Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Getting Robbed by Hookups (w/ Lushious Massacr)

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Drag queen icon Lushious Massacr joins Nicole to share how she fell in love last night with a man she met on Facebook Dating, getting charmed by a panty sniffer, and the reason she’s banned from Hinge and Tinder. She also breaks down how tapping into your feminine force is a superpower used to get exactly what you want.Lushious shares all of the terrible times men she's hooked up with who have tried to rob her, and how she's since learned to "trade proof" her home. Plus, Luscious explains her theory on why women pegging their men could lead to world peace, and shares advice on how to be proactive in order to create romance and charm in your everyday life.Watch Lushious's amazing YouTube show - DRAGVESTIGATIONS.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:NOCD: If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: learn.nocd.com/DATEMEWayfair: Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.Honeylove: The best bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/DATEME! #honeylovepodFollow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. I was letting these men come over here and disrespect me. Use me and not treat me in a godly way. And one time I had a man who, as he was leaving, he tried to steal my television. Girl!

The whole TV, he was like, I'm just going to try. And I said, bitch, I had what my cousin had just given me a one. bottle for my birthday. I grabbed that wine bottle and I broke it in his head. He started glushing blood and he ran out and I said, try it again, sweetie. Try it again. And he ran out the house. Don't you date. Do another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast for me, Nicole Beyer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my nail and say it's an acrylic. My guest today isn't Emmy Award-winning drag queen makeup artist

and host up dragvestigations on YouTube where she investigates. If stores are big girl friendly while also hunting for trade in the aisles. I'm so excited. I'm a very big fan. It's Luscious Nusica. Oh my God. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here.

I'm so excited. Okay. Before we started, you said, I had something happened last night that might be good for the show. I think I might have fallen in love last night. Really? Do you ever have an experience where you, like, completely fall in love with a man? but as soon as he leaves, you know, you're just never going to see him again.

Had that ever happened to you? Yes. Yeah, I had, like, but it was a lot stronger than usual, the connection I had with this man, the way he made me feel. Oh. It was like, five minutes in, he was like, I can already tell that you're the one. Five minutes in? Girl, you were getting love bombed. Girl, I got loved bombed down.

Wait, how did you meet him? I met him online. I made it through Facebook dating, which is a different kind of app to meet people because I usually meet them on Grindr. The trade is usually on Grindr. Okay. We're on Grindr, girl. For the girls, you know, for girls like me, the trade, now all of the men who are attracted to, like, trans women or, you know, people who wear wigs, wear makeup, most of them have gone to Grindr. But it's difficult to actually take them seriously because the majority of them are like panty sniffers. You know, they're just trying to hook up.

Sure. It's just a one-night stand. I've never encountered a panty sniffer. Really? Have you? He literally, last night, he's like, can I take your underwear? After the session, he's like, can I take your underwear so I can remember you? Because I told him, I was like, there's a real possibility we're never going to see each other ever again.

You know what I mean? But do you take the panties? He took the panties. I gave him my underwear. You know, something to remember me by. It made me feel very like, oh, like desired. Yes. If a man wants your underwear to take them with him so he can sniff them later.

Sniff them, remember you. It made me feel so desired. I lived. Has a man ever took in your panties? No. Really? No. Not even stolen them? No.

Really? I don't think so. But I don't wear a variety of different panties or underwear. I just wear, they're just Calvin Klein underwear that say Calvin Klein on the rim. That's it. That's all I wear. And I wear a black bra. I'm not excited.

You don't want to know why I think this was a different experience for me that resonated with me. Yes. Because I met him as a man. Okay. So I usually, you know, I live my life where like the binary to me doesn't exist. Sure. So some days I'm a woman. Other days I'm completely like I identify as a gay man.

And I very rarely have experiences, romantic experiences as a man. Ah. I feel like I'm, the majority of my romantic. dating experience has been in this kind of presentation as a woman. Yes. I feel more desirable. I feel more attractive. I feel more sexy.

I feel more powerful too. I feel like with the feminine energy, I can attract men in a way that as a man, when I present as a man, I feel like society pays me dust, especially in the gay world. Sure. Because I'm big, I'm feminine, you know, I'm not a

very masculine kind of guy. So in the gay world, my value is like basically zero. It's nonexistent. That bums me out. Well, you know, and it's, but it's the truth. It's the truth, I think, for women as well when you're a fatter woman. Yeah. You tend to just be seen as less than. The majority of men are such like visual animals. And you could literally, there could be a woman in a room, a man can walk in. And that might be his soulmate. She might be perfect for him. They might be. might have the best chemistry, but because she doesn't look like the idea of the woman that he has.

That he's not going to pay her no mind. He's going to pay her dust. And that woman can make him happy. They could build a life together. They could fall in love to. They could make all of their, they could be that thing for each other. They could see each other and be able to share their life together, but that man will not budge. He just doesn't want it.

He's an idiot. It's not what he aesthetically wants. Yeah. Which is, that's why I'm like, I don't really have a type. When I was in the streets, I would date anybody. I simply was like if the conversation is good, if I find you attractive, if we have good vibes together. Sure. I'm happy to date any old person. I'm the same way as I've gotten older.

I've evolved with the idea of what that person might be like, what he might look like. You know, when I first, I remember when I was younger, I was so fixated with he has to be super masculine. He has to be a top. He has to be all these things that I imagine. As I've gotten older, I'm like, well, you know, if he likes to wear a little lipstick, I'm not opposed to it. It's like you're in lipstick?

If he's a little famine... You smooch a little bit. You share some lipstick. Because men have evolved so much in the gay community too. Because back in the days, you know, being a drag queen or being a cross-dresser or being a, you know, a doll, the gay man would be like, oh, no, no, no, I can't. I don't like that.

I can't touch that. that's not my thing. I wonder why. It's evolved, though. Because it's so strange to me to, like, consume something. You know, like to go to a club, to watch a drag queen, to tip a queen, and then be like, no, I don't want that. It's like, why do you consume it, but not think maybe?

