Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Catfished! (w/ Kamie Crawford)

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Kamie Crawford (Host of Catfish: The TV Show)  joins Nicole to explore the most bizarre catfishing schemes she's witnessed, and reveals the tricks catfish use to deceive you. She shares how being crowned Miss Teen USA immediately affected her dating life in a creepy way, and discusses her frustrating experiences as a plus-size model. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746  

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single. Even though you could fly me to France, leave me, then I have to figure out my own way home

and I'd still be like, okay, you're my boyfriend. Anyway, my... Absolutely not. I know. Okay, my guest today is a TV host and former Miss Teen USA. She hosts MTV's documentary series Catfish, the TV show, now in its ninth season. You can also hear her giving out relationship advice on her podcast, Relationship. It's Cammie Crawford!

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Hey, queen. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. You know, we're like MTV sisters, basically, because Girl Code was my shit. Are we allowed to curse on here? Yeah, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Perfect. Great that I'm with my people.

I loved Girl Code so much I watched it religiously. I was so sad when it I loved Girl Code so much. I watched it religiously. I was so sad when it stopped. Oh, thank you. I really do feel like you're not the first person who's like, oh, I watched it a ton. And then some people are like, oh, I like learn stuff from it. A lot of gentlemen leaning people are like, oh, I learned so much about women that I didn't know. And I was like, yeah, put it back on. Yeah, that that's the point that see that's where we went wrong if girl code was still on then men wouldn't be so stupid but they wouldn't be so fucking dumb wait okay cat i love catfish yeah and it is a delightful show um specifically because i just i

really like there's one i think it's i think it's a season you're on but there's a man who thought he was in a relationship with katie perry was this before your time that was before my time but i did have a woman who thought that she was in a relationship with chris brown oh yes i saw that one too like how do you deal with the delusion honestly it, it is so common. I think people would be in shock as to how common it is. The amount of messages that I get from people, like, my mom thinks she's talking to Leonardo DiCaprio,

or, like, I've been talking to Drake for five months. I'm like, you are not talking. Neither one of you are talking to anybody that you think that you're talking to. I mean, first of all, mom talking to Leonardo DiCaprio. He only dates 12-year-olds. I mean, dead giveaway. That can't be.

But Drake, I would buy. You're like, why not? He and everybody's DMs. I'd be like, okay, I get it. He's never slid in my DMs. No. He's never slid in mine either.. No, never slid in mine either. So I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

No, but, uh, there's this lady on 90 day fiance who apparently he slipped into her DMs. And I was like, okay, so maybe he out there like that. Stop.

Maybe. Oh, maybe. I can't. This is nuts. I, I don't understand truly how someone can be like, Oh,

this famous person i've never met who's very busy has time to like ask me for money and i send it to them yeah and like they tell me they love me but like we've never met how do people justify that like because there's a whole story of like leonardo dicaprio for instance this is like a common one leonardo dicaprio was like prime prime real estate for catfish yes they'll say um hey like it's leo i'm writing to you from my weird side facebook that my management doesn't know that i have and they're not allowing me to use my my real platforms that are verified so I have to use this profile and they're keeping my money from me. They have me in some kind of conservatorship or like whatever. It's like a

grand lie. And I need you to send me $10,000 so that I can buy my way out of this conservatorship, send it to this Venmo account or whatever. And people will do it. Oh, no. Yeah. Happens all the time. Celebrities and like military men are like the top two, especially for older people that Catfish will use to be like, I'm an army veteran or I'm a serviceman in such and such country. I need you to send me $5,000 because I need to be able to get a flight home because they've kept me here and blah, blah, blah. And it's really just some Nigerian guy in his house. I truly, sometimes I'm like, maybe I'm heartless.

I would never send anybody money. I'd be like, I'm so sorry. You have to figure it out on your own. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. You should always keep that mindset because there's so many weirdos. There's so many weirdos. There's so many scams. There's so many people who are being taken advantage of. And like last season on season eight, we had a guy who got scammed out of

like over $20,000 and his social security number. But what? $20,000? Like, how do you have $20,000 to just give away to somebody? He didn't. He didn't. He was like a long haul truck driver. Oh, my God. Yeah, poor thing. And he was talking to this girl who said that she saw him in the line when he was working at Taco Bell. And that she saw him and she knows that he works at Taco Bell and he took her order. It was because his profile picture on... Was at Taco Bell and that she saw him and she knows that like he works at Taco Bell and he took her order it was because his profile picture on was at Taco Bell Taco Bell damn

I know I know oh my god that's that's so funny because I get really suspicious when somebody knows something about me and I find it to be a turn off like my tour dates are readily available if you've seen my Instagram it's a link and I've gone on be a turnoff. Like my tour dates are readily available. If you've seen my Instagram, it's a link. And I've gone on dates with people where they're like, Oh yeah. Do you want to go out next week? I'm like,

yeah, Thursday. And they're like, actually you're away Thursday. So we can't go out. And I'm like, boom, goodbye.

