Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - From Race Chaser to Husband (w/ Latrice Royale)

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

Drag queen Latrice Royale (RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars) joins Nicole for a good teeheehee. She discusses getting into drag on a dare, writing on AJ and the Queen, meeting their husband Chris at a meet & greet, and the story behind their Chicago pride festival proposal. Check out Latrice's podcast: The Chop. Support Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy Buy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964 Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh wow! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? It's a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single even though I have been practicing alone and I'm raring to go. I will fuck anybody, anywhere. I'm so horny!

My guest today, you know her from RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars Part 1, Part 2. Also, they had a very amazing live show called Here's to Life, right? Is that the name of it? Yes. It's Latrice Royale. Oh, my God. Finally.

I know. Honestly, I never asked you to do it because I was like, surely Latrice is so busy. Not for you. And then the pandemic hit. Oh, Latrice, thank you. Not for you ever. Oh my God, this closet you're in is stunning. Well, you know, my little pieces, girl.

I got to have somewhere to live. So we're going to sit here, you know, in the boudoir. I love it.'re you guys live in florida right we do we have a beautiful home that we just purchased yes come on purchases right before the pandemic hit so you know god has a funny sense of humor don't he and you guys you have a pool Did I see you in a pool? Of course, baby. Yes.

We had to do the full fantasy. I was like, if we're going to buy and we're going to do this, I want full fantasy. And we got it. We got it. I absolutely love it. Also, this is Christopher, your husband, sent me a text. This today is the anniversary of when I met you. How crazy is that?

It's so bonkers, because I had posted Friday's episode, and then Christopher texted, or no, commented, he's like, when are you going to have my husband on? And I was like, oh, yeah. Charlie isn't traveling right now. Sunday. And perfect.

Let's just pick the day that we met. And how kids- It's bad. That's awesome pick the day that we met. And how kids is that? That's awesome. It was so funny. So Here's to Life is such an incredible show. It is like filled with heart, but also comedy. And then you lip sync.

And then you lip sync this last song. And I was like staring at you on stage. And I was like, oh my God. Latrice is like bringing my mother back to me. And then you went backstage. And I was like, oh, I have to tell Latrice, like bringing my mother back to me and then you went backstage and I was like I have to tell Latrice which is insane and then Christopher's packing up and I was like excuse me uh query is coming back and Christopher's like she might be tired I'm not sure and I was like oh okay well

and in that case can you just tell Latrice you reminded me of my dead mother? And the look Christopher gave me was like I was crazy. And in that moment I was like, hmm, this was a crazy thing to say. Yeah, but no, because he got it. He understood it. Yes, but then he was also like, you're Nicole Byer. We watch you on Girl Code. And I was like, ah, yes, I'm not crazy because I've been on TV. That's what it means.

Oh, my God. I got to say, if people haven't seen you perform, you put on a fucking show. Thank you. I saw you at Mickey's and you at one point leapt up so high in the air. I was like, she's going to go through the ceiling and then landed in this split. And I was like, God damn. It's truly incredible. When did you start performing?

Oh, my God. I'm almost 30 years in the game now. I started back in 93, 92. Yeah. Goodness. Isn't that crazy? It truly is like time honestly 2020 has been like what is time but truly like what is time anymore everything is so it just like flies past it does like i can't believe i'm this old already i just gotta knock him on the bench, you know? Yeah, truly. I just had my birthday.

I've either turned 35 or 36. I don't know. I don't care anymore. I could do the math. Yeah, but why bother? When you look like you look, bitch, it doesn't matter. Put it on a platter, baby. Yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! She got a baby face. Okay! Someone recently asked me, they were like, what did you look like as a baby? And I was like, you're looking at it. You're looking at it right here. I have looked the same since birth, just a round baby face. It comes

in handy. Yes, it does. What made you get into drag? A dare. Like, you know, we fall for anything sometimes sometimes but they dared me to do it and it was halloween so i did it for halloween i did wanda from a lemon color some of y'all listeners out there that might not know jamie foxx jamie foxx is the biggest drag queen of them all so

um but i did wanda hey'm going to rock your world. And I thought that was going to be the end. And they were like, no, you should do the Amateur Show at the Copa. World famous Copa down here in Fort Lauderdale. May she rest in peace. Oh, she's gone. But that's where Latrice got her start. And I did the Amateur Show, girl.

Back then, you know, we didn't have no Amazon Prime. You can't be overnighted. A fringed leotard. Or a 16 pump, you know, just readily available. Not happening. So, girl, needless to say, I didn't have no shoes. I didn't have a wig. So we wrapped some gold lame around my ass ass and I made a turban, bitch, and went out there and thought I was going to do this interpretive dance at the drag show.

When I tell you they looked at me like, what in the actual fuck is you doing, bitch? This is not what we are here for. This is not it. So I got a fashion citation and some drink tickets and sent home girl they were like not tonight boo-boo you don't have to do better than this but i was like i can win this contest because i've seen these boogers you know i know better than this so um i went to joanne fabrics got me old simplicity pattern stitched me up old hot monstrosity of a dress it was horrible but it was my own and girl my roommate found me a wig and some hair and i did new attitude by patty the bell and i won

and then that was the beginning of the here we are 30 years later. I love that story specifically because I feel like people, even more now than before, are like, I have to be perfect when I start. I have to be the best of the best. And it's like, well, how do you get to be the best of the best? You just have to put yourself out there. You just have to fucking try. You have to try. But the difference between now and then is the simple fact that you can go on YouTube and become a professional within 30 minutes. You know what I'm saying?

