Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - How to be Intuitive About Your Love Life (w/ Laura Day)

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

'Psychic to the stars' and best selling author Laura Day is here to teach Nicole all about intuition and how to develop it. She discusses how she realized she had intuitive powers, coaches how to be intuitive about your own love life, and how to train your pleasure receptors and send out pleasure signals to a potential mate. Black Lives Still Matter! For a list of resources and ways to support, see blacklivesmatters.carrd.co. Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastaken Twitter: @nicolebyer Instagram: @nicolebyer New Merch Store! podswag.com/dateme Nicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out why I'm still single. Even though you could take me to Paris and stay in the hotel the whole time, I'll say, oh, well, thank you, sir.

Anyway, my guest today is a world-renowned intuitionist and psychic to the stars. I'm using that in parentheses because I watched a video where she says she didn't like the word psychic. She's a best-selling author who spent three decades helping others use their intuitive abilities to create profound changes in their lives. Her clientele includes A-list celebrities like Demi Moore, Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt. Ooh, baby, he's so hot. Gwyneth Paltrow, just to name a few. It's Laura Day. What a lovely intro. Thank you. Oh, no problem. I have so many questions for you. How did you get The reason I don't like to use the word psychic is that there's no qualifications normally to being a psychic. So everyone thinks

they're half psychic, right? And so a lot of people can give you a lot of information saying it's the truth. And we believe what we want to believe, which helps us be blinder. So it's dangerous. My students are rigorously trained and supervised. And if I send them clients, they're watched all the time because I see their work. So how I started was when I was 21 years old, I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. And I had very bad ADHD. And I'm thinking, oh, my goodness, what am I going to do? And I see, I was a math and science nerd. I went to a school called Stuyvesant in New York that was just full of math and science nerds. And I saw on TV, this show about how these doctors and hospitals were doing intuition, doing research on intuition, basically, on the extended capacity of perception, on seeing the future, on being able to do medical diagnosis, all these things.

So I call them up and I say, oh, I can do what you're talking about. And it was the first realization I ever had, which I think you don't really realize until you're in your 40s, the first realization, wow, everyone doesn't know they can do this. Like, doesn't everyone eat? Doesn't everyone see the color red? My husband's colorblind. I was actually stunned that people weren't aware they could do it. Because for me, this had been a disability my whole life and not an ability. And I didn't think I was different, really. I just thought that I needed a better filter. Because of course, I would say things to people that hadn't happened

yet, then they'd happen. And I've got to tell you, that does not make you popular in third grade. It happened. I've got to tell you, that does not make you popular in third grade. And it doesn't make adults around you very happy either. And you know when people are, you know, it's not a great social skill. It's great once you direct it and train it. So when you were young, you would be able to tell people things that were going to happen. And then they would happen. Would they come back to you and be like, hey, Laura, something's up with you with you no they would not sit at my lunch table anymore oh no no i mean you know

the um the reality is how intuition often works is what's on the forefront of someone's concern or feeling or the next big boom in their life because it's the loudest thing is the thing you pick up. And often those aren't very nice things. Often they're hard things like, like I'm sorry about your Nana. And then two days later, Nana dies. And then as a child, also,

you don't know, am I causing bad things? And, but also it's not, people want to be seen when they choose to be seen and they want to be seen without judgment. And not that as a nine-year-old or 10-year-old or 15-year-old I judge, but people really, we are our game in a sense. And we see one of the things I train people to do in love, for example, is to shift what is seen in a way that gives you a better chance in the market, so to speak.

So it really wasn't a skill until I was tested. And all of a sudden, these researchers say, oh, my goodness, you know, we found our Frico that we can work on. They found a lot of other people like me. I mean, everyone has different specialties, things they're really good at. And so in a way, I learned to utilize what we all do. I do it more than most because of trauma and because of the way my brain is made. But I learned to do what we all do within a structure. Because when you are part of research, it's important to know when what you receive is correct or what you receive is incorrect. And that's very much how

I train the students that I have is I train them in a way that their data is accurate. So I tell them, be very careful of things you can't prove. And by the way, you can change things. So that's how I started. They were recorded. Now this is back in the early eighties when people didn't talk about,

Oh my God, feeling or my intuition. This is back in the early eighties. I don't, most of you weren't born talk about, oh, my gut feeling or my intuition. This is back in the early 80s. Most of you weren't born. And so things were filmed. I don't even think there was video yet. I'm not sure. But things on TV because something was recorded without my permission because I did it.

I did it with the agreement of anonymity. I'm from a whole family of doctors. And this is definitely not what you wanted to be known for in the early 80s. did it, I did it with the agreement of anonymity. I'm from a whole family of doctors and that this is definitely not what you wanted to be known for in the early eighties. Um, I, I did it on the, on, on the condition of anonymity, they televised one of the experiments and all of a sudden I had this instant following. I didn't even know the word psychic, you know, I, it was an, and, and so people would say, and I was so lucky to be in a position where, where, um, in a sense I was sheltered because I was a valuable product. I was a valuable test

