Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dealing with Creeps (w/ Trixie Mattel)

Episode Date: February 1, 2019

Trixie Mattel (Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars Season 3) discusses getting touched by strangers in public, being in an "It's Complicated" relationship on Facebook, shares getting catfish'd by a fan, and of course talks all about Drag Race All Stars! For more drag queens on Why Won't You Date Me, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fg8Epu Be sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdates Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single even though I don't have a gag reflex. Ooh, and I love to suck a dick.

My guest today, ooh, is a real treat. You know her, you love her. She was on RuPaul's Drag Race and she won All Stars 3. Trixie Mattel. Yay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

I need everybody to know what, as a listener now of this podcast, I need everybody to know what you look like when you're doing this. If you guys don't know, Nicole is seated on a couch, hands in the air, back and forth, doing a full production. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't meant for podcasts. I was meant to be filmed. Sheer in a full beat.

Not a full beat. I'm not wearing lashes. Lazy. Get out. Okay, goodbye. I mean, she has on pointe shoes. She has on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a cute little shirt on. I got my wig on. I got a little tie around it so you can't see where the wig starts and ends. Oh, that's the drag queen trick, girl. You're Thorgy. She wears this hair all the time. That's so funny. I am a drag queen.

I mean, I'm not a drag queen. No, you are, though. I wear lashes almost daily. I overdraw my lips. I'm usually contoured. Wigs. I love a wig. Ugh, I love a wig. Oh, I love a wig.

Girl, everybody loves a wig. I was just talking about this to somebody. What is the psychology of no matter who you are, if somebody pulls out like a box of wigs, the most fun activity is to just put on a wig, look in the mirror and laugh. Yes. Laugh or just smize and be like, well, this is the new me. Well, it's also funny to be like out of makeup and normal clothes, putting on wigs because then it looks silly.

Do you know what I mean? Yes. For you, it looks silly. For me, it's like, to be like out of makeup in normal clothes, putting on wigs, because then it looks silly. Do you know what I mean? Yes. For you, it looks silly. For me, it's like, this is part of me. This is my wig. You ever go to Hollywood Toy and Costume? Of course. I love to go there and put on those fabulous wigs.

Down the street, they got the Outfitters wigs is my favorite. I think that's what a lot of the girls use. Where's that? It's the one closer to World of Wonder. High Outfitters wigs is my favorite. I think that's what a lot of the girls use. Where's that? It's the one closer to World of Wonder. High Outfitters wigs. Those wigs are maybe a little more expensive because they're all custom styles, but they're really good wigs. I want to find one that's like a high ponytail, but I'm not good at keeping up with synthetic hair. Really?

It's hard because you have to steam it, and it's a lot of work. Well, if you got a style that you liked that was synthetic, you just would have to put it in a suitcase, pull it out on the road and put it on. Because human hair, the elements, heat, sweat, that all matters. But plastic hair. Plastic hair is whatever. Plus something with a bang so you don't have to glue anything. I never glue anything. I never glue anything down.

I bobby pin the shit out of stuff. You sure do. If I don't have a little rag around my head. Ooh, there's so many bobby pins. I just watched your special, Long Cascading Locks. Do you want to do the plug? That's my favorite. I do.

I have a special out on Netflix. It came out yesterday. It came out on the first. It's under, it's grouped together with this thing called Comedians of the World. It's 47 specials from around the world. And I'm number three in the U.S. lineup. And I'm really excited about it. Did you read the description?

No. The description is like body comedian, which I always love. Because in descriptions of stuff like that, if you're a woman who has a opinion, your body. Your body and brassy. Or sassy. Yeah. And then it says body comedian loves to make jokes about her weight so deal with it it is like that is it and i was like that's reductive and i watched it and i was like they didn't reduce it 13 minutes of fat jokes that

going into my agent was like are you sure she. You want to do 13 minutes of that? He's like, you don't want to think that's all you do. And I was like, I know it's not all I do. And it's half of the special, essentially. But it is who I am when you look at me and I want to talk about it. I've never seen anyone do that much material on fat stuff. And I made it for fat women, women, and gay men.

That's my fan base. Those are the people who like those jokes. And people want to see you have an authentic opinion on something that you really know about. Yes. It would be wild if I didn't address it one time because it's the body I live in. And the way the world sees me is how I tell a joke.

Like when people are dismissive to me, that is how I internalize it and then write a joke about it. So like, why wouldn't I talk about it? Plus I'm fascinated. I think the best comedians are people who have their antennas up and they have some, they have some perspective on what is my instrument sort of, what is my delivery system and how do I create jokes that are meant to be played through this instrument yes like sarah silverman doing like wide-eyed sort of like really dark stuff like she looks innocent but it's awful yes or like ellen i mean her early like stand-up was a little more even like dory where she sort of like the jokes are she doesn't know she's saying

them yes she has these big innocent blue eyes or like um you know not a great example but like louis ck all his comedy was about like being a kind of gross being a gross creep and then he was like i need to next level become the phoenix of my material he did some he did some method acting on that truly did oh he is it's like amy schumer even yeah i i think people are most successful when they have a relationship with what they look like. And I mean, that's why I think that's why drag for comedy makes sense, you know. Here's a question. Do you prefer to be called Trixie or your government name, which is Brian? Yes.

Trixie's fine. My government name is RuPaul, but I mean, that gets really confusing. She sees it as, you know, people are always like, how did you come up with Trixie? And I always get asked that and it gets so sick of the question. So I started saying RuPaul was taken. And I think that's hilarious. But then in interviews, they leave the question out all the time. I'm like, that's funny.

It is very funny when you think something is funny and you get a laugh at it. And then people are like, we're not going to put that in. And you're like, but it was a fun joke i think that's a funny joke i mean they always in interviews too they'll be like you know i want you to talk about like gender or whatever and i can never take those kind of questions seriously and so then they don't end up using my like soundbite about like gender because they're like they wanted some eat pray love answer yes and i'm sitting here in five wigs and i'm like we're not doing that today i mean i think it's so interesting that people can't just take something at face value yeah

we can do drag and not muse on like i like i like you know kati and i always pride ourselves on creating the type of content that gives you a break from politics so like just because i'm in drag doesn't mean i'm responsible for talking about queer representation or gender or anything like that yep because you also forget that i'm uh just an asshole i don't have to be a good person just because i have a wig on yeah and uh i got a couple tweets from people being like you are not helping the body positivity movement i was like i'm not trying to no kidding i don't. I don't care. I want you to feel great about yourself as you. And then I can talk about my body however I want to. And I don't think I talk about it disparagingly. I say I'm fat. And that's not me being like, oh, I'm fat. It is what it is. It's like, if I said I was black, would you get upset about it? It's like, no. If I said I was black, would you get upset about it? I was like, no.

Well, that audience in your special, there was one part where you make like a half slave joke. It wasn't even a straight out slave joke. And I, in the car, I can go for anything. So I'm goofing, I'm laughing in the Uber. And then you went, oh, wait. In the special, you go, are there any black people here? And then you realize from the ooze that it's all white people. And I went, oh, that's why nobody laughed at that.

It was all white people and it was in Canada. I have toured Canada and that is a different, it's a different situation. Yeah. I live for that. And you basically, I don't want to spoil anything, but the joke was sort of about an airport being called the Cincinnati airport, but it's located in Kentucky. Was it Bluegrass International? No, I think it's the Cincinnati Airport. Oh, you're right.

