Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Having Sex in Drag (LIVE from DragCon 2019 w/ Vicky Vox)

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

Drag queen Vicky Vox (DWV, Magic Mike XXL) joins Nicole to discuss having sex in drag, using AOL messenger to lose your virginity, and where to find the biggest dicks. Nicole had sex with a Canadian that left actual nuts in her pussy. She's also getting photos AirDrop'd to her by audience members. It's a real wild show. They also answer audience questions about fisting, taking a big dick, and their ideal wedding proposal. This was recorded live at RuPaul's DragCon 2019. For more drag queens on Why Won't You Date Me, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3fg8Epu You can play along and see Nicole's Tinder bio and photos on her Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedy Be sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdates Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer Facebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please! Tell me why! Oh boy, thank you so much for coming! I just got off a plane! Oh boy, thank you so much for coming. I just got off a plane. Oh boy, okay.

Please help me welcome my guest. You saw her on Magic Mike XXL. She had to make it bigger. Vicky Vox! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Vicky! It got my name on it. Oh, what a treat, yes, yes! Vicky! It got my name on it. Oh, what a treat, what a dream.

Thank you so much for being here. Okay, so... Hold up. Okay, I'm waiting. Okay. Okay, now we good. Your turn. Okay, this is Why Won't You Date Me,

a podcast from me. Nicole Byer tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though I will let you come in my butt and then I'll squeeze it out and I'll drink it. There's a word for that.

What is the word for that? Well, it has to do with felching. Felching? That when they lick it out. Is this for that? A chocolate milkshake? Well, it has to do with felching. Felching? That when they lick it out. Is this too much? What time is it? No, it's 1pm and I see a child. That would... What's up, little bitch?

If you brought your parent to this, you're really irresponsible. Yeah, you're... But that kid's gonna be cool as fuck. Yeah, so when you lick it out, like, if they come in your butt and they lick it out, that's felching. Wait, if they lick it out? How gaping is your hole that a whole tongue is all the way up in there licking it out? No, girl, you can help them and push a little bit.

Oh, so you're just like. Hold on, wait. Yeah, yeah. And then if they can kiss, this is so gross. they can kiss you with it and it's called a snowball. A snowball? Am I wrong? No. How did everybody know this?

I didn't know that. I've been calling, I was like, just stick a straw in there and suck it out and call it a milkshake. No, no, no, no, beg me, beg me. Oh my God, I fucking love it. I had to go. I guess I just made that up and nobody else calls it that. No, but I'm down for whatever you're talking about. Want to know what a strawberry milkshake is? Honestly, I never am happier than when an audience goes, A strawberry milkshake is when you bleed it, you are your period. He comes right inside you, you get you a straw, you suck it up in there. And then you suck it out.

I'm not even mad. I was just trying to see logistics. Uh-huh. Okay. I mean, I've never done it before. I just thought about it one day. I was like, this could be a thing. You know, that maybe I'll try with a partner I love. Why am I single?

Vicky, are you dating anybody? Are you single? What's happening? I'm very single. Okay. How long? I don't? I'm very single. Okay. How long? I don't know if it's on purpose, though. No?

I'm a lot. I think we're both a lot. We sat down. We have just met. We're like, let's talk about shit and cum. Like, I think we are completely on the same page. There's a lady in the front who I don't think is enjoying herself. Are you okay?

Oh, she's good. Okay. Okay, good. Okay. Okay. All right. But I'm very single. Hello.

I'm Vicky Vox, 609-970-2152. Is that your real number? I used to give it out at shows when somebody was really fine. Uh-huh. Because I didn't want to, you know, S that D right there in public. You can say it, suck that dick. There's a child here. It's got to learn. Oh, wait, did it

leave? I think it left. Let's celebrate the small success of good parenting. Yeah, they walked in and they were like, no, thank you. But I used to give it out and then it got on YouTube and people were like, me? No, thank you. But I used to give it out, and then it got on YouTube,

and I got some real fun phone calls. Oh, no. Wild. And then I was like, maybe I shouldn't do that anymore, and I should probably change my number. Yeah, probably. I once, during a show, gave this dude in the audience my hotel room

number, the address to my hotel, and my phone number, and he still didn't fuck me. Got to be more careful. I was like, I did so much work for this. Right. You know? And I did some loose crowd work to

warm him up to who I is. And he seemed like he was into it, but then we didn't fuck, and I was like, I don't know what more I can do. You know? Like, if a woman's like, I will do everything you ask. Right. You go, oh, great,

let me do that with you. And these men out here are just like, ah, that's too much. Isn't that crazy? It is. You give them the full menu. Yes. And they go somewhere else.

Yes. Yes. Truly, I am a cheesecake factory. You can have, you can, I was just gonna say, you can have cheesecake. Pages and pages and pages and pages and pages

and they're like, let's just go to In-N-Out. Right. And there's no shade to In-N-Out. There's just six things on the menu. Cheesecake Factory is a novel. What do you get at In-N-Out? Oh, I get a double-double no spread.

I think it's disgusting. With a, I know, with a raw onion, I know. And then no other vegetables, because, like, get out of here. What are we doing? I'm eating a burger. You do have some special taste when it comes to food, though. I do. I hate a pickle, and people seem to love pickles.

I love a pickle. Okay. Because you can... You can practice, like popsicles. Yeah, I do like phallic things. I like a squash. I like a cucumber. A gourd.

A gourd. That's too bumpy. That's too... It's like too ribbed for your pleasure, you know what I'm saying? You don't want Them bumps to get caught And you're like You know But why won't you

Why won't you date us Yeah Why won't you date us Have you been In a long term relationship How long is long term I would say, what? Two years.

