Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Grilling Nicole's Man (w/ Ms. Pat)

Episode Date: October 2, 2026

Comedian Ms. Pat joins Nicole to reveal the true secret to surviving a 33-year marriage, shares the brutal realities of menopause nobody talks about, and interrogates Nicole and the nice man in her life about why they aren't married yet. Plus, they dive into why a casual courthouse wedding beats a pricey party, the difference between taking care of people and being taken advantage of, and learning to finally advocate for yourself in relationships.Check out Ms. Pat's new book, MS. AMERICAN DREAM: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Ms-American-Dream/Patricia-Williams-Lee/9781668044216Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast by checking out our sponsors:» Hers: Visit https://forhers.com/dateme to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you.» Squarespace: Head to https://www.squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» Betterhelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/dateme today to get 10% off your first month.» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at https://plannedparenthood.org/defendCheck out all of our sponsors and discount codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerThis is a Headgum podcast. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. So many of us dream about getting into healthcare to make a difference in the world, but going back to school sounds impossible. You're already juggling a full-time job, running errands, and trying to keep up with your daily routine. so a huge career move just gets put on hold indefinitely. Taking that next step is so much easier when you find a program that actually works with your incredibly busy life. Chamberlain University has prepared healthcare professionals for over 135 years. As the largest nursing school in the country, they offer flexible programs built completely around you.

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Another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you can come in a box and tell me those are just old tissues. My guest today is an Emmy-nominated comedian, actress, And bestselling author, you know her as the creator and star of the hit BET Plus sitcom, The Miss Pat Show, the host of Miss Pat Settles It, and the host of Whiskin' It All on YouTube. Her second book, Ms. American Dream, is out now. I think she's one of the funniest people.

We're on an episode of The Weakest Link Together, where I could not stop laughing. It's Miss Pat. Miss Pat, I adore you. I think you are just so effortlessly funny. I adore you too. Thank you. And I feel the same way about you. Thank you so much.

So you're married. You've been married for... 33 years. For how long? 33 years. You've been married for 33 years? That's a long fucking time. A long time.

How do you keep it fresh? Take a bath. You know, at that point, I mean, there's no need to be trying to date each other. I mean, you know, we have our conversations and we do the things that we like. You know, my husband is a homebody. He's retired. And I just think it's just really, when you've been together a long time, and come down to respecting one another space.

You know, we have separate bedrooms. We come together when we want to. And we're happy. When I first told people on stage that I live in separate. bedroom, people are, oh my God. I was like, no, it works for me. And do what works for you. If somebody is setting up under you every night fart, no, you work for you, then let them fall on you. It didn't work for me. So, you know, I say, let's do separate bedrooms. But I think that is smart, you know? If you want your peace when you're sleeping, it's not going to happen

with somebody else in the bed. Well, you know, and don't be afraid if you're separated from each other for, what, 10 hours of sleep. And you're going to break up. You're not. You're going to break up. sleeping. That's like when people are like, can you switch like on the airplane? They're like, can you switch with me and my husband? I'm like, y'all could just not be together for the four hours. Well, y'all had to buy the tickets together. I would not give you my seat. No. Unless it's a child. But if it's just you and your husband, y'all bought the wrong seat. You bought the wrong seat. And especially if it's not a wonder. I'm a wonder person. Hell no, I'm not going to get in the aisle

for you to be happy. I agree. No, I won't do that. I agree. Tell me about your book. Miss America Drink. It's my second book. It's my second book. If you read Rabbit or if you ever heard of a book called Rabbit, that's the autobiography of Ms. Pat. And this is a pickup from it. This is a continuation. So it tells you about when I got into Hollywood, what I had to do and the things that I went through and what it feels like, you know, the things that I've chased, the mistakes I made. And how I chase my American dream. And do I have it now?

Do you have it now? I do. And it's not the white picket fence. It's not the pocketbooks. because it's not the jury, it's not all the materialistic thing. My American dream is happiness. And I'm happy.

I love that. Yeah, I mean, I think I first saw you on This Is Not Happening. It was a Comedy Central show, and I just saw a clip on YouTube, and I was like, God damn, that's funny. It is so funny. Like, I've heard the story of you getting shot in the titty so many times,

and it's funny each and every time, and that is such a gift. to be able to, like, tell the same story and just have people laugh. And I can't remember. It was like somebody asked about, you got hit by a truck? Is that?

Yeah, I added it on to the joke. I said I got shot in Titty and then I got hit by a dump truck. Nobody ever noticed a shot. Got shot in the head. Nobody ever noticed that part. You got hit by a truck. I'm like, well, damn, you don't care about me being shots. Which is just so fucking funny.

When you're telling jokes about trauma, you have to find, you're taking them off of a cliff. But when it hit, it needs to be soft. So if it don't, people are going to start to feel sorry for you. So when I was telling those stories about how I grew up and, you know, molestation, abuse and all of that stuff, like when I say my baby daddy shot me in the back of the head, it wasn't his fault.

