Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - I Want You to Watch (w/ Heidi N Closet)

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

Drag queen icon Heidi N Closet (RuPaul's Drag Race S12, All Stars 8) is dressed up like Jesse from Pokemon to geek out over her favorite anime and spill on her beef with Nicki Minaj. Heidi opens up about the rules that keep her open relationship working and shares stories from her pre-fame jobs, including the time she cleaned literal shit at a gas station and the reason she got fired from a hospital. They also discuss her favorite sex move called "The Finisher" and her love of being watched, while Nicole shares the time she sat on a man's face for money.Check out Heidi N Closet's YouTube channel: youtube.com/@HeidiNClosetOfficialWatch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» HelloFresh: Go to HelloFresh.com/dateme10fm to Get 10 free meals + a FREE Zwilling Knife (a $144.99 value) on your third box. *Offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box, new subscribers only, varies by plan.» Function: Own your health for $365 a yea. Learn more and join using my link. Visit functionhealth.com/DATEME and use gift code DATEME for a $25 credit toward your membership.» Planned Parenthood: Donate to support Planned Parenthood now at plannedparenthood.org/defend.» Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» NOCD: If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: learn.nocd.com/DATEME» Betterhelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/dateme today to get 10% off your first month.Follow:All Links: linktr.ee/whywontyoudatemeTour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We spend so much time on this show trying to figure out how to take control of our dating lives. But it's terrifying to think that there are people out there trying to take control of our actual bodies. Planned Parenthood believes we should have access to care and the freedom to make decisions about our health and futures. Whether you need SDI testing and treatment, birth control, gender affirming care, abortion, or sex education, plan parenthood is here for you. But right now, lawmakers across the country are trying to block people from getting essential health care. They are actively trying to deny people birth control and are promoting abstinence only until marriage programs, which feels like we're moving backwards, not forwards. They want to control our bodies and our futures.

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but then your brain just decides to sabotage you? suddenly the spiral starts. You're comparing them to an X or some random person on Hinge thinking, wait, is this guy really the guy for me? I mean, we all have doubts. But if these thoughts are constant and all-consuming, you might have a relationship OCD. OCD isn't just the stereotype about being neat and organized. It can actually latch on to the things you care about the most, including your love life. It creates this never-ending loop of anxiety where you're constantly asking for reassurance or analyzing every single interaction just to make yourself feel better. The good news is that it's highly treatable, but regular talk therapy isn't always enough.

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Visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team. That's nocd.com. Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast So you enjoy watching people? I thought that I necessarily enjoy watching people.

I'll watch. I'm more of a partaker versus the watcher. So do you like being watched? I don't mind it. I don't mind. If you want to watch, honey, I put on a spectacle. See, and I love that you know that about yourself. I don't think I'm putting on a spectacle.

I think I'm like putting in the grunt work. I'm doing my best. Yeah, of course. And I don't know if it's like, if anyone would be like, oh, man, that's hot. I think they'd be like, well, she's a workhorse. She's a workhorse. And there's some people out there that love workhorses,

let me tell you. And that's for somebody out there that wants to see it. Trust and believe, honey. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? A podcast where Mina Cole Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single,

even though you could come on my nightstand and say, hey, that's an aspirin. My guest today is a drag queen who is crowned Miss Congeniality on Rupal's Drag Race Season 12 and returned to Slay on All Stars 8. She recently launched her own production company, Mind the Gap, very, very, very good name, featuring her new YouTube D&D show, Hi, D&D, oh, that's also very good.

my favorite queens to pass through the franchise. That is Rupal's drag race. It's Heidi in closet. Hi. How are you? I'm fabulous. Thank you so much for coming back on the podcast. I know.

Back back again. Well, back in the sense of I'm here. Here in person. On the show again. Now, I'm not in person for the again. You know, she's back for the first time. Yes. That don't make no sense.

But listen, I followed it, and that's the only thing that matters. If you say something with enough conviction. People won't question it. Honey, look at the president. Girl, swindled half the country. It's wild. I don't like it. I don't either.

It's bad. It's crazy cray. Crazy cray. So you're doing, this is, you said Jesse earlier, because I was like, this is Pokemon. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I was trying to figure out what to wear today. I was like, you know what? I want to be part of one of the most dynamic duo couples of all time.

I love that. I haven't watched Pokemon in a very long time, but I loved it as a youth. Oh, I loved it. I have a jigglypuff tattoo because. You give jigglypuff. I just love her. Jiggly puff. Jiggly puff.

And then you wake up with markings all over your face. Yes, of course. I love it. And then I met the voice of Ash Ketchum. This woman named Sarah. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm going to be awful. I'm going to ask you a thing that millions have probably asked you to do.

Will you do the voice for me and say I'm Ash Gatcham from Palatown? And she was like, yes, and she did it. And I was so happy. Just so delighted. The sphere is a sickening. Is Pokemon your favorite cartoon for anime? Gosh, if it's not the number one, it's the number two for sure, I would say. It's up there.

I've loved it for. What's the dueling one? So it's her, Pokemon, and Hunter Hunter. If you're an anime nerds, you know, if you don't. you probably don't be watching anime for like a year or so. Because there's this new wave of people who love anime now because it's kind of like a renaissance and people falling in love with anime and stuff

and there's like a divide between like the people who's been about it forever and the people who just got into it. Honey, if you just got into it, you might not know about Hunter Hunter. I don't know about Hunter Hunter. It's fun. She should give it a watch. It's crazy. I like Sailor Moon.

Honestly, she's probably the most powerful anime protagonist of all time. Fighting evil by moonlight Winning love by daylight Never rotting from a real fight You're like, is this still going on? You're not, you admit, you're eating it. What sailor? What sailor scout would you be?