But it is readily available. Yeah. Very easy to find. But I'm like, no, there's something about you. I don't like it you're a murderer possibly i think everyone is a murderer until proven otherwise

i kind of like that that's fun wait cammy have you ever been catfished so yes but not in a romantic sense i've been catfished by a friend that I had for years and years and years, literally like decades-long friendship, who lied to me about every single aspect of their life. And I believed them because they were my friend of years and years and years. Why would I think that you're lying to me when you say that you met this incredible person

and now you guys are getting engaged and you're having this engagement party that just so happens coincidentally I can't make it to because you know that I have something booked that day and that I wouldn't be able to make it and I was heartbroken. It was a whole thing. Wait, did they post pictures of this like fake party? party? No, because they had a whole thing about the person's line of work and how they don't take photos like on phones and they don't have social media and they don't post because of their line of work and that all of their friends are in the same line of work. And so because of that, like, it's like some super secret thing and they hire their own private photographer, but they haven't gotten the photos yet. It was such a, Oh, my God. Thinking back on it now, like, it was so insane

the way that this person had an excuse for literally everything. And this is my friend in real life that I know, that I was living with. Like, I know this person, yes. I wouldn't even take a nap in the same room as this person today. But, like, this was, was like my person that i was

hanging out with every single day and come to find out they were just fucking catfishing the fuck out of me and i i didn't know i had no idea because why would you think that yeah why would you think your friend is fucking lying to you that's so truly wild yeah it was insane. Oh my God. And then how did you find it all out? I had a whistleblower. A whistleblower! A dossier, a whistleblower. I love this. I had a whistleblower within our group.

And it was like they knew, they didn't know that I didn't know that all of this was a lie. And I can't say too much without giving the person away. Sure, I get that. But it was like we started having conversations about like the things that this person had told us. And she was like, bitch, what are you talking about? Like, who is that? Who are you talking about?

And I'm like, so-and-so, like their fiance. And my friend is like, no, bitch. Like, this is not real. This is wild. So like within your friend group, this person is telling you one thing and everybody else another thing? Yes.

Thinking that nobody talks to each other? Yes. Oh, that's messy. That's messy. That's why lying is not good because it's hard to keep up with lies. But they were so good at it it was like their full-time job it was crazy it was crazy um and then i if if the next question for those

listening is did you confront them the answer is absolutely the fuck not i'm not confronting somebody who has these kinds of issues like if you'll come up with something like that surely you'll murder me and like put, put me in a grave, shallow grave somewhere in the middle of the desert. I'm not doing that. So, no, I left that shit alone, and I just never spoke to them again. Well, they say, because, like,

I think catfishing is a narcissism thing. It's like you're a narcissist trying to, like, bend reality to, like, what you want it to be. And they tell you don't confront a narcissist because they're just going to, what you want it to be and they tell you don't confront a narcissist because they're just going to what lie more and more and more yeah i mean like no that person's saying shit about me but you know me i would never right that shit's so fucking bonkers like oh i always like wonder i'm like oh my god am i gonna like date someone and then are they gonna like murder me one day or like i'm I'm going to wake up and they're going to be like a different person.

Like that shit's so wild. Cause you don't know people. You don't know anyone. I say this all the time, but because I'm a Scorpio, I think people just think I'm like doom and gloom naturally. But I'm just saying you don't know these people. You don't know them.

So like, even when my friends are dating and like out, like going on whatever dates with people that they meet on apps, and the person, like, immediately invites you back to their house, you don't know what the fuck they've got in that house. They could have a whole dungeon, and we will never see your ass again. And, like, I don't want to bring, you know, I don't want to poo-poo on your parade. But, like, I just feel like we have to be cautious. I say be cautiously optimistic.

Like, you know, just enjoy, have fun, but also understand that there are some real psychopaths out there in our nation. Yeah. Truly. Everywhere. Just the wildest fucking people. I saw it on Instagram or something. just in like just the wildest fucking people there was i saw it on like instagram or something this woman found a box of photos that her husband i guess had been keeping and it was photos of her

from before they started dating photos of her in her house photos of her like hanging out with friends like he was stalking her and then orchestrated a way for them to meet and then i can't remember the details or whatever, but like he orchestrated the whole thing and made himself seem like he was like helping her and that he was very chivalrous. And then they got married and had kids. And then 20 years later, she fucking finds that.

And I was like, well, you could be with someone for 20 years and they could just have like a weird dark secret that they don't tell you. Honestly, first of all, round of applause to him it worked good for you um secondly for her like what do you do at that point i don't know you're gonna get a divorce like are you gonna take it as like some huge romantic gesture there was this story um from I think two years ago, this girl on TikTok was talking about how she catfished this guy that she really wanted to go on a date with catfished him,

told him where to meet. She herself went to the place like a bar or something like that, went to the bar. He then shows up and gets stood up quote unquote by the catfish. The real, the person in the picture that he thought he was meeting. And she swoops in as this like, I can't believe somebody would stand you up. Like, I would never stand you up.

And then they started dating and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. And then I don't know if it was years or months into the relationship, she then told him like, hey, ha ha, funny story. I catfished you. And he broke up with her and she was devastated. I would break up with her too. Yeah. Like you have, you have like plans and missions to try to get to me.

