Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Finding Your Confidence (w/ Jay Pharoah)

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

Comedian Jay Pharoah (Saturday Night Live) dives into how a messy breakup ended up saving his SNL career, and the bizarre role Donald Trump played in his escape from a toxic relationship. Jay shares the impressions he's been asked to do during sex, and how developing self-confidence saved him from a bad situation. Plus, what's it like to have your photos used by a catfish? See Nicole Byer live on tour! Get tickets at nicolebyerwastaken.com. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, is trying to explore the themes of love because it's still a mystery as to why I'm single and I don't know if I'll ever figure it out.

My guest today is a comedian, actor, renowned impressionist that you have seen on Saturday Night Live. You can hear him on a variety of animated series like Family Guy, BoJack Horseman, American Dad. His new movie, The Blackening, is now playing in theaters. Yeah, y'all. Oh, I'm so excited. The voice you're hearing is Jay Pharoah. Hello.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry if that didn't live up to the expectations of the entrance. I just came in. I'm like, yo. No, it's fine. It's the greatest. You wait till you hear this voice. I'm just like, yeah, man.

I'm in the building. What's happening? You are here. Jay, how are you? I'm good. I can't complain. Walking slow, drinking cold water, whatever the hell that means. You know how them Southern guys just give those little phrases that really mean nothing.

I'm good. I'm walking slow. I'm drinking cold water. You know, things is going all right in my neck of the woods. Hell yeah. How about yourself? How are you? Pretty good.

We're recording this in May. There's a Raiders strike, and it feels wild because SAG-AFTRA has also maybe authorized a strike. And the DGA, the Directors Guild of America, they might authorize a strike. You know, it's fun being in this business right now. Everything is on fire right now. You just trying to figure out which ones can you sit around and put your hands up to get warm that's really that's pretty what that's pretty much what you're trying to figure out but um you know luckily luckily you know you have uh you have stand-up and i have i got stand-up as well and

i'm doing so i'm on the road performing so not not fully unemployed you know what i'm saying you're still yeah yeah not fully unemployed partially partially it is strange to during the week be like okay what am i doing and then on the weekends like okay well i know what i'm doing on the weekend but uh there's no set you want me to go to there's no lines you want me to learn you don't want me to know marks i don't have no so no auditions this week because y'all literally sent me five auditions in a day. And you told me at 12 a.m. that I had to have them done by 8 o'clock in the morning. So I have none of that. Okay.

Cool. Word. I guess I'll just go smoke this bowl and jerk off. And that's how I'll just waste my time just flicking my bean and fingering myself until we get a good deal. Look, Abbott would be pissed off at me. I've killed so many of my children. There's so many. So many have come out.

Goodbye. Billions. Billions of them. Billions. You say like with a lady, it's like it's just like one or you know a couple or it depends on how frequent how much she frequents the d but for me sure every time i'm blasting out billions i have literally killed dinosaur numbers of children Of children. Well, I mean, listen, I don't want them. So I'm for that.

Kill them before they find an egg. You don't want them. So put them in a napkin and flush them down the toilet. That's our motto. Oh. Put them in a napkin. I love it's a napkin and not a sock or something. You're like, I'm not nasty.

Come on now, I now from the birds. I gotta dispose of this shit. I jerk, I jerk pinkies up. What are we talking about, Nicole? I jerk pinkies up. I'm from the birds.

I'm from the suburbs. So I'm a little more classy than that. You know, honestly, I would pay good money to see a porn of somebody jerking off with a pinky up being like, Oh, Oh, I'm about to come.

And then I'll have my afternoon tea i shall spew it everywhere all over everyone's offices that's my that that's what i imagined the sad the guy would sound like that's that's my suburban i'm here with it so you you tour do you have chuckle fuckers what is chuckle fucker a chuckle fucker is a person who is chasing a funny person who after a show is sitting at the bar being like oh my god those jokes you told were just like so funny and like i really got them and i think i think you like understand me if you want to like come back to my place i can show you a good time oh yeah you made yeah people that come to your shows and try to use and try to

use that as a means to hang out go to the next spot and then in their minds hopefully getting you to their bedroom for consummation consummation for consummation yeah consummation sounds way better but consummation yes yes i do have this there's a lot of them and a lot of them are uh well no it's it's everybody it's it's black women white women asian women latino women whatever's left like there's just a lot there's just a lot that comes up so yeah they try to use it but i am not nicole i don't really i don't smash my fan joe like i don't, after a show, I'm not like, yeah, let's go get somewhere. Like, there's nothing sexier to me than going to my bed alone and sleeping. That is the sexiest shit ever.

I get to sleep alone. I don't have to entertain this random person that only eats Flamin' Hot Cheetos and watches Euphoria. Jesus, this is a great night for me. Holy shot. I don't have to put any work in. I sweat a lot. I don't have to excrete extra sweat. Oh, man, what?

Oh, that alone made me climax. Let me ask you a question. Speaking of climaxing. Okay. You have to see me. Nicole, I'm a freak. You know, pray for me. This is, I represent this, but he knows what he knows.

The Lord knows the truth. He knows what I am. Okay. So I'll whip it out. I'll whip it out anywhere. Not designer levels of whipping it out on the plane. I won't do that. Trust me.

I have a little bit more reserved. Thank you. I appreciate that. But I'll whip it out at places like my parents house like you know it was cool when you was living there but now that you were growing up it's kind of weird it's not weird for me uh not weird at all i'll whip it out uh i'll do it but i'll try to mask it like i try to mask my climax with a sneeze you ever try to mask your climax with a sneeze before? No. It kind of sounds like this. All right, here it goes. Okay.

