Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dating with Borderline Personality Disorder (w/ Makhyli)

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

Artist and actress Makhyli (Boys World) joins Nicole to chat about her experience dating while in a pop girl group. Makhyli shares how she literally created a "Build-A-Boy" slideshow presentation to manifest her current boyfriend - and it actually worked! The girls swap their worst car-date horror stories, from a guy so cheap he forced Makhyli to share a single McDonald's french fry, to a man who casually had rotting food in his backseat. Makhyli opens up about navigating relationship paranoia with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and the two discuss tips they've picked up for dating with ADHD. Plus they chat about their love for the latest season of Love on the Spectrum.Makhyli's new single, I Need You (Cat and Mouse) is out now!Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTake our listener survey and shape the future of the podcast!Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:Jones Road: Use code DATEME at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Shimmer Face Oil with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #adWarby Parker: Our listeners can buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/DATEME — and using our link helps support the show.Lola Blankets: Get 40% off your entire order at Lolablankets.com by using code DATEME at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. With BPD, a lot of times, your issues come out more when you're in a relationship because a lot of it is triggered by abandonment. So now you have a partner

and you're automatically thinking, they're leaving. They're out the door. They're texting three other women right now, you know. And so my brain will literally make up scenarios in the moment. When I know I've been with this guy for three and a half years, This is like impossible. But he knows how to talk me down. And honestly, in the back of my head, I know I'm being ridiculous as well.

But I feel like I'm just such a fun girl. I'm just a girl. I'm being ridiculous. I'm making things up, but I'm fun. Come on. That has to count for some. Me and my friends love to take trips together. And we took this trip to Joshua Tree.

And I was like, I don't want to stay in a hotel. I want to stay in like a really, really, really cute house. with like a good kitchen. Because when I'm like going to do like a girls trip, I absolutely love. Love, love, love to just like cook in the kitchen and not have to order room service and not always have to go out to a restaurant or whatever.

And look, I love my friends. I really do. But lately I don't get to see them as much as I like. So when we finally plan a trip together, it has to count. I want every second to be quality time. That's why when I'm traveling with friends, I look to book a stay on Airbnb.

Airbnb is great because you can book an entire place to yourself. Next time you're traveling, book a stay on Airbnb so you can actually stay together. Hax is back for its fifth and final season and so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max

or wherever you get your podcasts thing. Date me. A podcast or Mito Colbyer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come all over my face and say, uh-oh, you have weird freckles my guest today. I was not expecting that. My guest today is a talented artist, actress, and former youngest member of the hit pop group Boys World. She's in her solo music era and her brand new single, I Need You. Cat and Mouse is out now.

I'm so excited. It's my best introduction ever. I'm hype now. Oh my gosh. Thank you. I'm having me. I try to get people like in the mood and like excited. I'm ready.

No caffeine needed. No caffeine needed. I'm here first. I'll pump you up. I've also been listening to a lot of Martha Wash as of recent. You don't know Martha Wash? I don't. Tell me.

Okay. She is, I would say, the godmother of house music. So like, everybody does now. That's Martha Wash. And then any other house music that you can think of where there's like a powerful singer. Noted. Is Martha Wash. And then in the music videos, they would bring.

replace her with like a thinner woman. I'm serious. She was also in the group, I think it's two tons of fun. Oh, okay. And they sang, um, it's raining man. No way. Uh-huh. Get into her. She's great.

Oh, I will after this. Don't worry. Okay. When you were in the girl group, you didn't date at all. This is very interesting because I felt like, oh my gosh, I have such a career on my hands. Do I have time for a guy? But then I was like, I can make time. But then I was like, ugh, but for the right guy.

Not, okay, let me get into it. I'm pretty intense when it comes to what I want. Okay. Now, I decided I'm going to manifest this man. I call it build a boy. Build a boy. You know what I mean? So I wrote, I made a Google slide.

I had notes and I was like, I want him to look like this, be this tall. He needs to be into this, this, this and this. Like I put hobbies, I put the date, the type of dates I wanted to go. Because if I'm going to do it, I want to do it right. You know what I mean? because I also have a fear of getting my heartbroken. So I'm like, if I can do my research and see, you know, do my part, maybe this will work. Okay.

You know? So I did go on a few dates during the group. Some I'm not proud of. But they weren't my fault. But I should have left. That's what I'm not proud of. Okay. What happened if you want to talk about it?

I want to talk about it. Okay. I think some people should be put on blast. Okay. Get them! I won't say their names. But there was this rather. greasy guy. He was very greasy. And I feel like that's a first impression. Sure. If you're not

washing your hair, what do you think I'm thinking of you? You know, you can't take care of a relationship. So then, second impression, your car. Your car should be at, I understand maybe a water bottle or two. Okay. But nasty dirt and cans and candy wrappers. Like, where am I? I felt like I was in a trash heap. So I kept that quiet. And honestly, after that, I thought he was. going to make up for it. I was delusional. We pull up to McDonald's years ago. And I'm sorry, but that's not going to cut it for me. At least Chipotle. At the very least. At least something mid-ring. And you know what? It doesn't end there. He got a fry. Did you have to eat in the car? Did you get to go inside? Oh, I wasn't going to eat in the car. I was scared of what was going to be

under those seats. So we went in. He didn't even offer to get me, my own sandwich, my own anything. we had to share a fry. We shared a fry. And he got it for himself. I had to ask for a fry on top of that. So that really pissed me off. And then we went to La Brea Tar Pitz. And I'm pretty sure we got in for free.

So I was like, you know, it's not all about the money, but it's about the effort. Yes. You know what I mean? So that was the first time I was like going to text my girls and come and get me. But I also sometimes can be a people pleaser. So I was like, oh, this is great. And then I'll just block them. And like, you know, I don't like confrontation.

I get that. So I'll just disappear. off the earth. And he never heard from me again. Was he fun and interesting? Or was he like bad personality? A little cheap. Ooh.

And then he didn't put the effort in. You know what? Can't even remember. Can't remember his name. He probably had the personality of like a hand towel, probably. But I think I would have remembered if you had something else that was redeeming. Or maybe I just couldn't get over the cheapness and the dirtiness. It is one thing to be cheap.

It is another thing to be cheap and dirty. Yeah, and no personality. It's like you didn't even think to clean up your car just a tad bit. Just a little bit. Because there is a way to be whimsical about not having money. 100%. To just be like, here, I thought maybe we could just share a french fry. And I brought a picnic blanket for us to eat it.