It happens so much that gay men see drag queens as these little clowns. Like these little, like, give us a dollar. We're just a little party clown for you. And they don't realize that, you know, we are people, too. We're also, we're looking for love too. Honey, we want to date too. We want to be seen too. But the majority of gay men, you know, I will say they have evolved because being a drag queen 10, 15 years ago, you were completely undidatable.

And now, they're, you know, people have opened their minds because I love to see now drag queens when they're running around with their partners with their boyfriends or their husbands. I'm like, oh, it gives me hope. It gives me hope, honey. I love that it gives you hope. Wait, tell me, I haven't been on Facebook dating. at all. Like I guess I just missed that. I didn't even know they...

It's cute because it shows you the men in your area, like the people who are on Facebook in your area that are open to dating. And then so it opens you up to where they can either swipe to where they either want to date you or they just like you as friends. So it also helps you connect with making friends too. Oh, okay.

And then those friendships, you just never know where it's going to go. But I do notice that I get more hits on Facebook dating. Because it's like it's real people. They're not just looking for a hookup. It's like if you have Facebook and you sign, if you activate the dating portion of it, it automatically adds you to the pool

of all the people around you that are on Facebook that are open to dating. So to me it's like dating, Facebook dating is more for like real people. Interesting. Not just the grinder whores. Heard it here first. Facebook dating's where it's at.

You need to get on it, girl. It's good. Well, I have somebody. Stop it. dating somebody. He's a lovely, lovely man who's in my life. He's so sweet to me and I can't say enough nice things about him. Where did you meet him? I met him on Hinge. Okay. I'm blocked off everything. Girl, let me tell you, the world. Wait, how did you get blocked? Well, you know, the world is very transphobic. It's very dolephobic. And I think I've gotten blocked off of Tinder, Hinge, Bumble,

everything because they claim that I'm impersonating a woman. And so they block you, block you, block. I'm blocked on everything. What's fucked up? Girl, the only place I can go is Grindr and now Facebook dating. Shout out to the girls who are blocked out there, honey. Baby, let me tell you, the girls be getting blogs. It's rough. What's one of the wildest dates you've been on?

Well, I've never been on a date. You've never been on a date? I've never, I tell this story all the time. I've never been on a date. I've been a whore. But I feel like I've never really been kissed. You know, like that real kiss from someone who, like, oh my God, they really see me.

They really are attracted to me. There is real intimacy here. They really know me. And we are like... Even in like a hookup? You haven't... No, on a hookup of course, honey, I've done it all. You haven't felt like a...

Like a, ooh! I have, but it always... I've always had my feet in the ground where I'm like, girl, this is a hookup. You haven't felt true love's kiss. I've never felt true love's kiss. Like, I really do feel like I'm a hopeless romantic. And I feel like Drew Barry.

more like I want to one day I want to be in that baseball field and I'm like put 10 minutes on the clock bitch where is this man is he really gonna come and kiss me who was my teacher for a while but you know right right my teacher but let me but listen that was baby that teacher was fine he was cute and it was very inappropriate but but you know she was older if you think about it's like that's fucked up but then it's like well she was like 30 she was his age so you know technically fine right although if I were him I'd be like, what's going on? What's happening to me? It was very strange. It's a very good movie. I do have hope, though. I feel like one, like you only live once. I do feel like one day I will fall in love and I will write the wrongs.

Of all the things that have happened to me, all the ways men have disrespected me throughout my life, taken me for granted. Like I was right there in front of them and they couldn't see me. I feel like one day the man who will see me is out there. I believe that because I always was like, I don't know if there's somebody out there for me, but the nice man in my life, he very much accepts me for who I am. I get to be very silly and goofy and he likes that because I've dated men where like, I would say a joke and then they try to like make it funny.

Like they would just, they wanted to be the funny one. And I'm not saying that he's not funny, but he's very secure that I, that I'm a funny person and like being silly. And I had never experienced that. And that was very, I guess I could say, therapeutic to just be seen. Because I think that's what you're saying. And I do feel very seen by him. Yeah. It's also, you know, finding someone who's compatible with you, who can also be okay with taking that back seat sometimes.

Yes. Because as, you know, we are, you know, comedians, the girls are entertainers. We have these big personalities that we've built through trauma. Because, you know, in reality is the majority of actors, comedians, entertainers, we are just very traumatized by life. We either were not loved enough. We were not seen enough by our families, by our friends, by society. So then we get to a point where we develop these skills where it's like we walk in a room and we demand attention. Yes.

We love attention. We are. We're narcissists in our hearts because of trauma. Yes. And so we need, we do, I agree. I would need to be with someone who is absolutely okay with being the beta to my alpha. He's just happy to smile while you're doing your thing. And just lets us shine because clearly we're not well and we need attention.

You know what I mean? Like, so I am very aware of like I need to find a man who is okay with not really needing that much attention. Being comfortable with, bitch, when I walk in the room, I'm going to. People are looking at me. Yes. Because that's what I need to. Yes. I once wrote a joke about this man I was seeing and we had like gotten into a fight. So I wrote a joke about it and he had come to the show.

And then I read him the joke before I did it and he was fine with it. I think he felt some type of way about people laughing about things he had said to me. And he was like, I know that you like think that's like a funny situation. And I was like, oh, you think that mean thing you said to me is a funny situation. situation. I was like, I wrote the joke because you hurt my feelings so much. And I made it something nice and not positive, but like, I made it so a group of people could commiserate with me and laugh with me on this. And then he was like, I don't want you tell it anymore. And I was like, okay. All right. You need to date someone who has a sense of humor, who can't,

who doesn't take it too seriously because you are, you know, you're an observer. And you are going to transmutate those things in a funny way. And if they don't want to be, you know, if they don't want their, the life that you're shared to be some, you're going to publicize it in some way. Yes. And if they can't handle it.

They can't handle it. They gotta get at the kitchen. Because I did talk to the man I'm currently with. I was like, are you okay if I like write a joke about you? He has to be okay. And he was like, yeah. And then I was like, oh, I'll just like run it past you. And he was like, no, I trust you.