It was my fault because I ducked slow. So that's a softening. But, you know, and it takes a thing. mine out. You got shot in the head, but it allowed you to laugh at it. Yes. Because when I first told that story, I said, oh, my baby daddy shot me in the head. Everybody was like, what the fuck? And I was like, I need something to soften it. So I realized with the things that I went through in life, that I have to put a button on it for people to accept it. And I think that's smart, because you kind of do have to soften it because it's fucked up. It's very fucked up. It's really

fucked up. But I think black people, comedians, we have a gift where it's like, we could take that fucked up story and make it funny. Yes. And make it work for a crowd. Yes, for any crowd. Because, I mean, you know, all the stories I told, if you didn't go through it, you know someone who went through it. So some way you can still relate.

Oh, if you don't even know that, you've seen the shit on TV. Maybe you've seen it on TV. So, okay, I saw some shit like that on TV. How did you get the nickname Rabbit? I had a stepdaddy at the time. And I used to love carrots. So he said, if you eat carrots, you're going to have really pretty eyes

and I would eat the shit out of them cares. You know, thinking my eyes are going to turn another call her. And he named me Rabbit. And then that was your drug dealing name? That was my drug dealing name? I think that's really funny that your stepdad's like,

Rabbit, it's very sweet. And then you're like, yeah, that's the name of me used to do crime. Well, you can't be a drug dealer what's your government name. It's too easy to get called by the police. So I was like, well, what do I call myself? I said, well, I don't have to make up shit.

I already got a nickname. I like that. I like that a lot. And then how did you... Did you go to jail? No. Yes. I went to jail for over a year.

Yeah, about a year. Mm-hmm. And I got out. And I went back to jail a couple more times. Mm-hmm. And then I met my husband. Oh. 92.

And we've been rocking ever since. How'd you guys meet? My brother, a girlfriend at the time, knew his brother. Mm-hmm. And so we all went out. And I was like, hey, I'm looking for, my kids need a daddy. And so that was all saying in my mind. And I met him and we talked and we've been together ever since.

That's sweet. And what was your first, like, official date? I know you all, you went out with like a group. We never went on no date. Really? Doesn't anybody date nobody back then. That's for white people. He came and spent the night.

We went together. And then he just never left? Pretty much never left. How did he propose or did you propose? We just say let's go to the courthouse. I love how casual this is. You know, we're together. I've never had a wedding.

So, you know, we just decided to go get married and went to the courthouse. Do you think you would ever want a wedding? It's so funny because she was just, they were just asking me I should have a wedding. Why not? Well, I was, I did my whisking at all show with my husband. We do like a couple episodes together. And I was like, I was like, why don't you? don't we renew our vows? And he was like, hell no. And I was like, why? He said, because of

everybody who renew their fucking vows, get a divorce. And he's like, and I don't want none of that. I want to stay with you. And so he was like, I don't want none of that bullshit. We got to do all of that. So she was like, well, we, y'all never had a wedding. Yeah, have a wedding. I don't want that fucking wedding. Oh, but you get to wear a beautiful dress and invite people. It's just kind of like a party. Yeah. You're like I could just throw a party. Just, well, after 33 years, do I really want to walk down the aisle? I guess that makes sense. Yeah, I don't want to marry somebody.

I'm already married to. It's like, we already done, did this. Yeah, I mean, the courthouse did us just good. We've been rocking every scene. I mean, because if I have a wedding now, it's going to be a couple hundred thousand dollars, a big old, I'm going to be trying to lose weight. I ain't got time for that shit. I'm old.

You know, I'm going to be, I'm going to want to be snatched. You know, I'm going to want to buy bag tea. You know, we should have did this shit when I had all my teeth. Did you say buy back teeth? Yes, I'm missing them. See, I don't want to do all that. I'm going to be someone getting light pole. I don't do all that shit.

I'm just going to stay with this man. I don't know goddamn wedding. We don't watch weddings on TV. It is such a waste of money. It is a waste of money, but I want one so bad. What? I do. I want to wear a dress.

I want to walk down the aisle. Well, you get married every time you go on Walmart. Those are aisles. Oh! If you just want to walk down an aisle, put on a motherfucking dress, and go down an aisle of Walmart. And if you booze, you do target. They got aisles, too.

What's one of the wildest things a fan has done when you're on the road? I think, oh, I would say the wildest thing of fan ever did is, I do get dick pics. And I'm like, why y'all do that? Why? I'm married. You're married. You're not looking for other dick.

You got the dick at home? I'm going through menopause. I don't want no dick. You got the day at home, you don't even want that. Me, every nine day, but not every weekend. Shit, I'm tired. I'm old. I'll be cold all the time, too.

I don't want to go through menopause. Is it as awful as people say it is? Do you go through, like, the hot flashes and shit? I get hot flashes, but not a lot. My biggest problem is I had a lot of vagina pain because my lining was dry out. So most women don't even realize that we have a lining in our vagina and once your estrogen go, it started to dry out. And it don't do both sides.