Mars. Okay, fiery. A little fiery, a little angry, annoyed with the people around you, but also, in my heart of hearts, probably Sailor Moon. I've only watched the English dubbed where she's Serena and Luna's English,

and I've tried to watch the other one, I don't like it. I try to watch. See, I am a dub watcher because, like, because I think I have ADHD so I can't focus. So, and I'm, like,

already doing two or three things while I'm watching the anime. If I put it in the original and then I'm doing all these things, I'm gonna just be hearing stuff. I don't know what's happening. I'm like, what's going on? What's going on?

What sailor scout would you be? I think Jupiter. Okay, I can see that. Yeah. I feel, I feel like she's so, like, yeah, she's fierce. She's fabulous. I love her.

She's gorgeous. I think that's a good pick. But I also love, what's her name, Chitty? Cheeby, the little one. Yeah, she's adorable. Oh my God, I love it. Wait, Heidi. Yes.

Recently, you tweeted something. Oh, God. At Miss Nikki Minaj. Oh, God. Maga Minaj. So it was more than just my hair and makeup you hated. It is one of my favorite moments of Untucked. Oh, my God.

Because you're sitting there. it seems like you're listening to the conversation, and then you go, I have a question. Why do you hate my hair and makeup? I was set up that day. Where are you? I would call it. Production set me up that day.

So I just got up the hospital at like 6 a.m. that morning because I couldn't leave until I show's signs of getting better from my visit there. So I was going through it there. And then I had to leave the hotel at like 7.30, 8 o'clock to go to film. And of course, you know, we went through it and we did the show and everything. and stuff, and we got back there.

So for me and the arrest of the cast, we all remember her saying face. We remember her saying, I hate, hate your face. I was like, oh, oh, but we don't know. We think that maybe they had her do the line again or something to like do not say face. Because in our heads, we're like, that's how I said face. That's why I said face back then.

And I was like, girl, I was going crazy in the back. I was like, honey, is she come back here? I'm going to ask her about it. And then about five minutes, she walks back there. I was like, oh, y'all chest to me. Y'all want to see if I'm about it. I'm about it. I'll do it.

Honey, I'll rest play. And I did. So, yeah, I kind of, you know, one of the few people who, I don't say came for her, but like had a moment with her and had a successful career after. So I, I'm of illustrious manner, honey. I mean, you're on the right side of history. Homegirl lost her fucking mind. It's kind of crazy.

It's wild. I don't get it. I don't get it either. For me personally, she is something that the far right, she's like the epitome of what they hate. Strong, black immigrant. Yes. Yes. Girl, they don't like you.

Yes. They don't want you, girl. No. You're literally the main immigrant. And a woman with money and power. They don't like you. It's one of those things where it's like you're accepted until you're not. And it just hasn't happened where they're like.

Like, we hate you. Because she's saying the things that they want her to say, they'll put up with her. But not that long ago, they were saying how she would be a bad, like, she's like a horrible role model for black women. They literally were just saying that last year. So I don't know, I don't know. Maybe the check was cute. I don't know. They just be flipping and flopping.

It's exhausting. Like in the bedroom, honey, flipping and flopping, honey. Well, speaking of the bedroom, Heidi. Yes. Are you single? Are you dating? Or do you not want to say? I am currently in a very happy, committed open relationship with my partner.

We just celebrated four years last month. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, how did you meet? God, messy gays in L.A. So, basically, short story, long story short, basically. We had this mutual friend. They introduced us.

I was currently talking to someone else at the time, I was very like upfront about everything. I'm like, okay, we can be friends, but I'm also dating this person right now. And this mutual friend had a crush on them. And I knew that. So I was like, well, girl, you clearly are crushing them. We can be friends. Like, even though you were trying to make us hook up, you were trying to get us hook up, which is crazy.

I'm like, this is how the gays I could get. The gays are messed? That's how y'all get down over here? The gaze are messing. I was like, we'll meet. He was cute and whatever is sweet. We hung out a couple times. They kept going back and forth, whether they liked them or not.

I was like, well, we're just friends. It doesn't matter. but it got to a point where one, they were like seeing that we were together so they would get on Grindr and see that we were like close to each other via the map and they would just either show up or text us to be like,

hey, what y'all doing? I was like, okay, that's we're just hanging. And basically they got to the point where they were so jealous that they went behind my back to the guy that I was actually talking to at the time and told them that I was dating this person. And I wasn't at the time. Because I was my friend at the time, I was like,

girl, I'm not going to do that to you. So I had to cuss her out. I may have had a friend of mine snatched some of her drag gigs away because, girl, you don't fuck with me. I don't give a fuck. Honey, you cross with me? You cross me?

You fuck with me? You're done. I don't care. Honey, I mean, she wasn't working anyway. So, like, she wasn't, it is what it is. She lost maybe one gig, honey. It wasn't much to snatch. Drag her.

And you know who you are out there. Actually, she didn't have no gigs. The one. The one gig, honey. That's why she got fired for a nip. Anyways, So basically, after that whole debacle came up Because they liked them

Because they had told me that they had hooked up And it was a good thing And that's why they wanted us to meet or whatever Come to find out they had never hooked up And that it was all basically a lie and stuff And it seems like something that bears repeating With them and their friend groups So we exed them out

And eventually me and the guy that I was talking to Stop talking because it was like They were actually like my quarantine boo at the time So they lived in Ireland So it's like the future there wasn't that much But we were like still like It was fresh out of quarantine We were like still close or whatever

And so it was like that And as a couple months past Me and my partner now grew together Closer and closer from friends Friends became relationship And here we are four years later Congratulations Thank you

I love that the long story short It's still kind of long It's a lot more It wasn't that long I thought it was rather concise Thank you It didn't go on Many tangents?

Not many. No, just some. Just a cup. So do you live here in L.A.? I do. I live near the Beverly Center. Don't tell these people where you live near. Or maybe I do tell them where I live.

I think it's called Beverly Grove. It's the area of town I live in technically. I'm like, okay, work. It still looks like Weho to me. It's like the outskirts of WeHo. Yeah, it's the end of WeHo. Yeah. Yeah, the outskirts is a perfect way to put it.