It's literally in Kentucky. It's actually in Kentucky. Yeah. And you said, is this some sort of trick, like a slave trick? And the audience was like, huh. And you were like, it's okay. And then you said, I have white friends. And they laughed. They were like, I'm her white friend.

I found that white people are I mean this year I toured moving parts and then I found the only group I was allowed to make fun of is white people

is the only melting pot even white people like white people jokes it is sometimes they do and sometimes they're like you're a racist or they don't have

the perspective to get why it's funny like a Whole Foods joke or something like that they're like what what do Like a Whole Foods joke or something like that. They're like, what? What do you mean? Whole Foods is really great.

I love paying $37 for a banana. Have your men sell white that you can't even say banana? Banana. Doing comedy, it's a weird time because people don't understand sarcasm. One. Two. Do people scream at you actually i watched a video of a woman screaming at you while you were on stage not screaming anything she was just going i remember this you know i remember this because we were on my tour bus for moving parts and we were like you know drinking and like watching a video we're like let's watch videos of drag queens like popping off on audience members throwing them out because

if you guys have never seen that and so it's like detox throwing someone out in san francisco bianca telling someone off and i didn't know i was in the compilation and then it gets to me and this girl is just going long it sounded like um like a balloon yes like and she kept doing it and no one threw her out it was i don't know drag it at least at comedy shows i think there's a little more decorum but i think at drag shows it ends up like because you're dressed in drag it's permission it's sort of like when somebody gets assaulted and they're like what were you wearing yeah at drag con i feel like there's signs. It's sort of like when somebody gets assaulted and they're like, well, what were you wearing? Yeah. At DragCon, I feel like there's signs everywhere that's like, drag does not mean permission to touch or something to that effect.

Yeah. You need one of those. Kind of. People love to touch me and I don't know why. At shows and in life. I was out with a friend and my friend was like cupping my butt for a very long time and then she like patted it was like nicole i'm holding your butt how did you not notice and i was like because people touch me and if i ignore i'm also wearing a diaper yes i'm also and it's full it's just filled with shit and i can't feel a thing i do you get touched a lot yeah well people

want to i think people have some like an emotional response with trixie and so they want to hug and i'm personally not a hugger i almost called this show um i'm touring uk and australia in the spring and the show was called skinny legend but originally it was called not a hugger but we changed the name because people were telling me out of the corner of their eye the poster looked like it said a racial slur. So the poster said not a hugger. So then the poster was my Caucasian face smiling. And it said, and out of the corner of your eye, you think it says not a.

And so we changed the name. Because that's the last thing I needed. Very funny. That press is the, I told Bob the Drag Queen that and he laughed and he went, Ooh, that is very funny. Because that's the last thing I needed. That press is the... I told Bob the Drag Queen that, and he laughed, and he went, well, it's also true. It is. It is true. You know what else I related to in your special?

You said somebody was like, stop, don't call yourself fat, you're beautiful. Because I was at a meet and greet with Bob the Drag Queen once, and Bob was like, can you turn your flash on? Because I'm very black. And the girl goes, stop it was like can you turn your flash on because I'm very black and the girl goes stop it Bob you're beautiful I was like first of all you're racist yes second of all you're lying to her yes

but it was that that to me was like I can't I mean that girl literally was thought she was being a good person when she said, stop it, you're beautiful. Yes, and that is so wild that Bob just stating the obvious.

Bob is a dark-skinned queen. Turn the flash on. Turn the fucking flash on. I'm dark-skinned. Turn the fucking flash on. Also wear drag queens. Turn the flash on. Turn the flash on.

Let's get the beat. Let's get the whole fucking face. And when you're, especially when you're photographing somebody, I wear the lightest shade of foundation. Me next to Bob in a picture, he will be gone. Because cameras pick up like the lightest thing. Yes.

It was incredible. And then another time, I was with Kim Chi and someone was like, if you can, she was, somebody told her, Valentina makes me proud to be Hispanic, but you make me proud to be fat. And she was like, that's so sweet. Thank you. That is a perfect impression. That's so sweet.

Thank you. That's so sweet. Thank you. But people mean well. And that's the sad part. They do. But I'm like, in what world did you think that was going to come out okay? They don't think.

You make me proud to be fat. I know. What would you think if someone said that? You make me proud to be fat? I'd be like, okay. I mean, if that's your life, why can't you be proud to be fat on your own? But to come up to Kim, who's like in a corset, like, okay. Yeah, just like work at it.

It's one of those things where I have never, representation does matter. And like when I would look at Whoopi Goldberg as a kid, I wasn't like, I'm proud to be black because I get to watch you. I was just like, ooh, this person who looks different than everybody else who kind of looks like me is doing something so I can do it too.

Not that you make me proud to be me because I'm already proud to be me because I'm already proud to be me. I think a lot of people need validation from other people doing what they might want to be doing. Totally. And that's something I do not understand. No, I mean, you could, I mean, on my first, I think I got inspired to do comedy. I remember watching like Ellen here now. That's a long time ago. I remember, sorry, Ellen, stealing Taste This, the album off like, remember LimeWire? Oh, yes.

I remember a dial-up a day and a half waiting for my 45-minute comedy album. And then I remember like the Kathy Griffin early specials. And those were inspiring to me, but I'm not a woman. So I guess it's sort of where you see it. So anybody, I mean, I think in comedy, anybody identifying as the other, you are also some sort of the other so you should be inspired yeah when you see an other doing something that you want to do you're like oh i could do that too but it comes within you i don't know i don't as people are fucking weird people are you know and it's sort of egotistical to be like i'm looking to turn on the tv and see myself

it is egotistical but like I feel like straight like cis white people see that all the time so that's not a phrase that ever has to come out of their mouths yeah

they never have to be like oh I never see myself represented but as a gay person a person of color a non-binary person a trans person you don't get that luxury

a person in wigs a person of wigs person I mean that being said I act like there's no point in representation but I will fully watch a season of Degrassi for a gay kiss. Do you know what I mean? I love Degrassi, The Next Generation. You know when you watch something and you think, I don't know, like in the first five seconds you're like, I think something gay will happen in this movie.

And I'm going to stick it out. And eventually, usually it does. Well, did you see Bird Box? Yes. I just saw it last night. Did you think that Sarah Paulson was her girlfriend? Truly, I did. Me too.

And I was so excited. I was like, oh, I can't wait for them to kiss her pregnant belly. And then they were like sisters. And I was like, the fuck? I don't want this. I want them to fuck. But then I was happy that Sandra and I think his name is Trevante from he was on Moonlight. I didn't see Moonlight.

Girl. So after watching Bird Box. I know. I'm barely gay. So after watching Bird Box, I'm like, that guy is so hot. I would love to see him naked. And my friend was like, there's a movie where he does something gay. And I was like, what?

Yes. You got to watch Moonlight. Moonlight is beautiful. But I was so bummed? Yes. You got to watch Moonlight. Moonlight is beautiful. But I was so bummed that we didn't get to watch them fuck. I'm sure Sandra has a non-nudity clause in her contracts, but I was like, give it to me. Give me. If I had that clause in my contract and he was the proposed sex person, I would remove

that clause. Right? I would be like, we have to get naked and I need him to touch my nips. Yeah, it's got to be four minutes long. And I was like, I also wanted them to keep their blindfolds on. I want to like a full sexy, like them like having their blindfolds on and then they like peel them off. I think I was looking for a different movie. I think that's what I was here for.

