Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Fake It Til You Make It (w/ Melvin Gregg)

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Comedian and actor Melvin Gregg (Vine, American Vandal, The Blackening) opens up about his unique romantic path, where pretending to be a couple turned into the real deal. He takes us on a trip down memory lane, tracing his roots from being a Vine sensation to earning the badge of an early verified Tinder user. Plus, he shares his pro tips on sealing the deal at the end of any date or encounter.  See Nicole Byer live on tour! Get tickets at nicolebyerwastaken.com. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Hi, I'm going to be on the road for a little bit. July 6th through 8th, I'll be at Comedy Works Downtown in Denver, Colorado. September 15th, I'll be at River City Casino in St. Louis, Missouri. September 16th, the Pantages Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then September 29th, I'll be at the Newmark Theater in Portland. And then September 30th, I'll be at a casino in Washington. I don't want to mess up the name, but you can see it on my website, NicoleBeyerWasTaken.com, and that's where you can get tickets. Okay, November 4th, I'm at a theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I'm at another casino on November 9th in Ben Salem, Pennsylvania.

And then November 11th, oh baby, I'm going to be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts. And you can get your tickets at NicoleBarrowsTagan.com. Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me?

A podcast where Mina Kulbaya is exploring love and relationships. It used to be why I was single, but listen, I'd done the podcast for too long and can't figure it out. Okay, my guest today is a hilarious comedian, actor, and ex-Mind star who you know from American Vandal, House Party, and Snowfall. He stars in the new movie The Blackening, now playing in theaters. I'm thrilled he's here in the studio with me today.

It's Melvin Gregg. Hello. That was amazing. I can't follow that up. Hello. How are you? I'm good, thank you. Okay, this is our Juneteenth episode.

It's not Juneteenth today. It's not. No. Today is May 16th. Well, it's a month before Juneteenth. Yeah. How are you celebrating Juneteenth? Going to the movies to see the blackening. There we go. And that is called what? Promotion. Promotion. That's very good. And it's also called The Truth. Okay. Have you seen the movie?

I have. A few times. How many times? Two. Two. Okay. Yeah, but I'm planning to see it like three,

four more times for the actual release date. Okay. I love this. Just to make sure that your performance is like... Nah, that was the first time. But after after that I could just sit back and enjoy it.

And it's the type of movie where it's like, you could re-watch it, you know, it's very re-watchable. But it's also great to see the different reactions from the audiences and see what they laugh at, you know? Okay, I do love that. So are you dating? Are you single? Are you married? Who's to say? I'm engaged. Ooh, okay. How did you meet your betrothed?

On set. She was helping with wardrobe, and I was doing a student film. I was an extra in a student film. Okay. So she's, like, fitting costumes, and you were like, you fit me. It was a student film, so. So she's like, fitting costumes and you were like, you fit me. It was a student film so it wasn't even a fitting.

It was like, lay out the stuff you brought. All right, cool. That'll work. And yeah, that was it. And I was just kind of hypnotized the whole time. And then how many years ago was that?

It was 2011. I can't do math. Why would you? I'm not a mathematician. How is that 12 years that's a long time is that right no i don't know i told you i'm not a mathematician nor a scientist but 2011 that's like a nice good time so when did you get engaged two years ago okay that math i can do yeah that's 2021, that was 2021 So we didn't date as soon as we met

And when we did date, we would date And then, you know, take a break, date You know what I mean? Find ourselves throughout the time Because we were both young We had to grow into the perfect place where we met in the middle And we did that And we had a kid

We got engaged And the reason we've been engaged for two years is because we planned. We got engaged on Mother's Day two years ago. It's almost an anniversary. And then we were planning to have our second kid that November. So it would have been a lot to rush the wedding

between November and May. So we didn't. And then she was pregnant. So that had to happen. And then now she's, you know, we're getting back to a place of normalcy. You know, my youngest son is nine months and he's moving around a little bit more.

How old is the oldest? Three. He turned three yesterday. Aww. Okay. So two kids. How do you find time for romance? No, I'm kidding. Two kids is a lot. It is.

Like a three-year-old and then a nine-month-old. Like, do you ever feel overwhelmed? Yeah, a lot. My fiance is good with it. Like, she'll calm me down. But, yeah, I get overwhelmed easily. Not too much with the kids, but just, like, everything outside of the kids. And then sometimes the kids will be, like, that little cherry on the top top or you know that that hey that broke the wagon

but uh no it's never bad it's just i need a minute there i was a nanny for a long time and a lot of times i was like i need a minute yeah these are not my children but like i have to keep them alive and be nice to them this one little white baby that i took care of uh i loved him so much i had him from like i may have told this story before i him so much. I had him from like, I may have told this story before, I don't know, but I had him from like birth to about two and a half. And my favorite thing to do is take him to Whole Foods and then pretend to be on the phone and be like,

I don't know why we adopted a white baby. Nobody thinks he's mine. And then all of a sudden people would like smile at me to like try to make me feel better about my situation that I have made up and then I would like leave the Whole Foods and be like

that was so funny wasn't it and he was a baby so he didn't answer me but you have to find the fun with the child at least that's what I think I guess if that was my child

I would have been a little off put like you know how would you know if I heard about it like through the grapevine like yo I see your nanny in the store

and she was tripping out over adopting a white baby. And, you know, I heard him like, what the? Yeah. Her friends didn't know me. It was never going to come back to me. They might have recognized the kid. Is that Connor?

Who's the black lady he's with? You got to pull the little thing down so they can't see. They only see the little feet. Oh, got you, got you. The little white feet. Uh-huh. The little toes popping out. So do you think you're going to have, like, more kids?

Is that too personal? No, I'm done. I'm done. Two and done. Two's a lot, yeah. Okay. So who asked who out when you started dating your fiancé? It was me.

