Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Keeping Relationships Off Social Media (w/ Raja Gemini)

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Drag queen icon Raja Gemini (winner of Drag Race S3) joins Nicole to discuss the stress of competing in the first all-winners season of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, why she keep her relationship off social media,  and shares all of her firsts - first kiss, handjob, and relationship. Plus, the story of why they got fired from MAC cosmetics, and how meeting RuPaul lead them to a job working on America's Next Top Model. Black Lives Matter. Click here for an updated list of over 100 different things you can do to support racial justice.   Follow Nicole Byer: Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? It's a podcast where a musical buyer tries to figure out how I'm still single. Even though you could come in my mouth, stick a crown on my tooth, and tell me that's how you cemented it down. My guest today.

Oh fuck. I'm completely appalled. And I'm ready. Raja, I'm disgusting. The voice you're hearing is a fabulous drag queen, makeup artist, model. Raja was the head makeup artist on America's Next Top Model and the winner of

season three of RuPaul's Drag Race. It's Raja. Yay. How are you you i'm doing wonderful babe i'm doing really really great um life is treating me very well um i'm at the right place that i'm supposed to be at my life all of the things that i've manifested are coming to fruition so everything's fucking good like what i'm just so happy to talk to you first of all oh i'm happy i'm so excited to talk to you yeah by the time this airs um the world will have already known

that i am one of the eight cast members of rupaul's drag race winners all stars yes yes yes yes yes which is so fucking exciting um my makeup artist jen works on drag race okay makeup artist there jen uh i can't remember her last name for gozo yeah yeah yeah i don't know if i said that right i know jen but um jen was like this is everything she was like this season is so incredible like the the looks the challenge she was like this is everything she was like this season is so incredible like the the looks the challenge she was like this is it i'm excited girl i am anxious to the point of having like you know night terrors um it's been 11 years since i've done something like this on tv and i'm not one of the girls who got to you know be on all stars i won it the first time and then and then people left me alone for 11 years and and i got to whatever I wanted. And so now all of a sudden I found myself in a

place of competing again. And I was like, I don't even know how to fucking do this. Like what? You want me to do what? No, I don't. I'm not, I'm not going to do that. And, uh, no, that is so funny to think about because yeah, it's been a minute and it's just like oh i've literally done whatever the fuck i want and now someone's like you have 10 minutes to do this thing that maybe you don't really want to do and you're like fuck okay exactly and you know there's a big there's a big uh change that happens uh between ages 36 which is what i was at that time and then all of a sudden i'm 47 going on 48 so there's there's a huge huge huge switch and evolution that happens in those 10 years alone so going back into into this competition i don't think i had the same like i i don't have shit to prove maybe maybe i'm almost 50 i have nothing

to prove to anybody if i don't if i if i can't you know i i am who i am and i love who i am and that's where i'm at so i love that i feel like that's why the all winter season's interesting to me at least where it was like everyone's already won so like yeah we need to be the winner of the winners like who cares it's just i mean for me i'm just excited to watch because it has some of my favorite queens on there yeah yeah yeah there was a fabulous group of girls i had no idea what to expect going into it thinking that you know it was going to be the same drama and like back and forth that i had in 2011 and here i am with people who are my actual like like i consider my actual colleagues

and um and and they were in a place of of high respect to me which i didn't expect i was like i was ready to you know to to to do the to do the game and and be ready for a fight. But I felt like as soon as I got there, that everyone just gave me mad respect. They're like, oh my God, Raja, we grew up watching you. We were in high school when you were on TV. We were in college when you were on TV. And that part blew my mind. And that was from the get-go.

I mean, I used to watch drag race on logo tv.com on my dell computer that's back when it came on mondays and i would wait till tuesdays to watch it yeah and yeah i loved watching you i thought everything you did was just like so like i don't know chic and inventive like i remember one of my favorite looks was the the cake looks where you you had chocolate and that was just like mmm delicious and iconic that was such a fun season because that was like Shangela who'd been in drag maybe twice was on the show and Carmen Carrera yeah um Manila yeah that, oh, and then Alexis Mateo. Oh, yeah.

Yara Sofia. Yeah, it's such a good season. I had fond memories of it, but getting to do it again, I never thought could happen because it was never an option for people who were winners until we saw Bibi Zahara Benet come back and we were like, oh, maybe our chance is coming too. Like, okay, okay. And so I've always kind of just gotten myself mentally prepared for it, bb zahara benet come back and we were like oh maybe maybe our chance is coming too like okay okay and so i've always kind of just gotten myself mentally prepared for it but never actually

realized that it would actually be a thing and so getting to do it was was absolutely fun and it was just fun to just kind of like be myself in it and not have this like sense of anxiety uh because of a competition i was just like you know what they get what they get i love that you get what you fucking get and it's gonna be gorgeous and that's it what a treat i fucking love this so wait raja how did you get into drag gosh i'd say i'd say drag started like as a toddler you know didn't your didn't your drag start as a toddler i mean yes one of my like first distinct memories is being in the hallway of our upstairs in little underwear and a little undershirt singing karaoke to a private dancer which i love tina turner growing up favorite fucking karaoke i just performed it at heart the other night uh in leo it's my favorite song to do oh let me loosen

up your colors tell me do you wanna say me do the shammy oh yeah oh i love it i love it it's such a good song. And when I was little, I like didn't really understand. I was like, okay, so she's like charging her friends for like, I don't know, private dance. Like, what does that mean? Like, she's just like dancing for her friends, but charging them seems weird. And then it clicked when I became an adult. I was like, oh, there's a champagne room. She'd be a stripper.