You're like, first of all, I want her to be a lesbian. But then I want a gratuitous straight sex scene later. Yes, that's what I was here for. You're like, first of all, I want her to be a lesbian, but then I want a gratuitous straight sex scene later. Yes, that's what I was looking for. I want straight porn with lesbian representation. That's what you want. That's what I want. That's all I want. Are you dating someone right now?

Yeah, I've had a boyfriend for two years. I know, are you mad? Oh, yes, I knew this about you. I was listening to your podcast and I was like, she's going to be mad that I, but I have dated, obviously. It happened. I didn't just. Wait, where did you guys meet?

Tinder. I had Tinder for maybe three weeks. On my third date, I went out with David. I'm not saying that's like, but then again, I am a serial LTR person. I've had two year relationships, two or three years back to back every single one since I was 18. So I think I'm just easy to please. Oh.

But I'm also hilarious and gorgeous and now rich and famous. So, like, who would throw me back? I mean, yeah. I'm just trying to get to that level where someone is like, she's rich and she's famous. Let's keep her. The drag thing is partially polarizing, though. Because I used to lie about what I did. I used to say, like, you know when you just don't want to talk about it like i would be in a taxi and they'd

be like what do you what do you do i'd be like i'm a drag queen dry cleaning sure yeah i'm in dry clean clothes or like at the airport i travel with my guitar obviously and i carry that on and that is the ultimate conversation started that i don't want it's always always like somebody's uncle is like you play guitar you know like no but uh they don't make dog coffins have a good day like i'm not looking to chat have you said that i laughed to somebody sure have they don't laugh never it's very funny i think it's so funny it's so dark and so funny because it's so funny obvious that it's a guitar and then you made a great joke that you're carrying around a dead dog what do you play yeah my daughter got one for griff okay great that's great who fucking cares so i met my boyfriend on tinder and um i don't take pictures

of him or post him because i like privacy a little bit okay so you know i don't want people like going to social media and whatever and that way i feel like with social media if you end up breaking up or whatever it's not like public crazy thing everyone knows about yes you know we're kind of past the phase of remember facebook when people would be like we're is now single yes uh-huh i'm glad that that's like not a thing anymore or at least with my friends it's not a thing anymore where they're like i changed it from single to in a relationship it's just like okay we're dating great i remember the cry for help that was it's complicated yeah it's complicated it's like a button that says if you work in retail it's like a button that says ask me about ask me about the caprice yeah it's complicated and you want the world to know it's complicated.

Okay, girl. Like it's complicated. If you chose that, that tells me that you are complicated. Yes. And you're going to cause complications. I've also, whenever things are complicated, I don't want anyone to know because I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

Yeah. Maybe I'll tell a close friend, but I don't know. Do you get attached quickly? Oh, so quickly. You do. If you are nice to me, I am yours forever. Are you into unavailable men? Always.

Constantly. Because that's the thing. I notice a lot of my gay friends, they want to have hookups with couples, et cetera, and then they get attached. And I think part of why they get attached is because they know that that person is not available. Yes. So it's safe to create feelings for something that can't happen. Yep. And your feelings will get hurt, but not in a way if you go after someone who's actually available.

Because if they're actually available and they reject you, that is a real rejection. Yeah. I tend to really like men who seem like they're fun and we have fun. And then there's a hard stop where they're like, hey, sorry about it. Goodbye. And then they start dating somebody else who's not as fun and seems boring. Do they do the thing where they stick around until they have sex and then they're done? I fuck people on the first date. So. So it'll just be like a couple of dates and then a goodbye. I'm equal parts old fashioned, equal parts a gay.

So I like don't like to have intercourse for like three months, but we can like do everything on the first date. Oh, I truly will fuck you the moment I meet you. Oh, really? Yeah. I just, one, I'm always horny. Two, I think. The part in your special where you basically got down on your knees and screamed at that man's face to go home and milk his girlfriend's labia.

Milk her labia. And you weren't just saying it. You were screaming it and you were shaking. Uh-huh. Always horny. Milk her labia. Because men, sometimes you'll like hook up with a dude and he won't go down on you. And you're like, I just sucked your dick for like 20 minutes.

The least you could do is go down on me. Is that the same as someone not eating ass for gays? I guess so. I had this joke that I tried that just did not work. But I was like, I get it. With straight girls, it's like's like their pussy that is their asshole like from a gay guy's perspective I thought so too but audiences

were like maybe not I have audiences it is crazy when I think of what people were like I did a roast tour this year and there was obviously it's a roast it's a roast with drag queens and there was obviously it's a roast it's a roast with

drag queens so it was the most like homophobic transphobic racist and like everything because we're drag queens at a roast and I remember um there was this one clip I told of a joke with Latrice about something about wearing cotton and it was sort of inferred and next i mean next day i literally woke up to queerty copy pasting a picture of me over a picture of slaves and putting on a twitter like trixie refuses to apologize and i was like somebody in your office went on photoshop and put a picture of me my god people are crazy and i was like what do they say it was a roast? Oh, it's a roast. They didn't say it. And we said not to film

because people get like sensitive. They get sensitive and then you don't want that one little clip. There's a 10 second clip of one joke. Ugh. I know it's crazy. And by the way,

I asked Latrice about this joke. I was like, do you think this is funny? She was like, oh my God, it's amazing. You have to say it. I just,

it really bums me out that like people bought a ticket to go to a roast. A drag queen roast. A roast. Even just a roast in general is like offensive. It's mean, but also it's, there's levity to it and it's supposed to be funny. And sometimes you cross a line, but like to infer that, you know, Latrice is the descendant of a slave or like shouldn't wear like I don't know that's funny because you're pulling from history and from what you know about

the girl and you asked her if it was funny yeah so if she co-signs it then like I don't know like I'm so done with people filming shit at my shows girl shows in general like if it's a concert great because you could get the music or whatever but if I'm doing a show live for you, it's not done. Because it's not out in the world yet. I didn't tape it for a special. It's not done. Yeah. I remember I called Willem.

Because I'd never had like a backlash on a joke, really. And I was like, what do I do? And Willem was like, I know a thing or two about this. And Willem was like, you keep a list of every single publication that said something about it. And the next time you do something great and they call single publication that said something about it and the next time you do something great and they call and they want to talk about it

you give them dust somebody won drag race I was like no I would not like to talk to you about that have a great day because it's weird it's a weird time

and like if you watch a normal roast with normal people it's awful so like you think drag queens are going to talk about the weather yeah no

it's girl I just it's so wild to me. But I have two – I mean, I'm sure you're like this, too. My favorite kind of laughing is when I know I'm not supposed to be laughing. Mm-hmm. And it makes it worse. Sort of like that feeling in high school when you're supposed to be quiet and something's funny.

