Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dating a Harem of Men (w/ Kim Newmoney)

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

Nicole's photographer, Kim Newmoney (VOGUE, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE) chats with her about the logistics and managing a harem of 7 hot men. They talk about men who claim they want casual relationships but get territorial when another guy whose interest, and Kim shares what it took to walk away from a 7 year relationship with mismatched life goals.As a professional photographer, Kim drops her advice on taking your dating app profile pictures, getting comfortable on camera, and looking effortlessly sexy. Plus, Kim and Nicole reminisce the guerrila-style shooting behind Nicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: THE FAT GIRL'S GUIDE TO BEING #BRAVE AND NOT A DEJECTED, MELANCHOLY, DOWN-IN-THE-DUMPS WEEPING FAT GIRL IN A BIKINI.Buy the book here!WWYDM is hiring a part-time podcasting apprentice! Learn more and apply here.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast by checking out our sponsors:» Smileset: Listeners of our show get an additional 35% discount when they go to smileset.com/dateme. With this discount, you can get the smile of your dreams for under 13 hundred bucks!» Hinge: Listen to No Ordinary Love for free on Spotify! hin.ge/WhyWontYouDateMe» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/defend» Warby Parker: Our listeners can buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/DATEME — and using our link helps support the show. #WarbyParker #ad» Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» Chime: Join the millions who are already banking fee free with America’s #1 Choice for Banking. Head to Chime.com/dateme. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.Check out all of our sponsors and discount codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. I am so excited to share that this episode is supported by Hinge. Why? Because it's the dating app that actually worked for me. It helped me find the nice man in my life. Putting yourself out there is one thing. But the scariest part of dating is just being honest. It's so nerve-wracking to actually say what you want and how you feel without playing. games. Well, Hins just released this amazing new audiobook called No Ordinary Love. It's all about real couples who took a risk and chose to be totally honest with each other in the early days of dating. With each of their stories written and read by an incredible contemporary author, plus the audiobook even features a full word by Hunter Harris. I love that it highlights those brave, awkward and clunky conversations that happen when you finally just say the thing out loud. Taking that emotional risk is terrifying, but it's how you actually find a real connection.

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there and book a space that makes your trip unforgettable. Don't you date, baby. Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Day Me a podcaster. Me too old. I was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on a chestboard and say, hey, it's a very small chest piece. My guest today, sometimes I get myself, is the visionary who shot my book. Hashtag, very fat, hashtag, very brave, the fat girl's guide to being hashtag brave and not

dejected melancholic down on the dumps. Weeping fat girl in a bikini. Every time I read it out loud, I go, I did that. She's an amazing photographer who I recommend to people all the time when they're like, oh, I'm looking for a photographer. I'm like, you have to do it with her. She's shot comedians for Vogue, HBO, Comedy Central. We were a part of a skate gang during the pandemic, which is still happening,

but we're just so lax about it. Nobody cares. But this is when we were inside. We were outside skating. With masks. With masks. Until the government said you could be outside without a mask in the final time. It's him.

Can I ask you, are you single, ready to mingle? Taken with the bacon? Or do you care? Not to share. Wow, I'm having fun. Yeah. I'm single and I'm afraid to mingle currently. Fair.

Fair. Yeah. I'm actually, right now I'm kind of reassessing my dating style. So I have a history of being in relationships that are not what I want. Okay. Ultimately. Mm-hmm. So being in relationships with people are like emotionally unavailable.

Mm-hmm. Sometimes they're just so driven. Like I go for driven people, so am I. but, you know, sometimes they don't want to settle down. Sometimes they don't want a family. Sometimes they want to be... I think on dating apps is so funny when someone says they're a digital nomad. I'm just like, you're homeless.

Yeah. What a nice way to say you're a homosexual, you know? Yeah. Or you're so chaotic that you don't have anything to ground you. You're just in the ether. Like just... But also homeless. Like, you know, their fun facts about themselves are like, I've been to 30 countries.

I'm like, got it. You're not going to stay here. You don't even have to read between the lines to know this person's avoided. Yes. My friend's mother said men will tell you, men will tell you the truth. Like, if they lie to you one time, they're a liar. If they tell you, I'm not ready for a relationship, you will never. make them ready for a relationship. And of course there's like, you know, caveats. And it's like,

well, you know, Brenda's like, I did it. He said he wasn't ready. And I stuck around. And you, it was okay. And it's like, good for you, Brenda. But for like the rest of the population, like men tell you the truth. Absolutely. Yeah. My, my history with dating is I have always been serially monogamous. I was in like a five-year, one strange, it was seven-year. Oh, my God. I was engaged at one point in the seven-year. And then we actually split because I wanted children. He did not. That'll get you.

They'll get you. Two years in, I was like, I want marriage. I want kids. And he was like, it's a little soon to be asking, can you ask me a year from now? See, he told you the truth. Mm-hmm. And because a year from now is going to be a year from now is going to be a year from now is going to be you're now 60 with no babies. Seven years.