I would be down. Creative. You know? Just like make it a little sweet because it's like, I don't think poor people should and date. I think it's just like, it's the way you present it. The effort. That's all. I want. Right? I dated a guy who

Oh, tell me. Had the filthiest fucking car I had ever gotten in. When I got in, it was just like crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. It was just water bottles everywhere, just like chip bags that were empty everywhere. And then there was a smell. Oh, no. And then I dated them

for a while. Seriously? Uh-huh. And then like two weeks later, he found what the smell was and it was just a rotting banana. Oh, no. He found it. He found a We were in the car and he was like, oh, what is this? Oh, my God.

Oh, it's this banana that's been, he was like, I lost this banana. And I was like, you lost this banana? Banana. Who loses a fucking banana in their car? Whoa. Yeah, that's another level. And I think that's a true indictment on me for sticking around as long. To stick around for a man to find a banana in his car, that's on me.

I done fucked up. I'm glad you can see it now. Hey, thank you. It's growth. I see it now too. Love therapy. Yeah. I'm also not the cleanest.

Let me put that out there. Same. ADHD. But if I lose a banana. I'm going to find that banana. I mean, I need to find the banana. I'm going to find. I'm not going to let a banana roam in the car.

Although today I had a cold brew. Okay. In a can. Oh. I set it on my car. I don't know what I needed to do. Oh, maybe I need to throw something out from my car. Yeah.

And then pulled away with the can still on my car. No. And it spilled? I don't know where it is. Oh, it's right. But I got down the street and I was like, I think I left that can on my car. No. Gently pulled over and I looked and I was like, it's not there.

Oh, gosh. I don't know where it is. I have a cold brew on the Luz. That's hilarious. Yeah, but I have few and far in between dates. I'm not like, like I said, too much social energy. I feel like sometimes dating is a performance. And I, you know, yes, razzle, dazzle, getting ready and all that.

So I think when I found my boyfriend, I was like, oh, I'm not performing. I'm chill. Like I had this other day in. Gosh, oh no. I wanted to be so quirky. Like, I just wanted to be so quirky. But the guy was the opposite. I might have been like a pastor's kid or just very, you met him where?

I met this guy on a dating app. Oh, okay. I had an era. I was in the group and I was like, girls, it's just swipe, not thinking. And so I wore one of those cartoon spinner hats. You know, like the rainbow ones with the spinny thing? I wore one of those. I thought it would be so cutesy and fun.

And he showed up in slacks, like turtleneck, like about business. And I was like, oh, we're not a match. And you were like, D, D, D, D, D. Exactly. Like, I doodled on myself because I wanted to come off as fun and vibrant. And this was weird. Why did my mom decide to do this? She decided to be at the thrift store that we were shopping at for the date.

I think because she was going to pick me up anyway. And she was like, oh, I'll just browse around. So I'm like trying to, you know, be schmoozy with this guy. and date him and walk around, and I see my mom at the shoe rack. And I'm like, this is so awkward. Like, I can't handle it. And so I figured out a way how to get out of that quick. Wait, how old were you? I was probably, what, 20? Is that bad? No. 1918. What if I was younger? I was probably 18. I don't think that's bad, but I do love that your mother was like, I'll just hang around.

Yeah, she knew it wouldn't last. You know, I'll just keep my eye on things. Yeah, I'll pick her up after. And so she knew. We both. both knew immediately. I feel you can kind of tell within the first few minutes. Oh, absolutely. You know, so I should have said, I'm too silly, you're too serious. Let's part ways, but I didn't. But sometimes opposites attract and there's like a yin and yang. That wasn't the case here. Yeah, you were like, no, no, it was just, it was a little too, what, buttoned up straightly. Yeah. And now, with my boyfriend now, we're opposite, clearly opposite. In the ways that matter and that makes sense. We are, we actually have the same birthday. We are both Aries, March 29th, same year.

So you would think that we're a lot more similar. But he's like mysterious and like chill. Oh. Yeah, he's like the anchor. And then I'm like, you know? But that works. It works. With the nice man in my life, it's very much like he, he is silly, but he very much is like, I will grocery shop.

I will do the things we need. Really? He'll do the things. Yes, because I'm like, la. Me too. Before I met him, I couldn't even tell you the last time I cooked in my place. I just, because if you cook, you have to go to the store. I know.

You have to get the things. And then if you get extra things, those things will go bad if you don't cook them as soon enough. And then you got to do the dishes. Yeah, a recipe. It's a lot. So he cooks, he goes grocery shopping, and then I do the dishes. Okay. Which means I just put them in the dishwasher.

That's good enough. We're all doing our part. Yeah. We're queens. We're princesses. And that's what he's like, too. Like, when we talk about getting a house and he's like, I'll just decorate the whole house.

Because, like, honestly, I think I would turn it into like a circus in there. He does all the things. I think I'm, I bring the vibe. Yes. You know, I'm just here to bring vibe. And he brings the structure, you know, and I realize that is what I need. And that's okay. We all have different needs.

I agree. There's this, I was on Instagram again. And there's this video, or it's like a trend where it's like, hi, I'm Dave and I planned our vacation. I've seen this. It's like, I'm Cindy. Yes, that's us. I planned.

I'm Cindy. And I'm like, that's me. In our day to day, I'm very much like, hello, I'm Nicole. And it's like, did you do X, Y, and Z? Sure did. No, I won't. Now what? Yeah.

Sometimes he has to, or not has to, he gets the opportunity to wake me up. Oh, my gosh. Because we share a Google calendar and he'll be like, Oh, hey, do you have to be up for this thing that's in 15 minutes? No. Yes, I do. Thank you so much. You're so right.

I love it. I love it. Because, like, I am not a person who I can't do everything. I have my strengths. I have my weaknesses. And I feel like that's what partnership is, having someone else who, you know, balances the scale. Yeah. Oh.

I don't cook and clean. I clean. Okay. But I won't. You won't cook. Cook. What do I? I do. Oh my God.

That is funny to be like, what do I bring to this relationship? Yeah, why are you actually with me? You bring the vibes. You already said it. Yeah, that's all I need. I've been watching Love on the Spectrum. There's a new season. Stop.

I watched it all bingged in one sitting. I watched it, yeah. Can we talk about it? I, the thing I like the most that's represented is how honest they are with one another. Oh my God, I was going to say the same thing. Because they don't. They don't sugarcoat. Yes, because like a social norm is like, how are you?

But I actually don't want to know I'm saying it as a formality. Exactly. But when they're like, how are, or not them, the people depicted on the show. Yeah, yeah. When someone says, how are you? They're like, oh, well, you asked. So I'm going to answer the question. Yeah.