Mm-hmm. It makes it harder to not laugh. Yes. And also, I think people seem to think that when people are telling jokes, it's actually what they think. Totally. And I think you can tell the difference. If something is so out of this world crazy, that's probably not their actual thought process. But, like, in the same breath, like, Louis C.K. just came under fire for like saying but like this is fucked up it was

something about like you're not interesting because there was a school shooting at your school and i'm like that seems like a real thought you have and maybe you don't say that out loud maybe that's maybe that's not good yeah and also you don't have a take on it i mean i'm the type of person no matter what you were saying i would never leave a show mad at a joke. No. So I know, but I also know that like, to me, anything is fine. So it's difficult. It's really difficult because it's also difficult when people- Wait, we have to take a break. And we're back. It's an ad break.

Oh, I love that ad. It's so good. But I mean, hey, you're not married. No. Do you think you'll get married? Probably. I don't know. I don't think so.

The thing is, I am old-fashioned. There was a time when I was obsessed with, like, I have to have a husband. I have to get married. I want to have kids. I want a house. And now I'm more obsessed with, I mean, I'm very pragmatic. And divorced people exist. Yeah. kids i want a house and now i'm more obsessed with um i mean i'm very pragmatic and divorce people exist yeah like if so if there was like ghosts flying around me it would make me believe

in the afterlife so since divorce people walk among me i believe that divorce happens you know what i mean absolutely so i'm not i'm not like i think it's so uppity to be like but our love is the realist we're the one. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. We're not going to get divorced. We're special. We're special. Those people were wrong.

They were stupid. They were wrong. They couldn't work it out. And we can. Yeah. I think. However, I think when people get married later in life, it's more like, I think your odds are probably higher.

If anything, I'd like to be one of those couples where we've been together so long that when I bring up getting married, people are like, I thought you were. Mm-hmm. Like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell? Sure. I didn't even know that they were married. They're not. Oh.

They're not. I think they're just a couple who's been together for so long. Brock and Michelle? Yes. Who knows if they're married? We'll never know. Just because you have a ring and there was a photographer. Just because you have a ring, two children, and his last name doesn't mean you're married.

Come on. Also, as a gay person, I didn't grow up picturing like any sort of, I think a lot of people get married because of their expectation when they're young. I didn't grow up thinking I would get married. So I'm like, whatever about it. As long as somebody thinks I am so cool and I think they're, I mean, like it's that easy to me. I want to get married specifically because give me a big old dress. And then let me have a party where people bring shit for me. That is the tea.

I just bought a condo in Hollywood. Congratulations. Thank you. And I'm going to eventually do a housewarming. I'm like, I don't care as much about seeing my friends, but I have a lot of shit that I wouldn't buy myself

that I know someone will buy for me. I want like a pink, a KitchenAid on my kitchen counter. I don't bake. I'm not gonna, yeah,

I don't bake and I'm not gonna spend $300 on it, but I can make a registry and someone can bring it to the housewarming. I think it's because I want to be one of those

Instagram gays who like takes a picture and then in the background my house looks meticulously coordinated. Where I'm just like, meh. I am so, I mean, we just turned 2019. The gays right now and their pretend New Year, new me posts. I'm like, you're going to continue to be a mess. Tomorrow, tomorrow.

New Year, same old bitch. trolling these streets for dick. That's what I'm here for. That's it. Totally. Just trying to find it. Do you know who the cock destroyers are? Do you follow those girls? The cock destroyers?

Mm-mm. It's these ladies in the UK, and they are legitimate, like, cam models, and I believe, like, prostitutes. Okay. And their videos are always like, it's the morning, whatever, I'm going to go street walk and look for cock. And then they just actually go do it. They're like, go find men on the street and do it with them. I love it.

I love it. Do you think guys like that about you? Do you think guys are, I think, don't you think straight guys, equal parts want a girl who loves sex, equal part doesn't want her to be sexual. I think that's exactly what they want and i think that's why i'm a turnoff for a lot of straight men uh i think i feel like straight

men want this made-up woman or a very small group of women who are like yeah i'll wear some victoria secret but also i love football chips dip and a ribeye but i'm 102 pounds and i've got blonde hair and big old honking titties yeah and it's just like that's not me i'm we could get you blonde hair i mean i have blonde hair yeah i wear it sometimes it's a it's a little bit of a mess i gotta work it out gotta cut some layers into this yeah i think they're expected though the straight guys don't know what they want i mean i think it's a lot harder i always talk about want. I mean, I think it's a lot harder. I always talk about this because as gay guys, I think it's easier because you have a relationship, but you're also two people of the same gender. So it's probably easier to find

common ground. I think every gay guy I know is single. Do you know how many hot, interesting, funny gay guys I know who every day their Twitter is like, another day going out with a couple who doesn't want me. I'm like, that to me is like a rich person being like complaining about money. Like that's not real. You're not being real. Somebody will fuck. I look like I'm a crossdresser who out of drag looks like Elmer Fudd. And I can't fight people off me.

That got me. You should have done that for the snatch game. Should have done something. Oh my God. I got what you were doing. Triggered. Man, All Stars 3, if you don't know it, as a guest judge, I told all those queens

Oh my God, we haven't talked about this. how to do the snatch game, and they cut it all out. You did? Yes. I could have used your advice. I said, well, I mean, you had already done what you did. But I was like, write down answers.

They're essentially non sequiturs. Write them in character. Nobody sees a piece of paper if you have it down there on the desk. Do you know what's sad I did? What? Did you? No!

I'm stuck. Wow. Good. If anybody doesn't know, I am a champion of drag race. However, my skills are in comedy. However, I mean, if you watch it, it was, you can't do comedy when you're frozen from nerves. I was so nervous.

I was dressed as the host of Snatch Game, sitting next to him. Uh-huh. It was, it turns out it do take nerve. It does take nerve. And I remember, Nicole, I didn't even know you yet. And you were in these long braids with jewelry in them. Yes. And I was in a flower. I mean, could I have been, you remember how much I cried.

Yep. And I was in a floral. I mean, could I have been? You remember how much I cried. Yep. And I was in a floral umbrella with a bonnet. Floral in the hair. Just floral fucking just flowers everywhere. And they were like, we need a claritin to look at you. It's too much. And Nicole goes, okay, we're on Drag Race. I am in a fake hair with jewelry in it.

What are we doing? What is too much? I was like, this isn't too much. This is it. I'm doing too much. I love this. That was the worst day of my life. You were there.

You were there. Did you think Shandle was sending me home? I did. I sure did too, bitch. I sure did. But that was Chi Chi Devane

who went home. Oh, man. That Maya Angelou. Oh, no. Listen, even though I was the worstest match game, I also host the pit stop where we recap drag race so i'm recapping drag race talking about what people should have done this now and i'm like who the fuck am i to say what anybody should do a snatch game i wish chichi had owned being a dumb maya angelou like when she Rue was like you misspelled Maya I wish she was just like oh no

I don't know like ah I didn't know that's how you spell my name and then she couldn't answer why the cage bird sings because we watch it unedited so she asked her why does the cage bird sing so much time passes before she answered a lot I remember so funny and it was not a good first row because it was me bombing, Phaedra Parks bombing, Maya Angelou bombing. Ben was incredible. Transcend it. Oh, God. So funny. And she was only better because we were being awful around her.

It truly was just like a diamond amongst trash. Completely. And you know what else it is? The first seat is hard because if you're in the other seats, can react and give an answer yes but you it was awful you know what though uh the other thing is it made me cry a lot it is a reality competition and you can't get that crown without tears otherwise if you don't have some kind of struggle the audience is like whatever and then bendala going home was just like very exciting for television. Girl, gag.

