Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Having "The Body" (w/ Fantasia Royale Gaga)

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

Showgirl and drag queen Fantasia Royale Gaga (DIY Dungeon) joins Nicole to discuss her journey to becoming "The Body". Fantasia shares the realities of her dating life, explaining the difference between a man who is genuinely attracted to trans women versus a chaser just looking to fulfill a fetish. She reveals why she uses Grindr like a social media app, and shares experience building a BDSM dungeon.Plus, Fantasia opens up about the extreme measures strangers take to sneak photos of her in public, the intrusive questions people ask about her body, and surviving religious trauma from a church that literally laid her on the altar to pray the gay away.Take our listener survey and shape the future of the podcast!Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» Equip: Learn more about Equip’s virtual eating disorder treatment at equip.health/dateme» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/defend.» NOCD: If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: learn.nocd.com/DATEME» Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/3v6r90n6 #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures» Wayfair: Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Who question people about their body? Yes. And the first question is, does your back hurt? It's never, hey, how you doing?

I swear to you, people come up to me, it's not even a, hey, how you doing? They'll look. Does your back hurt? So if I tell you, yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah, you're going to give me some money for a chiropractor? You're going to, why do you need to know? My back doesn't hurt. And if it did, I can go downsize.

I pay for this. Yes. I literally paid for this. You wanted to look like that. So any moment that it started giving me problems, hey, doctor, less downsides. It's either, does your back hurt or are they real? Those are the two questions that everyone wants to know. They don't want to know my name.

They don't want to know how I'm doing. They don't want to know shit. They don't want to know shit. Those are the only two questions that they ask me. You guys, I find it. I get older, it's getting harder and harder to actually wrangle my friends. Everyone is busy, half of them are in relationships. The group chat is a mess. And our schedules never line up. So when we finally get a weekend on the calendar to go to Palm Springs, I am not wasting it. When time is

precious with my friends, a hotel room just doesn't cut it. I want us to really live together for the weekend, not be sequestered in little hotel rooms. That's why I always look to book a home on Airbnb. I love to have a full kitchen to make our cocktails and our weird girl dinners. I need a private pool and a hot tub all to ourselves and a gorgeous property with a view where we could take really cute pictures. Why book a room when you can have a whole property? And what's great about Airbnb is they have a list of guest favorites. It's a badge on the app that shows the highest rated and most loved homes. It takes the guessing game out of it. If it has a badge, I know it's going to be cute. I know it's reliable and I know we're going to have a good time. So the next time you travel, book a home

on Airbnb to maximize your experience. Another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcaster, me, Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come in my mouth and tell me it's a tooth implant. My guest today is a showgirl, drag performer and entertainer known as The Body from Dragula Season and winner of Hot House Season 1. She's hosting the new show, DIY Dungeon Now, Out on Out TV. I'm so excited. I have followed her on Instagram for a very long time.

It's Bantasia Royal. Gagga! Hello, my love. I am so excited you're here. Thank you for having me. Thank you for doing it. I love your titties. I love them so much.

They love you too, my love. As a small-titty-girl, I love a big, luscious boobs. Okay, tell me about your journey and how you decided to get them so big and voluptuous. Okay, so growing up, I have aunts that have really big boobs, but of course they're not as plastic-looking as these. You know, they're long to the ground. But honestly, when I first started getting into doing drag and seeing like the other trans women, women and stuff. I remember there was this one trans woman named Sasha Vallatino. And during that time, to me, those were big. Like, looking back now, they were like, oh, they wasn't really that big. But I would always say, oh, I want my breasts that big. But of course, during that time, you don't know how to hell you're going to get them that big. So I started taking hormone therapy and I had my hormone breasts. And then once I moved to Miami, that's when the madness started. The Madness?

I moved to Miami. I started working on South Beach, honey, and I started being able to afford my surgeries and do what I wanted to do. And that's when it started. I got the first set. And because I had started getting silicone injections in my breast, so I had like a pretty nice size D with that. So when I got my first set of implants, the doctor had to put a big implant in it in order to fill it out. 840 CCs. I don't know what that means.

So that's pretty big. What is the like the going rate of CCs? What's like a standard CC? It depends on your body. It depends on your body. Like some girls, some women have 400. Some women have 600. It depends on your body.

But because I had so much flesh, he had to put a bigger implant. And that started the madness. And I mean, from there I'm like, okay, I love these. I want to go a little bigger. And then I say, I want to go a little bigger. And then I start following like all the girls and women that have big implants. And then I just became so intrigued. And I've always wanted to look, you know, pretty exotic.

So that's kind of like how I got here. And then these are 3,400 CCs in each. 3,400? 3,400. Oh, Lord. Who Lord. Do you have like a corset inside of you? Inside.