Seven years is a long time. I did go into therapy because of this. and my therapist was like, you know, Kim, maybe it isn't a yes. And I was like, bars, dog. I was like, damn, ow. Yeah. Like, I have to take my own accountability. Like, I stayed.

That is, okay, so I read half of this book called Calling in the One, never finished it. It's hard for me to finish a task. But one of the lessons in the book was, what are you allowing? So like, what are you saying okay to that is fulfilling a thing that you don't want? And I was like, well, damn, that's, and for me it was like accepting core treatment. I've let men treat me terribly. I've dated, I've said this before on the podcast, but I've dated men who have openly not liked me. And I would shake it off and go, maybe if I say one more funny thing, they'll like me.

And it's like, no, no, this man hates you. Dating your greatest op, not a good idea. No. And I kept doing it. I kept dating men who, like, didn't like that I was funny. I didn't like that I did comedy that, like, I dated. Well, maybe I shouldn't bring it up. Whatever.

I dated this guy and then knew his ex. And then she said something about him being really funny. And I was like, he's funny. And she was like, yeah, he's really funny. And I was like, oh, that's why when I say, something funny, he like then tries to want up me and then I have to squint at him and go, wait, was that a joke? And then go, oh, I think he was joking. And then by the time I figured out it was a joke, it would be too late and I haven't laughed. Can I ask, what is the work that you're doing

to work on your approach to dating? Okay. This is actually, so I'm coming out of a period. It was like about a year of dating casually for a first time of my life. Because every person, I would go on a day with every person I, like, would spend time with. I would just be like, this has to go somewhere. This has to be marriage. This has to be kids. And at a certain point, my life, so this was like literally this last year, I had a harem of hot men. Oh.

And by a harem. How many? Oh, it was like, at one point I was like maybe seven. Seven! And I like describe it as like, you know, banana leaf wielding, you know, grape feeding men. Oh my God. And like my friends would, first of all, they'd be like, Kim, what the fuck. Why aren't you sharing?

Why aren't you sharing? Sharing the harem. Imagine if Snow White shared the seven doors. Because I'm convinced they was all fucking. Oh, yeah. They're fucking and sucking for sure. Yeah. So you had seven men at one time.

That's wild. That's wild. How did you juggle seven people? Well, I eventually started kicking each one out because they would prove to be like not even worthy of like being in my presence and in my world. I'm dying. Did you like assign a day of the week? Like I as a disorganized person, I cannot fathom having to keep up with seven people. I mean, okay, so casual, right? So it's like, yeah. They came in saying. like I want just casual and I was like okay bet one of them was like he was competing in the world's

triathlete lot in in Spain or something and he had a body yet they all have bodies like they're all they range from like 6-2 to 6-8 oh my god like okay the other thing my friends say is like what the fuck you're building like a basketball team

yeah truly you do have a basketball team. You only needed five. Not anymore. Not anymore. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, you would alternate. Some of them were benched. Yeah. I would bench them. I'm blown six, two to six, eight? Yeah. At one point, I was dating two doctors named Stephen. Like, one with a V. So how do you keep that fucking straight, Kim? I'm dying. How would you meet them on apps or in person? On apps. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because you'd be out in the world. I'd be out in the world and it's like, it's so interesting because I have this interesting liberty experience where like, I know I'm like cute and adorable and stuff, but like people

will still tell me they find me intimidating. I think you're very friendly. I'm very friendly. But what I think like even people who have like just gotten to know me or like even strangers will be like when you're quiet, like I'm kind of afraid to know what you're thinking. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I don't know what the vibe is.

but it just is, and I've been told this so much. So it's like in real life, it's like as a skater, as a photographer, as like a photographer who is honestly given the privilege to be a socialite. Like I know a lot of comedy photographers don't always like get invited to parties like I do or be friends with their clients. Wait, I need to know how each man was dismissed from the harem. Okay, so. I need height.

Occupation Reason for dismissal Well it's And you don't have to say names or anything Okay Okay one of them Brazilian He was like in real estate

Okay He was not political Okay Yeah That not being political Is just strange Because I'm like Politics affects us all

Like baby you don't do politics Politics politics politics about to do you. Yeah, truly. Like seriously. Truly. And also, before you go to the second one, Spencer Pratt, before he lost, had a AI-fucking generated billboard that said, if dogs could vote, they would vote for Spencer Pratt.

I looked at Clyde, my dog, and I was like, you lick your asshole. I don't care who you'd vote for. I had to pull you away from a dead bird because you wanted to play with it. If you could vote? I don't think you'd vote. What are you talking about? It was such a weird, like, billboard that I was like, and somebody saw that and was like, yeah, I'm getting vote for a spencer. Anyway, second, ma'am.

