Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Finding Love at DragCon (w/ Taylor Orear)

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

Friend and fashion stylist Taylor Orear joins Nicole to shares the most adorable story behind meeting his boyfriend at RuPaul's Drag Con. They also discuss the importance of leaving baggage behind when starting new relationships, their crazy trip to Italy together, and their love for Obama's juicy butt.Need more Nicole Byer? Check out her new podcast - Newcomers! Her and Lauren Lapkus will be watching and reviewing Star Wars films for the very first time. Subscribe today so you don't miss an episode.Rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts and leave a dirty comment for a chance to have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode. I almost forgot how I do my intro. Welcome to another episode of Oh, I Watch There's Balloons. Oh, my God, I haven't taken my medicine.

Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Take Me? A podcast where me and Nicole Byer tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though if you shit in my eye, I will scoop it out and say, I love you. My guest today, ooh, he's a stylist. We went to Italy together.

We had a great time. It's Taylor O'Brien. Hey, hey, hey. Hi, Taylor. How are you? I'm great. I have coffee, and really, there's nothing better than that. I mean, I love some coffee.

I got some cold brew. You've got cold brew nitro. Nitro cold brew. It's smoother. It is. And it has much more of a kick. And hey. And it's foamy. it's foamy at the top

it's like it's like beer except you get really hyper rather than really drunk and it has the head on top which I love head that's right

exactly boy Taylor this is your this is your first full episode of a podcast. This is my official first podcast. I'm very excited, very honored. I've called into our mutual friend Mateo Lane's podcast. I talked about, he called me to ask me about how drag queens tuck.

So I equated it to basically like doing origami with your junk and then smashing it like a pancake. And then like, and then basically just like throwing a bunch of padding over it. That's so funny that he wouldn't know how you tuck. You just, yeah, you smush it up. You just smush it in. Smush it up and tape it up. That's it. I love a tuck with clear tape. Because you just see all the weird folds of everything.

It's very funny to me. Fun fact, fun fact, season 8 finale of RuPaul's Drag Race, when they were doing the like, the video where they react to who wins. Mm-hmm.

I was there with Bob the Drag Queen and Naomi's tuck popped. So I had the honor of helping

put it back in place and it was the clear tape. Oh. And a nightmare. No. And a nightmare. No. And a nightmare.

Taylor, you are not single. No. But were you ever on the apps? I mean, to say I wasn't on the apps would be a lie. Okay. I've done the apps, but it was always like in a time of desperation or like I'd stayed out too long. I had a little too much to drink. And I was like, let's see what there is out there in the world.

And it was always the same for people that was like, do you want to party? And I was just like, you know, I'm going to pass. I'm going to pass on that. But I did never use the apps as like a formidable way to today get a relationship going yeah no i i am very lucky am i i yes i just never um i'm just like somebody who likes the personal interaction the chemistry the like because there are plenty of people that I'm sure like if I saw a picture of, I'd be like, you're attractive. And then you meet them and you're like, you're awful.

I don't want anything to do with you. That's why the apps are so tricky because I try very hard not to like have like a full blown converse, like, you know, like days and days and weeks of talking to somebody because then you make up who they are in your head. And then you meet them and you're like, oh, you are literally nothing, like I thought. It's like when they say, don't meet your heroes. Not that these men are, like, my heroes, but, like, you know, you meet your favorite actress

and she, like, smacks you in the face and calls you a smurf. Absolutely. Are you speaking from personal experience? Yeah. I loved Meryl Streep when I met her. And she said, smacked me right in the face and said, you little smurf.

Imagine. Yes. It would be very funny. I would love for Meryl Streep to call me a smurf and hit me. Just anything Meryl Streep, just slap me, please. Meryl,

if you're listening, hit me. I like to be heard. Call me a smurf. Um, but how did you meet your boyfriend? You met him in person.

We met in person. It's a fun story. Tell me. So, it's so like, I feel like when I tell the story, it's so like,

gushy and like, meh. People are like, okay. But I, it's my truth. Um, so, it's my truth. It's my truth. So we met actually

at RuPaul's Drag Con. It was April 28th. And we were, you were there for the date. Oh yeah. It stuck out. So I was there with our friends,

Bob the Drag Queen and Mateo Lane. Mateo and I were like selling merch, which meant we were just like cruising and looking for men to date. And so all of a sudden I look over and I see this very handsome man looking back at me. And I was like, is this guy looking at me and so i'm like you know doing the whole thing where you like turn and look around like maybe he's looking at the poster behind me um and then i keep looking back and i'm like i think he's looking at me so then i go to mateo and i'm like mateo is this guy looking at me? He's like, yeah, he is. I'm like, okay,

well now what? He's like, go talk to him. I'm like, I can't, I literally, I can't do that. Like I can't, he was like with friends and like, how awkward would it be to like walk over and say, excuse me, can I talk to only you? Like can all of zero interest in you people. Absolutely. This one I like. Exactly. So I was like, I can't do that.

I just can't do that. So like, I go and do something, turn around, and he's gone. And I'm like, well, missed it.

