Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Are you 'Love Avoidant'? (w/ Reggie Watts)

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Comedian and musician Reggie Watts (The Late Late Show with James Corden) chats with Nicole about his unique eating habits, his time spent playing in a 70's cover band, and the weird shift from being a fake band leader on Comedy Bang! Bang!, to a real band leader for The Late Late Show with James Corden. Nicole learns she may be 'love avoidant'. Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Merch: teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964 Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you can come in all of my conditioner containers and tell me that you're actually trying to help me when you're not because I don't know if cum makes your hair grow. My guest today is a comedian, actor, boxer, and musician. He starred opposite Scott Ackerman in the IFC series Comedy Bang Bang.

Also, he's the band leader and announcer for The Late Late Show with James Corden. You better believe. Get excited for Reggie Watts. Pew pew pew.

Pew pew pew pew pew. Wow wow wow wow wow. Wow wow wow wow. Reggie, what? Meow, meow, meow. Reggie, you are finishing up a piece of toast with Vegemite on it? All finished, Clean Plate Club. Wonderful. It was a wonderful piece of toast. I'll never forget it. Now, did you get into Vegemite on your own? Was an Australian influencing you?

Did you visit Australia? Tell me about it. Yeah. I mean, you nailed all of that. Oh, okay. Yes. I was an Australian girlfriend in the 90s. Oh, the 90s. Remember?

Yeah, in the 90s. And then, yeah, she introduced it to me because she had some in the house, and I absolutely loved it. I just fell in love with it. What does it taste like for people, namely me, who has never had Vegemite? Oh, yes, Vegemite. it tastes like for people namely me who has never had vegemite oh yes vegemite um it's uh it's yeah it's it's very it's salty but it's got kind of like a um like a like a yeast flavor you know like like when you put yeast in soup or whatever like a nutritional yeast or whatever

so it's got a little bit of a nutritional yeast and salty flavor. So it's like kind of mildly sweet, but also salty, but also has a yeast flavor to it. Boy, that sounds delicious, doesn't it? Well, okay. It just, it sounds confusing for me. I don't know what yeast tastes like. So it tastes like bread on bread, like spread bread on bread? tastes like so it tastes like bread on bread like spread bread on bread no i mean you know they use yeast and vegan food love for like a vegan cheese because it tastes like cheese if you do it right a little bit oh okay i get purple carrot boxes this episode is not sponsored by purple carrot i've just been eating, yeah. Well, I call myself a vegan, but I do eat chicken on occasion. I do eat Kraft Ranch

and I do eat eggs, but I'm a vegan. I prefer the word. So I've had nutritional yeast. I guess it does make it cheesy. Yeah, because it was a mac and cheese recipe. Yep, she's a dummy. She's discovering. It's good. You learn something every day.

Are you a vegan? No, no no i um you know i i i was a strict vegan for about seven years of my life in my 20s but uh when i started touring it just was it went all out the window because you know back in the late 90s or whatever there weren't there weren't whole foods everywhere there weren't like health food stores everywhere in town in different towns so you just had like subway and whatever you know grocery stores so anyways i went back to eating meat but flash flash forward i i you know i would say i eat primarily vegan-ish but um on occasion i have fish and on occasion i will have um very very rare red meat but but very rare. Yeah. I don't cook meat in my house anymore.

I just, I don't know. I just got tired of cooking it. Yeah. You know? It's a thing. It's messy. It is. It is messy.

And that's the thing nobody talks about when you become an adult and when you got to cook on your own. The meat's messy. Messy meats. Messy meats. Greasy. Welcome back to messy meats it's me talking about uh meats baby now what are you drinking uh this is a this is a protein shake called pro-defying pro-defying okay i don't know now i've never had a protein shake walk me you are just truly eating

everything i've never thought of to eat in my life a protein shake is what like a loose water with a flavor i mean i you can use whatever you want but i use water usually because i because i like it because it's light and it's just all this is just protein you know it's got some amino acids in it and some a few other, but it's actually pretty simple. And it's very low calorie. This is like 100 calories. It's great. So it's just like nice, clean protein.

Clean carbs, clean protein. Mm-hmm. Are you, like, you're a health, it sounds like you eat rather healthy. I try to. Yeah, I try to. I mean, on occasion I will, like, you know, I'm a burger fiend, so I'll definitely, like, have a burger. occasion i will like you know i'm a burger fiend so i'll definitely like have a burger um but uh but generally speaking yes i everything i eat like a lot of salads a lot of clean proteins a lot of like really healthy oils and stuff like that where's the best burger in los angeles and then

i'll follow it up with where's the best burger you've ever had oh jeers jeers oh she's getting in deep already we only five minutes in. Oh, God. Okay. Hold on a second. I'm going to grab my little energy, nootropic energy drink for this because this is required. Okay. It really does.

So now we're at my studio. We're at my refrigerator. Now coming back and soon you should be able to see me again if I get into the right position. Yes, I can see you. Here. able to see me again if i get into the right position yes i can see you here can you see me again okay okay i can see you great so i'm just gonna get some of this nootropic shit check this out okay it's like sci-fi shit okay and this is an energy shot yeah it's like it's really cool this company's like dope they're like they you know they deal with like an amino uh it's all like a neuro hacking or whatever where you like use different amino acids and different kind of naturally occurring chemicals um and mix them together to create different cognitive effects or whatever i okay i like that i've interrupted you in your

daily food rituals or your your your ingesting rituals. Ooh, I feel energized. Ready to just, he drank it. Ooh, he looks bigger. He looks stronger. Okay.

Good. Get in the chopper. So, um, you know, anyways, um, yeah,

burger. I had a really great burger last night. Okay. From where? I think it's like, I think to me, it it represents a good standard burger. To me, I'll tell you where, but just so you know. For me, I think a good burger is, it should only be maybe about that, like about that big around.