subject, but also people would say things like, well, can you tell us what's wrong with this body? Well, I don't know, but I'll try. Can you tell us what's going to happen with a stock? I don't know, but I'll try. Can you tell us where artifacts are buried under the ground in Rome? I don't know, but I'll try. So I really got trained by people asking, can you do this? My not knowing if I could, and then my having to find a way to do it accurately. And that, you know, I always tell people take calculated risks, but take risks. I guess I just don't understand how, when you say, I don't know, but I'll try, how, like, what does trying entail? So, for example, say, in the beginning of practical intuition, there's actually one of the doctors who worked with me tells a little story about a group of people who and and and they'd come up

every you know, each, everybody has different tests, depending on what they want to know. So they want to know if I could tell them what was inside a closed box. Well, I already knew I could do that. But I said, you know, I don't know, but I'll try. And so I, uh, they, they, they pointed the box. I wasn't allowed to hold it. Um, I don't even know if I was allowed to see the box, if it was in the, it was, it's probably in the book, but this is 40 years ago. Um, and I said, well, I see something that makes a sound when you blow air into it. And I see someone really sad, a boy far away from home. And I would experience these things.

I experienced sadness, and I knew it was a boy. And I told them, so I just try. They asked me, what's in this box? Someone will say i work only with companies now except for my students and a company will say uh can you tell me if this drug will be approved by the fda and and i'll i'll use the and this is part of the training i'll use my same five senses and i'll say well how will it And then I'll notice and I'll move my attention around in time and your attention or your five senses. And then I'll hit on something and I'll say,

oh yeah, we're in May. And that happens. Or maybe March. It's an M. Is it March? Is it May? Is it raining? Are tulips? So I'll find, I'll use my senses to find the answer. And sometimes it just comes up almost like a computer program. But it's, you know, it's the difference between creative visualization or manifesting practices and intuition is in intuition, you have a target and then you allow. And if you go to a psychic and they're telling you everything that you already know, but nothing new and you're not disturbed and it's everything you hoped, it's probably not a reading. Oh, then what is it? Because I've had psychic readings where they tell me just a ton of stuff that I'm like, yes, this is all true. me just a ton of stuff that I'm like, yes, this is all true. And nothing like it was no new information or it was like information where they said it and then it just never happened.

So the way I, I, the way that, that I was trained in the way I train my students is that someone comes and they ask a question and they ask, you know, oh, uh, I don't know, when will I be in love? And, you know, or I'll say, well, the first thing I sense is, wow, that's the wrong question. The question is, when will you be truly partnered? And so I look at that question and I say, wow, you are super good at fantasy relationships and that should stop. And if it doesn't stop, relationships and that should stop. And if it doesn't stop, then, then I, I don't see really you're having the match you should have for, um, you know, for eight or nine months. How do I see that? I see it eight, but it's a little over eight, but it's a little less than nine. And then I begin to experience someone

who's in the background. They're there. They're kind of there, but not as there as the person wishes they'd be there. And I just keep reporting. And I report and I report and I report. And I warn people at the beginning of a reading, just like I warn my companies,

when you're bored with what I'm saying, just stop me because I will talk forever. Because I hate it when people, when my students say to me, oh, I gave them a reading, I'm not getting anything more. I'm like, excuse me, you could do a reading on a pimple for 17 hours. You know, the kind of bacteria, where it came from, what that part, piece of skin has experienced before, where it's going. And someone should give you some history or something that's a reality in your life now that they can't tell just by looking at you. Because otherwise, and I do this with my

companies too, just because I don't know if I'm right or wrong, unless the whole timeline makes sense. And the timeline doesn't start with a reading. The timeline starts in the past. And the timeline doesn't start with a reading. The timeline starts in the past. You know, people say, oh, they know nothing about me. Well, first of all, with, I don't know, you all call it Googles or whatever, when you search something, you know, you know a lot about people. But even just from a name, you get a sense. And listen, even a clock is right twice a day.

And the scariest thing about going to people who are not well-trained for readings is that they can be, everyone's intuitive. They can be right about this, but wrong about all the other things. And that makes you complacent, which is why it's so important in love and life to have a goal. And by the way, you have to interrupt me because I literally will talk and talk and talk. But I'm in, for me, it's, this is very interesting. I just, so you say everyone's intuitive. So what are things that people can do to practice their intuition? Well, I've written six books on the subject, but my, my, my, my favorite way people really experience the effects of intuition intuition because, and remind me,

I just said that, is by using a methodology called the circle. So bring me back to that because I want to say something in between. And because of my ADHD, I will forget that. ADHD, by the way, is a very intuitive mind. You're jumping all around. I have ADHD and sometimes I don't feel very intuitive. Then Oh, but but that's not true. It's that's intuitive flooding. That's that you're feeling what other people feel. You're so flooded by other people's judgments by other people's emotions by by other people's telepathy. You're so flooded by your own future and pieces of your own past. And you're so flooded with energy that of course, it's the

same reason I can't find anything in my shoe closet. I probably have 500 pair of shoes. I'm like Imelda Marcos, which none of you probably know who she is anymore. No, I know who Imelda Marcos is. My mother used to say that about me because I love shoes. Okay, but I'm a mess. So I can never find like a pink, two pink shoes. And that's, that's what, that's what, that's what intuition is like for most people. It's just more stuff in our messy experience. And the more intuitive you are, think of most of the intuitives, you know, their lives are not successful and together. And that's one thing I'm really strict about with my students.