I don't even, like, want to fully go down on, but it was, like, a lot of, um, it was funny because, like, initially I would kind of sniff out if they were moderate. Mm-hmm. And I would, like, kind of poke and prod them even before I would let them into my harem. And this was like initially. So I'd be kind of like lax on it. And then I started having to ask, how do you feel about what's going on in Palestine? And, you know, sometimes it'd be like, oh, it's horrible. And I'm like, okay, great, come in the harem.

And then I realized later why they say it's horrible. So then I started having to ask specific questions like, what about it is horrible? Who do you care about? That is wild to be like, oh, it's horrible. And then you're like, got it. But then you're like, oh, which way do you think is horrible? Who do you think is horrible? These are clarifying questions, though, are very important.

Back to the triathlete. So he was like, he came in hot being like casual. I have to focus on this like world championship, whatever. We, I took him to a friend's party. he met a bunch of people there. One of the people at the party actually asked me out on a date. Oh. And I told him later.

Whatever you're putting out is like really fucking incredible. I have never gone anywhere with one man and had another man be like, hey, I want in. Like, that's fun. You're living. That's nice. Okay, so I told the triathlete, I was like, so remember, I'll say his name was Sam. Remember Sam? I'm like, he actually asked me out on a date.

And the triathlet holding my hand, we're walking out of the street. He, like, turns to me real quick and he was like, well, too bad. And I said, too bad. What do you mean? He goes, I'm here. And I was just like, aren't we casual? And he was like, well, okay, in this scenario, like, you can't go on this date. I was like, interesting.

Got it. So the triathly is competitive. Weird. I had no idea that would happen. Well, that's interesting because it seems like that man wanted to be casual until you were like, it's like when a married couple is like when the husband goes, I want to be open. And the wife goes, great, let's be open. I'll be fucking too.

And then she's like slang and he's not. And he's like, actually, I want to close it. This isn't fair. It's like, I want it casual until the casual came to you. and then he was like, I'm here. You know what I mean? This happened a few times in the harem. I think men don't...

I've talked about this before. They don't actually want to be casual. They just don't want the responsibilities of a girlfriend, but they want you to be their girlfriend. Another crazy thing that happens. So some of these men are like, okay, I'm good. Like, I'm going to go, like, I can't give you what you need. I know you want marriage.

Like, there was a guy I was dating. He was like an international muralist, really talented artist. He would, like, pout sometimes looking at me. And he would just, I would be like, literally pout. Like, yes, exactly like that. And I was like, what, why are you looking at me like that? He's like, I just can't give you what you need.

And I was like, okay. So part ways, whatever, two years of not speaking to each other. The last text message was actually me to him. Uh-huh. He reaches out and just like, hey, like basically like, hey, you want to like start? things up again. This actually happened with my seven year this happened with, like another man I was seeing also two years, very strange, reached out. He was like Polly and he was just like, hey, like I miss you. And I'm just like, all right, guys like they, I really, you know, I struggle

with a fact that like I'm an incredible, amazing person. I'm very valuable. But sometimes the people I pick don't see that or they do. They leave and then they come back. Yeah. Yeah. And I, to me, I dated someone for a year-ish, two years, whatever. And then, like, he was reaching out. And then I saw something online that was like,

a ghost is who comes back. A ghost is still a ghost. And I was like, he's not like dead, but I mean, like, the relationship is dead. He is a ghost. Why do I want to be haunted? Don't answer. He is haunting. Yeah, it's haunting you.

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I pay all of my guests to be on this show, but sometimes they request to donate their fee instead. And do you know the number one place they asked to donate to? Plan Parenthood. And for good. reason. These health centers provide essential sexual and reproductive health care to people who need it the most. They're out there every single day offering affordable birth control, life-saving cancer screenings, and STI testing so people can safely take care of their bodies and plan their futures on their own terms. But right now, there is a push in Congress to extend the defunding of Planned Parenthood permanently. And we talk a lot about how messy dating is, But you know what makes dating infinitely harder and way more stressful for everyone?

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Go to planparenthood.org slash defend and give today. Self care is important, but it's easy to forget how important our vision is for our health. Buying glasses and getting eye exams used to feel like such an overpriced complicated hassle. You'd go to one place for the exam and then a completely different place to buy the frames. Well, Warby Parker completely streamlines the whole process. They have over 300 retail stores across the U.S. So you can get your eye exam and pick out your frames all in one spot. It's truly a one-stop shop for exams, glasses, contacts, and sunglasses.

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him. Oh, what a dream. Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at Warbyparker.com slash date me. That's 20% off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at W-A-R-B-Y Parker.com Slate Me! How would you help a friend that was, like, recently single and doesn't have very many photos on their dating app? Like, what are the pictures that you would take?

