Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Celebrating Galentine's Day (w/ Sasheer Zamata)

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Happy Galentine's Day! Comedian and best friend Sasheer Zamata (SNL, Best Friends) returns to the podcast to celebrate the most important relationship of all: female friendship. They do a quick catch up on Sasheer's love life, learn the origins and meaning behind Galentine's Day, and discuss the intimacy of female friendships that you just can't get from a romantic partner. They share some of their favorite Valentine's Day activities, and recount some of their recent dates together, including getting their tarot cards read, taking a jewelry making class and the time they got too high and went to Burger King.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastFollow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Why won't you date me a podcast or me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come in my eye and tell me that's the white part. My... Wait a minute.

Hold up. This is a special episode. It's what? Galen. Which is a holiday where we celebrate the most important. and relationship in our lives. There is only one person I could have on this show. You know her.

You love her. She's my best friend. She's a comedian. She's an actress. And you know her from S&L and Aga. And she's one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. It's this year's amazing. Those credits felt like accusations.

You know her. Well, I'm hoping to get people going. If they don't know you from those things. Yeah. They could go to disqualions. They could sign up for an account and they can watch Agatha all along. It's true. Or they could hop on YouTube.

Well, first they'd hop to hop on Wikipedia to find out the years you were on SNL. And then go to YouTube, put your name. Oh, I guess they don't have to. They could just say your name SNL. Yeah, that's true. Wow. It was giving everybody an extra stuff. Well, I'm so excited that you're here.

Do you know the origin of Galentine's Day? I don't. I'm going to tell you. Please. I learned. Yeah. It originated on the hit television series Parks and Rec. Oh.

Where Leslie Knope. Yeah. Coins the term Galentine's Day. That's so funny. I guess for some reason I thought Galentines was like a longer established thing. Mm-hmm. I guess Parks and Rec has also been out for a while. But it's also been off for a while.

That's true. It's not going anymore, Sashir. Are you sure? What? What are you? It's gone? That's cool, though. It is cool.

I also thought it was just a thing that was a thing? Yeah. It was just a holiday that was also around when Valentine's was around. But actually, we were just talking about, you and I were just talking about things being from TV or film versus like just a saying in the world. And that's an example of something that came from a show. That came from a show. So what is your relationship with just, what's your relationship with Galantines Day? Have you ever celebrated?

I don't think officially. No, I can't remember a time where I was like, come on, girls. Let's go, girls. Right? Have we celebrated Galantines? No. I feel like you've always been in a relationship and had a nice time with your partner and left me cold, sad, and withering alone in a bed. But I guess it's okay. I have other friends.

Who knows? I don't know. You've been on the podcast so much. Maybe I don't have other friends. No, you do. I've never celebrated Galentine's Day. And I wish it was more of like a thing in my 20s. Yeah.

Because I think I would make it like a production and be like, let's all go out. Let's have a lovely time. But my, I think the most visceral way I can describe how I felt about Valentine's Day is the scene in sex in the city of the movie when Carrie and Miranda go out and then Miranda tells Carrie what she said to Big right before the wedding before he left her at the altar. And they're at the restaurant and there's all these strings. Yes. And they're having this awful conversation. And they just serrusted my strength. That's really funny.

That's how I've always felt Valentine's Day is where I'm like, everyone's in love. Ah! I hate it. I get that. But now, now I'm okay with it. And I think I was okay with it. I think I've been okay with it for a couple years.

Well, now I have a nice person in my life. Yeah. That's funny. I have no idea what we did last year for Valentine's Day. Oh, wait. We went to dinner on the 15th because I couldn't find a reservation for the 14th. And he was like, good, that was great. That was a good idea.

And I was like, yeah, that was an idea the day after because the reservations are open. It was just because there simply wasn't one. Do you have any Valentine's Day traditions? Because you've been with your partner for three, four years? Almost four years, yeah. I guess not traditions. we kind of like, we really like surprising each other for Valentine's Day and on our anniversary. But actually, I saw a clip of Bobby Burke on this show.

Yes. Talking about sitting right there. Sitting right here. About how he and his partner like to do experiences rather than gifts or whatever. And so I brought that. up to my girlfriend and she's like, you want to give me gifts? I was like, I mean, yeah. You're like, it was just an idea.

It was just an idea. It was just something I saw. I just saw it. I was like, I saw this great clip. That's really funny. I said to that nice man in my life at Christmas, I was like, what if we just like didn't do presents this year because I don't know what to get you? And he was like, I'm going to get you a present.

And I was like, same. I'm going to get you. impress it. And then I was like, I gotta get him a prize. I don't know what to get them. Because I get them stuff all year around. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm like, I feel like I'm always giving you gifts. Yeah. And then also the anniversary. And then there's also Christmas. And it's like, we should, one of these can give. Like, we don't have to do it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of how I feel. But then also, I love a gift. Do you love receiving gifts? Oh my goodness. Yeah. For Christmas, you got me this really pretty necklace.

And then I was like, you did so good. And he's like, I didn't do it alone. Sure help me. And I was like, behind my back. We were conspiring behind your back. It's my favorite kind of conspiring. Boy, oh boy, when something happens, that's a surprise to me and multiple people are involved. I'm like, I'm so important.