Like you will not do this, like at the expense of your own life, your own life has to be successful first because, because intuition doesn't give you the ability to do something. It gives you information to do things right. But then there's a lot that goes into being able to do those things right. And now I totally forgot what the aside. I remember. I remember because I was just repeating it and kind of half listening. Circle. You mentioned something about a circle that you wanted to come back to. So cute. But there was something that I wanted to interrupt myself with to tell you about what was the original question? Do you remember? You and I, ADD in action. We were talking about how to build intuition skills. Oh, Mars, thank you so much.

Oh, okay. Thank you. So think about this, all of you for a second. If you did everything that you're supposed to do for 20 minutes a day for your health and well-being, you would not have time to live a day. 20 minutes of meditation, 20 minutes of exercise, 20 minutes of healthy eating, 20 minutes of breathing. So really, unless you're training to be an intuitive or really want to hone that skill in a very precise way, the best way to engage your intuition is by using a system that I call the circle. And I started this, I mean, the system works whether you're a company or you're a person. The book, The Circle, has a workbook and it's done in esoteric language, but actually it's a

very firm structure. So here's what intuition needs. And this is how all intuitive information gets sorted out of the mess. Intuition needs a target or a question or better even yet, because our questions make us anxious and disempower us, a goal. So once you have a goal, already intuition begins to notice the information in your environment. And that what you end up doing is attracting or putting yourself into new situations to meet that goal. And then you have the opportunity to respond intuitively, which is what would build this for me, or respond not intuitively, which is how do I, you know, I'm going to do the same old knee-jerk habit or pattern over and over again. And most of you, if you think of it, no matter how great this new relationship was,

and it started differently, and blah, blah, blah, it ends up the same. That's your patterning. That's what your intuition is choosing because your goals are not conscious. You think, oh, I'm manifesting love. I want to find love. That's my goal. But no, actually, your goal is to not threaten mommy so daddy won't leave, or your goal is it's some subconscious pattern. And that's what really gets in your way because the reality is you know there are there are many lids for every kettle often you know when people come and they say well i haven't manifested a word i hate by the way i haven't manifested because manifest because, because I hate magicalizing words. Once you magicalize a word, you make it unusable.

Manifest means make something happen. When I want to manifest breakfast, I cook it or I ask my housekeeper to do it. You know, and I think we live in an era of magicalizing everything. You know, if someone is a medium and is going to do a reading about a dead person, I want real data. I don't want the magic. Not every dead person is, oh, I'm okay, and I love you. When someone asks a reading about love, I'm sorry, if they don't have it already, there's something that they need to make happen differently. And that starts with them. Now, it doesn't mean that they won't stumble into the right place in time anyway. But if they want it now, and of course, I don't know about you,

but I want everything now. If they want it now, then they have to do something differently because we create our lives. Yes, I mean, there are people who are born with so many different disadvantages. But I know a young girl who I met at nine named Brooke Ellison. She was hit by a car on her way home from middle school, a quadriplegic on a respirator. So she can only speak assisted and she has a mechanical device breathing for her. She is so beloved. She has a degree from Harvard. She has a PhD. She's a full professor at Stony Brook and she's an author and she's beautiful and wonderful. And so it is what we do to some degree with what we have and also how we use our intuition to interface with the world in a way that we find a world that will help us. And we need to learn to do that because subconsciously, you know, I grew up in a very abusive home.

And subconsciously, that's what I'm really attracted to. That feels like home to me. Mm-hmm. You know, when there's food, I shovel it because, you know, I had adults who forgot for days. But, you know, I have to remember to do things differently, you know? so we we all have to repattern ourselves but intuition helps you do it a when you set a goal b when you know that everything you encounter once you set that goal intuitively you're choosing and so you ask yourself what have i done in the past here? And right now, what do I notice feels like the right thing to do? Not what do I want to do? Because what you want to do is always your subconscious pattern.

But what do I feel like the right thing to do is? And then you practice doing it. One of the most powerful things, and I want you all to do this now. One of the most powerful things you and I want you all to do this now. One of the most powerful things you can do is something called embodiment. And it's the way you send telepathy, which is person to person communication. So I want all of you, because this is called why won't you date me? So I'm assuming we're talking about love here, right? Always. I'm always talking about love because I can't find it. But here's the thing.

Your target is wrong. You don't want to be working to find love. You want love to find you. I mean, it would be ideal. But might, might not. You don't know. So here's what I want all of you to do. I want you to embody.

And this is what embodiment is. It's not creative visualization. I want you to notice yourself, all of you, in the relationship you want to be in. And no, no, I see your little eyes rolling up. No, when your eyes roll up, you're in imagination and fantasy. Keep your eyes level. Be present. And then your senses are taste, smell, feeling, hearing, seeing, knowing, remembering, and noticing. Those are your senses. So without making, don't magicalize this. And you always start by being just where you are right now in this moment, and now I want you to allow the partner who is going to be the relationship you want and who really wants you, because I'm assuming that you all don't want

a dysfunctional relationship. I've done that. I'm telling you, not a good idea. But at that point, I want you to notice what do you, and I'm not asking, please don't report this because that's your private information, but all of you, I want you to notice, not look for, notice. How do you feel? Where are you? How far in the future is it? What are you tasting? Don't look, notice.

