Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Learning How to Love Yourself (w/ Charla Lauriston)

Episode Date: March 29, 2019

"Every black person I know is in therapy. And if they're not, I encourage them to be."Charla Lauriston (Ghosted, People of Earth) dissects white privilege, how hard it is to be a black woman in the dating scene, and the uphill battle to learn how to love yourself. Nicole Byer is stating a war with Jeff Bezos, shares her opinion on Taylor Swift (it's not good) and they both discuss their favorite weed to smoke. Nicole provides a listener some important dating advice that everyone should hear.Come see Charla record her first comedy album at the Pasadena Ice House April 3rd. Get tickets at icehousecomedy.com/event.cfm?id=525199&cartYou can play along and see Nicole's Tinder bio and photos on her Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/NicoleByerComedyBe sure to rate Why Won't You Date Me 5-stars on Apple Podcasts. Leave a dirty comment for a chance have it read on-air.Follow Nicole Byer:Tour Dates: nicolebyerwastaken.com/tourdatesTwitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFacebook: www.facebook.com/nicolebyercomedy

🎵 Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! 🎵 🎵 Oh baby! Welcome to another episode of Wow, Why Don't You Take Me? A podcast where me, Nicole Byer, tries to figure out how I'm still single, even though if you asked me to pull the lint from between your toes and put it in a dish and serve it to myself, I would. Oh, boy. I'm running out of these. I'm running very low on them.

You got a million. I'm running so low. Okay. That person you just heard is my guest today. She's written for Kimmy Schmidt, Ghost people from Earth people of Earth people from Earth it was on TBS you better believe

it's Sharla Lauriston did I say that right? Lauriston Lauriston close enough it's so funny because I've known you

for probably a decade at this point yeah and I have we hosted a show together we did and I have been

mispronouncing your name. Everybody does it. I don't know why. I mean, it's because it's my name. But everyone messes it up. I think what happens is if there's more than like three or four letters, you're like, I don't know. It's a crap shoot. I'll just try something.

And they always mix up the same letters, the S and the N. People say Laurenston, and it's Lauriston. Lauriston. Yeah. Please welcome Charlotte Lauriston! Hello! Clap your hands! I really hope every time I introduce a guest that people are at home clapping.

I think they're driving, probably. Oh, probably. I don't think they should clap. But I mean, I clap when I drive. I'm also sometimes worried about clap but I mean I clap when I drive I'm also sometimes worried about how dumb I'm getting uh I was watching tv with my roommate John this was two nights ago and I looked up from the tv and AP bio was on and I looked at the and it seemed like it had just started and I looked at the clock and I was like AP bio comes on at 8 49 and he goes no Nicole

I just changed the channel and then I I don't remember what I did but he was like Nicole I literally watched you change into a person who died he said I like recoiled into the pillow and went oh no I just felt so dumb in that moment we're all dumb in that way I don't think that's Coiled into the pillow and went, oh, no. I just felt so dumb in that moment. We're all dumb in that way. I don't think that's like actual stupidity. I think it's like, you know, we're all like air heady sometimes in that way. Sometimes my air headiness really flabbergasts me. Before I started taking ADD medication, Sashir and I were having a conversation about Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian and how their show was debuting on September 11th. And I was like, that's shady.

That's really shady. That's like someone who really doesn't believe in their relationship. And then we stopped talking. And then Sashir goes, wait, what date does it come on again? And my brain went, uh-oh. We were talking about something. I have no idea what it is or who it is. But it must have just happened.

And I don't know. So I went, hmm. Were we just talking? Yes. Do you smoke a lot of weed? Yeah. Were we just talking? Yes.

Do you smoke a lot of weed? Yeah. I've tried to curb my weed habit because I realize that it really makes me forgetful. And I'm already a forgetful person. And I'll be at work or I'll be in the middle of serious meetings and I'll completely space. And once or twice it's happened at shows where I'll completely space. And it's really scary. So I've really tried to curb the weed because I think it's happened at shows where I'll completely space and it's really scary. So I've really tried to like curb the weed because I think it's not helping.

But I'm like not a functional stoner. I cannot smoke weed and then live my life in the world. Same. I have to smoke in one location and I can't have anything to do. Same. But I do think, like, if I smoke five days in a week, I'm, like, I'm forgetful. My sleep is not as good. I get headaches. Like, I really think it's just the consistent smoking that makes you kind of, like, I see people smoke.

I mean, we're in L.A. People smoke everywhere all the time. All the time. All day, every day. And I don't know how, like, I was in San Francisco once and my Lyft driver told me that he was high right now. And I was like, first of all, I don't think you should disclose that information. And second of all, I can kind of tell anyway. But I don't know how the fuck you're driving while you're high. I can't do anything while I'm high.

Oh, really? See, I could drive when I'm high. One of the things I do is like if i have an audition or something like a bunch of shit to do during the day and then i have an evening that's like free and i don't have anything to do till later i'll just like fucking smoke in my car and then sit in traffic and giggle to myself also i'm like a movie person who's high like i just giggle i love to giggle when I'm stoned. Also, I have a hard time finding strains that agree with me. So, like, sometimes I'll smoke. I like shitty weed.

People love it. They're like, this will fucking knock you on your ass, and you'll leave your body, and you'll pass away. I don't want that. Right. your body and you'll pass away i don't want that right i want really shitty weed where i'm just like tea what are we gonna do later you can't see me right now because podcasting is not a visual medium but i'm just bouncing and bouncing and moving my hands around but that's the weed i like i like um i like weed that gives me good creative creative high, like a happy high. Yes.

But I also am prone. I get very anxious and depressed, or I can get very anxious and depressed. And I think whenever I'm smoking those kinds of weed, I think they're called sativas. Yeah, they are. They make me extremely paranoid. Sativa is an upper, allegedly. Yeah, the sativa. And then the indica is a downer allegedly i have these little pre-rolls that are a hybrid and i feel like it's like the shitty

the shitty like dust that they put these pre-rolls because they were free and i love them and i think i have to go back and be like because of the most need. Yeah, I just want to be a little mellow. Yeah. Because if I smoke too much or like too much of good weed, I go, what am I doing? Why are we here? Yes. Am I actually funny? Am I doing a good job? Tomorrow I have to get on a stage. Why do I do that?

People are going to laugh. Like, what if they don't? Also, what if I never figure out what we're meant to do while we're here? Like, I just get too much in my head. Do you ever, like, wonder how you write jokes? Like, I feel like every time I write a joke and it's funny, it's a miracle. Like, I don't know how I write jokes. Well, I don't write jokes stoned.

I can't because I once wrote a sketch stoned, and it was about bougie mice. Oh, this sounds good. And it's based on the mice in my New York City apartment would not eat the peanut butter we left in traps, but they would eat blueberries. And I was like, these are some bougie-ass fucking mice who were like, you better only serve me some organic, fresh, whole foods blueberries. We had a mouse in my first New York City apartment that literally would, we would turn on the lights in hopes that it would run away, like when the lights turned on, but it wouldn't run away. This is New York? This is in New York City. This is in Harlem, New York.

away with literally this is in new york city this is in harlem new york it would literally just stand in the on its hind legs in the middle of the living room where everyone can see it and we were like oh this is the this is your house i don't say the word often but new york city mice are some real hood gangster ass mice they don't give a shit dude they don't give a shit, dude. They don't give a shit. Like, we have this mouse in my house who you would feel like next to you on the couch and you look over. And the mouse would just be sitting there watching TV being like, what's up? Yep. Aren't we both watching this rerun of Frasier? Yep. But you're a piece of shit because you pay rent and I don't.