Multiple conversations happened around me. Like check-ins, is this good? What about this? I was like, I was on these. people's minds and I didn't even know. I, so shiru brought me, like, I was screaming. I was like, I was so excited. Oh, I'm so glad.

So, has anything changed? Because I think you were on the show, I think it's almost, it's been about a year since you were last on the program. Yes. Has anything changed in your relationship status or in your life in general that you cared to share with America? Well, as long as America's listening. I feel crazy. I had pop chips and a diet Coke and I'm like, ah! Yeah, like 20 minutes ago, you were like, I'm tired and you are amped up right now.

You're spicy queso. What's changed? Still gay? I've decided to stick with it. That's good. Thanks. Yeah, that's really good. I feel like sometimes people waffle on things that dip in their toes in. But you dove in head first and said, I'll be. stay submerged. I am submerged. Still gay.

Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, relationship's still good. And, yeah, honestly, I don't think there's like a any, nothing, like, big is happening. Was it your anniversary that your girlfriend surprised you with a trip to where you were suspended in the air and climbing? I think that was my birthday. describing that well I think that was my birthday

there was like a what do you call it like what was aerial jungle gyms or something like that and we went to yeah it was like a this mountainous area and then they had

these like suspension bridges and you were kind of like hooked up to it and it was really fun and I guess she picked it because I had sent I guess I had sent that exact one to her on it really? Yeah

but I forgot. And so she remembered and then booked it for us. And it was really fun. The wildest part was you sent a video or pictures to like our group chat. And I was like, this is crazy. This is what we did in gym in high school. Which, in hindsight, crazy. Yeah.

That we were belaying and repelling as 16-year-olds. And it's like, you signed a waiver probably. I did. I never signed a waiver. They're just like, you're in school. Yeah. You're at Middletown High School. South, you might die and nobody cares. Wild, right? It's wild. Can we also turn the air down?

Mm, you got a little chilly. I'm cold now. You're nipples hard. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. You don't have to answer that. My nipples are none of your business. I was at dinner last night with a friend of a friend who's pregnant and she was like, God, I'm so stuffed. I'm really uncomfortable. And my friend goes, so what's your favorite position? And she was like, excuse me? What do you? Sexually? What are you talking?

He was like, no, no, no. Like, when you're uncomfortable and full with the baby, like how, what, how? And it was really funny to me. Because I also was like, huh, you're a Harvard? Yeah, I feel like you have to say sleeping position. Anything. Yeah. Anything other than just what's your favorite position?

It's like, what? That's funny. No. Do you think it's necessary for? I know my answer, but do you think it's necessary to like elevate and celebrate your single girlfriends on something like Valentine's Day? I do think he's important. I don't want my single friends to feel left out. But then there's also a part of me that's like, I don't want to patronize them. So I don't actually know. And no one's ever told me. Yeah. Does that feel patronizing? If someone's like, hey girl, just thinking about your single ass today. don't leave you out Here's a rose

If you said it like that That's not patronizing in the slightest Think about your single ass Here's a fucking rose I would love it actually If that's how people reached out to me But I do think it's like

I've had people be like Like on Valentine's Day Like if you run into someone They're like oh well you know Maybe next year you'll be celebrating Or something like that I don't like that Yeah.

But when I was single, I do wish I gathered single friends. Yeah. It really feels like a missed opportunity. Mm-hmm. Shaking my dang head. Shaking your dang head. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't because I'm partnered and I like it. I like where I'm at.

It's nice. It's nice. Yeah. It's nice. Do you remember any, is there like memorable Valentine's Day surprises or gifts that your girl has gotten you or other partners. Yeah, definitely. When I was shooting Agatha and Georgia in the winter, so we started in January, so Valentine's Day was coming up. And my girlfriend was staying with me.

And I think I was shooting that day. So we couldn't actually, like, do anything that day. But then I came home, and she had, like, made the couch into a bed and gotten a bed and gotten us a pizza, which we love. Your favorite thing? You both have tattoos of pizza. We do both have tattoos of pizza. It's part of the reason where we're like, are you, is it meant to be? Who in the world has a pizza tattoo? It's rare. And then flowers and then cookies, chocolate chip cookies. And then she had like already ready to play a goofy movie, which is my favorite

movie. That's really sweet. And it was just like, it was the best. It was just so sweet and considerate. It was like nights to walk home into that. And we just like snuggled on the couch and watched the movie. I love that. That is so fucking thoughtful because it's like you worked all day. And then you come to like to relax with all of your favorite things, your favorite movie, a chocolate chip cookie, pizza.

That's so nice. It's really, really nice. It's, I like gifts like that or experiences where you're like, oh, you really thought of me. It's not just something you wanted me to have or wanted me to experience. I was in a relationship where a lot of his gifts were things that he wanted me to have. And for my birthday, one year we went to Disney.