He's like, I trust that you won't put out something that would be offensive to me or, like, hurt my feelings. And I was like, that trust really makes me feel so. It's a lot of trust, too. It is because I can say, I can say a lot of shit. No, I'm kidding. You could go in. Now, I am aware of, like, one day, if when I date that man, he's going to have to have a sense of humor. He's going to have to be very, like, not bothered by it.

Because sometimes if the joke is good, I'm going to go for it. Baby, I don't care at whose expense I'm going to attack. I'm going to go for it. How did you get into draft? Through life-saving measures. You know, I live, I come from Brownsville, Texas. It's a small town in the south of Texas. You know, Texas?

All the way in the south, the little bottom. I call it like the taint of the United States. And I'm all the way in the bottom by the border. And, you know, it was like a, when I found the drag community, When I found drag queens, I was able to see, obviously I could relate. I was like, oh, my God, I was a gay boy, and I was so afraid of telling people I was gay. So everywhere I went, I was like, I'm straight. I would just lie to everyone.

I was like, I'm straight. But everyone was like, honey, sweetie, who are you trying to fool? Yeah, a darling. And, but especially the drag queens, they clocked me first. They were like, honey, don't do that. Don't come over here and do this to us and play these games. with us. And through, okay, so then I found those drag queens and I saw, like, like, Raven. Like, I had a moment, like, that's a raven where I was like, oh, my God, I see my future.

And I'm so afraid of it. Because at that time, I was still dealing with self-hate. I was dealing with coming to terms with the fact that, you know, I was so afraid of, like, would my family accept me? Would they be okay with this? I knew deep down that they were going to struggle with it. You know, I come from a Mexican household. very conservative. They have all these imaginations of like what their kids are going to be like. And I was the oldest. I was supposed to be the man of the house, the boy of the house.

And I was like, honey, I am nothing of the sort. But, you know, actually now in retrospect, I've healed so much. Now I'm 37 years old now. Now I realize I am the man of the house. I just happen to wear a wig and put on heels from time to time. But I am the man of the house. And one day when my parents are no longer here, I will be the major. and the patriarch of this home.

And I love that. And I will run. And I will run. And listen, my siblings, I'm going to get them together and I'm going to take care of them. And I'm going to write the wrongs of all the things that we've been through. I'm like one day I will, my magical powers will be so strong that I will write the wrongs of all the things that life has put us through. I love that. But that's what we have to do.

If you leave long enough, you have to write the wrongs of the things that life has done. to you. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. And I found drag and I was like, bitch, these are my people. They give me so much hope. Look at how happy they are. Look at how I remember my drag mother when I met her. Her name is Divina Garza. And I was like, how is she so confident? Who does she think she is? How does she have this? I just didn't understand how she walked in a room like she was the most beautiful person in the room and she had the most value and she didn't care about. Like, she was just so in love with herself. I realized later, she was, you know, out of survival. She taught herself how to be that. And so she took me under her wing and she taught me and she told me one day,

she said, do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Do you have any idea your value, your worth? Because back in those days, I was basically like, I couldn't speak. I was so. I was so shy. Really? Yes. Because of all the things I'd been through, I was so shy, I was so insecure. I would walk in a room and I would go sit in the corner and I wouldn't speak to a single person because I was so shy. I just didn't have it in me.

Now I'm like, bitch, look at me now. You found your voice. Yeah. That's always so funny to me when somebody who is like funny and vivacious and vibrant is like, oh, as a kid, I barely spoke. Because as a kid, I would not shut up. I came out being like, I have things to say. Like, I've always been like this. So I always think it's really interesting when people find their voice because I didn't

have to find it. I just truly have just been like this. Yeah. And I love drag because I remember I was living in New York. I saw a billboard for RuPaul's drag race with like the old black and white like checker. And then she's holding the helmet. And I was like, oh, what's that? And then I logged on a logo TV.com.

and I watched the first episode. Oh my God, I remember those days on the computer. We were watching on the computer. I remember that. I was like, oh, I know that. Like, I was not born a man and I don't identify as a man, but I was like, they transform and they wear big wigs and lots of makeup. And I love big wigs and lots of makeup.

I was like, I feel a kinship. And it's the femininity. Yeah. I think we, you know, a lot of people get so caught up with, oh, my God, that's a man in a wig. Mm-hmm. They can't, you know, they put, they put themselves in so. many like little prisons where they're like, well, in this, in this prison that I'm in, a man can is not supposed to wear heels, is not supposed to wear makeup and can't wear a wig. But the reality is,

is what we're really drag queens, what we're tapping into is just the feminine realm. We're tapping into that feminine force and we're pulling from it and it makes us powerful. And of course, women can relate to that because women do it too. Yes. Women know how to tap into that feminine realm and use that powerful energy so that they can also manipulate and get the things that they want. And I don't mean manipulate in a negative way. I mean manipulate in a powerful way. It empowers.

Femininity empowers. I think so. And also, I don't understand why men's fashion became just like men in cargo shorts. Like, if you think, like, look back at pictures from the 70s. Men would wear little block heels, flares, belly shirts, short shorts, even into, like, the 80s. And then, like, the 90s happened. And then now, like, men are so scared to, like, wear things that are slightly feminine. And I'm like, but why?

It's these men are in pain. These men are not well. These men are, and they're so afraid. They are taught from their taught. Since their kids to be afraid of anything feminine because they see it as a weakness. Honey, if they just tapped into the femininity, they would find a power. Girl, you could put on a little pink, a little flower. You can put on a little glitter, a little something.

Paint your little toenails. But they're so afraid. They're so traumatized and they hate femininity so much unless it's packaged in bottle in a way that for them is pleasurable. Then they love it. Then they love it. Then they love the femininity, honey. I dated this man where he wasn't like scared of femininity, but like he never expressed himself to his friends. So then I felt like I was his therapist.

This is years and years and years ago. He only felt comfortable sharing with a woman. Yes. And I was like, you got to get a fucking friend. Right. I can't be your therapist and in this relationship. It didn't last very long, but I was like, this is exhausting. You have to tell. Tell a friend. Call up one of your guys. Tell him you're sad. I don't know.

