago because i got like a really bad bout of like acne and so i had to like physically stop working out and so i had to

like figure out how to get like more comfortable back in my body so i started doing like yoga and just looking at like which foods like were making me feel more tired wait why did you have to stop working out because the medicine like um it dries you out and so i was like working out pretty hard and so my muscles were constricting and not unconstricting so i was getting like muscle spasms and they were like, yeah, you're not supposed to work out on this medication because of the effect that it has on your body. And I was like, damn.

Okay, sorry. So then I just had to stop working out. Are you still on it? No, I stopped, I think like a month or two ago, but the skin is glowing. I mean, your skin does look really great. And I was like,

maybe I get on it for a little bit. I don't know. But also I hear it makes you want to kill yourself. I mean, but I was also like, when I would have those thoughts, I was like, is I get on it for a little bit. I don't know. But also I hear it makes you want to kill yourself. I mean, but I was also like, when I would have those thoughts, I was like, is this Accutane or just like 2020, like being black in America? Like nothing really changed. Cause I was like, I mean, if I'm like having suicidal thoughts, like it's not, I don't

want to kill myself. But like, I would say during that period period there was a period where i was like talking about suicide more just like as a concept because i knew the like that there was like a side effect that was talked about it's not a big side effect but because people have killed themselves on the medicine it's just like one that's like talked about and so i was just very vocal being like hey i don't want to kill myself but like the idea of suicide i i am creating a greater of empathy link for it i get how people could want to do it because like did nobody ask for this so i get that there could be a point where someone's like i've done enough of this yeah i i you said you think about death a lot i think about death all the time. And I think my friends have just gotten

used to it. Like, if me and my roommate were driving in my old Honda Civic, and like, somebody cut me off or something, I would always say, these people need to be careful. I am not dying in a Honda Civic, because I didn't want to die in a Honda Civic. And I was like, I'm putting it out in the world. I'm not dying in a shitty Honda Civic. And then I've already written my will. And I sometimes will tell my best friend about some, like, give her hints about the things that I've asked her to do. It's like a three-page will. And Shelly Ruse, my lawyer who drafted my estate stuff, she was like, you can't force people to do things. And I was like, yeah, but, like, people don't know that.

So I'm going to write what I want in my will. things and I was like yeah but like people don't know that so I'm gonna write what I want in my will and I like I think about suicide a lot because I'm like I guess the main reason why I wouldn't do it is because it would ruin someone's day like knock knock knock you open the door she's dead okay I'm trying to take a bath she's dead or like oh no I jumped in front of the railroad tracks everyone's late for work I jumped off a building I mean wow that's a real big cleanup because like you're gonna splatter you're big So like I think about things like that all the time. And then whenever I see people be like, check in on your depressed friends. I'm like, no, we should have resources that your depressed friends should go to. That's not just a hotline

where you wait an hour before you talk to somebody. We should have like walk-in therapy clinics or something. It's so wild that we don't give a shit about people yeah like that's something that because i think about death like just the idea of like human existence like what that means and how on this world that that is not the priority of being like hey we're a bunch of like living organisms and we should probably like that should be the focus of like figuring out how we exist in a way that's like good for everybody and the fact that it's just like such a low priority like human life is just like so expendable and it's just like how did we get here before all of this other shit it was just like

organisms and now we're just like at a place of being like you know people yes we exist it's a marvel you know why are we here no one knows but also fuck you i'm a capitalism it's like what it's so crazy i like watched a video of like i think it was in texas it was police like evicting people from their homes and i was like even if that's like the law even if you're supposed to do that if i were a cop i couldn't i would be like i can't just evict people during a pandemic from their homes and i'm like why doesn't the government care about people having homes and like money twelve hundred dollars is nothing it's crazy yes i think that like you would literally displace a person potentially like ruin their lives and like put them on a rope to like potential like death and

harm for money just being like you didn't pay this what six hundred dollar rent let's ruin your life i'm just like ah i just money just like i get it and growing up poor and then like suddenly getting a job and be like oh this is the most money i ever made in in my life and being like oh my connection to money is just like not there because like i just didn't have it for so long i just don't see how this is comparable to like people it's just like not there for me and when people easily do it I'm like how though like how like money is made up like the government can literally just go make more yes yes like that's like the craziest thing and people are like no but inflation happened like well what do you think

when they put more money in circulation what do you think that's happening like it's just they're literally just printing more money and I'm just like if we can print more money I don't know I have like this whole thing like I asked Twitter nobody actually got back to me on this I was like how is it legal that like Jeff Bezos and uh Bill Gates and all these people can be billionaires, but then the people working for them work below the poverty line. I was like, why isn't it? Why isn't there a law that like after cost the like surplus that they make as a company? How come a percentage of that doesn't have to go back to the employees so that like everyone is getting you know rising at the same time you know like working in an amazon warehouse should be a lucrative job because amazon is a lucrative