I'm not a Disney head. Yeah. I don't know the difference between Cluto and Goofy. That's true. I don't, it's not a magic kingdom to me. It's a place. It's a place. It's just a little, it's a place with a big parking lot

and stuff to do. It's not for me. And I was like, you like that. Yeah. So you were thinking it's a thing for us to do together, but it's something that you wanted to do that you're bringing me with. Yeah. Which is fine for your birthday or any other day, but like it's my birthday.

I want to get wet. Mm-hmm. I want to eat sweets. Mm-hmm. I want to maybe color. Ooh, yes. You have new pins. I do.

New markers. And let me tell you, I'm having a nice time with them. Nice. I have not finished a thing. But you have them. I have them. I've broken them out a couple of times. Yeah.

Yeah. I like it when it's like specific to you when someone's like, because yeah, like you can go to dinner anytime. And we usually do. So it's like, yeah, just going to a generic dinner isn't that exciting or like a, I don't know. Yeah, just like it can or just, I mean, flowers are beautiful too, but if it's like, if this is your favorite flower. Yes. It's your favorite food or. Yeah.

Like I like when people are like, I remember this thing about you. want to celebrate five. Because it means they're listening, they're retaining, they're loving on you. Yeah. I now remember, I gave that nice man a card with a construction thing, like one of them scoopers.

Yeah. And it said, I dig you. And then I wrote something on the inside and I gave it to him. And then he was like, oh. And I was like, you didn't laugh. Do you not get it?

It's a construction scooper and it says, I dig you, because it's digging. Mm-hmm. And I like you, so I dig you. And he was like, no, no, I... And he was like, you have to remember. Like, I can think a thing as funny, and I won't go nuts. You're like, why aren't you going nuts?

Yeah, why aren't you doing cartwheels? Did you not read it? Why haven't you slammed it on the counter and screamed? Mm-hmm. But I got to remember, everybody's a little different. But that's like one of those things where I was like, oh, that was for me. Yeah. I got to find a card that is more for him.

What is that card? I don't know. When does this air? Friday on Galentine's Day proper. Oh, Valentine's Day is... Galentine's Day is the 13th. The day before Valentine's Day. I didn't know that.

I had no idea that Galentine's Day was the day before. That's so funny. I thought people were having to make mental sacrifices to, like, go out with their partner. Oh, my God. That was his own separate day. This is nuts. And everybody just knew that? I did know that.

Wow. I thought it was just, like, instead of Valentine's Day, have a Galentine's Day. No, I think it's like you could do both. You can celebrate your girls on the 13th and on the 14th celebrate with your partner. Wow. Hmm. Greedy. Why have friends and a partner.

Get real. So I'm like blown away. We went and had our tarot cards read. Yes. By this really fun woman who had, she developed her own way of reading the tarot, which is like, you don't cut the deck. There's no shuffling. It's like based on your date of birth and your name, I think. Yeah.

And so it was like a lot of numbers involved. So she like, we count up the numbers in your birth date. and your name and then use that. And then each card had a correlating number to it. And it was very cool. It was cool. Also, she dressed really fun. It was like, this is lame.

I almost just said it was like a real experience. Boo, go home, get out. But it was. It was like, I like when you go and do a thing where the person's into it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But you're like, oh, you're not like bored of doing this. Like when you remember the R.

light. But isn't it coming back? I think someone bought it. Wait, maybe I knew this. I just got so excited like I didn't, and I think I do. You know how you know something and then someone reminds you and you're like, oh, yeah. That's maybe what happened. I don't know.

Those spicy casso. Erased your memory. But like the ushers at the arc light, sometimes you'd get an usher who before the movie would pump you up so hard for that movie. And I'm like, you love movies. You love your job. Yeah. And another life, you're Tom Cruise. Like, you love movies. And I love somebody who just, like, loves what they're doing. And the woman that we saw loved what she was doing. Yeah, I've used Airbnb experiences in other cities. I've never done it in my own city, which I guess, like, of course, you can do that. I just never thought to do that. But it is a good way to, like, be able to find a niche thing.

that might not be like, I don't know, just like a big thing that everyone does all the time. It's like a very curated, like individual experience. Yeah. And I feel like I spend a lot of time being like, what do I do? What do I do? A movie? A dinner? Like, what do it?

And then, but it's like fun to like go look at Airbnb and be like, what exactly can I do? Yeah. Like, if you want to ride a horse, they got that. That's true. You can ride a dang horse. You can ride a dang horse. You can ride a dang horse if you want to. But our tarot reading, I really, she said so many lovely things about you.

She, and it was really fun to do it together because she was like, you're powerful. You have this power that you can harness. And I was like, she is powerful. Yeah, all my cards were like, high priestess, like queen of cups, king of wands. It was like, royal. It was very, very nice. Mine was like, death, the hanged man. But that happens to me sometimes.

I once had my cards read at a show where I was pulling these cards. I kept pulling death and the hanged man and swords upside down and like cups up. Everything was upside down. Yeah. And the person reading them was like, oh, God, I hate to tell you. But like, I'm reading for your love life. And an evil man is coming back into your life. and you're going to have to weather that storm and then like get over it.

Our tarot card lady, through our experience, did not say any of that, which is like, that's good. That's nice. That's good. Yeah. But yeah, I just, I love having my cards read. I think it's such a fun thing. Yeah.

