Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Hot Girl Summer (w/ Lawrence Chaney)

Episode Date: August 20, 2021

Drag queen of Scots Lawrence Chaney (winner of RPDR UK S2) chats with Nicole about his dating live after winning Drag Race, how he got banned from Tinder for 'catfishing' as himself, and pitches to host the UK version of Nailed It!. Meanwhile, Nicole's plans for a Hot Girl Summer have gone awry. For more drag queens on WWYDM, check out our episode playlist on Spotify: bit.ly/wwydmdrag Black Lives Matter. For a list of resources and ways to support, see blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer New Merch Store! podswag.com/dateme Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Hi, I'm doing stand-up at the Brea Improv in Brea, California, Saturday, August 21st at 7 p.m. And then there's another show at 9 30. And then Sunday, August 22nd at 7 p.m. I will be running my special that I'm shooting for Netflix later this month. So, you know, you can see it live. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me?

The podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single even though you could drive me to the beach, throw me into the ocean, and say, bitch, figure out how to get home yourself. Today, my guest is a drag queen all the way from Glasgow, Scotland. She's the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race UK Season 2. Ah! I'm so excited. It's Laurence Janney.

Hey! Thank you so much for having me, Nicole. Oh, my God. This is such a dream come true, you know? Thank you so much for having me, Nicole. Oh my God. This is such a dream come true, you know? Thank you so much for doing this. After watching Drag Race Season 2 UK, I said it in the wrong order, whatever. I've been like trying to say babes, but like it doesn't really like roll off my tongue very well. You mean like you'll rock babes? Yes.

You'll rock babes? Yes. Wait, what are you saying? rock, babes? Yes You'll rock, babes? Yes Wait, what are you saying? You rock, babes? No, you'll rock, babes But because you say it so quickly You'll rock, babes You'll rock, babes

Yeah, see the quicker you say it Okay You rock, babes That's better That's better? Okay Wait, so you're from Scotland Yeah I have a question.

So Scotland is part of the UK. This has been explained to me so many times and it like doesn't take to my brain. Yes. So Scotland is a separate country from England. So the UK is formed of Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland. So we're all like one combined superpower, you could say. Well, yeah, it's very bizarre. Like in Scotland, we're trying to get independence and stuff like that,

which basically just means, or the way I kind of see it, is we have a leader up here, you know, we have our own government in Scotland, but, you know, what's annoying, especially with lockdowns, is if in England, the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, wants to lift lockdown because their cases are lower, that's not maybe the same or the best option for up in Scotland or in Wales or something

so it needs to be done I think it needs to be like powers need to be handed over to like local governments I know we're getting very political very early on but it's 2021 we gotta talk about politics so okay in Scotland what are the boys like there? I want a Scottish boy. I want either a Scottish boy or an Irish boy. I just want somebody with an accent. And no offense, I don't want anybody English. Well, people love Scottish people and Irish people,

and it's all about the accent. And because we've got a high frequency of ginger people. And people really slag off ginger people, I feel, except in the bedroom. You know, they're always very, oh, you know, I'd rather that than be ginger. You know, they always say things like that. But then I don't see you hating

when there's a ginger person in the bed, you know? But no, dating is a bizarre thing in Scotland because Scotland's small. You know, it's quite a small country. So chances are, if I've dated someone, everyone knows who that person is. And then if my friend's broken up with someone, you know who it is. You know, so it's a very small dating pool, especially in like the gay universe. Oh yeah, I can imagine.

It's like the Marvel universe, but you know. Just a little smaller. Yes. That makes sense. I love a ginger. There's an actor, Damal Gleeson. I think I say his name right. Yes, yes.

My fucking God, Lawrence. Oh, if I had the chance. Oh, boy. I'd never let him go. He's so fucking hot. Truly. Oh, my God. He's my, like, number one right now.

Number one on the list. Number one on the list. I'm going to, you know, check him off one of these days. You know? Oh, my God. list um i'm gonna you know check him off one of these days you know oh my god has dating been i ask all the drag race girls this because i'm just so curious about the experience has dating been harder or easier since you've been on the television and then fucking won the won the gig girl so what what is so bizarre which i find really weird because I still live in the same flat you know the same apartment

that I have lived in for the past few years so before I won Drag Race when I was still doing local gigs and you know so not much has changed I still see myself as like the same old lozza you know but what's so weird is

people that would you know. But what's so weird is people that would, you know, apps like Grindr, Tinder, people who would never speak to me before, because, you know, plus size, they've got all that kind of discrimination in the head. They're like, no, don't want the facts, don't want that, you know. Suddenly they're like, oh, do you want to come over tonight and watch a film?

I'm like, no, I don't want to come over and watch a film with you. And it's difficult because a lot of the time these people are very visually good looking. But I'm so like, I guess there's still that bitter side of me that's like, no, I tapped you on Grindr two years ago and you didn't want me. So I'm not going to let you have it. I love it. I love being petty. It's one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. But yeah, it is kind of like a true mind fuck.

So you're like, I don't know if you want me because I'm on TV. Obviously it is because you didn't want me two years ago. And then it's, it's very, it does, it does something to your fucking brain. Well, and I remember, so before I was on Drag Race, I, um, like, you know, we have a BBC in Scotland. So I was like filming some little things for TV here, you know, just very local I was like filming some little things for TV here, you know, just very local things, adverts, things like that.