I fucking pay rent and you're a piece of shit because you pay rent and I don't. That's how I felt like the mouse. I fucking pay rent and you're just living here. Talk to me. Eating my food. Yeah. Ugh. I. Gross.

Miss New York, but also. I don't. I could never. Really? I miss not driving. I really hate driving. But don't. Do you have a car?

I do. Oh, okay. Yeah. I have to. I mean, I. Well, some people don't have cars. I actually think. I mean, I didn't have a car? I do. Oh, okay. Yeah, I have to. I mean, I. Well, some people don't have cars. I actually think, I mean, I didn't have a car for the first two years that I was here. And I love not having a car because I didn't have to worry about parking.

What kind of car did you get? A Honda two-door red sporty car. A Civic. A Civic. A CRC. I think it's a Civic. Okay. Clearly, I don't know since I didn't say that.

No, I know. My sister and I were having a conversation where she was like, how are you? I was like, good. My car's in the shop. Something's wrong with my sunroof and I don't have a sunroof. The man at the shop was like, there's a problem with your sunroof. And I said, sir, I don't have one. And he went, hmm.

And that's it. And I said, well, all right. Okay. So whatever. they fixed it and uh i had a loaner car because i take it back to the dealership because it's still under warranty magically and my sister's like oh what kind of car do you have i was like a convertible she's like is that the brand and i was like what no convertibles not the brand of car i got so angry with her because she grew up with me and i

love cars and i've talked about cars i was like do you never listen to me did you think convertible was a brand no i know it's a type of car okay but i've also messed up in that way so i won't judge your sister my sister is the sweetest she i asked her if i could tell this story on the podcast so she was like sure uh one day i'll have to just have her on. But she had a date with this dude. And it went well. And she was like, I was like, did you guys make out? And she goes, yeah, we were kissing.

And then, like, I kept feeling his tongue trying to penetrate my mouth. So then I was like, I guess I'll just open my mouth if that's where his tongue needs to be and I was like Catherine yeah he's trying to like French kiss you and she's like I don't know I just I didn't I was like does my tongue go in his mouth I was like yes and then I was like how did your second date go she was like well I just had a bout with the stomach flu so I was holding in a fart the whole time and I was, why didn't you cancel on him? She was like, I didn't want him to go away. And I was like, oh, girl.

You got to have her on. She's so funny in a way that I don't understand sometimes. How old is she? I'm going to be 32 or 33, I think. So she's either 33 or 34. Okay. I think she's 34, maybe. Okay.

Yeah, but she's polar opposite of me i'm like 5'7 she's 5 foot nothing i would i would even say she's 4'11 but she likes to be like tiny fat ass tiny titties good waist great hair good face, my sister's hot. Okay. She's so hot. And, yeah, we're very different people. All right. She's a very quiet, hot person in a corner that you're like, are they hot? And you're like, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, they hot. How many siblings do you have?

I have six. Oh, yes, I did know this. You come from a very big family. And you are a twin. I am. And then, are there another set of twins? No, just you guys. Just us.

We're the only twins in the family. Which is so wild. But I have twin cousins. Twins run in the family. That's wild. Yeah. And are you, you're Haitian? Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes. And then your parents, they're both from Haiti? Yeah. I was born in Haiti. What? Yeah. This I did not know. What? Did not know. I was very much born in Haiti. What? Yeah. This I did not know. What?

Did not know. I was very much born in Haiti. When did you move here? When I was four years old. Oh, so you don't remember Haiti. Yeah. I don't remember bits. Do you?

Yeah. I don't really remember very much about life before, like, kindergarten. I mean, I think it's because it was a very, I don't know. I remember beaches. We lived in Saint-Louis-des-Nord, which is, like, a coastal part of Haiti. It's, like, northern coast of Haiti. Oh. And so I remember, like, very, and my memory is garbage.

So, like, it's, like, very vivid, like, beach, the house, or, like or specific things that happen, but not very much. I'm always jealous of movies where someone recalls something in great detail from their childhood, and they're like, and that is why I'm fucked up. I'm like, why can't I remember more? I don't know. I also have a terrible memory. I don't know what I ate for dinner yesterday. It's because there's too many things for us to pay attention to.

But I also think people remember the things that impacted them. You know? Like, so I was just watching the Robert Durst, The Jinx. Oh, you're late. I'm super late. I'm always late. I've also never seen it, so I haven't even arrived. Yeah, but he had a lot of fucked up shit that happened in his childhood. So he has a very vivid memory of his childhood, even though he's in his 70s.

I guess I do remember traumatic things. I don't know if I've talked about this before, but I once fingerprinted the wallpaper in the downstairs bathroom with ink just all over it. And my dad went to the bathroom and he was like, Nicole! And I was like, tee hee hee, what's up, dude? Do you like what I did? And he did not. And he picked me up by my head and was like, what are you doing? And then set me down.

And I just remember being like, is my head going to pop right off my body? Also, I think I did a great job. Turns out, you know, people do not like it when you fingerprint their wallpaper. Yeah, that was a little bit of a reaction. That was a bit much on your dad's part. I don't know if that was necessary. No, probably not.

But I feel like black parents often react in a way that is a little too extreme for the thing that was done. So you've talked about your therapist on this podcast a lot. And I actually go to the same therapist. And this very same therapist has talked to me about trauma. Trauma from slavery. From slavery and being beaten. Blew my fucking mind.

You know, of course, Haitians beat the shit out of their kids. Black parents beat their kids. And you don't ever think about it as trauma. Because you just think about, yeah, I did something bad that I definitely should have been punished for. But I don't know if it was, I don't know if what I did, you know, was necessary to get, like, whooped. Yes. With rage. And it's very interesting because I feel like a lot of white parents do not beat their children yeah and they because what they've you know transferred down I mean white people have trauma as well they do absolutely they watching someone

get beat you cannot live a life and not hold some ill feelings about seeing that like i i refuse to believe that you don't feel some type of way about it but like you pass down that trauma and i feel like you've also passed down like well yeah sure my kid is bad but like not as bad as this one over here and i think that's a thing that's been passed down which it's just so interesting to think that like something that happened to your ancestors hundreds of years ago affects you today now. Yeah. Every black person I know is in therapy or and if they're not, I encourage them to be. And I'm so grateful and thankful that therapy amongst I feel like our generation of black people is less stigmatized. But, like, my uncles and people in my family

who are, like, 40s and up are like, you don't need therapy. Why are you on ADD medication? And, like, because it was life-changing. Yeah. And it was, it didn't save my life, but it made my life so much more easier to manage. Yeah. And, like, it didn't save my life, but it made my life so much more easier to manage. Yeah.

And, like, it's helpful. My uncle at one point was like, I don't think you have ADD. And I was like, well, what's wrong with me? He's like, I don't know. And I was like, cool. Great. Keep that diagnosis to yourself. Good explanation.

