Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Dick Tricks (w/ Shalita Grant)

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Actress Shalita Grant (You, NCIS: New Orleans) talks to Nicole about her life dating an MMA fighter, her straight sex phrase, the moment she realized she was a natural at lesbian sex, and how her interest in polygamous relationships lead to her love of pole dancing. Nicole shares her blowjob trick that works every time.  Crazy dating story? Looking for advice? Let Nicole and her guest help you out. Submit your stories, questions, or dirty pick-up lines to [e-mail] for a chance to have it read on-air.   Black Lives Matter. Click here for a list of over 100 different ways you can support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where a medical buyer tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could come in my coffee and say, yum yum yum, that's delicious creamer. Okie, my guest today. I'm so excited. Oh boy.

Okay, also I guess I should say it's a Valentine's Day episode because it's coming out right before Valentine's Day. But who fucking cares about Valentine's Day? I've got a Tony-nominated actress who you know from NCIS New Orleans, Santa Clarita Diet, Search Party, and oh my God, my favorite. Netflix is you. It's Shalita Gray Oh I'm so glad to be here I am so happy that you agreed to do this I genuinely love you so fucking much

It was funny because I was watching I love you You was one of my favorite shows and you showed up in it and so she had auditioned to play your part and i looked at her and i said i'm so sorry she was cast so perfectly like i know you lost it but you were not born for this part and she looked at me and she was like oh you're absolutely fucking right it's you're so great like uh not to just talk about Netflix as you, but you do such a really great job

of balancing this character that you're not supposed to like. And then by the end of the fucking season, you're rooting for her. You're like, I need her to get out. I need her to win. It's a real testament to your acting. You're really phenomenal.

Thank you, Nicole. Thank you so much. Yeah, thanks, man. That was really fun. Yeah. God, if you're, like, not nominated for something for it, like, there's no justice in this world. Like, it's just really great.

Thanks, man. I'm going to take that to my pillow at night and be like, at least Nicole thinks that. Thank you. I think so many people think it's so good. So you said before we started recording that you were my first poll class. I was in your first fucking poll class, man. Yeah, man. That is so wild to me. I love it. Yeah, man. I just was like, I was so happy for y'all. I was like, fuck yes. Like get here and get into your body and your soul and fucking like your mirror work.

Like we like, we need it. Like it's so powerful. Like if you're using it, it's like powerful. Yeah. I like pulling people are like, why do you like it? I'm like, well, one, I love a stripper. Two, I like to be able to see my body do things that it doesn't normally do. Yeah. That's like hard. But if I can make it look easy, like that's a win for me because that means that that that's my body. You know what I mean? Like no one can take that from me that's mine that's my

magic oh I love it and I was creeping on your Instagram and you're really great and like super strong and like it's fun to watch your poll videos but you're also dating an MMA fighter yeah MMA like what a strong couple, that's a badass little bitch. Like, we're great. Like, I feel like I learned so much from my divorce. And, like, she is my gift. Like, that's, like, that's my gift. It's like, yeah, bitch, you gotta figure your shit out.

And you can't, like, just like just like marry your way through yeah like you gotta fucking like figure that shit out and take responsibility for you know the lessons and you know take responsibility for your behavior and like why you think the way that you think and then just fucking change it that's it just fucking Just fucking change it. And like, that's my gift. That is really interesting. I went on a date with somebody and I said something that I didn't think was rude, but they were like, hey, that was kind of not nice. And I was like, whatever.

And then I was like, oh, God, not only was that interpreted as not nice, my response wasn't nice. It was super insensitive. Yes. And I was like, it wouldn't kill me to just take a step back and go, oh, my goodness, I'm sorry. Can we walk through why you thought that was unkind? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah. And I feel like I feel like we lose patience so quickly and it's not that hard to have a dialogue as to why somebody was upset about something, you know? But we do it to ourselves, though.

I know. That's it. Like and so like taking responsibility for your relationship with you helps you so much. Like, OK, cool. Yeah. Dick in this area. amazing in this area. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

Just make the change, you know? Yeah, and that's also like a wild thing where it's like, oh, so like I can never react like that again? It's like, well, do you want to be that person who reacts like that? Yeah. Yeah, just change it. Yeah, what's your attachment to that? What's that helping?

Yeah, what's that helping? that helping yeah what's that helping no yeah and that's something you can't really learn from therapy because therapy is like it's just me and i'm telling my side and my side i always come out just a little bit better right right right i've used the therapy like my chi-chi. So, like, I've been in therapy for, like, 12 years now. And I've had, like, many manner of therapy. I've done the somatic, like, EMDR brain spotting. I've done the talk therapy.

I've done couples therapy. I went to a psychiatrist. I was like, yeah, no, like, I don't really love how this like went down. I don't. So I'm gonna like figure some other shit out. But like the therapist that I have now, she's amazing. And her thing is like, my job is just to help you learn how to be comfortable being yourself. And that's it. And so like, most of the work though, you're right, doesn't happen in that hour. Like most of the work is like my mindfulness and like being with myself, like those moments like you just had, like where you're like, oh, oh, that's, yeah, okay, oh, that's yeah. OK, cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Let me run that back. Let me run that back. Let me run that back. So like that's the work is like you got to walk it. Yeah, it's so interesting. I think if I ever get into like a relationship relationship, I would like to do couples therapy immediately. Like the minute we're like we're together, we commit to each other.

It's like, great. Then we should talk about how we communicate and make it so it's nice. Because I know people fight, but like, just imagine less fighting. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. It is nice. It really is nice.

Yeah. I went from a relationship where I was like, yeah, it's normal. It's normal to fight all the time. And we're like working things out. Like as you know, every day that we fight every fucking day to a relationship where it's like, we don't like fight. It's just like, we like, listen, cause we're both some strong women. So, but we're also super sensitive in the same way.

And so it's like, hey, like, this is a boundary. Like I like and and you know, my history because we take responsibility for what the other person has told us. So we hold that history. So it's like, hey, you know, like this is bringing up some shit. And I know it's mine to work on but if you can find a way you know like and then it's like oh okay that's not that important to me or oh well here's why I reacted that way and this is and so it's like it's it's a negotiation of like like it's just this is how I need to be loved you know what I? Like, and I need your understanding. And because we are in this relationship,

like that's the agreement is that like I'm responsible for your story. Like I'm just responsible for it. I love that. Yeah. And she loves hard. It's so nice. It's so, I guess I,

when I think of relationships, I think of like when you see people out and about and they're like happy and tee happy and having a nice time. You're like, oh, what a tree. What is nice? But then it's like, oh, but it's actually work. And it's like somebody will make you upset. And then you have to go, oh, that is a boundary that was crossed.