So I was kind of on the rise. So a lot of people did know me and I did a campaign for our like subway system in Glasgow. And, you know, there are posters of me in the city. And I remember one time on a date, we were walking around and they said, oh oh so what do you do for work and I was like um look behind you you know and that was so weird because especially because my real name is Lawrence and also my drag persona Lawrence so when people address you say a man would come up to you in the nightclub

or you know on a date it's hard to know who they're talking to are they called you know if they go Laurence Henn you look beautiful are you talking to me or are you talking to the rhinestones the glamour

the ostrich fit like is that who you're talking to or is it little Laza? You know, like, that's very weird. Very difficult to understand. Yeah, that must be so weird. Why did you choose your own name to be your drag name? So I always knew from a really young age that I,

so I loved acting. I loved, you know, comedy. I love people like Melissa McCarthy, Dawn French. I love anyone that can nail like a silly comedic fall and all that, that very physical humour I love. So I was just aware that I didn't want to cut myself off in regards to, you know how some drag queens are named like sexual innuendos,

so like penetration or like meth or, you know, when they name themselves something that's, you know, that would hinder them being on like Good Morning America or something like that. So I always knew my goal was like, you want to be a superstar, you want to be on TV, so you can't have a name like that. So I just stuck with my name because I was studying acting at the time and I was like, fuck it. Who cares? Who cares?

I think that's probably really smart. Because also it's like once you start getting like acting roles outside of drag then it's just like oh we don't have to differentiate it's just that's just my stage name and it's a name that can be used for acting as well i hate people's upset i think it's a very straight media thing you know uh just kind of straight media outlets are so obsessed with drag queens government names it drives me crazy you know it's always weird it's always bob the drag queen or and then it's in brackets and it's like why do you care like you're not talking to so-and-so today you're talking to bob the drag queen or laurence cheney you know it's so weird yeah i don't know why they do that they also really love to put your age yes and once they figure it out it's like everywhere and i tried so hard to keep my age

off the internet and it's not even a vanity thing it's so it's because i've heard casting directors go they're 32 they're too old to play 25 and you're like but how they but they look young yeah yeah exactly why aren't you looking at the looks? It's so fucked up. Yeah, crazy, isn't it? This old world we live in. Yeah, I'm over it. Let's, me and you will go to Mars.

How about that? Honestly, I would love to. Like, they discovered UFOs last year, or not discovered, they were like, they're real, they're here. Beam me the fuck up and take me out of here. Yeah, beam me up, slutty. I have been trying to have a hot girl summer because I'm vaccinated and I'm ready and I'm fucking horny. And I am not doing well, okay?

I'm not horny. Yeah. And I am not doing well. Okay. I'm not doing well. So I was in Tacoma in July last month. So I was like, okay, I'm going to set up a dick appointment. And I'm very excited about this. So I started swiping on Tinder while I was in LA. I paid extra to change my fucking location. And then I matched with a bunch of people. I was like, oh my God, she's really thriving here in Tacoma in LA.

And I get up there and I messaged this guy and I was like, hey, do you want to meet me in my hotel room? Because I was like, why talk? Like, just let's get it done. Yeah, all in one message. Yeah, truly. He was like, I can't believe I don't have to do more to get to your hotel room. And I was like, no, I'm very horny.

Let's do this. And he was like, well, I have to get a babysitter. And I was like, I don't give a shit. Okay, get a babysitter. And then he was like, okay, I'm going to do it. And then he just stopped messaging me back. I was livid because I was trying to sandwich. I was trying to fuck before my show have my show fuck

after my show and then I imagined this other guy and then I was like well surely the late night one will come through and then he stopped messaging me back too and then I was like well one more I'll try one more time and then I was swiping and this I was like so he matched he messaged me he was like how are you doing and I was like great do you want to come to my hotel room and he was like he responded with what do you do for a living and I was like oh he recognized me and he's just like trying to confirm that it's me but I was like don't match with me I don't why are you matching with anybody unless you're trying to fuck him yeah but this is a question i have right so is is tinder like straight grinder nothing is as good as grinder they tell you by the foot where somebody

is i was gonna say they tell you by the foot and people are so open they're like hey in the park now trousers around my ankles come fuck I appreciate listen I like my friends to be honest and I like my hookups to be more honest so I appreciate the honesty of listen I'm face down ass up do you want to go for it I love that

you know I mean it's not the same the straights are not the same the straights are not the same rather the men who fuck women are not the same. The straights are not the same. The straights are not the same. Rather, the men who fuck women are not the same. Yes. I can't believe that you got stood up. That is insane. Three fucking times.

I shaved my pussy. I went all the way to a fucking Rite Aid. I bought a razor. I bought condoms. The guy at the counter was smiling at me. He was like, i know what's up and i was like he was ready to fuck i should have just been like do you want to fuck me in the back because he was like happy for me yeah i it took me a long time to shit my pussy because

i've been a minute but man i was I was very, very, very fucking angry. There's nothing worse than being like blue balls. Like, see, what I would call it in Scotland is we call it being a shite bag. So if you're being a shite bag, it's, you know, saying, oh, I'll come over. And then they just go silent. And, you know, when they're active or if it shows that they're green, they're online, but then they don't reply

and they go, sorry, I fell asleep. And you know in your head, you're like, I know you were not asleep. You were just trying to withhold from me. It is so annoying. Which is like, why lie?

Just be like, oh, I decided I didn't want to fuck you anymore. That would not hurt my feelings. I would just have an answer. That's the annoying thing is see by them withholding and not saying anything, you then don't arrange another dick appointment because you're like, oh, maybe they're shaving their pussy. Maybe they're doing whatever they need to do.

You have no idea but see if they just said oh listen I've had too much drink or listen on I need to get up early tomorrow I'm not going to do it fair enough but oh the lying

I can't do it cannot deal with it I don't like it it makes me so sad so upset makes you unhorny very unhorny it does me well I don't know if upset. It makes you unhorny. Very unhorny. It does make, well, I don't know if anything can actually make me unhorny.

They've tried. They've tried with you, but no, nothing makes you not horny. Also, I matched with this guy in LA and he was like, let's go out. And I was like, okay, well, I'm busy that day. And he was like, okay, what about this day? And I was like, okay, well, I'm busy that day. And he was like, okay, what about this day? And I was like, okay. And then he just never messaged me. And then messaged me like three days later and was like, man, I dropped the ball on this.