And another Airbnb experience we did was making beat it jewelry in a greenhouse. And it was a literal greenhouse with a greenhouse. I mean, it really rocked me when it was like a actual. greenhouse and then we went into a greenhouse. I was like, whoa, double-dipping in the greens. And different greens. Yeah, greens on greens on greens on greens. And I made jewelry. Yes. Pause for reaching. The way I reached for that was insane. I'm wearing mine. You are wearing yours. And yours is so pretty. Thanks. And I got to say, you're very good at like meticulous things. Ooh.

I had a hard time because I was like, you count your beads and you were like, yes. And I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. I got to count my beads too. But it was, it was like, it was fun. It was very close to my house. I was like, oh, my God, I'm so close to home. Yeah, it was like in a, like, greenhouse

in someone's backyard. And it was just this cute little, like, shed that had, like, jazz music and incense. And it was, like, very vibe. And we picked out our beads. And we just, like, is this, And it was just the two of us. So it was like very intimate and we just like gabbed and gossip for a couple hours while we were like doing this. And I was like, I would come back and do this.

Because I also, I was, okay, I won't lie. I will not lie. I was really so, so on it. I was like, I don't know. Making jewelry. But then I did it and I had a lovely time and I made this keychain. Yeah. It's very you. Right? Yeah. There's stars and stuff. The stars, it's purple. And then doesn't that look like a Mario Brothers little mushroom? Yes. Maybe give a little more description for the audio. Oh, yes.

A little ASMR too. You're right. This is my key change. Okay, so there's a blue Mario Brothers mushroom bead and then a big chunky bead. And then I got some star turquoisey beads and then some zebra. I guess these are stones that she drilled through. I don't think are these beads? I guess.

I don't know. I don't know either. It's freaking me out. Is this a stone or a bead? Ha! But I can't wait to put it on my keychain and make my keychain even longer. And louder. Truly, when I drop my keys, it sounds like a car actually.

It's like, it's crazy. But I like, I don't know, I had such a fun time picking out the beads. Yeah. And then figuring out what the placement was. And then at one point I was like, this is off. I need another turquoise, big one. And then I got, it's one of those things where, I don't know, I felt like a kid again. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. That is like, I feel like a crafting activity that would someone would assign students to make them shut up for a minute. Yeah. I, speaking of crafts as a child, do you remember any bad crafts that you did? The reason I asked us, I got one. Please tell me. When I was in Girl Scouts, I think I was a Daisy Scout, they said, here are mats, door mats, paint them.

Paint a door mat for my feet to go on? What? So it gets dirty? Interesting. I was so mad. the whole time we were doing it. I was that too. And I remember, I can't remember where we were.

I don't think it was in someone's house. I think it was in like a rec center. I remember I would not paint with the girls. I painted in the corner because I was like, this is dumb. This is so dumb. I was so mad. And I'm a hundred percent sure my mother threw it away. Yeah, because also like, that's the first thing in front of your front door.

Yeah, something a child made that's like, no one wants that. And then, you know, it's like kind of bristly. So then the paint would goop, the bristles. It sounds like someone had like a surplus of dormass, and they're like, oh, a craft day. Probably. Wait, describe your necklace that you made. Can you hear it? Can you hear it?

Can you hear it? Can you hear it? And the middle stone is like a moonstone. I don't think it's a real moonstone, but it looks like a moonstone. And then there's actual moon shape on it. And then the beads are brown, gold shimmery, and then like a muted kind of tan color. And then like I put little white beads in between. I counted 10 beads for each color.

10 beads, a white one, 10 beads, a white one, 10 beads, and a white one. And I like it. I like it a lot. It's very you. It's very seashir colors. Thank you all. Are you an earth sign? No. Water? No, Earth's name. Ah. I don't know anything about the sign. And that's why that stopped. Okay, so I have been, I've been fucking with gold jewelry. I didn't wear any today because I, you know that I've been dipping into, I want to look like an old woman from Harlem with like just lots and lots of gold jewelry, big acrylics and door knocker earrings. And I've been doing pretty well.

Yes. I was running late today and I didn't. It's okay. But I made this necklace and I wanted it to be very long because I have a bunch of short ones and I was like, ooh, I don't have like a long guy. And I didn't count beads good and I strung them up. And then I said, well, this is going to be shorter than I wanted it to be

because I don't have the strength. I can't read, unbeed, rebeed. But to describe, that's my necklace. So I counted, I think, one, two, three, four, five, six. Crazy that you remembered how many you put. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I didn't want to copy you fully. Nine gold.

Okay, so there's six just gold beads. And then, oh, and then three funky. Oh, I didn't do good at all. This side has three. that set us four. But it doesn't have to be symmetrical. It should be. So we got some funky gold beads

and then silver hearts, funky, nine funkies, and then we got silver heart and then we got macaroni's because they look like little macaroni's and then funky gold and then more hearts and then we got some stars

which I didn't really understand how they were going to lay out so they're weird. Oh dang. And then that wasn't supposed to have two hearts there but it does. Oh, wait, no, it's supposed to you.