I'm older than you are. And I remember at playing in. around like fifth grade. And in order for me to get through the dodgeball game, which was traumatic on its own, I remember singing Like a Virgin to myself, not even knowing what a virgin was. Yeah, that's how old I am. So sweet! Because it was still on the radio. So wait, you grew up in L.A.? Yes.

Yes, I am an anomaly here in Southern California I'm a native I love that Born in La Puente, Baldwin Park, California Spent part of my formative childhood years in Indonesia Which is where my family is from And then returned back to Baldwin Park in 1984 Hence the like a virgin at dodgeball.

And then, yeah, and then just sort of stayed. I'm, you know, I'm kind of, you know, I'm from, I'm from the hood. I'm from La Puente. What about you? Where are you from? I'm from New Jersey. I'm from Lingcroft, New Jersey,

which is in like a bigger town called middletown um not exciting i went back recently and i was like god damn it's fucking boring here so like truly just trees and houses and boring yeah yeah yeah i've been to jersey with the trees houses and boring yeah it. Yeah. It's fine. Pretty. It's like I don't. It's pretty. I do think it's pretty. But like to live there, I don't know.

Like I have a couple people from high school that I know who stayed in town and became teachers at our high school. And I was like, how is that fun for you? I know. That sounds dreadful. Devastating to me to think about. What's your sign? Ooh, she's a Virgo. And my rising sign is Virgo. What are you?

You're like a double Virgo? I don't know what that means, though. That means your house is tidy as fuck, probably. Sure isn't. She's got ADHD. There's unfinished projects everywhere. I have another Virgo friend who's like that, too, who's like a total mess. But she knows exactly where everything is at yes yeah and don't touch it don't leave it

alone yes that's yours i yesterday got in a fight with a friend because they wanted a blanket while we were watching a movie we watched this movie called um seeing red it is so fucking fantastic it's a pixar movie i recommend it recommend it. It's about a Chinese family. And it's like very, very Chinese. And I was like, yeah, more representation in cartoons for kids, whatever. But they took a blanket out of my guest bedroom. And I was like, no, it belongs in the guest. But you can't move.

No, no, I'm sorry. And they're like, what do you mean? I was like, it just doesn't make sense that it's out here. And i need to move it back yes i have i have virgo women in my life my mom and my little sister are virgos um virgo is definitely a presence in my life for sure so i get it and and there are two types there are really two types there's the ones that like keep everything quite pristine and then there's the ones like yeah i get it who are just sloppy sloppy messes what are you are you like into horoscopes and signs i am i'm a gemini and my my moon is in aries and so that means that what does that mean there's an aries moon going on

right now that means that there's a little bit more like uh fire and uh a little bit more like roar to me okay i'm also year of the tiger which right now is the year of the tiger so i i can i i can be a little bit fiery and have a touch of temper uh and and gemini's really kind of have that anyway but mine is just a little bit more extra when it's provoked. Okay. Yeah. All right. We'll fire it.

All right. All right. I like that. When you moved back from Indonesia, did you feel like an American coming home? I mean, you were a kid. Or did you feel like someone who was from Indonesia? you were a kid or did you feel like someone who was like from indonesia because you're it was like formative years you were six when you moved back

three when you moved there no i was three when i moved there and about nine when i came back um yeah and i knew that i was american because at home when we lived in indonesia my mother refused to speak to us in indonesian although that was what the that's the language that we had at school that was a language that we had everywhere else but my mom always wanted us to to keep speaking english to learn how to spell in words in english and uh to kind of always keep that so i always knew that there was a you know my my my foot was always in another sort of, not ethnicity, but nationality. But when I came to the U.S., I did remember feeling very like, where am I? Who am I? What is going on? I did feel a little bit like an outsider.

And I'm not even sure if that was just because the fact that I grew up in another country or the fact that i grew up in another country and i was also described discovering that i was gay you know i was like a little queer kid but yeah i think uh no i do i i do remember feeling a little bit like an outsider for sure always yeah yeah i i mean i didn't move to another country but i always felt very different than like the other kids. I'd be like, oh, God, you're all so boring. I was like, I'm different than you people. Yeah. I think I even felt that when I was living in Indonesia, but especially being from another country kind of magnified it a little bit for me.

But I never felt like I wasn't ready for it like i just always knew that something about me was always quite different and i was just gonna have to deal with it and figure it out you know so growing up were you openly gay as a teen were you dating not dating but definitely flamboyant uh definitely had outfits i remember going into like my spanish class like second period and my spanish teacher was like you know what suton i just really love it when you come to class because every day you have a different costume and that was the kid that i was you know like ninth grade tenth grade always had a different look a different like thing i just really had to make my presence known in the school as i'm not like you

um i don't even i don't even own i i don't even own one high school yearbook not one because as soon as i walked in day one 1989 as soon as i walked in as a freshman i walked in i looked around we're at the environment that i was in, I was like, nope, nope. I got to get through this. I've got to get through this. There's four years of this. I'm going to get through this. I don't own one high school yearbook.

What a treat. That's so funny. I have friends from high school who have to send me pictures from the yearbook. And I'm like, what? You know, and remind me. Oh, that's so funny to just be like, I have to be here. I don't want to be and this isn't for

me thank you thank you so much but this isn't it yeah i'll do what i have to do and uh but bye you guys see you later did you go to college at all or no i did i went to cal state fullerton uh the most boring commuter university in Orange County. My sister went there before me. And so it just I had no, you know, I really wanted to go to fashion school. But the next best thing and because I was a minority, I was given, you know, grants and such to go. And so I was like, all right, I'll just be an art student at the University of California, Fullerton. I love it. I truly love that you were like not about school i'm not about school either i was like everybody here is boring and i'm not

here for it i don't want to learn i came to make friends and like you can't make friends you have to like take tests and it's like i don't want this i don't know how two and a half years of college I never went to any of the classes. I'm so old. I remember because No Doubt is a band from Orange County. You know, I remember seeing them. There was like an outdoor amphitheater that would happen at lunchtime. And bands would come and play. And No Doubt played for free.