And I was like, you know, I don't want to go out with anybody who's like not fucking fully excited to go out with me. Yeah. Boy, these streets, it's really tough. L.A. is not what I thought it was going to be after we got our vaccines. It's still very bad and hard. Do you think, so have you noticed, see before, have you lived in LA before lockdown? I take it for like filming.

So have you noticed, is it harder to get hookups or dates? Or, you know, is it a lockdownbased thing where people have been isolated for so long that they now feel very antisocial and don't know what to do in these situations? Or is it just always that way? Honestly, I don't know. It was easier. It was definitely easier before our lockdown. like it was it was it was easier it was definitely easier before like our lockdown yeah we've been not locked down since i think may or like april and it just like the people haven't

been like i don't know hitting me up on the dating apps or anything but i was in new york for a week and i was like oh my god maybe i should move back to new york everybody's fucking freaky here like i'm like people were like half naked in uh washington square park i was like this is are we having an orgy what the fuck is up this these are my people yeah these are my la's not like this people are i don't know but i went to a gay club last night and yeah it's called precincts downtown la and the gays are back at it yeah the gays are really back at it well how do you feel you're a gay ally as well you know you're such a uh you support so many queer venues you support queer people um how do you find being in a gay club do you get any action do you find people coming up to you no no I don't get any action I had to ask I had to I

was trying to this one guy he was so hot he was like I love you so much you're so adorable uh you're very funny and I was like oh thank you so much do you fuck ladies and he was like i have to go and i was like okay no you you were sipping your drink and you went oh thank you yeah uh-huh i'll take it i'll take that big rock hard dick yeah i mean the gays i guess i shouldn't call them the gays the gays trademark trademark people yeah i just think are more fun they're like yeah i don't know like i was wearing this like long mullet that this adorable man named larry made for me and a little sonic t-shirt and everybody was like i like your sonic t-shirt i like your mullet your makeup looks pretty if I wore that to like a straight place nobody would blink an eye they'd be like oh whatever I guess she's like wearing a mullet

but like I don't know gay people take time to compliment you it's it's nice though it's I don't know I think there's this overwhelming feeling when you go to a gay club I remember it the first time I went out in drag even though I looked a mess there's this energy of uplifting which I think is really good it's it's so nice to see that energy because obviously on the streets queer people are beaten abused chased uh shouted at so it's so nice that you know in queer spaces that energy's there and it's also there for people that aren't queer that are straight that are you know someone's brought their friends and they're just chilling I love that energy yeah I love it too it's very welcoming yeah honestly that might be

why I like being in queer spaces so much because yeah I just feel welcomed I don't feel like an outsider uh I don't feel like I'm not the prettiest person in the room where I feel welcomed I don't feel like an outsider I don't feel like I'm not the prettiest person in the room where I feel like I don't know like straight men I don't say just straight yeah straight men have a tendency to like really let you know that what they don't like like sometimes you're invisible and you're like oh my god you couldn't even like smile at me like we made eye contact and you can't even just smile? Oh boy, but I guess it's gay to smile. Can't do that.

Well, I think straight people are so caught up in, it's that like being mean keeps them keen mentality that so many straight people have. And it's that like, if you compliment someone, they're just going to, they're going to feel good. Whereas if you make them feel like shit, it brings their self-confidence down so you can get in. It's just very freaky.

It is. It's so fucking weird. So wait, I have a question. I have a question about drag. You wear a lot of purple. Is purple your signature color? Yes, it is purple. And it matches the color of my knees. Don't ask me what I was doing last night.

Oh, I think I know. Yeah, you've seen the videos. No, I love wearing purple. I think it's a gorgeous color and the whole reason I wear it is because my gran uh my grandmother when I was younger before she passed away um she used to always wear purple lilac lavender she'd knit like cardigans for herself that were like purple and we would call her the wee purple blob you know because she was just this wee short old plump lady who'd like uh just kind of uh walk about and you'd see her at the corner

of your eye this purple blob flashed by and um I remember obviously when when she passed away I remember feeling like oh it's so sad we're not gonna see the purple blob anymore out the corner of your eye so I just continued to carry on our purple rain and and you know reclaim it and take it on for myself she's probably up there thinking at Lawrence you owe me royalties son that's what you owe me that's so fucking cute I love that so much I just wear a lot of purple because, I don't know, I think it looks pretty on me. It is a very pretty color, and it is pretty on you. It is.

Thank you. So on Drag Race, you guys filmed, and then there was a seven-month break, right? It was seven months? Seven whole months. That's crazy because you're like a different person in seven months literally so much hat was so much can happen in seven months but i think because a lockdown oh it was that way where you were a different person the world was at a standstill so So it's so bizarre.

But I remember getting told, it was after episode four, we came back into the workroom. Everyone was fighting with everyone. Ahura was arguing with anyone that breathed. Tace was arguing with Veronica. Tia and me started arguing. It was crazy.

Siren goes off and then basically they say, pack all your bags, you're going home and i was like it this has never happened before like are we gonna need to re-audition again are they like and they were like we we don't know it's never happened with us we don't have a clue so it was it was so bizarre because we'd you know, when you go away to drag race, you're not allowed your phone, you're not allowed contact with the outside world. So when we were hearing about this thing called coronavirus, I imagined something like World War Z, you know, zombies.

Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. You like didn't have access to the new, did you have TVs? So we had tvs in our room but i was too busy slaying the competition to to watch the tv do you know what i mean uh yeah but yeah i mean i just imagine like being sequestered no phone nothing to like phone a friend to be like i saw this on the news like what the fuck is going on it is insane like I just can't believe how because I mean it doesn't take that long to film an episode of drag race we filmed four episodes so it wasn't a long amount of time

that we'd been away for it was like a week and I genuinely was like is my mum alive you know is is the supermarkets are they open like what's going on so um I love that my mind immediately goes to food oh absolutely if you notice well I mean when they announced a lockdown I was like well food that was truly my first thing I was like how do we get the food? Will people come to my house? But it was crazy, crazy. But I'm just so glad that after that seven month break, we were able to come back. But it was even the whole idea of going from not gigging,

being locked up in your house, to having to go straight back into, not even just drag, drag race. RuPaul stood in front of you telling you you're going to lip sync for your life. All these things, it just blows your mind. Blows your mind. Yeah, what a wild ride. Like, I don't think anybody,

very few people have that experience to be like getting the dream, like your full fucking dream, having it interrupted by a global pandemic and then thrown right back into it. And you're like, all right, hope you still have your costume.