And I wish we all lived a little bit more like that. Just like a little bit more truthful. Every day I think about that. Like, I remember there was a scene, Logan. was on the phone. And she was like, oh, like, what are you up to you? What are you doing? And he was like, I'm sitting next to my lamp.

Yes. And I'm like, yeah, thank you. I want to know what you're doing. You're sitting next to your lamp. And I wish we could just be upfront. Just be honest, especially with dating. I don't like all the games and meeting around the bush. Like, okay, I'm speaking to myself too because I do the same thing.

But can we just take away the mask, you know? Like, I feel like I would be a better place. I agree. Because it's like I've gone on second dates where I did not want to go on the second date, but I didn't want to be rude. I know. But I love when they're like, are not there on the show. And someone will be like, oh, I don't really feel it.

Yeah. Can we just be friends? Straight up. And of course, they're, you know, the person receiving it is disappointed. But they're like, okay, that's what that person wants. Yeah. I just like it. It's so inspiring.

I cried many times because I also was like, the communication was just so amazing. Like, even with, I think it was Logan again. Logan's my favorite. I'm sorry. I love Logan. He like was getting overwhelmed and he was feeling a little bit defensive. And me, I would have just lashed out on my family. Like, you're annoying me. This is too much. He took a step outside. He's like, let me ground myself. Let me talk to myself and come back. And then boom, he's better.

I'm like, why can I just be like Logan? Because it's hard. It's so hard to be like, I need to just take a moment. Yeah. And I wish I could do that in the moment. Instead, I, like, will get, like, so frustrated. And then I'll be like, well, nothing matters anymore. Blow up. Yeah.

And I was like, girl, chill the fuck out. Calm down. Yeah, yeah. You're fine. I'm the same. I harbor it. I cannot remember their names. But one girl is into beads and jewelry. Madeline?

Maybe. I know she doesn't like you getting her name wrong. No, she doesn't. So let me not even say it. Yeah. Maddie. She doesn't like being called Maddie. She doesn't like being called Maddie.

So she's Madeline. So sorry, please forgive me, Madeline. I don't know. Okay. But I loved when she was like, and now it's time for her partner to show us his NASCAR collection. Yes. And I was like, that is what we should be doing. And you was so pumped for him on the side.

Like that's Mommy NASCAR. Yeah. Like the nice man in my life plays video games. I don't play video games. And I'll be like, how is your game? and he'll be like, good, and he gets really excited. And I'm like, it is my job to, I don't have to get as excited as him. But I have to, you know, or not have to.

I want to be supportive. Good. And I want to ask questions because I want to understand why he likes it so much. Do you find that natural to you or do you think I should ask questions about this? I do not find it natural. Okay, me either. I don't find it natural at all. I don't know.

Mars, do you find it natural to ask questions about something you're like that you're not into? Yeah, just because I don't talk much myself. So if it encourages them to talk and continue the convo, then yeah. It's easy to that way. I like that perspective. I do it because I'm like, I want you to know I'm invested in the things you like because I would like that back. Oh, it's selfish?

Maybe. Okay. Okay. I can respect that. I think it's like if I want to talk to you about my salt and pepper shaker collections, I don't want your eyes to glaze over And I do want you to ask questions That's important

Wait, do you actually have one? A collection? Is it those little houses? No. Well, I do have those, okay, so I have little spice houses You do? You put the spices in the little house Yeah, I know what you're talking about

And I don't cook. Yeah, wait, so what are you doing? Just for funzies? Just for funzies? Okay, whimsical. I have La Crosette, the shallot color. Oh! I don't cook.

Okay. They're just like for fun. Yeah. I like that. I spend money for fun. And they're so heavy. And I'm always like, ugh. Every time I move them around, because that's all they do.

I move them from drawer to draw. I am not cooking. I refuse. That's so funny. Yeah, I have so many salt and pepper shakers that I've collected from, you know, different places and, you know, bought from Etsy and eBay. And one night I did say, would you like a tour? He was like, sure.

And then he did ask questions. and I was like, this is what I want. Yes, that's so important. Because there's nothing worse than, like, talking about something you're excited about, and someone's like, uh-huh. Sure. No, it's the worst.

Great. It breaks my heart, actually. Like, please, no. Yeah, and that's why sometimes I'm like, I do want someone's similar interests, but not all the time. Like, I feel like you need a little bit of different, something's a little bit different about you guys, you know?

And that's how I feel, because, like, me and my manner are we're so similar, but he's into, like, tedious type of things. Ooh, like what? Well, he can do like procreate and he can like edit and he's actually kind of good at art and like stuff that kind of takes patience and sports too. And I'm not the most into that. But you know what?

Now I can name a few players off the Minnesota Timberwolves. You know? And so I'm like, I'm learning here. I think it's important. I agree. I also. Wait, let's take a break first. Oh, okay.

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Oh gosh. I'm not a sports gal. It's not for me. People running and jumping. All right. But I went to a. baseball game last year. You did. Yes. Oh my gosh. And I learned things. What baseball game? It was the Dodgers versus other people. Right. And the Dodgers won. Fun. And then I just like

picked out things I liked about being at the game. Me too. Okay. Tell me what you like. Okay. I really like the people who drag this thing across the dirt. Oh. I don't know what it's called. Really? Is it to make it smoother or rougher? What are they dragging for? I think they're making it smoother. I think I know what you're talking about now. Yeah, yeah. I just like that job. Like, are they getting paid? It's interesting. Is it just like a, like a hobby? Do they just want to be near the Dodgers? Right. Right. I just like things. I like finding things that like maybe aren't central to the to the thing I'm at and find. We're so similar. Because that's what I was doing when I went. He brought me to like the Lakers game or something. And instead of like, you know, focused on the game,

I was thinking of like backstories for each of the players. Yeah. And I was like, I think that one has mommy issues. And I think that one's vegetarian. Like I just think that one's vegetarian. Yeah. That's what interests me. So as long as you find something. I agree.

You know what I mean? Yes. And it's like it makes the conversation I feel like a little more interesting because I have such a different perspective. Like we have different perspectives. I'm not watching the game per se. I don't really understand, you know, why they're walking people or whatever. What's happening? So it's like, what about this thing?

And then everyone's like, oh, I didn't think of that or I didn't notice that. And I'm like, great. Now we're having a fun time. Yeah. I feel included. Yeah. Our brains are so quirky. Wait, so when you were younger, you hated sports too.

I just didn't really see why. Okay. Why this is a thing we had to do. Okay. I remember they used to make us run the mile. Oh, gosh, the mile. Which is like, for what? What do we do?

Yeah. Why? What are we training for? And you're timing it? For what? Why? To make me sad. Yeah.