And like literally. Really? and no doubt played for free and like literally i literally i sat there and ate you know the a subway sandwich with my friends smoked a joint and watched no doubt at lunchtime and then went to class how wild yeah how truly wild that's so funny there's videos of it on youtube i think of them performing specifically at cal state fullerton at the same like, yeah. Then they just like blow the fuck up. Yeah. And you're like, I saw them win. But that was it. That was my entire college experience.

It was just me. And then in the evenings, and especially on the weekends, we would go to clubs. Never go to class. It was my first time away from home, and I just fucking partied and had a great time. I mean, I went to school in new york it was a conservatory so we didn't have to nothing really took brain power except for memorizing lines so like we would just go out we partied we would go to bars we had fake ids that we got in times square and i had the time of my life but it's like did, did I learn a thing? I that's to be,

that's to be debated. I don't actually know. I never, I don't think I learned anything academically in college. Not much. I think only a small percentage of it. The rest of it was, um,

I think I sucked a dick for the first time. I remember smoking weed for the first time. Cause I was such a good kid in high school and I I ate an entire bag of French bread rolls with mustard. And I was like, why am I so hungry and giggling? These are the things that I learned in college. So I had my first boy kiss and my first girl kiss happen in college. It happened on the same night at the same time. I love it.

Yeah, we were having a makeout three-way, and it was the first girl i'd ever kissed and the same boy i'd ever kissed it happened at once see thank god for college i mean yeah thank god for college i i'm trying to i don't remember my first kiss i think it was in high school though but i do remember the first time i like like gave someone a hand job and that was in college and i was like interesting uh-huh this is a very interesting thing a hand job were you hot for it or were you just like mechanical about it you're like i'm gonna pretty mechanical because i was like i don't this is foreign to me this jerking motion and he was like uncircumcised so like you know or no no he was circumcised so it's like there was no like lube and then he was like spit in your hand and i was like spit in my hand seems rude i don't know about that like it was just a lot it was very

foreign to me and then the first time i jerked off a uncircumcised penis i was like oh this is nice because it has a little pockety thing that makes it so much easier yeah totally and and cut to now years later you in 2022 as soon as your palm opens you spit into it just because you can't help it absolutely habitual i wake up in the morning i say good morning i spit my hand and i say where's the dick give it to me so wait okay tell me about like your first relationship i was just i was just talking about that with my boyfriend this morning because my sisters and i are very close. And I remember my older sister, Rohana,

her and I had a real bonding moment around that time around like early college. And I met a boy who, uh, told me he was bisexual and I was so into him just because he was into me for like, you know, a day or whatever.

And I was just so like big hearts in my eyes and then he broke my heart and that was the first time i really sort of came out to my sister because i came home from college and that evening i told her that this boy had broken my heart and she's like oh my god you're gay and i was like yes uh 1993 and uh but i i after that i think i kind of spent so much time not focusing on relationships and i don't think it actually happened until my mid-20s or even late 20s where i got into having relationships because i didn't really feel as a drag queen as a femme as whatever you wanted to call it at that time, that I deserved relationships. So instead I focused on other things.

I focused on creative things. I focused on drag. I focused on makeup. I focused on art. And tried to find a lot of distractions on it. But mostly I went through a lot of heartbreak at the beginning. You know. How old are you?

Oh, she knows. She's been single for so long so she knows um real quick we have to take a break and oh we're back okay so tell me was did you get into makeup first because you were the head makeup artist on america's next top model or did you get into makeup first because you were the head makeup artist on America's Next Top Model? Or did you get into drag first? Or was it kind of like a blending of the two? Tell me. Tell me about this.

Blending of the two, for sure. I was doing drag, you know, like I said, in college. I would go to clubs. And so at around age 19, I had gotten very fed up with school and I learned about a new makeup company, very chic, very cool called Mac cosmetics. And, uh,

you know, and it was an iconic brand, uh, especially at that time and doing drag, I couldn't afford it. And I remember one of the first, uh, eyeshadows I ever stole or owned from Mac that I stole was mystery eyeshadow and a number 16 brush. So I would draw my eyebrows in with a stolen tester and a stolen tester brush for about a year until I finally got a job with the company and eventually worked with them for 10 years.

So I was in the very, very early stages of Mac cosmetics as a company. Uh, RuPaul was the Mac girl at the time when I started with the company, that Viva Glam campaign. Um, so yeah, I was, I was there and it was, it was magical. It was fun. And it was the reason why I left college because it was my first job and I was making $12.50 an hour, which was unheard of in 1994. I mean... At a cosmetic counter for a gay baby. That is a money...

Because in 2008, I was working at Lane Bryant in New York City was making $7.50 so yeah I was making a lot of money eventually they kicked me out of the company after 10 years I was making way too much money and they were like you know what you're lazy

and yes we realize that your wardrobe is to be all black but black rubber flip-flops and crusty cocaine nose is not part of the look. So please leave. Please just leave. And for that reason, we're out. I mean, sometimes you just have too much fun to have a job. I was in my 20s.