Two years? Then absolutely not. Yeah. You're just showing off. Wow! That person's trying to stunt on us. They said two years and then kissed their boo.

Fuck you. Wait, wait. Are you with somebody? That's gross. But no, I haven't been. I haven't been. My longest relationship. I think, okay, so my longest relationship is two and a half months.

So what do you think after that is long term to me? I was in a relationship for like three months. So I guess yes. Okay. But we never consummated that relationship. God, it fucking took so long. And then I moved away, and we never actually broke up, so...

So you're still together. Sure. So how long... Sure. That was about 14 years ago you had a deserted relationship and these people clapped for you

they did yes the bar is so low they're like yes you abandoned somebody yes yes you left that bitch

this is going great yeah I I'm having a very good time thank you for having me honestly thank you for having me, honestly. Thank you for doing this. I think you're so funny. I follow you on Twitter.

I follow you on Instagram. Yes, same. You're so funny. And you do talk about being a person of size, fat. Yes. We use the word fat. What's up, fatties? Hi, fatties.

It's so funny when you call another person fat and they get offended and you're like, oh, wait, you don't know well then you're like how do you identify like i don't know what do you call yourself but this is why i have this concept now that i'm no longer on a fit spectrum everybody else is on the fat spectrum okay you less fat than me. You not skinny, bitch. You less fat. Get into it. I like that.

That way, you can't be offended, bitch. No. Everybody fat. Everybody fat. You fat, you fat, you fat, you fatter. We're doing great. This is why I can't get a man. Or a woman.

Or somebody that doesn't know because you just walk around going fat fat fat fat less fat fat fat okay fat bad fat uh i walk around saying yabba dabba do when i see a hot person and then yes i do absolutely do and i've gotten my friends to start doing it. So truly, if you hear someone just going, yabba-dabba-doo, it is me, or it is one of my close friends. And then when I see someone who I don't like, I go, yabba-dabba-doo not. Which isn't nice, and I know it. It's so judgy, but I'm here for it. But it's fun. It's like swiping in real life.

I better hear all of you doing it. I want to every yabba dabba doo no I didn't mean like right now but thank you for being on it good morning I love it yeah truly good morning it is 1 p.m good morning I've been awake since 4.30. I'm living. So, okay, do you find your fatness to be a hindrance when you're trying to date? Absolutely not. Okay. Well, wait. I love how confident you were then. You were like, no, I'm sorry. Well, because we have to define dating now because I don't really do that.

Here's the thing. I have never been on an actual official date. Well, because we have to define dating now because I don't really do that. So you have. Here's the thing. I have never been on an actual official date. Wait, what do you mean? Like, this is, is everybody okay? Yeah, no, I have never been. That child comes back in the room and be like, what? So wait, okay. I've never been on like an agreed upon date.

Like we are going out on a date. Like let me take you out or take me out. Okay, so. But you want to fuck? Yeah. I'm floored. This is why I haven't been in a relationship. Well.

Like I've never been like dinner in a movie. Never done it. Have you ever been to dinner with somebody and then fuck them after? Um. Cause that's a date. No. No? Did someone just gas it?

Like be eating? Were they like, you can't eat and then fuck. I think that's very fun sex. I like that. No. What? I have not. Yeah, did you fuck then eat?

What are you getting at your purse? Girl, I'm looking for my powder puff. There it is. For your what? My powder puff. Hold on. My top lip sweat. Oh, I see.

I see. Oh, get it. Get it. Get it. A podcast is a listening medium. So if you're listening, when I release this, Vicky is now dabbing little beads, the sweat drips off her face. No, I have not fucked and then eaten with the same person.

No. I'm so, I'm floored. Like Netflix and chilled, that doesn't happen i've never netflix and chilled either what's the point like why put something else on you know what you're doing no yeah yeah like put the um the music choice channels on the cables yeah put the music on let's just fuck why why the appetizer i'm hungry i am the appetizer the meal and the dessert that's all you gotta worry about so wait have you never asked somebody out on a date um no i probably have i mean i i'm not i'm not subtle so yes if they knew they knew it's not like maybe we could you know hang out sometimes no it's like what are you doing?

You want to marry me? No, you want to fuck? Let go. I love that that's your coy voice. Let's, you know, hang out. Can we hang out? Please? Can we hang?

You sound like a sociopath. So are you not on apps? You're not on any of these? I've been on the apps, but what happens is, if I put it, see now, if I put an app, excuse me, a picture of myself on the app. Yes.

As, you know, not Vicky. Okay. Then nothing, zero things. But if I put Vicky's picture up there, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop. Interesting. And do you, do you, does that make you angry? Like, do you resent Vicky?

No, I love her. her okay are you kidding me you look i don't i don't deal in those i deal in yeses so that was a no we're not gonna go that way pivot yeah okay i like that also i'm of the mindset where you know sex is very weird and and you know sometimes if it gets the other person excited why wouldn't you do it if it doesn't fuck with your day like just do it just shut up and lick it from behind like turn your hair around and bitch get to work so do you have sex normally in drag i wouldn't say normally, but it's happened. A bunch. Okay.

And when you have sex in drag, do people request you to not take it off? I don't... There have been times where I just throw a wig on real quick. Or like, I don't need the wig. Can you wear a thong and some heels?

Great. Okay. Yes, be there in five minutes. But sometimes it's like, no, I need the whole thing. Can you wear this cheetah print dress, yo? They give their requests?