And I'd love it if it didn't happen again. And it is just like letting people know. How else will they know if you don't tell them? No. And you have to be vulnerable, too, in that your story about the why isn't always right. So, like, I had a moment where I, like, was not the most emotionally mature. And I'm listening to this Mel Robbins book, like, How to Take Control of Your Life. And she, I just listened to this yesterday.

She was like, instead of thinking, like, what's wrong with me? Think about like, think what happened to me? Like what happened to me? So we were on this like cross country drive. Now me and this girl, we drive a lot. We drive through Mexico. We've driven like all of the, the South of border to border United States. Like you guys campers. No, no. We just like we like moved me from California to Houston. And then like we did a trip like moving her storage from Florida, Houston. Then we've traveled Mexico, like trying to find like the city for us. And we found like the two cities that we love.

And we were like living there. And then like I you got to have a car in Mexico. We've been so many times that like we were like, look, let's just bring the car. So we like drove down. So it's just like, and then like getting here to Denver, we were like, we were here, we went to Telluride for Christmas. And then we spent a week in Denver. And we were like, we love it here. Like the altitude is amazing. I love pulling at altitude. I love pulling alone. And they have like this great like studio that's like you rent it. It's like a pod. And so like I go in and I like get my shit and I'm doing it at altitude. So I know like I'm getting good like conditioning. And for her, like most of the UFC like champs are here. And she's like, yeah, I got to like come here and I got to fucking train. So we like drove from Houstonston to denver you know what i mean so it's just like oh okay so we are amazing in the car together we're fucking rock

stars and then we had this one day where it was like something came on about divorce like we were like listening to youtube videos and she was like oh, oh, there was this, like, ALUX video, like, 15 things to learn from divorce. And she, like, was like, oh, this is just divorcing. And I was like, what? And it was, like, automatically triggered. And she was like, how could you? Are you planning? Like, I just thought I got crazy.

I got insane. And, like, what did I learn? Well, I learned that I can't like, just project like, someone's intention or someone's like, you know, or that they know that that's a trigger for me because divorce it's, it's, it's not like a thing for me. But that night, you know, the hours on the road that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It got me. And the next morning, it was just like, we had to talk about it. And I was embarrassed because my little ego is like, you know, I'm emotionally mature and whatever. And I wasn't. And, you know, like, and luckily for me, I have the good relationship with my ego

where I could be like, yeah, that's not always the case. So you have to let that go. You got to let it go. And so it was just like, I'm really sorry for that. And I promise that I'll do better next time when I'm tired and driving. And I won't just assume that you're going to. And poor Jess. She loves me so much.

She was just like, why would you even think that? Because sometimes people say things and then something clicks in your brain and you're like, they don't like me anymore. It's all going to shit. I'm gonna be alone again. I have to get back on apps. That's your responsibility, man. You got to rein that little monster in.

You got to be like, come here, girl. Let me talk to you for a minute. You need to chill the fuck out. Like, why the fuck are you acting like this? Are you hungry? Do you want to eat? Like, do you need a hug? Like, you know what I mean?

Like, you got to rein it in. Come talk to me. What's going on with you? The only thing I can really equate that to is I quit smoking in the beginning of this year. I quit January 3rd. And sometimes I'll be like, I'd really like a cigarette. And then I go, I really want one. And I go, why?

And then you just think about it. You're like, oh, because it's a habit that I had for a very long time. They didn't make me feel good. I coughed really hard and I always stunk like cigarettes. Do you want a bagel? You're like, I'll go eat the bagel. Yeah, I'll go have a bagel. Yeah, whatever.

You gotta just like figure out why you're spiraling out. And it's not that hard if you just take a second and think. Yeah, it's self-parenting. That's it. It's like you have to be your own like parent. And then to have like a good, strong relationship, like I thought, oh, I could self-parent really well, which means that I can parent whoever I'm with too. And that's like. Yeah, that's a no, no.

No, no, no, ma'am. No, ma'am. I watched this TED Talk. I cannot remember who the person is, but it was like, you will marry the wrong person. Yeah, that's Alain Toussaint. He has this, love him. He has this cool life.

He's like an amazing philosopher. It's so good. Yeah, it's great. I like lost my shit when he was like, the way we look for love is we're looking to be miserable because we're trying to mirror our relationships that we had with our parents yeah as a child oh my god yes yes exactly i'm always looking for approval for men because i was looking for approval with my dad and then that was like a constant thing so i think it's

a thing i need to be chasing and i already knew i had daddy issues but i was like oh it's i am literally seeking it out yeah and the minute like a man is like unimpressed by me or wants to start ignoring me i'm like it's on baby yeah you're the one for me you're so emotionally unavailable in the way that turns me on. Tell me less. There is that. There is that. Why would I want to be a part of a club that would let me in?

You know? It's like, I want you. You don't want me. Make it hard for me, baby. Make me earn it. It's so wild. So you went to Juilliard. I want to talk about that for a little bit. Juilliard.

Juilliard. Juilliard in New York City. Juilliard. I auditioned for Juilliard and I did a monologue from Twelfth Night and A Raisin in the Sun, I believe. And those went really well. And then they were like, now sing.

And I cannot sing. And I started and I was like, and they were all like, goodbye. Did you have fun at Juilliard? I did. I did. I typically tend to have fun wherever I am. When I look back though,

like I was a totally different person. So like I saw the problems of Juilliard and I was like oh this is how I can bypass them um and so like for me at that time I was a Christian I became a born-again sewn-up vagina born-again virgin born again christian oh and uh within like an acting school in acting school yes yes yes and and i i like spent the summer between third and fourth year uh i went to creflo dollars church actually that was the first church and i would go to church at madison square gardens theater wow i haven't heard creflo dollars name in years my mom was she was a christian woman and she would listen to creflo dollar so like i grew up listening to him and i oh my god what a fucking throwback oh girl oh girl i went to creflo dollar's church it's mad square garden theater

i would like wave the little blue uh tithing envelope when it was time to give that man our money. I was like, oh, I can't wait. Oh, yes. And I would march on down there. Oh my God. I learned how to speak in tongues there. They take you up. You learn how to speak in tongues?

