Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dating as a Child Star, Proposing Naked (w/ Josh Peck)

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

Comedian and actor Josh Peck (Drake and Josh, Good Guys podcast) joins Nicole to talk about meeting his wife at a Halloween party, proposing to her while naked, and what it was like to date as a child star. They share their experiences of being fat, how losing weight changed their dating lives, and why the right person just gets you. Plus, Nicole reflects on past relationships… and admits she really misses her fat ass.WATCH this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zTe1yl5Nr-EWrite to Nicole! Send your dirty messages to [e-mail] with the subject line "Dirty Message" and Nicole may read it in a future episode.Follow:YouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wanna watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Mina Kolbier was trying to figure out why I was still single even though you could come in a silicone mold shaped like a light bulb pop it out and be like it's a light bulb. Oh my god. My guest today is a talented actor and comedian who many of us grew up watching, Drake and Josh. Lately, he's been in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

How I Met Your Father, and Oppenheimer! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! I don't know why I said it like that! He hosts The Good Guys podcast, which you can watch on YouTube! It's Josh Peck!

Wow, thank you. Are you microdosing? No. No. No, but a lot of people think I'm on drugs. That's great. Yeah, I... It's wild. Like, I do take mushrooms. And I did them... I do them all the time, but the last time I did them

I was with my boyfriend and I did them and I was like, ha ha ha, having a nice time. And then later that night he was like, did you take mushrooms? And I was like, yes. And he was like, no difference. There is no difference in you. Good for you.

That's good. You have a good disposition. Hey, thank you. Like a healthy default. I don't know. You have a good disposition. Hey, thank you. Make a healthy default. I don't know. You do. Do I? From what I...

The last 10 minutes have been a ball. I did truly come in and be like, nice to meet you. Democracy is great! Oppenheimer! Well, specifically Oppenheimer. It's a fun word to say. Oppenheimer! I didn't see the movie.

I'm so sorry I got blessed. No worries. I just wasn't a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barbenheimer. I was just a part of the Barenheimer. It's a fun word to say. Oppenheimer!

I didn't see the movie. I'm so sorry, I got blessed. No worries. I just wasn't a part of the Barbenheimer thing. I didn't want it. Because I was like, so everyone knows how to market a movie. We're choosing not to? Right. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna sit this one out. Good for you. And have you avoided both films? Yes. Good for you. You stand on business, Nicole. Yes, I sure do. And we already talked about that you? Yes. Good for you. You stand on business, Nicole. Yes, I sure do. And we already talked about that you've never seen Good Will Hunting. Sure haven't.

What other Paramount movies of the last two decades have you decided to sit out on? Name four movies. That you should have seen? Yes. Titanic. Oh, I did see Titanic. I've seen that several times. Okay, okay. Fair enough. All right, Let's move to the mid-aughts. No Country for Old Men. Sure haven't.

No. There will be blood. Sure haven't. I think they're the same movie. Because I think they came out at the same time. They did. And I think they're like, DVD covers look similar. Yeah, they're the same movie, basically. Right?

And No Barbie or Oppenheim. Wow. No, haven't done it. Do you not like too intense of a movie? No I love movies. I love intensity. I just saw John Wick for the first time. Wow. Huh. I can't believe it. Yeah. Have you seen the Beekeeper? No. Nobody has. Jason save them. I saw it in theaters. But the Beekeeper is very close to John Wick. And then I learned that a lot of, like, action movies of the now takes a lot from John Wick, where it's like he's avenging this, like, thing

and there's, like, a secret. Okay, and the Beekeeper, there's a secret society of Beekeepers, and they don't explain it. You just gotta follow it. You just gotta believe. Yeah, you just gotta enter. You gotta be on it. And it's fun. So I've seen John Wick 1, John Wick 2, and then soon I'll be seeing John Wick 3. Those are my plans!

Wanna hear something crazy about bees? Yes. If you have a bee nest in your house, right, you call someone, guy comes over. Yes. He goes, you wanna... you wanna kill the bees? Uh-huh. You want want me just move the bees? You go, I'm a benevolent homeowner. Yes. Let the bees live. Mm-hmm. So he creepy crawls and gets the queen. All he has to do is find the queen, moves the queen a couple feet away into his little bee cage. Uh huh. All the workers come

into the, he don't got to clear nothing. Really? This is a brilliant business. You get the queen and you sit back. You scroll Instagram. Have you seen the movie The Faculty? No. That's the premise of it. Hmm, say more. OK, so it's Josh Hartnett, Clea Duvall, Jordana Brewster,

Usher Raymond. Yeah, Iher Raymond. Yeah, I'm in. And there's an alien invasion, and then they're like, oh my God, if we get the queen, we get them all. That's it. Wow. And then that's a, I don't want to spoil it,

but like, oh, Elijah Wood's in it. Enough said. But like, it's a good movie. Why is it always like, it's like the Italian job and... Never seen it. Oh, it's solid. Or like it's Fast and Furious. Yes!

Seen them all. And it's like, like they always get like one Ludacris or one Tyrese. Yes, and that is what I'm campaigning for. Yes. I want to be in some sort of action movie as like the D-Bop, bop, bop, and slap it, get it, go! I was like the comedic reliever.

I'm just insane. And everyone else gets to do the action and maybe they let me do it like one time. I like that. Right? I think that would be fun. Yeah. Wait, Josh, this is a dating podcast. Oh, good. Sorry. You are married.