That's it. And so Mateo literally stands on a chair in the middle of the convention center in LA and like, looks over the crowd looking for him. Turns around and said, yeah, girl, he's gone. I was like, oh, shit. Okay, well, oh, well.

So we go about our day. We do the breast of drag con for the day. We're leaving. And on Instagram, there's like that side folder, the requests for people that you don't follow or whatever. So there was like a request and I open it and I see it's him. And it says, this message says something along the lines of, I hope this doesn't come off as creepy. says something along the lines of, I hope this doesn't come off as creepy.

I hope it's, my intention is that this is sweet, but I can't stop thinking about you. And I would love to meet you. And I, when I tell you, I fell out. I was like, Mateo! Like on the floor, dip,

full dip onto the ground. And I was like, it's! Like, on the floor. Dip. Full dip onto the ground. And I was like, it's him. It's him. And he's like, well, write him back. First of all, calm down. And then write him back. So, I was like, what do I say? What do I say?

Of course, it becomes like a whole, like, workshop. We need a writer's room. Let's sit down. I don't know what to do. You're in the rewrite room. You're like, this isn't good enough. Exactly. So why do we make that so important? Like, the words we

say via, like, phones and texting and messaging, it becomes such a, like, mindfuck. Because you don't want to say something and then have them read it the wrong way. Right. And then you want it to be perfect.

So all of your intentions are clear. Honestly, I don't know because I've never gotten a text and been like, I can't believe that's how it's written. Right. You know, nobody on the receiving end is saying, you're like,

what a fucking idiot. Unless it just says K or a thumbs up. You're like, okay, this bitch. I just did that to someone today. They asked me if, like,

Saturday was a good day to hang out. And I was like, thumbs up. And then, I keep thinking about it. They may be fine with it, but I'm like, uh-oh.

Are they going to take this the wrong way? I should like, say something else. So then I started typing something else. And then I was like, no. And then I started typing, typing and i was like but what if they're looking at it and then it goes away so i've just left it my favorite gif gif gif i say gif because gif is peanut butter great i'm gonna take that forever and use it so gif my favorite GIF to send is those dot dot dots. It exists.

Taylor, that's evil. People are like, what the fuck are they going to say? Can we say fuck? Terrible. You can say fuck. Okay. You can say anything you want. That's the worst. It's hilarious. It's so mean. When did a thumbs up though in our society

become like a negative? Like this bitch. It used to be such when did a thumbs up though in our society become like a negative like this bitch it used to be such a like thumbs up you did great yeah good job and now it's like cool dude cool

sure Jan yes okay so you wrote him back finally we Matteo and I write him back

and I'm like yeah I would love to meet you just keep it cool like don't back. And I'm like, yeah, I would love to meet you. Just keep it cool. Like, don't seem desperate. Meanwhile, I'm literally on the ground. So we start writing each other, trying to figure out, like, I was only in L.A. I was still living in New York.

So I was only in L.A. until Monday. Okay. And this is Saturday? Yes. This was Saturday. So we are writing back and forth. And then we decide to take it to the next level, which is let's exchange phone numbers. Take it out of the gram.

Yes. Exchange phone numbers. Okay. So he sends me his phone number. And it's a 512 area code. 512 area code is Austin, Texas. I'm also a 512 area code. 512 area code is Austin, Texas. I'm also a 512 area code. So I was like, wait a minute, are you from Austin? And he said, yes. And I said, me too. It was like a whole other level of like, what? This is crazy. Like, this is just like crazy that we're from the same place so he grew up literally like

20 minutes away from where i grew up in austin um anyway so we are texting and we decide we're gonna meet up the next day after drag so i do drag con the whole next day we meet up that night and I tell Mateo like you have to come with me because even though this guy is like super attractive

and like I'm into it what if he's crazy he could kill you Jeffrey Dahmer I would have gone home with Jeffrey Dahmer would you oh my god

have you seen him yes I don't think he's that hot oh I think for like what decade was he the 80s the 70s 70s whatever thoses, whatever.

Those like glasses with the bar across the top. Okay. At that time, that was hot. That was hot. That was sexy. Honestly, I love that I'm like, Jeffrey Dahmer, never. But like, I'm so desperate.

I absolutely would go home with him. And I'd be like, yes, daddy, chop me up. Chop me up with acid in my brain. Yes, daddy, hurt me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. So you just never know. So I brought Mateo as a reinforcement.

And we meet at Alex. That's my boyfriend's name. He suggests that we go to Trunks in WeHo. Trunks? Exactly. I've never been to Trunks and you never should i walked in with mateo looked around and was like i'm not we're not staying here so we leave it's just like sorry trunks but it's a mess of a place It's that place where like it's super fun like when you're already wasted. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you just need a good time with your friends. It's like the last stop of the night. It's dark. It smells weird. It doesn't matter when you're drunk though. So like it's great.

But not when you're meeting somebody for the first time. Sure. That's so funny. It's just a place called Trunks, which is dirty and dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I know just the place.

We're really setting the bar low. Which is so funny because I know Alex and he's like so kind and sweet and doesn't seem like he would like a place like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Maybe he's got a dark side. He's got secrets. Yes.