Girl, yes, yes, yes. You learn. I always thought it just happened. It happened in my grandmother's church. I remember being a kid. Some lady fell out and I was like, if Jesus does that to you, I don't think I need him in my heart and I don't really want to accept him. And she was like, I can't even remember the sound.

It was like, it was so wild. It's just gibberish. It's like deeply, deeply gibberish. Yeah. It's deeply gibberish. It is. It's like deeply, deeply gibberish. Yeah. It's deeply gibberish. It's deeply gibberish. It is. It's crazy.

So like they take you in the back room and they're like, there's like this, like, it looks like a control room at the Madison Square Garden Theater where they like, where they do it. So they take you up into this control room and everyone is like deeply, deeply, tragically serious because we're all like going through something. I was like deeply lonely and like scared. And I don't know what they were going through. And I was like, I need to talk to Jesus in my own heavenly tongue. And they told me they'll teach me how to do it. And so they take you into this control room. It's like tight room. And then this guy just says, he's like, this is the baptism by fire. And it's like, all right. And he's like, I'm about to put the holy fire on you. And it's like, all right. And so he's like, I'm just going to start. And then you just got to go for it. And he like reads a scripture that like basically is like, this is your heavenly tongue. Like this is your like, remember those cans with the string?

Like this is your personal one to God. Like no one knows what the fuck you're saying at all but him. And so he just starts and he'll be like, Robocosha. Robotoskina. Musenexena. And you just be like, ah! And you just like start, you just launch into it everybody's is different it's shot it's like it's really upsetting because it's so it's so like it's like jarring when people do it's like

because it's different you know and that's yes yeah, it's crazy. Wow. Mm-hmm. Wow. That is, it's funny to listen to someone, and you're not a born again anymore. Oh, no, hell no. So what happened to me was, I think I wore Jesus out, Nicole. So between third and fourth year, I had left Creflo's church because he was like, we are exegesis, which means that you are. Girl, I was deep.

I was deep in it. I had concordances. I had like. Concordances? Yeah. What's that? It's like basically a book where it's like a, I forget the word for it, but it's basically like whatever word you want to look up, it's got where all the scriptures are, that word.

Then I had like notes from like scholars, Bible scholars, like this is what this Aramaic meant and whatever. And so I was like deep in it, right? And so I started going to this church that was like super about like scripture and stuff. And they had this program for full-time ministry. And so you could do the program for the summer. And so I was going up to people. Do you know World Market? Like Worldwide Market?

Worldwide Plaza? It's between 8th and 9th and 51 and 52. Yes. It's by the Dream Hotel. Or the New World Theater, right? Yes. So I would go in there and I would walk up to people and I would be like, can I talk to you about the Lord? Wow. While you're in drama school? They didn't give you enough homework there in Juilliard. No, no, no. I was trying to save souls, girl. I was trying to save souls. And then after like three months of doing that and like praying and like all this stuff,

like there was so much talk to Jesus, Nicole. Like it was a lot. And by the time I started fourth year, I couldn't hear the voice of the Lord anymore. And it was like one of my biggest, like it was, I was depressed about it. And I was like, did I talk to you too much this summer or whatever? Like, why can't I hear you anymore? And then I started thinking about the Bible and I thinking about like, why do I need other people to believe this?

Like, why do I need other people to believe this for me? That's an interesting thought. Yeah. Because it's like well i believe in the lord i talk to the lord whatever but then it's like why do i have to go get more people to believe what i believe right because it's like i love chicken fingers a specific kind they're battered and deep fried i don't like the breaded ones but i'm not like evangelizing to people about like you have to eat these specific chicks you know what i mean it's really interesting and

that's like one of the reasons why i kind of stopped going to church because i was like well why am i paying this pastor's mortgage why does his you know his family live there for free and the grandkids and all this shit and some of there was some sinning going on to get the grand keys and uh i gotta give 10 of my money to this church. And then I got to tell other people to come to this church. And I'm like, sounds like a real interesting pyramid scheme. Yeah. Where nobody's really making bank. No, but Creflo Dollar and his jet.

He was like asking us for money for the jet. And I was like, I don't think that that's what Jesus wants. There's something about this that feels not very like Jesus. I got to get out of here. Well, he's trying to get closer to God, trying to fly right directly to Jesus. Yes. I mean, that is wild to be like, I need this jet. Parishioners, please.

10% so I can get my jet. It was crazy. I was like, no, I don't think this is it. I don't think this is the one. That is wild. Real quick. We this is the one. That is wild. Real quick, we do have to take a break. Okay. And we're back.

Okay. Okay. So can I ask, did you start dating early, like in high school? Oh, my God, girl. No, I was a player pimp from elementary school. Like I just like, I was fucking, I was rolling them. I thought I was straight. I was the gayest straight girl.

Like, and that's why I'm signing to be on this podcast too. Cause you be asking for advice. Back in the day when I thought I was straight, you know what I would tell these straight girls? I'd be like, just grab his dick. Just grab his dick. That's all they talk about is how it has a mind of its own. If you want the sex, just grab the joystick. Don't fuck with the asshole.

Just grab the joystick. Don't fuck with the asshole. Don't fuck with the asshole. Just grab that dick. And I was like like you was gay girl that is it's very aggressive it's super like it's very aggressive i'm sure the other girls were like oh i couldn't and you're like who cares you just grab it you're like i don't even like it you just grab it grab it and they do stuff it's it's easy girl you could get a man just grab it and they do stuff. It's easy, girl. You can get a man, just grab that dick.

Terrible. Oh, that's so funny. So when did you discover that women were the thing that were for you? What a wild way to ask that question. I think it's because it's kind of boring, people's coming out stories. Yeah, exactly. When did I decide I liked men? When I was a little girl and I was like, boy, oh boy, it'd be nice to hug that one.

Yes, but here's the thing, though, about my straight face, which is like crazy. So I could read really young, right? So my grandma's owned a hair salon since before I was born. So one of the only magazines that she would buy that was not black was Cosmo. Oh. So I was reading about all the stuff. And what I learned from Cosmo was that in order to be a good adult woman, you got to be good at sex. Oh.

