Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dating an Asexual (w/ Gigi Goode)

Episode Date: July 28, 2023

Drag queen Gigi Goode (Drag Race S12) joins Nicole for a supersized live episode of the podcast! They talk about her trans journey during the pandemic, how the type of people who are attracted to her has changed since transitioning, making friends through Tinder, and shares her experience being in a long term relationship with a partner who's asexual. She also tells just so many, bad, no awful, date stories.  Plus, an audience Q&A: Do queens get cozy on the set of Drag Race? Is it possible to date someone you're not attracted to? What's the best one-liner for a dating app? Dive in to find out!Recorded live at The Elysian 4/5/2023. Nicole wants to hear from you! Need some dating or relationship advice from Nicole and her guest? Submit your question to [e-mail] for a chance to have it answered on an upcoming special mailbag episode. Follow Nicole Byer: See Nicole on tour! Get tickets at linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Hi, hi, hello. Okay, do you have a burning question about dating, sex, or love that you'd like me and my guests to answer on the podcast? Okay, because you can send it to whywon'tyoudateme podcast at jamel.com for a chance to have it read on an upcoming special episode of the show. I hope to hear from you. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me?

Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Hi, motherfuckers! How are you? Okay, has any of you, like, have any of you come to one of my, like, live Why Won't You Date Me's before? Cool, great! Well, we're gonna have fun.

Before we start, I'll tell you, I left my house without my wig today. And the only reason I realized is because I pulled down the little visor to be like, oh, I have a lash stuck in. No hair! Okay! I'm going to intro my guest who is stunning, gorgeous, was on season 12 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Do you not know who it is? You seem so excited. You literally went, you don't know who it is? Okay, do you wanna take a guess? No, I don't.

No. Come on. Take a guess. RuPaul. Yes! Please welcome, from one season of Drag Race, RuPaul. No, it's Gigi, thank you so much for being here. Nicole.

Can I call you Nicole? You can call me whatever the fuck you want. How's everyone feeling? Wow. How are you feeling? You were wrong. You thought RuPaul was here. No, you were really close.

I get that a lot. Gigi, thank you truly so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Okay, let's get into it. So is she single? Is she dating? Is she like, I ain't telling you. You want to just like go right into it.

Yes, tell me. Who are you fucking? Is it a person or is it the sky? Listen, I have my suitors around the world in every city. You know, I'm a traveling girl. I live in the skies. What can I say? But yeah, in regards to LA, there's like, there's a few.

I would say yes, I'm single, but I am dating and it's awful. Oh, it's bad? It's the worst. Wait, are you on the apps? Yeah, all the apps. Really? Okay. And it's actually, it's the worst possible thing I should, I keep every time I log out,

I'm like, okay, this is the last time I'm getting on this app. And then I go to sleep for five hours and wake up and immediately open for the new notifications. It's not worth it it i can't do it anymore don't so i was like in therapy the other day and i was like oh lord the thought of getting to know somebody seems horrible and she because you've like be vulnerable and shit and be like this is when my mother died you know like? Always on the first date, too. Well, you can't make dead mom jokes unless they know your mother's dead.

Yes. But when you can, you know that there's a second date. Yes, yes. When they're just like, ha ha. Yes, you're like, all right, I got him hooked. Shouldn't have laughed, but you know, that was funny. I'm like, I will suck your dick. But just the thought of that, just like, I don't know.

I was thinking about it. I was like, so it was like two years of a pandemic. I mean, it's not done. People are still getting sick, but we just don't care anymore. But it was like, we came out of that, came out, and we're still in it. It's like, but anyway, it's like, we all have this collective trauma that no one's talking about. And're all like ha ha ha life is okay and i'm just like i can't no and yet somehow it always we can't talk about it but it always comes up in every

conversation especially on dates does it how was your pandemic oh, that is a question. It's like, it was great. It was inside, I made bread. No, it was terrible. Yeah. Wait, so for like one full month during the pandemic, I only ate pizza. Yeah. That was like how my pandemic went. Was there any weird months for you?

It's a time of experimentation for sure. No, the pandemic for me was mostly becoming trans. Oh, you know, that's a change. Yeah, it does. I mean, also pizza along the way. Yeah, my big thing was like, I have heartburn because I ate pizza for 31 days. Yeah, uh-huh.

And whenever that question comes up on dates, how was your pandemic? For me, it was being trans. They're immediately like, and then go to the bathroom and don't come back. Wait, has that really happened? Only once.

Don't awe. It's okay. It's not on stage telling you this shit for you to awe. Yeah. Trauma. No.

Trauma. Trauma. It's only happened once, but in my head and in conversations, I like to embellish things. It's happened so many times. Wait, so you said you were trans and then they said, I'm going to the bathroom.

And then they never came back? Yeah. And then did they like unmatch you? Yes, on Hinge. Yep. Unmatch me on Hinge. And I was like, what? The gall.

The gall. The absolute gall. I mean, I truly would be like, confused. I know, I was left with the bill. Rude. That's when you get a PI, track them down and be like, you owe $15.72. But you want to know something. That's half the bill.

Here's the thing is, he left his keys at the table. He did. And I, I mean i stay i was gonna finish my meal i was having a great time the drink just arrived and i stayed there for like a good half an hour after that the keys never were picked up so i was just kind of like okay well he's waiting in the parking lot or something like waiting for me to leave what a perfect metaphor for being a bigot like you just like can't get anywhere warm it's not worth it it's just cold you're just outside how will i ever get inside again i don't know let love into your heart and then maybe you could go inside no what he did was he went on grinder immediately after how wild people are nuts i hate it i hate it

okay so is that the worst date you've been on or have you been on worse sir is that a word i don't know that was a piece of cake because at least there was no confrontation you know what i mean i actually um i've been on some pretty bad date i think the worst date i've been on was who's got snacks what kind of snack is that? It sounds like Cheez-Its. Is it popcorn? What is it? It's popcorn. Ooh, that's how fat I am. I heard a bag open and said, sounds like popcorn.

And they're like, you're right. What kind? See if you can catch one in your mouth. What kind of popcorn? Fuck that. I don't need that. Call me when you have pirate's booty. Ooh, there we go.

Yes. Okay, before we were rudely interrupted by Skinny Pop. If I had a nickel. No, okay, so I went on this date, actually very recently with this guy, and it was the first time from Grindr, regrettably. It was the first time I'd been on a date with a guy after only like a few messages being exchanged okay and it was very he was very like i think you're beautiful i'd love to take you out what are

you doing tonight and miraculously i had nothing going on so i went on this date we i we i picked the restaurant the first sign he was like oh you want to go there? And I was like, ah, this probably isn't going to work out. But he's really hot, and he's 6'3". Ooh. I mean, you guys, there's... I mean, pretty people are forgiven for so much. Yeah. Like, 6'3", pretty, kind of rude, that's fine.

No, I know. I'll suck the dick. My standards fall through the floor as soon as they're taller than me. I'm there with you. It's an affirming thing. fall through the floor as soon as they're taller than me. I'm there with you. It's an affirming thing. But yeah, so we got to this dinner

and he was so Republican. Like more than I have ever actually personally experienced. Was he wearing like a MAGA hat? Might as well have been. He really might as well have been. I mean the whole conversation was like

you know when I'm on a date I like to ask people like okay this is gonna be big but like what's the dream like what do you what do you want to achieve in this life because to me that i like that says a lot about you right off the bat and some people have great answers and this person was like um i just don't believe people need to have dreams. And I was like, I was like, yeah, for sure. I get it.

I get it. But, um, his whole, like his whole spiel was like, he's looking for, I literally word for word. He's looking for a woman to be at home,

taking care of the kids with meals prepared. And I, I was like, is he paying? Well, he's the breadwinner and that was when i mean does he have a good job yeah i mean he paid for the meal it was expensive meal but i you know when i went into like my dreams and aspirations he was very much like yeah i don't i mean i just would love for there to be a woman that like follows me to where i need to go

and is there when I need her. At one point I asked him, I was like, are you a mama's boy? Are you a daddy's boy? And he was like, I love my mom, of course, but I just feel for my dad. He's just been through so much as a man. And it was like, I mean, we could keep talking about this, but this is the gist of the date. And this was one of the dates that I almost went to the bathroom and didn't come back to the table.

It was so... When we left, we were in the parking lot. I had valet and he didn't. So he doesn't have money. Yeah. Or he found a really good parking spot, which is even worse. Uh-huh. Or he found a really good parking spot, which is even worse.

So we were leaving, and on our way out, I dropped all of my food in my boxes. I dropped it on the ground, and there was a bunch of people, and I was scrambling to pick it up. People came over to help, and he was just standing there staring at me, watching me pick up this food, and I was like, thank you. And so eventually food got picked up. We walked 10 more paces, and he just looked. And I was like, thank you. And so eventually food got picked up. We walked 10 more paces. And he just looked at me and was like, all right, good night. And turned and left.

So he had as much of a bad time as I did. Oh, my God. I'm still stuck on I don't think people need dreams. Yes. Do you want to know what the moral of the story is, though? What? Dating straight men is really hard. Yeah, you're telling me.

They're all so poorly behaved. Yeah. I've only met, like, two that are nice. Yes. And the world's full of them. And they're probably just your friends now. I mean, more or less, yes. Yeah, yeah.

Acquaintances. God. The other most recent experience I had and i'll keep this short because this happened you don't have to we're here for a minute oh well we have a lot to talk about i've been dating sort of these two guys right now of course neither of them know about the other um and they don't need to know no they don't and they never they probably never will actually no because they're definitely if they listen to the podcast they're gonna know exactly who they are they're straight yes they're they're

straight men yes yes i only have three straight listeners and every now and again someone will be like i'm your fourth literally yes and i might keep living nearby well this so this is a... I have nothing to give a straight man. I'm on the verge of... I am this close to giving up on straight men altogether. I am. Unfortunately, they're the only ones that want to date me. I've done it. I deactivated my dating things. Well done. I can't do it anymore. I mean, as soon as I clock out of this, I'm probably...