So I have an internal bra. So I go to Dr. Revis and, um, Port Lauderdale. And he specialized. He's the only dog there in the United States. I think that does that. But yeah, he put it in turn abroad because they're so big. They need some support.

So, yeah. So this is my second set by him. The first set he did was $2,400. And then I went up $1,000 to $3,400. I love it so much. I used to want bigger. But I did. You did.

But when I went on botch, I was like, oh, I just noticed your shirt. So I love my graphic shirts, but this one I love the most because I'm like, stop asking me stupid-ass questions. Like, I get that all the time. Like, are they real? I'm like, no. No. I was born a man, honey. Black chest.

Hell, no, they're not real. Like, come on, get with the program. So I get to ask that question a lot. So I love to get my little graphic shirts to kind of reflect on stuff that people. People ask me. How many surgeries have you had? I'm so intrigued by this. Because if I, I don't know, if life was different, I would do it.

I would get big old honking tities. I get a big old ass. I would do it. Let's see. Ooh. I've had a lot of surgeries. I've had, okay, let me just kind of go down the list. And then we can kind of put it together.

I've had six rhinoplasties. Okay. I've had liposuction done three times. Where? And in my stomach and in my back. I've had an orchioctomy done, which is like castration where they chop you. Okay. I was off.

I've had two facial feminizations. I've had my body done a lot of times because I got silicone. Because during the time of me getting my body done, my lower half, BBL's wasn't as popular then. Yes, it was more about silicone injections. So all of my body is that. So I went a lot of times to get it to where it is now. Now do you, like if you do corrective things, do you remove the silicone or are we just adding on top of it?

So I haven't done any corrective things to my lower half yet. Okay. But I do want to like get a touch up, but not with silicon. Okay. Say no to silicone. Say no to silicone. There's so many avenues now to go. Like, I always, because a lot of girls, they always ask me like, hey, I want to get my body done. Can you hook me up with the pump doctor?

And I'm like, first of all, I don't even know who does it now. It's been a minute since I've went. The person that did me, she doesn't do it anymore. And just go get a BBL. Just go get a BBL. But I do want some touch-ups. And I think that what I'm going to do like a BBL on top of it. But it's a doctor that specialize with silicone and, you know, BBLs, the right way.

See, that's good advice to be like, go to someone who specializes in this, who knows what they're doing. That's what I always tell people. Yeah, I always tell people like, go to a person that's a person that specializing that because so many people try to go to cheap route or try to do it black market. And then they say, you know, you're fucked up. And then now you've got to pay so much money to get it all fixed up. So just go to the right person. honey. I agree. Yeah. So we're going to do a BBL on top of the BBL. I love this. Yeah. Down and out a touch up. So I've been gaining weight. I hate it. I hate it. Oh, because you have to

gain weight so they can harvest the fat. Because if you take away the boobs and my body, I'm still a little skinny person, you know, so I have to like gain weight in order to do it. And I hate it. I would have so much fun. I love eating. Oh my God. I would just be eating like milkshakes and French fries. Oh, my gosh. My problem is late night. And because of my work schedule, I get out like two, three in the morning. I go eat a whole full Korean barbecue meal at 4 o'clock in the

morning. In Vegas, it's 24 hours. See, that's lovely. That's lovely for me, Lord. And then you go to sleep nice and full, and then you go, ooh, I got heartburned. Oh, my God. You wake up and you're just like, what the hell did I do? What did I do? But guess what you do the next night? You do it

again. But this time it's the taco shop. Oh, what a treat. I love that. Oh, just around the world, just eating at 4 a.m. Yes. Are you on the apps at all? And are you, like, looking to be in a relationship? Are you just, like, happy being single? So I'm single as hell, single as fuck,

single as a dollar me, single and meagli. Okay, so here's a situation with me. Okay. I'm not on the apps. The only app that I do download here and there is Grindr. Okay. And it's so funny because I use Grindr, like I use Instagram and Facebook and stuff. I like to get on there.

And, you know, just look at all the pictures and all the stupidity and that the guys send me. Like, they're so thirsty on there. Every now and then I might talk to someone and we have a great conversation and we might hook up. But other than that, I like the old school part of dating. I like being out. Okay. I like the spontaneous things. I like being out and then we talk and we meet and, you know, we go out on dates and stuff like that.

I like that better than like being on the apps and you got to talk to the same, you got to have the same conversation with every person. That gets so time consuming. And just I'm like, I don't have time for that. So I really don't have the dating apps. It's been since 2013 because. During those years, I've changed a lot personally, physically, mentally, financially. So even though I wanted to be in a relationship and I wanted love, it wasn't time for that. You know, I had to, I feel like I couldn't fully commit and give myself to someone until I was fully sure of where I wanted to go and where I wanted to be in life.