I am, sorry. I'm also dating someone. Not for you, I'm dating for the conceit of the pod. Like, we're two in-relationship people. What do we talk about? We talk about relationships. Okay. Because I was a person who had not been in a relationship

for a very, very fucking long time. But now I'm in one and now I'm better than everyone. Oh my God, what? It's also so new. It's so new. It hasn't been a year yet. And you're already talking about it? I know. Isn't that wild?

Bad choice. No. A year is long. Long enough to be public with your relationship. I think so. It's almost a year. When will this come out? January 31st. Yeah, it's almost a year. Mazel.

Mazel? Mazel. Tov? Mazel Tov. That's the full one? Yeah. Why would you just say half to me? It's better.

But you don't wish me a full well? Listen, don't read into the Yiddish, please. Nicole, I'm not going to talk Yiddish semantics with you. Why not? I don't know. Teach me Yiddish. Sure. Shabbat shalom.

You should come over for Shabbat. What is Shabbat? Dinner? It's Friday night dinner. I'll come to your house, but you live far away. I live far-ish. I'll have to go to the Burbank airport and fly on down. Imagine if I did that. You'd take a helicopter.

Wait, how did you meet your wife? We met at a Halloween party. What were you dressed as? I was dressed as a waiter. She was dressed as Olivia Newton-John in Greece. Why were you dressed as a waiter? I wasn't really dressed as anything. I just wanted to look handsome. I'm very vain.

Aw. So I just wore nice clothes and was like, I'm a cute charming waiter. That's very funny. Yeah, and she just looked hot. Was she, what? She was in a black dress and a pink jacket, come on. Was she wearing the capris?

No, she wasn't even that committed. She was in a bodycon and a pink jacket. Okay. Yeah. All right, I get it. So who talked to who first? She says that she did not see me. She that she saw me at the party, but she was like Meh not maybe not mad, but like man nonplussed Does she know who you were? I don't know she's like

She was like there's clearly some stunning boy here, but I'm not interested. Stunning boy? And... Mm, a studying waiter over there. As I remember it, we made plenty of eye contact, like hard body karate eye contact throughout the night. Oh.

And shout out to her friend who set up the alley-oop for us. Oh. Shout out Ani, who was there. So did Ani give you each other's numbers, or was she like, you guys should talk, what did she do? Yeah, she came up and started talking to me. Oh, this means your wife was like, I think he's cute. And then Ani was like, on it,

because that's a good friend. We all needed Ani. Yes, I do that for people sometimes. How would you do it? I'm the random, stunning boy at the party. We all need an Ani. Yes, I do that for people sometimes. How would you do it? Um... I'm the random, stunning boy at the party. You're Ani. I'd be like, hi, how are you?

I'm good, how you doing? I'm good, you look really familiar, but I can't place my little finger on it. Hey, Diva, come over here. Doesn't he look familiar? Oh, I'm uncomfortable. Heel! Heel! I'm uncomfortable. I never said I was good at it.

Oh, it's solid. I'll just help a friend out. I'm not good at things. I thought you were pretty good. Thank you. But listen, I live by intention is everything. Execution might be lacking. Yeah, you might want to flip those.

It's more the action. Yeah, but as long as I didn't intend for it to be bad, isn't that fine? No. Not in the court of law. Okay, so you meet your wife. Ani's like, really getting this going. Did you ask her out first or did she ask you out?

Oh, I asked her out first and it was funny I was going you ready for that you're gonna love this. I'm gonna love it I was headed to go do a 3d dance movie with Chris Brown the next day in Paris, France Never in my life could I imagine that sentence coming out of anybody's mouth didn't come out You're like now that I've seen That's my favorite movie. I've watched it every night. Barmanheimer, no thanks. The battle of the year with Chris Brown.

I'm in. And I told her, I was like, this sounds cooler than I am, but I'm actually headed to go live in France for the next month. But when I get back, I want to see you. And I got back right around Thanksgiving. We went to go see one of the Twilights. We kissed. Oh my God, and that's it.

13 years. 13 years. Oh my God, that's so nice. 13 years is a fucking long time. Long. What's your key to like longevity? Don't leave. Stay.

Stick around. What do you mean? Like in the state or like in the relationship in the relationship? I mean it sounds a little bit overly simplistic, but Yeah, like we've both fought for it I mean not that it's ever been like so hard But like going through the natural things that people go through in relationships We both I don't know we recognize the value in each other.

Even when it got bad, or hard, I knew, no, this person's very, very special. Oh, I fucking love that. Oh my God. It's crazy. I've only had one relationship where I was like, I'm gonna fight for this, and it was not worth it. Yeah. Sure wasn't.

Was it a one-side fight? You know, I think we were both fighting and, uh... We would, like, we butt heads a lot. Like, we just didn't see eye to eye on everything. But then we, like, wanted to be together. And then I would be like, well, we should, like, work on things. And then he'd be like, yes, let's work on things. And then nobody would work on anything.

And then we would fight again. And then I'd be like, let's work on things. So it was one of the, I think it was maybe more one-sided from me. And that was tough. And what'd you learn from it? I learned that two people have to, I feel like I'm like getting graded.

