Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Don't Comment on my Body (w/ BenDeLaCreme)

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

BenDeLaCreme (RuPaul's Drag Race, RPDR All Stars) chats about how he deals with other people's traumas, getting gaslight by their therapist, and whats it's like to move in with a new boyfriend right before the pandemic. Plus, he explains his initial excitement to attain Race Chasers, and what made him so angry before his proposal.For more drag queens on Why Won't You Date Me, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fg8EpuFollow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964Pre-order Nicole's new book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could lock me out of the house all night, I'll sleep under a tree. And the next morning, I'll pretend that nothing happened.

My guests today, oh boy, you know them, you love them. They were on RuPaul's Drag Race and RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars and tours the country all over the world, selling out venues, bringing joy to people. It's Bendela Crabbe! Hi, hi, hi! Bendela! I'm so excited to be here, hello! I'm so excited to have you. Good morning, hunty! Good morning! It is noon, This is my morning.

Yeah. Morning gets later every day. And also, what's time? I don't know. But I love this sequined backdrop you have. Thank you. Thank you. I have to keep up the visual interest even when podcasting.

This is actually the set because we've been doing all these digital drag shows since we've been locked in our homes. So you have to, like, try to make your office look like a theater. I love it. How? I mean, this is the question I've been asking everybody because this is the world we live in. How is quarantine going for you? How is Ms. Rowan treating you? Oh, well, it's like a real constant fluctuation between like, I'm fine. This

is fine. I actually like love this. It's like a little forced like vacation and then like three days in a row of not being able to like unstick my face from my pillow and being like, why is life continuing right now? And then it's like back to everything's great again which i feel like is it seems like that's a lot of people's yes baseline right now which makes me feel better it's nice that like you know we're in it together fluctuate between you know what why is life a thing i'm not gonna wake up and then being like honestly when life restarts i don't know if i'm gonna join it oh my god me too i was just talking about that yesterday and like a will i know how and b will i have any desire to yes and then i feel like i mean a lot of comics don't go through what i go through like a lot of people like to touch me and tell me stories and like close talk to me. And I feel like I have a similar experience to a drag queen because I think it kind of depends on which queen you are and kind of how you, um, like what your brand was on the show kind of, but it's like, I am definitely among the queens that people want to share like their greatest trauma with in like our 32nd interaction.

second interaction. It's like, hi, my name is blah. And this was the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my childhood. And then I'm like, okay, cool. Well, it's so nice to meet you. I love your top. Yeah. I never really know what to say. And now since I'm not touring, I'm being getting a lot of DMS from people sharing horrific stories with me and I don't know how to respond. So I just haven't been. Yeah. I'm like, I'm, I feel pretty comfortable with it in person. It's like, you know, I mean, I feel like, okay, I can like, I do this enough that I can kind of like hold this within the moment, but it's like, then you have to like, they walk away and you have to let it go. Because if you're, if that's like buzzing around in your brain, the like traumas of like however many thousands of people you're talking to, it's like, yeah, you can't carry that. Yeah. It's overwhelming. I have to repress my own shit, you know?

Same. Yeah. I'm like, I had an interview the other day where they were like, you're perpetually happy. Is that the real Nicole? And I was like, yes, to an extent, but then, you know, they're sad, Nicole. And I don't bring that out on stage because I'm doing comedy. Yeah, no, same. Absolutely. I mean, and I, because I have this really contained character, people are like, how are you happy all the time? I'm like, I'm not. She is. I'm a miserable pessimist. Like, she's... That made up character that I perform as, they're a very happy person, but me,

I have levels and layers. Exactly. You just moved to LA, right? From Seattle. Yeah. Just in time to not see it or do anything in it. Yeah.

We moved, we moved March 1st and then I was on the road. Um, I was doing, I was supposed to be doing a show on the 14th in San Francisco was my last show before I came home. And we like got settled. That show got canceled. I flew back home and I have not left this house since we have like no furniture. It's like, Oh, it's crazy. Oh boy. That I was just thinking about getting a new couch. And then I was like,

Oh, there would be people in here that I don't know. And that's not, that's not it right now. We finally got a sofa, but it took like a month and a half. It was such a to-do because everything was shutting down. But like, thank God we now have a place to sit and a TV to stare at because when the internet goes down, oh my God, that's the next apocalyptic step, right? Is that the internet is going to go down globally and we're all going to have to just like, what are we going to do? Stare into the fire in our, like,'t even know can you not that's terrible i would be so sad of the internet went out i know i mean i try to like not have my phone at dinner and my roommate john millhiser john millhiser my roommate was like what are you doing are you staring at the wall while you eat i was like oh um yes yes i am

yeah it's like the screen time is real and i keep being like can we just play like skip bow or something like i don't even like what do people even do when they're not looking at screens anymore i'm trying to remember i honestly don't i guess they read what is that i think it's where there's like leafs leafs that have been made into uh white pages and then they put words on it it's like instagram but you can't scroll you have to flip oh okay cool well that's a new uh digital digital action that i'm excited to figure out with my little digits so you said we moved to la does that mean you're in a relationship it means i'm in a relationship oh boy yeah yeah um yeah we uh i've i've been with um my my fella for uh it'll be five years in july oh that's but we just moved in together. We didn't live together in Seattle.

Oh. I know. That's, has it been an adjustment living together or is it same old, same old? Well, I mean, get this. It's like we moved in together for the first time and then we're immediately on lockdown. and then we're immediately on lockdown. Like we have not, we've never lived together and now we cannot be in a different room. Like we don't, it's like, it's crazy.

It's crazy. And I keep thinking about it, like, you know, all those apocalypse movies where it's like, you know, like if it like, sometimes they're like, everything's just exploding or whatever, but that's if it's a male protagonist and like, who cares about that's if it's a male protagonist. And like who cares about that? If it's a female protagonist, then they're just like it's just whatever their personal drama is set against like zombies in the background.

