Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Awkward Sex Talk (w/ Crystal Methyd)

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

Drag queen Crystal Methyd (RuPaul's Drag Race S12) joins Nicole to chat about their most romantic date, getting the 'sex talk' at the age of 22, and debates if you should text your date back immediately. They also discuss their journey into drag, finding their drag aesthetic, and their experience shooting Drag Race in the middle of the pandemic. Meanwhile, Nicole is worried her Netflix show is cockblocking her.Thank you to all that have supported the show through 200 episodes!Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, see linktr.ee/nationalresourceslistFollow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter:@nicolebyerInstagram:@nicolebyerNew Merch Store! podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Made it to the 200th episode. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Usually I do something fun for milestones, but I didn't have time. But also, I think this episode is a lot of fun. So I hope you guys enjoy. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could drop a curling iron in my bathtub and I would go, I love you. My guest today is a drag performer, makeup artist, and runner-up of season 12 of RuPaul's Drag Race. It is Crystal Methan. Second place, baby. I love it. I mean, how are you? I'm fabulous. How are you? This is like a long time in the making. I had to cancel. I had to cancel. We're both international divas, you know? Truly. Where are you? We're both in hotel rooms. Where are you? Currently, I'm in Pomona, California.

Oh, I've never been to Pomona. It's near LA, I think, but I don't really know where I am. I look out the window right here and I can see a mountain. Okay. Which is crazy. Okay. I look out my window and I just see cars. There's nothing pretty here. Where are you at?

I am in Portsmouth or Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I don't know. I flew into Boston, rented a red Ford Mustang and zoom, zoom, zoomed for an hour. And now here I am. I love that. For any reason or just your... I'm doing a show at a college. I cannot...

Maybe it's the University of Portsmouth? I don't know. But there's, like, a wedding happening in this hotel, and it's, like, rubbing it in my face that I'm fucking single. What happens if you become not single? Do you have to stop the podcast? Absolutely not. Then it's just like okay i guess we all know why people won't date nicole it's because she's dating somebody oh my

god it's amazing i love it no i absolutely would not end it i would just like figure out a new spin you know i love that um it's very nice to talk to you face to face because i loved your night of michelle what is it the night of a thousand michelle visages outfit that red patent leather number i literally called a man i'm not called i went on etsy found a man in russia had him recreate it just in case because of when you saw me wear it yes we have to we have to wear them together i mean i would love to next time you're in la let me know i will bust it out the pants they don't fit well but i'll put them on for you oh my gosh i love it i'll bring it for sure mine doesn't really fit that well either i think the pants are from amazon don't tell me that means you paid less than me no i would never i would oh god forbid you know

rue finds out it's from amazon um although i did really love her h&m rant it made me laugh really hard i i loved it so much it was like pretty campy how scary oh you're like scary and i was like camp pure camp okay so crystal i was talking to laurence chaney in an episode and i mentioned that i went to tacoma to do shows i was doing a weekend i was swiping on tinder while i was in la to like set something up while i was there and i thought i had set something up and then this man ghosted me so i harriet the spied no i just like messaged him again and i just want to read to you what i wrote to him i was just like hi um i do a podcast about relationships and i was talking about this encounter why didn't we fuck so then i was like i guess i'll ask why didn't we fuck and then he was like why talk

about this it seems like a long time ago i don't know i suppose it felt corny to come meet you at your hotel room also i knew who you were after a bit and it felt weird because my five-year-old likes your cake show so that's about it do i have to go listen to the show now lol and i was like wow this netflix show that has brought me and so many people joy and happiness and employment is cock blocking me. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it. I don't think RuPaul's Drag Race has cock blocked me yet. Do you think it has, like, helped the hookup game, the dating game?

No, I'm in a relationship, so. Oh, I see. I see. Well, aren so... Oh, I see. I see. Well, aren't you lucky? I am. Sorry to be a bragger. It's not a bragger when you're just saying facts about yourself. You're right.

So how did you two meet? Through Grindr, of course. Oh, you know, I love a good Grindr love story. So tell me about it. What happened? Oh, what know, I love a good grinder love story. So tell me about it. What happened? Oh, what happened? We were like two blocks away from each other. So we met up at a bar and got really violently drunk and made out in public.