But then also I'm like, if they're hot enough and like treated me well, maybe I'd be like, ooh, what a treat. You tried so hard. You were obsessed with me. You're just obsessed with me. Oh my God, you love me so much. Oh my God. Oh my God. You love me so much oh my god oh my god you you love me so much that you fooled me you tricked me yes yeah but then it's like what else will you

do you never know yeah that shit's wild i mean dating is oh no it's. But I'm back on the apps. I was off the apps. I'm back on the apps. Which apps are we on? Oh, my God. I'm on Tinder. I'm on Hinge. I was on Raya, but I let that expire because it was so expensive. It was like $100 a month or something like that. And I was like, I can't be paying this to just meet DJs.

And then I was on Bumble, but I have decided, I've said this numerous times, I think a black woman messaging people first seems aggressive, even though that's the whole platform. So I don't have good luck on Bumble. So right now,

I'm just on Tinder and Hinge. Got it. Okay. I met my boyfriend on Raya, so I am like their one testimonial of a positive outcome that could happen from Raya. I'm waiting for my check. Is he a DJ?

No, absolutely not. I do have another friend who met their partner on Raya. Are they DJs? I mean, they might as well be yeah you know oh my god no no because it's like when a dj is like i'm a dj i'm like where do you dj what's your dj job do you know what i mean right what's your other job to supplement your dj job yeah truly what are you doing yeah wait how long have you been with your partner if if you don't mind? It's been almost two years. It'll be two years from our first date on May 1st. Oh my God. That's so nice. Wait, so you've been hosting Catfish before you met your partner?

Yes. Yeah. I've been hosting Catfish for almost six years. Oh, that's a very long time. It's a long time. fish for almost six years oh that's that's a very long time it's a long time it's a job security yeah the people out here tricking and you cashing your check exactly 1000 all the way to the bank keep it coming uh were people like sliding in your dms after you started really no the people who are in my dms like my boyfriend always jokes like, oh yeah, there's probably all kinds of, if I were to see those DMs, it'd probably be like all kinds of,

the people who slide in my DMs, first of all, are typically married and their wives are in their profile picture and they're like, my wife agrees that you could be my hall pass. I'm like, when the fuck did I actually sign up to be a part of you and your wife's whatever agreement? The answer is no. Yeah, no thank you.

Also, why is it called a hall pass? A hall pass just allows you to be in the hallway. I didn't know we was fucking in the hallway. I wasn't. When I had my hall pass, I was going to the bathroom and I was going back to class. Same. I was not wandering, you know, but I honestly don't know. But no, nobody, I mean, yes and no.

I've had some from before I was on Catfish, just like, you know. And no, really no. I mean, there's been some notables. There's been some notables. But not because I'm on the show. But I've had a lot of notables hit me up that watch the show, that love watching the show, but not in a romantic way. What about after becoming Miss Teen USA?

That, I would actually say I got probably more. More contact. Even though the teen is very much prominently on the sash. I did turn 18 while I was Miss Teen USA. But you would be shocked, especially back in the day when it was before Instagram. It was before Twitter had just come into play. I remember telling the organization, we need verified Twitter accounts. And they were like, what is that?

And I'm like, it's a blue check. I'm trying to like school the social media team because there was no social media. It was like YouTube. And because of that, like guys from the Jets, the Giants, what's the hockey team? The Rangers, the Raiders. Yeah, New York Rangers.

Rangers, go Rangers. Invite me to a game match, whatever you call those things. We were in New York, and so they would call the office, and players or their reps would call the office and be like, hey, I would like to take Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, Miss Universe on a date. And then they would try to set it up like with our teams yeah it was

I mean it was like it was a thing these guys I don't know what it is about beauty queens so full grown fucking adults

are like I would like to go out with Miss Teen USA yes that's wild I was not sexualized in my teens i was uh how you say busted um what did that feel like i don't know that life what is it like being 17 18 and having like a grown man be like i find you attractive is that weird very very weird very very weird what and i had a boyfriend at the time

who was my age um but yeah we would go to events and stuff like that and these old ass men would be like googly eyed like trying to cop a feel their wives would be pissed like they would be because their wives would be there and they would just like talk shit about us and act like we're the ones trying to come after their old ass i don't want your old ass man i don't want your old ass husband thank you like never have never will but they would they would talk so much shit they would call us stupid they would call us prostitutes everything everything i'm like sweetie i'm in a ball gown i'm in a ball gown i'm 17 i'm from a dress from cachet. Okay. Leave me alone. That's so wild because it's like, do they think you just ended up there and it wasn't arranged by the men who

wanted you? God, I think that's like a really wild thing that women tend to do. They're bad at the other woman as opposed to the man, the man who's orchestrating all this. Yeah. And 99% of these events are charity events so like typically like we're going to like a charity ball or like a charity gala there was a lot of

galas um most of my dinners actually during that year came from galas which was great um because they weren't paying for like my groceries yes i'd be like oh a gala gala night dinner secured um but it would come with that it would come with like these hecklers who like the dessert plate would come around and they'd be like are you sure you should have that are you sure you should have that miss teen oh my god these hateful fucking women you're like i'm just trying to get free food leave i'm just a girl i'm just a girl grandma leave me alone oh my god is that what that britney song uh was written about i'm just a girl not yet a woman yeah it was about it was about being miss teen usa leave me alone yeah let me eat my fucking key lime pie in peace please it was it was chaotic it was

it sounds chaotic real quick we gotta take a break um i just want to jump back to your pageant days. So you spent five months training for the Miss Maryland Teen USA pageant. What does training consist of? Oh, girl. It's a lot. It's more than you would think. I had never even watched pageants before. So like I never knew what it consisted of in the first place.

