Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Empowering Relationship Statements (w/ Deon Cole)

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Actor and comedian Deon Cole (Black-ish, Barbershop) joins Nicole to share his deep wisdom about love and relationships. They discuss judging people by the moment, recognizing if your partner is in love with relationships or with you, the troubles of dating someone new in a mask, and getting over wanting what you can't have. Plus, Nicole shares a list of empowering relationship statements she found that moved her. Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, go to blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though you could, uh, you could, uh, you could tell me you love me and then never text me again, and I'd say, uh, maybe he'll text me one day I'm in love.

My guest today, you've seen him on Black-ish. You've seen him on Grown-ish. You've seen him on Angie Tribeca. He got a comedy special. It is Dion Cole. Hi, Dion. How are you? How are you, beautiful?

How are you? Beautiful. Thank you. Yes, you are. Thank you so much. That's all I ever want to hear from a man. You are beautiful. Thank you. You, you are. Thank you so much. That's all I ever want to hear from a man. You are beautiful. Thank you. You are.

You are. You are. Thank you so much for doing this. How has the pandemic been for you? Are you touring? Are you home? Yes, yes. I haven't been doing nothing.

That's it. I haven't been touring. I haven't been doing nothing. That's it. I haven't been touring. I haven't been on stage in February would be a year, which is unheard of for a comedian. You shouldn't even be on stage. Nothing less than two weeks and I went a whole year so it's very weird uh i am um just uh shooting blackish and that's about it man just staying at home trying to stay safe yeah it's fucking wild march will be a year for me and it's the most amount of time that i've haven't been on a stage and it I did like a couple spots in December when everyone was like it's not that bad a couple outdoor shows and then it got bad again I was like okay I gotta gotta gotta stay inside can't be doing it exactly no I haven't even tested the waters I have no idea how it is. Honestly, it felt good, but it's truly not worth it.

It's not worth what might happen. Ugh, I'm done with it. I want that vaccine. Give it to me, please. I don't know why they don't make us essential workers. I heard that we were because we actually have medicine, which is laughter.

Laughter is medicine. And then that's what we give to people. And I know it sounds all kind of cliche. You can make it make your own rhyme and reason up for it. But we are actually helping people cope. Yeah. And I don't understand why we as comedians can't get vaccines. I just I'm not sure why crews wouldn't be not like ahead of anybody but like it's a lot of people who work together so it's like and it's close and i don't know it's just like people are watching a lot of television i mean i don't want to be like we're essential but like kind of like what else are you gonna do you? You got to watch TV. Like, like, like, like put it like this. Like if a singer,

the singer goes, a singer has to bring crew, lighting, sound, mix. Uh, you got all of that. A comic is comic.

Just bring his toiletries. And that's it. I mean, it's like, it's less people involved and it's just like, and we're making people laugh. Like, songs make you feel good, but we're making people laugh. Like, we're making people laugh

and I just, I don't know, I just, I just and I'm not trying to be like, yeah, we're essential and shit, you know, nothing like that. I'm just I don't know, I just think I got a good, legit argument about comed comedians comedians being able to go out and because we can go to hospitals and just be in hospitals and make people laugh and cheer them up and all of that so i don't know i don't know but but and mind you i'm not saying we go before people over 65 and people with preconditions.

No, let them go first. But, you know, in that first group of regular people. I would love to see a comic push someone out of the way and be like, move, you diabetic bitch. Let me get a vaccine. Move, bitch. Give it to me. I'm not suggesting that at all. Matter of fact, let's go to another subject.

People will be like, did you hear Dion say, get the old folks the fuck out of here? I didn't realize at clubs, like on your rider, you can ask for shit and then they go get it. I no idea until i can't remember what club it was but the the manager was like you don't have nothing in your rider so we did x y and z and i was like what do you mean they're like it just said that you liked vodka and that was it and i was like i could put more things he was like yeah then he was like one comic he asks for for fucking air force ones every show brand new ones eddie griffin eddie griffin i didn't want to say his name

yeah eddie griffin eddie griffin yeah he's he's uh he's he's known for that everybody knows that he actually he actually paved the way for us to get things like that. I mean, I love it. Now I ask for tampons. I haven't paid for tampons in forever. And then some nice man has to be like, I didn't know what your flow was like. And I was like, don't fucking worry about it. I put it in my bag.