So I've dated Throughout the years I've had some amazing dates With some amazing guys But just nothing yet Just nothing stuck Yeah because I like for me Being like a very exotic

Looking person I have to get past the fact of Do you really want me Or you just with me as a fetish Or you just with me as Because of how I look Or like What I have below

Like what's really the reason Why are you really with me? Yeah, that must be very hard. It is. It is. So, like, I just, I'm happy with being single. Okay. Every now and then I get into my little sadness of, like, am I going to be single for the rest of my life?

Is somebody going to want me for my imperfections or like for like just to look past how I look? But I feel like when it comes, I don't know it. I don't know it. I think you will. I'll get that feeling. Yeah. You know, you'll have that. that feeling and they would show it.

They would have some compassion. They would have some understanding about like, like, and I don't want, the thing is I like trans attracted men rather they are queer or rather they are straight presenting. Okay. So you like men who love trans women. That's what they love to date. Yes. Okay.

I don't like, I don't like men who's, who I'm their first girl. Yes. Why? because you're going to always want more. You're going to always be looking for more. I'm going to be the one to introduce you and then after that you're going to want to explore.

Yes. So go explore. Once you pop, you can't stop. Right. Go explore. Go have some relationships. Go, you know, and I don't like a chaser. See, there's a big difference from being attracted to trans women and being a chaser. I can't stand a fucking chaser. A chaser

just you want to... And what is the difference to you? A chaser is somebody that just won't, just won't everything. I mean like everything. Like you see them in a club. They on me. They on this one. They on that one. They on that one.

Anybody got a wig on it. They just, like, they're just on everybody. I'm like, baby, get the fuck out of my face, please. Like, they already know don't even come up to me because the look that I give them, I wish you would. Like, those are chasers. They just, they just won't everybody. Like, they don't have no type of standards.

And you want somebody with standards. who like looks at you and is like, oh my God. Yeah. This is something I really like. Yes, I want standards. And if it's not that, I don't want to be bothered with it. So there's a big difference. I like trans attracted men, but I don't like traces.

Okay. Yeah. That is a little hard because you got to do a little bit of digging to figure out. You do. Are you actually here for the right reasons? Yeah. And the approach most times are where you know it. It's where you know it, like how they approach you.

Yeah. The conversation. Yeah. Like the first thing you want to know about is my Jan Tellers, like, soon as we started talking or, like, want to know, like, what I have, you know, that's right there that, like, you just, you fetishage. But also. Fetish. Fetish. Oh, my God.

Fetishizing. Look. Fetishizing. There we go. Fetishizing. That's tough. You know what I'm saying. Y'all know what I'm saying.

But also, just like, social. Don't ask somebody about that. That's just rude. Who does that? It's not your business until we're in the bedroom. Until we're in the bedroom. So that right there, I know that, like, you just looking at me as a fetish or, like, you're a chaser and you just in it for the sets and all the kind of stuff.

If I want it for the sets, trust me, I'll get it. You could go get it. I can get it. Since being on, like, Dragula and Hot House, has, like, your DM's been, like, full of people hitting on you? I would say, like, Hot House. not really Dragula. Because Hot House was a sets positivity,

sets positive show. You know, you have your little freaky guys that, you know, they see that and they're like, oh, and this and oh. Like, even with the new show that I'm on DIY dungeon, because I'm on there with a really popular porn star, I get so many DMs like, did y'all fuck?

Like, are y'all having, like, is it good? He's good. What the hell? That's my friend. I don't even see him like that. Like, I don't know. Go message him. It's also your co-worker.

Right. It's my coworker. It's my friend. I don't look at him like that. But yeah. But with Dragula, no, I get more inboxes like of people about drag questions of like young trans women, you know, that are trying to become entertainers or like I get those type of inboxes from like Dragola. But yeah, from Hot House and like DIY dungeon. For sure.

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DIY dungeon is a show where you are just like revamping people's dungeons? So Joey Mills bought a house. Mm-hmm. And the house has a basement.

Yes. And he turned his basement into a dungeon. So his dad is a real contractor. And he helped us build his dungeon. And then we had all kinds of sponsors and stuff that sponsored like the set swing and like this and that. So yeah, the whole show is about us turning his dungeon into his basement until a gym. into a dursion, and me being a dumb and him being a sub and him growing out of his twink face. And yeah, it's a really, really funny show.

I haven't watched it yet, but I'm so excited to. It's funny as hell. Yeah, it's funny. And it's a lot of the stuff that we do on that. That's why people are, like, hitting me up like, did y'all have sense for real? I'm like, baby. It's a television show. Girl, get out the clouds.