Okay. It was me. And how did you do it? So I took an approach that I didn't typically take at the time. I took the nice route. I was like, hey, would you want to go out for coffee? I didn't drink coffee. It just seemed like a—I was new to L.A.

I had just moved here from Virginia. It sounded like an L.A. type thing to do. And she said, you know, I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend. I was like, oh, cool. I respect that. And I was like, oh, cool. I respect that. And I kind of just left it there. But then I'd tap in, you know, every month or so, couple months, you know, to check on how she's doing and, you know, see how things were going. Okay.

So then she finally said, I'll get coffee with you. No, I don't think we did coffee. I think she, I think I reached out to her and was like, so I was doing like promo modeling stuff at the time where it's not modeling at all. You're just an extra person for a greater cause, like either walking around handing out Sprite samples or, so there's one particular job. It was for Nivea's PDA day. So they had a thing at the Grove where it was like set up for couples to just have different events, different things to do. And Neo was performing.

And they wanted to hire people to pose as couples. So they had people posing as couples, I guess, kind of get the thing going. And then they also hired people to like hand out stuff. And I hit her and I was like, yo, if you want to do this odd job, we can hand out stuff or we could pretend to be a like yo if you want to do this odd job we could hand out stuff or we could pretend to be a couple and we just hang out the whole day and you pay she was like oh cool I'll do that so

yeah that was our first time hanging out wait a minute so you were like let's hang out all day and pretend to be a couple that's literally fake it till you make it to the fucking extreme that's fucking wild what a treat i would love if someone was like just pretend to be a couple with me and be like

yeah it's part of the reason i feel like i opened myself up to like really fall for it because i never like held hands and i wasn't a pda affectionate type guy so i kind of had to do it because it was my job it was like acting so it kind of just opened me up to be affectionate type guy so I kind of had to do it because it was my job it was like acting so it kind of just opened me up to be affectionate in a sense that's fucking wild I wish that was available

for every person just like a first date like you just have to pretend to be a couple and see if you like it and then you liked it so it might be a business there

maybe yeah Nicole's couple I don't fucking know so then from then on was it like you guys were just like let's do this Might be a business there. Maybe. Yeah. Nicole's couple days. I don't fucking know. So then from then on, was it like you guys were just like, let's do this? No, it wasn't. This woman really made you work.

Yeah. I love her. She made me work. I think I needed it, though, because if I didn't have the work for it, I don't think I would have been as enthralled as I was. Maybe I need to be interviewing her because I don't know how to make people work for anything. The minute someone shows interest in me, I'm like, okay, I'm yours forever. And I think I got to bring some mystery or like, I don't know, make people make an effort.

Yeah. She said it wasn't intentional though. She said it wasn't intentional? No, I was the rebound. So she had other things occupying her mind. So it was kind of easier to push me off. Yeah. So I have to get into a relationship, break up with that person, get a rebound.

So I'm like, oh, my God, I can't even right now. Yeah. Well, how do I get into the relationship to be like, I can't even right now? You know what? Just get into the relationship. If it works out, boom, you got it. If it doesn't, then you got a backup plan. Melvin, do you have any friends?

I do. Do you have any single friends? I do. I'm getting to the point in my life where all my single friends, I have a few. Okay. A lot of my friends are getting engaged and getting in relationships. Yeah, I think I'm getting to that age and those are the people I'm attracting. Yeah, same.

Most of my friends are married with kids, and it's devastating. You want good company, you're going to attract that energy. It's pretty, how am I, I don't think I'm attracting the energy of any single people. It'll happen. You got to be patient. That's what people keep saying, and I don't want to be patient anymore. I want to get dicked down. Melvin, I'm horny today. You don't have to find a boyfriend to get dicked down. Melvin, I'm horny today.

You don't have to find a boyfriend to get dicked down. I know. It's like apples and oranges. Well, here's the thing. The apples are just getting dicked down by any old person. I've been there. I've done that. You're tired of being an apple.

I want to be an orange. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, you just got to be patient. Because you don't want to rush. You know what I mean? You don't want to be an apple that put on an orange peel and pretend to be an orange. But then it doesn't last because as soon as somebody bite into that orange, you'll peel back the peeling. They see, oh, this is an apple.

And they'll be like, this is an apple. I don't fucking want this. Yeah, I don't want this fucking apple. Why did Gelson's do this? Yeah. You know? I want to be an orange where someone peels me back and they go, oh. Oh, yeah.

It's like a nice little citrus. She's juicy and nice. Juicy orange. You peel down each little layer. Yeah. Oh, Melvin, that's what I want. It sucks.

So, wait, have you ever done apps? Apps? Nah, nah. You've never done the apps? I guess I've done Instagram. Instagram is, what the,

what the, what? So you slide into people's DMs and shit? At one point. So I was Instagram famous early, so I kind of had an advantage. You know, I had like a million followers and I was verified in like 2015-ish. So that was like having, I don't know what the term would be on Tinder, but it was kind of like a check. Like, you know what I mean?

It made it a little easier for me. So were you sliding into DMs or were people sliding into your DMs? Both. Both. Boy, oh boy. It sounds like you've had it easy. Nah, you know, that was, you know, I went through a whole decade before there was Instagram. Wait, when was your first relationship?

The one that I'm in now. That's your very first one? Yeah. You didn't date nobody in high school or whatever? Mm-mm. Really? I guess date is kind of relative. Oh, okay.

This is the first. No, no, no, no. It was my first commitment relationship where I'm like, yo, I'm your boyfriend. You're my girlfriend. I love you. Like, I never did any of that stuff. Oh. Yeah.