She grew up where they told him you can't open up to another man and share your feelings. You can't be vulnerable. Which is wild. We got to, we got to correct that. We got to send these men to therapy. Yeah. Tell them talk to a fucking friend. Found a friend. And it shows with everything going on in America right now in society, how these men are literally because of their own stubbornness, their own ignorance. One day they could destroy the planet. Yeah. Just because of how afraid they are of femininity. It's also wild to me where there's this notion that women are more emotional than men.

And I'm like, no, men are way more emotional. I think we're just not calling like anger and emotion. A lot of men are angry in a way that I'm like, how do you live? And how do you exercise all that frustration? It's like, baby, sometimes you know what they need? What? They probably just need, like, to put a dildo in their ass. I promise you.

Massage that prostate. I promise you after a little bit of anal play, they're going to release all that pressure. All those pent-up aggression and emotion, they're going to let it out. I don't think you're wrong. Honey, let me tell you. I think a little finger in the butthole. I have a theory that through anal play, we will achieve world peace one day. It's the only way.

Honey, how else are these men going to release all of these pent-up emotions and frustration? play. We will achieve world peace. Honey, these men just need to get pegged. They need a, and you know what, listen, I get it. You only, you want to be with a woman, I understand it. Just, you know, women love to peg too. Women, you wear a strap on, strap up, diva. This is my advice to all you women out there, please, for the sake of humanity, can you

please find a way to peg your man? Honey, if that man is in a position of power, if he's in politics, if he's a governor, a senator, can you please peg him for us? It might be the only way for that man to finally feel peace and happiness and release. Girl, that prostate needs to expunge everything. It needs to be massage expunged. Honey, take everything out of there. Liquidate that process.

Make sure it's empty. Liquidate it out. There are men walking around this planet. Their prostate has never been touched. These men have never known real pleasure. Baby, the prostate is where it's had. I'm telling you, world peace. World peace. Do prostate play. Real quick, we got to take a break.

Buh, wearing a bra usually feels like a punishment. You're either getting poked by a wire or you're adjusting straps all day long and it is exhausting. But Honeylove has actually figured it out. Since they're a female founded brand, the products are designed by people who actually have to wear them. I've been wearing their new Cloud Embrace bra. And honestly, it's shocking. It gives you that sturdy support you usually only get from underwire, but it is soft and completely wire-free. They also just drop the new crossover contour bra, which has these light foam pads that give you a really nice shape without being uncomfortable. Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use my exclusive link to save 20% off Honeylove at Honeylove.com.com slash date me. That's honeylove.com slash date me after you check out, They're going to be like, where'd you hear about us? Please support my show and tell them that I sent you.

Experience the new standard in comfort and support with honey love. Have you ever been in a relationship that's actually like going well, but your brain refuses to let you enjoy it? Maybe you're just sitting there watching TV with them and suddenly think, wait, am I bored? Does being bored mean we need to break up? Then you start spiraling, you compare them to your ex, or you start questioning if you're attracted enough.

If those thoughts are constant, it might be a relationship OCD. People think OCD is just about being neat, but it actually latches on to things we care about the most, like our love lives. It gets stuck in your head, constantly checking to see if you still feel the spark instead of actually just living in the moment and enjoying the date. But no CD can help. They're the world's leading provider of OCD treatment using ERP therapy.

in live virtual sessions, a licensed therapist teaches you how to take the power away from intrusive thoughts so you can stop the sabotage and actually enjoy your partner. Therapy with no CD is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions so you're never alone. So if you think you might be struggling with relationship OCD, don't wait. Visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's n-O-cd.com. The new year is here.

It's time to stop living in chaos and actually get back into a routine that you love. That starts with your home and Wayfair is the place to fix it. They are your one-stop shop for everything. You can get a new mattress to fix your sleep schedule, refresh your bathroom with new towels, or grab kitchen essentials if you're trying to cook more. I use Wayfar for my farming supplies because if you don't know, I'm a farmer. They have a huge selection of gorgeous planters that fit in my garden.

And even if my crops may not be thriving because it's not this season, at least my yard still looks amazing. Plus, the best part is I can order all of this heavy farming equipment and it gets delivered free to my door. I am done lugging heavy boxes from the store to my car, to my house. And since we're doing a refresh, you got to look at Wayfair organizing. They have a bin for literally everything. It is a total refresh for your place that you can actually afford right now. So what are you waiting for? Get organized.

Refresh and back on track for the new year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things. That is W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. I'm telling you last night that, man, it was such. such a sweet and tender experience. I cuddled with him.

I made out with him. The way he spoke to me, I feel like you're going to be the one. And I can see myself, like, I really want to do everything. I can so that I can see you every day for the rest of my life. That's what he said.

I was like, bitch, you are too good to be true. Did you reach out to him today? We are. We texting today. But here's a thing. I did tell him when we were like, We're deep and embrace and we're making out and it's all lovy-dovey. And I grabbed him and I slapped him in his face. You know, a little, a playful slap.

And I said, I need you to be green flags, bitch. Don't come at me with all these red flags. I said, if you really want to date me, I need you to get your shit together. I need you to have a job. I need you to have a car. I need you to come over here. Don't come over here with your dramas and your bullshit. I don't want to hear it.

I need you to come healed because I am healed. and I don't deserve for you to come over here with your issues and try to distract me with your bullshit. I have too many things to do. So I told him straight up, I said, come to me with green flags. Don't come over here with red flags, bitch. And what do he say to that?

Today he texts me. He said, I'm just letting you know I'm working on getting my things together. And like I have a... So, you know, I love that there... I love that he heard me. Yes. Because I'm being serious. I love that you put all that shit out there in the beginning.

Oh, honey. I am not going on a fantasy ride with this man. Yes, I love that. I can't do it. Sometimes people are like, that's too forward. You got to like see where it goes. But it's like if you put your expectations up front first day, then either you hit those expectations or you move on. We need, listen, I gave him radical honesty.

