Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Hosting a Sex Party (w/ Big Dipper)

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

Rapper and friend Big Dipper (host of Sloppy Seconds) returns to the pod! He and Nicole dive into how he became a bear, the many “gaybels” that shape queer dating culture, and the highs and lows of Bear Week and pig events, from the wild parties to the moments that left him questioning everything. Dipper unpacks the twink vs. bear dynamic and explains compersion - the joy of watching your partner get pleasure from someone else.He also shares the wild story of a influencer showing up to his sex party to shoot content, why he won’t let Nicole work his gay orgy, and together they ask the important question: are we having a gay recession?Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» Quince: Keep it classic and cozy this fall —with long-lasting staples from Quince. Go to Quince.com/dateme for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.» Persona Nutrition: Go to PersonaNutrition.com/Dateme today to take the free assessment and get your personalized daily vitamin packs for an exclusive offer — get 40% off your first order.» Betterhelp: Visit Betterhelp.com/DATEME today to get 10% off your first month.» Swindled Never After: Order Swindled Never After now! http://bit.ly/41dQoqLView all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Shop all the must-havs now at macy's.com or in store. Top? Yeah. Always a top? Yeah. Really? Have you ever bottomed? I have.

That's such a rude question. No, it's not. Don't you, why don't you sex me or whatever? Why won't you sex me? Why won't you sex me? That's actually what I. walk around bearwings say Why won't you date me?

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please Tell me why. George Bush doesn't care about black people. Remember that? I do.

But are you team Kanye now? You know? That is. That's a very, you're trying to get me. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. A general, the actual question. I don't, I'm not with Kanye now.

Like, now, now, he crazy. Yes, agree. But back then, I do think he had some apt, astute insight. A thousand percent. I don't think George Bush cared about black people. I still don't think he does. I think he likes painting. This is a new episode of Why Won't You Date Me.

A podcast for me, a podcast for me called buyer, was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come in my mouth and say, bitch, that's a tic-tac. My guest's today. I've done that. No, you haven't. No, you haven't.

You came in someone's mouth and said, bitch, that's a tic-tac. No, it was something adjacent. Someone came in my mouth and I said, tick-tacks? Sorry, correct. That's my friend. My friend is a rapper, podcaster, and queer icon.

There are one half of the hit show Sloppy Seconds. And did you bring gays to my home who left shoes at my house? Oh, did they? I don't know. I have two pairs of shoes. I brought a bunch of gay dudes to your house. I have two pairs of shoes. I cannot figure out who they belong to.

Are they white sneakers? No, they're new balances. They're not gays. No, no, no. That's the straight contingency of your friend group. It's Dipper or Big Dipper. Big Dipper. I call you Dipper.

Yeah, most of my friends do. but my stage name is Big Dipper. How funny. Big Dipper! That's so funny to be friends with someone and be like, who are you? What's your name? Hello. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. Can I tell you one of the most wonderful things happened at that party you were at? What? So a gay was looking at me. I don't know if it was one of your gays, but there was a gaggle of gays at my house. It was delightful. It's how I like to live.

And one of them was like, oh, my God, that's, man behind you. It was so hot. My God. And I turned around. I was like, that's my boyfriend. Oh. I screamed and squealed. I was like, he's mine. I was like, he's mine. I can't believe. He's attractive to the gays and the women. So was it

a person that you had just met at the party? Okay. Got it. Because I'm like who's at your house or doesn't know that? It's probably the gaggle of gay guys that I showed up. There was so many people at my house and there was, I don't know, a good 10 people I did now. Yeah. And there was a black woman there who

just started talking to me, and I was like, who are you? And what was the answer? I didn't ask because I was like, you're being so familiar with me. And I was like, black people, they introduce themselves. They, a black woman to a black woman? Yeah, I think most people introduce them. No, no, just black women. Just black people.

George Bush. George Bush don't care about black people. You know, he cares about oil paintings. He's keeping Michaels afloat. Do you remember when like Ellen, I mean, Ellen's so problematic, on so many levels, but, like, when she just casually was like, and I'm friends with George Bush, it was like, oh, you've elevated beyond. Yeah.

And, like, speaking of Kanye, it's like, I think that's all that happened. It's like, he lost his mother. He was drowning in grief. And he elevated beyond the regular human experience. And I'm worried about Oprah. She was at Bezos's wedding. And I'm like, I know Oprah's, like, at a level, but I was like, is she ascending to, like, madness?

Well, she sent her best friend to space. She said, Gail, I'm not doing that, but you That's so funny that she sent Gail to space. I mean, would you go to space? No. Me either. No. There's enough problems down here.

NAR. NAR. NAR! Did I do it? Yeah, you did. Boy, that was hard. That, like, hurt my brain that day. I know.

Because it, all you have to do is say the letters of the American English. Ar and R. And R and R. Say R and R. R and R. Yeah. I did Korniak's podcast. It is called R&R. It's called R&R.

I had such a problem with it. You know the other one. If you say these three words in our accent, rise up lights. Rise up lights. It sounds like razor blades in an Australian accent. Rise up lights. Just say rise up lights. rise up lights

what rise up lights oh I can hear it when you say it I simply cannot hear it when I say it's all right do you do accents when you do acting what a way to ask that when you do your little thing your little acting when you're doing your little ha ha

listen you work so much but not all of it is acting some of it is presenting hosting performing so when you do acting I will ask again when you do acting. But have you done any accent? No.

I'm very, very bad at accents. Really, really awful. I think you could do some Irish. Or to tea, sorry, wait. So they be stealing my luck of charms. I went over to Ireland and I talked to Sean and he told me, there's no more stew left. Put her in a film with Sersha Ronan.

Please! I love that. I, yeah, I can't, it's the same thing. I'm trying to learn how to sing. Sure. I have a goal. I saw a Broadway show. Which one?

I don't want to, like, put all the business out there. Okay, that's fine. But I saw a show. One of the leads was not where I wanted her to be. And I said, I see where you won't say that. I can do that better. Okay. So I listened.

I was like, really, like, five minutes in, I was like, I can do this better. So I was listening to the song and I was like, I think this is actually something that can be in my range. Yes. And then by the end, I was like, ooh, the end song is kind of hard. Okay. But I think we can lower the octave or something at the end, and it might be okay. So I have a singing teacher who, his name is Doug. Doug is wonderful.

Wait. And this is an actual goal. Can I say his last name? Yeah. It's a Doug pack. Yes. He's amazing. I love, I think I can say Doug's, Doug Beck.

Yeah. Doug Pack. We love Doug. He's wonderful. I know Doug from over a decade in Chicago doing musical theater. We used to be colleagues. Yes, he was running around with all these people from. from Chicago that I know.

Yeah, Northwestern. Like Lappkiss, Mateo Lane, which is just, it was funny once Doug told me that I was like, oh, you're just good people. Oh, he's incredible. And I told Doug, because I had started singing lessons last year, because I was like, I look like I can sing, I want to sing. And it wasn't, like, hitting the way that I wanted it to.