I was having fun. I once called out of work um i can't remember where i was the night before but absolutely shit faced woke up maybe an hour after i was supposed to be at work called my job and lisa my manager at the time answered the phone she was like nicole because i was like huh she was She was like, Nicole. I was like, yeah, I can't come in today. She said, why? And I said, oh, I hurt. I hurt so much right now.

She said, excuse me. And I said, I hurt so much right now. And she said, you're calling out of work to say you hurt so much right now. Nicole, goodbye. And she hung up on me. And then the next day I got to work. I was like, sorry, Lisa. I was really hung over. and your why really threw me off and I couldn't come up with anything and you still kept the job oh I I stayed there for oh like too long I thought I was going

to be a regional manager of Lane Bryant and you know I'm glad I was as messy as I was because they couldn't sustain me and I couldn't sustain the job. I have no regrets. I have no regrets. I had done already had hers by that time. After 10 years and I was still in my 20s, I was like, I got to go. I got to see the world. I was working so closely with makeup artists who were part of the huge, huge freelance culture of the late 2000s,

or sorry, early 2000s and late nineties, people like Billy B and, you know, uh, Sam Fine. And, you know, those are the people that I would do that. I was, you know, who are my customers that I was selling makeup to. And I'm like, I want a piece of that life. I got to get out of here. And I'm just going to do what I'm, I'm just going to have them fire me before I quit. Cause i quit because there's i don't have any options if you fire me then at least i can collect unemployment and i had no other options and and and sure enough they let me go i was the first they were trying to get rid of everybody and and um at that from that time because we were all old school mackerels when we were told that we could have terrible attitudes for our customers so they were the estee lauder corporation was getting rid of all of us and i was the first to go in my store wait that is so funny that they're like i don't know you can act however the fuck you want to

customers you're like great i'll be as rude as i want to be it was like okay sorry roger you you have to lose it was in the in the early 90s like that we weren't forced to sell any products to people we were like you know what get what you want i don't give a fuck oh really you got your you your kids are a soccer game go fuck yourself leave us alone and we preen in a mirror for like eight hours honestly my wish that culture would come back i don't like when people are like what can i get for you do you need help no i don't need help get the fuck away from me um so how far after getting fired did you start working for america's next top model it wasn't long it wasn't long i'd i'd done some freelance after i left mac which you know was a huge blessing because it allowed me this freedom

to really sort of explore and get to live out my dreams. And I had worked, or I'd become friends with Matthew Anderson, who was RuPaul's makeup artist. And I met RuPaul, or sorry, I met Matthew through RuPaul because at the time, Ru wasn't really doing much. He didn't have Drag Race. It was a sort of, you know, hiatus period where he was trying to figure stuff out and he had moved to LA. And so Ru would religiously go to every single drag show that was in town and became very familiar with a lot of the people who, a no longer exists. But it was mostly a trans review where all the girls, all the beautiful trans girls would perform. And I was the only non-transitioning queen that was working there with the girls

alongside Hand in Hand. And Ru was always an audience member on Mondays and Fridays. She would rarely tip. She would just sit at the dj booth and she would cheer us on real loud and when the show was done she would come to the dressing room say hello to all of us take pictures and then skedaddle and so one night she brought matthew anderson who i had idolized as a club kid and as a as a nightlife personality in the 90s. I had a picture of Matthew Anderson and Zaldi.

You know Zaldi, Rue's designer. Yeah, Matthew and Zaldi were a pair at the time. And I had a photo of them from a magazine that I had torn out in my folder in high school. So when Rue, well, first of all, meeting Rue was a big deal. Then meeting Matthew at the same time really, really was wild for me because these are people that I had admired. And so Matthew just called me one day after, oh, I got to do documentary. Fuck this. This is not, a documentary is going to happen.

So Rue had been at the club one night and she's like, hey, I heard you do makeup. So Rue had been at the club one night and she's like, hey, I heard you do makeup. And I was doing stuff for World of Wonder for like $75 a day. I would groom whatever people they were interviewing. I was a broke makeup artist. And so Rue invited me one night. She's like, hey, I'm doing this music video for a song called How Do I Look. Would you like to come and do makeup on one of the extras that's in it? Who was a mutual friend of ours, Ki ours kiwi rest in peace um who was playing a character in the video and i was like absolutely she's like

i got 75 for you you want to come i was like absolutely so i went i got kiwi ready made sure she was beautiful in it and then matthew was on set and we were having a cigarette at lunch and i was like oh my god hey matthew how are you? What are you up to? He's like, I'm working on a show called America's Next Top Model. I'm like, no shit. I watch that show all the time. And then a week or two after, he called me to become his assistant,

to be his assistant on America's Next Top Model. And that's how it all, you know, we are in the right place at the right time. I think with the lesson, what I'm trying to say out of all this is that I think we just need to trust the place that we are at in our lives. Don't you think? Wouldn't you say that for yourself?

Absolutely. If I hadn't been fired slash quit from Lane Bryant, I wouldn't have then become like a waitress and then found improv. And then I found improv and then improv snowballed into other stuff. And then I was like. And then improv snowballed into other stuff. And then I was like, oh, acting. Yeah. So absolutely. Like being at the right place at the right time. And just like not trying to force things sometimes.

Right. I think is super fucking useful. I think so. Just like going with the flow sometimes. Yeah. I walk around with my hands open to the sky. I don't spit in them like you do. But I open. Well, I have to keep them lubricated. What open to the sky. I don't spit in them like you do. But I open.