Oh yeah, like demands. Damn! Again, not mad. I need to know what you want so I can provide a service. Fair, fair. Be honest about that shit I've never gotten any requests but I oh you're gonna get some now I mean I'll take them I'll wear a specific wig uh because I do fuck tech I mean, I'm not a drag queen,

but like, I am painted. Right. I'm contoured. I look like a, I was misgendered on the plane. My name is Nicole Michelle. And this woman looked at Nicole Michelle and she said,

sir, what kind of dress would you like? And I wasn't mad about it. I don't fucking care. But I looked up and I was just like, seltzer? And she went,

oh no. And I was like, oh, it's fine. And then she ignored me the rest of the flight. And I was just like seltzer and she went oh no and I was like oh it's fine and then she ignored me the rest of the flight and I was like well that's not it like you can't do that I've been called ma'am with a full beard so you're cool at the airport nonetheless everyone at the airport's tripping they're just trying to get through the job is going on they don't look all out of their fucking minds the airport airport is wild. Everybody's on their worst behavior. Yes. But then, like, in the bathroom,

I started doing my makeup, and then I finished, and the lady next to me was also doing her makeup, but she went, huh. Wait. Wait. That was a loaded ass huh. Oh, and I knew exactly what she meant. Because I walked in bald-headed with glasses and acne scars,

and then I left with glorious hair that is not curled. You're doing great. It's my Marissa Tomei Ode and my cousin Vinny. I had lashes and truly contoured myself some cheekbones, and I think she was like sorcery. Witchcraft. I think she was confused. And I was like, bitch, I'd be confused too if I looked like you, you know?

Whatever, she's not here. She wasn't cute. I'm feeling salty. I had a wild weekend in Wisconsin, y'all. My God. Those people have had too much cheese. They don't know how to act. It's true, though.

It's wild. So I'm truly floored that you've never been on a date. Do you want to go on a date? I mean, I don't not. Someone just wooed for that question. I don't not want to go on a date. I don't not want to go on a date. But, like, I don't really have time to, like, explain myself to people.

Do you know how fucking complicated I am? Look at me! I think it's pretty easy. Hold on. To you. You're a drag queen. Right. That just comes with a lot of other questions. So are you keeping your penis?

Do you want tits? I swear to God, these are the questions. I don't have time. I don't have time to sit here. That's so wild. Yeah. And then it's also, but don't tell my wife. And you can stay in this house.

Oh, no! Am I lying? I love that. Someone is trying to airdrop a photo to me. Oh, my God, yes. It's not even of me. Just of them looking really cute. It is cute, though.

If you want me to have it, I'll accept it. Thank you. It's very pink. Thank you very much. Very pink. I'll accept it. Thank you. It's very pink. Thank you very much. Very pink. Very, very pink. Thank you. Hi, hello, how are you?

That could work. You don't just drop a picture to some bitch. You say hello. I also didn't know that any old person, not any old person, you're a good person. I didn't know anybody could drop a picture to me. I do? Oh, girl, we're going to fix that.

How do I change it? Control center? No. Search? No. This is why. This is why I don't fuck around with dating. Y'all be getting in people's business like that.

Mind your business and let's fuck. I mean, I do want a husband, though you know or a wife I'm just one of those people that doesn't like I said right now in this moment I'm saying I want a husband but I can't say that that's always going to be the case because I haven't lived that long yet I agree with you I refuse to like close a door right you know like if I marry a woman, cool. If I marry a dude, cool. If I marry someone who's gender nonspecific, that's cool, too. If I marry myself or a ghost, okay.

Maybe we worry about me, you know? Oh, I'm not worried. Have you had sex with a ghost? No, Vicky! No! It's a thing. Have you had sex with a ghost? Well, there was this one time

that I really thought it was happening. I really, I was alone in a room and I thought somebody was knocking at the back door. And I was like, I said, um, and I reached around because I reached around real quick to swipe the hand away.

Uh-oh, nobody's there. And I refused to like roll over to see. Oh, okay. So you're on your side. I thought you were, like, on your hands and knees, just in bed, ready to go to sleep. That's, like, how you sleep. I was like, you fucking wild.

I did sleep like that when I was a kid. Really? Yeah, with the pillow like this and your ass in the air. Me too. That's so funny. See, that's how you know. But not, like, up like this and your ass in the air. Me too! That's so funny. See? That's how you know. But not like up, but like down. Yes. But like with my ass in the air being like, I'm ready. Yes.

At all times. Like kind of downward dog, but not. Yeah, kind of. Huh, Vicky, are we the same person? You never know. How long have you, you live in LA, right? I do. How long have you lived here? A bunch of minutes. I've been here since, I've been here since 2008. That's the best answer I've ever heard.

How long have you lived in LA? A bunch of minutes. I didn't know, but it's a length of time. 2008, okay. That would be 10, 11. 11 years. 10, 11 years. 10, 11 years?

Yeah. Where did you live before LA? A bunch of different places. I lived in Nebraska for a minute, in a cornfield behind a gas station and a Dr. John's sex shop. Okay. I lived in New York for a minute.

Okay. I lived in Corona and Riverside, like Southern California for a minute. Really? You from where, girl? Lake Elsinore. Lake Elsinore. The girl that is not close to nobody's Corona.

Lake Elsinore is 30 fucking minutes. The border, you don't live on the border, I'm not that. Borders are a construct. You shut up. But you're doing great. Did you go to the burger basket over in Corona? That's my place, bitch.

The burger basket. Yes, girl. But I don't eat the meats now, but I did back then. You don't? Are you a vegetarian? Yes, ma'am. When did you turn into... Someone help me turn this off because people keep...