So I kind of, like, gave up. And now I'm, like, renewed with a goal. And I was like, Doug, I think I need visual learning aids. And he was like, oh, I don't teach like. that but let's try to figure that out together and then we figured it out so then we made these little things I could take home and practice with and it was just so nice that like in an hour he was like yeah I can try to figure out how you learn better and he's the best I said my goal is by this fall make me a little tape I'm gonna send it to them producers I'm gonna say let me do a limited run

you said excuse me do I have an offer for you yes but you are so good you're very goal oriented Yes. Like since knowing you, I've seen you be like, I'm going to do this. And then you like get the supplies for it and you find a resource and then you learn it. You did fall off on the motorcycle goal. But I still have a motorcycle. That's right. I did.

Well, I literally fell off on the motorcycle goal. Okay, true, true, true. All I could hear was Logan going, Deva, no! That could be some internal body trauma for sure. Well, I still have it. Okay. I think the battery, I mean, I don't. think. The battery is, duh, duh. But I might get a automatic motorcycle, so I don't have to worry

about shifting. Oh. Or I might get... It's here on the handlebars. It's here and your left foot. It is, it's for a lady with ADHD, boy, oh boy, is it hard. You got to balance and then you got to hit things. Yes. Oh, look at me. I can ride a motorcycle. Dipper, who you be fucking? Oh, gosh. Well, I just got back from Bear Week. In Peatown? Uh-huh.

Provincetown, Massachusetts. Right on the tippy tip of Cape Cod. Yeah, right by the curvature. That's nice. Yeah. Wait, when did you become a bear? Does one become a bear? Yeah, well, first you are a cub.

Mm-hmm. And then you blossom into beardom, bearhood. And Otter is just a thin, hairy man, right? Yes. We like a lot of gables in the gables. Wait, gables. Gables. We like a lot of labels in the gay community, which are, of course, gables.

No, when I was younger in high school, I was always chubby, but I was like, what are we going to do with it? Like, where does it go? And how does it settle? And then I went to college, and all of a sudden I was, like, sprouting, like, a patchy beard and, like, body hair everywhere. And I was like, what? What's happening? You know, like I feel like it's like that scene in beauty and the beast where you're like, you know, he's like turning into the beast.

And I was like, what now? And then all of a sudden sort of my senior year of college, it all sort of settled. And I was like, oh, I'm covered in body hair and I have a beard. And then I was like, ah, I'm a bear now. I like that. I like that you equated to turning into the beast from beauty and the beast. Also my favorite X-Men. Beast.

How do you feel about Kelsey Grammer playing Beast? Has he always? He was the voice in the animated series, right? He was the original Beast, and then Nicholas Holt took over in the reboots. Yeah, you know a lot more about these movies. About X-Men. I love X-Men.

Well, it makes sense because Beast is, like, an intellectual. So Kelsey Gables. Kelsey Grammar makes sense there. I don't know. I was never, I was more like, into the idea. I think I just wanted a fuck beast. Sure.

So it was more into the... Right? Into the idea of it than like the minutia of like who was doing the acting. You know, that's an interesting part about X-Men that's not explored

and superheroes in general. The fuckability? The super fuckers. The people who are their chase super chasers. I understand what you're saying. The mutant chasers. It's like I only fuck mutants.

Now that's a million-dollar movie idea. Hey, hey, Kevin, Hollywood. Hey, Kevin Figgies. Oh, you really know all these people involved. I don't think that's his name. I think it's Fige or Figgies. Okay. What, do you know, Mars?

I'm looking at it. Kevin Fijeege? Feege. Feege. I should know this. Oh, it's like the yogurt. That's Faye Gay. Isn't it Faye gay?

Famously the way to pronounce it. Is it? I thought it was Fage. Oh. I said it so many times and finally heard what I said. Oh, yes, feng gay, the fayay yogurt. I just did shows in D.C. Yeah.

And I told a rosebud joke and a very small amount of the audience get it. And I was like, that's a recession indicator. But D.C. is such a gay. My crowds are gay. And I was scared. I was like, there are straight people here. And there was like lots of couples. And I was like, it's going to get bad.

If the gays can't spend money to come see me, what's happening? Where do you think on the, like, priority list is a Nicole Byer show when it comes to, like, circuit party, ketamine, new teeth, male wig? Like, I think I'm above male wig. Okay. But I know I'm below a circuit party and ketamine. And what was the other thing you said? New teeth. New teeth.

Well. Meepal and I always will comment when someone reappears and we'll be like, teeth and hair. Teeth and hair. Went to turkey. You got that turkey special. Teeth and hair. That's such like an L.A. Like that was never in my system.

Like never in my anywhere in my brain, even though like growing up chubby, like not feeling sexual or like feeling good about my body until like my mid 20s. Like needing exterior validation to like someone to say to me like, you're hot. And I was like, oh, you like that. Like all of that. did I think about anything cosmetic, like outside in, until moving here and people talk about it, like walking the dog. It is wild. And when I found out everybody was doing Botox, I was genuinely surprised. I was like, wait, people our age were doing, but what? And they're doing it like frequently and their left keep. And it blew me away. But I agree with you. I sometimes

look in the mirror and be like, well, I wish I was thinner when I was yon. Yeah. Or whatever. But I would never be like, so I'm going to do it. I'm going to get surgery. It never occurred to me. I was like, I'll just learn how to like what I see. Yes.

That was the impulse. Now here, like the amount of people with like very good hairlines, slightly thinning bald spot appear wig, you know, and like, good. You used to get like, you have a great set of teeth compliments now, veneers. And you're like, what happened? What's happening? You know what I've been watching a lot of old movies? I miss people with fucked up teeth.

I miss people with interesting looks. We're all, I have talked about this on the podcast before, it's like modern architecture. Everything's starting to look the same. Yes. We are all starting to look the same. Where's the personality? That shirt. I know.

Isn't it disgusting? Oh, it's stone. It's stone divas. Did it come that way or you had it stone? No, no, it came that way. What brand is stoning shirts? Oh, this is a vintage. No, I understand.

I just want to know the brand name of the vintage. I don't know. Do you want to laugh? No, I bet someone purchased that. I can look. Hold on. Oh, my God. It's someone's name.

That's my favorite kind of brand. Vanna. It is the most, it is the craziest cursive. She said, I don't want nobody to read this. I think it said like Vana, and then I think it's one of those capital Gs in cursive, which is the most complicated one. I love that. Gittal or something.

Maybe it's Vanna, Glory, Glory, Gloria Bill. What am I thinking of? I don't know, but I'm... Who's Anderson Cooper's mommy? Another reference that I would never know. Gloria Vanderbilt. There is no G in the last name. I got Gloria and Vanderbilt all smushed up.

Another reference that I simply wouldn't know. Why would I know Anderson Cooper's mother's name? Because she's a fashion icon. She had jeans. Oh. Oh, she had jeans. She had jeans. Gloria Vanderbilt.

Uh-huh. That's what you mean? Yes. I interrupted you. You went to Bear Week in Petown. Uh-huh. This episode is all over the place. But this is what happens when I like my guess.

Uh-oh. You want to go back and watch episodes and be like, wow, this one makes sense. She must have hated her time. No, no. I listen. I like when you jump around. It's fun. It's like me, it's like testing my brain as a listener.