And it's just to make them like come to terms with like, you know, the death of their child or whatever thing they're working through. You're absolutely right. I can't stop thinking about Bird Box. And that is like the plot to bird box yeah sandra bullock dealing with her personal demons and then a tragic loss and then like doing something with these two little people who are now in her life yeah that's that's it so i'm like i know this is a global pandemic and it's like a true tragedy and also this in in like my like fully narcissistic cinematic mind this is just like the backdrop to really like make like make or break us living

together you know that's why this happened i mean i keep telling my therapist i'm like i know that this is not a good situation for everybody. But like me personally, this is a bad time for a pandemic. And she truly takes it in stride. There's always a little pause before she says something because it's so wild that these words are falling out of my mouth. But that's how I feel. I'm sure you're in good company because I do the same thing with my therapist. And I'm like, who is like, who is going into therapy and being like, let me talk about the sorrows of the world. Let me just put aside my personal, like, why are you in therapy? Not to talk about yourself. Yeah. Go out and do some volunteer work. Seems like you're pretty well adjusted. So five years, that's such a long time um who asked who out um i started talking to him on

scruff because like yeah but it's all but it's all well we can get into like what the what's and why's but um but yeah i started talking to him and i was on the road all the time he also lived in seattle and i was just the road all the time he also lived in Seattle and I was just in Seattle kind of you know for a few days your home base yeah yeah you know um but I wasn't around that much so we talked for like months before we actually were able to meet in person and we just got along really well and like the chat we like made each other laugh and um and then we finally it was like months later when we actually went on our first date and uh i mean so i approached him initially but he was the one who asked me if i wanted to be boyfriends oh my god they're so cute did you wait so you were on

you had been on drag race five years ago right yes so i I'd done season six. This was like, this was before I did all stars, but after season six and one of the most, I have to say one of the most appealing things about Gus was that he had never watched drag race and didn't know who the fuck I was. Oh boy. That's nice. It was a major selling point because I'd gone on so many dates like under false pretenses. That was going to be my next question. Was dating harder after a drag race? Yeah. Right.

Yeah. It was just it was it was like it was like, well, I didn't want to spend the money on a meet and greet ticket at your last show. So I guess I'll ask you out on an app. Oh, no. God. Oh, yeah. And then I can just like, yeah, ask you what Bianca Del Rio is really like. I can't imagine ever asking somebody that on like a first date.

Oh, I used to get messages on like Grindr or whatever that literally would say, are you in town with a door? She's really hot. No! Like you're some sort of sex broker for other drag queens yeah yeah exactly wild that's terrible yeah people people don't know how to behave my roommate recently got a message from a woman or no a man man who was like, I work in politics and I got your number, uh, this, uh, from something in politics, but it was like addressed to me. And I was like, one, John, I don't give out your number on political ballots. Also, I don't think you put your number on political ballots. I was like, this person found your number on the internet. And he was

like, that's not nice. And I was like, yeah, welcome to number on the internet. And he was like, that's not nice. And I was like, yeah, welcome to my world. It's very invasive. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, do you get a lot of people, like what I got a lot was people pretending they didn't know who I was and being like, oh, what do you do for a living? Like fully questions that are like setting up a non-truth, right?

But do you get that? Do you get people pretending that? No, not really. Oh no, there was one guy who fully lied to me. I talked about him on the podcast because he was so poorly behaved, but he, so we were like, I was 45 minutes late to the date because I was napping.

And I got there, he was like a little drunk and I did apologize profusely. And he was like a little drunk and I did apologize profusely and he was like what do you do I said oh I um I work in entertainment and he was like oh doing what and I was like oh I do comedy he said oh I have no idea who you are and I said okay and he was actually I did see you on Conan I said okay and time went on and then he said something I was like you're being very poorly behaved and he goes don't talk about me on your podcast i was like so you do know more about me like as time went on little chunks would come out and i brought him home even though he was a literal red flag he was a red flag in human form and then he like started insulting me like he was like i said something and i was like oh i think

you should go home he goes you're just like everybody else in la you bitch and i was like, I said something, and I was like, oh, I think you should go home. He goes, you're just like everybody else in LA, you bitch. And I was like, you can't call me a bitch in my house. And then I was like, John's sleeping, but I do have a baseball bat if he gets a little wild. And then I was like, nobody comes home with me anymore. I go to their home. Do you play baseball, or is that just for self-defense? Oh, I think it's just for self-defense john is very very gay and doesn't really do sports his boyfriend's also gay and not sportsmanlike

and i certainly don't i don't know where it came from like a weird object to just i'm in the house maybe you should put a nail through it oh i should like if nobody's using it for baseball, why not? Yeah. Just put some nails and be like, this is my apocalypse bat. I'll fuck you up. Yeah. But lately I've been going out with like the last dude I went out with before the pandemic.

He was like, I asked him what he did. He told me he was like, what do you do? And I was like, oh, I do comedy and I'm an actress. And he goes, oh, OK. I think I've heard you on a podcast. And I said, OK. And he's like, it's my favorite comedian's podcast, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, but what else do you do? And then I told him and he was like, oh, I've never seen that.

Like it was genuine and earnest. And it was funny because as time went on, I kept being like, oh, the show that I host. And he's like, you don't have to say that anymore. I heard that you host it. I know now that you host it. I'm retaining information about you. And I was like, oh, okay. I'm just so used to people not retaining information and just like talking about themselves.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Well, and then that weird sort of in-between zone where people are like you can't, I don't know, like you can't tell what they're retaining or not retaining. And sometimes, I mean, back to this other thing of people kind of like faking their level of knowledge. It's like it's so hard to tell. Like when you don't know that's what they're doing, they're still acting like they understand less than like a normal human would understand so then you're like oh i'm on a date with a really dumb person so i guess i'll talk slower as well as repeat myself a lot yeah i went on a date with a dude this was maybe a year and a half ago he was like kind of cute but in a way where I was like I have to squint at you and he just didn't believe that I was a comedian he was like but what's your day job and I said I don't have a day job right now I'm in between day jobs and he was like well what what is your

day job normally and I was like um acting on tv and it feels, I felt like I was the insane one. I was like, oh yeah, I have a wild job. But like, why don't you believe me that I have this wild job? Yeah. You know, I had, speaking of therapists, I had my, like two therapists ago, it was like right after season six and I was coming off it and I was like oh my god everything is insane like you know and I so I went to this therapist and she like it was so clear that she didn't believe me like how big of a deal like it like it didn't seem like she believed I was on the road or that people were recognizing like that was so much of the stress was that people were recognizing me everywhere for the first time and I wasn't used to that.

And it was like, she didn't think it was true. She thought I was like blowing it up in my own head. And that was so clear. And it was like, I feel crazy. This is supposed to make me more sane. That's so funny that a therapist was gaslighting you. Right? Well, but like also who would be better at it?

Yeah. Like she would know her way around some custody. Yeah, she's got all of the tools to gaslight you into being like, you were never on television. Nobody's recognizing you. These road gigs, you're just taking planes to different locations and getting right back on. Not even, you're just like eyes are glazing over and you're rocking back and forth alone in your bedroom. Drag race must have been intense, though, because they show you out of drag and in drag. So there's no hiding.