I feel like two people have to like want the same thing. And if there isn't like a level of like, I respect you and I want to be civil and I want to argue in a civil way. And by argue, I mean like, oh, I just have a difference of opinion, but it's not like wife or death. It's like, I can say that in a nice way

and not hurt your feelings. Yes. I think. Josh, I don't know. Nicole, your feelings? Yes. I think. Josh, I don't know. Nicole, I think you know. No, I think you're just. I think, it's so corny, but I always say you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

That's what people have been saying. It's fucking true, and I always say that to, I mean, granted, now I'm basically 40, so if my friends are worried about text messages and shit, I'm like, dog, I have Achilles heel problems Like I'm I'm going to the orthopedist. I can't help you with this But but in my 20s people will be like tripping out about like what do I text? They need to form format the perfect text

I'm like if this person is down for you, you could write them the dumbest shit and they'll be like he's so hilarious If this person is down for you, you could write them the dumbest shit and they'll be like, he's so hilarious. You're right. And on the other side, if they're not into it, you could be Shakespeare and they're not, it's not going to hit. You're absolutely right. But I think that applies to a relationship in general. Like when it's, when it's right, it's like somehow you can find, I don't know, you like... There's some glimmer of hope in every fight that like...

But this isn't the end. Like, yeah, we're gonna go through it right now, and yeah, I'm totally annoyed and turned off, but like, there's something worth saving here. Yeah. I think every... I have ADHD, which is probably what you're picking up on when you said good vibes. It's just mental illness. I love vibes. It's just mental illness. I love it.

ADHD's not mental illness. What I have is mental illness. No, isn't ADHD mental illness? It's broken. And I take medicine. Do you take Adderall? No, I take Vyvanse and it's time released so you can't abuse it because I told my psychiatrist

I liked cocaine. Ah. And she said, why do you like cocaine? I said, because you have a good conversation with someone, you clean your house and go to sleep. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, go to sleep. And after that, at the end of the night, it was nice.

Because I can sleep, okay, I can do rails of coke. And then go right to sleep because it's the one thing I have to concentrate on. Well, not only that, but it has the same effect as... as... as Adderall. Yeah, it's an upper. Or Vibax. Get you going. Yeah.

But when you mix upper with upper, it's like two negatives equals a positive. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like cocaine? No. Not for 16 years. Not for 16 years. I'm sober, babe.

Wait. I don't know why I raised my hand. I was going to try to do some math. That was like 40. Six extra fingers, probably. 40. 16 years sober babe wait I Don't know why I raised my hand. I was gonna try to do some math Six four six extra fingers probably minus so 38 I got sober 21 Hey, I never tried to snort your vivvanse? No, because it's time released. And I was told that...

No, it's not. I was told that if I snorted it, nothing would happen. As a representative of the abusing of drugs community, let me tell you, there are workarounds. Well, I'll tell you this. I like uppers, but they just help me concentrate more. I've never been like Like I don't know. I've never been like like up all night like just like doing coke. Sure. There's an end for me I go that's enough. We got all go to sleep. That's incredible. It's strange It's the ADHD is deep in my veins. Because that's the problem.

I've seen people successfully do cocaine, but it's like a quarter of a bump and it's almost cute. And like they're drinking and they don't become like a night stalker. Yes. Those people who can abuse drugs like that, those are interesting people to me. Ugh. Not interested. Well, I like drugs in a way where. What? What am I doing?

I like doing something for a little bit of a time. Like I get in phases where I smoke a lot of weed and then I go, I don't want that anymore. And then I'll be in like my little cokey phase and I'll be like, I don't want that anymore. Don't be in my mushroom phase and I'm like, I know. So I just cycle. Which isn't probably not healthy. I don't know.

Well, whatever. It sounds like you're managing it well. You're only slightly late this morning. But you're here. You're doing great. Hey, thank you. I could go to sleep at 7 p.m. and still have been late for this noon time. Fair. Mornings are not for been late for this noon time. Fair. I don't... Mornings are not for me.

It's the afternoon. LAUGHTER You are correct. Thank you. How did you propose to your wife? Naked. Wait, really? Yeah.

LAUGHTER Yeah. Wait, why are you naked? It's funny. LAUGHTER It is funny. It's funny. Yeah. Wait, why are you naked? It's funny. It is funny. It's funny. Was she naked too?

Yes, but she was in bed. And it's, I should love that I'm telling this story. Sorry, babe. Again, another friend, friend story. I didn't think that they were connected with our first date and when I proposed. I was going to France the next day We were going together Mm-hmm. I was gonna go do work at at Paris Fashion Week and by that I mean I was doing social media for a brand

Whatever that pays but yeah, but no one was like were you walking? and so I So I was like I knew we'd been together like five years I knew I wanted to propose, and I knew I wasn't the guy to do it in Europe. That doesn't track. Wait, why? Me, I eat at Denny's, I'm wearing Blundstones, it ain't it.

What are Blundstones? They're the official boot of Canada, your producer gets it. You do? They're an outstanding shoe. They're very utilitarian. How long have you had this one? This is two and a half years. You know? They're an outstanding shoe. They're very utilitarian. How long have you had this one? These are... This is two and a half years. You know, that's pretty solid.

They're properly beat up in a good way. They do look good. Thanks, I like them. I like them too. Waterproof. Oh! They have a new suede pair that's out. I'm not a suede girl.