Clock out! I'm actually probably... Yeah. I'm actually probably yeah yeah no okay so these last two guys that were dating in the span of like two days I kid you not both of them this is very topical by the way both of them texted me

a link to the trans ban on sports and they were like what are your thoughts on this and i was like um i hate it i hate it no but really i was like what do you what did you expect me to say to that and of course i was like i i mean it's come it's it's unjustifiable it's completely unreasonable it's not a. It's completely unreasonable. It's not a thing that should be a thing. And they were like, you know, I have to disagree.

I know, I know. And I- Wow, ballsy. One of them was like, I would love to talk to you about this. Like, I would love to really get your feel and then never texted me back. And it's been a week.

The other one, we did have a conversation about it. And it was, I was like, it's so, like inside of the straight man's mind is a very, it's a complicated place. Yeah. It really is. It's like this whole victim mentality. And it's like, the world was built for you.

What are you talking about? It's 100%. Wait, that is so wild to send you like, what do you think about this? That's like if someone was like, hey, what do you talking about 100 wait that is so wild to send you like what do you think about that that's like if someone was like hey what do you think about slavery and i'm like well i think it's bad it was unjust and they're like actually you know i beg to differ has a good work ethic why did you hear what i have to say yes exactly exactly wait that is so wild also wait i don't even i've i stopped watching the news there's a ban on trans athletes yes so so this is where i'm finding it out i know welcome to the news um trans women i mean i don't know all the ins and outs of this either but trans women

effectively are not allowed to compete against cis women in title holding sports so they can't go into the olympics they can't go into whatever else goes on in sports about that and then some cis women with more testosterone can't compete as well no i was like is that a thing that's a thing yes which is like rude yeah to me they were just born that way like lady gaga did the song like did we not exactly that's what i've been thinking this whole time a hundred percent no but it's it's to me it's just like a no brain even to these cis women it's like you can't like the bill is essentially saying trans women can't complete in sports because they're big gorillas you know and they're big

they're heavy and fast and and can lift a lot of weights and they were born men. So genetically they can compete better than cis women. And it's like, what happens if a five foot two beach volleyball player, trans woman comes in and, you know, can't lift more than a $10. I'm so weak, but I can hit a volleyball. Exactly. Here's the thing about the whole trans thing. I'm like, are they bothering you? Like, is this group of people bothering you?

They're bothering me. The trans people are bothering you? No, not the trans people. I don't identify. I was like, well, tell us why. I don't identify with the trans people. No, but truly, I'm just like, what are we, like, nosy neighbors? Who fucking cares? I don't, with the trans people. No, but truly I'm just like, what are we, like nosy neighbors? Who fucking cares?

I don't, like, who cares? Live your life. Have a nice time. Exactly. So to me, the base of all of it is it's going to come, to me, I believe, and maybe I'm just too optimistic, but I believe that it's eventually just going to come to that and people are going to be like,

ugh, whatever, you know, let them compete. That's what I think. I feel like someone just went, Wow, a Debbie Downer over here is in the popcorn front? I don't know. They're empty with their bag and they're like, I don't know.

Wait, okay. So, when did you start dating? Did you start in high school? High school. Yeah, actually, the first relationship I was ever in was with the captain of the basketball team. Oh, my God. I know.

He turned out to be crazy. Oh, my God. What do you mean by, like, crazy? So, I actually don't know what he's doing right now, but... Well, he's here now. No, I'm kidding. Start sweating. Imagine.

No, and so, in high... I mean, of course, in high school, the relationship lasts like a month. So we dated for probably a month. And the first thing, obviously, that was annoying was people, you know, we would hold hands in the hallway. And he was very gay. My school was very progressive as far as schools go. Well, you're also young. So, like, high school wasn't that far away no in the grand scheme of things no not really yeah but i mean it's changed so much since

then even like we can get into that too but um regardless he one thing led to another he was kind of like um didn't know he's huge he did not know his own strength and at one point he like hugged me really tight or something and i jokingly was like oh my god you could have broken all my bones and he took that very personally oh no he did and it was like i mean he like didn't show up to school for a week he i he That is a progressive school. My feelings were hurt. I shan't be coming in. Yes. Yeah.

Sure. He still got a full ride, of course. But it was, and my friends were like, what did you say to him? Like, he's not good. Like he tried taking pills. He tried doing this. He was doing this. I was like, we're 16.

They're like, he overdosed on Advil. What did you say? Exactly. Oh my God. That was when I broke up with him you were like let's put a nail in that coffin and then he never came back to school I don't yeah I don't know I mean I can't wait so did you date a lot in high school i don't know that life i was very pimply and round i mean i was like to me i was rather than accepting the fate of bullies or something like that i did the complete opposite and i pretty much lived like as loud as i possibly could smart which you know it was it was a tax it's smart yeah because you're like i'm doing. And everyone's like, all right, bitch. There's full musical numbers every day. Like flash mobs.

I'm me. Do bop, do bop. Picture Rachel Berry. I dated a lot in high school, but mostly like Tinder. You were on Tinder in high school? Yeah. I met one of my best friends today on Tinder. You met a friend on Tinder?

Yes. Yeah. We dated at first. He lived in Wisconsin. I lived in Illinois. My mom would drive me up to his house. What the fuck? Yes.

Your mom was like, we gonna get you, fuck. Well, here's the thing. No, but then you ended up being friends. So I love to date, but I've always been petrified of sex. And I still very much am. And so as soon as I would get to his house, I'd be like, do you mind if I sleep in the guest house? Oh his house i'd be like do you mind if i sleep in the guest house oh and i'd be like you can stay in your room your mom would drive you up there

and drop you off yeah and then drive back down and then she'd have dinner first but wait this is i can't what yeah i i mean maybe it's like a black white thing my mother was like i was so round and so pimply there was no chance of me getting pregnant or fucking anybody truly and my mom was like keep all the doors open i'm like there's six of us in here of course that was yes that was a rule yeah i mean no i don't know what my mom was thinking actually in hindsight that was a bad idea but she probably knew that she she knew that i was not about to do anything you know like was she also one of those moms who was like drink in my house no the alcohol was not i mean i didn't have a sip of alcohol till i was 21 really and i'll just i mean my mom drinks a lot of wine of

course who doesn't but um yeah no she was she was pretty strict on the alcohol drug use. Okay. But you met someone on Tinder. Yeah. This is wild to me. I like your mother. Well, to be fair, I did lie to my mother, and I said we met at Theater Fest. Oh.

Okay, now it's fucking making sense. Yes, yeah. I truly thought your mom was like, yes, get it! She didn't even know what Tinder was. She's very progressive. Okay, now I'm on board. Yeah.

So wait, have you ever been in a long-term relationship? Really? What's it like? It was great. Yeah? It was really good. It seems great.

It was actually really boring. I was in a relationship for like two years in college. Two years? Two years. Oh, that's so nice. We spent the night, almost every night together. Oh my God. Never once had sex.

Whoa. Never once had sex. Interesting. Never once had sex. Interesting. And then, I never even thought about it at the time. It just wasn't even a thing that occurred to me. I just was, you know, whatever. And then recently I went to stalk, we unfollowed each other. And I went to stalk his Instagram just because I was curious.

And he had come out as asexual. And I was like, oh, I get it. That makes perfect sense. Wait, did you ever initiate with him or no you were just like i'm happy to just be a companion pretty much yeah no it was it just never really i don't know what to say it just never really happened no i feel you i mean looking back on it i was like what i'm usually very horny and i've been horny for like let's see I'm like 42 so like I've been horny for like 40 years and

yeah I hit my terrible twos and I was like gobble gobble give me a cock but uh sick but I recently Sick. But I recently got on birth control. Me too. Someone just clapped for me getting on birth control.

They were like, the horniness needed to stop. Yeah. And I have an implant in my arm, and it's maybe like slightly less horny. Yeah. Like, sometimes I'll be like, Ooh, I, I think I want a dick. And then I'll like eat something and be like, I was just hungry. No, it does. That receptor, it's the same receptor in your mind. Either will satisfy.

I'm telling you. No, but I didn't start getting horny until I started taking hormones. Oh, like really like actually getting horny and acting on it. Yeah, I know. started taking hormones oh like really like actually getting horny and acting on it yeah i know and they say most trans women say that your sex drive just drops when you start taking hormones like it just doesn't exist yeah i guess so that's nice it's great okay that's nice i like i miss being horny though do you a little bit But do you find that it was kind of a distraction? I'm pretty successful, so no. It's time for you to get your flowers.

I mean, I built an empire. An empire, who am I? An empire. I built my empire. I was thirsting for cock. I love what you've done with the place. But I mean, yeah, I just, I don't know. This podcast started because I was horny.

Yeah. And my friend was like, you should talk about that. It's true. No, as soon as you asked me to come on here, I was like, oh, I've got some stories to tell. Okay, so tell me a story. Okay, so tell me a story. Okay, so. Just kidding. Okay, tell me a story of like, let's see, we did the

worst date. What's like the most romantic date you've been on? Oof. Another thing straight guys have a tough time with. It's true. I don't... Actually, I went to Santa Monica

Pier recently with some guy because he wasn't from here. He's from out of the country and he really wanted to go see the pier. What country? Poland. Oh! Oh! What a weird reaction. I'll own it. I just don't think i've ever met anyone from poland

i hadn't either until this man what do polish people look like blonde yeah no oh no but white tall that's the only thing i can remember right now is that he was tall. Polish people are white. I mean, yeah, he's white. Yes, he's white. Yes. It seems like a very Polish thing, yeah. Okay, so you go to Santa Monica Pier with a Polish. Yes, with a Polish. One of them.

Just one of the Polish. Yes. There was, I mean, there was nothing crazy that happened. It was just like, I don't know, when you go to Santa Monica Pier, you just kind of imagine, oh, I'll be here with a maybe a boy one day it's like that and then of course that happened and it was too cold and he was like can we leave oh that is kind of a bummer yeah it was i'm trying to think of a date that i

went on outside that someone was like boo oh i was like boo i went on a park date you're like get me out of here yeah i was like oh i don't want to be in this park. Was it here? It was here. What park? It was Elysian Park, I think. Right around the corner.