Yes. As big as your hand span to make a circle. Yes. Yeah. Or like an oval. Yeah. Like, you know, like even a little bit smaller. I mean, to make an oval yeah like you know like even a little bit smaller i mean just like a hair like the first like middle knuckles or whatever right

that about that size and about no bigger than that you know yes no bigger than a c in your hand yeah c in your hand to me that's like and that's like an old style burger it's like how burgers were in the 50s or whatever they're just they were smaller and they were also smashed you know burgers and then this idea of smash burgers i just started learning about this i thought like smash burgers was like a brand name you know like same i did too yeah i did too but it's a it's a style of burger anyways went to this place called burgers never say that i can't be expired or no what is it burgers never say die yes right yes it. Yes, I've heard about them. Yes.

And I love the limited menus. I'm a sucker for that. Like where there's just like, what do you got? Well, we got the burger. We got the burger. You know, like it's one of those places. And I stood in line and it was a really great experience. You know, ordered the burger and got it home. And man, it's a good like

it's just a solid awesome baseline burger so i think right now that's definitely one of my favorite burgers okay that's a meat burger yes a meat burger but i mean there are vegan burgers too that are awesome as well which i will plug burger the burger guys if you want a burger guys okay yeah with a v uh it's black owned um they're hell yeah dude you know have you heard of black people um i honestly never had heard about them until 2020 in the summer uh everyone was talking about them in their lives and i was like wait a minute there's black people yeah yeah i know i know i didn't get it i was just like oh it's like too much sun i don't know i call it too much sun people wait a minute black people need to be putting on some sunscreen if they're getting black oh buddy they're just really bad at sun

sunday they um yeah no uh no but the burger guys does a vegan version of that to me their burger is like the perfect if you're gonna have a vegan version of that. To me, their burger is like the perfect, if you're going to have a vegan burger, like that's, it's that same size principle and it's kind of smash burger style. So anyways, best burger in my life? I don't know. I would say probably back in the day when bistro burgers were a thing, you know, those craft bistro burgers. Yes.

Before I got annoyed with them. Oh, you got annoyed. I got annoyed. got annoyed with them you got annoyed i got annoyed they're too it's too much too puffy like brioche uh bun with like gruyere and an egg and like uh you know all this bacon and it's just a sloppy gloppy once or twice in my life i've been like i really enjoy this and then and then after that i was like this is just too much burger man don't get, I don't have to deal with it. I had the best burger I've ever had. Yes. Was in Hawaii.

I was on the island of Kauai. And it had a piece of 24 karat gold on it and lobster and cheese. And it was this huge burger. And there was lettuce and tomato. I like tried to eat it with my hands. It was too much. It fell apart. Then I had to eat it with a fork and knife.

And then I was annoyed that I had to eat it with a fork and knife and then i was annoyed that i had to eat it with a fork and knife but it was very fucking tasty and after i was done eating it i had to lay down because it was too much food oh god i know it's such an attack man it sounds like they were doing a take on the jean george burger a little bit oh jean george i don't know this person but yes yeah they had like night. Was it like a hundred dollar burger? A $90 burger? Yeah. And it had like gold leaf in it and foie gras and like a bunch of, it was like crazy, you know, like decadent.

Yes. This burger was decadent. Decadent. I, it was, it was, it was too much. Okay. So Reggie. Yeah. I have a question.

Okay. Are you you oh wait so do you remember last time we talked you were like i'm looking for homes so then i sent you a bunch of houses yes yes yes did you end up ever getting a new home i live in all of them you do yes you know what i love it when you manifest the dream the alive. Yes. Live in all the houses. That's great. Yeah. A house for every night. You know, I love this.

I did my job then. And I feel very blessed to have helped you have seven homes to live in seven nights a week. Or is it 30 homes that you live in every day? And then in February, a couple of them are unused. Yeah, I changed it up. I feel bad. But, you know, it's just an option. You know, so changed it up. I feel bad, but it's just an option.

I love it. I love it so much. Thank you. No, I am. I'm still looking. I'm closer. Closer now. Okay.

But yeah, it's a weird. Getting a home is a weird, weird feeling. It is. It's a whole process. You feel insane during it. And then you discover. Here's what I've discovered. I watched a lot of HGTV during this little pandemic, and I felt like I could do some home stuff myself. The answer to that query was no, get someone to do it. paper you see behind me i put up very bumpy ribbed for your pleasure baby gaps galore uh it was it took me 15 hours and it's bad but every time i look at it i'm like i did that bad job you did it you know i know like that feels good wow that's kind of cool i i do want to experience that for

sure because i've only rented all my life. Well, here's the thing. For all you little renters out there. Little renters. What the fuck am I saying? All you big, medium, small renters out there. No matter what your size, you too can put up wallpaper. So there's this company called Tempaper. This is not sponsored by burgers and Tempaper.

But you can get temp paper and it's self-adhesive and it comes right off like when you're done with it oh oh so it's temporary it's like a temporary tattoo it is a temporary tattoo for your walls whoa okay yeah i'm into that i'm into that yeah it's a little hard to hang you better get you a friend and they can help you with it. But I mean, I did it and it, I truly did a bad job, but like when I walk, you know,

10 feet away from it, I go, you know, not so bad. And you did it. And you did it. I did it. I'm powerful.

I'm a queen. I did it. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, I did it. And like, uh, I broke my ankle or dislocated my ankle at the end of 2020

so like standing on a ladder was so hard but then i just had to figure out different positions and stuff to to get comfy cozy right right right yeah workarounds yes yes a little workaround come on now have you ever broken anything? You know, I was just thinking that when you were saying that. I have not. I chipped a bone. I chipped my left, like, what is it, the metatarsal or tarsal or whatever. It's like a little tiny bone in the wrist.

I chipped that, but that was it. That was it. And chipped. So now do you have a chipped piece of bone floating around your body or do they take it out no it's like a really it's really really really really obviously very very tiny but like so i used to have problems like you know with rotation like for the full articulation but it's it's okay i'm able to do handstands you know like once in a while i discovered i was like oh, I can do extreme angle stuff. But there was a – sometimes it'll just get caught for a moment.