I want you to notice what's around the room that wasn't there before. Maybe all of a sudden you see these engineering things, boards around the room and you're not an engineer. Gee, maybe this person is some kind of an engineer or somebody who draws something because I'm those, you see those slanted boards. So you just notice. And, and then instead of trying to get into all prediction and control, you interact. Maybe you go over to your partner or those of you who are polyamorous partners and you walk over with all of those senses. And what does that person smell like? What do they love about you?

What do you love about them? Notice. Don't look for it. And these aren't questions you have to answer but if you aren't like imagining or man like if you're if you're not doing a fantasy thing i don't understand how you can do what you're saying honey you do that all the time everyone does that all the time think of the last time all of you that you just scared yourself shitless okay now you weren't imagining

something triggered you. Someone said, like, for example, the California, the thing on my New York Times alert triggered me. I was in a perfectly happy mood and I was triggered by something external about them changing the assault rifle law in California after 30 years. about them changing the assault rifle law in California after 30 years. And then I'm going to a place in time and I don't want to start doing a world reading and I'm looking at the Supreme Court. Your attention, that's not imagination. That's following your attention. Imagination is more like drawing a picture. Following your attention is what am I feeling? What am I noticing? Oh my God, where am I going? It's almost you have to run after yourself. You're not trying to bring it in. And it is something that you learn. Real quick, we have to take a break.

When you read something, and then you have feelings, the reading it caused it. I'm still like, really trying to understand how to like feel a partner without having something triggering that. Well, I think you do that all the time. We all do that all the time. Like we're all just sitting around all the time and we are in perfectly good company. And then all of a sudden we feel our loneliness. That's often intuition. That's someone maybe even in the next room at a party. You know, what's not in your normal course of being mindful, which is being present in

this moment, or I like to say in this point in time space, those other places, that's not fantasy. Most of that is intuition. When you have a goal or target, you know, we all want those clear computer printouts. It's much easier to read somebody else than it is yourself. Because of course, maybe you say, okay, my target is being in love, but nobody, not you, but in general, no, you know, nobody I want is really going to want me. That's been proven. You know, no one who I really want is ever really going to want me. And I am so much more than I'm able to show. And like all these feelings are going to come in, but that's okay. You let them come in and that, But you go back to

your target. And my target is, like when I wanted a new partner, my target was I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine, which is part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. And I just thought, okay, that's my target. And what do I feel now? I feel completely alone. And my son just went off to college. And I'm in my 50s. And who would want this right now? And I'm a weird psychic. And that's a mess. And, you know, I'm scrawny, and I'm irritable, and I'll never have one, so on. And all of a sudden, I notice a cowboy hat in like kind of just in my attention. It just appears. I'm not looking for it. I'm not being creative. And then I am, you know, I just and this I'm doing while I'm walking on the street. I'm not sitting down and making it

a practice. I'm I am my beloved. My beloved is mine. And I walk down the street and I see everybody partnered, but I'm not. And then I notice a big movie poster. But the difference with me is I write these things down. And yes, people, I still use pen and paper. But whatever you all do, I write these things down. And so, you know, I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. And my idea is I and i had rules by the way for dating have not they cannot be in the entertainment industry they need to be exactly

my age they need to have children they need to have been divorced they need to be good fathers i i don't want anybody who's anyway i had all of these things that I just were in my head that didn't work. And so so as I'm walking, but I record this, and they begin to make a picture. And I noticed that as I say, I am my beloved and my beloved is mine. I'm beginning to do different things and respond in different ways. Like I'm a real introvert. I began to really instead of with my girlfriends, introvert. I began to really instead of with my girlfriends, just kind of like, bullshit. I began to say things I never say, because I'm one of those really proud people. Like, if you know anyone nice, introduce me because I don't think I have the best judgment,

which for a psychic is kind of hard to say, like, yeah, I've got great intuition, I can tell you something, but I'm really messed up in this area of my life. So can you, so that was intuitive. Don't pick your own people. You have too much. And by the way, I married a screenwriter from Colorado, cowboy country. You know, I mean, it's just, and it was all there. When I look in my circle journal, it was all there. And I was building it as I was noticing it. Now, what happens when you do that? You begin to shift inside of yourself. You begin to notice the can-do part, not the can't

do or the don't have, the do have and the can do. Because the life you want is made up of your can dos and what you want. And the can't dos, listen, we're all a mess on the flip side. There is no one. I work with the most well-regarded, well-renowned spiritual teachers, healers, psychics, researchers, movie stars, blah, blah, blah. We all have a slime side. It's just when you are taught to work through your slime side and not through your empowerment, that is telepathically what you're sending out. And one of my books is called How to Rule the World from Your Couch. And the reason I called it that was that actually you set the energy from your life from your couch. You shift your

telepathy from your couch, doing that circle exercise, doing embodiment, just noticing, okay, I'm sitting here alone, feeling like an idiot. My goal is my beloved and my beloved is mine. And I am a total jerk and this is never gonna work. And I'm 50 odd years old and no one's ever gonna want me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And you Google me and there's all these lies that are total nasty and who is ever gonna want, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you Google me and there's all these lies that are total nasty and who is ever going to want blah, blah, blah, blah. But what you notice that underneath that noise, someone calls you and says, I have someone you need to meet. Or why do you come to this party? And blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden your telepathy under that, because you are being stubborn. You are going back to, yeah, I am a completely unlovable human and blah, blah, blah, but something else is happening. What's happening is you're shifting your telepathy. And often you'll notice that once you set a goal and once you embody, so once you