This is wild. Like, it's as if I made this and then went, ah. I don't remember anything. You just blacked out. It really looks like this is the first time I'm seeing this. And I took this out and showed the nice man. I was like, look at my beat.

And then there's a bunch of stars in the middle because I'm a star. Yes, girl. And I don't want the world to forget it. So I'm the worst stars all the time. I like that. I really want to get a star ring. I saw a big sterling silver star ring and I was like,

that looks nice. I have not bought it yet because I have to wait till the end of the month. Like for checks to come in? Times are tough. My therapist, my lovely, lovely therapist was like, fill up the carts. You like browsing, you like, you like, shopping online, fill up the carts, wait till the end of the month if it's still available.

If you still want it, it was meant to be. Oh. And it has been a struggle. Yeah, but I like that guideline. Me too. And it's been really tough to follow. And my guideline, I also was like, I'm not buying new things this year. Who.

Foof. I bought so much. But most of it's used. Okay. I got this. This is from Deepop. Okay, great. As long as secondhand.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I wore this because I was like, wow, they really shouldn't be friends. A puppy and a cat. What an odd couple. You're an odd couple like me and the shoot. I'm the puppy? Or am I the cat?

Oh, see, I figured you were the cat because this puppy's like, I'm crazy. That's true. That's true. I feel like the cat's like, it's got a blue bow. It feels like adorned like you would like, I don't know. Oh my God. Thank you for saying I'd be adorned. Yeah.

Oh, I really liked that word. Oh, my God. She's adorned. She's adorned. I, um, it was fun to watch you. Maybe you have small hands. But like, you're really nimble. It was like really wild to like, I don't know, you were moving fast.

You could be a factory worker. Like a textile factory worker. I think you were done before me. I think I was, yeah. But I also was already in the jewelry making zone. Oh, yeah, because you had made jewelry in Guatemala. Yes, yeah. I love an activity.

And I was there for a wedding, and my girlfriend was in the wedding. So I didn't see her for half the day because she was, like, getting ready for it with the bridal party. And I was like, I'm going to find a class. And I found this jewelry making class. And it was so fun. and they like made these ceramic beads by hand. And that's nice. And it was like not that different from the class that we took.

And the woman was explaining that I could use the wire to like just dig into the beads, like into the bowl. She's like some people just like do this. And I was like, oh, maybe I'll do that. And you care to not share that information? Well, you were so far behind that you. I don't even know when you started. stringing them but I was like she'll get to it you're still arranging it you were very meticulous too you were like here maybe no I don't it's the heart over here and then you get going back up to the to the bead bar

yeah because I was like I need more beads but I can't believe that you left me behind you're not George W. Bush because you left this child behind yeah but it wasn't I feel like that technique of like dipping the wire into the pool of beads works when they're tiny beads like this. Ah, yeah. But you had big old jangles. Yeah. Another experience you can do is strut through weho bars with a drag queen.

That's fun. I think that's super fun. Yeah. I think that's like a, I think that's a good bachelorette party. I was just thinking of that, yeah. Highjacking a drag show with your celebration. Mm-hmm. You can be the show.

Yeah. You know? I think that's fun. What's another experience that you'd want to do? I like classes. I like crafty classes. Maybe like glass blowing or like tie-dye workshop, like dye fabrics. A bird house making thing. A birdhouse making thing. To make a birdhouse making thing. Huh. Here's, okay. So if you hang up a bird house at your house, how do you get them to move in. I think they kind of know. Or I think they, like, assess it.

And they're like, this is a good place for my nest. And then they just build a nest there. I think. I don't know if I've heard of, like, a need to attract them. I think they just know for some reason. Interesting. Yeah. This is going to sound insane.

Would love a bird friend. I would love a bird who, like, came to visit. Yeah. And just, like, hung out with me. Yeah, that can happen. I don't know how. How do I get the birds to me? I don't know.

I try. My girlfriend got me a bunch of crow feed, like food for crows, because I have a lot of crows in my yard and in my neighborhood. And I was like, I want to be the crow lady. Sign me up. I'm about to be the crow lady of this neighborhood. But then, like, I talked to somebody about it because they have a lot of crows and they feed them.

but they're like, you have to feed them regularly. Oh, otherwise they get mad. They get mad and they start screaming at you. And I was like, well, I don't want that. I don't want them to get used to and expect me to feed them. I wanted them to be independent. Yeah. Yeah.

So I don't know. So I have like on the fence, I'm like, I want the crows around. But also would love for them to bring me things. You can train them to do that too. Yeah, I want treats. Mm-hmm. Imagine if crows stole ice cream cones from me. That seems messy.

Do you really want an ice cream cone from a crow? Here's the thing. Sometimes I really fantasize about being in a cartoon. Because to me, that's not messy. To me, that's two crows working together with their little beaks holding the bottom of it and bringing it to me. And then I'm like, ha. It'd be like a messed up cone by the time it gets to you. Yeah, probably because you've got to fly through the air.

All right. Fine. Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day this year? I do. I mean, yes and no. Like we were, no, no. Fair, fair. That happens sometimes.