To be like, okay, okay, okay. Got it. I'm back on the thread. Yeah, I went to P-Town. Have you ever been to Provincetown? No. You would kill. I know.

Oh, maybe I can get you a gig out there. I would love that. You need help getting gigs, but I know the people who run the venue. It's okay. But it's amazing. It is this tiny little town that the population, I think the statistic, I'll probably say it wrong, goes from like 3,000 like residents who lived there year round to like 60,000 in the summer. Oh, shit.

It is crazy. People come in and droves off the ferry from Boston. It's like a pedestrian town. There's a main street full of stores. Everyone is gay. Everywhere you look, gay people. There's fudge shops and ice cream and lobster everywhere. And all of these.

Fudge, ice cream, lobster. That's really what it is. That's just so funny that fudge ice cream. So you can't get a real meal there? No, you can. You can find a burger, but like you go like, oh, there's a night. other fudge store. And like, oh, more ice cream to be had.

Is there a lot of soft serve? Um, no, it's ice cream. There's some soft serve in the town. I don't think you should cancel your trip. There's no soft serve. Okay. I went to a Dodgers game yesterday and I didn't get any soft serve and I'm pretty upset about it.

Do you usually when you go to a doctor's game? I had never been before. This is my first time seeing baseball in person. Okay. It was crazy. And did you have your hope set on a soft serve? I'm trying to. Okay.

Got it. I love. Soft serve. Do you not know this? Take me out to the ball game. Take me out to the soft serve. Yeah. Okay.

Anyway, so fudge, lobster, ice cream. Gay people. Gay people. And there are shows everywhere. Mm-hmm. The club, the, every sort of like bar or hotel also has a club attached to it. And every single night during Bear Week, every night there is a party from 10 until 1 a.m. sharp and then everyone walks up the street to this one pizza place.

Oh. And then they stand out in the street until three in the morning and then they all go to bed. Like, it's one of those towns where it's like, this is what you do with this. You do a pool party and then you go to tea dance and then you hike out to the beach if you want. It's great. And so during Bear Week, I describe Bear Week as like, I go through like a whiplash, a confidence whiplash.

Okay. Where I'll look around on the street and I'm like, I want to fuck all these people. This is really hot. Like, look at all these hot people. This is great. Everyone's smiling. Everyone's making eye contact. I feel amazing about myself.

And then you see, like, people who are hotter than you. And then you're like, I feel like trash about myself. But why? It's this whiplash where you're like, especially if like, like, I'm, I wouldn't say I'm on a fitness journey, but I have goals. I lift weights and I have goals to be like in that like sort of musseling mountain. I think you can call that a journey. Sure. It's a slow journey, but it's a journey.

Sure. Who gives the shit? I know, I know. But truly, here's what I'm going to say to you. Do not be hard on yourself about how slow or how fast you're achieving a goal or whatever. Doing a little bit of something is better than doing nothing. I have a friend who is like, I'm going to walk 10 miles starting after dinner every day. Not 10 miles. It was something crazy.

Yeah. And I was like, why every day? Why not just on Sunday? Why don't you walk one extra block? Right. And she was like, but I want to walk 10 miles every day. And I was like, but that's an insane goal. So like, why don't you just have a smaller goal?

And then once you hit that, you're really excited. And then you're excited to hit the next goal. Yeah. So here's what I say to you. Thank you. Okay. Don't be hard on yourself. I'll take it.

You're on a journey. And it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to the end results. Because there is no end. We live for a long fucking time. Jesus Christ. And then sweet release. And then, yeah. Then we fucking die.

No, I am a binger. That's like my way of consuming TV, of consuming food, of, you know, like doing anything. And so I'm always like, I need to, you know, like go hard. I do that too. Sports phrase, go hard in the paint when it comes to working out. They didn't say that at the baseball. They didn't? No, they also said no softs.

They said no softer. They kept saying, be loud. Be loud. They wanted you to cheer louder for the Dodgers? Yeah. Why didn't you? I did. And then they're like, make noise.

I kept going, ah! That's what they're looking. That's actually the actual, the exact sound they're looking for when they ask you to do. So the whiplash happens to me every time I'm in these like bare spaces. Because like the bare identity grew out of like gay men who didn't feel like they had a place because they didn't feel. oh, I'm not this stereotypical good-looking image. I mean, I've said this so many times. When I was growing up the joke on a sitcom about, oh, no, you have a blind date.

I hope he doesn't have back hair. You know, like, and I just like, oh, I have back hair. I hope he's not fat. And I'm like, oh, I'm fat and I have back hair. And then meanwhile, it's like at Bear Week, people will come up and like rub your back and you're like, oh, you're so fuzzy. You know, it's like, so, but then you also, like, look to your left and there's all the, like, muscle guys who get more attention or, like, the gym. And so it is this challenging thing of, like, we're creating a space, but that weird, high school hierarchy.

Exactly. That's interesting. I, that's not where my mind goes. Like, you know how earlier you were like, I never thought about fixing things, or not fixing things on myself to, like, to adhere to society. When I'm in a space and like people are flirting and stuff, my mind doesn't automatically go to like, wow, that other person's hotter. I'm like, well, we're all in the same space. We're all being celebrated for the differences of ourselves. I'll find mine somewhere else.

Yeah, that's a much healthier, that's a much healthier mindset than me being like. Because it's Bear Week, you're going to get fucked. Right. Or they are. Or they are. Yeah. It doesn't, you know, top? Yeah.

Always a top? Yeah. Really? Have you ever bottomed? I have. That's such a rude question. No, it's not. Don't you, why don't you sex me or whatever?

Why won't you sex me? Why won't you sex me? That's actually what I walk around Bear Week saying. Why won't you sex me? No, I had a very chaser-heavy bear week. Oh, okay. So at Bear Week, everyone's a bear, but the people who admire bears aren't necessarily always a bear. Correct.

So are they allowed? Yes, yes, yes, yes. They're not turned away at the door? No, there's actually a thing. I mean, Bear we've been happening for a long time in Provincetown. And then there are, I mean, okay, there's Lazy Bear in Gernville. There is TBRU, Texas Bear Roundup that happens in Dallas. That seems like a trick.

Yeah. Roundup? Yeah, Texas. We're gay in Tech. You want me to fly to Texas to get Roundup? There are weak. There's like pig week that happens in Fort Lauderdale. That's for everybody, but a lot of bears go.

to it. I mean, there are bear events. There's mad bear that happens in Madrid. There's Sech's Bear Week, which is a beach town in Spain. There are bear events everywhere. The big bear romp happens in like Joshua Tree or in the desert. There was a San Francisco bear I mean, the list goes on and on. And so the conversation everyone loves to have is like when the Twinks start coming to Bear Week to party because it's a good time. And then we're like, oh, well, girl, now all the swings are. And the funny thing is not to make it, you know, shets, jets, jets versus sharks, twinks versus bears, but the shets.