One side I'd be wet or the other side be dry. So I had to get on estrogen. And I hate that shit because every day I wake up with a mustache and a beard. So it caused me a lot of pain. Really? A lot of pain. My vagina was hurting so fucking bad. I was like, I need surgery or something.

I had an MRI. And she was like, I told you, it's just fucking menopause. And then it takes the medicine at least a week to even work. Great. Yeah. I got that to look forward. I just turned 40. I just turned 40.

Okay. You have a little time. Okay. You still have a period? Yeah. Oh yeah. You got a little time. I don't want it, though.

I don't want it to come. Well, it's coming. And it's awful. Memory loss. What? And your skin is itching. My feet be burning now. And so what I do is I go on the menopause things on tick.

And they tell you the sense, my fucking feet just be best. Why don't fucking my feet burn it? It feels like it's not burning, but it just feel like it's burning. And so I get a lot of that. Your skin be itching, but ain't nothing on you. Your ears pop a lot too. It's memory loss. This sucks.

And I feel like nobody's talking about it. We're so fucked up about menopausee. And I don't think God did us right here. Because all men get his soft dick. You know, if my titty's wet flat, that's fine. But you're going to give me all of these symptoms dry vagina, itchy vagina,

your echoing in the ears, your body aches, your joints be hurting like a motherfucker. But all men get is soft penises. That is so fucked up. That's not fair. I would take a soft dick any day over menopause. Oh my God.

There was a video of this ball lady. She was outside in the cold and there was steam fucking coming off her head because she was so hot. I was like, I don't want this. You're right. Men don't go through anything. But a soft penis.

That's all. They dick gets soft and that's it. And you could take a pill and that fixes it. Well, sometimes them pills don't be having them dicks now, I'm telling you. Sometimes it's just over. It's over. You know, some shit, everything can't be brought back to life. Some things just stay dead.

But still, they don't have the things that, they don't have the, you know, the symptoms that we have. Mm-hmm. I don't want to dry vagina. It ain't going to stay dry. Oh, okay. You put the estrogen. You just put, just get on estrogen. It'll balance itself out.

Okay. That just sounds so awful. Well, you're not married. You're not using it anyway, so why are you worried about it being dry? I have a partner. I've got a nice man in my life. Oh, okay. Well, shit.

All right. Well, yeah, you need a wet vagina. I'm sorry. I thought she was single. No. How long have you been in a relationship? A little over two years. A little over two years.

Oh, well. You ready to get married? I think so. I would like for him to propose, and he knows that. So whenever he's ready to ask, he's black or white. He's white. Yeah. Yeah.

I know he's white. But, I mean, do you want kids? He don't want any kids? Mm-mm. He don't want any kids? Mm-mm. No. I just,

I feel like kids would just be hard. I don't want to be responsible for another human being. Okay. I don't want to have to... No. Oh, right, that's good, then. That's good. And you don't have to have no kids to complete your cycle of life.

You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. So, you know, do you do what makes you happy? Yeah. And whoever you are a white boy, can you please propose? What, what are you waiting on? Yeah. What are you waiting on?

What's his night? Because I say a white boy. No, it's okay. You call him white boy. I don't say his name. Okay, well, white boy. We're going to need you to do some black shit. Yeah, hop over the broom.

Hop over the broom. Yeah, jump the broom. Before you can jump the broom, we've got to ask you. Oh, yeah, ask me. Then we can jump the broom no more. That's some old fetter shit. I want to do it. They say, I do.

It's like, what you're jumping on that broom for her? For my ancestors. He want to hear that ancestor of shit. White boy, we're going to need you to ask Nicole to marry her. Please. What are you waiting on? What you're holding on? What you're calling, please for?

You're going to beg him now. I ain't going to hell you're going to do it. No, just be quiet. Let me hunt at this. Look here, motherfucker. We need you to ask Nicole to marry her. It's been two years. Now, stop out here acting like a baby daddy.

That you're not. We just bring it on in. Either you're going to be down. Oh, you're going to go down. I mean, I mean, get down. She seemed to be happy with either one. You're going to go down. It sounds like you're going to go kill him.

What? That's what it sounds like. I was talking about something else. Oh, going down. Oh, pussy eating. He's so fucking proper. What are you in private school? No, I went to public school.

What? Did they whip your ass every day? No, but my mom sometimes did. Why? I was a bad little girl. You was bad? I would just do things. I have ADHD, so I would just get a thought in my brain and be like, well, I have to do that.

And then she'd be like, why did you do that? I'd be like, I don't know. I thought it'd be fun. I'm sorry. Like, I can draw on the walls in the house. I had finger paint with ink on our walls. Just because I was like, what will it look like? You ought to be jealous.