company it makes no sense that only the owner is the one that's like benefiting from truly thousands of thousands of workers it it makes like it that's a thought that i can't think about often because that's one of those things that like make me go into like a dark hole of being like, this is such an easy thing. There's not even that many billionaires. Like if you know, like there's this is such an easy problem to fix. And they're like, we're not going to do it for these like 14 people. Yeah, it's fucking wild because like you have your board of directors and you're like CFOs, blah, blah, blah. Like literally just like promoting your friends to these made up names so they can get like a piece of the pie. But I'm like,

somebody who's like working at McDonald's should make a living. It's people are like, oh, well, they wanted to make money. They should have gotten a better job. Oh, I'm sorry. The fact that you get your food 10 minutes after you order it is a skill. That's that shit's hard. I couldn't work in fast food. It's I think it's hard. And couldn't work in fast food. It's, I think it's hard. And I just, it's so wild to me that they're like, no, you'll get $7 an hour, $10 an hour, whatever. And you'll have to deal with it and you'll have to get a bunch of other jobs. It's so, and then I saw this other post. I was like, we should all have hobbies. And I was like, oh yeah, people don't have hobbies anymore because they're like working all the time because that's how you stay in a house it's i feel

legit like maybe i'm a socialist i don't know but like things feel crazy i think i am like i'm always thinking about like the power of humanity and just being like the power comes from like the person because even yes i used to work in fast food and because of the way that i think this is a very dark thought but i was like uh so when i worked, I worked at a potbelly sandwich shop in Chicago. And then I got promoted to work in the corporate office because they wanted to hire like a cool person from within the company, like a younger person to do interior design for some of the restaurants. So I saw like both of the sides. Oh, I have a corporate office and then I'm also making sandwiches. And I just kept thinking like, oh, oh these corporate people they don't interact with people

like they have so much power and then i would go down to the sandwich shop and be like i could kill all these people if right now i wanted to poison this mayo who would have the most power like who interacts with the most people who literally could make the biggest impact right now and i and that was just like the thought that i had have been like if we wanted to we could ruin this business right now and i just always have those thoughts of being like how dare you think that you have power and then like when i'm interacting with like authority i've always had a problem with it because growing up in chicago a very segregated place authority was always usually white and truly terrible so when i'm entering these spaces and like with work and like bosses and like hierarchies i'm like sure you have a position

but that is only relevant to me in business affairs this does not give you any right to treat me any worse because at the end of the day if this job was gone i could beat your ass so then you like never forget that that at the end of the day, I will fight you. And I just keep that in the back of my head of being like, all right, power, whatever. But also as humans, we all have power to beat somebody's ass.

It's funny to me that companies, I mean, the shittiest thing about it is they got rid of unions, unions helped people get like living wages and whatnot. But like, if people want it, like if everyone who ever worked at like, an Amazon warehouse or McDonald's, if they just went, no, none of us are going to work, they would lose so much money that day. And if people continue to not go to work, like that would make a change. But then it's like, well, if you don't work, somebody else will do it. And the thing the shittiest part is the person who would do it

but it's not shitty that they would do it it's shitty that they're like oh I have to do it if you're gonna give me a job like I have to I'm not in a position to say no to it it's so wild to me that like you know during the pandemic they're like we have to go back to normal and I'm like no y'all just need to keep making your money. Yeah, like normal never worked. And that's why I think it's so hard to see people not see it. And I get it because I'm like, yes, growing up, there was you can't see outside of your circumstances if your circumstances are like that dire.

Like if no one's thinking like, oh, if we all stop stop working we can topple down this person they're like how do i survive today and it's because like they're living in these situations that were that was the purpose like it's all just like the government being being like okay we know human nature if you give a bunch of people something and give a bunch of people nothing those people with nothing you can make them do what you want because you've created a situation where they are dying to get out of it and that's just like what it is and to see that and see people kind of embody that on like an individual level and don't see the big picture is so disheartening for me because i'm like it's not your fault you don't see the big picture that is the point that is the plan you're not supposed to see the big picture

and now that some of us have been like allowed to like move up you're like the first time i got into like a writer's room and i was like oh this is this is meant to be this way like i'm meant to be the only black person like this is not an accident and this is all bullshit and it just made me so sad because i was like based on what i had to do to get here the people that i grew up with are will never get here there's just no way for them to get here because it is made to bar them out and particularly writing one of the easiest jobs I've ever done in my life a writer's room is so minimal work you get paid so much to do so little and I'm just like what a fucking scam they have told so many people that they cannot do that this is impossible for them to reach and i'm just like and i'm working with some people that are like fine i'm just like

my fucking cousin can make some fucking jokes like this is not a hard job and it just like makes me sad to be like damn these systems really work in a way that's so insidious and also like the thing about writers rooms that people don't understand the systemic racism inherently in a way that's so insidious. And also like the thing about writer's rooms that people don't understand the systemic racism inherently in a writer's room is you're the only black person by design because the network gives the show budget to hire a person of color. It's called a diversity hire.