And that straight sex is jobs. Got blow hand jobs you know i'm saying you got it's a lot of labor it's a lot of labor it's free labor it's free labor and and you gotta put on a show you know i'm saying you gotta give them the ah you gotta you gotta you know all of that shit you gotta do it all you gotta which is why actually the the swinger scene on you and like shooting that was fucking hysterical it's a really funny scene it was hysterical it's so funny you were so funny in it oh you. But I was doing all the shit I learned. You know, when you get it, you got to give him that. Like, oh, oh, oh, you have pierced me, sir. You got to do it.

You got to do it. He's like, oh, I pierced you. You're like, oh, I am wounded. Oh, I'm wounded. I'm going to like it. You know what I mean? You got to do it. You got to do it.

It is funny that some men do really love tricks. So like a trick I learned is when a dick hits, like I just lift the back of my tongue to like stop it from going all the way down and like actually gagging me. So like I lift my tongue a little bit and then you go. And it feels like to them that they've hit the back. And then you're like, oh, yeah, it's so big. It's so huge. Because like a lot of it is out because it's not at the back and then you're like oh yeah it's so big right it's so huge because like a lot of it is out because it's not at the back of my throat it's a it's a trick it's a full-blown trick that i learned that works every fucking time and that was my problem though nicole

like i thought everybody knew it was tricks i thought everybody knew so my my time with these men you know i would make i make the joke now like I have guys in my DMs, like, all the time, like, oh, you know, you should give it a try, you know, whatever. It's like, why don't you give Dick a try? If Dick is so great, why are you giving it away in my DMs for free? Okay? That is really funny to think about. It's just like, why, sir? And it's like, listen, you tried's just like why sir and it's like listen you try

dick i've tried women okay and that's why i'm gay and dick is so great why ain't you gay you know what i mean like why ain't you gay sir because i'm gay it is funny to think about it's like yeah just try dick i could turn you and it's like don't know, maybe you try dick and maybe you turn you and you like it. Yeah, exactly. Because this is just about you, sir. And that's the problem. So I would emotionally abuse these men. And I didn't even know that I was doing it.

Because what is the phenomenon, Nicole, that happens to men? What is the phenomenon, Nicole, that happens to men? The phenomenon that happens when a woman does something to a man, even if she's unknowing, and that man experiences a kind of gender dysmorphia. What is that word called? I don't know. You have just what? You have... I'm bad at quizzes quizzes i'm so bad at pop quizzes oh no you have you have you have emasculate emasculate yes emasculate boy oh boy boy oh boy pop quizzes are so hard

and they're hard when you forget the answer to. You fucking emasculate. And there's no feminine equivalent. There is no feminine equivalent to emasculation. So a lot of the shit that you have to do in straight relationships is avoiding the very fragile situation that a man can experience. You know, if you do shit like make more money than him or, you know, are funnier or smarter or whatever, you emasculate me. And I have a problem with that. So I would do this thing where

I would just like go behind the veil of like what's expected gender relationships. And I would just like do shit that was like, oh my God. So for instance, I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this so you know I'm not a monster. I was like genuinely like concerned. So like at Juilliard, there was a guy that I went to that I was in class with who had testicular cancer and this was at the same time that the Livestrong guy what's his name uh Lance Armstrong Lance Armstrong thank you pop quiz I'm in Denver so you know weed um so so he he also

got it so I was like oh my god like and at the time i was still like i thought i was still straight and so i was like these men like i didn't even know that that's something that could happen to their you know wow so this is happening like terrible and so he got he got the got surgery and i didn't know like even though we were in the same class, like, you don't ask those kinds of questions. Like, people should learn that you don't ask those kinds of questions. But I knew, like, you don't ask those questions. Well, I was with this guy, like, four years later. And let's just say the snake did not match the boulder.

So I thought, based on the boulder situation that there was only one and so when the pants came down and i saw that that was all i could think about i was just like oh my god another one like this is happening like so more like it's it's an it's a it's an epidemic that's going on with these men and so because my problem with straight sex was and this was like the the thing that should have been like the indicator but everywhere in society when a woman says like i'm having problems with like straight sex they're always like oh that's normal like anything you say happens it's like it's normal it's normal so i didn't think that i just's like, it's normal. It's normal. So I didn't think that I just thought I was like a normal straight lady that didn't want to sleep with the guys.

But like, like once you're in the relationship, there comes a point where it's like, ah, six months, that's enough. That's enough sex for you. So, so, so, but the thing that would happen would be when we got into sex penetration, I would go numb. Like I didn't feel anything. And so I'd had a couple of times where I'm like putting on the theatrics and something in the corner of the room would catch my eye. And I would, and I learned this later, I would disassociate. So I would just like start thinking about and just like go totally quiet and just like and I just thought like, oh, like, oh, like, that's kind of normal. Like I just wasn't like in it anymore. Like I don't feel it anyway. So I'm like, whatever. So we're in the heat of the

moment, me and this guy with the big snake and tiny boulder. And I'm just like i really like i didn't get a chance to like ask about like what this is like so i think this is like my time because we're technically i was 21 i was like technically we're on the topic so i'm like on my back and i like i'm like making the noises and everything and i just like i was like i gotta wind down into this and just like kind of like find the right time. And so I grabbed his, what I thought was one testicle. And I looked at him and I was like, and I was like, you have to be really compassionate. And I was just like, what happened? And he like, the way his face, like the micro, like I was like, this isn't it.

Yeah. This isn't it. This isn't it. And he was just like, with what? And I was like, nothing. And then he like he finished whatever because men. And at the end, he was just like, never grab a guy's balls during sex and ask what happened. And I was like, duly noted dude like

i already knew that after you after you rack up so poorly and you're caring about your ball situation exactly exactly and so it because it would be like i would be with these guys and i would just like do this kind of shit that's like she like she's an asshole or she's like she doesn't care or and some guys are into that. Like, some guys are into women that aren't really that into them. So after years of that, I broke up with this guy that I was with for, like, three years. And that was the longest, like, adult, really, because I met him after Juilliard was 21. I was 21.

And he was 42 42 41 or 42 that is a gap i i i needed someone to take care of me in new york you know he um the honest thing was the honest thing was i i honest thing was I, I had like, I was living in the dorms for like three years and then I moved out. And then like my last year, I like moved into this like five bedroom, one bathroom apartment in New York and he had air conditioning. And I was just like, I think this works. I think this works. I think this works. And I was depressed for, that was like my second depression. And that was like, it was like, I'm not living authentically, right?