Anything else was just to dig you down and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I've never been in, like, a committed relationship where, like, someone was like, I love you, and I believed them. And that's devastating. It's so sad. Well, once you have it, you'll know it's real because you know what to compare it to. Melvin, you're right.

You're in a great place. It's all perspective. It is all perspective. So when you were single and younger or whatever, would you consider yourself a player? I wouldn't

consider myself a player because I feel like a player is kind of like you're lying to somebody. You're kind of misleading people in a way. I wouldn't say misleading, but I can't think of the word I'm trying to think of, but I wasn't deceiving anyone. Yeah, I was never deceiving. You were just having a nice time. I was having a nice time, but everybody who I was, you know, having a nice time with knew what the situation was.

I wasn't the type to, like, tell you I love you or, you know, talk about the stars and my ambitions and ask you about choice if I didn't have intentions. You know what I mean? Excuse me. If I didn't have intentions of taking it to that place, you know? I didn't put on an orange peel and pretend I was an orange when I was really an apple. I like that. I think that's interesting. Like, I don't really talk about the future or, like, intentions with people unless I'm

like, oh, I think something might be a-brewin' here. Right. But every time it a-brewin', Domingo, I don't like you. Anyway, so Melvin, some of the odd jobs that you had in L.A. when you first moved here was you worked at Victoria's Secret, passed out drinks in front of 7-Eleven, and then some scams. The last one is what I'm the most interested in. Melvin, what scams you be running? No, it wasn't really a scam. And the guy who I worked for happened to be my realtor who got me my production studio when I had it.

And also the house that I live in now, he became a realtor. But so basically it was like a hair salon promotion, right? Okay. So we would go to different campuses and we would find the most, I don't want to say vulnerable, but we had a target demo of young girls, that sounds bad, like freshmen, college freshmen, with new credit cards or whatever the situation would be. But everything was consensual. So we will find them and we'll be like, hey, we're here representing this company.

And we're looking for 10 models to be models for all of these different high-end Beverly Hills hair salons. And we'll have a list of all of the hair salons. It was like with this promotion, you'll basically be walking advertisement for these salons. And what they would do for you, you can get this. You get these highlights, lowlights, scalp massages, trims, colors, all of this stuff for your hair for $99. You only, $99, and you don't even have to pay it up front. You just pay five increments of $20 a month. You know, so you sign up, it'll be $20 a month.

But you can get all of these things that's valued, you know, up to, you know, $5,000, $10,000. Okay. So, it was like, oh, that's tight. So, basically, what they they would do they'll sign up this was so long ago that we had to like they had the carbon the carbon paper

so you'll have to like put the card under it and then and scrape it to get the card information get them to sign up and um you know

they just charge them $20 a month but the thing was the catch was it wasn't a scam but the catch was after the five months it will continue to bill you.

You know what I mean? So, and a lot of like research has showed that a lot of charges under a certain amount, people forget about them. I know I do. So that $20 a month will just continue to bill, bill, bill, bill until they realize it. So you pay way more than that. And a lot of the salons on the actual, the little packet thing, didn't even know about the whole promotion thing. And I didn't know about this until the girls would tell me, like, oh, I signed up before. And this salon knew nothing about it.

And I was just like. You'd be like, I just work here. I'm not sure. You know, you can call before you even do this. And my whole thing was like, you know, if you regret it later, you can call and unsubscribe. Like, I was never misleading. You know, that's kind of my pattern. I never mislead, but I'm giving you the information.

So it wasn't technically a scam. It just wasn't as legit as you'd like it to be. Yeah, yeah, but I was just an employee at a company, so. I mean, that's just L.A. Fitness. L.A. Fitness has been charging me for years and I just realized it they tell you about the classes that you can go to the instructor might not even show up

or it might not be where they miss that so I guess it's life Savage Fenty is like that you pay like 50 bucks a month you get half off leggings and you forget that you're subscribed to it same thing with Fabletics. Scam, scam, scam, scam. A scam

I ran was I would steal things from Nordstrom and then return it and they had a cash back policy whether you had a receipt or not. So I would get cash from Nordstrom's. So it was like a booster but you would just take it back to the... They don't do that anymore. I bet they don't. They got hip to it. They said we can't

possibly and I was like, you sure? Yeah. That's how I'm getting money. That's smart. Where I grew up, it used to be boosters come to our door. Like, you know, what y'all need? And then they'll bring it to us in a trash bag. Yeah, that's how we did school shopping.

That's nice. For the boosters. I mean, the best part is they come to you. You don't have to seek them out. Yeah, sometimes they'll want to ride to the store, though. So, like, that's not convenient. You want me to drive you home? Yeah, I'll rob you some shit, but can you take me to the store?

Yeah, I don't want you to be the getaway driver. Wait, you're from Portsmouth, Virginia? Yeah, you pronounced it right. You know, it's spelled Portsmouth. It's more like Portsmith. Portsmith. Like an I-F-F at the end. What was it like there? Is that near D.C.? No, it's spelled Porthsmouth. It's more like Porthsmith. Porthsmith. Like an I-F-F at the end. What was it like there?

Is that near D.C.? No, it's like, it's at the bottom of the Virginia. It's like the bottom eastern coast. I have no idea where anything is. I'm not good with geography either. We got maps though, so it don't really matter. We do have maps. It was good.

It's like, it's all I knew. I lived in the projects like most of my life, but it don't get it bad. It's not as bad as people say because there's a sense of community. You know what I mean? You live in the same building with, you know, eight other families and eight more families living in front of you and it's a big community. You know, everybody look out for each other and, you know, you got fun summer nights with parents out on the porch, the kids playing kickball and curveball and all type of stuff.

That sounds nice. And then nobody has money. Everybody's poor, so you don't realize you're poor. Everybody you go to school with is poor, so it's not like a comparison. So it's not as bad. It has its tough times and all of that. I like the idea of living with a bunch of people that you know, kind of like a commune.