Oh yeah. And that was a lot of why, you know, it was, I had not, uh, auditioned for drag race before season six. I got on my first time, but, um, I, but a big part of it was losing that anonymity because I in Seattle before that, I mean, I had been working, you know, like my, my day job was drag. Like I was producing shows and stuff in town locally. And so it was, you know, I could like somebody who was in the front row at all my shows could also be my barista and I could walk in there and not worry about like looking like a pile of garbage because like

they didn't know. And I could go on dates where I would like reveal to somebody later that I was a drag queen. You know, so that was letting go of that was part of the biggest thing I was afraid of. And I don't know, it has its pros and cons. Oh, I think being in the public eye has tons of pros and cons and nobody ever thinks about the cons. Yeah. I mean, it has lots of pros, but if you talk about a con, people are like, people are like, what are you complaining about? Uh-huh. Yep. And I talk about that a lot with my therapist. I'm like, I do have a lot of champagne problems, but you know, like I understand that like,

I'm very lucky to do what i do and then she's always like but they're your problems it's okay that like you shouldn't call them champagne problems they're actually problems in your life they're just different than other people's and i'm always just like man mary you always know what to say to make me feel good yeah a real champagne problem is alcohol abuse and you'll know when that's an issue yeah yeah i have champagne problems and it's like guzzle champagne all night long i did drink a lot of champagne last night uh oh yeah well it's brunch all day now so i mean what is anything i ate what did i had an ice cream cone for lunch yesterday it was a real treat yeah that's perfect i've been learning a lot about um mixology since've been home. I've been really getting into tiki cocktails. That's like

my right. Like pretend you're on a beach vacation when you can't go anywhere. Because also we have a yard now that we're in L.A. I've never had a yard before. Do you like lay out there on a towel and drink a little tiki cocktail? Oh, my God. We first of all all like i was saying that it's really hard to buy furniture the one thing that for whatever reason has been easy to get a hold of is outdoor furniture so i am basically like i mean my the yard is if i keep on this track it will just be a a pile of chairs that you have to like climb to the top of but um anyway there's a lot of lovely spaces right now to lounge outside so i've got like you know one of those big swinging egg chairs and just like sitting there

sitting there and have a you know have a painkiller or a mai tai or whatever i love it i'm scared of those swinging chairs because i don't know if they have weight limits and i'd be so embarrassed to break a chair in my own house well come on over when this is done i mean come on over or i can set it 10 feet away from our front fence and you can just come and give it a try in the you know on the sidewalk you know what i may take you up on that i've been doing a lot more social distancing fun hangs and that's been nice in my driveway we set up a speaker and then i've got these old chairs in my backyard that i keep being like i'm gonna throw them out but they've come in handy so you bring them down to the driveway and then a friend comes over. We open the gate to the

driveway. They come in, we close the gate back. It's a real covert operation. And then we sit and drink for like an hour or so before you're like, okay, I think we all have a curfew and it's 10 PM. Well, I have to go sit in front of my TV. Yeah, it really does feel like an obligation to get your TV time in now. Like that feels like, yes, I need to look at my phone for eight hours. I clock in, I clock out. And then when I get home, I have to do my extra credit. I got to watch TV for two, three, four, six hours. Yeah. If I have not watched a television show, at least two seasons past where it got bad, then I'm like not doing my job. I've been watching a lot of weird network television. It started off as like a bit between the boys in my house.

But then we were like, oh, we think we really like we've been watching the show called Tommy, which is nobody's heard of it. It is Edie Falco. which is nobody's heard of it it is edie falco she plays a lesbian head chief of police and she just like storms around and she's just like i'm gonna solve a crime and i love it it's not great and then we started watching council of dads which is about a family whose dad something happens to him and then all of his friends come and be the dads. I don't really know what's happening. Wow, you've got some deep cuts. They're so deep, no one's seen them not one time. Here's a question. So before you got into your relationship, before Drag Race,

was when you would like reveal that you were a drag queen by trade and profession, did that turn people off or? Oh my God. So I write like, I mean, this is part of the phenomenon of drag race is the difference between Queens who were doing drag before. I mean, when I started doing drag, it was basically a guarantee that you would never have money. You would never be successful and no one would ever want to fuck you. Right. And you had to want to do drag so badly that you like, you know,

whatever you ignored those things. And so now it's specifically people like any twink with access to a forever 21 can become a drag queen specifically because they see it as a path to fame, fortune and dick. It's like, you know what I mean? So yeah, it was really hard to find people, um, who like you would like, that was the thing you kind of had to kind of like do a slow reveal of that and be like, you know, and, but I'm not a regular drag queen. I'm a cool drag queen, you know? And it was cause a lot of people didn't want to date drag queens except for, um,

I will say that in college, um, I, I was, I was a very pretty, much more like, you know, quote unquote passable drag queen when I was young because I hadn't gotten,

basically I just wasn't good enough at being camp yet. So I had like my own eyebrows and stuff. And, um, I'll tell you that real straight boys in real good. Oh boy. And that was my thing in college. Like I'm over it now.

Like I want like the queer, the better for me now. But in college I was like, you people were so awful to me in high school. I am going to seek revenge upon your genitals. I love it. I, it's been,

it's interesting. Cause I wear i it's been it's interesting because i wear it's like baby drag makeup i contour you're in drag yes i wear a wig i contour my face into a new one i wear giant lashes sometimes i'm on stage and i'm like there's a shadow i and then i'm like oh it's my lashes but i feel like so like i'll go on dates with men like that and they'll be like you look really pretty and i say oh thank you and then when they see me again and i'm wearing less makeup they seem to love that even more and then i'm like wait do men not like full makeup it's very confusing to me sorry Sorry. My phone just started vibrating. I apologize. Oh, no, it's fine.

You're very important. Let me turn it off. It's Peaches Christ. What the fuck is she doing? Oh, Peaches is funny. She is. I got to meet her at Clusterfest. I did a stage reading of Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion with Trixie and Katya. Oh, yeah.

And Peaches produced it. Or Peaches was also in it it was so much fun oh my god she's a blast and she's like one of those people who i mean when i'm when i'm on stage it's so like camp and big and whatever and peaches dresses like a full-on circus clown and then has the most like dry deadpan delivery and it's amazing i love it i love different i just like a drag show i like drag so much it makes me happy and then you know the thing that really makes me angry when people don't tip every single girl who performs it makes me so livid because i'm like it's subjective that you don't like x y and z but like this is their job

just tip them well and you know and one thing that i have seen quite a bit is people saving their ones or whatever for the for the queens who were on drag race and it's like that's who needs your money the least they got a booking fee and maybe the girls who weren't on Drag Race didn't get like a booking fee. So they're working literally on tips. And some of these girls are like new and getting and taking it. So they'll be like, oh, all this money doesn't fit my suitcase. I'll just, you know, I mean, it's like, I mean, I'm making that up, but it's like, you know what I mean? It's just like they they do not need it and yeah it's crazy and it's also like

you know I think about so often that it's like I will have worked in a club with a girl one year who is who like nobody's tipping nobody gives a shit everybody talks through her performance and doesn't look at her and then she's on drag racing next season and people are like she's my favorite i'm like she was right in front of you yes it's yeah support local queens it's the same thing with like comedy and acting like people send me things for free now that i can afford to have these things yeah it's very it's so strange i was like i could have used like sometimes companies will send me like a suit or something. And I'm like, I could have used a suit about eight years ago when I had zero dollars and had an audition to be a lawyer. And I was wearing a ripped T-shirt and jeans with holes in them because that was the nicest thing I owned. Yeah. It's so fucking wild.

so fucking wild it's really crazy and like the weird i mean i'm i bet you get this as well but it's like every once in a while like i'll go to a restaurant and they like will comp the meal or something and i'm like i extra don't need that like do that for that person you know yes yeah i actually like uh i can't remember where we were it was me and a friend and my meal got comped. And I was like, well, instead of comping my meal, can you comp? Because I found two like young looking girls. I was like, can you comp their meal? And they were like, OK. So then they did that, charged us.