Not to make it, you know, like a face off, but there is like a little bit of like, you know, a lot of bears carry around trauma from like being the fat one in high school. And so there's always like a little, oh, the, the, low muscle twinks aren't getting a lot of attention this week. And my, you know, fat-ass belly with a little jiggle in my shake and cottage cheese on my thighs is, you know, I'm bringing the boys to the yard. That is interesting. Yeah, it's a funny dynamic. It is a funny dynamic.

It's also interesting that twinks, it's interesting when people don't necessarily respect the space they're in. Mm-hmm. Kind of like a bachelorette parties at drag shows. Well, the bachelorette's came to bribes. Fair Week. They did? Sure did. Why?

Because they were like, oh, we want to go to a gay town. So they, like, rented a house and showed up. I saw multiple groups of, like, women in sashes. What's the sash about? The sash is about... Finding each other in a crowd? What's the sash about? It is literally about pay attention to me.

I'm the most important because, like, a pageant. Then wear a better shoe. Sorry. Wow. You don't like a... block heel from Aldo? That is what it was. I know exactly what you're talking about.

The thick strap in the front. Ties around the ankle, about an inch and a half thick block that you can lock around with. I'm like, at that point, just wear some tombs. Like, what are you doing? Ew, wear some tombs. But yeah, it's like, women, white women like to take up space where maybe they're not necessarily. needed? But then

someone came up to me at one of the parties and it was like, I don't know, I saw a girl in here. And I was like, that's okay. We're at a nightclub. He was like, I don't know.

I mean, you think you're trying to have a good time. And I'm like, it's okay. We're at a nightclub. And he was talking because we took Meatball's party fat slut out there. So we did a fat slut, which famously is a very mixed crowd. Very inclusive. And especially in P-Town, we were like, we're going to get a lot of, because P-Town

is a gay space. Yes. Gay includes women and non-binary people. Even during Bear Week, there are years... And trans. Don't forget about our trends, brothers and sisters. There are year-round residents. So, like, when fat slut happened, it was like townies, it was other, you know, as people there just for their wedding trip or whatever. And I was like, you can be annoyed if, like, the... Okay, not to do a tangent, but I'm trying to stay on theme here on your show. Yes. Tangents. Last night I was throwing my sex party.

That you won't let me work. Well, a woman showed up with her phone out. What? And she was like, I'm sort of like an influencer and I wanted to make a funny video about like being turned away from the sex party. And I was like, no, leave. But then I was like, if we're rude to her. she might then film and be like, I just got turned away so, you know, men can gather here, but I'm not allowed. And so what we ended up, I whispered to my friend who I, you know, throw the party with, and he handled it so beautifully.

He was like, you know, like we really value the, like, protect the identity of the people who come here and we want to make it a, but I was like, you need to tell her, you are threatening to make a safe space unsafe for a marginalized community. There you go. But I was like what... That is actually unhinged. She literally, I think the story was, and I was like sort of listening because I was like, I don't want to walk out there. I think she had dropped.

She was either with her friend prior and he came to the party, so she like knew it was happening, or she had dropped him off and then sort of separate from him had this idea of like, I'll go in and it'll be this like funny video of like my point of view of getting turned away from a sex party. I simply don't understand that my... That's what I mean by, like, not respecting the space. It's so wild to be like, yeah, I'm going to film the location. Rude.

I'm going to film the faces of the people throwing it. Crazy. I'm going to... Maybe patrons going in might be in, like, that's just so nuts. He turned her away, and, like, 90 seconds later, she came back in and, like, tried again to, like, explain... No, no, no, the concept of the videos, and we were like, you? ma'am. That's another thing about modern times that I don't like, people being like, no, you don't

understand my video that I'm trying to do. It's my video. Well, you're not the main character in this part of the story. And that part where you came up with it, you're the main character. I love it. I love it. But I'm saying I don't want to be a participant. And I'm allowed to say no.

I get stuck on those videos on TikTok of people exercising their First Amendment right to film in public. Have you ever seen these? I'm not a TikTok girlie. Okay, that's fine. Have you seen them on Instagram? I don't think so. It has not been aggregated to me yet. Well, now after I say it in front of your phone. It's somewhere. No, it's just these, they're rage baiters. They set up on the street in front of a business and they film into the business. And then the store owner walks out and says, we can't have you filming our customers. And they go, oh, we can't. It is so infuriating. And they are correct, they're allowed to film in public on a public street and anything

that can be seen from a public street as long as they don't cross the threshold and we're being filmed probably at, you know, whether a traffic camera, whether a ring camera, a traffic camera, like whatever, you can

we could probably piece together your whole public day. Oh my God. From cameras somewhere. Oh yeah, that's when they're like, here are the last moments of Sydney who fell in a well. Yes, or like Did you see the amazing film, Madam Webb? Did I? I've seen it several times.

Me too. I liked it. Me too, Nicole! Dipper, I really think they, when, upon first screening, I really think these as X should have looked at each other and said, should we pivot to Rocky Horror where we invite people to talk to the screen and, like, really embrace how campy this is? Yes.

I think it would have done better. Like, there are so many, like, weird moments or pauses and dialogue that we could, like, yell out. like get the Pepsi or like whatever the product placement on that is crazy she holds that can of Pepsi so much but never drinks it and then when they're doing the CPR one two three four I'm tired keep the rhythm one two I'm tired her driving that taxi to the airport getting on a plate and being in another country within minutes oh yeah she was like wait for me yes yes in the woods and then you went to the job jungle and the spider people took you down into the water the spider people said a white lady come on please he was like i birthed you that's crazy but anyways yes how they find them how um uh oh my god blanking on her name shosh from girls yes how she finds them on the computer is she taps into all the cameras yes she does madam web is watching you madame web is watching you yeah i loved madam have you have you seen craving

No. I have talked about Craven so much on this podcast. What's its relation to Madam Webb? So Madam Webb is in the spider universe. Sony had licensing to the Spider-Man villains. Yes. So Craven is a Spider-Man villain, but they do his origin story where he's actually the hero,

and Aaron Taylor-Joy's in it, and he's so pretty. Is it Anya Taylor-Joy's brother? I don't know. Maybe. That's crazy. He's also a Nosephiris shoot. I think you mean Aaron Taylor-Johnson. That's funny.

I think I always call him Aaron Taylor Joy. Yes, you do. Aaron Taylor Johnson. I refuse to remember that. That's okay. But he's in it. He's got enough money. He doesn't need you to remember his name.

He certainly does. And then also Russell Crow is in it. Okay. And he's so bloated that you're just like worried the whole time. Oh, God. Is he going to pop? Russell Crow is in this very formative queer film from Australia. Oh, no.

From like, I think the 90s, but it could have been filmed in the 80s. He's so, he plays like a young rugby player. Faggot, gay man. I didn't say it. He is so hot. And he's like taking care of his dad who had a stroke. His dad's like writing him notes, like, go get the guy. You know, like it's like a rom-com.

It is, ugh. What's the name of the movie? Please help me. Is it the sum of us? Yes, that's correct. Oh. That will make you want to jerk off and cry at the same time. That movie, he's so hot in that movie.

Well, in Craven? He's bloated. He's a little bloated. Okay. It's like he just had every night before filming, he just had a lot of salt. And it's not a fat joke. It's just he seems bloated. Bloated.