You sure can. Like one or two, one or two, three tutorials and you automatically on RuPaul's Drag Race and you about to be, you know, slaying the game. And so I feel like you need just a touch of experience. Like how are you going to go on a television show but not know how the people react to your drag? If you haven't performed, how do you? And I'm not saying that that's the only way you can do drag. But I'm like, that's a lot of it. A lot of it after the show is meeting people in person and performing for people in person.

That's how you make your coin. That's how you make the coin. And if you can hold and captivate an audience, like, what are you offering that all these other girls don't have? Like that's the whole thing was like what makes you special. And a lot of girls miss that part of it. They look pretty. But then you're like gagged for the first 30 seconds and you're enthralled for maybe a minute. And then you're like all right

what next uh-huh yeah like i feel like you you sing you lip sync you also dance you've got these amazing costumes it feels like you have a lot like there's just like a breath of talent from you and which like i appreciate so much and then also also you got to write on AJ and the Queen, which I was like, what a delightful way to put your money where your mouth is. We're doing a show about a drag queen. Sure, we'll staff the room with writers, but like let's get an actual queen in the room and teach her how to write.

So then you can take that skill elsewhere where maybe it's not about a drag queen but your experience can you know be applied i i applaud you for doing it i was it scary oh my god it was so intimidating i had never been in that kind of situation and you know you have michael patrick king and rupaul and all these like names and we're in Warner Brothers and I'm just like am I at the right place? Is this where they

serving their chicken dinners at? Cause like but it was like to watch that process because it was very unorthodox the way they went about scripting and writing AJ. They had never just had a person in a room spouting off stories and saying, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it was different.

And I was like, well, this is an amazing process. And I learned so much. And then when I was able to create a role for myself and a character for myself and see it come to life, that was the most amazing part. Like I felt at home. I was like, this is what I need to be doing more of. It was a breeze. It was so much fun. I think the thing I love the most is because it like opened a door to like the scripted world. Like now you have experience and now it's like, what's Latrice going to do next it's exciting very exciting um and I definitely am um going to pursue and get more into some scripted things because

um it just it's just time and I've been saying it for a long time and I've just been on the road a lot. Yes. It is hard to say no to money that you know you can make to sit, take a break and try to create something that may come, you know, to life, but may also just be developed for such a long time. So it's like, it's interesting that you have to make those choices. You do. But, you know, shit happens. Shit happens. And that's the world we live in as up-and-comers.

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, we got to try to make a way out of no way. Because they're going to tell you no before they tell you yes. Yeah. You're going to get a whole fucking lot of no's. Yeah. So.

As a bigger queen, is it, so i assume you get everything made for you now but in the beginning was it hard oh my god i had to make everything myself because i did i couldn't afford to really pay for people to sew for me you know so it was like survival of the fittest or unfittest. Yeah. People don't understand. It's fucking tough. If you do not fit in straight sizes, I used to almost exclusively shop at the Salvation Army and Goodwill when I was in New York,

because yes, I had a dad to fall back on, but I was like, how will I survive if he's not here? So like, I'm glad that I didn't lean on him so much but I would go to the Salvation Army I would find sometimes two skirts with similar patterns and I learned how to sew them together and last time I went to my storage unit I found

a skirt that I had so poorly altered but like wore it because I was like oh this bitch she did it okay she moved the button. Can you even? But like sometimes you got to live the fantasy till you can afford the fantasy. You got to do it. Hello. Fake it till you make it, baby. That's what I'm saying.

Yes, God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's hard. Oh, boy. It is the struggle. And I've been trying to find some Black-owned people or businesses that make plus-size stuff,

and it's been an uphill battle trying to find stuff that isn't just, like, stretchy or, like, ooh, titties are out, ass is out. Oh. Which is fine sometimes. Sometimes, but I'm trying to cover some shit up, really. Just, you know, every now and again, the girls can be for me. My booty can be for me.

When did you meet Christopher, your husband? We met December 22nd, 2012, when the world was supposed to be ending according to the Mayan calendar. Um, if you're into that thing. The Mayans fucked up cause it's 2020. Here we are. Here we are. But they ain't far off bitch cause they trying to kill us off slowly but surely. Um, but we met at a meet and greet.

off slowly but surely. But we met at a meet and greet. I was there in Knoxville, in his hometown, and he came out to the show to watch just like any other fans or whatever, but when it came to the meet and greet time, they didn't know what really to do.

So, very good looking, so it was a little chaotic. And it was in between the two shows. So, they would have a show, break, meet and greet, and then another show. Ain't nobody got time for that. That's not a break for me, bitch. It's not. And I do them all the time.

And people don't understand it. It's like, you're eating into my downtime. But also, I'm happy to see you. But this has to be as organized as possible because i still have to do a show for these other paying people that part and so so it was like a kind of a shit show and he was friends with the uh the show director so she was trying to get a cocktail run the meet and greet change her clothes smoke a cigarette girl this is you got a lot going on and this is honey so he brought some order to it and he just started taking smoke a cigarette. Girl, you got a lot going on. And this...

Tensionis, honey. Uh-huh, let's do it. So he brought some order to it and he just started taking pictures of the patrons, you know, and running the meet and greets. So it was organized. And I started flirting and dropped my Sharpie and he bent over to pick it up. So I dropped it again, girl.

I was like, look at all that booty on this little white boy, honey. Yeah. And so, yeah, here we are. And then the next week was New Year's Eve. I was booked in Nashville, which is a three-hour drive from there. And he was like, I was thinking about coming to

see you for New Year's Eve. I said, well, you should. And you can be my New Year's Eve date. And so he came, but he didn't know if I was inviting him as a fan, just like, oh, yeah, come see my show. Or was I inviting him to come see my show? So he showed up very timidly. And I was like, no, you're staying with me.