Shit to me. Come up here, girl. And I truly don't understand how to do... I'm like a grandma. I don't know. Okay, cellular. No. When did I stop eating the meats?

Stop it! Michael, stop it! Look at that. See, this is why we are a good community. You see this? So podcasting is a listening medium. A nice lady in sequins is helping me out. Okay, so we just swiped up, and then what happens?

Just kind of like violently mash. Whoa! Who knew that happened? Did you just say violently? Yeah just say violently violently mashed my phone oh there we go airdrop everyone okay no stop it whose dog is that whose dog is oh it's the lovers over there actually you know what know what? Since I know how to do it, I'm going to leave it on. I want to see what pictures I get today. This will be fun. I can't wait.

And when I go to airdrop you, it says Nicole Byers, motherfucker. It says, just for anybody who wants to airdrop it, it says Nicole Byers, motherfucker. Nicole Byers, motherfucking iPhone. Yeah, that's what I named my iPhone. Because that's what it is. It's true. It's my motherfucking iPhone, yeah. That's what I named my iPhone. Because that's what it is. It's true. It's my motherfucking iPhone. She just got shocked because she was delivered a cocktail.

Oh, mono! That's my friend! You have great taste. That terrified me. Okay, another picture. This is wild. This has gone off the rails. I love it. Did you find it easier to date in other places other than LA? That's a complicated question because different subsets of people were easier to reach in different areas, if that makes sense. It does. It does make sense.

Like, in the LA, it would be, like, the Armenians from Burbank. And MMA fighters. And the what? MMA fighters. But, like, in New York, they're going to look like a lumberjack and have no business being in New York. You know what I'm saying? Yes. When I lived in Nebraska, I took what I could get.

Okay. Fair. I feel like when you leave bigger cities, the well gets smaller. Is that a thing to say? No, that's not a phrase. The well gets smaller. The well dries up. The pool gets smaller. You know, it to say? No, that's not a phrase. The well gets smaller. The well dries up. The pool gets smaller.

You know, it doesn't matter. The dicks were big. Okay. I mean, as long as the dicks are big, that's nice. You know where there's big dicks? You go to Canada. Canada has big dicks? I feel like the higher you go up in, is it latitude or longitude?

But the dicks get bigger. Latitude. Latitude is that. Lat. Fat. It's long. It's long. It's this way. Latitude is that. Lat. Fat. As long as this way. As long as this way. I.

Well, since the people that are listening not here have no idea what we're talking about. I'm right? Hell. Huh? Latitudes are flat. Latitudes are flat. They're horizontal like fat. Is the earth flat?

Because that's the real question. Give a fuck about your latitude. Am I going to walk off the earth flat? Because that's the real question. Give a fuck about your latitude. Am I going to walk off the earth? I would love to see someone walk off the earth. Like, I wish it were flat, you know? This needs to be a show. I'm telling you, please, let's send flat earthers to find it. Find it.

Like Amazing Race. Whoever gets there first wins. I think that's such a smart idea. I'm telling you, I think it needs to happen. Because then we could just get rid of a lot of people, you know? We wouldn't get rid of them. We would just see them later. Bye, girl!

Bye! I guess, yeah, we would. We would just see them when they came back around. They don't know that, though. No, they don't. God, people are fucking stupid. It's just truly incredible. I had a question in my brain,

and I cannot remember it. So we were talking about Nebraska. Nebraska. Oh, Canada. So, dicks, thank you. Thank you, everyone, so much for listening. The people listening at home probably didn't hear that. The crowd is helping me out.

Also, it's well attended. Thank you guys so much for being here. You're doing great. Truly. Truly, this is a dream and a true treat. Thank you. Nicole, your energy is so good, but you got me sweating behind the knees over here.

I'm sorry. I'm just so excited to be here. I'm so excited you're here. When they announced that you were going to be my guest, I was so pleased. I said, thank you, RuPaul's Drag Con. You did good. I had never gone to Drag Con before. This is the only reason I came.

Thank you. I really appreciate that. I've only fucked once in Canada. That's what I was trying to remember. And I think I may have told this story on the podcast, but maybe you guys haven't heard it, but I fucked this dude who was married, but he had an agreement that he was allowed to fuck,

you know, other people when he was outside of his territory. I don't know what they call it up there. State? Right. I don't know. Providence? Oh, there we go. Providence. When he was outside of his territory. I don't know what they call it up there. State? I don't know. Providence? Oh, there we go. Providence. When he was outside of the Providence. So we were fucking. That sounds rich.

It does sound rich. And he was white, so he probably was rich. So we were like hooking up and he didn't have a condom. I was like, you gotta go get a condom. I can't have a Canadian baby. And so he goes down to the convenience store. He comes back with a bunch of condoms and like a Snickers bar and we're hooking up.

Life is good. Tee hee hee. We're having a great time. And then I remember him biting into that Snickers bar and then going down on me. And then we like- Oh ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. Oh, I'm not done.

I'm not done. Oh ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. I'm not done. So then we like continue having sex. It not done. I'm not done. Oh, man, man, man, man, man, man. I'm not done. So then we like continue having sex. It's great. We break the bed. And like fully. That's how you know.

It was like. And then the next day I was peeing and I like wiped and I was like, what are these crumbles inside of me? This. I'm uncomfortable. Imagine how I felt! I was like, they're hard, I'm dying. Like, I didn't know if I was peeing rocks. Like, I didn't know what was going on.