Just like a lot of drinking the night before, a lot of French fries. And he does a Russian accent, but it's so nice. I haven't heard of this movie ever. I should see it. I genuinely love it. Dipper, we have to take a break. That's fine. Don't yell at me.

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dot com slash date me we're back still yelling I love yelling so wait are you you're not single you are single I'm single I'm chronically single do you want to be in a relationship it feels like no no yeah it feels like no

but I would be open to it I'm I'm a holic I'm a workaholic yes you do work a lot And I'm a binger. And so I don't know that in the current setup of my life, there's space for a relationship. And so it's been really easy to, like, not look for one. I had, I've had, like, I will say, three-ish pretty formative relationships in my life.

Would you call them great loves? No Um Okay But like the first one was like a secret Like passionate love affair with a co-worker When we were like camp counselors And so we were supposed to be like

You know overseeing the kids And we were like all living in these dorms And we were like the RAs And so on our nights off we would like sneak around Oh my God That was very cool How old were you? I was, I don't know, 24, 25, and he was very different looking than I, like, model good looking.

Okay. Like, you're like, oh, yeah, abs are this many numbers. Oh, no, they're that many numbers. When you touch an ab for the first time that's defined, it's like, well, the money can do that. Truly. And I was like, yeah, cool. One, two, four, five, six, six, six. seven, eight, nine.

Like, what are we doing? So that was, and I had known him when I was, I, like, met him when I was, like, in my early 20s, and I was just sort of like, boop-ro-do, bro, and then I sort of, like, matured into a more confident version of myself. And then I was like, oh, like, my little crush on you is reciprocated. That was cool. And then I sort of dated someone who was, like, a colleague, very similar to me. I love it.

You're like, I'm not going far to find him. anybody. I'm going to work. I'm clocking in. No. And then locking him. Not a college. I guess not a it was someone who did similar work to me. Okay. In Chicago. Like we both worked in theater. We were both bears. We like socialized. So it felt very like boyfriend twin. Oh, okay. Type of vibe. And that was sort of short-lived. And I was also at the height of my pot head of my pothead era. And so like, I don't remember any of dating him. But he has like, he's. How devastating. for him. Well, he's reminded me of like, yeah, and you had pretty wild behavior. Like, you would get up at five in the morning and go smoke a joint and then come back to bed and

like smell like weed. And I really thought you were a burnout. That was short-lived, but fun. And we're still friends now. Okay. And then I had like my most adult relationship, which we lived together in New York. Oh. Yeah. For how long? Three years. That's a solid amount of time. Yeah. And we like, you know, visited each other's fans. And, like, you know, we were like, we were doing really well. And he had said to me, he was like, this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Because I am a communicator. And he had only been in, like, non-communicative relationships before.

So he was like, he was like, oh, we like talk about problems. I learned a lot about how other people don't process like I do. He would say to me, like, I need a day. And then we can discuss that. And I was like, well, don't avoid. He's like, I'm not avoiding. I just need a day. I just need some time to process this.

And I ask, why did it end? I ended it to move here. Oh, okay. And he wanted kids. Ah. And he was ready. He was 11 years older than me. And he was ready to, like, be like, I've done a lot of crazy stuff.

He had lived in L.A. He went back to New York. He had done his, like, artist day. He had done all this stuff. And he was like, I'm ready to settle down. And I was like, I'm just. just getting started. We are still friends.

I like that. Every time I talk to him on the phone, I'm like, got to steal him back from his man. But not in a way that I think I'm like actively pursuing. No. Just in a way when I talk to him, I'm reminded of like... How good it was.

Yes. How healthy it was. And it wasn't out of... You know how sometimes you look back and you're like, oh, well, that, I wasn't even being real. It was just out of convenience. This, I sort of thought it was because it just happened out of nowhere. I was like, oh, now we're dating. Now we live together. But like, it really was a very

good relationship. I think that's really sweet that that's one of the relationships that was formative for you. And I also think it's really sweet that the two of you remain friends after being like, well, we're just not going to work because we want different things. But there's still love here. And it didn't devolve into anything like, you know, like sometimes people break up and they're like, fuck that person. I never understand that. And I'm like. Yikes. Yeah. Like, I had a bad, pretty bad relationship with somebody for a while.

It was a situation, so, you know, whatever. That is a relationship. And it wasn't good, but I refused to, like, truly badmouthed this person. Because it's like, I spent two years with them. So if I'm badmouthing them, what the fuck does that make me? Yeah. A fucking idiot. And I refused to be an idiot.

I learned a lot. And also, like, I have not been in the, like, he didn't cheat on me. or lie to me or steal money for me. It's like sometimes when people are like, fuck my ex, and then you find out what they did. You're like, got it. Yeah, got it. You threw a dog out the window down the stairs

and shot your coffee table. Yeah. And it's three legs, man. And it's like, oh, no. How will it ever? No, I was just a friend of mine after I left Bear Week, this friend of mine out there texted me a photo of me and my ex from 13 years.

ago, like one of the first bear weeks he took me to. He was the first one that took me. And I was like, I'll show you the picture. It's super cute. And I was like, oh, I missed that. And I immediately texted it to him. And he was like, oh, my God, that's so great. Like, look at that photo.

And then he said to me, he was like, man, I really should have taken advantage of, like, having a lot more sex when I was, like, that age when I was younger. And I was like, yeah, remember I was trying to pass your hole around town and you wouldn't let me? he was like too shy. Remember when I was trying to pass your hole around town and you were too shy. What a sentence.

When we got together, he was like, do you want to be my boyfriend, but I know you don't want to be monogamous? And I was like, correct, because I was traveling a lot for gigs. I was out of town like every other weekend. I was like, I'm trying to fuck, you know, whoever's in Denver.

How do you? Not get jealous about your partner fucking other people. Oh, God, I'm going to butcher the word. What does it mean? Cornucopia. When you derive pleasure from your partner's pleasure or happiness. It's like corporalism. Oh, yeah.

Compersion? Compersion. Compersion. That is a pretty word. Yes. So, like, I have that because in my mind, like, if we were dating, we would have this and that, and our history and our love for Madam Webb and all of those things that have been the building blocks. So the fact that I could walk across the room and go up to some guy that you and I were looking at, we're like, he's hot. And I'm like, yeah.

And I walk over and I say, hey, my partner. has a hole for you. You want to fuck? And the hot guy comes over, and I go, have at it. And you look at me and you're like, cool, thank you. And then you get this pleasure and we have this connection around. So what? The dick goes in you?

I like, I don't care. Like, that to me is a deeper connection than just the sex. I, on a fundamental level, I do get it. Yeah. But in my brain, I immediately. go, well, that means I'm not enough. It means that I'll never be enough. They'll always need something else.

And one day they're just going to leave me. But it's like, well, they could also leave me in a monogamous relationship. Yeah, of course. I remember having dinner with my family one time. And it was shortly after I broke up with this guy. And my mom was like, well, I just want you to be happy. You know, do you think that you might want to try to date someone again? You know, it's like her and my dad have been together for forever.