What is, like, the number one thing you need for a dungeon? Like, what do you think is something that is, like, a non-negotiable that this absolutely has to be in a dungeon? St. Andrew's Cross. Okay. St. Andrew's Cross, honey, for sure. Okay. You got to have that. I love it.

Takes up a little bit of space, but you got to have it. You got to have it. It does, but you got to have it. Are you a Dom in real life, or was that just for the show? I'm mostly a Dom. Ooh. I have my submissive ways, but I like to be a dom. And what kind of dom things are you into?

Are you into spanking? Are you into, yeah, what are you into? I'm just, I'm into control. Oh, okay. Yeah, I like to be in control. At that, how can I say this? Not into like, I'm not into like the physical part of like spanking and stuff. I'm just more of like the dom that like to.

to be a control that likes to be the boss. Ah, I'm a sub. The top. Just tell me what to do. Yeah, that's me. Verbly. I like being a verbal dom.

Ooh, I like that. I see that. And I like it. Absolutely. It comes out often. So you said what you didn't want in a relationship. You don't want a chaser. What are your green flags?

Like, what are you, you're looking for someone who, like, really wants you. What else are you looking for? I'm looking for like I love date night. I love people who love day. I love guys who love date night. What's your perfect date night? That's my love language. That's crazy because I, it's not really hard to impress me. Okay. I don't know people get this misconception of like they think, oh, we got to take her to somewhere fancy and all that. I've done that so much. I do that for myself. So like for me, it's not all about that. Like, I am down for just going to a picnic, going like to the mountains, land up.

Like, I just, I went on a date in Vegas last year and we went up to Mount Charleston. And that's what we did. We, you know, he surprised me. He put out a sheet. We had our little snacks and stuff. And we just sat there and we talked and talked and talked and like, you know, puff, puff and talked. And that was amazing. So it depends.

Like, I like it all. Like, I like that type of day night. I like the fancy stuff. I like someone who loves to travel. Okay. Because I love to travel. I like to explore the world. I think that that's one of the most important things that you can do in this lifetime is get

out and see what the world offers. I like someone that loves to travel. And I like someone that's just sure of who they are. Like, because I know who I am and I'm sure. of that, but I like a guy that knows what they won't and knows, know how to handle that, you know? Yes. And I like, like I said earlier, I like a guy that love me for my imperfections.

Because I'm not a perfect person. Nobody is. Nobody is. Even though people may look at it like, oh my God, she's so perfect. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm flawed as hell. You know, we all are. We all are.

We're all that hoopa stank song. I'm not a perfect person. Right. And just someone that loves me for who I am. And they kind of have to be a little bit independent because you work at night. Like the nights are. Oh, well, that's the main thing. Like, I'm glad you said that because, like, yes, you have to understand my lifestyle, my work, you know?

And I think that's another thing with guys. They don't understand my work. When they hear they're like, I'm a showgirl and like this and it is, they automatically think, oh, you're out there. like all these guys messing with all these guys or you're chasing these guys or like you're going to work and you got all these guys touching all over you and I'm like

I'm like that's not how it work but you have to understand and I think that that's too that's a major major thing for them understanding my work my job you know my career they also have to be I would think very secure because you are such a big

personality and you are like the center of attention when you walk into a room have you ever dated anyone who had a problem with that who like didn't like that you get so much attention? Yes, a few guys. And that's what cut it. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, that's how I met you.

That's how I met you, but now you don't like it. And I'm like, where this is my career. It's not changing. Now, don't give me wrong. Like, like, when, like, I know how to go to work and I know how to be respectful, respectful of my, of my partner or whoever I'm. dating at the time. I'm not going to be let people rub all over me and let people like let people disrespect my partner. Like if I'm walking, I'm not going to be flirting with people or like like,

like, you know, like I'm not going to do that. I'm a very respectful person. But also, we're having a good time. It's, it's my job. Your job is party. My job is party. My job is to be out. My job is to be like seen to be the life of the party and stuff like that. So yeah, you have to be very secure to be with me. I don't like an insecure person, period. It's like, take those insecurities somewhere else. Go to a therapist. And don't like, please go to a therapist. You know, let's work on you. Yeah. Are there ever days where you don't want attention? Because like you, you have such a look. Oh my God. I'm so glad you asked that because, oh, there's so many days where I don't want it. But it comes with the territory, you know, like, for instance, like going to the airport.

The measures that people go to take a picture of me is wild as fuck. Now, are they taking pictures with you or just of you? Of me. Of me. Like, girl, it is fucking insane. So, like, yeah, it's like, I can go with a big jacket on,

a big hoodie on, but I mean, like, they still... It's hard to hide. It's hard to hide. And now that I'm trying to hide it, But sometimes when I don't want to be bothered with all that, I try to like cover up a little more. It's five a minute. And you're like, let me just get on the plane.