And it was really embarrassing, actually, looking back. But yeah, happily ever after. I mean, I don't think that's embarrassing. I think that's like, honestly, best case scenario. You meet someone on the Internet. You meet them in real life. You get rip-roaring drunk and you're like, wow, this person's the same kind of weird as me. This is lovely.

Yeah, exactly. May I ask how long ago this was? This was like right before, I think it was like right when I started drag. So like six years ago. Oh my God, this is a long term relationship. Oh my God. A baby drag crystal method, trolloping through the streets, finding love. What a dream. Has your relationship changed any now that you are an international galactic superstar?

You know, the distance has been frustrating because you're just like, what do we do? And FaceTiming gets so old. But so far, so good. And I haven't been touring really that much until I think the world kind of opened back up in June. And I haven't been touring really that much until I think the world kind of opened back up in June. So it's been like a busy few months, but it's still like a new thing. Fair. Yeah. I mean, oh, yeah, you're the first season to do a quarantine season, essentially, right? Yes, we are the original quarantine season.

Yeah, that must have been wild. But I got to say, because, yeah, oh, I was a yes, I was a judge. Yes. yeah oh i was a yes i was a judge yes wait no no i was a judge i think you were on 13 yes i'm 13 not 12 but um i gotta say like they're oh wait so wait you weren't quarantined it was the end of the season like the season um the grand finale was at home right yes yes okay yes so it was like world open i threw up in my own mouth yes i'm like a bird i fly away it's very funny so like how did you feel going through the drag race machine and then all of a sudden it like comes to a screeching halt because of like fucking the pandemic and COVID. For me, it was like more crazy that the whole world was going through a pandemic. So I was like. Not to like distraught about not traveling and stuff.

I was able to do drag full time, which is more than I was doing before. Lots of cameo videos. And so that's pretty much how I sustained myself. So not ideal. Now that I'm kind of like going around and going to all these places and seeing all these queer people, I've realized that I need to move out of Missouri. Fair. Where in Missouri are you from? I'm from Springfield, Missouri, which is like southwest. And it was actually the hotspot of the nation for COVID for a while. Ooh, lucky you guys. And were you born and raised there?

I was born in San Jose, California, but we moved there when I was like five. So it's all I know. I see. I see. So like, how did you get into drag? Tell me about it. What was the journey? My journey? Okay, I think I was like 21 turning 22. And I was studying abroad in Oxford for a semester. And there was just like, I was, you you know kind of exploring being more gay because i was not fully out to all my friends and stuff um and so i was that's when i really watched all of the seasons of drag race i think like six and down and so i don't know whenever i came home i was like i'm gonna find gay friends and I'm just

gonna do this and I didn't start doing drag till I was like 24 so I was kind of just at first I was just getting involved in the scene making friends so then whenever I started doing drag I kind of had like an audience already I love it that's a very like smart roundabout way to do it it's like make the friends first and then you have a built-in audience to come fucking see you yeah i did it the wrong way i started doing comedy then made comedy friends and then everyone was like no i'm not fucking going to your show i have my own fucking show to go to okay so i have like some things i found on instagram that i want to talk about with you okay so hold on let me fit let me okay technology how do i get to my state you're gonna pull out all

the receipts imagine i was like crystal you did x y and z i can't believe you did this um no i just found some things and i know you've been in a relationship for six years but maybe maybe we can like have a dialogue about it so i found this post that was like five reasons why dating as a millennial is so screwed up because you're you're a millennial right i am i am too okay we're in a competition of who can care less. Showing actual emotions is frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we're interested, it leaves the person we're affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually care about them.

So nobody risks being vulnerable and open. But I don't think that's just a millennial thing. I think that's like, everyone's like, let men chase you. And I'm like, if I let them chase me, that's me being like, I'm not interested. Right? I don't like that. Me either. I don don't agree i don't agree with any of that me either i love showing my cards and being like hello i love you i know i can't really hide it so in your relationship was there like chasing or was it a mutual like we like each other?