You had no idea, did you? No. It was gag. No. I had no idea either. And afterward, Ben was like, I can't believe you didn't see that coming. I'm like, are you kidding me? Nobody saw that coming. It was honestly the gag of the year.

I was like, when she was like, me. I was like, oh. Because we were all like, Bendela's going to win this. She's going to win the whole thing. Oh, I loved it. It was wild. It was for me. It was wild.

Well, I mean, that's the thing about Drag Race, but specifically All Stars, it's sort of a Rube Goldberg machine. So many things have to happen randomly in the right order for you to win. Yes. Maybe your worst day, you have to hope somebody was worse than you. And maybe if it's your challenge, you just have to hope somebody was worse than you and maybe if it's your challenge just have to make sure everybody else sucks or like you know like the day after snatch game where i'm like traumatized but paul's like today we're sewing from scratch i'm the only one left who can sell i'm like oh thank god thank god this is for me yeah you just have to hope you

bomb early so that somebody else can go home instead of you and then at the i mean it was crazy i'm then and then the jury thing i mean you know that was bonkers i was like this is this all-star rules are very wild and they're wild all-stars is a little i think it's fun but you don't have anyone playing like the villain because everyone knows each other y'all tore together why start a beef when you know you're just gonna have to go out and make money with this girl but Gia Gunn this season girl I mean if you guys aren't watching drag race first of all who are you but second of all Gia Gunn I like somebody who shows up and is like I'm here to be like the bitch yes and for her to look that beautiful she looks even out of drag gorgeous and my favorite thing she said was well i guess you

should do caitlyn jenner i mean you both have fucked up noses i know all stars is crazy and the other thing i mean towards the end it's it actually ends up being like when you think back you're like i almost went home early or like kat, like she almost went home third on All-Stars 2. Yeah, she almost went home pretty, yeah. Shangel almost went home, I don't know. Kennedy almost went home second. I mean, it happens. It's just crazy.

It's a game of perseverance and I'm so happy. I never have to do it again. Yeah. I would never compete again. You never have to. The Christmas special, they told us nobody, by the way, nobody really wins. The Christmas special was an acid dream and I loved it. Did you live?

So many of the gays were like, what? I was like, it's nuts. I thought it was campy and really funny. And like people were kind of like mad about it. And I was like, what do you think drag is? What did you think drag race Christmas was going to be? And weird. about it and i was like what do you think drag is what did you think drag race can't be and weird and if anything i was like i like that it pushed the weirdness because i feel like queens

are being pushed in a direction where it's like death drop split are you sickening do you pass like do you look like a woman and it's like i don't know that's not all drag is yeah like drag is performance art and i think you could be very you could be weird and I love that and then Rue lip syncing I was like I know it was crazy we didn't actually get to watch they were like they're not letting you watch them lip sync

I was like cowards makes sense yeah I mean it makes sense also I love everyone do I want to stand anywhere and watch someone do something no I want to go sit and watch someone do something? No. No. I want to go sit and do nothing. Uh-huh.

I don't care who's lip syncing. Let me just sit. I don't want to do this. That is the hardest thing about All Stars is you're there for the critiques, so you have to stand and listen to, even if you're safe, you have to listen to everybody's critiques and you're like, ugh. At one point, we weren't doing anything and you guys were still on the stage and I turned to Michelle and I was like, can they sit?

I mean, the heels. A lot of times RuPaulul will be like the girls gives it down right and he'll make sure that like gives us breaks um and then well there's that static too of like the gays want gay representation but then everything that's gay adjacent on television they critique the hardest yes black people are the same i want want representation, but fuck this show. American Horror Story doesn't tie up storylines. Drag race, this, and whatever people say. And it's not like be grateful that you have it, but enjoy what you have. You don't have to tear shit apart.

You can just like it. You can just like it, and it's fine. It's the same reason Mateo, for example, has it difficult, because gay people love to clap for a drag queen. They hate to clap for a gay man. Yes. Gay people hate to – when a comedian is gay and succeeding, the audience is like, whatever, I'm funny too. Gay guys hate to applaud. Especially since Mateo is like attractive and gay.

Gays are like, whatever, I'm hot too and I'm funny. People are assholes um i don't know if you saw this but tiffany had a had a show in miami that didn't go super well it happens you know we have off nights but there's this dude who made a video about it he's literally in the front row this girl is right on stage in front of him and he's like she not ready this ain't funny and it's like you're a black man at a black woman's show literally fucking hating on her in the front i don't care what she did or didn't do you like you did you go oh and also it was like i went to see if she was funny it was like so you started trying to bring this woman down yeah why why you're black she's black i'm not saying that you gotta support all black people but like why not comedians have it hard even when you're not

famous comedians have it hard because yeah there's not as much pressure but you have to win an audience over like i went from hosting bingo at hamburger mary's to doing like national comedy tours so i never did like when i read the bed Bedwetter or Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, I read that these comics, they're like basically I bomb for 10 years until some man let me sit at their table and then expose his dick to me. And then I got a bit part in a TV show luckily. And so like the path for comedians is so uphill. I just did John Early's show at the Satellite. Because I was like, you know what? When I moved to LA, I never get out of my bubble.

I'm always performing for Trixie fans at Trixie shows. And if they have a Nicole Byer ticket, they are already a fan. Yes. So I was like, I'm going to go do a show where it's a straight people show and nobody knows me. And girl. Well, it's John Early. It's John Early.

Of course they knew you. They did. But also it was 300 seats, which is smaller venues are scarier. And then I'm like, I'm the only one up here not in a wig. And they're not specifically here for me. I was like, this reminds me how difficult real working comedians have it. A lot of them were doing three shows a night. And by the way, I don't want to say how much people got paid.

It was not. People don't get paid a lot of money to do comedy at all. Correct. That being said, I have been with a comedian. I remember when I was with Justin Martindale. Do you know him? Yes. We were going to the comedy store because he was doing a 15-minute set.

And I remember walking up to there with him, walking from his house, watching his set and going home and being like, you really worked 15 minutes? Mm-hmm. So it sounds like you don't really do anything because drag queens are hours getting ready. But in reality, like, I don't know. It's crazy. And so to go to a show and like send out the energy that you want the person to not be funny. Like even as Trixie, do you know how many times I've because of people's opinions of TV or whatever. Do you know how many times I have to win people over?

Do you know how many times people are like, you were actually funny. I'm like, you're actually an asshole. That. Do people say that to you? Really? Yes. You were actually funny. That makes,

my uncle said that to me the first time he saw me perform. He goes, you were actually really funny. And I said, what do you think I was doing all these years? I don't have a day job.

What do you think I'm doing? And he's like, well, you know how sometimes people are on TV and then you see them live and they're not funny. Well, you were actually funny. And I's like well you know how sometimes people are on tv and then you see them live and they're not funny well you were actually funny and i was like you also know me and i make you laugh at like the dinner table what do you think i'm fucking doing oh and straight men

because my audience is truly women gay men and uh that's like that's my girl that is a good audience straight men will get dragged there with their girlfriends and they love to say to me oh man I had no idea who you were truly

never heard of you one time in my life but like you're actually pretty funny and like you should keep doing this and I'm like oh my god

I know the most pretend thank you so much I have been in venues where the dressing room is too close to the audience. And I can hear people pre-show chatter. And they'll be like, she was whatever on TV.