Yeah. And then you have a nice time, barbecues and shit. We don't really have barbecues really okay fine yeah i don't think like grills were allowed there's a lot of restrictions wait you're not allowed to have a fucking grill nah so when you live in a project so these housing um it's not even section eight but these housings is paid for by the government a lot of regulations like at one point we had patios they broke the patios down because people

were hiding when they was running from the cops and we had like poles that was like boundaries around every sidewalk and they tore those down

because people was running from cops and they were more athletic than the cops so the cops they were running to the poles but you know

the people that was from there knew how to jump the poles growing up. Honestly, very funny. Yeah. Just being more athletic. Yeah, it's not a hard thing.

They got boots and belts and all of this tactical equipment. So you went to acting school? No, you studied marketing at Old Dominion University for two years before you said, Those years are kind of, I'm not a mathematician. It wasn't two years.

I would leave and go back and leave and go back. They let you do that at college? I didn't go to real college. Yeah, yeah. You'll just have to write a letter to let them know why you left and say you won't do it again. Yeah. The only thing is you could lose grants and scholarships, but it's a way to get those back too. But yeah, I would go to school more so for the refund checks.

I was studying marketing because I didn't know what I wanted to do. That's another scam, going to school for the refund checks. It's not, you know, America's a scam. America is a scam. How'd we get here? On a cruise that wasn't fun. Yep, they told us it was something we want. But, yeah, I would go for refund checks, study marketing because I felt like it could be applied to anything and I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do.

And then I took an acting class and I loved it. And I was like, cool. Real quick. Yeah. We do have to take a break. Okay. Be bop. We're back.

Okay. I want to know. I want to know more about the acting class. Did you have like an epiphany in the class where you were just like, oh, fuck. This is what I've been like, what I should be doing. Like, how did it happen? Yeah. So so growing up I never had a career goal like I knew I wanted to be successful I knew I wanted to be influential um and I wanted access to a lot I felt like I will be this person I didn't know how I would become this person um and then when I was acting this is kind of just like

manifestation like blind manifestation because I it's not like I saw acting This is kind of just like manifestation Like blind manifestation Because it's not like I saw acting It was like, oh, this is the answer to those things It was just something I was, you know, attracted to That I felt like I was good at Like everything else, I'm kind of mediocre I'm alright, you know I'm never the worst

I'm never the best I'm just, I'm cool in it I'm cool at a lot of stuff And then when I was taking the acting class, I felt like I was like the best one in the class. And I felt like there was a lot of room for me to get even better. It was kind of just like natural stuff. I didn't know what I was doing, but I felt comfortable doing it too. I didn't feel like uncomfortable, which I feel a lot because I, you know, kind of have social anxiety, not social anxiety in a sense,

but we all have some sense of anxiety or self-consciousness. But as an actor, I didn't feel that way because I was being somebody else. And I just really enjoyed it. And people seemed to enjoy when it was my turn to, you know, perform in class. I was like, I like it. And it was the first time I was like, this is something I think I want to pursue. I took an acting class, I think, yeah, I was still in high school. And like I had done a play, I think, yeah, I was still in high school. And, like, I had done a play, and I loved it, and I was like, ooh, this is for me.

And I remember, I think I was, like, 16 or 17. Do you, are you familiar with, like, any plays? Do you know, oh, fuck, who wrote this? It's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, George, whatever. Do you know that play? Anyway, there's a- It's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, George whatever. Do you know that play? Mm-mm. Anyway, there's a— I took theater in college where I would have to learn all of this stuff, and I would just cheat my way around it.

And now I feel like I should have did the work, but— Listen, you can still do the work. Plays exist in perpetuity. You can read them whenever. But it's a play where the matriarch is this older, grizzled woman. And at 16 or 17, they had me do that part in my acting class. And I was like, this is what I need to be doing. I'm an actor.

Yeah, I just like to hear people's epiphanies about acting. Because I feel like it's very similar where you're like, oh, fuck, this is what I'm good at. Yeah, and I looked at it in hindsight, and I felt like everything that I enjoyed led to this moment or led to this profession. I remember when I was 12, my friend had a sleepover, and everybody was dancing, but I was always insecure about dancing. But then we had masks for some reason, and when I put the mask on, it was like dance fever. You know what I mean? I had the confidence to do whatever. And then I remember I had this thing. It was called like a PlayStation Eye Toy. It was before the Wii. You plug it in. It was like a little camera and it has like 15 games in it. But it's one section where you're supposed to leave a message or whatever. And I remember hooking up my VCR

to it. So in the message part, I could just record little sketches, but you only got 30 seconds. And me and my sister and my cousin would do that all summer, and I would have my friends over and do all these little sketches because it was just fun. Had a video camera when I was 14, and I would shoot my own little movies, running around with my friends and just record everything.

And again, it was just fun. I didn't see it as a goal. I didn't know an actor. I didn't know anybody who knew an actor. it was just fun. I didn't see it as a goal. I didn't know an actor. I didn't know anybody who knew an actor. It was just something that I enjoyed doing. And yeah, when I look back at it, I'm like, wow, I was always kind of attracted to this. I just didn't know it at the time.

I love, do you still have the video footage from your youth? Yeah, I've seen my video cameras. So when I moved out here, I sold all of my stuff. And I thought I had transferred my little high eight, whatever, the little teeny cassette tapes. I felt like I had transferred it to a DVD, but then it didn't work. So I lost all of that footage when I sold it.