It was like very slow and gradual. Like I think the last relationship I was in before that I was like kind of the clingy one. So I didn't want to be the clingy one. So I would like there'd be like a week between us hanging out and I'd be like, well, I'm busy. I have to hang out with my friends. I have to live my own life until eventually I was like okay I guess we'll just live together now everyone I know who's in like loving relationships are like yeah we were dating and I was trying to be chill and have my own life and then all of a sudden we're living together and we might have a baby and I'm like boy you seem so nonchalant about it yeah it's um i don't know i try not is is is it a big deal i don't know it just seems norm normal i mean for normal people no relationships and dating are not a big deal to me it is a huge deal because i've never been in a relationship so like when i have

friends who like break up with their significant other and I'm like, so you're just never going to talk to this person again that you shared your whole life with. I don't comprehend that. That makes no sense to me. So the second so it's like a slide of little posts. So the second one is we expect perfection that doesn't exist. Social media has led us to believe that we're entitled to a fairytale life that doesn't truly exist. We write people off for minor details and quickly look for the next best thing that will somehow also find flaws in.

We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bend and that with amazing things come imperfections as well. Do you think that people are looking for perfection? I guess I can kind of see this one more like that people only want to see the good sides of things. But also, I feel like my relationship with social media has changed so much. Like, I don't believe anything I see on

social media. So I'm like, they're not happy. If they're on the beach, I'm just like, they're not happy if they're on the beach i'm just like oh they're so depressed i'm with you on that i don't believe anything anymore i'm like you are just presenting to me happy times and there's times where you are sad and and i believe that i believe you're posting at a sad time and you're not really happy you know maybe some people are happy but yeah i don't believe anything i'm like you're not really wearing red you're wearing chartreuse yeah they're this whole photoshop is it's photoshopped and it's not real okay the third one is we're too strategic about our responses responding right away comes across as desperate and too available this also gives us more time to change our behavior to suit what there is when communicating and once we meet in real life we struggle to match who we are on text and then uh then when results get severely anxious oh and then then results in getting

severely anxious once meeting them i agree i don't understand why i can't just answer a text when i get the text i feel like you should be able to just answer a text but i myself if i get a text sometimes i need some time and it's not even like a hard text or a conversation it's like i just need to say yes but i just need it like sometimes it's like this is too much pressure i mean sometimes i feel like it's some it's like pressure and it's like okay i'll get to it later but if i'm like texting someone to be like let's hang out let's go on a date this night and then they take forever to get back to me then i have tons of time to be like they don't like me anymore well they hate me

they want to shoot me in the street the next time they see me they want to toss me off a cliff and kick me in the face no i think that that is true i feel like there's there shouldn't be like a wait three days to call or like i don't know of any other rules I've heard. But yeah. There's like wait three days to call. There's like when he texts you, you make him wait. So he like wants you more or something. I don't know.

I don't think so. Because he's just going to text someone else. Right. That's what I think. And then I read an article that was like most men are dating six women at the same time and i was like wow all right so i like literally don't stand a chance i might as well just answer him as soon as i get the message so he doesn't text one of the five other bitches he's fucking i mean i feel like you should feel free to date multiple men here's the thing i don't have the bandwidth.

The other day, I tweeted this because I can't stop thinking about it. I was late for work. And as I was driving, I was like, why is there so much traffic? And then this car couldn't make a left-hand turn. And I was like, what is this? What's on the sidewalk?

And I was like, oh my God, it's all these children. What is this children's parade? Why do they each have one adult? This is so weird. And I got to work and I like repeated it to three people. I was like, I'm late because of the children's parade down the street. And then finally, there was like a silence, like the third time I said it to somebody. And they were like, Nicole, it was school. Kids were just getting dropped off at school. It was not a children's parade. And I was like, oh my God, my brain. So I can't date two people at one time. My brain just doesn't function in a way where that would be reasonable. You don't even know what school is. That's how far removed I am from like normal life. I'm like, what is this children's parade? Oh boy. Yeah. I don't know what school is. I'm like, what is this children's parade? Oh boy. Yeah. I don't know what school is.