But you have to do interview coaching so they teach you basically how to talk how to speak in a way that's eloquent but also answering questions um with a concise you know format especially when you're on stage when you do that on stage question like the famous on stage question that so many people flub, you have to learn how to answer those questions within 30 seconds or less. And it's, yeah, it's intense. So you have that. Then you have fitness, obviously, because there was a swimsuit portion for teens back then. I think they've done away with that.

For Miss and Miss Universe, they still have that. But so you have fitness coaching, you have walking. So you learn how to walk in the way of a beauty queen is meant to walk. And for teens, the walk is a little bit different than the Miss. So you have to learn how to, you know, teen it up is basically what they say. Like you don't want to be too sultry. You don't want to give, like, a walk that's too, like, sexy. Like, you want to give, like, a teeny bopper walk.

Like, you know, just a teen walking through the mall with her friends because that's what they think that teens walk like. So, yeah, walking, interview, fitness. And, I mean, that's pretty much it. But's a very like rigorous process because especially for me I was trying to fit something into five months that girls have been doing for their whole lives so I really had to get it together oh my god how intense yeah I that's so wild okay like what are some of the questions you would get? Oh, God. I swear, like, my Miss Teen USA questions were the hardest.

If you watch the onstage question, I got, like, the toughest question. Girls got, like, what's your favorite song to jam in the car? And my question was, what has been your greatest contribution to society thus far? Oh, no. Like, I was 17, but I did a lot of work when I was Miss Maryland Teen USA. I went around the entire state, which I didn't even realize how big Maryland was, speaking to, you know, youth groups and young girls about confidence.

And so I was able to speak to that. And I was also working with Best Buddies, who I still work with till this day, for people with intellectual disabilities and a million other things. But I was just like, damn, I couldn't have got the question about, what's my favorite CD?

That would be nice. It would be nice. Oh my God. So wait, you signed with a modeling agency in 2013 what was that like being with an agency did you live a life where you uh that you like see on tv where like you share apartments and stuff hell no absolutely not absolutely. No, I was living with that crazy catfish person actually at that time. So maybe even worse than having 20 roommates. But I was already modeling a little bit when I was Miss Teen USA. And like after giving up my crown, I got connected with Seventeen Magazine and they were always call me and be like hey we're doing like a prom issue like do you want to come and model dresses and I'd be like yes and I was doing this

shit for free like I was going I must have did 17 magazine like I don't know and 17 magazine what I'm paying you I didn't even know that you could get paid I didn't even know that you could get paid um and then eventually somebody from their team was like, you know the other girls here are like, they're with agencies. Like, you can get paid for this. And I was like, what? Oh, my God. I really thought that we were all just doing it for fun.

And there were a lot of girls, like, they would have these castings. It was, like, good exposure. So they would have these castings and people would come. And it was before, this was back when, remember when remember when like people weren't even getting paid for internships like this is before getting paid for shit was like a standard um so i would go and i would i would do these shoots and it was so much fun i just didn't even think about money i was just like this is great i'm in 17 magazine. My mom is really proud. So this is awesome. And yeah, I eventually, one thing led to another, I ended up meeting some

people who connected me with Ford models in New York. Cause at the time they had a plus division. They got rid of it. I think they brought it back, but they got rid of it at the time right before the modeling industry was like oh wait we should actually acknowledge acknowledge all models as like human beings worthy of being you know photographed and used in campaigns wait are you considered plus i yeah yes this is wild to me i it was wild to me too, but I was like- May I ask what size you were? I've been everything between a zero and like a 10.

And at the time, and still now, anything above like a 6'8 is considered plus. That's insane. That's so wild. How weird. Very weird. I was in college though at the time, and I think I had gotten to, like, a size 6'8".

And even still, when I would go on sets, like, I noticed when I would actually gain weight, I would book more jobs, which, for me, I was like, this is great. Like, I don't have to worry about anything. This is awesome. Like, everybody wants to work with me. This is the best the best freshman

15 whatever just like keep adding this freshman 15 is paying it's paying off and i'm very very happy um but even then i would go to sets and at the time i think it's changed now but i have not been modeling in a while other than sports illustrated um but at the time they would have me bring pads and basically you would put on like a spank like a long spank and they would just stuff the spanks with these pads like almost like a drag queen yes instead of just hiring somebody instead of just hiring someone who fits the clothes. Instead of just hiring someone who fits the clothes. Because plus lines don't start. I think they start at 12. And then some of them start at 14.