Oh, just them having fun. One's where they're, like, out. Because, like, me personally, like, when I'm swiping through someone's pictures, I'm just like, why are these all in your car? Like, why are they, like, clearly in your apartment? Go outside. Like, you know, sometimes I'm like, if your smile doesn't reach your eyes, it's a little scary. Yeah. So just make sure the smile reaches your eyes, you guys.

Maybe this is just for red, I don't know. Ah, well, yeah, men don't like to smile. And I'm like, I don't know, have a nice time. It's so strange, like, they want to be mysterious. But then, I don't know. Yeah, just like make sure you're, like, in different settings. Like, I actually recently got hired to do a full shoot with a man who wanted pictures for his hinge profile. Oh.

So we shot portraits with him with this, like, watch collection in his garden. Like, you know, we want to show his interests, right? I really like that. And also that he goes outside. Yes. Also, I like how thoughtful it is to be like, because I think initially somebody might look at him and be like nerd, a watch collection or whatever. But to me, I'm like, oh, that's your interest. You want me to know that you are into watches and that you garden.

And I think that's very sweet. Yes. Like, I also, another thing I pay attention to is, like, who's taking the picture? Oh. Because, like, if it's a bunch of selfies, I'm like, do you have friends? Do you have friends? You know? Besides just being in your car or being in your living room, what's another red flag of a dating profile picture?

mirror picture like a store like a retail store you know like you're in a dressing room I'm like okay this is outfit did you buy it do you all know what I'm talking about yes that's deeply funny to me so did you get it yeah like some some people like want to like come off as stylish right and they like take these pictures like that and I'm just like but did you buy it though this is funny I think take it a step further if you bought it do another selfie in your house And then do like another selfie, but like when you're like out in it, I think that's actually deeply, deeply funny. See, like that wouldn't be a red flag, but just the like mirror selfie is a red flag. Yeah, like I saw a profile where every prompt, the answer was blueberries.

And I was like, that's funny. That is pretty funny. It's just silly. But imagine you meet them and it's just Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. And she's like, I am a blueberry. I just need some help. Kim, tell me, how did you get into photography? Because I think you are one of the most dynamic photographers.

Because whenever I get the, what are they called, proofs, I get the proofs. And then you go, I'll touch them up. Proof to touch up, to me, there's very little difference because the proof is so good. Like, I think you're incredible at lighting. and I think you figure out dynamic ways to shoot people. Like, in my book, there's some shots from, like, below, which is, to me, I'm like, oh, I would never ask somebody to do that, but, like, I trusted you.

But the way, I don't know what I'm trying to say. Sometimes, I don't know, from you I've learned, I don't have unflattering angles. At all. I learned that, like, every bit of me is really beautiful. And I feel like you gave me a lot of space. to like, I mean, I'm wearing bikinis. I changed in front of you.

We did a shoot where I'm wearing overalls with nothing underneath. Like, I, how did you get into photography? That is my main question. I don't know. I was just like always obsessed with people. And like, I think my memory kind of gets shot sometimes. So I was always taking pictures because I wanted to remember stuff. But, I mean, I started as a band photographer.

I worked at a Porter studio, photographing. But when I first moved to LA, I had no friends. I was like, oh, I want to figure out how to be around people without knowing anybody. Like, sure, you go to a movie, everyone can laugh at the screen, have a shared experience, have fun. But I think some of the comedians at comedy shows, like, I actually just started going to those because I was like, this is a fun way to be around people. They saw me around or like, why do you look familiar? And it was like literally because I was like a lamp like in a green room, I think, every time. Yeah, they started asking me to do headshots because they're up for commercial gigs.

And it just, I don't know, it's, I think that's what's so crazy about you and I is like, I remember asking you to a free shoot. Like we did like trade. So I just like thought you were so cool. And I was just like, I want to photograph her so bad. And like it's crazy watching like everyone's careers just like blossom and just like scale up on an insane level. It's been pretty cool. But yeah, your book. Like that was like a huge, like when you first asked me, I just thought it was the cover.

Nope. I didn't know it was going to be a whole book. It's one, a whole book. Two, I think we drove out to Palm Springs. We certainly did. We drove out. Yeah, we went to Palm Springs, stayed at the Parker Palm Hotel in a really nice bungalow. We went to that dirt bike place where we were like, can we take pictures?

And they were like, only if they're not professional. Or no, are they professional? I said, yes. And they went, no. And I went, then they're not? And they said, no. And then we just, like, got on the display bike. On the way out.

Yep. And then we ran across the street. You sat on a rock. Uh-huh. And then we went to the, what is it, the Paul, some, that's Paul Smith wall. Yes, where they were like, looks like a professional camera. And we were like, it's not?

So then I think the wall is so far away. It's so far away in the background. And it's, like, I wrote the book, so I don't look at it constantly. But, like, looking at the pictures. We also have the book, by, came if you want to flip through it and show off the, do a little show and tell for the viewers. Oh, okay. And just describe it for the listeners.