But I had to sell it to get here. So it's like, you know, give and take. Yeah, yeah. But the stuff that I recorded on the PlayStation Eye toy, I have it on a VHS tape. See, that's great. So like whenever they do

a documentary about you, they have the footage. Right. And something that's really cool that I'm like, I'm never excited, but I'm excited about this. One of the tapes was me,

my sister and my cousin doing like Apollo. And I'm acting like I'm Steve. And I'm like, you got to rub the log. You got to rub the log. You got to rub the log. And I'm just so small. And we all doing our little talent show stuff as if it's Apollo.

And The Blackening is premiering at the Apollo at Tribeca. So that's like a cooler moment. That's like a nice full circle moment. So I'm going to try to make, like, a little video and I could put that part in it with, you know, as doing Apollo. That's really fucking cute. Yeah. I love that. So you did Vine for a while.

Mm-hmm. And I feel like those little 30 second things on the little video game prepared you for Vine. I was prepping for it. What made you get into Vine? Were you like, I can make fucking videos? Kinda. I had moved out here to act. I was out here for two years just doing student films

where I met my fiance. I did a lot of cool student films. I did a student film for Stephen Caple Jr. who's doing the new Transformers that's coming out. He did Creed 2. He did a short called The Land. There was no lines in it. I just wanted to work.

And from there, he ended up doing a feature film that premiered at Sundance that he gave me a role in because I was, you know what I mean, we had built a connection on the first one.

So it's like, I was doing a lot of cool stuff, but it wasn't paying any money and I wasn't getting opportunities to do more reputable work. And I couldn't get an agent because I didn't have those more reputable credits.

So I was like, I I gotta figure out a way to market myself and I guess that's where some of the marketing background came in I was like if I had an audience I would be more valuable

to a production and people would pay attention and at the time Vine was coming out Vine had already been circulating for a couple months I had no idea how to do it I didn't even know

the camera could flip around I thought they were shooting the whole thing backwards like. I had no idea how to do it. I didn't even know the camera could flip around. I thought they were shooting the whole thing backwards like this. I'm like, damn, how'd they do that? I didn't know it was a front camera. I'm like, fuck it. I was so impressed by the most simplistic shit. But then I had, it was a girl I knew in Virginia. I did a movie called Cleaver Family Reunion,

low budget, fake Roscoe Jenkins welcome home movie. And she had some fun. I was like, dang, that's tight. I wish I could do stuff like that. And I was like, just do like Vine or something. Like, you could do that from your phone. And she started doing it and she was blowing up. Like, she had got like 400,000 followers in a couple months. And I seen she had did a Klondike

post and she told me they paid her $7,000. And at the time I was handing out drinks and stuff in front of the stores I had three roommates and um four roommates in a two-bedroom apartment with no central air hot as shit in the summertime we had to leave the house um I was like man if I get seven thousand dollars for doing this and I could build an audience like this you know it's a win-win so I just kind of approached it like a business uh I started storyboarding ideas because it was only seven seconds and you got to shoot it straight it's

not like you come edit later you got to shoot it within the app it's not like tiktok where you can edit in the app it's just like you had editing equipment it was you shoot and then you got to stop when you want to stop record when you want to you know what what I mean? So it was like, it was kind of hard to do. So I was like, let me storyboard it so I'm more equipped coming into it instead of trying to wing it on the spot. Each second is allotted for it. And I wrote out like 20 ideas just based off of what I saw winning. Because I never did comedy. I wasn't like a class clown.

Like I said, I kind of stayed to myself. So I just kind of studied what was working on the app and kind of learned the rules of comedy, what works, why it works. And I just kind of from there just incorporated stuff that I found funny or things that I knew into it, creating content. And then like from the first video, it kind of was just moving. My first video was on Worldstar. And then it kind of just gave traction to everything else I posted. And then from there

was just you know continue with the momentum. I like that you said that you like thought it out I feel like a lot of people start like when they're like oh I want to create content they don't think yeah they're not like they just do things and like get lucky but it's like if you go in with a plan and then like I like that you said you storyboard it because I'm a visual person so like that's how I see things and it makes sense to me um I like directed a short and I had to like the cinematographer was like you don't need to storyboard it it's not long enough and I was like I think in order to get the shots I want to get I need to draw it all out but yeah I love that and I love that you were like what what's funny? How is it funny?

It's just, it's very calculated. Yeah, I'm very methodical. I'm a Virgo. So I'm like- When is your birthday? September 22nd. That's my, I shouldn't say it. That's my fake birthday. It's not my real birthday. Why do you have a fake birthday? It just happened and I let it go. My go. My real birthday is not that day. You don't have to say it. I'm not going to say it. We can keep the facade. Yeah, so when people hit me on my real birthday, I know, like, these are the people that—

You're a real friend. These are the people that really know me, so I'm not getting flooded with a lot of just incoming stuff. And then on that day, you know, I still respond to it, but it's just keeping my personal life and my public life separate. I love that. And I didn't do it on purpose. It just happened and I let it happen. Yeah. That's very funny.

Wait, but you're, wait, September 20th. I'm a Virgo. I'm in this, I'm within a three day. Sure. You know what I mean? Okay. I'm an August Virgo. Okay.

What, what day? August 29th. And in August, Virgo. Okay. What day? August 29th. And that's the real day. Okay. The internet got it. Don't know how. Yeah. You know, it happens most of the time they get the right day.

I was one of the lucky ones. Very lucky. I would love to have the wrong birthday out. Yeah. Have like a little bit of mystery. Again, I have no mystery. I just put everything out there. So, okay.

You like doing your own renovations. Mm-hmm. How did you get into that? So, in 2015-ish, 16-ish, social media was going good. But I was like, I got to be able to, I got to scale out. I got to be bigger. And at the time, Facebook had incentives to create shows. And Quibi was coming

out. Oh, Quibi. R.I.P. Right. And it was just like a lot of different, like Awesomeness was doing shows and I was like, how can I scale? I want to do shows. I want to produce stuff rather than just being stuff. So I got this production studio. Well, it was a warehouse. It was going to serve as my production studio, but it was just empty. And I was like, I need offices and stuff. And I priced it, and it was a lot. And then the guy who would do my sound for me, his name's James, he knows how to do it.