You thought you did and you don't when you think about it. So we were going to be in L.A., but we're not going to be in L.A. on Valentine's Day. So the plans that I had are no longer happening. But my girlfriend found something that she does want to do with me, but it's going to have to be weeks from now, scheduling-wise. So we will do something in the future. And we'll probably, like, do something together on Valentine's Day,

but it won't be like that thing that we had planned. I see. Yes. I see why you didn't want to explain it. It was a lot. Yeah, but honestly, I really thank you for letting me in. And America. Now America can know the hints.

They know exactly what's going to be going on. And today, because today is Galentine's day. This is crazy that it's not on the 14th. But it should be its own thing. You're right. And it makes sense. I'm just fully blown away. Yeah.

What am I doing on the 13th? I don't know. Let's see what the potato has to say. I love potato. I don't think I'm doing a dang thing. I am doing, actually, I don't know. I had a you situation. Yeah.

Well, I have something planned, but Clyde, my puppy, my dog, he's not a puppy. I've talked about this on so many podcasts. He had surgery, and I don't want to leave him alone while he's on medication. Yeah, that makes sense. Because, I don't know. What if something goes awry? Yeah. So I had plans, but I think I'm probably going to stay home with him.

Hey, a spark. Mm-hmm. Boy, oh boy. Boy, oh, boy. What's one of your favorite things about having a strong lasting female friendship, not specifically with me, but just in general? One of my favorite things about my long lasting friendship with any female, not specifically you? Any female.

Any woman. My favorite thing, I think there's like a level of intimacy that, like, just feels different than a romantic partnership and that I like love and feel is necessary. Like, yeah, I don't think I'd want to only have a romantic partnership and not feel the benefits of a strong female friendship. And yeah, there's like a level of comfort there too where it feels like, I guess like a sister. Like, you know all my stuff. And it feels like very easy and comfortable. And like I like that we can like hang out and not have to talk to each other.

Or like we could just like be around each other but still like there's no like we don't have to put effort into like entertaining each other. Or like do you like this thing? It's like, you'll just tell me if you like it or you don't don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's I think that's my favorite thing about having like a long lasting thing. female friendship is you don't really have to make this will sound wild like sacrifice

sometimes you make a sacrifice in a relationship because you're like I don't ever want to do that thing but it's important to you so I'll do it but with my friends I'm like oh hey you won't see me there like one of my best fucking feelings was we were going to an estate sale in the morning and I was already fucking dragon and then parking was crazy

and then I saw you guys in this line and I was like wait what that's where you are there's all those people i say you'll never see me again and then i left i had never felt so good i was like i felt like Nicole kimman after her divorce I was like ah I went home I got back in bed and I said nobody was mad at me this is true we're like that understandable we'll see you tomorrow I feel like if it was a partner it was like well we made these plans it's just you and me that's true you know yeah I It was so nice. Everyone was smiling, wave goodbye.

I think I really rolled down my window. I was like, you'll never see me again. Wait in that line? Yeah, really also made the whole line laugh. Everyone's like, she's right. This is ridiculous. We also don't want to be waiting this long. And then for a hot second, I was like, what if there's treasures?

And I said, there's nothing in there for me. And I like kept going home. You were right. There was like one flamingo mug for you and Tessigas. it for you. Yep. You still got it. I fully won.

Oh, I love that mug. I use it all the time. Oh, good. I put ice cream in it. I love eating ice cream out of a mug. And I use my Ninja Creamy. This episode is not sponsored by Ninja Creamy. I love my Ninja Cream.

I should be sponsored by Ninja Cream. I, if Ninja Creamy, like, wanted to partner with me on something, I would die. Yeah. Oh. I just want to, I want to, I want to meet a cremetician. Like the cremeteers, the people developing creamy technology. Oh. I want to learn. Mm-hmm. I don't understand it. You know what? There might be an ice cream making class on Airbnb. Allie or Mars, can you look up whether there's an ice cream to be had on Airbnb? Yeah, you can make Italian gelato in a professional lab. Ooh, in a lab! You were looking for that.

A cremetician. You ever get so excited? You're like, I'm gonna do that. I'm going to go to his face. Wait, that's so fun. I would really like to do that. Yes. Would you do that with me?

Yeah. Shake on it. It's on camera. You promised. I'll do it. You break it on coming to your house. We still have to do our date. We do.

Damn it. Do you have to do our date. We have, I got you a box of 100 dates. Was 100? No, no, 12. It's only 12. Yeah, not 100. It's one per month.

One per month. A date a month. Yes. And it's in these little sealed envelopes. So we don't know what it is. And then we have to open it and then go on the date. But the first time, what happened? I can't remember what happened.

But I know the last time we were supposed to do it, you had just gotten your tooth pole and you were like really out of it. Yes. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Life without that tooth has been a wild ride, a roller coaster of ups and downs. Because I'm no longer in pain. I didn't realize how much of a pain it was. But there's just a hole back there.

It's crazy. It's really crazy. Sometimes my tongue will graze it. I'm like, the teeth aren't supposed to start there. It feels nuts. That's funny. And it sometimes feels like I'm at the beach. because it feels like wind is bringing sand into my mouth.