But then like, you know, like on YouTube, she got really funny. And I'm like, cool. I'm going to walk right out here. But whatever your opinion is. But however, on the flip side, like a straight guy who doesn't care about you, who doesn't care if the opinion ever gets back to you. Him in passing being like, that was hilarious. That's a real compliment. That's's it that's all i ever want honestly i don't care about compliments from audience members the only compliments i care about are from camera operators because camera operators have seen everything totally like you've been working 20 years you've

been on all these sitcoms you've seen it all you've seen these funny people so when a camera operator goes hey you're funny i'm like okay especially on anything on camera at home you're allowed to laugh but when people are filming your job is to be quiet so like i did a video once for gq called tricks and metal makes a sandwich and it was a comedy video and we were nominated for a james beard award which is like the oscars of food and we didn't win but i remember when you're doing those things it feels like you're bombing. And then they yell cut and the people are like, oh, my God. Yes.

I was dying. And I'm like, well, I didn't. Because if you're used to performing live, you're used to the back and forth. Yes, it's a very weird thing. At least on like a narrative or a scripted show, they have video village where everyone's watching the monitors. And in between takes the laugh. And then they'll be like, that was great. This way.

And you're like, okay, crushing i'm killing but sometimes in like a log thing where there are no cuts and you're like i don't know what's happening right also reality tv who knows you shoot for so long oh girl who knows reality tv yeah you never know you shoot one episode for like a week per episode what is it it's like a like every two days is an episode. So like, you know, it's about two and a half episodes a week. On your thought though, women and gay guys, my audience probably for the first three or five rows of every show, it's all young lesbians mostly. Oh. Lesbians love Trixie. Oh.

I think it's because I'm like a caricature of the expectations of femininity. Yeah, that makes sense. It's a lot of hyper-feminine lesbians who love the fantasy and a lot of normal presenting women who are like, you are making fun of what's being put on us. They live.

But that audience, gay guys are like, oh, day of, I guess I'll see if I'm available and then I'll try to text someone I fucked five years ago for a free ticket gay guys are like, oh, day of, I guess I'll see if I'm available. And then I'll try to text someone I fucked five years ago for a free ticket. Women are like, all right, tickets are at 8 a.m. I don't know who's going. I'm just going to get 10. Like women are more planners. And I think women are more interested in supporting an artist.

And gays are more like, if I don't have anything else better going on, I'll go. And we'll see if it's any good we'll see if it's good and if it's not i'm a dragger on twitter to my four followers completely okay girl oh i love when people have a real opinion about me and tag me on twitter i love responding to them being like fascinating and the reason why i respond is like you want it to be heard i hear you and i'll let you know that I heard you. But I'm not going to change anything. Completely.

It's what I do. I don't even know how to change myself to make you happy. The drag queens love to like read their comments. The drag queens, they all go to like the fan for like Reddit and all the fan sites. They read everything. They Google, they go to a page and like Apple F find their name. I'm like, what do you give a fuck about Beth? We always have this saying, Beth from Iowa. What do you give up? Beth from Iowa thinks about your drag.

Well, maybe Beth from Iowa will have a real eyeopening opinion that my therapist hasn't uncovered about me. That's why I literally read comments. I'm like, I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Comedy subjective. I'm not funny. You think I'm too fat? Okay. So does my doctor. I'm too black and I don't sound black enough. Okay. I don't know. Comedy subjective. I'm not funny. You think I'm too fat? Okay. So does my doctor. I'm too black and I don't sound black enough. Okay. I don't know. You're not black enough? Oh, I get that a lot. People say you're not black. Do you get what mayhem gets where you people say you have like a white voice? Yes. You're like white acting? Yes. That is fascinating. Yes. It is very... Reverse Eminem.

That is fascinating. Yes. It is very. Reverse Eminem. Excuse me. Can you stop reverse Eminem-ing me? Yeah. I used to get it way more when I first started out.

But I'd be like, why do you sound like that? You sound like you're trying to be white. And I'm like, I just. Do they want you to be like Monique, basically? I think so. Monique and Precious. It's not how I sound. That's just not how I grew up. It's not how I sound I uh that's just not how I grew up

it's not how I sound so sorry auditions people would always be like can you be sassier or urban or um let's see

more edge more street and terms that white people use instead of saying more black sometimes people will come out

and say more black uh I did this one commercial where I was a fairy a literal fairy for this Nestle commercial and they really it was for Sometimes people will come out and say more black. I did this one commercial where I was a fairy, a literal fairy for this Nestle commercial. And they really, it was for like Romanian television and they really wanted a caricature of a black person.

So the audition was truly like, Oh yes, you better give me some Nestle. That's what I should have done for my RuPaul. Why did they think of that oh yes welcome to rupaul's drag race yes baby we're gonna serve the books honey yes you should have done that that would have went over great not career ending well you never know i mean it's funny like the world is so interested in drag that but they don't have the terminology because every big businesses don't take us seriously, but they see the followers and the dollar signs and they're like, what was that? I think there's some blood in the water called Umpire. Maybe it's about baseball. I hope so. She was there and I think the casting director was like, yeah, we're just trying to do like this Laverne Cox, like tranny bandwagon kind of thing.

Whoa. She was there in drag. Whoa. She's there in wigs. Whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But it's comedic watching the world be like, try their best, but their best is so bad. I mean, I'm waiting for, do you have an agent?

Like a manager? No, like a theatrical agent. Okay. I feel like some girls don't. And I'm like, why don't these big agencies see the packaging abilities? I will say I've had a lot of interviews with, you know, big agencies. The biggest. The biggest ones.

Yes. And they all are interested in drag because of the money. Yes. But nobody who signs the checks takes it seriously. So you'll get through all the interviews of like, we want to know about what you want to do, etc. And then when it gets time for them to like approve, they're like, no. That's why the only one signed I think think, is RuPaul's with CAA. And I think Sasha Velour is with William Morris.

And that's it. It's bonkers to me that all of you aren't with agencies who can make money moves. But it's kind of fabulous because this industry is so big and nobody takes this seriously. So you actually get to make good money under anyone's nose people still ask me like what do you so what do you do for money what people still ask me like what i do for a day job somebody ran into menela creme after he left drag race and they were like anyway so what do you now what and she's like well i keep doing drag i guess keep trying on it's people don't think that.

I've been on dates with people. I was on a date with a guy and he was like, I do drag. And he was like, well, it's not like how you make money, right? There's no money in that, right? People are insane. And I was like, oh, no, sir. I dreamed a dream of time. People don't seem to understand what an appearance fee is.

No. An appearance fee and then a percentage of your box office. Yeah. You can make a shit ton of money. Yeah. It's bananas. And you're in your own business. There's not a lot of people dipping into your pot because in drag, you start out as the judge or executioner.

You're making the costumes, making the mixes. And for a lot of us, we stay that close to our own work. And for a lot of us, we stay that close to our own work. So it's not like, besides cost towards this stuff, we're not like, there's not a million people getting paid. No. So your work, even if it's a meager pay, it's still all your money. Here's a question. Have you ever fucked in drag?

I haven't. And when I was younger, I think I was too homophobic toward myself to ever allow it. Because I've been propositioned a lot. I just got propositioned in your building. What? Today. Really? Forgot about it till now.