Those were the clothes I was wearing. In eight or a 10, you're not fitting them. That's so wild. And I thought it was the craziest thing. And I never wanted to model full time. So I was vocal about it because I knew I wanted to be on TV. Like I knew that I was, I was modeling to pay my bills and buy, like pay for reels and headshots and all that, but that wasn't what I wanted. So I'm, you know, a yapper. So I'm just talking on set, like,

why do we do this? This is so crazy. Like I'm not going to stop bringing my pads. And I stopped bringing them and clients would call my agency and be like, hey, like, Kami didn't bring her pads today. And then my agency would call me like, hey, such and such big major department store said you didn't bring your pads to set today. Like, what's up with that? And I literally was like, I'm not bringing them anymore. They need to hire somebody else. Hire somebody else. This is crazy. Hire someone who fits in the clothing yes the people who are working on these sets are plus size women and how that must feel to look at my dumb ass up here

like getting this job and getting paid to do work that doesn't even reflect it doesn't even reflect them so when you're then scrolling online and buying clothes and you're buying them based off of my body, it's ridiculous. And it made zero sense. And I was like, they need to get somebody else to do it that actually represents what it is that people are shopping for. That's insane. Even when I'm shopping, it's hard for me to shop online when I'm looking at a size zero or size two model. I love that now we have where like on some websites you can pick, you know, your size and like the model that looks more like you will pop up. But I just thought it was ridiculous. And I was like, I'm not doing this shit. It feels,

it feels like shit. It doesn't feel good to be doing this. And I stopped. It is wild because I spent a long time being like, how come these fat women don't have double chins? And that was a part of what they would say. They would say out loud, and this was a different time, but they would say, which is like a different time, 10 years ago, whatever, eight years ago. They would say that they like to have the slender face. They like to have the smaller fingers.

I remember one time being on a set and the accessories person was like putting the rings on me and she like grabbed my hand like she was giving me like some type of like token of adoration and she's it's just so you do you put the clothes on you put the stuff on you don't make comments you don't say anything i would be the one being like if the lighting was off i'd be like don't you think like maybe if we put this over here like maybe we need a reflector right there. Like I would always be giving my Virgo rising advice because I know best. And they would be like this bitch,

like ignore. Like, and that was the other thing. It was like, I would be so ignored sometimes on sets that I just didn't, I just didn't like it. I just didn't, it just wasn't for me. I liked it for what it was and the purpose that it served in my life. Um,

and then one of my last jobs ever that I did was modeling for Savage X Fenty for Rihanna. And that was like amazing. Um, but yeah, after that I was just like, okay, I got Rihanna.

I can't be doing this. That's so wild that I just imagining a lady like a jc penny shoot it's like i love that these these rings fit you i'm like okay they're like sonoma rings who fucking cares literally how funny real quick we do have to take a break and oh we're back um there's this lady i like who ended up on my 600 pound life i can't remember her name i think it begins with a k but she was on catfish twice and then she ashley taylor oh yes yes was it twice or like three times twice it was twice and she like i think because she was like i have some sort of thing or whatever like when she was on when she was on my 600 pound life she mentioned that she was on catfish and dr now doesn't know about pop culture so he was just

like okay he was like i don't give a fuck i mean more or less and i was like oh i think you're like a narcissist and also maybe a psychopath. Like, I think there's something else. When she was on the show, she told us that she wanted to be on My 600-lb Life because she was like, I really want to lose the weight. And I was like, okay, well, if that's what you want, like, I think that's great. Like, I want that for you if that's what you're seeking. And she ended up on the show and then she completely fucked it up because she threatened Dr. Now. She didn't lose any weight. And she ended up on the show. And then she completely fucked it up because she threatened Dr. Now. She didn't lose any weight.

And she threatened him. Listen, I did some deep diving because I was like, well, who's paying for all this? So the show gives you a stipend for you to move down to Texas. You just have to do it. And then they pay for the surgery. And I'm like, if someone is paying for something I want, and all you really have to do before getting the surgery is lose 50 pounds so it's slightly safer to be under anesthesia or it's like to

prove that you will eat well after it because you can reverse it very quickly yeah um i know someone who did they lost a hundred pounds and gained back a hundred. Like immediately after they lost it, they gained it right back. But I'm like, if that's all you have to do, why? Why did you come on the show? I don't know. I don't know what happened there. I don't know what happened there. It was wild. I'm like, sis, this is all you wanted.

How did you fuck it up? How did you make that happen? And then also it's like, why are you going on Catfish to get on a different show? Apply to that show. I know. Well, why are you going on catfish to get on a different show? Apply to that show. I know. Well, she didn't come on catfish for that. She catfished two different people

and they were trying to figure out who the hell they were talking to. And it was just happened to be her twice. So now every time we get like an episode or something that happens, we'll be like, we should just call Ashley because it's probably her.