I don't know what anything is. It's like Mariah Carey not knowing she has to pay for electricity. Wait, what? Isn't there an interview where Mariah Carey, she's talking about electricity and they're like, you have to pay for that. She's like, no. I mean, I wouldn't put it past her. That's very funny that she doesn't know she has to pay for electricity I mean what's her name Kylie Jenner just bought her child a school bus because she

wanted to ride a school bus and I was like just put her in public school and she can ride the bus every fucking day one time when I was little I was on the bus and the bus driver just forgot about me because I was so little and he couldn't see my head above the thing. And so he missed my stop, but I was too nervous to say anything. And he went all the way to where they like return the buses and he was like cleaning it. And then I was just like curled in the corner like, what do I do? And then I never rode the bus again. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Wait, what did the bus driver do when they found you? He just had to call my mom and she had to come get me. I love that he was like, nah, the bus is at the depot. I'm not taking it back out. You got to come get your fucking kid. I'm clocking out. That's very funny. I, today, was on the bus to the rental car place.

And he stopped for a long time and got out of his seat and started walking towards me and i was like me please take me to the rental car center he's like i will i'm looking for something and i was like oh okay i just i didn't know what he was gonna do to me and i don't know why i thought he was gonna do something to me but yeah my brain it's broken no no no no no oh thank you i appreciate it okay here's the fourth one ghosting and unclear intentions are too normalized when we lose interest we simply stop responding we don't need to tell them we're constantly left wondering where relationships are heading if anywhere and plague ourselves with wondering if we're wasting our time no one is clear about their

intentions some lie about their intentions just to have their ego stroked for a while i hate ghosting yeah i'm not into that i've gotten to the point where i like i went on a date with a man who is perfectly nice i just like wasn't feeling the vibe so i was just like hey i'm not feeling the vibe but i like wish you the best of luck and i had fun and he sent me a very curt response but like i was like it's over it's done it's like it's fine i think it's better to let people know like it's gonna hurt my feelings for half a second but hurt them hurt me yeah i would rather just know um ghosting seems so strange like and then what do you do you just keep ignoring the text i would get too guilty right me too i'd be like i'm so sorry i'm ghosting you i did tell one man i was like i'm not gonna respond to you anymore and he said i respect

that and i said great and then he stopped texting i like that yeah i'm not texting you anymore. He was poorly behaved. So, OK, here's number five. This is the last one. We are so involved in seeing perfect couples on social media that we believe that we must be like them to be happy. Stop thinking that social media is proof of love. Having password access to his phone or uploading pictures is not proof of love. I mean, you said it earlier. You do not believe anything on social media. I don't believe happy couples.

No, I don't trust a couple that has a shared Facebook account. That is like psychopath. Yeah, I think that's absolutely psychotic. Like truly the wildest thing one can do is share a social media account with their significant other the other wildest thing is running one for your dog that's crazy my old roommate does it that doesn't weird me out as much but there are like i do see like if there's like a couple account like sometimes they have their own but then they have some for like that's both of them and that's just cringy to me i agree i think it's fully psychotic it's

you're unwell you're sick in the head what are you doing okay crystal i have a question have you have you had any fans like throw themselves at you after a show not knowing that you're in a relationship being like take me um i've had things where um people are like oh one of my favorite was he was like hey are you into latin men and then he like handed me a drink and then i was like i am but i have to leave and i just took the drink no i feel like for the most part i maybe it's because i like appear so wholesome on tv um but i don't get as many nudes i think and like advances as some of the other girls um you know send me the dick pics i want to see him still oh my god crystal i've been saying the same thing for years send me the dick pics and i have a lot of lovely people who slide in my DMs and go,

I'm sorry, I'm not going to send you a dick pic, but I like you. And I'm like, okay, well, this is not what I asked for. You misunderstood the assignment. No, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me you're a fan. That just makes it weird, I think. Yes, I fully agree. Just show me that dick.

No, I mean, I don't need a dick pic. Actually, like, I don't want a dick pic from someone I'm dating. But like, I'll take a random one. I'm curious. Oh, yeah, I feel like it's fun. It's like the surprise of a random penis. Right? To be like, oh, what? Oh, my. They all look so different. Yeah, yeah. i think they're all slightly the same but also very different yeah very much same species yes yes yes yes yes um okay crystal since you're in a loving committed relationship do you have any advice for me a single person on the prowl for for a fucking dick to put in her mouth and maybe her butt maybe

her pussy oh my gosh put it in all the places i don't even know i feel like from my experience like you can't like look necessarily for a relationship it kind of just has to like fall into place um because like i don't know when're looking, then you're just like not focusing on your actual interests. This is advice that I keep getting. See, I'm also thankful that I was able to have a relationship before like becoming well-known because that's a whole nother like thing that so many people don't have to deal with that makes it so much harder yeah i mean it is kind of strange when people are like oh also i do know who you are but uh it's been happening for a while so now i'm kind of used to it but i did go on a date recently where he was like i have no idea he he didn't say i have no idea who you are he was like

what do you do for work and i was was like, oh, I'm an actress. And he was like, oh, really? And I was like, yes. And then I was like, oh, I host this. And he was like, huh, never seen it. And I was like, oh, okay. So that was nice. I love interactions like that.

