Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Farting All Night on a First Date (w/ Beck Bennett)

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

Comedian and actor Beck Bennett (SNL, What's Our Podcast?) joins Nicole to talk about meeting his wife on a sketch shoot and how his wallet-less first date turned into a romantic, fart-filled sleepover. Beck opens up about surviving long-distance dating while shooting SNL, why he believes "love is trust," and the Joshua Tree engagement trip that ended with them sleeping in separate twin beds. He shares the creative ways he jerked off as a kid (including using a Sock'em Bopper and a vibrating pen), and Nicole admits to stealing her first vibrator from Spencer’s Gifts.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTake our listener survey and shape the future of the podcast!Support this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:• Jones Road Beauty: Use code DATEME at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Gift with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #ad • Warby Parker: My listeners can buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional pairs at WarbyParker.com/DATEME — and using our link helps support the show. #WarbyParker #ad• Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. We talk a lot about messy dating stories on this show, but you know what's making dating even messier? Lawmakers across the country trying to strip away our access to sexual and reproductive health care. Planned Parenthood believes your body is your business, and you deserve the freedom to make your own choices. Whether you need birth control, STI testing, gender affirming care, or an abortion, their health centers are there for you. But right now, politicians are actively attacking Planned Parenthood and trying to control our futures. Millions of people are at risk of losing essential care, especially those in black, Latino, rule, and low-income communities. Health care is a human right, which is why I'm so proud to support them.

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Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at planparenhood.org slash defend. She paid for the show and dinner and drinks at Prada across the street from Mossa afterwards. But I was paying rent in my room where we ended up staying in the night. Hell yeah, dude. Nothing crazy happened, but we did. Yeah, you rubbed each other's belly. Yeah, we were full. How's your tummy feeling?

Yeah, we helped you. Digesting that lactose. We're just helping each other fart throughout the night. Just like getting out toots. Getting out toot. Just Dutch oven in each other's farts. It was so beautiful, and we knew from that day that we could have children together. For me and a Goldbeyer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on the floor and tell me it's an extension cord.

My guest today is an actor and comedian, you know, from Saturday Night Live and the latest Superman movie. Alongside Kyle Mooney, he co-hosts the new podcast. What's our podcast right here on HeadGum? I'm so excited. It's Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Be Beck Bennett. Oh yes. What an intro. Thank you.

So happy to be here, Nicole. Thank you for doing this. Absolutely. I told you before we started recording, one of my contacts fell out. So if you're like watching the podcast and you're like, she's going cross-eyed, it's because I can't really see. Yeah, yeah. It's not because she's going cross-eyed. No.

That's not happening. That's not it. No, no. And I think I have a lazy eye. So I think I'm making one of my eyes work harder. Wow. Do you, wait, do you think you actually have a lazy eye? Sometimes when I look at pictures, I'm like, oh, one of these eyes is not working.

Wow. Every picture I've seen of you, and I'm looking at you right now, you don't look cross-eyed. You both, you have, I think you have strong eyes, not lazy eyes. It's a hard-working eyes that really make things happen for you. They're working. They're full. They're full of life. Hey, thank you.

Yes. Back, you met your wife doing a sketch where she played your girlfriend? That is correct. And then you were like, let's bring this to real life. How did the relationship evolve? It evolved. Let's see. So we were doing a sketch for the group, Ritanic.

And we were shooting the sketch. The first scene, it was like late at night. And we were like in our pajamas. And I think we were kind of tired, not interested in each other. like frustrated that we said yes to this thing kind of. And then we shot the rest of the sketch in daylight and we had some more time together. And we got to talk and hang out. And then at the time I, I was, she told me that she was in town for pilot season, which was a thing.

Yeah. Man, it's crazy. I remember the good old days. Yeah, just book a pilot. There is lots of jobs and you went on so many auditions in person in Santa Monica. Yeah, you got paid to like do a potential job. Yeah. We were all getting paid to work.

out ideas. That was so wild where they did your deal before, so like before you test, you get like your deal done. So you're like, oh my God, I could be making this amount of money. And then the more you test, the more money you make, some people's quotes were so insane and had never actually been on anything that's aired. And then they're like, well, we can't really pay that much. That's way too high. You don't have any actual experience. You've just gotten close so many times. Knock this down a little. And you're like, yeah, of course, sure. Yeah, knock it down. This is just a made-up number. But yes, so she was in town. She was like, I'm here for a couple months, and then I'm going back. And then a friend of mine was like, one of my best friends was like,

hey, you know that girl, Jesse from the Britannic sketches? Because she had been in a couple sketches. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I just did a sketch with her for them. And he was like, yeah, well, she's working at Forer. I saw her working at Forage. And he started to smile. And I went, I have a crush on her. Because I didn't know she was in town and like I'm just getting the information that she's got a job. She's staying here. And then I've never really done that before. I'm not the type of person to do that.

And it wasn't like. Wait, was your friend about to say they had a crush on her? I think he was like, beach do what I said. I think he was about to say like, I think I'm going to ask her out. Like she's because he was smiling. He was like she's cute. And then later I asked Brian and Nick to invite her out. they invited her out we sang karaoke hung out in their cd hotel room in hollywood and ordered in fred 62

and smoked weed and we still have like videos from that night of us like singing songs and like goofing around that's so sweet yeah and then and then after that i like we like walked i walked her to her and did not kiss her because i was kind of you know it was like it wasn't like a date and it was just i I was like, we don't want to be like weird. Yeah, I don't want to be weird. I've never been overly like, you know, aggressive, which is, yeah, which is good. I've always been overly aggressive, which is an asset.