Hope you fucking remember how to do this shit. Well, that's something I, I experienced was, um, it was about six months into the seven month break. And I, you know,

we got told you're coming back this date prepared this this this this is still going ahead blah blah blah so I go okay let me try on these outfits let's rhinestone them more let's do something and then trying to do up that zipper on the drink and it wouldn't fit so I had to get my friend around and I was like you need to add in like panels and then he was like Lawrence this isn't a panel thing we need to redo these outfits so we had to redo my outfits for drag race which cost more money it was insane but that's dedication to the craft of drag it is dedication but wow yeah that's like that I mean, drag race is a real fucking investment unless

you're so yourself and have a ton of time. Yeah. Because that's the difficult thing is drag race. So many people think it's like chill and you know, because it's like, I think because the rumor of filming a movie is, oh, it takes

ages to film a movie and it's not just the two hours you see in the cinema drag race is completely different you're like thrown into it you have to make a dress in three hours and all this stuff so um i think people really don't understand how much of a pressure cooker it is honestly yeah i don't think people understand reality shows at all because when people come on nailed it they're like teehee and then it's like oh no you have to fucking do it and there's a clock and they're like i this isn't fun real quick we have to take a break and oh we're back yeah people truly don't understand they don't understand and then they'll be like like uh i can't remember who the guest judge was but they were like good lord you were just on all day because we like watch them cook and i don't like I don't want them to be like oh so like during

lulls she's like boring so I'm like I'm like a lunatic during these like like moments of silence I'm like and my friend was like do you do you like die when you go home you like have so much energy and I was like I do I pass right away every day every time time I go home. But that's, that's the thing is because I take it. You're recorded while they're cooking as well. So you, you can't just be sat in the background, you know, checking your nails. I could, but like, I'd rather give them like over, give them shit to edit.

So like, they'll just like pop in a weird thing that I've done. You know, you know, he's's just just trying to keep everything fucking silly um you're you are a very good actor like in the acting challenges um oh wait was there only one acting challenge on your season the bestenders one there was that was fun that was so so fun you want to get more into acting so it's it's a weird one i love um like i love your job so if you could just hand over your job to me that would be fabulous is there a uk nailed it no so this is a funny thing i wanted to tell you about i spoke to netflix and i was like so how do you feel about having me as a host of

UK Nailed It and they were like we already have like an English speaking version with Nicole Byer and I was like yeah but I bring the UK flair and they were like no I don't think so I think we'll stick with the American one it was they could do a UK one

like UK specific things I I I'm on your side I'm a lobbyist for Laurence Journey to have nailed it nailed the UK yes exactly no but I um I think ever since meeting Ru uh RuPaul I've just become such a huge admirer. I was obviously a huge RuPaul fan before, but seeing him do his thing on set was just so fascinating to me. I loved seeing, you know, just Ru prepare before speaking and and techniques he used before speaking he gave great advice to me when we were sat and doing like table that you know the where he'd come around the work room he'd say oh remember your camera's over there my camera's there and you know you know so don't talk behind you or anything like that and i just had so much respect for someone who knew so much about their craft and did that so

I'd love to follow in Rue's footsteps of hosting and being funny you know like yourself I love that duality where you could just be a very straight host like welcome to the show but you know you and Rue really mix up and make it so fun and funny. It's just a great environment. Well, thank you. Rue is so funny. Like some of the shit that Rue says that doesn't make it onto the show. I'm just like, oh man, that was really funny.

This is the thing. You know, I wish that they were able to air all the, you know, on the runway where they're critiquing. Because Ru is so, because, you know, obviously on the judging panel, Ru's the only drag queen who grew up doing drag, you know, really knows a lot about drag for older people, for the new generation, for everything.

So Ru gives some really solid advice, some really funny stories as well. It's just a really entertaining person. I've never been surrounded by someone like that before. So that's what just blew my mind. I love that. Also, I see it for you. I see you becoming

an international drag superstar. Superstar. Here's hoping in five years time or something, here's hoping I can be a guest judge or nailed it in the American version. I would love it. We did have two drag queens last season because I'd been begging

for it I was like please give me drag queens please and they finally did and I was so fucking jazzed about it it made me so happy so wait are you you're on Grindr yes what else are you on

sorry I'm on Grindr I had Tinder What else are you on? Sorry. I'm on Grindr. I had Tinder, but do you know what happened to me? I don't know if this has happened to you before. I should sue Tinder, but Tinder blocked my account because they thought someone was a, I was a fake account. I was a fake launch training. And I was like, listen, anyone that's trying to catfish as me, they need to dream big. You know, they need to really dream big. Get a supermodel as your catfish. Not Laurence Chaney.

Like, it's so bizarre. But, yes, I'm blocked on Tinder. But I think that's forever. So I need to speak to them. I need to have words with Tinder. Yes, you do. That's so forever. So I need to speak to them. I need to have words with Tinder. Yes, you do. That's so wild. So crazy.

So right now I'm only on Grindr. What do you have? What do you have right now? Oh, let's see. Get the list out. Let's pull out the phone. Yes. I have Hinge, Bumble, OkCupid, Tinder.

This thing called Happn that I haven't been on in a while this other thing called buster which is for fat ladies raya and then woo plus which is also for fat ladies and i just it's all bad nothing is good i someone someone suggested that Raya to me Raya yeah they suggested that to me and they said oh it's better you know because everyone's verified you know it's that and I literally heard from one of my friends who has it and they were like no it's terrible

I think it's really fucking terrible but I've been like bopping around on. Oh, also I matched with, I keep matching. Okay. This man is like following me from app to app. We matched on Tinder and I fucked him and it wasn't good.

