Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - I'm Bi Now (w/ Jenson Titus)

Episode Date: September 5, 2025

Comedian, clown, and artist Jenson Titus (of @VeryGayPaint) tells Nicole what it was like to date someone who's in the process of transitioning. The experience made him realize he’s bi, and left him feeling “more queer” than ever. He talks about the challenges of having a "Very Gay" brand while dating a woman, launching his mural business, and the surreal job of painting RuPaul’s 1-bedroom, 5-closet mansion. They talk about their dream date ideas, the act of clowning, and Nicole shares her plan to lose her virginity to a gay.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» NOCD: If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://learn.nocd.com/DATEME» Green Chef: Make this summer your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to Greenchef.com/50DATEME and use code 50DATEME to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.» Nuuly: Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code DATEME at Nuuly.com» Persona Nutrition: Go to PersonaNutrition.com/Dateme today to take the free assessment and get your personalized daily vitamin packs for an exclusive offer — get 40% off your first order.» Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.View all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.Macys.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to watch this episode? Catch the full video on YouTube. Just hit the link in the episode description. This is a headgum podcast. Okay, dating confession time. Have you ever been on a perfectly fine date and suddenly thought, wait, what if they're not the one? Then your brain goes into overdrive like, do I even like them? Should I feel more butterflies?

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Hello, honkshoe, honkshoe, honks you. Shop the big ticket sales now at Macy's.com or in store. Your home deserves it. For me, it was never about do I want to be with somebody who's transitioning or like even being with a woman. I think it was more just like, am I by now? Yeah. And I'm kind of in like a hetero relationship. Like, this is crazy.

Like, and especially because like my, I have this mural company called Very Gay Pain. And the whole brand is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. And I'm like, and now I have a girlfriend. Yeah, I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me?

Please. me, why? Oh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Beyer was trying to figure out why I was so single, even though you could come on my purse and call it a La Boo Boo Boo, my guest today. 20 years from now, when they're like, looking back at podcast history, they'll be like, wait, what's a La Boo Boo Boo? Anyway, my guest. Today is a comedian, a clown, and co-author of a very gay book.

He's one half of the mural, mural, mural. I go swallow. Mural duo. Whoa. Am I okay? Mural duo. Can you say it? Mural duo.

Mural duo. That sounded normal. Very gay paint. whose designs that you see it all over Instagram and on the Trixie Motel. I'm so excited. It's Jensen Taito. Yay!

Mural Duo. Have you ever said a word and been like, am I having an aneurism? Yeah. Or you like you start to say it and you're like, that's not a word. I'm not saying a real word. Mural.

I'm like, maybe if you make it Southern. Mural duo. Okay, that actually did come out better. It did. Yeah. It didn't sound like I was swallowing my tongue. Ooh, nameplate divas. Oh, my God.

Yours is like the upgraded version. That is cute. Thank you. It's double-plated. And when I had it made, the guy was like, do you need it double-plated? And I was like, that's what the girls had growing up. That's what the girls had. Like, we need, when I'd visit the city, all the girls had double-plated diamond nameplate necklaces.

And I was like, that's what I want. Yeah, you're like, I want to hurt my neck. Yes, I wanted to break my neck. Wait, Jensen, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Are you single? Are you married? Are you dating?

Don't want to say? Because that's also an option. I'm partnered. Ooh. Okay. Where did you meet your partner? Grindr. Yes.

Yes. I love that you just came out and said it because I do crowd work when I do stand-up shows. And I like to talk about relationships because I love, love, and, you know. It makes me happy. And sometimes people get really cagey about being like, oh, I met my partner on Grindr. I feel like, yeah, there's like a stigma around it, obviously. But I'm also like, Grindr for Gays is like now Tinder. It is because you got Sniffy's.

Because we have Sniffy's. I love Sniffies. When I show my straight, like, cis girlfriends, sniffies, they're like, there's cocks everywhere. They're like, which one's yours? Which one's yours? Wow. My God.

Your divas are wild. Which one's yours? Actually, I did. My friend was going through it, and then she clicks on it, and she goes, ooh, she's like, this one's nice. She's like, that's my cock. She goes, oh! That is so funny.

I've seen, have I seen my friend Evans penis? I feel like I have. Should I? He'll be like, Nicole, no, I don't want to be on your podcast. You're like, well, just send a picture. Just send a picture of your penis. Please. Maybe I haven't seen it.

He's one of my best year gays, and we went to college together, and I was a virgin in college, and I was like, hey, will you take my virginity? And he was like, sure. And I said, great, you can't touch me. I will wear a leotard and no kissing. And he was like, well, how do you want this to work out? And I was like, with me not being a virgin. Oh, my God. That's like performance art.

You know what? Maybe I'll, like, have a gallery installation where I'll make them do it. Yes, you should recreate that. That's beautiful. Because we never did it. So it would be, we would be doing it for the first time. Okay, I think the Elysian Theater, October 31st. Yes, right on Halloween.

The spookiest thing of all. Nicole Byer, fucking her gay best friend. Wait, okay, so you met on Grindr. Yes. How long ago? Oh, my God, how long ago? Three years ago almost. Actually, so how we started dating was it was the heat wave in 2022.

I don't know if you remember. It was awful. So bad. Oh, yes. I slept in my car one night because my power went out and it was really hot. And the person I was dating at the time we got into a great big fight and then he was reluctantly going to let me come over. But then I ended up not coming over because I said, I'd rather be hot than have negative vibes at me. And you love your car.

And so that was. I love my car. It was me and my dog in my car with the air plastic. So it was at the same time and they had texted me. They were like, I was like, oh, what are you doing? They're like, I just woke up. And I was like, oh. They're like, yeah, I woke up on my bathroom

floor and I was like, what's up? And they were like, yeah, I passed out because I don't have AC in my house. And I was like, and we had hooked up maybe twice. And I was like, just come over. I don't want someone like dying. And I was like, just come and like, just chill. I'll be working just chill in the AC and then they came over and they were like they were having like a heat stroke or something oh no their body was so hot and i was like you're not okay i was like

we need to get you like electrolytes and they wound up like staying with me for like three days and i just like kind of took care of them and i was like well i think i might be in love with you huh that's really sweet that's so sweet oh my god i wonder if that's the it's Is this a real thing? Have you seen Back to the Future? I was so long ago. Okay, well, Marty goes back in time. He is, like, spying on his mom, falls out of a tree, gets hit with the car of his grandpa.

They bring him inside. His mother's nursing him back to health. And he's talking to Doc Brown about it. And then he was like, I think my mom, like, wants to go to the dance with me. And Doc Brown's like, oh, my God, it's the Florence Nightingale effect because she was, like, taking care of him. And I wonder if that's, Mars, can you look up if the Florence Nightingale effect is a real thing or from back to the future?

Anyhow. And can you see if she's seen her friend's penis? Can you look better for us? You look at if I've seen Evan's penis? Thank you. But like, I guess they were trying to make the argument that you take care of somebody and then you start loving them?

I mean, I guess that kind of makes sense if it like hits your, I don't know. I'm like, is it instinctual to them? I'm like, you've sort of taken care. And so now it's like, oh, I feel more attached to it. Because also I'm like, it's very sweet. And also some people could be like, that's some codependent behavior. And I'm like, I don't.

Yeah, it says it's a trope, but it doesn't say that it's like a real effect. It was made up by a movie and I have just carried it as fact. I don't know if that's codependence. I think that's compassion. Okay. I think it's really, really loving and sweet that while this person, was, like, kind of at their lowest, like, sick, not, probably not fun. Like, maybe pops a fun.

You know, when you're sick. You're like, oh, I'm funny, but I better sit down. But, like, being able to see that and still be like, no, I really like this. I think that's compassion. I think that's romance. Okay. Well, I will take that. And also, I was very, like, they're so cute.

And while they were, like, truly steaming all night. like, oh, my God. And they kept trying to grab my dick in the middle. And I was like, we're not having sex right now. You're too hot. But maybe they kept waking up being like, well, if I go tomorrow, at least I'll have one last fucking me. Yeah, exactly.

That's so funny. And it's been three years. It's been three years. We had a breakup. We're back together pretty recently. The breakup was recent? The breakup was pretty recent. How long was the break?

maybe three and a half months. That's a solid amount of time. Yeah. I've only taken a break for a month and then we talked for most of the month, so it wasn't a real break. Well, I mean, I'm saying we talked most of that three and a half months, and we were still sleeping together. But we weren't together. You were taking a break from the title of being together. Isn't relationships are funny.

Like, that's such a funny thing we all do. We're like, we're taking time apart. And it's like, okay, so Tuesday and Wednesday, I don't see you? Yeah. I was like, I used to see you on Tuesday and Wednesday. And now I don't, so things are different. I like that. I think this sound, wait, do you live together or no?

No, not anymore. Ah. Oh, interesting. Was the break to kind of like reassess the living situation? It was to kind of reassess everything. They also, this isn't part of why we broke up, but they're also transitioning. And so it was just like a lot of like, we have a lot to figure out individually. And there was just so much, you know.

Yeah. And as a person who's the partner of someone transitioning, that's a huge, that's like, you have to really be like, okay, this is the same person, but like, it isn't the same person. It's fundamentally it's the same person, but they're like owning their truth and coming into like their power of like who they really are. And it's like, and where do I fall in that? And I think that's an interesting thing.

So, okay, do you watch 90-day fiancé? No. Okay, it's garbage. And I love it. There's this one couple, Alia, and I call him The Burger King Man, because he looks like the Burger King Man, but he also looks like Chaz Dean from the Way system. Oh, my God. Okay, okay. So he was dating Alia when Alia was identifying as a man.

she then transitioned to Aaliyah and then he kept being like he was he just wouldn't make a choice as to whether or not he could accept this new identity and kept dead naming her and kept being like well you're not the person I fell in love with and I kept watching it being like how could you that's not

I was like you gotta answer some questions for yourself before you start projecting it onto that person because when someone makes a choice Yes, it includes you, but like you have to make a choice if you're okay with that choice. Yes. I was going to say because that sounds more like he was having difficulty with his identity now. Yes. That he was with a woman.

Yes. And I think people kind of start projecting, but it is, I think, a very nuanced conversation. Totally. Because some people are of the school that's like, well, you love the person, right? So you love that person. It's like, sure, I can love that person, but people change. Sometimes people don't transition and they change. So it's like a transition is a change.

So it's like, do I accept this change? Is it too personal if I can ask if that like, did you, did you ever have like, I don't know if I want to be with someone who's transitioning? For me, it was never about like, do I want to be with somebody who's transitioning or like even being with a woman? I think it was more just like, what does, am I? I was like, it was just like, am I by now? Yeah.

And I'm kind of like a heterosexual. relationship like this is crazy like and especially because like my I have a this mural company called very gay paint and the whole brand is gay gay gay gay gay gay and I'm like and now I have a girlfriend yeah I was like oh oh oh we're just mural duo So that was really, like the only, honestly, I was like, mostly excited. I was like, this is like, I just, it made me feel so queer. And that was, I was like, you know what I mean? Jensen, that's so funny.

Isn't this so funny? It made me feel so queer? It did. I was like, I feel so like. I feel so, like, of the now. Like, I feel so queer and, like, present. I don't know. And also, I don't know.

I'm just, like, I'm so grateful for trans people. They're, like, the greatest people alive? Well, I mean, if you think about it, when people, like, nobody chooses to be trans. It's one of, like, the hardest things that you can be. And then it's like, yeah, you kind of have to be cool. Yes. The world is so mean. Yes.

The world is so mean. for no reason. Oh my gosh. My mom's response was so funny. I was like, oh, just so you know, like, on the hell's, like, coming out as a woman. And my mom goes, as long as he doesn't get bigger boobs in me. I mean, she!

And I was like, that's amazing. I genuinely love that so much. To mention boobs, misgendering, and then correcting yourself is, because your mom is not, she's not a spring chicken, right? She's your mother. Yeah. I don't know how old she is. I don't know why I phrased all of that.

I think my point is people get so wrapped up and they're like, I don't want to learn new things. But I'm like, it's not that hard. You just get a piece of information and then make adjustments. Yeah. I think I've talked about this before, but I went on a date with this guy and he had asked me if I had siblings. I said yes. Or no, he was, yeah. He was like, do you have siblings?

And I said yes. And I was like, I have one sister, and he said, and I said to him, do you have siblings? And goes, yeah, I have a brother. Oh, had a brother. And I was like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry. He's like, eh, it's not dead. He's just a they, them now.

And I was like, how, like, on a date or, like, you're hanging out with someone and then, like, you're eating and you just, like, really start eating because you're like, I don't care about this person. I'll never see you again in my whole life. Yes. Like I have to focus on my fetidini. I was like, let me just finish this meal because as soon as we're finished, this can be finished. That is so funny. But it was so nuts.

And I was like, oh, maybe you just talk about them like you're talking about them like we are right now. So it's like, oh, I saw them go shopping. Like I was like. And then this guy was like, yeah, yeah, I think that's like a better way. I'm just so old and it's all so hard and weird. And he was my brother. for so long, and I was like, well, they're still your sibling, and I think it'll be okay. Yeah, everything's actually, I'm going, it's all better now.

Yes. Actually, it's way cooler. Yeah, it's cooler. They're probably a more fun person. Yeah. They're probably, like, much more open with who they are because they discover who they are. And this is the man who haunts me. He sits on a street by my house and reads books outside and soups coffee and chain smokes.

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Take the free assessment now. We're back. Can I ask, how did you get into clowning? Oh my gosh. I got into clowning in grad school. So I went to grad school for like experimental physical theater. That's, I love that. Mio, dude.

And Philly. Uh-huh. And at the end, like all these. leads up to, like, clowning. And so it's, like, the smallest mask. And so you put on, like, this little nose. Uh-huh. And then you just get up in front of the audience.

And then actually, the first exercise we did, the guy who runs the program comes in. He's, like, put on your noses. And then he sits down and he goes, make me laugh. This is, I'm having deja vu. I think this is just, like, a college corset, like, actors go through. where a small man is like because that's insane I paid so much money to this institution

this is it Did you go to acting school? Of course I went to acting shkiru Yeah I went to The American Musical and Dramatic Academy Some people call it Scamda Where is that? It's in New York City

I've heard of her Oh, I love New York But I never had anyone say make me laugh but I did have a teacher named Randolph Pearson who would be like what do he say to me

Ms. Beyer Yeah, that's his voice Ms. Beyer I don't find you exciting or dangerous on stage and I think that comment has colored my personality I think I'm just like

what I was going to say I'm like I feel like that's the opposite of what you are on stage because there was this girl in my class her name I won't say and he cited her as being dangerous. And I was like, she's actually crazy. Like, she's sick in the head.

That's why you don't know what she's going to do. She doesn't know what she's going to do. She's a personality disorder. Yes, she's bipolar. We don't know what we're going to get. But that, like, stuck with me. Oh, wait. So tell me about this man who said, make me laugh.

He's fine. He's just like, they went to this school in France. And then they came back and started this, like, program here. So it was just very, like, especially, like, people, go to this guy in France named Golié, and he has a drum. And if you're, like, not doing well, he just starts, like, banging the drum. And it's really like, like, it's like so anxiety-inducing and you're like, oh, wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-z-o. Like, you're just like, he's like banging the drum. Like, you're about to get kicked off stage. So I think that's, like, kind of the vibe that they

were coming in with was like, make me laugh. My initial thought was, if that man drummed at me, I'd be like, day. And I'm like, come and me want to go. Which probably would have saved the show. Perfect. Dangerous, exciting. So this is, so wait, you didn't study in France. You studied from a man who brought it from France.

Yes, yes, important. Much like the UCB. Bringing improv from Chicago to New York. But I think bringing something from France could really get lost in translation. I got to head out. I got to go. I just can't finish this podcast. That was really awful.

She can't even say mural. Muriel. Do you, have you clown professionally? I guess, yeah. Can you clown professionally? Yes, yeah, you can. It's a lot of, like, Cirque de Soleil shows. And then a lot of people from L.A.

get pulled into Las Vegas to go perform at these Spiegel World shows, which is, like they have a show called Absinth. Oh, yes, okay. Yeah, that's like where a lot of the clowns get pulled in and they're like hosting or like doing crazy clown bits. Wow. That's wild. Yeah. You want to do theater, move to New York.

If you want to be in the film and TV's move to L.A. You want to be a clown, go to Vegas. Go to Las Vegas, no matter. That's interesting. But you never felt pulled to like do that. Wait, where did you meet your partner from Very Gay Paint? When did you guys meet? We met in Philly.

Okay, in school. After, like, just hanging around in the theater scene. Oh. Yeah. And then, okay, so you're both theater kids. How do you transition from, like, we're acting to, where's my paintbrush, bitch? Well, you've seen our videos. I mean, that's what we're saying and doing.

Yeah, I pulled it straight from a video. Where's my paintbrush, bitch? We, it was in the pandemic, actually. Oh, really? Yeah. we lived together in this tiny little studio in Silver Lake. And we had gone away to like to Vegas as be with, because his parents also live there.

And then we came back and we were like, we're going to lose our minds. And Nick was just like, can I paint something on the wall? And I was like, yeah, I mean, we don't have anything else to do. And he painted this mural from Pinterest and then posted it. And then we started doing more around the house. And I started helping him. And then a friend was like, can you do that in my house, actually?

And then another friend was like, hey, actually do that in my house. And then we just started like an Instagram. We were like, it would be so funny if this like actually passed how many followers we had. And oh my God, it like took off like wildfire. It was crazy. That's fun. What a like a thing where it's like this thing I want to do so I don't go crazy, you do it. And then every like people are like, oh, but I love that.

I want that to be in my house. That's the dream. Oh, yeah. Where you do something just for yourself. And then other people go, I want that. I think that's why I love self-expression. And I, so I was in Madrid last year. And I was walking around and I, like, screamed.

And my friend Poonam was like, what? And I was like, these teenagers look like teenagers from America. But they're speaking Spanish. I'll explain. Instagram and stuff has, like, allowed teenagers to all look homogenous. Like, yes. They all look the same. They're all doing the same shit.

And it, like, bums me out because I'm like, I think you would find so much joy in, like, being an individual. And you were being an individual or Nick was being an individual by being like, I'm going to paint this on the wall. And you're like, I'll support it. And then it morphed into something really fun and, like, you guys kind of created a mural trend. Yes. Not kind of. You did. Yeah.

It's really popularized people painting murals in their homes. And I have friends who have murals in their homes inspired by you, you and Nick. And that's fucking cool because you were being an individual who started a, like, I don't know. I think there's something so fucking special about that. It's crazy. It's like I never would have. Also, too, it's just like with life, you really just have no idea what could possibly happen. Yeah.

Never would have thought we would have a mural company. like him and I are both like idiot clown like stupid just like well now I'm by but gay boys yeah so now I'm by yes you are authentically very queer the queerest of them all gay to buy oh but also with the teenagers thing I I feel like TikTok has really made yes everyone is so homogenous and I feel like everyone is trying to look 28. Like, all the mid-30s, 28. All the like 19, 20-year-olds,

28. Everyone's trying to hit 28 right now. I think you're actually very right. Everyone is like business casual 28. Yes. And I've really, I've always kind of dressed like this, but I've really leaned into my look is first day of

kindergarten. And I've decided that it is what it is. That's how I look. Anytime I dress up, I'm like, I don't have it. I don't. Yeah, it's like you and Sarah Squirm are sort of like going to the same kindergarten class. Yes. Yes. Yes. I would say we're in rival classes.

Yeah. We're like, hers is like really quirky and mine is like kind of. And it's like, I don't know. We're like, you're copying her. And I'm like, no, I'm not. No, no. That's such a compliment. I love the way she dresses. Oh, my God.

It's so fun. Yeah, same with you. Look at the jumps. It's from a company called New Works. Hell, yeah. I don't paint it. I think it's unisex. I don't know.

But you know who has unisex jumpsuits that are great? Big Bud Press. My God. They also give you like an hourglass, or at least for me they do. Oh, yeah. Because it's snatched. It cinches you in and you're like, ooh, va, boom. That's what we use for when we paint.

Oh, do you? Oh, yeah. They have money. Those jumpsuits are. are expensive. They're not cheap. Ooh, I love that. So being business partners and also being in a relationship, was that hard?

Oh, it was awful. It was, and with all the, like, because at one point, very gay paint was, like, really big, like, just on the internet. And with, like, all of the opportunity coming in, like, there was, like, a lot of money coming. And, like, there was so much pressure. To, like, keep that up. It was. Keep going at, like, an 11. or whatever.

Otherwise, the opportunities go away. But I think there's something to be said with like, slow and steady, does actually win the race. You don't fucking burn out. Like, you can just keep working and life will be okay. How did the opportunity to paint RuPaul's house come up? One of our friends.

What a way to say that. How did the opportunity to pay RuPaul's house come up? It was, like, really beautiful. I loved it. Oh, okay. Perfect. It actually came up through a friend who we first painted for who, oh, she's so funny.

She, when she first reached out to it, she, like, angled, like, my partner and I are, like, repainting my house. And then, it's, like, thinking, like, they're together, you know? Like, really framing it like that. We get down there. And now we're, like, really close with both of them. And it was, like, y'all are both, like, deeply straight women that were just like. But I was, like, that's how she's such a businesswoman.

I really respected it. but she does socials for this guy, Martin Bullard. Yes. That's that, that designer. Yes, I love that man. And he was doing this project, and she was like, hey, like, these gay painters. And he brought us in. We didn't get to meet her, but the house is crazy.

The house is nuts. The house is big. I was like, also like I think it was like a six bedroom that they turned into a one bedroom, five closets. I go, yeah, no guests. Absolutely not. That is iconic. There's not even a second bed in the home. That is so funny.

A one-bedroom five closet. I would kill to see a listing like that. And they're like, we didn't adjust it at all. It staged the way that this person lit. It is a one-bedroom five closet. What an icon. But I'm so deeply jealous. jealous of people who have, like, costumes and stuff that they can keep.

Yeah. Like, Sarah Jessica Parker has every single outfit Carrie Bradshaw wore from season one to through and just like that. So she's got like a, she's got like a warehouse. I don't. I assume. Where do you put that? Who knows? And she lives in New York City.

Can you believe? That is. That's money. That is money. Here's a question. When glass breaks, what do you say? Uh-oh. Isn't there like a thing people yet?

Okay, I heard a glass break, and then I presented that question to the table. And they were like, I don't know. And I was like, I think it's halibit. And they were like, what? And then I texted my nice man in my life. And I was like, hey, what do people scream when glass breaks? And he said, mausel. And I said, oh, that's one.

Yeah. And he goes, what did you say? And I said, halibut. And he just said, oh, okay. It sounds really sweet. It's really nice. This man has accepted that. But I'm going to text some weird shit all the time.

Wow. That is so fun. That is dangerous and exciting to say the least. Hell of it. Hal of it. See, that is fun. Choosing fun. I love that.

Yeah, I always choose fun. And if something doesn't, so Kim Cottrell once said, I'm not going to do anything that's not fun for even five minutes. Yep. And I really, really lived by that. I really, really like that. Let's always have a nice time. Yes, I think about that a lot too.

And I'm going like, that is such a privilege in life to get to live like that. Yeah. And I'm really working towards that. And I'll say this. I've been in situations where I'm like, this is not fun. But then I'll just do things that are fun while I'm at this situation. That's great. Oh, yes.

That's inspiring. I love that. Yeah. Because it's like, how can we turn this around? Yes. See, I get such a bad attitude, and I'm like, I'm going to fucking hate you. But here's the thing about a bad attitude. If you're with somebody else who also has a bad attitude, you guys get to talk shit together.

Yeah, that's true. And that's a nice time. That is. I love talking shit with somebody. I know. The other day I was talking so much shit, I was like, am I a hater? And the answer is, a little bit. Everyone is, no, because we don't want the toxic positivity.

No, God, no. That would be terrible. That's awful. No, so no, everyone could be a little bit of a hater. I have a question. What kind of car do you drive? Because you seem to not like driving. I drive a Toyota Prius C.

It's a 2012. It's a little hatchback? The little hatchback. I like that car. That's zippy. It feels like a go cart. And it gets 50 miles per gallon. Oh, that's nice.

I am like, it costs like $30 to fill up. Oh, that's nice. I love that car. That's really nice. I used to have a hundred. When we were rich, I had a Hyundai. When we were rich. When we were rich, I had a Hyundai Tucson.

And it was so, that's nice. It was so safe. But I like the Prius C. Me too. I like a small car. I just found, maybe you'll remember this, a geotracker. You've seen it. You've seen it.

It's like a Jeep Wrangler, but smaller. What? And it's a brand that's not made anymore. And the sister car is a Suzuki sidekick. Oh, my gosh. They stopped making them, I think, in 98. but I found in 96 and okay do you remember

West Coast Customs? Yes So I like They do like restore and like They customized cars still So I like reached out to them and I was like I want to do it But then they ask a lot of intricate questions And I was like hey

I don't know what suspension is So in the little box it was like What kind of suspension do you want? I was like I want it lifted Is that suspension? Big wheels I hope Did they get back to me? I hope so too.

Wait, is that the one? Are they like in Burbank? Yes. Is that, okay, yeah. Yes. Buy that like REI or whatever. Yes. Okay, okay.

I don't know if they have like, like, okay, so my perfect date would be either going to the car museum or going to West Coast Customs and getting to see like custom cars. Yeah. I love cars so much. Oh my gosh. Okay. Do you want to hear what I want to get done to the car? Please.

Okay. I want to paint her purple and I want to airbrush the sides. And I want purple carpeting inside, and I want lilac rims. And, yeah, that's it. I mean, that's beautiful. Isn't that going to be fun? Do you want something like airbrushed? Do you want, like, an image on the side?

Or do you want just like, oh, my God. You'll do flames. Do flames. I love flames. And then on the hood, do the Grinch. Imagine I pull up and they're like the purple Grinchmobile? What is this? What is she trying to tell us?

And I'm like, I hate Christmas. I'm a little bit of a hater. Real quick. Real quick. We got to take a break. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you've ever had the thought, maybe I should make a website, consider this your sign, whether you're starting a business,

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Squarespace just makes you look like you have your life together. Go to Squarespace.com slash date me for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code, date me, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. What's your idea of a perfect date? Oh, my gosh. I think it would be wake up, pastries. Oh. Coffee from stereoscope.

Have we been there? Best coffee in Los Angeles. In Echo Park. Oh. Near here? By low boy. Close to here, yeah. Oh.

So good. By lone boy. So good. And I think what we would do is like take some mushroom chocolates. Ooh. And then go to a park, go to like, maybe go to Echo Park Lake, like somewhere in a little water, a little green.

And then I would want to see, I don't know, maybe some art. Some art would be nice. Okay. Any kind of art I could get down with. Okay. And then a really nice dinner. I love to eat. I love fancy dinner.

I also really like fancy dinner. I love fancy dinner. I love yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy food. What are your top three? Restaurants. Major Domo. Yes. That pork shoulder is one of the most decadent.

The bosom? I think that's what, yeah. Yes. It's decadent. It is rich and it's so good. It's so good. And they give you like. So much of it.

It's like a huge. It's like a log. It is so nice. So good. David Chang had a show on Netflix. Dinner time with David Chang. And I got to do an episode. The way he can.

just whip something up is like, I don't understand that. Chefs are crazy. It's nuts. And I worked with his chef, this lovely man, Jacques Torres, the way he whipped things.

Like he made, I don't like lamb, but he made me lamb that I was like, it was the best lamb I've ever had. His potatoes were so good. He was like, The secret is more butter than potato.

You try to kill me! It was so good. I'm like, he's French, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so Major Doma. And then there's this all-you-can-eat-sushi place in K-Town called Here Fisci-Fishi. Ooh. Which is, it's like so high quality.

Oh. It's only like 50 bucks a person. It's so good. I've just gotten into sushi. Really? Yes. Newly into sushi. Yes.

I didn't like the texture of it, but once I got past the texture, I like the flavor. Yes. But I don't, here's the thing I don't like about the drapes. The ones that look like they're in beds? The, like, just over rice? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the ones where the fish go to sleep.

They're like, I don't like when they put wasabi in between. Oh, yeah. That's, I... You don't like wasabi? No, because I think it's like horseradish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't need that. I really like the rice and the fish part.

Yeah. But I kind of just have to deal with the wasabi part. Well, this place doesn't do that. Oh, yeah, fishy, fishyy. It's just all little sleeping fishies on their bed. Oh, my God. That sounds like fun. It's perfect.

I also think of... I like, my therapist talks about reframing a lot. And I think at first I was like, ugh, it's just like fish. It's like this. And then now I think of it as the fish in bed. And then you eat them. Yeah, they're sleeping. Yeah, they're sleeping.

Unsuspecting. They're never suspected. It's so good. You should go. There's like K-pop music videos playing. Ooh, that's fun. It's so fun in there. Okay, what's your third?

Oh, my God. My third. there's a spot in Lincoln Heights that I went to that's just like this weird little Italian restaurant run by like a lot of just I think it's just a team of Hispanic men and they are just whipping up like such good pasta and I got an artichoke salad

they put an entire rib-eye steak on top of it for $7 and I was like I love it here actually that's why I decided to move to Lincoln Heights that's really funny The $7. The $7.00 ribeye. You said I'll be eating good in the neighborhood. Exactly.

I love that. Yeah. So I think that place is like Tritoria Dally. Oh, okay. Is that what it's called? I would like to go there. I'll tell you my favorite restaurant of right now. Sizzler.

Sizzler. I talked about it on a different podcast, but I went to the Sizzler and had the best experience. I am going again tonight. This will be my second time to the Sizzler in two weeks. Yes. It is in Atwater. It's an Outwater. Oh, it's by the Costco. Yes. Yes. It has an A rating. Okay. Okay. All right. So the health inspector said, Sizzler for everybody. I love it. The salad bar is actually very good. They have the ripest watermelon I have had. It was delicious watermelon. I don't know who their source is. But then when they refilled it just as red, just as juicy, just as good. The ranch, not too ranchy. Also, they've been. ice cream fucking machine. No.

You can get a soft, a cup of soft serve. A cup of soft serve. Yes. I had two cups. I almost shit my brains out on the way home. I'm a dude again tonight.

Oh my God, I live so close to it. I got to go before I move. You got to go before you move. I had no idea. Here's the move. If you like a steak, I think their steaks are pretty good.

And they go, how do you want it cooked? And I said medium rare and they said, you know that's going to be pink in the middle. I say, yeah. And then when it comes to the table, a server goes cut into that and let me know if you want that.

Because I'll, I don't think people know how to order their steaks at Sizzler. But hey, we're all learning. And I like that they teach. It's a teaching restaurant. But I think you'll have a really nice time. No, that sounds amazing. And I do think most people that go into a Sizzler are wanting well done.

And they don't know that. They don't know that. They went to jerky. And then they got the Sizzler sauce and A1 steak sauce. Sizzler sauce. I don't know. I don't know about Sizzler sauce. But the steak was very well prepared that I didn't need sauce.

Really? Yeah. Okay. Honestly, I think. And it was not very expensive. Right. I believe it was $40 for a steak. I think I got a baked potato with it.

All the salad bar you can eat because you can go back for seconds, third, fourths, fifth. You can live there. There's no time limit. But the watermelon is really calming to me. The watermelon was so good. Oh, also the strawberries were, they were like big and sweet. And I feel like usually when a strawberry is big, it's not sweet.

These are big and sweet. Damn, the sourcing. And there was a very tall man walking around with a thermometer, making sure everything was at temperature for human consumption. What the hell? They're making sure you are safe. It is as if Sizzler is paying me. I have mentioned this on so many podcasts.

You're just like, oh, love the Sizzler. Do you like a Chili's? Love a baby back ribs. Come on. I love chilies. Well, here's the thing about Chili's. Love chilies.

My favorite meal at chilies was a chicken Caesar salad pita. Lava cake. I am on the hunt for an upscale lava cake. Do you remember when they were all the rage? Yeah. And like the late aughts. Yeah, totally. It's left the menu.

It has. And I'm looking for one. I know. I'm like, I haven't encountered one either recently. A good one is good. Yeah. Where it's like dense cake and then like, oh, the yummy lot. Did you ever get a?

Pizuki at BJ's? Yes, I have. I fucking love a Pazuki. My God, a Pizuki's a nice time. A big, thick fucking cookie where they pull it out 10 minutes before it's supposed to do it's gooey as hell. And then they plop ice cream on top and you say, hey, girlfriends, dig it! I'll tell you this, Chili's has one, not as good as B.J's, the original B.J.'s

brewhouse for a Pizuki is delicious. Extra ice cream. Oh, my God. Halibut. Yes. Halibut! Jensen, we have reached the end. We did leave the topic of dating rather quickly and fast, and I think we touched on it enough.

Do you have advice for single people? Oh, do I have advice for single people? I would say, much like the thing we talked about with a very gay paint, follow your joy. do your own thing and something will come to you. Yes. I like that.

I was watching a video. I think his name's Jowow. I don't know. He says in the top of his Instagram how to pronounce his name and I looked at it and I went, I still don't really know. J-O-W-O-W?

J-O-W. J-O-W? Jow-W. Yeah. Jow-W. Okay, Jow-W said, he's like, no man is ever too busy to hang out with you

because hanging out with you if he really felt you wouldn't be a burden. It would be like a joy. And I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, if you are ever finding yourself hanging out with someone and it's a burden, that's not it.

That's a clear cut time. Get out of there. Yeah, that person should be your joy. Absolutely. They should not make your life harder. They should make it easier and more fun. More fun. Let's have fun.

Yeah, find someone who wants to skip with you. I fucking love skipping. She loves a bounce. She loves to skip. I really do. She loves to drive. I just love to move that body. Jensen, I also ask, how did you meet my friend Tessa?

That's not what I always ask. But it popped in my head. I don't even know how you guys met. I met Tessa because basically through story pirates, which is like this like young adults, like. It's like a nonprofit where you take kids stories and then put them on stage. from them in front of them. Yeah. And I went to this, like, party where Tessa was.

Tessa's also a story pirate. And I was like, oh, my God. I love you. Tessa's amazing. I love her. I describe her as a care bear. Oh, absolutely. She's just, she's such a care bear.

And she's also very good in, like, peril. I don't think she would say that. Oh, yes. Like, if bad shit's going down, she's very good at being like, no, no, I got this. I'll, I'll figure this out. No, if anything ever actually, like, shit goes down, I'm calling Tessa. Same. Mm-hmm.

Well, okay. Here's what I actually ask all my guess. Would you date me? You know what? I would date you. I would date you because I think we would have a lot of fun. And then we'd be like, and that was the fun we had. And then we'd go somewhere else.

And that was the fun we had. And we'd be high five. We'd be like, have a great rest of your life. I like that. I also think so. Yeah. Okay. I accept it.

Well, Jensen, do you have anything you want to promote? I mean, Barry Gay Paint. Yeah. Very Gay Paint on Instagram and TikTok, hire us for murals, and then also... Here's a question. Do you... If say I live in...

Okay, I moved to Wyoming. Ew. And I want a mural done. Will you fly out to do it? How do you... Yeah, we'll fly out. Do I have to fly you out, though? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. What people have done, and we love them for it. Do you sell templates? We actually threw wall pop. and floor pops now sell, like, wall decals, these, like, floor tiles that are peeling stick,

and then also wallpaper. I love that I said, do you have anything to promote, and you didn't say any of that? I actually pull it fucking out of you. I actually always forget about the very gay paint of it all. That's so funny. Because I'm also a clown, and we have a show coming up at Red Cat.

Red Cat's a very cool, like, theater space in L.A. And we have a show coming up November 13, 14, 15th, called Mommy. I love that. And then do you have a website where all of this is aggregated? On my Instagram, Jensen Titus, that's sort of like people's new website, huh?

Yeah. Yeah. That's where it is. I do have a website. It's called Nicole Beyer Was Taken.com because Nicole Beyer was taken. And then the lady who owned it was like, pay me money for it.

And I was like, U.S. dollars, get real. But yeah, it truly just sends you back to my Instagram where my link tree is for my life. shows and whatnot. Exactly. What is this? This comes out in September. September 5th.

I don't have any shows coming up. Oh, Jensen, you teach clown as well, right? Oh, yeah, I teach clown. I'm going to be teaching clown more, clown 101. Is this how we say that? I teach clown. I teach clowning. Nicole.

I think it goes other way. I teach clowning. I teach cloud because clown is like a performance like state. Okay. Oh. Oh my gosh. Wait, teach me a little clown. I want, well, it starts off a little intense and vulnerable.

You just have to stand in front of people and just look at them and be seen by them. And then I would have you run in and know, no language, but you'd have to save the show. You would just have to like make something work. And I couldn't speak in English? No, but you could use gibberish. Ah, yo. I don't know. That sounds like fun.

Maybe I'll take a clown in class. A clown class. Well. Potato potato. Well. Jensen, we've come to the end. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me?

You can like it. You can write it. You can subscribe. You can give me five stars on Apple Podcasts. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me? Podcasts at gmail.com.

I will read it. Please send them. They bring me joy. And people are creative. Nicole, I will fly you out to Milwaukee. Ew. For the finest in Midwestern duck viewing. Now I'm in.

We will look at Mallards. Uh-oh. Murgans. censors, teals, and maybe an American coot. I didn't know there were so many different types of ducks. Then we'll jump into Lake Michigan for a swim. The cold lake water will make your nipples hard and you'll shiver. Just then, a group of mermon will swim up from the depths of the lake, gather around you, and fuck you, warming you through your soul.

How do merman fuck? I guess you'll find out. After you've had multiple orgasms, we'll swim to the shore. and lay on the beach. Then a duck will come. Then a duck will come and lay in the crook of your arm and you'll never have been happier.

This is really nice. Wow. Wait, this might be my favorite one. That's a blend of like romance. Yes. Horny. Yes. Freshly fucked and then like a duck waddling up

quacking and then napping? Yes. Don't you love how I just added so many more specifics? Well, that's it. Goodbye. Bye. Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer.

This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempf. Our VP of Content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our Thieve music is arranged by Mike Comete. Ah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then.

Okay, bye-bye. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Ben. And, man, ooh, we got something to tell you. Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum. That's right, and it's called What's Our Podcast?

Yep, and that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast she'd be about. Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on, and they tell us. what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it. Yep, guests like Mark Maren, Jack Black, Bernie Brosky, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter, and Tim Balls, Landon Axler, Corey, Joni McGreeze, and Dender.

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