So I left and decided to go to a much more classy establishment, Flaming Saddles. Okay. I fucking love Flaming Saddles. I do too, especially in WeHo. I mean, there's just so much to, you can go by yourself and have a great time. Yep. I love a bar where you can go by yourself and have a great time. And make a ton of friends.

Swing it around. Uh-huh. They've got poles. Levels. It's great. Food. They have food? They have food.

I don't think I've ever eaten there. It's great. They have tater tots. I have tater tots in my freezer currently. I love a tater tot. I need to make them. Yeah. Maybe today?

Yes. Yes. That's a tater tot. I need to make them. Yeah. Maybe today? Yes. Yes. That's a good idea. Okay. So, anyway, we go to Flaming Saddles. Alex comes. We're talking. And I was like, you know what?

The bar isn't, like, the place that I want to be to, like, talk to you. So, let's go somewhere. So, we walk down the street to a diner. Mateo comes along. And halfway through, like, our diner experience, Mateo looks at me and is like, I think I should go. Like, I think this is good, right?

And I was like, I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should go. So Alex and I, we, like I said, we only had a limited amount of time to like get to know each other so we go home and we you know uh-huh have a good time a good old time he finds out at O'Real. Yes, yes. So I lived up to my name. So it was awful. Sorry, Mom.

She's like, oh! She's like scratching her head, shaking it. Anyway, I stay over and it was like, I don't know, there was like a whole different feeling to like being with this person. was like, I don't know. There was like a whole different feeling to like being with this person. Because like we've all had a hookup.

We've all had a thing. And it is what it is. It's like you hook up and you say thanks and you give a thumbs up and you leave. If I fuck somebody and they just looked at me and gave me a thumbs up, I would literally walk into traffic. Have you given like a high five? No, but once I had a guy go, thank you. And I was like, you're welcome. Okay, I hooked up with a French dude once in Chicago.

Afterwards, he was like, I don't like Americans. And I was like, you just did. You can't say that. That is so rude. Wow. What a way to live up to like the stereotype of French people being fucking rude. Yes. I don't like Americans.

I was like, really? Okay. Well, you just liked one. Yeah. How rude. So anyway, we wake up and we're like, okay, what's next? Because I had to be at my Airbnb by noon. It's like 8 o'clock in the morning.

And so, Alex decides to text work and say, or email work, whatever, and say he has car trouble and he can't come in. So, he was just really under my hood. So we decided to go to a diner. We love a diner. Love diners. Diners are so good. There are no good diners in LA. I will say that that is not true.

Oh. I love Mel's Drive-In. I don't think it's a drive-in, but. Unlike Melrose? No. On Highland? There's actually, they just built a new, it's on Highland, but they just built a new one in Santa Monica.

Totally different side of the world for you. Truly. But. I have to take a plane to get there. It is so good. All right. I'll try Mel's. I've never been.

They even have the Arnold Schwarzenegger menu. What? Which is plant-based. Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger a vegan? Yeah. I think he's like flexitarian. Flexitarian? What's that?

It's like where you eat meat sometimes. Oh my God, I've never heard of that. Maybe I'll be a flexitarian. Oh, P.S. Remember I was like, I'm going to go vegan. Yes, how's it going? Not great. It's not, okay. I truly ate like a bone yesterday.

Like I had a big fucking steak. I was like gnawing on it. And then I gave it to my dog Charlie when I was done. So like me and my dog shared a bone last night. Charlie was like, there's nothing left. He was like gnawing on it. And then I gave it to my dog Charlie when I was done. So like me and my dog shared a bone last night. Charlie was like, there's nothing left. He was like, bitch, you can't just give me a bone. There was a little bit of meat left on it.

Well, it's fine. You can be a flexitarian. Okay, I'll be a flexitarian. Do just like no meat Mondays and then call yourself a flexitarian and you're good. Great. So yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger has this menu and some of the proceeds go to like helping. To like bodybuilders in need. Well, it's more for like activity for children.

He's all about being active, I guess. Like Michelle Obama. Like Michelle. Get active and have a garden. I love that woman. I recently just saw a picture of Barack Obama and his butt looks so juicy. With those skinny pants and the rolled up.

Yes, and some sneaks. I was like, you can get it. Oh my God. Tatty president. Like, that is what a president like, should be always. I think so too. Instead, we've got this like, fucking baggage. Okay, did you see his tweet

the other day? It's like getting a little exercise in. He was golfing. Golfing. I said, first of all, you could I tweeted back and I said, honey, you need more than a little and you've been golfing so much that if this is your form of exercise,

you need to step up your game because it's not working. I didn't get a response. No? I don't know why. It was sound advice. I mean, honestly, I would love it if the president responded to you.

But honestly, that's not so far out of the realm of possibilities. Do you know what I mean? Oh, 100%. He retweeted a cast member from 90 Day Fiance. I was like,

what is the world we're living in? Also, he's a foreign person. I was like, what is the world we're living in? Also, he's a foreign person. I was like, what is happening? He loves reality TV. Oh, yeah. I'm like, do you? Can I say?