Like I, there was like a lot of things, like I had just graduated. I had had a couple of jobs, but then I didn't work for nine months and I didn't know and blah, blah, blah. And I just like depressed. nine months and I didn't know and blah, blah, blah. And I just like depressed. So after that relationship ended, I, we had talked about like bringing other people into the bedroom, like a lot of people do. And, you know, looked up all this stuff. And I was just like, there was a woman at this bar that we used to go to that seemed like really down. And I had a dream about her that night. And in that dream, there was this knowing that if I slept with a woman, I'll never sleep with a man

again. And I was like, we need to go to couples therapy the next morning. I was like, we cannot have another person in our bedroom. We got to go to therapy. So after the relationship ended, I was just like, let me just be open. So this was during my Broadway time. And I went to a friend's bar. And you say friend's bar. He didn't own the bar. He was a bartender at the bar. You know how you say it. I went to my friend's bar. And you say friend's bar. He didn't own the bar. He was a bartender at the bar.

You know how you say it. I went to my friend's bar. No, that's what I thought. I was like, yeah, definitely a bartender at the bar. A bartender, right, right, right. So there was a woman there and she was like interested. And, you know, I've always been like kind of sexually like open, free. Like, you know, like I'm looking for an experience. You know what I've always been, like, kind of sexually, like, open, free. Like, you know, like, I'm looking for an experience.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, can I feel, you know, whatever. So I'm like, all right, cool. Can I feel? Can I feel? That's all I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to feel. Just be a little bit.

That's how I felt. I felt like the Tin Man, you know, like, trying to get a heart, you know? Like, that was my straight man, you know, like trying to get a heart, you know, like that was my straight, that was my straight phase, you know? And yeah, I went to the bathroom with this girl and we hooked up and I read so much Cosmo about like straight sex. I ain't read nothing about no lesbian sex. And girl, let me just tell you, I was a natural. And I was just like, oh my God, like, this is like, I didn't study for this. And I like kind of aced it. And it felt amazing. Like I felt stuff. And so yeah, I took her out

the like next weekend or whatever. And yeah, like a proper date. Cause I was like, I've never been with a woman. So like, I have to see like, was this a fluke? Was this? And yeah, like that night we hooked up and I was just like, Nope, totally not a fluke. Okay. So that's kind of how I found out, you know, you got to like, walk it, just take it out for a walk. It is so funny to me that you're like, Cosmo didn't say anything about lesbian sex and it's like it should it should it absolutely should and it's so funny to me that like you have to just just discover it you have to like go out and figure it out kind of for yourself now there's like more television and stuff that depicts you know like I was watching Yellow Jackets and I was like oh I love that two of the girls on

the team are into each other or whatever I don't think that's giving too much away yellow jacks is really good if you haven't seen it i really like it um but like i was like i like that and i feel like there just needs to be more representation of i don't know lesbians in places yeah we're just like non-traditional relationships like um i like learned about polyamory and like i always thought it was just like a couple and then you have like another boyfriend you got another boyfriend got another girlfriend but then there's polyamory where it's like oh i don't have a primary i just have many different people and i love my alone time and i was like that's an interesting thing for someone to explore where you just have like eight boyfriends and you're like i just figure it out yeah side note side note So I've always been interested in like alternative, you know, relationships, whatever. But most of my relationships pre-25 were very like monogamous. But I was like curious, right? So I would like watch stuff, read stuff. Well, that's kind of how I got into pole dance so the actual like a to b so i had did this i met this producer and um they had

put on her resume like that she did this reality show on polyamory and on showtime on showtime you know it's a wild show where i would watch it and be like, I mean, I've never wanted to see people like this. Fuck, here we are. Yes, Leigh-Anne in season two. I'm so glad you fucking saw it because now we can fucking talk about it. Leigh-Anne, like I was laying on my couch in LA and I still didn't have like a workout thing

figured out for myself, right? So I had like, I used to like lift weights and stuff and then I didn't have like a workout thing figured out for myself. Right. So I had like, I used to like lift weights and stuff and then I wasn't interested. So I was like watching the show and I was like, she had a good body. Like she owns a pole studio. And so even though that situation was so like, like so indicative of straight patriarchy, like whatever, even in these liberated spaces, like it's very patriarchal. And so I was like, aside from that, let me check out this pole studio. So she owns Be Spun, which is the like number one. I didn't know that. It's the number, yes, she owns that studio. So I looked at the website and I was like, these girls are really good.

And I was like, but I want to get good. And I know that I won't learn as well if I don't have the basics. Cause these girls are like, so you kind of need the basics to like get there, right? Yeah. And so that's how I started pole dancing. I found Luscious maven

and luscious maven was like 12 minutes away from where i lived at the time so i was like oh that's perfect and so i started pulling there and then after a few months i like started pulling at uh at beast bun but then i would pull like at body and pole in new York I pulled in Portland I pulled in Spain I pulled in Thailand like I pulled in Mexico like I just like going and like learning from different teachers and shit you know but yeah that's how it started that polyamory show that's so funny that it started with that polyamory show because it truly is a wild show we are just like this has to be Showtime had some interesting reality television they had polyamory and then this other thing that i watched called gigolos that followed

male escorts and it's fully unhinged and very overtly racist oh my god at one point one of the white guys um they're waiting on one of the black escorts to come. I can't remember his name, but he's like, he's probably gonna be late because he's black. And the other one goes, half black. And he's like, well, half of them's gonna be late. And I was like, you can't say that. And then there's an episode.