allow yourself to notice those out of the blue perceptions and kind of keep track of them, give them some power, even sometimes act on them if they're safe. What you'll notice is your life changes for you. You co-create with the world around you. Things happen. And things happen because you are sending out very different energy, literally, even if you are not walking out of your house. If you do it and walk out of your house, it works even better you know the fact of the matter is that's really important and it all is i've been doing this for 40 years now okay i am 62 years old and i work with you know tens of thousands i don't know a huge groups of people and followed them over a lifetime because i'm very intrusive. You know,

so my students get calls from me and say, you're about to do this. And I would think twice, you know, I'm very, I've never seen anyone who cannot find the perfect person. And I've never seen a perfect relationship because relationships are always work. And the work starts with you, you know, because if you, if you don't, I don't believe you have to love yourself to find love. I think that's a load of crock. But if that were true, I would have never found love. But you have to be willing to demand respect, even if you have to fake that willingness. You have to be willing to have certain boundaries. And when your boundaries or openness are challenged, really allow intuition to come in and give you different ways of responding. I also think it's really important to be careful what you say to the world.

Because I'm looking at a beautiful, young, attractive, you know, I mean, I am. I mean, you know, well, I could have given birth to you twice. And I think it's really, you know, we do our own self-hypnosis all the time. So you are reaffirming to the subconscious. Yet is a very good word. I have not found the person to share my life with yet. And I am determined. I mean, you know, listen, all of you,

think of something you accomplished. And for some of you, that may just be surviving, but think of something you've accomplished against all odds. And some of those things may not seem like big accomplishments to other people, but they are because other people don't know your history. They don't know the things you've been through. They don't know what you started out with.

You know, think of those and build on your power. When you help the world disempower you, which the world will do every second, does every second, every day. But when you help that, you, which the world will do every second, does every second, every day. But would you help that you're choosing that world? So be careful of the language you use, you know, um, and the things and the things you say, because once again, then you send out different telepathy, the first filmed experiments on telepathy that were convincing, you know, on telepathy that were convincing, you know, that were verifiable. Wait, what's telepathy is?

So I send you a feeling, I send you a sense, I send you an image, I send you a desire and feel it and respond to it. So you may not know it, but we're doing that all the time. We are speaking to the world around us, which doesn't mean, you know, I come from a really weird family. It doesn't mean that, for example, when I wanted to feel in love, I repressed the, you're a weirdo. No. But what did I do? I started really trying to find at parties, one thing enjoyable, because I'm very shy of food I liked feeling good about a dress I was wearing, even though I wasn't loving my body, you know, I tried to find like one pleasurable thing. And that feeling of pleasure, the minute I could tap into pleasure, even if it was just rubbing my own arm, all of a sudden people would come toward me

because what we don't realize is we're sending out signals all the time. So it's your job not to ignore the other stuff because the other stuff you do need to work on, but to focus on the pleasure signal so that that's what you're sending out. Because there are plenty for all, I say this to all of you listening, there are plenty of people a thousand times more fill in the nasty, horrible, self-judgmental things you want to than you who are in wonderful, loving relationships. So those people are sending out a different message. I feel like I put out good energy. I just I truly just feel like everyone is in a relationship right now. And there are no more single people, or at least where I go, like all of my friends are in relationships. And I've been like, introduce me to someone like your boyfriend's friend. And they're like, Oh, well, I i have a couple single friends but they're all single for a reason and i'm like oh first of all bad self-hypnosis second of all your chances

of finding love were a hell of a lot better than mine in my 50s and you know that's like you can always find the can't and it's part of our job as human beings in any area of our life to find the can. By the way, having a successful podcast, a lot of people trying to do that. You're doing that. But I don't want to, you know, as I told you, I hate, I hate, I don't want to focus on people because I don't want to say, so I want to say things more generally because I don't, you know, the problem with intuition is you can say something personal and the person doesn't want it said. So I want to say really to all of you, the statistics don't matter.

You know, you are always the exception because you're always an individual. individual, it is really what it is that you are intending, and how much you're willing to allow what you're doing that gets in the way to come up. And a lot of it's painful, if you haven't allowed it to come up all these years, how much you're willing to deal with to open up those juicy, feeling, attracting receptors. And biologically in the body, if you give a medication to one person or another, it functions differently because some people have better receptors, for example, for pleasure hormones. Some people have not as good receptors, but you can retrain that. And I'm not, I hate positive thinking, by the way, this is not positive. I guarantee that if a bullet is coming at you, it will kill you, or at least injure you if you don't do something different. Negative thinking is you're just

staring at that bullet, it's going to hit you. Empowered realistic thinking. I do not have what I want now, and I am going to and able to change that. And the most dangerous thing you can do in life is to stop wishing, is to settle. And I don't mean settle. Listen, I settle. I would love a man who knew how to make his own coffee. He's finally learned to actually operate an espresso machine. My hat's off to all his partners before. I don't mean settle in terms of we're all mixed bags. I'm sure he'd like someone who wasn't irritable at five o'clock in the afternoon when she's forgotten