When I told my mom that I was seeing a therapist, she told me that I just needed to pray. I was just like, you know, thank you. And like not to knock anybody's religion, but like when you pray, no one is telling you something tangible that you can do to make your life more manageable. I actually would knock religion for this specifically and specifically for black people. And specifically for black people, you know, just because I because I grew up in the Haitian church and I saw how it held back black people in particular immigrants and like black immigrants in particular. I think like if you're black in this country, imagine being a black immigrant in this country. Yes. You don't speak the language.

You already feel, you know, inferior because you are. Because you are black. Because you are treated that way. And then on top of that, you have the challenge of not speaking the language and the challenge of navigating a world where you just absolutely don't know what the fuck the customs are. You know, like, it's such a scary thing to navigate. And I mean, I don't know if every church is like this, but I grew up in a church that I feel did not give us, didn't help. You know, like, just did not help. I think, like, we were taught

to be, like, deferential for no reason, never ask questions, never question anyone, never speak up and speak up to authority. Well, that's all churches. All churches are, like, do not question what the leader is saying. And I think like black people can't afford to not question.

Yeah, you got to question everything. You do. You don't know if you're like, if someone's giving you the short end of the stick or like what? Like it's fucked. But also like education and knowledge and just knowing is the only thing we have. Yeah. That's what I think. is the only thing we have.

Yeah. That's what I think. And I'm just like, if I don't know how to navigate my own emotions and figure out how my past is affecting the way that I am every day or affecting depression or anxiety or whatever, I need tools. Yes. And I can't go to a church that takes those tools away from me. I really think it's a detriment to a lot of communities. You just took me to church.

Girl. Isn't that funny? But I just want to, okay, so someone DM'd me on Instagram and said hey, love you, and think you're great, but just to let you know the system is built for rich white people

to become richer, not just any old white person. You're super great, but please don't lump all white people together. I understand the irony of me saying that, but I'm a French-Canadian boy whose ancestors were opposed and, oh no, sorry, whose ancestors were oppressed and never owned slaves. Well, I won't say your real name. I fully disagree with you. This system is not made for

rich white people because when we walk into a job interview, me and you nice white man, no one's going to ask you what your tax bracket is. They're just going to see the color of your skin and their implicit bias is going to want to hire you over me. Implicit bias is a thing that people don't ever think about. And then I like I read that message and was like, black women can't wear natural hairstyles to some jobs. No, I'm literally like trying to like lower my blood pressure right now. Like listening to that message. It's fucking nuts that people don't understand that. And I think the thing is, I think when white people couch these kinds of sentiments and like, I love you, but I think they don't understand. Not I think.

They very much don't understand that it's just as racist as someone who outwardly thinks that black people are garbage. You know, like this comparison or this unwillingness to see the difference even now in trump land like i think is absurd and i think that i don't have any time for it anymore and i don't i don't even want to like so no one it's nobody's job to like educate this person no fucking google about how dumb they are michigan Flint, Michigan was 99% white, their water situation would have been fixed. I genuinely don't feel like we even have to go over this anymore. It's like Trump is the president for this exact reason. But if my listeners are listening and you're feeling some type of way, just know that the president threw paper towels at Puerto Rico.

You know what I'm saying? Yes. There's just like a thing where, you know, he said that African countries are shithole like there's you gotta understand that like people who are not white presenting are met at a disadvantage a lot of the time like if you get to start at 100 we start at like an 80 yeah 70 but the thing about that message in particular that really bothers me is like you know Trump came to rise because of white resentment, because of white people who who are who because of nice white people who have black friends who are secretly angry about whatever the fuck they've been made to believe is wrong how many conversations i have been privy to about straight white men

saying uh i can't get a job right now because they're only looking to go ethnic or i lost a role because they're going ethnic and i uh now i don't feel like i'm the one who needs to educate you but i'm like no you think you lost a role of the two leads were people of color. Guess who would get that character role? My character friend. It'd be you. You know what I think it genuinely is? I think it's because for the first time, white people are realizing that they also have to compete.

When like black people and immigrants have been competing the entire time, we've always known that you don't, no one hands you anything. Yeah. entire time we've always known that you don't no one hands you anything yeah but now that you're actually having to compete because it's a more globalized world you're angry and it's like instead of being angry just compete just get to work and stop pointing fingers you nice white person who is secretly not nice at all I cannot think of a black actor or actress who has a story where they're like the first audition i went on i booked it i feel like we all work so fucking hard i can't with no safety net a lot of the time no no you just have to like keep fucking grinding you just have to keep grinding and the thing is like it's okay for everyone just have to, like, keep fucking grinding. You just have to keep grinding. And the thing is, like, it's okay for everyone to have to compete.

That's what everyone's been doing. The whole world's been doing that the whole time. I don't know. These things make me very annoyed. I'm just, like, because it's taking my attention from, like, a white person who's perfectly fine. You know, like, it's just like you didn't have to send that message. No, and I don't know why you, like, did you think I was going to read it and go,

oh, well, I guess the poor whites are, uh. And also this nice white person is also policing you, by the way. They're telling you what to think and what to do. And it's like, and it's a boy. It's a white man, of course, who thinks he very nicely is telling you what to do. I don't even, girl, I'm he very nicely is telling you what to do.

I don't even, girl, I'm just like, don't come to this podcast. Don't come to Why Won't You Date Me. I'm not sure why he thought I would read that. This is going to be your space. Yes. And I would go, oh, yes. Get out of here, dude. I got off Facebook is because my one of my dear, dear friends had posted something about racial inequality. And she was like, me as a white person, I need to be more cognizant that the world is not inherently inclusive. I have an advantage. White privilege is a real thing. And I just need to

remember that in my soul. And I was like, ooh, baby, my friend is fucking. I don't like the term woke, but I was like, she's being thoughtful. Yes. I know plenty of white friends who are always like, you know what? I'm not going to ask you to spend the emotional energy to explain this to me. I'm like, I can use fucking Google. And so I've already written an essay about it. Exactly.

There are people you could follow on Twitter who will clear some shit up for you. And so someone commented on it. I came from poverty. I was never at an advantage. I didn't have money, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I commented, I was like, it's not a money thing. It is just like at face value. I always tell white people, if you are someone who questions white privilege, and I honestly like don't want to.

I feel like I'm done with this person. I mean. Just because it raises my blood pressure. But I feel like if you're a white person who questions your white privilege, if I ask you, would you rather not be white right now. If someone gave you the option to not be white right now and you have, your stomach clenches up, your heart starts to race because the same person

who claims there is no white privilege would never want to not be white. Would never give up being white. And I wonder why. I wonder if it's because you know you are at an advantage even if you are poor. So no one's saying that

white like I get mad just having to explain this because we all know you know what it is because you won't give up an iconic Oprah episode where this old white woman's like alright you don't think white privilege exists would you want to be black and a room full of

white people are like absolutely not absolutely not the very same white people who like absolutely not absolutely not i mean the same the very same white people who two seconds before said there is no white privilege so what is it that you're scared to lose if it doesn't exist and then in this is why to me these conversations are nonsensical they don't make sense it's like it's like i'm talking to a dumb uneducated person so i'd rather talk to someone who who is acknowledging reality because now it's like I'm talking to a dumb, uneducated person. So I'd rather talk to someone who is acknowledging reality. Because now it's like we can't even be on the same wavelength. Because you're not acknowledging reality.