I like leather. Wow, say more. I just don't like suede. I think it's too soft and I don't want to be touching my feet all the time. Like I'll just be like, ooh. Do you have to be cognizant of when taking mushrooms of what you're wearing? Because you don't want to pet yourself? No, because this is how I am sober. Like they're real, like maybe I giggle a little bit more,

but like that's about it. Like I'm never like, and then maybe I like, I want to hug a tree or something, that's weird. But like I've been weird sober. Right. My father-in-law who's like a proper man, like just dude, old school, like his name's Ken. So masculine.

Ken, he's the best. And clearly, you know, he's got like four kids and their friends come around. And so he sort of observed that like eating mushrooms is sort of on trend. People are doing it more. And so he asked me, he goes, what is this mushrooms?

Like, what kind of feeling do you get from it? And I tried to chalk it up to, I said, you know, Ken, it's like, I just remember looking at nature and sort of seeing like the cosmic geometry and everything. And he goes, you lost me. As soon as they said cosmic geometry, he was like, Tell him he'll just tee hee hee. He was like, go vote for Bernie Sanders.

That's very funny. He's like, what are you doing? What are you talking about? Yeah. I would just be like, do you like to giggle? Yeah. If you want to giggle, take some mushrooms. And you've never gone dark on the shrooms?

No. You don't, you seem very light and wonderfully... Yeah, I think I don't... I think like my ADHD allows me to never really stay in the dark spot for too long. Or anywhere. No, I'm bouncing around, baby! That's good.

It's nice. But also, but sometimes I'm like, am I okay? Other people get so sad sometimes and I... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Can be sadder than... Like, I'll be at my house and I'll be sad, and then I'll think of something funny, and then I'll just be like laughing in the shower.

Ha ha ha ha ha! And then I'm like, oh, this is my brain broken. Clip it! Wait. Ha ha ha ha! Clip it! Ha ha ha ha! Wait, so you're in Paris, thinking of proposing?

No, we were on our way. Oh, on your way. On our way to Paris and that morning I was like, I'm just gonna do it and then we'll have this fabulous trip. So yeah, it was like 7.30 in the morning and we woke up and we had to fly out like at 1 p.m. And I just got on one knee and she was in bed and she said yes. That's nice.

It was nice. Oh my god. I know. Wait, so when you were, you're a child star essentially. Yes. So I guess social media wasn't huge then, but like did girls throw themselves at you? No, social media didn't even exist. But like when you went out in public were girls like, oh my God.

No, I was huge. Yes. I was a gigantic teen. Yeah. But. What a way to say that. I was a gigantic teen. It's big.

Metabolically challenged. I can't, it's such a wild way to say that. Yeah, dude. you metabolically challenged. I can't, that's such a wild way to say that. Yeah dude, I look like Hagrid's son. No you didn't. I did. No you didn't. Without facial hair. No you didn't.

Really big, scary big. I don't. Like red line. Like there were cardiologists calling a hotline. You like this and I don't want to say anything, but this kid from Drinkin' Josh is not in a good place. I was in cholesterol meds at 12. Yeah.

What? Well, that means somebody cared about you. I was 90 pounds heavier up until like a year ago. And my friend was in the hospital last week and I was talking to his nurse and I was like, my blood pressure at one point was 200 over something. And he went, oh my God. He's like, the ER's downstairs.

And I was like, oh my God, it's not like that now. Wait, we have to take a break. ["Summer's Desire"] Ever been on a bad date and wish you could just hit a reset button? Or maybe you're swiping through dating apps and wondering, who else is seeing what you're up to? Well, with NordVPN, you can keep your online life private. No tracking, no snooping, no problem. NordVPN protects you from hackers, trackers,

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Is it? Wait, okay. But people are attracted to fat people. Yeah, definitely. I don't think I was. You're so right. And I wasn't putting it. I think I wasn't attracted to me. And that was the vibes I was putting out. Unfortunately. I get that. Because I fucked a ton when I was fatter. And? Good times? I had a great time.

I think so too. And sometimes I kind of prefer being a little fatter. I had a bigger butt. Like, I miss knocking things over with my butt. Yes. Now I don't knock things over as much anymore. Sometimes I'll do it for, like, nostalgia. I'll just be in my house and be like,

doop, still bad. You say to your boyfriend, honey, can you move that dresser closer? Move it a little closer so I can knock it over. Oh, my God, it's huge. 200 over 140. Which is, like like not good. No, that's bad.

I had a doctor once say to me, she was like, are you seeing spots? I was like, no. She was like, do you have a headache? I was like, no. She was like, if you had any of those things, I would send you to the ER. And it turns out I had all of those things. I had just become acclimated to them. Isn't that fun? That's fun. You're like,

yeah, my mushroom's dock. I'm supposed to see spots. I'm on drugs, dude. And they're like, did you fast before this? What do you think? Did you lose weight from like growing up? Is that a weird, that's a weird fucking question. I totally did.

It's a good question. Cause sometimes you're chunky as a kid and then you like grow up. I totally did. You got a Dr. Byer in the house. This is a medical fact. Sometimes you're chunky as a kid and you grow up. Well, my doctor when I was a kid kept being like,

oh, when she hits puberty, don't worry. But I was like in it to win it. I was like, I'm gonna stay fat forever. Yeah. I remember I went I'm gonna stay fat forever. Yeah, I Remember I went to summer camp sleepaway camp and every kid lost weight at sleepaway camp. Not your bully Wait, were you on TV at sleepaway camp? No, this is when I was like proper like still a civilian like I Was like 10 at sleepaway camp for like four weeks and I came back fatter I was just like there's fruit punch in the cafeteria.