Of course. When it was Donald Trump before he was the president and before he was even running for president, I enjoyed his TV. He was fucking crazy. He gave us some gems. crazy. He gave us some gems.

Yes. NeNe Leakes on The Apprentice. I never watched The Apprentice. Oh my God. She was amazing. It was great TV. I mean, NeNe Leakes is truly incredible. Also, one of the biggest ladies I've ever met.

I love her. I have never met her very briefly and she was like in heels and bitch is already like 6 foot tall yeah she's massive she's like majestic imagine her on a pole yeah she would have to do zero tricks

she like touches the ceiling watch me she literally raises the roof she just reaches up do you literally raises the roof She just reaches up Do you think raise the roof Was just a real tall person dancing And then like moved roof tiles Guys we're gonna have to raise this roof

Oh man Becky's here Gotta raise the roof Have you seen that Netflix movie Tall Girl It's just a movie about the trials and tribulations of some big bitch. And she's not even that tall. Yeah. Was there some backlash on that?

Yes, because everyone was like, bitch, you're fine. If your problem is being tall. Like, go take a nap. Yeah, good for you. Everyone's like, you're so big. Yeah, you're so tall. You're fucking tall. Okay, so you went to a diner.

So we go to a diner. It's eight in the morning. Wait, before we continue the story, we have to take a break. Great. And we're back! Yeah! Okay, so you go to a diner.

So we go to a diner. Ray's Diner. It's such a cute place on Pico in Santa Monica. You love Santa Monica. I do. I'm a West Side Fly guy, as one of my friends would say. I never see you. I know, exactly.

It's so sad. So we go to Ray's. It was amazing. We had the good old, like, lumberjack, whatever, whatever. Is that like an egg, bacon? All the meats. Every breakfast meat. Ham.

Ham. Yeah. Breakfast ham. Breakfast ham is so good. I don't know if I've ever had ham at breakfast. They just throw it on the skillet and that's it. When I was little, I used to love ham and pound cake together. Ooh, pound cake.

Salty and sweet and sometimes a dollop of ice cream. Oh, together. Ooh, pound cake. And sweet. And sometimes a dollop of ice cream. I was always meant to be fat. That sounds amazing, though. Always. That sounds amazing. It was really good. Really good.

So then we just couldn't get enough of each other, really. So we knew that the time was running out. And so he said, what do you want to do? We just have like a few hours. And he said, have you ever been to Malibu? And I said, no. So he goes, let's just like drive to Malibu. So we get in his car.

We drive. And he plays music. And literally, it sounds corny, but every red light, we just couldn't stop kissing. You're like an indie movie. I know. But it was just so like, I don't know. It was like amazing. We were just like holding hands, listening to music, driving down the PCH.

There's like the ocean. I had never been. It was like so fantastical and beautiful. And it was just like so much. I don't know. It felt like in a movie, we really would have just like been holding hands. There would have been like stars behind us and we would have just been spinning in circles. It would have been like that steady camera.

Like you see the stars moving behind you, but you are in focus. Or like in Titanic when they go to where the poor people are and they're dancing. The steerage. And she's like, ah! Like that, but with stars in the ocean. So then it's like time's up and we gotta go. It was like the hardest goodbye ever.

And mind you, we'd only been together for like 12 hours. So I had to go. I get on a plane. I was riding on the plane with my dear friend, Gina Guerin, and we're sitting

next to each other and I sit down next to her and I was like, Gina, I'm pretty sure I met my husband. And she was like, sure, girl.

Like, she's no, like, amateur when it comes to like the gays. And you know, the gays can fall in love at the drop

of a hat um so she's like sure girl okay great so um that's month like it's monday now i fly back to new york i'm back on fire island where i was working and tuesday rolls around and Alex like texts me and he texts me something I think we all like hope to hear from somebody. And it was him saying, I want to do this and I want to take a chance. And for somebody like who I've dated, I would call myself a serial monogamist in the past. I would call myself a serial monogamist in the past. And then I like took a like concerted effort and a break from dating where I was like, I'm going to be single and I'm going to do, I'm going to date myself and just like focus on my friends. Some self-care. Yeah, exactly.

And so I was in the midst of this self-care and I meet this person and then he says, like, I want to take a chance on you. And it was like the things that I was also feeling, but also very scared to say because you don't want to say those things and then be turned down. No, that's a nightmare. Yeah. I like you and I want to do this. And then I have someone go, oh, actually, I'm not sure. Or like, maybe we should just like a thumbs I want to do this. And then have someone go, oh, actually. I'm not sure. Or like, maybe we should move slower. Or just like a thumbs up. Oh, God.

Just like, ding. Imagine. Yeah. Also, what a chance to text somebody that I would be. And like, there's no way for him to see you in person to tell you. Right. So, yeah, that's like a vulnerability that like, I don't think I have. Right.