Yes. The reason why the book is called The Fat Girls Guide to Being Hashtag Brave and Not a Dejected Melancholy Down in the Dump's Movie Fat Girl and a Bikini is because I originally wanted to name it the Fat Girls Guide to Being hashtag Brave and not suicidal. And they were like, and to their credit, they were like, oh, we don't want anyone to have this like misconstrued as like you're making fun of suicide. And I was like, got it. I'll now have the longest title in the history of titles. This is funny. This is just a penis top that I found on Doll's Kill that I had to like, what is the term Jerry rig? That sounds like a slur.

I don't like it. I didn't like it either. No. I had to rig it. I had to rig it so it fit me. You put it on your body. I figured out how to put it on my body. Yes.

I don't know if this was like kismet to you, but like it felt like, because we would go out, I would have a bag of bikinis and wigs. Wigs. Wigs. The wig bag. And we would just drive. And this is in the arts district, right? So it was just a mural in the arts district that was like black and white, like neon drips. And then the bathing suit that goes with it, like, really kind of corresponds with it.

And it felt like you would point something out, but I would just magically have the thing. Yes. It just, it really, I don't know. It was one of the hardest but easiest things I've ever done. And, like, you made it so easy to, like, have fun. I think because we're both just so go with the flow, fuck it. Mm-hmm. But, like, literally ready for anything.

Mm-hmm. We shot that book, Gorilla Style. We really did. So guerrilla style that I didn't shave my armpits in some of these pictures. Who gives us shit? I don't care. Yeah, this is what we were just talking about when we ran across a highway. We ran across the highway in Palm Springs in the desert to get that shot.

And I remember someone was driving past and they like honked and yelled. But then I was like, you know what? I would have too. There was just a fat lady just in a flame bikini just jauntily running across the street with this smaller lady following her with a camera. No, I kept joking like if we did a crime, everyone could easily point us out. We were such an iconic like standout duo everywhere we went. Like everyone stared because we're so fucking cute.

We're adorable. There was another one that really got me good. Where is it? Oh yeah. This is me on the... I can't remember the name of the place, but their ATVs are so small. But they were definitely like,

please do not shoot here. And we said, okay, and then didn't. I literally, like, looked at you, you looked at me, and my eyes darted at it. And then we just, like, went for it. We didn't even say anything to each other.

Like, you literally just stoned on it. I had a full, like, light that I, like, lit you with a broad daylight. And it's really wild how quickly you set things up. Also, the caption for this is so dumb. Ahoi, friends. I'm about to show off my hashtag bravery by sitting on this kid-size ATV and snapping it in half to make a two separate motorcycle. Sorry, not sorry about the damage. Just being hashtag bravier.

Also, hashtag galfieri. I cannot believe someone read this and said, publish it. It's, oh, I'm sitting in a shopping cart. I know, I know. I actually had Mars print like that one out because I was just like, we have to talk about. That would, I think that was, maybe we stopped to pee at like a route. Yes. And then I was like, or vans.

And I think I looked at a shopping cart and I go, Kim, should I get in the shopping cart? And you were like, yeah. Yeah, duh. Like what? Absolutely. And then this says hashtag bravery doesn't know where or when it needs to be rolled in. And then the other picture of me in the shopping cart says, hashtag bravery is squatting a big body in a shopping cart while an old lady drives past staring at you, which is what happened. Oh, also there was definitely like, so, you know, Palm Springs is like a gay mecca, but, like, drug heavy.

And I remember there's like two older white gay men with their cars, like, parking next to each other. And they were definitely, like, doing like a drug deal. Oh, yes. Yes. at the same time you were sitting at a shopping car and then one of them was probably like am i high or is that bitch in a shopping car wait kim this is i thank you so much for shooting this because we i had a striped bathing suit and i was like i want to look like the hamburger but i don't have a hat so i made a hat out of paper yeah like oh i think it was it was background paper and we were both

like trying to figure out how to cut it and then tape it together. We literally made a hat in like 10 minutes. All for the caption. Sorry, hamburger. You can't steal hashtag bravery. Well, because throughout the book, there's moments when you're not brave. Yes. And that's when you're wearing a one piece or mu-moo. Kim, I really need to thank you for being a part of this. I took a stock photo of a white woman and I said, this is a lady. I don't know. She's in the book in case you needed a break from the hashtag bravery and fatness. This woman deserves to be in a bikini, but she's not hashtag brave or fat. She's just exercising her right to be a thin, happy woman.

If you flip the patron, get right back to the hashtag bravery. No, seriously, when Mars was like, hey, like, I'd like to outfit this studio with, like, pictures from the book. I was going through the book and just like, one, I was like, damn, these pictures slap. I was like, well, we did a great job with these pictures. We really did. I was really impressed with us. looking through the book again. And then another thing is I was just like laughing

at how ridiculous this book is. It really is. Yes. We went to Santa Monica, the Santa Monica Pier, and there was like a shark, a, shark, like not roller coaster, but like a kid's. It was like a teacups sort of situation.

