Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Being 'In Like' vs Being 'In Love' (w/ Gabrielle Dennis)

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

Comedian and actress Gabrielle Dennis (A Black Lady Sketch Show, Luke Cage) chats with Nicole her philosophy as to why falling "in like" with your partner is more important than being in love, opens up about her experience dating a pedophile, and her love for writing Yelp reviews. Plus, the story of the murdering Disney dad.  See a live recording of Why Won't You Date Me?! April 5th in Los Angeles. In-person tickets: elysiantheater.com/shows/nicolebyer.The show will also be live-streamed worldwide, and available on VOD for 2 weeks after. Get the livestream tickets at moment.co/dateme Write to Nicole! Submit your dirty pick-up lines, dating stories, or questions to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Hi, hello! I'm so excited to announce that I'm doing a live and virtual episode of this podcast, Why Won't You Date Me? It's April 5th, live at the Elysian in Los Angeles, but anyone in the world can tune in! Tickets are on sale now at moment.co.dateme And if you can't watch it live, it's no big deal. It'll be on video on demand for up to two weeks later. I don't know who the special guest is going to be, but they're going to be special. It's going to be a nice time.

I think you'll like it. And you can get your tickets at moment.co slash date me or check this episode description for details. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Why? Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, is just exploring what love is. My guest today is a comedian and actress that you know from a black lady sketch show and Luke Cage. She's starring in the new comedy series The Big Door Prize, premiering on Apple TV Plus on March 29th. Beep, bap, boop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. It's Gabrielle Tennant. Ha, ha, ha. A beep, boop, bop, a doopity bop. Thank you, Nicole.

Thank you so much for doing this. Thanks for having me. I'm happy we finally got to make this happen i know it's been um a work in progress because we are both busy ladies yes but i'm so happy yes thank you so much also i gotta say i want an ambi oh okay this will be last week for was it best comedy podcast mars yeah best comedy podcast in that wild that's so nice i love winning things congratulations thank you i really do appreciate it um it comes at such a nice time because i did an interview where i said i didn't like the bahamas and uh but i made a bunch of people mad wait what i went on jimmy kimmel and i talked about my um my very bad bahamas

vacation uh-huh and um i guess you just don't speak bad about the bahamas because everyone got real mad at me oh crap a bunch of um were these people from the islands or just they're from the island anyone no no from the island. And yeah, I get it. It's a beautiful place, but I didn't have a great time. And I thought it was a silly way to talk about it. And people are like, no, thank you. We don't like you. And you know, you can't please everyone, Gabrielle.

Listen, okay. Well, thanks for the heads up. Now we don't have to be worried about black Twitter, but island Twitter as well. Island Twitter is, I gotta say, a mean Twitter. But one lady called me Peppa Pig Slut, and that made me laugh really hard. So I changed my Twitter name to that. Okay, Gabrielle, I want to talk to you about love. Have you ever been in love?

In love? Such a hard one to answer. You know why? Because I think it means something different for everybody. And growing up, it was never defined to me. So you watch all of this, you know, make-believe, all of this stuff that we see in movies and in our books. And, you know, the things that we think, this fairyt tale stuff of what love is supposed to be and what in love is. But I always like to say being in like is a lot stronger than being in love. I mean, but I'm a pragmatic person. So from a functionality standpoint, like,

do we like each other? How can I stand you? You know, that's the type of thing. Like, I think, I guess that's a part of being in love is being in like and being with someone that, you know, you can go through those ups and downs with someone who can tolerate you in your bad days and your bad times. Because those are the most challenging times to deal with somebody. You know, even with like I'm a very recluse when it comes to like if I'm going through things, if I'm feeling depressed, if I'm having my little stressors or whatever, I'm either really quiet and off to the side by myself or the person closest to me gets all of the heat. You know, like you're snipping at them for the littlest things because they absorb it all.

So it's one of those things where in love is just like a hard thing to define. And I've been told you know it when you feel it, I guess. I like that you said in like is more important than being in love. Because I think, I know me personally, I have spent a long time being like, when will I be in love? When will that person come? And then I never stopped to be like, do I actually like this person? Do I like them enough to want to love them or want them to love me? Because love is such a huge responsibility.

Like, you know, like you're saying, you're looking forward to like, oh, when will I ever be in love? And like a lot of times women in particular, probably more so than men, grew up with this expectation of what love should look like based on uh you know society based on fairy tales based on the rom-coms right but but then reality is not usually that and a lot of times now with social media we compare our relationships rather they're uh romantic relationships or familial relationships or whatever to what we see on social media. And a lot of times even that, you're just seeing highlights of what that person's love is. We didn't see what it took

for that man to get down on his knee in the middle of Times Square and to like, you know, pull off some amazing proposal or whatnot. Maybe he did something bad two weeks ago and he had to do it to get out of the doghouse. You know what I mean? We don't know the backstory, but it looks great on Instagram, right? It looks amazing on TikTok.