Yeah, right around the corner by Dodger Stadium and he dropped a pin and I was like, I don't know how to get to this pin. So it took me a while

to get to the pin and I just, everything about him was like bad. Yeah. It was just like off. I've come to expect to the pin. And I just, everything about him was like bad. Yeah. It was just like off. I've come to expect that though, I think. Like that's like a good, I always go to a date feeling like everything is going to be bad.

This is going to be the worst person I've ever met. And usually if I'm lucky, I'm surprised. But if I'm not, then I already knew it was coming. That's how I go into dates. I'm like, who gives a shit if I'm late? This person's going to be an asshole. Oh, I'm not, then I knew it was coming. That's how I go into dates. I'm like, who gives a shit if I'm late? This person's going to be an asshole. Oh, I'm always late. Same.

Always late. You're in charge when you're late. Yes. Or not. I guess they're in charge because you're like, I'm sorry I'm late. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how to date.

It's all bad. I don't either. We're learning. Wait, Gigi, I want to ask you something other than dating shit. Please. How do you get so good at to ask you something other than dating shit. Please. How do you get so good at braiding hair? I don't know. If you guys don't know, you did most of Simone's wigs for her season of Drag Race.

I did all of them, yeah. Oh, you did all of them? I mean, these are the blackest black wigs I've ever seen. Who taught you? I don't know. Or did you self-taught? You know, my mom always says like i've been braiding her hair for church since i was like three or four and she was good enough for her to wear to church so

i don't know but um i i remember all of my hair journeys started with american girl dolls oh which american girl doll did you have i had two kaya. Oh, you're younger than me. Kaya. I don't know who the fuck Kaya is. She's a Native American one. Oh, okay. I think she was introduced at the end of My American Girl. No, she was one of the original, isn't she? No. No, sorry.

The original's Kirsten. How dare you? Samantha. Samantha. Molly. Molly. Addie was added. I had Addie.

And I did not want Addie. I had Addie. I say, you can't brush this bitch's hair. I already have that on my head. I don't need that in front of me. Yeah. And then also I was like does she have to be a slave? But then she like makes it to freedom. Listen. It's an empowering story

you know for young women everywhere. But isn't it like let's just have a free black bitch with hair I can brush. Exactly. Several have come since. Oh and Felicity. I forgot about that red-haired bitch that red yeah of course but wasn't she like a friend of somebody else's like she wasn't a real one was she she was a real one because it was like kirsten felicity felicity what did addy samantha molly yeah josefina oh my cousin had josefina this is when i wanted to get kaya it was Oh my cousin had Josefina

This is when I wanted to get Kaya It was because my cousin had Josefina And she had the longest hair Of all the duels And I decided I need to get a doll With longer hair And so I got Kaya because her hair was down to her ankles Down to her ankles

But I had two Because the first one I cut into a bob Oh Rewarded for bad behavior to her ankles. But I had two because the first one I cut into a bob. Oh. Rewarded for bad behavior. My mom used to bribe me to audition for the local children's productions

with American Girl dolls. That's so funny. I love that. Yeah. I had Samantha because she was like kind of a bitch. Yeah.

And my sister had Molly. She had the braids. She had two braids. Molly had two braids. Samantha had like a luscious like flip of brown hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I cut my sister's Molly doll hair and she was like, who did this?

And I was like, yeah, who did this? Yeah, yeah. So I recently sent her a new one to say I was sorry I found one on eBay. That is so sweet. But I didn't say it was from me. So... She called me in, like... She was, like, in...

Like, she was having a traumatic moment. She was like, somebody sent me this doll! I don't know why they sent me this doll! And you're like, who sent that? Again, I was like, who was it? And for like two days, I let her believe that some weirdo sent it to her. Yeah.

I wouldn't have told her. Well, she called again and she was like, I just don't know who has my address. She doesn't want to touch it. You should start moving it when she's not home and be like katherine oh my god your molly tall moves i send her a lot of things and don't tell her it's me until she calls it she's like why is there i sent her like 10 cookie cakes that spelled out happy birthday yeah it spelled out happy birthday so like her and the doorman had to arrange this.

She had to arrange her own birthday cake. You bitch. Yeah, and she's constantly like, please don't send me anything else for my birthday. And I'm like, sorry about it. I'm going to send you 20. I'm a bad sister. I like it.

I wish so bad I had a sister growing up. I would have had way more fun, I think. Are you an only child? Oh, no. No, no. Oh, wait. So you have brothers? I have two older brothers, yeah.

How old are they? One of them is a year older than me. Okay. And the other one is 35, 32. And is he single? I don't... No, no, no. They're not.

They're not single. No. So I can't be part of your family. No. And people have tried. Really? They've tried. You've had friends be like, come on, let me get in that.

They've tried to swindle the brothers. Swindle the brothers. Oh, yes. Are they cute? Um... No. Yeah. Yes.

yeah yes I mean you know I would say there's there's a pot to every kettle as my friend Grant would say in the audience that's not the right saying is it not? a pot to every kettle?

a lid to every pot? a pot has a lid yes every pot has a lid because a kettle is a tea thing you know what it's yeah it's okay

it's okay we're not cooking. God don't give with both hands. I'm waiting for my pot to close me up. I think I might know a guy.

Wait, do you have any friends that you could hook me up with? I don't really talk to straight people very much. They don't have to be straight listen my door's open to any old person then yeah but i also don't identify as anything do not perceive me people keep like nominating me for like queer stuff and i was like i'm not queer i'm just nicole it feels honorary to me at this point it is a little honorary but i feel weird taking space from people who talk about their queer experience where i'm just like oh i'll just fuck anything

just lie and it's nice you can just pretend i get pretend no i'm just kidding gg this is bad advice you're like take up space and lie exactly can't wait to see how this turns out you're like a villain i love it wait okay i have lindsey my assistant she did research and i oh mark off things that i wanted to talk about i see they're highlighted okay oh we already did that Oh okay So wait You started doing drag After you moved to LA

And went on a Tinder date With the manager of Mickey's in West Hollywood Kinda I started making money From drag that way I don't know how Lindsay does it

But like I'll say things And people are like Ha Yes Yeah where did she find that I don't know Who knows I started doing drag When I was like 12 This was not Yes. She's great. Yeah, where did she find that? I don't know. Who knows?

I started doing drag when I was like 12. This was not, I didn't go on a Tinder date with the manager of Mickey's when I was 12. Good, because we'd have to go get him. All of us together would have to go get him. Pillage. And be like, arrest this man. No, so I've been doing drag for a very long time. But in LA was when it became a money making. Wait, where are you from?

Woodstock, Illinois. Have you ever seen Groundhog Day? No. With Bill Murray? No. You're not missing much. It's a great movie though. But it was filmed in my hometown.

That's the only thing that anyone knows about my hometown. Maybe I'll watch it one day. Maybe so. You'll get a good chuckle, I'm sure. Oh, a good chuckle. I love a good chuckle. You deserve it. I deserve it.

Okay, so you're from Woodstock, New York. You make, no. Woodstock, Chicago. No, Woodstock, Illinois. All of it. And then you made your way to LA. Yeah, I dropped out of college after two years. And came straight to LA to be a makeup and hair artist on set for celebrities.

Okay. And did that for a little while. And it was awful. And I hated it. Because I realized I only wanted to do it on myself. I don't enjoy taking notes from people. I don't like taking notes from people. I don't like making changes to something I've already done

based on somebody else's critiques. That's also why I dropped out of college. But yeah, so shortly after I moved here, I matched with the manager of Mickey's West Hollywood. And we went on a little date. And as soon as I got to the date, he said, actually, nevermind. But do you do drag?

And I was like, well, yes, I do. And then he hired me to work at Mickey's instead. That is so wild. Let's go out. Actually.

Ew. Yeah. I would like to employ you. Yeah. Basically I, that was the compensation, you know, which great.

I mean that I got to quit my job I started working as a go-go dancer at Mickey's West Hollywood in drag not in my underwear well kind of both sometimes

but yeah so that's that's when I started working at Mickey's and I was there every week just dancing on a box

and taking people's dollar bills and that's how I paid my rent I got to quit my job. I met the house of Avalon, my best friends. And yeah. Did I hear one of them over there go, yeah.

There's a couple of them in here. Grant and Mark are here. But yeah, that's kind of, if it weren't for this Tinder date, I think with the Mickey's WeHo manager, I probably would not be sitting here right now. I love that. Yeah. Tinder, bringing people together. In many different ways. he's we home manager i probably would not be sitting here i love that yeah tinder bringing people together until it's it is really different ways it's the theme of the night i love that yeah

okay here's another question so you did drag race obviously so after drag race were there like people in your dms being like let me fuck you please you're on're on TV. Give it to me. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which is fun. I love the attention. Of course, I'm going to double tap and be like, oh, thanks.

And, you know, I'll never say no to a nude. But then as soon as I came out as trans, all those people never DMed me again. Okay. And then a whole new flood of people came in. And it was all the straight men that are either undercover or proud or what have you. But it's a whole different dynamic, I'm telling you.

I can imagine. Like, an undercover dude is, like, is weird. Anybody who's not living authentically, I'm like, aren't you tired? Exactly. Like, aren't you just, like, exhausted from, like, no, no, I don't like it, but I do. Exactly. Plus, I would never, I mean, it's such a waste of my time to go on a date with somebody who's not willing to show me off in public because, I mean, I'm going to put on this outfit.

I look great. What can I say? You don't want to show me to your friends? I mean, come on. Yeah. I want someone to show me to their friends. You're like, here's my crazy girlfriend and I'm like

and then sends you home just look at her for a little while and then she can go we let her out for long enough go home Nicole I'm like okay I'm just like dying for someone to like I don't know be silly with me I like also want to be in a relationship

that's like easy. Do you know what I mean? Where there's like a shorthand where I don't have to say everything. I just be like, meh. And he's like, uh oh,

she wants ice cream. You know? Yeah. You want a parental figure. A parental, honestly, maybe. No,

I get IG too. Cause like, I was watching this like, TED talk, like ted talking by watching i mean i was doing my makeup and tuning in every couple seconds and this man was like you're just searching for the first relationship that was shown to you which is like your parents and you're just searching for that dynamic over and over and over again interesting and i was like well mine died early so i'm just looking for someone to take care of me. I mean, wow. I mean, if it's right, it's right. And you know what?