That's so funny. It's probably Ashley. Let's get Ashley on the the vote exactly another good one is i catfish you because you call me fat kelly price oh my god favorite favorite carmen it's so petty for like what yeah but we get a lot of those we get a lot of like uh retaliation episodes um you know we try to weed them out but they are very good so what can you do it's so and then i really do love like some people i mean okay how do i say this nicely it's like when you go to someone's home and you're like how do you live like this? Because I understand not having the means to pay for like something nice,

but I'm like, if you have like, this is gonna sound very mean, but it's like, how come you can't clean what you have and take ownership over what you have? Like I lived in a very, very, very nasty four bedroom walk up in New York City. It was like gross, but like every Sunday or like every other Sunday, we would be like, all right, let's clean our gross, nasty little space where all of our

decorations are from the garbage. Our furniture is literally from the garbage. My mattress is on the floor. My curtains are sheets that were pinned to the wall. Like it was gross. It was grossly decorated. But we like we would clean it was grossly decorated but we like we would clean it so our gross little place was like nice and clean and not crunchy and some of these places are fucking crunchy and i'm like why can't why do you want to live crunchy yeah uh we use airbnbs a lot a lot really like we we've now started using them a lot because sometimes people's homes are just not fit for television or for human um inhabitants it's it could be yeah there's been some really crazy ones where like beforehand i'm warned like use the bathroom at the hotel because when you get there, it's a no. A no.

Kami, wait. How did you meet your boyfriend? On Raya. Oh, yeah. You did say that. And it's shocking that someone in my line of work would then get on a dating app and successfully meet the love of my life. But he's incredible and he's not a murderer yet. I'm still here.

Yeah, you know, there's still time. What was your first date? Our first date. So we matched on the app, my first date on the app. Oh, fuck off. I know, that's all my friends say. I mean, Kimmy, I just got so fucking mad. Like just really angry.

The first day on the app, I met him, and he's so... That's literally what all of my friends say. They're like, bitch, of course you would get on this fucking app and meet somebody. My God, that's not fair. And he's also gorgeous and tall and, like, amazing. My God. Okay, rub it in. Rub it in.

I've been on the apps for like 20 years my whole fucking life all of my friends all of my friends and my sisters say the exact exact identical thing um but yes it was the first day on the app and we matched and then like 30 minutes later we're like messaging on the app and then he asked me like a couple minutes into that he was like do you like can i call you we got on the phone i'm like wandering around a home goods like kicking like a little school girl just like smelling candles and like what a dream what a dream i fucking love home goods it was amazing it was amazing um i'm also i was like sweating profusely because i was like oh my god this man is on my phone. And then we talked for like 45 minutes.

And at the end of the call, he was like, what are we doing? Like, why are we still on the phone? Like, do you want to get brunch tomorrow? And I was like, yeah. And then we went to Bakari on West 3rd. Okay. And had a lovely brunch and stayed for hours. We probably would have stayed the whole entire day if I didn't have other plans that I made

because I would want it to be able to say that I had other plans. You need an out. I needed an out just in case he was crazy. But he was amazing. And two years later. Here we are. Wow. Isn't that fucking nice and cool and wonderful for you?

I've never felt hatred for someone I truly just met. And it's actually very, very lovely. I am so, I will say it, I'm jealous. I am so jealous. Because I'm in these streets. I've been on a couple dates recently. And one was okay. was good another one was very bad and then this man's like let's go see a movie and I'm like oh my god okay after a bad

date he has to see a movie yeah and I might go I might go well why was it why was it bad why was the date bad it was bad because we really didn't have anything in common. And our first date was like truly like an hour long. Like we went, we got drinks and I left. And he didn't even walk me in my car. He didn't do anything. It was like not chivalrous. I also paid for most of our drinks. He was not good.

Maybe I shouldn't go out with him again. No, you should not ever speak to him again but it's tough in these streets and i'm trying summer's coming well that's even more reason to be outside and be free i feel like we especially are you in la are you new york i'm in la i feel like there is a scarcity like pov that goes on in la because there's just so it feels like there's so few good options everywhere actually because my sisters are in new york they're all single and they're they've shown me what the options are on hinge and i am mortified i'm terrified i'm scared for humanity uh-huh by the options that i'm seeing um and i just feel like it's because of that that we have this like point of view that

if we do meet somebody that remotely meets our qualifications we're like i yes okay like i'll take this but fuck yeah no so have you been to a psychic yes damn yes have. And none of them can tell me when none of them can tell me where they just say there is somebody out there for you and they will. It's it's nuts. It's like nobody can tell me when or where I've had tarot card readers on the show and they're like they won't tell me. What the fuck is going on? Kimmy, I don't know. They're conspiring against you. I'm going to fight them all. Something's wrong. I know. Because I had a psychic.