But it's just one of those things where it's such a responsibility, like, to dedicate and devote all of your time, your energy, your trust into somebody. And I think that's why for me, like liking the person has got to be step number one. Because when all else fails, even if you fall out of love with people, you know, people get divorced, relationships end. But if you like somebody

and have enough of a general respect, I feel like you can always maintain some form of, you don't have to go cut up all your pictures in the future. Yeah, that's like Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay Man. I don't know his name, the lead singer of Coldplay. They had a conscious

uncoupling, which I genuinely really like. I like that because she posted something, I think it was like, she was like, the best father, you know, my kids have. Yeah, I remember. I think I remember. Yeah. And they're still like, it it seems as such they present as like very friendly and that seems really nice to be like hey this isn't working but I like you so much that I'd like to

keep you in my life in a very civil way and boy oh boy do I like that because it's scary when you think about I mean I'm the type of person who watched who will sit and watch an episode well not anymore because I don't have the time but I used to sit and watch an episode of snapped and would get caught in that loop because they would never take a commercial break after between episodes so it's just always was amazed by the fine line between love and hate and like how people would just do the most twisted things and most bizarre things with somebody you were just in love with or walked down the aisle with or whatever and I know that's an extreme that example but to go from having an adoration and a respect for somebody and then on a twist of a dime because

something went left that you just don't have any form of respect left. I just feel like it's not worth the energy personally. I'm a very unbothered in that sense. Like I'm not going to give all that energy to someone else. And then maybe because I haven't been in that sense, like I'm not going to give all that energy to someone else. And then maybe because I haven't been in that experience where like I'm out keying somebody's car and like ready to risk it all. Like I just haven't experienced that type of, of love in my life. I don't think that's necessarily love. I think that might be like maybe like a trauma bonding thing where you're going back and forth being mean and good and mean and like highs and lows.

Because I can't fathom keying someone's car or like slashing their tires or like screaming outside their window at night. Like that doesn't seem like love. Well, as a person who has recovered from road rage, I can't imagine keying someone's car. I can't imagine going there there but not for those reasons if if especially if somebody you want back like i feel like once i'm done with somebody like i used to do this thing where i would physically take my hands and i would wash like i would wipe them like this means i'm done and like to me that was that was like the visual confirmation and it it gave me the responsibility like you can't go back now because everyone saw you do that.

You know, you have to be held accountable. And I think it helps though that I didn't grow up with like, I was never that girl that grew up and was like, oh, I can't wait to be married. And I imagine what my wedding is going to look like. So I may just be very much so flawed when it comes to love. I don't like, it's not something that I've ever was like priority on my list. I was unfortunately that that stereotype of a woman that just wants wants to work hard and get everything

because I was raised when my parents divorced. I was raised by my mother who was very, very much so, you know, independent. And seeing that to me was just, you know, she was my superhero in that sense. So but but comes that you're picking up some of those traits that you don't realize. It's like, as a single mom, the other things weren't important to her. It was about putting food on the table, making sure we were taken care of. So, like, I didn't, the other stuff didn't. And then, you know, obviously, if mom brings around another man, like, who is he? We don't want him here, you know?

So, who is that guy? Get him out of here. Who is him? I don't like him. Yeah, yeah. We don't like anybody that comes around. But, you know, so I think when it comes to like love, it just really just depends on the experiences that you had growing up. And like you said, people, that example you were giving wasn't necessarily love, it's probably exchanging of trauma. It just depends on how, where we place love in our priority list and in our hearts and in our expectations and in our goals and if they're not aligned with each other sometimes that's where the recipe for

disaster starts i like i'm not a true crime person and i don't really watch uh you know stuff like that but i fell into a whole other day about this man he was like a disney dad they lived in i think celebration which is like a disney city in florida and then he also worked in connecticut and he murdered his whole disney family and then lived in the house with their dead bodies and like murdered the dog and i was like the dog what the dog do i don't know what did the dog do but I don't know. What did the dog do? But I was like, oh, my God. I guess you actually don't know people. Like, you think you can know someone. You can spend, like, hours and hours and years with somebody and then still be like, wait a minute, you're going to kill me?

Right. Like, imagine those last moments. And it's like, wait, you're the person that's going to take my life? Like, wait, we just had breakfast two days you know I don't know it's just it's just very scary and creepy and that's why I'm asleep with one eye open type of person I'm teasing I trust absolutely no one that's how you get to like go through life survive totally get it I feel like sometimes I'm like I don't want to trust you what have you turned on me exactly it's so scary but then also it's like you know that person could end up being the best thing in my life and wonderful and we'll spend years together um I think a thing I I um I like stress about and worry about is like

relationships ending even though my therapist is like every relationship is a good relationship because it means you've learned something you've grown you know more about yourself but then i'm like but i get so sad what about that part yeah my cry what do we do about that um yeah it's just a perspective like your therapist said it's all about trying to learn things and take something away like especially we invest so much time and energy it's like i'll be damned if i gave you all of that and i learned nothing from it and i didn't grow from it you know what i mean and for me it's more maybe of an indignant thing like I refuse to not take away some some form of value for giving up so much because I'm such a committed person I'm such a devoted and loyal person and I'm such a

accommodating and caring person and like giving in a relationship and all that's in all of my relationships that it really would hurt to be played to the left in any kind of way and you know when you see those red flags and those signs like I did have one of my relationships back in college I remember the guy he was on the phone and not thinking like guys lie better just just do better and lying first of all so i come in the room i think i was taking a nap and i heard him on the phone and just a general like you're waking up and you're asking a question just to start the day and he's like hey well who were you talking to or whatever who was you on the phone with he kind of froze and was like oh my family that's i would have thought nothing he would have said any name any name I would have thought nothing. He would have said any name, any name. I would have thought

of it. But the fact that I was like, your whole family? That's new. That's a new thing. Yeah, this was definitely before Zoom and like FaceTime and all of that. So I'm like, wait, so were we having a conference call? Like, so it was just, you know, and then that led into learning that he was on the phone with somebody he wasn't supposed to be on the phone with. That's back when Starz is now. I was like, boop, boop, boop, boop. And I got the information that I needed. But it was just kind of like, wow, that trust is so fragile.