And then we matched on Bumble and then we matched on, well, I guess that was my fault. Cause I swiped right on him. But then he liked something that I said on Hinge and I was like we've already done this sir and then I match with another guy that I've already fucked on or he like super liked me on

Tinder and I was like what is happening I don't want this I want new yeah they keep coming back for more I guess so I want to read you this profile I found yes I was like swiping it I was like these people are nuts this is Coming back for more. I guess so. I want to read you this profile I found. Yes. I was like swiping it.

I was like, these people are nuts. This is Patrick. He's 46. Oh, he's sexy Patrick. He's sexy Patrick, 46. Patrick. So he's got a picture of him next to like a Lamborghini. Oh, God. His caption says, or it's like about me section multi-millionaire

with good and generous heart looking for someone with a million dollar smile very successful finance career business up 300 love to travel and get outside snow ski 50 times per year love to surf in hawaii is this a job application or a dating profile i i don't know it feels very much like her resume but i also really love that he said snow ski yeah because if someone said skiing i'd be like, obviously snow. You only think water skiing. Thank you for clarifying. So I'm just shocked he put his like net worth like that. What was it he put? Multi-million dollar. Multi-millionaire with a good and generous heart.

Very successful finance career. Business up 300%. That's rich humor. That's rich people humor that i guess so because like how's your business up 300 like that's very good yeah this this man robert i love him he said open to hooking up i'm pretty thirsty not gonna lie and i swiped right on him because he was like kind of cute and i was like well if you're thirsty i'm thirsty and then we didn't match and i was like well i guess you're not thirsty enough wow wow he needs to get real desperate real quick rude rude okay here's this other guy he said i'm a nice

guy but i'm pretty much a nobody here for a bad time not a short time and i was like sir you need therapy yeah so he's a nobody he's a nobody and he's here for a bad time not a short time so he lasts longer than two minutes is what he's saying i guess so yeah he's like i last for exactly two minutes is what he's saying. I guess so. Yeah. He's like, I last for exactly two minutes. Yeah. Timed. Okay. And this is the last one I'll read you.

This is Spencer. He's 29. I'm in recovery. Single father, carpenter, biker. I'm a lot to deal with. Buckle up. And I was like, wow. Okay.

Just putting it all out there. Serial killer. Serial killer. Serial killer. Yeah. But like also you don't have to put that you're in recovery on your dating profile. It's not my business till it's my business. Yeah. Wait till the third date.

You know? Yeah. At least. You know? Don't unload everything at first. Because it's like, I feel like when you tell people something that you think might be a flaw, it like taints it. It taints the experience. Because if you feel it's a flaw, your kind of embodied shame rubs off on that.

And then that person's like, well, I think you're ashamed, so should be yeah ashamed of that right okay it's a weird cycle system yeah it's like i i've seen on some people's profiles it's like uh fat sorry about it and i'm like don't be sorry about it also just take a picture of your body and then someone can just make make whatever assumption they want to make and whatever we don't have to announce things that we perceive as flaws it just i want everyone to just like love themselves a little harder i don't give what happened to self-love you know this is the thing i don't know um i can't remember what i posted it was like something in a bikini and someone's like, you're promoting obesity. And I was like, I am not.

Because in order to promote something that means like you're getting paid, like big fat isn't paying me. Like the fucking food lobby is not paying me to like post pictures of my huge body. I was just like, I'm just promoting promoting like be okay the fucking skin that you're in that's all you know i i hate this ideal you know as a plus size person i hate when um look like i was doing a photo shoot recently and this person said to me you know the the retoucher people that come say what would you like retouch what would you and i said let's start with the skin let's no but um you know they said and what about the silhouette is there anything you'd like changed there and i said no no no i'm i'm cool with that i want the lace gone i want things that are fake like if i spent more money the wig would look nicer but you know um but like see altering bodies i hate you know i

speak to so many of my friends and something i try and fire home so much is like stop trying to you know this whole oh i'm going to find the perfect angle i don't care what the perfect angle is because i would much rather so see know, people who are listening to us right now, I'm on a Zoom which is angled right at my chin. But the truth is, if you can accept me at my chin, double chin in this Zoom, then you can accept me looking my best, looking the best I've ever looked. Yeah. But also you can accept me on a bad day when I've rolled out of bed, hung over like a demon, you know? Yeah, I'm like for Photoshop and also not for Photoshop.

I think it's like a photographer, when they edit it the way they want it to edit, I'm like, that's your vision. That's your view. That's what you want it to do. And I'll always be up front if i post like a photoshop picture of me to be like this isn't my body this is a fantasy this is a full blown fantasy but this is not this is not it i'm lumpy and bumpy bitch and then i feel like people get they feel some type of way about it they're just like i thought you loved your body i'm like

yeah i do i'm not the photographer and i didn't do this. I like the picture, but I'm telling you it's not me. People just get really in their feelings about a lot of shit. Yeah, your job isn't like, imagine you're busy already. Imagine being your own photo editor. It would be insane. Insane. Too much. Fully fucking wild.

And then this is like years ago when I posted this picture, he like Photoshopped my butt just a little bouncier. And then like just took away my stomach. And I was like, surely I couldn't live like this. I would topple over. Like truly it was like, my butt was so big.

There was nothing in front to like balance me out. So you just toppled over. Truly just like fall backwards. And I posted the unphotoshopped picture with it and people started like tagging him being like why would you do that to her body and i was like guys no no also i can take care of my fucking self i don't need anybody to fight in a comment oh yeah it's so wild you're gonna fight with someone in a comment on instagram it's people as well who think um i don't know i had so many people especially experiencing when i won obviously some people wanted bimini to win some people some people also just hate you

like like some people just do not like you and what what I've experienced and again Ru gave me the advice is do not look on the the comments because people that think posting a comment saying Bimini was robbed or you didn't deserve this or how dare you for the you know what you know whatever it is it's like what what does that do? It like actually does nothing. It does nothing other than tickle you. But like when you hit sender, you like laugh, or you're like, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, yeah. Or like, got her. Yeah. And she's going to feel like shit after she reads this. Like, what is going on? Well, I always think, you know, when people say, someone posted a comment on a picture of me and Tia Coffey recently, and they said, oh, the two least good performing drag queens on Drag Race ever.