And same. I didn't think I have right exactly and same I didn't think I did either um but it just sort of like allowed me to also like step into the safety of that like there's safety in somebody taking a chance that allows you to also meet them and take a chance and so it was just like us saying like we're gonna give this a shot and the flip side to that was like we also listed out our fears around it wait you did absolutely because here we are we've met for 12 hours yeah by this time we've been talking for a good 48 hours non-stop mind you um and we've said like we're gonna take a chance um and the the fears around that were like what if it doesn't work what if i find out i don't like you what if you find out you don't like me we live in separate cities um and you know there's just like a lot riding on that like how do you make that

work somebody's got to make the move yeah someone has to move across the country for someone that you've met for 12 hours correct um and it was what it was as well for me where i was at in life, I, like I said, I'd taken such, I'd made decisions to take steps to do things for myself rather than just walk around the world aimlessly. I said, I'm going to like be single. I'm going to focus on cleaning my act up and eating healthy and stopping doing very unhealthy things. And so I had been coming out here for work. I had a gig that was taking me out here, sometimes to LA, from New York. And there was a quote that I heard from RuPaul. I love Ru. I love you, Ru, if you're listening.

She's not. She's not. It's you Ru if you're listening. She's not. She's not. It's okay. There's a chance. RuPaul is very busy. Yeah. She's so busy working all the time.

But his quote is you have to listen to the universe's stage directions. And there was a lot of pull for me to come here. And then all of a sudden I meet somebody

who was willing to take a to come here. And then all of a sudden I meet somebody who was willing to take a chance on me. And it was like that last straw that was like, girl. Yeah. What are you doing? Why not? The universe wants you in LA. Why the fuck not? And so I said, you know what? I'm doing it. Like I'm doing it. I have been talking about making this move. I lived in New York for 10 years. It felt like a cap on everything that I was doing. And I just said, yes, like, we're going to do this. So it meant like moving across the country, moving everything, like putting things into boxes. But it was like this, such a like cleansing, refreshing thing where I got to like physically throw the past away

of things that weren't benefiting me for my present or future. And that can look like literal like nasty pillows that I don't need anymore. Like that sounds stupid, but like. No, no, I fully get need anymore like that sounds stupid but like no no I fully get that because it's not like a metaphor it's like you literally were throwing things away that you didn't need and then only taking the things you needed to go on this new journey absolutely so like clothes like clothing that clothing I'm a stylist so clothing can be very like it's your identity but I literally like, I don't want that.

I want to start fresh. I'm going to throw these things out and like start over. And it was it was such an amazing, cathartic thing. have such a like a real shot at a relationship because we both talked about not wanting to bring past into like fully just leaving baggage at the door yeah which can be very hard and and now that we're three years into our relationship it's like i have to sometimes remind myself like am i bringing past trauma into the present because that's so fucking unfair yes so and it's it's a it's a hard thing to understand that that's what's happening when you're like upset with somebody and you're like oh I'm not actually upset with you

I'm bringing past trauma to this situation that has nothing to do with you absolutely yeah that's a situation that has nothing to do with you. Absolutely. Yeah, that's a very good thing to talk about. Yeah, and I think relationships can bring that out in you, certainly. And I think that relationships work best when you're working on yourself. And it's been such a refreshing—I love him and I love being with him because we are so like

supportive of each other and he's so supportive of like my crazy artistic ways and it's like if there's ever a time

where it's like hey I need to like take a chance on this job or take a chance on this gig or take a chance it's like yes because what what will it lead to? There's never that like, well, what if it doesn't work? And what if we are struggling?

It's sort of like, go do it. Go do it. It's such an amazing, powerful relationship to be in. Because there's also this side of me that's like the idea of a relationship for me was never like to complete each other it was never like i have a missing piece and i need to find it it was that i want to be two strong pillars holding up a foundation um together so that you're like your own strong entity and that's how you then build the house on your foundation.

Does that even make sense? It does make sense. I like to think of it as I'm looking for someone to be my feature while in my room. Yes. Like someone to be the wallpaper. That's so funny. So today when I get home, I literally left and I was like, babe, today we're picking out wallpapers. So get ready.

So this metaphor, were you at her house? Yeah. Have you been watching? I was literally under your bed this morning going, I'm going to see you later. What kind of wallpaper are you picking out? You know, I just want something very intricate and crazy. Our motif is like mid-century modern meets Palm Springs meets Southwest Texas. I might have wallpaper that you might like. Oh, really?

Because I bought wallpaper and then hated it and then tried to. So you want to give it to me? Well, it didn't... It's not my aesthetic. Right, right, right. Like, I thought I was going to do, like, subdued colors. Subdued? Subdued.

Yeah, but then I was like, no, no, no. I need bright fucking colors. Yeah. I'll show it to you when we're done. Work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wait, when you moved to LA, did you guys immediately move in together?

So, yes. Oh, how wild. One weekend. So, we would fly back and forth. Like, he would come to New York. And then two weeks later, I would come to LA. So, like, once a month, I was flying to LA during our six-month period. Oh, you were long distance for six months.

That I didn't know. Okay. And he would once a month come to New York. We went 29 days was the longest we went without seeing each other. That's so like, we would literally count down the days. It's so like.