And then my mom's like, bless you. I'm like, you have no idea. You have no idea what on earth you are blessing, mama. Mama, you are blessing, you are blessing day nuts. That's what you're doing. Your mom just thinks you have really bad allergies and you're just coming all the time. It's sneezing loud all my life. People think I just do it because I'm sneezing loud.

No, bitches. I'm doing it because I'm covering up, covering up what I'm really doing. So are you are you single right now? I am not married i'm deaf i'm dating i'm dating i'm not i'm not married but um you know i am dating and i'm i'm super particular um you know because you know i've thought that i had the the one you're gonna say to everybody listening to this podcast you're gonna say you found the one at least six or seven times before you get it right. At least six or seven times.

That's seventh, eighth. I buy that. Yeah. About that seventh, eighth. It's like, all right,

I've been here. Okay. By the seventh, eighth time, you're just like, okay, whatever's left, I'll take it.

Like, that's how you feel. That's how you feel because it is such, it's not an easy, it is definitely not an easy platform out here uh environment dating it's really not you know um everybody nobody is everybody is disingenuous people are being spurious with everything nobody wants to keep it 100 with you so you know uh i gotta say when this robot revolution takes over some of y'all might be out of a job i'm just i'm just letting you know shoot well you can you can satisfy me and you could cook and clean shit i'm marrying rosie from jess's forget you rosie the robot

yeah i'm trying to get a rosie man doesn't complain doesn't ask me a million questions while we're trying to watch the game. Like, who is this? Who is that? I'm like, you should know this already. You should know this. I'm not going to explain this to you. I'm trying to keep up because I'm confused as well. I only chime in during playoffs.

Okay? I chime in during the playoffs. So stop asking me all these damn questions, please. Hit up. You could just power Rosie down when the game is on. Turn her right back on and be like, clean these fucking chips clean up these chips and then after you finish at the end of the night slide that bit right under the bed like ain't nothing to happen i'm mad you don't even let rosie in the bed you said you're gonna slide her under the bed under the bed goodbye rosie she'll be up tomorrow she'll be up tomorrow. She'll be up tomorrow. She got to work again. She'll be up.

After you got notoriety, like you got SNL in 2009? 2010. 2010. Did the amount of women in your DMs or throwing themselves at you, did that change? Oh, of course. It was virtually none at first. I was a nobody. I was working at Burlington Co-Factory.

People had seen me. Of course, Charlie Murphy took me on a road when I was 19. But yeah, they hadn't. SNL was like that first or whatever. Of course, when I did BET before that, I did The Package and another thing up there called Spring Blame. You remember Spring Blame back in the day? Yeah, I hosted that 2010 year. You hosted it? Yeah. Okay. So I saw Chris Brown,

Yo Gotti, Young Jock before the perm. He got the anti-perm now. He got the flip. He looked like your favorite Southern art. You know what I mean like it looks like his swag comes with a like it looks like that's that's what happens but before that yeah they weren't of course a couple of ladies were like yo you cute or whatever but it wasn't to the uh to the numbers of folks hitting me up uh in the dms after i premiered on the show i debuted on the show you know it was it was crazy but i was in a relationship uh for four years uh my first four years damn near on the show i debuted on the show you know it was it was crazy but i was in a relationship uh for four years uh my first four years damn near on the show so i wasn't even looking at anybody well not not just summer 2013 that's another story i just uh you know oh what happened in the summer of 2013 summer 2013 i looked up that's what happened i looked up like this i didn't look at first it's like you

hold your head down like this when you're in a relationship because you know you feel like a dog you feel like a dog it's like bad boy you're like all right i'm not looking i wasn't looking i wasn't looking in that but when but when you get when that leash when that leash coming loose and then you can start tapping you start walking around like this when you can when you see a dog when he goes like this he's looking at the world he can see everything if he's just going like this he ain't seeing shit but like this i saw all the wop in the world it was just a new woppy world i saw and i was like i did not know you made all of this wop jesus this wop was is this for me like hallelujah are you blessing me to have this WAP? You know what I mean? And let me say this too. At first I thought WAP meant wheelchair accessible

parking, my ignorant ass, but it does not. Cause my grandmama told me she had one. And I was like, yo son. Yeah. I was like, yo, she was like, I got a WAP, a wheelchair accessible parking. I was like, that's not what it means. I said, grandma, that's not what it means i said grandma that's not what it means grandma i said virtue it means this she was like oh well touche i got that two for two i said lord jesus this is crazy my grandma just told me she got a wop she didn't say that she didn't say that i wish she did that would be so funny she said i got two for two it's funny that you say that you were looking down because you were in a relationship and on a leash and then like looked up and you were like, oh, there's a whole world that I'm not exploring. Honestly, it sounds like you got out of a very toxic relationship. It was like, OK, all right.

I feel like she didn't understand how toxic she was making it for me. But, you know, in retrospect, when you look back, like, of course, I still, like, she's great. I love her, whatever. You know, we're still cool. We're still cool to this day. You all didn't work together. We didn't work at it.

And that's okay. We didn't work. And look, sometimes you don't work with people at the time because, you know, your mindsets are different. But, you know, the money and the entity was Jay Pharoah. And it was like, if you're causing me problems every week if you're if you're making up scenarios just so we can fight and have something to talk about well that ain't a that's not helping me write my skittles and sketches you know what i

mean like i'm no it's like i don't want material like that i don't want to fight with you to then try to turn it into something fun i will tell you something when we broke when we went we went on a break and then finally decimated whatever the end of the relationship but i did write a sketch based off of me and her prop me and her uh her problem what does my girl say that was all based off of that was based off of me and her problems. What does my girl say? That was all based off of me and her. Like, who that bitch? Like, that was me imitating her. And then Kerry Washington did it.