to eat all day and a total bitch, but he's got me, I've got him. His great outweighs his nasty. My great outweighs my nasty, I hope. And you work on a relationship. And what I think that part of what happens when you embody is you stop using your fantasy and imagination and you start noticing the real work. So maybe you start having more friendships all of a sudden, or more problems come up in friendships that you have to work on. You have to say, oh, wait, no, you know what? This is toxic, but I don't have to end this in a toxic way. So you change something. Maybe you don't have to be like the injured one all the time, you know, or the, it's interesting how when you use empowered, realistic thinking, and you say, this is my goal. I'm going to get there, even though really in my head, I'm saying there's no way I'm going to get there, but this is my goal. And I'm at least going to

put one foot in front of the other. And then everything that comes up is part of the lesson plan. I feel like I do that. I can do that with like career stuff. Like I'm pretty intuitive. Like I know if I'm going to book something or not after an audition, you feel a vibe from the room, you kind of just know. But that is just me. And I'm essentially like in control of how I present to people I'm in control of how I've learned my lines I'm in control of how I say hello when I walk in how I'm dressed but when I'll keep it like broad but like so like in dating I feel like a lot of people feel like it's out of their control because you can't control how someone feels you can't control someone wanting you well but but you don't want to control how someone feels first of all if you're

not picking if you're not naturally in situations where people are wanting you then you then it's actually something in you because there are a gazillion people out there to want you. It's actually something in you that's either still injured, too afraid. Your fantasy is too strong to deny reality. Reality meaning like I, you know, I really saw myself with a doctor. I mean, I saw myself with like the not weird world in my thing. And in a lot of ways that got in the way of my finding love. And I adore my husband. I won the husband lottery. I said I'd never get married again. That was a compromise. And now I'm happy. The minute I said I do, I actually got married in my kitchen in case I changed my mind at the last minute because I was so anxious. But the minute I said I do, I thought to myself, I burst into tears. I thought, oh my God, I have just done the most wonderful thing I've ever done in my life for myself. But it took me literally to after I said I do to feel that. And you know,

I've totally lost my train of thought here. You know, we get in our own way because it's not that it's not there. We get in our own way. And so if you are in a situation where you're never meeting those people, you have a really good reason or it was a really good reason when you were 11, may not be a really good reason now but you have a really good reason why you're putting yourself in that situation and if you allow yourself enough appropriate support to address those really good reasons because a lot of times those really good reasons we've had to cover up by being exceptional in some way. And by, you know, being cheerful or being helpful or be, we've had to cover them up. But if you allow yourself to address those really good reasons, and they will come up, if you stick with a goal, what and then you allow yourself you notice,

well, when this comes up, usually I shut it down. What else could I do with this? And intuition will answer you. That's the weird thing. And the wonderful thing about intuition is when you're in a situation. So for example, I married a man I met when I was 16. So I really didn't have a dating life. And then when I had a baby, I kind of fell into something with the first person I fell into it with. And then when my son went to college and I was really ready for something for me, you know, what I noticed having never been in a world where men were kind of part of it, except for professionally, is that when I liked a man, I was actually super not nice because it made me nervous. Like, will they think I like them? Or I was super big energy, super Laura Day. Or I was off-putting.

And it was just like before I'd even, I felt like I wanted to rip my tongue out, like before I'd even. And so I really had to kind of notice I have a wonderful friend who's a great flirt and I noticed what she did and I spent some time with her and I tried to flirt like I tried to flirt back because she flirts with the entire world and everyone falls in love with her and you know she's, you know, and I learned. And then when someone came up to me, I was a little less off-putting. And then when I first met my husband, I called the woman who introduced us and I said, not interested. But I had a three-date rule because I realized I was only interested in people.

And I won't say it because I don't want to insult anyone I was only interested in people who actually were not people that were nice or they were nice not people who were good for me I was only interested in what I knew from childhood and so I had a three-day rule and and if I could possibly manage it a one kiss rule and by by the third date, I was like, I still couldn't admit to myself that I was going to be in love with this person. But by the third date, I was like, oh, well, he's really fun to be with. And so I slipped into being with him a lot. And then, like after about seven months, if he was gone for the night, I was starving for him. But I still wasn't ready to be in love because this is not my image of my life. And then after, you know, I don't know,

a year, I see engagement, I'm like, don't do that. You know, and, and, and things came up in other relationships for me to work those things out, you know, other relationships that are other expectations. So I didn't actually, and that's how intuition works. It'll bring all these little teaching experiments in. And I think to myself, oh my God, what if it had been one date and I had walked away from this handsome, sexy, loving, devoted, successful, brilliant, miraculous man. It terrifies me to look back. I'm so glad I played by my rules. I don't have any rules, but... That could be a problem.