When people are like, white privilege doesn't exist. I'm like, y'all know that my aunts and uncles lived through segregation? Chris Rock, on one of his specials, talked about, I think it was on Tambourine. He talked about how like his mom or dad or his grandmother or whatever, had to go to the vet for the dentist. What? Because they couldn't go to a white dentist. They had to go to the vet. It's crazy that people are like.

This is Chris Rock's fucking parent. People are still alive who had to sit in the balcony at a movie theater because they couldn't sit below. But not only that, every freaking day I have to deal with being a black woman. I have all white reps and I'm very aware of the fact that I'm a black person when I'm on the phone with all white reps. I mean, being a black woman is very hard. I had a meeting with some reps who were like, I had said, I can't remember what I said that created the response where they said, well, we only work as hard as you work. And I said, I work very hard.

Wait, how recent was this? This was very recent when I dropped my old manager. When you're on multiple TV shows and touring and have a podcast. Okay, cool. Yeah, they were like, we only work as hard as you work. And I said, well. I like took a moment and I said, I work pretty hard. Nobody's ever just given me anything.

I've been lucky. I've been in the right place at the right time. Right. But on top of the things that I've gotten being lucky, I've created other opportunities. Truly, I am shaking,icole i work maybe seven days a week most of the year yeah i'm on a fucking plane almost every week truly i don't turn down a lot of opportunities because you don't know what opportunity begets opportunity yeah i work hard and i just was like so far that they looked at me and thought that like

to say the world wanted to give a fucking fat black woman a chance. If anything, they should be like, we would love to work with you. You work so hard. The fat black women who have careers. I can count on my fucking hand. And you want to say you'll only work as hard as I work? Then bitch, I guess you won't work 24-7. This is some bullshit.

No, I went with reps who were like, we see how hard you work and we like it. That's how you talk to you. Being a black woman is very hard. We have to take a break. And we're back. Sharla, we were talking about how hard it is to be a black woman. uh charlotte we were talking about how hard it is to be a black woman uh according to a lot of studies that i have read a lot of articles the bottom of the dating totem pole is black women and asian men and you are married to an asian man i am that you met on a fucking app yes

girl girl spell bae's cute though i don't know what they're talking about i think he's very handsome he's a cutie i don't know what they're talking about. I think he's very handsome. Bae's a cutie. I don't know what they're talking about. I mean, I feel like this study was old, and I don't know if it's still true. I don't know if it's still true, either. I need to Google again. Yeah. But can you tell me?

Okay, so before you met your now husband, were you dating a lot no okay so you turned to the apps was tinder the first one you joined no it was probably the fourth fifth maybe yeah and then how far into having tinder did you meet him i actually met him very early on Tinder because Tinder was like the last app that I used. And I was like at my, I was at my wit's end. I was like right about to give up. I was just like, whatever, I'll just try this one since it's a new one and everybody's on it. And I think I like deleted it right before I like put it back on again because the last person I met before I deleted it stood me up in the most annoying way wait how like he like we rescheduled a bunch of times and then I

literally went to the place that we said we were going to meet and then he texted me like hey I don't think I can come and I was just like didn't you didn't think that you could have texted me that two hours ago yes and I think I messaged him I was like hey here where are you didn't think that you could have texted me that two hours ago? Yes. And I think I messaged him. I was like, hey, here, where are you? Like, I think that shit is so rude, obviously. That is so rude. I was so appalled at just, like, the lack of home training. Yes.

Like, the lack of, like, politeness that I just was like, fuck this app. I don't want to use this. And then I was like, fine, I'll give it one more shot. Like, that was, like, the one person that I met. But also, this explains why any time I meet a man, like, two hours beforehand, they're like, are we still meeting? And I'm always like, yeah, bro, we fucking made this time. Yeah, it's because. I can't imagine standing someone up.

I'm late to everything, but I can't imagine just not showing up. It would be beyond me to just not show up and not tell anyone that I'm. Yeah. And then. That person had the audacity to message me after that. After they stood me up to say, hey, do you want to meet up? And I blocked them and I was just like, we're never. You're dead now.

We are never, ever getting back together. Is it a? It's a song. That's a Taylor Swift song. Taylor Swift. Yeah. I just got sent a Taylor Swift PR box from Netflix for her reputation tour. I thought it was something.

So, okay. I had a decorator decorate my abode. And I thought it was something she had ordered. But it turned out it was just a pr kit from netflix and it just sang a bunch of taylor swift it was bad and i i said bye throw this right away i'm a secret taylor swift fan really yeah okay here's talk about it and i don't listen to her when other black people are around but i i fuck i love that black people have like little secrets and they're like i won't do this in front of my other black friends.

But I do love this one Taylor Swift song. The one that's Look What You Made Me Do. I love that whole album. A perfect pop song. It's a perfect pop song. I love it. I think she has a bunch of perfect pop songs. They're so fun.

She is not my favorite performer to watch. I've never watched her perform and I never will. T-Swift, if you're listening, I'm so sorry. I think you need to get more in tune with your body. She's boring. She's super boring. But I want to be your end game. Fucks with that shit, bro.

Wait, okay. I want to be your first. I'm like, damn. these songs are so fun. Yes. He didn't meet up with you. Then he was like, meet up with me. And you were like, no, no, no. And then I was like, you're dead.

No. So then you put Tinder back on your phone. I did. Because I was just like, I had no other prospects. Yes. So I'm like, all right. You get lonely again. And you're like, okay.

And I think he was one of the first people i met and i i've only met two p like i only met two people from i mean i was supposed to meet one and he didn't show up because he talked to a bunch of people but i never actually met a bunch of people your dating life is a literal baseball game it sucked you had strikes, and one of them you weren't out. Is that baseball? I don't know if I split baseball, right? The first, and I didn't have three strikes. I had two, I guess.

I mean, I had one, and then the second person I met. Okay, so you had two strikes and then a home run. Yes. There we go. That's baseball. I had one strike and then a home run. Is it? Okay.

I think so. And then there's 22 innings. What? That's's baseball. I had one strike and then a home run. Is it? Okay. I think so. I don't know. And then there's 22 innings. What? That's a lot. I don't know. There's a fucking lot of innings. That's a lot of innings.

I've never been to a baseball game. And I'm waiting for the right person to convince me. I did and I fell asleep. Really? Because it's boring. I went to high school. The way it was described to me was it's a bar with a game going on. It's a live game.

That's basically it. And it's not like athletic at all. It's just a bunch of dudes. Yeah, a bunch of dudes fucking swinging bats trying to hit little balls. That's exactly what it is. Some of them got bellies. Like, they don't look like they're athletes. Babe Ruth had a big old belly.

He had a giant belly. It's just a bunch of dudes. Seems like anyone can play baseball. Yeah, I could probably play baseball. I can't. I was bad at t-ball. I would always hit the fucking t-stand or whatever. Anywho, so you meet the boo.

I meet the boo. I mean, the first app I was ever on, well, it was before we had apps. I was on eHarmony. That was the first thing I ever got on. They rejected me. Oh, you can get rejected by eHarmony? You sure can. And then my sister had her account.