Yeah. So there's, there are days that I don't want the attention, but it comes with the, the territory. So all I can do is kind of like just deal with it. How do you deal with it? Do you ever say, if you want a picture,

we can take a picture or you're just like whatever you want. I would rather that. Come to me and say, hey, can we take a picture? I would take the picture with. you. Trust me, I will. But follow me around the stores, follow me around like the airport and stuff with the camera to take a picture of me. Like, I've had people follow me all the way to my gate. And then they do it so weird. Like, they have the camera and they point it right towards you and all.

I'm like, I see so many things in the airport that I'm like, you know, in the back of my head, I'm like, oh, oh. But not one time are you going to see me follow? someone throughout the airport and try to take a picture of it. It's weird. It's weird. Don't be a weird out of it. Because there's boundaries. There are boundaries.

And I am a human being. Like I'm a human being. Like, who does that? Did your mom teach you respect? Like, who does that? I would never, my mom would slap the shit out of me if I told her I did something like that or she see me doing something like that. People are raised right.

They're not raised. I don't understand why people. So if you see something that's interesting to you or you've never seen it before, children will just come up and ask a question. So I'm like, if a child can do it, why can't you? Yeah. But then also I'm like, who question people about their body? Yes, that too.

Yeah. Why do you have to? And the first question is, does your back hurt? It's never, hey, how you doing? I swear to you, people come up to me, it's not even a, hey, how you doing? they'll look, does your back hurt? So if I tell you, yeah, what are you going to do? Yeah, you're going to give me some money for a chiropractor?

What are you going to, why do you need to know? My back doesn't hurt. And if it did, I can go downsides. I pay for this. Yes, that is. I literally pay for this. You wanted to look like that. So any moment that it started giving me problems,

hey, doctor, less downsides. It's either, does your bike hurt or are they real? Those are two questions that everyone wants to know. They don't want to know my name. They don't want to know how I'm doing. They don't want to know shit. They don't want to know shit. Those are the only two questions that they ask me.

That's wild. That's so wild that people, I don't know. I just, I see things all the time where I go, oh, wow, that's crazy. And then I move on. Me too. I go, okay. Well, I saw that. That was a nice time.

Me too. Or I might text my friend like, oh, girl, you know, like, I saw this. So I saw it. Yes. I would never. Just text a friend. I would never. follow someone around

to take a picture of them. People are weird. Don't do that. Weird ass people. Please don't do that. Because one day you're going to catch me on the wrong day and trust me, I will clear you. Slap! What's one of your worst dates? I went on a date with this guy in Vegas

and we went to the Golden Tiki, which is like a bar. We get there and like we're talking and the whole time, like I ordered a cocktail but he's practicing sobriety. And the whole conversation was about his sobriety. And I felt so weird because I'm standing there with a concert. You're like, mm-hmm, yes, you're sober.

Okay, great. Which I don't mind that. Like, kudos to people for practicing sobriety. I love that. I love that. But the whole date was about that. Yeah, that's kind of tough. Yeah.

It's tough. It's like maybe you mention it once and then you got to move on. Yeah. Find a common interest. Yeah. You know? I blocked him. He's blocked.

My block list is long. Long. I don't have the patience. I get that. I will block you in a minute. You can say hey to me wrong. I'm blocked. Hey with too many ease.

No. You can hit me up two minutes times. Blop. Like, I'm good at blocking. What's another bad date? One time this guy he had bad hygiene. That's one of my pet peeves. And what do you mean by bad hygiene?

Like he was stink as hell. No, like we hug and it's just like... It overwhelmed. Very overwhelming. Ooh, powerful. Yeah, I'm like, you know what? After this date, you need to go take a bath? Did you say this?

No, I didn't. But in my head, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, oh, like, I'm good. Yeah. I don't need this. I'm good on that. I'm good on that. I don't need it.

I'm trying to think I've had a lot of bad dates. But yeah, those are like two that I can say that stick out for right now. And then so you went on the date where you had a picnic, you were smoking a weed. What's another good date that you've been on? I would think one of the magical dates that I went on. So in like 2017, I had just got my passport. I was going to Canada to Toronto. And I'm sitting at the gate and this guy approached me.

And we just started like having conversations. So we're just sitting there talking, talking, talking. Great combo. They say, you know, they call our, the flight, and we're on the same flight. So kind of found out that he lived in Toronto. So the whole time on a plane, we're tets and we sat differently. We're texting, everything. So we get to Toronto.

