Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Grown-Up Breakup (w/ Lucy Stoole)

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

Drag queen Lucy Stoole joins Nicole to discuss the story behind their drag name, their recent breakup, the struggles of dating app messaging, and if it's okay to leave a bad date early.Support Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to help, check out blacklivesmatters.carrd.co.Follow Nicole Byer:Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedyBuy Merch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/nicole-byer?ref_id=964Order Nicole's book: www.indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Oh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could be married to a woman, give me a fur coat, try to kill me, and then I go hide as a nun in a convent, I would still date you.

Okay, my guest today is an international black-bearded beauty and a winner of Chicago Nightlife 2016 Best Drag Entertainer. It's Lucy Stewart. Hello, hello, hello. How are we, Nicole? I'm fabulous. How are you? You know, I can't complain. I'm doing pretty good. I ran some really gay errands today. I stopped and picked up my prep and went to the dispensary and now I'm just back at the house. I love it. I love that going to the dispensary is a gay errand. You know, I mean, in Chicago, at least that's where I see everybody I know from the club. That's like the

that's like the new spot now that we can't actually go out. Fair. I didn't know that weed was legal in Chicago. It actually just happened January 1st. So, yeah, we are recently enjoying that. We're still getting kind of used to it. The weed man is still a little cheaper. So, you know, I ain't said goodbye to him completely yet. I think that's so funny that it's like okay weed is legal and it's more expensive than the entrepreneur down the street so it's like do we support local business or are we uh

we go into the store and buying it i am all about local business you know so i'm making sure that that he's staying good too so lucy are you single are you dating i am actually recently single i've been single since uh september oh my goodness well september oh boy that's not very long i was gonna be like welcome to the singleness it's been bad all right lucy just awful and you're like a month it's been a month but what a month it's been, I tell you. Oh, yeah? Yesterday, I'm going to ask you about that in two seconds, but yesterday I opened up Instagram, and two of my famously single friends had posted their announcement of their relationship,

and I was driving home, and I saw it, and I immediately burst into tears, and I was like, I haven't been to therapy in a minute. I think it's time to go back to therapy. I've been having a lot of those moments in quarantine. Yeah, it's it's getting it's bad. So tell me about do you mind talking about what happened? You don't have to if you don't want to. No, not at all i um was with a really great person

for nine years and um yeah just through quarantine and growing up and everything else uh we decided it was time to go our separate ways and so it was like um it was mutual or amicable yeah it was a mutual mutual very amicable split um we're still living together for right now. And yeah, I love him. I think he's a great guy. But I think our roads are going different ways. Wow. I mean, this is the most grown up breakup I've heard in a very long time. It's the most grown up one I've ever had. I mean, that's the goal, I think, to be with someone that you love so much. And when it's not working, it's okay to say this isn't working and be civil about it.

Like, that's so dreamy. That's such a dream. Yeah, it's so weird because I'm not familiar with that ever happening. I grew up in a household where, you know, everybody that used to have a relationship hated the person they were with. So I've never heard of like, you know, actually getting along and still being friends with them. So yeah, I mean, after nine great years together, it only makes sense to like be able to kind of split up this way and still have this really good friend, this person who knows like more about me than anybody. Oh, I love it. Can I ask who's keeping the apartment? Who's got to move? Oh, girl, it can i ask who's keeping the apartment who's gotta move

oh girl that's me i'm keeping the apartment he's he's so sweet for that too because it was actually his place before i got here but just with like all the drag and how i've like kind of turned it into my place he was like all right he's like all right you can stay plus also i'm a broke like drag queen like now's not really a good time for me to be apartment shopping. Uh huh. Yeah, it's incredible. Are bars open in Chicago? So the thing about it is right now we're at that phase where if you serve food, they have kind of a leeway to allow that. But most of the places that we work at and go to don't serve food, don't serve food. So yeah, most of the clubs here are still not open there's probably about three bars where the girls are working at and you know compared to like you

know the 20 that we might have been at before any night so yeah i didn't know my sister lives in chicago but she doesn't ever i don't think she's ever been to a bar. Really? I don't even know what bars. I've only seen her drink once or twice, maybe three times. Yeah, she doesn't drink. She loves Jesus. She's very quiet. Oh, wow. She's very short. Oh, wow.

I love that the short description got you. I was like, short? What? Oh, my God. She's a very short soldier for Jesus. I love that. I don't know anything about it, but good for her. Yeah, I want her to go out and do stuff,

but that's just not her personality. And we once had a very serious conversation where she was like, your definition of happy in mine is different. And I was like, oh, shit. She might just be a quiet lady who likes to be quiet in her house. Damn. And I'm nothing of the sort.

I truly am like, let me be loud anywhere but home. Oh, have you been doing drag shows on Zoom? Yes. Yeah, we actually have done a few. We've done a few fundraisers on Zoom for my collective molasses that I work with here. I've also just done some random drag shows with a lot of different queens. And even some crazy celebrities are throwing drag shows on Zoom. I'm really up for doing anything if they're trying to toss some dollars at me.

That's nice. Do you have your Venmo and Cash App and PayPal in your bio on your Instagram and stuff? Oh, absolutely. And it's the same as my Instagram, Ty. It's Lucy Stuhl, so you can always find her anywhere. I know this is like a lame question, but how did you come up with Lucy Stuhl? It is a great pun.

It is delightful. I was perusing Instagram. And you know how sometimes when you follow someone, it gives you other people to follow? And I followed the Vixen. And then I saw Lucy Stuhl. And I said it out loud. I was like, Lucy Stuhl.