Someone broke into it and posted like, posted different photos. It was, like, very weird. So they kicked her off of it. So the buyer girls cannot be on eHarmony. I was on eHarmony in college. Mm-hmm. And which is the lamest thing in the world because college is a place you go to meet dudes. And I did not meet anyone.

It was so lame. That is kind of funny that you were like, no, I won't fellowship around campus. I'll stay in my room and on my computer. I wanted a real, like I'm using air quotes, a real man. Just because I was

an RA in college and I felt that the dudes were too immature. Sure. I've always been an old lady like in my height. And I just didn't,

I wanted someone like more mature. Fair, that makes sense. And I also just was like a giant nerd and I wasn't dating. And I was like such, I was such a nerd. And I was also like super mature. Fair. That makes sense. And I also just was like a giant nerd and I wasn't dating. I was such a nerd. And I was also like super Christian.

Oh, whatever. I mean, yeah, we all have things that we need to tear through. We do. I went to college with a bunch. I went to musical theater school. So it was just a bunch of gay men. So like I wasn't going to find anyone on campus. Right.

So I had to just fuck random people i met in bars my first my college was 70 women and 30 guys because it used to be a all-girls school that went co-ed like a few years before i got there um a lot of gay dudes okay um i i fit in it was a perfect experience for me i really loved it i truly I do love gay men. They're just great. I have so many gay male friends that I just really am so thankful for. So wait, tell me about meeting your boo-boo. Okay. So we meet on Tinder.

We match. And what I liked about him on Tinder was like after a few, like the first day we messaged, we already knew we were going meet each other which I liked because some dudes will drag it on for god knows why doesn't say let's go for drinks within a week I'm done but but that's what I mean like within the first day that we were messaging he was like hey do you want to meet and I was like yes okay that is why we're doing this. Uh-huh. So we decided to meet. At the time, I was hosting a show at UCB East called Something Cool. It was a midnight show.

And I was just like, I also had lost all hope. You know, like I was just like, whatever. You know, I'm dead inside as far as dudes and dating goes. Oh, I know the feeling. So I wanted to like have this date and just have something else to do so that I have an exit. Yes.

And I look busy. You know, because I am. I am busy. I was busy at the time. But I just wanted like an exit. You just wanted him to know that you were busy and not making something up.

You were like, I have a tangible thing. I have a thing to do. But I also really wanted an out. Like I wanted like a time to this date. Like I know it's going to end because I also really wanted an out. Like, I wanted, like, a time to this date. Like, I know it's going to end. Because I had been on a bunch of awkward dates that, like, I had to just be like, all right, bye.

But. It is weird. And I would love to know how other people end dates. Yeah. But I usually just go, I have a really early morning and I gotta go. So, uh. I'm such a terrible liar. Like, to the point where I think that, like,

I mean, I think I'm, like, a little, I don't know if it's, you know, not cool to say this, but I feel like a little bit on the spectrum when it comes to, like, I just tell the exact truth. Like, very plain. Like, I don't want to be here anymore.

Like, I'll just be like, I want to go now. I'm not good at lying or making up a reason and when I do I start to like stutter and like I start to sweat a little so I just say I think this is good we've come to a natural end

yeah I think this is over yeah goodbye so I wanted an exact end time to this date so I have my show. We're supposed to meet around like 8 or 9. He ends up running, he's running late to the date. He texts me, which is all I ask if you're running late,

text because that is nice. So he texts me, he's running late, he's coming from Jersey. I'm like, cool. Oh, okay. We meet at Greenwich Treehouse. This is the first date that we ever have. He texts me. He goes, I'm the Jesus-looking Indian guy when you see me.

And I'm like, I'm the black-looking black girl when you see me. And I was like sitting by the window. I was wearing like my tight little dress. It was cold as fuck. It was February. And we meet. He buys me. He's gorgeous. I think he's got beautiful eyes oh and he buys me

a drink we start talking I'm like uh I'm like a mute on this date like I literally don't talk like the first hour I think like you know I answer his questions but I think I was just so like I mean the whole time I'm just having dialogue in my head about like what I'm looking at and like what's happening because from the very beginning of the date he was just normal and just normal like I don't even know how else to describe it I feel like let's see I've only had that happen one time where I was like looking across from someone and I was like, oh, my God, I think you're a person that I can talk to for a long time. And it's so it's so sad because the bar is so low. It was just like very low.

He was just talking to me like a person. And I was like, this is weird. But also it's just like someone who seems to be genuinely interested in you. He's a good conversationalist he was just genuinely interested in in meeting me and talking to me and like I was I couldn't believe it so I the whole time in my head I was just I mean the whole time I was just in my head like I think he's normal and he's cute and I think he like I think he kind of likes me because like

he would you know he would do things like touch my shoulder or like you know like just do the things

that I'm like oh he likes me I think we kissed he kissed me like I think two hours like not super long into the date

wait so like your date didn't end with a kiss you were kissing like while the date was going and we talk about this all the time because I think like his Mac game was so strong you know like Wait, so, like, your date didn't end with a kiss? You were kissing, like, while the date was going? And we talk about this all the time because I think, like, his Mac game was so strong. You know, like, because I was just, like, he, because I'd been on other, and, you know,

like, if you're in the comedy scene, if a comic wants to bang, like, they'll do weird things, like, because they just want to bang. So they don't want to, like. They don't want to, like, lead you on and make you think that they like want a real relationship so they'll just like be but there's always just like weirdness you know because you don't know what's going on and and you start to get it like oh they just like want to bang but like he did thing or I would be on a date and I just wouldn't know if the guy liked me or found me attractive. Or I would be with a friend who I think was kind of trying to flirt. But it's confusing. Wait, so how did he kiss you in the middle of your date?

I don't even remember because, again, I have a terrible memory. But we were just talking. Were you sitting across from each other? I was sitting on a stool and he was standing. And we were facing each other. Oh, okay. So you were like at a bar. We were at a bar.

We were at Grandwich Treehouse. Okay. What is that? Like a Lower East? I've never fucking been to Grandma's Treehouse. It's in Grandwich Village. So now I'm going to go into a British accent. Okay.

Anyway, so he kisses me. I don't remember how it happened, but it definitely took me by surprise because it was like, again, in my head, like, oh my God, he kissed me he kissed me like what's going on and it wasn't gross it wasn't like um it wasn't like too intense you know what I mean it was just like it was just just right it was like okay I get it you know and then from there on like his hand was on my waist but not in a way that was, like, too pushy. It was just in a way that I was like, I find you attractive. I find you attractive and I feel comfortable enough to do this.

And I want you to know that I want to touch you. And I was like, I get it. You know? So we're so engrossed in the date, even though I'm, like, literally mute. I literally don't talk the entire time. And I realize that, oh, shit, it's, like, 11.50. It's, like, 11-something. I have to fucking run and go to my to my freaking show and so I'm freaking out at the time I didn't tell him this but I was so fucking broke I didn't have enough

money for like a cab and so we go down I think it's like 11 15 or whatever um I just jumped the shark of the story but anyway it's like 11.15 we go down to the train I'm waiting for the F train fucking F train is like not running it's like fucking midnight I mean the F train is unreal I was so mad so we wait for the F train for like

probably 20 minutes probably 30 to the point where I just literally leave the station and I start booking it to my show because, again, we're like at the F train. Wait, did you leave him down there? No, no, he came with me.