I'm taking that shit home. Hilarious. What's on your rider? What do you ask for? I don't have much like mine is like fish vegetables fruit look at you healthy come on now drinks for other people you know just just drinks whatever drinks but but like if people came through, gas or whatever, drinks for them. And yeah, I'm simple, man. Sparkling water.

Ooh, I love me some LaCroix's. Yeah, me too. That's my drink. Dion, are you single, dating, married? What is your relationship status? I am just chilling, man. That's all I'm doing. I'm chilling.

I don't have nobody or nothing like that. It's kind of hard to even try to find somebody, especially now with all of this going on. So, you know, if I was on the brink of something, pandemic shut all that down. So, yeah, like I'm just chilling now man just without nobody at all yeah yeah that's where I am right now I'm just like it's too hard how do you how do you navigate it what do you I have to text you for forever till we're both

vaccinated or like both you know pinky swear that we're not gonna fuck nobody else and it's like I don't know what you do I don't know what your business is. I was talking to a friend of mine, an actress, and she was like, yo, I'm letting my guy go. I can't take this no more. He come when he want to come, but then he leave when he want to leave. And, you know, I can't take this shit or whatever. And I was like, OK, then you're going to do what? You're going to go meet somebody else.

She like this. Yeah. I ain't think about that. Yeah. You might want to put up with that in and out. I mean, for now, cause it's just like,

what are you going to do? That in and out might be a good thing right now. She was like, I ain't talking about that. Yeah, people before they make choices sometimes just don't think about the whole fucking thing because it's like, it's a domino effect. You know, you let them go or whatever. Then you have to get back,

get back on the streets and looking for people on the streets. They die or nobody out in the streets. They're at home. Everybody at home. And you're going to pick somebody with a mask on and not really see them until you all get to our test. And you're about 15 phone conversations in and you're starting to like this person

and you see them without their mask and you're like, that's a wrap. You're like, uh-uh, that's not the face I thought that was under there. I can't tell you how many times someone has, like, pulled down their mask to, like, say something, and I'm like, oh, I can't believe that's what you look like. Get it out of time now, man. I was on Instagram last night, you know, just wasting more time.

And I came across this account that was like, we're going to empower you in your relationships. And I was like, oh, okay. And the first one was worry less about if they like you and more about if you even like them. And I was like, I've never thought of that. Not one time have I ever been like, do I actually like this person? Do you have that where you're like, why don't they like me?

Do they like me? And you're just never worried about yourself? No, man. I can't. No. I'm so caught up into the moment that the moment dictates if there's another moment.

And that's I don't even think about if I really like the person or not. It just depends on how that moment going. If that moment going and I'm like, oh, that's a cool person or whatever. Then I have another moment with him and I'm like, yeah, this person's cool. Cool. I feel at ease.

I feel at peace around this person I don't have no stress or nothing then yeah let me do it again then let me do it again and that's how it is to me but I don't go I don't sit back and be like I wonder if I like this person or I wonder if they like me you know like I I don't I. I'm so, man, I'm so like into the moment. If the moment is off, I'm off. And I might not have another moment. Hmm. You're like the second dude recently who's been like, oh, I live in the moment.

Like, do I like them this moment? Like, do I think about them later? So then I'll call them. But like, I think a lot of women or me personally, I don't think in the moment I'm to the next moment. Kind of like, kind of like with my career, like I enjoy the moments, but I'm like, how is this moment going to help me to get to where I need to go for the future moment? Yeah. See, mine is more like a pattern. I have to see a pattern. If I'm comfortable with this pattern, then I'll invest in it.

But I have to see this pattern. And I have to see how you react in all these different moments, too. I got to see how you are around other people in that moment. I also got to see the moment when you're by yourself. I got to see the moment when i'm gone for three three months and i come back all these moments i gotta i gotta see how you play out in these moments or whatever not how you envision it because you can't envision you can't envision something you ain't never been through and each person that you deal with is a different person which is a different situation

so therefore you cannot go oh well this happened with this person i can envision how it's gonna happen over here you can't because that's that's you boxing a person because you're doing more damage than they are because you already put in your mind this person's gonna do this that and the third or whatever so you can't box them you have to live out the moment and if that moment uh find you find yourself worthy of that moment, and that person does too, then you have another moment and you keep going. I mean, that's just me and how I feel about it. I mean, I like it. I think it takes a lot of pressure off if you're not thinking, oh, they're going to do X, Y, and Z, da, da, da, da, da, what the last person did.