Oh, you don't a child? No, I have a sister, an older sister. Do she do comedy too? No, she's very quiet. She works with kids. We're the opposite. Okay. All right.

So my parents had a nice quiet child who followed the rules, and then a very loud child who said, what's a rule? And that was me. Real quick, we got to take a break. We might know exactly what we want for ourselves, but we just cannot seem to get there, between work and trying to maintain some sort of social life,

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And then I'm the most annoying because I have so many thoughts that I have to get out. You'll be having thoughts? Yeah, I'll think of things and I'll have to say them out loud. You don't have thoughts? I don't have ADHD. I have menopause. I'll be forgetting my thoughts. Oh.

Yeah. No, I just have so many things that I'm like, what about this? I have this idea. Let's do this. Oh. Are they realistic? Yeah. Because I have a kid with ADHD.

Mm-hmm. And I think she has a lot of thoughts in her heads, too. She likes to go off a lot. Mm-hmm. And she get, like, she get very angry sometimes. And I'd be like, did you skip your medicine coming out? Let me medicate you. Let me medicate you.

Yeah, it's because, um, you, or at least for me, it's like, I have a thought process and this is the right way to do something. And when someone doesn't do it the way I think is right, I get unreasonably annoyed. Because I'm like, well, it wasn't done right. This is how it was supposed to be done. And then you try to like fix it and then you get annoyed with it. So, yeah, that's probably what that kid's going through. She?

What she's going through? Yeah. And, yeah, like, you just get a thought in your brain. You're like, I want to do that. And then someone's like, you can't. And you're like, well, why? I want to. It's a, for me, I have like a little bit of impulse control.

So that's probably what she's going through. Yeah, we're working it out. Yeah, it's tough. But, you know, medicine works. I was unmedicated for a very long time, then got medicated, and it just made things a lot easier. Do it affect you as a comedian? No.

It just organizes my thoughts a little bit more. I thought going on medicine would hinder it. I thought I'd be like less silly or something, like, or like more practical. but it honestly has helped me organize my thoughts in a way that I'm like, oh, okay, this is what I want to talk about. Let me just focus for a second and write some things down about it. Leave it for a second. Come back to it. Like it just, it helps me, it helps the process be more streamlined.

Okay. I'm glad you told me that. I'm going to make sure I keep on that medication. Yeah. I think it's helpful. Some people are like, it changes you. I think it made me a better person. It also, like, I wasn't opening my mail because I was like, that's too many steps.

That's like another thing. So I would get mail and then I'd be like, if I open it and there's a bill, I then have to go pay the bill. So it's not just opening mail. There's another step. You have to do something with the mail. So I would just leave it. I found it easier to just like not do things than doing all the steps. But on my medication, I can open a mail.

When you don't open the mail, did the lights get cut up? Did the gas get cut out? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes the lights would be shut off. or yeah, like I sometimes don't forget to pay rent. But, you know, then I was like, oh, maybe I put stuff on autopay. Like when I started making money, it was like, oh, auto pay is a helpful thing. But now I just open my mail.

Now it's, now I medicate it so I can function in the world. Thank God. Yeah, because it was really fucking hard. I bet it was if you weren't opening your fucking mail. Yeah. And people who don't have ADHD don't understand that. They're like, why can't you do simple things? And it's like because my brain just doesn't let me.

Hmm. Well, I like my menopause. I'm just the opposite. I forget shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I forget things too with my ADHD. My key chain's very big because I kept leaving the keys in the door.

So now I hear it because it jingles. Hmm. Yeah, if you don't have ADHD, you're like, I don't understand. Like, how can you leave your keys in the door? What year was you born? 1986. Yeah, if you was born in about the 60, you would have been a different diagnosis.

Yeah, they would just be like, I don't know. I don't even know what that diagnosis would be. Different. The R word. That's what you would be. I think you're right. I know I'm right.

They started autism. What you got ADHD for white people? So thank God you talk proper. You was able to get the white dyes. Because where I'm from, you was the aura. Where did you grow up? Atlanta. In Atlanta?

Mm-hmm. I like Atlanta. I love Atlanta. I just love the people there. I think everyone is, not everyone, but everyone I've met in Atlanta is just like a good person. I think there's good people there. No? No.

Don't think that, Nicole. I love that you just went, no. You're going to get robbed. I'm going to get robbed. Oh, that's the home of the scammers. Really? Yeah. And it's silly.

as goofy as you is, before you leave Atlanta, you're going to be gay too. I'll be gay too. Let me eat your pussy. Oh, you got some putain? Yes, bitch, shit. I'll get robbed and leave gay. I've heard of worse things.

That's what's going to happen to you. Have you lived in Atlanta your whole life, or have you moved around? I only moved around once. I lived in Indiana for 15 years. Oh, okay. Yeah. And my husband worked at General Motors. Then when I got the Miss Pat show, I came back to Atlanta.