Are you kidding? Oh yeah. My mother never set me up for success. I was a vegetarian for one summer, and all I ate was french fries and milkshakes. Great. Like ma'am, don't let her do that. Like, don't let me do that.

But hey, she was very supportive. Is your, do you, like, I come from a family of people who like to eat. My mom was fat, my dad was thin. So it was, you know. Yeah. It was a toss up, what will I be? Who knows?

Thin, fat or thin, and I said I'ma be fat. I get it. I mean, being fat is kind of delightful. This will sound awful, but like after you hit a certain point, you just eat whatever you want. You're already there. Yeah. Like, have a nice time.

Oh, yeah. You just make fun concoctions. I would get stoned and make like the most fun things in the microwave. I would do it sober. Who am I kidding? So would I! I grew up in an apartment complex where I would sneak down every night and there was a vending machine and as we know, the holy order of vending machines.

Chips are on top. Yes. Middle, candy bars. Candy bars. Little further down. Pop tarts. Maybe a pop tart, maybe a gummy. Ooh, yeah, yeah.

And assorted sundry. And then at the bottom, maybe like a famous Amos cookie. Ooh. Or like an Auntie Ann something, you know, like... Wow. I'm like really enthralled. I'm like, yes, that is a Vendor Machine. Yes. I want to own one from my house.

And so I would go and buy something from each level every night. And I would take it home and I would eat and watch Howard Stern on E and just be like, this is my life. I would steal sleeves of Ritz crackers to hide in my room so I could eat them at night. Hell yeah. Oh, I love a Ritz cracker. Oh my God, so buttery and there's no dairy in it. And they're terrible for you. I just learned this, they're bad for dogs.

They're like grapes? Well, they're not like grapes, they don't poison dogs, but I like went online and I was like, Ritz cracker's good for my dog because I feed my dog a lot of Ritz crackers. And they're like, no, it has like hydraulic, I don't know, hydraulics? I don't know.

Hydrogenated oils? Yes! Hydrogenated, but that's in everything. But apparently those are bad for dogs. So's living in a city clipping. Clipping. They're animals. You're right, do you have an animal?

No, I got two kids. Wow. I have enough souls to take care of. Souls? Yes. I guess they are little souls. They are. Girls or boys? Two boys. Oh. Yeah. Are they rough and tough? Oh yeah. We'd be wrestling. I love when little boys wrestle you.

It's so fun. I used to nanny and I nannyed two little boys. And when they would like like they'd be like Like it was just so funny to me because I was like, you're so tiny I could take you out You think you're so tough. You're not no you they're little wolves Yeah, they want it but they don't have it in them no wait, when did you start dating I Started dating probably like properly dating. I'm trying to think. Right around like 18. I had lost a bunch of weight and it was like I felt like I had to make up for a lot of time.

Yeah, so you were out there fucking. Yeah, hold on. I was out there full cliche. Like, it was bad. It was bad. Dating and yeah, doing all the things. And did you grow up in LA? I'm from New York, but I've been in LA since I was 14. Where in New York? The city, Manhattan. House Kitchen. Okay.

Are you from New York? No. I'm from New Jersey. What part? Middletown. Central. Yes! Oh my God! My people are from North Jersey. See, a lot of people in North Jersey will consider us South Jersey and a lot of people in South Jersey consider us North Jersey

But I was like if you look at a fucking map we are directly in the middle I'm literally from a town called Middletown. Yeah, like mid-doll. We're in the middle. Yes Freehold adjacent. Yes They had the good mall! Yeah. This was fun. But I was like, I didn't know if you were from the city, because I feel like people from Jersey and the city call it the city, and everyone else is like, New York City.

Yeah. I lived in Harlem, or Morningside Heights. It was like 125th and Broadway for a while. I just like kept moving up. Isn't it upper Manhattan now? I'm like, dog. Something like that, but I'm like, no. Don't erase Harlem. Like, don't do that.

Yes. That's where all the fun things happen. Still. The Renaissance. And? All of the fun things. I love it. The Renaissance.

So wait, when did you move to LA? I was 13, 13 years old. And why did you move? To act or just to be in the sun? I, no, I moved here. I got a TV show. I was on a show called the Amanda Show with Amanda Bynes. And it was sketch comedy for kids.

And that's what I did. And then I got my own show and I never left. What made you want to act? I... I grew up with a single mom, and so like my best friends growing up were like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Ace Ventura and Billy Madison. I've never seen those. Really? Which one? All three?

Wait, you name... What was the first one? You've seen Fresh Prince. Yes, that I've seen. Okay. That's a TV show. Yeah, I know! Um, but the other two, Ace Ventura and... Billy Madison?

Never seen. Okay, let's talk about the Adam Sandler legacy here. Yes. Happy Gilmore. No. Wow. But I have seen Big Daddy. So good. Maybe better.

And one of my favorite scenes is, do you know which one it is? Hip Hop. Hip Hop on top of it. Am I right? This is bullshit. You gave him the easy ones. I once cried in the street laughing showing this to a friend who didn't think it was funny I was like get stomping my feet. I was like come on Get rid of that friend my god now I'm crying Robb Schneider genius. It is one of the funniest things I think it holds up. It's just so funny.