You had all kinds of nuts in you, girl. I did, and then, yes, all kinds of nuts. I had nuts in my mouth, nuts in my pussy. And then I, like, flashback. I was like, he it into a snickers bar this canadian left nuts in my pussy imagine i had an allergy oh my god i would fucking be dead if you were allergic to nuts yes and you had them in your pooter the doctors would never find it they would be like she must have eaten it.

We don't know. I'm like, just scoop it. And that's the last Canadian I had sex with. But was he polite? Oh, he was very polite. This was like maybe 10 years ago. And he was one of the first gentlemen to ask me what I liked. And to say, do you like this?

Is this good? And I was like, oh, that is sexy. But also. Wait, while you were doing things? Yeah. Like he'd be like, do you like this? Which I like. Because if I don't like it, I was at a point where I didn't know how to speak up to be like, hey,'re fucking not even near my clit and it's big like i don't know how you're missing it it's huge

like it's not covered it's huge it's oh so you don't have a hood i have no i'm a convertible it's like... Yeah! Yeah, it's truly like there's no question as to what it is. And sometimes dudes will just be like looking to the side and I'm like, what do you think that is? I mean, the first time I was around a puss puss, I was very confused. Oh, yeah?

Like, I thought it was just, like, where you hold stuff. Like, if I had a puss puss, I would put my keys in there. It's space. It expands. Yeah, but then your keys are gonna be like moist and then your pussy will smell like the metal when you're not on your period i didn't think about that have you thought about what you would do if you had a penesse oh yeah would you like stick it in stuff i think i would stick it in stuff for the first hour and then probably just like hold it and just be like this is mine's now what am i one of my favorite things to do is when you fall asleep just hold it grip it up yeah not not mine the one next to me you just hold it for a little bit that way you know if they're waking up

oh i like that. See, hello. Hello. Good morning. See? When I was little, again, another story I may have told, but I'm going to tell it again. I used to put things in my underwear because I was like, that's like a purse. See? And I've been fat my whole life, so I would put chocolate kisses in my underwear because I like melted chocolate. Kisses are better when they melt, yes. Yes, and I was like,

the fastest way to melt them is to put them in my pussy. And then you know how they unwrap? Bitch, you got a personal microwave? Yes. Yes. And I discovered it when I was sleeping. I had my hands between my legs. I was like, ooh, toasty.

Right. So then you know how Hershey Kisses like unwrap a little bit so unwrapping my underwear my mother was like what is happening to you are you shitting from the front

yeah just like little chocolate dots on the front of my little child underwear I scared my mother so many times same I was a fun kid fuck little child underwear. I scared my mother so many times. Same.

I was a fun kid. Fuck. This is wild, y'all. When did you lose your virginity? Is that a rude question? Well, okay, again, qualify which hole. Like, how far is losing your virginity? Like, the, again, qualify which hole. Like, how far is losing your virginity?

Like, the first time I sucked a dick was off of AOL Instant Messenger. Yes! My ASL ASEC location. Uh-huh. Well, I was like 16th. Uh-huh.

And I went and met some old man in a van. I'm not kidding. And it was at a train station. A van at the train station? He was like, get all the transportation here. Yeah. And to this day, it is still the biggest dick I've ever seen in my life.

Really? Yeah, like, it couldn't put the whole mouth around the head. Whoa! It just stopped right by my teeth. I've never experienced that, and I'm dying to see a dick that I'm like, a challenge. Like, dying. Y'all can airdrop it.

You know that, right? Oh! Yes! Okay, usually I don't love a dick pic when it's unsolicited, but today, I'm asking for it. So it's still solicited! So now it's solicited! If you think you have a big old honker, send it on over!

Thing is, there was a McDonald's commercial, and it was all... And it was a woman saying, send me a dick pic. It was, the slogan was, hey, it could happen. And I live my life that way. I love it. It could happen. I mean, that's a good way to live. I think you're a very positive person.

I try. It's hard. It takes takes effort uh-huh i try to be positive as well but i'm also very negative so oh trust i see it all girl it's a very hard thing to to balance and uh i feel like in relationships it's like you gotta be positive to try to make it work in the beginning and you have to kind of like bend and stuff and that's hard it is hard to like compromise yeah i don't do that i don't do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna compromise who the fuck i am well no not that this is why no i'm not saying you have to compromise who you are i think you have to compromise where it's like he's like let's eat. And you're like, but I want to eat at

8. Yeah, so we eating at 8. That's not hard. All right. I don't give a fuck what you want, to be honest. Actually, I will care about what you need when I need something else. Okay, so when Air

dropped me, not a real dick. Oh. Okay, someone airdropped me. Not a real dick. Oh, well, this is a SpongeBob one. Them cheeks gonna clap. So I got a lady next to a big dildo. It's the world's largest retail dildo at three feet. And then someone airdropped Michael Cera and fucking DJ Pauly D. Interesting. Let's go back to that three-footer.

I did not accept it. I hit decline too quickly, and then someone just airdropped a picture of Guy Fieri. Why did you send her her father? Yeah, stop sending me pictures of my dad. I fucking love Guy Fieri. Whose giggle was that? That was Betsy Sedaro. I fucking love Guy Fieri. Who's giggle was that? That was Betsy Sedaro.

I fucking love you, Bets. Okay. We have to talk more about relationships, except... Sorry. Okay. Jesus Christ. Too many... I shouldn't have said this.