Do you shoot it in Atlanta? Mm-hmm. Oh, see, that's nice. Yeah, I shoot the court show and the Miss Pat show down. How has the court show? Do you love doing that? I do. We just got announced yesterday our fourth season of the court show.

I love the court show. It's not scripted. It's just talking to people and making decisions. And then there's a panel of comedians too. It's a panel of comedians, yes. And now I just have my, I just got another show. I was here last week. Was it last week?

We was taping it. About two weeks ago, we was taping it. It's called America's Funniest People. So I'm hosting that. And what's that? It's kind of like a spinoff on America's Funny Home videos. And this time we're just dealing with people. And we just made the, the clips are very funny.

And I just, I work on the commentate, the commentating part. So that was good. It was pretty good. You stay busy. She has booked. And blessed. I'm trying. You know, this is a crazy world win right now.

And the economy is not its best. So I'm just trying to stay afloat. Yes. You know, every time I see a person that buy a company club ticket, I was like, oh, my God, thank you. Because people, you know, some people can't even eat these days.

Yeah, it's fucked up. And every time I do a show, I'm like, thank you so much for spending the money to come see me. Because it is, you have a choice. It's like you save the money. do something else. Yeah, money's tight for everybody right now.

It's fucked. Yeah. And doing the Miss Pat show, had you acted before? Never. Never. Look at that first season you could tell. I was like, why do you people give me a fucking show?

I don't even read out loud. But I don't mind being thrown into a new space and I'm going to work really hard to, you know, I've always been that type of person where I work really hard to make sure if I'm in that space, I'm going to learn what the fuck I'm doing. Yeah. And so that's what I need.

But no, I don't even, acting is not my thing. No, you don't want to do more of it or do you? I do want to do more of it. But what I love is I love being a comedian. Yes. I love that because I'm free. It's not, it ain't nobody's script, but the things that the stories I'm about to tell you.

So that's where my heart will always be is stand-up. And then do you, does your husband come with you on tour or no? No. My husband is retired. He just stay at the house and see by the dog and the kids. So he don't want no part of this holiday and shit. He said no. He is in one episode of season six of the Miss Pat show.

I love that. I love that it took six seasons to get him on the show. I've been asking him for six seasons. Really? And he said finally, yeah, I'll do it. Yes, and he did it. So he's finally in there. Six seasons is, like, in today, having a show run for six seasons is such a fucking feat.

Congratulations on that. Thank you. That is incredible. Is there going to be a season seven or do you not know yet? I don't know yet. I will say if everybody watch it and we kick some ass over at Paramount, hopefully it will be a season seven. Fingies crossed, because it's just so fucking funny.

So when you tour, how do you like keep the energy going? Like show after show? You have so much energy and then you do meet and greets. And I've seen clips of the meet and greets where you're telling fucking jokes. Like you do an hour and then you're telling jokes at the fucking meet and greet. I'm not telling jokes. I don't know a conversation. But you're being so fucking fucking fucking fucking.

I don't know what I'm going to say. I just respond to the people. And they don't got so used to it. They can't wait to come up there and tell me all their fucking problems. They're just meat and greas. And I do it for, sometimes it lasts two hours. Damn. And I'll be tired as hell.

But I do it for them. And then my meeting greets don't cost. What I do ask people is to just purchase something off the table. And, you know, it's a meeting greet. I don't, times are too hard for me. This is what I feel. So it doesn't, I'm not saying for, I'm not knocking any other comedians. You already pay for a ticket.

You pay for the food. And I can't charge you for a meeting greet. So just person out the table and get in line. And we're going to have a conversation. I love that. Yes. I love that. Get out there and meet the people.

Yes. It'd be interesting. You know, because they come up and they want to touch you and put, hey, motherfucker, don't be pulling on my wig and shit. Don't be, they pull in your wig? You know, they hug you, they get to touch you. Because some of them, it's, TV run people crazy.

And when they meet you, oh, my God, you're real. I'm like, yeah, I'm real. Yeah, I'm real. Yeah, I'm real. So, but I enjoy the meeting creases. And so do the people. I don't do them too much anymore. It really, it tuckers me out in between, like, doing the show, doing the meet and greed.

It's just a lot. So, like, I very much commend you for doing that. Thank you. You're welcome. Also, you looked incredible at the Emmys. This is coming out in October, but the Emmys were last night. Also, I cannot believe you agreed to do this the night or the day after the Emmys. But you look so beautiful.

Thank you. Oh, my God. You're in this burgundy dress with this, like, leather fringe. Yeah, it was a corset. That was my first time ever wearing one, too. What's the designer name? Aunt Lemore. His name is Aunt Lemore.

And Jay Bowden, a designer. He dressed me, and he did a wonderful job. What's it like being dressed? I love it. I, whenever, like, I get this, like, custom dress. I'm like, ah, I'm a diva, I'm a queen. No, I said, oh. You said no. You went, no. What I says, oh, this shit is expensive. It is expensive. I don't know if you are the network paying, but it be me paying. Sometimes it's me and I go really okay.