It's brilliant. He-pop, he-pop anonymous. This is the worst podcast episode ever. I ruined your show. No, there's a worse one. Me and Bobby Moynihan do giant shots of vodka, and then felt trapped, and talked about lots. And I don't think any of it makes any sense.

Oh my God. Wow. That really made me so happy that you immediately knew. I can't believe it. We really linked up. Oh my God. Big Daddy's awesome. And I've seen the water boy.

Water boy's good. The water boy is so funny. Part of the Adam Sandler canon. Have you seen any of like the dramatic stuff? Uncut jumps? No. But I want to because I really like Julia Fox. Yes.

She's awesome in it. She's funny. She kills it. I'm Josh off these mirrors and uncut jumps. Uncut jumps. She's so funny. Yeah. She's good in the movie. I love her. I did my makeup myself.

Wait, I had a question. And it, like, fully left me. Mars keeps trying to get me to come early to look over my notes. That's crazy. And I refuse to. Who would ever? In fact, I come later and later and later. Oh, you have a memoir.

I do. I wrote a memoir at 35. Is there anything more millennial? I do love it. I had been approached to write like a memoir-y thing, and I said no. Good for you. Because I was like, I don't know. I'm not old enough yet.

Like I haven't had like enough stories, I didn't think. So I wrote a picture book about bikinis. Oh, that is so smart. Listen, it didn't sell well. You still mine either. You still got that advance. I sure did. That's right. Then check cash.

And no one bought my book. I'll take 200k and a carton of Newport. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and apparently it's a very popular book. Yeah, I mean, and is that like, am I allowed to say it's kind of a romantic novel? Was it Slightly? You're wrong. It's about abuse. Gotcha, right, that's what I was gonna say. But I will say, it is shot like a rom-com.

Not a rom-com, but wasn't it like, there was a big love story until Yes, so she like falls in love with this dude who like accidents keep happening because she's like in our head Jesus I'm gonna break. Oh my god. It should not be this close to the chair. I mean you bring up Blake Lively I get crazy Was she in Deadpool? Was she Lady Deadpool? In the newest generation? In Deadpool Loves Wolverine?

I didn't see it. You didn't see it? See, now I haven't seen something. Why didn't you see it? You're not a Marvel head? I'm not. I really like the X-Men. Oh.

And I was like, sure, I'll go see it so I can see my Wolverine. Because I love Hugh Jackman. What's not to love? I mean, there's nothing not to... There's nothing not to love. I think that was right. I think that was right. There's nothing you can't love. Everything about him is lovable.

Totally. I love him so much. He does musical theater. He sings. He dances. He seems so nice. Ugh. Ugh. My God.

I love him. He talked about it in Howard Stern, how he had to get in shape for the role, and that he would starve himself of sugars and carbohydrate. But then right before he was about to shoot, he would drink flat Coca-Cola. That the glucose would like dilate his veins so he looked even more vascular. And I just want to know who was like, I'll be on the Coca-Cola duty to make sure it's flat.

Who was like, you? His assistant. His sad assistant's like, I'm not gonna let me take him out. Let me open it up. He's gonna guzzle them down. Yeah. All right, real quick, we have to take a break.

["Settling with a Doctor"] Okay, love bugs, let's talk about settling. You wouldn't settle for a partner who only texts you at 2 a.m. or forgets your birthday, so why settle for your doctor? Who's not your vibe? Maybe you've had a dentist who won't stop chatting while your mouth is full of tools. Or maybe you've waited six months just to see your primary care physician. No thanks! Life's too short for bad matches.

That's where ZocDoc comes in. ZocDoc is a free app where you search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking over 100,000 doctors across every specialty, mental health, dental, urgent care, you name it, filtered by insurance location or patient reviews to help you find the perfect fit. Once you've got your match, see their real availability

and pick a time that works. And you click it and you book it. And most appointments happen in 24 to 72 hours or even same day if you're in a panic honestly if I ever need a new doctor This is exactly what I'm gonna do no stress and no settling zoc doc is the way to go Stop putting it off go to zocdoc.com slash date me that's z-o-c-d-o-c dot-com slash date me to book your top rated doc today. I'll never understand people who can show restraint with food for work.

I can't. You could pay me a million dollars and I still will be like, sorry, I lost no weight. But on the flip side, because you have lost so much weight, like if people will bring up to me like, oh, would you ever put on weight for a role? I'm like, never. No, never. There's not a thing.

No, because I have, I'm type two diabetic, baby. Hot, hot, hot. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Are you on the Zempis? I'm on Manjaro. Ooh, you're a famous, you're a celebrity. Thank you so much. That's a higher end.

Thank you. And how do you feel on it? How do you like it? I've been on it for like almost two years and my body now has acclimated to it. But before, I be shitting, I be shitting all the damn time. Interesting.

But now my body is like, no, no, I get it. And then it sucks. You still have to work out. You just eat like, so what it does for me is it quiets, like, food noise down, which is like a new term. But like, I no longer go through life being like, when do I eat? When do I eat? When is food happening? That looks yummy. I want that. Like, I just don't think about it anymore.