Well, I have to keep them lubricated. What if I find a dick I want to play with? Seriously. But sometimes I, you know, I'm just so thankful for the place that I'm at. I had no clue that it was going to happen this way. And I'm still ready for whatever's happening next. You know, I'm not, I'm not done. It's like, as long as you're like open to whatever's new and

not not focusing so much on what you think is going to happen you might you might want to be open to what you think what you don't think will happen you know who you think you're gonna fall in love with for instance you don't know you think you have a type and you think that's what you're gonna end up with and it could go an entirely other direction and that surprise is the most beautiful fucking thing about life isn't it i think so wait i just want to talk about matthew anderson for like a hot second oh my god i'm such a fan of matthew's because like i just the work that matthew has done is so incredibly just like beautiful. And I feel like Matthew mixes a lot of like hard lines with soft lines and then kind of like marries it together in this like beautiful way.

I love makeup. I'm not, uh, I do mine fine, but like, I can't figure out eyeshadow. That's so hard for me. Are you a painter?

Are you, do you paint or draw or? No, I do like to doodle, but I'm not like, I'm not an artiste. I'm just saying because whatever that description was, was absolutely correct. And I'm like, this could only come from the mind of somebody who actually appreciates art or notices. I do like art and I do appreciate like, well, I host a show called Nailed It and people are always like by the way my favorite love it i you know gemini's gemini's watch things yeah we watch things over and over again like i

can have i can watch movies like 10 times in a row in a day and i have watched every episode of nailed it like over and over i'm a stoner you know just, I love to watch food. I love to watch people mess up. And you're crazy as hell. It's so funny that the, like, the Venn diagram of the show is, like, kids and stoners. And that to me is, like, so funny. It's kind of like SpongeBob. And I'm, like, very proud to be a part of it. I am both.

People are always, like, you don't make fun of people. And I'm, like, no, because you could find the beauty in any sort of mess, in any sort of disaster. There's something, something like really pretty. To me, there's something really poetic about someone trying very, very hard and that's the best that they can do. So it's like I can always find something like, I don't know, soft in it.

I don't know. Yeah, I just like to look at things and like really just like take it in. Has there ever been any moments where you've actually had to taste it and you're like, oh, this is this is disgusting yeah there's been i think three things that i've eaten where i was like you know they pay me but is it worth it once was this man had put salt in his cupcake instead of sugar and all of the moisture from

my body left and i was like am i dying and i like truly looked around because i was like i don't think i'm okay i don't because it was a cupcake but then the taste didn't match what we were looking at and then jacques was just like it's salt and i was like oh okay i'm not dying and i'm not going crazy but like that was one of the wildest moments and then there was jacques is a french guy right yes he's from big crush he's been here for a minute but like i love his accent he's so wonderful yeah christian on america's next top model who was the hairstylist he was also french and i i i used to i used to believe that he was faking it i was like you you because everything he's he would say ridiculous things that it just sounded cooler in french and i'm like you're faking it because you're literally dumb but you know how to do a french accent i mean i love an accent i love a french accent i love

i like an irish accent like that's fun for me i'm just like it i'm starting to um find love in american accents as well because there's a lot. There's so many. And I think we tend to not really think about it. The one I don't love is a Midwestern accent. That's not for me. That's funny. Yeah, that's weird.

I'll always love a good Southern drawl, especially somewhere around Louisiana, like New Orleans. Yes, yes, yes. The boys that be having the accent like get me going real. Yeah. Juicy. Well, that's like almost I think like a like a Cajun accent is I think a little French. Little French in there. So I think you like I think you like a little French.

Maybe. I don't know. I love accents. I love them all. I love going to you know, just love england because of the accents so sexy i've never been to england i really want to go i hear the crowds there are just great you must go are you kidding me i know i gotta do it i gotta i gotta get on a plane you don't like going on planes is that the problem no um i'll go on a plane i don't mind

i just i needed a break from traveling because i'd been touring since oh my god i moved here in 2012 i had been touring pretty uninterrupted from 2013 to 2020 and it was like 2019 was every single weekend i was on the road and i just got really burnt out yeah and how there was like a couple weekends where people just kept screaming things during the set and i knew they were screaming things because they like me i'd be like nailed it and i like punch lines i'd be like i know i nailed it that's what a punch line is and i was just getting like exasperated and i needed to like find the joy in doing stand-up again and i found that last year i was like no no okay i'm back i love it um so i think i'm ready to travel again yeah yeah i think i mean you i'm sure you have a huge fan base in england that would love to see you you can probably fill up a room of thousands i think so i should just do it i should just go yeah don't be a lazy ass you gotta get to work what did kim

kardashian say girls just don't work enough she said nobody wants to work anymore just like get off your fucking ass and work i i think it's so funny that she said that because I was like, girl, you gotta, you have to understand the optics of what you said. A rich woman who started off with money. You gotta understand. Yeah. It's so funny to me. But also it's like you working hard, you know, she's kind of right. Yeah. She's kind of right. I mean, that's kind of true. But coming from her, shut up, bitch. Yeah, bitch, you got to shut up. I saw her once and her butt is so curious to me. Have you ever seen her in person?

Okay, the only time I've ever seen Kim Kardashian in person was at the Heather Rett fashion show in 2007 in New York City. 2007. Okay. So I saw a very early version of her and everyone was like who the fuck is that on the runway nobody gives a fuck about this girl why is she there you know that was the only time i'd ever been in the same room with her honestly you've lived a life that i've wanted to live i loved heatherette i had a heatherette shirt that was

too small for me and i would just squeeze my body into it because i was like the aesthetic is what i want oh shit wait i lie i lie i totally lie one more time there was one other time uh on the tyra bank show they were guests oh the kardashian family kim i believe kim was there. Kim, Chloe. And what's the other one? And the mom, Chris. And yeah, yes. They were guests on the court.