I wish you the best of luck on that journey. Thank you. I just want someone to brush my hair and fuck me. I could do one of those. I won't tell you which. I have a feeling it's just brush my hair. Wah, wah. What was, so like after Drag Race, obviously you've like, you know,

a whole different fan base of people that didn't know you before. Do you think that like influenced your drag or your art in any way? Like, did you ever get like conscious of like, oh, I might disappoint people if i don't do x y and z no no i mean of course like i i i promised myself from the beginning that i'm not i was not going to read the comments especially the bad ones but but of course i mean you can't like you have hundreds

of people saying something about you of course you're going to be a little curious. And I'll scroll from time to time. And I have learned, thankfully, to make fun of the bad comments. And I don't take any of that personally. And I just focus on the good compliments. But I've never done my drag for anyone else ever. I love that. I don't see really the point in doing that. I like to welcome people in on the joke.

Like this is what I'm doing. If you get it, you get it. If you don't sit and enjoy, but you know, the show, the show will be over soon. Um,

but yeah, no, it was, and I, you do see that sometimes. Um, a lot of Queens get influenced by people's terrible, awful comments,

which is a whole other conversation. People just don't know how to enjoy drag the way it was meant to be enjoyed. And they watch people on their TVs every single week critiquing drag queens. So all of a sudden, they think they're allowed to critique drag queens. And really, you are not.

No, just enjoy the show. Enjoy the show. Tip the girls. It's so not serious at all. And so I'm glad and i think like all of my we all kind of have that mentality me and my friends and um it's i think it's served us well we're just kind of doing our own thing and collecting people along the way who are for us and pushing people outside who are against us so i love that i sometimes will be like, oh, maybe I should stop talking about X, Y, and Z. Like, I went to the Bahamas and

I talked about it on Jimmy Kimmel and it seemed as such the whole nation came after me. Because it's not just one island, it's like 700 islands. A bunch of people were so mad at me this one lady took the time to make a video while she was laying in her bed wearing her little satin cap and she called me peppa pig slut and and in that moment i was like wait maybe i should like think about things before i like talk about them and then i was like wait what this is great

exactly i made so many people mad because I fell off a jet ski. It doesn't matter. If people are talking about you, it doesn't matter how they're talking about you as long as they're talking about you. Yes. Wait, that's a quote from somebody, right? Kim Kardashian. Is it? I don't know.

Oh. Probably. Well, it's like, no, all press is good press. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does someone's who that quote is cool great a bunch of useless people okay that's awful no you guys are wonderful do you have any advice for me as a single lady i i think i i mean take your own advice towards your career and just don't take it so seriously. And for me, it's like, if somebody, if a fan is not going to be for your content,

if in the same way a guy is not immediately for something you're about, you should probably just cut it, move on, and on to the next one. I don't know. Of course, there's compromise and there's things that can be done. but there are red flags that happen very quickly that i think a lot of women tend to just ignore and say this is something i can probably look past but odds are it's probably

not going to change so i mean i went on two dates with a man who wore suspenders so both times yes and you know that's a tough that is a tough one and then he was the one who said i don't really feel a spark how'd that make you feel not good because i was like surely he'll stop wearing the suspenders. Did you say anything about it? No. Well, on the first date, I was like, oh, suspenders. And he was like, yeah. And I was like, OK. This was a couple of years ago.

And the date wasn't good. He was rather boring. But then he asked me out again. And I was like, well, I don't know. Maybe it'll get better. But then second date, wore suspenders again. Wore suspenders, yeah. And then was even more boring. And so I was just turning it up, really serving it to him.

And then almost immediately, I got in my car, and I was like, ba-doop. And it was like, hey, I don't really feel a spark. Best of luck. And I was like, best of luck? You wear suspenders. You're a Keebler elf who wears suspenders. He got to you first. He really did.

It was devastating. If I had seen suspenders for the second time, I probably would have been like, so how many pairs of suspenders do you own? I should have said that. Or I'd have been like, do you have a problem keeping your pants up? Or is this a choice?

How about a belt? I know some great belts. I know belts. I know tailors i can help you i don't know i don't think i've given up on love but i'm tired no i'm good yeah i mean it's it's not the easiest thing no and it's not easy especially when you're you know in in some form of a limelight of some kind. You have an audience and you have a platform. It's hard. And thankfully I think something that's been different

dating straight men versus gay men is that most straight men have no idea who I am, have never seen me before and that's really exciting to just get to actually know somebody before they've seen me cry on national television about being non-binary or something.

And so, yeah, I don't know. It adds another layer, but yeah, I guess just find someone who doesn't have social media. Well, the men I date usually don't know who I am, which is like, yeah, they're straight men. I have nothing to offer straight men. Every straight man has seen Nailed It before. You'd be surprised.

A lot of them haven't. They don't like joy. Let's talk about that. Are there straight men here? I saw one hand and a yes. Sorry, we're just shitting on you this whole show. God, that was so funny. I kind of just assumed this was all women and queer people in here.

I mean, there will be. So my demographic is women, queer people, and then a boyfriend whose girlfriend brought him. Yeah, me too. Oh, that's your daughter. And did she bring you? Yeah, there we go. But I'm sure it's enlightening.

The straight men are never making a pilgrimage to me. Yes. On their own. You know, life's all about perspective, I think. So thanks for being here. Yes, thank you for being here. Wait, how old is your daughter? Have I said fuck too much?

She has TikTok. Wait, is this okay? Are fuck too much? She has TikTok. Wait, is this okay? Are you too young? No, she's like, I'm fine. Leave me alone. Oh my God. Oh, that's sweet. I love that you brought your dad.

Like, that's so nice. Listen, straight men who have daughters get a pass. They do. They're nice. They're kind. Yes. Other straight men who have daughters get a pass. They do. They're nice. They're kind. Other straight men, that one in the back, I don't like you! Wait, are you here with

a significant other? Yeah, that's what I thought. I have never done a show, stand-up, live episode of a podcast where a straight man's like, I'm on my own! He's never heard of either of us. There's something refreshing about that. Yeah. One day.

One day a straight man will be like, I came for you! And I'll be like, ew. Yeah. Yeah. We're evil. GG. yeah for evil okay what are you looking for like what is what is the perfect person

for you they have to be hilarious okay this is this is not a kind of hilarious like I need to be like my food needs to be spitting out. I'm laughing so hard. But like is it cerebral?

Are they doing pratfalls? You know what? I could do without the physical comedy I think. I could do without the physical comedy. Maybe once or twice would be I could get a chuckle but clever. They need to be really clever. So like you're sitting here maybe once or twice would be I could get a chuckle but clever

they need to be really clever so like you're sitting here you're eating your waffles at brunch you don't want a man to like round the corner from the bathroom and be like no no I don't know that I don't know that that

would catch my eye I mean I'm sure it would catch my eye. And then he falls over a chair and he's like, ah! Of course I'd be like, I'm filming it. No, not interested in that actually at all. Okay, fair. No. And then this is not a deal breaker, but preferably taller than me.

Okay. Because that is something I have found that I never, never was one. All of my exes have been shorter than me in the past, like in my, in my old life. Sure. And,

um, I have found that going on dates with men who are, I mean, significantly shorter than me, just kind of the whole time makes me feel like a man. I guess. I don't know, which is,

it's terrible. And I've gone on all the nicest men are really short. They have to be. All the best, like all, yeah. And maybe that's the secret. And that's something that I'm,

I'm working on, you know? Yeah. I'm learning to like a short cake. Yeah. I feel like whenever I go on a date with someone who's shorter than me or like thinner than me, I'm like, I'm the biggest thing in the world

and I just feel there's nothing bad about being big or fat like I embrace it I love it but like there is something about feeling a little dainty there's something about it but that's just your inner saboteur it is my inner saboteur

it is yeah It is my inner saboteur. It is. It is. Yeah. Wow. Not to take it there. No, no. You're absolutely right. Yeah.

It's all like in my big dumb brain. Yeah. I'm also speaking to myself and everyone in the audience. Yes, I love this. Yeah. We need to just like be okay with the way people look and like them from the inside. Is it so hard? Yes. It is.

Yeah. Because you know when you like see someone at first and you're like, oh, yuck. And then you're like, oh, now I have to talk to them for a couple hours. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, that wasn't so bad. They're actually really great and they're checking all the boxes. so you know like i said not a deal breaker could could do without it it's only gonna help if they're tall and actually it's probably gonna be worse because it'll distract me from all the terrible things about them um but then the the other thing that's

so important to me is that you you have got to have some sort of an aspiration or a path or a like you need to be working on something you have to have something going for you that's not going like i don't know we need to have our separate lives do you know how um frida kahlo lived with her husband no they had two houses with a bridge oh i love that that is what i'm looking for i want too. I do not want to share a bed with you. Well, not every night. We can have sleepovers, of course. Yeah, I want sleepovers, but I do want to sleep alone sometimes.

Also, I don't want you putting your stink on my house. Like, I picked out everything to where it goes. And I don't care to collaborate on decor. No. I know exactly what my future house is going to look like, and no man is going to infringe on that. Yes, I fucking agree. And sure, my house has a fucking saucepan

in the middle of my TV room because there was a leak, but I put it there for a reason. Well, let me tell you, every saucepan has a lid. So. I think my lid, i want them to be i don't know if you saw this but their name is laura pippin scotty pippin's ex-wife she said in an interview that they fucked like five times a night every single night see i don't want that either 30 years of marriage that sounds exhausting wear me out okay like when I get divorced from someone, I want to look like a tire.

Like I want my whole to be blown out. Yeah. Like I want someone to be like, she's used goods, but I think I could work with it. That's what like, I want to be loved so hard. Going to give that plastic surgeon a project.

Yes. It's like, I need a rejuvenation. He to give that plastic surgeon a project. Yes, yes. It's like, I need a rejuvenation. He's like, you need a whole new one, baby. That's what I want. And people are like, five times a night, that's too much. And I'm like, but is it? You can multitask. Right?

Do our taxes while he's like, fuck it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But I don't know. That seems fun. Just to be woken up constantly. Hey! Roll over.