And that's me in it. And I remember asking the kid, I was like, oh, can we take a picture in it? He went, yeah? He was like so mad about it And it's a very very And I fully had like a Like I had my lighting equipment with me

So I was like putting like light on you Everywhere we were in public It was like such a spectacle It really was and I love it Oh yeah we went to a construction site Did we get yelled at that construction site? Something did happen Something did happen and I don't remember what

but I was wearing a gold lamay bikini and I was like, sorry. I'm sorry? You actually wrote about it in the book of that. Oh, I did? Yeah, something not so amazing happened. Oh, wait, did a man touch my butt or something? You did. Oh, yeah.

That was strange. I didn't like it. No, I didn't like it either. It was not ideal. But, yeah, I think we should have like a re-release party or something for this book. We should. It came out the first week of the pandemic, March 2020. Can we talk about this first?

That is wild that it came out March 2020 where it was like, get outside in a bikini. Just kidding. Stay inside. Stay inside. Seriously. It was like, I think you pulled up to my house and you cracked your window down just slightly. And the book you're holding is what you slipped through the crack. And I took it. And the next day was lockdown. Really? And then for a week, I had to watch you go on tour, press tour for this book. On Zoom. On Zoom from your living room. Like Conan. Seth Myers, I was just like, wow, what a time to release a book of Nicole Beyer in 100 bikinis. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I got into a dumpster for a picture.

Yes. And I had to promote it from my living room. Yes. But you've also taken so many. Wait, how do you, have you done like weddings or couples or anything? I have. I've done over 100 weddings. I love weddings.

The only ones I do now are of comedians. Okay, fair. It's very niche. Fair. But I also get it because I don't want to be like normal people, but like, I don't know. Normal people sometimes don't know how to have fun. How do you, when you were doing non-comedian weddings, how would you get them to like relax, act like they love their spouse? Oh, I mean, it's, any shoot is the same for me.

I just, I want everyone to act as much as themselves as possible. And in psychology, there's something called self-touch. I feel like this is one of the very first things I've ever said to you when we're taking pictures is, you know, there's a way to ground yourself. So for me, it's like touch your hair, put your hands in your pockets. Everyone has their own way of doing that in their own, like, level or degree. I've, like, told someone touch your ear and they were like, like, this. And I was just like, okay, for anyone who can't see, I was like, I literally took my right hand, reached over the top of my head, touched my left ear. And I was like, yeah, just like that.

Because everyone's got their own way. Yes. Yeah. But I do like that you weren't like, no, just touch your ear. I like that you're like, yeah, just like that. Because that also makes someone feel comfortable that they're like, oh, I wasn't wrong. Yeah. And also it's like, if you're awkward, like, be awkward.

That's who you are, please. So, like, I always encourage people just to be themselves. It's all I want, really. I like that because it's like you can't be anybody else. I have done shoots where they're like, get looser. Get loose. And I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not a model.

I do comedy. I gave you what I thought, like, you said you want it sexy. That's what I thought sexy was. Yeah. Okay. So when you're taking photos and someone's trying to look sexy, but it's not sexy, what does that look like? Oh, they're in their head. It's like just like very stiff, not sexy.

Like, I don't know. Sometimes it's like some people have like a lip purse. They'll be like, you know, or like they have their own like blue steel. And I'm just like, you're not like this all the time. Mine is a half open mouth. You know that? You didn't really do it that much. It's because it's in the book.

Because I know what it looks like on me and it's not sexy. Because I've seen it in magazines where I'm like, oh, kind of hot. But then I've seen people like on Instagram and like, oh, girl. Yeah. Or it's like the tongue on the back of the teeth. I've seen people like saw like, you know, so there's not a gap, which I think is fascinating. A little further back. Like, I've actually never done it myself.

Yes. I sometimes go. Yeah, no, that's cute, like sticking your tongue out. But yeah, like, you know, people who don't have the ability to be, like, alluring with their eyes or, like, even connect with the camera. Because when I look at portraits, too, sometimes it's like, I'll pay attention to if the subject is looking at the camera or the person behind it. Oh. And if there's a connection. Interesting.

Yes. Hmm. Like, looking through our. pictures, I was like overcome with emotion, not to be cheesy, but I was just like, oh, me and Nicole really connected. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Like, I trusted you wholeheartedly in a way that I don't really trust a lot of people, but.

You were so sexy, too. Thank you. And like, you knew it. Like, which helped a lot. I, there are some bikinis from that book that I simply cannot get rid of, but it got to the point where I was like, I have too many. I have far too many bathing suits. Did you make a quilt?