Real quick, we have to take a break. break. Yeah, I don't really have rules. I very much am like, if I like you and I like your vibe, I, well, I guess lately I've been letting men chase me because I was chasing them and that wasn't working. So I like changed that. And yeah, other than that, like I don't really have any rules that and I won't tell people how I actually feel about them anymore because I come off a little too strong. And perhaps that is a child to you, not coming off a little too strong. But if you're doing something that's alienating, usually it's not in integrity with who you really are right now. But there are, we all have rules, we're just not all conscious of them. Oh, interesting. So when I was unconscious of the fact that I was off-putting to men who showed interest in me,

which was a defense also from being young and unprotected when, you know, in my generation, and probably is true today, but you really, you know, you were undefended, you know, something happened to you, and it was your fault. And there was no there, you know, I was a teenager in the early 70s. So, so I had this things, and I wasn't even aware of my rules. You're never alone with a man. You never ask someone else. I wasn't aware of my rules. But then when I started, when my target, when my goal started to be I am my beloved and my beloved is mine, all of a sudden, the way intuition works, I started being aware of these inner rules that had a place when I was an undefended, beautiful, totally didn't know about the world 17-year-old, but didn't have the place when I was

a in-control, successful, very able to defend 52-year-old. Except maybe don't be alone in an apartment with a man you don't know until you know the whole which i still think is a good thing or with a partner you know don't like like meet in a you know get to know each other in a safe space but that's just my mother talking i know you said that you didn't want to read me but i like had a psychic reading recently and they said that i was going to meet someone in July, and then be in a relationship by the end of the year. Do you feel into intuitively that that's true? What I feel is because I will stay, I do stick by my rules. What I do feel is you really hope

that's true. And what I also know from working with people is that if you were willing to do the work, which is, by the way, it's hard. Like, I am 62 years old, and I'm still doing the work in places of my life to process my history, to process my past, to process how I'm different, to process how I'm vulnerable. But I do know that if I let it come up and I allow myself, instead of being reassured, which is the danger of psychic readings, I allow myself to get some intuition more about what do I have to do to have this happen soon? And then when might it happen? That already I see part of a problem with people going to intuitive readings. This is a typical problem where someone says this will happen. And because you want to reassure yourself, and I'm talking about you, I'm talking in general, instead of dealing with whatever pain is keeping you back, you want to cling to that. And all that is, is someone protecting their own way of doing things. Because once again, there are your I don't believe in soulmates, but there are so many soulmates out there for every single human being. And you're a gift to somebody. And I mean, generally, all of you listening, having a person who's your person

is a big deal. I mean, when I'm about to be a total bitch to my husband, I really try to remember, and I'm a very irritable person, anyone who knows you will tell you because, you know, intuition, you're so much is going through you. But when I'm about to be a bitch, I think, you know what? This is my person. This is a whole human being. And do I really want to do that? And sometimes the answer is yes, I've got to be honest. But I think that one of the things that I see is that we think of things in terms of relationship, but we're still thinking of ourself alone. A relationship is an interaction. And so when you, and I know that like I can tell obviously you are someone who values people so deeply. But when you do that in that, and I'm not talking about you, in general, everybody, if you start thinking this is a whole person, and this person has a lot of

pieces, and every person is precious. And maybe with this precious person, I don't want to get involved. But every person is precious. Your relationships really do change. And it's hard sometimes because people trigger us. But I always worry when people cling to a prediction, because what clinging to a prediction says to me is you don't really believe this is going to happen. You don't believe you have that in you. That's what clinging to a prediction is. Whereas if someone says to me, okay, if someone asks me a question, when do you see me involved in an amazing relationship that turns into a love, you know, a really grounded, paired life together.

The first thing I'll usually do is say, I see an engineer. I see that actually your ability that you're beginning to listen to to express yourself in a more kind of calm and grounded way kind of not covering with fun uh is going and and the natural intelligence brilliance i might even say that comes out i'm not real this is a hypothetical yeah i see that all of a sudden these people are going to be really attracted to you. And one of them, I sense that you're going to meet at something that's, it's not exactly social, not exactly, and you'll start to see something.

And you can do this for yourself. All of you do this now. You know, when are you going to be in here? all of you do this now, you know, when are you going to be in here? You need to have like, details for because the details are there, your future exists already, and you can change it. But what would that that would what that would lead me back to is, if you if you are grounded and if you deal very methodically with everything, but in a way that you also let people genuinely in and you notice you make that a practice, I will bet you that within less than three months,

you beat someone you never would have thought of. less than three months, you meet someone you never would have thought of. And that person provides that opportunity. And I get a funny initial L. So for example, you ask people to give you some data, because by the way, you can walk right by, like I almost did, even as intuitive as I am, you can walk right by the perfect opportunity because it's hard to do the work. It's hard to make the change. It's hard to, you know. And so it's, you know, someone who just says, oh, you're going to meet someone in this month and blah, blah, blah. That's not a reading. That's throwing spaghetti at a wall. Because life is far more complex. And an individual is complex. The life cycle of a

grape is more complex than that. When things don't work out for us, it is from denying our own complexity. I mean, I say this, I am loving adopting. When I turned 60, I said, okay, I'm definitely the crone now. And I'm loving adopting that because I have seen so many generations now of young lovers, of old lovers, of people who never thought they'd find love, of people who when I first began and come back from war and thought, of old lovers, of people who never thought they'd find love, of people, you know, who when I first began and come back from war and thought, oh, well, I don't have legs, who will want me? Who like, you know, end up with the hottest partner. I mean, I've seen so much of that. And I've seen the dynamic that creates that, which is really what the circle is about. You know, it's, it's, I mean,

I've written six books, and I'm, I'm editing now my seventh, but it really is. You don't have to believe in yourself, you don't have to love yourself, you don't have to have any of those edges that people think they need to have. But what you do need to do is keep walking forward and knowing if it's not happening, it's not your fault, it's your injury. And how can you be kind enough to yourself to heal that injury? And once you're willing to do that, that injury will come up. That injury will come up in a friendship.