And then I left like a very big tip to be like, here, here's, I don't know, treats for everybody. Yeah. And then it's like you actually spent more than you so much more i was in italy this was the wildest thing like i didn't realize how global nailed it was until i was in italy and we were at a restaurant and this woman we were pretending it was my birthday because why not sure but it was not my birthday and we were everyone sang happy birthday to me because we're obnoxious and this woman sent me a bottle of wine and was like the server was like she said she loves you i nailed it and i was like what and then i went to the gucci store

and one of the employees recognized me but they did not give me any free gucci um that hurt my feelings yeah no that's understandable i um yeah it's it's great that's it's so wild to me like learning about the different parts of the world where people watch drag race or watch yeah i don't know so wait so from nailed it do people like wind up like because drag race everybody wants to talk to me i mean like do people come up to you not knowing about your comedy and just knowing about nailed it and want to talk to you about their fucked up cookie monster yes yes or whatever and they love to scream nailed it at me or and they oh it was like it gets really bad sometimes during shows people at like if i pause long enough sometimes they'll be like nailed, and I tell them at the top of

the show, I'm like, it's the bane of my existence. I it's almost, it's triggering. I now understand the word triggered. And I'm like, but you can say it now is the time. Say it as much as you need to. I let them say it like two, three, four times. And then if someone says it during my show i go okay you have to leave i write jokes into all my shows like just to make it clear that i hate catchphrases i hate tongue popping i hate like not in general but like in the audience i'm like and one of my biggest triggers and this is so this is hard to deal with because everyone does it now is just screaming. Yeah. I'm like, there is nothing more meaningless for an audience member to respond than,

than that. Cause it doesn't matter what you're doing. It's not a sign of success or, you know? Yeah. People, I've done a couple of shows with, um, some unruly gay men who would like scream.

Yes. At punchlines. And I'd be like okay we what is this now what is happening please stop doing that i was in denver and there was a group of girls who kept going after every every pause it was a and then i my family was like, what is going on? Please stop. It's like people don't realize that you're a human real person in front of them. And you can hear and see what they're doing. Oh, yeah. Well, do you think it's just because people stare at TVs all the time?

So they forget what live performance is actually like? I think so. And then a lot of times I'll like see tweets where people are like that was my first stand-up show and i'm like your first you how is that you're very like my first stand-up show was i think when i was 18 years old like i was young when i and i had been going to broadway shows before that and then before that high school performances of like musicals and i was like i understand theater etiquette how does nobody else it's so wild it's really crazy because also I mean it's also fairly intuitive it's just right I mean it's

the same rules of being on stage it's just like be present and pay attention to what's happening around you you know um because like even if you have no clue what's happening you can just arrive and sort of get some context clues pretty quickly. Yeah, just look around. Is everyone else screaming like you? No. We have to take a break. And we're back.

Yay. That's my favorite song. Your break song is my favorite song. Well, your opening song. That's also your break song. Oh, thank you. My producer, Mars, we recorded it twice the first time she was like i think you should do that again i said okay and then we did it a second time she's like are you sure you don't want to do that one

more time and i said no it's perfect thank you it is perfect it's a perfect track thank you yeah i want to figure out how to sell it as a ringtone because i think it's funny oh my god yes i would do i mean i haven't heard anybody's phone ring in like you know several years but um well you gotta come to my house i leave my phone on ring all the time and my ringtone for the last decade has been believed by Cher, but not the chorus. And my text tone is Live in La Vida Loca. It's like the full song. Oh, wow. And sometimes I just dance. Well, if you if you release this theme song as a ringtone, I will absolutely start leaving my ringer on. Ben, thank you so much. Yeah. Oh,

okay. I have a relationship question. Stunning. Do you remember your first relationship? Well, it like sort of depends how you, like, what do you like define relationship?

Like calling somebody your boyfriend or whatever. Calling someone your boyfriend, you kiss and you go on dates yeah okay so then the first time that ever happened was actually in high school which is weird i had two very distinctly different high school experiences because i went to a very small town public school where everyone was horrible and mean to me and like beat me up and was awful and then my last two years of high school i went to a boarding school for the arts where everyone was a gay weirdo. And suddenly everything that everybody hated about me, everyone super loved about me.

And I became a popular kid and it fucked with my brain for so many years. I was like a full on asshole for several years because whatever. Anyway. But yeah. So that's where I had my first boyfriend. His name was Chandler. I love it i love it yeah and um and i mean that was a full-on mess the way that a first relationship in high school should be right um but uh yeah no i mean it was i mean the one thing was we were living in a dorm together as like 17 year old horny boys.

And that is, I mean, that's what one would expect. Did you share a room with Chandler? No, he lived, well, he lived just downstairs from me and I was one of the only,

there was like the, like having a room to yourself was super coveted. And I had the super tiny room that was just mine and so honestly maybe that's the reason he dated me now that I'm looking back at it because we had almost nothing in common I mean it was just it was arbitrary right like your first few dates are like I like your hair and I can tolerate being in the same room as you or whatever. I feel like that's my dating experience now. I'm like, you're not terrible. Yeah. I mean, that was most of my dating experiences. Honestly, that's been, you know, I mean, I've stayed with people for three years that like that was, you know, I was like,

but you're so pretty or whatever. When you and your current boyfriend, Gus, Gus, right? Gus, yes. When you like decided to be official, you said he asked you to be his boyfriend. Do you remember who said I love you first? It was probably me. I don't remember that, but I'm sure it was me because I'm the super like gushy one. And actually, like he's so affectionate now.