We were just like, this is a different person. how are you with this moment like just moment to moment i think that's a very good way to live in a relationship yeah yeah exactly a lot of women be thinking like when you say i live in the moment i mean like yeah you just want to have sex now you want to go whatever they don't have nothing to do with that i mean i'm i'm far from can I have sex with you. I'm far from that. I mean, if I'm not having sex right now or when I feel like it, then that's on me. You know what I mean? But if that's what I want to do, then I can do it.

But me personally, my time is greater than any cum that i can ever have put it on a t-shirt my time is greater than any cum i can ever have i will waste time for a cum like Like, I've done that before. And the cum wasn't even worth all that time. It was like, what am I doing? So now, as I'm older, it's like, no, my time is way greater than that. So I have to vibe with you in a way that, you know, we get it and we on our own page or whatever. A lot of people don't even be engaged in the person.

They're more caught up into the relationship or saying that they're in a relationship. They're more caught up in the same rather than the person, too. You know, a lot of people don't even care about you. They just want to be in a relationship. They'd be like, they'd like serial relationship people, especially the people who can, who can find somebody right after breaking up with you and they got somebody else. They're in love with love. They're not in love with the person, but I mean, they, I mean, that, I mean that they can be with anybody because it's, it's, it's the love that they love.

Yeah. I don't understand people who can do that. Yeah. Just like jump from person to person. I'm like, but don't you want to take some time? No, because. Figure out who you are now after the relationship. Yeah, because it don't have nothing to do with the person.

It has to do with the feeling. People are in love with the feeling of love. They're in love with the feeling of relationship. They're in love with the feeling of telling somebody I got somebody. That's what they're in love with. They're not in love with the person, you know? And so that, I mean, that's, that's how I feel. And a lot of times when they come to meeting people too, like they, lot of times when they're kind of meeting people too like they a lot of people don't know how to love you they don't they just do it the best they can they ain't they're not trying to learn you they're just trying to do what they can you ever have somebody do something very sweet for you and they don't move you at all but it's very sweet though and it's very kind, though. And it's very kind. But it don't do shit for you at all.

You're like, you could have done without this shit. Like somebody bring you flowers or something. I mean, like me personally. Somebody give me some flowers. I'll be like, oh, that's nice. Yeah. No, I get it. Because sometimes you get something very nice or they do something very

nice for you and you're like, whatever. But then there'll be like a little thing that you didn't think was going to be special that gets done for you. And you're like, oh my God, you know me. You know, I would like the nice man who lives with me got me. So I like Forky from Toy Story 4, Toy Story 3. I don't know. It's a little spork with eyes. And I think it's really funny. Toy Story 3 I don't know it's a little spork with eyes and I think it's really funny

he bought me like a teeny tiny little forky guy and I was like oh and it was supposed to fit in my crock

but it didn't have the thing to fit in my crock it was like defective and he was like this is going to be a terrible gift but I'm going to

give it to you anyway and I was like oh my god I love this this is so sweet I will throw this away but this is so kind and it moved me in a way i did not expect yeah no but that's but that's real like he's he's trying to love you he's

trying to learn you i mean what what people people are trying to learn you when they do that and you got to get people to benefit out those few those few times or whatever but overall the majority of people from my experience don't know how to love me because of whatever they think they need to do that ain't what they need to do you know I think if I love you I need to accept all avenues of that in order to get the best you I can get. I can't have you, what is it called? Sporky? That's what you said? Forky. Forky. I can't not give you forky. I don't give a fuck about forky, but I got to be forky in order to get the best you I can get. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Maybe, maybe I'm weird and I'm talking crazy, but.

No, I don't know. I I'm vibing with it. I think it makes sense. So the second thing, it was a bunch of slides. The second one was rejection is not as personal as it feels. Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility than inherit worth. And that spoke volumes to me because when I get rejected, I go, fuck, am I unlovable? What's wrong with me where it has nothing to do with me? Right. No, it doesn't. Like, I feel like timing is everything.

And so I always chalk everything up to that. I just go, I never go with me. I never go with me. I just go, the timing is messed up. This could, this probably could have worked, but maybe, maybe God got something better for me. I can't be locked up in to this and then something better for me. I can't be locked up into this and then something else come along. It's like

that in Hollywood. You pray to God, oh, I want to be a TV star. I want to have a television show. And you get it. Here you go. Here you go, TV star. You go, great. And then Universal calls you and they want you to be in the new Avengers movie.