And then I went, um, Lucy. Oh, my. Oh, wow. I had a great time figuring it out. I was tee-hee-heeing and chuckling to myself. And then I clicked on you. And I was like, ooh, a queen with a beard. I love this. So how did you come up queen with a beard I love this so how did you

how did you come up with that fabulous name it's so funny it's like I my original name was so bad and nobody could say it I used to be called estuary palomino and literally every literally every show I did everyone was like what is this girl like just cut it out so so finally I was like I've got to come up with something different and my best friend and me we were watching the oscars and i had dressed up for him and he was like you look more like a loose stool than anything else and i was like loose lucy lucy stool and literally that's how she was born because my friend like made a joke and i was like oh that's

the name i'm running with but it just kind of stuck because i'm like part filth part glamour so just makes sense i love that i i just love that your name was birthed from your friend being real fucking shady yeah he's a shady bitch and then you were like i like that shade i'll keep it you said you're part filth. What is what is like your live show like or your Zoom shows at this point? Because I've never seen you perform live and I'm dying to. Oh, my God. I mean, my live shows are a lot more fun because I am mostly a host.

So I'm the girl that books and like kind of runs the show and make sure everybody keeps things in order. runs the show and makes sure everybody keeps things in order. But my live shows, either they're like, they kind of go between being burlesque and then just being completely like camp and ridiculous. Like one of my favorite numbers is performing Divine's I'm So Beautiful. And I have two boys dressed up as puppies and they have Snickers bars up their butts that they push out on stage that I then eat.

That's like one of my favorite numbers. But then like you'll also see me come up later in the show and do like some burlesque like to you know some jazz number or something like that i'm just i'm all over the place i like that's for me that's very fun because it's also fun in a way where it's like if you've never seen is that that's pink flamingos where she eats the shit right yeah yeah uh if you've never seen desperate live or not desperate living that's also an insane movie but if you've never seen pink flamingos you get it and if you've seen pink flamingos you're like i get it and i love it it's an homage i think that's very fun i fucking leave snickers bars up their butts that's so funny to me yeah so i'm like i'm kind of all over the board i like to be able to kind of pull from anywhere and do whatever I want because that kind of keeps me from being put in a whole lot of boxes too you also to me are different because I see very few drag artists who keep the beard

not that there's not like you know a bunch out there but what made you choose to do that well originally like you know the whole art school statement of being like you know this is a question about like gender and presentation and everything but um it just kind of turned into me wanting to be able to um completely express myself in a way that i felt comfortable i spend most of my days you know even though i'm being uh even though i'm a non-binary person most people would look at me and just inherently be like that is a big old dude so being in drag just makes me feel like so like validated and like beautiful and um i really don't think that a little bit of hair should really take away from anybody being able to

feel that fantasy and feel as femme and beautiful as they want to be. So yeah, now I kind of keep it just to tell everyone, fuck you. I appreciate that because I love a queen who doesn't shave their chest or a queen with a beard. I think it just, it makes it interesting. And I like that there's so many different types of dragons, so many different types of ways to express yourself. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, we should be free to do that i i think it's silly that in 2020 people are still having a conversation about you know is bearded drag you know legitimate like drag

or the same kind of drag as anyone else i'm like that's one of the stupidest things i've like ever freaking heard i'm like it's drag you're supposed to be able to do whatever the fuck you want so yeah i just i think people like the drag that has been showcased to people is one type it's and people seem to think that drag is monolithic when it's not it's just it's a it's a bunch of different experiences and different people from different walks of life i mean i don't have to tell you you fucking know yeah and it's, that's what we mean when we say, you know, like representation matters and why it's so important that these kind of,

you know, like that these venues and these shows and everything else are making sure to book diverse casts and bring these other people into it because like we're out here, it's all a part of it. But if this like narrative keeps getting pushed, you know, that this is what drag is.

Then like, of course there's always going to be those idiots that are trying to say you know you're not doing drag i thought like a little bit i mean we don't even have to super get into it but like chicago had a little bit of a reckoning with inclusion and queens of color getting a fair shot uh were you a part of that at all or no i was i was actually yeah i ended up being a big part of that so the bits and pieces i understand from it was you know queens of color were like there's gatekeepers where there shouldn't really be gatekeepers and the girls grouped together and were like we don don't like this. And I was like, that's powerful. I mean, it's kind of like unions at work or whatever you band together to be like, we don't like these work conditions.

I just thought it was so incredibly inspired that you guys had like a town hall and talked shit out. Yeah. Well, thank you, first of all. Yeah, it was something that I think was actually really long coming. And with the Black Lives Matter movement and the march that we, the drag march that we had in Chicago, I think that we had just finally all said, yeah, enough is enough. And we need to address this head on. And we need to change this not only for the black and brown people in our community,

but for literally everyone in the drag community and the queer community. Like so many people are still kind of taking this as, oh, these girls just came in and tried to do this because, you know, they wanted more power and they wanted more shows and more bookings and like that. And I'm like, I wanted it to be an even playing field. I wanted fair chances for talented people of all colors in the community. And I wanted to make sure that the black and brown people who have been getting the shit in the stick for so fucking long in every aspect of their lives, even in this drag community, get what they deserve. Like, that's it i just i really it was so inspired to me because i feel like a lot of people will just continue to be shit on until they're in a position