Luckily, she came in and she smashed it. And that saved my job. Ultimately, what was boiling up and what would have happened, a swift exodus from the job if I would have been even more stressed out that stress of breaking up in that situation caused the diamond to come out of it and it really saved my SNL career which is crazy so that is pretty wild that like I mean I just said it's like you don't want to fight with someone for material but then like

when it does happen and it's magical you're like all right maybe i was supposed to be here maybe this shit was supposed to happen maybe i was supposed to feel bad for a little bit so then i could have this like hugely successful sketch and like people be like oh shit like this person's really fucking killing it or whatever yeah life works in such a weird fucked up way yeah lord works in mysterious ways and uh look he's he's that's not the only time he saved me in the situation i'll tell you this y'all might not bang with donald trump and listen i don't bang with all this stuff either but the relationship that i had in 2017 with the travel ban when because she was from another country and she kept going back and forth and

she kept trying and she one time she tried to enter the country for the last time and they were like nah you can't she was hitting me up crying babe i can't get into the country all of that i was like oh sorry about that but make america great again i didn't know where the fuck that story was going. I was like, where is this going with Donald Trump? But honestly, you don't do that bit on stage. Like, that's really funny. It's just like, I don't like the man, but he kept this woman away from me. So when he did that, I was like, I had to go.

Hey, Freedom Crown boys, what's up? I'm serious, man. When was your first relationship? Were you a late bloomer, an early bloomer? What kind of bloomer was you? I was an early bloomer, and then I had a drought for like 10 years. Yeah. So I had a girlfriend when I was five years old.

And then I had another one. Five? Yeah. And then I had another one at six. And then it was just like, OK, you can't get no more kushi. And it was like no kushi for seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. I wasn't getting kushi anyway because I was a kid. I couldn't get it up.

But oh, well. Yeah, you were five. All right. Well, three, 11, 12. I wasn't getting coochie anyway because I was a kid. I couldn't get it up. Yeah, you were five. All right. Well, three years later. Hello. Anyway, so eight years old. That's when I got my first erect. Crazy.

Wow. All right. So it was a drought. I'm not joking. I'm dead ass. Okay. It was a drought from six to 16. And then when I was 16. I love that you say a drought it's like

man he was just growing up no man no like yo but the i would say this but the ladies like they liked me earlier like like earlier like i was i was getting i was getting attention like they was calling me like little will smith like I look, I have my little box. Like I used to look like Will Smith back in the day. I had my box. I had my LA gear pop-ups. I had my BK nights. I had my overalls and my little, you know,

I'm a little part in my little kid and play part. So I was, you know what I mean? Yo, the teachers was on me. You know what I'm saying? So what do you expect? You know? So I like, you see what I did there? It wasn't the teachers. on me you know what i'm saying so what do you expect you know so i like you see what i did there it wasn't the teachers i'm joking it was not the teacher

shout out to miss butler oh my god she was so bad i had a crush on her anyway back to what i was saying okay so it was i gained i gained mad weight when i was six years old and um i think that really had to do with it. Like I was just, I just became super insecure and I wasn't as confident as I was when I was younger. And that confidence didn't come back until I was, until I lost like 75 pounds in four months of my senior year. And I was 175. I was like 250, I went to 175. And then it was just, it was back on. But I got my first kiss, a big pop- but i got my first kiss a big pop-up my first kiss of the big pop-up when i was 16 years old uh-huh that that situation didn't last because

i was a bitch that's why i didn't last in retrospect no like like i was really i was i was a real caring like gentleman all of that. Really, I was the type, I would give you flowers. I'd write little nice messages. Women, they don't like that soft shit. Some do. Okay, some do, but yeah, that's after she gets fucked over like 20 times. And then she'll go for that guy. She'll go for that dude that's like nice and sincere she's like oh after oh after i've been oh after the miles are ran that's when i'm ready

to give you the used car and then you know that's what uh-huh you know what i'm saying i'm ready to give you the used car so so like you know girls don't they don't appreciate that until later in life but i had all of those qualities of a of a 45 30 39 year old good husband at an early age like at like eight and seven and stuff i was just thinking like that i was really thoughtful so uh yeah i was a bitch in other words and shing and i called too much like i got a number and i remember i was so i don't know why because i was so excited i had never i never got a george number before like that you know i'm saying so so i will call up five minutes hang up call back another five like what the fuck what are you doing yeah you can't be doing that yeah you you bugging them you bugging the jaws so i but i didn't i didn't know because

i didn't it was all new to me yeah now you'd be lucky if i hit your ass you'd be lucky if i hit your ass up every other day you'd be lucky no you got rosie the robot under the bed you don't need to call nobody got rosie got got her and got got all of the Sailor Moons up in. Listen, man. Listen, man. All of the Sailor Moons. We in here. Sailor Mercury.

Sailor Mars. Mars. Mars. Sailor Jupiter. Okay. We know that's just another word for porn stars. Come on. Okay.

What are we talking about here? I'm just joking so when you lost weight do you think you got more confident swag you said when you were heavier you you weren't confident not at all so you lost it gained a little confidence yep and started and the cycle started over again like the cycle start like 17 17 17 to eight, 17 to 18. I remember because when I was 18, I got I got another relationship with this girl who was a blood and a strip of God. God, oh, my God. And she had told me that to three months into the relationship. But I was I was such a punk. OK, it was my space, man.

It was my space. Got to stay away from my space pages. But I was getting so many numbers. But I was just, it's just because I was going up and talking to people. The aesthetic, like I was still, I still look the same. I was just skinnier. And it was just the confidence level was boosted. That's all. I probably could have done the same thing when I was heavier. Heavier.

When I had the same results. But you just didn't have the confidence. I didn't have the confidence. When I was heavier, when I had the same results. But you just didn't have the confidence. I didn't have the confidence. So it's just confidence is the thing that drives the world. If you look like somebody, you act like somebody, you talk like you're somebody, you carry yourself in a certain way.