You're going to stay the weekend with me. It's going to be all cool. We're very gentleman-like. But he was my first kiss after New Year's and we've been together ever since. That's so romantic. It's stupid, right? I love it. That's so cute.

He was just like, yes, I'll drive three hours, but I don't know what this is. And I'm happy to just see how this plays out. Yeah. Crazy, right? So it's wild. Truly a dream. I love it. You guys tour together.

We do. We do sometimes. He was on the road with me quite a bit. But then we had to take time back because I needed him on the road. I mean, on the ground. And so it was better for him to be home and keeping things moving here. But yeah, for a lot, he does tour sometimes when I go out of the country, especially. He does come with me.

And then here's to life. He plays piano during the show. So he has to go. Yeah. He's talent. Yes. He's part of the talent. Come on now.

It's talent. Is it hard to live with love and work with somebody? It presents its challenges, but it's about balance. You have to really be real conscious of how you speak to people, you know, and I always try to come from a loving place when I address Christopher, even if it's not,

you know, something is going awry, but I never get out of pocket. And that's the biggest, biggest thing that you have to make sure you do is to, uh, Oh, hi.

Speaking of, he must've heard, he must've heard his ears over here say hi hi hi christopher hi imaginary best friend you know i love you so much we were talking about you how dare you i want your version of how you guys met and came to be together oh i'm just a desperate homosexual like the rest of these race chasers out here. When you met Latrice, were you like, I'm gonna fuck Latrice? We were flirting pretty quick.

We were. I cannot say we were not flirting. We were. I cannot say we were not flirting. And I have always said that anybody that's watched my husband on stage, you know he knows how to move all that around. So, I mean, like, you know, you're going to have, I knew that if it got to that, it would be a good time. I mean, you're right. I was complimenting Latrice. trees i was like the way you move on stage is truly incredible it's true i mean like yeah nobody can shablam like that and not know their way around the bedroom i love it i love making you laugh i was just looking at that picture of us with my with pizza in my mouth. Because that's what occurred to me to do.

Like, why would I do that? And excuse the beauty. Indeed. I didn't realize it was excuse the beauty. What did you think it was? Hold on. I can't remember. I don't remember.

But I thought it was something completely different. And then when I heard it, I was like, hmm. Not what I thought it was something completely different. And then when I heard it, I was like, hmm. I can't remember. It was something similar, but like not it. And rather stupid. I didn't mean to interrupt. Keep talking about me. I love you.

And I would date you. Thank you. He won't let me, but I would. Fair. I mean, you know, a throuple is it's a lot of work but I would fair I mean you know a throuple is it's a lot of work I would say yeah I can't yeah yeah yeah

it was a lot of work bye Christopher love you there see look at that lurking around the lurking around the corners, honey, and there he is. I think my favorite part of that is how Christopher is so proud of how immediate he was like, that's what I wanted, and I went for it. I love when people talk about the person they love, and you see it in their face.

Like, Christopher, like the smile that happened when he was like oh you see my husband working like i i love it yeah yeah so here we are it's working it's working um and then you guys got married two years ago yeah it's gonna be two years ago coming up this month. Who proposed to who? Well, you know, I proposed. I proposed. We were in Seattle.

And I've been planning it for a while. And some shit went down in Orlando. That was when the big post thing happened. And I was like, oh, my God. Am I going to go through with this or not? Because the world, you know, we were all shooketh. You know, I just kind of meditated on it. I was like, no, I'm just going to go ahead and make the plan and go forth. So when I was going to go pick up the rings, we had just gotten back. I'd just gotten back from North Carolina, wherever I was, and he couldn't understand why I needed to go out on an errand that he couldn't go on.

Right after this tragedy, we had just lost a very good friend, and I'm acting funny. So, you know, he's like, well, where are you going? Well, why can't I go? Like, just nosy. Just nosy. you going? Well, why can't I go? Like, just nosy. Just nosy. Like, sometimes

I just need to take a minute for myself. Can I just go take a minute for myself? And so, I was able to go and sneak these rings and purchase them and arrange everything with the people, our friends in Seattle with Floyd and Lady Chablis and all them girls.

And surprise him with this proposal, and it worked out. And then Jujubee was there, of course, and so she went on her social media, and it just went everywhere, and everybody saw it. Yeah. The part that didn't work out so well was that, you know, it went out before we got a chance to tell his mom. Ah, yeah. That part happened unexpectedly, but we got past it.

We worked it out. I mean, it's happening. It's wild how you say something on social media and then it snowballs and you're like, ooh, this got a little further away than I thought it would get. Especially with the time difference. They're on the East Coast and we were on the West Coast time. So it was definitely too late to call them and be like, hey, this just happened. This just happened. We're engaged.

We're fianced. Yeah. But now it's all good. I'm her favorite son-in-law i'm for her favorite i think i'm her favorite son period i think she's gonna trade i love that you get along with chris's family does chris get along with your family yes they love him then yeah yeah you know i'm from compton right you know you do know that okay so fourth of july a few years ago we were

at my brother's house in Compton 4th of July girl in Compton laughing laughing when I tell you his nerves sonny he didn't know whether it was gunshots or fireworks

I was just about to say it's the real is it gunshots or fireworks. I was just about to say, it's the real, is it gunshots or fireworks? Or is it a combination of both? And should we get down? Can I finish my hot dog? It definitely was a combination of both, but I was like, you are good hands. We over here. We're at his house, a Scooby's house. Let me tell you something. Ain't nobody

coming up through here wrong, trust and believe. Everybody know who he is, so we good. It was funny to see his reaction of like, is that guns? Or, well, we about to die. Are we going to pass away? Is this what's happening?