where they're not being shit on anymore and then kind of forget about the other people yeah do you know like they don't bring up other people like no no absolutely absolutely yeah it's so wild to me but also i fully understand it so i I just appreciated every, it seemed like all the, like the girls of color in the Chicago community were like, we're going to fucking take care of each other. had even talked to each other or been around each other had been introduced in this way just because of the gatekeeping and the way they kept us like so separated and just just the way the whole community was like set up so it really did create something beautiful that's um just at its beginning phases and is already doing really great things for chicago it's pretty similar to like a there's a couple black actresses who will tweet about experiences and then it's really nice to be like oh you've been on a show where nobody could do your makeup oh you've been on a

show where you've had to supply your own wig oh you've been on a show where you've literally done your own makeup so it's it's it's really nice to like commiserate and then be like oh i'm not alone absolutely absolutely and that was one of the biggest things that, that I get from the Chicago black drag council is this network of support and this even bigger family that understands exactly what we're all going through. I love it. How long have you been doing drag? I've been doing drag for about eight years now. I've been doing it as my like sole career job for the past,

like five years. Do you have like a grand vision, like a plan as to what, like, and that's a bad question. And I hate when people are like, what's next for you? And I'm like, I don't know. Hopefully I'll fucking keep working. I mean, like, like that's the simple answer. But I mean, yeah, I've got some, I got some more things I would like to do. I've won a few titles service to like uh everyone else in this situation um I also really cannot wait to expand and do more with my sex toy line that I've been running for the

past three years yes okay I have questions about this sex toy line I saw that you had one and I was like wait how do you do that how do you have your own sex toy line like obviously you're not making them that would be insane wait maybe it's not are you making them i wish i was making them i wish i was making them but um i actually do help with designs on them but one of my really good friends hand pours their own boutique like sex toy line and i partnered up with them about three years ago just like it was it was another thing that was a joke and like if partnered up with them about three years ago, just like it was, it was another thing that was a joke. And like, if you joke with me about something, like, I'm gonna run with it, I am really gonna run with it. And somebody was like, you know what, you should have cock rings

as merch. And I was like, you know what, I should. And so I reached out to my good friend who actually owns this business here in Chicago. And she was like, hell, let's not just do cock rings, let's fucking do it all so she helped me set up this legit fucking business and I am making beautiful platinum grade uh sex toys in all shapes and sizes for all bodies and we've got some new some really cool stuff coming up later um this year in the beginning of 2021 can you tell us us about them? Oh, okay. Tell us. There's one that was... Tell the people.

They got... The people listed, some of them have money. Not all of them, but some of them have money and they're like, I'd like to buy things. You know,

so the website right now, I mean, the website right now is stocked with some of my favorite toys that ever exist. Like I said, they're all platinum grade,

so this is the best kind of silicone. It's the shit that's actually made to go in your body. Not the stuff y'all are getting from Amazon and wish.com. I'm not trying to, but I'm like, y'all need to check that shit out. Cause a lot of it's not even supposed to be in your body. Um, but they're, they're all designed, uh, here in Chicago and like-poured in small batches. And all the colors and some of the designs are actually picked out by me. But some of the new stuff that we have, I'm really excited about just because it's actually more trans-inclusive and thinks more about trans and gender non-conforming bodies and what they might want to experience and what they might need.

So, yeah, that's a little preview but the website is fully stocked right now um even though it's always selling out one of my biggest sellers is my penis it is for sale on the website the stout stool no that uh mine is the mama stool oh okay the stout stool is currently sold out i You better leave my mom the website right now. Oh, yeah, Mama Stool. Yep, that is sold out. She says sold out. That's so wild.

Wait, how do you feel knowing that people are fucking your dick just not attached to you? I think that's pretty awesome. You know, when we think about leaving things in the world, you know, and what mark you've left, I think it's pretty cool to think that there's a lot of people that got my dick out there and it's bringing them joy. That is incredible. That's like a next level giving. You're like, I did this for the world. There's nice people out there getting pleasure from me and I'm not even there. Honestly, you're like better than mother

theresa like that was that's so so fucking kind i will take it nicole i'll take it i think i'm gonna buy one um i mean you're gonna run to the website after you've listened to this but everything is like neon colored it's so fun yeah i wanted to make stuff like fun and flirty and femme and have it be like cute and also like little art pieces i know friends that don't even use sex toys that just buy them as like paperweights or to leave places like people do all kinds of stuff with these things i mean yeah i would use one of these as a paperweight honestly i'd probably use the cock ring as like a napkin holder. I love this hot pink.

It's so pretty. And I know girls that use them as like ponytail holders and all kinds of stuff. Vixen wears one as like a little armband all the time. Imagine being that thin. I can't imagine it. I was like, girl, I can't. Oh, no way. I was like around her wrist.

I was like, how did you get her hand? She's so thin. She's so tiny. Are you born and raised in Chicago or did you move there at some point? I have been in Chicago for the past 13 years. I came here after college on a basically another day or somebody was like, you should just come up here. Like, why you want to live in Iowa? And I was like, I don't. And they were like, right. So just come up here. So I moved here 13 years ago and I kind of call it

the place that like I'm from now, just because I mean, I mean, after 13 years, like that is definitely home, but also it's where I kind of came out and came to be the person that i am now yeah i love chicago although i don't know like the chicago nightlife scene because again my sister loves sleeping early um and then like it's she only has like one set of keys to her house it's a whole thing she's gotta give me her keys oh yeah you know she she she doesn't really have people visit her that often because all her friends live in Chicago. Like, I'm just the person who doesn't live there. My whole family lives there as well.