Yeah. You were also telling me that you went to Japan and that's where I should go to get secondhand designer bags. Yes, yes. I went to Japan with my family. And we did, we stayed there two weeks. And when I tell you, when you go to Japan, you go to shop. I mean, skincare. I mean, we got a facial that was out of this world. Oh, I mean, the bags. Oh, it's bags.

And they're not, they don't allow fake bags. Yes. They do not. Let me tell you why I know they don't allow it because I scan my passport. Plus, that's the law over there. They have these boutique that sell secondhand bags. And when I got to the airport, they made, They walked up to me, customers said,

I need you to open your bag, and I need to see all of these items you purchased because you have to leave with them. Because you have to leave with them? Yes, because they don't charge you tax. Okay. And all I know, they don't charge you tax. And the people who live there have to pay their highest tax.

And so when I got to the airport, they just opened your bag, I need to see this bag, this bag, and they had everything. Oh, they knew what bags you had already bought? For me scanning my passport. That's wild. Yes. How many bags do you? buy? Probably

15. Yes. Oh, I want to see this bag collection. Yes. I've seen you had, you were wearing these YSL heels that were so cute. Like, you've such good style. I would love to fucking see all those bags. Do you have like a bag room? I have a closet with a lot

of bags. I do. I do. You also built your house from like the ground up. Yes. Yes. I love DIY. And so I bought a house on seven acres and I knocked it down. And I wanted a bigger house

because I need space. So I built a, right at about 15,000 square feet. If you count the pool house and all stuff, it might get up to like 20, but I built the main house has nine bedrooms and 11 bathrooms. And the other house next door, have two

extra bathrooms. So if you put the two houses together, I think it's 11 bathroom and about 13, 14 bathrooms. Damn! Yeah, that's the American Dream? Damn! Forgetting about bathrooms being like,

oh yeah, let me go visit this one today. The worst thing about too many bathrooms is those toilets get dirty and you forget you got a bathroom with that. You're like, oh, bud. They're like, damn, this toilet. Ain't nobody been in here? That's the rough part.

And do your kids live with you? Yes. Well, my... With your niece's kids. Well, I have a daughter. My daughter, Geriana writes on the Miss Pat Show. And she lives... I built her house next door with my husband.

I saw they connect. So she lived in a two-bedroom, three-bath home. And I have custody of my niece kids. And just recently, well, that's four of them. Just recently I got three more kids. So I have seven. I can't say adopted because I ain't never adopted nobody. So giving.

Given. I was giving seven kids. That's a lot. Yeah. How do you deal with having seven kids? A nanny, a husband. And the help of my daughter. the next tour. And I'm home doing, I'm home doing the week. You know, unless I'm doing

something like this promoting the book. But I'm usually home Monday through Thursdays. So I'm only going on Fridays and Saturday because I only work Friday and Saturdays. Okay. Yeah. That's a lot. It is. But also, it's a nice big house. So it's like, you don't have to see a kid. It's filled. It's filled to the top now. Oh my God. My house is filled. I was like, I used to have three extra bedrooms. Not any fucking more. Now every bedroom is just filled with kids. It's filled with kids. It's six girls and one boy and then I have three grandkids. Oh my God. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Oh, that's, you know, that's fun. Not for me. I can't do kids. I love a baby. I think baby smells so good and they're so cute. But when they're talking and moving

around and have opinions, I'm like, oh, that's not, that's not for me anymore. What she meant to say, when they turn into bitches. Because that's common. Bitches is common. Yeah, you've got a lot of bitches in the house. Yeah, I do. I tell people I got six Cinderella. Somebody need to come kiss these holes. Kiss these hoes and take them away. Yes.

Let's take another break. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Putting yourself out there takes work. Whether you're trying to find a date or finally launching that passion project that you've been talking about, Squarespace is the all-on-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. I have friends who use their square spaces to get their businesses off the ground. They had absolutely zero coding experience, which is totally fine because they still ended up with some of the most gorgeous websites I have ever seen. With their cutting edge design tools and

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It's the best way to support my show. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good, all good.

Thanks, buddy. Yeah. And we host the show. What's our podcast here on HeadGum? This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like your skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

I like that it's all in one place. I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, to like different stores or something. It's just all in my one place. like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the, no, it's all in one place. The video or the audio or like, no, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please. Yes, and you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts.

I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are and they're custom domains. Oh, what's come up with a domain right now. Let's see. I wonder for it exists. www. Friends meeting.

Friends. Friends meeting friends.com. Check out Squarespace.com slash headgum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code headgum to save 50% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Do you have any advice for people who are single? I haven't dated since the 90s.

Since, you know, when I first man, I don't even know what a date is these days. All I got, all I say is keep trying. trying. Don't let, don't give up too much pussy behind it, but just keep trying. I don't really know. Because, you know, when I've been with this man for over 30-something years, you know, he opened a door

for me. I don't even know if me is open a door for you anymore. They do. They do? Some do. Do they? Some do. The nice ones. Yeah.