And literally in my head when I read that, I went, I won. Yeah. I was like, how did, like, I do feel, like you'll know this as well, Instagram, folk, Instagram and Twitter, folk will just say anything to trigger a response. Even if you won every episode of a competition, if you went home first, whatever,

they will say anything. Yeah. Crazy. And it's like, why? you would never walk up to someone and say that to their face no like why why say it on the internet also it's like bimini was robbed bimini's doing great you're doing great yeah taste is doing a whore is everyone's doing really well yes so i think just being on the show you won like everyone wins in some different aspects yes you have the crown so you're the actual winner okay darling uh but yeah

it just everybody's like when people get jobs they're like that person shouldn't get it it's like what the fuck is that we're all losing our minds yes great it's crazy and I think um I've never known happiness like literally like genuinely I've never known happiness like turning off my phone for an hour that is so amazing and just going for a walk and you know that's gorgeous that lovely. I did that yesterday. So I was like, I am, I'm shooting something that started. This is, yeah, this is the end of August. Okay. Yeah. I started shooting something in the beginning of this month.

And I spent like the, like some of July, just like hiking a little bit, not even to lose weight, just to be like, oh, I have to be on a set for 16 hours. That's exhausting. Yeah. Just a little bit not even to lose weight just to be like oh i have to be on a set for 16 hours that's exhausted yeah just a little bit of stamina and i went for a hike yesterday with my dog and he we don't hike like we're we like to sit we're sit we're two people we sit we sit and we eat treats okay and we i went up half of this hill and i was like oh my god what if i turn around and just go home but then there was like somebody moving into the house and I was like they'll know I gave up these people were not paying attention to me and I was like you gotta keep trucking gotta keep

trucking and then I got to like what I thought was the top of the hill and there was more hill and I was like oh my god and then I just like kept stopping and being like, do you want to look at this, Clyde? And he was like, no, let's keep walking. And I was like, okay. It was really awful. I don't know why I brought this up other than I really hate moving. Why did I bring this up? Thank you for sharing that deep, dark secret with us.

Thank you so much for allowing me to share. On your podcast. Yes, you're welcome. My God, I have ADHD and sometimes it is outstanding what happens in my brain. Yes. I'm just like, I have to tell this story right now. Right now, not any other time. Wait, are you in lockdown now or no?

No, I just have... So I had corona recently. Oh, no! So I had COVID two weeks ago, and I took three weeks off. So I'm at home in Glasgow, and there was me thinking, oh, this is fabulous. I'm going to get to chill and see my friends again, go out for dinner.

No, I spent two of my three weeks off in isolation with Corona. Boy, oh boy. Was it bad? Did you get it bad or was it okay? I didn't get it. I mean, I am like, I feel like anything is bad for me because I am like, so I feel like I'm always like, oh, pity me, feel sorry for me.

But no, it was very, very mild. Like I just had like a sore head, coughing and like lost taste. But luckily for me, I never had it before. You can see that by some of my fashion choices. But it was wild. As soon as I had it, I was like, this is no joke. Like we all need to keep wearing masks. We all need to keep doing what we need to do.

Because it is no joke and it still exists. Yeah, we got a whole bunch of variants and whatnot. Yeah, the variants. I don't mind wearing a mask on a plane. I'll do it for the rest of my life. Yeah. I actually really like it because I usually get sick right after I fly. And I've been, you know, touring.

So you're touring again, yes? Touring again, yes is how has that been it's that double-sided thing so it's everything I've ever dreamed of because you get to interact with an audience that you know as a local queen before people go oh yeah I'm here to drink though so I'm not interested people that are there want to see you and that is amazing that the energy is just so amazing but what is a struggle is like we were talking about stamina and building that back up my god that took some time to build that back up it is so I I am I am someone, I will walk around a stage, just what, I will move and I sweat. Like, I'm pretty sure my taint was like Niagara Falls. It was like, it's insane though how much you sweat and that's through the lights on stage,

that's through a wee bit of nerves, that's through being in drag it's all that stuff but it's a weird mix and you would never think this is what I want to do stand on stage and sweat and tell people jokes as they get even more drunk but it's fabulous how have you found it um I've been having fun slowly and surely because i did like my first weekend back i did six shows friday saturday sunday in cleveland and uh the after the first show i like sat down i was like i i got it i want to die like i don't i barely move on stage i barely move but like after like 15 minutes i was like a little winded i was like boy oh boy i haven't done this in a while and i was like it was hard

to have fun because i was like please don't die but like now i'm, I've had three weekends back, four weekends back. So I'm like back in the groove of things. Yeah. I feel better. Still getting real sweaty though. But like I feel a little bit better. Yeah. Yeah.

When they like, sometimes I'm like, are these the right lights? Why did you buy these lights? These are the hottest lights on the fucking planet. What are we all doing? It's when you feel the sweat like up in the brow and then it drips onto your fake lashes. Right into your eye and you're like, okay, this is bad. Crying. Yeah.