It's like people naturally flock to that. That's just, that's what it's all about. You know? I agree with that. Because I think a lot of people get caught up in what they look like. But it's like, it's just truly how you fucking present yourself. If you, like, it's like the fake it till you make it type mentality. It's like, look however you want to look. But also you can look the way you want to look.

You just got to work on it or whatever. But also you can be a heavier person and have confidence like that does exist absolutely um real quick jay we have to take a break we're back okay let me ask you this. When did you discover, I'm sure, I'm sure this is a question you've answered a hundred times and you might be sick of answering it, but I'm going to ask anyway.

When, what? What was my first? Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no. What was the question? What's the question? No, no, no, no. I want you to ask, ask what you think I'm going to ask. I thought you were going to ask me when did I discover that I had the knack for impressions.

Is that when you... Yep. Six. Yep. It is... Six years old. It's an annoying question, but impressions are hard. Listen, I will say this, okay okay and i've learned as i've

gotten older first of all you know you could do something two million times right two million people two million people could have seen it but there's still like 98 million people who haven't seen it you know what i'm saying if we're talking about statistically if two million people have seen something that you have done then you still have what 8.8 bill 8.8 billion people to market to you know what i'm saying like like that 200 million people i'm not a scientist i don't know there's a lot of people no i'm kidding kidding. I get it. But it's like eight or nine. Is it like nine billion people here or 8.9 billion people or something like that? Too many. It's crowded. Yeah.

Look, happened during COVID. It was a lot of COVID babies. A lot of people. Wasn't nothing to do but drinking. A lot of people. Nothing to do but drinking. Fuck. A smash.

Make them babies. I would have said smash because YouTube has definitely taken my you know youtube is definitely taking my my my mouth and flipped it you can't even say that i'm on tiktok nicole i just crossed and they're about to take tiktok you bastards i just crossed a million followers on tiktok and now they're talking about taking away but i can't even say half of the things that i can say freely up there you say if you say negro they take the stuff that oh that sounds too much like the n-word yeah you can't say you can't say the n-word up there it's certain they just take little they they take certain parts of speech but then they'll let you say oh but i got a good pussy i don't understand it i don't understand that is interesting i guess maybe it's because like the

algorithm can't tell who's saying what word right but then if you say you got good pussy that's okay right i guess i kind of get it but also it feels like it is uh stifling black people's free speech absolutely uh it just it feels like another gate for us to cross. Like it's trying to block us. It's us. Yeah. They're trying to, they're trying to block us. But back to, back to the original topic. Cause I know we both probably have squirts of squirts, spritz of ADD or ADHD.

I do. I have very bad ADHD. Me too. Me too. But I'm, but I can get back. I'm a functioning, I'm a functioning person with ADD, functional ADD, ADHD, whichever one you want to choose. OK. Yeah, whatever. It's all under the same umbrella. But you realize that somebody could always be seeing what you're doing for the first time.

And when that person or those group of people could see it or they see it those could be your fans for life so i'm not i would be i would be remiss if i don't if i don't do if i don't do what people they have known me to do but to give them a little extra in that i'll definitely i'll definitely give them extra there's a lot of the critique now it ain't even a critique but it's a well it's just what they say they say i didn't even we didn't even know we were just expecting you to just to just do impression we didn't know that you your comedy is your jokes and your comedy are great like they're but i have i have worked on i had to work on that shit so being an impressionist starting out from the age of six like uh like who else was an impressionist starting out from the age of six, like who else was an impressionist early on? Like Eddie Murphy's, like Jim Carrey's and all of that.

You just you pick up a lot of you pick up a lot of characters because, you know, you're observant. You pay attention to the world. So it was it was Gilbert Godfrey. And then it was it was half a Robin Williams. And it was Sally Field. uh, uh, uh, it was half a Robin Williams and it was Sally field.

And it was, uh, uh, um, uh, uh, um, Tom Hanks and,

a Forrest Gump. I'll say Forrest Gump. I did a Forrest Gump impression, not Tom Hanks, but just Forrest Gump. And then it was a cartoon, Looney Tunes. It was,

uh, Ed, Ed and Eddie. And then, uh, uh, it was, uh,

Sesame Street characters. And then it was, um, and then it was celebrities. And then by the time I was freaking 16, I had at least 75 of them bitches down. You know what I mean? And then I just kept going. And now look what I got.

I got over 200. I got voices. I do so many, I forget voices that I do. You can do 200 different voices? Over 200. I'm not lying. That's fucking wild. Yeah, I must really not like myself.

Jesus. Grew up a lot of, there was a lot of self Jay Pharoah hate, Nicole Byer, when I was growing up. I got to get out of here. I got to figure out who else I am. Oh, man. I'm 200 different people. That's fucking, that's wild. What is your,

this is, again, a question I'm sure you've gotten so many fucking times. Who's your favorite person to do? I don't even have a favorite person to do. Like, when people ask me that, when they ask me that question, I just use it as a gateway to do other characters that they probably haven't seen me do.

You know what I mean? Before, I'd do it like, who's your favorite? I would be like, oh, I guess, I was like, I don't know, the Joker. And I'd just do that because, you know, they didn't see me do that. Because they haven't seen you do it yet. Or I'll do, now, they're like, who's your favorite? I'm like, Joaquin Phoenix's Joker. I love that one.