So I used to just sit down in the middle and be like, I can't. You would sit? Uh-huh. Protest. And then they'd be like, you have to. And I'd be like, I have to. Why? You're so funny.

Do you have to do the pacer test? When they're like, beep, and you have to run to the other side and then run back within a certain time. And if you don't, like, you're done. And you go back a form, back up form until you, like, collapse. In school? In school. No, I never had to do that. We used to have to do this thing.

called the presidential fitness test? Yes. And I was like, why is the president involved in this? Thinking about that, that's wild. Why? And then part of it was you had to see, like, how far you could, like, reach. So you put your little feet in this box. Yes.

And I was like, why is, did you have to do this in Canada? No, we didn't have a presidential fitness test in Canada. This is so weird. What's going on here? And it's funny that you had to do it because you're younger than me. So I figured by the time you went to school, they'd be like, well, this is useless. They didn't think it was dumb. Maybe now they do.

I wonder if kids are doing it now. Probably. Oh, I don't know. Mars, can you look up if the presidential fitness test is still a thing in schools? Can the president do it? You think the president can do what we were doing? I think our current president can't do much. Oh, gee!

Oh, my gosh. You said it. I mean... It looks like he was recently reinstated for 2025 and 2006. It's a live-part assessment. Wow. What is the assessments, please? Oh, yeah.

Refresh us. Give me a second here. I'm just trying to avoid all the AI results. Oh, geez. Oh, God. They're all numbers. Oh, my goodness. Complicated.

Curl ups or partial curl ups. Is that this? Curl ups? No, I think it's sit-ups. Oh, my gosh. I'm not athletic. There's the shuttle run testing, which sounds like kind of what you described. So maybe I did have to do it and I just opted out.

Block that out of your head. There's the endurance run. Yeah, I think that's like the mile. Okay. Pull-up testing. Yep. Never did one. The sit reach.

So that sounds like the... That's the reaching thing. This is traumatic. Yeah, I think those are like the five things at times. I wonder if I got reinstated because the draft age is now wider. So they've got to make sure the kids are flexible enough to... Oh, damn. Gee.

So like grandparents can go into the war? Not grandparents. I think it's 42 or something like that. Wow. It's getting up there. Okay. My mom could not do that 42. I have most 42.

I'm like, you can barely work your phone. That's so true. Okay. How did you get into, how did you figure out your sound? My sound now. Yes. Yeah. My sound now is very different from the group.

And I think, not that it's intentional, I just think I am very different from the group, you know? So it kind of worked out. The thing is my boyfriend's a producer. And as the group is ending, I was like, okay, what am I going to do now after? I don't want to be living on the streets. Sure, I get that. Right? That's not fun. So I was like, let me see what he has in his vault of beats.

I was going through them. And I was really nervous to record with him. I don't know. I just was like, this is awkward. This is my boyfriend. I don't want him seeing me. Don't look at me. Like, I was shy.

I was so shy. So eventually I recorded my first song, Breaking Bad. And I was like, no pressure. Let's just talk our shit. Like, let's just really feel it and not judge ourselves. Okay. So I think that was a moment where I was like, oh, wait, this is hard. Wait, I'm not a super.

squeaky clean pop girlie and that's fine you know I'm not gonna force it okay I love where I am and I'm excited to see where I go I okay so I told you before we started recording I found you on Instagram where it was truly like hey do you want some alt black you know girls who make music and I was like yes yes please because I really like RICO

nasty me too I love that she started like kind of like screamo rap and has moved into like an R&B poppy kind of sound and I like that she hasn't limited herself and I feel like you come out the gate haven't really limited yourself? I haven't. Doing everything. And it's, it's very exciting. Thank you. Is it hissy fit? Yes. I love that song. No way. I think it's so fucking fun.

Thank you. I had so much fun making it. Seriously. How do you? Okay. Okay. I told disclosure. Oh. I just learned a couple years ago that songs have meaning. So, okay. How do you go about writing a song? Oh my gosh. You know what? It's actually not even that crazy. I write it in one specific way. What I do, I go through life. Let's say, oh my gosh, grapes on the table. You know, I see that. I'm like, ooh, inspiration.

I write it in my notes app. I keep a long list of notes in different categories. So I have like really, really vulgar, kind of fun, but, you know, still sweet. And like different eras and different vibes. And I just pick those little inklings that I get. I find the track, I'm like, these could marry really well. And then usually I go from personal experience. Like, hissy fit was because.

I got recently diagnosed with BPD. So I'm like, I've always felt insane, you know? Sure. Like, always. And I'm like, you know what? It's time to sing about it. I'm sure there's other people who feel that way too. So I felt like this was the time and Hissie Faye was the perfect beat to do it on.

You know what I mean? So you write the song and then get the beat and then match the lyrics to the beat? It depends. You know what? For that song, Hissifis specifically, the beat was ready. It was made. I decided I want to add a few little things, but immediately when I heard,

I'm in the mood for a hissy fit, straight off the gate. Like that way, I was like, I know that has to be in it. And then from there, the rest just kind of fell. Maybe one day I should go live and show the audience how I make a song live.

Gate keep. Don't teach people. No, okay. Maybe not. No, you could do that. You know. Because I do think it's interesting because I'm like,

how the fuck are songs made? Exactly. Is it the chicken or the egg? like, what comes first? The beat or the lyrics. But you're like, they both coexist. And then you kind of marry them together. They just get sent down from the universe.

I don't know. It's weird. Now, do you still work with your boyfriend? Does he produce? Yes. He's done everything. And also, I didn't even know that he was a producer at first. It just kind of worked that way.

But another thing is he, like, he does graphic design. He does a lot of editing. We're just both in that creative world. And so it's not that I'm like, absolutely not. I'm not going to work with anybody else. But I do feel like I found my, like, creative flow. You know like Billy Eilish and Phineas or like people who have their specific producer kind of go to. He just knows me like if I'm like, oh my gosh, I was making a song and I was like I wanted to sound like Godzilla.

Like give me Godzilla. And he knew exactly what I wanted. It turned off, it was horrible. It was like terrible. It never came out. But he got it, you know. Wait, what happens when you make a song and you're like, ooh, this is, this is bad? Do you like try to fix it?

Or do you just go, that's a wash. We don't need it. You know what? If I think it has potential. maybe, let's say, the plot or what it's about. I'm like, let's keep working on it. But also, with ADHD, I just, no. On to the next, like, this is boring.

Like, move, move, move, you know? So it really depends. If I feel like it has some potential, I might give it a second chance. But I believe songs should just kind of come out. They should just feel good, you know? I don't want to force anything too much. That makes sense.