Courtney, Courtney, they were guests on the tire bank show. And I shared an elevator with them and I had no fucking clue who they were. That's how long ago this was. I was like, why are these people are guests on the show? I could care less.

And we were in the same elevator going down to the street at the studios in Chelsea. So that's my... It's so funny. Pre-ass. Pre-ass. So I saw her post-ass at the MTV Video Music Awards, like, years and years ago when I was working it. And she, like, rounded a corner and I was like, wow, tinier than I thought.

Also, that butt how dare you say that's natural that can't be yeah i mean the closest thing i've ever had to that sort of butt uh and i'm probably spilling tea but i worked with um iggy azalea a few years ago and she's got one of those butts and i'd never seen one really up close uh in that way i do i do remember rather wild yeah i was on tour with iggy and oh my god am i gonna get in trouble for saying i don't give a fuck she she doesn't have my phone number um so she uh uh we were going to atlanta and i was and we were talking about getting butt injections and i was like oh my god i'm like i would love to just get a little pumped in my butt you know

just a little bit i'm asian so i've never really had an ass as a feature so i'm like maybe just a little and she's like oh really she's like well we're going to atlanta and she's like, oh, really? She's like, well, we're going to Atlanta. And she's like, it'll cost you about like, you know, you know, the $3,500 for a session. I was like, $3,500. I was like, well, if I get, if, if $3,500 gets me that ass, can I just get somewhere around $500? Cause I really don't need all 3,500. Wait, that is like kind of cheap. Maybe it was more, maybe, maybe it was $6,000. well can i get thirty five hundred dollars i don't know how that joke goes

but i knew i needed less i needed half just a little less just you know half of whatever you got going on yeah i saw her i think at the same award show and i was or no it was a different shoot it was something for mtv i don't know. But I was like, boy, oh boy. Yeah. Lots packed in there. It looked hers. I think look better than Kim's.

Kim is very tiny to have all that ass, but you know, to each their own. I am not here to judge. Whatever makes you happy. Yeah. I've loved Amanda Lepore since I was a teen and body, body modification.

You know, I've been pierced.'m tattooed so what's the fucking difference you know if you wanna there is no difference and I think it's really interesting Amanda Lepore some of her photos that she's done with David LaChapelle are so incredible the

way he makes her look like I know she's full of plastic but like he makes her literally look plastic and i shiny love it glossy oh it's so good yeah um i follow a couple ladies on uh instagram who are into they call it bimbification where it's like extreme modification there's this one lady uh alicia amir that i've been trying to get on the podcast what's her name what's her name um alicia amir okay i'll find her and she is um scandinavian maybe but like she in the last like couple years because i've been following her for a minute

oh boy her lips have gotten so big and stunning okay i, I found. Okay, this is her. Oh, wow. She is like, and I love her because she'll be like, sorry about it to all my haters. I don't have time to read your comments. I'm busy sucking dicks. And she's like so funny about it. Her Instagram, if you want to follow her,

it's Alicia underscore A-M-I- a m i r a x and it keeps getting deleted which is devastating to me but yeah she just went bigger this year so her boobs are they're so big and i just like i love it she's like it's it's my fetish it's what i'm into i want to look like a fuck doll. And I'm a bimbo. She's got bimbo tattooed to her neck. I'm like literally obsessed with her. And sometimes she'll post a before and after.

And you're like, wow. It's rock star. It's so beautiful. You are a different person. Love. And then there's another one named Mary Magdalene. She has the world's fattest pussy and her hips are so big no tits are so big no way no way i know i love these women they make me so i like i they bring me joy because i'm like you're literally doing exactly what you want to do

world be damned you don't even fucking give a fuck. It's such a treat to see. It could kill them. And they're like, whatever. I don't care, darling. Yeah, there's definitely a scene within the leather world, you know, the leather community, where the guys put saline in their balls and dicks

and inflate them. And that, to me, is fascinating. I'm very fascinated about it because it's like, um, aesthetically, I don't understand how it's pleasing to the eye, but also, you know,

not everything that's pleasing to my eyes, pleasing to somebody else's eye. So yeah, it's just like very, very curious to me to make your balls so, so big. And then your dick just like as big and as round as your balls. It's so strange just that

the augmentation of it all i think i'm just i don't i don't want to do it you know purposely i think my body at my age is just augmenting itself i always i have i have tits now and i don't even mean to have it so it's just called being in your 40s and uh not exercising as much as i should yeah just getting old yeah my augmentation's definitely just my knees now make noises when i walk oh god here's a question for you raja so you are in your dating or you're married or engaged well okay it's complicated. I am involved. Let's just go there. That's a very blanket term.

It's a very blanket term. And, you know, there's tears to literal tears and then, you know, tears, layers to all of it. Okay. But I am currently dating someone very seriously for the last two years I have been. Oh, that's so nice Yeah I don't like talking about it because I find Well I don't talk about it very much because I find it to be

A very sacred time So I think that People in social media And in the world that we live in today I think overshare Which eventually jinxes the relationship and i really like the privacy of it i like my relationship now because we when it's our time it's our time and he don't want nothing to do with raja the drag queen or he gets it he loves it

he's into it but he has a very separate separate life i feel very like rupaul and georges you know you know her husband he lives on a ranch and she lives on a lives in a ranch and she lives on a soundstage whatever yeah yeah i think there is something to that to like not you don't even have to be a famous person or like someone in the public eye but like there is something to being like my relationship the person i choose to spend my life with is a sacred thing that people don't need to know about because they're not in the relationship. It's just us. Yeah, I've learned that. I learned that lesson and I've always admired and wanted to have that type of relationship from seeing Dolly Parton.