I mean, I'm angry and aggressive and I really like me in that way. I don't read signals and I just go for it. But yeah, then after that, she came to a good neighbor sketch show at UCB Franklin with another friend. and saw her afterwards. We went to a bar afterwards, like everybody from the show. Birds? We went to actually Whitehorse then. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. But usually birds. Does Whitehorse exist anymore? No. It doesn't. It's a different bar now. Yeah, I know. It was amazing.

It was like these, I think like maybe Polish Russian women making hot dogs and popcorn. It felt like a living room. That's nice. That's so nice. That's so nice. It was warm. There were like big couches everywhere and pool tables. and it was great.

Yeah, it was a nice time. But we went there. Then the next night, we had a house party. Our good neighbor had a, we all lived in a house together. And she came, we flirted, and then she sent me a message about what we were flirting about. And I was like, I think we should talk about this over dinner. And then we went to dinner. Very smooth.

Yeah, right. We should talk about this over dinner. Well, don't mind if I do. And then we did. Do you remember where you went to dinner? Mm-hmm. Where? We went to Mossa in Echo Park. Oh, you said lock in. It's going to be a long dinner.

Let's go. We're going to eat a bunch of cheese and crust and tomatoes and pepperoni. We're going to get so full. We're going to get so full and just want to touch each other. We're going to get so sleepy. Then take a nap. Yeah. And, you know, we ate a full deep dish pizza. I'm from Chicago. So I thought, well, first actually, that's where we went to dinner. First, we went to the hollet what's the, the planetarium. Okay.

I was into the planetarium at that time and like the shows. I've never been. Oh, it's really fun. There was like the one that we went to wasn't good, but there was another one that was like fun. Like it had like good stories and stuff and they get these like Shakespeare actors to do them and they walk in the room and they're like holding an orb. And it's like, you know, they walk in like a star, a bright shining light, light years away.

exploding in the distance like they're just like it's very theatrical yeah very dramatic and you're like looking at this big screen above your head and it's you know it's a beautiful iconic location

up there but I go to pay for the show and I don't have my wallet and what did you say? That's the sound I made I went hmm let me check my car

and then I couldn't find it in the car and I went let's just let's go watch the cool show and then it wasn't that good of a show it was like more boring it wasn't the more theatrical one and then we went back to my house which was in echo park right by masa and we go into the house and jessie goes in and she like i think kyle was there and she's like talking to kyle and i'm like ripping apart my room can't find my wallet turns out i had gotten my car wash that day for the date and i left it at the car watch ended up getting it later They had it. So I'm like, I can't find my wallet. I don't have any money. And I was like, eh, eh, ah, can you pay for this? I'll get you back.

So she paid for the show and dinner? She paid for the show and dinner and drinks at Prada across the street from Mesa afterwards. That's very funny to me. But I was paying rent in my room where we ended up staying in the night. Hell yeah, dude. Nothing crazy happened, but we did. Yeah, you rubbed each other's belly. Yeah, we were right to sleep.

You were full. How's your tummy feeling? Yeah, we helped you. Digesting that lactose. We're just helping each other fart throughout the night. Just like getting out toots. Getting out toot. Just Dutch oven in each other's farts.

It was so beautiful. And we knew from that day that we could be, we could have children together. How long ago is this? I think it was about 14 years ago. Oh, my God. Yeah, maybe even more. Because, you know, I'm like, Oh, was that the last time?

Is it 15 years now? I forget it. I think it was 2000. Wait, no. Maybe 16 years. I think 16 years. Yeah. I think 2010.

Maybe it was 2011. No, 2011. Okay, yeah. 15 years. Do you celebrate your anniversary on the day you met? Or is there like a day where you're like, be my girlfriend? Be my woman. Yeah.

That was a couple. Well, I don't actually remember. I don't know if we have that day. I think we knew pretty much right away, but also, like, I was at a time where I had just dated for the first time in my life for, like, three years. And it was really the first time I was dating and dating confidently. And then... So were you in, like, a long-term relationship, or were you just not dating? Like, oh, before that, I was in relationships, but I was also, like, too awkward about, like, I didn't know how. Like, there were moments when, like, I was just, like, like, I think it was,

like in college, I had a girlfriend and then I had a long distance relationship my senior year. And then that carried into my a year and a half after graduating. And I just like, I didn't know how to date. Like I'd never really dated. And I was always kind of a late bloomer. And I, there were, I think, I guess I met Jesse when it was about like 26, 27. So, so yeah, it was, it was a couple years of dating. But at that time, I was like, okay, like, don't follow up the next day.

You know, it was kind of like, what's the weird rules? The weird rules. What's the movie with like, it's like John Fabrow, Vince Vaughn, not swingers. You know, you got away, how many days until you call your, but you've never seen it? You've never seen it? Oh, my God. There's so many movies I've never seen. Wow.

It's wild that I'm like, I want to be an actor, but I don't know what a movie is. Is it something like this? Is this acting? Is this acting? That is good acting. No. No. I once had a teacher tell me that my face moved too much for television.