You know what I know? You know, like, just go with it. Because I have ADHD, too. And sometimes I'll try a joke. And I'm like, well, everybody hates it. to that one. No. We didn't like it. The audience hated it. I didn't feel good. And then sometimes I'll just like leave it alone. Wait, I need to have a question for you. Yeah. So when that happens, do you feel like personally attacked and horrible or you're like, it's just the joke. I just didn't

like that joke. If I felt personally attacked every time an audience didn't like something I said, I would be so sad all the time. That's true. So sometimes if I go, wait, no, that was a good premise. Everyone backstage laughed. Right. My friend I like ran it past. She was like it's funny. Exactly. Then I go, all right, let me work backwards and try to figure out how I make this work for non-cometic people who can like see the nugget. Because like comedy people will be like, yeah, yeah, that's a good premise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then an audience will be like, all right, so you have a premise. There's no, what is, I don't really get it. You're wording it funny. Yeah. Like, I taped a special and my friend was watching and she was like, people aren't getting the joke when you want them to because you're missing a little bit of exposition. So if you just say this word here and move that word over here, people will get it. It's fixed.

Yeah. So the next time I did it, it fucking hit. And I was like, I love. I've been telling this joke for two years. And it hit sometimes and sometimes it did it. Yeah. But all it needed was just. A little tweak.

A little massage. Yeah. Have you always been, like, funny in your life, like, growing up in school? Is that just you? Yes. Oh, I love that. I came out just like this. Out the womb.

And I was just talking about this with my best friend. I was like, teachers hated me. No. They hated me so much. Really? Because I was a busy body. I had so many opinions. I had thoughts.

I had feelings and everyone needed to know it. And I was like, I didn't come here to live. to learn. I came to make friends and I came to talk. Okay, valid. Valid. Teachers really didn't like me. You had ADHD, yeah, your whole life. I was the opposite. Really? Yeah. I was a very goody-to-shoe. Like, I cannot step out of line. It's weird. I feel like my ADHD didn't like creep up on me until adolescence. And I'm like, oh, why is everything so hard? Oh my gosh. I'm a very big like procrastinator, do things last minute. I'm a very like impulsive, all or nothing type of girl. So I feel I feel like that's where mine comes in.

Well, talking with people like you, I feel who have energy, I feel like it really comes out more and you can see the hands going. It's wild. So thank you for pulling that out. Hey, you're welcome. I love it. We're like, we see each other. You know what I mean? Is it hard to work with a partner?

No. I think it's hard to work with me in general. Partner or not. And so I think for him, you can ask him, he's probably like, this is hard. But he loves me. So I think that covers it up. You know, I think... That covers it up.

Well, this is hard, but I love her so. You know, I'll trudge through. I think in general, when you bring your work and your love life in anything, it can be tricky. Because I'm like, he'll tell me straight up. That line was really bad that you made. And I have a hard time, you know, accepting that. And so I'll be like, what are you talking about? Even though I know in my head, that was terrible, you know?

And then five minutes later, I'll be like, let's scrap it. So that's something I need to work on. But I think in terms of like, I mean, I basically live with a guy. So we have like all day to come up with ideas and things. But I think also sometimes with the relationships, then you kind of forget. You're like, oh, we're creatives. We're not just in a relationship. So it's a balance I'm trying to find.

Yeah, it must be a balance because when you live with someone, you have like roommate issues. Exactly. And then you have relationship issues. Yeah. And then when you work together, it's like, oh, then we have like creative issues that we have to work through. Yeah. So how do you find ways to like compartmentalize to be like, can I talk to you about like a relationship?

Do you just straight up say? Can we talk about relationship stuff or have you not figured that out yet? You know what? You're clogging me. This is my first relationship. Okay. I decided, look, a lot of guys are stupid to me. I agree.

You know what I mean? And so I got my first relationship when I was 19. And I'm 23 now. Wow. Wild. I know it's not that old, but I feel very old. So young. When I was 23, I was like, well, death is around the corner.

Yeah, right? And now I'm 62. Oh, stop. I'm old as hell. No, I'm like, I need red and all. Oh, my God. No, no, no. No, you don't.

Black don't crack. You're right. You're so right. Okay, back to what you're saying. What was that? Right. Oh, shoot. Oh, compartmentalizing.

Oh, yes. Yes. We're a mess. Oh, my gosh. Good luck editors. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel like sometimes I'm like, look.

I feel like you hate me and you did nothing to make me feel like that but this is a relationship thing and then I'll be like I'm gonna write a song about how I think you hate me and you're gonna produce it

and you're gonna record me as well so I feel like you have to have a partner that's just so free and down for whatever and I think that's him I always say I don't think I could fit

with anybody else unfortunately I'm a very specific type of girlfriend if that makes sense and it's like a lot what kind of girlfriend are you I'm not gonna cut myself short I definitely think

I'm so fun fun. I think I'm very spontaneous. I think I'm whimsical, but also really damaged as how I express my emotions. You know, I have a hard time expression why I feel these things. And sometimes thinking before I speak, he knows that. Therapy is a great thing that I meant. Love therapy. Love. I need more, honestly. But yeah, I feel like just, I'm glad that he came into my life when he did because that is really when I was at the pinnacle of my mental health struggles. And so I, with BPD, borderline personality disorder, it's different for everyone. But a lot of times people suffer with sense of self.

They don't really, sometimes you feel a different way, different days and not, you know, and another thing is abandonment, like I said, we suffer from that as well. Another thing is very intense emotions, like quick, like really quick. And we don't have as much processing to filter them out. like not get there so quickly. I just thought I was very emotional in general, but I was like, oh, it's actually deeper than this, you know, and you actually have a diagnosis. With BPD, a lot of times, your issues come out more when you're in a relationship because

a lot of it is triggered by abandonment. So now you have a partner and you're automatically thinking they're leaving. They're out the door. They're texting three other women right now, you know. And so my brain will literally make up scenarios in the moment. when I know I've been with this guy for three and a half years. This is like impossible. But he knows how to talk me down.

And honestly, in the back of my head, I know I'm being ridiculous as well. But I feel like I'm just such a fun girl. I'm just a girl. I'm being ridiculous. I'm making things up, but I'm fun. Come on. That has to count for something. I think it does.

Since you got that diagnosis, have you felt like it's been easier to reason through things? Are you still spiraling out and then being like, oh, you? yeah, maybe it's the BVBPD. BPD. B.B.D. B. B.D. B. B. B. B. B. I wish I could say it was so much easier in that my life completely changed. It's great because I feel like I am able to compartmentalize and I'm like, oh, my gosh, it's that. And I think it's also cool that I'm able to see, oh, there's millions of other people who feel like this as well. And I feel like with posting about it, with Hissy Fit and stuff, I have found a community that's like, oh, my gosh, that's me too. But in terms of actual reality and every day, no, that doesn't help at all. I struggle every single day. But at least I'm honest. Yeah.