And you can't do it because the contract is for you to be a TV star. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you can't, you can't get out of that. You, you, you, you, you, you're stuck in, um, and what you make yourself to be in, I mean, or what you make yourself, however you make yourself to be or whatever, you know? And so it's good to kind of stay open, I guess. Stay open. Keep your heart open. Keep your mind open. Yeah, that's how I am with my career, but not with love. With my career, I'm like, I'm open to things.

I think love, you don't think love is like that? I think it is, and I'm not sure how to apply it for love. So like I've had a, like I had a job once where it was like a pilot where I wasn't in. I wasn't like fully in the series. It was like six out of 10 episodes or something. And they wanted me to be a series regular and I couldn't do anything else. And I was like, but if I lock into this, then I'm going to close a door to something where I might be featured more. And that might open a door to something else.

So then I like didn't usually have like a talk with my you know reps or whatever but i just i had no like i i thought about it for 10 seconds and i was like no i can't close i can't close the door of the unknown and i feel like in love a lot of times i'm like okay let's close the door uh you you said you liked me on a thursday and by friday you'll be my boyfriend and then by saturday you meet my friends and Sunday you'll propose and then we'll go camping and then you'll love me forever no no not at all no no let me let me help you out no no it's it's it's it's not forcing it and just letting it happen.

If it's going to happen, it's just going to happen. I know it sounds so cliche, but it is. It's like, just know that if it's not happening, that there's another door that's waiting on you. And that's the analogy I was trying to make with the career thing like you rush to be a tv star but then this movie this movie career was waiting on you but you rush to go through this or whatever you know so you're like if a situation ain't working relationship wise it's just like it's just not working like it just it doesn't work like you can force you can force it to work and people can change and they can do that and you can see if that works and if

that does then more power to you whatever you know but if it doesn't work just it just doesn't work and just and just man move on because it's going to happen and the level you on in life is going to dictate who you went to because you might rush and go get you somebody that's good for this level. When you're right and then two years later, you go here. That person was only good for this. That person that wasn't good for this. The person that's good for this, you ain't meet him yet. You know what I mean?

So you got to watch who you bring with you on your journey too. And you got to make sure that this person is willing to be on a journey because the way that you are now, what you're doing right now, I promise you, you're not going to be doing this.

You might not even be talking to me in two years. You might see me somewhere and be like, hey, Dion, how you doing? You good? Good. Good to see you. years. Like you might see, you might see me somewhere and be like, Hey Dion, how you doing? You good? Good. Good to see you.

Good. You doing well. That's great. All right. Take it easy. And you the fuck out of there. You know what I mean? Like, because that's where your time takes you.

Your time is taking you to whatever premiere, whatever it's writing session, whatever the fuck you're doing, you're going to be doing that. So the level that we all now, we ain't going to be on this level in two years. We not, we going to be on a different level. It's going to be a respect level. It's always going to be respect, but we going to be different. And that's the same thing with your relationships. Whoever you bring along, you better believe they either got to know that your your success and what you in love with which is your career your stand-up

whatever that is going to change and with that situation is going to change and if they're willing to rock with that then cool if not don't fuck with them the third one is stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's not mutual, why pursue it? I have such an issue with this one. I don't, for whatever reason, if somebody is like, I like you, I go, ew, why? And if someone goes, I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't think this is working. I go, but please. And then that's like, if there was a fork in the road, I'm going for the person who's like, no, thank you. And I'm like,

but I can make you love me. And I don't know why I do that. That's hilarious. I mean, I, I, I mean, I chalk it up to just, you want, you want what you can't have. That's just what it is. And it goes back to being a kid. It's the same shit. It's like, what's forbidden, you want. Like, if I tell you, don't think of pizza right now, you're thinking of pizza. All I'm thinking about is pizza.

So it's that whole forbidden thing that you don't want. I know a guy, this guy, right? He's a gay dude, right? And he only likes straight men. And he is miserable. Because he can't find no straight men. I mean, he has. He said he has done it before, but the majority of time, the majority

of his life, he cannot find a straight man that's just going to be with him and him only, which is trippy to me because I'm like, okay, after you be with him, he's no longer straight, right? Yeah, then the allure is gone.

So then you're gone? Do you leave him? I think that's a lot of internalized hate and a lot of, like, just fucked upness in that thought process. To be like, I only like straight men. But if he's fucking you, you're not straight. So then you don't want him. So where are you going after that?