There was like, you know, my mom dated like one guy for a little bit and then they settled down and they got married. Like it was like, and I said to her, maybe, but like also maybe in a decade. Like I don't know. I sort of foresee having anywhere from five to ten good, solid life, you know, altering or very impactful to my life relationships. And I think that is a positive view. of a love life.

Like, I don't think one person forever is going to make me happy. And so to me, you know, the like, am I not enough question? I'm like, well, no one is enough. I hang out with my friends to get this vibe. I hang out with a sexual partner to get that vibe. I don't want to date the guy who fucks like a stallion, you know, and everyone's jealous of. That's not my boyfriend. Like, I want to have him in my phone to call him up and say...

Fuck me like a stallion. Ring the alarm. Ring the alarm. Ring the alarm. But you know what I mean? Like, I want to call him up and be like, it's fucking time. But I don't necessarily... It's morphing time.

It's fucking time. You know, I don't necessarily want him on my couch every night. Sure, I get that. And so I think, you know, to have a full life, we fill it. I have my family bucket and my workbook and my this and my that. And so I don't think a relationship is necessarily different than that. I think just the parameters of what it means to date someone means one thing. I do think the compersion bit is a little more challenging when you're not organizing it together.

Yes, because if you're in Denver looking for trade, then how is the compersion happening with you and your partner? Exactly. Now, I'll tell you, an example for me was, I went out of town, so we were with this ex from, you know, it's so funny, this is from like over a decade ago, but the entire time we were together, we were open, I acted upon it way more than he did. We both knew that. I also, like, I was younger. My libido was way more intense than his was. But, like, I remember one time coming back from a gig, and I was like, what was your weekend? And, like, he was like, oh, there were these open studios in Williamsburg.

So I, like, walked around. I had some fun. I was like, I saw a little twinkle in his eyes. Like, what do you mean? He was like, well, I went into this one gallery and, like, the guy was there, and he was really hot. We were sort of, like, flirting, and no one else came in. And he sort of slid back this curtain and revealed this back room, and I followed him back there. And we fucked in the studio.

And I was like, tell me all the details. And, like, it got me hot. And then we ended up fucking. Where you were like, let me hear about it. Yes. Also, that doesn't happen for straight women. I've never been to a gallery where someone slid a fucking curtain back and was like, let me fuck you.

I feel like that only happens to gay men and in queer as folk. I feel like you could be accurate in that assumption. Have you ever had sex in an art gallery? No! I've had sex in three different art galleries. Of course you have. I remember in Chicago I went by and this guy was like setting up his show

and when I went in the front door I locked it behind me so I could blow him And he didn't know that was coming But he liked it Don't do you can't I didn't lock it with I locked it with the key and swallowed it No I like flipped the dead bolt

So no one would come in after me And after I blow you got to wait till that shit That's my king If you swallowed the key And then you guys Follow it, what you said. Out of the dukees. Out of the dukies.

Oh my God. So, yeah, I don't know. I'd be open to a boyfriend. You know? But you got to match my freak. You know what I mean? Like, you have to meet me where I'm at. I've always said at this point, I feel like conversations around promiscuity and non-monogamy and like STIs and like taking prep and you know about doxie.

Do you know about this? Oh, what's doxie? So doxy is doxycycline that a lot of people take for, like, acne, or, like, if you get an ear infection, it's like a pretty standard antibiotic. But sexual health, like medical providers are prescribing for promiscuous, mostly in the gay community, but just anyone who is, like, having a lot of sex, to have a store of doxy at home. And if you have unprotected sex, there's a window of time from, like, 24 to 72 hours where you can take a double dose to a. 200 milligrams of doxy, and it greatly reduces the risk of getting chlamydia or gonorrhea. Oh. And so, like, people take doxy all the time.

They'll, like, go have, you know, they're on their prep or they're on their HIV meds, and then they go and have, like, you know, unprotected sex. And then they take their doxy, and then they don't end up, you know, getting chlamydia. That's nice. And if the whole crew of people at the orgy or whatever are all fucking drugged up, like medicated up. Yeah, medicated up. We're not partying and playing. The risk is significantly lower across the board.

You're doing a public service. Yeah. Tell you be right here. Yes, right here. Do your research to figure out the dosage. But yeah, it's like a, it's an up to 72 hour window typically. You know, that's what we need more of. Sexual health education.

Sexual health education. Also just like finding cures for things. Oh, yeah. Can we like, AIDS still doesn't have a cure? Well. Don't get me started on the... Well, it's not nice. We should find a cure for it.

Yeah, I'm just saying there's big money and not having a cure. Not to get all... Because you could keep people on medication that they have to pay for and some people have to pay out of pocket and whatnot. I think they're close, though, on the cure. Well, get on it. I think that's what they should use AI for. Use AI to find cures for cancer and AIDS and...

And fixing the fucking... The ozone layer. There you go. That's the word. But I think... It's ruining the ozone layer more. Bro, what's happening down in Memphis is crazy. Is it Memphis where they have the AI farm where people don't have water? Grock.

It's crazy. It's so wild. What are we doing? I talk about AI every episode because I hate it. Yeah. I simply don't like it. I think it's bad. The challenge that I find is that we can't slip into the older generation thing of the new thing.

thing is so bad that we fight it because we have to know, you know, when cell phones first came around, there were people who were like, I'm not getting a cell phone. I take calls in my office and I take calls on my home. It's like, they were right. It's, I agree. I should not have a computer in my pocket. But it's going that direction. Yes. So the question is how to embrace it in a way that is as ethical as possible, as environmentally protective as possible. And it's about these big restrictions need to be put on how it's used from like a top down level but sadly our top down right now is pretty it's not good i'll say i'll say it's not good i say that i say that it's not good um i i guess i agree with you but like i've gotten i've there's been like two videos recently

where i was like i shared it with someone they're like you know this is ai and i was like oh no oh you did i'm getting fooled and i don't like that i don't like that at all i don't want to be fooled anymore What fooled you? Was the cat talking? No, I was a lady falling off a fence. Did she have all her fingers? Upon closer inspection, the way she falls is not how people fall. No, I always clocked that there's something with the audio.

It's always sort of crackly up top. Interesting. But it's going to get to a point where it's not crackly up top. Everyone's going to have their fingers and toes, and it's going to look so fucking real. True. Oh, Lord. If you love a complicated slow burn romance, pride and prejudice is the blueprint. And now there's a brand new way to experience it with a full cast, audible original performance that brings the drama to life.

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deeply human solutions to your deeply human problems. Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR. Dipper? Yes. Do you have any advice for single people? I am single. I know. Do you have advice for your fellow

fucking people? I guess, but in what context? To achieve what? Happiness. Do you? for me? Because I'm flailing. What are you talking about? I do. You could be nicer to yourself. Oh, I thought you were about to say nicer to people. No, I don't give a shit about people. Which is, again, me being mean to myself. No, I think you, you could be nicer to yourself. Because so many people love you, so why would you be mean to that person? That's true. Did Mary

teach you that? Listen, I've moved on from therapists. I know, I know. But Mary did kind of teach you that. I feel like she did, because I feel like I learned that lesson from you like three or four years ago. Well, we first started working together. She was like, what do you want out of therapy? I was like, to be better. And she's like, let's just accept this person that you are and work on maybe improving that person. And I was like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, it's like, what's better? Yeah. What is better? What is better? I don't know. Subjective. It is subjective. I don't know.