Oh, like a beach blanket would have been crazy. I'm really devastated. I'm so sorry, babes. It's okay. That would have been so fucking fierce. I mean, you still can. Well, I... You sew now.

I do so, but I did get rid of so many. Well, maybe I could do it, because I have a lot of tops now that don't fit because the titty's... The tithes? The tithes? The tithes? The tithes are less than? They're less. So maybe I'll make...

Whatever. Coasters? I don't know. We have to take another break. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-on-one website, platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. You guys, I have so many incredibly talented creative friends in comedy and entertainment who are always launching a new side hustle, like podcast and passion projects.

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It was an interracial couple and the black one made a slideshow of black people she thought he should know and he made a slideshow of white people he thought she should know. So we did it. I made mine too hard. Well, define too hard.

Who was on it? Trina. Hold on. I could probably... Yeah, that is slightly hard. I feel like Lil Kim would be recognized more over Trina. Yeah, I should have gone a little nicer.

His was a little... I didn't know the political people. I was like, who are these people? Yeah, yeah. And then I don't... Do you know Anne Ran? I didn't know that person. I'm Rand?

Ann Rand? I don't know. Okay. I don't know what she looks like, but she wrote Atlas Shrug. I thought Anne Ran was a man. Oh, maybe it is a man. I like how I don't know. Oh, wait.

Maybe I thought it was a woman. I thought it was whoever, whatever they aren't. I had Remy Ma. He didn't know Remy Ma. Trina didn't know Tremma. L'O. He didn't know Little Moe. Little Mama.

He didn't know little Mama. Diana Ross He didn't know Diana Ross Oh not even by her legs No but I did put an old picture of her up there But like that's how I know Diana That would help And then I had a bonus bonus whites

Because she had a picture with Sharon Elton John He got that right And then I had Minnie Rippleton with her baby The bonus was the baby And that was Maya Rudolph He got that because we had just talked about it

Casey and Jojo He didn't get Patty LaBelle he didn't get Monica he didn't get Lil O'Oto he didn't get Sexy Red he didn't get Doty he didn't get These are all musicians

That I feel like Globrilla he didn't get Needalong he didn't get Vanessa Williams he didn't get Mackay Fife He didn't get Sana Lathan he didn't get Morris Chestnut he didn't get

Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kojo he didn't get And then I put Kim Whitley and Jackie Harry back to back. Jack A. Who look, or Jack A, who look just alike. He didn't even get Loretta Devine. That's so tough, man. He didn't get Chaka Khan. He didn't get Mary J. Blage. Oh my goodness. So the next time we do it, I have to go a little easier on them. If you do it again. It was pretty fun. It was pretty fun. Well, it was funny because you picked

like a lot of like iconic like musicians. It's like, yeah, you hear the music, but sometimes you don't see what they look like, but these people were actually, like, known for their looks, too. Yes. Well, I thought about it. I was like, oh, everybody I picked musician-wise as somebody I, like, cut out of Vibe magazine and, like, had posted on my wall. And I was like, with Lil Mo, I was like, you don't know the hit Superwoman? He was like, I don't know. So then I played it.

He was like, oh, yeah, I do know it. But, like, yeah, you're right. It's a lot of. It's crazy. You know, I've been in relationships where, like, the other person was so shocked. and actually kind of angry. I didn't get cultural references. Oh.

And I was just like, I should stay in this relationship for seven years. That is tough. Like hindsight is 2020. It's so a 2020. Where you're just like, this person would get mad at me over little things. Like, I am a late person. That nice man in my life said to me once, I was like, oh, you're probably so mad that I'm late all the time.

He goes, no, you're not late for important things. He's like, we've never missed a flight, like things that are. important to me, we get there on time. Dinner reservations, when it's important to me, we get there on time. He's like, your time for your things is so flexible in a way that I don't understand, but like, this is a thing that we're going to for you. So like, okay. And I was like, oh, okay. He's like, yeah, as long as you like respect my time, it's fine. But other people I've dated have had a lot to say about my lateness. But here's the thing. Sometimes you have to be somewhere at 7, but at 6.45, the dishwasher needs to be loaded. I know, right. Do you have any advice for single

people? I mean, this is advice I would give myself. Okay. Which is just figure out what you want. Mm-hmm. And be firm about it. I think that's it. I think that's nice advice. Figure out what you want and be firm about it. Do you have cat eye on your nails? I do. I want. I want to be firm about it. I do. I wonder if I took my medication today. I am bouncing allergies. I also have this, like, effect on people. I'm very spacey loopy, so it kind of rubs off on other people around me. Are you on medication?

Not anymore. I was on Lexapro. Ah. Okay. I was on Lexapro for a little bit, and I'm on it again because I have PMDD. Do you know what PMDD is? Yeah, you've spoken about it on the podcast. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry. Marge is like, let's not get into that. You could talk about it again. Oh, my gosh. Well, I learned that, um, AODD people, so like autistic and ADHD, um, D women can get, um, what's the, uh, PMDD? It's, um, perimenopause, right? Mm-hmm. Um, they could get it 10 years before neurotypical women can.