But I will say that when we first said i love you he he responded in in kind but then it was like a thing where it was like i to me it was like all walls were down the beast was unleashed and i am just i mean i will say i love you like when we first wake up when you make me a cup of coffee when i finish my cup of coffee when we start right i mean like i'm like that's just my thing and we went to see john waters on valentine's day and john waters like which he took me to which is like okay yes another like stamp in the book um but he took me to see john waters and john waters did this huge part of the monologue about valentine's day where he talks about how people say I love you too much and it becomes meaningless and Gus just kind of slowly turns to me and is like staring at me during that whole section anyway he got over it and now he's super gushy but that's so funny he's also he's also

actually Nicole my fiancee I know we thank you we just moved in together but he proposed to me a year ago i mean it's like we're doing everything out of order and also i don't who cares it's so sweet yeah it's i mean it was very romantic too who proposed to who he proposed to me he asked me to be his boyfriend and he proposed to me but he also was reluctant to say I love you all the time. It's like, you know, whatever. But it was very sweet. How did he propose? So we were, it was New Year's Eve and we were at, you know, the Madonna Inn. Oh, of course.

I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be when a man takes me there. I'll know that that's true love. Right. Yeah. I haven't been and I don't want to go unless it's with a significant other. Yeah. It was amazing. So we were going there for New Year's Eve. We had like a group

of our closest friends, like his best friends and my best friends who fortunately we like each other's best friends, you know? And so we were all there together. It was like, we'd done the whole like, like sitting down to prefix new year it was like it was like lobster tails and steak and champagne i mean it was so over the top in that big pink dining room where everything is pink and guilty seats the the carpeting everything like huge live band doing like jazz standards and like hundred year old couples cutting up the dance floor. I mean, everything was perfect. And yeah. And he fully just dropped to a knee at the table.

Everyone there knew it was happening. And apparently he somehow had kept the secret from me for like nine months. He'd been planning it with our friends and I was fully shocked. And I honestly, every single one of my friends is a full on blabber mouth. No one can keep a secret. And I don't know how it happened. But yeah, it was I was fully shocked by the whole situation.

That's so sweet. I love it. Was there pictures taken or was it just a moment to remember? Oh, there were pictures taken and my friend Randy actually recorded it. So there's a video of it. But I'll tell you that before it happened, there was like, I don't know, they had some whole plan about how it was going to go down, but then something logistically didn't work or whatever.

So everyone was sitting around the table on their phones and they were all texting each other trying to solve the problem. And I was so pissed. I was like, it is New Year's Eve. We made this huge trip together everyone is on their phones ignoring everyone else this is supposed to be a time to buy like little do I know they're actually all working to like plan this amazing moment for me I literally

right before it happened went outside and like fumed and caught my breath because I was so mad everyone was on their phones and then I went back in he basically drops to his knee has the most romantic proposal ever imaginable and then I was like oh I should probably just like chill out about stuff like that I fully love that you were angry before your proposal that's so funny yes everyone angry at the everyone involved yeah do you have a date set? No, we don't. It's a thing where, okay. So like I said, like all of this is so out of order.

It's like, we had talked about marriage. Like we both knew it was in the cards for us. Um, we'd been talking about moving in together for years and years and years, but it never made sense because I was on the road all the time. And it was the thing where like, okay,

well we could move into the same place and then I'll just won't be there. Like, you know, it just didn't make any sense. Yeah. So it was just, he, so we wound up proposing and then I was like,

okay, I like, I love this. Yes, yes, yes. But we have to move in together before we get married. So,

but then it was like another year before we could move in together. So now we're living together and it's, and it's also this thing where it's like, okay, well, you know, I mean, you know, it's like, how do you plan something big around a tour schedule that is, you know, always a year out. And so now it's like two years out because everything's postponed to next year. So anyway, we have to like, I actually am hoping that pandemic time is the time that we can like set the date. I'm thinking like January, February of 2022

is the most realistic time. And I hate, right? Like a long engagement is so annoying. Mostly because I hate the word fiance. You hate the word fiance? It's so gross. But I will never be that person who's like, this is my fiance.

Yes. You know, those are my favorite people. I really love it. Makes me laugh so hard when someone's like, this is my fiance. And it's like, you were gearing up for that.

You thought some sort of reaction was going to happen. I'm just like, okay, cool. Well, and it's like, it's thataring up for that. You thought some sort of reaction was going to happen. I'm just like, okay, cool. Well, and it's like, it's that thing where I love the word boyfriend. Like it's, that's a fun word. Right. So he was my boyfriend for so long, but now I can't call him that. So I've started calling him my partner, which was one of those words that made me want to vomit for so long.

Right. It's like, but when I was, when I was young, it was like, I was like, okay, so it's like but when i was when i was young it was like i was like okay so it's possible to grow up and fall in love with someone if you're a queer person but you have to call them either your partner or your leather like those are the disgusting options you are right which is like it does not get better no psa it does not get better. PSA, it does not get better. It only gets worse. One of my dear friends, she's a woman. She's married to a man.

She calls him her partner. And I was always like, oh, way to steal from the gays. But then I was like, well, he isn't just a husband. He is her partner in life. And they do have this this beautiful partnership and now i'm like i accept it this is okay i don't know if i'll ever call someone my partner i think i'll just be like this is my husband or if i marry a lady i'll be like she my wife who knows who knows who i'll marry i really want to transition into just calling him my old man. I honestly like that so much.

Yeah. That's like a fun old timey. I think that's funny. Yeah. Cause it's like, my old lady at home, my old man at home. Um,

I have a question about the way, so you do one person shows. How do you write one? I've never written a one person show, but I guess standup kind of is, but like, how do you go about that? Um, tears, agony. Uh, no, it's, uh, I, I personally am like a really, my process is really weird. Like I, so I take like, you know, I'll, I'll take a month or

two off the road to, to write something. And, um, I, you know, my solo shows are really, uh, like I'm not, I don't do standup. They're really like narrative. Like they're like, like I write stories with a beginning, middle and end. And like, I, and I am also, this is just, uh, you know, whatever for, I've, I've always been this way where I can't seem to write something that's just comedy. I'm very much that 80% comedy and then make them cry for 20% of it, you know? And so I'm like really like maniacal about figuring this out. So when I write stuff, I don't really sit down and write. It's like lots and lots of notes. And it looks like, um, like a crime investigation sort of csi moment with like

post-its everywhere and little air like literally arrows drawing like from one post-it to the next and yeah so um uh it's because i also write like their stories but i also come from cabaret world so i'm always trying to be like okay how can i tell a story that involves a puppet, some striptease, several jokes, a video, like, you know, so I don't know. It's insane, but it does like it's, um, you know, the first one I wrote the first solo show I ever did, I was so scared and it was opening in New York city and I, uh, and it wound up being really successful and I was really proud of it. But, uh, like maybe two weeks before it started, before it opened, I was talking to my friend in Seattle and I was like, okay, so I know this sounds really over the top, but I need you to

just like, I'm, I'm very serious right now. Here's what I think I need you to do. If you back your car over my leg, I will absolutely recover from that, but there's no way I need you to do. If you back your car over my leg, I will absolutely recover from that, but there's no way I can do the show. And it's the one injury I can think of where I could fully get out of this, but I would like, there's no way I can do it, but I would definitely be okay late.