He's like this country boy who flies planes, just does everything. And he was like, oh, I could help you do it. And he showed me the basics. And he's good, but he moves really slow. So I'm like, just show me how to do it, and I could help you do it and he showed me the basics and he moves, he's good, but he moves really slow. So I'm like, just show me how to do it and I'm going to do it.

And I'll just fucking do it. Yeah, so between him, I had moved my nephew out here who was my camera guy. Him, my nephew, and myself, we just built, like, we built offices,

we built sets, like, kind of innovated ways where we got rolling sets where you can move them around, like hair and makeup offices, build all this stuff within this warehouse. So through that, I learned all of the basics of building, like framing and, you know, drywall and installation and, you know, some electrical stuff. And I used to do electrical with my dad when I was little, so I kind of had a slight understanding of it. And then anything that I didn't know, I just ran to YouTube. And, you know, you could see everything.

You could learn anything. Yeah, you can learn truly anything. YouTube, university. So, yeah, during the pandemic, I just bought a house. Then during the pandemic, you know, you just got a lot of time on your hands. And I was like, cool, let me do some of the things we wanted to do to the house. So myself and my fiance, she would help me with most of the stuff. And she's very hands-on and handy, too.

We would just, you know, we just kind of went to work and that stuff kind of. So, like, what did you renovate? Like the kitchen, the bathrooms? It wasn't a typical renovation. It was more so just, like, carpentry. So we built a deck, like a floating deck outside of our bedroom. Okay. We redid the entire backyard. Excuse me. It was just. Ooh, okay. We redid the entire backyard. Excuse me.

It was just like gravel. So we got rid of all of the gravel, irrigation. We didn't do the irrigation, even though I learned so I could fix stuff that messed up. But yeah, laid down side. We did a garden. She built garden beds, put together a play set for the kid in the back, built a basketball court. I built like this. It was like a little, it's for drainage, but it was like plants and stuff like in the center of the concrete in the backyard.

I made it like a dinosaur garden and built like a waterfall. What's a dinosaur garden? You said that so casually. I know. I think I kind of just made it up. But it's like I bought these big aluminum dinosaurs that stand like 15 feet tall. And then I just planted a lot of tropical plants and like big rocks and just made it look like Jurassic Park with a little waterfall. I built a theater, which was like one of my most popular

renovations. I had like a game room over top of the gym, built a theater, turned the garage to a gym. I built a wall in the garage just to kind of separate like my tools and stuff from the actual gym. So just like stuff like that. I love that you're like, oh, it's just not a typical renovation. I did the, you did so fucking much. Yeah, but it wasn't like, oh, redo the kitchen and pull out the towels and you know what I mean? It wasn't that type of renovation. Still, you built shit.

Like, that's wild. Yeah, it was builds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish. It was therapeutic. I'm not good at anything. I tried painting a door and I didn't even finish.

It takes patience. Like, I don't have patience. That's the thing we're talking about. I know. But the thing too, I don't have a lot of patience either.

The thing with like building, you have to have patience. Like, you're forced to have patience. And it's kind of just like a metaphor for life. You build a foundation, you know, to stay around. You just look at step by step, like Will Smith said in his book. You don't look at the entire wall. You look at brick by brick. Or Franklin Saint said in The Snowfall, brick by brick.

You just look at, you know, this this nail this screw into this plank of wood and you know you take a step back later on you see what you built so it's therapeutic I wish I wish I had the patience you could do it I know you can Melvin thank you for believing in me can I ask you a question I didn didn't build this, dude. Yeah. Not physically, but you know, you built your brand. You built what we're here doing. That's nice. Thank you. I guess I did have patience with that. How did you propose

to your girlfriend or your now fiance? Yeah, the way I did it was so she had a mother's day before she gave birth to my son, right? But she was still pregnant and I didn't I guess this is something that's up for debate still. I was like, you're not a mother yet. But a lot of mothers may disagree with me. That was my ignorance at the point.

Wait, she wasn't a mother yet because she hadn't had the child? She hadn't delivered the baby. This was my, this is how I saw it at the time. That's how I see it. Yeah. Am I wrong? I don't know. I don't know.

You know, I don't want to stand on it. I'm not going to stand on that because there's some people. I'm not standing on it either. We have our own thoughts. It was a miscommunication, a misthought or whatever it was. But I didn't get her anything for Mother's Day. My son hadn't been born yet. So for the next Mother's Day, I was like, cool, I'm going to do the proposal now.

So I told her we were going to get some food and go get a massage. And then, no, we're going to go get a massage and go get dinner. Something like that. Something live, I told her. Scamming. Yeah, we left the house. And she was like, I really don't want to get a massage because I put on my makeup and I'm going to have to lay down on my face. And let's just go to the mall because I got to get something for my mom for Mother's Day.

I'm like, whatever. All right, cool. Not whatever, but cool. So we went to the mall and I'm trying to kill time because I have an event planner setting up the whole backyard. Like the backyard we had just renovated. We just planted ferns all over the yard. So I was just stalling all the time.

So it was time to go to dinner, and I never drive. Like, I never drive when we're together. She always drives. I was like, oh, let me drive. She was like, all right, whatever. So we're going, and I'm just trying to, I'm just driving in circles, trying to just drive to places she don't recognize to just kill time and tell her we're going to this dinner.