Um, and then you eat like a little bit less. But I do these workouts with this man named Daniel. He has like a company called The Body Project, but I just do the free ones off YouTube. And they're 20 to 30 minutes, and I'm like, 20 minutes will not kill me. And then he also tells me I can sit down during them. And then he's like, take a break, get water,

do whatever you need to do. If you wanna sit and watch us for a while, do that. And I really like that. But then he's got this bitch wife, and she does videos, and she never tells me I could take a break She never tells me I can do it. Mrs. Dan.

And then she just like moves too fast. I hate her. She sucks. But Daniel, ooh wee. Do you ever do you stay away from her videos? Yeah, I will not watch them. Good for you. But sometimes she does the 15 minute ones and I'm like I only want to do something for 15 minutes and then I'll suffer through it. Love it. I love this for you. Listen.

Do you, you know, it's interesting. What they're seeing now with like brain scans and stuff that like things like depression or OCD or PTSD, all the things, right? Like they can actually kind of see it, they can pinpoint it. And what they've found is like there are certain like modalities in which it like can really alter the brain that kind of makes it, right?

Because it's hard, because no matter how much talk therapy or one does, it can be super helpful, but inevitably it's like, but the circuit is still broken. So I wonder now, like if one day you went off of Muncharo and you've given your brain a rest, I wonder if the food noise would come storming back. Yes. Yes, sure does.

It does. It's kind of wild, cause I've gone away and then, cause it has to be refrigerated and I think you can use it unrefrigerated, but like I, listen, I'm gonna be part of a class action lawsuit in 10 years and some is gonna be wrong with it. I know it. It's gonna be a nice payout,

but like I just don't wanna not refrigerate it because the directions say it has. Anyway, so like if I go away for like a week or two or whatever, I don't have it. And then it comes back and then I'm like, ah, no. And it sucks. It sucks because I'm like, oh, I go away for like a week or two or whatever, I don't have it. And then it comes back and then I'm like, ah, no, and it sucks. It sucks because I'm like, oh, I might have to like be on this for the rest of my life

or I have to like learn discipline, but it's like different than discipline. It's not discipline. It's just like, I can't, my brain is what it is. I think it's awesome. And I don't, I don't know. I'm all for life. I know RFK will be mad at't know, I'm all for life. I know RFK will be mad at me.

But I'm down the clown. I went to a cardiologist, I've had high cholesterol my whole life and so he was like, I would really suggest you take this incredibly small amount of a cholesterol medication. He's like, you know the lowest dose? I'm giving you half of that. Just try.

He's like, you're in reasonably good shape. You tell me you like to work out. This is absurd how high your cholesterol is. I don't think it's your fault. He said, okay. I took it for six months. I came back. He came dancing into the room.

He's like, it's down 100 points. Your cholesterol is down 100 points. So you know how nuts that is? Like, it's working. I went back four months later, he walks in, no more dance, and he goes, stop taking the medicine. I go, yeah. He goes, why? I go, because it was working. I was like... I like that your doctor said it's not your fault. Because I think more doctors need to be like, it's not your fault, it's genetics. You're just genetically, like I'm genetically predisposed

to high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My daddy had it, he rode a bike all the time, he was a very healthy person. My mom, she liked the chips. But like... What was her brand? Lays. She loved Lays potato chips.

An old fashioned gal, love her. Yes, the yellow Lays. God bless her. And she put Louisiana hot sauce on it. She sounds like a fun time. And she loved Coca-Cola. Oh my God, would she rip a couple darts? No She quit smoking by the time I came try to get her back on it. She's dead. Oh Man it'd be really tough to weaken at Bernie's heart,

because she is cremated. Oh, wow. I have to whirl her together like in The Mummy. Do you have her in Inern? No. No. So she died when I was 16, and my dad simply... We didn't know what to do. No one prepares you for that. So we put her in the backyard, and now someone else lives in that house.

What do you mean you put her in the backyard? She got cremated. And then when someone gets cremated, they send you them in a box. Right. And then you open the box, and then there's like a thing in it, like a thing that you got to cut open.

And we were like, I don't know, put her in her bushes that she loves so much, so we put her in the bushes. So now she's still there. Wow. So there's someone in New Jersey who's, every time it's super windy, they're like, oh, I'm tasting a woman who likes Lays potato chips.

I'm in the mood for Louisiana hot sauce. In hindsight, yeah, I probably should have put her in a urn. Potato chips? Oh. I'm in the mood for Louisiana hot sauce. In hindsight, yeah, I probably should have put her in Earth. It's fair. It's okay. People do the ocean. Should I go there and like scoop up some of the dirt? Yeah.

The house was for sale and I was gonna like go look at it. But then I looked at it on Zillow and they had painted a bunch of walls like green and I was like, were they doing green screen stuff? Doesn't that hurt when people change your... Yes. Yeah. They made it so nasty. They like painted the cabinets white and I was like, these were not meant to be white. They were meant to maybe be stripped and like sanded down and

restained because they're beautiful wood. Yes. Wait, Josh, we only have two minutes left. Oh, wow. Isn't that wild? Oh, no. Speed round. two minutes left. Oh wow. Isn't that wild? Oh no, speed round, I'm ready. Okay, what is your advice for single people? Keep at it.

The right person will find you. Double down on the things that you know are good. Like what? Like when people are always like, I don't know, I'm never gonna find someone or it's not gonna work. Like do the things you do that you know are good for you, and good things will be born out of it. But I don't know, I wasn't around during online dating or dating apps and whatnot.