A psychic told me that I was going to meet my boyfriend when I was going to meet him, that he was going to be a fire sign, that I was going to be very attracted to him, that our families were going to love each other. Moonlight guidance. Moon. Okay, hold on. I'm typing it right up into my computer. Moonlight. Moonlight guidance? Mm-hmm. moonlight guidance moon okay hold on i'm typing it right up into my computer moonlight moonlight guidance she does tarot card readings on tiktok and youtube and i knew a few people who had went

to her so i decided to just like pay my money and like do it and you write it in so like you it's not like you have to talk to her on the phone or like set up a zoom. You write it in and in 24 hours she gets back to you. Oh my God. And she also predicted that I was going to get, she said something over the summer that was like fashion related. And I attribute that to sports illustrated. So I'm just saying. All right.

Well, I mean it's, it is up on my computer. I'm ready to throw money at anyone who can tell me when they're coming. Yeah. Oh, I don't like this. How can we fix it? I don't know, Cammie, but I did have a tarot reading where they were like, it was bad. They were like, the devil's coming. And then and then after the devil comes, you'll meet somebody. the devil's coming. And then,

and then after the devil comes, you'll meet somebody. And I was like, what? Like I literally, they literally pulled the devil card and they're like, someone bad is coming into your life. But like after that,

you're going to meet someone nice. And I was like, I don't like this. This doesn't seem nice. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the devil is the guy who allowed you to pay for most of the drinks. Maybe, but if he's coming up in a reading,

like, Oh, yeah, yeah no it's dry in these streets cammy i feel like we just need an over we need a or i don't know restart reboot we need a reboot of the options we need them to all but also i am not against meeting your person somewhere else. Like, I do feel like there's something to traveling and going somewhere else and meeting them. Yeah, but if I meet them in, like, Spain or something, how the fuck am I going to bring them back? I'm not trying to be in a long-distance relationship where there's a whole sea in between.

But if you, if I told you right now that the person that you are meant to be with is in Spain. Oh, no. Yeah, I'd go. Exactly. Exactly. I'd go and I'd fucking figure it out. Yes. Or like when they say like if I were to tell you that the person that you're meant to be with is going to come in like three years, but you have to have two really terrible relationships beforehand.

three years, but you have to have two really terrible relationships beforehand, you'll be so excited to get through those two really bad relationships to get to the person. So I'm just saying sometimes we have to loosen our grip because like the things that I put on my list, I talked to someone about like how to make the list and all of that. And he was a man. I took a man's advice. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Shoot me. But he basically was like, don't make it about like, oh, he's got to have brown eyes.

He's got to have, he's got to be 6'5". He's got to da-da-da-da. Like make it about actual characteristics that you actually want in a partner, like in a person. And so I did that. Like instead of saying, oh, I want him to be rich, I said he has to be generous because just because you're rich doesn't mean you're generous. Like the guys with a billion dollars won't spend a dime on you.

So generosity is what we're aiming for. I said that, you know, I wanted to be attracted to them, but I also wanted them to be attracted to me. And like I was very, very granular with the list, but in a different kind of way. And I feel like it helped. I feel like it helped because sometimes we get so caught up in other shit that, like, really is not what we're actually looking for. Like, these aren't actual traits that we're looking for. These are just things that, like, it would be nice if he was over six feet.

And yes, I'm 5'9". So yeah, I'm going to need you to be, I'm going to need you to have some height. But I didn't put anything about height on my list and my boyfriend's 6'4". That's so nice. I've been trying to like, you know, change it from like physical things to like,

I would like someone who's patient because i've dated so many men who are not patient with me i'm late a lot i'm not flaky but i do have adhd so like i will understand i need to leave my house at 7 p.m to get somewhere by 7 30 and then at 6 59 i go wait should i do my laundry yes and then same. And then I'll be like, ah, fuck. And I've dated some men who are annoyed that I'm late to things. And I've dated some men who will patronize me a little bit and be like, hey, you're supposed to be there in 15 minutes. You need to leave your house.

And I'm like, no, I hate that. I am leaving. And I just need someone to meet me in the middle-ish who's like, I don't know, ish. Who's like, I don't know, like earlier in the day. Hey, we're, I don't, I don't know what I need.

I don't, I'll know it when I feel it. But I just know I need someone with patience that works with me. But my advice, I just feel like we should never stop believing that we are going to get exactly what it is that we want out of relationships. I certainly did. For a second, I was like, maybe it just doesn't exist. Maybe I really am too much. Maybe I really do require more than is necessary. And then I wrote my list and I did my work and I

got exactly what was on my list. But then I didn't realize how much more I actually needed from a relationship when I actually got into my relationship and realized like, oh, this is actually, I didn't even realize that I needed this. I didn't even realize that as an eldest daughter who takes care of everyone and answers everybody's call and gives everyone advice that I actually needed to be like babied by someone because I was on my strong black woman shit. Like, I don't need nobody. I got it all.

Like, fuck that. No, I need somebody. I need somebody who's going to be like my soft place to land where I can be soft. And just you can't stop thinking that that is what you deserve, that that is what is going to come to you. It sounds delusional. It sounds like woo-woo manifestation,

but I genuinely changed my way of thinking. Even my list is not like I had it written down first. I titled it like what I want in a partner or like what I want in a man. And I changed it immediately and I was like what will find me in a man will be these qualities because yeah, what I want, what I'm looking for, I'm not looking for you. You're going to come to me and you're going to have all these things already put together. So that's my advice. Just don't stop believing. I fully fucking agree, Cammie. Yeah. We have come to the end.