But you grew up in a really small town. Yes. Rams boat, Ram store. Ram store North Carolina. We're talking to sewer, honey. Yes, ma'am. Yes. Go Rams.

That's the elementary school. The elementary school. Only one. Honey, and then there's a middle school. And then there's a high school. Go walk out. You want your house. That's very funny.

You were working at a gas station before getting drag raised. Yes. You said, ugh. So it wasn't a nice time. Well, because it was, It was, to be fair, it was the lesser of two evil options, basically. It was either become a prostitute or get the job at the gas station.

Okay. So, you know, I decided to go work at the gas station. Now looking back at it, I should have just been a prostitute. I mean, you could have made a little bit more money. I've made more money and cleaned up a lot less shit. Oh! Gag. Oh!

Gag. That really got me good. Yeah. How much shit did you have to clean up at a gas station? Let me tell you this one time at the gas station. One time at the gas station, baby. So I had, so I worked at the night shift because at the gas station I worked at, it was a small town, almost all women worked there. And so that I was only male, so they would make me work night shift, of course, which is fine.

Yeah. Completely fine. I cleaned up the whole place, whatever, cleaned the bathrooms, got them all spark and clean for the day shift, whatever. I'm about to close up for the night and about five minutes before, this man comes in. He comes in. He says, can, may I use the restroom? I'm like, okay, work. That's fine.

That's great. Yeah, let's do it. In and out. That's fine. He goes in, he's in there for a little bit, he finally comes out. He leaves him in a hurry. So I'm like, okay, let me go make sure, you know, make sure it's still a little tidy up for the morning shift or whatever. I get in that motherfucking bathroom.

There's shit on the toilet. There's shit on the floor. There's shit on the door. There's shit on the sink, mirror, and the plunger. I'm like, what the fuck were you doing in here? So what did you do? I was the shot. Baby, I was making $7.25 an hour, honey.

So I was, baby, I was like, you know what? I called my manager. I was like, Miss Cheryl, you know that raise you just reused to give me the other day? Well, there's a bunch of shit

in this bathroom, mama, and I get paid seven, 25 an hour. I do not get paid enough to clean up all this shit. It will be here in the morning waiting for you. Click,

and went on home. F of me, I didn't get a fuck. I wasn't clean up all that. I had already cleaned up the bathroom. I was like, you could check the cameras

on the hour to clean. I ain't doing it again. I just, I wish, I wish we knew what was, if he was okay. Honey, the way he was moving, he was fond. He left with a quickness.

He got the devil out. He said, I better hustle away. And bitch, it was dark-sighted, too, for me, girl. It was horrible. I'm like, you couldn't just did this outside of my own? This is crazy. Well, I'm also like, so were you hovering? But then how do you get it on the mirror?

The plunger, the sink? Like, on everything. Like, what was you, you just, I think it was a hate crime. Oh, maybe. I think he saw this young, gorgeous black six-five. He was an older white gentleman. And he didn't like it. So he just went in there and wrecked my shit.

And he said, I'm fucking leaving this. Girl. I love that you left it. Because 725 is not enough for that. Not that much. No. No. I cleaned up less shit when I worked at the hospital.

How long did you work at the hospital? Like three months. But then I got fired, unfortunately, because this woman didn't like me. She lied on me. Yeah, okay. So she lied on me. So I was in environmental services, which is like a fancy way of saying, janitor. Okay.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, environmental services. So, and the thing is, so I was, we would go around the room. We each get our floors or whatever. We go around. So not the woman in command, but the woman underneath command didn't like me. She was a very conservative woman. You know, I was a drag queen still. I was like a baby drag queen and stuff.

So, you know, she doesn't really care for me that much. And she lied on me. So she said that I was dusting the rooms when there was patience. in the rooms, which is because you're not supposed to do that because the patient could have a respiratory problem and you don't want to irritate them. And I'm sitting there like, that's a lie. I don't dust at all. Like, how dare you sit here and lie on me? I don't do that at all. You can check my duster baby. It's not clint. It's not a dusted shit, bitch. Like, how dare you see here and lie on me? But, you know, I can't tell the boss lady that because

then I'm like, well, girl, she got me. She got me, girl. She got me. I don't do anything. I take the L. I took the L. I've never been fired from a job. I've only just not returned. Well, I've walked out, been fired, just never showed back up, you know. A whole array of things. The gambit, honey. Okay.

Can I ask about your open relationship? Was it always open or did you arrive at like a point where you're like, we got to open this up? It started out as like just a monogamous relationship, but it quickly became an open relationship maybe like four or five months in between him working a lot. and then me traveling and working a lot. It just didn't seem fair to either of us that we were not seeing each other often and like we still have these bodily urges and desires and, you know. And we should, I, for me personally,

I want my partner to be satisfied whether I'm there or not. Don't bring no love home. Okay, so there's rules. Yes, of course. There's rules. Don't bring love home. Wait, we're not out here looking for unless we're looking for sugar daddy. Okay.

Honey, it's teamwork, honey, on that one. But if we're not looking for someone that we want to fall in love with, we can have, I guess, repeats, but not necessarily like, okay, this one's mine, I want him. No. No one we can get attached to in the sense because maybe at the end of the day, home is us. We are the end goal.

But, like, honey, if you need to go get your rocks off for the night and I'm not around or I'm not in the mood to do it, go do it, and then come home, honey, don't bring nothing home. Oh, so, like, you can, it's not just when you're away. Not just when we're away, but also neither of us are, like, super like out there like horn dogs trying to like suck and slurp and do all that stuff to every single individual.

Now I'm probably the hornier of the two and honey and honey I get mine when I needs to get mine but like I'm also not like super crazy trying to like do it with everyone so. Okay. Real quick, we gotta take a break. We'll be back. I feel like the bar

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Heidi, have you ever fucked in drag? No, never. I don't think I could. I've had a wig on. I've worn a wig for the straight men that need that. Some straight men need that. And that's fine. It does fall off in like a couple minutes.