Me too. Because I feel like I'm on the internet and I'll be like, you have 4 million followers? Who are you? I don't know you. So there's like people in the world that we just don't know who these people are. And I found one who didn't know who I was. And it was lovely. Yeah, I kind of like it when people are like, they don't know who I am.

They don't care. They're even a little rude. I'm like, yes. Bring me back to reality. Yes, that's always very nice when someone's like, I don't give a shit about you. And you're like cool thank you when did you have your first relationship were you an early bloomer or late bloomer oh wait real quick before we get into that we have to take a break And we're back. Okay, tell me about your bloom.

Late or early? I'm a late bloomer. I think I lost my virginity at like 21. And I guess I had a girlfriend in high school, but I wouldn't count that as a relationship. We never even kissed. That's why she broke up with me. She was truly like, you've never kissed me.

We have to end this. I know. And it was like so funny because every time we'd hold hands, like my hands would get all sweaty. But it was just because I was like, I don't want to hold her hand. So sad. So, yes, I didn't date until I think, oh, I came out to my parents when I was 22 on Labor Day because they found out my younger brother was having sex and he's 16. He was 16 at the time and I'm five years older. So they were like, oh, we never had the sex talk.

We should have it today. And it was so awkward. Terrible. Wait, so you had the sex talk at 22 years old yes and so then i went on a date that night and i think i dated that person for like two years wow so it was a good sex talk it yeah it worked that is truly so funny to be like all right let's talk about the birds and bees and you're like all right i got this i'm gonna leave the fucking house and i'm gonna put it to work well they

were only giving i came out that day so my dad before then my dad was giving me and my brother advice about women and then i was like what do i do i have to say something and i like held it until like the conversation was over and they were like okay well I guess that's it I was like wait I'm super gay I love that that's so funny wait we're not done not birds and bees I'm gay I'm gay I love a good coming out story. And that one's sweet. I feel like a lot of your life is very sweet. I could be wrong, though.

Oh, I would say so. I feel like I'm very blessed for the most part. Because you're close with your family. Yes, I am. Yes. Which is part of the reason why I haven't left home. But I think I think I'm ready. I'm an adult now.

An adult ready to spread your wings and fly away from home. Want to know what I learned about butterflies recently? Don't know how true this is. It's not on the internet. Butterflies, they, like, drink fermented fruit juice from, like, old fruit. And then that has, like like alcohol because it's fermented. So butterflies are always drunk when they're flying around. No.

That's what I read. I heard that butterflies, I don't know if this is true, but that they can't go to the bathroom and then they just die because they get full of poop. Is that real? Why? We're having like a gossip session about butterflies. I heard butterflies can't poop so they die.

I heard butterflies fly around drunk. I mean, butterflies just sound like white women. Just stumbling around drunk trying to shit. Oh gosh, me. So wait, are you like a serial monogamist have you just jumped from relationship to relationship no there was like a a break in between it's like that's what i'm saying i don't ever really try for it it just happens oh so maybe i am i't know. I wish it would just happen for me. But I'm not like one of those people that like things just happen to.

I'm very I'm not like regimented or anything, but I'm very much like here's a goal that I want to achieve. I hyper focus a little bit on it because I got the ADHD and then I get it and then I go, OK, well, what next? OK, this. And then i just been trying to do that with relationships and my therapist was like you can't you can't do a that's not how you do it you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you no but why not try i mean i don't know okay this really stuck with me. I just watched Furious, or no, is it Furious 7 or Fate of the Furious? The seventh Fast and the Furious movie.