He showed me how to, you know, get downtown to my hotel and everything. And then he asked, can he take me on a date? It was my first time being around snow, being in snow. So the night that he took me out, it was snowing, and he took me to this restaurant, and it was so beautiful. That's so romantic. Just the way that he treated me. I want to say, like, that was, like, one of the first time that I actually been on a date with a guy, and he treated me, like, with so much respect. And, like, opening the doors for me and, like, pulling the chairs out for me and, like, holding my hand and, like, standing on the correct side of the road.

And, like, it was snowing. And it was so magical that I would never. And him and I, we actually kind of kicked it off. And, like, we were, like, friends with benefits for a few years. I thought that it was actually going to be some serious between us because, like, we dated a lot. We went on dates a lot. Was it the long distance that was a little too much? I think that played a major part in it.

And I think a little bit of jealousy, too, with him. Yeah. So I ended up just kind of like Cut it off with him It was It was very emotional Because I was emotionally attached to him And I think it was on both ends

Because he was that He was that person that like We were going on amazing dates Like he would take me to like His job dinners I would meet the people like on his job I made all his best friends All his co-workers

We would do like swingers stuff together Like he was the first first that I went to like a swinger club, a swinger event with and stuff. So it was really, really nice. It was really nice. I wish that something could have happened out of it, but it didn't. And sometimes that happens. Sometimes people are in your life for a season.

And I think he was in your life for a season to show you that you can be treated like a queen. Yeah. And you don't have to accept anything less. Anything less. So with that, that's like, if you're not going to treat me like that, I don't want it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah.

The nice man in my life currently. has taught me like a standard of how I should be treated. And if we part ways, I hope we don't, but if it happens, because life happens, I now know if I, you know, get back out there and date again that I have to be treated with a level of respect. I have to be treated with a level of care. And you got to be nice and give me things.

Yeah. So for instance, like another guy that I had like an ongoing thing with, he's an ex-police officer. and then he's in the military. And we also kicked it off really well. But the thing with him is he is so, he don't have any personality. Oh.

He doesn't have any personality. And I mean, like, we go on dates. I'm the only one that's talking the whole time. And it's like, oh, my God. Like, I like you so much. And I'm trying to make this work. And I try to over the years. And I'm just like, you know what?

Blah, blah, blah. I don't think this is good. going to work. Like, I need some personality. That's hard. We can be the only ones. We can be opposites. We can be opposites because I don't mind that either, but at least have some personality.

Yes, because you can't be the only person carrying a conversation day after day. I need somebody I could vibe with. Yes. Like, someone that I can actually talk about different topics with and we can like actually vibe off that. Like, if we can't, it's boring. Yeah. And then I was just like, what are we doing?

Yeah. It's almost like, I could just do this at home in my mirror. Yeah, absolutely. Do you have any advice for single people? Stay single until you know is right. Like I can't stand people that get into these relationships for like two weeks and then they stay, you know, they're like like, girl, just stay single. Just stay single. Until you meet someone that you know has your best interest at heart.

I like that. I like that a lot. I think we'll get more into it. Okay. after this break. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. Okay, let's talk about health care for a second. It's not just a job.

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five day returns. Quince.com slash date me. Oh, we're back. So you're like, stay single until you like meet someone that you like really feel something with. Do you think when you're single you should be like working on yourself? Well, yeah.

So basically that's what I was saying like over the last what over the last 10 plus years. That's what I was doing. I was working on myself. I wanted to make myself happy. Because if you can't make yourself happy, if you're not happy with yourself, how can you give your happiness or share your happiness with someone else? And so that's basically what I did. And now I'm happy with myself.

And I'm happy with what I created. And now, you know, when that time comes, I feel like I can fully commit to someone. But I'm going to stay single. I would go on dates. We could date a little and have a little fun, little friends with benefits. But other than that, nothing serious. I like that. I think that's so smart because have fun. Date. Maybe something will happen.

But like if you just focus on yourself, you'll be ready for when that something happens. I had gotten to that point where I was like, yeah, I'm okay being single. Yeah. I like this person. And hopefully I'll meet somebody. And then I did. And I was like, oh, that's nice. Yeah.

And when I feel like I get like, when I feel like I get lonely or I feel like I need to feel that void, I go on a trip. Yes. Take myself out. Realized that, oh, child, I can do this by myself. I go book a trip out the country. Or, you know, I have amazing friends. I must say that, hey, friends. I have some amazing friends.