I know how I want to be a better person. I would like to wake up just earlier, earlier than. I need to and like take time for myself because the way I wake up is I wake up and I go, all right, I have to get ready in 10 minutes. And then 30 minutes will roll by. And then I go, oh, no. And then I'm like like a little hurricane in my house trying to like figure out how to leave. And then my poor dog gets a short walk.

It's like I'm walking later. And it's just like if I just woke up a little bit earlier and took time for me, I think I would be happier. Yeah. But that's been really hard for me to do. It's a challenge. I think it's really hard to this modern age we like consume so much. Yeah.

And so much that we consume on that tiny little computer in our pocket is like unqualified people giving us advice. Yes. Is people that will never interact in real life showing us what a better life they have. Like when we talk about, oh, is today. a hellscape. I consider this all the time. I'm like, things are much better, but they feel much worse because we are consuming every tiny little piece of news.

Yeah. But also back in the day, the only news we got was heavily filtered by the companies that owned the three newspapers or the three channels that showed the nightly news or whatever. So it's really hard to discern like what's real and what's not and what's right and what's wrong. what's better and what's not better. So I think, like, to comment on your how to be better, but then also answer the advice question, I think it's like finding something you can do

that makes you feel good that isn't, like, destructive. I participate in a lot of behavior that makes me feel good in the moment, but then I don't. Like instant gratification, and then you're like, well? I'll stay up and binge a TV show all night long. but then I'm tired the next day and I love the binge but then when I'm exhausted

the next day I'm like what did I do that for? Same with food Yeah, that's me with food you know and I'm just like why not go the step beyond and then like

do the thing that I know is going to make me feel good ultimately not in the moment because that's hard instant gratification is a really nice thing and we're trained to look for it even more

now than now more than Post something and then people immediately like it. And you're like, ooh, how many likes do I get? Yeah. And how many times a day do you look at that phone because you get a ding and it's a fucking ad? Yes. And then I spend more time on the phone.

So I mean, I put a timer on my phone. Yeah. So I have to ask for more time on Instagram when it hits it. Please, sir, can I have some more? Yeah. And every time I'm like 15 more minutes, I'm like, God, you little crackhead, go read a book. Go do anything else. Go read a book.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a lot. I've been struggling through this book that I like, but it's like, it's really hard to sit and read for 45 minutes to an hour. Yeah. So I'm reading an easier book because it's written like a text message. And I'm like, so I'm like. With the bubbles? No.

Oh. I just mean it's not written well. It's easy sentences, easy to read. How you find it? You Google easy book? No, it's just a book that I've had for a really long time. Oh, okay. So I'm rereading that.

It is, uh... It's okay. You don't have to share. It makes you happy. It's a chill. It's a giving tree. Okay. I'm just reading the giving tree over and over and over again.

It makes me happy. Yeah. I like the book, but I was like, that's how I'm going to ease into reading again. I'm going to finish this easy-ish novel. Yes, yes. And then I'm going to go back to my harder one. Yeah. Girl, times is tough for the brain.

It is. And a new frontier. We've never been here before. We don't know how, like, corroded. our fucking technology zapped brains are. No. Okay, I have a question for you. Yeah.

How do you feel about this? I have this mentality when it comes to men. I want to fuck first. And I want to see if the sex is good and fun and excited. And then I'd be willing to like have coffee. I love that. You do. And that's honestly how I used to be.

Okay. I used to be like, I got to fuck you on the first date to make sure that the dick is good, this, that, and the other. But I never dated anybody who actually liked me. If I were to really be real with myself and think about everyone I dated for more than three dates, for more than a month, not one of those men liked me. I was there. I was available. Good sexual chemistry? Most of them, yes.

Most of the people I dated past like a month or whatever. And then the person I dated a couple years ago, I was like, I think I'll wait. And then we waited. It was good. But then like that person also didn't, I don't, I think they liked me, but like we were not compatible. And then my current partner, I think we're compatible in a lot of different aspects, sexually, non-sexual. And he is one of my favorite people to just like be with. See.

And that's why I'm like reconsidering. this philosophy. Yeah, because with him, it's like, everything's really good. You know, and it's not, it's like we have problems. Everybody has problems. Sure. But, like, for the most part, I would say, like, 97% of it is really fucking good. Right.

And you want to be like, I want to talk to you about Craven over and over again. This man, we were at a hotel, and we were at a bar before we got to the hotel. He was like, I can't wait to get in bed and watch Craven with you. And I was like, oh. You were drenched. Drenched. Soaking, fucking wet. They had to get the mops out.

Ring the alarm. Ring the alarm. Get the mops. And then he spent a good half hour trying to cast it to the hotel TV. Oh. And then it didn't work. So then he just set up his laptop where we could both watch it. And then it was just like so sweet.

And then he kept threatening to buy an HD by eye cable, H-D-Mye. Threatening. Yeah, but he never did it. So that's why it was a threat. But it was just like, this person in my life loves me and wants to make me happy. And I'm happy watching Craven in a hotel room. So he was like, I want to make that happen. And I guess that means, that means so much to me.

Yeah. And it's like sex is a plus. It's like a bonus. But it's like being with someone who likes me and admires me and like looks at me in the way that, like, I'm just like, oh, my God, he, like, really, he thought that was funny. Yeah. Well, because that's the thing of, like, the, like, oh, you can always go out and find more sex. Yes.

You can always, like, you know, maybe your relationship isn't open, but you have an agreement that, like, oh, it's summertime. Let's have one night where we, like, bring in a third or let's do this or let's do that. You can always do that. But that, like, long-term sort of connected chemistry, that's a harder thing to, to, to find. And so it's almost like, I think for me, in looking out into the, you know, the sea, the fish in the sea. I'm always thinking about like, well, who's going to, like, I haven't met anyone that has really captured my attention, you know, and like one way or the other. I'm also so impressed when people have been together for a really long time. Same. And then they go like,

oh yeah, I couldn't keep my hands off them. We like had to fuck again. I'm like, really? Sometimes when I go back... You're not sick of it? I'm like, sometimes when I go back for thirds, I'm like, okay, that's... But I think there's something to being attracted to somebody and then being best friends with somebody and then choosing to do life with that person,

I think all of that makes that person more attractive. And it makes you want to like never get your hands off of them. And it like... Yeah, I mean, it would be cool to be like, you know, a couple years into a relationship. And then they're like, oh, I called the band. and I, like, reorganized our retirement. We're going to get a better interest rate.

And I'm like, I'm going to suck the dick right off your body. Being with someone like that is nice. Like, my partner thinks of things like that. And I'm always like, whoa. My God, it blows me away. God, this is such a 40-year-old conversation. It's so funny. I used to do sex all the time.

But now I want someone to reorganize the interest rate. But now I want someone to do my retirement plan. Dipper, we have come to the end. And would you date me? You know, the first time I was on this show, I said no. Do you remember this? And no one has really said no. Yeah.