I mean, I was crazed. That was a legitimate ask. It is so scary to like get on a stage alone and be like here are things i thought would be entertaining for you uh please like it thank you but now i love it i mean it's honestly like i don't really do the club gigs anymore i don't do any of that i just really like i'm so passionate about it and it's like now i've like found my groove and um yeah so i don't know i mean you know any kind of performance it's like now I've like found my groove. And yeah, so I don't know.

I mean, you know, any kind of performance, it's like equal parts, like terrifying and joyful. Yeah, I'm trying to transition to theaters, right? Or I was I was in the midst of transitioning from clubs to theaters. Yeah, because clubs are a little. It's I love performing in a club. I love it. But it's doing five shows in three days.

And people are eating. People are drinking. There's a waitstaff yelling. And there's some clubs that are amazing where you don't hear the waitstaff. And that's incredible. But then there's other clubs where you're like, okay, you're literally in the front row yelling at this woman. She wants more French fries and she's yelling back that she wants a Long Island iced tea. And I'm in the middle of a joke and I'm like, Long Island iced tea and French. And I'm like, I have ADD.

This is awful. Yeah. I just like theaters. I don't want to shit on clubs because I do love doing them. But a theater. Wow. I feel like Satine from the Moulin Rouge where she's like a real actress in a real theater. That's how I feel sometimes.

Well, and you can just do different things. It's the difference between like having to have material that if somebody tunes in for two minutes, it works for them. Like any two minutes versus like if you can have two minutes that only work if they were listening to the prior two minutes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

I have one 15 minute long Disney joke where sometimes it goes very poorly because people are too drunk and they start talking to a friend and then they come back to it and they're like, what is she talking? Oh, it's still Disney. What is that? It's bombed in several places,

but also it's killed in several places clubs are truly uh just like a battle sometimes where you're just like i don't know just sit down shut up and fucking listen to me and eat your chicken fingers during the opener yeah is it the same for you i find that um yeah this is mostly true of uh of not it's mostly true of like straight women who have never been to a drag show who come who think that the status quo of a drag show is to be fully blacked out before it begins and they think that's like the norm yeah and it's and it's the worst i mean there is a sweet spot of drunkness for an audience yes for sure where sure. Where they're loose, they're happy, they're still listening. And they're not like, this is about me now.

But yeah, the people who interrupt me the most are straight women and men. Yeah. And I mean, all men. What demographic of men? Every man. Every man. Trans men, cis men, men. So lesbians are the only people who listen to you.

Lesbians are very respectful. They are for the best audience members. They're really wonderful. And then a lot of straight men, I say this a lot, but my episode of Wendy Williams just aired again. So I got an influx of followers and people inboxing me or DMing me, whatever. So I got an influx of like followers and people inboxing me or DMing me, whatever. And every one of the people who DMed me was like, I never knew who you were one time. And then I saw you and I think you're funny. And straight men love to tell me that they've never heard of me, but I'm okay and pretty funny.

And I'm like, I don't know why, why you can't just give a compliment. don't know why why you can't just give a compliment i you know i find that um i've started getting it's interesting to see how drag has now uh what started happening just in the last like year or two is i get dms from straight guys who are like talking about how their wife was watching and it's like they both need to kind of assert their masculinity but they also like really are truly gushing fanboys and it's so weird to me i just got a dm from like this big buff macho professional wrestler who just wanted to tell me that i was his favorite and it was so bizarre to me and then i started thinking about it i was like those are actually two genres of performance that are very similar very similar yes wrestling is pretty gay it's just like the masculine version of drag it's just like blowing up gender yes and i i love like a very muscly man and like a glittery spandex uh i think

it's amazing i love wrestling like i watched it in high school for a little bit and then I kind of fell out. And then in Portland, they have this thing called blue collar wrestling, which is so much fun. It's just like a lot of amateur wrestlers and they are incredible. Like they have like a whole storyline and it's pretty easy to follow. Like I only get to see it like once or twice a year, but I'm always like, oh, that's still the bad guy oh that's still the hero all right oh you got new spandex yeah i love wrestling i think it's fun oh it's amazing yeah i really it's i that was one of my favorite dms that i've gotten in a while you know what's my favorite audience demographic though is bears they're my those are my people yes they get everything they listen yes yeah and then they have a very nice anytime a bear comes up to me during like a meet and greet they say something

very succinct nice sweet and then they move it the fuck along uh-huh uh-huh and there's a real i don't know what it is but no matter how young a bear is their taste is still that of like a 60 year old bear like they love old school camp so much it's like there's a collective consciousness to bears that like transcends age that's very funny i just watched um uh divine's documentary on netflix have you seen it i have but years ago i think well it was it is it is that a new one or is that the one that came out? Like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's from like 2015. Yeah.

And that was like so much fun to watch. Cause I was like, I'm like divine. And then I like kept watching. I was like, no, I'm not. No one's like divine. Divine is so incredible. And then I was like, how tragic that like she finally got what she wanted, which was like to perform as a man on television and then died the night before.

I know. It's so crazy it's like i mean there's there's definitely at least she got that moment of like that like that's how she went out being like i'm about to do this thing she doesn't know she didn't do it you know i don't know maybe her ghost is like wandering around with unfinished business with like chains rattling and like you know um but uh but yeah and i mean the biggest loss there is that character would have been amazing amazing oh my god who's whose brother was she supposed to be she was supposed to be peg's brother or al's brother i think al's i think but i don't know if they said

it in the documentary but i'm not sure what would that show have even been who knows it would have been amazing i mean i was like i hope i go out with like people expecting me to do something and i'm like sorry i can't do it i'm dead yeah well it's yeah like go out with a bang it's like better you know better than fading into obscurity and then yeah i think so um here's a question i usually ask comedians this i know so i call them chuckle fuckers not me personally it's like a term for people who love to fuck comedians um are there drag queen chuckle fuckers race chasers yeah race chasers oh yeah that's i mean that's specifically uh obviously, a Drag Race related thing. A thing where, you know, fans just like want to hook up with any queen who has been on TV.