And when it's broken, for some people, some people are a little more forgiving than me. Some people are a little more forgiving than me. Some people are a little more patient. I do not have patience, and I'm not that forgiving when it comes to as far as keeping my safeguards. Like, I'm a very wall-up kind of person. So once I let you chisel away at that, and we get to a place where I feel like I should trust you and I should feel safe, and you break that bond. And depending on how how depending on the circumstance I just it's just very hard for me to move past that um so in that instance that was a quick easy breakup because I was like and you're out you know it was just very much so like

it was just like the audacity you know I wish I was like that I'm very like oh you can have another chance and another chance and another chance. Really? Yes. Oh, I'm very, very forgiving. I think it's because you're also a hopeful romantic. Like you, that is somewhere tucked in there where that's, you have, you want to give love a try. Whereas I really don't give a fuck.

I could die alone and be happy. I want to wanna that's like I don't know a level unlocked I wanna unlock that level I wanna be like whatever but it's really

it's really sad though I wish I wasn't like that but you know here we are do you consider yourself like would you consider yourself like a late bloomer or did you start dating early

oh a late bloomer because did you start dating early? Oh, a late bloomer because I grew up in a house that was very much so no boys allowed, that kind of thing. So I come from a very religious background. So my mom was like absolutely no boys. So my first boyfriend, I was probably 16. Was I 16? Yes. And that's only because I had moved out of the house. Now, also the first boyfriend was definitely a pedophile oh no hate to use that word but uh he was definitely how old is he he

wasn't 16 that's for sure okay uh so but back then not knowing that like he was one of those back then the vibes were like the guys coast around the school afterwards you know it wasn't cool really to date a guy from school you were considered more cool if you dated someone outside of school like or older or definitely he just had to have a car whatever the standard was at that time so he kind of slipped through the cracks but my mother would not have allowed that to slip through the cracks so that is something that i guess i would be considered a late bloomer i don't know what time what age people start dating but like that was i feel like that's like a normal right on time okay i was a late bloomer i don't think

i went on my first date until 21 so i think that's like a little late had i not moved out the house it would have at least it probably would have been college for me for sure I always find it very very very fucking weird when older guys like guys in their 20s are dating like a 16 year old I'm like what do you have in common you pay taxes yeah like what are you talking about that part and also for me it was like it was a it was a thing like the fact that that was a normal non you know like no one batted an eye at it really for the most part but like you know ever since the me too movement and the whole thing with R. Kelly like people pay attention to that and it's like and I look back and I'm like that's so disgusting why was he interested in me

on any level mentally physically like none of that um but back then it didn't bother me because i guess at 16 we think we're grown yeah you think you're cute you think you're grown you're like oh this older man is into me great but even when i was like 16 and like girls were dating dudes who were like i don't know juniors in college when they were juniors in high school i was like that's so weird so you have to like wait for him to come home and then like you can't see your boyfriend because he's like at college i always thought it was so bizarre yeah it was definitely weird i mean this guy had a fam not like he was married but like he had kids and like going to visit like it was like he didn't he didn't have a nine to five type of job so he wasn't like gone during the day so it's like what are you doing today

taking kids to the zoo like what's you know and these are things i was thinking can you pick me up a toy like what like what are we doing here so it was just very um interesting especially looking back but at the time you don't you're a young mind that's why they that's why it's considered dangerous because we don't know what the hell we're doing at that age you know what i mean so it was like i was just following whatever lead he was giving because I was the minor. He was in his 20s. And it was like, that was really foul. But it is what it is.

You learn from your mistakes. But and that's why our parents know better than we do. Had I stayed home, I would have avoided that weird interaction. But at that time, I thought it was cool. When did you start working? Did you start working when you were 16? Oh, yeah. Like in the industry or just period?

In the industry. In the industry, yeah. I went to like a performing arts high school. So I started working probably in like the sixth grade, maybe? Fourth? I don't know. This program started in fourth grade. It was a fourth or twelfth grade program. But I think my very first job was probably like a commercial of some sort. And then I did a movie with Gregory Hines. And I say I did a movie very loosely. I was in a scene and those lines got cut. That was my first taste of Hollywood.

And then I did, oh, my first theater production was Fences. And for me, the big highlight was I was in a play with the gentleman who played the Cowardly Lion in The Wiz. That was like my first tiptoe into like earning and doing for myself. And I was always this very responsible kid. I hate wasting money. My mom, I think, both enjoyed and found it annoying. So like when it came to like school shopping and stuff, I was very frugal all the time. Like, mom, you don't need to buy these. Maybe I'll just get one pair of jeans. And like, she's like, girl, like treat yourself, get some jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need two pairs of shoes. But it was just like always,

you know, just, I was always aware of like money and like always aware of, of being, because we went from a two-parent household to a one-parent house, making sure my mom wasn't overly extended and I wasn't a part of any of that. So I think that just kind of carried into an adulthood as far as that's concerned. But I'm sure I'm getting off track of what you were originally asking me. No, it's fine. But real quick, we have to take a break. Take a break take a break and we're back okay so you started working super super young which is like really I think very interesting um How old were you again?