Are you familiar? I don't think I've seen them since like the second, but I do know. Well, Michelle Rodriguez's character, Letty, gets, well, this is a spoiler. If you don't want this spoiled skip ahead 15 seconds so letty gets murdered we find out she's actually not murdered but she does have amnesia and she's talking to dom and she finally remembers everything and she was like dom why didn't you tell me that we were

married and she was like or no dom goes you can't tell somebody that you love or they love you. And I was like, oh, my God. I think Tom Toretto was like speaking to my heart. I can't just tell people that they have to love me. They have to learn to love me. Oh, my gosh. The world. We need to be out of the pandemic. I need to leave my home.

Thank you, Vin Diesel. Is that who is that's who it is in fast and furious of course yes it's vin diesel uh vin diesel paul walker the whole gang ludicrous chris ludicrous bridges tyrese gibson wonder woman's in them i didn't know that gal gal gadot i thought go off yes there's so many people in these movies and honestly they really like i cried twice during the seventh movie that i just recently watched because you just love cars i do love cars i really love cars but also these movies they're about family and i like that and love they're like soap operas with cars okay maybe i'll have to go back and re-watch i think you

should you just have to like watch it with an eye that you're like okay vin diesel is serving us a melodramatic performance that is also brolic because he's like tossing people around they're fully wild movies and i fucking love that okay what's the best date you've ever been on oh there was one day it was like on valentine's Day and someone worked at a restaurant and they were closed, but their boss let them have the whole restaurant. And so we just ate and he cooked and we ate in there all by ourselves. And there was like candles on every table. That is so fucking romantic.

My God, fucking punch me in the face i love it my life's a movie what about you what's your what's your most romantic day or i guess it doesn't have to be romantic i've i mean two of the best dates i've ever been on. One, we did mushrooms and went and saw a cartoon called Spies in Disguise, which is about a spy turning into a pigeon. So it's a pun because he's in disguise, but also in disguise. He's up in the sky. Oh my gosh. I laughed so hard and had a real nice time.

Also, I like kept going to the bathroom and I was like, oh, my God, the wood is like dancing with me. And then I was like walking back to the theater. I was like, the carpet is also dancing with me. And I was like, Nicole, you have to stop dancing with inanimate object. I had a great time. And then I talked about it before on the podcast this is years ago but um i bought refundable plane tickets to go to the burbank airport to go eat at guy fieri's uh fucking uh burger restaurant um and that was fun and we dressed in flames and it wasn't i like that i mean in hindsight how wild but yeah those are the dates

i like weird i love it someone um mushrooms someone um tipped me mushroom like a bag of mushrooms when i was in boston and i haven't done them before so i'm trying to plan a time where me and my partner will do them i mean they're very fun um they're caps and stems i assume or are they in capsules no they're the plant Yeah I would do like two caps maybe a stem and then like be outside maybe like a nice backyard with lights is always

good. I like being around trees Okay yeah I don't know yeah I think I want to be like not watching TV or being inside for sure. I want to just like not watching TV or being inside for sure. I want to just like sink into the world. Oh, yeah.

That's nice. I love mushrooms. I've like tripped hard on them, but also I like a light trip where you're just like, oh, way, the world is sparkly and nice and good. Sometimes doing them before a party is really nice because then you're just like everyone is nice here there isn't a single person i dislike because the world is magical oh my gosh okay well i'm so excited to try them you're gonna love them i did i drank mushroom tea my friend bloop bloop brewed some mushroom tea maybe i shouldn't put her whole name out there mars can we can you put bloop bloop over that can do thank you so my friend brewed mushroom tea and we went and saw lady gaga and it was truly just so wonderful it was just a treat really um and then we took uh uh molly and it hit with just or no bad romance

and it was like the perfect cacophony of like things in my system oh it was a real treat here's what i'm saying crystal you gotta do more drugs yeah that sounds like a dream that sounds like the most romantic date yet maybe that is the most romantic date I've been on. Looking at my friend during Lady Gaga during Bad Romance and being like, it hit for you too? And she was like, it sure did. And then we really just danced so hard. It was magical. Yep, that's the most romantic date I've been on.