Hello, Murray. He's saying, they just think we'll sit here, that we won't werewolf. You know, like that. That's what I use it for, you know, just to do voices that they haven't heard me do. Has anyone ever asked you while having sex to do a voice? Yeah. I got Richard Pard prior one time that shit was great the shit was older like did you i did it i said shit man i'm telling this

motherfucking i'm telling this cool shit to fuck up yeah god damn minute shit yeah it's hot it's hot, it's warm, it's soft and shit. It's like putting your wiener in a warm donut. Like, just shit like that, you know what I mean? She liked it, though. She was like, oh, I love Richard. I was like, all right. Last time I'll be picking from the church after parties. That is such a specific kink. That is so funny that she was like i get off on richard pryor

and the ultimate would be someone doing an impression of richard pryor inside of me and then fucked you and was like this is that woman's never gonna come again like it's just never gonna happen for her you did it that's it hasn't she sent me the spreadsheet. She hasn't. There's been a lot of people. They've tried. They've tried. But, you know, some some half some other half ass impression that she had. It didn't work. I'm saying it'll hold. Didn't work out. Didn't work out. I gotta go get the real thing.

I need I need Chase Farrell. That is fucking funny. That's real. I'm not I'm not I'm not even being spurious about that. I remember that one. I do remember that. I love that. Can you do Gilbert Gottfried as Iago? Is that annoying?

I'm being annoying. Here we go. I'm mounting, Jafar. I'm mounting. If masturbation was a crime, I'd be on death row. Like, you know what i mean before what i did puberty it was it was just you know it was great before puberty do you just do voice i i i would be so immensely entertained by myself do you just like sit at home and just do voices sometimes absolutely but that but that's but that's training you know what i mean but

also i'm in here not only doing voices but I'm also in here going over jokes talking to myself laughing oh I think that's funny because I got no damn audience yeah I do the same thing you just like I think do you have it does it hit you sometimes when you have a joke and you're like it hits you in the pit and you're like oh I think this is really funny and like nine out of ten when you say it on stage it will have the same effect like it will work yeah like you just know it in your gut yeah yeah me too me too yeah i sometimes will think of a joke and be like i think that's really fucking funny and then kind of hold on to it and then do a show be backstage and be like is

this idea funny and then whoever's backstage will be like yeah and then i'll go on stage and say it and then the audience will laugh and i'm like okay i was right all right let me just sit down and try to like beat it out see if i can make it longer or whatever yeah uh shout out shout out to you uh a very good uh netflix special madame i was Netflix special, Madame. I was pleasantly surprised and happy to see you up there. Thank you so much. Hey, I pay attention. Well, thank you. I'm excited to see you in the blackening.

I've seen trailers. I've seen bits and pieces. And the cast is so fucking funny. And I think you're so funny. So I'm very excited to see it. Thank you. I think that this movie is going to push the needle. Because everybody is going to go out and see it.

They're calling it the best post-horror comedy film since Get Out. That's great. I mean, it's a great concept it's a great concept yo it's like yeah it's a cast of black people so what you gonna do now like you know what i mean so it's such a fun it was such a fun uh care i think duane perkins he did a good job too man and everybody is so funny. Yeah. Yeah. He's really, really funny dude. And, you know, he's making, he's even making more strides in the industry right now.

So it's crazy that he's making strides and then now we're shut down. But I mean, when, I guess when everything gets settled and business deals go through and, you know, the workers can. We do get what we're fighting for, which is I think it's just residuals. That's just one of the things that we want. It was residuals for these streaming platforms that are only paying flat rates. I think when the world opens

back up, he's going to do even more damage. I think so too. He's so talented. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely absolutely i love it me too i want to do damage as well some damage um how did you get into acting um well that started that that's the first bug that kind of bit me when i was eight years old you know we were doing this play at my school called mice and mozart Mozart. And I remember the gentleman who ended up playing the gentleman, the kid who ended up playing Mozart. The gentleman. It was the esteemed 12 year old gentleman.

But I'm telling you, the way this dude talked like it was he was already destined for greatness. He ended up we ended up becoming best friends like years after that um and then he moved away uh you know it was really that really hurt because you know it was only the he was like one of the few friends that i had but but i when i saw when i saw him playing mozart um i said i want to do this because i was just in the chorus i was like a i was just a mouse with a big butt i remember that i said i saw my butt i was i was this map we had on these uh these wet these these black sweat pad um sweatsuits on and little um tails safety pin tails and then we had the the mouse ears and we were singing and he was up there doing

this thing and I was like yo I want to be that guy I don't like this shit I want to be him so so after that um I went out for uh uh Pocahontas in ninth grade and I remember I'll never I will never forget this Nicole because when I did that play I did not learn all of the Powhatan lines. I had a problem with learning lines. And I remember my teacher, Mr. Sammons, he knew that and he still put me up there in front of the people. We did a show for the parents and I was the one, I did the show for the parents as Powhatan. I stayed in character, but I didn't know my lines. So there was kids behind me whispering. They were in the back, whispering me my that. But the reason I'm telling you this because there's another story attached to this, all right? So after that, I vowed I would always know my lines

like the back of my hand. I will always do that. And I continue to do the theater and the acting thing. And I got better. I got better. And I started, I did Haral all players which was a um a theater troupe in norfolk virginia there was a lot of people came out of there grant gustin came out of there uh emmy emmy we wiler i think that's her name she's she like there's so many of us that

came from that area and i kept doing school plays and i remember my 11th grade year, the league dropped out. I'm not going to say his name because he would take this clip and put it on his page because he's a fame hoe. But he dropped out of the play two weeks before opening night.

My drama teacher, shout out to Miss Shuler. I love her to death. She's retired now. But she said, can you do it? And I said, yeah, I had two weeks. I got every line. And that year I won best actor and all that. And opening night, opening night of that play, Mr. Sammons was there. He was sitting in the audience. And after I went out to the lobby and was signing autographs he came up to me he's five foot man because now i'm about i'm about six foot you know he's low he's a little short dude and he was like i always knew you had it i just wanted to bring it out i said wow it was such a good so i was like man you i wanted to kill you back then but i love you now man

i mean that's fucking lucky i feel like a lot of people don't have teachers in their corner man, you, I wanted to kill you back then, but I love you now, man. I mean, that's fucking lucky. I feel like a lot of people don't have teachers in their corner who believe in them. Yeah. Because it's like, sure, it might've seemed like a setup at the time to be like, oh, you don't know his lines. I'm gonna send him out anyway. But it's like, you learned. Yeah.