And it'll get stuck. And I'll be like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And I'm like trying to like massage it to maybe make the bones go back in place or whatever. And then it gets really irritated and inflamed. And then I can't really use it for a few days. And once it lasted for almost a year because the massage therapist tried to adjust it and uh what if you go see a surgeon and they open you up and they take out that little chip I mean I went to a doctor once

and he said uh I don't know he just I think he he knew I didn't have insurance and I think he was just not interested but uh you know I'm'm sure there might be able at some point. But it doesn't really cause me that much of a problem most of the time. Okay, fair. That's an okay problem to have. But I'm going to give you a hot piece of advice. Don't break anything. It's miserable.

Really? You didn't like it? Yeah, I can't say i enjoyed it i wish i did but it was not an experience i wish on my worst enemy so you it was your ankle that you broke well i dislocated it but it i couldn't walk on it and it had a big it was like truly on backwards i like fallen down my stairs the stairs i've walked up and down 10,000 times and my body said we don't want to be upright let's get down to the floor yeah so I truly I don't recommend it uh it's not fun because like you can't put weight on it so then you have to like crutch around your house oh man

and it just and it just is it just like continues to be that way for quite some time so it's yeah like I'm just now, well, this we're recording this in March. So I'm like just now getting into like doing yoga again. And I'm going to attempt to do pole. I'm going to try to get back into pole dancing next week. She rusty,

but she got, she going to try. She has to persevere. Oh, you young, you young. Yes. Thank you. I am young. You young. Yes. Thank you.

I am young. And I love when people recognize that. Of course. Of course. This is Tinseltown. It is. It's Hollywood. So, Reggie, you've had your hair, like, long and natural for a very long time.

I mean, since I've known your work you've had just like beautiful big voluptuous dazzling scintillating hair was this a choice or did you just grow your hair out and you were like this well do you know what i mean because most gentlemen will like keep it low or not have their hair you know as long especially when it you know, a kinkier texture. But was it a conscious choice or you're just like, this is for me? Right. You know, I think it was, well, in high school, well, as a kid, it was usually short. And then as a, and then like I think in high school, I started growing it out and I was like shaving my sides, you know, like doing like kind of a weird new wavy thing, but I was also getting it relaxed. Um, yeah. So it's doing the relaxed thing, but shave size,

but relaxed top or whatever. Um, and that was interesting. And then I think I had it relaxed. You know, that was interesting. I was trying something. I don't know. I, uh, yeah. And then I think, I think I got it relaxed like one last time in my senior year of high school. And then when I graduated and moved to Seattle in 1990, I didn't have the money to get it relaxed, you know, because it's more expensive in a bigger city or whatever. And so I just didn't do anything and just kind of let the hair grow out a little bit. And then I think when I was like 22 or something like that i shaved it all off like completely bald and then from that point on it just it just let it grow and i just i was just lazy i just let it grow and grow and grow and became a fro and and i was and then i got into

a 70s disco cover band which the fro was perfect for and so i had like this huge you know it was like a huge fro and i was just like rock rocking around town people like all right you know it was like a huge pro and i was just like rocking around town people like all right you know so it lazy a lazy attention grabbing hair hairstyle i love it i love when laziness lends itself to like coolness yes yes it's like less work man i'm always about that the least amount of work possible that's how i got into wigs i couldn't afford a relaxer anymore to like go to the beauty shop. So I would just, I just like went to the beauty supply, bought like a $40 wig, which became the wig that I wore for a very long time.

That's so sick. Yeah. Just this like $40 synthetic wig. I love that shit. I think, I think, I think it's, you know,

cause I was thinking about a few friends who are like completely bald and they keep shaving their heads or whatever. Like it's, if you had like a base, like almost like a Lego cap, you know because i was thinking about a few friends who are like completely bald and they keep shaving their heads or whatever like it's if you had like a base like almost like a lego cap you know like a cap that just like fit really tight snug on your hairline or whatever and then you could build any kind of wig on top of this you just have like that same cap duplicated you can literally lego just snap it up you know yep it would just be easy if my hair stayed in a style and I never had to curl it again. I just popped on a little Lego cap. Totally. Excuse me, Lego Corporation, can you get on this for us, please? Yeah, hook us up. Hook us up with your new wig line.

Reggie, how did you get into music? Have you always been a musical person? always been a musical person yeah i'd say i was i was definitely pretty musical my my family really loved music my mom and dad both my love you know the james brown and jazz and um you know popular r&b music of the time in the you know 60s um and so i grew up listening you know the radio was always on and uh and ray charles was really big and i was he really had an influence on me i just like seeing him play, you know, being, you know,

seeing him just like in that trance while he was playing, it was just totally fascinating to me as a kid. So I, so I always gravitated towards music and then they got me a toy piano, I think. And, you know, when I was like three or four and I was just banging on that piano all the

time. And, and then I, and then my mom, I think I asked my mom, she says, I asked her. Who knows? Mother's always embellished.

But I asked to get piano lessons because I wanted to be like Ray Charles. And so she got me piano lessons. So I started at the end of age five, started studying classical piano. And then, yeah, the rest is history. Classical piano, you know pop music in the 80s and music videos and mimicking singers and like you know like it just kind of snowballed and then when did you start incorporating because you incorporate music into your comedy so when when did the comedy start you know it's it's hard to say precisely, but I would say, like, I was always a class clown,

you know, just classic, you know, personality trait. I just loved making people laugh. I was also a different kid, you know, I was half, you know, half white, half black kid living in Montana with mostly white kids around me. So I think that a way for me to kind of double ensure that things would go smoothly is I tried to just make as many people laugh and like me as possible so I was doing that a lot so I you know it's weird like my act in in many ways in high school they had formal we had uh competitive dramatics which we would compete against other schools in the state in five categories the humor solo humorous

duo serious solo serious duo and then like um physical acting which could be like clowning mime other schools in the state in five categories, humor, solo, humorous duo, serious, solo, serious duo. And then like, um, physical acting, which could be like clowning mime, uh, that type of thing.