But you know, as long as it starts off. Because you're not, you're not gluing it, Dan? I'm not going, girl, my own girl. Girl, you was not about to take my wig and bawling your fist and just be pulling. Now, honey, is there to move. And don't put your hand in it too, because I didn't brush it that well. It's not too much. Not too much.

Yeah, I've never, I've never, Heidi's a virgin. Okay. Trevin, my actual name, is the horn dog. Is the slot? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes I was like, oh no, no, you didn't like sluts? What?

Oh, no. No, yeah, we stand sluts in this household. So after drag race, were people sliding into your DMs, and then, like, when you're touring or people throwing themselves at you? I think right after season 12, people were too shy to slide into my DMs because they saw me as, like, this very, like,

innocent, sweet, loving, like, character. Yeah. So they didn't really see, like, oh, I want to fuck that. Interesting. No, but, like, as times grown on and that people have gotten to see more thighs, of me and stuff. People, you know, they get on the DMs and stuff and they call.

You know, we got, we got menses in different area codes and stuff, other countries and stuff. That's fun. Yeah. Do you have like a favorite place that you like to travel to, to perform and or see the man's? To perform. God, I love performing the UK.

I love performing and I do love Portland, Oregon. I like Portland, too. She's a good time to go party in. The girls are crazy there. Florida. to party with the gays and stuff is also fun. New York.

The trade in New York kind of goes crazy. Honey, the trip. Honey. New York's menfolk, honey. Men folk in New York are crazy. And then there's this one in Bergen, Norway. Oh. I met me and my partner both met this Viking man. Oh.

Hey, Brett. Brat. Well, it's B-R-E-C. H-T. Brit. Brit. Brit. I say it like that to him. He's like, that's not how you say it.

He's like, that's not my name. Brit. He's like, I'm like, I'm throwing gang signs on me. That goes crazy way. I love that. I love that you just have all these men's in different areas. It's not only that I have these men's is they, they possess a quality about them that is enough to get me out of my panties. And that's enough.

You know, there's couples here and there. There's this one couple in New York. They're gamer nerds. And they also love wrestling too, like me. Okay. So we just talk about that non-stop. And then they have this move called the finisher. They have a finisher.

So you're fucking, you, you fuck a couple that has a signature move when they fuck you? Yes. That's deeply wonderful. It's beautiful. Can you describe what the finisher is? Okay. So what you want to do,

So you're going to be laying on your back at first Okay And then basically start rolling up like a fruit roll up Where your posterior is somewhat at either an angle Or up up I'm going that way Uh huh While the other one

There's one holding your legs like this And like everything like It's by your head and stuff So whatever you're doing down there It's whatever you're doing down there While the other one is coming from above And just putting it down And you just kind of have to lay there and take it

because they have you in the submission hall basically and you just, that's their finisher. That sounds nice. It's lovely. It's lovely. It's lovely. So good. Sometimes you want to be a pillow princess.

Yeah. Sometimes you do. I would like that. Hold me down and just take it. Take it. Take it. Have your way with me. What's that clip from Delvade, the 101 Dalmat.

It's just, take it! The animated one? No, the Glenn Close one. I haven't seen that one in years. She goes crazy. Did you know she got to keep all of those costumes? Bitch, I'm about swallowed this mic. It's just crazy.

She looked great during those. She got to keep all of them. And I'm just like, she's so smart to put that in her contract that she gets to keep them all. Also, I saw that on the internet. I don't know if it's true. But I like thinking that it's true. I hope.

For her, I hope it is. I hope it's true. It should be. That's what she deserves. So you are known for having a gap in your teeth. Am I? Heidi, I just want to be the first to let you know. There's a gap in your teeth?

Where? So it's between the center teeth. Here? No, no. In the middle, between the two front teeth. What is that? When did they get there? Oh, my God.

Nicole! Don't lose it on the way in? Imagine. Did my son fall out? God, that's so embarrassed. That's so embarrassing. Oh, my God. But was there at any moment growing up or, like, after you started having a career

that you were like, maybe I'll close the gap? Me personally, no. Good. So when I was first born and first had teeth, my baby teeth, no. I was first born with a full set of teeth. Just came out. Just calmer. So I think it was like second grade, first grade, second grade.

I lost all forefront of my baby teeth at the same. time. But I didn't have a gap then. But the first front tube grew in first. So they grew into the gap. And for me personally, I would never close my gap. So my mother passed away when I was very young. And she had a gap. So I don't know her. But I like to think that my gap, I wasn't meant to have a gap, but my gap came because it's to symbolize her and our connection. So I personally would never close my gap. Even when the barbs come at me being like, you need to fix your teeth. Bitch, you need to fix your, get my. Well, I don't

I think everyone kind of is starting to look the same The same veneers The same nose jaws They look like chicklets Blasplasties or whatever The bookal fat removal I'm like when somebody looks different

It helps The thing is if everyone's the same No one's special And you know if my little gap Makes me a little different That's why I'll be that I also think it looks good Thank you

I think it came in a great shape It did I think it looks super endearing. I don't know. Is that wild to say to somebody? I find your gap endearing? No, I love that because I can do so many different things with it. I can blow bubbles with my gap.

Really? Uh-huh. If I had a piece of gum, I could put a little bubble through it. I can spit things through it very far. I like to pretend I'm a Pokemon and use bullet seed and just... It's kind of cut. It's kind of... And, honey, and it's...

I like to pretend I'm a Pokemon. I do. I love that. It's kind of fierce And now you do have to be very careful When you're like Providing services of sorts Because I don't want to circumcise nobody

But it could be a side hustle One good time I mean One good time Just to pivot back to dating Yes let's do it What are some like red flags They try to date your agent

They try to fuck your agent actually Wow I feel like that was a specific thing thing. Can you bleep names? Yes. You know who you are, you know where you are. Garbage. You try to sleep with my agent.