And I'm taking these back roads to come back. And then when I find out like alright cool I can get back to the house I circle back around and now I'm like

three blocks away from the house she was like wait we're by the house and I just put on this performance I was like just kind of like

eat myself up like I'm fucked up like she was like did you put the address to the house here and I'm just

kind of like just soaking in it and she was like it's okay and the address to the house here? And I'm just kind of like, just soaking in it. And she's like, it's okay. And I'm like, no, I keep fucking up. Like, just to the point where I don't know what to say, so I'm not saying that. But just acting, just. It's just like, it's fine. It don't matter as long as we're together.

Like, we could just go home, get comfortable, go get a drink. Like, it doesn't matter. Stop tripping. And I'm like tearing up. Like, I'm fucking up. You're like going for the Oscar. Yeah, right. At this point drink. Like, it doesn't matter. Stop tripping. And I'm, like, tearing up. Like, I'm fucking up. You know what I mean? You're, like, going for the Oscar. Yeah, right.

At this point, I'm in it. Putting on your Meryl Streep, your Viola Davis, you and your bag. So we get back to the house, and she see the gate is open, and we have a dog. So she's like, oh, shit, who left the gate open? The dog probably ran out. So she, like, jumped out, and she go around the back of the house. open the door probably ran out so she like jumped out and she'd go around the back of the house and when she gets around she sees like um i had like like 11 foot like led screens set up and like lights everywhere and it was just like it was beautiful and it was like a a table set up and

she was vegan at the time and we had a chef come and like make us the food was like the best vegan food i've had and we watched f Fern Gully and at the end of Fern it's one of my favorite fucking movies I hadn't seen it and she was telling me how great it was and she's like

I don't want to say like she's a hippie but she's like you know what I mean she's a vegan you said it I get it a little crunchy

and like I said we had just planted like tropical plants all over the yard with the ferns and all of this stuff And at the end of the movie I shot a little video which was kind of like a montage of like all our moments Like you know through having a kid from you know first date and just all of our moments And then at the end of it it was my son holding like the ring in like a box

And just playing with it And then I proposed to him. That is honestly the sweetest fucking thing I've ever heard. Thank you. That is, that's truly what I want. Like I want to be someone's like favorite person that they do all that for. Like I've never, I've never dated anyone where I was like oh this is in the car it's like you're gonna do this for me god Melvin that's nice you want that person to be your favorite person too you don't want to just rush yeah yeah I I want it to be mutual I feel like marriage if you do it

right you want it to be the perfect situation that's why I never had a girlfriend before because I was like this isn't the perfect situation I don't want to just settle for something that's cool because I might miss out on what it is that's perfect. And if I want it to last forever, it can't be like, there is some compromise you got to make, but the closest I can get that I'm happy with. So it's like, you'd rather be patient and wait for what's perfect for you and perfect for that person than to rush something and then be divorced and lost six years of your life. Where you could have been having fun and enjoying yourself for working or building your brands and stuff like that. I just got to be the orange I'm meant to be.

Or the apple until you grow into that orange. Don't even be an apple. Just be whatever you want to be. I'll be a tangerine that grows into a mandarin orange because I think that's bigger than a tangerine. I don't know. I don't even know what a clementine is. What are those little cuties? Those are the best. I think that's bigger than a tangerine. I don't know. I don't even know what a clementine... What are those little cuties?

Those are the best. I think a cutie is a clementine. Is it? Rich, do you know? I think so. Pretty sure that's right. I think clementines got seeds and cuties don't. They're like hybrids or something. I think they are hybrids, but a tangerine... I think a clementine is sweeter than a tangerine.

I do love those little cuties. They're tart, tangy, and slightly sweet clementines. Okay. From the cuties, at least. Yeah. They are. They're good. I don't even want to say guilty pleasure.

It's just a pleasure of mine. It's just a pleasure of mine, too. And I'm not an orange girl. I don't like big oranges, but I love me a little cutie. A little cutie. Perfect name for him. Wait, did I take the second break? No.

We're going to take that second break. I said the second break. Ooh, ooh, Melvin, we're back. Okay, Melvin, do you have any advice for me, a single woman living in this world? Be genuine to who you are. I'm pretty genuine to who I am. Yeah, and that's the way to do it. So the person you attract

is a person that's genuinely attracted. You don't want to be like the hair salon stuff I was selling, where you're selling something that ain't really what it is, and then they get to the salon, and it's like, I don't know what this is.

They get to my house, and they're like, who the fuck is you? Who the fuck is this? And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm weirder than you thought. Yeah, you gotta be your most authentically

self. Your most authentic self. Unapologetically. Unapologetically. And you'll attract the right, you'll attract the right guy.

And, yeah, you know when you know. What's a good way to approach a person in public? i'm trying to go out more and talk to people more yeah um i wasn't the best approach guy a lot of times i kind of just wouldn't um because like you get it's kind of weird just approaching somebody you don't know

but uh from my experiences when people approach me uh that I respond well to it's not necessarily like to talk to you or anything it's just like when somebody's like genuine and they come up and it's not like they kind of contrived these questions they want to ask and it's just like you know if somebody for whatever reason want to talk to you they come and do that and then the conversation just blossoms from there great if it doesn't then you know, if somebody, for whatever reason, want to talk to you, they come and do that. And then if the conversation just blossoms from there, great. If it doesn't, then, you know, you guys might not have that type of chemistry. But, like, when I've seen people come to me and they're just kind of genuine, like, yo, for whatever reason they came to me. And we'll just have, like, a regular conversation.

And the conversation doesn't have ulterior motives or it's, like, they don't have subtext to their questions. It just feels like a one-on-one human connection. That's the type of interactions I respond better to. So I would imagine that other people would respond well to those as well. All right. So if I find someone attractive, I should just talk to them just to see if they're a nice person and not hold too much stake in like, they may be my person. Right.