Which is, I don't know. Some girls are really into it. And I actually was super excited about it. When I first got, when I first went on Drag Race, then I went like back into the world. Um, I suddenly was like, oh my God, I, for, I now have access to tens. Like I, you know what I mean? Like I suddenly had sexual access to people that would have not only ignored me, but fully like sneered at me with disdain uh you know several months earlier and uh i was like okay great let's take advantage of this but um i'm kind of jealous of the girls who that works for because i kind of hated it like it didn't work for me i really i don't think

i ever got over like thinking about that that was what was going on or something and being like, they're still probably just judging me as much as they always would have. And like, you know, I don't know. It made me so uncomfortable. What's that like for you? I mean, what's that? Oh, it does not happen for me. My demographic is fat women, like thin women les some lesbians gay men and then i've like eight straight men who are my fans and then they're never there's never like single straight men in

the audience ever like i did one show one live episode of why won't you date me in san francisco and i was like are there straight men here during like the question answer period because there was a woman who was like i'm single and i'm looking i don't really know San Francisco? And I was like, are there straight men here? During like the question and answer period because there was a woman who was like, I'm single and I'm looking, I don't really know how to meet people. I was like, let's do a match now. Are there straight men here? And there was like, woo.

And I was like, okay, that's more than normal. Are there single straight men here? And you could have heard a pin drop. Because straight men get dragged to my shows via like a girlfriend who are like, I think you'll like her. She's really, she's funny and she's pretty nasty. So like, I think you'll like this. And then usually, uh, usually they do. I haven't had a man be like, yeah, you were bad and I hate you. Yeah. You know, I, I generally have the same experience where a lot

of street people or straight women have, uh, dragged their husbands or boyfriends there. And, and usually, you know, they're really responsive, but every, I mean, this is the benefit of, I mean, I don't know if this works the same for you as like a cis woman, but, um, when I, I love seeing if, if it's a manageable number, like one or two full on stank face straight men in the audience and they're anywhere close to the stage it is the most satisfying i mean the audience loves it but even if the audience hated me getting just like down on them and making them as uncomfortable as humanly possible and i am a very sweaty drag queen that is something you should know about me is i sweat hard under stage lights and there is nothing better than rubbing your

disgusting drag sweat all over a really pissed off straight man um that's yeah it's very satisfying very cathartic I also am a sweaty sweaty sweaty queen I once did a meet and greet where I didn't realize I had so much under boob sweat that it looked like I was wearing a tiny corset under my tits. And someone like tagged me in a picture and I was so horrified. And I was like, oh, no. And I was like, well, it's a picture that lives. That was a show in Buffalo, New York, where the crowds just didn't seem to be into me. And I was touring with my friend or my friend Rojo was with me he was

opening for me and we were drinking at the bar the night before and I said Rojo what if I crushed a can of beer between my titties and then he was like you won't do that and I was like I think I will and then the manager I was like is there like laws where like nudity has to be announced before you do it he was like I to be announced before you do it? He was like, I don't know if you do it. We won't tell anyone. We'll all have a good time. And I was like, all right. So I didn't wear a bra. So like, that's why there was so much under titty sweat because there was nothing to catch it. And then I wore this like snap dress dress. Uh, and I did it. I also told them, I was like, take out your phones. Now you can take pictures

and nobody believed me. So I don't think there's any documentation of it. Also, my tits are really tiny so it really took a lot to like squeeze this beer can. So that is not something

you'd rehearse. Like you've never, like that was something you tried for the first time in front of an audience. So I did this old joke and shoehorned why I would be smashing

a can of beer in my titties. You know, sometimes you got to keep it fresh. Yeah. So how did it go over? Was it a smash success? It was. It was a smashing success. All the straight men who came were so excited they came.

They were so excited they came. Yes, they came all over the club. And the club was like, we've never seen so much cum. I'm sure that they employ somebody for that, depending on the venue. For that sort of cleanup. But yeah, so we. But my question is that if that had not gone over well, if you had just tried a naked titty smash for the very first time and it did not get a response what what happens then oh boy did you just know it would succeed did you just know it was it was

gonna succeed it would succeed specifically because rojo had to set the can of beer and i had him do it i was like on this joke do it i think i'm gonna do it after that one he was like okay and he had seen my act like four times so he knew it it. Um, and I knew he would be close enough to the stage that he would laugh. And sometimes I tell jokes just for the comedian there just for, it's like, I thought this was funny. I'm going to try it. And then they'll laugh. If nobody laughs, it's like I made one person laugh and that's fine and that's usually the goal when i get on stage i'm like if one person laughs that's great yeah okay cool then i guess my question is moot i'm glad like no i mean i would have had to recover i mean if it was earlier in my career i would have been like oh no you guys didn't like that uh but now like i have i can't

remember what joke it is oh i call myself uh j Jennifer Hudson before Weight Watchers on like as a tag to a bit. And sometimes the audience feels bad for me and they're like, you're beautiful the way you are. And then when they don't laugh, I'm like, fuck you guys. That's honestly a perfect joke. And then they're like, you know what? It was. Yes, that is what you look like. And then they'll laugh.

So like now I'm like, no, no, that was funny. This is you people. Yeah. And also you just compared to yourself who was to somebody who was like super hot, like, like at any way in there. Yeah. And that's right. Like hearing the audience, like put that like weird, like personal filter on it. It's like, well, that's not what I said. Yeah. That's what your brain told you. I mean, it's kind of like Adele, Adele dropped that,

a very, very slender picture of herself. And everybody has an opinion. And I'm like, if you have an opinion on someone else's body, I literally think you need psychiatric help. Like it's so wild. I got into a full on Facebook comment fight with somebody and I do not do

this. And it was, but it was literally just because like somebody posted a thing about like, why are you so worried about her weight? Like, you know, support her no matter what. It was very like, how do you not agree with that? And it was like, and this guy's response, of course he was like some super chiseled, like go, go boy. And he was, his response was like, how dare you tell me not to be happy for somebody who's like happy and healthy and made changes in their life. And it's like, and I just got into this thing where I was like,

you know, equating happiness and health with this person's weight is like, that's the problem right there. Like you just, you know, and we got into it and it was so crazy. Like also there are people like blowing their noses and other people's shirts in response to coronavirus right now and there are like people being shot for really fucked up reasons and this is your cause yes this is what you need to talk about but then i'm also like you shouldn't comment on anyone's weight because a you don't know if she's sick you don't know if she went through something you don't know if uh if she you you just don't know why people do what they do and unless she wants to share the reason we shouldn't talk about it exactly yeah and like there are plenty of people who are slender and not happy or healthy yes that's you

know yes yes you can't await you can't await you can't equate await equate equate you can't await. You can't await. You can't equate. Await? Equate. Equate. You can't. I've been inside too long. What are words? You can't equate weight and health. Like, that's the most insane thing. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. Also, why do you care? Just keep your eyes on your own paper. Totally. And people's like, they're like twisted idea. They put in their head where they're like think they're being helpful. Oh, yeah. Right.