So those are the five categories in the first year I did humor solo. That was like my sophomore year, I think end of sophomore year. And, uh, yeah. And, and I won third and state,

cause it was just an improvised, like me doing like Eddie Murphy impressions of his impressions of like Bill Cosby. So I was doing Bill Cosby. I was doing Eddie Murphy's Bill Cosby, you know, because of Raw. So I was mixing that and like a bunch of like Monty Python style stuff that I would just gibberish, you know, and then dumb made up songs and like gags, physical gags. And that was like my first year. And then second year, I did humorous duo. And we did a similar thing, we started relatively improvised with a light structure. And it was all like all of our influences melded together. So I've been doing that hybrid thing since I was, you know, in high

school. I love it. You like clearly found your voice very early, which is honestly a nice little blessing. I didn't figure out my voice for a while. Yeah. I also, so we had the same thing where it was in New Jersey. It was like called, I think the governor's award or something, but like we would go to this school or I think it was a school or like a convention center and you had your prepared scenes there was no improv i don't think but it was like group scenes monologues duo scenes three-person scenes or whatever and yes i won first place for my group scene where i was the lead thank you very much baby but uh yeah and that truly laid the groundwork of me being like, I'm a serious actor who does drama.

I will win Tony's for breaking down and crying about a man who left me but won no good anyway. Come on. And then in college, I figured out, I was like, oh, I think funny is what I would like to do. Yeah. But yeah, it would have been, hindsight's 20-20. It would have been nice to figure it out earlier. But if she got here hey that's still early i mean it's like you know you're 24 now so i mean that's gonna be like like i mean you still got like two more years so yeah thank you i am i'm 24 she's um almost 25 one day it'll happen but like oh no wait tell me about this 70s cover band that you were in

in the 90s in seattle oh yeah yeah it was called hit explosion um and uh it was uh yeah it was like a pretty big band i mean it was we had drums, bass, guitar, keyboards, percussion, horns. Damn. Four singers. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think that was all the instruments. Yeah.

So it was like an eight piece, like sometimes nine piece. And we did like everything, everything you can imagine, every disco tune you can imagine, like from Bee Gees to Maze to, you know Earth, Wind & Fire to uh Brothers Johnson like all all of that music we learned all of it and played all of it and uh and it was great it was really fun especially in the beginning because it was like the idea of 70s kind of retro 70s was like a thing in the air you know at the time in mid 90s um and yeah so it got pretty big pretty quickly and in the beginning we were getting paid cash so it was like 300 bucks you know like after a gig my the drummer would come up and goes here's 320 bucks i'd be like holy shit

you know and then the next night here's another 320 bucks i'm like what the fuck you know so that was like my rent because back then you, rent was like 600 bucks a month. That was my rent in one weekend. And then the next, you know, so three more weekends, I've gotten like four times the amount of rent. So it was really good money. We were making really good money. And yeah, we played everywhere. We played at colleges and every club in Seattle and got hired for all kinds of private events.

And I did that for about two and a half years or something like that. Yeah, it was crazy. Towards the end, it got a little like, okay, I'm not going to be doing like cover music all the time. But it was but I'm glad I got to do it. And you know, the people put it together were, you know, had a great idea. And it worked. I like that. Because sometimes people will be like, how do I get into comedy? And I'm like, you just kind of do it. And I don't think there's anything wrong with mimicking a style till you find your own. Like, uh, I think it's Charles. Oh God. He sings this song called changes that I love so much. He has since passed. Um, I can't remember his, Oh fuck. What is it?

It's Charles. Oh, whatever. But whatever but uh he was a james brown impersonator for a very long time until he got his own record deal and it's very influenced by james brown right yes but yeah he's really incredible and i really wish i could remember his name mars can you look that up sure it's a just a song called changes by charles something yeah changes yeah it's charles bradley yes charles bradley uh and i saw him once perform and it was very like james brown flavor but like he had his own and he he like went over like i think it was maybe supposed to be a 20 minute set he did like 45 but like everyone was so happy and i yeah i just think it's like if you don't know how to do what you want to do it's nice to borrow from a legend until you figure it out oh completely especially if you really feel it you

know i mean the thing is like yeah you know if you have that base talent or not you know i mean the good thing about comedy at least if you're speaking specifically about comedy it what i love about it is that you know if it's working immediately i yeah i i agree it is nice that you immediately get feedback from a crowd that they're like no yes they're like no like yeah we hate it you're like come on and it's like what about this one they're like no but i mean it's like if you have a likability on stage that's what kind of is fun about comedy it's like you know people have dreams obviously they see their their favorite stand-up comedians doing their their thing and they're seeing their specials or they go to comedy clubs and they see their local favorites and stuff they want to get involved and you get in there and you just find out pretty

quick if this is going to be something for you or not because you know you either hang in there take a bunch of punches and kind of dial it in and finally find your frequency even though you might like have a lot of misses but you but you you eventually figure out a thing and then other people are like they just don't quite have it but they love it yeah they love it and they'll keep going to open mics and stuff like that but they might not have that fire quite there and that's okay too because I mean art art is meant to be experienced so I agree when did did you get to L.A.? When did you move here?

I had to move in 2014. You had to? Who forced you? Who said you have to do it, Reggie? James Cromden. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, James Corden.