Wow. I've had a teacher tell me we can tell how much you love acting by how much you're doing. Like, and I do think that is true. I mean, that's like, that's like in comedy, you can be like, well, just go nuts and like really be physical. But then when you see like a real and like I've had to do more of the. this and like any sort of like film television dramatic acting is like an exercise and restraint yes like don't do anything yes and it's just so and also like they'll talk and they'll be like

like I love you so much I once had a I can't hear you like a lovely actor who is a dramatic actor but we were doing comedy and I was doing what I thought I was hitting the jokes yeah and they were like hey it's just the two of us let's just talk And I was like, okay. And I felt so weird. And I was like, yeah, and I have your files. Like, I just, I was like, I don't. This is not how I talk to people.

There's jokes. Do you not want me to hit the jokes? Oh, my God. And then we did like another take where he's like, where he ended up directing the scene and was like, and I want you to like go up on that line. But also just remember, we're like, we're just here talking. And I was like, I'm going to walk into traffic. Yeah.

I'm going to walk right in it. What is this? So he ended up. He wasn't the director. He was not the director. Okay. But he ended up directing me. And then I did another job where we did a take and the director went, hey, can you do that again?

But like, be normal. And I was like, mm. Oh, yes. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Got it. I know that you might be frustrated as the director and you want to get your result quicker,

but that is the last way to do it. That makes me feel crazy. That's going to make me die inside. It's going to make me angry. Even weirder. Even weirder. Yeah. But then you watch things where, okay, I just watched Send Help.

Have you seen that? Oh, no, but I want to. So, but I was trying to see it in theaters and I just, like, couldn't get around to it. And I thought about seeing it today. I was like, I want to see Send Help. I don't think it's in theaters anymore, though. No, but you can get it. I can get it, I can get it at home.

It's like available at home. It's available at my house now. Can I watch it on my house? I can watch it right up my house. Is it available in my house? I got an available in my house. I got an available in my house. I'm not going to be.

I can't. But I watched it at home. I felt it deserved to be on a big screen. And I was like, whatever. You want to feel that with other people. Yes. I'm like to hear the reaction. But Rachel McAdams is having such a fun time.

Yeah. And you like watch her have a fun time. And I'm like, this is acting. Yeah. This is fun. Like horror genre acting. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. Yeah. Okay. Beck. Okay, Nicole. That's really your name. That isn't your real name. Well, it's my middle.

Middle name. Yeah. Christopher Beck Bennett is my full name. It's such a good name. Have you always gone by Beck or was it a like a thing where you're like, no, I need like a cool name. I need a cool name to be like an actor. No, I just ever since I was one, like they tried calling me Christopher and then they were like my back is my mom's maiden name. And they were like I was very physical and my mom's side is like they're like athletes and whatever. So like they were like he's all back. He's all back. And then it was just like easier to say. and then you start calling me back. There are like a couple little home videos where they're like, Christopher, Christopher.

And you're just like, uh-uh. I'm like, no. Who's that? I will not respond to Christopher. But yeah, yeah, real name Christopher Beck Vanek. Kyle Mooney's probably the only person who calls me Christopher sometimes. Oh, really? Yeah.

And a lot of people go, like especially like in college and stuff. Like if a, I feel like it's like typically if a girl found out my name was Christopher, they'd be like, I'm going to call you, Chris. And they never would. And then Kyle, Kyle's the only one who's followed through with that. Does he do it as a bit? Or is it he's known you so long? I think it's just he's known me so long. I think it's just like me.

I feel like it's something about, I don't know, it's like he'll be like Christopher. Like it's almost like sort of like siblingish, like parentalish. I have a friend who's a drag queen. And when they're out of drag, I use their boy name. And anytime I use their boy name like in front of other people, they're like, who? Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

For me, it's just like, it's nice to have a distinction between, like, this person who performs and then this person is my friend. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Christopher. That's funny. See what that, see where that's coming from. Hmm, yeah. I wonder if he's trying to make a distinction between his business partner and then his friend.

Yeah, his, he's, like, performing, the person he performs with and the person he, like, trying to relate to on, like, a different way. I don't know. Maybe he, like, maybe he wants to date me or something. Maybe he's like in love with me. I don't know. Maybe Kyle loves you and is jealous of Jesse and wants to usurp her and become your wife. Yes, I would say that except I know his wife and she is amazing.

Love you, Kate. So I can't agree with that. But everybody loves Jesse, my wife too. So I'm not saying that he doesn't love her. I love Kate. I don't know what to do. Can I ask, before you met Jesse, do you remember any? like dates that stood out as like, hmm, this lady's, this is tough.

Ooh, yeah. I mean, I remember one double date that really just, it ended. I just was like, I was not interested. I mean, it's been a while since I've had to, like, think about specific dates, but I remember that ended with her trying to, like, I think, crack my knuckles in her car and be like, I can crack knuckles. And it, like, really hurt. And I was like, oh, all right.

All right. So nice meeting you. And I, like, got out of the car and kind of, kind of booked it a little. That's really funny. I can crack knuckles really good. I can crack knuckles. This will do it. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Oh, I'm good. All right. Thank you. You broke my hands. After you got S&L, did women throw themselves at you?

You know, I don't know. I don't think so. No. I mean, I was also so out of my mind during that time, like, so, like, fear, brain trying to survive, just scared, I think, that it was hard to really, like, Jesse would even be like, we'd be talking and she'd be like, where are you? Like, I do not, you're not present with me at all. So, so, yeah, as far as I know, no. But it was probably, it might have been that time, who knows, it might have been, like, a little bit like high school where girls were like, hey, and I was like, hey, what's up?

Hey, I gotta go to my house. Yeah, I just got to, I'm trying to figure out how to fit in and like, yeah, pass my classes and whatever. I don't know. I really like that Jesse calls you out on shit, like being like you're not present right now. Yeah. Oh, yeah, all the time. It's great. That's nice.