Some of them, see, I don't know. And then I hear this shit about, well, you go out, when we go out to own a date and you pay for your food and I pay for my food. okay, that shit wasn't going down when I was dating. That is a new thing. Yes. Where people are, what is it,

going Dutch paying for your own shit? Is that what it's called? I think so. Is that what it's called going Dutch? Yeah. So what I would say is, you know, just keep looking. You eventually find somebody.

I don't have any advice. I don't fucking know. Don't listen to me. Shit, I got men of pause. If I had a date, I wouldn't remember to go to the shit. Did you date a lot before meeting your husband? No, my husband was the third guy in my life.

Really? Mm-hmm. Well, what is it? Three third times a charm? Yes. And that's nice. That's nice to not have to, you know, date a bunch before finding your person. Yes.

What's your favorite thing to do with your husband? Now, we wake up in the morning. We come out of our separate bedroom and we go to the kitchen table and whoever gets there first start the coffee pot. And we have a conversation about the day. And usually the kids out the door about 7.30, I talk to him about 10. I said, you know where. It's about 9 o'clock. I said, I'm going to go up at a T.J. Max and see what I can get before all the soccer moms come in and buy the good shit. And so he used to go out and feed the dogs. But my favorite thing is sitting at the table, drinking coffee, having a conversation about the day or life or what's

going on in the world or talking about the kids. Mm-hmm. I love that. Yes. And I love how much you smile when you talk about him. That's so sweet. Thank you. I love, love.

I truly am a hopeless romantic and I love hearing about other people's love. I love seeing what other people's partners look like. I just think it's so nice that people can go out into the world and then find somebody that compliments them and makes them really happy. Yes. And that's what it's all about. Mm-hmm. And I've been happy for 30-some years.

Now, he pisses me out sometimes. It ain't no smooth saving. Shit do get rough, but I wouldn't trade him for the world. Oh, they love that. Yeah. People who are looking to, like, get into stand-up, what's your advice? Is it to just get out there and do it? Get out there and do it.

The whole thing to stand-up is do not quit. You can't quit because if you take that time off, you just not home in your skills. So just keep going. And don't go into it thinking I'm going to be famous. Do not do that. If you're going to do it, do it because you really love doing stand-up. Because when you really love it, you're going to work on it harder. You're going to hustle.

No matter what you're going to find you a stage. And then all the other things are start to appear. Don't ever do it for the money. The money will come, but don't ever do it for the money. I think that's very good advice because. when I first started, it was like I was making no money. I was like, none. And sometimes I'd break even on the weekend or sometimes I'd come out of pocket on the weekend.

And I'd be like, well, I'm going to keep doing this because I love it. And I don't know what else I would do. She and me either. Yeah. So, yeah, I just stuck with it and kept going. So I think that's incredible advice. How long have you been doing it? Um,

2013 So what is that? 13 years? What's that math? 13 years? Yeah, 13 years. How long have you been doing it? I think, uh, about 22.

About 94, 95 I started. The best part about stand-up is I never get tired of it. I don't either. Every show is a different show. Even if, like, you know, you're doing the same material. whatever, because that's, you know, that's your act.

But, like, it's never the same because the audiences make it so different. They do. And that's why I love it. You get through? I got to do, but he's doing it. Doing what? Showing her how to get on? Yeah.

Okay. I'm sorry. It's okay. I really love that you don't stop being, like, a caretaker. Like, yes, you're working, but you're like, and you said that, like, you have memory loss from menopause, but, like, you are on it. You were like, what's going on? I have a kid that have, they do counseling.

And I'm not counseling. Tutoring. And her tutor is online. So I got to make sure she get it at six because I pay for that shit. So we can't miss no extension. And she need them. So she just helping my husband get online because he's not computer. So I just want to make sure he gets it.

Have you always been a caretaker? Has that always been in your heart? Yes. It has. I've always taken care of somebody. Where do you think that comes from? Are your parents like that? No.

My mom was an alcoholic. They know my dad It's a lady on in life And I don't know I guess I took care everybody Because nobody took care of me But I will say the thing that I learned in life The thing I had to learn in life is how to love me

I always loved, cared about everybody else But nobody cared about me And so life really started to take a different turn Once I started to love me And how did you get to that point? How did you? I got to feel like getting walked over. Oh, okay. I got tired of people fucking with me, walking over me. I got

tired of trying to buy friendship. I got tired of people care, me care more about people than they cared about me. So I just got tired of it. And one day I said, you know what? And it had a lot to do with that first relationship I had. I said, fuck it. I said, I take care everybody, but nobody take care of me. When I'm going to start loving myself. I remember when what's love got to do with it came out with Tina Turner? And I said, well, what do love have to do with it? And this, A motherfucker punch you in your, I ain't love. No. And I just said, I got to start to love me.