Okay. Does that sound fun? Honestly, yes. Okay. That's how badly I want to be loved. So far, I think this is the only

place we differ. Oh, okay. I think maybe like once a week I can do. Once a week? Yeah. Gee! I mean, I have things to do.

I have wallpaper to put up. That's honestly no joke. It took me 16 hours to put wallpaper on one wall in my room. Someone laughed too hard. Fuck you. It was so hard. It was peel and stick.

It is. Wallpaper's not easy. Oh my God. Are you doing peel and stick or are you doing pasted back? Pasted back? No. That feels familiar to me.

No, definitely peel and stick. But my mom is an interior decorator so she would probably rather I do the old fashioned way. Yeah, but peel and stick is renter friendly. Yes, and my Amazon cart is just full of those peel and stick

tiles and all those that I'm never going to buy and use. They're not great. Are they not? No, I bought some. I put them up. They looked real bad. Also, they hard to cut. Nobody tells you that. I had this like switchblade i don't know uh

you know like what is it called when it goes down in the thing and then pops up a box cutter type oh so everyone knows uh yeah i'm sorry to box cutter and i was like trying to cut around the outlet and it just like i was like having a very bad time yes all the diy shit on instagram is a lie it's all so hard and nobody's like i'm having trouble everyone's like look how easy it is girl well i mean that's when i'm making my tiktoks i just make them so it looks like what i'm doing is really easy and takes 10 minutes. So I get it. However. Leading to the trickery.

Yeah. I'm a part of the problem. Wait, what is that song? Me, I'm the problem. No, wait. Are you a Swifty? Oh, that's Taylor Swift? Yeah.

It's me. I'm the problem. How does it go? Me. Hi. Hi. Hi. I'm the problem. How does it go? Me. Hi. Hi. Hi. I'm the problem. Hi.

I'm the problem. It's me. It's me. It's kind of poetry. That's nowhere in my brain. The only thing in my brain is, ah, it's me. I'm the problem. It's just elevator music.

That's me. I just, I don't know the lyrics to any song. No, I don't either. I could not win that game. Do you do karaoke? I've done karaoke one time in my entire life because it's actually one of my greatest fears. Really? Yes. I'm a terrible singer. Maybe I told this story on the podcast. I don't remember. But I went to

Mexico and did a bunch of mushrooms and we played a fun game where it was like everyone else picks somebody else's song. No, no, no. So I picked that Evanescent song for my friend. The Wake Me Up Inside. Crowd pleaser.

Everyone was so excited. Of course. And then for me she picked She's Like the Wind because I love Patrick Swayze. And as I was singing it this white woman with cotton candy hair walked past me. And I was like,

is she real? Am I singing? But then I sang and danced with her. Yeah. And there's a video of it. Oh, she joined you. So she was real. Yeah.

Wow. It was wild. And then I went to the bathroom and I was like, there's demons out there. And then I was like, those are friends. And we all had that happen.

Have you ever done mushrooms? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking love them. They're great. They're wonderful. They are. They've quickly turned into a favorite activity among the group.

Yes. And micro dosing is nice. It is. You take like, so I get them crushed up in little pills. You take three little pills and then you're like, small talk is nice. You're doing like the real deal. Have you heard of the gummies? No, I haven't done the gummies.

That are like delicious sour candy. It's like, it's changed my life. I don't know what to tell you. No, I haven't done those. They are like, they're little micro doses. So if you take like two of them, you'll get almost a full situation. But if you just take one, it's cute. You go out to the club, you get your drinks, you're playing with your friends, having emotional moments.

Yes. But yeah, I love the gummies i don't know the to me the actual mushroom tastes kind of like um feet feet like feet and roasted pumpkin seeds yeah it's really gross yeah i don't like them but i'll do them and then uh i like chocolate too yeah on my birthday i just kind of microdosed the whole day and i was like oh i love everybody it was so nice yeah are they legal now almost i think here or decriminalized are they legal here oh okay everybody knows i said that so confidently too yeah you really did yeah they're decriminalized you can get them around the corner at the bodega yeah soon though i'm pretty sure.

Right? I feel like they're going to sell them here soon, no? I feel like they should. I've never done anything bad on mushrooms. I've only loved, hugged people, had a nice time, giggled. That's so sweet. Have you done bad things on mushrooms? You're like, that's sweet. I've murdered. That's sweet. I've robbed someone point blank.

No. Wait. Do you think you could rob someone? Yes. Really? GG. When I tell you I think I could rob a bank and get away with it. Really?

Probably not. But in my head, yes. That's wild. I think I could fully baby driver the shit out of that. Never seen that movie. It seen that movie but I knew you were referencing a movie it's about a baby that drives a car

but the baby is a part of this group that robs banks wait are you fucking with me no no seriously like an actual like goo goo gaga yeah no like two or three months but yeah no I'm not look it up like Goo Goo Gaga? Yeah. No. Like two or three months, but yeah. No. I'm not,

look it up. No. I mean, my phone is right, I'd want to. No. No. We can watch it later.

Okay, perfect. I love that. Don't worry about it. Wait, what are your dreams and aspirations? Because you've said it twice now that you want to find somebody who has dreams and aspirations.

I don't know. You know, one of my biggest dreams has kind of already come true, which was RuPaul's Drag Race. But of course, RuPaul's Drag Race to me is the, if you're smart, it's just the catalyst. Yes. It's the thing that launches you to the actual dream and for a lot of people that's the end all be all i don't know i think it's my it's ever changing i want to be a mogul like i would love to be a business woman i want to be like the trans kim kardashian yes you know um i would love to act on screen i would love to

be in a movie in a series i in a series. I am dying to walk a runway. Dying to. I've been wanting to do that for forever. But, you know, I don't know. Little dreams keep getting achieved in a really crazy way. I don't know.

Every single day I'm very... I can't believe I'm living the life that I'm living at all. I love that. Sometimes I'm very, I can't, like, I can't believe I'm living the life that I'm living at all. I love that. Sometimes I'm jaded and I wake up and I'm like, oh, my house is leaking. But it's like, don't you have a house? Exactly. Right.

Exactly. You're fine. No, I have my mom. When I got on, my mom did not know what Drag Race was when I auditioned for it. She had no idea. Wait, really? Yeah. No clue.

I mean, I'm sure she probably thought it was some web show or something. But she did know that, she always told me that if I ever got jaded or if I ever let it get to my head, then I would no longer be her child. And I was like, fierce. That's haunting. No, that's parenting.

I kind of like that. That's fun. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever get jaded jaded because I'm truly humbled at every corner. Yeah. I mean, it really paid. Your head gets big and someone's like,

bitch, no. Yeah, it comes and it bites you right in the back. Yeah. Yeah. I think like, yeah, I like get grateful sometimes and I feel kind of corny about it. Yeah. Like my best friend is this woman named Sashir Zameda.

This woman, you all know who she is. Every single person except for that man in the back knows who she is. But like I constantly will be like, I'm so grateful you're my friend. And we just kind of go back and forth with it. And it kind of like i don't know i feel like friends don't often tell their other friends how much they mean to them like i was really stone driving home last night and i had an epiphany i was like at the light turning to my house and i was like i love sashir so much because she doesn't correct me when i'm wrong and i'm wrong constantly

like and then you call her immediately and tell her that well I left her a very long voice memo where I was like you're my favorite because you don't correct me you just let me live in the wrong you know what I bet I bet you that made her smile she did she then left me a voicemail and she was it was just like really really sweet we do need to talk a little bit about how I think the key to success is friends and the people that you surround yourself with there's no way that you

can grow and evolve without people around you that you love and trust reading your ass down to the ground before building it back up you know and yeah I think I owe almost all of my success to my friends and family so i fully agree um yeah so she and i had a talk where we were like love relationships are important but

also friendships are could be more important and then i was like wait are you the most important person in my life and she's like i can't answer that and i was like, wait, are you the most important person in my life? And she's like, I can't answer that. And I was like, okay. I'll make the choice. You're the most important person in my life. No pressure. But yeah, like that friendship will always trump whatever romantic relationship I'm in. You're 100% right. I could do without love, but I couldn't do without friends.

I couldn't do without that love because it's so different and it's like not transactional and it's, she's not like looking for me to lick her pussy every night, you know? She's, you're 13,

I keep forgetting, you're so young. She just went, ha ha ha. You're cool. Wait, are you from LA? Where are you from? Maryland?

Did you make a pilgrimage to see me or were you here already? Oh my god, I want to like give you something but I don't have a single thing on me. Do you need water? She said no. Yeah, she truly was like but I don't have a single thing on me. Get us a water bottle. Do you need water? Oh. She said no. Yeah, she truly was like,

I'm self-sufficient. She's like, Dad, can we go now? This wasn't what I thought it was going to be. She's too dumb. Anyway. But yeah, I think friendships are super, super fucking important. When did you meet everyone in the house of Avalon?

Like when you first moved to LA? Yeah, like not, I mean, not even a year after I moved here. We're dancing on the box at Mickey's because they were hosts at Mickey's. And so on my break, I would go up to the little VIP booth and I was scared to talk to all of them. And then one by one, they would all come up and say hi to me. And I don't know, one thing led to another, and I moved across the street from them, and now they can't get rid of me. I love that.

That's kind of how me and Sashir became friends. We started talking, and then I can't remember who it was who was like, you're my friend forever. But then we just became inseparable. We were always together, and then we'd call each other after we hung out to be like, can you believe we just hung out all day? I'm bored.

Want to come over? Yeah. Wait, back to what you're looking for. So tall. Dreams. Dreams. What else? Hilarious.