And you're the asshole. That's it. Yes. But it's that thing about just, you know, back to what I was saying. People want what they can't have. And they're into that. Like, totally. What advice would you give me?

So, okay. Say, let's fast forward a year, six months. The pandemic's done. We're back in these streets.'re looking for dudes we're looking for people what is a good way to capture someone's attention you seem like a good flirt so like what's a good flirting tip uh when we back, I have no idea. I have no idea. I know it's going to be a baby boom out this motherfucking world. I do know that. If I have to predict anything, it is going to be a baby boom out of this goddamn world.

Condoms are going to go through the roof. And no condoms are going to go through the roof and no condoms are going to go. If they sell no condoms, that's going to go through the roof. But as far as like a flirt, man, I don't I don't think it's going to take much. It ain't going to take much. You think just people are down there? I think people are going to be like, yo, what's up? What's up? Let's go to take much. You think just people are down, they're ready. I think people are going to be like, yo, what's up?

What's up? Let's go to the bathroom. Let's go to the bathroom. We don't even have to go home. I can't wait. I don't want a car ride. Let's go to the bathroom. When you were touring on the road and whatnot,

do you have chuckle fuckers? Do you have like people who throw themselves at you after shows? Z so funny oh my god i'm also in a hotel you want come yeah hell yeah we got that yeah we got that all the time like every city yeah oh what a dream i don't a lot of most of the female comics i talked to are like, not really. It doesn't really happen. A lot of female comics, from what I've noticed, they keep themselves distant. They go to the after party with a crew of people and then they go to their room. And they go to their room and then that's it.

go to their room and they go to their room and then that's it. Now, whatever they do secretly, whatever fucking hotel room car key they dropped on the floor on the way out and somebody picked it up and they've been eyeing all night. I don't know about

that, but the majority of female comics, they tend to stay to themselves. They don't put themselves in that kind of situation. Men comic, on the other hand, jeez. I know some comics that I go,

I can't fuck with you. And I'm a man. I'm like, look, dude, I'm going. You will fuck my night up. I'm going home. I'm going home. Because you're doing too much. Team too much.

Doing too much. Another thing on this little Instagrammy thing says, ask yourself, would you be friends with this person if you weren't physically attracted to them? Be honest. And nine times out of ten, I'm like, oh, yeah yeah I guess they were just pretty and then I got a little dickmatized and no thank you I don't really like your personality like I don't know I'm a weird kind of guy man I'm different with mine like like I said before I'm all about just I'm the kind of guy where you can have this very and I don't even know if I'm answering your question but you can have like this seductive ass woman and she could be right in my face and I I would probably see her

but then I'll like I'll see her and then that'd be it or whatever. But that wouldn't catch my eye. My eye will be caught in conversation. Like I see beauty, but whatever come out your mouth after that dictates if I stay or go. So it's not your beauty. It's not your beauty if you stay or go. Or it's not how your looks, period, don't dictate if i stay ago it's what you

it's what you say and if you come with something quick with it or something like that without trying to be funny too like that'll keep me around it's a natural quick whip quick wit. It's like just not even, without trying, you're just being who you are and just in the pocket. And just not trying to be witty, but being witty without trying. I don't know. It's weird. No, I get that. One of your bits is about the worst threesome you've ever had. And that joke to me, the way you describe the woman who comes to the hotel room made me laugh so hard.

How much of that was true and how much did you, you know, embellish a little? The whole joke was true and how much did you, you know, embellish a little? The whole joke was true. I love it. The part that was not true was me being like, y'all ain't fucking me or like what I was saying at the end. But the whole thing was true. Like this chick was like, yo, I'm going to get my girl. And yo, we're going to get in. I'm like, man, bet.

Let's do it. And we were at a bar and she called a girl to come to the bar. And so I'm waiting on her to come. And we both waiting on her to come. And we sit there talking. She having drinks and stuff. And this chick walk in. And I'm looking at her walk in.

And I'm like, damn, she tall as a motherfucker. I was like, I said, I bet. I instantly was like, I bet she a sinner. That's what I said. I said, I bet she play sinner. Not knowing she coming to the table. And she just walked right over to the table. Old girl got up.

She was like, hey, girl, and hugged her. And I was like, wait girl, and hugged her. And I was like, wait a minute. She sat down and she was like, yo, what's up, what's up, what's up,

what's going on, what's going on? Like looking at me and shit. I was like, all right, all right, all right. I'm over there

pulling my shirt down. I love that you didn't ask to see a picture of this person. I did not because I was so like threesome. Threesome. Yes, let's do it. Like I wasn't even, but I did ask her though.