I love that. Put your paws up. Real quick, we have to take a break. And we're back. Wait, okay, so you've been with your partner for six years. That means, have you missed out on, like, dating apps and shit? Yeah. I mean, I had Tinder. I had Grindr. grinder i know of scruff i'm sure there's more

i know there's bumble or something and um i think that's all i know there's one for rich people i saw on gossip girl it's so strange like that now that i'm back out in the world like traveling for the first time it's been like a lot i feel like i'm learning so much as i'm going it is overwhelming my flight was delayed yesterday by like 45 fucking minutes so then i had like 10 minutes to run from one end of the airport to the opposite end of the airport and i was like well i guess we're back travels back baby and they don't give a shit about the customer yeah i never think about how much like traveling actually takes out of you it's a lot of work it's so much work although when i was younger i was like you just get on a plane and you get drunk you get off the plane you do some shows you get back on the plane you get drunk again you go

home but now i'm like oh no i must rest my elderly body um i can't do that and there's too much no i couldn't but i did get pretty drunk on my flight yesterday. If I'm able to get alcohol, I'm like, why not? It'll make it better. Yeah, it always makes it more enjoyable. Also, I had like three vodka sodas. And I turned on the TV. And then I woke up at our destination. And I was like, Oh, wow, that's lovely. This is this is wonderful. And then I was like, Oh, no, did I snore? But like, I don't think I did. But also, I guess nobody tells you if you did. No. And if you had your mask on, no one would know it was you anyway. without headphones and then a child just talking and i was like both of these should be illegal what an awful thing to have to listen to just a soccer match i don't give a shit about and then this child being like when will the plane go up in the air well i'm not a fan of children do you

like children don't want any ever but i am i do think that maybe one day i would like foster But I do think that maybe one day I would like foster some teens just so that way when I'm old, I'll have young people that will want to come hang out with me. But no, no, no. I can't take care of a child. I fully agree with you. But like teens are kind of scary. There's some teens in my neighborhood who party every Friday night. I'm like, wow, your social life is cool. And then sometimes they like hang out on the sidewalk.

And last time I saw them, it was like, what time was it? It was like 1030. And I rounded the corner. I went, no teens. And then I was like, oh, they heard me. And then one of them passed by me in a car and gave me the finger. And I was like like i just called you teens that's all i did they're so scary i've got some rowdy teens in my neighborhood too

they um they just see me and they call me gay i go i know oh boy you think that people would come up with better you know people are always like the next generation will be better than the last and i think this is a lie i think there's gonna be just a bunch of pieces of shit in every generation there yeah of course it's so wild to just be like you're gay and it's like oh was that an insult or like are you letting me know because i already know i don't even i don't even know it's just funny though because some of the there's like a group of them, like five or six. And you can tell that they all just want for the other ones to like them. And there's like a couple that don't think it's funny or don't want to say it, but they end up giving in because they just want to be like cool.

It's so like sad to watch. It is sad to watch. And I wonder where that comes from because i feel like kids will be like i want to wear a cape and cowboy boots to the supermarket and then one day they go i want to look like everybody else yeah that's what i like about drag and that's what i like about performing like when i perform i like do my makeup how i want it to look i don't really care if I look like anybody else. And I kind of like dressing not like everybody else.

It makes me happy that I have, you know, a fucking, you know, a point of view stylistically. Yeah. I think it's so fun to not look like anyone else. That's like my favorite part of getting a drag too. How did you come up with your drag aesthetic? It was like just a lot of trial and error. I think my biggest like growing span was I was like working full time

and I was trying to go to RuPaul's Drag Race viewing parties. I think it was like season nine, but it was like right after I got off work. So I would have like maybe 30 minutes to get in full drag. And I would just, I would want to go and like network and talk to people. And I would just do crazy faces, you know, whatever I had time to do, trying something new each week. And then I just really learned my face and what I like. And I just want to look like a little cartoon character, little Muffet lady. So yeah. I have a little bit of the same thing. Right now, I would say my aesthetic is like child from 1997. Like I'm very much into like fun little prints, some high-waisted jeans, a little belt, maybe a crop top, and then butterfly clips in my hair yes i like to

look like a child picked my outfit yeah i think that's the most fun yeah i just i don't want to ever like walk into a room and have someone be wearing the same thing as me because then i'm like oh no i didn't do i didn't do my job well enough yeah i hate that it's so funny because i i normally was doing a lot of thrifting back in the day but just recently i was like hungry for new clothes and i didn't have time to go anywhere and i was like oh i'll just order some online and the first time i wore one of my shirts out i went and there was another person at the bar wearing the same shirt and i was like i could never wear this again well pro tip if you're looking for new clothes and you like used clothing but you don't have time to like

hit up a thrift store etsy oh ebay poshmark makari um those are all like resale places love it i never thought i use etsy all the time but i didn't even think about getting just my normal clothes yeah this shirt's from etsy oh word oh also depop depop depop depop yeah i've never been able to get into it it's the interface is kind of wonky but like they got good clothes yeah i just don't know how to find anything, I guess. You just type in literally what you're looking for. So just like a t-shirt and then your size. Or like if you want a, you know, leopard print button down, leopard print button down and then your size. That's all I look for.