You know, Dolly Parton and her husband have been together for fucking ever. Yep, and we don't know what he looks like. Or at least I don't. You can look him up. It's in her documentary. She talks about him quite a bit. But she says, she's like, when we go on date night, she's like, I put on normal clothes and the two of us go through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

And that makes sense to me. And like literal tears came into my eyes i was like oh my god that's exactly what it should be that's when you get to just take your wig off and get yourself a crunch wrap i do love me a crunch wrap supreme honestly i might get one tonight um but that's what i like long for i long for like okay she's horny she loves she loves a dick but she would like a forever dick and i'd love to just you know toss off my rig my rig my rig take off my murder up and then just have someone there who likes that yeah that's you know that is the ideal relationship to me and that's sort of where I'm at right now. It's bubbling.

It's at the beginnings of it. And suddenly I feel satisfied and okay with myself. I'm not having to pretend. I'm not having to accommodate in some desperate way. Instead, it just sort of kind of happens naturally. And I think that's what relationships should be. I think we should have our own separate lives and then come together, you know, and be like, you're my boo. You're my cuddle bud.

You're the one that I want to stick it into. And that's it, you know. And it's good. You know, you take it day by day. You take it day by day. Just day by day. day by day oh dear lord three things i pray to love you more god still is one of my favorite fucking musicals i don't even know how i knew that i'm not i'm totally not a show tunes

queen oh no i love that you pull that out then real quick we have to take another break so you host a podcast called very that with delta work another icon i love delta um i've only i don't think i've ever met her or maybe i met her once in long beach but she's delightful to watch perform yeah um did you know delta before drag race or did your friendship blossom oh okay yes we were already friends for many many years before drag race and so it was a bonding experience because it's like going to summer camp together and um you know uh but delta and i uh you know she's one of those people who just you know who gets it who gets it she gets me uh we get each other uh We are complete opposites in so many ways.

We disagree and we agree and we, you know, we just kiki. We're back and forth. And I love doing this podcast with her because at least once a week we have an appointment with each other where we get to check in. So it becomes a little bit therapeutic in some sense. And we just kind of talk it out on microphones and let the world hear. I love that. That's so sweet. And I get really stoned like I am now.

And I drink wine like I am now. And, you know, we just talk about stuff. I wish I was a functional stoner. I am not. Oh. I can't smoke and then like do things. I tried really hard during the pandemic. I think I told this story before,

but I smoked some weed, went and dropped off a cheesecake at my friend's house was very awkward with her. And she said she didn't notice it. But then I went to home Depot and I was like, okay, hi, I need paint for my kitchen.

And the lady said, what color? And I said, blue. And she said, what color blue? And I said, Oh, the blue in my kitchen.

And she, I've never seen someone get angrier with somebody. She was like, I don't know the color of your kitchen. I don't know the blue. How about you take these samples and you go look in your kitchen. I don't know your life. And you come back when you know the color. You're so mean. And that was the day I was like Oh I guess that's not for me

Yeah well if we got stoned together We would be indoors I'd have you like cuddled up on my couch I'd throw a lot of blankies on you Something would be cooking in the kitchen And snacks would be happening all day We would watch movies We would listen to music

We would write together We would cry together Because I like crying maybe through a movie or a song but it would not be I wouldn't let you leave the house I would contain you in a pile of blankets and we would just be comfy

and eating and writing and creating okay that feels very safe yeah each time I've tried to like function while I've smoked weed I've been like all right let's go out into the world um but i do like to eat half of my little edibles before like a party that i'm not sure i want to go to absolutely like okay and then i'm just like kind of stony and like giggly and like happy to be there yeah but lately lately she's been loving mushroom chocolate.

I do like half a square. And then it's just like everyone is really nice and magic. Isn't it? All the colors are slightly enhanced. And you're not so worried about shit. You're just like, whatever. No. I'm just going to giggle.

I love. I don't understand why mushrooms aren't legal and why we don't tell people that like honestly if you just take a little bit it's nice and things are just magical i have a friend who micro doses so he takes every day yeah every day he takes like i think one or two capsules of crushed up um uh mushrooms or maybe it's not every day i think it's like every he takes it for three days off a day three days off a day and he was like yeah i just my mood has been improved i'm happier and um yeah i think there's something to mushrooms and you know it's it's from the earth yeah i i love anything that grows from the earth for sure

what's ironic is speaking of like earlier we're talking about indonesia and bali when you go to bali you're not allowed to smoke any pot you can actually get imprisoned for life there oh uh there have been there have been films about documentaries there's one called ganja queen about this australian girl who smuggled uh pot into bali and was imprisoned for life but on the other hand you can get mushrooms you can actually go to a cafe and i remember um when i was uh one of the last times i was in bali i was with with a group i was with the tour i was with adam lambert and we went to this cafe and got ourselves milkshakes with mushrooms and brought it with

us on a and we uh hired this pirate ship that drove us. I mean, that wrote us around the Bay and we did mushrooms and got to dive into the ocean. They'll allow that, but they won't allow pot. Very interesting. Really funny.

That's so strange. I mean, I prefer mushrooms over weed any day. i prefer mushrooms and weed over meth anytime i mean i agree cocaine no no more no more cocaine for me i don't trust that stuff like no i'm done i'm too grown for that cut with shit and it's scary. It's very scary that you don't know what you're actually getting. This is not Studio 54. This is... No.