Okay. Okay. Okay. So, I really want to say... I want to get you on a date. Uh-oh. Okay. I mean, I'm open to it I want to get you on a date Uh oh Okay I mean I'm open to it Three people clapped nobody's on board with this idea

Do you see what I'm saying Do you see what I'm saying But I don't know Are you saying like you don't need that Or are you saying girl you don't need that Do you know what I mean I don't think you need to date anybody, but I think it would be a fun life experience

for you to go on a date, eat dinner with a dude, and then suck his dick. I don't know. Because maybe he'll buy you dinner, and then you go, well, that was a nice treat. I do like dinner.

Right? I love when people pay for my food. It makes me feel like a queen. Okay, but I have had people pay for my food. It makes me feel like a queen. Okay, but I have had people pay for my food, but it's because they wanted to watch me eat while they worked out. What a fun fetish. I mean, it wasn't mine.

No, no. But like, what an interesting thing to be like, I can't eat this. So I want to watch you eat it. But I want to watch you eat it while I work out and that gets me off. Like literally using those machines, like the, I don't eat this. But I want to watch you eat it while I work out and that gets me off. Like literally using those machines. I don't know what any of them are called.

Well, I think you're talking about a cable. Or like on the treadmill and I'm sitting in front of him with like a box of pizza. Like it was very that. No, I'm not kidding. He was an MMA fighter. Oh my God god where are you finding these people

on the apps I have never had anyone ask me to eat in front of them and I would gladly do it oh there's a whole

community well they're called feeders and then a feeder and a feedie I know that whole thing but nobody's ever invited me to join in. Oh, girl.

And I would. I would eat a hamburger and suck your dick. Like, that sounds like a good time to me. Wait, have you had sex with food? I know we talked about, like, phallic vegetables, but... I mean, have you used a cucumber? No, I have never used a cucumber. I have.

I froze it first. Wait, did you put a condom on it? Yes. Okay, thank God. I was like, that's going to stick to someone, and that will be sad for a hot second. There was no other person. Bitch, I had the day off. Ah!

I had the day off. What do you do on your day off? I'm just saying. Well, now I'm going to freeze some cucumbers and fucking pound myself. Well, I usually don't take a full day to fuck myself. It usually happens before bed. You know, a nice 20, 30. Yeah, but my thing is, once I'm thinking about it,

it takes a while to not think about it. Fair. Also, I get sidetracked. What do you mean? Like, if I'm by myself, I might be doing myself. And then, oh, shit, I really did want to watch that thing on Netflix. And then... Because, you know...

Wait, really? Yeah, especially watching the porn. I'd be like, that reminds me of... That. And then watch that instead. Oh. I get very sidetracked. Or I want a snack.

Do you eat the cucumber after you fuck yourself with it? No, ma'am. Do you throw it away? I did try to hollow out the cucumber and use it that way. Oh, okay. That makes sense to me.

So I wanted to reuse it. That makes sense. I like it. Haste makes waste. Yes, haste makes waste. Yes, I mean, I had a friend fucking apples, so, like, that's not weird to me. I'm sorry.

I don't know how he did it. I wasn't asking. I was trying to picture it. Yeah, I don't know how he did it, but we were very drunk, and he was like, I fucked an apple, and I said, okay. You can listen to it.

It was recorded on a podcast. I'm going to go back. I'm going to find that. It's not on mine. It's on John Gabrus' High and Mighty. It's last year's Power Hour. Yes. Where Nick Weiger talks about fucking an apple.

It's a real treat. And honestly. I do like finding out new things. Right? And maybe he microwaved it. I don't remember. You know where I want to go on a date? An escape room.

I want to see from the jump how the fuck you handled some shit. I want to know. I want to know. I want to know. You going to figure this out or do I have to do all the work? I feel like that would be hell. I also kind of, I really like Shaden Freud. I really want to see people. You like what?

Shaden Freud did. Who did? It's the word for like when people get their comeuppance and it's really embarrassing for them. Okay. Like somebody's being a real bitch and it's really embarrassing for them. Okay. Like somebody's being a real bitch and then they trip like ha ha.

That kind of situation. So you want to see someone be very confident and fail. Yes, be confident because I got the answer over in my pocket. I don't think I could do

an escape room because I tend to date men for the most part and I don't like spending time with a lot of men. Oh God. And an escape room seems like

entrapment with a man who's gonna explain things to me that I don't get. Oh that's true. That's true. I don't have they don't do that with me cause I'll fight. I actually believe so I was sucking this one dick one time. Okay.

And it was one of those people who, like, get real turned on by dirty talk. Okay. And then it turned into... Excuse me. You want me to get my friends over here? You gonna suck they dicks too? Uh-huh.

Then calling me all kinds of, excuse my language, filthy faggots and shit. Uh-huh, okay. And I was like, you know, I have to go. Good. And I said, I have to go. Good. I I said, I have to go. I'll leave.

I don't care. I think that's a very good lesson for a lot of people to hear that sex, you can say yes and as soon as you're uncomfortable, you can leave. Absolutely. Bye.

You know? Bye. And then don't get mad at me because I'm leaving. You fucked up. Yeah, you fucked up. Like, don't do that. Especially if someone goes,

hey, I don't like that. And then you keep doing it, then yeah, bye-bye. But also, I didn't really feel comfortable to say, like, hey, can you not, like, call me a faggot with your dick in my mouth? Yes. Even though that's what's going on. Can you not?

So I just said, you know what? I gotta go. I think that's good. That's a wrap on Fox. I think that's good. I have left, I've left a couple situations. There's a couple that I wish I had left. Like once I fucked a dude

and my wig fell off and I was like, that's when you leave. That's when you pick it up, you shake it out and you say, well, I gotta go. But did,

okay, wait. Did he know, I'm sorry, I assumed he. Did they know? It was a dude. Okay, did him know that? Him, him did not know it was they know? It was a dude. Okay, did him know that... Him did not know it was a wig.