Oh, awesome. I didn't know that. Yep, Southside. Hell yes. Yep, take the Jeffrey Express right downtown. We love to hear. I mean, we need to hang out when you come back then. I will let you know when I'm there.

I don't know if I'm coming for Christmas, though. I'm trying not to fly. Yeah. It doesn't seem smart. It's not worth it. Yeah, I've said it before on the pod. I'm fat. I smoke weed.

I smoke cigarettes. Corona wants me. Yeah. She wants it. You got to stay away from it. She sees me walking around. She's like, ooh, ooh. This is the prime body

to just kill. I've been you know, I flew once and I was like, wow, that was so nerve wracking. I really don't want to experience that again. So yeah, I'm just gonna stay away from it for a bit. But I got myself a car and I've literally been driving. I drove to LA at the beginning of September and drove back by myself. I've been all over the country. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. That's a pretty long drive. Did you stay north or did you go south?

So I stayed north. And yeah, it was a 27-hour drive. Yeah, it's very long. I did that with my sister. When I moved to LA, I bought a little Honda Civic. And I asked the man, I was like, Civics are pretty reliable. This one looks pretty taken care of. You think it's going to make it across the country? He was like, it definitely will.

Just like keep, do the upkeep before you go. And I was like, all right. So then I drove to Chicago just to like say hi to my sister since I was like, I don't know, I guess I could pass by you. And my grandparents were like, what are you doing? And I was like, moving to LA. And they were like what are you doing and I was like moving to LA and they're like take your sister don't drive alone and I said okay

Catherine I'll be by tomorrow and she was like I don't want this and my grandparents were like you will do this so that's how my sister drove across the country with me and she was not happy about it oh my god she was like I could be sleeping and praising him and now I'm in the car with it oh my god she's like i could be sleeping and praising him and now i'm

in the car with you oh my god that is a long drive for someone that is not happy about it yeah and she she's not she doesn't really like driving either so we were in denver and i was napping after she wouldn't let me pick up a hitchhiker. And I woke up on the freeway, and she was going like 40 miles an hour, and I was like, Catherine, we're never gonna get there. And she was like, I'm sorry.

I just, everyone's going too fast. And I was like, Oh, my God. Yeah, I'd have to kick her out of the driving seat. You gotta move, sis. We're very different people. Yes, I can tell. Did you like, so that's a long time to be

alone yeah it was it was great because this was like you know just a few weeks after the breakup and so I was just driving across country crying by myself and you know screaming out Alanis Morissette and bullshit I feel like you were in your own indie movie there was just no

cameras oh my god i know i did too every time i stopped to like film things and stuff i was like oh my god if this if this was that part of the movie this was the part where i'd like walk into a bar and meet a new friend or something like the whole time i kept thinking that are you looking to date again or are you going to take a little bit of a break? I'm going to take a huge break. I am not looking. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not.

I'm not looking for anything at all in that way. And I think kind of like when I found him, I wasn't looking for anything either. So if something comes by, I mean, I probably would still say no. But I'm open to the idea of being friends with someone. That's about it right now. Okay. Honestly, though, I feel like if somebody on the Internet's like, hey, Lucy, I dare you to date me, you'd be like, oh, okay.

Don't say that. Then they're going to come for it, and I'm going to be like, damn it. You got me. I truly hope months from now you're like, I don't know, someone did it. They dared me, and now we've been together, and we're so happy. I'm going to text you first about it and be like, Nicole, this is your fault. Please. Real quick, we have to take a break and oh we're back um so you

were with someone for nine years so does that mean you've missed out on apps or were you in a relationship where like you were allowed to be on apps no yeah i've i missed out on the app culture we none of we weren't on apps um at all so uh that has been funny to see or kind of get used to it's so weird girl it is so fucking weird oh wait you said you're non-binary what are your pronouns before we go on i should have asked way earlier no it's totally okay they're um they them out of drag and she her in drag oh okay so they them perfect so like the apps are literally a terrible i mean some people have had a great time on them i think you might actually have a really great time on it i just think you're so charismatic and nice and people would be so lucky. But I just, I'm having such a terrible time. Me too. I don't know. I feel like my personality doesn't translate in that sort of way. And I don't know if people kind of know, I have this thing

where I always think that people don't recognize me. So I'm like, no, no one knows who I am. They see this picture of me out of drag. No one knows who it is. But like, it never fails that every single person is like, you're Lucy, aren't you? I'm like, yes. Like, sometimes that makes it easier to like have a dialogue. But for the most part, I just I don't know. It's it's really weird. And a lot of people expect you to like carry the conversation. And I'm like tired of that.

I get paid to carry conversations. Yeah, I think that is a really interesting thing that people don't realize when they go out with a performer for the first time. Did you watch Drag Race, the Vegas edition of it? Yeah. So you know how Vanjie kept going out on dates with people and Vanjie is like a quiet person out of drag, it seems. I think they were expecting her to keep up the conversation, like bring the wild. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That happens to me so often. And I'm just like, hey, this is a two-way street. And I'm not supposed to be on in that way right now. That's not what we're doing. And I don't want to be on for someone i don't love yet i can't be wasting bits and jokes on you you fucking idiot i just met you that's so true too i'm like come on i don't know if you're worthy of all of that yeah right and then then i feel like when i'm like oh i don't like this person i guess i'll put on a show then i I'm just like, who's this for? Is it for me? Am I keeping myself interested that I've become like so used to being with this person and like what I need and like what I want that I'm just like I'm not going to put up with any bullshit

like any of it I was thinking when I start dating again go back into the world and meet up with these idiots I was like I would stay on dates way longer than I should have like I would just stay till end to the bar closed and if I didn't like you the next day, I'd be like, you know what? I got a lot of stuff going on. I don't think I'm going out a lot anymore, whatever. Whatever I would say to be like, I'm not going out with you again.