I don't know if I was in the fourth, fifth or sixth grade, somewhere around there, because I can't remember my exact, exact first job. But I know my first big job was the movie that I did, Rage in Harlem. And then, but I was a kid, like I was, I loved making money and having a plan with it. So like, getting my first car, like I worked that summer and it wasn't industry related but I wore them all like in the mall kiosk you know people the annoying people that you walk past would you like some lotion would you like us to buff your nail like ma'am any of that scram but like that little summer job bought me my first car as soon as I turned 16 boom I was like and we're driving and then um I remember I remember being so pressed I wanted like grown-up furniture. And like I worked right, we probably went to like Big Lots or something.

And I went, you know, the kind of furniture you build. And I built my own little furniture. I had this cute little white bedroom set and I thought I was doing it. But the responsibility that came with working, I just kind of enjoy it at such a young age that I think that hunger of constantly wanting to provide for myself and be dependent, independent, I'm sorry, was very important to me. And I think it helped knowing what I wanted, what I had a passion for at such a young age. having that vision and having that motivation and having some form of a guideline and steps of what you want to do with yourself really helps keep you out of trouble at a young age. Do you think working so young made you grow up faster? For sure. And I think also being the oldest daughter, like the oldest, you know, and just responsibility was just something that always just kind of

fell in my lap that I didn't shy from. So yeah, I think that helped for sure. Now that you say it, I'm thinking about it like, yeah, I guess so. Because I started working probably when I was 14. Like going to my mom's job and helping doing things like that. And I don't know. I just always liked working. It's weird. I like working too.

I didn't really start working. Well, I had my first job at 16. It was in a clothing store. And it didn't feel like work a lot of the time. I'd be like, so I just have to keep refolding this shirt? I have to. What is this? Why can't other?

So, like, anytime I'm in a clothing store, I just end up folding the tables down. Because I'm like, well, someone's going to have to do this. Someone's going to have to do it. Let them do it. They're called or being paid I know I know it's the same thing at wardrobe fittings I have to hang up the clothes everything I do the same they're like we got it and I'm like are you sure I don't know yeah the wardrobe service you're so um uh so like clean and organized there's like people we walk in the clothes are everywhere i was like how i would never be able to do that but yeah i can't i have to hang everything up i can't leave a mess for other people yeah i briefly worked a retail myself it last maybe a

month and a half when i realized i was giving them looks like so i'm working just to keep giving y'all my money to keep shopping here copy that and i'm out yeah that's like the weirdest thing they give you these like discounts and then you feel like it's a lot and then you keep buying stuff and then you're like, so now I've got a credit card to lame Brian and now I'm very much in debt. Oh, yes. Yes. And then when you're young, you're like, who is this FICA person? Why are they? Why did they get a piece of my check? So many things to learn. Truly. And I wish somebody had explained credit cards to me earlier i mean they really should be a part of what's the social uh what's the class we used to take

where they teach you how to write a check which i guess kids probably don't do that anymore because everything's digital uh economic social no it was like social studies or what i don't remember but it was some class i remember learning how to write a letter form a letter and like uh how to write a check and do a balance your checkbook but like a lot of the other things I feel like y'all miss a lot of steps we had a class in high school wow this is like a memory unlocked I've never thought of this I don't remember what class it was but they were like you should uh not you should The assignment is to to make a budget with like the job that you want and like get an apartment that's in your budget and then like budget out food and stuff. But I remember being like, well, I'll just make more money so I can have more money for these things. And then no one was ever like, no, this is the set rate of money that you get.

You have to make it work. So I was constantly just adjusting things, being like, yeah, I'll just make more money yeah yeah yeah didn't learn much because when it came time to actually budget I was like oh fuck this is hard right okay on a date speaking of budgets do you like to go dutch or do you expect your date to pay for everything? I've gone Dutch, probably not with anybody I didn't know. In a relationship, I've gone, you know, I don't really consider it. When you're in a relationship, I guess that doesn't matter because I don't consider that Dutch. It's just kind of like whatever. But for the most part, men want to pay.

That makes them feel a certain kind of way. But I don't mind paying Dutch. I don't mind treating a guy out. I didn't date a lot, unfortunately. I'm like, we, you know, it's like, oh, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. It's like, it's a quick turnaround usually with me. And I've only, I've only been in like four relationships, four or five relationships. I don't, I haven't dated a lot. But I do remember I do remember in high school feeling like when I was you know 16 learning life I do remember going out like a couple of dates and but back then dating was like you might go to the park or you might go to the movies or like if you're grabbing dinner

it wasn't like a fine dining situation but it might have been like oh gosh what was that place so we build build our own burgers or something but like the whole thing was like you just went for back then I was in it for the meal and then I didn't like that feeling so I just got a job and I would always and I didn't like my bestie didn't feel that way either so I always bought her food and like we were just greedy girls just driving around. We would call the two girls in the white car. We would drive around blasting music, eating our food, posting up in front of car washes or like the strip and just people watching and just having a good time. We were a mess, but we, for the most part, we set out of trouble seeing as how we were

at 16 and with no living on our own, in a sense, We were living with our big sister, but like living without our parents' parental supervision. We still made, you know, good grades and graduated. That's all that mattered. And, but yes, I think the dating has changed a lot now. I think there's a lot more pressure on guys than there was once upon a time. Because again, we're in a world of social media where you're seeing how women are being treated or, and women, oh gosh, because again, we're in a world of social media where you're seeing how women are