Him was very confused. Okay. Him was trying to... He was like, are you... I was like, I'm not sick. No, it's a wig. I'm black. Not are you sick.

It's a thing. Dang. I don't know. A lot of people wear wigs. He was very... He truly never came back from it. Because in my personal experience, once the dick hard,

it don't matter. They just finish. Because the wig can come off. I might have one tit still on. Well, I feel like. You know what they like to do? What they like to do? Excuse you, what?

Because I cut you off. That's why I said excuse me. I thought you were about to say something terrible. It's been done. They want to make a mess of the makeup. Oh, yes. They can't. No.

You cannot come on my face. I really don't need weave bond in my eyes. No. No. I just don't understand why anybody wants to come in somebody's face. It seems rude. I mean, in my mouth, maybe. In my mouth, that's fine.

And if you happen to miss a little bit. That's fine. A little dribble. That's fine. But, like, are you aiming for my third eye? Yeah, like, or, like, my actual eye. Like, are you trying to blind me? Are you an optometrist?

Like, do they know it burns? Like, what is it? I don't know. It's very confusing. You do go blind for a second. Yes, and it stings. Yes, that's what I'm saying. It burns a lot.

The last time it happened, I full volume screamed. I said, why? And he was Irish. He was like, heart to tar. Whatever. God. People were like, oh. I don't know. and he was Irish he was like hard to tar whatever God people were like oh I don't know

I can't do an Irish accent it sounds Jamaican when I try and that was the closest that I got let's see I don't it's so hard to see

what time it is because people keep airdropping stuff to me let's do some questions I like questions from the audience. There is a microphone back there. So if you want to just line up

and we can take your questions. And remember, speak into the microphone because a podcast is a ear thing. Uh-huh. Okay. Who are you? What's your name?

Hi. My name is Zoe. I know you have two podcasts. I love all your stuff. I also think you're the best guest on How Did This Get Made. Thank you. I want to know, you do have two podcasts and you're on other ones, but what will happen to this podcast if you're not single anymore? Nothing. I'll keep doing it I like talking about relationships and love and how they apply to other people

um I mean I will ask you in a minute if you would date me but um the answer it doesn't really change if I have a partner it's like would you date me if i had a partner i'm sorry it's like the question is just like would you date me in the in the world you know in the world of a world i don't know uh but also like if you're in a relationship i don't know because i'm not in them but wouldn't you want to keep dating that person what do you mean like if you were in a relationship it could still be like why won't you date me like if he's not taking you out, he or she is not taking you out, why won't you keep dating me? Just because we're in a relationship doesn't mean you get to stop. Yeah, and that's like an interesting thing that I can talk about that I never thought of.

I should write that down. You're welcome. Vicky Box, my podcast producer. Thank you. Is that your only question or do you have another one? No, that's it. Thank you. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. Wait or do you have another one? No, that's it. Thank you. Okay, thank you.

Bye-bye. Wait, what was your name? Chloe. Zoe. Zoe. Zoe. Thank you, Zoe. I was close.

Ten minutes. Okay. Okay. My name's Maximum Volume. And I love that you're whispering. Right. That's exactly why I was laughing. All right. whispering all right maximum volume what's up can you hear me now yes i could hear you before anyways um my my biggest question is i really would love to get on um nailed it i'm such a

baker myself when season four how do I get in contact with you? I really just... I don't do casting. I show up to set and read a prompter. I don't even read the scripts the night before. You can email naileditcasting at magicalelves.com. And that's the production company.

Okay. That's all I know. And that's the production company. Okay. That's all I know. I don't know the process or anything. My sister loves you so much, so shout out to my sister, Laura. Shout out to Laura. What a treat! Thank you, maximum volume.

Hi, hi, hi. Hi, my name is Elizabeth Winters. I am the other half of the drag couple. My main question is, our favorite number to do on stage is our fisting number. Have you all ever been fisted and tell me your story? Have I ever been fisted? Yeah.

And tell me your story. Yeah. Well, I enjoy being fisted and I cum. I don't have a good fisting story. I don't remember if I've been fisted and I cum. I don't have a good fisting story. Well, I mean, I don't do... I don't remember if I've been fisted. I don't do... How don't you remember?

It's very possible. I drink a lot. I drink a lot too. I don't do a full fist. I do like a duck bill. Okay. So, you know. Good.

I don't have the time to... Have you ever seen that point where that man put his head in a puss? Do you know what I'm talking about? It was back in the LimeWire days. Wait a minute. And then hopefully they stood up and put a trench coat on. Imagine thinking it's two little kids

stacked on top of it. open their coat you're like no we enjoyed that more than the audience which is fine i will love that imagery for the rest of my life uh is that is that your only question thank you okay you. Toodaloo. Hello. Hi. My name is Kristen, and I've never fucked a man with a big dick. You're so cute. I'm spending this whole year trying to do that.

I'm calling it 2019. Yes! I love it! Thank you. My God. So I guess I just have a question for either of you ladies if you have any advice on how to take a big dick um i think yeah breathing is key practice yeah you gotta warm that yeah but also lube is very important some people don't understand that lube is very very very

important and also you being lubricated is important. You have to be, like, horned up and ready for it. So you got to get wet, and then you got to get more wet, and then you go, one, two, three, woo! Wait, I have a question. You should use a water-based lube. Yes. Don't use the silicone because it's going to get,

it's not going to, when the juice is mixed, no. It's bad. When the water-based, everything's going to slip. It's good. You spit on it a little bit. You'll be a little slip and slide. Silicone is good for personal masturbation,

I find. I don't, I use CBD lube. That's so smart. And I really like it because I'll come and then be like, oh boy,

what a nice sleep. Also, poppers. Poppers are fun. But when you go to a sex story, you have to be like, I don't know, this fucking battery acid. I don't know. You can't call it poppers. VCR cleaner.