But I think in 2020, 2021, if I don't like somebody after the first drink, I'm leaving. Yeah. Yes. I love that idea. Do yeah i don't i don't want to waste my time and i'm at first in quarantine i was like i can't wait to go on a bad date i can't wait to be out all night with somebody i hate i just don't want to be home

anymore and now i'm like fuck you i'd rather just be home doing anything but with someone i don't like absolutely that's another big thing I've learned I'm like I would rather be at the house y'all yes and I don't know if this is like I've been conditioned now I've just been home for so long that I'm like this is where I feel safe yeah but I I've gone back to work a little bit and the first job i had in august the pa who was taking me to and from set was one of the most annoying people i've ever met in my life he quit i think four days in and it was very very dramatic like after two days with him i was like we got to get back inside i got everyone's bad out here you're like i can't be around people anymore i can't do this

yes actually i've been inside too long with people i like i only see a handful of people that i genuinely like yeah when you go back into the world you gotta be near people you don't like at all yeah i was like i have to remember how to fake it again i i i forgot how to do it have you so i've had a couple like zoom meetings that i didn't want to do where you're on the zoom and you're like yes and the minute you turn off the zoom you like slump down and frown that is me i'm like counting down the minute to pressing that leave button and i'm just like oh i cannot wait till this is closed because i'm gonna pull this wig off and lay on the ground like uh-huh sometimes i hit the leave button and then it's like two steps now where you hit the little uh red circle and then it's like do you actually want to leave and i'll just hover my mouse over

that when i'm ready and i'm like uh-huh yeah uh-huh yes sure yes i'll see you soon oh then you hit that leave button you're like oh i'm free yes yeah i just thank god zoom put a um it's like clean up your appearance it just kind of softens your whole face thank god it's there because i'd be looking real tough in a lot of these zooms like really fucking tough oh my god i'd just be sitting back there looking like death warmed over uh-huh yep yep yep but i'm like i don't want to put on makeup just to go to my living room no hell no like oh my god i try to find any way around that. Yes. Oh, boy. So what are you currently on an app or no?

Yeah, I am on. I went to check out Scruff and Grindr and Tinder. OK, OK. So I was like, let me just go ahead and dive head first in here and see what's happening. Has it been a good experience or well i guess it's only been a month so you haven't have you been out on a date or no no no i couldn't i couldn't even possibly think about that like i'm still one of those people too that i'm just trying to quarantine and not really bring anybody else new into the group for right now just because as much

i mean as much as i'd like to be trying to hook up or see someone else like that, I just can't trust these bitches. That's how I feel. It's like, I want to so bad, but I'm just like, I can't trust y'all like that. So I've been staying away from it. But actually, more than anything, I'd probably spend more time on the apps, just using it as another way to talk to my friends, which is so stupid. using it as another way to talk to my friends, which is so stupid. But everybody that I run into in there,

I just end up being like, hey girl, forgetting what I came on there for. I was on Bumble and I came across this man. Like, okay, I don't want to say white people are wild because that's like a blanket statement, but a lot of white people are wild.

This man. So there's like prompts on Bble and this one says the prompt is if i could travel to any time in the past his response said the 1950s and then in parentheses minus the segregation and misogyny and i was like why did you add that you You're white. You didn't have to. You would have had a great time. Are you just trying to seem like you're woke? Because that to me seems disingenuous, right? Yeah, it absolutely does. And then he goes on to say the music, the clothes, the cars, the world moved slower. And then in parentheses, in a positive way, something we're missing today.

I'm like, I think, I think you want the segregation of misogyny. I'm like, it sounds like that's what you're missing. Right. Cause you're like, we're missing it today. And I'm like, Hey man, I don't think you can. It's kind of like being like, make America great again, minus the bad stuff. And it's like, well, what the fuck does that mean yeah what does it mean what are you talking about then yeah i just i keep coming across the worst people i

match with this very hot man he was he's like black he's got this like beautiful skin and usually black men do not swipe yes on me damn yeah it's you know it's um tough yeah but so his profile said something about 90 day fiance and i love 90 day fiance so i was like your profile says 90 days and chill who are your favorite couples and he said not sure but the show is falling apart and i was like okay um how Um, how, how do you, how do I respond to that? Oh my God. Like how does, how does one respond? You stopped the conversation. Yeah. Yeah.

That's another thing people do a lot too, is drop things like that. And then I'm like, well, I guess we're done talking. Guess that's it. That has truly been almost all of my interactions within the last couple months just like me saying in march i said to this man i was like wow this corona shit's fucking wild how are you handling it tell me it was like right after lockdown and then the person said it's the fucking worst literally literally. And I was like, okay. All right.