I said, is she pretty? She was like, yeah, she was, she was pretty. She was very pretty. She just, she just had a pants sack and then came in the way she came in. And you don't think about that. You know, you think of a threesome. You never thought that it is.

The girl would be as the one was that came. So yeah, that was a true story. And my opener, he was busting. He was, he laughed about that. Like for three days, three days straight.

He would just look at me and just bust up laughing. I'd be like, fuck you, dude. He'd be like, yo, that is, before I even did it on stage, he would just laugh and be like, dude, you gotta, you gotta talk about that. And I was like, mm-hmm. It's a really funny bit. It made me laugh. Like, you just paint this woman in a way where I was like it's a really funny bit it made me laugh like you just paint this woman in a way where i was like i know exactly who she is i know how she came in i know what she sounded like like i miss i miss being on the road like stories from the road

are just they're so funny like the the funniest shit happens when you're just like out and about trying to live your life yeah just the weirdness comes to you it's the best i miss it and it is nothing like it you know and it's different it's different from rock stars in a sense i mean it's the same but it's not but like singers and stuff like that it's the same, but it's not. But like singers and stuff like that, it's kind of different because like they they have a whole bunch of people around them, alienate them and comics can go anywhere they want to. You know what I mean? Even if you're a big comic, like. You come in with a hat on, ain't nobody really going to know you in the room you know what i mean like you can go anywhere so your role stories are a little bit more colorful than one that is it's got security everywhere and the manager and and and the role manager and the run you know all of that so yeah yeah comic comic role stories are different i have this thing that i did at the beginning of the pandemic.

No, it wasn't even before the pandemic. I had this thing called Hollywood. I mean, Real Rose Stories that I do. And they're on YouTube and they're called Real Rose Stories. And I tell a whole bunch of stories. I've been doing it for a while. Yeah. Way before the pandemic. I was. Yeah. So I tell my stories and put them on YouTube. I love it. How did you get into comedy, which is probably a boring question, but I'm always curious. A friend of mine bet me $50 to go on stage. And I did it and never looked back.

But yeah, it was just that simple. I was never no funny dude. Never was like the class clown. You wouldn't even know I had a different way of thinking unless you knew me. I wasn't accessible to people like that. I wouldn't come around and give a gang of people and be the life of the party. I would be that guy in the back of the room, just sitting there chilling, scoping it out, just listening. How old were you when you took that bet? Like 22. I think like 20, 23. 23, I think. I love that. I just love fearless people that are like, bet. Yeah, I'll do it. i'll get up on stage whatever give me that money

it just made sense i don't know why it made sense to me it was so far-fetched than anything i've ever done but i just knew my friends used to always be like boy you are a fool like you're a fool like why would you why would you say that or why would you think that and i'd be like because it makes sense to me but i wouldn't say it in a way to make them laugh I was saying it because that's how I really felt about something even though they would laugh and my friend was like man I bet you fifty dollars you won't go up there I was like and say what and he was like tell the story about this this this and this and I was like okay and so I went down to the comedy club and I seen these comedians and I just was like, I can do that shit. Like I'm funnier than that. You know, I was like, I'm funnier than that. Did you tell the stories on

stage that your friend told you to tell? Yeah. I told a couple of them. You should have kicked him back 10% for being your manager and helping you out with your act. I gave him his money. money yeah I'm big gaming this money back no but I um I uh I didn't get on stage the first night I went down there not not for the first three weekends they wouldn't let me on stage and so every weekend that I went there I began to think about other stories or I start thinking about other things that I thought differently about. And I just wrote them all down. And then when it was when they finally let me on stage, I went up there and never looked back. I think my favorite thing is a comic's point of view. And I don't think like I read books and stuff early in my career to be like, how does one write a joke and all of it was

like point of view point of view and i never understood it till i saw this one girl tell a story and as i was listening i was like this is a funny story but you have zero point of view about it like you're just retelling me something funny that happened but like the jokes are your point of view and yeah i just think strong comics have a very strong point of view. No, absolutely. Because you can take a story and you can make it your own. And because it's your own, it makes it unique. And it makes it different in a way that can't nobody else tell it.