being treated or, and women, oh gosh, young girls like have a different level of expectations than I did when I was younger. You know what I'm saying? First of all, I wish I had the makeup tutorials that they had. Same. Prom, I would have been a lot cuter. All of my pictures would have been great. All my school photos. But no, I just feel like there's just a different level of pressure on younger people to date now. Also because they feel the pressure to show off. So that comes with like, what am I wearing? How are my nails? Like, how much did I spend on this? Everything becomes like labeled and like attached to like a label or a price or an expectation that really isn't about the one-on-one interaction with the person. Because I would prefer like, you know, there's that old

school thing. Like if you order from this side of a menu, you know, there's this expectation, right? So I've always preferred there to remove expectation from a guy unless I know for sure that we're moving forward. I would prefer we didn't go nowhere and you have to spend no money because I don't want to feel guilty or bad about it you know if I felt if I was the person who cared I wouldn't you know I feel like if you asked me then you should just have a plan in place um and then expect to pay for said plan but I don't mind um you know like I said if it's someone that I've dated for a while or that I'm in a relationship obviously I don't don't mind. Because to me, at that point, it's not really considered chipping in. It's like, we are going to eat.

I think once you've, like, dated someone long enough, it's like, either you get it, I get it, or we split it. Yeah. It is what it is. But on a first date, I don't know. I think I— Not on a first date. Unless I ask you, maybe. If I was so inclined and so pressed I was like that is the one I gotta

have but I just feel like also I think maybe regional I'm not sure like I grew up midwest so like there's also tradition sometimes that like I said guys most guys I've dated always want to pay because I think that's just the expectation that was on them um but I think though our dates would be different if I was expected to pay we might just be sitting at the park you know what i'm saying we might take a walk we're gonna sit on this stoop we're gonna go to grandma's basement and just watch tv uh what is your ideal like first date an ideal first date i don don't know. I think something that shows personality and shows something that the person's interested in. So like, I like to have fun. I'm pretty adventurous spirit. So if it's like going out to, I don't know, roller skating or going miniature golf or indoor skydiving or I like an adventure because I just feel like you, there's more opportunity to laugh and to find what people find funny

and what their buttons are as far as things that they're afraid of. But also just like you see a passion in something when somebody really loves something. I like to imagine like that passion can translate somewhere in our relationship. If you're taking me to show me something that you love you're already opening this space where I'm you're inviting me in to know um an intimate part of you or a part of you that you enjoy you know enjoy most about

not most but like something that brings you joy you're bringing you're at you're including me and inviting me to that joy and that space in your world. And hopefully that joy is aligned because if your joy is, I don't know, I don't know, a storm chasing, I'm a pass. I'm not that adventurous or somewhat. Do you think, hey, on our date on Tuesday, a huge storm is coming through. Do you want to chase it with me? Like, how bad do I want this, Dick?

I don't know. I mean, hey, it might be worth it because depending on the weather forecast it might be the last storm the last moment last opportunity might as well go out with a bag that's a good idea for first dates i'm bad at first dates i'm always like i don't know drinks i used to do dinner but I don't do dinner anymore because that's a commitment. Yeah. A long time sitting there. Wait for the food to come. Yeah. Yeah. The last thing I went on, I asked him if he wanted to like share a salad and he was like, I don't eat vegetables and not vegetables at all. I mean, I didn't get into it because I was like, certainly this adult man eats vegetables and is just being silly. But I ordered the salad anyway and he truly ate none of it.

And I was like, I don't think I could continue this. That's interesting. Yeah. But I guess that date taught you something early on. You saw something that wasn't going to work for you and you got to figure that out early. You wouldn't have figured that on a storm chasing date so you're right i guess too busy trying not to die and then on the second date i'm like wait you chase storms but you don't eat vegetables right okay i've wasted too much time he's living dangerously. Wait, do you sing?

Is this a thing you sing? Mm-hmm. I didn't know that. So, okay, you used to be a performer at Six Flags in Maryland. I did. Where you would perform Destiny's Child and Christina Aguilera. Yes, we did a whole Top 40s-like review. What was the name of our show?

I forgot the name of it, but it was the best summer job i've ever had and when i tell you we did like whitney houston uh ricky martin like you said desi's child like we covered all these uh j-lo we covered all this music and got to dance and sing but we were the envy of all of the other uh entertainers in the park because we worked in the theater with the air conditioning so we were definitely uh side-eyed a couple of times because also with like you have when you think about those costume characters you're working out in the summertime you're under all this fur I mean they would they would profusely sweat and I was like I want no parts of that and then um but people would always come in and like hide out in the theater to sneak

some of our air conditioning. But yes, that was an amazing job. So I did get to sing and dance in that show. I heard there's a hierarchy in amusement parks with the faces and the furs. That's what I heard it was called. And is this true? Yep. Yep. Okay, but the faces have it easier

and they have a nicer time. Yes. Yes, girl. We had a green room and we had breaks, long breaks. You know what I mean? We could go catch rides in between. Like, our jobs were chill. And we had a good time. Okay, was it like, have you ever, you've seen Sister Act, right? Uh-huh.

You know the review that Dolores Van Cartier is in in the beginning? Was it like that? It was very, yes. It was very much so like, I don't know if it was that level of production, but it was definitely like we had full scale, like tiered stage, full costume, full wardrobe changes, full lights. Like it was the whole nine and it was a lot of fun. But it got to the point where we were so silly because at this point we're so full of ourselves because again, we're at the

top of that hierarchy. And so when it came time to like just being silly and having a good time, I mean, there were times they would have to cut on a track because we will be giggling so much and we couldn't get through the show. So we like lip-syncing on stage because you turn to the right or the left someone's mooning you backstage or like we were so immature um so much to the point i remember one time being i was catching cold or something i took something right before the show not realizing it was drowsy i am damn near asleep on the stage like i'm dozing off on the stage trying to make it through, what is it, Cree, the name of the band? With all this water.