So I would meet someone at yoga, or I would meet someone at the local Whole Foods. That happened for me. Am I of a time gone by? No, I think you're of a time that we need to bring back. That's right. I think that's like fun to meet someone at yoga or meet someone at the grocery store. I also think people are like too afraid to talk to one another. Totally.

Like I was wearing a really colorful outfit to the grocery store the other day and I was like, I feel like someone's going to talk to me, but I chose this. And then sure enough, I was like, oh my God, I love this. I saw it on sale at TJ Maxx. And I was like, I bought this full price. And that's why I was kind of annoyed. You were like this Blenciaga man. Come on, come on.

But then she was like, I like your aura. And I was like, I like your dress. And then we just like talked for a while. And had I needed another friend, she probably would have been my friend. That's fun. It is fun. And I think we should all just talk more to people.

Listen, here's the thing to remember. Are you Mozart? No, bet. You're gonna be forgotten. So put yourself out there. Not you, Nicole, you won't be, but they will. Everyone listening's going to be forgotten. Thus, fall on your face.

Be rejected. Put yourself out there. Fuck it up. Who cares? You are, I already forgot about you and the world as a whole has forgotten. Not about Nicole. Nicole's incredible. Nicole's the new one to the generational talent. That's nice. Thanks. When am I doing your podcast? Please come on the Good Guys podcast. We can't wait to have you. When am I doing it? We're working out the dates.

You're fancy. I'm around. I got kids. I go nowhere. What changed after you had kids? Oh, life just got so much better. I highly suggest. But you already mentioned you're not really into it, and I totally respect that.

No, but I like kids. I, no. I love babies. Like, I love into it, and I totally respect that. No, but I like kids. I... No. I love babies. Like, I love a big, meaty, chunky baby. Oh, the best. The folds. The folds. And I like when they're too big. Do you know what I mean? When, like, they're, like, in the 99th percentile and they're, like, half the size of their mother.

Like, I love a big, nasty, chunky baby. Oh, they're just glorious. The other day, my son, I was reading him this book and it was like a Raoul Dahl book. So it had like some British type phrases like jumper for sweater. And I said, oh son, like a jumper is a sweater. And he goes, oh yeah, sweater. Like when you come back from your walks in the morning and that there's a stain on the back of your shirt. sweater like when you come back from your walks in the morning and that there's a stain on the back of your shirt Yep Kids are funny like that. Yeah, that is very funny. That's a sweater sweater. Yeah, you're a jumper

Well, Josh, we've come to the end. Thank you, Nicole. I have a question. Hmm. Do you have anything you want to promote? Just the pod good guys podcast available everywhere with my co-host, Celebrity Ben Safir. Can't wait to have the great Nicole on. Yeah, I fucking want to do it. Okay, I can't wait. Let me fucking do it. I'm good. Let me fucking do it.

Okay, I ask all my guests this. Would you date me? Yeah. Oh, you're fine. Oh, like I said, we'd be ripping cigs. I'd get you off the wagon. Yes. I'll give up my sobriety for you. No, just kidding. I would say keep going.

Yes, and I would say that to you as you ingested mushrooms. Keep going, Nicole. Keep going. Reach for the stars. Yeah, I've never been like, I've never been like tripping, tripping. Maybe I gotta take more. Nah.

I once took them in Mexico, and it took us, I don't know, an hour to get three blocks. We kept laughing at things. That's fun. At one point I was like, an ATM? Can you believe money comes out of that? You just become a Seinfeld bit. Yes, apparently a lot of my thoughts are Seinfeld bits already. I didn't know this. I've never seen Seinfeld. That's why he's a billionaire, because all our thoughts are Seinfeld bits.

Yeah. The thing about Airplane food! Anyway, if you like this episode... Automated television! ATMs are crazy if you like this episode. Automated television. ATMs are crazy if you think about it. Nuts. They're just stacked with money. I know.

You know what's even funnier to me? Those Postmate little robots. Yeah. I watched a video of people beating one up. And they have like the big eyes. So they kind of look like human-like, but they were beating it up to get to the food inside. And I was like, this is the future. Anyway, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me,

you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me, because we're running low, so please submit them to whywon'tudatemepodcasts.gmail.com, I will read it. And it's to be nasty. Hi Nicole. I sell my used underwear online to make money.

That's nice. And if we were dating, I would make you wear underwear for me, for clients. Ooh, a trick. We would wear each pair one after the other and make them real nasty. Uh oh. Our pussy juices would mix together so we would become the most exclusive, in-demand, used underwear providers. I like this. You're an archer-faneur. Okay, bye-bye!

You've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kenevskaia. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kemp. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose and our theme music is arranged by Mike Komete. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye bye. That was a head gum podcast. Hi guys, I'm Ego Wodim. Check out my new show, Thanks Dad, now on head gum. I was raised by a single mom and I don't have a relationship with my dad and spoiler, I

don't think I'm ever going to have one with him because he's dead. But I promise you that's okay because on my new podcast I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pally, Hassan Minaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my car? Can you even show me that? Or better yet how can I change the oil in my car?

Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to Thanks Dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the So True podcast now on HeadGum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew Fualow, or my actual biological mother, Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth. And if we find it great, and if not, no worries. So subscribe to So True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts, and watch video episodes on the So True With Caleb Herron YouTube channel.

New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya!