Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - I Was a Time Out Magazine Bachelor (w/ Lauren Ashley Smith)

Episode Date: June 20, 2025

TV writer Lauren Ashley Smith (A Black Lady Sketch Show, Smith Sisters Live) joins Nicole to talk about how she met her wife the old-fashioned way - through Time Out New York’s Singles issue.Lauren reveals the strange public response to being a “bachelor” in a magazine, how her wife was one of the only white women working at BET, and the complications that came with planning an interracial lesbian wedding.She also recalls a bizarre school Valentine’s Day test that matched students based on compatibility, and she and Nicole discuss who gets to keep the friends after a breakup. Plus, Nicole gets a magical hot massage and somehow walks away being fluent in Greek.And Lauren shares one big piece of dating advice: why straight people should try dating more like lesbians -letting go of the gender roles getting in the way.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» OneSkin: OneSkin is redefining the aging process with their proprietary OS-01 peptide. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code DATEME at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod» EarnIn: Make Any Day Payday! When you download the EarnIn app, type in Why Won't You Date Me under PODCAST when you sign up – it’ll really help the show. » Booking.com: Book now at Booking.com!» Wayfair: Wayfair. Every Style, Every Home.View all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Wanna watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why!

Ooooo baby! Welcome to another- Oh my gosh. Ooooo! Leave all this in. Ooooo baby! Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where me and Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I was still single even though you could come in a line, chisel it up, wrap it around a curtain and say that's how you keep the sunlight in. My guest today is an Emmy nominated TV writer and producer. She was the head writer, the first black

female head writer of a show, a sketch show. A co-executive producer for HBO's Emmy winning series, A Black Lady Sketch Show. She currently co-hosts the Gracie Award winning Smith Sisters Live, airing weekday mornings on Radio Andy, Sirius XM, and Channel 102. And I recently saw a video where you're talking about Denzel Washington's little itty bitty daughter

with her gigantic wife. It made me laugh so hard. I was blown away by that. It's Lauren Ashley Smith! Hello. Hello! I'm so happy to be here. I'm happy that you're here.

This is delightful. I find you very, very funny and very, very wonderful. I mean, obviously likewise. But truly, let's just talk about Denzel's daughter for a second. Okay, I did not know he had a daughter. Me either. I did not know he had a gay daughter.

Me either. I did not know his gay daughter had a giant for a wife. She's so big. She's like seven feet tall. She is huge. Unbelievable, and I'm hearing that he has another daughter even. Why is he hiding them? I don't know. And they all look alike.

They do. They do all look alike. Like, if I asked them once to be like, okay, imagine Denzel Washington as a 34-year-old lesbian. That's what they would come up with. And then you gotta just shrink her down a little. She's very tiny. And I need to hear her voice. I would love to hear that voice.

I need to hear it. I need to hear the Giants voice too. Yes. She's so tall. I love a tall person. I do too. I love it. I find, to me, I find it to be like I'm culturally on the outside, because I'm short.

I'm 5'4". So whenever I meet someone tall, I'm like, please tell me about your lifestyle. Yes. What do you do? Yes. Are you just like seeing the tops of things? Are you like everyone's home is dirty

and disgusting and dusty? Right. What are you doing? Are you living in fear of like doorways? Like I'm just so confused. That's very funny. I could talk. Literally I have been, when I was in New York,

there was one time, I actually made a whole friend off of seeing a tall man on the subway. But I would go up to any tall person and one guy I saw who was super tall, he had a card that had all of the questions and answers on it because he was like on the subway looking like a candy cane, because he was like so tall.

He had to like, he was so tall. He's gonna have osteoporosis. His bones can't live like that. That's true. Honestly, you gotta give up a seat for somebody so tall. He's gonna have osteoporosis. For sure. His bones can't live like that. No. No. That's true. Honestly, you gotta give up a seat for somebody that tall. Yes, it's like he must sit. They're bent up like that?

Yeah, he literally looked like a tent. Oh my God. It's so crazy. Let him be free. Let him sit. Wait, so Lauren, you met your wife through Time Out New York Singles Edition. Yes.

That's wild. It's so insane and I owe it to Lauren Lapkus because she's the person who told me to do it. And it was, this is like 2010, so pre-Tinder. Pre-Anime thing. I mean, Tinder existed, but it was pre, like if you were online dating, it was either Tinder or you were on the computer.

Yeah, you were on okcupidmatch.com. Like on match.com. Yes, chemistry. Yes, chemistry, exactly. on the computer. Like on match.com. Yeah, you're on okcupidmatch.com, e-harming. Exactly. So this was just like a very analog version of that. And I signed up and I said I was interested in men and women and then I got scared. And I, because I'm a panicky person,

so I emailed, I said, can you take women off of there? And they were like, no problem. Totally fine, absolutely no problem. Great, okay. Went to go of there? And they were like, no problem. Totally fine, absolutely, no problem. Great, okay. Went to go take my picture, got dressed up, took my photo, because they put all of our pictures in the magazine. Then I had to go work overnight,

because I was working at VH1 at the time, and we had tapes coming from LA, whatever. So I changed into sweats, because I was going to be sitting in an edit, from midnight to six a.m. And my wife walked in, and she was wearing a leopard print dress, like from midnight to 6 a.m. And my wife walked in and she was like wearing like a leopard print dress, half of her head was shaved, like she stalked in the room.

And I was like, okay, that person is so extra, they really think they're somebody. Like, I just feel like that's, I can't stand that energy. And she saw me and she was like, that person wore sweats to a photo shoot. Like how sad. But we didn't speak. And I was like, that person wears sweats to a photo shoot. Like, how sad. Um, but we didn't speak. And I was like looking,

because there were a lot of annoying people in the room. Like, there was a woman sitting across from me while I was filling out my release, like talking really loudly on speakerphone. Like, just things. I was like, everyone here sucks. Okay? I was like, do I suck? But, so we saw each other, didn't speak, went to this party that they had for all the singles,

like a week later. And it was like us and then like pre-influencer influencers. So like people who like used to be on top model and like just like New York social media people. Blue check people. And I was like with my friend who came with me to the party and my wife walked past me and she like kind of got in my face she was like, I remember you from the photo shoot. Ah! And they kept walking. My friend was like, who was that?

I was like, some extra lady from the photo shoot. Then my wife was talking to the editor of the single spread, and the lady said a lot of people changed who they were interested in at the last minute. And my wife said, point them out. She said, I'ma get them. She said, okay, show me. I'ma get them. Show me. And then the editor said, point them out. She said, I'ma get them. She said, okay, show me. I'ma get them.

Show me. And then the editor said, okay. And then she pointed us out and she pointed me out. And my wife was like, cool. Came over and started talking to me. We hit it off. Like, I thought she was so interesting because she's a white lady and she worked at BET at the time.

I thought she was so interesting. She was a token white lady at black entertainment television. That is, that's so funny. I was like, tell me more. Like what is going on in there? And so she invited me in my, and I worked at BH1 too, like I said, so like, it was like, oh, like what building do you work in?

Like we kind of had like a shared reference point. And then she took me and my friend to a second location To this like very cool bar and we walked in and there was this like tall black lesbian with like long locks Bartending and when we walked in she went hey Brooke. I said, well, how do you know her like I was like, she's so cool Okay, and so she kissed me while we were at the bar while my friend was in the bathroom. She gave me her number, and then we like parted ways. She found me on Facebook, she sent me a message that said, you got my number but I didn't get yours,

but I want you to know I like you and I'm serious. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Wow. And then so we went on a date like February 13th or something, because it was like a Valentine's Day issue. And we've been together since then. That's wild.

Yeah. I love hearing somebody who's like, I like what I see. I'm gonna go after what I like. And then it works out. She's like the most direct person ever. Oh my God, what a dream. I also did the Time Out New York singles edition. You did when?

I simply don't remember what year it was. Nothing came of it. Not a single soul reached out to me. So there's that. Are you serious? Yeah. Wait, were you the one, were you like the one single of the week

or was it like a group? It was the group. It was the group. Holy shit. But I did the photo shoot. I don't remember there being a party. Yeah, and I have no idea what year it was. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. So, you know, different things come to different people. Absolutely, absolutely. And like, because my wife was also in the magazine, at the time, there was a way for all the dudes that were interested to, because it was connected to an email

that they set up for you. So we were getting the same, it was men who were just hitting copy paste and emailing every single woman that was in it. And so that wasn't great. I could see how it wouldn't yield good results. A lot of men are not creative. No, they're not.

We need to teach men to be a little bit more creative. I also really think we need to dare them to dip into personal style. That would be truly amazing. Wear a collar. Like, I feel like men don't sometimes know that we can see them. Hmm.

Hmm. I agree. A lot of men be dressing like nobody can see them. Hmm. Ha ha ha. I agree. A lot of men be dressing like nobody can see them. Like, sir, you're not invisible. Like, I see what you have on. No, I can see you. And I feel like we could do better.

We could absolutely do better. Let's go shopping. Let's go to J. Crew. Let's go to Ross Dress. You could dress nice from any old place. Yes. A thrift store. Let's do it.

Honestly, just something that fits. Yes. It does not have to be nice. No, it just has to fit. Has to look complimentary to you. To you, that's it. Did you date a lot growing up? Did you go to the church?

I grew up in the church. Yes, I was Baptist. Very like lethal combo of being super Baptist and being the only black person in a white school. So like, there's no like that. Like the rule is like, you can't date till you're 16. But I did have a boyfriend. Like I had one boyfriend in high school and I was 15.

So I got an exception. I think I got an exemption from my parents, but that was kind of the vibe, yeah. I, in high school, nobody wanted to date me. There was no rules for me. And it was self-imposed. I mean, no, I wanted to. I desperately wanted to date.

Desperately wanted the attention of any old man, and they said, no, better not. We're all set. No, we're all set. Nicole, you're just so funny. I wanna just talk to you because you're funny. And I was like, but don't you wanna be funny in my pussy? And they said, no, sorry about that.

I definitely was like, had that same vibe where I was like, I feel like I wish that there was more, let's call it hubbub. Like, you know, it's like girls in high school where it's like, they're just like, either someone's always liking them or it's wondering who they like. There was no discourse around me.

No, nobody ever wondered about me. They weren't like, what's Nicole up to? They were just like, Nicole's loud in a corner. That's it. And you know what? I was actually thinking about this recently. My high school did this weird thing. Again, this is pre like smartphones and stuff. They did this weird thing. Again, this is pre-smartphones and stuff. They did this compatibility test for,

I think it was a senior class or my junior class or something, where you filled out this thing and then it gave you a list of 10 people of the opposite sex that in ranked order that you should date. Your school did this? My school did it. It was not like the school did it.

I think it was like around Valentine's Day or something. What in the world? For what reason? Unhinged. It's unhinged. A bunch of adults being like, can we get these kids to fuck? Yes, that's wild.

It was crazy. And so I remember really hoping for like certain names to show up or hoping to be on other people's thing, but I don't think I was. Like I think it was like, well, who is that? Like, I don't think her name is on the system. Lauren, who is this? So, but I don't know why they did that.

It was like a printed out like- Bizarre. Very bizarre. That's very, very, that's, I say, unhinged. Yes, it was all right. We did this thing on Valentine's Day where you could give a carnation to somebody. A red for love, pink for interested,

and white for, I think, friendship. What? Which is rude. Why would I give you a white one? Like, I guess it's like, oh, I don't like you. Here's a white carnation. Also, like, the difference between red and pink feels messy.

Because it's, like, so dramatic to give someone a red one and so dramatic if they're expecting red to get pink. Yes, to be like, we're in love, right? And he's like, no, I'm simply just a little interested in ya. Just a little, and I find you simply interesting. Which is also rude. It is rude. If someone's like, oh, you're interesting, aren't you?

You're like. Drag me. That's like, my aunt once said to me, she was like, you're different, aren't you? You're like, drag me. That's like, my aunt once said to me, she was like, you're different, aren't you? And I was like, okay. Okay. You didn't have to other me in front of the fucking family. I'm different, sorry.

You dumb bitch. Wait, so you've been with your wife for how long? 15 years dating and we've been married. It'll be 10 years this year. You dated for five years before getting married? Yes. That's a good long time. Especially for lesbians, I feel like.

I feel like that was like- But how quickly did you move in together? One year. Mm-hmm. I mean, okay, that's also pretty good. Yeah, I feel like, and also I met my wife when I was 24 and she was 25. So like very young, we still got married when I was 29.

Yeah. That's ridiculous. That's pretty young. That's a child marriage. You were a child bride. Yes, my God. Yes. Did you both wear dresses or did you? We did. Okay. We did. And she, I feel, okay.

So we did a lot of interesting different things like where it's like, we did, I can't remember. I feel like I needed her approval on my dress because I was like, I really trust her taste. So we had seen each other's dresses, we did, I can't remember. I feel like I needed her approval on my dress because I was like, I really trust her taste. So we had seen each other's dresses, I think, or known elements. Her dress was like a bodysuit and like a skirt and like a bra from Australia,

like all these different pieces. And mine was just like dress. You're like, mine went to David's bridal. Yes, it was dress. But we did both wear dresses and we did, like we would go like to all the like appointments and stuff. And like, because of the way we look, like we just kind of looked like two like straight ladies.

People would be very confused about like, who was the bride? And so they would always, even if I would be like, my fiance, her name is Brooke. Like I would be so explicit. So that when we should- Maybe like your friend Brooke over here. Yes, exactly. They would be like, who's the bride?

And we'd be like, we both are. And they'd be like, to who? Where's the husband? Like they would rather- Where's the husband? Yeah, they were like, okay, so you're both marrying one man. Like it was like so insane. That's, that is wild.

That is wild that you're like, I literally called ahead. I called ahead. I called ahead. I was very, very clear. And also it's like we're in an interracial relationship. So it was just like very confusing for a lot of people. But don't you feel like she's a little trans racial because she worked at BET?

Honestly, yes. Honestly, yes. Like she is, I, she's gonna kill me, but she, I honestly, yes. Like she is, she's gonna kill me, but she in her childhood bedroom, like which I visited a lot, like I remember the first time I went to her house, like her childhood house,

and I saw her graduation picture from high school. Did she have cornrows? Yes, she did. Wait, what? It wasn't cornrows, it was like twists. Like obviously one of her black friends like twisted her hair. And I said, I knew you were Hale Black.

I was like, that's the look of somebody who had only black friends. Cause she, her hair. That is so funny. She was not new to this, she's true to this. That is, I love when a white person makes a choice and they go, I like the black people. I like the black people.

That's what I like. That's what I stand by. That's fun for me. And I also really respected and I felt so comfortable around, like the first time I slept over at her house, she gave me a scarf for my hair. She pulled it out the next day, she said,

do you need this assistant? She said, this is not my first rodeo, bitch, get your hair up in a doobie. We gonna wrap that shit up. We gonna comb it out in the morning. It's gonna be straight like a bone. Yep. That's, I, that's-

You said protect your edges. That's, oh! Okay. That's nice. But like, the thing about when I met her, it wasn't like, oh, she like just started working at BET. She worked there for several years and she was one of like two or three white employees.

And I feel like it was really important and what makes me feel so comfortable around her is that she's used to not being in the majority all the time, she's very aware of her whiteness and what that gets or doesn't get. And so she is just extremely like, even though she's very direct and like very much herself, she knows how to operate in black spaces as an other

and doesn't take up too much space, which I feel like is like really rare and special and it puts my mind at ease. Like when we go to like black people's houses and stuff, like I'll notice her like, be like, like for example, like if somebody is like, oh, like the drinks are in the fridge and she'll, she won't go in their fridge.

She's like, I don't know black people's fridge like that. That's not, uh-uh. That is very funny because I have an issue with, I don't go in people's refrigerators. I won't go in their refrigerator. I'm not doing it, you gotta bring it to me. You have to open it. Yes, you have to open it

and you have to show me exactly what I can and cannot have because there is some stuff in there that I know that is not for me. It's not for me. That's for you, that's for your family, that's for whoever. Yes. That's so funny. Yeah.

I love this. She won't go in the fridge. I love this. My boyfriend, the first time he slept over, I was like, just so you know, I gotta wrap my hair up and wear a bonnet. And he finished it for me, he's like, a bonnet. And I was like, whoa!

Oh, you know what a bonnet is? And he was like, yeah, Nicole, I know what a bonnet is. I'm aware. And I was like, okay, all right, not your first rodeo noted. But it's so lovely to be like, okay, I don't have to explain this to you, or you're not gonna be like, well, what's that on your head?

You know what I'm saying? Nobody wants to feel that, especially when they're sleeping next to someone. Yes, because I have pulled out my bonnet and I've had people go, oh wow, what's that hat? Yeah. Or you look weird. Yes. Why do you wear that? And I'm like, for my hair, so's that hat? Yeah. Or you look weird. Yes.

Why do you wear that? And I'm like, for my hair, so I don't get it. I'll live with the bed and it looks nice. And then you're just like, good night. Good night. Like, that's, it's so awkward. It's so uncomfortable. It is.

I once dated a man who would not have sex with me if I was wearing my little bun. He'd be like, can you take that off? I'm like, what? Can you leave? Are you kidding me? Uh-huh. And I was like, well, I mean, yeah, I guess I can take it off, but I have to put it back on

when I go to sleep. I have to put it back on. I don't want my hair to get fucked up and I don't want the grease from the sheets to get on my skin. Yeah. Also, you should wear a bonnet. You know how to wash your hair? Literally, like everyone should be in a bonnet. I agree. I tried to force my wife to wear a bonnet. You know how to wash your hair. Literally, everyone should be in a bonnet. I agree.

I tried to force my wife to wear a bonnet. I got her to wear it one time, because she has curly hair, and she did her hair, and I was like, you know if you really want it to keep for tomorrow, you should wear a bonnet. You should wear a bonnet. She just said, say less.

I like when a white lady is on the internet, and she's like, I just discovered this thing. It's called a satin cap. Yeah. And you put it on, and your hair looks nice the next day. I'm like, bitch, you didn't discover shit, Christopher Columbus. discovered this thing. It's called a satin cap. Yeah. And you put it on and your hair looks nice the next day. I'm like, bitch, you didn't discover shit, Christopher Columbus.

You sure did it. It's been here. We've been using it for centuries. Wait, so tell me more about your dating life. So you had one boyfriend in high school. Yes. And then in college, did you date? I would say I had like a situationship

and like dated a little bit in college, but I had a couple of, again, black person, mainly white environment, which makes like that, all of that much more difficult because like the desirability gap is so wide. And then also I went to college when I was 16. What? And so I was way younger.

I skipped seventh and eighth grade. Why? Just because. Too smart? Kind of, yeah. So- Wow. Whole grades, two whole grades? So I was really young when I went to college. So all of my peers were like way older than me.

Which definitely like also created a- Wait, what college did you go to? I went to Dickinson College. It's a small liberal arts school in Pennsylvania. And they let you come at 16? Honestly, a lot of schools- And you lived on campus? Yes, a lot of schools were like,

we were scared about that. But also, when I was doing, applying to schools, I did a couple of prospective student weekends, and I was 15. And I remember being 15 15 and I would show up and it'd be like me and a bunch of 18, 19 year olds. And like, I went to visit Amherst and at the time they were really ahead of the curve.

So they had all gender like bathrooms. And so I remember I was like taking a shower and I heard like a man cough in the stall next to me and I was like, I'm too little for this. Oh my God, I'm gonna get taken. I'm a child. That's wild. Yeah.

16? Yeah. And you were just like on your own? Absolutely. And you did well? Great even. Thrived. Excels.

Yeah, so easy. That's so wild to me. I can't, I simply can't imagine. Well, I would say in most me. I can't, I simply can't imagine. Well, I would say in most circumstances, I wouldn't recommend it, but this is even more horrible. But I started high school when I was 12.

So by the time I got to college, I had already done... Wait, what? Like, I had already matured. Oh, because you skipped seventh and eighth grade. So like, it's not like I went to high school as like a 16 year old. I went to high school having, I mean college, having gone through four years of high school like as you know a high schooler.

Wait, walk me through how they discovered that you didn't need seventh and eighth grade. I simply, nobody ever was like, Nicole, we're afraid that you're going to excel too hard in these grades. They were like, no, you, you got to go to basic math. In ninth grade I was in basic math because I was just like, no, you gotta go to basic math. In ninth grade I was in basic math because I was just like, I'm not doing this work. I was too though, I'm not good at math at all.

I'm not that math smart. But did you have to take a test? And then they were like, too smart. So I did a, I was, it was like the typical trajectory like very annoying in school what's going on here. Like when I was in kindergarten or preschool, I can't remember what it was, my teacher would take smoke breaks and make me read to the classes. I was the only person who knew how to read. And she would just leave.

Bitch, I'm tired. I gotta take, I'm gonna take a cigarette break. You read. She was like, you go ahead. You could read? Go ahead. Them idiots can't. All right. So I got into this program. Wait, did the class listen to you? Yeah.

Wow. I got into this program when I was did the class listen to you? Yeah. Wow. I got into this program when I was in second grade that was like, I had to take an IQ test. So it was like a bunch of kids. Are you a genius? I don't know. What's your IQ? I don't wanna say.

And I don't really know cause I have like a couple of numbers. Do you want me to bleep it out? No, no, no, no, no. Cause I'm not that smart. I really, I'm dying to know. It sounds like you're really smart and you're being, what's it called?

Like you're like, I'm not that smart. I'm not. But here's the thing, I can't do math. Like I'm not good, like there's certain abilities. Yeah, but that's a different part of your brain. Yeah, certain things I am good at, but like other than that, like I'm really good at words. That's where I am.

A word smith. I'm good at problem solving. That I agree, I am too. And that's so important. That's truly it. But that's like, that's part of like, I remember taking a little test when I was a kid, and that was how they judged my IQ was problem solving.

They like would give you either a puzzle or say like, these blocks need to be over here, but there's this in the way. And it's not like you do like a written test. When I took it, I was like five or six. So it's through play. So they saw how I solved the problems. Oh my God.

Yeah. I wanna do this. It was really like kind of long, but fun. I mean, I didn't know what I was doing. Yeah, you were a kid. You were like, I'm playing, I'm having a nice time. And I don't have to go to seventh and eighth grade. I'm blown away that you didn't have to do

seventh and eighth grade. But so I was in this program that was from second to fifth, that was like housed in a school, but we had our own teachers like literally in the basement was giving like X-Men vibes. You were bending the spoon. Yes. But then when we went to middle school in that district,

they mainstreamed us. So it's like when I got to sixth grade, I was a sixth grader, I was taking eighth grade science, seventh grade math, blah, blah, blah. Then when I got to seventh grade, I ran out of classes to take. So I like in the morning would take like music, gym and maybe choir or something.

Yeah, choir, gym and math probably, cause I'm bad at that. Then a bus would pick up me and only me, a little bus would and take me at lunch to the high school. And then I would do like English, Spanish, probably, because I'm bad at that. Then a bus would pick up me and only me, a little bus, and take me at lunch to the high school, and then I would do like English, Spanish, history, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then after one semester, I was like, I'm tired of taking this little bus.

I'll just go to high school. I'll just go to high school. All the time, yeah. That's problem solving. Yes. You don't wanna get on the little bus. You said, why don't I just do my whole day here? It's like this feels like a waste of time.

Are you fluent in Spanish? Yes. Hola. Hola in Spanish? Yes. Hola. Hola. Mi nombre Nicole. Oh, Jomella Lauren. Yo como hamburguesa. Oh. Y manzana.

Oh. Y pan. Juntos? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I wish, so I like, I do Duolingo, it's mad at me right now. Oh, you made Duo sad? I did, Duolingo hates me and it keeps being like, well, I guess these emails aren't working. I hate when he says that. Do you do, you don't do Duolingo?

It's so passive aggressive. I do, sometimes I do it like to play it as a game in Spanish but then I will do it in French or Italian or whatever. Are you a polygot? No, I would say I'm good at languages, but the only two that I speak truly well are English and Spanish. Ugh, I wish, I wish I was a polygot.

Like, if I could wish for anything, I wish I could go anywhere and speak that language. Me too, I wish I had more time. Like, I wish I just had anywhere and speak that language. Me too. I wish I had more time. Like, I wish I just had like two years to be like, I want to learn Japanese or I want to learn Portuguese and like really like master it. Um, that's always been like something I'm like, I wish I could do that.

My friend Mateo is a polyglot and... Am I using that word? Yes. It's a polyglot, right? Um, he like, he's known Italian for a really long time, learned Spanish, uh, can speak French, can get by with French. It's a polyglot, right? He's known Italian for a really long time, learned Spanish, can speak French, can get by with French,

I think can speak Portuguese, maybe knows a little German to get by. Like, it's wild. Wow. And he speaks Italian well enough that when we go out to like an Italian restaurant and the servers are Italian, he'll speak to them and they're like, oh, they get like excited. Wow. And then I think he speaks Spanish with an Italian accent, the servers are Italian, he'll speak to them and they're like, oh, they get like excited.

Wow. And then I think he speaks Spanish with an Italian accent, which is kind of funny. Yep. When I've tried to speak Italian in Italy, I have had people be like, oh, you speak Spanish? Let's switch to Spanish. And that's so nice that like in other countries,

they like know multiple languages to help you out. I know, I'm like, we're stupid. Like I truly cannot, the fact that there are so many people, I don't know, I'm like, we're stupid. Like, I truly cannot, the fact that there are so many people, and there will always be people being like, oh, my English isn't very good. I'm like kind of like behind the curve in English. It's like, you just said behind the curve.

That means you're very good. And English is so hard and we just expect everyone to know. It's wild. It's humiliating. It is, and I don't know why it's not like, because I took Spanish, but nobody was ever like, hey, you want to know another language because you're going to want to leave this country just for a little bit. Or you're just going to want to be able to go somewhere and have your ear recognize something.

Yes. Yes. Because sometimes I'll just be smiling and I'll be like, simply don't know anything. They talking and I don't know. I don't know anything. They talking, and I don't know. I don't know. I hate that feeling. Me too. And I wish that I could fix it. And so I, but I just like, I hate that feeling.

Same, but once I understood Greek, um, I went to Greece with my friend Mano, who's fluent, and he speaks to everybody in Greek, and we got hot massages. Have I told this story? We got hot massages. The hottest massage I've ever. What's a hot, like a hot stone, or just like a hot room?

It was a hot room on a stone, and then there was also like water that you dump on you, and you like scrub your face, and then it felt like a wig that they were whipping me with with soap, but I think it was like branch, I don't know. Yeah, it was like, shh. Yes. Yes. And it felt, oh, it was so good.

It took a little too long. Like I was hot for a little too long. I don't like that. And then I didn't know I could request cold water. This bitch was pouring hot water on me in the heat. Heat me up even. This bitch was cooking me. She was cooking me from the outside in.

It was wild. And then we were sitting, like after we got dressed, I was like, I just have to sit for a second. And Mano was like, are you okay? And I was like, I don't know. Oh no. The inside of me is on fire. And then we got in the Uber

and the lady said something to Mano in Greek. And I said, oh, she wants to know if you learned Greek in school or with your family. And he went, what? And she went, what? And I was like, I don't know why I understand that. That hotness did something to you. And then she said something else and I can't remember what it was, but I was like, I don't know why I understand that. That hotness did something to you. And then she said something else,

and I can't remember what it was, but I was like, oh, she wants to know this. And mine was like, what's happening? And then after I like regulated, didn't understand a single thing ever again. What? Oh my God. It was really hot.

I need to know what was in that water. I don't know. So it's in you. It's, you just have to get hot enough. I just, I just have to get hot enough. I just have to get hot enough and I can communicate with any other person. It was really wild. It blew me away.

Your brain was just like. I was just so hot and uncomfortable. We were away from it, like 10 minutes away and I was still so hot. I hate, I could talk about my body temperature regulation for two hours. It's tough. Because I am 39 and I started to be just hot sometimes and I got something that my wife got me something

for Christmas that I can't stop talking about. My sister's doing- What is it? A bed jet. What's a bed jet? Nicole. What's a bed jet? A bed jet is, okay. It is a little machine, it goes under my bed, it has like a hose, it looks like an HVAC hose that goes into a special sheet.

I have a remote. It can make me hot or cold on demand. The sheet puffs up, it circles, it's like being air fried but cold. Or hot. And your wife likes this? Well she got me a sheet that only does the air on my side. And then she doesn't have to be privy to my fluctuations through the night.

Is it loud? Silent. Wait, maybe I should get that. I get so, so I go to bed cold. Yes. And then I wake up so hot. Yes. So hot. And I'll be like, if I'm wearing a sweatshirt I'm like, oh my go to bed cold. Yes. And then I wake up so hot. Yes, so hot. And I'll be like, if I'm wearing a sweatshirt,

I'm like, oh my God, I'm dying. Wait. The Bed Jet, you can set it to be like, okay, when I get in bed, be warm, like a nice heated blanket when I get in. And then in 20 minutes, 15 minutes, an hour, cool me down and just have a nice cool air for two hours. And then turn off for a little bit or whatever.

You can set it for like 10 hours. Wow. I'm obsessed with it. Bed Jet, send me one. Send her a Bed Jet. Send me a Bed Jet, Bed Jet. I am so obsessed with Bed Jet. It's like I have a problem, I can't stop talking about it.

I'm like an evangelist for a Bed Jet. No, I get it. When I like something, I won't shut up about it. Lately, it's been Craven. What's Craven? Craven is a Sony movie of a villain from the Spider-Man universe that they did not promote, but I saw it opening weekend in theaters.

A man turns into a rhinoceros, and it's a good time. Who's in it? Aaron Taylor-Joy Johnson. Oh, yeah. I don't think that's his name. Yes, yes, yeah. And then Angela Bassett did a thing. What's her name?

Oh, Ariana DeBose. Yes. I was like Angela Bassett, was that it? Nope, the woman who sang that lyric. And then this guy named Fred and, ooh, are you not entertained? Oh. Do you hear the people per se? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, are you not entertained? Oh, um. Do you hear the people sing?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I talk like this. Russell Crowe? Yes, Russell Crowe. I would never have gotten there. His cranky self, yes. But it's a really fun movie. Wow.

It got bad reviews. My whole thing is, what the fuck do people want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want in a movie? What do you want? I'll watch it. I do you want in a movie? What do you want? I'll watch it. I had a great time.

Also, I just watched The Fugitive. Did you know that's a great movie? A great movie. My gosh. It is so thrilling. For two hours, I was on the edge of my seat. I watched it with my friend Mark, and I kept going, Mark!

Mark! It's so good. That's how I felt the first time a couple years ago, I think. I watched the John Wick movies. Oh, I just got through them. I had no idea and I was like, this is amazing. I was like, I love good dogs I was like, yes, this is making sense to me. Yes. It's so good Keanu Reeves amazing. He's the actor of our time. Yes. He is Harrison Ford, he's really good. He's great. He's so good

I I remember watching The Fugitive, I feel like as a kid or as a teenager, and I loved it, and revisiting it, I loved it. It's just so 90s, it's just like a good movie. It's such a good movie. And it's like, on paper, I feel like I would've been like, the man with the one arm, that's so, and then hearing it out loud, you're like, that is wild.

It's wild. And I truly was like, wait, is he making this up? And I was like, well, it is called the fugitive. So maybe he did Yeah, and then I was like he did it. He's gonna prove spoiler. He proves his case Incredible and Tommy Lee Jones. I want to fuck him so bad really. Yes That big nose that unibrow really I didn't kill my wife, I don't care. Ah! Let me rub my clit! Oh my God, I love!

Tommy Lee Jones, Joe Pesci, those are my, I love them. Interesting. If either one of them knocks on my door tomorrow, I'm going. Are you serious? I am going. Wow, okay, interesting. So you would just risk it all.

Yes, I'm leaving. Wow. I'm going. Interesting. Especially Joe Pesci. I don't go for an older man, but I like an older woman. Okay, who? Who would you leave everything for?

I would leave my family for Queen Latifah in a second. She's not even that older, but I'm obsessed with her. I would just walk out of my house, arm swinging. When you're good to mama, mama's good to you. I would risk it all for Mama Morton. Okay. Okay, I'm into it. I also really like Holland Taylor, I get it.

I get it too. Pretty much anyone Sarah Paulson has dated, like Cherry Jones, I also think she's so beautiful. Love. I ran into Sarah Paulson at an ice cream store where she was very stoned. And this bitch, when I say tea, that's exactly what she was doing with an ice cream cone.

And it made me laugh so hard. That's too good. It was so, I was like, she's having the time of her life. And that's how it should be. That's how it should be. That's how it should be. I agree. Real quick, we gotta take a break. This episode is brought to you by Earn In

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Get 15% off with code DATEMY at Oneskin.co. That's 15% off. Oneskin.co with code DATEMY. After your purchase's 15% off one skin dot co with code date me after your purchase They'll ask you where'd you hear about them? Please support my show and tell them that I sent you Invest in health and longevity of your skin and scalp with one skin your future self will thank you We were back who proposed to who you were Brooke I proposed to Brooke But we did like kind of we talked about it. So we both like went ring shopping and stuff

I didn't know though that when we went to this ring place that we had decided we wanted to go to I Went and I was like, oh, I think I want that ring. Whatever I didn't know until long after that she had already gone there and they pretended that they didn't know us and she picked out The ring that I picked. Oh my God. Before I even picked it. Oh my God. So when I proposed to her, which I proposed to her at our apartment in New York, she was like, hold on,

and then she went and got my ring from where she had hit it, and then she proposed back to me. Aw. Yeah, it was really cute. That is really cute. Really gay. I don't know how gay that is.

Hi, I would say. Okay. I mean, it's like too lesbian, like it's just a little. Or it's just sweet. I guess, yeah. I like it. Yeah. When did you start like intertwining your lives?

Like how soon did you introduce Brooke to your friends and how soon were you introduced to her friends? That's a really good question. Thank you. I feel like, because we were so young, again, 24, 25, you're not thinking like, oh, one, I'm gonna be with this person for the rest of my life. You're not really thinking about the consequences of like what integrating someone

into your friend group is gonna do. Like at 39, I would be really like much more precious, I think about that. But when you're in your 20s, it's like, none of this matters, you know? It was kind of like Wallace. Yeah, who fucking cares? But so I would say pretty early on

to the point that now we have a lot of shared friends where it's like sometimes people that were friends of hers originally, like I'll be like, they always call me when they need something. I'm like, that's your party. That's your fucking friend. Yeah, I'm like, you gotta pick up the phone, boo boo. Or I love it, but we have friends where it's like,

wait, oh right, I guess that was Brooke's friend first and that was my friend first. But pretty early, like when I was first dating Brooke, my littlest sister was still in college and she and her college roommate came to New York on like a day trip and I was busy and I couldn first dating Brooke, my littlest sister was still in college and she and her college roommate came to New York on like a day trip and I was busy and I couldn't see them but Brooke took them around the city. And that was like within like two months of us dating.

Yeah, it was pretty early. Oh, I like that. That means you just like fit together. Your sister's like chill and hang out with her and you're working or whatever. And she's like, don't really care. No, yeah with Brooke, don't matter. They probably had a better day because of it too.

Oh, shut up. I dated a man who truly said to me, he said something to the effect of, yeah, I guess the saddest part of breaking up is like the friends you make, like they're not your friends anymore. And I was like, oh, but don't you get that? Like whoever brought the friends to the relationship keeps those friends, especially if you're not together friends anymore. And I was like, oh, but don't you get that, like whoever brought the friends to the relationship

keeps those friends, especially if you're not together for a very long time. And he's like, that's not how I see friendship. And I was like, got it, okay. And I was like, I don't think I'll ever introduce you to a friend. No, I'm very like, I will follow my friends' leads. And like, I'll be like, whatever you want me to do,

that's what I'll do. Like I'm very much like, who my friend first as hard as it is But then I also will tell people like if I really like their friend early on I'd be like just so you know Whatever happens here. I'm keeping this friend. Just know that it's like I need to disclose Every once in a while. I feel like I you can make some exceptions. I think so, too I feel like you can make some exceptions. I think so too. Do you feel like because you're who you are and so funny and you have a lot of funny, cool friends,

do you feel like people feel like more of a loss if you guys break up? I've only really dated, I dated one person where we had a ton of mutual friends, so that was like whatever. And then I didn't get to a friend stage with two guys that I dated for a while. And then the last person I got to like a friend stage with,

he was like, what did he say? Oh, he was the same person who was like, he didn't understand how like friendships work in a relationship. But he was he would always be like, how can we don't do more stuff with your friends? And I was like, because are you dating me or my friends? What do you what do you want out of this? That's weird. Yeah. So I was always very like.

Like I would like guard my friends a little bit to be like, I'm going to pick and choose when and where we hang out with them if we choose to. Yes. And then, he just, I don't know, it was weird. It was very weird. But I don't know. I haven't really dated anybody who's,

I've only dated a couple people who are interested in what I do. That's good, I feel like. Yeah. My current boyfriend, I've invited dated a couple people who are like interested in what I do. That's good. I feel like yeah my current boyfriend I've like invited him to shows and he finally was like, yeah, I'm good and I was like, oh Okay, okay And then I thought about it. I was like he doesn't invite me to his work Yeah, why like why like do I want to go to work with him? No, no

Why should I feel any type of way that he doesn't want to watch me perform? He gets it all the time. Exactly. I never stop talking. He probably needs a break to be honest. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. We've gotten to the stage where I like to ask, if I turn into this, what with that?

And he was like, get a new question. You gotta get a new question. The answer's always, I'll figure out a way to bring you with me somewhere. I was like, what if I turn into Thumbelina and I'm so tiny? He's like, I'll make you a terrarium and I'll bring you around.

I'll put you like, it'll fit on the dash. I'll drive around with you. And I was like, so I can see the world. He's like, please go to sleep. Yeah, truly. Go to sleep. There was once we were trying to go to sleep, and I was like... And then he didn't answer, and I was like, hey!

What are you gonna say? He was like, to what? I was like, I just asked you a question. He was like, I'm fully sleeping. Please sleep below. There's been times where he's snoring, I was like, to what? I was like, I just asked you a question. He was like, I'm fully sleeping. Completely sleeping. There's been times where he's snoring and I'll go, hey, are you sleeping? Excuse me. I have one more thing.

It's, I don't know why, but I'm like, I just want to keep talking. My wife and I have the same dynamic, but it's weird because like, I don't like talking in the morning. Right when I woke up, I need like severe quiet time. And she'll just be sitting there like basically waiting for me to wake up. She was like, I'm ready to get to talking. Like she's like ready, but then at night,

she'll be like, I'll be like, hey, what do you think? And she'll be like, go to sleep. It's like a two year old in the bed because I just get the zoomies I think. I am unfortunately somebody who stares at you in the morning waiting for you to wake up so I can say all the things that I thought about in my dreams.

And I don't wanna let you go to sleep because I've got a lot of things to talk about before I start dreaming. It's insane. I don't know why, but that's who I am. And that's not who he, he's like quiet in the morning. Can I please go to sleep? And I'm like, no, thank you.

No. Mm-mm. mm-mm. Wait, so you've never online dated or anything? No, never. What a blessing for you. I feel so lucky because I don't think I could handle it. I really don't think I could handle it. Although, like, I had one person that was like,

it's really like a numbers game. Like, if you kind of like detach from, like, the meaning of it or whatever, but it is as foreign to me as like space travel. Like I just have never done it. So I'm both curious about it and fearful. It's awful. Sounds horrible. It's, you have to like look at it as kind of like

auditioning where you're like, I might get a call back. Huh, I might book the part. Horrible. But I might not. Horrible. huh, I might book the part, but I might not, and I can't take it personally. And I just started going on dates with like, my therapist was also like, you gotta start going on dates with zero expectations.

And that was a tough thing to do, but once I started doing that, and if I had fun, I'd be like, oh, why didn't expect that? Because I went in with zero expectations, so if I have fun, that's a nice plus. That's a nice to have. If I have a bad time, oh, why didn't expect that? Because I went in with zero expectations. So if I have fun, that's a nice plus. That's a nice to have. If I have a bad time, well, you know, I didn't expect anything and it's bad and that's okay.

What I wanna know is when you've done this, are you like, let's say, okay, like you decide you're gonna go on a date with somebody from an app. Do you coordinate the date in the app? Or are you giving, you're exchanging numbers with people that you may hate in 60 minutes. And then what?

And then they just have your number. Hopefully they delete it, but I'm sure it's just like, Nicole Tinder, Nicole Hinge in multiple people's phones. Oh my God. But they don't bother me, so it is what it is. I just like that to me is like the most overwhelming part of like a bunch of people having my number. I've had the same number since high school.

I've had the same number since high school. I'm never changing it. I'm never changing it, that's what I'm saying. So I'm very precious about like who gets it. No, I don't give a shit. You don't care. No. Do you get spam calls from like where the number was? Yeah.

Like I'm from St. Louis, so anytime I see a 314 number that's like not saved. Yeah, if I see a Jersey number, I'm like that's not for me. For me. No, no thank you. No, not. No, not.

No, not. No, not. No, not. No, not. No, not. This episode of Why Won't You Date Me is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com has vacation rentals and hotels across the US, and truly, they have the ideal

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Mcdoublemeal, $6 in some markets for limited time only. I went on a date with a man and he lives maybe a five minute drive from me. And he haunts me. He sits outside his apartment building and smokes cigarettes. And the other day he was outside with a cigarette, a Starbucks and a guitar. And this is day, he was outside with a cigarette, a Starbucks, and a guitar. And this is on a six-lane road. This is the main drag of Over by...

Is he okay? I don't know! What? But I was like, why? I'll even show you a picture. Are you serious? Now, does he see you? No, it's a six-lane road. It's a very busy road. And he just sits outside. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. What? What? What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Wait, okay. And that's not even a spot someone would be sitting. Like, I thought you were gonna be like,

he's on stairs or something. No. That's crazy. No, no, no. Just in front, here a little further away. Can you bleep the road out? It's. Why?

I don't know and he haunts me. I see him like twice a month. No. Twice a month. No, no. Twice a month. This is also a man where I dropped him off at his house and when we kissed he rubbed my belly and smiled at me

and I was like, hey y'all. And my butt is big so like I was up. Go there. And like looking down at this man rubbing my belly and I was like, I, fi fai fo fum, I feel like the biggest woman in America. I feel like Denzel Washington's daughter's wife. I'm huge.

Did he say anything? No, he just smiled. And I said, okay, well, you gotta have a good night. And he said, I will. And I said, okay. And then he did ask me out again. And I was like, oh, I'm busy that night. Let's try a different night. And then he never followed up,

because I guess he was too busy going outside. He was busy living out his outdoor lifestyle. Here is the thing. I'm sure he dates locally. I'm sure he's dated other women in the area. I'm sure there's hundreds of women driving by. He's driving by, being like, he's outside again. Also, nothing confirms that this is not the one more

than a man who was suggesting everyone outside to him playing the guitar. Like, what are you playing? Like, original music? Like, original music? Like, covers? Are you singing? Bono, like, stop it.

What are we doing? What are you doing? I don't know. Men are so strange. Yes, they're so strange. They're very strange, and unfortunately I like them. I am sad to hear that. I know.

I'm sad to hear. And I've dated women, it sad to hear that. I know. I'm sad to hear. And I've dated women. It's just never stuck. Yeah. Here's the thing. I would consider myself like pansexual, queer. I would in theory, I guess, like now that I'm saying it, I'm like, would I?

I only like a very specific type of man. Yeah, it's like very like compulsory. But there are some men that I find attractive, like a sliver of men. But I think all women are so attractive and all women are so amazing. Like I just, and I can't imagine having to listen to a man share his ideas with me every day.

Is that bad? No, it's really funny. That's really funny. I don't have to deal with that. No, it's really funny. That's really funny. I don't have to deal with that. No, you don't. That's really funny. That's honestly, like, that is, like, the, that is the barrier of entry for me. I'm lucky. My boyfriend is smart.

He's a very smart boy. And he doesn't say anything that I'm like, Jesus Christ, God, you straight man. I mean, obviously he said a couple of things where I'm like, oh, Megan. But like, for the most part, it's just him smiling and I'm like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. There are so many great men, there are so many great men, but I just feel like the fact that I have to say,

the fact that there is, you can name the qualities that make them good, means that they're scarce. Yes, yes. It is, I have truly dated just some of the worst men I've ever met in my whole, and men will do this interesting, you've dated not a lot of men?

I've dated a couple men, enough. Have you ever run into where a man does not like you, but will continue dating you? Yes. And will dislike you to your face? Yes. And you're like, I think you hate me. I don't think you like me.

But you keep saying that you wanna date me. It's so weird. I don't get that. And I've only dated, I've dated two women and neither of them did that. It was just like, when it was done, it was done. Nobody was like pretending. And women like, I'm not saying that like

every person who's ever dated a woman has had no problems. Yeah, it's on a blanket statement. But I do think that certain men, and it's not men's fault all the time, I don't think, I think it's like the way that we're like trained to like look at like straight cis relationships. It's like, well, my dad did nothing and my mom did everything and she never complained

and they were in love and were married for 46 years. Like that is, that we're set up to like expect zero. And then there are some men that are like, I will take you up on that, I will do zero. And then there are some men who are like, I'm actually gonna like be a person. But I feel like women are just more able to, like we're more emotionally available maybe.

I don't know what it is, but I find that like, like you said, like with women, it's not that they're like hating you and continuing to date you. It's like, well, this was really lovely. This was lovely. But I think this has come to a natural end. Yeah.

Yeah. Truly updated memoir. I did one dude where I'm late to everything. Mars knows I'm late to literally every single one of these recordings. The only reason why I was on time to this one is because I was already here. The only, the only reason why we started on time.

That's it, I was here. Wow, beautiful. But I dated this man and anytime I was late, he had like something snide to say about it and I would always be like, I'm really sorry. And I know it's a me problem. I know it's like, he's entitled to be mad at me, but by the fourth time I'm late, that's just a thing.

That's how I am. That's just a thing. And my boyfriend now, I remember I was late to some dinner, truly trippin' cause it was five minutes away from my house and I was like, there's literally no fucking excuse. And I got there and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just, I don't know. And I was like talking to him all the minute

and he just like held my hand and he was like, I'm just happy to be here with you and it's okay that you're late. I just had a drink at the bar. You're fine and we're here now. And I was like, okay. And then he was like, I also know that you're gonna be late. So now he goes, do you need more time? Or are we still good for that time? Which is like so nice.

And I've never experienced that from anyone I've dated where they're like, that's just a personality quirk and the way I'll work with it is just by asking, are you good for this time? I won't leave yet. Yes. It is so nice. That is like, you're describing,

like that's what I love about the relationship that I'm in, because it's like, to have someone that sees you for who you are, and sees the good and the bad stuff, and doesn't judge or, like, issue a demerit for the bad stuff, instead, like, welcomes it in, and it's like, accepts it as that's part of the person that I really care about like that's so beautiful That's so nice. So sweet. He also knows I'm not gonna cook anything and that's great. I'm bad at it and

No one wants someone who can't cook I once made him pasta and he was like yum, and I was like, this is not yum This is not my best work and I'm really sorry about it. And he ate most of it because he's nice. He's nice. He ate more than me. I'm the one who fucking made it. I'm going to have to tap out here. It's not good. I said I simply can't. I didn't cook the noodles well enough. Oh, God.