And when I learn how to love me, life changed. And I was like, fuck off. And that's what I tell people. Nothing is going to disturb my peace. I'm 54 years old, and one thing I'm going to have is peace. Y'all not going to run me to my grade with being worried and fucking with me. I don't have no problem telling somebody to get the fuck out of my

face and I meant it. I think that's actually really good advice. Like to learn how to love yourself and not get walked all over because there is a difference between taking care of someone and then letting someone take advantage of you. Yes. I mean, either friends, you know, relationships, all of that. You want somebody. If you put more into any relationship or friendship or relationship with your kids or

relationship with your partner, if you're giving more than they're giving, then their relationship is not equal. then you're in a relationship by your damn self. I think that's incredibly important that sometimes people don't think of that. It's like if you're giving, giving, giving, and the other person isn't even meeting you halfway. They don't love you.

They don't love you. And you are in a relationship by yourself because that other person is not even coming halfway. Exactly. And that's the thing I learned, fuck you. And I have no, but fuck you. And that's what you're going to say, fuck you. It's no longer about.

you. It's about me. Because all you do is cater to somebody. My motherfucker, I'm not a waitress. If you want to be catered to, take your head to a restaurant to have waitresses. Yeah. Yeah. And I just decided, hey, I'm going to love myself. And that's when things change.

There was a point for me where I was like, do I like myself? Do I love myself? And then I made the choice. I was like, no, I do. I really love myself. I think I'm a really fun, incredible person. And I had to do work, you know? I had to, you know, speak nicely to myself. You know, sometimes you're like, oh, God, I'm so stupid. And it's like, no, I'm not. I just didn't know that and that's okay.

And we can learn from that. You know, one of the biggest things, when I was taking my last show, I'm very country. So I don't, I fuck a word all the time. And I'm not ashamed. I can't pronounce that. Give me something else. And I was on stage and they had a word. And I said, first of all, I would never say that word, whatever that word is.

And I try to pronounce it. I said, hey, give me another word. And they started laughing. I said, no, this is what they bought. They knew I couldn't pronounce street when they hide me. Fucking give me no ST words I can't pronounce them. Give me another word. Let's say road.

I can say road. And it was so funny. So I just learned to say what makes me comfortable and do what makes me comfortable and fuck everything else. That is very important because that's advocating for yourself. And a lot of people don't advocate for themselves because they're like, I don't want to be, you know, seen as a bitch or whatever. But it's like, no, if you can't say that word, give me a word I can say.

If I can't do that, give me something I can do. And I'm going to tell you, I can't do this. I'm going to, I don't get fuck with you. I can't do this. Because, and then you can send me home. I don't get fuck. I don't get a fuck. I go home getting bed.

The name is the Miss Paschow. You can send me home if you do not give me another word. We don't have to be here. We don't have to do this. On the Miss Pass show, they know the words I can't say. They know the words I can't say. On the new show, it was a new director, new cruel people. So they wasn't familiar.

But by the time we got through taping American's Fonage People, we was together. You were good. So if there's a second season, they were like, hey, take that shit out. Ms. Pernet going to say that shit. She can't say that. She's not going to say that. Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you so much for being here.

Do you have anything that you want to promote? Oh, just the book, you know, Miss American Dream is out now. So please go get it. Please watch my new show on VH1 call, America's Funniest People. And then I also have Miss Pat Seltic. It was six seasons of the Miss Pat show. It's coming out of the top of January. That's exciting.

Somewhere around that time. You also have whisking it all on YouTube. That's right. My cooking show I can't cook. So people come into my home to show me how to cook. What's the best thing someone has shown you? to make? To season the water.

I didn't know you're to, I think, wait, you season, put salt in the water. Yes. So you have spaghetti and stuff. Yes. And you don't even, you don't have to stop. When you're doing spaghetti, you can put olive oil in it. And it makes it taste so much fucking better. You put olive oil in.

You can put butter in now. Just do not do. I just adopted. Oh, I was fucking horrible. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot. Yes, I have. Who does the cooking?

in your house. My husband. He's a good cook? Way better than me. And we do this thing called the remake. So we'll take a recipe that somebody brought on the show

and me and him and get together and remake it. I really love your relationship. Thank you. It's so sweet. Not until you see me with this wig off. I don't think you think that.

Well, thank you so much for being here. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can follow it, You can rate it five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Tell a friend. Recommend the show on Reddit.

That actually helps the show. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I'll read it out loud. This person writes, Dear Nicole, I'm gay as fuck. So while I can't fuck you myself, I can offer you this. I'll arrange a gang bang for the two of us. We'll get fucked over and I'll make sure every single man comes in our holes. When we run out of dicks, all the men will assemble around a running track and place their bets.

We'll stick our cum-filled holes to the track and scoot our feet. along leaving lines a cum in our wake i challenge you to a seaman snail race have a wonderful day miss pat hated it goodbye ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that was a hate gum podcast