I like relationships where like each other, the two people are like challenging one another. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we have so much fun. But, yeah, it's like, yeah, we make each other better. It's great. Can I ask you? Yes. So my assistant does research, and she found that you used sockum boppers to jerk off.

Yes, that is correct. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Now it's out there. Thank you so much for mentioning that. Thank you so much, yes. Oh, wow.

Appreciate that. Where did the idea come from? like, I think my dick will fit in there. Yeah, you know, I just saw it. I was like, that's going to be perfect. I think it was, I think it was my brother's, um, uh, provocative magazines. And there was an ad for a sex doll. Mm-hmm.

Oh. And I was like, that looks like that. Interesting. And then so I went to town on my sock and boppers. And it was pretty incredible. It was fantastic. It was a wild, wild time. That's really good.

I couldn't recommend it more. Yeah. I couldn't recommend. I could recommend them. Hey, if you're out there, if you're out there. If you're out there. Sockum boppers. Sockham boppers. Sockham boppers?

Sockham boppers. Maybe they're sock and boppers. No, they're soccer boppers. But I totally call them sock and boppers too. Sockmoppers. Yeah. You know, it's so much safer than a hot pie. I've heard of people warming up watermelons as well and wearing themselves.

Yeah. Yeah. Just go get a soccer bopperms. and the creativity of the human brain yeah yeah like I want to meet the first person who was like I'm gonna put this watermelon in the microwave and then I'm gonna fuck it

then I'm gonna fuck it yeah there was there was I'm gonna tell somebody about it this crazy do girls girls don't really do that kind no I feel like they'll like rub themselves on the couch or use like a stuffed animal right but I truly have not heard of

well no I went and bought a vibrant from or stole a vibrator from Spencer's. Really? Stole it? Why? Because you didn't want to be, were you too young to be in there?

No, I just didn't want to pay for it. You just didn't want to pay for it. Yeah, that's why you steal. Yeah, of course. No, it's because of money. I want to spend my money, but I want it. Yeah, and how old were you when you got your first? I was, I was not in high school.

I think I was in middle school. So, what is that, like 13, 12? Yeah. Speaking of finding things to jerk off with, I also did find. I think my first. I think the first time I found masturbation was from a, you know, those pens that like squiggle. They kind of like, it was like, at least we had them like when I was a kid. You would like, like this one had like a little weight at the top that spun around.

And so it like vibrated. Oh. And it was a pen that vibrated. So when you wrote, it was like squiggly. And I put that down there. And I was like, oh, that feels great. And so I kind of masturbated for the first time with a vibrator. You know what?

I like that. Yeah, yeah. That's exploration. It really is. Have you watched the show Neighbors on HBO? Yes, I've seen the whole thing. It's incredible. That man at the end.

I know. It's a TV show about people who have problems with their neighbors. And I would even say like it's usually like two problematic neighbors together. And it's like you think one is crazy and then you learn the other one is crazy. And then they're both crazy. You learn the other one's even crazier. Yeah. And they do a really good job of bearing.

the lead and kind of like... But the last episode is a man who just wants to be naked. It's all that he wants. And at one point, he has a, like a massage gun. And then he puts it on his dick and he goes, ooh, ah, ooh, you got to go. And I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. He's on it, dude.

I would just love to be so free with, like, the things I want to do that, like, if I started masturbating in front of a camera crew, that I'd go... Ask them to leave. I'm going to finish. Yeah, yeah. You got to go. You got to go right now. I can't stop.

It's so wild. It is incredible. Yeah. Now apparently his only fans is blown up. That's what he says. But I did look at it. Yeah. And a lot of it's like, hey, if you want to give me money, can I have money?

And I don't know if he'd be asking for money if it was like really hot. It was really, yeah. You know, really popping. Really going on. A lot of cum shots. Really? Oh my God. Wait.

I see, I. Just like cum dribbling out of his. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay. Thank you so much. And that's work. That's not. That's work. We're working. Yes. This is. It's not voyeurism. No, no, no, no, no. We're like doing research. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. If you have an only fans, I will look at it. Okay. I don't have one yet. Anybody. Anybody. Is there like, when I, I, with our podcast, we got a Patreon. People were like, well, do you ever think about getting an only fans? And I'm like, do you think that that, you know what I mean? That's really funny. Well, you have a Patreon. That's one paywall. What if you just show us some toes on the OnlyFans? Just like, show us.

Yeah. You could start with comedy podcasts on OnlyFans and then start working in some toes. You know what I mean? Who knows? I don't know. But like, is OnlyFans like just? Or is it like other kinds of content besides? They at one point were doing comedy.

Wow. But I feel like... I started to OnlyFans, yeah. Yeah, I got these old. Yeah, I started at like... I tell a joke a day. Yeah, it started UCB. I did ground legs.

I did I did only fans. Yeah, yeah. I did funny stuff with my balls and stuff like that. It was like really cool. Yeah. I do think it is mostly sex stuff. Yeah. But I think there is like benign stuff where it's just like women walking around.

Yeah. That might be sex on the other end. Yeah. Yeah. I love legs. Yeah. I like to be like not see everything and just kind of, yeah. Yeah.