Because there was a moment where we were like talking and he started to complain about always because this and this. And I said, listen, I don't want to hear it right now. Because you're coming at me with all these things and you're going to start. start making me worry, you're going to start to distract me. You're already come, that's a red flag. Don't come at me with red flags. Don't come at me with your bullshit, bitch. I just met you.

No, he also asked, can I stay over? I said, that's a red flag. You can not stay over. On the first night, no, let's go our separate ways and miss each other for a little bit. At least for me. We hung out for a bit and then I said, baby, you got to go. Because it's not normal for me to just have met you. And sure, already we're already like in my bed.

Now, already this is a little too much. But you want to stay over. It's like already you are crossing boundaries. Yes. We need to build boundaries. We need to communicate. I need to tell you what I expect, the things that I need for me to take you seriously. Bitch, if you got too many red flags, don't waste my time.

This is just a hookup. And then after, get out. Goodbye. Get out. Goodbye. Yeah. We need to communicate our, I told him straight up, don't come over here with this bullshit. Please.

don't waste my time. I agree. Because I'm not going to take you seriously. I don't deserve it either. Yes, you know what you deserve. You know your worth. It took me a long time to learn my worth. And I would tiptoe around things.

I like will want to be in relationships with people. And I'd be like, oh, I'll just wait for them to say something. And I remember with the nice man in my life, I was like, I think it was like maybe two months in. I was like, so what is this? What are we? And then he was like, oh, well, do you want to be my girl? I was like, yes, I do. Yes, I do. I would like that very much. You nudged him. You were like, get it together. What's going on? Right. What is it? And I feel like years ago, I would have been like,

oh, I'll just wait for them to bring it up. I don't want to be the one. I don't want my feelings hurt. Right. But I was like, two months in, I'll get my feelings hurt. If you don't want to be in a relationship, then like, I got to move on because I would like to be in a relationship right now. Communication. We wars have been so. with communication. And let me tell you, I love to communicate. I love to, that uncomfortable thing that, like, you tiptoe around it, you don't want to say it. I love to be the first thing I say, because it's like, rip the bandaid off.

Let's stop wasting our time. Let's get it together. Like, tell me the truth. I want the truth. I've gotten there. Because I've done, I've worked so much in myself. I've healed so much that now I'm at a place in my life where I know I'm a catch. I have incredible things going for me.

I am a really, really funny, charismatic person. I deserve love. And anybody, if they were ever to get the opportunity to love me, oh, bitch, they would get their life. I would take them on a roller coaster. I just want to find someone who can see me. Beyond all of the visual and all of the things that can be distracting, especially to men and gay men right now, I just want someone who can see the real me. And once you do, if you ever do really see me,

we're going to have so much fun together. They're going to get their life. I love that so much. What are the qualities you're looking for in a partner? I just want someone who's kind, someone who is funny. Yes. Someone who knows how to control their emotions, who can navigate their emotions.

Because we don't talk about this enough. The majority of people on here, they don't know how to navigate their emotions. Yes. They can get very quickly, just any little thing can throw their emotions. off and then they go and get distracted and they start running around doing, just doing dumb shit because they don't know how to control and regulate their emotions. I need someone who is like, bitch, you know, you know your center, you know how to be able to quiet those voices, you know how to control your emotions.

Things won't just suddenly like stress you out and throw you off. Mm-hmm. Can you keep your shit together? Because I can't be dealing with a toddler. That's tough. That's a tough ask because a lot of people don't know how to do it. Maybe the girls, honey, they're not well. A lot of people aren't well.

My God. That's something, again, that I had to learn. I take walks whenever I feel like, whenever I've made up something, something happens and I've made up more things that have happened that have not happened yet. I'm like, okay, I'm going to take a walk and think about what's true, what's not true. Right. Or I'll get in the shower. I think it's called self-regulatory.

or something. So all I get in the shower and like the water helps me like decontress and think. Yes. And you come back to what really matters. And then I can respond like a human being as opposed to being like, I'll kill you. The majority of people, they don't, they don't ever reach that level of just like, you know, self-awareness. It's like, bitch, do you know who you are? Are you in control of yourself?

Are you driving the car? Do you go to therapy? I don't. Interesting. I went to therapy once and I sat down with a therapist and then I said, bitch, you need therapy. I said, bitch, you know what? I'm going to give you therapy tonight. I'm going to tell you a little bit about yourself. Yeah, she was awful. And the whole time, no, by the end of the session, I said, can you, do you have a recommendation for another therapist? She said, what do you need another therapist for? I said, baby, because I need to find someone else because you're not working out for me.

I told her straight up. I really do love how honest you are. I mean, it was the truth. I can't believe that you're single. I think you're just so delightful. Oh, but let me tell you, honest, it's a double-edged sword. Yeah. People who cannot tell themselves the truth.

People who are running around always constant living in a delusional fantasy won't tell themselves the truth. We won't mix. Because the moment they sit in front of me and I tell them the truth, it breaks their reality that they built for themselves. And then we are allergic. And then now they're allergic to me because I'm a little too honest and I'm calling them out. And yeah, I've had friendships where eventually I'm like, you know what, sweetheart, you're living in a delusional reality.

I've also had friendships. And I can't do this with you. What is this? Like, you're saying shit and it doesn't make no sense. Yeah. What is this? Some people are stunt queens. They will just con artists.

And they live a whole fantastical fairy tale that is really very. very scary. And I don't want a part of it. No, I can't do it. Because you're wasting your time. Yes. You have to tell yourself the truth. You can't live. You can't live just constantly lying to yourself because people are not stupid. The majority of people are. Yeah, people have eyes and they can see. They can see the truth, bitch. What's one of the worst hookups you've ever had? Oh my God. Well, honey, listen, in my profession, sweetheart. No, I've had, listen, I've had, listen, I've had. Listen, I've had. I had men come in and then they steal my phone, jump out the window. What? I had a man come over fully give me the romantic experience, make me feel like a Barbie doll. And then as soon as the session was over, I was like, where's my phone? And he had my phone.