So this man, so I first started talking this man. We had talked for about four months at this time or whatever, and I was like, if you were going to start a relationship? I was like, okay, we could... I was like, I would be down to start a relationship. He was a little hesitant about it. I was like, okay, that's fine. About two weeks later, he's like, maybe we should revisit us being in a relationship.

I was like, okay, let's think about it. Let's talk about it. We'll figure it out. Two days after that, I found out he tried to sleep with my agent. And I was like, and it was within the two weeks of me asking him to be my partner. And then him be like, we'll wait on it. And then him coming back and be like, maybe we should. So I'm like, within that time, you try to sleep with my agent.

And now you're wrong to start a relationship with me. That's kind of crazy. That's nasty. I don't like that. That's moving dirty in the world. I don't like when people do shit like that. Do you know what his excuse was? Because I called him out.

I was like, within the two weeks where I asked you about this, you tried to sleep with my agent. What was, what, where is your, where's your head at in that? He's like, well, I've known him for years since before you even moved out here to L.A. I'm like, that does not exonerate you? No. From trying to sleep with my agent behind my back. Yes. And then trying to start a relationship with me.

Because what's like the end goal? Like what were they trying to do? Fuck. That was it. Trying to fuck. Trying to get a nut. I'm like, baby. Also, what are y'all both going to do?

You're both bottoms, baby. Just rub their butts together. Baby, I mean, a bump a purse. I don't, I don't knock it, honey. Honey, if it's right, it's right. Honey, rub the purses up against each other. But, baby, okay? All right.

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Yes, yes, yes. And the nice man in my life, he... So I guess before we got together, it moved past, like, physicality. And it was very much like, I just want someone who likes me. Yeah. And the bar is on the floor. It's so low, girl. When you say I want somebody who likes me...

You can just walk on it. Truly. Not even step over it, walk on it, girl. Tip toe. Girl. Slide over it. It's not that hard. But when you say, you're not that hard.

And I met him and it was like, maybe our second or third date, I was like, I think he like likes this. Is that fun? I think he really likes this. And I think it was maybe our third or fourth date. I was like, do you want to drive to Chino Hills to go to a Sonic the Hedgehog themed cafe? And he was, he was just like, sure. Where is that? Wait, where is Juneau Hills is like an hour north.

And it was a pop up. It was not great. But then afterwards we walked around at Barnes & Noble. Okay. And it was just, like, cute. And we found out we could just spend time together and have a nice time. Y'all can do, like, nerdy things. Are you nerd?

Do you like nerdy boys and stuff? Like, I do like, okay. Get into it. It's level. There's levels to nerddom. I like a nerd. I like someone who knows things because I love asking questions. Yes.

Because I retain nothing. Okay. I will ask the same question. in several different ways. And recently we watched Band of Brothers, which he said was a Christmas show. Oh. It is about World War II.

The reason why this man thinks it's a Christmas show is because it snows in one episode and they fight through Christmas. And I said the way a straight man's mind works... They're crazy. They're crazy. Mental illness is just red and rapid. I personally don't know if I could do a straight man anymore.

Like, they... No. Exactly not. I don't see how you do it. It seems like a lot of work. I personally, like, even just being around them for extended period of times and just like... Sometimes when I'm with his friends, I'm like, well, okay. That's enough testosterone for me. Honey, it's at its limits. We got to go home and put some makeup on in a wig. Honey, I got to go feel pretty. I got to go tell myself I look pretty because no one here is doing it. No one's doing it. Girl, yeah. And that's why I love a gay bar. You walk in. Compliments. Eighteen people will say how beautiful you are. And I'm like, yes. And I'm like, I am the deep.

But he'll do silly things with me. I have a bunch of fur hats. And one night before bed, I was like, Hat party! And then we just tried on all my hats. That's so fun. That's so cute. Yeah.

And it's like, I've dated men who'd be like, no. Or like, ugh. And like really be mad about this dumb thing I want to do. And it's like, don't you just want to have fun? I just want to have fun. Just Kiki. Have a good time with the person you like. And.

Is that a problem? Yeah. And like sometimes before sleep, like sometimes he just lets me talk. Yeah. And then he has started saying, if I stop answering, I'm sleeping. And I go, okay, some nights. He just, you just keep going. You don't even realize that he's done talking. Some nights he'll start snoring. And I'm like, oh. I'm obsessed. Okay, well, I guess that's a wrap on that monologue. I love. You're like, oh, you're like, how long has it been? How's he been out? How long? Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes.

And then the next day I'll be like, hey, do you remember this? And he's like, no. Not at all. No. No. I'm trying to go to sleep. But that's where I get my energy. It's awful.

I have ADHD. So like, I'm on ADHD medicine. That kind of helps me. What does it do to you? Because I think I'm undiagnosed, so I don't have any medication for it. But I definitely feel like I'm in that realm. The doctor was like, if you get like a speedy rush, tell me immediately. And I was like, okay.

So I took it. And then I remember. smoking a cigarette, going to the living room and opening my mail. And I was like, huh, that was four months worth of mail that I just got through and finished. And then I was like, well, that's kind of crazy. And I was like, well, I did have this to do today. So I just started doing things. Yeah.

And it blew me away that I could like finish a task. Oh my God. But now I have to like kind of like walk myself through tasks. Like if I start something, it's like, well, Nicole, before you walk away, finish. Let's finish this. Let's finish this. Yeah, I'm notorious for that. Like, girl, like, I'll start projects and it's just like, well, girl, I'll get it back to a way.

No, I get it. But then sometimes I'll do four things at once. Of course. Multitalented, multitasking. I mean, it's what we do. Then you get confused and you go, where am I? Where's my phone and my phone will be in my hand? And I'll look around for my phone that's in my hand.