See a lady walking in different kinds of pants. Sure. Yeah, some people like pants. Wait, back real quick, we gotta take a break. Take a break. Oh, boy, I realized chasing perfection with makeup has been completely exhausting. I used to layer on so many products to cover every inch of my skin until I look like a literal completely different person. But I've realized, I don't like it when my makeup erases my natural face. I just wanted to look healthier, more radiant without a crazy multi-step routine. That's why I have to tell you about Jones Road Beauty. Their miracle bomb is the ultimate multitasker that eliminates so many different products in my routine. I can tap it on as a blush, bronzer, or even a lip tint, and it gives me an effortless glow in just seconds.

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Because you were in New York doing SNL. She was here. Yes, yeah. She was, she like, we tried, she tried to make New York, like, her home base, but it was before people were doing Zoom auditions, and she was auditioning a lot. And, like, it was, like, all TV and those cast and directors were in L.A. And that's so, so she was like, I'm going to be in L.A. So we ended up getting a house in Echo Park.

And we were doing long distance for a while. And that was hard, especially with, like, S&L when it's, like, all consuming. And, you know. And you're shooting shit, like, till, like, late at night. And then you're up early. Yeah, yeah. The hours are insane. They're insane.

They're absolutely insane. And when you think about it, it's, like, for comedy? Yeah. This could be a nicer schedule. It could be a nicer schedule. It could be a nicer schedule. I know. It's just like you feel so bad and it's like, well, I just want to feel good.

So I need to laugh. Yes. The only way out of this is laughing. And so it's like, I feel like it creates this thing where you fight as hard as possible to be funny. I don't know. Maybe that's just a way of rationalizing the pain. But yeah. So it was difficult for a while.

And then once we kind of like figured it out, we were like, oh, we can do this. And then how long were you long Were you on the show? Five? I was on the show for eight years. No, but that's... Five, two, one. Sorry.

No, I was a featured player for two. So, yeah, a repertory player for six. You were basically right. But that is like kind of what happens. People think, like people kind of, the first two years kind of go away. Most people think it was like five for me, five or six. But yeah, I did the show for eight years and really just long distance for six.

Oh, okay. Got married after year five, though, for me. So it was like three years of real long distance. Because after we got married, that was like, we were like, we're good. We're going to have a child. Because that's kind of what it meant. It's like, we believe that. We're like, we want to have a kid.

So we're just going to, we're going to do it. We're going to get married. We're going to make it all official. Yes, exactly. But six years a long distance. That's a really fucking long time. It is. What is the thing that you felt like really made it work?

Like, what's the thing that was like, ah, that's nice that she does that? Or Jesse was like, that's nice that Beck does this. Interesting. I mean, I don't even know if it was like, you know, we would talk, but I think it was almost like at some point. It was like the not forcing a conversation at the end of the day. You know, like when we're tired and like if she's like, she doesn't want to talk or she doesn't want to hear about my bad. day, that's okay. That doesn't mean she's not like connected to me and cares about me and loves me. Like at the end of the day, it's like, you know, we can just kind of like do our own thing and say,

hey, how are you? I love you. And then like we'll see each other in two weeks. And that was we also got to see each other every, we probably never went more than three weeks without spending like another week or two or three together because the schedule allowed for that. But I think at the end of the day, like the other thing that really made it work was trust. And like, it took me a little while to get there because I would be, because she'd be like shooting stuff and on location and like, you know, it's like camp and she'd becoming best friends with people.

And I'd be like, who are these new, who's this guy who just, who's this new guy who just broke up with his girlfriend halfway into shooting with you. And you got like, you know, and it would just drive me a little bit nuts. But at some point, like, she was like, you know, she'd be like, do you love me? And I would say yes. And she'd be like, well, love is. trust and like you can just like it kind of clicked for me it was like oh yeah like i just chill out i don't need to be trying to see like the vulnerabilities where i'm going to be hurt you know what i mean

like like being like what is this relationship what is that and then so i just kind of was like oh yeah i can just trust you and that's kind of what made it all easier i like that a lot because it's like that that is what love is. Love is trust. But I also really like the, at the end of the day, if I don't want to listen to you, that's not a reflection on you. Yeah. It's not even a reflection on me. It's like, I just don't have the capacity. And it's like, be honest about it. Right. And that feels much better than like the, uh-huh. Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's going to be draining for her. And, you know, I think for a while it was like, oh, if you love me, you're going to want to hear, you're going to want to be there for everything that I'm going through.

Even if it's basically the same three things over and over again. And I can't tell the difference. And I think it's all a unique problem. You know, so, so yeah, yeah, it was like, great. Okay. I was really hungover on Saturday. Yeah. And me and the nice man in my life, I did something that he didn't like.

So he was trying to talk to me about it. And I was like, uh-huh. Okay. And then I was like, I got to lay down. He was like, okay. And then after like 20 minutes, I was like, oh, I should tell you. him I'm hungover and that's why I can't have this conversation. Oh yeah. Yeah, definitely. So I finally was like, hey, sorry I didn't add anything to what you were saying earlier.

I'm really hungover. And he was like, oh, I thought you were mad at me. And I was like, no, I just can't talk to you right now. My body's mad at me and I'm mad at my body. And there's something happening that you can't see. Yeah. And it's like, you just got to say what's up. Yeah. Yeah. And I like that. It's really important. Yeah, it really is. How did you propose? Oh, God. Wow, I don't think anybody's asked me about that. It's kind of a funny.