I really could talk to you forever. Same. I find you to be very nice and very fun. Thank you. Even though you said you hated me. Imagine I was like, okay, it's come to the end and I didn't have fun. Yeah, exactly. And I simply don't like you.

I simply don't like you because you met your boyfriend on Raya the first day, bitch. I get it. I mean, it is fucking annoying. It is. But it gives me hope. I do ask all of my guests this. I have forgotten it a couple of times. Would you date me?

Of course I would. What? Anyone who wouldn't is... Anyone who wouldn't is missing out. Not only are they missing out, they're missing screws in the brain. Thank you. I agree.

Screws are loose. Cammie, is there anything that you wish to promote? Oh, well, catfish is coming back April 30th, 8 PM MTV Tuesdays. You can catch us fighting crime,

fighting catfish crime. And then my podcast relationship is on every friday i love it mine also comes out on friday what what is your podcast about is it just interviews about love tell us about it so it's called relationship it's a relationship advice podcast and we cover all relationship topics the good the bad and the straight up shitty um which is you, that's everything. What's one of the wildest things that has come through? Oh God, we've had so many. We've had so many. I think, I mean, I am shocked as to how

open people are with me about their relationship issues. And I'm so grateful. But we've had a lot of, you know, like infidelity questions questions like i'm talking to this person and they say that they're leaving their wife and their five kids but you know they're still living in the house and sleeping in the bed with her like what do you think cammy do you think that it absolutely not bitch run for the hills yeah run for the fucking hills um cammy we do have to go i will let you go okay so if you thank you for coming on the podcast truly this is lovely um if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can subscribe you can give me five stars on apple podcast and if you write me something

nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com no dick pics for mars she doesn't want them um i will read it okay this nice person um okay hi nicole hi mars hi whomever the guest is this week nicole i know you had a wild time in the bahamas so that's the inspiration for this message i will join you on a private jet along with big sky daddy ed bastion that's the ceo of delta because i'm a diamond diva and i know who runs my airline i love that it takes turns with him to plow you uh while the other one reads all the hateful comments from the people you upset with your bahamas story i went to the bahamas and the whole island decided to hate me. Oh my God. Why?

Because I talked about it on Jimmy Kimmel. And then all of them were like, you are cheap. This is your fault. Because we were in an Airbnb that ended up being nasty. And then we had to stay at a Comfort Inn. And then we moved to Margaritaville. And people were like, Comfort Suites. Or was it a Comfort Suites? Yeah, there was a Comfort Suites. And they were like, you're poor. You didn't. And then we went and fed pigs and they were like, you are a pig. They were scared of you. Like people were really mean. I made a whole Instagram post

and I just titled it. I was like, if you're from the Bahamas, you just watched Jimmy Kimmel and you hate me, here's where you can comment. Anything nice, I'll delete. So that's what I did. And there's like hundreds of the meanest comments.

Anyway, once we arrive, everyone you upset will be there. Get to watch. Bastion and I humiliate you by tying you down and pouring all kinds of soup on your body. Then we'll leave you there overnight on the beach. Ew, as the yeast grows from the soup residue that was left in your puss. Ew. While the tide comes in and mixes the salt water with it. But don't worry.

None of the soup will be clam chowder. I'm not worried. This is terrible. Then the next morning, we will all return. And this time I will have invited Beyonce and Celine Dion after falsely telling them that you hate them. And they both stare at you and say how disappointed they are in you. Bastian and I will finally let you go

and we'll take a private jet back as you find your way by yourself. So I'm glad you finally booked your trip to Africa. I hope it's exciting i just hope it's not as bahamas level exciting so that was from last year because i went to africa over uh christmas i went to south africa um people know too much about my life yeah where does the soup come in because somebody's nasty message was they wanted to have me be upside down and fill me with clam chowder. And I think it's the grossest thing I've ever fucking heard. Who even thinks of something like that? My lovely listeners.

They're nasty little freaks and I thank them for listening and being weird and coming to my shows. I just had a show. Kami, I can't leave. I just had a show in Austin where after the show, there was these girls and I was getting picked up and they were like, great show. And I was like, thank you. And then one lifted her shirt and showed me her titties.

And I was like, you're not wearing a bra in Austin, Texas. Aren't you worried that them shits are going to sweat? No, that's a privilege. That's a privilege. I know.

I can't do that. I'm so jealous of that lady's titties. And also, it shocked me. I was like, is this what men get? They get titties all the time? Must be nice. But that was wild. She threw her titties at me with no warning.

Wow. Anyway. She loves you. She'll date you. And so will I. She probably would. OK, if you're the lady who showed me your titties, get at me. And fly to LA and take me on a date okay bye cammy

why won't you date me with nicole byer is produced by me mars it's executive produced by adam sacks nick leow and jeff ross at team coco with talent bookings by paula davis g Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, with talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywontyoudatemeepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye.

This has been a Team Coco production.