No, it's not pure. No. And then you got, what is it? Ketamine. Kids love ketamine. Ooh, I do love ketamine. You do? Oh, my God.

I haven't done it in maybe 10 years, but last time I did it, it was a lot of fun. I must be a pussy. I just, i don't yeah i don't touch it fair i don't do much anymore now it's very much i sometimes smoke weed um i had a vape pen that i was using at night but that hurt my little throat so i gotta switch back to edibles i think um and then yeah i really just love mushroom chocolate it's like it's a great idea it's a great idea do you drink i do i do drink i like wine i like tequila oh same and i do like whiskey i love whiskey and i do like scotch yeah scotch i like that smoky yeah So a penicillin is like honey, like a, like a honey kind of fucking liqueur thing, lemon

juice and scotch. And it's just, it's so, so good. Yeah. I always love honey whiskeys. You know, when they have like, I think there's Jack Daniel's honey. I think it's like very good. Some people knock it and I truly think it's delightful. Do you like a pickleback?

No, that's sick that is so i'm just i don't like pickles i don't like pickle juice i think it's not for me oh my god i could drink it do you like a pickleback i like a pickleback oh i'm american i'm american as fuck. I wish. People love pickles. I went to, I was out of town last week and nothing was open. So I ended up at a Burger King drive-thru. I was very mad about it because I am a queen, not a Burger King. And I got myself a little Whopper and it was filled with fucking pickles. And I said no pickles.

And they put so many pickles on that fucking burger. I was so upset. Aw, bless. My sister no pickles. And they put so many pickles on that fucking burger. I was so upset. Aw, bless. My sister hates pickles, too. Raja, I have a question. Pickles aside, what advice do you have for me to find the love of my life? Oh, baby. I think you should just trust it. Follow your heart. It's going to hurt. I moved to New York once for a boy that I fell in love with and I have no regrets. We're not together anymore, but follow your heart. Just do it. It's going to hurt maybe, but really just let it happen. Isn't that what we've been talking about? Like about about anything in our lives it's just kind of letting it happen and it will happen okay do you really want it

though do you want it i do i want someone to love me but maybe does it what is there a specific gender that you're more attracted to or that you would i mean i lean more towards uh dick towards the gentleman but also i i refuse to be a person who's like just this so i'm very open to whomever as long as there's like a connection and they're kind and i mean there has to be some sort of attraction i don't want to be that person who's like it doesn't matter what they look like and it's like no no there has to be some sort of like sexual attraction there um and you know uh yeah i just somewhat honestly like at this point in time i'm 36 37 42 i'm 97 years old and i truly believe that like I just I want someone who's kind yeah I think you're in environments with where there's a lot of people especially a lot of people who work in a creative

industry and whenever whenever I'm on set I'm always looking at the guys who are running the cameras and lights and let's not let's not forget about those boys because those boys are really all married isn't that's part of yeah truly every time i'm on a set i'm like hello camera boy and he's like oh my wife loves you and i'm like well i'll walk into the river now well maybe what i mean is just you know be open to all the possibilities babe i think i think maybe the universe wants you to have this time right now. Obviously, it's not there yet for you. So the universe really, God wants you, she wants you to really just enjoy your time and really utilize all the talents that you have and the talents that people love and appreciate you for. And focus on that.

And you know what? The love part will happen. And it may not happen the way you think it will. That's what I've been trying to say from the beginning. It's not always going to happen the way you expect it to be may not be somebody who's entirely your type or whatever uh whatever you know things that you've set up for yourself though it may go completely opposite and you should be open to that and be okay with it and not um i think you should just trust. I think you're already on such a tremendous direction that love will come when it's time for it to come. And it may not be what you think it is.

That's so sweet. But don't stop sucking dick, baby. I would never stop sucking dick. Sucking dick is one of my favorite things to do. That talent must be ready for the man that you actually love. Raja, truly

you have such a calming presence and like a serenity to you that is very envious. It's truly a treat. Well, watch Drag Race All Stars. I think they all have the same to say. So thank you for saying that. It is a compliment.

I enjoy you. And I'm really, really looking forward to seeing all of your new projects that are coming up. I'm so proud of you. You are a delicious, buttery, sugary, just, you know, cake of joy and loveliness. And you're sickening and you're funny and you're smart and you know i i you know that that date is still open come over i'm gonna put you in blankets get you stoned and we'll write some shit together honestly that sounds fucking delightful and i will take you up on it okay raja thank you so much for being here that's it oh wait do you want to promote anything

else um so do you know when the all winter season is premiering? Allegedly mid-May, sometime around the 20th. So this, I think that's when this is airing.

It'll air on the same date. Okay. Ooh, perfect. So yeah, if you're listening to this, go watch. What is it just called the all winter season?

It's called the Raja season. I fucking love that tune in to vh1 for the raja season if you like this episode of why won't you date me you can like it you can rate it you can subscribe give me a five star review on itunes if not itunes apple podcast i don't fucking know and then if you want to hit on me by saying something nasty, you can email whywon'tyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com. And this nice person said, Dear Nicole, I want to lick the inside of your ear and taste your earwax. I will like the taste of it. I know I will. Ew. Kinky. Bye bye. will. Ew! Kinky! Bye-bye! That's it for Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Byer. Why Won't You Date Me is produced and engineered by, oh, the sweetest woman I know, Marissa Melnick. It is

executive produced by other wonderful people, Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff, and Jeff Ross. Thanks for listening. I love you. Thank you so much. We'll be seeing you next Friday with a brand new episode. What a dream. What a dream. Ha ha ha. This has been a Team Coco production.