You learned, you gotta learn your lines. And then you learn your lines. And then look at you now. And even to think back when he was doing like story time and he would read in different characters' voices and how enamored I was in that, watching him do that. And that's when I started doing that. Like, you know, you would give,

so they would give me, the kids would love for me to read because I would always switch up the characters and have different voices. And like, I'm seventh grade my teacher miss Horniman god rest her soul because she was like 70 so and that was that night 1999 2000 that was 99 2000 years so she probably ain't here now if she is she probably gone to the she probably went to the upper room if not she she's in a nurse at home with bed sores or some shit. I don't know. But anyway, this is how raw my comedy is now.

She would, I played Scrooge in the kids, even though that was the hardest, that was the most arduous year for me as far as fitting in with kids because I moved school districts. I moved school districts in seventh grade, but I moved to three different schools in three years. It was like sixth grade was a different school,

seventh grade was a different, eighth grade was a different one. When I arrived at the school, they were like, why are you talking like that? I'm like, talking like what? Like, you know, I had to. I'm speaking like a thespian. How do you all speak? How are you supposed to say that?

You're supposed to articulate. And so seventh grade year, trying to fit in. I was getting joked and all that. I was big, big boy, whatever. But that year, as far as laughter, it was my funniest year. And just me diving into that character and people really liking it that's when that it started it really started that year yeah real quick we have to take another break so you started doing stand-up when you were 15 years old.

Yep. So were your parents bringing you to clubs or were you just going to clubs by yourself? At first, like my first performances in front of people, my parents weren't even involved. You know, like auditorium, being at school, going up in an auditorium, making people laugh like that, performing, performing in the back, in the back of my church and like this uh we had like this living room type setting and all the kids would be in there and i'd be up i'd be up joking around talking but my father put me in a competition when i was 16 years old uh that was the virginia idol talent search and out of that um i got uh what was it, fifth place out of like 300 people. It was really good.

You know, there was four singers ahead of me. I don't give a damn what you say. A joke ain't going to beat, a joke ain't going to beat a note. That's just what it is. You know what I'm saying? I know, I know Chicago. I think you're right. Chicago tries to put it together.

Jokes and notes. It's like, yeah, but yo, you got to know that. Like yo said, I'm'm not i'm not going i'm not going against patty labelle when you're there to see patty labelle i'm not gonna do that you know i'm saying you want to see somebody kick their shoes off my toes are not favorably and aesthetically pleasing i mean let me stop joking okay they're gorgeous when i'm when i pedic when i pedicure them but when you're pedicured when you're taking care of them bitches uh-huh well when it's a when we on a rough little run when

we just we just on the road there and we we need we need a spa day like they look yeah you take off the shoe you might jason might come out my shoe you don't even know who you gonna see but damn okay back to what back to what damn, okay, back to what we were saying, though. Back to what we were saying. And then at 17, I was going to clubs like Thoroughgood Comedy Club at Virginia Beach, Bayside Inn Comedy Club. The Funny Bone didn't let me in until I was 18 years old. They were strict on that.

They were like, well, you can't come in here until you're 18. So I just kept performing around. My parents would would drive me around. And when I was 18, I started going to the Funny Bowl by myself. And I remember my father coming to one of my shows when I was 17 before I went to the Funny Bowl. These competitions sometimes they're based off of crowd reaction. So I had all of my family in the building. They came to support. So when they were doing voting, they were like, yo, make some noise if you want this person to win. Make some noise if you want Jay to win. So it was all me.

And I remember my father saying some shit. He was like, yeah, you better be glad we come to your shows. I was just like, I said, so what you saying? We trying to say, we just saying I'm not funny? Yeah, he was just saying, you better be glad we come to your shows for support. You know, that's how you winning. I told him, I said, all right, well, don't come to my shows anymore. Don't come.

And I started going to the funny bone and working on my shit and hardcore laughs, working. Those are the, those are the N-word nights. You feel me? Those are the, those are the nights where, you-word nights you feel me those are the those are the nights where you know it's tough like people you can get booed off stage I never got booed off stage I always went up there and always always performed and they always liked me and I was so young I was young I was the baby and I remember doing this Camron and Dipset bit that killed it was just me talking about how they nursery rhyme.

And just I did hump, deep, dump, deep, sound, and all these different rhymes. I did it to the Get Them Girls beat. And that joint would get standing ovations. And I was like, all right. I invited my dad back to the club. It had to be six months after I started working there. And he looked and he was like, oh, oh, okay.

Well, they're clapping for you. They're laughing. I was like, yeah, man, I didn't need you, man. I can do this shit on my own. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you to be the gatekeeper or the judge. Yeah, that was funny.

Yeah, I'll accept it. Yeah, it's so it's so funny to me now because I really do. I really do seek seek my pops approval for shit. And I've gotten that as far as stand up goes. He came over to he came over. He toured with me in Australia and he saw the show I did at the opera house. He said, I have never in my life seen you that good. It was like you were just, you were on a different level.

And I was just like, that's what I've been doing on this road for years now. You know what I mean? But it's so funny because he's the funniest person. My dad, he's just fun like he's the funniest person my dad is just he's just freaking hilarious but to watch him go from the macho dude to now complaining about my mother not allowing him to wear certain shit i'm like you just how long have they been married 40 going on 42 years this year damn yeah yeah they've been together a while so So, yo, seeing him go from, yeah, I like this shirt,

but your mother don't like it. I'm like, this was my king. Now, now you are just a pawn. You are a pawn for the box. That is all you are. You look at you, look at you. Really? You used to be the king of the castle.