You know, I'm open about it. So I feel like it's only up from here. I agree. I think, yeah. I think it's good to just be like, here are the things that are wrong with me. Yeah. Like I, with my ADHD, like I, so like today I was supposed to make an appointment. Okay.

And the lady was talking to me and she kept saying Eastern Standard Time. And I just never put Pacific Standard Time. Oh. So then the time got all messed up. And I was like, well, that's it? What can I do? I'm the same way. I mean, and I just emailed and I was like, I'm really sorry.

I really should have clarified what I meant. Yeah. But it's like that it is what it is. It is what it is. You can't be on it. Exactly. You have to move on. That's what I did.

Literally, I was supposed to be an EMDR like two days ago. And it was this. EMDR? Yeah. What's that? Oh, my gosh. Let me not be like a scientist about it and get. this wrong, but it's basically like it fixes your brain with like some different like,

beep, beep, beep, something like, and you hold these devices and a lot of people who suffer from like trauma and things like that. Yeah, so it's therapy. Therapy. I could have just said that. Okay. I overcomplicate it. Hey, listen, it's okay. We got there. Yeah, we got there. Well, I'm sorry. Say what you were going to say before. We were talking about something. I was like on it. Who knows? Oh, wait, I remember. Okay. We were talking about how we're forgetful. Oh, with appointments. This is crazy. But I was saying with EMDR, they were like, oh, my appointment time, 4 p.m.

It was 4 p.m. And I was logging in. Oh, what's your email? Here's my email. We'll send you a link. Never got the link. Did I follow up and say, oh, give me the link? No.

That was it. You know, I'm not about to do all that. I'll just wait until next week. Yes. So I find it hard to open my mail because if I open it, then I have to do something with it. Yes. And then if I have to do something with it, boy oh boy

I'm gonna be here all day I don't know I simply don't know It's overwhelming It is overwhelming I feel you Now like all of my payments are on auto pay

Because I was like I simply I can't be held responsible To remember the dates To pay these things Kidding me? Oh my God It's just so like

Little things are hard Like my key chain is huge Because I kept leaving it in the door And it's just like I've learned In my old age To do like Just dumb little

Little tricks. Tricks. It's the tricks. Little life hacks, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, that's like me. I just started learning how to drive. And 23.

Well, okay, I have a little bit of excuse because in the girl group we had like one driver. And she was like, she was the driver. She took control. She drove us everywhere. She drove us the house mom. So she drove us everywhere in a big van. Okay. Still not excuse.

But I mean, kind of. Kind of. You have a driver. Why would I drive? Why would you learn? Exactly. Okay. So now that I'm out in the real world, I'm like, I guess it's time.

I got like three different permits. They all expired. And then I failed my driver's test once. Really embarrassingly, I did like a critical error. Wait, was it the road test? Yeah. I'm really good at the written test. What did you do in the road test?

I still don't completely know, which is really bad. But basically, I think I, you know, when you're all the way on the right lane and you need to turn left, I think I went across every lane. Got her way there. No, no, we can't let her on the road. like this. And I had no idea. I got to the end. I was like, oh, so tell me, give me my license. And they said, you failed. So that's wild that you got all the way to the end and you thought you passed. So confident. And they were like, sorry about it. You didn't. So embarrassing. I tried to get my motorcycle license. No way. I fell right off the motorcycle during the test.

And I was like, so I fail? And they were like, yeah, you fail? And I was like, you sure? And they were like, yes. And I was like, better buy a motorcycle. So then I bought a motorcycle, wrote it maybe. be like two or three times. And then I was like, I have to sell this. I actually can't ride this. I don't know if the gas in here is still good. Like it was- Oh, no. Wait, what got you into motorcycles? I just think they look so cool. They do. And I was on, and I love Instagram. You love Instagram. And I found this like black female all motorcycle group. That'll get you. Yeah. I'm just like, I love black women who are doing fun things. Right. Can you blame me? And they have like colorful bikes and like fun. helmets with like ponytails on the back.

And I was like, I want to be a part of this. And you know what? I should have like sought them out and been like, teach me how to ride. I should have. Yeah. I was like, I'll do it on my own. Okay. Fall down.

Did you get hurt? My knee sometimes hurts. Oh, still. Oh, no. You would look at the doctor? Well, I went to the doctor and they were like, well, take some Advil. No. And I said, okay, because I went out and bought like a little compression thing.

Got you. And was icing it. and they're like, that's what you could do. But, you know, thinking back, I probably should have had an x-ray. Oh, yeah, the health care system. It's bad. Not good. I'm doing a massive closet purge lately because I'm officially over buying clothes

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for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash date me. Here's a question. Do you have any advice for single people? I do. I do, I think single people should not waver on what they want.

I think so many times we're like, oh, it's fine. I'll just settle for this. But eventually within the relationship, that's going to piss you off. And you're going to be like, I should have settled. So kind of like what I did, I'm actually like I'm the model. But what I did is like really say, what am I going to not stand for and what do I need in a relationship? Because I feel like that's why you kind of have to know yourself just in terms of what you will put up with and what you won't. And then stick by that.

Because I think a lot of times we know, and we know that the person's not going to change. But we're just like, we're just here, like, maybe one day and don't try to change people. Because I know someone tried to change me? It's not going to work. You know what I mean? So I feel like just having those, what, non-negotiables? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm really just sticking by it. Wait, we never really talked about your Google Doc or what was in a Google Slideshow. So did you get everything you wanted? I did. I always get it. That's wild. No, yeah, I did because I was like, and I didn't even realize in the moment. And you know what?

Before I met my man, I was like, I had a vision. Raven Simone. I literally was like, yeah. I saw him in my head. And he looked like this Tarzan type of guy. Okay. And I was like he had brown curly hair. He had a mole.

Okay. The skin was like glistening in the sun. And at the time I was like, eh, like whatever. It's just a random man in my head. But then when I met him, I was like, you're the random man that was in my head. Isn't that crazy? I do love when that happened. That's never happened to me.

Tarzan has never been sent to me. He never strut in your life. No, but on the slide, let me say some things. Okay. I was like, I want him to be like spiritual, believe in like something, like manifestation. I'm very like manifestation, woo, woo, who type of girl. So I did want him to be into that. I'm open to learning, no, teaching, because I love to info dump.