It's funny because I just quit Comedy Bang Bang because that shows a piece of shit. No, I Corden. It's funny, because I just quit Comedy Bang Bang, because that show's a piece of shit. No, it's a brilliant show. I'm lucky to be on it. But it was like, I was just, it just kind of, I'd run my course, you know, with that, because I was like, I'm getting grumpy and stuff. It's like early call times. Like, what is this? Is the entertainment industry and uh because i'm a spoiled idiot but uh but yeah so i so i was like i you know i was like i'm leaving but you know but you need 10 more shows okay i'll do 10 shows i'll do half the season and it all worked out and scott was really cool about it and um so i was like on my way out i just finished filming i was in la for maybe a couple extra weeks and then I was going to take off back to New York where I was living. And then I get this call or email from my manager then and saying like, Oh,

this guy, James Gordon wants to talk to you. There's hotel and Beverly Hills. I'm like, Ooh, Beverly Hills. So Beverly Hills and not hotel room.

Yeah. No, no, no. I would have been like, Ooh, hotel room. It's a sloppy room isn't it i want your sloppiest room no i mean it was like you know we met in the lounge where it was like him me uh it was james

and his uh showrunner ben his friend best friend showrunner production partner and so he sat down because i guess someone had shown james some videos on youtube they were looking for a band leader and you know and they suggested me so he wanted to meet me and so i met with him and james seemed pretty uh convinced that i was the guy like right away and so you know we just had this long conversation but uh that was that was that was how it came to be. He was just like, yo, you want to? And then I thought, I just quit a fake talk show,

like where I'm a fake one-man band leader. And now, just a mere few weeks later, an actual talk show host or soon-to-be talk show host is asking me to be a real band leader with an actual band on a network talk show that the window of that possibility and that opportunity only coming around once every 12 to 15 years. I'm like, what is that entertainment planetary? I mean, that's just insane timing. I was like, I'm done with that show. I'm going to do my do my solo stuff excuse me would you like to do a real version of the fake i don't know anymore and that's the way the universe gives you gifts you when you're like

least expecting it and when you're like i don't know what i don't this seems insane that's such a funny like i feel like that is such a cosmic way for that to happen. Yes. Yes. I mean, of course, I mean, you know, it's like, I mean, we all experience this anyways. Like when you're in the entertainment industry, there's always things happening behind the scenes that, you know, people talking about stuff and you don't know. And then stuff lines up and suddenly you're like manager, agent, or someone's asking you directly like, hey, you want to do this thing? You're like, that's so crazy. i was just thinking about doing a thing like that

so um it's just a continuation of like my amazement that like i think we might be in a simulation of some sort this is too ridiculous i mean what's the odds i don't know it's crazy the next job you get is like in an orchestra pit as the conductor of a broadway show that is a talk show it's just like oh my god yes oh my god yes i would love that so much it's like talk show the musical and it's got like you know jimmy fallon's in it you know like they make cameos i've got a question got a question got a question got a question it's like follows like a fictional guest that's like promoting a movie and their travels through the talk show world.

But kind of like through the seven levels of hell. And all the reviews are like, why was this made? Yes, yes, yes. To which, if I were a producer, I would be like, yes, we did it. We did it. We did it. This is the story we needed to tell. This is a story that no one needed to hear about.

Everyone's saying, why does it exist? And you're like, we did it. We made something inconsequential. Real quick, we have to take a break. We're back. No, Reggie, we're back. We're back. Reggie, come back. No, Reggie, we're back. We're back. Reggie, come back.

Oh, Reggie, he went. Oh, no, he's walking around the house. Oh, no, Reggie, you've got to come back. Oh, Reggie. Okay, I'm back. Reggie took a real break. Oh, Lordy. Okay, I'm back. Reggie took a real break. Reggie, are you dating? Did I ask you this?

Dadding? No, you haven't asked me. Are you dating? Are you married? What is your relationship status? My status is, I guess, single. Yeah yeah i'm single but i it's it's it's weird it's a weird time for me right now i'm definitely kind of experimenting a little bit but uh okay experimenting does this mean you're building someone out of beaker glasses and trying to

bring them to life yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm uh it's weird science over here she's alive um no it's like how may i help you um no it's like no that's not what i want to hear uh yeah no i i guess it's uh experimenting in the way that i'm single but i am seeing a couple people but they know that i'm seeing other people, you know, it's just like an open situation, but I, but I, I'd never, the first time it's the first time in my life that I'm communicating openly and saying like, Oh, I'm seeing other people, you know, and is that okay with you? And like, Oh, I think that's okay. That's okay with me. You know, that adult-ish, I mean, well,

very adult conversations that you have where you tell people where you're at and what you would like and then you leave it up to them to decide and that's like weirdly a new thing for me so uh i don't think it's weirdly i don't think it's weird that it's a new thing for you i feel like a lot of people feel like if they communicate real shit to the people they're seeing, they might hurt someone's feelings. But I would rather someone just say, Oh, I am dating other people. And if it's not okay, we should stop. And if it is okay, we can continue doing what we're doing. Yes. I mean, I agree. I agree 100%. And in theory, like even back in the days, like I was like,

I agree. I agree 100%. And in theory, like, even back in the days, like, I was like, I should be able to, you know, say that, but I was very immobilized by just not wanting to hurt people's feelings or like them, like not being into me anymore, or whatever. Mm hmm. And I think that's just a chance you have to take. It's like, if someone doesn't want the same thing that you want, then it's like, oh, it's better to know before you get, you know, months down the road and they think one thing is happening and you think another thing is happening. Yeah, of course. I mean, and that's where it always ends up and it ends up in this crazy uncertainty. And that was like my last two relationships, really. I didn't really, I didn't, it was hard for me to call them girlfriend. And it was like, I didn't want to, I don't know what it was just like a lot of hesitancy about making what I'm doing public because I, part of me is like, I don't know if that's really something I want to project in my personal life and who I'm seeing, you know, necessarily. And just a lot of like communication issues that I was having in the last two

relationships that I felt needed work because I just wasn't happy with my level of communication. But lately, trying this new form of communication with the people that I am seeing, it's interesting. I'm just kind of riding it out and trying to keep everything open. I mean, just the communication channels open and not be afraid to say what's on my mind, which is really new shit for me. Yeah. I am trying to bring that sentiment to my dating life. I went on a date with somebody and they were a very nice person, but I just didn't feel anything. I was like, truly, my heart felt dead. And like, I just was like, they were engaging as well. I was like, truly my heart felt dead. And like, I just was like, he, they were engaging