I said, baby, you need to give me my phone. I went to my door and I got in front of my door and I said, sweetie, you cannot leave this apartment until you give me my cell phone. Tell me why he went. And he jumped out the window. He opened the window and he just went out. Bitch left me shook. Girl, what are you doing when that happens?

What do you? I called my friend. I said, help. Oh, my God. S-O-S-S. Someone help me. I'm a woman in peril. That's a while.

And my roommate came over, open the door and he had already jumped out the window. But you know, at that point, I was like, honey, take the phone. Sweetheart, take the phone at this point. Just don't take me. I mean, if you're jumping. out of someone's window for the phone. You need that phone. You got to get the out of here. Yeah. That's wild.

It was like he was with me. He was enjoying the experience, but as soon as he came, he was like, what am I doing here? What did I just do? Who is this? I got to go. What is happening here? I got to go. This is not of God. Oh my God. And he grabbed my phone and jumped

out the window. That's wild. Oh, it happens to the girls all the time. Press number one in the comments. The trade has ever stolen from you, Oh, I know it's happened to the girls, let me tell you. Oh, my God. What other stories do you have? I love for this.

Listen, I had a, I had, I've had one time, same thing. I had this man. But, you know, it's also back in those days out of, I didn't really respect myself. I was just letting these men come. I still do it from time to time. I was letting these men come over here and disrespect me. Use me and not treat me in a godly way. And one time I had a man who, as he was leaving, he tried to steal my television.

The whole TV, he was like, I'm just going to try. And I said, bitch, I had what my cousin had just given me a wine bottle for my birthday. I grabbed that wine bottle and I broke it in his head. He started glushing blood and he ran out. And I said, try it again, sweetie, try it again. And he ran out the house. Yeah. The dis, let me tell you, these men will get you.

I can't believe these people are stealing your electronics. Treating you like a Best Buy. What the fuck? Steady straight up. The Black Friday special. You know what? My specials are better because mine is zero percent off. I went to Black Friday.

I went to Best Buy the other Black Friday. No sales. Nobody had any sales. Bitch, they were. It was wild. They can't even give you any more discount at this point, honey, because the tariffs. The tariffs with everything, the recession, the depression. This country's going through it.

The Black Friday sales. were gone and non-existent. And, you know, the people at the house, they're not even buying anything because there's no money right now for anyone to even buy a new TV. I didn't buy anything on Black Friday. Usually, I love those deals.

I didn't buy a single thing. I would go to Target on Black Friday, but we can't go to Target right now. We need to talk about what is going on collectively in this country, because I think not only are we going through a recession and depression. I feel like people at home right now are genuinely, I don't know what generation.

It's Gen Z or Gen X or Gen X or Millennials. I don't even know what. I collect all these generations. These people, no one has a job. Mm-hmm. No one is out there doing things that really satisfy them or fulfill them. The majority of people right now in this country are not making their dreams come true. They're not.

And people don't have hobbies anymore. But it's also making people feel very disillusioned with life. I have a lot of like family around me. and friends that are a little bit younger than me, the majority of them are very depressed. The majority of them, if not all of the people that are, the majority of the people that I know are thinking about suicide. Oh, God.

They're like, yeah, people are there are really struggling right now because they don't find like, what is my purpose? What is my purpose here on this planet? What am I supposed to be doing? There are no opportunities. There are not a lot of things are making me feel happy are fulfilled. I don't.

You know, like, it's, it's, we, as a society, we're setting up these, a lot of these younger kids, we're setting them up for failure. What are they going to do 10, 15, 20 years from now when, bitch, there ain't no more crops. There ain't no more corn out there. There's no more bread out there, bitch.

What other girls are going to do when there's no more food? There's no more gasoline. 20 years from there's no more gas. No, but it's the reality, like, collectively the society, right out people are going through it. And you said people, they don't have like a purpose. And I think it's interesting because I figured out my purpose rather early.

It was I like making people smile. Right. So when I was working at Lane Bryant, I was making people smile at the checkout. I was making people smile in the fitting room. There was a, what is it, Cizzer Sisters? It's a song, I don't feel like dancing, but come on twice a day. And I would just dance down the aisles. Twice a day.

The girls at first were like, she's a fucking weirdo. But you know what? A month or two in, they were like, there goes Nicole dancing again. Maybe I'll join in. Where do you think you got that from where you could access your joy no matter what you were going through? My mother. Your mom? Your mom?

My mom was such a vibrant, fun person. She had such a big laugh. She was always laughing. She always made people smile. her purpose in life was to, I would say, to make people feel seen. She had a filing cabinet of just like greeting cards. And they were categorized by whatever holiday or whatever the card was. And she would see somebody at church who was like not feeling their best.

She would go in her little drawer the next Sunday would have a card for them to be like, I saw that you were down yesterday and I thought that, or last week and I thought you might like, this card and she would always do things like that. What a beautiful habit to have. That's really, you know, I, right now during the holidays, I'm going through a period of my life right now where I'm accessing, like, I'm having a little bit of success. I'm doing okay financially. And I'm like, I am the, I'm realizing I am the magician of my life.

Yes. And so right now that I have access to these things, I'm like, I have to create magical moments, not only for myself, but for my family. And I have to, like, if I want to lead a romantic life, I have to bring romance to it. And so I went Christmas shopping and I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to buy this for my mom. But I need to go find something that makes her feel seen and makes her feel like a grand gesture. And so I went and I got some gifts. And then I went to this friend of mine who she does, she knows how to professionally gift wrap.

And then I was like, girl, make them big, big bowls. Like, let's give the whole chaband. Give them the experience. But it's because I realized if you want to have a charming life, you have to make it charming. Yes. You are the magician. I am the magician in my life.

And if I want magic and romance and all of these fantastical things, I have to be the one to create it and share it. And, you know, one day when I, die, I want to be able to say, oh my God, he, he, she lived an eccentric, fantastical life, always doing these crazy elaborate things. I'm like, it's not just going to happen. Yeah, you have to do it. The universe is not just going to lay it in your lap.