You took me to die at a barbecue? But honestly, if someone took me to a barbecue and I died, I'd be like, at least you were concerned about my food intake before the Lord taketh. Well, the biggest thing is that you were invited to the barbecue and I died, I'd be like, at least you were concerned about my food intake before the Lord taketh. Well, the biggest thing is that you were invited to the barbecue. Yes. How many bitches that we are like, you are not invited to the barbecue, bitch. You can't come. You put raisins

in your potato salad. No, girl. No. I have dated so many men that I was like, I would never bring you to a barbecue, let alone meet my sister. And my sister is the kindest person, but I'm not taking any of her. You don't know how to fucking act. Exactly.

Oh, my God. Dating is so awful. Before you met Chris, was dating hard or was it easy? Because you were on Drag Race before you met Chris, right? Yeah, I was on. Yeah, we started airing a full year almost before. But it was horrible and hateful. I hated it.

I hated every part of the cat and mouse game playing, lying, conniving. Bitch, I ain't got time for that. And so the older I got, the more ridiculous it was to me to be even saying boyfriend and dating. I'm like, bitch, you're a little too old to be talking about my girlfriend and my boyfriend. You need a husband to sit your ass down. I assume, like, I don't know, after I was on TV, I found it hard to navigate whether are you here because you actually like me or are you here because you're a fan? What is the difference?

So like after the show, was it like a huge difference? Huge difference. I'll tell you this much. Like, cause you know, I was like, I was never into like twinks, you know, like, you know. And so that was never my jizz. And Raja had posted something about these days

she's eating more twinks than ever and whatever and I just kind of laughed and I'm like girl that is not my thing she's like well it's gonna be your thing so just get ready because they're gonna be throwing ash away every which way and I didn't believe her I was like no girl when I tell you

the way my inbox used to look before I became a St. Christian, what? What? I can see your lunch, bitch. I can see I can

see everything. Yeah, they were forthcoming. Or trying to be. I wish my inbox looked like that. I've got a lot of people being like, I would date you if my boyfriend would let me, or I would date you if my girlfriend would let me, or you can come be part of our threeple if you want.

We live in Wisconsin. I wish it was like Dick Pick City. Give me your lunch. I want to see it. Give me your whole asshole. Let me see it. I am horny. Do you be telling people to slide in your DMs though?

I say all the time that I don't really have people sliding in my DMs. I have the very lovely ladies who go, you inspire me to wear a bikini because you love yourself despite the way you look. Oh my God. I love those compliments. Don't you love yourself despite the way you look. Oh, my God. I love those compliments. Don't you just love those? Always gets me. Do you get that a lot, too? Those backhanded, sideways, slap you in the face compliments.

Yes, I love those. Yes. It's so wild to me to be like, what do you mean? It's weird that I love myself. Are you crazy? If I didn't love myself, I would be miserable. Imagine passing a mirror and going, ew, no. I mean, I dyed my hair blonde, so now I pass by a mirror and I go, ah.

I'm like, oh, that's me. I did that. But at least you did it, so, you know. Yes, you know, just trying to keep it spicy, keep it fucking interesting. Caliente, honey. Yes. I love it. I'm going to make sure that people, we're going to get some. Keep it spicy. Keep it fucking interesting. Caliente, honey. Yes. I love it.

I'm going to make sure that people, we're going to get some. See, but see, you know what it is, though. Your problem is that you are such a gay, LGBTQ, IABCDFG, you know, icon. We love you so much. Khan, we love you so much. And so, like, you, like, so into being one of the girls. You need some straight, you know, Mandingo. I know. Like, connection. The way I feel is, like, straight men don't appreciate my lashes.

They don't appreciate this Gucci bag that I procured. They don't appreciate my lashes. They don't appreciate this Gucci bag that I procured. They don't appreciate the shoes. Yes, the gay men do. We're like, yes, queen. Yes, and that's what I love. I'm like, yes, bitch. Like, oh, my God. I recently had an interview where the interviewer was like,

so you seem to, like, speak a lot on behalf of queer people and the LGBTQA plus community. Why? And I was like, what? What do you mean why? Those are the most fun. I love queer people. They're the most fun.

You ever go to Mickey's at 3 p.m. and stay until 3 a.m.? You'll see a lot. It's a good time. It's a full shift. It truly is. My favorite at any gay club, if you go to like a tea dance or whatever, is like the twink who gets too drunk by like 6 p.m.

and they're passed out in the corner. And then at 1 a.m. they're like alive again. You're like, he has risen. It's my favorite thing. Oh my God, it's so true though. Oh my goodness. We have to take a break real quick. Okay.

And we're back. Okay, Latrice, where's your favorite place you've been? You've gotten to travel the world. Yeah, but like the fans are like really really super crazy in like brazil they're fanatic like oh my gosh you can be in brazil and they're like come to brazil i'm like bitch i'm here i'm like i'm fucking here right, bitch. But they love us there. And of course, when you go to the Netherlands, I love the Netherlands. And when I went on the Work the World Tour, I got to see countries that I had never thought I would go to.