Somebody, some person you've done so much for who's not being appreciative. And how could you deal with that differently? What does that bring up in you? You know, when you say you don't have to love yourself, but isn't it just easier to like, like yourself a little bit? Anybody who loves themselves more than 80% of the time is on really good psych

meds or has a really unique head injury. Sometimes someone, one of the kids would say to me, well, I feel guilty. And I'd say, well, good. That means you have a conscience. I mean, you know, no, we are all, boy, I wish my skin still fit me the way it did when I was 25. You know, I wish I could still show my knees. I'd never do that. But, you know, boy, I wish, you know, a million things were different. I wish I could hold a conversation without jumping into someone and being overly intimate with them. Boy, you know, I wish I were more athletic conversations at parties instead of like picking the one person who was just discharged from mental hospital, which actually ended up being the people interest me, but you know, and giving them a read like, boy, we all have stuff we wish were different, but I have a lot of wonderful things. And really, that's the world I belong in. That's the world you all of you belong in. So no, loving yourself. First of all, that's another paintbrush thing

like manifestation. Loving yourself means being your own advocate. You don't have to feel that. As a matter of fact, nobody ever had to feel that for you. You look around and you say, okay, am I advocating well for myself in this situation? That's loving yourself. It's not accepting. Not everything about you is acceptable. But am I being a good advocate for myself in this situation? Actually, by the way, in an audition, there's a lot you can control. By the way, there's a lot you don't control. Maybe you look like someone's mother and they hated their mother. Maybe. I mean, there is. And that's true in love too. There's a lot you can control. There's a lot you can.

There are a lot of choices. There are a lot of ways to do things a little differently. There are a lot of choices you can make about the groups you join. There's so many choices. And there's a lot of things that aren't in your control. And so what do you do? You pick the things that are in your control and do them well. And you'll see that so much more is in your control than you ever thought possible.

All right. I like that. We've come to the end. I think that's a great place to end it. Do you have anything that you want to promote? Well, when does your seventh book come out? Um, do you have anything that you want to promote? Well, when does your seventh book come out? Uh, I do not have a pub date yet. Um, I love people exchanging readings on Instagram and my YouTube has a quick video on how to do Instagram readings. I don't take private clients, but I can refer you to a very well trained professional who I have trained. What do I want to promote? I mean, the thing that I love the most is training people to do what I do, whether it's in their own life or as professional intuitives or psychics, if you prefer. And I do something called boot camp, which is two days. And all you do is get

and give readings and create a structure that not only allows you to shift your life, but really trains you to use your intuition in all the areas of your life. So my favorite thing now is teaching and lecturing and being interviewed. And you know, the nice thing about being older is that if you've done your life, even a 10thth right, you really get to choose what you like on the smorgasbord. It is very hard. And I think a lot of people listening to this, maybe aren't 62. You know, it is really much harder when you're younger. And there's so much, you know, it's touted to be so easy, but life is very complex and complicated. And it does get easier. You don't have to believe in yourself to do the right thing. Be your best,

be your best advocate. And the great thing about getting readings, especially those little free readings on Instagram, for example, but the great thing about getting kind of daily insights from other people that are intuitive, people who don't know you, so it has to be intuitive, is that what you don't see, because none of us, the best psychic doesn't see their own things that they're repressing, what you don't see, the intuitives will bring up again and again. And then you'll decide when you have the strength and the support to act on them. So I really encourage you to work in intuitive communities and to really ask for what you need. And not just in love. Even if you're looking to find love, it may be your career that's getting

in the way because you're looking for love to save you from your insecurities about your career. There's always an inner reason something's not happening. But if you set a goal and keep moving forward and embody, which are only the first three steps of the circle, you'll see that that begins to happen. And then you make choices. You are creating your life. And by the way, a miracle can happen tomorrow. Really, we are alchemists as human beings. You create your miracles and people create them with you and for you. A miracle can happen tomorrow. So in your bad moments, remember that. I love that. Laura, thank you so much for doing this. I love that. Laura, thank you so much for doing this. Thank you. This was a lot of fun. And let me know how it goes. All of you. Oh, you know,

the one other thing I want to say is that I read all my emails. So make them one line. But and I go on live all the time. So if you have a question, please, you know, ask the group, ask me because we are all facilitating this for one another. The bigger your community, the bigger your options. Hmm. I guess I got to get more friends. Well, if you like this episode of why won't you date me? You can like you can rate you can subscribe on Apple podcasts. And if you read no, if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I will read it. This person said, let me. Did I read this? No.

OK, let me part your pussy curtains like a blooming onion and writhe my brawny tongue all over that clit. Laura's face like a powerful fish dying at the bottom of a boat. Thank you. Bye bye. That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solo-Taroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening.

I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha, ha, ha. This has been a team coco production