Yeah. Yeah. VCR cleaner. It's silly. Okay. Is that your only question? And if anyone knows anyone who likes big black women and has a big dick. Well played.

I hope a love connection happens. Okay, hi, hello. Who are you? How are you? My question is for Nicole. You tweeted, I think about an hour ago now, that you were in a hotel room and you were eating ice cream and the ice cream fell in the trash can,

but you didn't answer if you ate it or not. So, as a bigger gentle lady, I would like to know for future reference. A woman has to have some secrets. So she ate that shit. I'm always hungry

what's your question you can move the mic everyone's like afraid to touch it I'm Remy so recently I saw you on The Good Place I really love that you're so good but who would you date like who

world would you rock like what, whose world would you rock? Like, what character? Like, specifically from The Good Place? Yeah. Ted Danson. Yeah. I can see that for you. Yes. I love Ted Danson.

I think he might be the reason why, like, I was, like, I like white dudes. Because I, okay, the movie Made in America, with him and Whoopi Goldberg when they're like going at it I was like I want that for me I want it for you too but I also I love all types I don't just like white men I love them all I love everybody black white Puerto Rican Chinese boys that's not like a song. Yeah, what am I singing? Like, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang. That's racist. Oh, okay, thank you. Work it. Work it.

Missy Elliott. Thank you for your question. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hello. Hi. My name is Jess slash any anxiety as I am right now. And my question is, if you do get to the point of marrying someone, how would you propose to someone or how would you propose to someone,

or how would you like to be proposed to? Oh. Vicky, how would you like to be proposed to? I don't give a fuck about how it happens. I know how I want to get married. I'm not going to limit how it comes to me. Okay. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah. But I would like them to give me notice. Like, can we have the conversation leading up to that? You don't want to be surprised. I do not like a surprise because I'll be like, fuck you, bye. You didn't tell me about this shit. I need to know your whole life all the time. Don't hide nothing from me.

I don't mind a surprise. I know I would like it to be in public so I can make a scene. Like, what I really want to do is just be like, what? Me? You want to marry me? Like, in a very nice, quiet restaurant. And, like, roll around on the floor and be like,

not me! But, see, this is what I'm saying. Like, if you really love it or they really love you, then they should know that about you and give you the warning and say, where do you want to do this? You see what I'm saying? But I like the surprise. Like, if it's really fancy or like a red lobster, who cares?

You know? I'm being redundant. Red lobster is fancy. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, we have five minutes left, so I'm going to do two more questions. I'm sorry if you stood and waited uh okay no really fast no i'll get through them all okay what do you say it say

it okay oh hi nicole i love you so much thank you i appreciate it i love you so much where i'd eat your pussy even though i'm allergic oh yeah i love you you're allergic to pussy pen just to survive you know what i'm talking about oh boy, but so my question is for both of you. Like, what's your ideal man like? You. Okay. We gotta go. Next.

Okay, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi. We gotta go. We gotta get everybody. Hi, my name is Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. Two quick things. One, you should do

a podcast together. Nikki and Vicky discuss dickies. Yes! Mike is our podcast producer! And two, me and my fiancee are big fans of Nailed It and Nailed It Mexico. Have you nailed the Mexican host? I've never met him. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. But we got to go. We got to go. We got to get everybody. Hello. Hi, my name's Ari. Hi. What's like the kinkiest thing anyone's ever asked you to do to them or to you?

To let them shit on me. I don't have anything like that thank you so much okay what's your question hi I'm Jose Ricardo my question is what makes a great date I wouldn't know

well the next great date I want to go on is back to the Burbank airport because I didn't know this there are two Guy Fieri restaurants at the Burbank airport. I went to the burger joint, but there's like a full legit restaurant. So I want to start there, fly to Vegas, eat again at Guy Fieri's American Kitchen in Vegas,

and then have very sad, slow sex where we try not to shit on each other. And then drink a little bit and then get in the pool the next day being like we made mistakes and then fly back home and eat again at the Harry's restaurant golf that's a perfect date for me thank you okay last question

hello Nicole you're amazing Vicky this question is actually going to be for Vicky but Nicole just so you know you've corrupted my 10-year-old daughter. Yes, good for her. Oh, no. She loves you. She's like, Mommy, we watched and nailed it again, again, again.

I truly feel like Bob Saget. She loves you. She loves you. Kids like me, and then they see me, and they're like, oh, boy. She has me for a mother, so she's already corrupted. But, Vicky Vox. Yes. I would like to take you out for dinner.

No, nothing like afterwards, but you're so fucking funny. I do like to eat. Yeah. I would love to, my daughter and I would love to take you out on a date. And, um... Oh, my God, that's so fucking cute. After this hour, this is so cute. That is the most wholesome thing anyone has ever said to me.

Oh, and we're from Canada, bitch. That's what it is! Canada, bitch! I love it! Thank you! Okay, before we wrap up, Vicky, would you date me? Yes, we're going to the Burbank airport.

Yes! Thank you so much for coming out today. I really appreciate it so much. Give it up again for fucking Vicky Vox. What a fucking bitch that I love. Thank you, guys. Have a good day. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. this has been a team coco production