And then your diversity hire, you usually write or hire someone at a staff member level. So then you're a staff writer. And then you're like a story editor, executive story editor. Once you're past like executive story editor, the diversity hire doesn't really cover that because then you've become too expensive. You've priced yourself out of being a diversity hire. So then when you go to get another job, they've already hired their, you know, higher ups, their co-EPs, their EPs or whatever. So then they don't have money for the black person. So then they just

get another diversity hire. So then you have all these mid-level black writers who can't fucking get jobs because they've already been knocked out. But then you have a white dude who's like, oh, they went diverse this year, so I'm not going to get a writing job. And I'm like, you're not getting a writing job because you weren't good enough. The reason why the black person got the job is because they didn't cost them money and they hired their room of white people. And they did their due diligence

by getting that one black person. It bothers me so much when people say, I didn't get this because they went ethnic. Yeah, it's like, buddy, we're not even in the same pool. Like, this is not, like, you don't know how this works. This is not just like, it's like buddy we're not even in the same pool like this is not like you don't know how this works like this is not just like it's not that like diverse it's it makes me so mad when someone's like diversity's in i'm like in what nigga like how how yeah where point it out because i'm still yelling every day like where the niggas at? It's so wild.

Cause when I staffed my show, rest in peace, I was asking for mid-level black writers and I was told that was a unicorn. And I was like, what? And then I, you know, learned later that they're not a unicorn.

They just maybe don't keep representation because they don't work because it's hard to get work at that level when you're a person of color. And then I was also told that like the person I wanted to show run was not like and I love my showrunner very, very much. And I'm very happy with who I had. But I was told that this black woman that I wanted didn't have enough experience. And then I was like, well, how do you get the experience if not show running? Somebody has to give them the job before they're qualified for the job that's how any fucking job works when you get a promotion you haven't done the job yet and something that like i've learned to fight against is this idea of like precedent as like a queer black man i

already come into this space being like if these rules were created with not me in mind, I ain't got to follow them. Like, you know these systems were made for straight white men. My gay black ass is not coming in here listening to none of this. You can't tell me about no path. I'm going to ask you for what I think I deserve and the work that I'm giving you. And then we just going to go from there. Because, like, we not doing this. And if we do, I'm going to quit.

Like, I don't, like, like, I'm going to be real. this and if we do i'ma quit like i don't like like i'm gonna be real like uh my family like my just the way that i'm raised you cannot and i don't know like how how this happened but just with my growth as a person like money just ain't it for me and you not gonna mistreat me for some money and i'm not just gonna be quiet about it either like and that's like there's a lot of fear and because like we said i think about death all the time i'm like nigga i only fear death you not finna convince me that like a straight white man who like what did improv i'm supposed to fear you what what because you're gonna fire me like nigga i've been i've been unemployed before like ain't nobody scared of this but what you're not gonna do is like be mean to me like it's so simple to just be like hey that

made me uncomfortable can you not do that and just that mean to me. It's so simple to just be like, hey, that made me uncomfortable. Can you not do that? And just that idea. I've been in so many environments where people are just afraid to do that. It's just being like, hey, that was weird. Can we not say that? And because it's so natural to me of being like, oh, well, they did a thing. It's okay for me to just be like, hey, don't do that.

And to see, to know that having that energy in spaces as things being difficult blew my mind because i was like wait what but i don't want him to be mean to me how would he know if i don't tell him and then they're like we don't do that you're like but why then he's gonna be keep being me it is funny sometimes where the person who's like i didn't like this is the one who gets in trouble because they're like you're tone the way you said it you know we didn't want and it's like okay well i didn't like what happened so how are they supposed to fucking know unless i'm gonna tell them that's that's point blank that's like i'm just gonna i'm just gonna tell them like you know dreams aren't dreams when people are shitty you know i'm like this is just information how would we know how to conduct this environment if we're not like we're

the test subjects i'm assuming like you're the boss we're the workers how would we know how to conduct this environment if we're not like we're the test subjects i'm assuming like you're the boss we're the workers how would you know how you're leading if we don't tell you like this is great or this is bad like you want us to say when things are good so we should also be like this is great also this is not so great because this doesn't but like that's just life like you know when they like starbucks send you that survey they don't give a shit they're not improving anything. Exactly. People are no, no higher ups actually care about what the people under them, how they're actually doing. They just care about productivity.