as well. I just, it was like this, I don't think this is going to work past right now. And normally I would go on a second date, a third date, a fourth date to be like, is it, can I, is this, maybe I'll grow to love them or whatever. then i thought about it was like wait why would i do that why would i knowingly waste their time knowing how i feel and that it's probably not going to change so i like reached out and said hey i had a great time um i think you're great but i just didn't really feel anything and like best of luck to you in dating and they sent me back something a little terse but i i think in height like i think maybe they were sure maybe they were upset with me i don't know uh but i was like i don't care to find out because i like i don't want it right but uh right you know but it was i just i felt better i was like i feel better that i let this

person know and i'm sure they'll feel way better later that i didn't waste their time and maybe maybe me saying best of luck truly brought them luck you know yeah oh you know dating is a weird thing because like what you said what you just did was a very important thing right it's it's like recognize you're trusting your instincts and you're responding you're you know to your instincts in a way that is respectful of yourself you know so it's like you know you're reinforcing your your instincts you're rewarding yourself for taking taking action for a feeling that you're feeling in that moment. And I think that to me is like, that it's like, it's what I like to call the window of opportunity. It's like, you know, when you have a, I don't know about that, you know,

so Scooby-Doo, she's like, Oh, it's like, yeah, well then don't go in the fucking cave. Yeah. You know, like you got to listen to your instincts. And for me too, it's like, I'll definitely, sometimes I've gone, it's exactly what you described. I'll go on a date. I'll be like, oh, I owe this person something now, you know, like for whatever reason. It's like, I don't, but I think I do. And so I'll go on like two, three, four, four more dates.

And I'll be like, well, maybe I'm not seeing the right angle on this person. Maybe there's something hidden. Maybe I'm blocked in my way, you know, because I do, they're cute. Everything about them is right. And that is such a weird thing that we do, where it's like, you, you, this could work, because you are, I think you're cute, you're engaging. I teetheed with you, but I just don't feel anything. And it is like, you have to take a little bit of yourself and think about yourself and be like, why would I do this to myself? Somebody else might do it to themselves, but like, why are we doing this to each other? I think it's okay to go on one

date and say, no, thank you. Or to go on two dates and say, no, thank you. But I think the important thing is saying to the person, no, thank you. Like I think ghosting is very disrespectful. I do not like that. I will not abide that. And I know I've done my version of the past and I'm like saying outwardly to the universe right now, I'm very sorry for disappearing. But sometimes you're just like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then like, just like calendars, like the answer is going, and then it just, what, what,

what just didn't happen. And in my early twenties, I very much had the notion that I was like, it was one date. I don't owe anything to anyone, but as I've gotten older, I'm like, well, they took time to meet you. You did have a nice conversation. It didn't end horrifically. You can send someone a text to say I had a great time, but no, thank you. And then I was like, I would love that text back to me. I would love for someone to say,

hey, no, thank you. As opposed to like, I don't know about monogamy right now. And it's like, oh, okay. But then I guess they are telling me whatever. But like, I just, I think it's nice. A finite ending is nice. Yeah. Just let, you know, it's like, you know, it's funny. There's a person that I used to kind of vaguely date, you know, I guess vague dating. Like we always, every time we were together, we always had an awesome, great, like little mini adventures. Like always great.

She went to the Emmys with me once, you know, like last minute. I was like, oh shit, Emmys? Oh, you want to go? And she was like, yeah. And then she like shows up and she's just like, it's like always in like whatever kind of baggy, whatever clothing, stuff like that. And then she like rocks this like fancy do, you know, whatever thing. And I'm just like, what? She's like, I don't know. I'm like, oh my God. And so we like have, we've always had great times,

but it's always been very vague. Like she would, we would be together for like a couple of days and then boom, gone for like months and months and months. Anyways. So I meet her again recently and, and, and being in my new communication state, I immediately was like, Hey, I just want to say that we've never actually talked about our relationship. Like what, what, what is this that we're doing and so forth? And she's like, I could tell, I could feel her go, I could just feel this weight come off of her. And then we sat down and she was just like, you know, I was in a kind of open

relationship and, you know, figuring out my stuff and, you know, and that person was no longer, you know, it just wasn't a groovy thing. And we amicably blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I'm just really working on myself and I'm not really looking for any kind of a hookup or anything like that, but I really enjoy being with you. And I was like, thank you. That's, that is so rad. And then it made us closer, you know, like even as just friends, you know, it's like, I don't even really care. I don't care if we hook up again because she's so awesome. And I had such a great time communicating with her. So there's a lot of bonuses, even if it doesn't end up being like something, you know, physical or anything like that. friends, because it's like you did on some level enjoy their company and enjoy what they brought to the table. It just didn't work out. And it's like, hey, maybe, you know, if you work at,

you know, this place, it's like, oh, I hang out with you there. And we have a fun conversation. Yeah, I think it's like nice to have people come in and out of your life that you see and doesn't have to be anything. So I love that story. That makes me happy. I know. I know. It's it's great. And, you know, and my thing is, like, you know, the people that I see now and am communicative with, you know, it's like a, it's an experiment to a certain degree. I mean, I'm not treating it like, like, objectively, this is an experiment. But it's experimental for me to go, oh, what happens if I just communicate what I'm feeling in this moment? You know, without going, like, I'm on the edge of the diving board. And it takes me an hour to even just like consider diving off of it. By that point, I've created so many just unnecessary narratives that I've done myself in. But yeah, so it's been

crazy, you know, to go like, this is how I feel, you know, like, I'm like, watching myself, you know, communicating in real time. I feel like this, I don't like this, and you know, like I'm like watching myself, you know, communicating in real time. I feel like this. I don't like this. And, you know, whatever. And someone's like, okay, cool. I'm like, oh, really? Oh, okay. They're like, yeah, because that's how you feel.