Like, and all comics like you said all comics are like that like I always say this the movie Ace Ventura if you gave that script to five comedians you would have the same script

you would have five different Ace Ventura totally different and so it's that same way when it comes to like our stand up five different Ace Venturas. Totally different. And so it's that same way when it comes to like our stand-up or whatever. It's just like, it's like the way

that you tell something. That's why a lot of comics don't really make it neither because what do you, how are you telling a story? Like you're just telling me a story. And then some comics can't even tell a story. So what they do is they embark on being. What's that word I want to say that they embark on being kind of like, you know, sarcastic.

fantastic like ironic detachment ironic detachment type thing and it's like and and and and they feel like that's what makes them funny and it's like that's cool but your whole set shouldn't be that you know i mean like your whole set shouldn't be that and that shouldn't be what you're about because you don't have any type of personality in you so therefore you result to this and i just don't think that that's comedy comedy like that you could have that in your repertoire but you have to also give us you you have to show us who you are as a person so i'll know if this shit you saying is believable or not you know you can't just give me a slew full of fucking jokes and i'm supposed to think that you cop you funny anybody can tell these shits i could i could tell i didn't write this shit for an actor an actor can do that yeah that's like the difference between like roast jokes and like someone's actual set because it's like you're roasting anybody can say

your joke but like nobody can do your joke from your act. Exactly. Exactly. And it's proven so many times with so many different comedians. It's like it just isn't going to work. And it does not work. Real quick, Dion, we have to take a break. And we're back real quick before we go um what advice do you have for me personally in my search for love oh i would hate to give you advice.

I promise you, because it just it just my advice never works. My advice keeps people very lonely. Yeah. No, but I mean, if I had to say anything, all I would say is be you. Don't, don't, don't, don't change for nobody. It's going to come. Your career is going to dictate your level. Your level is going to dictate who you around.

Whoever you get now probably ain't ready for the level that you're going to be y'all. So remember that. I think that's great advice. I have a question. Are you in therapy? You seem very grounded, serene, and in touch with your humanity. No, I'm not in therapy. No, I'm just, you know, I'm just a realist, man, where I'm just like, it has to make sense to me.

I'm all about simplicity and sense. And it don't take much with me. It's like the less is more. And if I can understand something in two sentences, then, you know, that's me. I'm the type of person where if I ask you where you at, I'm not putting the question mark because that's just extra work. Like you get it when I said where, right? That's what I need the question mark for. That's a very funny way to describe yourself

simple no question marks just i put where there you should figure it out after i put where in it i i ask all my guests this question you You're no different. Would you date me? I would. You want me to? And I'm going to tell you why I would. Because because the way that you think is it's totally different. And it's and it's and it's intriguing and it's intriguing. I know our conversations would go broader than fucking and all of that and I think that we would disagree

so much too that we would end up agreeing and learning and coming up with all kinds of fucking material and all kinds of shit like that because we're from two different worlds but not only be from

two different worlds, respect each only be from two different worlds, respect each other's worlds and learn from it. And that's that kind of shit that I'm attracted to, where I'll be like, where a conversation can go way longer than a fuck. And that's why I say, when I see somebody that's cool, that they look good, that's attractive, great.

But what you say after that dictates if I stay or go. Where'd you grow up? Chicago, Southside. That's where my family lives. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Yes, yes. My sister, well, I won't say it.

I'll tell you after where she lives. But, well, Dion, thank you so much for doing this. My love, and thank you. And keep rocking, man. You with the family. Conan, that's my family. Jeff. I love him so much.

He's truly so good to me. That is my brother for the rest of my life. That brother changed my life. And he's a great guy. And you were good people. And keep rocking with them. And Jeff and Andy and the whole crew. So mad love and welcome to the family, sister.

Keep killing it, too. Thank you, Dion. You're doing your thing, definitely. And keep your foot on their necks. Keep doing it. Thank you. Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it. You can rate it.

You can subscribe. You can leave me a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. And if you write a review hitting on me saying something nasty, I will read it. So this nice person said to me, I want to eat you like a crab. Pull your legs apart and eat the middle. And you said? I didn't respond. I just, I like screenshot things.

I skim them and I don't read them until I read them on the podcast. That one really made me laugh. All right, thank you so much. That's it for Why Won't You date me with me nicole byer why won't you date me is produced and engineered by oh the sweetest woman i know marissa melnick it is executive produced by other wonderful people adam sacks joanna solo taroff and jeff ross thanks for listening i love you thank you so much we'll be seeing you you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a treat.

What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.