And they are really receptive because no one goes there. So the last thing they expect is to see their favorite drag queen, you know, right there in front of them. So they were just really above and beyond. So I just love Europe. Europe and Brazil and UK. That's just, I feel like it's my second home over there. Like, I really do. But I've been getting really, really like last year i toured canada and yeah we did here's to life and like it was actually a year ago this month yeah and

i got to see a lot of the culture and they're just so sweet yeah sugary sweet They have legal weed. Oh, my God. Wait, is there no legal weed in Florida? We have now. We have medical. Yeah. But it's, you know, they're gouging on the prices, so I still use my old guy. I just think you're supporting independent business. Black businesses.

Black-owned independent business. Black businesses. Black-owned independent businesses. But yeah, so Canada was a lot of fun. And obviously watching them on Drag Race has been a hoot. It's been fun because there's no no standard and it feels like older seasons of drag race it feels very like season two three ish to me yeah which i i love because as much as i love season 12 it was like i feel like they said out loud a couple times and untucked like we need to be friends and i was like no you don't uh i want someone to yell at somebody uh please but also i'm not like a like a fan who then decides to speak to the queen directly in a tweet or something to be hateful do you do you get any hate because i know mayhem has said she's

gotten hate and asia has said that people have asked her to step out of pictures which to me is insane because asia o'hara is so talented and one of my favorite queens. But do you get that? Because I feel like you're universally loved. Well, yeah, I've been to All-Stars 4 and then that changed some shit around. But, like, I got some hate, but the thing of it is that I'm established

and I've been established for many seasons. So, people know my work and they know who I am and so my true fans didn't buy into the editing and the storyline of what television is. And so thankfully, although it

was hurtful, the shit I was getting in, I just tuned out because and then I would reply with the complete opposite of what they were expecting. I'd be like, oh, well, I'm sorry I didn't, you know, do what you had expected. Hopefully, you know know i'll improve and i'll get better so thank you you know nothing but love kisses and smooches and i'll keep it moving um but yeah it was some hateful ass racist ass you know i'm like but like the thing that y'all forget is that I'm almost 50. So being called fat, black, nigger,

monkey, gorilla, whale, you can call me whatever the hell you want. I don't answer to that because I'm above that. A queen don't answer to that bullshit. You can't shake this shit. And I keep telling you,

what you did not give, you cannot take away. And I built this shit. I built this. So you can't shake this shit. And I keep telling you, what you did not give, you cannot take away. And I built this shit. I built this. So you don't have no power here. Be gone. And so they were. And then now they're mad at somebody else this week. Yeah, I think that's such an important thing for people to hear.

It's like the people outside of you did not create you. They didn't help you get to where you were or are or where you're going. So truly, pay them bitches no mind. No mind. None. And the ones that are loving and support you, that's what you need to hold on to. But it always is that just one comment. You can scroll through 300 comments, and it's just that one.

You're like, oh, this really? Mm-hmm. And it takes everything in me not to go but if you catch me on the right day at the right time doing live shows god bless I miss it but like the one person not laughing in the crowd the performance then becomes

for them because I'm like I will crack you I will make you laugh and then it's almost like fuck everybody else who's like join me i'm like this one person i will break you and you're gonna like me and i don't know i think that's like human nature and i don't know why we're like that i don't know oh well part of our thing is that because our struggle is super real. It's always been an uphill climb for us. And I say us because we are very kindred in the way we are colored and we are shaped. And there's a lot of things that we go against when it comes to Hollywood.

Let's just be real. And so we try harder. We try harder. We've always had to work harder at our craft to be above and beyond what you're going to expect when you looked at me. You know? Because as soon as they look at you, they've already cast a judgment in, like, oh, what's this bitch going to do? What's this big bitch going to do? You know? And then we show them. Yeah, I had an interview.

It was for, like, daytime television. So it was, like, a heavy question for daytime television. He was like, has the way you looked prohibited you from things in Hollywood? Has it hindered you? And I was like, not prepared for that question at 7 you want to go there. Yes. And then I was like, I mean, we could get into it. But, like, no. It hasn't hindered me from, like, getting work because there's always a nurse. There's always a maid. There's always the funny, fat best friend who doesn't have a life. But, like, sure, it's hindered me from getting, like, the lead. It's hindered me from things. I was like, but if you really want to talk about systemic racism in the entertainment industry at 7 a.m., we can do that.

We can go there. But I thought this was supposed to be good morning. I thought it was good morning. And I was going to tell you I had a book. Don't you want to hear about those things? Because I'm actually doing something. Hello. And then I, you might get this, but people are always surprised that like I can do a split or like anything physical.

They're like, wow. Oh my God. You're my hero. Seeing you on that pole gives me, girl, now you know that my alter ego is a stripper. Her name is Amber. Yes, Amber. Amber, honey, Amber Ambiance. Amber Ambiance is such a funny name.

What a treat. That is truly the funniest name for a stripper. Because I know what Amber does. Amber's serving you a full ambiance fantasy. The lights are low and Amber's gonna give it to you. So seeing you on that pole is just glorious. I had to retire, girl. I was knocking down ceiling

beams, girl. They didn't have no insurance. That's why it's outside. I'm not trying to destroy my house. Get real. No. No. No, I paid for it. I'm not trying to destroy my house. Get real. No. Okay. No, I paid for it. I'm not going to ruin it. Right.

Pole is such an interesting thing because I feel like it's such a stigmatized thing. A lot of dancers are shadow banned on Instagram, meaning you can't find their pages. Even if you look at hashtags and shit, it like a way to suppress sex workers and whatnot. And I think sex work is real work. It's hard work. Imagine your job is fucking a dude. That's stupid. And you are not attracted to them.