Ben, Ben, nice. It has something to do with how your brain processes serotonin. Interesting. Yeah. Well, I also learned for PMDD symptoms, and I don't know why scientifically it works, but I've tried it and it does work. So if you have extreme mood swings, do you have mood swings at all right before your period? No, I just get really hungry and eat a lot.

I have intense mood swings, but peptid AC and Allegra. That combination, like, makes you feel better. and I don't know why it's something to do with like histamines or whatever, but I did it last month, I did it this month, and I was like with the Lexa Pro, like, now the problem is I don't know when my period is coming. Oh, I hate that. Because like, it used to be like, oh, I can count out the days. But now it's like, well, if I take it, I feel better.

And I'm not having terrible mood swings. And now I'm just bleeding. Will they or won't they ovaries? Like, can you just be regular? Take them from me. I don't want them. Take them. But every doctor I have said has said, no, really invasive surgery. Historically, I've heard this so much. I had a friend who, like, I think for years was trying to get them out and just finally did. But it was like, you had to jump to hoops. It takes a long time. It also throws you into early menopause. And I was like, I don't think I want to be hot and steaming because I already run hot. Anyway, we've really come to the end. Kim, Kim, Kim knew money.

Would you date me? Absolutely. Oh my God, the pause before. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Well, no, okay. So, absolutely, especially in my whole face. Okay. We would do petty crimes on the daily.

You are, I will say this. You are a good accomplice because you were quiet. You didn't ask questions. I would like look and you would go on it. My friend Poonam, another good accomplice. I love Pudam. We went to England and I needed a shirt and we were in Primark. And the line was so egregiously long for me to buy a $5 shirt.

So I just put it on on the floor. And Poonum just said, and then I was like, let's go. And she was like, I just, I was like, shut up and let's go. So I made her an unwilling accomplice. Anyway, oh, do you have anything you want to promote? Oh. What should I promote? Book him for photos.

Oh yes. What's your website? What concept? That's wild. I also was like, I don't know. I guess we'll never know. Yeah. Okay, so if you want to see my photography work where I specialize in people in comedy,

so comedians, actors, directors, writers, others, anyone in comedy, you can go to www. Kimnewmoney.com. And if you want to see my skating, I'm actually repped by a stunt agent as a skater, which is crazy. You could just go to

newmoney.4ever on Instagram. Then I just kind of want to put it out there. So I've had one book published. I would like to publish a second book. So if there are any publishers out there that want to help me make a nice coffee table book of comedians. That'd be great.

My publisher was Andrews McNale. I think so. You don't even know. I don't read an email. But like I want like. Yeah, Andrews McNeil. I want like a nice solid like Tashon style.

I want to figure out how to get that Tashon style because that's what I wanted and they were like that's going to be very expensive because Tashins are really expensive. Well, we're expensive, Nicole. We are expensive. We are expensive.

How do I do that? Whatever. We'll figure it out. I'll have to figure it out not on this podcast. We have to end it. Okay, so if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can follow it. You can rate it five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Also, you could tell a friend or recommend the show on Reddit.

It actually really helps the show out. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me podcast at Gmail.com. I will read it. This person writes, Dear Nicole, my sweet little Peppa Pig slut, get ready for the porken of a lifetime.

We hook up in the public bathroom at Chili's where I always leave my phone number. We immediately start banging in the public stall. You're back to the door with my one foot on the toilet. You asked me to talk dirty to you while I'm fucking you, so I start listing off every discontinued item

on the Chili's menu by memory. Original chicken crisper, Shanghai Wings, the Monteree chicken. And finally, nacho burger! With that meaty memory, okay, you miss the chicken Caesar Pita,

which was my absolute favorite meal there. With that meaty memory, we both orgasm simultaneously so hard that we knock the hinges off the door, collapsing half naked onto the tile floor. To both our surprise, we're not alone. The bathroom is filled with onlookers

recording our post-quatus. Surprise, our sexy act has gone viral. So much as they bring back the old Chili's menu in the honor of our epic buck calling it the sloppy second chance menu available for a limited time from Joe Gonzalez. He him. Thank you, Joel.

What a treat. That was lovely. I love Chili's. What's the character a little bit? Oh, I say keep it short, But like this, I would say this is, this is a good length. It's a good time. It wasn't too long.

It wasn't too short. It really painted a picture. I really liked it. Yeah. Have you been to Chili's? I have been to Chili's. Have you been to the one in Encino? No.

Popping. Okay, we're going. Always a 30 minute wait. We're going. Food hot and fresh, delicious, delightful. Yeah, let's go. All right. Goodbye.

We have to do it to Chili's now. Bye. That was a headgum podcast. Thank you.