Well, okay, then. I guess we're done here. Yeah, I don't know how to talk to male-identifying people anymore, especially the straight ones. They're just so confusing, and I don't know. Sometimes I'm like, I give up. And then i'm like nicole you cannot give up but i feel you about giving up i think i yeah because no i wouldn't be able to deal with that at all yeah it's tough and when you like get into talking to people you're gonna you're gonna have like little headaches oh god just like you'll open up the

app you'll be like all right let's see if this person you know responded back to this amazing question i asked and you're gonna be like they said just a word they said cool yeah i can't see no that's too much for me that's too much for me at least a few people that have actually been interacting with me had something to talk about and have continued the conversation. Like, I'm definitely a person that needs to be chased. So someone's going to have to keep on me with that. Well, I just I used to be a chaser, the aggressor. And my therapist was like, how often does that work for you because i think she got have you

ever seen death becomes her oh yes one of my favorites so you know when goldie hawn's character is in like so she's eating the frosting she gets uh taken away she gets a what is it like five 55 50 i don't know she had a psychiatric hold or whatever and And the doctor's like, do you have any, anything you want to talk about? And she's like, Madeline. And then she's like ringing that thing and everyone starts screaming. I was like,

I think I did this to my therapist. Cause she, at one point, I was talking about it, dude. And she was like, Nicole, you can't be chasing people. And I was like,

what? Cause usually I arrive to things that like on my own. attitude and she was like nicole you can't be chasing people and i was like what because usually i arrive to things that like on my own and it's a lot of like fill in the blanky type stuff but this was a very pointed you stop chasing people it's not working you can't do it anymore i was like okay she was like maybe you didn't hear this one the last few times. Let me just say it again. Yeah. So that's what I'm trying to do right now.

I'm trying to be chased. And it's really hard. I was talking to this other person. And this is on Hinge because I'm on all the apps. And I wrote just like a cute little, they said something like drag race. So I messaged them about like, I was like, who's your favorite queen?

What would your drag name be? Mine would be Julia Louise Dry Puss, which thank you for laughing. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. I love that one. Oh my God, that's so good. It's so dumb. I love that one. Oh my God, that's so good. Thank you.

And then he responded with like a pretty decent answer and it was like a paragraph long and then I wrote back a paragraph and then he wrote back two paragraphs. So then I was like, okay, maybe I'll write back less. So then I did and then they wrote back, paragraphs. So then I was like, okay, maybe I'll write back less. So then I did.

And then they wrote back, let's see, one, two, three, four, five paragraphs. Oh, my God. And I, in my brain was like, okay, to be chased, that means you can't just be like, do you want to go out? Like, stop writing me paragraphs. Yeah. So I just stopped answering and he has not asked me out. So I think I'm done. I don't know.

It's so hard. Five paragraphs. I mean, to me, that would suggest some like real interest. That's a lot of typing. I'm lazy. It is a lot. I'm also lazy. But sometimes people. Well, he also was like i've been like

quarantined by myself and my cat and i was like oh so maybe he's not talking to people but then i'm like wouldn't you want to like go to a park and meet me yeah but i guess some people's level of comfort i guess everyone's level of comfort is different yeah i mean everyone's level of comfort is like different i also just think that at this point in in quarantine it's been what like eight freaking months now like we need to figure out a way to have like some safe human interaction so i don't care if it's a you want to take me to the park and sit six feet away from me but like we can figure something out yeah and i find it very interesting that like some people

truly have not figured out how to have safe interactions like i have a skate gang where i've made a bunch of my friends buy roller skates um some already had them but we skate on tuesdays and every tuesday there's a person who comes and watches us like a different person they go what is this and i'm like oh a different person. And they go, what is this? And I'm like, oh, just friends having fun. And they're like, huh. And we all just had roller skates? No.

Huh. Is there a leader? I'm like, a leader? I mean, technically, I guess I am. But no. It's just like funny to me that adults have forgotten how to have fun. They're like, wait a minute. We can just go out and do whatever we want i'm like yes you can i'm like we're living during the apocalypse they took down

the basketball hoops this is now a skating rink i don't know bring some skates and come back next tuesday yeah like jump into it girl like that's all you can do right now oh my god they took down the basketball hoops too damn they did because basketball is a like a pretty contact intense sport so that is true the thought was like if you don't have the hoops you can't play well that's probably best because a lot of those people that would be playing it you know wouldn't be wearing masks no they don't wear masks and they're like shirtless and they're hot. Oh my goodness. I would truly give anything to watch a bunch of sweaty men play basketball.

I miss that good grief. Seeing runners is the highlight of my day now. I love seeing somebody working on their fitness or running next to me while I'm driving my car, not exerting energy. Exactly the same. Sitting there having a frappuccino like, get it, bitch. I see you. Okay, so when you decide to start dating again, do you think, like, do you have an ideal person that you want to date next?

You know, I really don't, Nicole. And I'm thinking that this time I'm going to definitely trying to go into it with just a completely open mind and heart, like not knowing what, you know, I know will not work for me in a relationship and like being able to communicate that, but just kind of being open to whatever comes at me. I mean, I want somebody that can obviously kind of get along with how crazy and random my life is when I'm working like full steam. But I also do want somebody that's gonna like be there for me and make sure they let me know that they're there. So I mean, yeah, but other than that, I'm just trying to keep it open i'm like whatever comes my way i feel i mean pretty much the same way i keep it rather open i some people have like tried to label me as like bisexual and i'm like no i just don't identify as anything yeah i just refuse to be like not this i'm very open to whomever but yeah like i want someone who's like cool with me traveling a lot when that happens again and you know like i drop things the like not that my career will always come first but