Yes, that is Cree. Yeah, so the guy singing this song to me and I'm sitting on perch on the edge of the steps and I'm like, my eyes are closing. There's nothing wide open about my eyes right now. They're trying to go to sleep. And I was like, oh my gosh, I took trance medicine. So this is the type of vibes we were on.

Like we were a mess. But also, it was a pretty, pretty amazing show. The funniest thing to me about that experience was, like, how Six Flags was a daycare for some parents. Like, they would just bypass us. And, like, we would have some of the same repeat. Like, we had fans in the audience. They would come all the time. And being the front row, they knew all the songs, the choreography.

Because their parents were like, and you're here from nine to six until I pick you up for work. Oh, my God. That's so wild. I just really love the thought of you just like closing your eyes and nodding out to Creed. That's very funny. Under a spotlight. Real quick, we have to take another break. Real quick, we have to take another break. Bebop back.

Okay. You consider yourself a foodie? I love to eat. Yes, I call myself the hungry hippo. I just love good food. I really do. And there's nothing more annoying to go out and spend money on food. I really do. And there's nothing more annoying to go out and spend money on food that's not good. When you could have just made it at home.

So that's why I'm a huge Yelper. Like I review everything before I go spend my money. Because I really value. But I don't just take away from Yelp. I contribute. So I give my reviews. And I try to keep them all positive. i try to give like the good reviews so people know what's up like this is what you get off the menu this is the good stuff now of course there are the times that i have to like the the

places leave me no choice i have to leave you bad review but it's an honest review but you did it to yourself like the time i found uh maggots in my food. Hello. Had to kind of report that one. So, girl, in a fine dining establishment, I was like, so why is this? What is this moving in my? I freaked out. How far did you get into your meal? Luckily, not at all. It was like because this was during the pandemic.

So during the pandemic, I was also a germaphobe. I wipe everything down. pandemic so during the pandemic I was also a germaphobe I wipe everything down and then as upon opening the container I just was like leaves aren't supposed to move like what's happening yeah I was very disgusted very very disgusted they gave me like some kind of gift card I was like and who am I gonna give this to my enemies I worked at a restaurant where I was a hostess and this man was like, hey, there's bugs in my food. And I was like, bugs. And then my manager ran over and was like, never scream the word bugs. And I was like, well, I was shocked.

I was so shocked that this man was so calm and has bugs on his plate. And then someone bit into a burger and there was a twisty tie in it. And they also were very calm. There was like, hi, I found a twisty tie in my food. And I was like, twisty tie. That manager was like, stop screaming. What's wrong with their food? I'm just so shocked that this is happening. But how about Mr. Manager starts, stop sending food out that has things wrong with it. Yes. Oh my God.

That restaurant is no more. It was in New York. It was called Chat and Chew. Okay. What's your favorite restaurant here? You live in LA, right? I live in LA. I'm a big fan of sushi.

Okay. So there's, I'm always at Katsuya or I'm always at this spot called So Sushi, which is a pretty dope spot. And then like, if I'm always at Katsuya or I'm always at this spot called So Sushi, which is a pretty dope spot. And then like if I'm in my vegan bag, I love Crossroads or a little Matisse burgers. Yeah, yeah. I was vegan for approximately, I think, five months. And then I think I had a hamburger or like ribs or something and i was like well that's

done yeah yeah yeah i was in a i guess a vegan a temporary vegan relationship where you know you're trying to eat what that person's eating luckily they were gosh it was only six months for them but i don't i don't i don't dislike vegan food that's the thing there's a lot of stuff i prefer vegan one thing that i appreciated out of eating the vegan diet was that dairy is not i don't dislike vegan food that's the thing there's a lot of stuff I prefer vegan one thing that I appreciated out of eating the vegan diet was that dairy is not I don't really need the dairy in my life I can still do it but I do notice a difference of like feeling mucusy you know what I mean yes and during the pandemic I was like no mucus that's where all the germs go to live so I was like no dairy for me it is truly wild what dairy does to you. Yeah.

Because when I stopped eating dairy, my face truly just like cleared up in a way that I was like, oh, my God, what a treat for me. And then the minute I started eating dairy again, my body was like, I don't process this well and I don't like it. And then I have not listened to my body and I continue to eat dairy and have a terrible time. Yeah. I just heard this year, last year, something about, and I didn't know and I don't know if this is true or those people were just fucking with me, but Black people are like, I guess naturally.

We're more allergic to dairy, I think. Yeah, like to be lactose intolerant or something like that. I didn't know that was a universal Black thing. I think so. I think I read that too. And what a bummer because I love ice cream, but I have discovered lactaid. It works. But I was like, if this was a universal thing, why are we still taking milk into our bodies? I was like, all that milk I ate as a kid.

I know. It was like the food pyramid told you to eat your eight servings of bread and 10 servings of milk. The food pyramid was wild. Which also I feel like I heard some of that was a scam. I don't remember if it was the, I think it was the dairy industry. It was like dairy in the bread industry. Yeah, because you don't need 10 servings of carbs. And then I think fruits and vegetables were like at the top where they're like, don't eat that much.

And it's like, what do you mean? Cucumbers are good for you. What are you talking about? But like the lobbyists were like, no, we need to make money in the dairy industry or whatever. And it was like, eat all of those things. And we were like, put it in a pyramid, add some cartoons and the kids will follow, you know? Yeah. It's like those got milk ads.