Look, all I wear is animal print. I wear a lot of floral and animal print. I just like to look like I was ripped from the jungle. Okay. Okay. Here's a question. Your mullet. When did you start wearing a mullet? Um, I think I was growing it. Um, okay. So when was I on the season? I had it for like a year before I was on the show. So whatever that is, cause I remember I had remember I got on the show on my second audition, and I started growing my mullet after my first audition tape.

Okay. So you've had it for like a solid three years? Yeah. And then it got really long. After I got done filming the show, I was like, I can never cut this. And I just saw pictures from the other day, and it was like, so long, because it's kind of short now. In the pandemic, I like every other gay had to bleach my hair. And I like dyed it green. And then I cut it off. And I saved the hair and I turned it into a pair of earrings.

Ooh, honestly, how fanciful and fun. Yeah. So now I'm working on growing it back out again. Oh, I love that. Well, I also bleached my hair. I went pretty quickly insane with my hair during the pandemic. I like shaved the sides, had a mohawk, and then I put it in some braids. And then I was like, bleaching it.

So then I bleached it. And then I was like, I'll put in some blonde braids. And then I was like, I'm shaving then I bleached it and then I was like I'll put in some blonde braids and then I was like I'm shaving it and then I shaved it and now I'm just growing it back and it's growing so slowly it's so tiny it's so short I miss my hair I just was at a show yesterday and someone had hair that was like down past their nipples and I was like how long did that take you and they said two years which seems fast that seems so fast I feel like I'm long did that take you? And they said two years, which seems fast. That seems so fast. I feel like I'm on not a year yet. Maybe like six months of growing it out.

My hair grows so slow. But also, Crystal, I don't take care of it. Oh, me either. I just let it do what it wants. I mean, it's very hard to remember to take care of yourself. My only self-care that I make sure I do every night is to take all my makeup off before I go to bed. Because it's really bad when you wake up and you're like still in the drag. It's so sad.

Yeah, I used to never take off my makeup, which is disgusting. But my skin has cleared up so much now that I take it off and wash it and change my pillowcases more often. You know, it's been real nice, except I do have like a zit coming in. I don't know what that's from. I don't know. But I'm working through it and I don't think you can see it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I can't even tell.

No, I don't think you can. OK, before we wrap up, I always ask my guests this question would you date me um we can go on a date and see how it goes okay i haven't tried polyamory before but i would be into it okay this is this is not an answer i've gotten before i don't think i love that what do people say usually people say yes absolutely or they're like absolutely not no and here's the reason when people say yes it's very much like yes and then when it's no they're like i want you to know why it's a no and i'm like okay thank you so much oh wow i wow. I love that. Crystal, do you have anything you want to promote? No, I'm just, you know, a normal girl.

You can follow me on the internet, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. I'm really good at TikTok. And then you can just go to my website, crystalmethod.com, and find out where I am. I'm kind of all over. I'm going to Australia in January. Ooh, that should be fun. Yeah. With Heidi and closet.

Oh, what a dream. I love Heidi. Me too. Okay. Well, this is it for this episode of Oh, I want you date me. If you like it, you can rate it. You can subscribe. And if you write me something dirty, I will read it aloud.

This person said, Hey said hey Nicole this is my dirty come on I'm gay so I'm not sure if I can handle the V but if you're into it I'd bend you over and distract you by turning on the oval while I shove my dick in your tight little butthole which would be even tighter from your tee hees at

the ridiculous show leading me to tolerate the pain maintaining my erection by watching all the cringe, but gorgeous men on the show, especially if it's a scene between Kyle and Donald. Thank you so much, Crystal, for being here.

What a treat. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross.

Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.