There's also like fat shaving in it. It's like triggering. So like, if you get triggered, I wouldn't watch it. Yeah, I don't need to watch it. There's a part where he was like i don't know i gotta i got a client she's huge and they're like how big it's like you know big and then they like literally jump cut to him fucking her there's like pounding this woman and i and it doesn't give you a chance to be like oh i wonder how big she is because they're showing you and then i was watching and i was like she's not that big i was like she's about the same size as me i was like is that how people talk about me and then i was like nicole

these thoughts have to leave your head you cannot do that to yourself this is a weird reality show where a lot of things are staged and who fucking cares if a Las Vegas gigolo thinks you are fat. Yes, exactly. Fuck exactly. Get the fuck out of here. Can your brain do some magical things when you're just like, oh, now I've been transported

to a space where I don't feel good about myself. Exactly. That's why I love poll. Whenever people, people like to post like negative things, they'll be like, oh my God, strong poll. And I mean, it's not negative, pole whenever people people like to post like negative things they'll be like oh my god strong pole and I mean it's not

negative but it's just like that's a first draft but I always respond I'm like okay sure strong pole but don't you think it's more interesting that someone this big can climb up that pole like the pole just has to stand there I'm like really working yeah exactly like

hello I'm amazing I'm like really working. Yeah, exactly. Like, hello. I'm amazing. I'm stronger than you probably. Exactly. Not probably. Definitely. Actually, definitely. Yeah.

Yeah. Is poling like, do you do like yoga and stuff to like go with it? I do a little bit of like yoga and stretching to like. Yeah. stuff to like go with it I do a little bit of like yoga and stretching to like yeah so I like I so because I'm with an athlete athlete you don't say it I think now about like how I do it and I'm also like 33 so like just jumping on a pole isn't really like a good idea anymore. But like now I do about two hour sessions and most of that time is the warm up. Most of that time. And I do mirror meditation shit.

So I'm literally, yeah. So how I got into pole, like aside from the polyamory show, what I got out of pole was like, even though I've been super like easy, like who cares? Like that's straight shit. I've always been easy. I've never felt comfortable in public. Like, I've always been like, you know, like, you know, you would never think, you know what I mean? And so, but for me, it's about safety. So when I was 18 in New York, I remember walking and the street harassment was really scarring for me. I told this one guy, was really scarring for me. I told this one guy, like, and I'm crazy, Nicole. Like, I don't give a fuck. So, like, I was wearing some jeans and this fucking delivery guy was like,

had said something like, you know, nice ass or some shit like that. And I was like, hey, don't talk to me like that. And he was like, fuck you, bitch. And I was like, oh! I'm not saying... That's so wild to me that that's the response that you get like when you're like please don't say that and they're like fuck you you started it you spoke to me first and i said no thank you exactly so like and then also it was like i know what you look like with your pants off and it's terrible. You know what I mean?

Like, it's not that great. Like, you're just terrible. So like, I always would, I would dress up. Like, I feel most comfortable like now with the masks. Like, that's like kind of my last, like, I'm like, wow, awesome. So no one gets to see anything in the world. But, but like, I love sensuality. I love my body. Like I said, like, I want to feel like I'm alive, like I'm a human being, like I want to feel. And so but I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable

being in public. And so how can I explore a lot of this eroticism and creativity with my body when I have all these blocks? So for me, pole is a safe place to do something private in public. Because all of these women are also like in the same, we're all in the same state of undress or whatever. And we're all like doing the same shit. But we're all our own person. And that's what I love about pole is that like your expression of a move looks different because it's your body. And for some people who are like box people who are like, I need to like fucking look like everybody and like do everything like everyone that's scary. But if you're like out of the box kind of bitch, you're like,

fuck. Yeah, this is my light. And that's her light. And she looks dope. And I look dope. Yeah. That's why I love pole.

Cause like when a girl or a person will perform you're just like yay like let's just say like everyone is so like happy when you get a move or like when you do a little piece at the end of like a workshop people are like yay and you're like it's just all positive and it's nice and nobody's making fun of you or thinking things other than like you did it and you did good and you did good and we know it's hard and you fucking did it. And so like for me, that was great. But then the next layer was, oh, Shalita, you've got work to do like with how you see yourself. So like I read Bell Hooks, like it's Rock My Soul, Black People and Self-Esteem. And in it, she talks about like eradicating

like the white supremacy in you. And then taking that idea further, it's like, basically like you're agreeing, you're in agreement with any like negative, stereotypical, whatever, if it pierces you. And that means there is an agreement in your body about that. And so it's your job to unravel that. Why do I believe that about myself? And so what I did with pole was I

started looking up, I was like, there has to be like something you can do with the mirror. And so I like Google like mirror meditation, and that's a thing that exists. So there are like all these practices that you can do. And one of them was the one that I started with was, you know, look like looking at yourself in the mirror, whatever mistakes or whatever. I love that. Thank you. Like gratitude toward you and your body. And, you know, honestly, Nicole, like when I started pole, like I had just left a show and I was like fucking fucked up, like just trying to like heal and like put my myself back together. And that was like part of how I did it was like learning how to be in full acceptance of me, even if I'm not doing

it right. And then that became empowering too, because I, when I got to be spun, like if there was a move in the choreo that I didn't like how I did it or how it looked on my body, or it's like, oh, her hips are different than my hips. And so that move is different. I would modify it and I wouldn't ask for permission and be in class. Like the thing that I love about pole is like, you can break some of those like shitty, like box mentality, like with being in class. Right. Because like in, in school you're supposed to be like everybody else, but in pole it's like, no, like there's, in school, you're supposed to be like everybody else. But in pole, it's like, no, like, there's, I don't hurt anybody by being in my own body. Like, it doesn't hurt anyone. So we're not doing a show. This is a class. So I can just learn the way that I need to learn. And I would modify

my shit and I'd be dope. I really like that. Because I felt like a lot in school where I talked a lot. I had ADHD, like teachers would send me out of class because they're like, you're just a lot right now. Go walk in the hallway. And then I would feel othered. But like in pole, specifically with my teacher, Veronica, I love that she'll give me modifications. So I don't feel like I'm like, oh, I can't. It's like you can you just do it a different way. And you're still a part of the class, even though you learn how to do something a different way. Exactly. Real quick, we have to take another break.

For me, like when I started taking responsibility for the ways in which I was dumping on myself, for the ways in which I was dumping on myself. Like I started to see how I had like courage to like stand in my ground in all these other areas and like fixing my fucking hair. Like these fucking curls are all because of a fucking product that I created. Yeah, ooh, I wanna talk about that. Yes, yes.

So let's talk about that. So it's four naturals. Four naturals four naturals and um i created it because i was trying to solve a fucking problem and that problem was um i have type four hair and you know like i said my grandma's owned a hair salon since before i was born um so i knew what licensed cosmetologists black licensed cosmetologists knew about black hair. And it was like nothing. We know styles and we can do stuff, but there's nothing about like our actual hair.