You serve them the full fantasy. That's fucking work. And a lot of bitches do it for free. So like, if you can monetize it, let's do it. You know? You said that. Yes. But that's why like, if you can monetize it, let's do it, you know? You said that.

Yes, ma'am. But that's why, like, I love it because the girls there are like, yeah, people talk shit about this. So, like, we're just going to support one another. And it's like, literally, if I get one move that I didn't have the day before, like, the girls go, they're like, yes, you fucking did it, bitch. That's it. Like, and I love that. It's truly, and maybe it's just my studio is like that. Other studios might be rude or whatever, but I love the girls at my studio.

Everyone is so kind. When I post a video of me doing something mediocre, fully mediocre, they're like, you did that, bitch. You didn't fall down, bitch. Yes, bitch. You walked in those heels and you held on to the ball bitch small victories bitch we'll take it very small victories

and we'll take it are you watching okay you have to P-Valley bitch you know it yes ma'am Latrice I I'm like I told my agent I I told my manager, I said, when they come back for season two,

I will hire my own dialect coach because I don't do a Southern dialect well. But we have to figure out how to get me on this show. It is so well written and it's juicy. Did you see last week's episode? Of course I did. It was so funny too. When I tell you, oh my God, getting my everlasting laugh.

The person, I can't remember their name, who plays the one who owns the pink. He is truly so talented. I was like, why wasn't people nominated for Emmys for this? I think maybe it premiered after. It premiered after. I think, yeah. But I'm like, if they don't get nominations for the way it's shot as beautiful, the dialogue is like so funny.

My favorite part was, I think it was last week, she was like in line for something, sees her mom on TV, and this lady on the phone out loud is like, yeah, he ate me out. Yeah. At the check-in store. Yeah. At the check cash store. Yeah, at the check cash store.

I laughed because I was like, yeah, you'll be doing the most mundane things. You'll be in Home Depot and you'll hear some white lady be like, we went to brunch and then he snorted coke off my asshole. And then I blew him. And you're like, what is your life? What's going on with your world? Oh, my God. I blew him. And you're like, what is your life? What's going on with your world? Oh, my God. I love it. It was so good.

And I think they use actual strippers. I know the double for Mercedes is this stripper or dancer named Spida. And I don't know what her Instagram is. I think she changes the name of it. But she was the first person I saw doing that surfboard move where a girl is horizontal and she's on top. It used to be Magic and Spider. I think Spider now does it alone.

But Magic would be on the bottom, Spider would be on top, and the strength that these women have is so wild. But it's sexy as hell. It really is. So sexy. I love me a good old. That's real adult entertainment to me. Like, that's some good old-fashioned get down with the get down, put it in your face.

Yes. Ooh. To me, it's like gymnastics after dark. Because these. It is very bad. I think you should get a pole in your house or get one outside. X-Pole made stages. They make stages that you could just put outside.

But wait, what's the weight limit? Here's the thing. Technically, there is no weight limit. Lies of an LA. But if you see two thins or three thins on a pole, that means one fat could be on one. That's chemistry. That is chemistry. Now, I can add up real fast.

So, if this bee holds about 120 pounds of pee, that's 360, 75 add-ons to carry one. You carry that one, dip it down, bring it back out, shake it off, it's wet, and that means anybody can get on a pole. But I truly, I think they can withstand at least like 350, maybe 400 pounds.

Someone's going to get at me and be like, you're fully wrong. But I think they can withstand a lot. I'm just never going to run at a pole and swing. Like that I understand. Logically, you may die. You may swing on up right into the heavens and get burned by the sun, bitch. So we're not swinging around it. We're going to walk around it, do a little couple spins that are close.

You know, we're not going to die. It makes me think, because I've seen a lot of videos of bitches swinging on the pole and it goes completely left, bitch. Like, on the floor, they're rolling around in agony. Very Scarlett Takes a Tumble. You remember Scarlett Takes a Tumble? Yes! My, okay, when Scarlett Takes a Tumble, y'all, if you don't remember Scarlett Takes a Tumble, just Google it. It's this woman singing and her hair is done.

She's got some flares on. And for whatever reason, steps up on a coffee table. Why, girl? And you can infer what happens. But I had family members text me to ask me if that was me. And I was like, y'all are racist. You can't tell a black person apart. You're black!

But I think about Scarlett a lot when I wear heels on the pole because I'm like, Nicole might take a tumble. We don't want it. We don't want it. We do not want it. You are getting so much better, I got to tell you. Thank you. Yeah, I'm watching your progress.

Thank you. It's very, very inspirational. I'm just not brave enough, so I live vicariously. One day you'll be brave. But how did you figure out you could do like a drop split? How did you figure out you were so flexible? Oh, well, because I used to dance. Like I color guard before drag.

And so I just incorporated and brought her on over and see that's the kiki. That's the gag. You don't know by looking at me that I can do that. So I was able to hold on to my flexibility somewhat because I kept dancing in drag. And I don't know if I can do a split now. I retired from Shablam. Did you? Oh, yeah.

Because I'm not trying to do no club gigs either no more. I'm really trying not to be in the, like, there comes a time in all of our lives when you have to say, okay, baby. Yes, the club. Good night, baby. Yes, the clock. Good night, goodbye. Good night and goodbye. Yeah. Once you do theater, girl, it's like you're in by six. You do your meet and greet.

Show time's at eight. It starts at eight. At eight. At eight. And you do your little hour and a half. You good by the time you get done. Wash up by 1030, baby. You out of drag.