Now you are not the king of the castle. Now you are nothing but a dog in the house. You are a dog in the house. And she runs everything. And you do everything for the box. I don't have to listen to you anymore. You don't rule your own kingdom. Are you looking for a long-term relationship?

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Do you want to be in-term relationship? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Do you want to be in one? I would love to be. I would, you know, I'm a bit, I can't, okay. I'm not, I'm alert. I am, I have a lot of wisdom dealing with as many people as I have dealt with over the years.

But, you know, my sixth person that I was in the bed with, I would have wanted to end it there. I didn't want to go further, but it just didn't work out like that. However, from the aspect of me being so sheltered, because I'm such a sheltered kid. I was such a sheltered kid. I didn't know anything. And my parents always were trying to, people were always trying to protect me and keep me away from everything. So I feel like I needed to get out there and date as much as I got to get those life lessons that I probably wouldn't have gotten if I would have stayed with one person and gotten a situation with them and ended up getting effed over. You know, so it's like now, now it's i know what to do i know what not to do i'm not gonna say no to a movie just to hang out with with the because i got something scheduled with a girl i'm not gonna do that um business always is the thing that has to come first

and you know recreation and and chilling is is what comes secondary and if the person doesn't understand that well they they doesn't understand that, well, they don't understand the business model of this household because the person that's paying most of the bills, if you manage me, I'm the one. So you want to make sure that you make it as easy as possible at home for me

so I can continue to fake and innovate and uh innovate and and break through ceilings and roofs that people said that I wouldn't break through you know you have to you gotta be everybody has to have the same alignment of vision and I feel like over the years I have just dealt with some uh uh excessively selfish people you know um I'll say this and I don't even matter if they hear it or not. I don't know if they're going to watch this. They might watch it, whatever. But I had set up. This is the last relationship I thought that was going to be the one person.

I set it up for this person to meet Michelle Obama. And they said no. They were like, I can see if it was Will Smith this is what this person said like this level son like yeah Will Will Smith okay Michelle Obama though you know what I mean so yeah that's that's why that's really wild yeah putting the people aside it's like if you gave somebody like a rose and they're like but it's not a tiger lily it's like but i'm i'm just trying to do something nice right why do you have to say it's not x y and z why can't you be happy that i'm just doing this nice thing for you um i think it's really interesting when performers are dating and looking for a

partner because i'm the same way i'm like my career is very important to me so it's not a matter of me giving shit up it's not a matter of me like making sure you're okay it's like are you okay with me going to work right are you okay with me having to learn lines at home if all of these things are okay with you then like we'll be okay but if you're like you don't pay enough attention to me then it's like then this isn't working right because i'm giving you the attention that i can give you right right and it's and like you're saying career first, because those opportunities that you do get with those people, like, yo, I could, I could reach, I could recount a few instances. I had like, where I should have worked with Winona Ryder and done the movie where I should have done the movie where I had testicular

cancer and I was driving around the country late, uh, sleeping. Like, I think Sam Richardson got that one. I should have done Bird Box. There was shit that I should have done. And I'm just like, I blew that because I was being a good guy. Back even before then, I should have went and met Eddie Murphy in 2011 at the Tower Heist premiere because that was my idol. But I gave that up to be like, listen, I'm so loyal to you. I'm coming down and hanging out with you. Because at the end of the day,

I'm not with that person, but that memory never happened. It never happened because I chose to go another road. So you take all those opportunities, man, and whatever, wherever the person can fit in between those opportunities, they'll fit in between those opportunities. And if they don't understand that, well, fuck them. Yeah, that's not the person for you. Absolutely. Because nobody who actually loves you is going to hold you back from your dreams. Absolutely. you back from your dream absolutely like i would never think to if somebody if i was dating somebody and they're like oh i gotta be gone for six months to dig up i don't know a fucking dinosaur i'd be

like go do it i'll try to come see you in those six months but if i'm working i'm working and we can figure out how to connect another way i just i think sometimes people expect a performer to give up things in order to be in a relationship and i think that's bullshit that's bull i think it's just like what no we you can have it all yep you just got to be with somebody who's willing to be okay with some shit are you on apps no no i've never the only app it's not even an app my space was was one and done after that no i mean instagram but that's just sliding the dm swan time bomb but none of that shit tender none of that shit what is it tender uh uh the but what is it but what else is out there tender bumble raya okay cupid field. There's so many.

I've had some people, I've had somebody catfish about the catfish. Somebody saying that they were me on Tinder. I've had that happen. Oh, damn. It was, yeah, yeah. I'll never forget it, too, because it was a live show day. And the person hitting me up was like, hey, I can't wait to go out with you tonight in Buffalo. I said, fuck you talking about buffalo it's like first of all first of all not a knock on buffalo but i hate buffalo

not a knock on them but i don't i don't it's just you know they're just okay not that i hate it it's just that the the i'm not a fan of buffalo either i've i've done shows and the audiences are interesting they're weird they're weird uh-huh they're like and it's and it's almost it's almost like the hills have eyes type of weird where a little bit a little bit it's like the cool everybody who's normal who doesn't have deformities is in the city and then everybody else and everybody else who's like, they upstate, they all upstate. And you just like, yo, y'all are the weirdest motherfuckers I have ever been around. Very, very weird. My shows had the weirdest fucking vibes.

I was like, do you people like comedy? Do you like me? Did you do any research before you got here? And this was a couple of years ago where I was like, I have an audience. I just don't think it's here so it was so fucked up so cut to her saying oh i can't wait to see you're not on you're not on tinder there's this there's this guy that says jay farrow and he's from new york and it's buffalo and he was supposed to go out i said baby i don't know who that is but don't go oh he's like and what. And what was this guy going to do when she showed up? What was he going to do?