Oh, he came to the show? Okay, I'm not telling this story well. So I tell him that I have a fucking show and I gotta go, you know? So he was like, can I come? And I was like, okay, I didn't really want you to come, but I kind of feel like I like you. Like I think we're having a good time. So you can come, but just know it's a comedy show.

And sometimes comedy shows are great. And sometimes they're awful. So like don't have any expectation. And I don't want to talk about the show after the show. Don't say anything to me about the show, no matter how it goes or whatever. So we go to the F train, wait for the show no matter how it goes or whatever. Okay. So we go to the F train, wait for the F train for like fucking half an hour. It never fucking comes.

I have to like book it out of the station. I'm too broke for a cab and I don't want to tell him that or ask him for it. So I'm literally walking from like what the West 4th stop to like 2nd Avenue. Yeah, that sucks. It's a walk. It's a walk, yeah. So I'm just like huffing it and i'm like my friend um james was on the show that night and i texted him and i was like can you open the show for me because i don't think i'm gonna fucking make it um and i'm like such a i'm so type

a about being like i it's also it's my show so i'm like i can't be late yeah it's my show and i'm late because i'm a hussy i'm'm like on a fucking, you know. Because I'm trying to get my pussy dipped in. Because I'm trying to get my pussy dipped in. And I'm like, you know, I'm liking a guy. But like, whatever. So I'm like huffing it to the show. He's walking in lockstep with me.

He's like freaking out. He's like, what can I do? How can I help you? And I'm just like, no, there's nothing you can do. I'm just like huffing it to my fucking show. I make it right on time. Like literally like running on my feet to this show with him beside me. He sits in the audience.

We start the show. At the time, I had just released my web series, and I was screening episodes of my web series. So he learned a ton about me. So much. He learned a ton about me on this show. He saw me host the show. He saw me do stand-up. He saw me host the show. He saw me do stand up. He saw my web series.

He's like, you know, I had a I had a you know, I light up when I'm hosting a show and I'm doing comedy. I love it, you know. So he's kind of sees me in my element. And I think that that's sexy, you know, of course. And I'm not I'm not a usually confident person, but in those moments, I'm very confident. This is where I, this is what I put my heart and soul into, you know. So I think that, I genuinely think that that is what made him be like, oh, shit, you know. But like, even if he was like, oh, shit, I don't know.

But after the show, I have a great show. I'm like hanging out with all my friends. He hangs back, which I loved because he didn't try to like be a part of the conversation. He doesn't know you. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know them. He didn't try to like take attention. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's great. That's a great thing. I mean, I was just like, I was like, this is the perfect date because I see so much of how we could, you know, interact or be good or bad for each other because of how you're acting in these situations. You know, like I was freaking out and he tried to be supportive, but he also gave me space because I'm like freaking out. There's nothing you can do. I'm like huffing it to my show. And I'm not telling you that I'm too broke to afford a cab at this point.

But and then so I like I finished chatting with all my friends and, like, you know, saying bye to everyone and thanking them for being on the show. We have a drink at the bar at UCB East. And then I tell them I'm tired. It's, like, two or three or whatever. And I'm, again, an old lady. What time did you guys meet? We met, I think, around nine.

I think we were supposed to meet at eight. How magical. Yeah. What a nice long date. Exactly. We were supposed to meet at eight, but he was late. So he got there around nine. And then I had to be at my show at midnight.

So, you know, around 11, 15, I start to roll over. And then, of course, that whole after anything happened. So, like, that was the timeline. And so I'm like, I'm sleepy. I start to roll over and then of course that whole F train thing happened so like that was the timeline and so I'm like I'm sleepy I want to go home and he's like all right I'll ride with you on the train and I was like okay but I also know that nothing's gonna happen because I'm not gonna do anything um and I was just like are you sure because I live all the way in Harlem you know and we were in the east village and it's long and I was like are you sure? Because I live all the way in Harlem, you know, and we were in the East Village and it's long. And I was like, are you sure? Like, you know, and he insisted to ride with me on the train.

So he rides with me on the train. We get off. I get off a stop before my regular stop because I'm Haitian and I'm, you I don't trust nobody especially not dudes that's hilarious we got off a stop before and I say all right thank you this is where I leave you and we said goodbye and then we met up again you know a few days later he asked oh days later yeah he texted me he was just like you want to hang out again we met up again a few days later. Okay. He does the same thing. He rides with me, like, back home on the train.

And I figure out at this point that he lives in fucking, where is it? What is this neighborhood? Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn. Okay. He literally lives, lives like the opposite. Yes. That is so fucking far away. So he would ride with me like on the fucking train all the way up to Harlem and then ride back down all the way down to Brooklyn.

Because he's trying to get laid. But I'm just like, man, this guy is putting in effort. Effort. That is some time. That is some work. Effort. Ever. Oh, boy. guy is putting in effort that is some time that is some work effort ever oh boy ever ever ever did I say ever no I had never seen effort before dear god I was just like what is going on I mean that's incredible I had I don't think any dude has ever put in that effort for me. I was just like, just that. He, like, opened doors.

He was funny. I was just like, I mean, clearly. I mean, obviously, I'm, like, married. But as soon as that stuff happened, I was like, I'm with you now. Like, we're together now, sir. So how long did you guys date before you got married? We dated for a year before we got married. We moved in, I think, nine months in, which I was very, I think I was, I mean, not I think.

I was absolutely more afraid to move in than I was to get married. I don't think marriage is real, you know? Marriage isn't real. Marriage is a piece of paper. But, like, moving in and sharing your life with someone, that's crazy. I can't hide my crazy. I can't do, I can't like, I mean, I cry for like shits and giggles. Like I just want to cry.

You're like, it's Tuesday, time for me to cry. I cry just because. And he's just like a very, you know, yeah, like I was very nervous to move in with this person. Because I was like, I don't want you to see me. Yeah, like I was very nervous to move in with this person because I was like, I don't want you to see me. I cannot imagine living with somebody. Yeah. I have ADD and I'm very forgetful and just very small tasks seem unmanageable. Putting away laundry is something that is a thing that I,

every time I do it, it is a conquest. I did it. Opening mail is a thing that is hard. Papers are hard. Then we all have ADD then, because I don't. These things are hard. Well, some people can just get through chores. My roommate can do his laundry, fold it and put it away. But is he as busy as you?

Sometimes. Okay. It's just like he could do a lot of things that like I just cannot do. All right. And then I'm like, well, if I invite someone to live with me, then I have to like stay up, like figure out like a tip or a trick to like stay on top of not being a messy little monster well I mean I I think you shouldn't judge yourself this is my personal opinion I think you shouldn't judge yourself too harshly because the like you know the fact that you can't do menial tasks like like a lot of people can't do what you do.

You know, like a lot of people can't get up on stage and whatever. It doesn't matter. I think that it doesn't add anything to your life to, you know, judge yourself for not being able to do these menial tasks. You can literally hire a maid. It's like. Yes. And I mean, sometimes like I find these kinds of tasks, you know, what is the word? Meditative. Because I also it's hard for me to focus and do these tasks and I can be very messy and he's not.

He's very like everything's folded. Everything has a place. He has a phone that he's had for like five years that does not have a scratch on it. It doesn't have a cover. And my phone looks like it's been through wars. He has a phone that he's had for like five years that does not have a scratch on it. It doesn't have a cover. And my phone looks like it's been through wars. And I drop it constantly. Like I literally one time flew out of my hand just because I just was like pointing at something with my phone.

My phone flew out of my hand into the street. Like it's just, he's just such the opposite of me in so many ways and I was very nervous about being, being compared and judged and I think that, like, I genuinely think I'm, like, very blessed. You know, like,

I think this is, like, like, he's not perfect. I'm obviously not perfect. But, like, there are a lot of ways that I think that, like, I had a lot of issues with self-esteem and insecurity that I think if I had another person, they would have exacerbated those things and made them worse.

And he's a person who's very much given me the space and encouragement to love myself, dare I say. Oh, my God. Dare I say. What a treat. It has not been easy. You know, it has not been easy you know it has not been easy no I mean

I don't think relationships are inherently easy because it's two people yeah and there's a lot of you know personalities there's a lot of

you know you know different like you were raised differently we were so you're just fully different people and I think this is

one of my biggest challenges and it's one of the reasons why therapy has been so helpful. I go to therapy separately by myself, you know, just for my because he grew up in India in an extremely loving, supportive home. Like his parents, his mom is dope. She doesn't. He has tattoos. You know, his family is very Catholic. But like my mom thought, you know, I was possessed because I wanted to go to therapy.

You know what I mean? Like it's like we just grew up in such different households. Like I grew up in, you know, a pretty dysfunctional one because I think it's like, you know, if you're a black immigrant and you don't have a lot of money in America, it's very hard to not have some dysfunction in the home. I actually think like I don't I don't think it's of money in America, it's very hard to not have some dysfunction in the home. I actually think, like, I don't think it's, like, particularly being a black immigrant. I think capitalism breeds dysfunction in families in America. Yeah. I think that if you, I think a lot of,

I think American families are very dysfunctional. Well, to me, my understanding of capitalism is, like, the dream is to be a Jeff Bezos. Yes. Where you're worth 11 billion dollars and your workers

jump out of windows because they're like killing themselves because they make pennies. Yeah. Where it's like if you just, I don't know, gave a billion of your dollars

to your workers, everyone could have like a living wage and you're still worth 10 billion dollars yeah this is my war on jeff bezos uh jeffy if you're listening yes i have amazon prime am i happy about it no but like it just like it's capitalism is crazy it's crazy a lot of companies i won't name them but like don't have to pay them, but, like, don't have to pay taxes.

And it's like. They don't. But I pay taxes? Yeah. But, like, when I was making no money, like, I had to pay fucking taxes. No, it's really, really, truly fucked up in a lot of fucking ways. And I genuinely think that growing up in America, like, whenever I'm hanging out with, like, his Indian friends, they find it so weird that so many Americans don't want to go home for the holidays.

Like that going home for the holidays is like, like people, you know, joke about how much they hate their families here. And they just don't relate because they don't hate their families because family is very important in India. And people take great pains to like be close to their family.

And I think India is changing because it's becoming more capitalist. And, like, it's breaking families apart more. But I also think that he lived through the generation where family is super important. And, like, they just do not relate to this idea of, like, I don't talk to some people in my family sometimes. Like, sometimes, like, I'm like,'m like i have you know we're not talking and he just finds this unbelievable like he just doesn't understand i mean he understands but it's just like foreign to him you know what i mean my roommate's family is so supportive of him and like he genuinely loves them and they like go to like the jersey shore every summer

together they go skiing together they hang out they like each other i constantly am like oh my god john what's it like to like your family and he's always like nicole you're the weird one i'm like no you're the weird one like they'll send him fucking cutouts of himself. Like, they watch stuff that I'm on because I live with him. And I'm like, your family supports me more than my family. Yeah, it's really sad. And I really feel like the first few years of our relationship was me facing shit I didn't even know I had. Like, was me recreating dysfunction in our relationship that I had seen.

Thank you, Mary, for telling me this because I was like, oh, is that what I'm doing? Mary, man. But it was me. And, you know, at the time we were in New York, so I had a different therapist and she wasn't as insightful. You know, I had to figure a lot of this shit out on my own. I was like, oh, I'm recreating things that I saw. Like my mom, who is my sweetheart and I love her so much.

But whenever her and my dad would fight, like she would just like not talk to him. You know, like she would just like give him the silent treatment. And so that's what I would do. Because that's how I saw you get you know affection that's how I saw you get make someone feel bad for like making you mad or upsetting you or whatever but that shit does not breed a good relationship not only that it's immature it makes you look like a baby you know what I mean I was just like oh like I have to talk to him. Like, I can't just, like, ignore him and be like, I'm not talking to you. You know what I mean?

I was just like, that shit does not work. You know, like, it's just, it was just things like that that I would do that I was just like, oh, snap. Like, I'm, I was just like, oh, snap. I really, I need to figure this out. Yeah, I had to figure a lot of things out. Mary brought up with me, she was just like, the way you act with men, you do have daddy issues. Like, I never thought I had daddy issues.

But I have full-blown daddy issues, and I spent a lot of time looking for the approval from men to say that I'm okay. Because my daddy never did that. Yeah. And then my sister, my dad loved my sister. So sometimes I would be mean to my sister, and I was like, oh, I'm mean to her because I resent

that my dad liked and accepted her. But I mean, he liked and accepted her because she liked school and liked learning. And I was like, bippity bop, what's outside? How can I be? But I do think that parents have a responsibility and accepted her because she liked school and liked learning and I was like, bippity bop, what's outside? I'm A to D. But I do think that parents have a responsibility

if they have kids to love their kid and accept them the way that they are. Yeah, unless they're like a sociopath who's like strangling

cats every night. Right, but like unconditional love meaning that you just you love that kid. You can love a sociopath normal. You love who they are. Uh-huh. Whether or not you agree with who they meaning that you just, you love that kid. You can love a sociopath normal. You love who they are.

Whether or not you agree with who they are, but you just delight in who they are. Yes. Because that is the only way to affirm a kid and not fuck them up. Like, I, yeah, I mean, I, and I also, I had a lot of trust issues because of, you know, like what I saw growing up. I had a lot. I mean, I think the absolute biggest thing that I had to deal with. Mm-hmm. And it was, like, so lame when I, like, realized this.

But I was just like, oh, I really don't love myself. And I think that, not I think, you genuinely cannot really be in a real, I think it's going to be very difficult to be in a relationship if you don't love yourself so that was a big i mean it's it's been like it's been a journey man but i do think that's like a nice thing to touch on that you do need to love yourself before like rupaul says it at the end of every episode of rupaul's drag race and i fully believe this mantra like if you get a chance even if you don't like drag, listen or, like, read interviews that Ru has done because Ru is very much like take care of yourself first. Like, she'll talk about

meditating in the morning and, like, getting to be one with yourself before you start your day. But then a RuPaul's Drag Race show is because if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love someone else? Can I get an amen? Yeah.