So after I left that show and I went through like three months of like trauma counseling and just like brain spotting and like fucking figuring that out. figuring that out i was like oh well now that i've like healed emotionally like and i feel strong enough to get on a set again i need to heal my fucking hair can i ask were they straightening your hair what were they doing to your hair oh my god there were so many things there were so many things so if you watched the show you knew that percy's ponytail was different like all like sometimes like within the episode, like the ponytail would be a different ponytail. And so it started like season one, I had this wig and I like had straightened my hair

and season one, I was a guest star. So I did like a little recur and that was like my, basically like my audition to like be a series regular. So I passed and that summer I was like, look, I've never been a series regular before. And it's a lot of work on my hair. And so I, we're in New Orleans. So I need like a curly hair texture. Cause I can't like go straight. And the producer who was in charge was like, no, like we don't want a curl pattern that tight like so

i had to audit they auditioned hair for like what i would be able to wear what so yeah so initially that first ponytail was a sew-in in season two beginning two it was a sew-in and i like pushed about the ponytail and it's like it's professional like it's professional being in a ponytail so and then it you can't have your hair down because it would be vanity which is just like it just didn't make any sense it was just like white nonsense but you know like I it was my first show and I was a team player and so so I tried to like, like play along and like do it. And so I, I had these extensions and then I did an episode in season two where it was a water episode. And so there was all this like work in the pool and, you know, swamp water, whatever. And when I took

the tracks down that weekend, I had a bald spot in the center of my head. No. And so then that next year, season three, like in the hiatus, I was like, look, I need to just be in a wig. Like I can't do the extensions, like whatever. Like just do a wig. And you can use the perimeter of my hair and like brush it into the wig, whatever. Well, the reality of my type four like brush it into the wig whatever well the the reality of my type 4 hair is that it's really fucking fragile and so i look you know in january

of 2017 i had um i took the wig down to assess like my hair and i was like whoa like my hair looks really fucking shitty like the the the perimeter is like short and that the inside is like long and so this is what january looked like that was january oh no but then but then june six months later this was my fucking hair. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Right? Yeah. So it had completely just... Yeah.

Just receded. Exactly. I was threatening boldness in the front. And so season four was the helmet head wig. And so everybody... And it was like they had everything to say about it and i was just like you have no idea what i'm dealing with like i'm saving myself it is really incredible how i don't say all white people but there's a lot of white producers out there

who refuse to learn anything about our hair what our hair needs um hiring people who know how to do our hair and then if you're working five days a week even if you get your hair done for one scene you're still in a chair getting your hair done for an hour and that's a lot of work on your head every fucking day i wear a wig because i'm like i i mean my hair i'm trying to get it to grow and be healthy and whatnot because I just threw a wig on and didn't care about it. But I was like, no, I should care about my hair. I love my hair. It looks really pretty when I take care of it. And the curls, they look pretty when I when I do it. So, yeah, I it's I've had a lot of conversations with people where they're like,

no, or we're not going to pay for a wig. So I bring bring my own and it's like what what exactly but i think the point that you were making too was that like they don't know anything about our hair but they dictate what our hair is yes supposed to do and that's the problem and the thing that really fucking got me is when a producer said to you that your hair down wasn't natural or not natural wasn't professional wasn't professional that is crazy to me that like white women can wear their hair down and it's professional white women can wear their hair in a bun and it's professional white women can wear their hair in braids and it's kind of you went on vacation that's fun yeah exactly for a couple weeks like that that's fun

but the minute i come in with braids and like beads at the end it's like what are you doing exactly you're urban now it's too specific now it's you know whatever and it's like it's just it's just racism it's just systemic racism that's it so for me i was like how can i like in the bell hooks way of of looking at things she talks about a lot about like healing in that book rock my soul and it's like for you for for for you like this is what she says it's basically about it's a focus issue like white supremacy is not a problem of black people we just experience the effects of it. That's a white problem. Like that's white people's responsibility to heal within their community because the people

who are doing it looks just like you're great white person. So that's their work. Our work is to heal from the effects of that and make sure that we're like eradicating that. So for me, I was like, all right, if that's the case and that's something that I want to, a way that I want to like approach this problem, then I have to think about like all the ways in which I agreed and why I agreed. And it's like, oh, your hair is hard. Your hair is hard to manage. So it's like, okay, I agreed with that. Why did I agree with that? And it was like, the truth is

my hair is inconsistent with products. I can't get my curl defined without twisting it for hours. And then if water gets on it, it comes out of the twist and it stands straight up. And so, you know, and then the dryness issue, the growth plateaus that I experienced, the fact that I can't put heat on my hair without completely like damaging it, like it'll never go back, you know? So like I put my hair out for seven years and I straightened it once for an audition and I had to cut it all off. Oh, no. Because it was just like, yeah. So I was like, well, I'm a human woman.

And part of the like white supremacy of it all is the belief that we need like chemicals to like fix our hair. And so I did some research and I studied like non-white successful hair cultures and success. I was defining it by, you know, they have the moisture, they have a good relationship with water, like their hair responds to water, shine, you know, no issues with growth, growth plateaus, and also like care shit and detangling because I noticed that I would lose like clumps of hair when I was detangling my hair. So it was like, I need to hack this. And so I looked up India, Eritrea, and Ethiopia. And then I got interested in cosmetic chemistry, which is like the study of hair. And I created what we are now calling the Four Naturals Treatment. And so it's two products, four steps, but the two products are, it's a henna mud mask.

Henna is the answer, but you got to do henna with some humectants because humectants are ingredients that introduce moisture to the hair, right? So like aloe vera would be considered a humectant, right? And so a lot of the issues that, you know, people with type four hair have are porosity. So porosity is the health of the cuticle layer. And so I had high porosity hair, meaning my cuticle, what was happening on the cuticle layer was I had these giant gaps in my cuticle and the scales would stand up. So water, I didn't have an issue with my hair getting wet, but it never stayed moisturized. Like as soon as it got wet, it would, and then it was super fragile. So I was, you know, prone to heat damage. I, I was prone to, um, like if I, if I, um, just like any kind of, kind of rough combing or whatever, like my hair would like snap. So while I didn't have like rough hair, it was actually too soft because the cortex, which is that next layer, it's spongy, that's all exposed. So my hair wasn't in the best health.