Fully be on the phone actually. Talk to someone. Yes, that's happened before. Oh my God. And it's like, bitch, you're talking to me on it. Literally me. Literally me. My key chain looks crazy because I leave it in the door all the time.

So it's long. It's like this long. Uh-huh. And it's got giant doll babies and stuff on it. And I left it in the door the other day. Doll babies? Yeah. Like dollheads?

No. Like a Brats doll. Okay. I didn't, okay. I didn't. I was confused and concerned for a second. I didn't know what. It sounds crazy to be like, baby dolls.

Baby, what a hell's my hub? Oh, she's a diva dog, wait. Can you believe? I leave this indoors. Just hanging? I'll open the door to my house. That's a lot. I know.

And it's like this. How do you open the door and not know that it's still there? I don't know. That's crazy. Because I'll open the door. my dog will be there or I'll be like, oh, I have to do this and this. And then I'll just close the door. But this has made it so it's harder to close the door.

Yeah, I'd hope so. I'd hope so. It's probably hard to turn the key to a little bit. It is. Sometimes it really is just so hard. And the other day, that nice man in my life was like, so can we get rid of the keys you don't need? And I was like, I actually need them. It's just key chains.

I'm kind of obsessed. You know what? Do what you got to do. Do what you got to do That's how I've just like Learned to deal with having ADHD If it works It works

Honey Doing little Tip or I don't know Tips and tricks to like Yeah See I'm the type of person I try to leave things In places that make sense to me

It might not make sense To someone else But let me tell you something I know exactly where it is I can go grab it when I want it And if someone has touched it It's not where I'm supposed to be Because that it

Yeah I I feel that so much. And I've gotten like a little too particular sometimes because I'll be like well that pillow's not where that pillow is supposed to be and if that pillow is moved

then that means that the thing that maybe I'll put something by that pillow that usually goes over there and then I'll lose it. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, man. You end up hiding something away from yourself. Yes, it's yesterday I put like a it was really windy and I'm a farmer.

You're a farmer? I've got a, yes, I've got vegetables, tomatoes, fruits. Strawberries, cucumbers. Oh. And one of my pots fell over because it was windy. Girl, okay, I can trust.

I have plants home the balcony. And then when it gets windy, it's like, well, goodbye. But I like swept it up, put the broken bits in a trash bag, and then left it in the middle of the hallway inside the house because I was like, well, I'll trip over it,

and then I'll have to take it downstairs. You just walk around it. Yep. For two days, I walked just around it. Honey, when I come home from traveling, my suitcase sits right by the the door for about two, three days, and then I finally unpack it. I'm like, honey, we got dollars to count.

We got costumes that probably should need airing out. Airing out. Them pads need to be airing out right now. I'll put them on the balcony. It's fine. Do you? Who? I cried you.

I guess you can't wash pads. You can. Oh, you can? You can. You can. It does eat away the life cycle of the pads. But you can't wash them, yes. God, that's so funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's what gives me that beautiful, curvaceous bald. Do you ever, do you ever, bald? Bauder.

Do you ever wear a chest plate? I have one. It's actually Jada's French that she left at my place like four years ago. Mm-hmm. But she never came back to scoop it up. She's been back to my place

and she knows I have it, but she just, she has another one. So, like, it's her old old one. So I don't need those. Basically, so it's my mind now. And I don't wear it for drag, but, like, I'll wear it every once in a while

just to, like, feel the fantasy or something. Like, I was on TikTok Live the other night, and I had this outfit that, like, cuts like this. And it's, like, I put it on to see what it gives, and it just barely comes up the nipples. I'm like, baby, this is a moment, actually. This is kind of fun. It's a little heavy for me.

I don't know if... It's so heavy. They're wild. I don't know if I can do it all the time. I don't know how girls like Jimbo and playing and all of them do that. I don't know how they do it. I think they do it because I have a chess plate that I bought for.

for natural oh no I bought it well I do have they're tiny you know they're small small so I have a what are they double E's or something they're huge and I got them silicone filled they are so heavy that's a lot by the end of the show I wore them for I was like I did a workout that's back pain that's crazy but then I bought another I have two chest plates you have more to me I love that you have more breastplates I love that you have more breastplate Bob the drag queen was like who did you borrow that from girl okay I was like I own this these are mine And she was like, what do you mean you own a chess plate? And I was like, I own two.

The girls can't take you. Nicole. I'm sickening, the girls can't take it. Cut it. The hostile boots, one more. I also have hip pads and buttpans. So you'd be out here doing the tracks, too. Well, if I want to make a...

The Coca-Cola. Like, yeah, a Coca-Cola shape. Yeah. I have the equipment. To do so. To do so. I mean, we all should be ready to do so. But boy, oh, boy, it's a lot, right?

It's so much. My God. I can't do it on the room. regular for sure. And then you get so sweaty underneath? Honey, I don't sweat. I glisten. Oh, that's nice. I don't sweat. Especially when I get Botox. Where do you get Botox? Just in my forehead.

Let me see it. Well, it's the bang. And I haven't had Botox on a while because she's been filming some things, so she needs to be able to act and stuff. You know. Act and react. Yeah, so, you know, I haven't had Botox in a while, so the forehead can move right now. But sometimes the forehead can't move, and it's like, okay. Botox scares me a little bit. I'm not, I don't Love a needle.

I hate needles. I literally like... You just close your eyes and... I literally close my eyes. I'm like, okay, I can't look. I don't like... Can you feel it? The Botox going in?

Yeah, the needle. The needle? They use a smaller needle. And so it's smaller. And like, you can definitely like... You can feel it, like break the skin or... Not break the skin, but like... Go into the skin or whatever.

But like, it doesn't feel like pain or anything. And that's something for someone who hates needles too. Okay. Like, it's bearable. And like... Because I'm... arriving at an age where I'm like I might need some Botox.