So why am I going to get pissed at the way that you feel about something? It is so wild, the narratives that you create in your mind. And my therapist is constantly telling me thoughts are not truths. Feelings are not truths. Feelings are not truths. And you have to just say how you feel before you've created something imaginary or like just not nonsensical. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to hit that. You got to hit that window of opportunity. It's like, there's just like a clean laser beam thing where if you're like, here's my thought feeling, you know, like immediately's just like a clean laser beam thing where you can be like here's my thought feeling you know like immediately instead of like here's my thought feeling wait a minute but if i do it this way and if i do it this way maybe it'll soften the blow if i approach it this

way no i'll wait till it's the right moment now no ah damn it i miss you know and then it just gets really fucking weird yeah just say how you feel when you fail baby yeah? Yeah, babe. Yeah. Real quick, we have to take a break. Yeah. And we're back. Reggie, I have a question. So do you enjoy when a woman hits on you? Is that a thing that you like? Or do you like to be the aggressor?

when a woman hits on you? Is that a thing that you like? Or do you like to be the aggressor? That's a good question. I think it depends on the person. I think it's a very situation dependent thing. I definitely ever since I was a kid, I always, I would defer to a woman making it clear that she likes me in some way before I would necessarily, I mean, I would definitely ask someone out, you know, like to go somewhere or something like that, for sure. But I kind of am a little bit of a dum-dum, you know, like sometimes I'll hang with someone, I'll hang with someone, I'll hang with someone, I'm like, oh, yeah, they're really cute, but I'm not sure, you know, but we're having fun just hanging out. And it doesn't have to be anything more than that. And then I really get, you know, kind of in that zone and someone's kind of like, I like

you. I hope you understand that. And I'm like, oh, really? Oh, I didn't know. You know, because I like over default to like, well, you know, I think she likes me because she like put her hand on my knee or something or she, you know, or she squeezed, she squoze my shoulder, you know, in squeeze she squoze my shoulder you know in a in a really nice way maybe that means that she likes me so i i do i do like i've definitely

you know had some definitely like peppy lepew moments you know like from a woman you know which is a happily reversed thing like if a woman's being like objectifying me, not that I know what that is, but let's say she's doing some version of that with me. I don't really, I'm, I'm like, you know what?

It's fine. It's like, how many centuries have gone by where men were just like, you know, and if a woman's doing that to me, I'm like, that's okay. We deserve it.

We deserve it. We deserve it. We deserve it. It's fine. We deserve it. Um, but, uh,

but I don't mind like if a, if a woman is, you know, uh, I like either way. I mean, sometimes I'm like, oh, I think there's something here. I'm going to take the chance. Oh, I was right. Cool. And then other times people have definitely made it clear and said things to me. And I appreciate that equally. It really depends on the situation. That's what I'm learning, which is very annoying that relationships, especially romantic relationships are not black and white. They're not like cut and dry. Like this is how you do it. Cause I was like, well, maybe I just won't tell people that I like them.

But then my therapist was like, Nicole, if you don't tell people how you feel, how will they know how you feel? And I was like, Oh yeah. Okay. I don't know.

Um, but yeah. And then I was like, maybe I won't be the like as aggressively pursuing uh people because that hasn't seemed to work in the past but then i the more i talk about it the more i think about i'm like oh i guess it's a mixture of allowing people to chase me and then also chasing people and then somebody brought up that i might be uh uh-oh, is it love anxious or something? Oh, interesting. Where I push people away who maybe want to be with me and then pursue people who have

actively been like, I don't want to be with you because I'm actually trying to not be in love. And then I was like, well, this is very annoying yeah i'm doing this subconsciously very annoying and also just very complicated love avoidant that's what it is love avoidant that kind of it kind of describes me a little bit i would say that that makes sense uh what you're describing i mean yeah i think yeah it's a weird thing yeah it is a hybrid approach i think obviously when you're comfortable with yourself and you're having a good time. You know what it is for me?

I think if you're with somebody and you're having a really good time, especially when things are a little bit more normalized or you don't have to consider, like, does this person have a disease that can kill me? When we're not in that mode so much, that's why I'm really looking forward to working on this form of communication. And then when things kind of open back up, like how does, how will that, you know, change things? But, but yes, you know, like pursuing people, like there'll be people that'd be like, I'm so into you, you know, like, I think you're really groovy. I think you're this. And then I'm just like, I don't, I don't know. And then, and then, then there are people that are just like, well, I don't know if I can hang out that weekend, maybe two weeks from now, maybe. Like, oh, yeah, sure, whatever you need.

So I definitely know there is a little bit of that for me in my past. But I think the hybrid approach is just feeling really comfortable with who you are and approaching having a good time first as just purely like looking for the vibe of a good time with somebody because it'll grow out of that. Like whatever needs to happen will grow because it's just natural. And, you know, you'll know, you know, instead of like, oh, how do I make this person or whatever? Like, how do I make it known? Or do I want to lean on that really hard? Do I want to make it really obvious? All of that stuff.

Instead, it's just like, hey, let's just hang out. Oh, that was really fun. What are you doing? You know, and then one moment leads to another. Oh, shit. Is this what this is? You know, I like that vibe. You know, you know, as we all know, it hits in different ways. Yeah, I think I need to be more chill. I think that's one of the things that I need to bring to the table being a little bit more chill. Because what you're describing seems nice, but in my brain, I'm like, that's magic. That doesn't happen. You don't just hang out with a person and then suddenly you're like, oh, we like each other. And then you're in a relationship. But that's literally every person I've ever spoken to. They're just like, we liked hanging

out and then it evolved. And me, I'm like, no, you meet and then you go out on four dates and then you decide right then and there, are you in a relationship or not? And it's like there's so many different types of romantic relationships that like I like seem to refuse to accept. And I think that's just something I need to do. Yeah. I mean, I think you're completely right. 100% right on. I mean, I think, you know, I know a lot of people that have weird, you know, the ways about which they express themselves romantically and so forth or sensually.