And that's important. Yeah. Friendships are, I think, some of the most important relationships that you can have. As long as you have someone that you can, like, call and be like, girl, oh, I'm a little lonely. You want to come over? You want to come over and cuddle with me? Yes. I'm like, oh, I'm coming over your house.

or let's go do this or, you know, like, I have some amazing friends where I can do that. So they kind of help me when it comes to when I get that little loneliness, when loneliness calls. When loneliness calls. How did you get into drag and performing? So I've always been into the performing arts since I was a child. You went to a performing arts high school?

So when I was around like three or four, we discovered that I could sing. Both of my grandmothers could sing. Yes. Do you want to give me a little taste? It's okay if you're not warmed up. Let's see. I've had some good days. I've had some hills to climb.

I've had some weary days. That's lovely. Yeah. That's a little light light. Ooh, I love that. So yeah, at like four years old, I discovered that I could sing. There was a song that my grandmother used to sing in church called New Life.

And I started singing in church. Every Sunday, they would have to literally wave me down to stop, stop, stop. Because I would go on and on. But I discovered I could sing then. And then from there, my mom started putting me in performing arts programs. And then I started going to Magnet Schools for Performing Arts. In middle school, I went to Lending School of the Arts. And then high school, I went to Douglas Anderson.

So I was always into Performing Arts. I was in an all-city youth chorus called The Ritz Voices, where we had a chance to sing with all kind of like popular singers and be on all kind of stages and record albums and all that kind of stuff. So I was always doing that. And then once I got to high school, is when I discovered about drag queens and trans women all together and trans performers. And that's how it started for me.

I love that. And since you grew up in the church, are you still, like, involved? with the church? I'm not a religious person, but I'm a spiritual person. I don't believe in all that anymore. Like, none of that. Like, don't get me wrong. I believe in God.

Yes. I believe there is a God. I believe in spirituality. But I don't believe in religion and Christianity and the Bible and all these stories. Because I just have so many questions. And I'm like, to me, it's just a book to keep people. I think it's just a book as well. It's just a book.

And I think it's like parables. There's stories. Stories. But like not, it's weird that sometimes people are like the, some of the Bible's true and that's how you got to live. And then other times it's just a story. And I'm like, they're all just stories. But it's like people pick and choose what they want to take out the Bible and use it. Yeah.

For their religion. There's so many things in the Bible, but they only pick and choose. So I see it like that. There are stories. I love the stories. Stories are fun. They're amazing. I just don't believe in it.

I agree. But I do believe there is a God. So now I don't go to church and all that stuff anymore. But I do love my gospel music. I love watching all like the gospel videos and all the type of stuff. But yeah, it stops at that. Do you like Mary Mary? I do.

Take them shackles off my feet so academic. One of my soul are like, I'm going to get myself together. Uh-huh. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I love Mary Mary. I grew up with them. Same. My mom loved gospel music.

She loved Kurt Franklin. She loved all of it. But I also grew up and was like, I don't know. The way that the church justifies being so nasty when I'm like, but aren't we supposed to love each other? I don't subscribe to that. I have a lot of traumatizing stories with the church. Like, they just, like, a church was a place that I went to because I used to love to sing.

So that was the main part about why I was going to church. I wanted to sing in the choir. I wanted to be there. I wanted to get the ministry when it came to music. But everything else, I hate it. They traumatized me, laying me on the altar and praying like, oh, the gay, the spirits, the this. And just leaving church so confused. Like, well, if they're praying the gay out of me, why do I still feel this way?

Or why is it still? It was just so many things that I just didn't understand at the time. But as I got older and I started getting my own knowledge about God and that book and all that kind of stuff, I realized like that's traumatizing. So when I see the videos now of them chastising people and doing all that crazy stuff, I'm like, but then that same person, the pastor that's doing all that preaching and praising and the same one that's leaving the church and foreign a gay in and doing whatever they want to be doing. Yeah, the church that I grew up. in Ashley, the pastor, a lot of things came out with him of him having the women in the church, like getting them pregnant and getting abortions. It was a lot of-scandalous.

Having a lot of mistresses. See, and that's wild to be like, I'm the bad one. Yeah. I'm a kid and I'm bad? I grew up and you're telling me that I am the bad one and then this is what happened. Yeah. No, thank you. Fuck you.

child fuck you that's how I feel about all of them what was your day job when you started doing drag uh escorter okay can I ask when you were escorting or doing sex work was dating

hard is it hard to like delineate between sex work and then like a relationship where during that time I was dating like queer people like the gay guys and stuff so they knew like what time it was

when it came to that and like I say all those relationships back then it was like puppy love you know we all was young as young as hell so it's like okay I'm gonna pop this trick but the money is gonna be spent on both of us

so like what's it like so who cares? Yeah and it was it was more like it's survivor mode for me This is how I'm surviving. You know, I can't go to my mom and say, hey, can I have $20 to buy me a skirt or can I have $20 to buy me a wig? When I left my mom house, when I came out as queer, I was like, you know, because they finally asked me the question.