You know, I don't even do like a lot of Botox. It mine's more like preventative Botox because I don't want wrinkles in my forehead. And I've seen my uncle's forehead. Love you Uncle Bernie. But the wrinkles are rampant? Not for me personally. They're not for me personally. But he looks fine

with them. I personally don't think I want them. At least not until 50, 60. So I'm trying to like prolong as long as possible before I get those. I'm like, do I want wrinkles? What do I want to look like old. I'm scared of looking old because I have kind of like a round baby face and I'm like, am I going to look like an old

nasty baby? No, no. You're just going to look like one of those dogs with the droopy cheeks. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I think you look adorable. I think you look great. I hope so. You give me like one of those like old ladies are like fashionable.

She's like, she's just cutesy. She's a little she has a spunk tour, honey. She'll talk to the stranger on the street or whatever. I can't wait for that. walking her dog or whatever. That's what you give me. I truly can't wait for that. I hope I don't end up like one of my neighbors is an older woman,

but she like goes through trash and she talks to everybody and she's very nosy. And I'm like, I want to be like fun. But yeah, I don't want to be digging through people's trash. No. That's just too much. I'm not doing all that. I don't even like digging through my trash. Me either.

I don't like trash. Wait, Heidi, I have a question. Yes, babe. Do you have any advice for single people out there who are out there and they're looking. I would say, stop looking. Stop looking. For me, personally, what's worked for me is get yourself together first, love yourself

first, and do everything that you want to be doing, and focus that on all that energy that you're trying to focus on someone else, on yourself. And when the time comes, that person that is attracted to you, that is meant for you, is going to come and see how much love and time you put into yourself. And they'll want that for themselves, and they'll come to you because, they see that in you and then you'll be able to come together. That's my advice for someone who's single and looking. Stop looking. Work on you. Love you. Period.

I like that. Yeah. I truly think like once you kind of know what's what your things are, it makes it easier to. The people that, the people will flock to you. They'll attract themselves to you because of how much love and work you put into yourself. And the thing I simply didn't know, I've never really been in a relationship before this one. been in like a situation ship that wasn't like super fulfilling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I didn't realize how much y'all got to talk. I, like, we got to talk about. What are we going to talk about now? Like, because it's like, oh, you did this. I did that. For me, my partner is the type of person he's very sweet and loving. And he understands me, thank God. And so I'm like an introvert and an extrovert at the same time.

I'm around people and I'm out and about and stuff, of course. And then when I'm in drag, the extrovert. the extrovertness comes out. But when I'm home alone, just chilling, I am a bit of an introvert, and he understands that. And sometimes we talk, and then there's sometimes

that we'll just sit in silence together. And I love that. I need someone who I can sit in silence with because, like, I am a bit of an introverted time still. I also... Sometimes I'm introverted at time. So you get it.

You get it. Because sometimes I'll be like, I don't even want to, like... You know, sometimes you'll like watch a movie and make jokes as the movie goes. Sometimes I'll go, I won't do that tonight. I want to turn this off.

I just want to turn my brain off and watch. And he gets that. And then he also understands where sometimes at 1130 I'll go, I'm going to do a talent show. Here's how you tap dance. And I'm going to teach you. And he'll always go, I'll give it a try. I'll see.

I'll see what I can do. I'll see what I can do. But it's just really nice to have somebody who's there to, like, ride with me. Yes. You know? Right the journey. Sometimes you'll get the zoomie. Sometimes you want to turn your brain off and just watch.

Yes. You like to watch. TV? Oh, watch people fuck? Yeah, do you? I mean... Let's talk about it. I've never done it in person.

Never? No, I've only been in one threesome. You're missing? Oh, okay, do tell. Do tell. It was... Was there a finisher? There wasn't a finisher, unfortunately.

Girl, we gotta get you back in the saddle. Unfortunately. Hmm, do I want to tell this story? as long as you don't clip this out for social media, I'll tell it. There was a time where she was looking for money. What goes? I got married for money. And then I was like, this was before I got married for money.

I was like, what if I, like, sat on people's faces for money? So I put an ad out on Craigslist and met this man via the internet. And we were emailing. And then I was out with my friend. I shouldn't put her name off. Whatever. I was out with my friend. And she was like, where are you going?

And I was like, okay, funny story. I'm going to go to this hotel and sit on this man's face for $150. And she was like, I'll come with you to make sure you're safe. And I said, all right. So the next thing, she's naked too. We're like having a threesome with this man. And then he leaves. And then she was like, did he pay you?

And I was like, yes. And she was like, where's my half? And I was like, I thought you were just chaperoning to make sure. She came and hustled the hustle. She really did. I couldn't. We should believe her name. We should believe her name.

Can we bleep it with? Yeah. They got it. Dang good. Not hustled to hustle. I couldn't. And then I had to give it to her. Of course.

She did have to work. But then later, this was her karma. I found like two or $300 on the street, just like a roll of $100 bills. And we were walking together and I shoved her out of the way. And I grabbed it. She was like, hey, we were together. I was like, we simply weren't. You were over there.

I found it over here. I was right. So I made that money back. Plus some. Plus up, honey. And that's how you do it over here. We got to get, we got, that's the thing. But we got to get you into some watching, girl.

We got to get you to watch some stuff. But here's the thing about watching. Yes. Is it like a sports game? Or you're, like, you cheer them on and you're like, do that. Well, it depends on the environment. Sometimes it can be that. And sometimes you're at a house party.

and you're just trying to, you're waiting in line to the bathroom and you just got to sit there and watch them because the only bathroom available is in the sex room. It's really funny. When I speak to people, this conversation, my conversation with my friend with, my conversation with my friend Dipper, y'all say sentences I've never heard before in my whole life. Yes.

You know when you're just at the house party and the only bathroom's in the sex room and you just got to watch them before you go to the bathroom? Yeah. And you said it was just such easy. It's so funny to me. It's my truth. That's why it's so easy because it's my truth. It was.