Thank you. Just taking notes over here. I love that. I also, I mean, I don't know. Thank you. Taking notes over here. I love that. I also,

I mean, I don't know. For some reason, I feel like they need to have some other source of feminine energy in their life. Okay. In their immediate life, somehow, whether it's a sister or a daughter or a best friend who's female or,

you know, something like that. I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. It's, it's, I need you to have that female perspective some way somehow and so

the guys that I have had the best luck with have been like bisexual guys who have dated both um and I think yeah the guys I've had the least luck with so far have been the ones who have never met a trans person before and don't have any and feel really bad for how much their dad has had to go through in their lives, you know? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I'm not, I, I'm not picky. So, um, I am actually, that was a, that was a bold faced lie. And, um, I am picky and I also think that it's not bad to be picky. I think everyone should be way pickier than they are i agree because i have met some people significant others and i'm like ew yeah i know like you go home with that oh my god i had a friend tell me that her boyfriend sat on her bed without pants on and left a fucking skid mark

are they still together yes that would have been it for me that would have been it for me i say that right now but if i found a man who was like recurring in my life i might just be like hey babe let's get in that shower and all i'll scrub ita-dub-dub your asshole. I cannot be responsible for cleaning your asshole for you. I'm sorry. I draw the line there.

I can't do it. I don't know. I want to draw my line there. Like, in my heart and in my mind, I'm like, Nicole, you are not washing

a man's ass. But then I'm like, cut to me being like, Ah! Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. If he's gonna draw his line, I'm drawing mine. Oh, boy. Cutting it.

But you're right. We should all aspire to have standards. Maybe so. Yeah, and one day maybe I'll get some. I don't know. Hopefully it won't be. I guess I do have standards, but like, I don't know. You do.

If someone's cute enough, I'm like, well. Yes, but then of course it always leads to, you know. Yeah, you're right, because I'm still single. One day I'm not going to be. And won't that be an exciting day for this podcast where I'm like, you guys. You need to have them on as a guest and interview the fuck out of them

and be like, so what are you looking for? Tell me about all your past relationships. I'm getting, so the last couple people I've hooked up with, I've asked them to be on the podcast and they've been like no which is like kind of a bummer somebody will say

you should just keep asking because someone will say yes and that will be a really good fucking episode well I've had a couple like way in the beginning of people I've hooked up with but if you watched my special

it's on Netflix it's called BBW I talk about this Irish man that I met in Dallas who I fucked and he called me patchy Oh hula hand cuz my pubic hair wasn't shaved well I don't know if I've laughed harder than a man being like I'd call you a patchy Oh hula hand but um

that's a keeper and I was like listen we'll like hang out again whatever but then he like hit me up on instagram and then i was like oh do you like want to come to l.a i was like willing to fly this man out like that's how horny i was before my birth control rod and now he's like why is she so obsessed with me she's like oh my god she loves me she put me in her special she also fly me me out. But then he was like, oh, I have a girlfriend. And I was like, oh,

okay, cool. Do you want to do my podcast? And he's like, I don't know if she'd be happy about it. This is over text. He's not talking to me, but I decided to.

That's how you're reading all the text messages. Hard to tell. I don't know. Yes. But yeah, I'm like, what's the point? You know what?

That happens way more frequently than it should too, is going on dates and then finding out they're in relationships already. Well, I don't think he was in a relationship then. Oh, no? I hope not. That's just me. Wait, has that happened?

Yeah, a few times. Wait, this is devastating. So you went on a date and you were like, yum, yum, yum. Let's go out again. And then how did you figure out that they were in a relationship? It's usually never been a let's go out again and then how did you figure out that they were in a relationship um it's usually never been a let's go out again situation but um i will find out after the fact or that will be the the cause of never doing that again you know because i'm i'm a sleuth you know i am also a sleuth i'm a sleuth harriet the spy i will find out who you've dated

i will figure out if she looks like me who you will figure out if this is your first foray into black. I will figure it out. You've got three kids. I gag that you have such problems, not problems, but so many dating horror stories. I feel like pretty people have a good time normally. Pretty people, yes. Trans people, no.

But I'm also glad that i kind of knew like i wasn't oblivious to this going into it it's just really hard to date as a trans person because it's either the guys that are really really into you and don't want anyone else to know about it don't have a profile photo don't do any those are always the guys that are in relationships and have children and are, you know, that kind of leave the wedding ring at home. Or, you know, it's just like guys who are just completely clueless and say all the wrong

things. Like trans women shouldn't compete in sports. To my face. A wild thing to say. Crazy, right? Truly. I wonder if they woke up and they were like huh

i should share this with her i listen well you know what i will say i did i did flip the conversation around i think all it took was talking to an actual trans person about it to be like oh that's why they should compete in sports wild crazy that's so great like i gotta talk to the source to figure it out yes well that crazy. Like, I gotta talk to the source to figure it out? Yes. Well, that's the other thing is then I become the source.

Even if we're not dating anymore, I'll get texts being like, so what do you think of this? Or, I don't know. Wait, really? Yeah, I don't know. It's not your job to fucking educate.

And you should write that back and be like, it's not my fucking job to be your educator. Google's a friend. Mm-hmm. Well, I'll just send Google links, usually.

Yeah. That I love. So now it is time for audience questions. Oh. So, my friend, do you have a question? You get to go first because I adore you. Okay, so there's a microphone right there. So I want you to, yes, queen, get there.

And then if anyone else has a question, you can line up behind my friend. You don't have to squat. Okay. Unless your knees are good. No, they're not. I don't know how to make it tall. You said your knees aren't good? No.

You're 13. It's devastating. Okay. You're 13. It's devastating. It's devastating. How do I make it tall? Oh my God. I truly adore you. It is funny that the mic is that low.

I actually think everyone should have to speak into the mic. Just like squat down into it. Here's my question okay what is your name my name is sadie sadie okay sadie what is your question my question is what happened to that guy that you had on the podcast they were like are we dating are we not dating i don't know oh dan yeah what happened to him okay so dan and i aren't dating i will confirm that for you because you're nice. If you were an actual adult, I would not have confirmed it. But I can't lie to a teen.

And that's my hard line. I was like, I can. So Dan is my very good friend that I've known for like, I don't know, 15 years. We did improv in New York together. And he had posted over New Year's Eve like a picture of us kissing from an improv show. And I was hammered. And I was like, I'm going to say he's my boyfriend. And I posted it and people believed it.

And my friend was like, what's the funny part about this? And I was like, I don't know. And then talked about it a lot in therapy. So we're not dating. I'm still single. Do you know anyone? Is your dad single? He's not.

You have a mom? How do we feel about her? Are you trying to date the mom or the dad doesn't really matter no we love mom I want this to be my child no we love mom sorry babe

how many times have you heard that honestly not that many sorry babe thank you so much okay if anybody else has a question please make your way down to the microphone

really no one else has a question we've answered them all what someone said maybe ask your maybe question oh we have we have a real for sure question.

Okay. It's not like a real good question because I don't have the photo to prove it, but my boyfriend and I... The photo to prove it? So my boyfriend and I are on field. It's like, you know, we potentially matched with you

and we were not sure if it was a catfish or if it was you. What was the name? I don't know. It was if it was the catfish or if it was you. What was the name? Ducky? I don't know. It was him that matched. Yes! Yeah, it was me.

And... Well, hello. The reason why I got off field is because everybody knew who I was on there. And they're like, hey, I love your podcast. You want to suck my toes? And I'm like... You know what's really embarrassing is when you start getting verified on those apps. Yes.

That's when I stopped using them. Yeah. But yes, it was me. Okay, well, we're still there. Oh. Okay. Nicole. Oh.

Wow. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. Wait a minute. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. Wait a minute. Okay. She's flustered.

Come back. Didn't get a good look at you. Okay. So, oh yes. She's in a tube top. Okay. Are you local?

Yes. Okay. How far away? Yes. Okay. How far away from this location? We're in Silver Lake, baby. Silver Lake? Wait, this is being streamed. I should have asked you where you live. Just hide your face when you walk past the camera.

You know what? Just drop a pin. She'll find it. And I'll never make it. I'll be like, I don't fucking know. Is it shake shack or not um okay this is great so you're local and then the boyfriend is he tall no oh but he's so nice yeah well how it goes how it goes okay i love this thank you so much okay does anyone else have a query a question hello friend hi I'm Courtney um a few years ago there was a comedy show that I was you were supposed to go to but then all of a sudden like you didn't show up they're like oh Nicole can't come bye

and I was like what happened I don't know where you were what show was this it was it was like during like the peak of not like during quarantine we were like back in like of a barbershop parking lot oh it was like hair or something I forgot yeah I just had to work but it was like yeah so I think they were like stalling and I was I like came for you I'm so sorry and then they're like well Nicole can't come so have a good night. And I was like, oh. Wow. Wait, they did the show, though, right? Yeah, no, but I was there for you.

I'm sorry. It was while I was in production for Grand Crew. Like, I do remember this. And we just, like, went later than I thought because they're always like, oh, we'll have you wrapped by, like, five, and then seven rolls around, and you're like, can I leave? And they're like, no, you're going to be in the background of this scene. And you're like, cool.

I'm so glad I stayed. I'm really sorry that you came. No, that's fine, but at least you don't look at your DMs because I, like, sent you, like, I'm really sad. Like, I'm, like... But you never read it, so now I'm telling you now. Honestly, I love this. This is perseverance.

You were like, I will see this bitch and I will let her know. I saw the microphone and I was like, this is my chance. She's been tapping her foot the whole show. The whole show. She's like, this fucking bitch, she made it to this one. Well, does this make up for it are you still mad at me no i still love you and we're born on uh we had the same birthdays august 29th yes me you and michael yeah and like leah michelle ew and leah michelle wow sorry wait does she really share our birthday?

No, yeah, I'm pretty sure. Ew. Oh, that's not funny, girl. But no, I'll always like you. Someone went, that was good. But no, I'll always like you. Okay, thank you. Again, I am so sorry

okay does anyone else have a vendetta against me I love this this is riveting yeah truly okay hi I'm Tamina I have a question for Gigi

do people hook up during a drag race? God if only no mama they lock us in a room and tape our doors shut we have to slide sticky notes under the door if we're hungry you know it's very that

maybe all stars I feel like probably all stars they do that wait what kind of food would you request? I mean they would slide a menu under the door for what was available that day. And then you'd just slide a sticky note underneath. You know, you'd think it's, we're in the future. You'd think there'd be a better way to do that. It was crazy.