And I said no because I was like, I don't date women and I think we're too alike. Well, my friend Mitch, that was what he said. He was like, I think we would just like eat ourselves to death. We're too much alike. Oh, my God. That is so funny. But, you know, we've grown closer over time. Yeah.

And I feel like we've both matured in ways that would be. complimentary. I think so too. Also, you say you communicate a lot. I'm getting there. Communication is very hard. I used to be a person that was like, oh, I need a day. Or I wouldn't even say I needed a day. I would just be like, it's fine. And then a day and a half later, I'd be like, here's a wall of a text. It wasn't fine. It wasn't fine. Yeah, I would do you. But I'm getting into the mindset of like, in the moment I can say, hey, I didn't love that. Yeah. I didn't like that.

And there's a way about doing that that when you communicate it, you're also, you've, you learn, or at least for me, like, there's a way to be like, I didn't like that. And it's fighting versus, hey, I didn't like that. And here's why. Yes. And it's like said with a loving tone or like an inviting tone of like, we're still here. We can talk about this. Yeah.

But I just want to let you know, don't do that again. I once dated somebody where I had to do a lot of preamble before doing that. I had to go, hey, this is not a dig on you, your character, you as a person, but I didn't like when you did X, Y, and Z. And then somehow they would always turn it around on how they were a bad person and how that is exhausting. It's so exhausting because you're like, now you've created a brand new issue when I'm just trying to talk about what happened here.

And it's like, why can't you just say sorry? And hear me when I say, if I did. didn't like you, I wouldn't be doing the work of trying to make this better. Yes. Yes. I like you. Yes. That's why we're talking about it.

Oh, Dipper, you get it. Maybe I am ready for a boyfriend. It sounds like you are. Call me. Call me gentlemen. Well, where can people find you? What do you want to promote? I'm on Instagram at Big Dipper Jelly.

I have a podcast with Meatball, former guest this pod called Sloppy Seconds. It's such a fun time. We've been doing it forever. Isn't it crazy to reflect back and be like, wow, we've been podcasting forever? I mean, you've been doing... I can't believe how long I've done this show. It's so cool.

And I can't believe I still like doing it. I really love doing this show. I love podcasting. It was my one goal in moving out here because your co-host on another show, Lauren Lapkis. Yeah. We went to middle school and high school together. She was my prom date. Do you have a picture of that?

No, because I didn't... I'm sure Lauren does. Oh, yeah, and it's a photo of her sitting next to an empty chair with my sport coat on it because I was a senior and she was a junior and I was gay, duh. So there was no pretense that we were like on a date. And I was like, I'm bringing my friend, but I'm friends with everybody here. So I was like on the dance floor, like having a great time. And she'll always text it to me.

It's a photo of her with an empty chair. And she's like, just you remember this. Just you remember this. Were you out in high school? No. I came out to like three people in my senior year. So some people knew, and most people suspected. But Lauren had a bunch of successful podcasts, and so when I moved out to L.A., my goal was to start a podcast. And shortly after I moved, I met Meatball, and I was like, hello, stranger.

Would you like to start a podcast together? And that's how we started working together. Really? Yeah. That's so funny. You weren't friends before? No. I met her in a nightclub backstage. We had a really nice conversation. And I've been sober for like 14 years. And I said to her backstage, she's in drag. Back when she used to wear leotards with the belly cut out. Yeah.

And I was like, okay. We're both bears. And we're having this coherent conversation. I was like, so great to meet someone and have like a real actual non, like, drunk conversation at nightclub. She was blacked out drunk. Her superpower is that people don't know that she's blackout. She's vomiting somewhere.

Right. And then I hit her up the next day. And I was like, let's have a lot. a meeting about this thing and we started the podcast and it was like months later she was like I don't remember that that's so funny I don't remember that I'll go to this meeting

but then it was later revealed to me that prior to her drag career she was a fan she came to my shows she bought my merch we found old pictures of her tagging old pictures tagging me talking about in my big dipper jelly merch

oh my I'm obsessed with that oh yeah that's so much. Why won't you let me work a sex party? I think because currently the gay male ego is too fragile to have a femme energy in that space. If my sex party evolves and we have like a queer or like more inclusive scenario, then yes. Very Jemir answer. What if? If I do drag. You're also too famous. What if I do drag?

And do what? Then you're not going to want to work. What if I do? You would hang out? What if I do drag at the door? Oh, you want to do drag at the door? Yeah, where I just look like Keenan Thompson and I take money in people's coats. The problem is that men when they're coming to these spaces, they're like parked their car and they're like kind of nervous and they put their head down and they're like, they're not ready because.

we, you know, we do them in cool and interesting, industrial and unique locations. So people are trying to zip on in there. I get it. If I do, I'm looking to expand the brand. I'm going to turn the brand. It's fine. Listen, I'm going to turn the brand into a porn studio. Oh.

And I'm going to turn the brand into like a nightlife thing. So as we expand that, there will be a place for you in the drain your nut family. It's such a funny name for something. thing. Drain your nut. So proud of it as a branding position. It's so funny. Because it's like, it can become D-Y-N, which like is a weird three letters, but it like... It's like, what would Jesus do?

What is it? Drain your nut. Drain your nut means so many things. Could be a party where you're like, dance your face off. It could become a gambling night where you drain your nut. Drain your nut. Spend your money. Yeah? Or it could be what it is right now, which is a fuck party where everybody comes. And where can people find that?

Drainyournut.com. That on the show advertising the sex party is wild. I mean, maybe it'll become like a dust and a nation. People will come to visit L.A. to come to drain your nut. Well, we do it in Phoenix and Palm Springs, soon to be San Francisco. Too hot. Chicago. All these places have air conditioning.

San Diego. You heard it here first. We do it everywhere. All those places have air conditioning. Okay. Well, if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me? You can like. You can rate.

You can subscribe. Give me five stars on. Apple podcast. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com, we're running low. Please send some. Don't send them to my, to like my Instagram or anything. Please send them to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com. Dear Nicole, if I knew I could get a chance with you, I would take a course to get licensed in hot air balloon flying. I would pick the prettiest purple hot air balloon and fly you up in it. Okay. I'd eat your pussy so good that you reach a new level of pleasure that makes you

giggle uncontrollable. Well, yeah, because you'd be up in the air. Yeah, the altitude. Oh, new level. You know, that was smart. You got it. I didn't get that joke. With each giggle, your pussy eating would get better and better until we fill the hot air balloon with your juices.

Well, that's going to weigh it down. You're trying to kill me? Who knows? Maybe we'll give the airplanes above a good show. From Anonymous Gemini fan. Thank you, Anonymous Gemini fan. Famously loved to look down through the floor of the airplane. Why don't they make...

They have boats with the clear bottoms. Why don't they make planes with the clear bottom? It would be too scary. I would love it. Yeah. Bye! Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya.

It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempth. Our VP of Content at HeadGum is Katie Moose. And our Thieve music is arranged by Mike Cometay. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye-bye.

That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and HeadGum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of. Some you definitely haven't.

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