And I was like, okay. And it was a crazy night. I was like, yes, I'm gay. I'm gay. At this time, I didn't know anything about trans people. And I was like, yes, I'm gay. And I left my mom house. And I was like between the streets and my aunt house.

And yeah, it was survivor mode. Like, that's what I had to do. But I did, over the years, I did have some 9 to 5s. I worked at Sonic when I was like 17 on the skates. I worked at Target as a cashier. My first job at 16 was at Windditsy. I was a cashier there. Then after Windditsy, I went to Sonic.

Then after Sonic, me and the manager was fucking the same guy. So we got into it. And then I went and got a job right behind Sonic at Target. and I used to go up to Sonic on my lunch break Like, oh, you can't stop me That was a crazy situation You can't stop me I'm here for lunch

And then after I'm dying, that's petty as hell I'm here for lunch I'm here for lunch I wouldn't get a job right behind Sonic Okay, you fired me but girl I got another job And then after Target I didn't have another job

Oh, I started working for this lady in the flea market. Like, she would braid hair and I would be like her assistance to write down her apartment or, like, lay the hair out for her. I did that. I was always a hustler. Even when I was younger, like, if I wanted a CD player, I knew my mom couldn't afford it. I wouldn't go rake yards.

I would go rake. I would go mow the yards. I would go to the stores for the older women in the neighborhood and, like, collect their groceries and stuff from them. I was always a hustler, baby. I love that. Yes, ma'am. people who are like, if there's a will, there's a way.

There's a way. I will figure it the fuck out. I did. And I did, honey. I'm like, how did you get that? Oh, I went and rake that yard. I wouldn't do that, you know. Or I had my, when I started getting to high school, that's when I started to have my little guy friends that would, like, give me money and stuff like that.

Yeah. And then I also, like, in 2012, I worked at a hotel. And that's when I gained my respect for how. Like, I have so much respect for housekeepers doing that job because some people are outright nasty. Some people are disgusting as fuck. And I'm like, wow, and you have to clean that whole room. What's the wildest thing that you heard about someone having to clean up? I've seen it for myself.

Like, the room is like, like they've been living there for years and they were only there for a few days. Ooh. People are nasty. I mean, like, disgusting. Food everywhere. Like, condoms. Like, just, like, the bathtub, disgusting. Like, it make you want to quit. Like, that day.

So now when I'm standing in a hotel, like, if I have enough time, I pull the sheets off the bed. I take the trash and put it all in one spot. I try to wipe down the surfaces, like, you know, just a little bit. So they don't have much to. do. And what my favorite thing about working in at the hotels was the laundry room. I used to love the laundry room because you can just listen to your music and wash your full clothes. That's all you had to do. You have to be bothered with nobody. But then they will put me on the floor like to do the rooms and I'm like, I don't want to. Here we go. I don't want to do that. So yeah, I've had

jobs throughout the years, but my main source of income was escorting. I saw a video of a lady washing her panties in a coffee maker in a hotel. Isn't that disgusting? What the hell? See, now I don't want to use the coffee makers anymore. These people are out here doing nastest shit. Yeah. Well, Fantasia, we have reached

the end. Already? Oh, my gosh. Is there anything you want to promote? Ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to watch DIY dungeon on Outt TV right now. I think we're almost at the end. By the time this airs, we will be at the end of it. But go watch it. It's a great show.

You can follow me on all of my social media, Fantagio, Yau Gaga. And stay tuned. Stay tuned. Because I've always got something brewing, honey. I love that. I can't wait to see what you do next. I think you're just so wonderful. Thank you. You're welcome. I have a question. I ask all my guests this. Would you date me? Abs of fucking loolet. Yes. Honestly, that makes me so happy. I think you're so beautiful and fun and wonderful. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, follow it, rate it five stars on Spotify and Apple Podcast. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I will read it. And the email address to write that too is, why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com. This person writes, hey Nicole, I know we're in the down season for farming. So, let your mind wander for a time of green and growth for this one.

Farming is one of the hardest jobs out there. So when you come in from the field, I'll have ice cold water waiting for you. Maybe some slices of that one fruit from your neighbor's tree also waiting for you. We'll be lovely shower gel to get all the dirt off your body. I will help you towel off, then lay you on the bed, spread eagle. Then I would leave kisses all over your beautiful legs, calves to thighs. Then I devour your lady bits until you were begging me to stop. Then I tuck in my little farmer so you could get a good night's rest before another day of hitting the fields.

Thank you so much. I love farming. Goodbye. I have a garden and I farm and I sometimes talk about it. That was a hit gum podcast.