You have to be the one to create romance and to create adventure. We have to do it. So I realized, I was like, bitch, I have to be the magician. Yes. I have to be the one. And I love that so much. create these fantastical tales. It has to come from me.

And your mom did that. She did. In her own way. She was a magician in her life. With her magic, she spread it around. I would have loved to have met her. I mean, she sounds like a key key. She was delightful.

Yeah. She was the person who, I grew up in the church, but I never, and I'm sure they preached about like how gay is wrong or whatever, but my mother accepted everybody. Yeah. And never treated anybody any differently.

And that really, you know, filtered down to, like, me where, like, I don't treat anybody different based on, like, who they love or whatever. It just feels so insane to me. Like, it's just so weird that what somebody does in their private life affects me. Like, no. It's because religion, I see, like, the church, right? I see religion as, it's like a big support group. Mm-hmm. And if you're doing good and if you know who you are, you're not.

you're not going to get bitter and you're not going to get angry. And then you won't weaponize that. But there are people who go to church and then through life they get angry, they get miserable, they get unhappy. And then they use the church and religion. They weaponize it. And they use it as a weapon. But church, religion, God, all these things, they're there to be helpful.

They're there to make you feel supported, to make you feel seen so that you're not alone. There are so many people who go to church and they're lovely people. And they can still love and see everyone, regardless if you're queer or not queer. But then there are other people who are just bitter and miserable. And they weaponize it. And then they use their God to tell you how much they don't like you, how much they don't see you, how much they don't respect you, how much they don't love you. And that's unfortunate because it gives it such a bad reputation. A lot of queer people, they don't feel seen or loved by religion or religious people.

And we have a lot of trauma from it, too. I mean, yes, absolutely. And but, you know, I love when I go to, like, these major cities, like, when you go to Dallas or Houston and they have, like, these queer churches where they have all the rainbow flags outside the church. I'm like, I love that. I love that, too. I love that they have that. They give that space and that community.

because some people do a lot of queer people believe in God. A lot of queer people believe in God and they want to feel loved and seen by God. But, you know, it's hard to find a welcoming and open space that allows them to go to church. But it's also so wild because, like, I grew up in the church and, like, one of the first songs you learn is Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the world.

And it's like, so why are there exceptions? Yeah. That's the song, right? That's the song we're all singing? But now there's exceptions except for X, Y and Z. Mars, do you mind turning the air on? I got a little warm. I was like, let me get my little powder.

I was like, uh-oh. I'm getting kind of hot. Okay, I'm cranking it. Thank you. A little bit of air out here. It was so cold earlier. And then I was like, I'm freezing. And now I'm like, oh my God.

Support for this podcast comes from Chamberlain University. Let's talk about that dream you keep putting off. Maybe it's going back to school, starting a new career, or finally stepping into something you've always wanted to do. I get it. Life gets busy and change can feel scary. But what if it didn't have to? Chamberlain University has been preparing nurses and healthcare professionals for over 130 years. They're the largest nursing school in the country and they built their entire community around care and support. Chamberlain has flexible programs that actually fit your life with in-person, online, and hybrid options with classes that start every eight weeks. And the best part, you don't have to do it alone.

When you join Chamberlain, you're not just signing up for classes. You're joining a community of people who care deeply about helping others. The professors and mentors really show up for you. They guide you through every step so you can feel confident with support along the way. So if you've been waiting for a sign, this is it, you've got this and Chamberlain's got you. Learn more at chamberlain.edu. Chamberlain University, belong to something greater, certified to operate by Shev. Look, it's January, it's cold, burr, and it's dark.

And if you're anything like me, you just want to be warm and cozy. But we also have to leave the house eventually. That's why you need to check out the clothes from Quince. Quince is the best place to refresh your wardrobe with those high-quality staples that make you look pulled together. I'm talking 100% washable silk tops, Italian wool coats, and perfectly cut denim that you will actually want to wear every day. But the real MVP in my closet right now is my Quince, Mongolian cashmere sweater. It has kept me cozy all holiday season, and I've been wearing it constantly, and it's held up so well. And can you believe it only cost $50?

I can only get it at that price point with Quince because Quince skips the middleman and works directly with ethical factories. You get that top tier quality for significantly less than other brands. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait, go to quince.com slash date me for free shipping on your order

and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E. slash date me to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash date me. What else has somebody tried to steal from you? Oh my God. Oh, okay, so recently actually, maybe about two, three weeks ago, this man stole my lube,

which is like a small little detail. But still, that's rude. He left me with no lube. He stole my loop. Left you high and dry. Yes, straight up. He left me dry. Why are these men stealing from you?

Well, these men are thieves. The majority, let me tell you, this goes back to society, the people are struggling out there. And these men, they will come. This is how we know we're in a recession. They're stealing the K-Y jelly. Because the trade will come over and they'll pound you down and they steal your loop on the way out. That's when you know society's struggling right now. These streets, it's hard out there.

It's hard out here. My God, that's so wild. I can't, I simply couldn't fathom going to someone's home and then being like, nah, I'm going to take that. Oh, no. I already like, I call it trade proofing. to the point where I'm like, okay, if I'm going to have a hookup with someone that I'm meeting online, I need to make sure, okay, all these lights have to be off because you don't want to inspire them.

You don't want to inspire them to like, oh, they see a boom box over there. Let me go steal that. Oh, she's got a, she's got a laptop over there. Let me go steal that. She's got a charger over here. Let me steal the charger. So when they walk in my house. They keep the lights off so I don't inspire them.

I try not to inspire these people, let me tell you. Even like in my bedroom, in my boudoir, I have like my perfumes. I will grab a little blanket and I put it over the perfumes so that I don't even out of sight, out of mind. Because if they see the perfumes, they're going to steal my perfumes. I just love thinking about your home before I look up. Things are just draped over things. And they're like, what, is she painting something?

It looks like an abandoned house. What's happening? Yes. I put everything away so that they won't get me. But even then, they'll steal the loob. They'll find something. something of value. And they're like, you know what, I'm going to get this bitch.