It was a little, it wasn't a, let's see. Okay, so we were a long distance. You don't have to tell if you don't want to. No, no, no, no. I think there's something there. Okay. We were a long distance and Jesse was like, what is this thing where I have to wait and, like, be surprised? Like, it's all in the man's, what's this, like, tradition where, you know, the man gets to be like, I'm ready.

boom and she's like oh oh I and now and then you have to be like oh my god thank you so much for bestowing this honor on me and we were like the long distance thing and being like choosing to get married is our decision like that we are ready as a couple to start a family and all this and it's like why can't we do all this together and I was we were long distance and I was coming in town and it was like it was kind of like if we're going to get engaged it's going to be like now or Christmas or spring like it's because we're not going to be together she was busy I was busy and we decided to go shopping for a ring together I think we had been going shot like and then she found one she liked she's like I think that's it and I just decided to buy it and we woke up the

next day we were going to Joshua Tree to go camping and I had the ring and I had the ring and I like she woke up and I was like good morning and good morning hey good morning and I was like I pulled the ring yeah my little another beautiful day with my baby you know the thing that come yeah we all do every morning and I was like oh yeah great like you know whatever it was and I was like I said something like can we get married now or something and I was like holding the ring and she was like and she didn't see it and she was like yeah and I was like oh here just oh my god I'm like yes and it was like we had already agreed to do it and like she was like oh thank you I love you and it was sweet and then like we like but then I thought it would be nice to like then have this camping trip that we were going to because

we had been to Joshua Tree together before and loved it but then we had had to like go into logistics mode right after I proposed, you know, together, sort of. And so then we had to like pack up and go to Joshua Tree. And we went and there was no, there were no campsites available. And so they were like, you can go into the overflow area, which is technically right outside the park along like one of the freeways going through the desert. And there's like no official campsites. And there's no like rocks to protect you from the wind. And there were all these. And there's just cars passing by? Yeah, I mean, like, not too close, but, like, you know, you can see the road going

through this, like, open desert. But there were, like, we had our dog, and there were burs everywhere, and he couldn't, like, walk. And we ended up camping. And it was so windy that the tent was just, like, blowing into our faces. And at one point, at, like, two in the morning, we were like, all right, we're done. We're going. And we drove to a day's in, and the only room they had available was a room with two twin beds. So we slept separately and then just got up and went home.

That's so funny. Yeah. But, you know, bad engagement. We're getting married. This is so exciting. Yeah, it was just like, okay, all right. Yeah. But I do love that the two of you together were like, we've had enough of this.

Yes. And let's just get out of here. Pack it up. Go home. Also, I never thought of engagements like that. It truly is a man being like, all right, I guess it's time. I'm ready to be married. and then the woman just doesn't know when it's supposed to happen?

It doesn't really, it doesn't make any sense. It's kind of wild. It's wild. Yeah. And it's also like, well, typically, I mean, that's, I mean, with me, I was like, I was dragging. I was dragging my feet a little bit. I was just like, well, I don't know, like later. Like, let's just wait because I was also, I was, I think I was scared of having a child and, like, changing my life like that.

You should be scared. Yeah, absolutely. Everybody should be scared. Absolutely. You got to, like, of course, having a kid's a nice treat. But like you got to do shit. You got to raise it. You got to do so much shit.

I like, I love my son. I love being a parent. Best thing that's ever happened to me. I would never look at somebody to go, you have to do it. Right. Parents do that. They'll be like, oh, you have to. It's the best.

And I think that's wild. It's crazy to tell somebody to have a child. And I've said to people, I'm like, oh, I'm too selfish. And they're like, no, once you have a kid, you become selfless. And I'm like, yeah, but what if I don't? And then this poor child has to. suffer because I had them, but I'm just incredibly. No, I mean, and I get that.

I get that idea of like you'll become more selfless because it is just like, oh, yeah, I'll do anything for this thing. But if you don't, if you are like self-oriented to the point where that's not even a possibility for you, then maybe, then maybe you shouldn't. Like, it's really. The thought of like buying clothes for somebody that's not me makes me upset. Every three months because they're growing so much. Because they grow so much.

Like, put them in racks. Yeah. But then people will be like, that's child abuse. Wait, Beck, we got to take another break. Let's do it. Recently, I took a little getaway to Joshua Tree with two of my besties and Clyde and let me tell you, what a treat it was, what a dream it was. Now, we love a hotel for traveling, but for a trip like this with friends,

hotels just don't give us the space we need. I love my friends. A bathroom, for one, is not great when three women are trying to do our skin care routine all at the same time, okay? So, we decided to book a stay on Airbnb, and it just makes it for a way better trip. You could find the coolest, most unique spots to stay in. We found a home on Airbnb that had an actual vintage airstream in the backyard just for lounging, plus this gorgeous outdoor soaking tub. I was looking online, and you can literally find houses shaped like UFOs or ones with

giant telescopes in the living room for stargazing. We had so much fun cooking, a big group dinner together, then we lounged around, laughing until like 2 a.m., which you literally cannot do when you're all split up into separate hotel rooms. Next time, you're planning a getaway with your friends. Do yourself a favor and book a stay on Airbnb. Getting dressed used to take me forever because I could never find the perfect balance between an outfit that looked really cute and was actually comfortable. I love fabrics that feel expensive, but actually let me breathe. Quince fixed all of that for me because all the clothes they make are flattering but feel luxurious. Quince makes it incredibly easy to refresh your everyday wardrobe for spring with

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We went to Bangkok for a couple days and we went to the, where it was Shanghai and stayed in like an eco resort and like a treehouse type thing. Ooh, that's fun. Like, yeah, hung out with some elephants in a pond and cooked food. And then we went to Riyavadi Beach and like just the food was so. I want to go and I want to eat food. I love traveling to eat. Yeah, walking around and getting foot massage. There are foot massages everywhere.