Yeah. Because you're not going to know from their first interaction. And you don't have to close. I think a lot of pressure from talking to people is closing on like, oh, what's your number? What's your Instagram? Like one thing when I would talk to people, I just wouldn't ask for that stuff. Like, you know, I would just had a conversation, meet them.

They meet me. And Hollywood is small. You're going to run into the same people again or like social media, you will run into them again. You know, I wouldn't go stalk them

right afterwards but, you know, follow them if you see them. Instagram is kind of easy now. You can ask somebody what their Instagram is and keep that and kind of build a rapport

through just casual convo. Not casual convo but like commenting on stories and stuff. Not just sending weird eyes and shit, but just like you see something they're interested in. Like if they surf, like, oh, that's tight. You know what I mean? Just genuine.

Look at this surf video I found. Yeah. Okay. All right. I guess I can do that. Melvin, before we end, do you want to talk a little bit about the blackening and what it's about?

Sure. Well, this isn't self-promotion. The Blackening, it's probably the realest horror movie you'll see. A lot of people are like, oh, it's going to be a scary movie. It's not at all. You know what I mean? Nobody's playing for comedy. It's just like, it's those moments that you have watching horror movies where you're

screaming at the screen. The people on screen are actually screaming the same shit you're screaming. So it's just like, that's where the comedy comes from. The comedy comes from relatability. Like, everybody who will watch this movie, like, there's going to be a character that you can relate to. You're not watching a lot of, like like them which just run around scrambling and surviving doing the dumbest shit ever.

Like these people really want to survive, which I feel like is a metaphor to black people. Like, you know, we grow up, we got to survive in America. It's not to go political,

but it's like, you know what I mean? It's a different America. We survivalists. In this film, you see us pull out all of these, you know,

survivalist skills as far as, you know, this weapon makes more sense than that weapon. Or, like, why are we separating? Or we're not going to run upstairs or lock the doors. Or, oh, that sounds deceiving. I'm not listening to that guy.

You know what I mean? Just kind of common sense things for us. And it's friends who hadn't seen each other in a minute who end up going to a cabin? Yep. So it's thank you for redirecting me. Oh, no. No, I'm not even saying that, like Yep. So it's, thank you for redirecting me. Oh, no. No, I'm not even saying that, like,

to be, yeah, thank you. I'm genuinely saying thank you. Yeah, so it's friends, college friends who haven't seen each other in a while. They get together for Juneteenth to hang out at a cabin in the woods.

That doesn't sound like the blackest shit to do, but we got to get there for this movie to happen you know what i mean yeah yeah so um yeah we go to a cabin in the woods to just kind of high have a good time and catch up and um lights go out and it's like what the fuck and then we find we discover this game and it looks like some blackface shit, and the questions are like black trivia in a sense. And then we're ultimately tasked with figure out who's the blackest based on these questions,

and that person will be sacrificed to save the rest of us. And from there, it just kind of goes on a crazy rollercoaster ride. And it is a comedy. It was written by Dwayne Perkins, who is infinitely funny. I love him so much. I love Dwayne so much, yep. And it's satire in a sense because it's playing off of the tropes

that are just like goofy. Those old goofy tropes. Hopefully this breeds a new genre of horror where shit makes sense, you know? Where people actually want to survive. So yeah, it's a fun ride. I like it

because it's like in traditional horror movies, the black character dies first. Right. And then it's like if it's an all black cast, who dies first?

Who's going to die first? Right. I'm very excited to see it. Yeah, yeah. That trope don't even make sense. Maybe they just, like why would we die first? We wouldn't. We wouldn't die first? We wouldn't.

We wouldn't die first. We would run away. There's been, like, I went to a haunted house and I said, I won't. And I left. Or the one I did complete, every time a scary person came up to me and said, hello, you're doing a great job. You can't scare me now. We've talked. Right.

Yeah. I think that was a way of, like, diversity, but get it in and get it out real quick. Get them in there, get them out. Get them in, get them out. We only got it for a day. Yeah, it's time. It's kind of changed that whole trope upside down. And I felt like we did it well on this.

I'm excited to see it. We set the bar for a new generation of horror films. I hope so. I love horror. I think it's fun. It's freaky. It's scary. Melvin, I ask all of my guests this.

I've forgotten it maybe like four times the whole time I've done this show. Would you date me? I would. I would. What a dream. Melvin, thank you. You are. I've been smiling.

Look how many times I've been smiling in this interview. That's important. Oh, I don't think I've ever been called pleasant. That's nice. Yeah. Thank you, Melvin.

You're welcome. Well, this is the end of this episode. If you liked it, you can rate it. You can subscribe on Apple podcast or whatever. If you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won'tyoudatemeepodcast at gmail.com, my producer Mars, she reads them.

No dick pics. Okay, this person said, Everyone is so concerned with filling your pussy, but I want to strap on the biggest cock you can find, put a gag in my mouth, blast an episode of Why Won't You Date Me as loud as possible while you spank me with a spiky paddle and fuck me for hours. Melvin's face.

Until I can't walk anymore. When you're finished with me, I want you to hire a crew of furniture movies to throw me on the street to be picked up with the trash. Wow. You can't date a person like that. What do you do with that afterwards? How do you have children with that person?

You're absolutely right. Also, I couldn't think of anything worse than listening to an episode of my own podcast while having sex. That's like another level of narcissism. That person's a rotten apple. Melvin, I love how much you disliked that. Like, it really brings me joy. Because you're so pleasant in that, wow, how?

Why would they say such a thing to you? Because I ask for it. I say, send me something nasty. Oh, I guess, yeah. Okay, bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicoleicole byer why won't you date me is produced

and engineered by oh the sweetest woman i know marissa melnick it is executive produced by other wonderful people adam sacks joanna solo taroff and jeff ross thanks for listening i love you thank you so much we'll be seeing you you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.