It's not al dente. They crunch egg. They crunch egg. It simply was bad. That's really hard to mess up. Because the thing is, all you have to do is test it and see, oh, they're still crunchy, let's keep this thing going. Yeah. You know? But I was also nervous.

Also, did you know that you're supposed to like really salt the water? Are you? You're supposed to put like a handful of salt in the water. I sometimes put like a little bit, but what does it do? I don't know. Apparently it makes them taste good. I watch a video where a bunch of cooks were like,

yeah, handfuls of salt. It's supposed to taste like the ocean. What? Allegedly. What? Okay. Yeah. Where did you go on your honeymoon?

Thailand. Ooh, that's nice. Yeah, it was really great. How long were you there? Two weeks. That's a good chunk of time. Yeah, it was a long time. It were you there? Two weeks. That's a good chunk of time. Yeah, it was a long time. It was so delightful.

It wasn't too long? No, I would have stayed, I wish it was like four. But it was phenomenal. And I love traveling with my wife too, even though she, I hate to say this about her, but she's such a trooper. She gets really extreme motion sickness. Like, I mean, she cannot see a trooper, she gets really extreme motion sickness, like, instantly.

I mean, she cannot see a 3D movie. She cannot go on, like, swings at a playground. Sometimes she gets car sick when she's driving. Like, she has a bad, she has been swimming in the ocean and gotten nauseous just from the waves. So every time we've traveled, like, whether it's Thailand, Hong Kong, Japan, wherever, she jokes, and it's true, she's thrown up on every continent.

She's gotten sick every time. But she- Does she get sick on planes too? Sometimes, but not as much. So that trip, I can't remember exactly what it was, but she got sick on that one too. So it's a lot of like, like we like went to the Amalfi Coast,

like on a one day trip, I had to get her a hotel room for the day so she could just lay there because the boat ride over, she got so sick. And so my friend and I, we were the three of us together and we just hung out in the Amalfi Coast and she hung out in like a... Oh, that's so sad.

That's so sad. But so that- Did she have like an inner ear thing? Yeah, so I always look forward to that portion of the trip. Thailand itself, just the whole trip was so wonderful. And like, I was like, oh, honeymoons are great. This is amazing. That's true love.

I don't like puke. I don't either. I don't, like, I know a lot of people don't, but like I cry when people throw up near me. It like really- It disturbs you? Yes, it rocks me in a way. I understand that.

Where then I'm like, well, the day is ruined. I have to go home. Yeah, I understand that. It makes me, I feel that same, like even talking about it, I'm like, am I about to tear up? Like, I don't like it. Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Um, we do have to wrap up, but do you have any advice for single people? Yes. I do. What? Okay, and I don't mean to come across as like, one, I'm very hesitant to give advice

because I've been in a relationship since I was in my 20s, like that's not fair. But that means you can give advice. I can give relationship advice, not dating advice. Oh, I see. Because I haven't dated since the Stone Ages, so like what am I gonna do? But I do think that a lot of especially straight people

could benefit from dating like lesbians. Ah. Where you forget, like you put away that a lot of especially straight people could benefit from dating like lesbians. Where you forget, like you put away the prescribed gender roles. Like who's supposed to call who first? Who's supposed to do this? Who's supposed to do this? Cause that just like creates like unnecessary conflict, tension, uncertainty and all those things.

Like it's just like, whoever is better at this thing, like whoever likes to drive, that's who drives. Whoever has, you know, wants to pay for the meal or pay at the restaurant, that's who pays. Like letting that stuff go away, like the gender roles, I feel like makes it easier to find like a genuine connection with somebody and have a good back and forth with them as opposed to being in like basically an acting role, you know, in addition to trying to get to know a new person. I think that's good advice. I hope so.

Throw away gender roles. Yes, toss them. You like somebody, tell them you like them. Yeah. I don't do that. This dude I dated like two or three years ago, he was really bad at making plans with me in the beginning. So anytime it was like the day of,

and I hadn't heard from him, and he like finally texted, like, what do you want to do tonight? I was like, I already have plans, I'm so sorry. That's maddening. And then later into the relationship, he was like, it was so funny in the beginning, like, I feel like you kept like double booking me or something, and then that's why you were bailing.

I was like, no, I was training you to text me before the day of. And then that made him mad. And then he held it against me, went and bring it up all the time. He was so fun. Lauren, would you date me? Absolutely.

Yes! Absolutely, no question. Thank you. Do you have anything you wanna promote? Yes, my sister's live deep dive, which is the podcast version for a radio show, is available anywhere you get your podcast. So it's not behind the paywall. Is there a video version of our radio show, is available anywhere you get your podcast. So it's not behind the paywall.

Like, serious spectrum. Is there a video version of it? There's not a video version. We sometimes post clips and stuff on the apps in the Sisters Live on Instagram. It's very funny. Thank you. Like, truly, there's three of you,

and all of you are funny, which is kind of wild. Thank you so much. They're my, I think they're so funny. It's wonderful. It makes me, hee makes me, ha ha ha. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, wait, yes. Did I ask everything? Yep.

Sick. Nice. Sometimes I forget. It's wild. Oh, yeah, because I fucked up the intro so many times that my brain was like, no, we're doing it. We got to do it. We got to do a good job. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe subscribe give me five stars on Apple Podcasts

If you write me something nasty to why won't you date me at podcast at gmail.com? I will read it keep it nasty and then keep sending them because they're fun Nicole when I close my eyes at night and lay my head down to sleep I imagine i'm laying in a pool come with you floating beside me on a penis shaped inflatable We take turns jumping into the jizz pool legs legs spread real wide like our mommas taught us. My mom did not teach me that. The game becomes who's gonna get pregnant first and how on earth are we gonna find the daddy?

That's funny, cause it's just a see ya come. Is it Jesus, Charlie Sheen? Charlie Sheen? I haven't thought about that man in years. Boy, oh boy, how will we ever know? And what will we do with the babies after? Raise them? I don't know.

Bye! Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me With Me, Nicole Byer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kenovskaya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue with guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of content at Headgum is Katie Moose and our theme music is arranged by Mike Kamate. Ah, thanks for listening! We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then!

Okay, bye bye! That was a HeadGum Podcast. Hey gorg, it's me Got Mik. And me Violet Chachki. And we want you to listen to our podcast, No Gorg, now on HeadGum. Each episode we will be bringing you vlogs, answering burning questions, discussing what's going on right now, and diving into all things fashion, hookups, gossip, and more. With past guests such as Heidi Klum and Deedavon Tease, NoGorge always keeps things hot.

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