So, like, you just, like, walk and eat and get, like, a little 30-minute foot massage and feel amazing. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. That was one of the best. Cuba was also pretty really amazing one with her friends, Will and Nikki. And that was, it was right when it was, like, opened up to tourism. It was, it was pretty, it was really, the food was amazing. And it was fun to go out.

but it was also like you could really feel the history of the country itself and the relationship with the U.S. Just based on things that people said to us. Oh, really? Like this one woman, we were like sitting at like this old hotel and oddly one of the Fast and Furious movies was shooting there as well. And we were like, there was like this helicopter going back and forth. And she kind of was like, we're sitting there and she's like, are you having fun? And we were like, yeah, this is great. She was like, yeah.

When I was a child, my mother and father were executed, and I went to the United States, like with a relative of hers. And this is my first time back. And we're like, cool. Wow, this is wild. That's faster. It's been down there?

Like, I think that's Vin Diesel's head. That's cool. Yeah. well, everything's good now. You know, there were like little comments, kind of like that. That's wild. Yeah, yeah, just. Oh, my God.

I took my grandpa to Barbados where he's from for the last time because he's like 97 now or 98. And there was a lady at the gate who was like, so you guys are going to Barbados? And we were like, yes. And she was like, oh, are you excited? And my grandpa was like, well, I'm from Barbados. And she's like, why did you leave? And then my grandpa was like, well, I was working in a sugar cane field. and I wanted more opportunity.

I was like, oh, this is funny. You're explaining poverty to this woman. Yeah, yeah. There's like a lot of reasons. What are you talking? You think it's like, you think you're just like when you live there, you're on vacation? But I'm dying, this lady. My parents were executed.

Yeah. That's a wild thing to say to strangers. It's a wild thing. And she did it in that sort of way. He's like, you having fun? Like, kind of like a villain out of a movie. Like, you know, like the rich villain who like you, I don't know, you find yourself like hand side behind your back

and she walks out of like these curtains and like smoking a cigarette or something. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. But it was a fun trip. Oh,

I have a question for Beck. That's okay. Oh, yeah, Marr's short. A fun fact for listeners. Beck actually starred in a short film called How to Lose Weight in Four Easy Steps where he played my boyfriend,

Aaron Blair, that's just a fun back. But my question. Aaron's your boyfriend? Yeah, Aaron's my boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Cool.

And you start alongside Jesse, who played your love interest in the short film. And so I want to know, what it's like working with your girlfriend at the time and actually being like in a love interest together. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good question. That's a good question. I've never been asked that. That was, that was nice. It was really nice and easy because our scenes, there was no, there was no dialogue. And, I mean, we would talk and like improvise, you know, what was sort of like happening, but there was voiceover for a lot of it. And we could kind of just,

just like make it whatever we wanted it to be as opposed to like maybe trying to put our relationship into specific lines you know in a specific relationship so it was kind of like we could just look at each other and laugh and like feel those moments of like you know seeing somebody and being like I like them so I've done we did we did another short film where we were a couple and it was like kind of an argument and it was it just was it wasn't the same I mean, maybe it's because the dialogue wasn't there or something, but like, but with that, we were able to sort of just like... Your chemistry was so cute. Oh, thank you.

I love that. I luckily, I feel like even if it was cute and adorable, like, typically I would look back on that and be like, oh, that's like crazy. But when I do watch it, I'm like, oh, that's really sweet. Yeah, there's like a moment where, because you guys are like working out at a gym together where Jesse like raises. her arm and you like sniff her armpit a bit. Oh, yeah. I just like tell if she's stinky or not. And that feels like that wouldn't happen unless you guys were like already in a relationship

to me. Like I wonder if like that kind of was like your idea or? I, you know, I honestly don't even, I don't even remember. But yeah, little things like that. Yeah, she's so cute. I loved it. Thank you. I love that short so much.

I mean, it's a, I probably get more comments about that than most things because people will come up to me like often at the gym and be like that changed my life. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I love that. Yeah, it's really sweet. And I can respond to people when they're like, you changed my life.

I'm like, you're welcome. Join my Patreon. No, I'm just like, oh, my God. I mean, that is, you know, sometimes you get people, it's great. It's so refreshing. Somebody's like, thank you. I want to tell you thank you as opposed to like, you're that guy from that thing. Oh, I used to, you know, what, like some vague understanding of who I am or like.

So when somebody comes. comes up and is like, this thing you did really affected me. It just is really sweet. Yeah. I appreciate it. I like when people say things like that. Yeah, I do. I'm like, oh, I made something.

I made you. Yeah. That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. I, um, sometimes people will tell me how much I mean to them. And then they'll cite the thing that changed their life. And I have to just nod because sometimes I wasn't in it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally. I go, mm-hmm. Uh-huh. I'm so glad. Oh, that's great. Yeah, fantastic. Love it. Do you have advice for people who are single? I mean, the advice might be something that you get a lot, which I think is, it feels also so weird to be giving advice to single people now when things are so different than they used to be.