You're just like, this is not okay. Oh boy. Yeah. How did you get into drag? It's weird because so many people have asked me i'm actually in the process of uh finishing off my book uh which is called congratulations cheney drag queen of scots i love it because it's like mary queen of scots so they didn't get my head chopped but um what's so fun about it is you get to recall these memories and it's it's really really fun

and it's it's weird because so many people say when did you start drag and so many people see being in the entertainment industry doing something like drag as like you just walk down to the job center or you you find an application you're right i would like to be a drag queen thank you so much yes I start on Monday it is not that and it basically started by I would play around with makeup you know it started with my mother's makeup my sister's makeup and then that you know when I was playing around with it I was like this isn't this is too sheer it's not thick enough so i moved on to like don't listen everyone at home don't shoot me but i i moved on to like acrylic paint i used to use because i love painting on canvas and i thought drag is like painting right you know painting

your face doesn't win an acrylic crack on your skin that's that's what I discovered though because I would layer it on so thick so if I went it would look gorgeous like this and then you know as soon as you go and laugh you get smile lines completely but that's how it started was I just saw drag makeup like a painting you know like your very own Mona Lisa only I smile sometimes so I just kind of progressed from there I learned you know what is the good makeup to buy what isn't and I just slowly practiced and I found out this back in 2014 that Jinx Monsoon was coming to Glasgow and I was like

an American drag queen in Glasgow this is amazing I've never heard of this it was just when I was 18 and I dressed up as Little Edie who Jinx did on Snatch Game and it was just amazing and Jinx was so supportive

and again like we were talking about earlier that environment that a queer space fills you with, that energy is just so beautiful. I will like never forget. And what I've learned from writing about it, I can't describe that. I can't describe that amazing energy that a queer space gives you,

even when you look a wee bit shit even when you're a bit even when you're a bit down in the dumps as well you know there's something there's that energy of family that is just so gorgeous in a queer space um and I've stuck at it ever since you know I'd start doing looks and then I started performing. It was just very natural. I got into it. Yeah, I mean, I've said it before on the podcast, but I feel like getting into drag is very much like getting into stand-up. You're like, oh, I can try this. Oh, and let me go to an open mic.

Okay, that went pretty well. Oh, I bombed that one. Well, let me just try it again. Yeah, until you're just like oh now I tour and tell jokes yeah I remember it's funny I did I did a documentary in 2018 uh you know that followed drag and I said I don't want to just be stuck in like one little bar doing my lip syncing or whatever so I went and did an open mic night at a standup club in Glasgow. And they're so similar.

Drag and standup are so similar that like, okay, this went well, this went well. Then the next night you go, you go, well, that was shite. That was bad. But in your mind, you would have thought the first night would have been the worst, but that's not the case. It's peaks and troughs.

Yeah. I feel like the first night goes well because the worst, but that's not the case. It's peaks and troughs. Yeah. You know, I feel like the first night goes well because you're excited because you're like, Ooh, this is new. This is a new thing I'm going to say out loud. And you guys are going to think it's funny.

And then the second time you go, yeah, you guys thought it was funny and I'm gonna say it again. And then you don't have the same inflection and everything is a little off. And then you say it again. They're like, no. And you're like, we got to regroup and figure this the fuck out literally lawrence real quick we have to take another break

and we're back we're back again we're back back back again oh um fuck what was i gonna ask you oh i wanted to go back to dating do you so you're single right now yes single like a pringle yes do you have like like what's your ultimate fun to say when it comes to being in, like, do you want to be in a relationship or no? I would love to be in a relationship, but what I've learned from dating is that other people aren't ready to be in a relationship. It's that very, it sounds terribly selfish,

but it's so true where it's like, well, I'm ready, but you guys haven't caught up with it yet. You guys haven't caught up. And the truth is, you know, I'm 24, so a lot of other 24-year-olds. You're so young. Thank you very much. My God, 24. But so many people are just so interested in hookups and stuff like that.

And that is fine but there's so much um I feel politics in dating a little bit where it's like um you know if you go on a date with someone then they'll go on a date with someone else and then it's that whole gray area of when are you exclusive when is this a thing because I'm very like all or nothing I'm like I will either put all my energy into this and we will make it work or I'm not this you know people who are like I'm chill I go with the flow I'm not one of those people I need to know what I'm doing I need to know what you're doing and who you're doing you know it's I'm very much like that I agree I'm also not chill um I'm pretty all or nothing specifically because like that's just who I am as a person so like when I decided

to do comedy I was like I'm only doing comedy this is like my laser focus I do shows five nights a week I'm gonna get as funny as I can fucking be uh i go you know to my job i give it a hundred percent so it's like in a relationship i'm like wait you don't want to give a hundred like what is you're gonna fucking give 50 20 30 to different fucking people aren't you tired i don't understand how people in their brain dissect things like that how they divvy up I'm going to do this but only this percentage I'm like there is one brain I will put that towards this or that that that's how I see it um I had an experience actually just before going away to do drag race and I dated this guy and he was, he didn't get my like all or nothing thing. And I remember it would be just before we'd scheduled a date, you know,

meet me at five at the TGI Fridays or whatever. And it was for drinks. They do a lovely purple rain drink. And even before drag race, I was ready for it. I love that you just said meet me at TGI Fridays so casually then you were like let me backtrack they have good drinks but um no it's it's so funny but the guy was like you know he started being a wee bit weird and I said oh what's what's up have Have I done something? Are you all right?

He said, well, I just hooked up with someone and I don't think you're going to be okay with that. And I was like, well, I'm not okay with you bringing it up. Yeah. Like two minutes before the date. And then I would be like, so are you coming to the date? And he was like, no, I'm not. And then, so it was this kind of him acting hot and cold. And because in this particular moment before Drag Race,

I felt really down in the dumps, really depressed, honestly. I remember I just let him use me like that. I remember there was one time he said, I want to see you tomorrow. Let's do something tomorrow. And I had a gig the next day, but at night time. And I said, so we'll do something during the day. Text him.

He opened it read and then never got back to me and he came to my show that night with a guy on a date no because we're in the job where people can bring people

on dates and it's fun and it's that and I couldn't believe the nerve as taste would say the cheek the nerve the audacity the goal and the gumption the nerve all of it i mean i just couldn't believe it that is like an abusive fucking person who like really wanted to hurt your feelings because what on earth like who does that who's gonna bring a date to the show of the other person you see? To rub it in your face. Yeah.