It was, I remember like the last, or the second to last week that we were filming oh my god this this handler i her name oh her name's christy it's my mom's name um she was my handler and she was the one that was like pacing back and forth in the hotel she knocks on my door and she's like hey i have instagram open on my phone i'm just gonna give it to you for five minutes and you can scroll and check and see what your friends have been doing and do this and I cried. I was like, I miss my friends so much. It's been

a month. I'm locked in this hotel room. Reality television is, it's bad. Like, that's nuts. No, but they're brilliant because it makes the story so much better because everyone's locked in their rooms pacing back and forth. Like, what am I going to say on the camera?

The cameras are rolling. I have to say something, you know. So they're smart. They know what they're doing. It sounds like warfare. Like, it's truly wild. At least I nailed it. People go home.

Like, they come for a day and then, like, they lose and they're like, hey, I had a nice day. Oh, my God. But I mean, ours was, we got to film my season prior to anyone knowing what COVID even was. But then of course it aired during COVID. Simone,

who is my, my friend on the season after she won the season after mine, she had to quarantine for two full weeks before they even started filming. In a, like literally just imagine being in a hotel room with the door. You can't open the door at all. Yeah. And then being like,

there's something out there killing people. At least there's masking tape on my door. I'm safe. Yeah. No, but there is no hooking up happening. And honestly, I would not have wanted to hook up with anybody on the actual season,

but some of the boys on production were very cute. There are some cuties there. There's some cute camera operators there. Oh, yeah. I went on a date with someone from production. Really? From Drag Race. They don't work there anymore, so I feel fine saying that.

Yeah, it didn't saying that. Yeah. It didn't go well. Yeah. It was like fine but they like I don't know they weren't like fun. I don't know. I don't have to go too deep into it. Does anyone else have a question?

Okay. I think this is my favorite part where people go yes. i'll do it why not hello hi i'm nadira um do you think that you can date someone that at first you're not attracted to wow me personally or like in the grand scheme of things. You personally both do? Yes. I can date any person.

I've dated a lot of people that I wasn't attracted to at first, but then like over time I'm like, oh, they are kind of funny. Or like they have a twinkle in their eye or their nose is fine. Or they really like me. So maybe I... Yes, and that is nice to be liked. To be adored. Yeah.

But lately I'm trying to like... I mean, I haven't been on a date in a minute. But the last date I went on, I was like, Ew, no, no. Everything about you is bad. I'm not going to try to salvage this. He truly looked like Olaf. The snowman?

The snowman from Frozen? You got it. And I was just like, I don't see this for myself. Do I want to build a snowman? No. And I was like, oh, this is lovely, but I didn't really feel it. And he I just like kind of like I was like oh this is lovely but like I didn't really feel it and he was just like yeah I didn't feel it either. And I was like okay

snowman. He was feeling it until you weren't feeling it. I was truly not feeling it. No but I think he was probably feeling it until you weren't feeling it. Of course he was feeling it. Yeah he did kiss me in a weird way. The carrot got in the way. Yeah his little carrot was like poking my fucking eye

out and I was like, ugh, I don't want this. But yeah, lately I've been trying to be like, if I'm actually attracted to you, I'll go out with you again. If I'm not attracted to you, I have to leave it alone. Because my therapist said that I'm trying

to chase people who don't want me because I think if I get trying to chase people who don't want me because I think if I get them to want me, I've won. And then she's like, what are you fucking winning? It's a relationship. It's two people choosing to be together. You don't have to win anybody over. And I was like, you stupid bitch, I pay you the right price.

No. What? bitch I pay you the right price no what no I was just thinking I see that theory I don't I don't see an issue with that theory okay no thank you you're welcome does anybody else oh a friend hello oh a new yorker bag she reads hi Nicole I love you my friend wanted to be here but she couldn't but it's her birthday tomorrow is she an actual friend bestie

bestie and she couldn't make it best mother friend young pedo my question for you is about stand up because you're a stand up obviously you see

a lot of comedy you perform a lot are there any more up and coming comedians who you really enjoy watching or you think really talented it's such a hard question is that a no well i don't go to shows anymore to like see people

do you know what i mean yeah i go for my spot and then i leave yeah which is awful and not supportive and and mean but it's like i've seen so much comedy that like it's no longer quite it's like not really enjoyable it's not funny anymore to you no you don't find anything funny anymore kind of and people will sometimes call me out on it they're like you go that's funny instead of laughing or i'll go oh i appreciate that let me put that one in the back pocket for later. That's good. I'll put it in my pocket. How sad. Actually, there... Oh, I don't know how to find it. Oh, maybe I saved it on Instagram.

There's this guy who performs at the Cellar who I think is really funny. You asked, and sorry, everyone. You're going to wait while I go on my Instagram. Okay, saved. What's saved here? Oh, I did save it. Okay.

His name is Jay Jordan. J-A-Y-J-U-R-D-E-N. And I won't play this video. I was like, I'll play it for you. But he's very, very funny. I like him a lot. He's my new person that I found. Awesome.

Thank you. You're welcome. All of you should follow Jay. He's very funny. Okay, does anyone else have a query, a question, a comment? Don't raise your hand, bitch. Just come on up. But thank you for being polite.

That's nice. Hi. Wait, this outfit. This is cute. This is cute. Thank you. My name is Amari. So my question is, if you could choose any two shows to have a crossover episode, what

would they be? That's for both of you you if you want to answer I know exactly mine wait what's yours Buffy and Charmed that's good would die for that I love how you didn't even skip a beat

I was just thinking about this the other day I was watching Charmed and I was like wow wouldn't it be great if Buffy just jumped in right now? Wait. Okay. What do I watch? I've been watching Yellow Jackets. Oh, love.

And the only reason why I knew the new season was streaming is because I saw a billboard that said streaming now. And I was like, that's what they're doing with billboards? They're just like, now it's on. Wait, okay, so maybe I want yellow jackets and... Snakes on a plane. I've never seen that movie. It's great. Is it?

It's amazing. Well, I mean, once the snakes are on the plane... I mean, you can infer what happens next. I mean, I guess they take over the plane. They do. Does the snake fly the plane mean I guess they take over the plane they do does the snake fly the plane? yes the snake flies wait really?

yes are you lying to me? no the snake literally flies the plane I think you're lying to me wait okay do you know what my favorite shows are? I do not me either

I'm having some real issues thinking about television what do I watch? Even like old, like what's your favorite, this is a hard question too, like your number one show of all time? What? I do love 90 Day. Oh my God.

Okay, what? I do love The Office. Wow, everyone's here to help. 90 The Office? I do love The Office. Wow. Everyone's here to help. 90 Day Fiance and The Office. That is a good crossover. Yeah. Thank you audience for helping me.

Yeah. 90 Day Fiance and The Office. Or maybe The Office in Yellow Jackets. I want to see Phyllis kill someone. Yes. Wait. So would it just be the office cast in the woods? Or would it be the Yellow Jackets cast in the office? It would be...

Or all of it. A mixture of everyone in the woods. Like, I want to see Phyllis, like, murder. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Guys, do you know how funny the office is? Yeah, it's pretty... Yeah. You know, I haven't watched it all the way through, but it's Oh yeah. Yeah. Guys, do you know how funny the office is? It's yeah, it's pretty,

yeah. You know, I haven't watched it all the way through, but it's, it's pretty funny. Okay. I'll say this. Wait, I don't know if I want to ruin it because I didn't know this happened. Wait, am I going to ruin it? It's 20 years old. So I didn't know Michael Scott leaves and my, wait, did I ruin it for you? I've seen it 13 times. Oh, oh okay for each year you were born each year she was born um I didn't know he left and my agent was like well it goes downhill after Michael Scott leaves and I was like what does it and he was like you didn't know he leaves and I was like no I'm just watching it for the first time and then then I was watching it with anticipation. Then when he finally left, I was so sad.

And I was like, why didn't they end it? Did you finish it? I'm forging ahead, but I really miss Michael. I always stop watching when my favorite character gets killed off. I just stop. Well, he didn't die. I mean, for all practical purposes. Unless you know something.

Does he die? Am I going to get to season nine and they're like, he's dead? He's back in the finale. He is? He is! Oh, my God. I love that you came today. Really?

Oh, boy. Then I have something to look forward to. Oh, boy. Does anyone else have any questions or should we all go home? Oh, no. Okay. Come on down. Wait, good hair.

Which Yellow Jackets character do you identify with? Wait, I compliment you. You say thank you. Thank you. Yours is even better. I apologize on behalf of straight men. Okay, good. We're not all bad.

I'll teach you something. We are all right. If someone says good hair, you have to say thank you. Thank you. Okay. And if someone asks us if we're straight, you, Dad. I'll teach you something. We are all actually. If someone says good hair, you have to say thank you. Thank you. Okay. And if someone asks us if we're straight, you say no. Yeah, go no. I mean no.

No. Okay, good hair. Thank you, you're so sweet. Yours too. What's your question? Which Yellow Jacket's character do you identify with? Ooh, that is a good one. Which one do you identify with oh that is a good one which one do i identify with the most i mean if i was in the woods i'm eaten so um what is melanie's younger self is who i identify with the most shauna yeah shauna that's who i identify with the most. Oh, yeah. Shauna. Yeah, Shauna. That's who I identify with.

Filled with secrets, stunning, pulling dick, doing interesting things, getting fed. That's who I... That's who I identify with. Good work. Good work. Hello. Hello.

I have a question for both of you. Would you ever go on a dating show or like be the center of that dating show where everyone's on the show to date you girl

I I am cute I am dying and mark my words this will happen I am dying to be a bachelorette

of sorts I really yes how fun would that be I mean obviously i'm not going to end up with anyone or marry anyone from the show but it would still be fun i don't think i could really yeah i i don't really have an interest in like figuring out how to be vulnerable yet like performative if that makes sense because you're not just authentically yourself when a camera's put in front of you.

Even as an actor, you filter that authenticity through a character and lines that have been written for you. But then me, myself, personally being like, you hurt my feelings and this is why I don't want a camera in front of my face. Yeah. Yeah, so I could never. I just think if you just simplify

and just do it like it's just really funny the whole time like I would just be making fun of myself and everyone else the whole time but you're young

I'm old I'm 52 years old and I just like don't have enough time to do that you know wow I'm like

here for the right reasons thank you I'm not. I love how unserious you are about dating. It's so funny. Hello. Howdy. My name is Bailey.