Like that's such a like weird insidious thing where people think they're like helping specifically when they pull that shit about criticizing someone's weight. Well, I'm just trying to encourage them to be happier and healthier. Fuck off. Yeah, fuck off. Just like someone gently encouraging me to do something has never made me do anything. Yeah. Yeah. I do do this thing.

So I have lost like a little bit of weight because I've been pole dancing. Thank you. Oh, I know. I just, I love it so much. You're killing it. Thank you. And like losing a little bit of weight was truly like just something that happened because I was just moving a little bit more. And people will comment like in the comments, they're like, wow, look at that. So I just delete them because I'm

like, I don't want to I like it's not like a journey I'm going on with my weight law. It just happened. And I don't need people commenting on my body like I don't and I don't need other people to see other people commenting on my body. It's nobody's business. And it's so wild to me that people, I truly think it should be illegal to comment on Instagram anything other than you look great and I like this. Yeah. Yeah. You know, well, I'm just somebody who I cycle through weight a lot. I have like about 40 pounds that I go between fairly regularly.

And people love to talk about it either way. But I am just as irritated with when I'm on my thinner side. You look amazing. You look like that is just as I'm like, don't monitor my body. Like, I don't care which side you're talking about. I don't care if it's a compliment. Like, I don't like like look

at what i'm doing in the world look at who i am i think it was melissa mccarthy after she lost a bunch of weight i might be misquoting her and i might be making this up but i feel like she said i've done so much in my life losing weight is the least interesting thing i've done and i agree gaining and losing weight is the least interesting thing a person can do. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So you lost. Okay.

So you gained. Okay. I just. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. We've been talking for so long. We've come to the end. Not to end it so abruptly.

But I was like, oh, boy, I got to record more of these. Ben, I ask everybody do you like bend a lot or Ben well I'm out of drag right now so you can call me Ben okay yeah Ben this is so funny that I asked an hour in what you prefer well I we up until now I've just been calling you miss buyer like I just in my mind calling you ben in my mind how did you come up with your drag name before we uh uh it's convoluted but um basically i was doing drag in chicago for uh many many years uh just nightclubs and whatever and then i moved to seattle and the first job i auditioned for was as the mc of this cabaret where I was just like emceeing shows five nights a week.

And we, so I, I auditioned in drag and they did not have drag Queens working there. It was like dancers and circus artists and whatever. But I auditioned in drag to be the MC and the owner was like, okay, you had the best audition. You're going to be our MC.

But we think that I think that you being in drag is too subversive and challenging for our audience. So I would like you, like you could be in drag sometimes and you could be out of drag other times. And then you can do like gender fuck stuff. And I was like, do you understand how much more challenging that is for an audience? Like if they just look at like a man in a sparkly dress and a wig, they're like, okay, this is known. But I was then like my nipples were out. I was in like stiletto boots and like my natural hair. And like, I mean, that is challenging.

Anyway, so I actually I had to come up with a name that was like a performance name, but could kind of make sense in and out of drag. And everyone who worked there, their name uh a variation on their own name so like still one of my best friends is faggoty randy my friend randy who worked there and he's amazing so uh so yeah bendel acrim was like the name that i picked and then i got like and then it was a thing where everybody like loved the drag so i got back to doing drag and by then it was like that's what i was getting bookings under and everything else and i was like okay well that's my name and then i have like these convoluted explanations that i give the rest of the time where i'm like this is why i chose it and it means this to me but you're getting the real answer

which is just like i made it up for this reason i was stuck with it that's my favorite when someone's name is like i don't know out of necessity i needed a name and that was my name but it works people seem to like it yeah it's a good name i think that uh i don't know when i see the name and then i see you i'm like yes of course that's a bendelocrum yes that works for me i'll tell you it's a good google it's a good google like when you're choosing a name man god help anybody who just changes their name to like Sock or whatever. You know what I mean? Like it's like like now you can like Google Milk Queen fairly easy. But like, you know, like names like that.

It's like you got to think about that Google search. That is smart. Although I can't wait to see whatever queen is named Sock. And please welcome to the stage Sock. Sock is very funny if my time here with you has does anything changes anything in the world i hope that's what it is i hope it inspires so i mean i really hope some little queen is listening to this and goes i'm a sock i'm sock i'm a sock and a lot of sock couture happens a sock dress i'm here for sock

oh my god listen if sponge and brown cow can make it and sock is like tv brown cow stunning monique hart makes me laugh so hard so does monet exchange i love them them both. Okay. I, so this is the end. Do you have anything? I know we're not touring right now, but are you, do you have any like digital drag shows that you want to promote?

Yeah. Um, you know, I'm doing a couple more digital drag shows at this digital drag fest on stage. It, um, there's only a few more left and they've been kind of extending the run, but who knows how long that will go on.

So you can look for that on stage at.com slash digital drag fest but more importantly uh jinx monsoon peaches christ uh and our friend major scales and i are working on our own kind of podcast project right now which is it's like an old-timey radio play so it's like a fully scripted, it's called WQUR, Queer Quarantine Radio. And we have, it's like a, it's like a slice of a radio network we've created. So there's like a detective noir and a sitcom and a murder mystery with like

fake commercials we've written in between for like enemas and stuff. And it's really fun. I love it. And where can people find that? It's WQUR and it's really fun i love it and where can people find that uh it's wqur and it's it's on spotify okay so just look for that all the things all the things oh wait i almost forgot i asked all of my guests this i've only missed like three people but would you date me oh my god of course are you kidding what kind of insane person would I be to say no? Oh, you'd be surprised. So many people have said no.

Well, they honestly, I mean, I can't even understand who they are or why they exist. Ben, thank you so much for doing this. I truly appreciate it. It was a delight to talk to you. Yeah, same. I can't wait till we're released from our prisons. And then, yeah, it would be now that I'm in LA. And then you can make me a tiki drink.

Oh my God, I'll make you so many tiki drinks. I love alcohol. Now that we're dating. Now that we're dating. Yeah. Well, if you like this episode of Oh, Why Won't You Date Me? You can subscribe. You can like it on iTunes. You can rate it five stars.

And if you send me something nasty to hit on me, I will read it. So this nice person slid into my DMs and said, Dear Nicole, I'm bisexual. I want to fuck you with my meat stick while getting it from a muscular daddy as well. Right before he comes, we both pull out, making it rain and fall romantically asleep together in a literal cuddle puddle.

The next night, we double team you. And then they said, Yes, I hope the above is not too gross. I love your stand up and I think you're really hot on the pole. That was a good one. Right. Sometimes they're really good. I was like, I could get into that. I like that.

It's like an ongoing narrative. It's not just like a one and done. There's like a. No, we've got things planned for the next day. I love it. It's filthy just like a one and done. There's like a... We've got things planned for the next day. I love it. It's filthy and sweet. Mm-hmm. And that's kind of what I like.

All right, Ben. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.