That is so fucking nasty. I'm so sorry that happened. Fuck that person. We hate them. I wish them nothing but badness. Fuck them. Yeah. But the funny story is the day after that show, I felt so down in the dumps.

I was crying to my flat mate I was like nobody loves me I got a text hi this is the drag race team can we give you a call today and that day I got cast on drag race so that all happened for a reason in my head and it's helped me

on a more positive mental health journey so amen I love that I love that. I love that so much. I was like, not really down in the dumps, a little bit. It was like a couple of weeks ago. I was at my friend's house and we were drinking and it was like rather late.

And then we were talking about, I was talking to my friend Gilly about how we keep just hanging out and going to drag shows. And we're like, we're not going to find men at drag shows who want to fuck us and we need to go to like a straight place and i was like okay and i was like i'm horny and then i like one little tear fell down my face and i went for love and then i couldn't stop laughing because i was like this is so vulnerable and like real i'm horny for love.

I just like want to come home to a person who's like, did you have a nice day? I'm like, yes. I'm someone, I don't know about you, but I love that idea of, you know, I'm not a woman, but I love that idea of a man taking care of you. I love that. But I also like my own independence and I don't like people getting in my space and stuff like that.

So I just think I'm a very weird case of a person. I don't think you're weird. I think more like I can't remember who I was talking to about this, but I'm like that. Like I want someone in my house, but I want them to have like their own room and like their own office like their own space yeah but like we come together at night or sometimes we don't i have to wake up early you go sleep in the other room if uh you have to wake up early don't fucking wake me up you go somewhere else you know exactly exactly oh boy lawrence this has been delightful and i could talk to you for like i don't know hours hours and hours and hours you're truly i want to come to scotland

well i'm coming to you i'm coming to la in october so hopefully i'll see you about there yes yes please like um yeah i'll give you my number and just text me when you're in town yeah i honestly you're a fucking delight i love you delight oh babe thank you wait i have a question do you have any straight male or not even straight i keep saying straight i don't mind if they're bi or whatever i don't care i don't i don't give a shit how you identify i don't care because i people keep trying to be like you're bi right and i'm like no i am a person who loves people people from sex in the city where i'm just like i will do anything i want uh or whoever you want yeah whoever i want but like i do want like a ginger do you know any like gingers who fuck ladies in scotland who i can have a long distance relationship with

and then come visit and then uh fuck them i do but they're too busy fucking me so hands off fair fair enough wait what okay should i come just i to, I think I want to go to Scotland. What is, I love how I'm trying to wrap this up and I'm like, I have, I want to know more, but like what, like what is there to do? What should I do? So the nightlife in Scotland's really fun. Um, there's a lot of history in Scotland as well. So if you like, um, like museums, if you like walks where you can see lots of stunning architecture

and castles, places like Edinburgh are really good for that, Glasgow's really good for it definitely would recommend a city in Scotland do not go to, like Beyonce stayed in Loch Lomond which is in the middle of nowhere

I love her, I love Beyonce but I don't have a fucking clue why she would want which is in the middle of nowhere. I love her. I love Beyonce, but I don't have a fucking clue why she would want to be in the middle of nowhere. So don't do that. Definitely a city. Okay, stay in a city. And I'll be your tour guide, alright? I'll be your tour guide. Perfect. Is your, like,

I had a Scottish trainer named Ben who I miss. I think he's back in Scotland. But he said that you're like national animal is a unicorn what was he lying to me I've never heard about that before our national flower is the thistle the purple thistle so wait there's nothing about unicorns in Scotland this is so funny he said this to me like, I don't know, five, six years ago, and I've never said it out loud to anybody. I think he was lying to me.

I think he was lying to you. I've checked Google, and apparently the unicorn is the official national animal of Scotland. Yes, okay, I'm not crazy. Mars, thank you. Is that right? For a hot second, I was like, I feel insane that I just said that out loud. And you were like, uh, no.

I love that I'm the Scotsman and I'm wrong. That is a unicorn. Yeah, a unicorn apparently is your national animal. Well, I hate to break it to you, but they don't exist. I know, which is really funny. Oh, wait, Lawrence, before we wrap it up, I always ask this. Would you date me absolutely

we're two peas in a pod we really are I really like you I really like you what are you doing tomorrow oh my god hanging out with you bitch get on a plane okay well this has been another episode of oh why won't you date me

um you can rate it it's as if i've never recorded this podcast before on apple apple podcasts uh also it's on like spotify and shit i don't know oh wait and i have a merch store it's truly as if I have never, ever wrapped up this podcast before. I have a merch store. It is podswag.com slash date me. So you can buy a bunch of shit with my face on it. And if you write me something nasty, I will read it out loud. So this person, I have two today.

Nicole, my man wants to cream by you and felt you at the same time. I don't know what felting means, but it seems bad. I don't even know what those words mean. Me either. Okay, here's another one. Okay, we're at the Addison Improv, which is a comedy club. And you've just done back to back shows and it's time for the meet and greet and OBGN

OBGNY wait OBGYN table complete with stirrups is wheeled out and you jump on it because you just got a standing O and it's not and now it's time for you for a laying down O each of you oh my god

each of your adoring fans are eager, eagerly waiting their turn to meet and greet that pussy. After we all take our turns, lapping that pussy up. We just leave. That's it. That's the end. Honestly,

that sounds like a fucking nightmare. That sounds like Harry Potter fan fiction or something. I did. I, that what a wild fantasy. That I finish a show, they wheel out a gurney with stirrups, I get in it, and then each person, like, what, licks my pussy for a hot second? Takes turns.

And then they just leave? Honestly, I feel like that's a way you could get corona. I know you can't, but I feel like I would get corona after 200 people licked my pussy. Sanitize everyone. I would just become Corona. Well, that's it. Lawrence, I love you. Goodbye. Goodbye.

That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream.

What a dream. Ha, ha, ha. seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream! What a dream! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! This has been a Team Coco production.