Yes. And the day is over. It's time to get something to eat and lay it on down. Yes. And I like that. This year is a very, it's a bummer for me because I was trying to transition from clubs to theaters. And clubs for comedians, truly, it's the same. It's like late nights, drunk people, people clamming their dinner plates around.

And then you're just like, what am I doing? But then the first theater I did where I had my own show, where I was truly like, what? I can't believe I've ever done a club. I did five nights to people who did like literally I was interrupting their dinners but now in a theater they want to be there they understand they're at a show very rarely am I heckled in a theater

and then you're right like it's one and done or two and done and I'm in bed and I feel great and you make the same amount of money that you do like doing five nights at a club it's just nicer it's nice and then some people will like gripe about the price they're like but the theater is more expensive i'm like it's the same price as going to a club because at a club a drag show you're paying for drinks and whatnot like a comedy club you're paying for

your dinner your two drink minimum it's the same same. I'm just taking away the two-drink minimum. You don't have to drink at a theater. You don't have to drink. You could pay attention and not scream at me. Exactly. That would be nice. What's the wildest thing a fan has done during a show, after a show, just in general? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. a show just in general oh my god oh my god i had i've only had to stop my show like once or twice um but it happened i think maybe were we in canada or maybe we were in no maybe we're in the uk i think we're in the uk and we're touring Here's to Life. And we were at one of these venues. I don't remember. Maybe I forget the name of it. But this drunk bitch, honey, you know, in the UK, they start drinking early and a lot. That's the code. And yeah, early and a lot of it.

And by the time the show rolled around, she was drunker than drunk. So I'm literally trying to talk about my dead mother and me being in jail. And this bitch is talking about, woo, say Jesus is a biscuit. Woo. Oh, boy. Girl, this is not that time. Mm-hmm. Nor the place.

Oh, boy. Girl, this is not that time. Mm-hmm. Nor the place. And so she had been, like, heckling and talking loudly around the people that she was sitting. And they were getting annoyed anyway. Mm-hmm. And so finally, I was like, security. And they got her ass up out.

And everybody started clapping and cheering. And we went on with the show. But I don't like to do that i hate doing that but i will put your ass out same i my friend mateo lane's a comic he's the first person i saw throw someone out of a show and i was like you can do that and he was like yes bitch it's your show if they are disrupting your show get them the fuck out yeah but then i was watching a bunch of beyonce videos last night and this is two nights ago i don't fucking remember but there's a video of i think she's

in brazil somebody literally snatches beyonce like arms around her and like pulls her into the crowd but then security is you know on top of shit and they pull her back up on stage and then they were like taking the dude she like doesn't miss a beat she keeps singing and security's trying to take him and she's like it's fine it's fine what's your name and I was like what's your name he tried to take you Liam Neeson was about to get on the case to get you back

I love that movie I guess if Beyonce can deal with it gracefully I can too but then I'm like but Beyonce's making I guess if Beyonce can deal with it gracefully, I can too. But then I'm like, but Beyonce's making a lot of money to deal with it gracefully. I'm just, you know, really hoping to make my guarantee. I mean, because like, honestly, if he was in the first row or that close enough to snatch her, he's paid tens of thousands of dollars for that ticket. Yeah, and he deserves the show. Bitch, I feel like I want to touch you too, bitch.

I'm going to touch you for $10,000. Yeah, it's like, well, you paid $35. I could be more gracious. Thanks for coming. Truly. I've been watching. I watched a lot of Beyonce the other night, and then I was watching Katy Perry's 2015 Super Bowl performance,

and I was like, if anything represents Katy Perry's 2015 Super Bowl performance. And I was like, if anything represents 2020, it is this 2015 performance. She comes in in a flame outfit riding a lion that's animatronic. And it roars. And you're like, da fuck? And then there's chess pieces for no reason. And then Lenny Travis appears, doesn't sing his own shit. She grinds on him. So we get out of there.

And then we go to this beach ball scene where everyone talked about the shark. But I was like, the beach ball looks ill. And these trees are haunted. What is going on? And then she gets on a The More You Know star. And the microphone's looped to her wrist. And she's just very slowly moving over the crowd. And I'm like, this was wild.

Why didn't we stop talking? And then by the end of it, I forgot that Lenny Kravis was there. And then Missy Elliott appears for no reason because I didn't know they were friends. And then she dances with Missy in a way that I've never seen a person dance. I was like, your legs don't bend.

What's happening? Why are you so stiff? And she really stuck out like a sore thumb. I was like, this is 2020 where nothing can be explained. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. You gotta watch it again. I was also so high and I was like,

this is 2020 and nobody's, no one's saying it. Nobody said nothing. No, and then I couldn't believe, I was like, the only thing I remember is people talking about Left Shark and I was like, there was so much more in this performance to talk about baby just the left shark I forgot about that that was a hodgepodge wild and I say it with love Katy Perry but your mind is why y'all be I don't know that was some crazy shit her brain is a firework dynamite

what's your favorite song to perform to well if I'm dancing if I'm gonna cause I'm a house queen I love a good old house anthem so like if I'm gonna you know shake you up I'm gonna give you some make you feel good

make you feel good make me feel good G-O-O-O yeah that's my shit right there but if I'm gonna take you to church we're gonna do Aretha I'll give you my Aretha Madly but yeah you know I think it's a range it's a range

you know wherever you want me to show up baby I'm gonna show up show out I love the range darling um what advice can you give me when the world goes back to semi-normal and i'm trying to catch some dick how how should i go about doing it well stay away from these sissies first of all i feel like most gay men are like you gotta leave us alone you gotta just leave us alone blocking yourself girl for real um but yeah i didn't know that you not get your your dm should be stacked with dick all time especially on twitter it's because i have seven straight men who listen to me like straight men don't know me.