It was my truth. So you enjoy watching people? I thought that I necessarily enjoy watching people. I'll watch. I'm more of a partaker versus the watcher. So do you like being watched? I don't mind it. I don't mind.

If you want to watch, honey, I put on a spectacle. See, and I love that you know that about yourself. I don't think I'm putting on a spectacle. I think I'm like putting in the grunt work. I'm doing my best. Yeah, of course. And I don't know if it's like, if anyone would be like, oh, man, that's hot.

I think they'd be like, well, she's a workhorse. She's a workhorse. And there's some people out there that love workhorses, let me tell you. And that's for somebody out there that wants to see it. Trust and believe, honey. That's nice to think about. Yes.

There's somebody out there who wants to see it. There's people that won't feet. There's people who want people sit on their faces. Are you a foot girl? No. I don't really understand foot fetish. No. You can suck on my toes.

Oh. All you want. I'm putting no so in my mouth, honey. It's like a, it would be, I'm too ticklish for that. Okay, I see it. I see it. Yeah. I don't mind a foot rub every now and again.

Okay, yeah, but it's fine. I crack up when I'm getting my toes done. So it's hard sometimes. I'm very much type of person. I'm, that's not for me, but if, so like there's things like toes. There's, there's water sports. You know what water sports are? Peeing on people.

Yes, I could never get peed on. Will I pee on someone? If that does it for them, I'll pee on them. I will not be peed on. I think I can pee on somebody. Yes. I don't think I want to be peed on. No.

No. If I wanted to go get wet, I would go take a dive in the pool or something. I'm not. It's also too much to clean up, girl. Yeah, because then I've got to wash my hair. Even after regular, like, hooking up, it's a lot to clean up, you know, with the sheets and stuff. Now you want to put a tarp down? Or not put a tarp down.

They're not my she's a pissy. Well, then the mattress, if it goes to the mattress protector, if you don't have a waterproof one, good luck. Girl, I can never. I could never. On 90-day fiancé, there's a couple where she told him she was a squirder, so he brought a tarp to Madagascar to have her squirt on it. And I was like, you know what?

Kind of thoughtful. It was thoughtful. She didn't love it. But I was like, the heart was in the right place. You know, at least he's very thoughtful in thinking of what, you know, but he did cheat on her. See. She ghosted him for five days, so he flew down to the, I think, Dominican Republic to go fuck his ex-girlfriend. And I was like, in five days, that's not adding up.

So he's not a good man. But his heart with the tarp was in the right place. You know, people are complicated. People are complicated. Multidimensional. And you know what? Sometimes you're thoughtful and sometimes you're a whole. Sometimes you're thoughtful.

And sometimes you're a hoe. On that note, we've come to the end. I ask all of my guests this. Would you date me? Nicole, honestly, I would date you. I think I would. You seem like my type of energy, very sweet, loving, and I like your energy.

I would date you. If I was a straight man, of course. Thank you. I love that. Do you have anything that you want to promote? Yes. I actually recently started my own production company, Mind Gap Productions. It's a production company that focuses on highlighting black and brown and queer stories, as well as highlighting the nerddom that it is as well.

So it's all the things that encompasses me, black, queer, and nerdiness. So make sure you check out Mindigat Productions. There's a bunch of different projects we're doing right now. And where can people find it on YouTube? You can find what our projects are on my YouTube channel, Heidi & Closet, and then on all my social media platforms is Heidi and Closet. Except for TikTok, it's The Heidi and Closet. And right now, we're not. working on

a high D&D which is a dungeon and dragon series where I invite people over we play Dungeons and Dragons and Kiki.

But my next big project I think I'm working on is going to be a show called Black and Blessed where I invite black people over and we talk about

what's been blessed about in our careers and all the blessings that's come our ways but I also want to tackle a very tough subject for our community which is our relationship

with religion. Yes. And I feel like that is something that we don't talk about a lot but it should be talked about a lot especially in the queer world

which also would you ever think about coming on black and blessed? Absolutely. Because you've been blessed. I have been blessed. I'm almost black. And I grew up in the church.

And my mother never, ever said a negative thing about a queer person. So, like, when I grew up and, like, heard more, like, talk from Christians. I was like, whoa. What? Yeah. My mom would just be like, that's how they are. And that's how God made them, and that's fine. Exactly.

And that's how I was raised. And then to find out people were raised differently, I was like, that's crazy. That doesn't make no sense. It's kind of crazy. Yeah, I would love to come on. I would love that. Well, that is all the immediate things that I'm working on right now. Do you have anything you like to plug?

What so? How many episodes have we done? Over 400 at this point? No one has ever asked what I'd like to plug anything, and that's so funny. You're welcome. Yeah, I guess I'll plug my other podcast, best friends with Sashir's Ameda. Drag her, not Drag her. I don't host that anymore.

Drag her! Newcomers with Lauren Lapkis. We're on hiatus, but we've got a whole back catalog. 90-day Bay with Marcy Jarrow. You can find that on Patreon. My special, which is on Netflix. It's still up. And then I have tour dates.

And that's on my link tree. It's like Nicole Beyer link tree, something. I don't know. My website is Nicole Beyer was taken.com. But if you write, oh, if you like this episode of Why Won't you date me, you could like it, you could rate it, you can subscribe on Apple Podcast. Give me a five stars, write a review. Please, something nice.

But if you got to say something mean, that's your heart. But if you write me something nasty hitting on me, I'll read it to why won't you date me podcast at gmail.com. Please keep it short. But also, keep it creative and keep it nasty. Hi, Nicole. I'll have you come over in your underwear and lotion you up real good. There'll be a buffet of seafood. Ooh, I'll request you to make me a plate and sit on it with your juicy butt.

Then feed me the mashed food. Love the show and you. Jason, you, I think that's how I say your last name. If I mispronounced it, confined me and hit me. Goodbye. Bye. Not the mass crab oil way.

They're nasty. That's filthy I live. That was a hate gum podcast.