And that shows you the duality of man. They will come over and they will make you feel like a Barbie doll. But as soon as the session's over, they're like, you know what? I'm going to get her. And they will steal from them. They'll get you. I'm going to get her. Lushas, do you have advice for single people?

Oh, my God. Yes. my advice to every single person out there is remember that you came to this planet and your only purpose in life is to love yourself. You did not come here to this planet to look for someone else to fall in love with you or to look for someone else to share your life with. The only person you got to share your life with is with yourself. So learn to love yourself, take care of yourself.

Every day when you wake up, when I wake up, I think, what does luscious need today? Bitch, today I need to make sure I drink some water. I need to hydrate today, bitch, because I can't just be drinking sodas and putting sugar in my body. That's going to destroy me. I got to make sure I try to put sustenance in my body, put something nutrients in my body that are good for me. I can't just be running around eating burgers and pizza all day, bitch,

because that's going to kill me too. Trust. So I got to try to put something that's good for me. Put some greens in there and make yourself sweat. Every day, if you can, sweating equals healing. I went on a health journey last year and I lost 100 pounds. Congratulations.

Thank you. And it taught myself so much because before that I was so unhappy. I was so depressed. And I was in a vicious circle of like all of my negative ideas. That was the only thing that had me in control. I wasn't driving the car. I was in the trunk. My body was being driven by this negative doppelganger who was steering the car and

Everything like just negativity and toxicity because I wasn't well. I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't paying attention. And when I started going on that journey, eventually I started trying to eat better. I started trying to make myself sweat every day, whether it was go outside, go for a walk, try to connect with nature, you know, where you can see the clouds as you're walking or go to the gym. And it taught me that when you put things in your body, you also have to throw it out. And when you sweat, it throws out those negative toxins and the sugar.

Sugar is poisonous. Sugar is bad and I love it. And sugar is, it's so delicious. It's so good. I love it. I can't put it down. Oh, my God. But it's going to kill us one day.

It is bad. Oh, honey. It's going to be the end of us. Let me tell you, sugar. But I realized drink water every day. Try to put something healthy in your body and make yourself sweat. And if you focus on your self-care, what you're really doing is you are, seeing yourself, you are prioritizing yourself, and you are loving yourself. And if you learn to

really love yourself every day, you will not need nobody. You will not need a man. You won't need anybody. You just need yourself. But once you become the fully realized healed best version of yourself, then you will gravitate that person who will be able to come and see you and be, and you will be healed enough to know your worth and know what you do deserve and what you don't deserve. That's another thing. We need to know what we don't deserve. Yes. And that's a hard thing to understand. Because a lot of people are so deprived and desperate for love that they will allow people that they don't deserve into their life. It happens so much with the dolls and the girls where they let these men that are absolute trash, but just because they are not paying attention,

You got a little bit of attention. You're craving affection and you just let in all this trash to come over here and pound you down and steal your phone. Don't do it, little girl. Don't do it. Let's just thank you so much for being here.

Of course. Thank you for having me. Do you have anything you want to promote? Well, just my YouTube show, drag vestigations on YouTube. I just, you know, I run around and I, what I really do is I make people feel seen.

That's what my YouTube show is about. And I make myself feel seen and I try to always include the people that I feel like, maybe they are getting paid dust. Because let me tell you, society will pay the girls dust. Yes. But we do have the power to correct it and be like, look over here. Look over here because I'm tired of all these little skinny little pretty girls. They only give the skinny little pretty girls a shot.

What about the big bitch? What about the big bitch? What about the big bitch, honey? We deserve it too. We deserve a piece of the pie too. I agree. I like pie. Wait, do you have a New Year's resolution?

A New Year's resolution, I think, is just to overcome my fears more. You know, I'm already, I've achieved a state of fearlessness, but I want more. I want to dominate my fear even more. There are things that I want to do, and then sometimes I'm like, no, I can't do that. No, girl, you're, who do you? you think you are. And then I just want to be like, no, bitch, what do you mean? I deserve it.

I love that. I should do it. Conquering your fear. Conquering your fears. Another question. Would you date me? Oh, my God. You know what?

You know what? Let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. The girls are going to be shook at the house. I had an experience a couple months ago where I met this man. I was at a party. And he came up to me with him. his wife.

Mm-hmm. And him and his wife, they both told me they liked me. Uh-huh. And so in the moment, I was like, my amor, you are so, I told her, I said, you are so beautiful. I love your dress. You are, I just, you know, I'm not attracted to women. So I kind of like, I told him I wasn't interested. Later, in retrospect, I thought I should have done it.

Mm-hmm. I should have done it because that woman, she might have shown me a kindness. and affection. And she might have showed me a good time and I might have enjoyed myself. So I, in retrospect, later I said, I should have done it. Because you just never know

what experience it would have been like with me being there with her husband and her. And it opened me up to say, yes, I would. I absolutely would because you just never know. You never know. People, you just have to open yourself up and you never know. You might be surprised.

And you might find so much joy. conquer that fear and eat that pussy. Absolutely. Thank you so much for being here. Truly a dream. What a kiki. If you like this episode, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe, and give you five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.m.com, keep them short.

I'll read it. This person writes, hi, Nicole. I hope this does it for you. I'll take you out to the sizzler, both of us, and matching purple outfits to enjoy their delectable salad. bar watching them toss that salad to get me in the mood to toss yours. Winky face, you'll invite me to sample each salad dressing by sucking them off your fingies, and then I'll hastily follow up with some wet wipes to save you from a sensory upset. After dinner, I'll whisk you off to a surprise location on my motorcycle. You're delighted to find that the rum of the hog makes your pussy start

to drip with excitement. I take you to a theater where I lead you on stage and bury my face deep in that juicy pussy. Just as you begin to scream with pleasure, the curtain rises, and the ultimate improvisers are there to witness your big finale. We continue the show for them while they put on a show for us,

acting out every episode opener you've ever uttered until all of us have not had a single drop of cum left to give. Then I scoop up all of your treasures made out of cum and save them to adorn your charm necklace and with that skip happily home from Dana. Thank you, Dana. Goodbye.

That was a HeadGum podcast.