When productivity stops and they go, wait, what's going on? Yes. I had a moment that really was funny to me based on like there's these situations where I like am talking and then I'm looking at myself on the outside being like oh you said that oh this is who we are okay I guess that's who we are and there was a moment I was talking to an exec at a network and they were like trying to convince me to say I had a job that I didn't want to and they were like but your voice your voice your voice and then they were like okay so like you can do this job and this job will help you get this job and then like eventually you'll be a showrunner, have your own shows.

Like we get it. This is hard, but like there's benefits. Then I was like, okay, that could happen. Or it could get so bad that I kill myself. And then they paused. And then we were just like sitting in silence. And then they were like, do you want to kill yourself? And I was like, no.

But the fact that you think that the full spectrum shouldn't be explored is problematic. and the fact that you're selling me only half of it is bullshit like that let's not do that let's not because like this is actually like pretty detrimental to like me as a person and to you for you not to acknowledge that I'm not here for it so like even though I'm not gonna kill myself I needed to tell you that so that you can know they're like niggas be out here killing themselves. It is funny that they only gave you like the positives. I think like people should be let out of contracts if they don't want to be there. Like it should be one conversation. Are you sure?

Yes. All right. Bye. Like, don't tell me because then you're just like placating me and you're trying to make me feel like i'm actually there for a purpose when it's like oh i've already been there and there is nothing for me there so that's why i'm trying to move on yes like i don't people who don't want to stay somewhere they're not like being inconvenient like i you think i don't want my life to be convenient like if i'm deciding to leave something it's because it's not working and that's fine like and why would you want someone to stay there if the environment is not conducive to creating the best work?

Because then they're going to have to go find another black person to replace you with. And guess what? That's work for them. I'm just like, girl, you don't pay me enough. Yeah, I think I like that you bring up like you don't pay me enough because for me there is a number for me to tolerate bullshit i agree there's a number for me to go uh i won't say another word but for the most part you're never gonna get to that number so i'm so sorry you're gonna have to listen to me there's two options and you don't have the budget for the second one.

So you truly don't. And if I'm such an asset that you're like saying, just make the environment good. Like, don't try to sell me on like all the ways that like I'm good and then not create the environment to foster those things. That's just not how it works, baby. No. But Dwayne, we've come to the end. Is there anything you want to promote uh just like people being good to each other but nothing like personally um i'm gonna promote something for

you my episode of brooklyn 99 in this past season was written by duane yes so if you watch that episode guess who gets residuals me and duane yes that fun time. Like I, that was a very special moment for me. Cause I specifically was like, Hey Dan, all the black people in this episode, you gotta let me write this episode. I'm like, let me be with these black people.

Let me be with these black people, please. And then he was like, all right. I'm like, thank you. I was so happy that you wrote that episode. And then I was like,

so happy that you like got to be on set. We had words. I said some things to you. I hope you listen. Actually, I think you did. like you said a lot of things that we talked about that day um and then like it was just really it was special I love when black people get to do shit because it is so rare that there is a black writer on set there's so it's so rare to that like there's another black person in the scene with me and i was like we were like also on a private jet like it was fucking fun it was very it was a very special and like that was the first episode of tv i ever wrote so it was very special to me and you have a very special place on my heart that i didn't know oh what a treat well i it was a funny episode

and uh everyone everyone was like, the script is so good. And I thought the script was really good and it was fun. And Dwayne, you're wonderful. Oh, I forgot. Okay, real quick. Would you date me? Absolutely.

Oh, what a treat. Thank you. I would also date you, specifically because I think you'd be very chill and you would just, like you would just be spitting out and you'd be like, hey. Hey, girl. Just stop. It's fine. We ain't got to be this way. We ain't got to be this way, girl. Come on.

Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can subscribe, you can rate it five stars. If you send me something nasty hitting on me i will read it out loud this person said i am finally drunk enough to tell you that even though i live stupidly far away from you i would love to turn you upside down spread those legs like a piano and tickle them ivories uh until they played beethoven's fourth symphony i will say does she think i have teeth in my pussy? I don't have, I don't have ivories in there. That was my first thought too, being like, what is that? What's in her vagina? I don't know.

I haven't found any ivories or anything white in there. It's just brown and pink, like a Hershey kiss dipped in strawberry cream. Ew! The way your face changed means you hated it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, that's it! Bye-bye! Ha ha ha!

This has been a Team Coco production.