Oh my God. What did he say? There was this older man unloading his groceries and he was like, we ate a lot of food over Christmas, just restocking. And I was helping him. And it was two guys and they were at least 60. Okay. And he goes, we eat a lot. We like to drink even more.

And I was like, haha. And then he goes, and we never turned down a good fuck. This just happened in your building today. I am obsessed. And we never turned down a good fuck. Do you like how your show's called Why Won't Anyone Date Me? And I can't get in the elevator without being propositional. I'm carrying groceries.

And I was like. I'll tell you something. Everyone who's been on my show has been like, Nicole, the people who've slid into my DMs trying to date me is insane. And I was like, I mean, I guess that's my treat to you that people want to date you, but not me. I truly. I never fucked in drag, though. And I've always. Now that I'm old enough to.

Now that I've lived it. I'm old enough to now that i've lived it i'm like why didn't i do it i'm like because katya always tells me she's like whatever hottest guy i could get out of drag in drag it's tripled quadruple hottest guy and they want to pay so she's like imagine the hottest guy you can of, but he wants you to fuck him and he wants to pay you. I mean, why not? You could fuck your boyfriend in drag and then ask him for a tip. I think I want like a little of that like fantasy of like, I would want it to happen organically. Like somebody hits on me and it happens, but it's never going to happen.

It's like that. Also, what I look like in drag, that person probably has like an issue. Because I mean, let's be honest. I kind of of i look like one of the canadians from south park but then kati told me kati was like you put a wig on a fire hydrant and they'll line up they don't care what you look like kati has told me before that one time she didn't have time to get in drag and they were like just put on the wig they don't care oh my god you should still tell people you're a guy maybe you told people you were a drag queen think of how many inboxes ts madison gets on a daily basis i love ts madison you could present as um not cisgender and i bet you people will be like yeah but then i'm lying and then people will be like oh where's everything else i wanted i lied about my work and a lot of dates i wouldn't say i would say i was a comedian and then i'll be like, where's everything else I wanted? I lied about my work and a lot of dates.

I would say I was a comedian. And then I would be like, you can just Google me, whatever. And then I was on a date with David, the guy who I've been with for years now. I was like, I got to be honest. I do this. And he was like, I know you do. I just didn't. You seemed like you didn't want to talk about it.

So I was going to let you bring it up on your own. Because some people are weird about it. Or some people, that's all they want to talk about or some people they like it a lot and they they think that they're on a date to get to fuck you and drag oh that's a convoluted complicated world i don't really tell people until like the second date but if they bring it up on the first date then it's fine it's whatever and then i like a person who can move past it can like ask me like two questions that they want to know and then like we talk about anything else because uh then i dated this person who loved

comedy and wanted to talk about comedy and i was like it's hard to talk to you about it because you don't do it and you have this like this uh this thing where you're like behind the curtain and it's like behind the curtains a dusty old backstage area where we're all just trying to work completely it's people scribbling yeah on paper not talking uh-huh uh-huh just being like sorry sorry i just gotta get this i gotta figure out what the button is for that i don't fucking know yeah yeah comedy is hard hard and stupid that's how i describe it it's completely stupid i was just talking to somebody about this what's her name um i forget but i was like it's crazy what you guys do and she was like it's not even she's like half the time it's not even fun while you're doing it

you just go home critiquing yourself after doing three back-to-back gigs, you go home hating what you did. Yeah, I'll listen. I'll do, I do weekends where I do five shows in a weekend. So it's like two shows, two shows, one show. And I'll listen to the worst show and I'll listen to the best show. And I'll be like, what was different? You know what it is?

I think a lot of the time it's 50%. For me, when I'm in like the smallest town where I'm like, they gonna hate me it's gonna be awful and i get the i don't give a fuck attitude it's fabulous yes because to be in drag and sort of like project a little negativity works and i think for a lot of comics a little bit of like who cares is the ticket because when you care you have no fluidity you can't live in the moment you're almost like outside your body listening to yourself perform it. Yeah, and you're just like, huh, okay.

Sometimes you like leave your body and then you have to be like, get back in the moment. Get back in the moment. You're performing for people. Are you good at turning around if it's like a minute in and you're like, uh, yes and no. I've had a hard time lately with letting an audience dictate my set because when someone heckles me and I go, shut the fuck up.

And then it like takes the air out of the room because they're like, oh, I thought we were all having a good time. And it's like, we are just please stop screaming at me. And then I'll try to like banter and then move on. And then somebody else in, fuck where was st louis this woman so i was walking in the girl at the box office goes you have a cousin here and i was like i have no cousins in st louis i don't know nobody in st louis and she's like you don't know a meredith gray and i was like is that from gray's anatomy like no i don't know meredith gray and then during

the show i was like somebody said they were my cousin and this girl goes it was me and i was like you're not even black she's like i'm kidding it wasn't me and i was like why are you talking i was like who said they were my cousin this woman in the back was like me yeah and i was like are you my cousin that i just don't know she's like i yeah we've just never met we are related then oh she was your cousin then i said oh okay i have a big family i said oh so what side are you she's like your mom's and i was like oh what's my mom's name and she went um i was like you're a liar and i was like did you lie to get in for free she was like yeah and i was like did you she goes no recently there's a few fans who got my number and they would facetime me and hang up and i was like this is so weird and then somebody there was a fan who got

my number and texted me something like she called me pretending like she was calling a wrong number and then she texted me like you just sounded nice on the phone. I just have to like vent. I just want to. And I was like, and then I told Katya about it. She was like, I got the same call. And I was like, it's a fucking fan pretending. I've also been catfished by a fan.

What? Oh, yeah, bitch. Like three years ago, I went to San Francisco on a date with a guy. I was talking to him on Twitter for like three months. He was so hot. I should have seen him coming. Like, you know, in movies, how you can be disgusting. But then again, I'm a man in Hollywood. So I'm like, I could talking to him on Twitter for like three months. He was so hot. I should have seen him coming. Like, you know in movies how you can be disgusting.

But then again, I'm a man in Hollywood. So I'm like, I could get someone hot even though I'm whatever. So I went to San Francisco to go out to eat with this guy. And I went to dinner

and sat there for three hours before I realized it was a fan account. And then I went to the Twitter to be like, how dare you? And they had deleted their Instagram, deleted their Twitter.

It was a full catfish. Oh my God. Full catfish. And then I went to a bar, a gay bar that I had worked their Instagram, deleted their Twitter. It was a full catfish. Oh my God. Full catfish. And then I went to a bar, a gay bar that I had worked at previously, Bo in San Francisco. And I went to sit down after like three hours of waiting for my date

that didn't happen. And the bartender goes, having a good night? And I was like, ugh. Like, it was, so it does happen.

You have been catfished? No, I have not been catfished. I've been very lucky. Love that show. Little dumpy men online show up as little dumpy men in real life. What's your type? My type is honestly just like attractive to me in person.

I love a big dick. And if you don't have a dick, again, just attractive to me in person. I don't love huge titties, little titties. If you don't have a dick. again, just attractive to me in person. I don't love huge titties, little titties. If you don't have a dick, do you like girls? Oh, yes. Oh, I didn't know that. Ah, yes. I do date women.

I do lean more towards men. You are a comedian. But I do date women because why not? Why not? Who knows? Yeah. But I will say, Women are lovely.