and it can be a conversation like whether i take a job or not yeah like i just i wouldn't want someone to be like i i don't want you to take this because i need you here and it's like oh okay for what yeah i just need you here okay but i'll be back yeah you know i just i i feel like sometimes people get into relationships with people who need a little too much and i guess i yeah i just need someone who's like a little independent yeah i think that was uh i'm i just to be honest yeah that was my last relationship i need i need someone who's more independent and self-starting and just yeah able to kind of do their thing on their own yeah and it's not like a flaw because there's people

out there who love being with their significant other or their partner you know all the time do everything with their partner yeah i don't think i'm that type of person nope unless they were a comedian no no not even like i've just done comedy by myself for so long that somebody else would be like what no get out of here i'm definitely i definitely think i would be like the oprah in the sense and stedman would have his own house on the property and you know he'd be invited, but he'd have his own spot. I think about that video where Stedman got COVID or maybe she didn't. He was like waiting for his test and Oprah didn't let him in the house and literally went to go visit him in his little back house. And I giggled so hard because I was like, Oprah's house is probably the size of a small city.

And Stedman's in this other full size house on property, and she's waving at him from six feet away. I was like, this is funny. I love it. I, like, love that idea that she is living in, yeah, you know, like, this ridiculous mansion. And he's got his little guest quarters behind the house. It's so funny. And then I think it was uh will be goldberg who was like date someone again get married again i don't want somebody in my house i think about that

all the time sometimes before i go to sleep i'll look around my room and be like i don't know where anyone would put a thing i just have so much shit i have so much clothing there's no room in my closet for you nope i'm like i have an entire other room devoted to drag like literally this room is stacked to the ceiling with wigs and clothes and everything else you can imagine like i ain't got no room i ain't got no room i love a drag room i love a good drag room oh mine i finally got mine together too it's so cute oh yeah is it decorated did you paint the walls and stuff okay so the back wall is um all of a green screen so now i can now use it to record everything in but there's shelving and there's all kind of units set up so that all my wigs are displayed and then i have my vanity

it's like there's this whole system but you get to go and like sit in the middle of the drag so you feel like you're sitting in your mom's closet it's so cute oh i love it um latrice has a really nice drag room i interviewed her in her drag room and it was just like glitter and heels and just all of the things you would want um and then my friend meatball i went to her house and she's got a cute little drag room and i was like oh and i just like wanted to stay in there and she was like the party's downstairs and i was like mm-hmm yeah but i just i want to go through your drag i love that bitch meatball that's one of my besties she's a good one i love meatballs so much she makes me laugh so hard she is so fucking funny and i i just kind of never met a person like her like she is a whole different kind of

fucking character yeah and it's so funny meeple in drag and out of drag is like a different kind of wonderful oh yeah it's so different but like also the same yeah if that makes any sense absolutely oh she makes me truly laugh so fucking hard uh they got a new cat it's named deborah deborah hates me they got a little debbie deborah hates me so much i went over there and i had treats in my hand and i was maybe i shouldn't have been like deborah be be my friend. But, you know, that's how I speak to people and things and animals. And Debra was like, I don't want this lady. This lady is not for me and ran right upstairs and wouldn't be my friend. God, like nothing, nothing hurts more than like a cat or a dog shunning you.

Yeah. It's like cats, dogs and kids when they are like, ew. I'm like, oh, no. Like, crush. I'm like, why would you do that to me? Yeah, I remember the first time I was like, teens are scary. I was in New York, and I was reading on the train and listening to music on my phone, and I had my phone in my lap beneath the book.

And these two teens, a a couple got on the train and they were like kissing and then they looked at me and they laughed and I was like I think they're laughing at me and and then I was like no don't pay them no mind who cares about those teens and then someone walked past me and knocked in my book and my phone fell and I was like oh god he's like oh I'm so sorry and I was like it's okay and then the teens were pointing and laughing at me and i was like so they're definitely laughing at me but like that wasn't my fault and then i got off the train and i was walking towards the wrong exit so i was like oh shit this is i need to be like further downtown so i like turned around and bumped into this person and as the doors were closing the teens were pointing at me again laughing at me and i was like i haven't done anything nicole that literally sounds like

a circle of hell teenagers are so scary i would hate it they're so terrifying they'll do anything they don't care they don't care they don't have anything to live for yet they're like i'll live through this i don't care yes they don't have a savings account they don't have nothing they have nothing to care about they don't have a mortgage they're just like whatever so mean little monsters oh my god i try to avoid them at all costs oh my god same i can't imagine like raising one because i remember being so mean to my mom and dad and then i'm like i'm gonna break something into the world raise it to teenage years and then it's gonna be an asshole to me oh hell no oh hell no i could not i could absolutely not even imagine dealing with a

like 16 year old me at all no especially in like 2020 of the apocalypse you can't go out nowhere and like blow off steam oh lord boy raising a kid during the pandemic no thanks when my mom was my age she already had an 18 year old and a seven year old so like i think about that i think about that all the time and i'm like i don't i don't know how this woman did it your Wait, your mom had an 18-year-old and a 7-year-old? Yeah, me. I was 18. Like, I'm 36. So, yeah, when she was 36, I was 18. And my little sister was, like, 7.

Because she had me when she was 18. That's wild. Yeah. She was almost done. And she said, I should start over. And then she had another one that's 11 years after my little sister. So, this woman's still raising kids. My God.

My cousin did the same thing. Her two kids were, I think, 16 and 14 when she had her twins. And I was like, why? Why? You're so close to being done. I'm like, hell no. Yeah, I couldn't. The twins are getting old.