And I've been out of the game for so long. But like I said, when I met my wife, I had been dating for about three years. years and was like, it was enjoying it and was like, oh, like, I can just ask people out and go on a date and, you know, have fun. And it was, it like worked after being so scared of it. And then towards the end of it, I was like, I think I'm ready to meet somebody. I'm ready to fall. I'm ready to fall in love. And then like a month or two later, it kind of happened. And I think like when I see, when I see people who are frustrated, my friends or, you know, peers or whatever that are still frustrated and not able to find somebody, I do kind of go like, I feel like you're focusing too much on the other person and what you want and what you're not getting as opposed to just like kind of working on

yourself and just like being open to things that you might not think that you want. You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like if I hear a girl being like, well, he's not tall enough. It's like. Yeah. Or like a guy, you know, hung up on a physical thing as well or being like. Like, you know, people have these ideas of what they want.

And some of them may be accurate. But I really think that like if you just relax and work on your stuff and just stay open as possible is the advice I would give. I think that's good advice. I like that. Great. Don't get stuck on things. Just be open. Yeah.

Don't be like, I'm looking for this. And that's what will make me happy. Because chances are there are, you don't know your. that well and you don't know what you need, what's really going to make you go, oh, wow, I want to like, like, Jesse, like she was like, we got in arguments more than I thought was healthy, but it was some, she was somebody who was challenging me and was exciting to be with and made me a better person. Whereas like, I think somebody who maybe would be more like, I don't know, just, I didn't want somebody that it was just going to be like, yeah, you're funny and you're

Right. Like that's boring to me, you know, but I think maybe initially I wanted like something that was just copacetic. But it's like, no, that's not what I need and that's not what I fell in love with. So anyway, yeah, just being open. I like that. It is interesting arguments sometimes because sometimes with the nice man in my life, I'm just like, oh, boy, that fight. And he was like, that wasn't a fight. Right. We just disagreed on something and then talked it through.

Yeah. And I was like, oh. Yes. That's kind of what Jesse would say. She'd be like, we're just talking. And also, like, I think we did, it was part of it when we decided to get married. Part of it was the long distance thing we had figured out. But it was also that I say that we learned to argue effectively and, like, not be mad at each other but sort of find a resolution. And, like, it's not that we don't fight. It's just that we can go like, we can listen to the other person and make little changes moving forward. So, yeah. Yeah, I like that. effectively. It seems like your relationship is based a lot on like, I hear you and I will adjust or like, I see you and I meet you there and that's nice. Yeah, yeah. I think it is. We really, we really are. It used to be kind of more of a one-way street like I needed to be open to what she had to say and she only had things to say to me. And I think that like now I can,

we're at a place where we can reflect those things to each other a little bit more. I like that. That's really fucking sweet. And you talk about her so lovingly, and that's, I love love love. I love, love, too. I love her. It's so nice. She's incredible. Beck, can I ask you a question?

Yes, you can. Absolutely. Would you date me? Absolutely. I would love to date you. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go out.

Let's go to the planetarium and then Masa and I'll forget my wallet, but it'll be perfect. And I just won't have any money and we'll have to shoot everybody. Great. That'll be fun. That'll be really fun. Beck, thank you so much for being here. This was absolutely delightful. Good.

I had a blast. Thank you so much for having me. Can I ask you another question? Yeah. What do you have to promote? My podcast with Kyle Mooney here on Headgum, what's our podcast where we don't know what our podcast is about and we have guests on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about and then we try it.

But it's mainly a conversation with them, but they come and pitch us an idea and then we try a little version of it and mess around. Have you ever done like the, wait, how am I, I, I'm not praising this right. No, I do that all that. That's like usually, that is me in the podcast. I'll be like, so I don't know what the question is, but here I go. I'm gathering the words. I can't believe how hard that broke down and how I just really gave up.

Have you ever had an idea where someone came in and then you were like, no? Not yet. But some people have come in with options. and we've chosen one. But no. And honestly, like, there are some that I don't. They pitch. And I'm like, I'm not, I don't know what to do with this.

But we came up with this idea and we put ourselves in this position. And we can't say, like, no, like, we just have to go along with whatever these people bring in and support it as much as possible. I love that. Yeah. Well, listen to that podcast. Thank you. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me? I got to close an eye.

You can like it. You can follow it. You can write five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me Podcasts at gmail.com, I'll read it. This person writes, Hi, Nicole, also Mars, with a little hand wave. You and Sashir can treat me like your ninja creamy. You two will finger blast each other and come in my mouth. I don't want to do that with a friend.

I'll mix and switch the come. Yeah, truly. I'll switch the come around until it's nice and creamy. We will snowball the creamy come and a three-way makeout. Oh, forever marking y'all's journey as the Creamy Sisters. Oh, my God, the Creamy Sisters. Well, on our podcast, I called her, she was wearing a cream-colored jumpsuit. And then I was like, I have a cream-colored jumpsuit.

We could wear them together and be the Creamy Sisters. So that person took something really light and silly and fun and made it disgusting. Yeah. And you invited them to do that. I did. I said, please do it. I was looking forward to this part of the podcast, probably the most, sitting here while you read something sexually disgusting. And maybe not disgusting.

You know what I mean? No judgment. Nasty. I don't want to snowball come into Sashir's mouth. I mean, but. She's a good Christian woman. She really is. But, you know, she's open.

I don't know. Getting to only fans. See what happens. Show them toes. And, yeah, donate like 10% of it to charity or something. Oh, my God. What if I did do that? No, I don't want to show my toes.

I'm not going to do that. Those are for you. Those are my toes. They're in a shoe. Bye back. Bye. Thank you. That was a HeadGum podcast.

Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive. Yeah. From our show, This Is Us.

That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot.

A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.