I wonder about them still. I'm like, why did we have those got milk ads? Were people really not drinking enough milk? Yeah. And also when you think about when someone pointed out to me, we're the only mammals that drink other mammals milk. I was like, you know, that's kind of gross. Yeah. I've never seen a goat sucking on a cow.

You know what I'm saying? Let me get some of this. Or like your mom, when she was pregnant, wasn't laying out her breast milk for the neighborhood kittens. You know what I'm saying? You don't know my mother. No, I'm kidding. That would be insane. I'd be like mom what um okay do you have any advice for me other single people how to get on your level of being like i'm fine not being in a relationship oh um, I would say first and foremost

is just finding other things that bring you joy. And I feel like a lot of times, just like with even just in my industry, the second I stopped being so like wide-eyed and hungry and like had that like crazed hunger look in my face for like, hire me, I need work. Like the stuff just started to organically come because I was doing, I found things outside of that that made me happy, brought me joy,

which changed the energy, my energy and the way I presented myself in the universe. And then those things just started coming to me because they were things that I would pray about or the things that I would want. And I feel like when it comes to love, it should never be forced. And if it comes, if it comes organically, it will happen. And just being open to maybe outside of the box of what you think would be your vibe. Like sometimes we don't give the right people a chance or enough time to be like, you know what? Huh. Because sometimes love at first sight is not necessarily a thing for everybody, right? It might take 17 sites to be like, oh, there's something there that's deeper than the visual, that's deeper than that first impression that we can link with. And maybe there's a lot of men out there who want love just like women want it, you know, that want relationships.

women wanted you know that one relationships um and and we have to be open to to exploring all the options on the table but to get to that level of just not and i want to say that i don't care i've just it's just not um it's just not a priority you know what i'm saying so it's it's definitely something that if it were to happen it's great but um i don't know i just feel like being yourself and being open to the universe but also finding other things that bring you joy where you're not so focused and investing all of your energy into one thing like oh i've had to like like love's on this time clock and that's the other thing i feel like we we put a lot of pressure on ourselves when it comes to time and aging as if love can't be rediscovered or discovered in all facets of life. And we've all seen it or heard stories of it happening. But I would rather wait longer for the right thing than to be wasting all my time and energy into something like love yourself first and enjoy as much as you can of that.

And then when another person comes along, that's just a bonus because you already love you you don't need another person to love you you need a person to share experiences in your life of things that you love to do and and that could equally love you the way you love yourself because no one should ever love you more than you love yourself I think that's where it starts is just loving on yourself and then finding the person that compliments the way you love yourself and not get it doesn't get in the way of of you loving on you and and take away from any of that hard work that you built to that stage. You know what I'm saying? Damn, that's deep. Nobody should love you more than you love yourself.

I like that a lot. That's like that's a that's very, very nice. I have a question. question yes ma'am so the man who played loot cage mike holter is he as pretty as i think in person um i guess yeah he looks the same to me as he does on television and he's a he's a very nice guy oh i love to hear that yeah that makes it even better but yeah he, he's just a solid dude. Like, he was always humble and, like, we would crack jokes on set. And he always made people feel, like, warm and, like, and welcomed.

You know what I'm saying? That would make me truly so nervous to be like, you're very hot and you're nice. Oh, that would make me feel— But if you asked him to be mean, I'm sure he wouldn't do it for you so wild oh my god and then if he was mean i'd be like oh this is doing it for me too oh well i think he's so hot i love looking at him um and then wait what's his name who was on rosewood morris chestnut again is he as pretty as i think in real life he is another great guy like he looks the same to me as he does on television and it was very much i think the pressure of me was like wait am i attractive enough to play more but he was like you know you you build these people up i guess it's on in some way you're

like oh my gosh best man and like you know ricky and all of those things and then and you meet him and he's just sweet as pie very humble down to earth i tease morris he's an old man i tell him he's an old man all the time like i remember he treated us all to like a cast dinner but dinner was started at like five i was like sir it's friday why are we going to dinner it was like friday or saturday night but he like he wanted to be there right when the restaurant opened and in hindsight i was like maybe some of that also is because he's famous like he maybe does not want to be in like all of the but also like he's a homebody like he likes being at home with his family he loves watching his sports like he's just real chill

and so it was a pleasure to work with him because he was just always nice and friendly to everybody and always smiling, working hard. And he was, and then he would disappear

when we wrapped. He would not find, you would see the back of Morris' ball head. He was out of there. Yes. I auditioned for that show. I can't remember

what part it was for. Oh, really? And it was one of the worst auditions I've ever had. No! Was it already on the air when you auditioned? I think I auditioned for the pilot.

Oh, okay. But it might have been on the air. I don't remember, but it was one of the first things that I had auditioned for that wasn't a comedy. And I was, like, trying to make these serious lines funny,

and the casting director was like, how about you just say this like a person? And I was like, don't know what you're talking about it was one of the worst stuff i like laughed and i was like what's wrong with you i have so many auditions like that where i'm just like you tried something and it didn't work out well i've had a couple of bad auditions myself for sure i remember a particular one was for like i might have been high school musical and mind you i've i've got dance training

for some reason this day in the dance callback i did this high kick child and that leg kept kicking and the other leg went with it and i just went up in the air and we're like wow and i was like what that's never in my life happened but it happens today on camera while they're recording for this callback for the Disney people. Like, I was like, what? I was mortified. Mortified. Yeah. Auditioning is truly a very interesting beast because once you get the job, the job is so different than the audition. Yes. So it's like navigating all of that is so it's it takes a very strong person, I think, to be in this industry. You know what helped for me is that I,

and again, this was my quest for self-love and like making sure that the things that I needed to do for me, because, you know, moving to LA was a huge sacrifice. Like you're leaving all of your comfort, right? So I was very, very, very determined to not make the sacrifice for not. So I remember taking these classes or workshops.