That's such a treat. That is so fucking cute. Is it? It's a little like, but it's cute. I like? It's a little like, bleh. But it's cute, I guess. No, I like it. Like, watching you together is nice because you guys are so kind to one another and like conscientious of like, like small things. So like when Alex drove us to Aritzia.

Aritzio. Aritzia or whatever. When we got there, you're like, thank you for driving. He's like, oh, no problem. And then when we got we got there you were like thank you for driving and he's like oh no problem and then when we got back you were like thank you for driving like it was just and it seems like a very small stupid throwaway thing but like you were just telling him

that you appreciated that he did something and then for me like watching it was just like it just happened twice and I was like that is kind and I feel like you're both so kind to one another all the time. Yeah, it's just like, it's nice to see. He's amazing. I get that back from him.

And so it's very easy to, like, do that for him as well. It's, I like that I'm with somebody who I really enjoy being around and can treat like I treat my best friends. Like I try to be gracious and show gratitude across the board. And that shouldn't stop with my boyfriend. And I feel like a lot of times And that shouldn't stop with my boyfriend. And I feel like a lot of times we can get into relationships and you're around each other so much that you start to see the things that just get on your nerves. And sure, there are things that get on our nerves about each other. But at the end of the day, we love each other and want to communicate that. Like we do have that rule.

It's not a rule because we like to do it. But, like, we say goodnight and I love you before we go to bed. And I think that's something that's, like, nice and sweet and, like, sounds corny, but it works. It's nice. It's nice to—because you're acknowledging the other person. You're like, all right, well, goodnight. I love you. I think that's—I mean, I do it with my roommate.

Like, I like to just, like, be like, we, good night. I love you. I think that's, I mean, I do it with my roommate. Like I like to just like be like, we said something nice to each other before bedtime. Absolutely. And then we can go sleep and wake up and, you know. Yeah, it's just, it's nice. And it's, it does feel good. I also like to take note on what makes me feel good when somebody else does something.

And then if it makes me feel good well then I can return that you know then I know that that works so I can also say thank you as well whenever a man does something nice for me I find it really hard to be like thank you because I get in my head and I'm like that was so nice I can't believe that was a nice thing that just happened to me and so then I just like am silent and I'm a little weirdo yeah no i but i think it's better to like communicate those things of like even that like giddiness and that awkwardness like just say like i'm sorry i'm so awkward but thank you and it's cute like if somebody does that for me it's like oh you you're acknowledging my efforts and that's incredible, you know? But so yes, I flew out here and we went apartment shopping.

Because it also, like it was a very interesting coincidental thing. His roommate that he was living with in LA got a job in New York. And so they had to move to New York at the same time I was moving here. So, it was like, I'm telling you it was the universe. It was so strange.

And so he had to get a new place. I was moving here, so I was like, well, let's get a new place together. So one weekend, I came, we rode bikes around Santa Monica. My God, this is disgusting. So one weekend I came. We rode bikes around Santa Monica. My God, this is disgusting. See, I told you. And we found a place to live.

I mean. It's really quite. You're in a movie. It's so fucking cute. I can't even. Yeah. And this was another thing that we talked about. It was like, okay, let's find a place that will suffice, won't break the bank.

And because there's a chance that this won't work. And neither of us should be put out by that. Yeah. Again, like it's so kind. That is, that's kindness. Right. To be like, this might not work out and if one of us moves out i don't want you to like go into debt trying to pay rent or whatever like let's not make this so hard

on ourselves because i think what that did was allowed the uh the growth to happen and so we were able to sort of like live in that and let the roots, you know, take root. Like there wasn't this added pressure to like really make it work because we don't have an option. And if like we end up hating each other and we're stuck in this, it's like nobody wants to be stuck. So let's like not make ourselves stuck. I love it. So we recently just moved and we have this great new place that we love and it was like we did what we wanted to do from the beginning but didn't do because we wanted to give ourselves a chance um and now we're doing all the things like decorate and choose

wallpaper you know that's what are you renting can you put wallpaper up in a rental well yes yeah you can do whatever you want as long as you fix it. Oh, yeah, yeah. We are renting. We're not quite. That's the next step to buy something. That's a lot. Well, especially on the west side.

My God. I know. I know, but it's like. It's a lot. It's so gorgeous and there's the beach. It is nice that you're so close to the beach. It's great. I don't ever go. Me either. It is nice that you're so close to the beach. It's great. I don't ever go. Me either.

It's like a selling point even to myself. I'm like, but I live next to the beach. I haven't seen the beach in a year. I live down the block from it. I never go. Like the beach is 40 minutes away from me and I never go. Exactly. It's, what are we doing? I don't know. Working too dang hard.

We work a lot lot The hustle is real It truly is But it's gotta be Then you can enjoy The fruits of your labors Yes Like go to Italy Oh

Take me fucking back I know Pasta is trash here Trash Ugh Bubble gut central Yes I'm telling you

I eat it I'm like Ugh But in In Italy I truly was like I can eat eight fucking plates of this shit and then just walk around. It felt so good. We have to go back. I want to go back so bad. We have to.