And, you know, there's friends of mine who are like, they're married, but they cuddle with other people. Or like the people who are, you know, what would be described as solo poly, you know, like their primary relationship is with themselves. And then they have a few different lovers slash friends that they hang out with, who all understand what's going on. And that's how you move through life, whatever, there's like so many permutations of, of love, you know, and that's the point that you raise. And that's something that I have thought philosophically for a long time. But now I'm practicing, or at least trying to figure out like, what works for me. But yeah, I mean, it goes on all levels. Like sometimes it doesn't have to be that physical.

Sometimes it's just like a really nice, awesome, romantic friendship, you know, and it feels better as at a distance than if you cross the line. Because when you cross that line, it's it changes, as we all know, it can change a lot. Some people can withstand it. They can like come in and then pull back out and they're like, oh, that was really fun and continue. But, you know, but it is, it's true. It's, it hits on all levels and it happens immediately. It happens over a few years.

It's like, I always had my eye on you. Yeah, but you were in a relationship and we were just friends and that was totally cool. You know, whatever. It's just being open and relaxing a little bit. Like you're saying, like relaxing a little bit and going like, it's going to be fine. I'm like, I love who I am and I love what I'm doing. And I love this life that I'm in. And sometimes I get a little lonely and sometimes I wish that I had like a

partner or whatever, but you know, wishing is just projecting into nothingness, you know, and, and why not just enjoy what's going on now? Cause there's so much happening right now, you know, and, and why not just enjoy what's going on now? Because there's so much happening right now, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. Sometimes I'll like wish I'll be like, I wish I had a partner. But then, if I just stop and think about it, it's like my life is very cool. I have amazing people in my life who give me the love and affection that I do need on a like surface and deeper level. And it's just like, I need to start thinking that like a partner is just, uh, it's like a decolletage. It's the star on the tree, not a star on the tree. It's a,

it's an ornament on the tree. It's not the star of the show. It is just something that adds to the tree because I'm a Christmas tree. Yes, you are a Christmas tree. Yes. And I want presents put under my tree. And those presents are something in my pussy. Yeah. Are you on any apps at all? No, you meet people in person.

You are on apps. I'm on appetizers. Yeah, I use Hinge mostly. apps at all no you meet people in person you are on those i'm on appetizers yeah i have uh i have uh i use hinge mostly that's what i use i i i feel like the people on hinge are most they're like my speed they're like oh yes i'd like to go out on a date and yes i would like to meet you in person where i feel like tinder's like we were gonna fuck and it might not be good and And then I'll kill you. Tinder's a little intense.

Yeah. No, you nailed that sentiment perfectly. Yes. Yeah. Hinge is just a little bit more like, hi, I really enjoy oatmeal sometimes. You know, like you're like, oh, that's cute. Oh, and you do crochet.

Yes. And you do needlepoint. And I kill crocodiles with my mind like okay sounds fine um yeah it's a little bit more i don't know you get a feel for the personality i mean like i don't go on dates all the time obviously this time period is really tough but you know conversations and stuff like that and but uh i i you know it's okay i've the last few people that i've met even during the pandemic have been in person like going into a grocery store meeting someone or i was in the swedish sock store and met somebody so the swedish sock store yeah where is the swedish what is a swedish sock store oh it's called happy socks on sunset oh okay yeah all right never been but i maybe i'll go

great socks apparently it's a whole store just for socks yeah it's called happy socks a brick and mortar for socks they're thriving that's wild they kind of are i mean you know socks are you know it's great they're like the secret uh flare you know that one can you know feel good about either exposing or not exposing but you got them can you know feel good about either exposing or not exposing but you got them on and you feel good about it maybe i'll get into socks yeah i went through a phase where i didn't match my socks because i was like i don't have the time and then it got to the point where it was years and years and years and then i was like well what happens if i match my socks will the world end i've done it for so long i haven't matched and

then i matched my socks one day and the world didn't end. That's my own weird little quirk. No, no, no. I mean, that's, that's the crux of life. You've just, you've just named a problem and, and, and the solution simultaneously. You've now helped, you know, at least 162 people. Well, God bless to those 162 people. Reggie, we're closing on to the end. That's not a good sign.

Oh, closing on? We're closing on to the end. And I ask all of my guests, I bequest them this question again. I don't know if that's a word. Would you date me? Oh, you? Oh, would you date me? Oh, you? Oh yeah. Okay.

I think, yeah. You know, because like you got all this stuff going on. Well, thank you. Driven, successful, um, and also, uh, like a hundred percent unique. Like there's nobody like you at all. So that's, that's that's pretty pretty rad you know those are hard things to have you know yeah yeah there's nobody like me honestly i have yet to meet a person as strange as me oh man i'm telling you it's like you know it's like all my

friends you know it's like you cape orant everybody they're just like so entirely their own universe but that's you know so that's very very strong amazing the half more than 80 of the problem with dating solved immediately well thank you roger and also thank you for taking the time to be on the podcast do you have anything you want to promote uh god damn anything i want to promote i mean you know i would say just download my app it's a whatsapp w-a-t-t-s-a-p-p and uh it's um you know it's it's kind of like it's a work in progress but if you sign up and you turn on your notifications there'll be some nice like little surprises down the road. Ooh, I love it. Ooh, free Nand and Nand. And it's on Android.

Yes. And iOS. It's on Android and iOS. I thought you were like, it is only on Android. It is only on participating Android. What does that mean? Participating Android? Yes, participating Android.

Some are left out. Some are not cool. Sorry. Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, you can give me five stars. And if you write something hitting on me in a nasty way, I will read it. So this nice person said, Hi, Nicole, how was you doing? XXXXX just wanted to say, I'd let you ride my face so hard by the time we're done, you'd have a thigh gap in the shape of my head. Oh, that got me. Okay. Bye-bye.

That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream What a dream

This has been A Team Coco production