That's the only way I can describe it because I have a bone graft. And the bone graft, some, I guess, out of the grafting is little granules. I don't know. I didn't ask follow-up question. She just said it might be a little grainy up in there, and I said, I got you. She didn't say it like that. She was much more professional.

Might be a little granny up in there. Bitch, when you go home, it's going to get grainy. I was like, you'll be grainy as hell. But yeah, sometimes it's just a little grainy. It's a little strange. Okay. Because it's, I've said it on many podcasts. Cadaver bones and cow bones.

Yeah. And I hope I don't get possessed. I hope not either. Imagine. That would be pretty funny, actually. If I became a cow? At least be more clear because it's like, oh, okay. The cow's sticking over right now.

That's really nice to know that you would still be my friend if I, even if I was possessed by a cow. Absolutely. That's really nice. I'd be your friend still if you got possessed by a cow every now and again. Thank you. I would try to milk you. Ew.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I would never milk a friend. That's not like the ghost of the cow can still produce milk. Hey, shut up. No, that absolutely makes sense. Sometimes, sometimes my mom. Mine works wrong.

You know, I've gotten into watches. Yes. I have so many watches now that I wish I was wearing one, but I got ready too late. But I was out to dinner with that nice man, and I was like, my watch doesn't work. It's stuck on 610. And he was like, oh, well, he's like, you could get a battery. And I was like, no, I don't really care. It's just for the look.

And I went, but it's 610 somewhere. And he was like, no. I was like, what? He was like, the joke is the time now? And you go, like, when it's 6 a.m. And, or no, like 3 p.m. And someone's like, it's 3 p.m. somewhere to, like, have a drink. I see.

Like, that's the joke. And I was like, what? But maybe it's 610 somewhere because the time zone. Maybe it is 610. He was like, maybe, but the joke is. And I was like, what? And it took me a really long time to understand what he was trying to say to me. And I was like, and when I finally got it, I was like, oh, my God.

You can't just say a willy-nilly time. You can't. It's the time now. Yeah, there's only like a few chances for it to be six to in somewhere. Yep. And this is at that same dinner, I put that we were celebrating something and the server said what? And I said, Black History Month. So it was truly just like, bow, bow, bow, bow.

He's like, what's happening? She's being insane tonight. That's fun. And then we were eating dessert and I was like, do you want, do want more? Because it was soft serve ice cream and he was like, yes. And I was like, your spoons down. He was like, I'm taking a break. And I was like, well, if you don't get back in the game, it might be gone.

He was like, just save some for me. And I said, I don't know if that's possible. I can't stop myself. He deals with a lot. My girlfriend did that to me recently. I was like drinking this like lavender lemonade something or other. And I like, I guess I was drinking it slowly. Because I also had a lot of ice and I don't like ice.

Yes. And then I went to the bathroom, came back and half of it was gone. And I was like, what happened to my drink? And she was like, you didn't like it. And I was like, did I say that? And as the other person, because I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm gobbling. How did it, how did you feel? I felt betrayed.

I was like, why didn't you ask me? She's like, you weren't drinking it fast, so I assumed you didn't like it. But I was like, you could have just said, do you like this? If not, I'll have it. I was like, I actually did like it. It was just too cold for me. That's really funny because I'm on her side. I would absolutely, like, sometimes he'll leave things on his plate and I'll be like,

so you didn't like that so I can have it. He's like, I'm eating dinner. I'm just, I decided to, I went this way and I'm making my way over. And I'm like, I know, there's so much potato left. So I don't, I, you don't like those pureed potatoes. And he's like, just let me eat dinner. Just let me eat. But I'm like, you, it, you, I just, I don't get it.

I'm, I'm on her side. I would suck that down. So I would have drank the whole thing while you were gone to get rid of it for you. Defend your honor. You don't like that, too. It's insulting her. Get out of her face. But later, he was.

like, I just, you know, and I was like, maybe we just don't share dessert. And he's like, that's not it. He's like, maybe you calm down a little bit. I was like, you know I like a prostit tree. I have to really learn that like people eat at their own speed and I can't police it. Mm-hmm. That was a wild thing I just said. People eat at their own speed and I can't police it. I mean, it is wild for me because I'm an eater and you know that. Yes. And I have. And I have. have done that to other people too and been like, you're not done with that chicken sandwich. Let me ask me. Do you remember when we went to Burger King?

Was I high? We both high. We were both high. I think we took an Uber. Asked the driver if he wanted to order to. Yes. He was like, no. And we got back to the hotel room.

This is funny because the next morning you were like squatting eating. He's like, why are you doing it like that? So we're eating Burger King in bed. and you, in two bites, the sandwich was gone. Like, wait, I think you ate it in the car. I did eat it in the car, so I had finished already. You just had maybe your french fries left. Yeah.

But it was truly wild. Like, we handed you the food, and then I, like, got my food. And then you were like, like, it was gone. It was so funny. And then for whatever reason, sitting in bed, I was just like, I go, and watch television. take another bite and put it down. Then you went,

um, I felt like I was shaking. I was like, I can't believe you just put the sandwich on the nightstand like that. And you're not going to, are you going to, or? You slowly looked at me and went, are you going to eat? Like, yes.