I'm open to learning. No, actually, I'm not. I know everything. I'm into teaching. Okay, so you're into teaching. Yeah, so I teach him about it. He needed to be, he needs to love down black women. Black people.

Black culture. Black, black, black. Feminine, women. Like, he needed to have the same morals and beliefs as I did. I put dates like picnic date, movie day, arcade date, face mass date. And we've done them all. Face Mass date. Yeah, like big cookies.

We both do. face masks. Oh. I thought like face masks and I was like, oh. Okay. COVID role play. No. Some COVID role play.

I'm going to intubate you now. Oh, God. Different face masks. So did you share these dates with him or he just happened to take you on these days? No, no. It happened. And you know what? Oh my gosh, this is wild.

I put a rose quartz in my pocket when I first went on the first date because I was like, this will do it. I don't know. I thought that the powers of the rose court. Well, I think that's like the love stone. It is the love stone. So it was valid. And, I mean, it did do it.

You know, I owe it all to the rose courts. And you know what's funny? I told him that I manifested him. And I thought he was going to be like, that's weird. What's wrong with you? But he's selling to it. So that's what I knew. Okay.

We're locked in. I can't remember who said it on this podcast, but they were like, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Wait, what does that mean? Well, you were like, I thought me saying, I manifested you would have a negative reaction, but you didn't say the wrong thing because he's the right person. And he heard you and was like, oh, okay, sure.

That's so romantic. I have a Pisces, Venus, rising, and moon. So I'm very like, I love love and everything is just so magical. What about you? I'm a Virgo. I believe Virgo rising and I think I have a Gemini moon. Whoa. I'm a little scared.

Why? I don't know. That's a lot of Virgo. And then the Gemini, I hear Gemini's can be, oh, you don't know what they're going to get. Is that true or is that like a stereotype? Do you have like a different vibe depending on where you go or like when you're at home?

I'm pretty good at like reading the room and being like, okay, it doesn't seem like everybody's fun here. Let me tone it down. I guess I'll be a little quieter. Okay. I don't know. Yeah, it's a stereotype then. I think so, but also I don't, I don't really know too much about astrology.

Okay. The only reason why I know that is because I've had my chart read. You have? A couple times. Wait, do you know your Venus then? No. Maybe not. It's okay.

But once I did get my chart read and I gave them the wrong birth time. No. And I was sitting here going, uh-huh. That's me? Yes, that is me. And then I got home and looked at my birth certificate because it's just in my room and I was like, ah, fuck that up. Oh, no.

Your birth certificate is just in your room, just chilling? Well, I had to get a copy of it for something. Okay. So then I was like, I don't want to lose it. Okay. So now it's just somewhere where I can see it. Right. Because again, you got to have little tricks and stuff.

You do. That's called object permanence, I heard. With like ADHD people, like, if we don't see something, it doesn't exist. You know, like, if something's in your, like, refrigerator behind the ketchup and you're like, oh. Yep, that makes a lot of sense because I have stockpiles of things in a cabinet. Right. because the door closes and then I go to CVS and I go

I don't have those things and then I put them in the cabin and I go I have three of those things Oh right I have so much deodorant Oh that's not a bad thing to have mouthwash I have so much toothpaste Every time I go I'm like

I don't have toothpaste And I don't know why I think that Because I do I have so much At least your breath will never stink Hey thank you You know If there's ever like an apocalypse

I'll go to your house Please come to my house I have all the toothpaste, because that's going to be the one thing we're worried about. Right. The apocalypse, we have to brush our teeth. I use this, I think it's called Thera Breath. Me too. Is it pink?

Or do you use the orange one? I use the pink one. Did you ever notice the story of it? Every time when I brush my teeth, I'm reading it. It's like, my daughter had the worst breath in the whole world. So I said, I better create something to help this bitch out. I was like, I can't believe this one on the side of the bottle. Who said okay to this?

It goes out to everybody. If I was his daughter, I'd be like, Dad. What the fuck? I'm going to walk into traffic. Why would you put that there? Everyone knows I just have stanky fucking breath? Not anymore. It's a wild thing.

Oh, gosh. I also Bravo, because I read that and I keep buying it. And I do think it works. It's convincing. It works 100%. I use that. I use peroxide. Do you use charcoal ever?

No, but I've heard it's good. I don't either. I don't know why I asked. Just curious. I use baking soda. Oh, you do? I do a tongue scraper. I do the therobreth. I do, I think I use crest, question mark. Okay. Who's to say it's in a purple packaging because I like purple. Oh, you do like purple.

Love purple. Your teeth are really nice. Did you have braces? I did. Gorge. Thank you. Do you rate retainers? No. Well, I have a permanent retainer here. Oh, lucky you. But I, my teeth basically looked like this when I had braces. I feel like I got braces because my sister had braces. Oh, you just wanted to join in? I was like, me too. Give me braces. You can't spend thousands of dollars on her and not me. Exactly.

And then I didn't wear my retainer and my teeth have now shifted. No. Oh, another story. But I was the same way. I had braces, but I didn't, I wanted my teeth to be wrecked. I liked my teeth how they were. They were like SpongeBob teeth. They like bucked out.

No, I'm so serious. But my mom was like, maybe, because I was trying to get into modeling. And she just was looking out for me. She's like, maybe we can think about. Fine, fine. But then I fell in love with them. And I just don't like the idea that you have to wear retainers the rest of your life. I don't think that's fair.

It's jail. Are you serious? But I guess it makes sense. It's like the braces are moving the teeth so the teeth can just move back to where they said they wanted to be. I hate that, though. And like, because I don't have a permanent one. So I have to keep up with those things. I'm so sorry.

God bless. Thank you. You're welcome. That's tough. What do you do on your anniversaries? You know what? Since it was my first relationship, I used to be really too much when to come with an anniversary. every single month we're doing something.

But now, hmm, it's interesting because we have the same birthday. So then we like celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. And then on our anniversary, we also celebrate, celebrate. So what happens for that is he planned something, but sometimes I plan something on the same day. And I'm like, what are we supposed to do? Or are we have to fight it out? But you know what I've started doing is getting group ons. So you can go whenever.

Okay. You know. Okay. It works. That's why I just went for my birthday. I went to rock climbing because I could go whenever I need to. And the same thing, I'm not going with scheduling. So I'm like, let's just go now, like right now.

And that's what we usually do. I like that. What do you think of anniversaries? For my first anniversary, we like, we went to Vegas. Oh. And it was like a big to do. And now we're coming up on year two. And I was like, maybe we just go to dinner this time.