I think they were called workshops, like these casting director workshops. And for me, it opened my eyes to realize, oh, they're just human beings. And like hearing them say, we want you to win this job. Like, yes, the quicker we will book this role that we can go. Because I think there was always this this this interpretation of like it was us against them or like there was like this wall of like you know this fear of like they're just human beings so i think once that once i crumbled that piece and and uh tackled that beast auditioning became a lot easier because i no longer put the control in their hands and it was all about me it's like y'all one way or another I want to enjoy this audition whether I get the job

or not I'm going to have fun doing it because it's taking my time my energy my gas money my parking fees my parking tickets if I get them like all these things are going to be invested into this three minutes of my day I'm gonna go in here I'm gonna knock it out I'm gonna give y'all a performance okay now whether you boo hiss or cry or not i'm going to enjoy and i'm going to live in this moment and then i'm going to go about my day after i leave here um but but yeah auditions auditions are crazy i had a callback recently where i just got like a little thrown because the email said one thing was happening and then a different thing happened during the actual like audition and then I was like oh god and then we

started it and then I was saying I said like one word I like switched a word I was like oh shit that doesn't make the line the line doesn't make sense now and then I was like keep going and then I was like actually it's an audition I don't have to keep going it is fine yeah I'm so sorry can we just start over I got a little thrown. And they were like, oh, of course. And 10 years ago, I would have just like powered through it and let it bother me for the rest of the session. But instead, I was like, just let it go. You fucked up a word. It was fine. You started over. You got through it. You did actually a pretty decent job. And then you took all the notes and you did a good job nicole and i'm trying real hard to just like you know let let things go and not let them affect me as much and then i feel like

at that point when you're relaxed they become relaxed because the second like they probably tense them since the moment that you tensed and like we're like oh no i flustered i messed up they see that they they watch a thousand auditions a day they know when you're in your head they know when things are going wrong they may not stop you because they don't want to be rude but at the same time once you took that adjustment now they're relaxed and they can really sit back and enjoy and take you in fully the way you want them to take you in and i think that's a lot of times people don't understand or like it takes actors a long time to realize it's your audition you're there for your purposes you're not there to worry about who came in before you who's going to come after you like go in there and do your job and let casting enjoy that

in that moment and even if it's always tell people book the room if it's not that job book the room make fans in that room make people enjoy even for other things that's happened so many times so many times we loved you for you know that part didn't work out but we're gonna bring you in for other things exactly so many times so many times we loved you for you know that part didn't work out but we're gonna bring you in for this little guy okay what a treat yeah and my favorite is going to the job and they're like well what did you how did you wear your hair at the audition it's like there wasn't an audition i didn't have to audition for these two lights exactly but i got a bag of wigs so you pick which way you want my hair to go and then i have one more question about working with people okay so tyler perry as medea

isn't as fun as i think it is yes it is it is it's so funny seeing him go in and out of that voice and then hearing him his regular voice his regular deep voice with boobs and like the full Madea regalia. Yeah. And he just he's funny. He's actually a really, really funny guy. Like watching him was very good. It was a fun treat. And everything moves so fast, as I'm sure you know, like they shoot very fast.

So to see him in that element just bounce around wearing four different hats, it was like wow uh but it was it was funny medea cracks me up medea is so funny to me and boo medea i did a podcast with my friend lauren latkes where we watched uh we call it the real mcu the medea cinematic universe instead of marvel um we so i hadn't watched any of the movies and then i watched them and i was like, these are so funny. And Boo Medea, uh, Medea falls down the stairs and it's the hardest I've ever laughed. I am dying to work with Tyler Perry. Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. Well, Gabrielle, thank you so much for doing this. Oh, thanks for having me. I really enjoyed our time together. I thought it was a real treat. Is there anything

that you want to promote? No, just, I mean, follow, I guess, my socials. Like we have a new show dropping on the 29th on Apple, the Big Door Prize. And it's my first time as a leading lady. Congratulations. You said that so demure. Truly, that's such a treat. Yeah, right? I mean, it's definitely an ensemble cast, but to be number two is like, wow, I'm working very hard to get here.

And then, you know, The Upshaws is streaming on Netflix. And then eventually we'll find out about Black Lady Sketch Show. We wrapped season four, so stay tuned for when that comes out. Congratulations on everything. Oh, wait, big door prize.

I think my friend Mary Holland is in it. Yeah, she's so funny. Isn't she so funny? Yes. Oh, I can't wait to watch it. And she's amazing. Yes, I love her so much. Okay, I can't wait to see it.

Thank you so much for being here and doing this. Yes. Thank you for having me. Okay. If you like this episode of Oh, I Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe. Give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And then if you write me a dirty message to whywon'tyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com, Mars,

my producer, will read it. So don't send any pictures. And my producer will read it so don't send any pictures and then i will read it on the podcast so this nice person said nicole i'd let you roll a blade into my arms pull dance down my thigh and do the splits on my face thank you so much bye that's it for why won't you date me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you.

Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream! What a dream! Ha ha ha! This has been a Team Coco production.