Those cobblestone streets was the only thing I don't miss. It was so hard to walk on those fucking streets. Thank God it wasn't raining. Oh my God. I probably would have fallen down just just nicole slipping and sliding through italy my favorite part of italy was i think it was the last day where this man kept calling me spicy yes you did call you spicy spicy i love that you came you met me told me about this and I was like okay and then we walked back by him

and he said it again and I was like who is this person it was so wild that was I don't know what I was doing you mean

your favorite part wasn't on New Year's when the literal bombs were exploding in the piazza it was so wild these people

just had fireworks going off like two feet away from us. Fireworks. It was like bombs. Were they Roman candles? Minus the explosions. I don't know what it was.

Well, they had the Roman candles. Uh-huh. And how fitting. We were in Rome. We were in Rome. But it was like taking those little black cats that we have here that we're so scared of times a billion. Uh-huh.

It was like our brains were shaking it was so wild and then leaving was so scary because i was like what if we get hit what if we die what if we die at the piazza it was insane i loved it and then we went to our our bodega we went to a bodega where they were playing the loudest music loudest music nicole spotted it and took us in which was amazing we were like party has started she brought all these people in she got in a fight with the bartender it forced mateo to translate he couldn't translate all she wanted was ice that's i wanted ice and a vodka soda but in it, soda means tonic water. Gross. Yuck. Yeah.

I don't understand tonic. I think it's disgusting. Yeah. So it's very gross. But the best part to me about this bodega that we were partying in for New Year's

was the bathroom attendant. Why was there a bathroom attendant? In a bodega. I don't know. In the filthiest bathroom but he was so hidden and there were literally like four people and a bathroom

attendant with a tray of like tips coins and then you like had to give him a dollar every time he went to the bathroom it was so wild and he hoarded the toilet paper it was so awkward but you had to literally like scooch by him. There was no room.

No room in that bathroom. I'm like, you're going to literally, I'm going to shit next to you. And you just have to live with it. It was so wild. In Costa Rica, the same thing happened. But the bathrooms were like outside. It was like truly porta potties. And there was a bathroom attendant holding the toilet paper.

And you had to pay for toilet paper and i was like do you even work at this bar or did you just take the toilet paper and decide that people were gonna pay you for it yes it was about the hustle the hustle is real absolutely overseas bathrooms oh my god it's so funny um so before Alex, you were a serial monogamist. I was for some time. I'd say from like my teenage years up until I was like 25, 26. And I would just date guys that I would meet and then be like, we're together now for years. And I would stay with them for like two years at a time. and then be like, we're together now for years.

And I would stay with them for like two years at a time. And it was always very unhealthy. Not unhealthy. I mean, yes, there were some that were like super unhealthy. But it was more so that I was just like too afraid to be alone. And I would just stay because it was like, well, this is where I'm at, so I'm not going to take any chances on myself.

Who does that? And so I would stay. But then it just came to a point where it was like the noise of it all was so loud, and I needed to quiet it down. And that also, for me personally, came out in ways of drinking too much or doing too many drugs. And I also, for me personally, came out in ways of like drinking too much or doing too many drugs. And I had to like stop all of that.

And that's when I really was given the advice to not date. Because I was at a point where I was like, I had nothing to offer. Why would I be dating somebody? How unfair to them um so i was very much single for a while and my friends were all like you should be a hoe go hoe it up and i thought yes uh-huh i'm gonna go be a hoe turns out i'm just not a hoe like i'm just, it doesn't do it for me. I don't like it. I just, like, didn't.

I just didn't. I don't like it. I don't know. Being a hoe is, I think, a little exhausting. I would think. You have to, like, get to know different people. Like, you have to talk to different people. Yeah.

To, like, sleep with a bunch of people. Also, like, the effort that goes behind hoeing. Yes. That's a lot of cleanup. I don't know. I just felt like I was thinking ahead of, like the effort that goes behind hoeing, like that's a lot of cleanup. I don't know. I just felt like I was thinking ahead of like, I'm a very clean, tidy person. And I'm like, you're going to get in my life and mess it up. I don't know.

I don't want to clean up after you. So I just wouldn't, I wouldn't do it. Like I, I just couldn't. And at that time too, I was so content with like my friends that I was just couldn't. And at that time, too, I was so content with, like, my friends that I was just, like, happy. Like, I was, like, the happiest I'd ever been. And then it's just like, why would I leave my friends to go be with this person I don't fucking know and probably won't even like? Absolutely. Like, there was a time where we were, I was going out. I was actually going out and being sober, having the best time, being with my friends. Like, and your friends will tell you the truth, which I love.

And I learned so much about myself through that. And what it did, too, was, like, set me up. Because they always say, like like you attract who you are. And therefore, I was building myself up to attract the person that I wanted in my life. And I think I got lucky that I met Alex. But I also will say that I did a lot of work on myself up until the point of meeting him. That if I had met him before then, it would have never worked. I would have not been ready.