But in your defense, it's the slowest I've ever eaten anything. I couldn't believe it. You were setting it down in between bites. And I was like, She clearly doesn't want it. I never done that before in my whole life. That's how high I was. I couldn't handle chicken.

Are you going to? You like leaned over. You're like near tears. Are you going to eat that? I think you ended up eating some of it. You did look scared. And you were like, yes, I'm going to eat it.

And yeah, I think eventually you were like, you can just have the rest. which is also another thing I've never done I finish meals I too am an eater I think the weed had different reactions on us that's a good memory

yeah I haven't thought about that in years really funny are you could I don't even think you were looking at me I think you were looking at the sandwich he's stuff like thank you know the chicken sand

And I can't remember were they long chicken sandwiches? Ooh, I don't know. Ooh. I say that because when I was in Guatemala, I saw a billboard that had the long chicken sandwich. And they don't have them anymore. They do have them. What? Are you kidding?

No, shit. You can't anymore. I take the long chickens. It's a staple. And I don't think it's ever been discontinued. I was like, ooh, a treat. I didn't get it. You didn't get it, but I can't have fast food. It'll tear me up.

I think you could have in Guatemala. Oh, probably. They'd probably use real ingredients. When Poonham and I were in Monorca, Mallorca, we had Burger King like three times, four times. We ate it so much that people were like, well, it must be good if they keep going back. And it was so good. Oh. The long chicken was so good. Ooh, maybe you could have it. It's okay.

Next time you leave the country, eat some Burger King. I will. taste the cuisines of the land but make sure you get to the you get that whopper the king said you can have it your way I can have my way that's such a good slogan

yeah you can have it your way you're the boss here I do like that but I also like McDonald's I'm loving it I'm loving it what did I say

I'm loving it wait that was so crazy because I was like I did it good Why is she doing it back at me? We should probably end this episode. Oh, yeah, okay. It feels like I'm on drugs.

What was in those spicy queso pop chips? Jagged you up. Well, this year, suck it down. Thank you so much for being here. I truly have so much fun with you always. I have so much fun with you always. You're my Galentine. You're my.

Long-established female friendship. Is that what you said? Something almost as insane as that. Well, if you like this episode of, Why Won't You Date Me? You could like it. You could rate it. Oh, wait, do you have anything you want to promote?

Oh, Best Friends. That's our podcast. That's our podcast. And that's it. You can also watch Agatha all along. It's streaming on Disney Plus. And so Shear is truly incredible in it. And I don't know.

I think it's like a lovely thing to watch. Also, if you watched it, rewatch it. I don't know. It's a great rewatch. It's fun. When you find things that you didn't see the first time. Mm-hmm. And there's an episode where her face gets all puffy.

I won't explain any more. And if you like this episode, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. Oh, wait, would you date me? Yes. Would you, though? Maybe I'd try. Hey, thanks. I figured I'd stop you right there before you said something mean.

Something I wouldn't want to hear. Have I asked you, have I asked to sure she would date me before? I think so. At one point, I don't know if it was through every episode I've done here, but I think you've at least asked me once. I wonder what those answers are. I feel like one time I did say yes, at least, at least once. Once I said yes.

Well, I just, I think maybe we, could try, but I think I would do a lot of things I would get on your nerves. And vice versa. You're not perfect. What the hell? I think I think

the things that we like about each other, I think together we would like start to resent each other about it. Yeah, I think it would just not go very far. Like, yeah, romantically. I think like, eventually

we'd be like, I don't think we're compatible in that way. What would it be like to kiss? Also, if you write me a dirty message hitting on me? Well, I said it and I was like, I don't know if I could. It would be like kissing a sister. Exactly. I don't think. I would feel like Marty McFly when he goes back and his mom has the hots for him.

And then they kissed and they're like, well, Marty, I don't know what was up with that. But it didn't feel right. I'm paraphrasing. She just say it like that. If you write me a nasty message, why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com and you got to hit on me saying something nasty. I'll read it out loud.

And also, I have to tell you, please keep them short. I have to tell you. I have to tell you. Well, it's because there was another page here and I was like, uh-oh, did I miss something? I didn't. All right, this person writes, Hi, Nicole, Valentine's Day is for your boo,

but they say Galentines is for the girls. to celebrate, I want to scissor you so hard that the friction of our clits starts a fire and set off the smoke alarm. But before the fire truck even turns the corner will come in unison. This is funny. Squirting so much that we extinguish the flames ourselves. But the fire department doesn't take chances. They will bust down the door and blast our throbbing hot coochies.

Oh, I guess, yeah, we started a fire so they would be hot. with their high-pressured hoses until we come again drenching the room, the men and the entire zip code, and our Coochie Juice. Hope you have a nice Galentine's Day and Valentine's Day from Sandra. Hey, Sandra. Hi, Joy. Oh, wasn't that just a point? Yeah, I couldn't think of a thing to say.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, she made you come multiple times. Say thank you. Thank you, Sandra. Happy Galentine's Day and happy Valentine's Day. That was a hit gum podcast. Check out Airbnb and see what experiences are available on your next trip.