Whenever, like when I did live shows, women would drag their boyfriends here and if we did a meet and greet, they loved to be like I had no idea who you were. My girlfriend dragged me here. My sister dragged me here. And you're actually very funny. And I'm like, thank you.

Thank you so much. Thanks. So, okay okay so you have a highly gaily populated gay and fat women and fat women damn gina uh i was at a club once and they were like your fans like to eat and i was like yes because there's very few fat people who perform. So, like, when you see one and you like it, you say, I'm going to go. That's my people. I got to go. Oh, damn. Damn.

Damn. Oh, how do we work that out, girl? You need a wingman for real. Like, you don't got no best, no good Judy girl that, like, your homegirl that, like, is bad about it and, like, hook up with a whole bunch of... I have a best friend, but she's not good at, like... No, actually, she's very good. She's very good at being a wingman. She's very good at setting things in motion.

And then I'm terrible at it. Like, we were in Italy, and the two guys that owned the Airbnb were doing work in, like, the common area. And I walked out, saw them, and I went, oh, I didn't say a word to them. I just made a noise. And then I texted Sashira. I was like, there's boys. And then she like had a normal conversation with them. And then as we were going down the stairs, she was like, what's wrong with you?

And I was like, oh, they were cute boys. And she's like, do you want to go talk to them? And I was like, yes, but you have to set it up you have to speak first and she was like oh my god fine i just something comes over me where i suddenly i'm shy i don't know how to talk to straight men that's wild that's wild because you're so like fluent like look you just you're just full of gab well we can keep i know, Keith. I know you. You're fat. Like, I love you. Like, we've, you know, we've eaten edibles together.

We have a good time, you know? With straight men, I'm like, I don't know. I know you don't watch Drag Race. I know you don't like Drag Queens. And I know you don't like a bunch of other gay shit that I'm into. That's the thing. So it's hard. It's like, you're not gonna you're not gonna

come in on my lashes uh they're 407s do you like hood boys you like hood boys i don't think they like me so growing up i went to church in like a super black area and a lot of times they'd be like why do you sound so white blah blah blah that that and the other and i dated this dude i was sucking his dick i don't know if it was dating. But he was from Bed-Stuy, and he would always be like, you're the strangest person I've ever met. And I was like, yeah, but you like it, right? So I would love, you know, I would date any black man.

I love black men. My understanding is that your king is probably not in the United States. My understanding is that your king is probably not in the United States. It's those Indian dudes, Germany. They love the chocolate. When I was in Italy, they liked it. They kept calling me spicy, and I was like, okay. Oh, see, you're spicy.

Yeah, so I'm just saying, like, maybe what you need is not here. Which is fine. Import a bitch. Import that dick right over to you. You might have to pay a little bit more for it, like we all do. Just a little bit. But, you know, it'd be worth it to have some imported dick. I think so. Well, Latrice,

we've come to the end. I could talk to you forever. Is there anything you want to promote well I just have our weekly podcast The Chop with Manila and Latrice so just check us out I think we're going to be moving to Tuesday so now on Mondays

but it's going to be moving to Tuesday but you ain't got nowhere to go so it don't matter when it come out yeah just fucking wait for it you're't got nowhere to go, so it don't matter when I come out. Yeah, just fucking wait for it. You're not going nowhere. And I would also like to promote wear your mask. If you don't wear your mask, you're an ass. Yes. Yes.

We just want to go back to normal. Oh, wait, Latrice, would you date me? Oh, my God. I have been thinking about this from the day we met. And I was just like, you know, I was totally digging up all up in that. Yes! You know, had I not been,

Christopher already told me before I started this podcast, he was like, well, you're the one who won't let me date her. I was like, oh, you feeling some type of way about it? Do we need to have a discussion and renegotiate our contracts? Renegotiate. But we would totally do you. Maybe we can have you as a third

like everyone else would do it, but we would do it for real and film it and make a coin. Oh my god. Imagine we'll release it on OnlyFans and the price is $10,000. I don't think nobody needs to watch me fuck. It's silly. I got a good ring light.

I got a good ring light. There's going to have to be two ring lights or a big ass ring light. There's a lot of body that's going to be in that threesome. Poor little Christopher in the middle. Oh my god. He might pass away. Four butt cheeks squishing him.

That's one old Oreo bitch. Shablam gives a new meaning. It's like, Shablam, he dead. I love you so much. I love you, Latrice. Thank you so much for doing this. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can subscribe,

you can rate it five stars. If you write me something nasty, I will read it this person said if we went on a date i would buy you lots of drinks because i'm nervous and i'll make my first my move on a first kiss we'd passionately retreat to the bathroom stalls where i would sit you down on that dirty toilet seat and eat your pussy until you cry out the name you thought when you heard i told you who i was over the loud music we'll laugh it off and then I'll throw off some devil horns, slide them into your wet pussy and make you squirt

all over the dirty floor. I'll pull my strap out of my purse because I'm prepared and shit. I'll bend you over the toilet and fuck you till you squirt again, making the floor a slippery mess. We'll lose our footing, fall on the floor and keep fucking. You pick up some toilet paper out of my hair and we kiss deeply and I fuck you on the floor of the fucking you pick up some toilet paper out of my hair and we kiss deeply and I fuck you on

the floor of the bathroom in this random dive bar I would date you but I'm a fan and I don't want to muddy anything I wish we met in another life I think we'd be close

here we go here we go so yeah that's it for why won't you date me bye bye meet. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.