I think they're, ooh, God, maybe they're like 11 or 12. And I'm like, I wonder if she's going to do it again. I wonder if she's going to have more. Oh, my God. Everybody needs to stop it. I just, I couldn't do it. I could not do it. I just got a dog, though.

And his name is Nelson, and he's seven months now. And that's all the child I need. All the child. What kind of dog is nelson so they originally told me that he was a chihuahua but it turns it turns out that nelson is a full-on jack russell terrier that's so funny i kept like kind of wondering i was like this is gonna be one big kind of wondering. I was like, this is going to be one big-ass Chihuahua. And, like, I know Chihuahuas can get a little, like, hefty. But I was like, this dude's, like, muscular and super energetic.

He's muscular. I was like, what is going on here? And they were like, girl, that's a terrier. That ain't no Chihuahua. So, it's been fun, like, getting used to that. And thank God I have him because he's literally the only reason I leave the house. That's so cute. That's also so funny.

He's a chihuahua. No, this is a full ass different kind of dog. Super little energetic monster. I was like, oh, I thought I was getting a little couch potato. No. My dog is, what is he? He's like a a papillon we finally figured it out after like seven years he's like a papillon chihuahua mix oh and he's very very handsome and he's so cute although his breath has been kicking lately so i don't know what to fucking do nelson's farts have been killing me oh really oh no yeah

yeah sometimes dog farts are oof tough this dude could clear a room like some days i have to get up and like make sure he didn't like poop somewhere i'm like what happened like jesus it's so funny that we love these little dogs and they shit everywhere you're like but i love you i'm like this little creature that i have to pick up their poop for the rest of their life like what have i done yeah every time i pick up dog shit i'm like they win yep you know for real i can't imagine living with someone where they took me outside, I shit on the ground, and they pick it up, and they give me food when I want it. Give you treats and thank you for it. Yeah, give me treats.

Well, Lucy, I ask all of my guests this. Sometimes I forget, but for the most part, I get it. So would you date me oh my god it would be my honor to date you nicole ah what a treat there was no thought it was just an immediate reaction and that's what a queen loves to see i love it when someone is like yes or they're or honestly when someone says no with no thought, and I'm like, okay. You're like, well, glad you know what you want. Yes.

I think I just love someone who's like a decision. I have a decision. I've made a choice. I don't like wishy-washiness. I say. So thank you. I love that. Lucy, do you have anything you want to promote before we wrap it up?

Yeah. I mean, you, everybody can find me online. I'm straight up in the digital world now. So you can find me on Instagram at TyIsLucyStool. That's T-Y-I-S-L-U-C-Y-S-T-O-L-E. I'm also at Venmo and Cash App at the same place as y'all. You can also look up my collective of Molasses Chicago. We are actually on the ground doing work in the community

to help support our black and brown uh trans sisters and brothers and gender non-conforming siblings so look us up and donate there also um did you also say lucystool.com uh yes and lucystool.com backslash shop for all those toys y'all yes yes yes i'm gonna buy one and i'm really excited about it oh i'll send you a little something special too oh what a treat because i was like i don't use butt plugs but they're so pretty i know what everybody's getting in their stocking this year butt plugs for everybody um also i want to say you wore this pink outfit like I think this was last year so it was uh is pink your favorite color it is it absolutely you wear a lot of pink and you wear it well

but it's this like latex look with lips on your head it's honestly my favorite thing I've ever seen I'm gonna turn on my camera so you can see what I'm talking about. Oh, I already even know which one you're, yes. That's one of my favorite looks. I feel so sexy in that look. It is so stunning. And then the makeup is flawless. Like you're truly, you do your makeup, yes?

Yes, I do. An artiste. Oh, thank you. It's, I just, this look is everything everything and i think this is like the first i was like perusing your instagram i think this might have been after i had figured you out from following the vixen and i was like oh i love this i want this oh this is that this like really made my day i've been such a big fan of yours for so long. This has been such a great experience. Oh, Lucy, thank you.

I thoroughly enjoy, like I often will go to your Instagram and just look at things and be like, hmm, I wonder if I reach out to this person, will they make me the exact same thing? Oh, yeah, and let me know because I'll let you borrow it. Oh, girl, I think you're smaller than me. Oh, no, I think we're about the same size. Really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we can trade.

Hit me up. Also, this orange number. Yes. Oh, my God. That one's so cute. Made by local designer J4Pay. Yeah, that's one of my favorites. So, so, so, so cute.

Yeah, I think your aesthetic is very much. It's very, very what I would like to look like. Baby, you look better than it every day. Okay, I'm trying to look like you. Oh, stop it. Well, we've come to the end. If you liked this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it. You can subscribe.

You can rate it five stars on iTunes or or apple podcast as as they are now called uh but i like itunes better and if you write me something nasty via a dm or on the like review uh like hitting on me i will read it out loud um also i have like a little burner email called uh it's a bacon can save at gmail.com i check it truly not very often so just you know and i don't really answer people i'm just looking for these little come-ons uh but this person said nicole is one of your few straight listener listeners and fans i would love to tie you up in some hotel quality brooklyn sheets brooklyn and sheets and then cover your clit in some guy fieri donkey sauce to kick the flavor up a notch and then i'd serve it uh serve it up my way then i'd put on some

headphones and listen to your special or your podcast and try to make you oh oh oh s-i-t this one was a treat this one was very funny thank you so much and thank you lucy so much. And thank you, Lucy, so much for doing this. Thank you again for having me. It was such a pleasure. Okay. Bye-bye. This has been a Team Coco production.