Yeah, what was he going to do? Be like, oopsies, I guess you got confused. Did he have a Jay Pharoah silicone mask or some shit he was going to put on his face? It's so scary now because even if you look at ai technology and everything that's going on you do you really don't know what's real what's being broadcasted to you anymore you have no clue it's that it's that same saying that denzel washington had he said um he says if you don't watch the news you're uninformed if you watch the news, you're misinformed. He's not wrong.

That's true. Because our news is very skewed in a way where certain networks are, you know, telling certain people certain things. And it's just like nobody's just telling you what's going on. It's all it all has a point of view. And it's all it's all propped up. And even you think about people being a being killed and like i don't like you i don't know how i don't know how much you follow the bible i don't know how much you read revelation however however nicole however there are some references some direct parallels that are happening that are kind of heading

toward the things that are coming in there. Like when they talk about, Lord, hey, look, they talk, look, they talked about the beast taking a mortal wound and then coming back to life. Now you see on television, they got all these deep fakes and face swaps that they're doing for people. What is to say that they can't take somebody who has a similar skin tone, sit them down on national television, blow their brains out. That person is dead. You think the person is dead because you're like, oh, that's that guy. And then three days later, they show him again. Oh, he came back. And it's because the dude never got shot. You all are just being you all are just being baited by fake shit.

You all are just being baited by fake shit. It's scary as hell. That's why me and Rosie are going to live out this shit together. God, now I'm like thinking, I'm like, oh my God, is that how life is going to be? I don't know. All that shit is so scary. I don't like AI.

Those deep fakes fucking freak me out because you can just change shit to fit whatever narrative you want uh i don't like the thought of ai writing scripts and i'm like why do we need ai i don't what movie have we seen where ai is nice in the end right we're like ai doesn't fucking take over and murder all of us it's not like the plot has happened before, right? Like, this is the... Like, our robot terminator matrix, like, uh, uh, uh, well, even... All of it, all of it ends badly. There's UFOs flying in the air, right?

Y'all, there's so much shit happening right now, y'all. It's shit. Too much. What do you believe? That's the question. What do you believe that's the question what do you believe what is there to believe that's what it is so anyway you know we do have to end but while we're ending on a real deep thinking note uh to lighten the mood jay do you have any advice on how to get a boyfriend for me? I think you should just, do I have any advice?

Shit. Just keep, I say, keep being you and the right person, the right person is going to love that shit and they're going to come into your life and you'll know that they're the right person because they'll quote all of your jokes and they'll dick. You'll be able to see the dick in the pants already hard because they're already thinking about entering the queen that is Nicole

Baye. I love that. I think that. Some gray sweatpants and a big old dick print. Jay thank you so much for being here. Oh wait I asked all my guests this would you date me uh yeah yeah we could yeah we could go out chill out yeah why not okay do you have anything you want to promote uh i have uh well the blackening that's definitely um in theaters now check that

out because it's june Check that out. Also, Spinning Gold is on DVD. That's the Casa Blanca Buddha Records biopic. Another movie I did. That's coming. That's out. So you can check that out. Jeremy Jordan,

Wiz Khalifa, Lettucey, me, Jason Derulo. There's a lot of Lindsey Fonseca. There's a lot of heavy hitters in that.

So check that out. Also, if this writer's strike ever ends, Family Guy. I'm on there, but you can check reruns out by now. And what else is happening? I am gearing up. I am actually going to be shooting my special in August. Yo'all. Congrats. When I tell you, Nicole, Nicole, when I tell you the world is about to forget about everything that they have seen before, they about to forget about everything they seen before. This special is special. It's poignant. It is heartfelt.

It's personal. It's real. It's lucid and um also it's i mean it's just the energy is just so crazy so i can't wait i've been working on this for a minute and uh wow i just i just look out and i see this big big big dude delivering my factor meals oh that's crazy. Just came there, just dropped them off. I have no more room in my refrigerator for any more of these shits. Like, I go on the road half the week,

and then they just stack the hell up. They just stack up. So we gonna have a factor party. Where are you shooting the special? I'm shooting it in Chicago at the Den. So yeah, that's gonna be that's gonna be fucking and our tickets on sale yet tickets yeah tickets are on sale now because it's june tickets are on sale now okay yep you can check and i hope maybe you can make it down because

i'm telling you yo this shit is this shit is so i'm so proud i've been working my ass off yo i'm excited i'm so excited for you. I think you're so funny. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're welcome. You're going to see the real mother level come out. Oh, boy.

Oh, man. It's about to be wops all over the United States of America and the world. And a huge part of Romania. Jesus, Lord have mercy. I don't know why I said that. I just, but the first part. I don't know. The first part.

I like it. We're going to Romania. We're going to Romania. Jay, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like, you can rate, you can subscribe. If you write me something nasty hitting on me,

I'm running low on these. I've requested that they be short. They could be long. It doesn't matter. But you can write them to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com. Don't send dick pics because Mars does not want to see that. That's my producer. So this nice person said, I walk across the room to you in the classiest of lounges while

you sip a fancy cocktail and I whisper in your ear, I will tie you up, lube you down, and trib you out of your mind. Then I'll walk away so you can chase me. I don't know what trib means. Mars, do you? Trib is a term we learned in Ashley Gavin's episode. It's like scissoring

when you're rubbing two clits together. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I remember. Jay's into it. I mean, I like that. As long as it ain't pegging, we good. As long as it ain't no pegging. That's just it.

Y'all quit that shit. No pegging for Jay. Bye-bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me? With me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me? is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross.

Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha, ha, ha. seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream! What a dream! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! This has been a Team Coco production.