So my hair wasn't in the best health. What henna does is it coats the layer some eco styler. And I brushed it. There's little, I just did it this morning. Um, and this is my, these are my curls now. That's because the henna is wrapped around my strand and it gives you the best version of whatever your curl is. So type one to type four, like Indian, the Indian community, they have straight hair, but their hair is very like it's very thick. It's shiny. And that's a use of henna. Like that's a regimen of henna. Like the Indian community, they have a hair care regimen since the kids are little where they henna the hair on the weekend.

care regimen since the kids are little where they henna the hair on the weekend. And so for us, that wrapping of the cuticle also makes the hair heavier. So the curl, people say like, oh, it loosens your curl. It doesn't. It actually just defines it. And that definition for us, we get the shrinkage and our strands like they want to stay away from each other if that henna acts like a magnet and it attracts all one curl is several strands right so with before pre henna your hair isn't attracting the other strands so you get that fro happening right and because the strand has a a pattern a zigzag or a spiral, when they're separated, the strands are separated, they're like standing next to each other. And you think that that's detangled. For curls, detangled hair is strands that are clumping. That's the curl, right? So what the henna does

is it coats the strand, nice little protective layer. but because all of your strands are coated with the same uh it has a high cat i'm trying not to use too much like scientific but it has a high cationic charge and cationic means positive so these like are strands are okay hey girl and so you have these curl strands that clump together and you get your curls. And that's fucking plants. How long did this take you to do all this? So the research was like a few months. It was just like, oh, let me just like, oh, let me read this article. Let me do this.

And I went through all manner of different, like, I've used bentonite clays and, you know, actually trying it. bentonite clays like and you know actually trying it and the issue with bentonite clay is that while it's on your hair the clay has a high cationic charge which is why you're not supposed to use like metal or whatever when you're mixing it um it would make my curls clump when it was on my hair but once it was off the curl like i didn't have a curl anymore but that's the difference with the four naturals treatment because the henna permanently sticks to the strand i can sometimes get a curl to happen but it's like only some of it will be really curly and other will be like well i'll just show you my hair this is great for our listeners they're just like oh cool so they're showing showing each other their hair so like it is like frowy and it does get like a little curly but it's just like will my curls be defined oh my god

oh my god if you give us your address i'll send it to you um we actually go on sale 214 uh pre-sale it's a pre-sale um so it's a two hour, you know, the people who have been sticking with me, the email list. So they're going to get the link and, you know, get the deal. And yeah, in the next few months, I've been working with contract manufacturers to get consistent like a production of the both of the products. That happens April 20th. So I'm selling off the product that I do have, the units that I do have, both the henna, the conditioner. And this morning I sat with the conditioner. The conditioner has Cassia Obavada in it. Cassia acts like henna. It's known as the neutral henna. It's not permanent. But what Cassia does is it attaches to the strand for a little time. It does. It's not like henna. It's known as the neutral henna. It's not permanent. But what Cassia does is it attaches to the strand for a little time.

It's not like henna. It doesn't stay on permanently. But it's a plant. And it makes your hair shiny. It makes your hair soft. It makes Jessica's hair. If you see her now, she's MMA. So she's used to her hair on the mat.

It can get really fragile. And she loses a to her hair like on the mat. Like it could get really fragile. And she loses a lot of hair in the shower too. She uses the conditioner. She uses the conditioner every day. And her hair is so long. It's so thick. It's so strong. And you, for you, it was the end of a karmic cycle for me.

end of a karmic cycle for me. I was on NCIS wearing nothing but wigs and weaves and, you know, whatever to try to like help my hair and protect my hair. And I couldn't have any heat on my hair. For you, there were whole scenes where I had no clip-ins in my hair. And that was after, you know, the year before I did two Brazilian blowout treatments on my hair. I mean, I just like, now my hair is fucking like, I'm not afraid of anything. So I just cut off 13 inches of hair, okay, in October. I've been chronicling it on Four Naturals, fournaturalshair.com and fournaturalshair on Instagram and Facebook.

But I do these lives every Wednesday and, you know, talk about my hair, talk about other people's hair. I had a four naturals hair spa in LA. Um, and there are people on the website where you can see the three treatments, three treatments in one month. It's like a completely different head of hair because it's cumulative. Every time you use the henna, it accumulates on top of the last treatment so the hair becomes it appears thicker it's stronger like the like literally your hair is strong i want in i want this i want thicker better or not better i want to improve my hair so it's stronger i'm now on your website

go to the treatment and that's the other thing so the website now like that's why we're in pre-sale too because i made so many more videos now we have like styling your curls drawing your curls like i'm giving you all the information you need to like live with your hennaed hair and like love it and your life is so fucking easy and this is your natural hair in all these pictures? This is, yes! Yes. Oh, my word. And then if you go to treatments,

if you go to treatments, you'll see, like, it's not just me. Go to treatments and you'll see, like, one of the girls will run. Like, if you look at the dates of the treatment, go to the next one. Keisha, she had, like, heat damage. But if you go to look at her it was in the same month

it's the same month so it accumulates and it gives the appearance of thicker and each time they did it the curl is stronger the curl is like more defined so yeah i love it i could look at this all day but we do have to end we have come to the end i do have to wrap it up yes but shalita thank you so much for doing this honestly you're a joy to talk to um they tell you to not meet your heroes but i did it and i enjoyed it i truly like really loved you from afar and uh when they said that you would do the show i was elated in a way that i i truly can't articulate i think you're so talented and so wonderful and then to find out that you're like level-headed and normal and funny is it's a real treat oh thank you thank you so much for doing it

okay if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can review you can subscribe on uh apple uh i don't know podcast i should know what it's called but if you write me a nasty message hitting on me i will read it and this is funny that this one is right here okay this nice person said i'd like for you to do a pole dance split and land your juicy pussy right on my face i'd make you cum so hard you'd forget all about sex toys, your face, even the Theraga. And then I'd dom you better than all those straight men you fuck ever dreamed of. You'd be begging for me to

smack your big fat ass harder and harder while I tie you up and give you all the sexual pleasure your body desires. These men are sluts, yo. This is a lady. This is a lady. This is a lady who wrote this.

Ma'am, ma'am, you have shocked me. You have shocked me. That was some hardcore. Wow. You got me, girl. You got me. Wow.

Wow. You just throwing it out there. On that note, bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening.

I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a team coco production