It's true. It's 100% true. You have to love yourself. You have to, in the hell are you going to love someone else? Can I get an amen? Yeah. It's true. It's 100% true. You have to love yourself. You have to. You have to. You have to. And being with another person doesn't make it happen. You still have to do the work by yourself.

And I look at a lot of, like, dumpster people where I'm like, ugh, how are they in a relationship? I'm like, oh, because they're okay being a dumpster. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And slowly and surely, like like i like who i am uh every day i like myself more and more which has been a very interesting thing to like hit fucking 32 or 33 or 34 i have no idea how old i am to hit this age and be like oh wow

i like myself because of like x y Y, and Z. What a treat. What a real treat. What a real treat. To just enjoy this. Like, I look in the mirror. I will say there's like one day out of every three months where I look in the mirror and I go, yuck. This is, you're nasty. But the other days I look in the mirror and I'm like, I love this.

I think that's amazing. I love what I see. And I know people can be like, yeah, but you put on wigs, you wear makeup. And I'm like, yeah, because that's my mask for the world. And I love creating it. But at night when I'm just at home, I wear a weird sleep bonnet that's very big. It makes me look like a painter. It's huge.

And I'll wear my round Harry Potter glasses. I look like a little weirdo. And I love it. I love it little weirdo. And I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. We truly have talked for a very long time. We have.

Ooh, let me ask you. Would you date me? Yeah. Would you? Because I am consistently late and bad at communicating. Do you know what is interesting, Nicole? Like, before I started listening to this podcast, no. Because I do get a, I am very, I do have a pet peeve about, I don't like that stuff.

We have a history. We used to host a show together. I was so bad at communicating things with you. And I own that. And I apologize. I appreciate that. Thank you. I was very bad at communicating

and at the time was like, I'm doing pretty good. I told you what was up when I figured out what was up. It was like, well, no. If you're going to miss a show and you know a day before, don't wait until the day of. Thank you. That is a thing I'm truly working on.

So yes, at that time, no. I was just like, no. But since you've started doing this podcast, and the other thing about when we were hosting that show together is I had never felt like I knew you. Okay. I never, ever felt like I connected with you, really. Okay. And the weirdest thing is that I listen to this podcast regularly. It's one of my fucking favorite podcasts.

Oh, thank you. And I truly feel like I've gotten to know you in a different way, in a way that I did not know you when we were hosting a show together. And I love how vulnerable and open you are on this podcast. And it has made me love you. I think what probably, in hindsight hindsight I think what probably needed to happen was we needed to spend time together outside of performing yeah and then I think putting a show together is really hard and I don't think I realized how hard and how much work it was going to be and I think I would

just get really overwhelmed because I had like a lot of other stuff that I was trying to do and I think I would just get really overwhelmed because I had a lot of other stuff that I was trying to do and I was traveling and working, and then also I was like, oh, and I have to do a show. Oh, God, I don't know. I'll just show up and then I'll leave, and then it was just like, well, no. I'm co-hosting a show with somebody. I need to get to know that person,

and I don't think I did the work to do that, and lo and behold, we don't have a show no no more but i also had a dream in my brain where i was like i'm gonna host a show every week and guess what baby i'm gonna have an hour of new material every month and then it was just like no i don't have the time i don't know this is so hard yeah it's really hard yeah do you still host it no no i don't it's hard it's a lot of work it's so hard to host a show and get an audience. Yeah. People who do it every week, I'm like, bravo to fucking you.

Yeah. Well, Charlotte, I would date you. But you married. Okay, so someone DM'd me and asked for advice. And if you ask me for advice, I will screenshot it and I will talk about it. Although, I am unorganized, so it might take me a minute to get to you. So this was sent to me in February. Nicole, how do you get through bad dates?

I'm so fed up with dating. I haven't been on a real date in over a year due to my own insecurities with talking to people. I went on a date tonight and he pointed out all my insecurities and ended the date. So I walked home crying, couldn't even wait for an Uber. How does he keep going on dates or how do I keep going on dates after all this discouragement? I feel like shit now. Okay. Any person, here's my advice.

If you have a thought, please chime in. But my advice is if there's a person who's going to meet up with you and insult you to your face and point out your insecurities, just get up and leave. Leave. That's not the person for you that's a piece of shit human being who's getting off making you feel bad to make themselves feel better you don't fucking need that you are perfect in your way he's perfect in his way even though he

hasn't figured out how to be perfect without putting someone else down you two are not for each other you're not but also i want to say that the world gaslights women in a way that they don't gaslight men like the fact that this woman thinks that she has to even question leaving you know what i mean like if someone makes you feel uncomfortable leave you don't have to question that feeling if you think that you might not like this person, imagine spending more time with them. Like, they're not going to be better than this date. Nope. They're putting their best foot forward.

They're only going to get worse. They're being very poorly behaved. Listen to yourself. That is your body giving you, like, a fight or flight, and it's, like, go time. Like, listen to yourself. Don't question if you don't like someone. I did it for so long. Yes. And you're wasting time. You're go time. Like, listen to yourself. Don't question if you don't like someone. I did it for so long. Yes.

And you're wasting time. You're wasting time. Just, like, bounce. He's a piece of shit. He's a piece of shit. He's truly a piece of shit. He's a piece of shit. And I think what I try to do every morning is I look in the mirror and I'm like, you're a badass bitch.

Yeah. Fuck up today. And I think more people need to do that. And also, like, just know that you have to wade through a sea of fucking idiots. You do. And that's what I'm telling myself. It is hard. But also take a break if you need a break.

I'm in a break right now and I feel like I needed it. Okay. So, Charlotte, do you have anything that you want to promote? Yeah. I'm going to be doing, I'm going to be recording an album, my very first album at the Pasadena Ice House on April 3rd at 8.30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And where can I get tickets? Pasadena Ice House.

Yes, go to thepasadena.com. Pasadenaicehouse.com. Yes, yes, yes. Do you have a website? I do have a website. It's charlalarison.com. Will there be tickets available there? Yes, there will be.

There you go. You'll get the link to the tickets. What a treat. What a dream. Thank you, Charlotte You'll get the link to the tickets. What a treat. What a dream. Charlotte, thank you so much for doing it. I've wanted to have you on for such a long time since you met someone on an app that I'm having so much trouble on. It gives me hope. But if you like this podcast episode, you can fucking, I don't know, keep listening.

I don't know. I don't know how people subscribe to podcasts. I don't listen to them uh but if you send me something nasty i will read it this person said girl i'm gonna get that pussy so wet you can start an indus river valley civilization next to it here's another one i want to eat roast beef and mashed potatoes off your booty using my hands extra gravy oh okay i don't think i've read this one it says hey nicole this is for your podcast love you don't read this part haha well i read it sorry uh i want to put my big hairy

platypus fur suit on and make sweet love to you i'll slap my homemade raccoon tail to your big sweet bubblicious butt and worship it the way it deserves We'll make the folks of the animal planet Blush I want you to lick my Bill while I find my way Into your platypussey I'm not really into furry stuff That one was a little wild It was wild I think the fact that We don't know how to feel is good no

I think it is good I think maybe this person has cracked it Where I'm like too dirty Thank you for listening Okay I think maybe this person has cracked it. Yeah. Where I'm like, too dirty. Thank you for listening. Okay. Bye-bye. Bye. This has been a Team Coco production.