I wanted advice. Wait, Bailey. Yeah. Is this a monochromatic look or is it just the lighting? It's my work outfit. It's like beige-y? Yeah.

It's very creme. Thank you. Wait, where do you work? Don't tell everybody. Oh, okay. I was ready. Wait, is it a place you want people to come to? No.

Okay, then don't tell them. I do HR. HR? Yeah, not fun. What's the wildest thing? No, I'm kidding. Legally, I'll tell you later. Can I get advice from either of you, like a one-liner for dating apps?

For dating apps? Oh. I mean, yeah. Delete them. But you're single and looking? Yeah. What are you looking for? A partnership.

Bitch. But also fun. Okay. Fun along the way, but hopefully fun. Down to clown, but also I frown. Down to clown, but also I frown. Okay, that's really good. No, don't write that! That's my brand.

Is it? Yeah, my Instagram is which is Yes. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's going to be my answer too, actually. I love that.

Thank you. That was brilliant. Perfect, thank you. Okay, Yeah. Okay. That's going to be my answer too, actually. I love that. Thank you. That was brilliant. Perfect. Thank you. Okay. You're welcome. Anybody else? So Gigi Goode, I mean, you're gorgeous, stunning, every way.

Style icon. I'm a grad student. I don't really dress. So maybe like, what should, roast me? Like, what should I wear? Roast you? How can I improve my look? Like I don't know anything about style.

What would you say to someone who wants to like elevate their style? I will not roast you. I will not roast you. Roast me. You stripey bitch! You bespectacled ponytail.

I think when in doubt, when in doubt, if you're starting from somewhere where you just know nothing about fashion and you feel not, like you just don't enjoy shopping or, you know, what have you, find an era that speaks to you,

whether it's the 60s or the 70s or the 80s or something and just try and find an element of that era to put into your outfit every day so that it feels consistent to not only you but you know people around you will start noticing oh she's got a fierce pair of bell bottoms on today or something like that you're also very tall you have very long legs so you know any anything that's you've already got the tight jeans i would just be like long and wear the highest heels you can because you're tall that's what i think advice do you like heels absolutely not okay then don't do that but i feel like like the era things, you know, do that. Well, do you, like, are you, like, aspiring to be more fashionable? Or are you just asking in general?

Sure. Yeah, I guess, yeah, to be more fashionable, sure. I mean, like, I don't really spend much time in the morning. I spend, like, five minutes putting stuff on. So, like, yeah, if I pick an era, and I'm like, all right, bell-bottom lady, right? Are you, like, all right, bell bottom lady. Are you, are you, are you like attached to anything? Any, any, your hair, your makeup, your clothes, are you attached to any of it? No, not really.

I've like, you should get a really drastic haircut. Yeah. I think you should get a mullet and like diet some crazy color. Did you say, Oh no. Oh no. All right. Well, maybe not a mullet, but I could see you with a shag, would be really pretty,

and would be very, it's so easy to style. That's the perfect wake up in the morning and don't know what to do type of hair. A shag is just like, kind of like a mullet. I mean if you're really like. You kinda, you've got a shag on right now.

Gonna get into it. Would you call this a mullet? Mullety shag. Yeah. I think it's a mullet. It's a little shag. Yeah. I think it's a mullet. It's a little mullety. It's party in the front somewhere. Yeah, no, you're right.

Hope that helped. Thank you. Wait, do you want to be slutty? No. Oh, okay. No, but I support everyone who does want to be a slut. I'm just telling you. Okay. Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. How do you feel about turtlenecks? Oh, love them. Love you. Oh, both of you have like the high necks going at you, the turtleneck. No, I'm always a mock neck. Okay. I don't know.

I see you in turtlenecks, a little shaggy haircut, and boots. Oh. Yeah. Get a good pair of cowboy boots. I mean, I could see this exact outfit, just like with a different silhouette of pant, turtleneck sweater, shaggy hair, holiday. Ooh, and like some accoutrements. Uh-huh.

Do you wear jewelry? Jewelry? No. Okay. Maybe some like stud earrings. I think you got to get into accoutrements. Uh-huh. I work at a lab.

Wait, what kind of lab? What are you cooking? Not the cool lab. I work in a, I'm a plant biologist. That's cool. That is cool. What the fuck does that mean? Study plants, little green.

Do you discover new plants? No. i don't know what real jobs are i believe that's called botany botany you're a botanist a molecular plant biologist so like that's cooler yeah that see that's what you should be putting in your tinder profile yeah you should put molecular plant biologist. That's going to spark up a conversation. You could just be like, oh, I'm just kidding,

but you matched. You could. Yeah, just Google stuff. Yeah. It'll be fun. AI, chat, chat GTP, is that the thing?

What is that? Chat GTP, you're... Oh, shit. I've never used it. This guy has no idea what you're talking about. PTT, I don't know what it is. I don't know if that is AI. It's AI, shit. I've never used it. This guy has no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what that is. AI. I don't fuck with AI. I don't like that shit. Scares me. It's gonna fucking take over and I'm not here for it. No. Okay, I think it could be fashionable.

I believe in you. Oh, thanks. Thank you. Okay. Do we have one more question? Hi, my name is Samwala. My question is, if either of you have wigs, wear wigs, do you have, like, a funny story for one of your wigs?

It looks, yeah, like, that. Oh, my God, I just got that yesterday. This wig? Mm-hmm. This wig is so naughty, girl. This is old. Wait, what is your question? I was having a nice time.

My question is, what is the story of your favorite wig? Oh. Story of my favorite wig. One time, I was working at this Smirnoff event. This was before Drag Race or anything. I think it was actually the first event I worked where there was like a costume budget. So I bought new human hair on Amazon

and I dyed it red and I got my outfit and it was great. And I was doing, what song was I doing? Oh, Prima Donna, Marina and the Diamonds, of course. And this was the first and only time this ever happened i thought my wig was on real good and i was doing doing the number there was i mean trisha paytas was there manny mua like i was there it was an event you know i was working the event and um i did so i flipped my head down and i came back up and my wig was no longer on my head and there it was on the floor so i just picked it up and my wig was no longer on my head.

And there it was on the floor, so I just picked it up and pretended I was talking on the phone with it. And I just walked out. But since then, I have never done that move again. That was terrifying. That's funny. Let's see. What wig story do I have? So many.

So many to choose from. Yeah, I mean, I left my house today without a wig that's funny actually it was so shocking i was like yeah i was like thank god i was like what's in my eye and i was like bald-headed um i mean i still have my first expensive wig do you? so yeah I used to wear a $40 shake and go curly wig because synthetic hair looks better with like a little bit of age with curls but I went to this place in like Van Nuys and I think the wig was like $1000 and I like

I think this is after I got loosely exactly Nicole I was like I'm going to treat myself to human hair the lace is ripped. Some of the tracks are loose. But I still wear it. Absolutely. I still wear my first human hair wig, too. Right?

It's like your first expensive bag, which mine was a purple Michael Kors. I don't carry it. Because there's something about Michael Kors' name on my bag that I'm like, I don't want that. And I don't know why. If Michael's watching, I'm sorry. You know, he's sitting down watching a live stream. But he's sketching bags and he's like, my name doesn't belong here.

But I still have that bag. I still have all of my first expensive purchases. Yeah, I don't get rid of anything. Me either. It's bad. It's terrible, yeah. Okay, thank you. Well, that's it.

And before we go, I don't think we allowed pictures. If you would like to take a picture of me and Gigi on this stage, you can do so now. And we'll just pose for a little bit. Okay. and we'll just pose for a little bit.

Okay. You can put a flash on, because it's dark. There's literal spotlights on us. You're absolutely right! It's so dark in here. It's so dark, no one will see me! It's just because we can't see any one of your faces. Cheers.

Cheers. Thank you. Okay. What? Oh. You have to zoom in? What is this, a fucking close-up? It's a what? It's a sick bitch.

Archival. A six? We're on 14, I think. Do you need a new phone? Do you need a new phone? All right, DM me. I'll get you. No, I'm kidding.

I didn't. I was like, damn. That would be insane if I was like, you get a phone. I'm not Oprah. Not yet. Okay, guys. Thank you so much for coming out. Oh, wait.

I'm an idiot. Okay. I'm supposed to. I forgot to ask you. Gigi, would you date me? What? Oh, yeah. Yes. Okay, great. We did that. forgot to ask you, Gigi, would you date me? What? Oh, yeah. Yes.

Okay, great. We did that. That's why that really threw me off. Well, yeah, I sound like a maniac. I opened my phone. I was like, will you date me? Like, what am I doing? Yes.

But you, okay. Is it will I or would I? Would you? Would you date me? Yes. Oh, great. I love this. I think you're really nice.

Thank you. And I think you're funny. Stop. And then stunning. And then taller than me. Oh, stop. Oh my god. But I read nasty come-ons if someone messages

me something dirty. I read it out loud and you can email whywontyoudatemeepodcast at gmail.com I think that's right. And they're getting longer and longer, which they don't have to be. But I'm going to read a short and sweet one because we've been here for a while.

Okay. Looking for a loud, clumsy lady who could fall down a flight of stairs like no other. Triggering. I dislocated my ankle. May I lick you where your pee comes out? So wait, is that before or after I fall?

I don't know. I'm in full pain. He's like, let me lick it. Okay, please fulfill my dream. That's it? It was nice, short, not nice. It was short and sweet. Are you going to respond?

I don't know how to because they send them to the email and then Mars, my producer, she's the keeper. And I don't follow through with any of them. One person wanted to flip me upside down and fill me with clam chowder. These people are sick. It's the worst one. I talk about it constantly.

Sometimes I wake up in a sweat. You said fill you? Fill you with clam chowder? Fill me. Fill me. Are you happy you drove here? Fill me. Fill me. Are you happy you drove here? Fill me. Fill me with lip chowder. That is sick. Isn't it?

The show's done. You guys, thank you so much. Have a good night. Thank you. Thank you all. Bye. Why won't you date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco.

With talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Auden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywon'tyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future episode. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.