Sometimes it's a lot. You know, it is. I understand. Wait, do you feel like year two? When is it considered long term? Honestly. I was in the streets for a very long time. I think a year is long term.

I think so too. A lot of people don't make it to a year. Yeah. So that's long term. This is the first person I've made it to a year or two years. This is the longest relationship I've ever been where the person was like, we are in a relationship. Really? Oh, I've had situations where they're like, I will not be your boyfriend.

And I go, okay, so I pledge my allegiance to you. You're my everything. No. And they're like, don't do that. And I'm like, I'm going to. So, you know, I've let those go on for a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, this is the first time where someone's like, no, we're together.

And I'm proud of you and I'll hold your hand in public. Oh, you deserve it. Thank you. Do you ever feel like when you think or do you not think of this, like long term as in Mary forever and having to be grandpa and grandma sitting on the porch and rocking chairs? Does that scare you? Or are you just like going day? by day.

I go day by day. Okay. Because I don't, like, I don't want kids. Okay. I don't want grandkids. Okay. But, like, the thought of, like, being old is a little scary. Hmm.

Just because, like, shit goes wrong. And, like, my bones already hurt. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God. Getting to 80. 80. 80. And then just, like, hanging around and being, like,

the world is still full of bullshit. shit like oh my god. Wait, I'm not looking forward anymore. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. No, your old age will be so fun. You're going to have a great time. You're going to love it.

Okay, yeah, yeah. No, I feel that though, especially like with how things are going now. I'm like, wow, what's it going to be like then? But I don't want to be alone either. I don't want to be alone either. And yes, it would be nice to grow old with my partner. Like, that sounds nice. Okay, I think so too.

Just being like, all right, let's go get that early bird special. Yeah. Okay. Denny's. Now let's take a nap. Denny's. I love it. No, I agree for sure.

Okay. I'm manifesting that. I'll go old with someone. Well, we have come to the end. No. We yapped for an hour. We did. We had a lovely time.

I loved it. Do you have anything that you want to promote? Always. Okay, let's do it. I just put out a song. It's called Need You. And it is inspired by my fear of men. I'm just a very paranoid girl.

Okay. I go out, I'm looking, I'm looking at over my shoulder. I feel like, I don't know what it is. It's always growing up. I've been afraid of one being kidnapped. Really deep fear of mine. I never been kidnapped. But I feel a lot of women feel that way.

And I just wanted to speak to it. A couple of lines are, me start performing right now. No, but it's... Go for it. I'll beat box. Boom. Achoo. I took your number because I'm scared you swing

Trying to keep the piece so you won't spite. Oh, you're throwing me off. Sorry. You did your best. I really did. I don't have rhythm. But you're great at other things. Hey.

That's like if you like it, I love it. You're great at other things. Yeah, you have your strength. Thank you. We all have our strength. Exactly. But yeah, that's what I have going on at the moment. Do you have an album coming out or?

I mean, I have, okay, I have a show coming up as well. Oh, yes. Tell us. Oh, my gosh. I couldn't even tell you. I've kind of been avoiding it. I'm scared. It's my first solo artist show.

Okay. It's called we find new music. Look it up. I'll be there. But actually, don't come. Don't look at me. Don't come. Don't look at me.

When you get on stage, everyone turns their back and they're like, that's what you told us to do. Right. Yep. But I always am working on an album. I have like so many songs in the vault. I also make music for sync,

like music, television, video games. So I'm working on that too. I act as well. So I'm always busy. I love that. You're in Darmann videos. Stop. You knew?

Yes. Oh, my gosh, you knew. Yeah, I do that as well. I love Darmam. No, what? You watch? Yes. Wait, why?

Just curious. Are you the demographic? I don't know. I stumbled upon these. So if you don't know Darmann, Darmann videos are like slightly religious, but like, are they? Kind of? Oh, my gosh.

Maybe they're not religious. It's like right and wrong. Yes. Moral. Yes. Yes, moral videos. That's what I meant to say. Not religious.

Yeah, they're morality videos. Yeah, yeah. Where the pendulum swings so hard with, like, people being comically evil. Yeah. And then other people being, like, comically good. Like, one of my favorite videos is, it's this woman who's fat, and she's dating a man. And he's like, God, I hate you. You're fat.

Oh, my God. And then she's sad. No. She goes on another date with somebody else. And then that guy's there with like a hot thin woman. And then he's like, and then she goes to the bathroom. And then the guy that broke up with her leans over to that guy and is like, wait, why are you dating such a fat lady? And he's like, because she's great and I love her.

And she's really beautiful. Period. And he's like, huh? I couldn't even fathom. Okay, that's Darmann in a nutshell. I love Darmann. How did you meet Darmann? You know what?

They found me. Oh, really? And I think once they found. find you, they hold on tight. Oh. You know, so I'm locked in that Darman universe. I actually was there yesterday. Really?

And I think, you know, usually at the end, isn't it a happy ending usually? It's always a happy ending. You know, where the bad guy gets their comeuppets. Yes. Is that it? Comeuppets? Never heard of that. Is it comeuppets?

Oh my God. I just go with it. We got to end this. Okay, wrap it up. Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it. You could follow it. You could rate it five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com, I will read it.

This person writes, it's dark outside. And I'm still in my university computer lab, but keep procrastinating. Over my shoulder, Nicole can see my computer screen, clearly not working on my semester project. She leans in and whispers in my ear, her warm breath bringing my skin to goosebumps, my nipples harden, my clitoris throbbing. You can't play until you finish your work. She smells so good. I'm already distracted.

How am I supposed to focus now? I spin around in my desk chair, pull Nicole to me, kiss up on her stomach to the base of her throat. Oh my goodness. As I suck gently at her lips and rub my thumbs over her nipples, this is wild. She tells me I really should get back to work, but nobody's around and I need inspiration.

Nicole is my muse tonight. I finger her against the desk, excruciatingly slow, taking careful note of each face she makes, each cry for deeper, faster, please, this is horny. I know I will likely not see her again around my campus, so I savor her hunger as I take my time, rubbing myself against her thigh, and half hoping someone will walk in on us as we enjoy each other. Finally, we both come, and just as I hope, I find the inspiration to finishing my paper. Here's hoping I get an A. Wow. That was a horny, and I liked it. Goodbye.

Oh, do you want to ask if you date you? Oh, I ask all my guests, and I've forgotten it a couple times, and today I forgot it. Would you date me? 100%. You know why? Why? Because I feel like we're the same, and I love myself. Honestly, that's the best answer I've ever gotten. I'm speaking the truth. We're very similar. It scares me.

We're similar, and I love myself. So yes, I love it. Goodbye. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us.

That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes, a little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot.

That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.