I've never had a good dynamic with a woman. Really? Yeah. If I was attracted to women and I was a woman, I think I would try to be a lesbian because I would think that that relationship would end up being more enriching on a lot of levels. I, yes. I do. But you like dick a lot.

I do love dick. Oh, I love a dick. I just, oh, in my mouth, in my puss. She likes a dick. Right in my in my mouth, in my puss. She likes a dick. Right in my neck. No, I'm kidding. Are guys put off by you being like, I mean, you don't walk into dates being like, where's the dick? Imagine I was just like, yo, yo, yo, where's the dick at, bro?

I don't. Do you like shy? Because you're kind of like, as they say on Netflix, what is it? Body. She's body. Body, oddy, oddy. Body, oddy, oddy, oddy, oddy. Do you like more the opposite?

Because I'm explosive. And so I like a little, I like shy, dopey guys. I like a dude who's a little quiet, but like funny, like sneaky funny. That is the type. I love a dude where I'm like, I don't know if you're funny. And then they drop something where I'm like, tee hee hee. Ooh, that got me. And they say it in a way where they don't really care if the room hears it.

It was just for me. That's hot. I was once dating this dude who sometimes we would leave a bar and he'd be like, I'm going to eat your pussy. And I'd be like, oh my God. I like a dude who's also sexual, but doesn't have to broadcast it, but just lets me know what he's going to be doing. Paraverbal communication. Hand in the lower back i love that that i always think about this too

because i think straight guys have it difficult in one way in that if you're a hot guy and you're giving eye contact to a girl they're like that guy's fucking looking at me but if you're not hot to that girl and you look at her and she's like, that guy's creepy. Uh-huh. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, absolutely. But it's like, you're a beautiful young woman and he's just a human who thinks you are gorgeous. It doesn't mean he's creepy. It means he has eyes and you're beautiful.

Well, sometimes it is. So I was at dinner with a dude and it was very obvious that it was a date. And this man kept walking past our table staring at me. He walked past like four times. And I said to my date, I was like, he's really like freaking me out. Like you can't see what he's doing. But he like is like licking his lips as he passed me. It was a lot.

So finally I was like, what are you, why are you staring at me? And he was like, you're beautiful. I was like, oh, thank you. He goes, yeah, yeah, you're beautiful. And I like that leopard print you're wearing. You're beautiful i was like okay thank you and he's like yeah okay like thank you cartoon police officer you're so cartoonish and you're being insane and do guys come up to you i mean because they'll slide into the dms like they'll just send a dick pic when i'm in drag guys will be fully like one time i was in drag outside a club and this guy

was like you want to come to this alley and suck this dick and i was like you are being tinder in real life which doesn't translate no it sure doesn't and i've i've never had a man do that to me who is attractive that is it's always like a it's never like ryan gosling when did you walk in oh ryan yes i will go to that alley and suck that dick sure it's usually like a fucking gremlin of a man. It's never like Ryan Gosling. When did you walk in? Oh, Ryan. Yes, I will go to that alley and suck that dick. Sure. It's usually like Danny DeVito who's like, come on. You're like, okay, Danny. Totally.

Okay. We've come to the end of this. Oh, it just flew. Trixie slash Brian, would you date me? I would date you. Yeah! Yeah. I mean, I think you're, I was, the whole time I was watching your special, I was like,

she's really beautiful. Oh, thank thank you this is not a read you have a good face for stage too like the planes of your face for catching the light is a good look thank you i often think i look better in pictures and on television than i do in real life and that means hair and makeup is right it's great the wings the makeup Did my own makeup for that special. You did? Sure did. I almost asked you who did it. Almost any time you see me on television, I have done my own makeup.

You did. You did a great job. Thank you. It takes me a minute, but I can beat this face into submission. You looked really beautiful. Thank you. Buttery. Thank you.

Buttery. Yes. Can I say where I'm going? Yes. Okay. If you guys live in Australia or Europe, in February and March, I'm first going to Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide, Perth, Canberra, Melbourne, Wellington, and Auckland. And then I'm also stopping in New Zealand.

And then I'm coming over to the UK in late February through March doing Cardiff, Bournemouth, London, Birmingham, Sheffield, Peterborough, Glassboro, Leeds, Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester, Belfast, Dublin, Cork, Amsterdam, Stockholm, Helsinki, and Oslo. So please come see Skinny Legend. Not called. Not called. Not a hugger. Yeah, not called, not a hugger.

Honestly, I wish you had kept it that way. It would have been very funny. You're the only person. I would have photoshopped what we all thought that looked like. And it would have been, honestly honestly the funniest thing in the world. Ooh, I would have giggled. I wouldn't have made it to the podcast. Also, do you promote your album?

You had an album. Oh, yeah. Two Words, One Stone is still on iTunes. Still on iTunes. It's never going to leave. Billboard called it one of the top 50 albums of 2018. There we go. Yeah.

And I wrote it all myself in my bathroom drinking Red Bull. Yeah. And please watch the Trixie and Katya show weekly on the Wow Presents Network. Yes. And then you host Pit Stop. I host Pit Stop for RuPaul's Drag Race. And then, I mean, that's, I don't know. I'll see you at DragCon.

Truly. You're doing so much, which is in May. Three days. Do you do DragCon? I did it last year and i'm doing it this year you do a panel or anything i do yeah i did a comedy queen panel and then uh my podcast oh work yes eureka was on it fun i'm going through these drag race girls no i'm just kidding i've only had three on eureka you should get like michelle or something oh i would love to michelle

is great we went to the same college oh Oh, yeah. She's super nice. She's great. Really wonderful. Stunning in person. She is so beautiful. I look at her and I know this is unfair and probably kind of ageist, but I always think that's someone's mom. Yeah. She's a mother of two, I think. Right? She looks great. She posts pictures of her kids on her Instagram, though, and they're beautiful, too.

And her husband's very handsome. He is. If Michelle's your mom and you're watching TV and she looks that gorgeous, how do you feel about it? I would be like. Are you proud? Are you like, mom, you're being embarrassing. Well, I'd be proud and then also be like, I have so much to live up to. No kidding.

She's so fucking gorgeous. I know. Also, the puns everyone comes up with are so fast. I don't know if they're wearing earpieces, but it was just like so fast. I think Jess Rupal does. I was, Carson Kressley honestly floored me at how fast he could come up with a pun. I know. And he slides them straight through those thin little lips.

Yes, yes, yes. And everything is always like, up next, Carson Kressley. And his opening pun is always like, well, I don't know about you guys. Like, he sort of is also doing Paul Lind in the Snatch Game. Yes, I love it. Also, I gotta say, your lips did not inflate between your season and All Stars. I'm the only person who hasn't had work done. Congratulations.

But also, there's no shade in getting work done. I've been asked to be on Botched three times. What? Because they want to have me on there to get surgery to look more like Trixie. What? No. I know. I was like, you're gonna put my eyelid on my forehead yeah what the fuck would that be i don't know that would be insane yeah anyway anyway if you like this episode please subscribe and rate it five stars on itunes and if you send me a nasty little message i'll read it this person said can i be a monster that lives under your bed? I'll stick a big old finger up your ass,

wipe it across my upper lip, and tell anyone who asks, I'm Ron Burgundy. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. I loved it. Okay, bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.