I would have not been able to accept the gift that the universe had given me. And I would have ruined it. I wouldn't have been ready. So it took a lot of self-reflection and self-work to get to a point where I could accept having this amazing person in my life. You know, so yeah, it just, it was a great time to be single to learn about myself with my friends You say you attract people wait, what did you say? You attract people that are like you you attract who you are at that time That makes so much sense

I'm thinking like all of the dirtbags I've dated and I'm like, oh, yeah Cuz I was like kind of a dirt bags i've dated and i'm like oh yeah because i was like kind of a dirt bag and a little messy sure exactly so like yeah you just attract messes well i also i live by quotes i live by quotes there was an oprah interview that she did um that really also touched me where she said um you are responsible for the energy that you allow in your life. So there are people that come into your life that you meet that you don't know who or how they will act. You don't know who they are or how they're going to act.

Then they come into your life and they start acting a certain way, good or bad. They bring good energy or bad energy. That's on them. But it's on you to accept it and to allow it in your life. Mm-hmm. So once I was aware that, oh, if somebody's not fulfilling me or treating me the way that I want to be treated, it is fully in my power and it is

fully my responsibility to do something about it. So for instance, when there are people who I see who are in like fucked up relationships and they're like, I just can't get out of it. They're horrible. They're doing bad things to me. Well, sure. That's on them. But honey, it's also on you because you're staying. Yeah. And you have to take responsibility for that. Like, what is your part in all of this? So when I heard that, it sort of just like flipped my brain into thinking like, what's my part in all of this? Who am I allowing into my life? What energy do I allow around me? And therefore, I can start lining it up and seeing what's good and what's bad.

So, you know, once meeting somebody like Alex and seeing all this positive energy, it was like, oh, I can see that this is a positive thing and allow that and nurture it in my life. And the people who were bad, let go let them go goodbye yeah i've had some some instances where i was like oh this person is like not good to me and they make me feel bad so then i tailor my time with them do you know what i mean so like i'm like i don't want to cut you out of my life because I do like you on some level and you do bring good to me. But then I'm like, I will tailor how I hang out with you.

Absolutely. And that's a way to do it. That's accepting the energy and then deciding what you want to do with it. But it is ultimately up to us who we allow around us. We don't have to respond to everybody. We don't have to hang hang out with everybody we don't have to accept everybody's invitations you can say no like there's so much power in that liberating to realize there is like i don't have to hang out with this fucking

idiot i don't have to go to your birthday party because you invited me i I don't like you. I'm not going. Exactly. And that's okay. Like, that's okay. It's, there's self-care and selfish. There's a fine line. But when you define it, it can be so liberating. And then throwing up boundaries. I love throwing up boundaries. Yeah.

Being like, I'll do this, but I will not do that. Absolutely. You have to. You really do. And then the greatest thing and reward is that when somebody you meet also has those values and you can nurture and grow together. And that can be friends or relationships or even family. Yeah. Taylor, we've come to the end oh do you have anything you want to promote i don't promote i mean i would say i'm i am a part

of a really fantastic production right now um called fox soul it is a new platform. It's a streaming platform, foxsoul.tv. You can download it on Apple TV or Amazon or whatever the things are. I'm the head of wardrobe, but really, I'm so honored to be a part of it because it is a full Black production team, Black hosts, black guests, and it's for the black community. I am just honored that I get to be there as an ally and help make people feel and look good and get out there and do the work for their community. And I think that's amazing.

I wish more people would create platforms for specific demographics and say, you guys do what you want. Not, hey, this is what I think you guys need. And so let's produce that. I think it's amazing to allow the community to do what the community wants and does. So, yeah, I'm just honored to be a part of that.

And that's what I'm that's that's my my full time gig right now. You're the best. Yeah. Thank you, Taylor. Thank you, Nicole. Thanks for having me. You're welcome. Thank you for coming in.

Well, if you like this episode of Oh, I Want You to Date Me, you can subscribe. You can give me five stars on iTunes. You can write a review. If you send me something nasty, I will read it out loud. This is not nasty, but I loved this DM that someone sent me. It said, I just got pulled over while listening to your podcast. The officer asked me, is that Nicole Byer?

I'm very certain that's the reason why I only got a warning. LOL. I'm writing this while driving. I very much deserve to get pulled over. Love the podcast. Is this my boyfriend? Because I swear he can't put his phone down

while he drives. I try very hard to not text and drive. And sometimes it's so hard. I had an officer yell, literally yell at me for having my phone. I literally had my map and it was on my console. He screamed at me about it. Because you're supposed to have like a holder. Really?

Like you're an Uber driver? Legally, you're supposed to. And so I got a holder because I wasn't going to be that girl. Got a holder. And I'll say it changed my life. I really love the holder. Oh. And so I got a holder because I wasn't going to be that girl. Got a holder. And I'll say it changed my life. I really love the holder. Oh, maybe I'll get a holder. Wait, let me read a nasty one.

Yes. So this one says, Nicole, if I were a man and if I didn't have a boyfriend, I would so spit on that puss, slither my tongue up in your organs, and merge our bodies together as one, a kiss and a heart. Wow. Was this person sober when they wrote that? I hope so. Who knows?

But, you know, this was wild. I'll save that for the next episode. Your fan mail is awesome. It's very, very wild and I love it. Okay, bye-bye. this has been a team coco production